Don't Blame Me! - S6E9: My Boyfriend’s Jealous of My Toy w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: July 27, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Roommate acting like you're a couple Feeling inferior to others Fiance getting someone else pregnant How to navigate two guys at once Update: best friend used me to cheat on her husband   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblamemepod  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out the YouTube channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9SMwL3ZgCUsD-yIDU_Zsqg/ Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me the advice podcast what's up what's up you didn't say in quarantine oh in quarantine i mean this is our new normal now i know it's like at some point i just come live in that room and then we can record together 100 i have been moving going through um a crisis not a crisis but like i mean i am i'm constantly going through i'm well crises is my middle fucking name um and i decided i want to redo this room i know i said that at the beginning of quarantine but i'm looping back to it also fun fact which is completely tied to this did you know the people with adhd don't have object permanence i don't even know what that is so i only know of it through like baby is matzah's nephew

um sort of my nephew too um he you i guess like babies for a good port like until they get a little bit older they don't realize that like when something's out of sight or out of any of their senses that it still exists people with adhd do not have object permanence so like in and it makes total fucking dead i was like oh yeah no and that's remember how i told you all the time and i like reference specific people to you and we're not gonna do that here but like how i forget people like some people exist yeah and like people that i like should remember that they totally exist and then i'll be oh my god i completely forgot that they exist so i do that with like actual stuff too but humans and so then every time i come in here i'm like oh i have so

many plans of what i want to do in this room and then i leave and it's like i forget this room exists uh so this is don't blame me it's an advice show if you guys want to call in for an upcoming episode and leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com. And then let's get into the calls. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I'm emailing in from Canada. So I've been living with my college roommate now for two years. Uh, we're going into our fourth year of college. We're both 21 years old. Um, and we really like living together. We're good friends. Um, and we've also gone through a few pretty shitty roommate situations so we're both like we said to each other we're both very glad to be like

living with each other now and for things to be normal and I love that but she has been doing something over the past year that is kind of irritating me and I'm worried to address it and in a way I'd kind of rather like not address it but I'm worried that if I don't address it that I'm going to snap at her. And I'd rather address it in a calm way. So I'm looking for advice on like, if I do end up addressing it, how should I do that? So the problem is, and I'm also calling in because I can't even tell if this is just me being crazy or if it's an actual issue. um but she'll do this thing where she'll present her opinions to like other people or just like when we're talking and she'll say them like they're our opinions she'll say like

we think this whether it's a political issue an opinion about a movie a book a course anything like that it kind of gets under my skin it kind of makes me feel like she sees me as like a reflection of her instead of like my own person. And I'm wondering if it's, you know, because we were so close during, um, other shitty living situations with like other people and like a, and like a big house. Um, and recently she's decided to get a cat and she asked me if I wanted a cat. And I said, no, I don't want that responsibility, but if you want to get a cat, I support you. And if you ever need me to feed it or clean it, slitter box, I will totally do that. No problem. And she said, cool. And she's been looking into it on her own and everything,

but she's saying like, Oh, what are we going to name it? Um, what like, uh, what is that? Oh, um, I don't think we should get a kitten. I think we should, we should get an adult cat because we're not ready for a kitten. Like we would have to proof the apartment and we would have to train it. And maybe she's just trying to make me feel like included, but I'm like, what we, like, this is your cat and I'm certainly not like paying for it. So yeah, any advice would be great. I love the podcast and I value both of your opinions. So thank you.

Y'all go together. You didn't know that? This would drive me crazy. Me too. This would make. I could not. oh my god like i feel like you're not being crazy like like this is so fucking annoying and i think that there are two options i think that you guys had an us versus them situation like with your

like your previous living situation and so it became like maybe a habit that you guys agreed on a bunch of stuff and so it kind of was like she kind of stuck with that that you agree on everything and that you guys are the same in that way and she feels really connected to you in that way and it is just her trying to make you feel included but also i think at a certain point if she's talking to other people and referring to you guys as a weed that's a it's not just seems so couple-y like they're together it's so couple-y but that's also a way to make other people feel excluded if it's just you and her and you're saying we when it's something that she's doing that she wants you to feel included in yeah that's her like that could be totally

her trying to be make you feel included but when she's using we statements around other people that's make it's to make them feel excluded whether intentionally or not that's what it does usually intentionally um but the other option and i mean neither of these are like ones that i'm like deal um and the other one is she's just incredible she's like an anxious codependent person which i've been an anxious codependent person like if you look at attachment theory and all of those different things she just might be feel very codependent and i've had friends like that too where like they just really really latch on and they're like a different breed of kind of toxic friendship because like like you say it bubbles up like it just like you have this animosity and

this frustration and my whole thought process with those kinds of friends is setting those clear boundaries because inevitably you are going to disappoint them because you're i'm sure she's not even thinking about this like she's not thinking about like oh it's like me saying we all the time like it's just natural for her but that means you guys are on the same page and so inevitably you're going to disappoint her and i think that saying something is great and i actually think the cat is a really good way that's the yeah it would be the best way because it's just you guys it's not like with other people so you can just say hey like i'm so happy to be like a cat auntie that sounds awful to me but um but uh and i'm happy to feed the cat when you're away and

everything but that is your cat like i want you to have that that like the parenting experience with your cat yeah and then be like and if it's contingent and like you've been saying we a lot with the cat and i don't know like if that's to make me feel included which like you really don't have to worry about like i'm i'm supportive of you with that but it does right now make me feel like this is a decision i'm also committing to and i'm letting you know both of our responsibilities and that's not what i'm down for yeah but i would also ask for the other opinions and stuff do you do you share the same opinion like do you agree like is it is it stuff that you guys discussed earlier and then she's regurgitating that information that information because like i

get it if you're like talking about the bachelor you guys like watch the bachelor together and then you're talking about like friends later and you're like oh my god we were dying like we were saying that this isn't this because you've already discussed it but i think the political views one like that one i'm like do you have the same like because you don't she is speaking for you and if she's speaking for you and you know that when you're around she's also doing it when you're not around so if there are things that she's kind of attaching you on to that you don't necessarily agree with at all or feel comfortable talking about and having her say like oh these are her opinions and her beliefs and her views on that then you do i would address it like a bigger

picture thing there too but i just think that like there needs to there you guys just don't really have any healthy boundaries and you guys you you trauma bonded with your last roommates and that's something that happens where then you come out of the of it the other side and that can really bond some people together but i think you have like a healthier like attachment style than she might have and so you you've the situation's done you've moved on your life is moving on and she's kind of doing this as like oh we're in the trenches together it's like you and i against the world but also quarantine cannot be helping i was thinking about that i was like can you well she's also in canada maybe so her restrictions might be true depending on what province she's in

yeah god but yeah you have to say something because it is going to get to a point where you will snap yeah and i would like to know if you are a cancer because this this is very cancery to me and like that i don't want to cause drama i don't want to cause conflict like it's killing me and i'm eventually going to lose my shit on because me i would have just uh started just like ignoring her all the time and then making a hole in our relationship that way so yep or i would have just like intentionally disagreed i'm like no i don't think yeah that too me too i can be argumentative as well but yeah you have to say something this is really i would lose my shit oh well best of luck let us know how it goes yeah i really hope you don't have to take care

of that fucking cat. Hey, Megan and Melissa. Okay. So I'm 20 years old and I basically have this problem where I feel so inferior to other people all the time. And I assume it's the combination of just being more shy and introverted and physically small because of five feet, by the way. I guess it makes it really easy for people to talk down to me and just assume that they could say whatever they want and expect me to do nothing in return. And honestly, most of the time I will do nothing because I don't like causing problems with other people or calling someone out unless it's worth it or if they've like really crossed the line. And this is something that's always bothered me because some of the things people say to me, whether it be like anyone, like I just

know that they would never say that to someone else and I guess there's like really nothing I could do about it in terms of being judged which everyone gets judged on appearances but like how do I learn to not take things so personally all the time or get so stuck and hung up on the past and allowing it to bother me. I think this is kind of a deep-rooted issue because I've had some really bad teachers in elementary school who are just really belittling and they were like that to everyone else but especially to me because I was so quiet and I look really young for my age and so this has caused me to grow up really anxious and pessimistic every day when I know I have to interact with people especially people who are going to act like an

authority figure but like I said I guess like I can't really control how people act towards me but like even something like really minor like my sister and I were volunteering one day at a festival and this girl who was another volunteer she so she wasn't someone who I answered to she was literally just another volunteer but she was a bit older than me she was like go help your sister and just getting like ordered to do something like that and I didn't even really know her like it bothered me a lot and like it's not that big a deal like I know like she could have been more polite but I know that it's not that big a deal but like it just bothered me a lot and like I'm like still thinking about it even though it happened such a long time ago so

just stuff like that like I really cling on to so if you have any advice especially since I'm starting my new job soon so anything helps thanks boy i mean i think like i'm not a psychiatrist i can't diagnose you i think you have anxiety like this to me is just like the epitome of like what my anxiety feels like and has nothing to do with my height at all like i'm a taller person and or like my size or whatever but um i mean because i i'm latching on to like if you've been thinking like i think about shit that i did like years ago like and like it will like keep me up at night and like send me spiraling and all of that but i think that i mean yeah i think therapy would be a really great thing for you to like talk through this sort of stuff and figure this stuff out because

even when you're saying like oh like she said like go help your sister and like it's whatever it's fine like no that's like it's rude and like you should when you're volunteering yeah and like she is not your superior and like you should feel comfortable standing up like sticking up for yourself and standing up for yourself and i think if you have not if that hasn't been like a part of you that's been empowered since you were a kid it's like you're asking an adult to be like oh do this thing that like takes years to practice and master and like just do it now even though you've never done it before and i would i would think that therapy could like very like really help you just and having those tools because it does right now from what you're saying it seems like

you're not in the driver's seat of your life like you're watching all this other shit happen and you don't like it but you don't know how to convey that and you don't know what to do and it's also incredibly hard for women in general to like stick up for themselves and say like oh well i don't want to sound like this and i don't want to sound like this and all of that yeah as a short person same height um i realized early on that people did treat me differently because i was short they you're like oh you're so cute and they like put their arm like on my head and be like i can rest my it's just just doing stupid shit like weird it's so weird and it's also a way of people to uh place dominance over you and so when people would do that i would like

shrug them off and say don't do that i'm not a fucking coat rack or like um just in the moment when people are treating you less than you are then acknowledging that even like when i i started working i would wear like blazers and things because i knew like people treated me different if i looked the part and then like when i got more established i stopped doing that but you do get treated differently yeah when you're shorter and you look younger and so you i think you realizing that pretty early on was like a good thing but now you've got to take charge of it and so like megan said it's like the anxiety in that is adding and fueling that those old those things that you can't control so um yeah going to therapy i think talking through that and learning how to

assert your own dominance would help with that yeah because i think the anxiety is also telling you that this like isn't that big of a deal or it's kind of a you problem thing and most i mean i think lily is like the only one of my and then like my male friends or the old is the only one of my friends who's tall like you're not tall neither sydney neither is jerry and like the people i like i'm still like somewhat friendly with from college like all have been like shorter people and this is a thing forever like that has always been a non i don't want to say a struggle but like something that they've all gone through that exact same thing and all of my friends who are petite are by far by far like the most i once i like i know like are by far the most like

personality forward like there is nothing like cowering about them at all and like i don't think of my friends is like oh wow like they're so short this is blah blah blah and all of that sort of stuff but that's not but i know that that's not like that takes fucking effort and yeah it takes a lot of effort and like i said i realized it pretty early on and so like i don't know if like in school you we would like line up and go places and we had to line up and be in height order so i was always in the front so i was like i'm taking this as a leadership thing or like when you're in school pictures and you got to be like in the very front row and i'm like yeah i'm the star of this fucking picture yeah so i think like if you start like framing it even now when i'm you're not

getting in line by height or i mean pictures are probably still in the front but like um just i think there's a lot of a lot of power to come with with a short stature and uh you mean napoleon bad example but he used his complex to get a lot of shit done um but uh yeah just the anxiety is the main thing i wouldn't i wouldn't put so much on the height but focusing more on anxiety yeah because you have every right to call to call it out if someone's like fucking putting their like arm on your head or doing any of that shit like all of my friends call that like would call that out like that was always a thing and so i think your anxiety is making that feel like something you can't do or you shouldn't do when it's something that all of

my friends who are petite do like that's and it's and it's like not it's it's definitely hard work i'm sure because like that the idea of like not being taken see like i like there's like a two sides every coin like oh well i don't really love being that tall but mine's in like a oh i feel bigger than everybody and like this makes me i don't feel like dainty and i don't feel feminine but i never have to be like oh i don't feel like people take me seriously like and there's ones that like get more into your psyche than other ones do like okay fucking feeling feeling talked down to versus feeling dainty like let's like let's let's call a spade a spade and so but the the anxiety i think is making it harder for you to recognize that like this isn't just like a

hurting your feelings thing like it's something that like that also fucks with you like that's like and it's not okay and it's like childish stupid behavior for other people to do and it definitely shows other people's true colors when they're saying and doing that shit but i think you just need a fair a good therapist to really give you those tools to be able to say those like say the things in the moment and like stick up for yourself in the moment and take those small things and like you said reframe them to be like a positive thing yeah but yeah i always say i wish i was i wish i was shorter and then everyone and then all of my friends were shorter being like i wish i was tall i mean actually all of my friends were short now

all of my friends who are shorter though they like are like now like fucking love it i was like 100 yeah i've never like i've never hated being short i think it's also an age thing too like i was much more self-conscious about i mean i'm still a self-conscious person but like the older that i get and i think it's also it's like the anxiety of her starting a new job makes a ton of sense but like once you feel established in like your friends and you're like what like you're whatever you're doing and all of that you get older it just tends to not because you're not being put in new situations meeting new people that tends to get easier too yeah just getting over that hump but best of luck with your new job

hi megan uh i've been a listener for a while and kind of gotten it out of you after i moved across the country but anyways let's get straight into it it's a long story my fiance and i uh we dated for like two years and then he uh proposed well uh a week before he proposed he cheated on me and she got pregnant uh he hid it from me and uh she thought that it was her boyfriend so they were trying to keep it a secret and we're just gonna be like you know what like um well turns out it wasn't her boyfriend it is his and uh I said some very harsh words to her uh or not directly to her but I wrote down my feelings and I had broken things off with my fiance, and I decided, you know, like, I am more than willing to get together with someone who

already has a child, and I love this man. He treats me incredibly like he hasn't cheated on me since then. He's treated me with nothing but respect besides that moment, and I've had a lot of people telling me to leave him and uh i i'm just not down for it like i this is the person that i want to spend the rest of my life with like i'm more than willing to co-parent and uh so back to the note well he went to her straight with it and you know he apologized after i was like you know like those are words that i told you in confidence and he was like i didn't even think about like that was so fucked up with me like i will never bring up our conversations again it was like that was the end of it but um I had kind of asked like you know why didn't she

have an abortion because personally for me um I wouldn't have been able to bring a child into this world if I didn't know who the parent was but it was a question like I wasn't like oh she should have aborted it you know like I know that that's a tough thing to say I don't think that she should have um you know it's every woman's right to do what they want with their body but it was a question because I was like I could never do that um so yeah I did that and then I said that them two getting together was a mistake and she took it as I didn't want to be put the second to a mistake and she thought that um I was referring to her daughter and not them getting together so i need some advice because she is trying to tell him to leave me

and uh using the daughter's leverage saying if you don't leave her i will not allow you to be in your daughter's life uh his family has sided with her they think that they should be together so um he cut communication with them but anyways my time is running up uh thank you for any advice bye-bye i think you're confused at what pro-choice is like i think you're confused about a lot of things oh my god like you said some incredibly fucked up things like you said some deplorable and i'm gonna say it you said some unforgivable things yeah you said some really really really really fucked up things to her and it is her baby and her child and i think she has absolutely every right to go based on her impression of you from the shit that you've

said to then be like i don't want her in my kid's life and that's her right that's 100 i don't even know what advice you're asking she wants like how to approach it and like figure like figure shit out with this with this woman and that's like i can't even i understand being upset and also like so you you wrote a letter to her she wrote a letter like to her boyfriend and he shared it she wrote a letter to yeah she wrote a letter just to express her own feelings and then he shared a boyfriend when shared it with her with the okay so he's made a lot of mistakes this kid is not a mistake a person is never a mistake i mean trump is a mistake but like there are a few people who are not they're not mistakes of like a person is on a mistake you can make a mistake

and your boyfriend did like he cheated on you and he then also in retaliation shared he was hurt by the things that you said and expressed to him and your feelings and so then he went and shared it with her because that's who he was seeking out solace in and that's usually when people are cheating like that's what they're they're seeking that escaping escapism and you said some really fucked up unforgivable things and she's chosen to not forgive you and that's all and that's and that's what it is yeah because you still have a lot of animosity towards her but not towards your boyfriend and and towards this baby when west chat first took flight in 1996 the vibes were a bit different people thought denim on denim was peak fashion

inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Even though you said the baby's not a mistake, but that's the reason why you're upset because you wouldn't have said what you said about keeping a baby by somebody that if you didn't know who the father would be you would have aborted which is just you acknowledge that it's a messed up thing to say but then you repeated it to us and you and you saying that that shows that you still feel that way like you still feel

that way and that's how you're always gonna look at this child and she probably senses that even if you're treating like oh no the baby's not a mistake but you cheating on me was a mistake that child is half of her if you hate her and you have all you hate that kid and also why the fuck would she feel safe and comfortable letting her kid into a house where she knows that you're gonna talk shit about her or it's gonna be like a passive-aggressive sort of thing like that yeah She has every right to want to protect her kid from any sort of, like, shit influence or just negativity at all. And I, there are certain things that, like, and we've all done that. We've all said things that are like, you know what, that's really fucked up.

But you can say sorry. She doesn't have to forgive you. She does not have to accept that apology. And what did you actually apologize for and how did you go about apologizing for saying what you said? Because you glossed over that part. You said, I said, I'm sorry, but you didn't say what steps you took. and you clearly haven't forgiven her you've forgiven your boyfriend you've given him which you know he's your i mean your fiance which you said you love and you're going to be with him no matter what well this child is his child and if you want to you say you wanted you would look past it and co-parent but you're not accepting of her like if you if you really want to be in this in

this and if you really in order to marry this man you're gonna have to fully accept his child and this and this woman because that's the child's mother you can't like be half in or half out so if you love this man like you say that you love him and you're gonna be with him no matter what then you have to expect then you have to love this child no matter what and in a sense love this woman too because she's going to be in your life for at least the next 18 years if this is what you truly want i also think that you've saying like oh i said this and it's fucked up but like my boyfriend like we talked about it he apologized he's never gonna tell her that stuff again i'm like so the issue the big issue was not holy shit i'm so fucking mortified that i said that

and it's like oh my boyfriend shouldn't have told her that i said that or that that's my expression of my feeling and i'm gonna you're you're gonna lose this like you're gonna lose this like he's if he wants to be a dad like this is my mindset and we're you're gonna stop listening after this i'm sure but he is either going to choose you over his kid then fuck him then that is a terrible decision and that is not someone who you should want to be the father of your kids or he is going to pick the kid over you it is not this is i maybe in some fucking world this woman is like it has much more ability to forgive than i do but i would never be able to forgive someone if they said i don't i if oh god and just even the judgment in like that if i didn't like you

know like i'm just surprised like i just i wouldn't have kept the baby bitch that no one asked you if you would have kept the baby it's pro-choice that's the point make your own fucking decision for yourself and no one asked you if they if you would have kept the baby and even if they fucking did keep that shit like you can think negative nasty vile fucking thoughts keep them to your fucking self because then when it comes out that you've said that and that's attached back to you you have to own it you have to fully own like you know what i did that i was a terrible person your mouth you said that shit it is not his fault for telling her it is your fault for fucking saying it and if you if you're not comfortable saying something to someone's face

don't fucking say it you need to think it fucking think it and then process your own thought process on your own you don't have anybody who's brought in to that fucking toxicity and that stupid shit that you're thinking yeah and it's just so fucked up because it's also a judgment of i wouldn't have kept the baby the baby is a baby the baby exists the baby is fucking real and that baby is a human and now that human is here and she's supposed to just be like oh it was a hypothetical when she said that like i'm not i'm not taking that to heart and then also that she like wouldn't even know who the dad is that is so judgmental like so fucking judgmental what like you're saying that she you want you would be okay co-parenting she's not okay with you co-parenting right now

what i wouldn't i would not want you around my child if you had these things to say i think if you want if you need like your final attempt at this at mending it with her ask her if you guys can go like if you guys can have like can go out and talk and then actually apologize and then if she chooses you have to mean it because i don't think you mean it at this point even before they take that step she's got to figure out what she actually wants and and fully accept everything that's going on because if she can't fully accept all of this and forgive not just him but the the lady too and love this child and love this lady then she can't even she can't even sit down and have this conversation and then even once it'll

be a lie she has every right to say no and if you if you can realize that as sure like he this this situation happened but the reason why you are in the specific position you're in now is because of the words that you have said that you need to know if she doesn't forgive you and she doesn't apologize then you need to be ready to walk away from the relationship or are you going to ask him to not see his kid yeah because that's like the type of person that you want to be with and is that the type of person that you are you want to be yeah and there is it does not matter how much you love him sometimes we fuck up and we don't get a second chance and sometimes we fuck up people don't they don't have to forgive us and we end up in

situations we don't want to be in because of our own actions we make mistakes and that fucking happens and just like he made a mistake in cheating on you you made a grave mistake and saying some nasty fucking shit and you chose to forgive him for cheating on you but she doesn't have to forgive you for saying that stuff and that's her that's on her that's her prerogative and then you have to make the choice of being like do i want my boyfriend to give up his kid and seeing his kid or do or am i okay being like i fucked up i need to learn from this and i'm going to take this into the rest of my life and i'm going to walk away from the situation so i'm not going to rob my boyfriend of seeing his kid it's time for break guys and we will be back

okay guys we are back from our break and we're getting to the rest of the calls hi megan i'm 21 um i've been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now we met in college he's he's the love of my life, he's great, we have a really good relationship, um, but I do need your advice on masturbating, okay, I know, like, like, for girls, like, a lot of us are, like, super open about it, and it's really good, um, but, like, my boyfriend's just not that into it, and, like, he doesn't do it that much himself, but, like, he's never really in the mood, but I am all the time, and i recently just bought myself a dildo because i was like what the heck you know it's fun whatever and he is super super offended by it like he's like i'm not good enough anymore like you prefer

a plastic penis over mine and that's just not the case it's just like you know when you need to like do your thing you do your thing and i don't want to be bothering him all the time so if you could just give me some advice on this i'd really love that um love the show do you buy a vibrator or a dildo i know that's what i was thinking too i think like damn that's a lot of fucking arm work unless it's like one of the ones that you just like plop onto something and then that's oh yeah legs got a suction cup in the bottom yeah i do i do want to know if it's a dildo or vibrator i know that's like so not

important but i just i just i have the same thought too because like who like who just buys a dildo if it's a dildo then it's usually has a vibrating part to it not just like for like i don't know like art decor yeah um i mean i i would i mean i would i would be curious about his background if he grew up like religious or if he grew up where like it was not a sex positive environment um or he's like or he does he just doesn't have a high sex drive but that's the thing though because that's the thing that confuses me is that he like doesn't understand like he's like why don't you just have sex with me then as opposed to masturbating and i think mass like

masturbating tends to be more of like the taboo versus like sex because it's like oh like sex is between like you know it's very like heterosexual it's between a man and a woman when they love each other to make a baby but maybe like he expects her sex drive to be where his is like he thinks that she's too sexual and he wants her to only have sex with him like only have i think you need to exhaust him then like i think you just need to like then like every time you're horny and you want to masturbate like this is my petty advice like every time you're horny and you want to masturbate just be like okay let's have sex right now is it is it the masturbating or is it the dildo that's the thing like that's why i think he she actually got a dildo because he might

have penis envy maybe it's like a big fucking dick and he's like i'm not enough that's a really good point yeah i think that there's like if we're talking like just masturbating wise like here i think if you are both working from home i think the polite and courteous thing to do if like one part like if you're horny and like and your partner is around just being like yo want to want to bone one out i want to go and rub one out take it to bone town yeah and then i think like i think that's like a totally valid ask but then if they're not dead like it but it shouldn't be like oh if they're no one should feel obligated to it's more like hey i'm feeling horny by chance are you in the mood too are you also in the mood sir hello sir good question

hello hello little peen how's it going hello are you at attention like just at like and if he's down hello if he's down or your part if your partner is down and like also happens to be in the mood like serendipitously then like cool bone it out but like no one should feel obligated if your partner's like asking you if you're like in the mood and then the then it becomes okay you're not in the mood and you're not feeling coerced or pressured at all and then like okay cool i'm just gonna go rub one out on my own and i think like ask him if that's what he would prefer like if like he'd be okay like moths literally would be like no i do not give a shit if you masturbate all day fucking every day like enjoy yourself love it for you great turn on big fan but like

i'm someone where i'm like i mean if you're in like the mood to have sex like ask me first and like sometimes i'll be like i really move go do your thing but like i and that's just like how we differ like i just i mean i also like i'm a leo i love attention like i just need to know that i'm like wanted and then like i don't need to say it's being invited to the party i don't need to go i just like want to be invited and he's like does not give a shit at all so i think that you need to ask your boyfriend like would you like so when i'm horny and like can i just like ask you first like if like not ask you if i can masturbate but like see if you're also in the mood and then from there because like you might just exhaust him yeah but then i think also there's the less

petty side of it which is just like educating him on like masturbating is incredibly normal and it's totally fine and just because you don't do it doesn't mean that i don't have to not do it and like our sex drives like are not necessarily related to like there's like i don't know i think there's i personally think there's like multiple sex kinds of sex drives like i want to get myself off or i want to have sex with you yeah and it's and also like maybe it's like the intimacy of it but like every time an orgasm isn't just about an intimate experience sometimes i've had intimate experiences with you know removable shower heads like like it's it's like it's it's like a lot of it relieves stress it raises your serotonin it just makes you feel better it relaxes you

you can it's good for your heart there's just a lot of health benefits so maybe coming at it from a health standpoint as well yeah but if it's the dildo versus dick that's a different issue which i think that might be the issue i if he's saying i'm not enough for you and i don't think he's gonna say that and i also don't think you can say that because then it makes ago like you've thought about it and then he's like what do you mean like so i think that like you just have to let us know if it's a dildo or if it's a vibrator yeah and if it's a dildo that's significantly differently significantly different than his dick then that's that's girl he's yeah and i would have told you beforehand be like that's yeah but she got like this realistic

big big ass yeah he's like oh literally oh baby um but yeah i think if that's like the and if that's like you know if you feel if he's not like if it's not a deal breaker for you and if it's like oh this is something i'd be into but turns out he's not comfortable and his comfortability is valued over like my desire to do this thing then get like a little bullet vibrate get something that's like a little less like realistic and something that like maybe will not make him feel emasculated or go get his dick uh they have those dick moles and then see how he feels about it but you hold up if the other one's huge you got to get rid of the other one first you have to get his mold and then it's like again right next to each other yeah but i do think that like

this is like you seem like really great and like sex positive and i think this is a really great learning opportunity for him that like he might be feeling emasculated but that's not like the end of it like that's like you need to unpack that needs to be something that's like unpacked and like okay let's have a conversation about toxic masculinity like let's have a conversation about this this and this and obviously to his comfort level and where he's at but i yeah it's about his comfort and then also recognizing and like having him be open so then you guys can unpack it and like figure out what what it is because it's not most of those feelings of like discomfort when it comes to like society standards and stuff like that is an ongoing forever thing

and if you're in a healthy like committed relationship it's a great time to like relearn those things and like change those expectations but um please send us a picture of the um dildo vibrator in question and then make sure it's clean oh yeah but then also give us um if you could give us an estimate uh on your boyfriend's penis size too so we can have or even if you just want to give us like an like an it's a third it's like a like a subtract four inches subtract two inches give us girth girth yeah girth versus length let us know and also like does it have a section i want to know best of luck i look forward to we look forward to seeing the um pictures yeah thank you in advance on to the next one hi guys i love you so much

okay i'm just gonna hop into it um i have a dilemma basically i have a boyfriend who lives in Hawaii um I traveled to Hawaii back and forth for work um I'm a stripper love life anyway um I have a boyfriend and he was a virgin when I met him he's very reserved and like doesn't really know what he's doing and everything but like I love him as a person and like his personality is amazing and him as a person and I just click like everything clicks and like we work together really well and all that what do you do but he is just a little bit immature he doesn't really want to move out of his parents house he's 24 and I've asked him several times to get an apartment with me whether that's here or there it's I don't care and he just won't I've been seeing this

other guy here of low-key um he's a fuck buddy and all that and he's like really grown and like offers like to buy me phones and stuff is like we date and like he wants to date me too but like we don't get along the way that like me and my boyfriend get along and I just don't I don't know like if I should completely cut the fuck buddy off because like it's not fair to him to like want a relationship with me when I don't want a relationship with him he doesn't know that I have boyfriend because he has cheated on me before that um fuck buddy I dated him before and he cheated on me so then we just kept it to fuck buddies and my boyfriend current boyfriend has um also cheated on me with like sexting other women so I just like I'm kind of going rogue

right now anyway my question is like do I keep fucking this guy do I date him or do I break up with him or do I break up with both of them because I'm not getting everything that I want from either of them I just don't know if I'm asking for too much you know what I'm saying like I don't I just don't know if I'm being really picky or if I truly like need to break up with both of them and just find somebody who has everything but then again does that person exists okay love you guys thanks bye wait so do you not realize that you're cheating on your boyfriend yeah i was like like you're she actively cheating you got in different area codes and you are playing yeah you're literally being like so but like my fuck buddy he cheated on me

and my boyfriend he had cheated on me too but like all right okay so here's the here this would be my situation this would be my solution to this situation not something i would be personally into but it seems like this would be something you were into everybody's just open so you and your fuck buddy can be open and let him know that you have a boyfriend that you're having an emotional relationship with because your fuck buddy over here used to be your boyfriend but he cheated on you so he's not really just a fuck buddy because you do have some intimate connection with him then you've got your boyfriend over here who you have an emotional connection with but like sexually he's not fulfilling you and he's sexting other people so why don't why don't

you just everybody just put everything out on the table be truthful for what they want i don't think you can get sex over here and then your intimate relationship over here i don't think that may be what she wants on the surface but if she looks deep in her heart that might be what she wants because it's too many secrets and lies and things going on well she's whole you're holding animosity to your fuck buddy for previously cheated on you and your boyfriend for having previously like cheated on you by sexting other girls but but you're currently cheating on both of them because your fuck buddy thinks that you're like in a relationship because she he doesn't know that your boyfriend exists yeah and also here's like that's the thing that's like cheating is

fucked up but like people just need to know what decision that they're making like you're like everybody needs to be to know all of the facts to know like hey am i okay with this because like right now your fuck buddy he might not be okay with the fact that you have a boyfriend he might not be okay like for himself personally to like hook up with someone who has a boyfriend because no that makes me feel i feel really bad for that dude like i don't want to do that but you're taking away that like that right from him to like make that choice um you need to break up with both of them because uh your boyfriend is your friend you don't like any that's the that's the difference between like a friend and like a romantic sexual partner is the sex part like unless you're asexual

no no oh 100 you're right i mean in this situation for for her you're you're describing that sex is an important part for you and he's hitting all of these other boxes but like what are their boxes but not her actual box literally and what other boxes is he hitting that like your friends don't like like what what is he fulfilling i think it's the intimate connection it's just the connection like there's a romantic connection but there's not a sexual connection okay you're right you're right you're right i take that back so you need and valid a sexual connection and an intimate romantic without the sexual connection and that person exists in one person for you and i would say that i think that you have an ability to

not be monogamous and to get that fulfillment from multiple partners but the way that you talk about having been cheated on i don't think that you're comfortable with that i think but she's openly cheating herself well not openly i don't think she's i don't think she's comfortable with them sleeping with other people i think she's comfortable with what she's doing i don't think she'd be comfortable if they were all open i think she wants to be open i think she should present it and put it on the table and see what all the parties say i mean i think it's i think that's a great solid idea i would also ask you do you have them like are they in the same location because if you're flying she says she's once in hawaii the the the fuck bay is in hawaii and the

other one is at the other location okay well okay i was like either way whoever's in hawaii stay there i'm like that's fun um yeah i mean i i think that is a possibility to find here in la because that's a quick flight true someone who hits all of those box i think that like that totally that that person exists but it's just a matter if that person exists for you like my needs are met in one person but that's other people's needs aren't met in one person and that's a choice that they make but when it comes to like a polygamy like a like polyamory or if it comes to like an open relationship you also have to be comfortable with other people like in the same like you know the same way that they would have to be comfortable with you doing that

and also you're also gonna have to like to hell i think that this could work but maybe not with these guys like if you're like okay so i've been cheating on both of you like are we all down to keep hooking up like they might just be like what fuck you and then you can seek out two other people but it's also a lot of plane tickets i mean i think right now you've just you've made a lot of action you've done a lot of shit and now it's time to own up and then see if something positive can happen from it but also you can't fault any of them if they're not into it yeah but but there's cheating going on all around so if we're being ethical about it then have the discussion yeah and see okay so now it's time for an update from drum roll please

it's a sad drum from season six episode six this gal she had a friend and this friend also had hoes in different area codes this friend's also married this friend also lied about her husband giving permission for her to cheat on her with the caller and now we have an update oh my god I'm ready hi Megan hi Melissa this is your um messy Libra bitch here just with a little bit of a follow-up um oh this is a girl whose friend used her to cheat on her husband anyways so you asked a couple of questions um I think at one point i did have feelings for her but that it's been a very very very long time since that probably in high school um but i didn't really have the understanding of that when i was that

young um but also the attraction or i guess the sexual tension um that's kind of always been there too we've hooked up in the past so me hurting up with her was not like crazy or new or like anything like that and like her husband knew that we had hooked up in the past so again not crazy or knew that that would happen um and then we did have a conversation about it about everything and she wasn't mad at me for telling him honestly i think she was kind of relieved i guess when you have that many secrets and somebody just outs you it's kind of you know nice um uh she was apologetic and I told her that I needed time and like space away from her because I was like so hurt and she kind of listened to that and then also like two weeks after me telling her that

was like texting me being like oh so you just done with our friendship I feel like you don't want to have anything to do with me and I was like uh I told you I needed time and that wasn't gonna be like two weeks you know um we haven't really talked since everything went down um I it's just really tough for me because it's in my nature to be forgiving and to like be there for someone when they're going through clearly something big but like I couldn't be this time and it feels so unlike me because that's what i usually do um but i couldn't ignore my feelings i couldn't just like pretend that i wasn't incredibly hurt and like honestly kind of over friendship and i hate saying that is it it feels mean it feels mean saying that out loud but it's

just how i feel um anyway so uh also just as a little fun fact and a little bit more messiness for you she tried to also get our other friend who's married involved in the affair that she was having with the guy across the country as in getting him on the phone while they're all hanging out and um basically being like maybe she's all be together and having a threesome so that's fun that she tried to get that person involved as well um anyways thanks for your response it was helpful i just want to make sure i'm not being a bad friend here all right thanks guys bye no absolutely not you're not being a bad friend i wouldn't even be friends with this girl anymore because she's a pathological liar manipulator she needs to be a reality tv show producer like

yeah like this she needs a fucking outlet oh my god that's wild no you're not being a bad friend at all she's being a bad friend and like she's being a bad friend to like everybody like she was being a bad wife she was being a bad friend she's being a bad friend to your other friend by including her and all of this stuff like you're thinking about her far more than she's think like you're thinking about like her well-being far more than she's thinking about yours and that's the epitome of like someone that like does not deserve your friendship fuck that's so messy but it's like we Melissa and I we say this all the time we're in something I just I don't really want to be friends anymore like not each other but like we do that with like there's and I wish

more people were just like okay with like recognizing that and being like I liked you for like a certain period of time like we got along well or like now that I have better friends or now that like my life's a little more busy or I've just grown up and I'm like I just like don't think you're that tight anymore what kills me is that she was okay with them with her secrets like being told like she was like oh phew now i don't have to lie anymore now everything's fine like what is what is her marriage like she's relieved like you could have done that you she just likes creating mess like she was the the ceo of messy she is the ceo of messy and this is why she needs to be a rally tv show producer and then she needs to be at base camp just watching

this shit go down or the participant oh that that too sign her up for the bachelor sign her up for but she's married she has to get the divorce first so it needs to be a different reality show one that's even trashier x on the beach who are you gonna pick god that's you're not being a bad friend that's the bottom line and if if you still want to be friends with her like i low-key kind of like want you to still be friends with her so you can call in and share all the mess because you know it's not gonna end like this is the end this is not the end i think you should just like keep following each other on social like keep keep tabs and see all of that stuff but like yeah you do not have to be friends

with this girl and don't feel bad for not wanting to be friends like i've stopped being friends people for far less like far far far fucking less and once you have a break from a friend and then you realize like oh i don't miss you which now i've also now realized maybe that is my my issue of object permanence and then i'm like oh i forgot you existed so it's a really hard time missing you um but if you don't miss a friend once you like have that kind of separation and break they kind of are more of like a habit and just a part of your life versus something that you actively sought to like they were just there it wasn't yeah especially since she's been in your life for so long yeah she was just like a mainstay like it's not but that doesn't have to be like

hard like you don't have to be an asshole ending a friendship and like maybe it feels like like she's making you feel that way that like it's not gonna be like a tidy kind of mutual like separation like it is going to have to like be a blow up and that sort of stuff but like you can like slow fade and you can ghost and after a while she'll stop reaching out and it is what it is or you can you know breadcrumb her or you can just like be cordial but i don't know if she's going to like let you i can't believe she called it she was like oh so we're just not gonna be friends or whatever she said like all like everything this woman says it's just unbelievable and what what what is her marriage now like are they working through it is he okay with this how is he

yeah like he called you and brought you even more into the situation have you guys had another conversation this is something that i would like to be an ongoing series i know we and we are hearing from the uh the ceo of we've got a ceo of messy story i'm so you didn't answer our question know about her job oh yeah i really want to know i really really really want to know because i wonder if like she's just not fulfilled enough in work and that's why she's come on though like how much dick and pussy and attention do you need in order to fill a hole literally and Figuratively, that work is not satisfying you. But I think she also likes drama.

I think she likes the puppeteering of it all. That's it. That's what she likes. The drama. But that's what I mean. It's like work for reality TV or be on reality TV. I think she needs more drama in her. I mean, maybe she's just someone who will always have drama in her life.

And you just have to decide, do you want to be a part of the drama? Because it's never going to stop. No. No. never she is the ceo of messy and she is not stepping down and she should monetize this she should this is what if this is what she wants her job to be you gotta figure out how to monetize this yeah oh well guys what an episode that's our episode um if you want to call in for an upcoming one you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you

can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com uh we've still been getting a lot of messages and comments from people about the facebook group um you are not listening to the end of the episode so they're not listening now so you will be publicly shamed um in anyone who's listening all the way to the end and if you see anyone comment or ask about it publicly shame them and say you have to listen all the way through the episode before you start asking questions that have already been answered and just your friendly reminder yeah that we are no we're not accepting new members at this current time we will be accepting members again we are coming up with new questions and we are making sure that the group is a good place for everybody we want

to make sure everybody in it is active not just lurking and like reading your personal shit and then doing whatever we want to make sure that it's like a collaborative community versus like a parasocial relationship where they're just it's not it's it's very different than the podcast and that sense so we are making it so but by the time that we open it again you're joining you know we don't have any happy place yeah we've we've kicked out a lot of people so that being said we shoot what else oh follow us on instagram don't blah mean pod um buy my book you're not special it's out everywhere my presets follow us on our socials hit it up and what podcasts would you like to promote uh directionally challenge we've been on hiatus by the time

this comes out we should have the first i think the first episode from hiatus should be up it's with candace king and kayla yule you may know them from vampire diaries megan's been on episode go check it out it's a good time ladies in their 30s still trying to figure out what life is about and asking questions from other people um so they're the best i love them it's very it's uh it's a very mature show like as far as like the content that we tackle so um i think you should listen to like these two together so that they balance each other out yeah if you're like you listen to this then you're like i want a fucking home wreck like i like you like feel like a loose you feel like miley cyrus on the wrecking ball being like how can i fuck shit up

today and then you listen that's the come down yeah you know it even that's like a xanax this is an upper yeah and that evens you out and makes you be like oh wow let me reflect on my life like it was my favorite to listen to on and i mean i obviously still listen to it but like when i was driving like when we used to record our podcast uh this podcast farther away from where i live i that used to be my drive home podcast because we would like come off from talking on the show oh my god oh my god and then i was like okay simmer down in traffic listen and they've got they both have like i mean they're both actors so they have very nice oh god very nice podcast voices and so it always ended me out so i didn't come home like you know like ready to like fist

fight mods being like i mean there's i told you about the time my friend sent me a message and she asked me like it was a picture of her husband and she said something like should i throw him away and i was like yeah ready to fight like what the fuck did he do blah blah and she was and she was referencing something that had nothing to do with her husband and i was like oh okay okay i need to take a breather yeah this does like this hype like this show fucking hypes me up like it makes me be like i'm just i i'm just on one like i i literally almost every time after we record this i asked mott's like do you want to wrestle and he's like no and i'm like come on you gotta get a punching bag i know i'm planning on it uh okay guys um that's it that's it right yeah okay

we'll see you guys next time goodbye oh also leave us a nice review on the apple podcast app if you'd like