Don't Blame Me! - S7E17: He’s Never Said “I Love You”

Episode Date: March 22, 2021

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: liking sister's friend, ghosting, pandemic partying Roommates are mad at you Moving in after marriage Helping a partner in rehab Don't Blame Them: dealing with grief   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME.”     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup   Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me oh yes please go watch the video melissa's she's breakdancing and she's topless i'm sorry like baiting our patreon stuff up hey we have discussed maybe shooting the episodes entirely nude on patreon we have but we said we were going to put it on only fans oh true true true true that makes sense so like what you'd see on patreon would be from like the neck up and then we do the only fans version that is wider or maybe we do the only fan version that's just neck down because they don't they have to pay twice yep hey cross promotion yeah diversify your income i was gonna say next

well uh you know for now we're not there but um uh we are here and uh my name is megan and i'm joined by my co-host melissa hello this is don't blame me we're an advice podcast you call us you leave us voicemails and then we give you our sensational fantastic advice and what we lack in credentials we make up for in opinions in opinions if you want to leave us a voicemail to be on our show you can call us at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com we ask that you are 18 years or older or have your parents permission to call in you keep it under three minutes you let us know your pronouns and you write it down and practice a few times before you call in it's like what i have to do when i order

takeout on the phone jokes on you i don't do that i don't if i have to call anyone turns out i've told you that like i really struggle with like my personal identity as like being a millennial or being gen z and i have discovered like i am like in the weird cusp But what makes me feel like I'm more Gen Z is I didn't have TV. I didn't have cable. So all of like the pop culture references and also I didn't have a lot of money. So like all of like the millennial, like, oh my God, this TV show or like this thing or like this toy.

I'm like, I have no idea what that is. And so like, I think that's why I relate so much to Gen Z. And also I just think Gen Z is more mentally unwell than millennials. Like, like I think, I think Gen Z talks more about it. i also do sometimes think that that indicates for a little more mentally unwell like the very very loud and like the the all of that shit like not not so much bottling it in the crying selfies i'm like i relate and also relate into like gen z like not being able to call for a doctor's appointment or anything like that this is my well i don't do that either and i am a millennial

grandmother i'm actually kind of i'm in the middle i'm not quite you know i'm in the middle but like i don't put you there because my niece erlai is there and she is a child and so therefore i will not see you as gen z i think that they're too these generations are too long they're too fucking long but i feel like i relate to you a lot but i think we can be a win like we can be in like a window but like i just think that like i 40 year olds of course no but you're at the very you're at the i'm in the last like two years yeah and then there's like 40 year olds but i also think that yours also plays a part because your sisters are younger so like you naturally are like more inundated with stuff that like you don't grow like not that you might personally

grow out of things like more but like you're aware still older than you that's true you're just you're just you're just i'm just young i'm just like cool millennial you know yeah what's what's the 411 like matz's brother is also a millennial do you know what 411 is like what's the d but do you know what 411 is no because it used to be but not an emergency kind of you would call 411 on the phone for information and so when you say what's the four four four one one you're asking for like what's the information what's the deep who's on the other line which is an operator like you could literally just call and talk to them what do you ask them for information about like google it could be

yeah like google like uh what time's the sun going down today like or like what's the number for dairy queen like you could ask anything holy like it's like it's like a hotel concierge but for everyone yeah that seems like a rough fucking job holy shit if you just sit and talk to people all day like whatever yeah i guess i remember as a kid just calling just to be like and i'm sure they were annoyed like why is this little kid calling but i thought i was very grown up and just like asking like rando questions that's so cute i guess it's like less scary than 9-1-1 too so like you the stakes are a lot lower for the operators yeah wow yeah no i had no idea wow i'm learning so much let's get into the update yes update this is a caller who's been

on a previous episode and we're gonna any previous episodes oh my gosh actually yes a series of episodes and even the episode zero that wasn't even an episode yet but absolutely wild and also you guys won't be able to see but just know their eyeshadow phenomenal their makeup the whole face beat beat beat to the gods fantastic they looked so it made me i was mortified that i showed up fucking fucking i looked awful and they were like i was trying to look good for you yeah I was like, I'm so sorry I did not extend that courtesy to you. But they're great. So keep on listening or watching.

The first time I called was season four, episode eight. I did take notes just so I don't forget. Love it. Well, you're sucking up to Melissa. That's what she likes to hear. Gotcha. My dad would be happy. He's a Virgo.

So season four, episode eight was with Kingsley. um it was uh me calling because i actually had this like giant crush on one of my sister's friends who i partied during pride with yeah i remember i did talk to her like you guys said um first she wasn't really okay with it uh because she was like no that'd be weird i'm just like yeah it is weird uh dating your siblings best friend we're kind of fine now he and i we're just really good friends now uh we just go on twitch and play fortnite can't yeah so we're just really good friends now i'm actually glad that we're really good friends now he he's bisexual he has a really great girlfriend um which i'm happy about that because he has had some bad uh relationships

so I'm just like go you so what happened in between I don't know like I was just too scared to tell him like how I actually felt and I was also kind of scared that since we are kind of a group um before the pandemic we would like always go out bullying play laser tag all that crap and um I don't know I just didn't want to ruin that or make any like weird tension with that but right now i'm just glad i still have him as a friend yeah yes i think that's a great call and uh you and your sister are good too yes we're good uh so season five episode 22 i called because i wanted to learn how to ghost someone because this girl from my past uh from a treatment center kept messaging me on instagram and facebook and i wanted to be like how do i yeet this girl out

of my life and uh i did use the advice you guys used on someone else uh so that worked really well this guy was kind of obsessed with me i'm just like yo i don't have the time for you um which i'm surprised he took that pretty well great yeah but with this girl she posted something on facebook that really irritated me because she was like saying oh my they passed a law to ban abortion in this state and i'm just like what the fuck and i'm just like like i believe in her body her choice like i've actually been to planned parenthood with my friends who needed abortions she was just like saying all these stupid shit saying that abortion is bad abortion the sin i'm just like well you know what praise satan because i don't believe

me literally me to the point where she someone commented saying well what if they're a victim of sexual assault and she was like well that's their fault for dressing up like a whore and i'm just like i'm sorry as a victim of sexual assault myself who wore a john cena shirt when it happened to me i wanted to punch her in the face so bad like you have no fucking idea how much this girl is the most stupidest fucking cunt i have ever met and also so stupid that she does not know how to spell and know the difference between your and your nothing ruins an argument like that when you're just like bitch and i'll just what i'll do is i'll just type the correct form and just put an asterisk next to it i have multiple times and she still doesn't get it and she literally was

like well if you don't want to get pregnant then just use condoms and birth control that's 100 i'm like no it's not 100 bitch have you watched friends come on 98 effective oh my god like what 98.8 percent yeah something like that yeah and that's if you take it the exact same time every single day yep and also i'm pretty sure it doesn't like account for you have to like factor and if you're taking like supplements or you're on antibiotics all of that shit body weight yeah it's a lot wow this fuck this bitch so what happened with her holy shit she did block me though on facebook for calling her a cunt well good good i love that i love it for you completely good i mean you still yeeted her yeah she yeeted herself she fucking yeeted herself out of your

fucking life love it wow yeah so season six episode 21 where i talked about uh my friend who keeps partying during a pandemic and i did mute her story which you told me to do and i unmuted her because now recently because we did work in the same place before i quit um um we had a very close um co-worker who unfortunately uh did tested positive for um the virus and unfortunately uh she is no longer here with us i'm so sorry yeah it's okay um so yeah we're just like you know trying to be positive keep the memory um happy as much as possible to uh that kind of gave her a wake-up call my friend um she uh is now extremely following CDC guidelines especially since uh she does babysit sometimes keywords sometimes she doesn't

like kids but um yeah she's like now following CDC guidelines it kind of gave her a wake-up call and now uh she even listened to me when I was like hey just so you know CDC guidelines uh double masking works like 90 and she was like oh okay cool and yeah so i'm really glad that she like now got that wake-up call just sucks there to take yeah yeah unfortunately that's what happens for a lot of people so they don't take it too seriously into someone else yeah no it's it's i mean they're the amount of people that i've like had fights within my dms who are like well i don't even know anyone who's had it and I'm like I do I know and I have friends who've had like family members pass away and all of that kind of stuff like people they they they compartmentalize and

think that like if they don't know anyone that it's not possible and it can't happen to them and then when it does like that's nobody is safe and that's so I'm sorry but I think it's I mean I think you guys like i'm obviously i'm so glad that like they're taking it seriously now and that you didn't have to go through like losing someone that you know and then also kind of still have like a friend who is like being reckless and like not someone like it's i think it's great that you guys can honor their memory together and like that it like it brought you guys kind of back together which i think is sweet and yeah and i've known them since we were like one we were like babies oh my gosh yeah yeah wow fuck god damn i'm sorry your gemini life you like you are like

the calls you are naming are like what i were i remember all of them vividly not that i'm saying i don't remember other people's calls but all of these i'm curious what was your uh first first first call that megan answered in the video the first first first uh question she answered was the video that she announced her yeah that one yeah uh i'm surprised uh i like was like okay i'll just submit in her tumblr anonymously and um it rest in peace tumblr it was me saying how do I deal with my parents uh because I would wear makeup and it they felt like I felt like they were embarrassed of me like looking not like this like um out and about and I felt like they're embarrassed and um you told and I was like should I move out is it bad to like run away from

my problems and you said that it would be great for me to move out because it'd be giving me like this like healthy mindset and i was just like okay cool moved out um then uh my parents like then like came around so they're okay with it my mom steals my eyeshadow and recently on christmas my dad actually gave me some makeup brushes which i thought was so sweet but i didn't want to tell him that they were uh cheap he made the episode yeah so that makes it even cuter that like they're not good you're like well i don't want to tell you i still have them but i haven't used them oh that is so that is so sweet though i mean shit if i like when i hopefully have kids like i i think about that with like

any like little kids in my life i'm like i hope to god i like hope you're fucking into the same shit that i'm into like that would be so fun like we get to do like i don't know like makeup and musical theater and like harry potter like i live for that shit yes i do i do love a belt in the car well thank you so much this is like so cool that you've been around for so long from the very beginning not just like episode one like episode zero episode zero and you've stuck around like that makes me like so happy that it seems like you like the show my friends a fan of you guys as well thank you thank you i wish we had like commission links for that you know like we're like we become an mlm i would die i would die well thank you so much this is the life of a

disgusting gemini we're back if you don't watch the video you're not getting the full immersive experience well we are so happy thank you so much for um being on the episode and wow it's crazy to hear people who've like been around since yeah 17 and we never i don't think we ever once just know this when people call it the amount of times that people have called me multiple times and we have no idea based on your voice so i wonder if they call in later on we we now have so many samples we have to fucking know we know and now we've got like a face yeah that helps it always does face a beautiful beautiful face inspiring me i should put some makeup on sometime eventually one day well all right well should we get into the episode let's do it hi Megan and Melissa and

probably no guests because we're in a never-ending pandemic it feels like um I am 22 a Libra um and I am dating a 25 year old Gemini um I kind of not kind of I think I love him and I know I do and that's the first time I'm saying it out loud um because before we started dating he told me that he's never told anyone that he loved him or love them and i that freaks me out that points as a red flag to me and i don't really know why and it pulls me back from saying it and it's like i don't i don't want to say it and then not it get reciprocated you know and or say it freaks them out and i know he really likes me i just is it a red flag that 25 year olds has never said he loves someone before other than

my family of course and friends i don't know please give me help thank you let's do that i don't think it's a red flag at all no jinx no i think like it's really common like i think for this is also like big libra energy to me that like again one of my best friends is a libra i constantly get pictures of random people on the street being like i met my husband i'm like what's his name i don't know i've never spoken to him before and like i love him like he like not to be like you know astrological stereotypes but like very flirty fall in love fast like x blah blah blah and all that stuff but i think not telling someone you have to like reflect on why is it a red flag to you is it a red flag because he's

never been in a serious relationship is it a red flag because he's been in a serious relationship and like never loved that person and or is it because the way that he said it made it feel kind of like um a precursor to like kind of a fuck boy sort of thing that it's like oh that's not something that i do like a walk to remember like you just can't fall in love with me like what why is it a red flag and i think from there then you kind of have to address whatever that issue is because i mean i think if he's never had a serious relationship before like that's okay and i think it's pretty common um and it could also mean that he is just really serious it doesn't just want to say it and like i've dated guys who like have said it and then after not to me but

like i've said it in other relationships than when we dated they were like oh yeah i don't i don't think i meant it before like i and that's okay but like we all see love differently so like some people really believe like if i love you like you are the end all be all you are the one and like that's it um versus like what i've always said is like i can love people who did different people who i've dated but i love them for as much as i can love them at that age and where i am in that point in my life but like when i date somebody else who like i then love that doesn't completely negate that love it doesn't they're just different kinds so you just have to figure that part of it out but i will say that like if you are worried he's not going to say it back that makes me think

that you are that it's like the it was a precursor and like he's like i'm but yeah but like he feels you don't feel secure you know well i think she's like also not completely secure in her feelings either because she was like i think i kind of maybe and then she's like i love him that's the first time i'm saying i'm saying that out loud i think she's more so scared about her his feelings because of how strong her feelings are and because he's never said it and so i think that she's more like scared that he's just not like that she's in it and he's not like as much as she is but like or she's just putting because she loves him and she's putting that on him she's just like afraid of being rejected yeah i mean my toxic advice is like

don't say anything and like i think she should wait because she's like we're the if we're the first people that you've told how you feel I think that you should wait and settle into what your feelings are I'm a firm believer in like tell the person that you love them and you it's not about expecting a kind of response back but that's not I don't mean that in like a selfish way I mean it in the sense that like I'm secure in like our relationship and where we're at this is how I'm feeling and I'm not worried that me saying this is going to like make you run away or like do x y or anything like that or make you feel obligated to say it back like i just i just need to say it because like that's how i feel and i don't think it's going to change anything in our relationship

but like i'm just honoring my feelings but i think that yeah i would just like hold off did she say how long they were they've been dating yeah that's a crucial key part because like if you've been dating like four months just wait wait i know if you've been being in a year then that's a problem yeah then i think that's like oh i you just might not be it for like you guys just might not be each other's person but your feelings are growing stronger the longer you're being with him and his feelings are just kind of like remaining the same but because i think also like if if you like there's also like the trauma aspect of like does he have like commitment issues like is he have like uh avoided attachment style like is it like blah blah blah like are

there reasons why he would feel really not comfortable saying that to someone in a relationship like did his parents get divorced was there like a messy thing or like any of that stuff but i would sit on it for a while and just because i i think that you should only say it when you're confident and secure in your relationship and that saying it isn't going to change anything but if that like time keeps going on and you're afraid it's going to change something like for the worse then that to me is just a clear sign that you guys aren't meant to be together like you should never be afraid of something that you say and sharing your feelings is going to be like too much like make someone like oh wow like i'm gonna run away now like

that's like it's not what you said then it's just like that that's the wrong relationship also i think too because you're 22 and he's 25 that you might feel like because he's older than he should have said it by now and you can't have things it doesn't work like that it has to be a feeling because that's pretty much the age range when mods and i started dating i think i was 22 21 22 and i think he was 25 or 26 one of those things um because we're like three more than three and a half years yeah you also just can't put your own trajectory of your relationships in your past history and like all of that stuff onto somebody else and kind of assume even if like all of your friends have been like this or like blah blah blah all of that i would just be curious if

he's ever said it to any one that he's dating dated or if he hasn't been in a serious relationship which makes sense but and also the context of him telling you i've never told someone i love them because it could go one of two ways it could be a prompted question of like oh like the bachelor have you ever been in love before and it's like oh no i haven't like i have never really been in any relationships like things have kind of always like lasted only a couple months and like i never have had one of those really deep connections because i've just haven't focused on it but i'm like prioritizing it versus like that feels like like a good getting to know you like what's your past relationship like but like versus which i know you're about to yeah of being like yo like

i don't tell bitches that i love i don't tell females that i love that females like it's like nah like i just like those females like no or or even like a more subtle version of that which is like have you ever been in love and it's like no i've like dated around a bunch but like i just like don't like that like that's like love's like a huge thing and then it becomes this whole like abstract conversations like what are we talking about it's like no i just have never been like they're like who knows maybe one day but I don't know like if he's talking about it in like love as an abstract thing that like kind of sounds like he's like avoided versus oh this has not been like the stars haven't aligned in my life and I'm like looking forward to it or it's I've never

wanted to say it in a relationship when I didn't mean it and then once I got to a point where I was with this person for such like x amount of time and I thought that I should feel those feelings and I didn't at that time we broke up like that to me also makes sense but like I do wonder if you're right though like it could be like your worry of this is just like insecurity or your worry could be he was dropping a lot of breadcrumbs that like this isn't necessarily great hi Megan and Melissa um I could really use your guys's advice with a situation so I live with my three best friends, which I realized was my person's sake, and now I'm in a bit of an argument with them after they blew up on me yesterday over spending too much time with my boyfriend.

For a bit of a backstory, this was a complaint in my last relationship about two years ago, and they expressed similar feelings to me, but it was hard for me to see where they were coming from because I still made ample time to hang out with them about four times a week, like going and doing stuff, and I lived with two of them at the time, so most days we were hanging out anyways. They were so mean to my ex-boyfriend for no reason he was overall a good boyfriend to me with no cheating or anything like that but they wouldn't acknowledge him when he came over so we felt unwelcome and for that reason i would go stay at his place about three nights a week and the other nights i'd be home with my roommate watching movies and stuff during the other four nights fast forward to more

recently i started dating my current boyfriend at the beginning of 2020 and he treats me like a queen when we first started dating i first sensed some tension when i told my friends the news in our group chat and no one even replied. Since then, he has come and stayed with me about one to two times a month on the weekends because we live four hours apart right now while I'm finishing up my last year in college. When I go to see him, it's maybe once a month for about four days because my classes are online. I know it's nothing against him because they've made it very clear how much they like him. I mean, he'll buy them dinners when he's here, order them food to our house, and help them with their homework to show them he cares. Also, they can see how well he treats me.

But yesterday, besides feeling attacked because it was three against one and brought up in an aggressive way with them screaming at me, I also can't help but think there's something deeper going on here. All of college, they have all three been single, so they spend every day and night together. I never really talk to anyone for a consistent period of time. But I don't know if they're somewhat jealous. It just feels like they don't understand me or what it's like to be in a relationship. Also, my boyfriend is in the military and will be deploying for nine months towards the end of this year. So I feel like it makes sense to see each other a few times a month when we can.

I'm going to be moving out in about two months and then going to law school next fall. So I'm wondering if you guys think I should try to salvage these relationships or cut my losses after these two months are over. I just can't help but feel like they don't have the best interest for me. I'm just nervous also about trying to make new friends, especially during the pandemic. So let me know what you guys think. okay so here's my thing it seems like you're already questioning your relationship with them like if you should salvage it or not and i think if you're questioning your relationship with friends that you already like have a it seems like you've known each other for a while

like at least two years right because she talked about the previous year too then i feel like if you're questioning your relationship with them then you don't want to be friends with them you shouldn't have to question your relationship with people that you've known for this long and maybe maybe they are a little bit jealous i mean i think that spending four nights a week with people that's a lot of time like i i would i would only i'd be like one night is enough but like um it seems like that you're trying to put in the like effort to be friends with them but they don't want to be friends with you so um yeah I would also ask yourself they don't want to wait wait they they don't want to be friends with you like they do want to be friends with you but

they don't want to be friends with you like whoever you are within a relationship yeah and so what that that tells me that maybe you're doing things like within your relationship that you don't realize that you're doing that changes part of your personality yeah and i you've mentioned that they've all been single through college um you to make a snap judgment you kind of sound like a serial dater and maybe you didn't have that friend in high school who like got a boyfriend and like just gonna say it sometimes gets really fucking annoying like i'm not saying you specifically but like i had a friend like that like who just became oh my god like when we were hanging out she's talking about him like being like oh my god and i wasn't jealous i was just

like can we talk about something else like i'm happy for you i just like don't give a shit in like the nicest way possible i like i don't really care like i'm happy you're happy like but we don't need to talk about him all the time and i think a lot of people who uh are like serial daters are like serial monogamists like well my friends should be like happy for me and they don't get it and i just want to like talk about my partner all the time that's like not what friends are for and like as i've gotten older my friends and i a couple a good amount of my friends are like in like long-term relationships we like fucking never ever talk about our significant others like it's like oh like what's like oh i saw he's golfing like fun cool but like we're not like oh

my god he did the cutest thing blah blah blah just because like like i don't think that you talk about much that much like i did get a message from someone who's like a comment on my instagram picture it's been like can you please stop talking about mots on the podcast and i was like anything for you chloe of course as someone who talks to you pretty much every day like it's not a thing and when you're talking about him on the podcast is because you're relating to another caller whatever fuck them no it's not like oh my god he did the sweetest thing ever like let me tell you that that's something that i think like that's not i think that's annoying when anyone does it like regardless of how i feel about like their partner or whatever

because i'm friends with them i'm not friends with their relationship like i can get along with the guy like all of that stuff like i can get along great with you and i'm friends with you but like i don't need to put effort into being friends with your romantic relationship like especially when just like talking about him but like yeah they live like you guys all live together and you're spending like you said like four days with them are you spending full days or is it like we're spending half the day and then i'm gonna go sleep like then i'm gonna go this place and this place and then blah blah blah i am also a little confused because you said that you are long distance but you also said that he lives like four and a half hours away or something like that

but you still see him she goes to see him um when she goes to see him she stays for like four days but then how is she only spending four days with her roommates a week what are you doing the other day oh do you know what i mean maybe yeah maybe she's work she's in law school or she's about to go to law school so she's in college well the way that it sounded to me was like you were talking about your like social time and it was divvying up they're getting four days and he gets three got it if that's the case and you are driving for like if you're doing that like like during the week and maybe like one or two times during the week um that's like a lot of like mental capacity that you're like thinking about the drive and like planning of the drive and like you're naturally

probably going to talk about it and like do this and this and this and this and this but um i think it's valid that like i think it's equally as possible is like that these they prefer you when you're single in a non-malicious way that they just like they're just kind of like annoyed and like a little like done with the conversation or like just maybe your personality changes a bit in relationships and i think it's equally possible that that's in a non-malicious way versus like a oh we like you better single like you're not fun anymore like blah blah blah like i think it's twofold and you just have to decide what that as like what that is um but i think that like it also makes a lot of sense to

me that if they live to all live together and you're all spending all of this time together if you're gone for like a good chunk of time pretty often like they are naturally going to become closer because they are spending more time together and that is always like a rough thing because she's had two other roommates or is it three other roommates i was gonna say um in general three three other in general that's tough though because then you become the the odd one out like it becomes like and then they bond and talking over this and then you miss jokes and you're not relating to the things that they're referencing or there's certain things that you missed out on and all of that stuff and it you might also feel like you're missing out on the

friendship and this happened to one of my friends you feel like you're kind of missing out on the friendships you kind of overcompensate with being like oh like my boyfriend and I did this and like talking about this kind of thing which all it does like create a further divide so I think a lot of people lose friends when they're in relationships and i am like a big believer in you shouldn't do that and give people like the benefit of the doubt in relationships and kind of like let that take its course and just like if your friend's going to be obsessed with their partner not saying that you are but if they're going to be really invested in like really obsessed and kind of make everything else take a back seat i'm in the belief system that i'm like i'm just gonna let you do that but

like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna chase after you but then if you get upset at me for not chasing after you i'm gonna be like no that's this is not gonna work in that way but i do think that this is usually something that people grow out of so maybe for them they just like the first time around they dealt with it and the second time around they're like this is a pattern and this is like sucky and annoying or again maybe they're just the kind of people who prefer to be hang out with other people who are single and not talking about their relationship or anything like that yeah but if i were you i'd just get new friends yeah you don't you're not invested in them it doesn't see because you're like i'm about to start over i just would i just

don't want to make new friends because of the pandemic well you're also moving yeah i don't think you're invested in them at all no they're your roommates i think you're only invested because of the proximity yeah so i think just like don't make i just would just continue living on do what makes you happy spend time with them if you want to spend time with them don't if you don't and just like get through until the end of the lease and then i think you'll naturally just grow apart after yeah i don't think there needs to be like a sit-down conversation or like a blow-up fight or anything just the slow fade okay never break okay we're going to take a quick break and we will be right back we are back from our break and i'm going to

share what i did during the break which was google shit white people say okay white people love saying something went down the wrong pipe when they choke for that my dad does say that though but he doesn't it's i think that's like a white people dad joke yeah there is a lot of crossover between white people jokes and dad jokes yeah and then when you have white dads it implodes i just make a phil dumpy you pay to me white people love saying well someone's not happy when they hear a child crying somewhere yeah um white people love saying get these away from me after they've eaten a few chips white people love saying looks like you've got some sun yes white people love to say well there's oh and then hold on if we go in with that

oh look i'm almost as dark as you that's white people around black people that makes my skin happen all the time all the time i can't imagine what would possess someone because like you know there's the whole thing of being like oh i'm trying to like relate to you and i have an that's like a neurodivergent adhd thing that like i can like put myself in someone's shoes but i'm like that's like how it would always be after somebody would come be would come back like from vacation i don't know like a middle of the school year vacation that wasn't spring break and they'd always do it always oh my the audacity that they got in mexico they're just like the caucasity you mean

went to cabo for a week come back caucasity levels off the fucking chart oh that's insane oh god white people love to say well there's my workout for the week after climbing two flights of stairs white people love to say see you next year at 11 59 on new year's this one's gonna kill you white people love to say this ain't my first rodeo but in fact they have never been to a rodeo uh but me from arkansas there are plenty of rodeos white people love saying it's going when you ask how's it going like where is it going patrick where's it going that that that annoys me so much like where pick pick where it's going that's the same i get the same feeling when black people say feeling some type of way oh same same thing i'm

like pick a fucking way how do you feel i hit the mic sorry about that uh white people love to say nice blinker when someone turns without one i do that all the time why oh this one white people love saying fancy meeting you here to their friends when arriving at a pre-planned destination to see those friends oh my god white people love saying any who instead of anyhow white people love saying it must be free then when something isn't scanning at the register white people live to add the word freaking into a word like half freaking hilarious no freaking way that makes my skin crawl for no freaking reason white people love saying what's the damage and then chuckling when they have to pay for something oh yeah white people love saying ready freddy when they're about to

leave somewhere i haven't heard that one in a while if a white person say i tell you what you about to get the best deal ever um white people love saying hello stranger after you've taken a day off of work white people love on the phone love saying i'll touch base with you tomorrow the fuck is this capture the flag what about circle back that's the corporate that's the crossover white people love saying let's take a silly one now during a group picture and stick their tongue out oh yeah uh white people love i remember being like having a family photo and then my sister said that and then one of our other other relatives were like they've been around white people too much

oh my god it's just so funny white people love saying a million dollars when the server asks if they need anything else oh that's my that's my dad though anytime you ask him any present one million dollars and this person i think is also i know this person on twitter they're funny uh say jones said white people love saying let that sink in like it's a mic drop white people love saying must have known we were coming when a front row parking spot is open oh my god this one white people love saying that's okay we'll go for a ride when they get on an up elevator wow white people love saying whoa it's a party in here we're entering a crowd elevator oh my god white people love to say it's a hit at pod at potlucks white people love saying

cool your jets mister white people love saying i'm still nibbling on it when the waitress tries oh wait white people love saying fitty scent yes like like emphasizing it so much like fitty it's like or even like lil like you don't say lil it's lil like lil it's the same thing oh my god wow white people love saying gracias to their cashier at chipotle oh my god oh my cheeks are hurting too that made me cry oh it's so fucking funny and now imagine you get defensive and you can't enjoy that like you can't enjoy there's nothing that makes me laugh harder than those like they're so

accurate like come on the amount of times i have said those things like the just it's so funny not being self-aware just must really ruin the jokes like there's no humor no where's the flavor where's the spice i mean well it's well speaking of white people love to say salt and pepper our seasonings okay spices spices that's the difference but but yet over robbing countries for them and then don't even use them over what white people love to invade countries for their spices and then don't even fucking use facts i was at robin hood and i was like like the sophomore no robbing robbing robbing robbing no 100 i've had to teach mods that like when i ask if he seasoned the food i mean i asked him if he added um the spices to the food and he said yes

and i go did you add salt and pepper and he's like yes i'm like that's seasoning it's not spices so if you added salt and pepper to the chicken you're wondering why our food is so bland because all there is is salt and pepper right tiktok was the first place i found out that some people just sprinkle garlic salt and then they're done on food and i'm like what that's not even real garlic or real salt but you need come on you right it's insane to me wow i was i was offended at myself the other day for leaving my packet of because i don't i hate peeling garlic so i buy it already peeled and i left the packet out oh so i was making lobster at 11 30 last night

if anyone ever wanted to know the epitome of your personality it is making lobster at 11 lobster at between 11 30 and 3 a.m complete sense to me and i was just furious at myself because i could i had to use the powder and it didn't bring out the flavor as much no that's that's a fucking shame yeah that's that is a that's a crustacean crime are they're still crustaceans aren't they yeah they're crustaceans i think live lobsters look so fucking weird they send you with a picture they send you a picture hold on you can't see it down there this is the people that like these are my lobsters my lobsters so we're assuming alison is the human holding them that's not the lobsters it's on a polaroid so that's how

they send it with the lobster that's cool they're like you're getting it fresh baby you know i think i got 20 oh my god you're frozen right yeah okay good i just got the tails the tails because they're less work but i got 20 tails and like five pounds of other fish i die it's just so fucking funny that's like what everyone should follow you on instagram for besides you're like you know wonderful my favorite part of your con i love the fact that it can be again like midnight and you're like oh midnight snack and melissa's just cutting into a beautiful large ribeye like it is just like and like mashed potato like it is just like glamorous luxury meals at times you wouldn't expect and also like you just wouldn't necessarily

expect someone who's like cooking for themselves at home essentially it's like michelin star level like you live at a steak like a steakhouse huh i ran out i gotta bring but actually i was like one other reason why i'm moving is because i want to get a deep freezer so i can put it in the garage so i can just buy all my meats and stuff because now i i have it's packed with lobster now and i don't have room for my steaks i am dying oh it's just so funny oh it's i can't wait till you're like an old lady who still has these eccentric habits and it's like don't don't touch that that's that's melissa's lobster freezer and it's just an entire freezer of lobsters and then i'll like have like money

i can't even i'm gonna be like unstoppable unstoppable it'll be like there's my caviar cap yes like the only the only trajectory that makes sense is you have to become a housewife at some point because you are going to be butt naked and the only thing you're wearing is like a three thousand dollar silk robe open and then you have your fucking freezers of your luxury i've been trying to get my sisters to carry outdoor pajamas is what i like to call them it's like so they won't do it it's like my hill that i'm trying to die on and i'm like like i found another this place that like yesterday i sent them this picture i was like you guys could have been on this it's literally a woman who has on like silk pajama ish just but they're like

you couldn't tell if they could be outside or they're meant for the indoors with no shirt on underneath it's just open and i'm this this is the life that i'm trying to have and you are not supporting me in my future yeah i'm trying to help you out yeah like i'm trying to bring i'm trying to bring like imagine because that's all i would wear and i would be like wearing it everywhere free walking advertising and look at you you could be buying it from somewhere else but no you're encouraging i'm encouraging they're not like i literally sent it because it was like two when i sent it so then they woke up this morning they're like here we go again and i was just like fine you know what i'm gonna buy from this place and when i look fucking fire you're

gonna be mad well whatever the part that makes so much sense too is those like indoor outdoor pajamas you know what levels them up heels and you want the only thing that you love that doesn't add up to that heels yeah butt naked and high heels like it would make so much sense i have to send you this picture i wonder if this is the same thing the same style that you would like um jackie aina was wearing them and i i want them and she has them in like different colors i do but i would do i would do the shoes that have a little fuzzies i call them blanche devereaux shoes from golden girls because that's the first person that i saw wearing them um yes i do like that i don't know if that would be like my go-to my go-to would be more and i'll put for the people

watching on patreon i'll pop we'll pop pop i'll send these to katrina she can pop them in so people can see what we're talking about oh yes yes right um first of all it's called the say my name set say my name say my name wow oh those shoes are fire too you should get some of those as i wouldn't wear it because i have do you not like your toes i have thick juicy toes and so i would not put my toes in there ew why don't you just describe them like that's what they are you just describe them they look like sausages because they look like you just described them like kielbasa you just described them as like they literally look like little sausages little vienna sausages little weenies little weenies no mine look like the um um like jimmy

jimmy dean jimmy dean yeah the ones that are in the you know toe shaped that's what my toes those ones are great though um wrapped up in the pills very little and you do the pigs in a blanket sydney's family used to do those oh i loved those yeah with some spicy mustard oh yeah you could do spicy mustard or you do like put a little jelly on the side too you could do either one for the salty or sweet or spicy wow everyone should we start another podcast where we just talk about i think we should i think we should too i think we should start we should do multiple either another podcast or we should do multiple episodes during the week i think we should do just another podcast okay let's do just a new podcast new podcast who this and we did under the don't

blame me network like like seriously though guys do you guys think that we should have another podcast that's not this where it's just us talking and hanging out girl chatting might invite some other gals in i think it'd be so fun because like why not monetize her friendship more than we already have right do you know what i mean like i mean we're working on other also can we just say for two people who two bitches who like staunchly are like do not fucking like work with like don't live with your friends like all of that shit we don't do anything but you do know what this it's because we became friends through working yep but also it's also like an exception like i wouldn't work with anyone else the way that i

work with you wow okay let us know if we should know their podcast everyone yeah because i would love more shit to do with this because i like this me too so we're back from our break should we get into the rest of the calls oh yeah for this podcast that we're on right now don't blame me oh yeah this one hi megan and melissa i am so sorry in advance about all the car noises i know that's the big thing with all of these voicemails anyway i'm just calling about relationship advice my fiance and i are both 20 and we're in a long distance relationship and everything is really good. There's nothing, no red flags, just it's a very good relationship. My only concern is that when we get married and I have to move, I've gotten used to being alone and not necessarily

alone. I've just gotten used to doing my own thing. He's doing his own thing. I just need advice on how we can both do our own thing still while being together because majority of our relationship has been a part which isn't a bad thing but it's just going to be hard for me to learn how to be with someone else constantly thanks okay i'm just gonna say it okay i think you should move in before you get married because it doesn't sound like you know how to have like to live with someone that like you don't you don't i mean you don't owe anyone anything but Do you know what I mean? Like, it doesn't sound like you've like, maybe you have lived with roommates, but like, it doesn't necessarily doesn't totally sound like this. You haven't

like lived with a friend before and like kind of created those boundaries and gotten like used to it because, um, it's hard. And like, I don't necessarily know what I can tell you to like prevent it from being hard or make it easier. Like it is just kind of like trial and error and like figuring it out and i i personally would think that doing that while you're engaged before you're married is creates a lot more comfortability of like being honest with things you're like not happy with or like all of this you mean moving in before you're married yeah because setting you said engaged oh yeah moving in together while you're engaged before you're married you have only really been long distance like all of that kind of stuff like there is like

a natural period when you move in with someone. And even when you've been long distance and you're together that like, you're kind of like best foot forward, like on my best behavior. And like, it takes a minute for you to get comfortable in being like super honest. And like, if they're driving you crazy or they haven't cleaned up something or blah, blah, blah. But there's a lot of pressure to like, not really be like that because you're like so excited and you want it to be great. And I think like being newly married is even more pressure there that I would, i would i like i would focus on being roommates first but yeah yeah i agree because it if you've been long distance from most of your relationship like you don't know each other within even being

like in the same place so like what if you guys like get together and you can't even like you to have different living habits you have different definitions like you don't know like what your actual definition of like quality time is because it's like one of you guys going to see each other talking over the phone it's just a big transition so i would say like you guys need to get in the same place like at least the same town yeah you got you don't know each other as a as two people that live together so you're right though but you don't even know each other as people who date in the same city yeah like so you're already going from long distance to being in person is a huge transition for couples like again because like you said like you're only spending like a week

together a weekend like phone calls like you kind of like pack everything into a small period of time because like you have to get everything in and all of that stuff because like what I'm not they're going to see you again for X amount of time. So like, that's already like a big transition and so is being engaged and so is living together. So I think if you're going to do all these huge life milestones, maybe hold off on one of them to kind of make this transition easier and make it so you're both comfortable because like no matter how long you've been dating how much you love someone blah blah blah moving in with someone there is a learning curve and there will be arguments and there will be fights and all that and like they only get exacerbated when

you don't say something when you don't be when you're not being honest and you're kind of trying to like be again on your best behavior quote unquote and all of that so i would just hold off on that because yeah yeah also you are both so young and like i have if you anyone wants to get married young go for it that's great but you are you have valid concerns and those concerns the solution is not power through the solution is like let's sit in this and take our time with all of this like maybe it's having a like a long engagement all of that but it is always so much better to like take it step by step and then reassess from where you're at then kind of take all of these big leaps and hope they all simultaneously work out at the same time

like at once i'm just i can't imagine getting married at 20. my sister melanie got married at 21 i think 22 but they'd been together since they were freshmen in high school and like they had already had a baby like they had been together like living together like audrey this is audriana when she was like they got married when she was like i'm gonna say like six months old maybe um so so but like they had already they'd been like doing all like living together and being together and had been together for years so like that's one thing i don't know your situation how long you guys have actually been together but you haven't like we keep saying you haven't physically been in the same

space yeah if the majority of your relationship has been long like almost all of your relationship has been long distance there is a chance that like someone like one of your best friends from back home and you never dated but then you started dating once you both were sophomores in college or juniors in college or i don't know i don't know how old you are you're in college and you've been like long 20 yeah you've been long distance or it's someone who you met that you didn't know prior so like you also only know them even just as a person in a long distance way but like with your sister like that that's a natural progression of a relationship and like those are like and they had been engaged before like adriana was even conceived so like but those are like steps you

know like they were steps that they took yeah and like there is no right way to like do a relationship or anything especially when it comes to like it's not like oh like you start dating you get married or you get married you have a baby you buy like there is none those are there is no specific timeline but there are all of those steps and i think you just need to space those out and give each period like it's due time to like not only just like get to like not only like get acclimated and get comfortable but like enjoy it like enjoy those like the process of like oh my god i'm so excited about moving in together like let that breathe and let that be a thing that's not I'm so excited for us to be in the same city let that breathe for a bit do that and then when you're

like okay we've done this and now I feel like we're ready for this next step let's do this but I think like especially when you've been long distance for this long you're going like zero to a hundred and yeah I I just think like I would enjoy those like each and every step and like really spend time in each one before making the decisions of being doing it all at once like i'm not even saying like oh don't be together like not at all it's just enjoy every time frame of the relationship of being together because i think like doing everything all at once can just be overwhelming yeah and i think it can break relationships that would not have broken otherwise like I think it puts so much pressure on both of you like it puts so much fucking

pressure on both of you and on your relationship which is really fucking hard let's get to the next one hey Megan and Melissa so I'm a 24 year old Gemini and my boyfriend is a 28 year old Sagittarius both of us are he slash him so my boyfriend is currently going through um I don't only know what you would call it a wellness retreat or mental health rehab because he's been dealing with pretty bad depression and anxiety lately but this is like the third time he's gone for in the last four months and we've been we've been together for coming up on a year like here here pretty soon and I know this really helps him mentally but for him to keep going back makes me feel like I'm not enough for for him and I'm not helping him in the way that he needs

and then he's kind of choosing them over me and we're also long distance right now because of my job and that makes it kind of harder because he has very limited phone time when he's there so we don't get to talk as often as we normally do so I guess my question is how do I not feel bad about him getting the help he needs and how do I stop being kind of such a selfish person thinking that I can fix everything myself thanks so much I love the podcast you guys you need to go to therapy. Cause this is like the fixing mentality is, um, I have friends I'm, I don't think I'm a fixer. Maybe I was at some point, but I've, I've kind of usually been the person that people are like, let me fix you. But I have friends who've dealt with this and like, it can seem really

innocuous and like, not really like a, a big thing or anything, or it stems from something. is just like a personality trait but a lot of the time people who are fixers it it comes from something specific and like it is a trait that you bring to every relationship and like not just romantic relationships like you tend to like collect friends like that and it you it stems from something and um i would also say just like having talking to a therapist and having a greater understanding of mental health and what he's going through will make you understand that like not only are you not qualified like it's not that it's not your responsibility you are not qualified to help him like you are not qualified to be giving any sort of like therapy to him when he

needs therapy and like that acknowledgement on his part that that is like and I think it's great a lot of people who like have a hard time going into treatment centers and doing things like that but the fact that it's like this is something that really helps me and I've been going back and doing X, Y, and Z and all of that and like is being open with you about it, I think is like very self-aware and understanding and knowing that and you couldn't work there. Like you don't have, as far as we know, you don't have the credentials to do that. And so you thinking that you do, not even necessarily practically thinking that you do, but you thinking that there is something that you could do that would make up for and

equate to professionals helping in like an intensive setting like that is not coming out of nowhere like that's coming from somewhere for you that like you were asked at some point in your life where you kind of had to like overcompensate and step in there and like maybe it was that role for a parent and you had to be that like listening ear and that taking care of someone or anything like that that you were doing something that you were not qualified to do but you did that and i was expected of you and so then that becomes something that you continue to do over and over and over again um but his mental health has nothing to do with you and there's nothing you can say or do you can we said this before there are things that you can do that can hurt people's

mental health there is not anything that you can say or do that can help someone's mental health unless you are the person who has caused like if you've triggered them and caused them like to I call it my my favorite I call it spiraling then in the moment I need an apology from you for that active thing but like my anxiety or my depression or my PTSD like that is nothing to do with you and it also is like brain chemistry and chemicals and trauma response and all of that stuff that like even if you say or do something that ignites it that doesn't happen in every single person and like that is that is his brain and what he needs to work with with a professional and i also think i want to like tag on to what you say you said about them

um about your boyfriend choosing them over you and it's not that he's choosing himself and so like you should be a supportive boyfriend and like he's working on himself so that he can be a better person and in turn that will make him a better partner and so he is choosing you in in that sense too yeah and the thing is is he's choosing him and i think that scares you because now you're not left with someone to fix and you have to choose you and you're not comfortable doing that yeah and that's why i say therapy because yeah because then that's you choosing yourself as megan and you need to do that because you helping someone is not choosing them that is helping someone out when is also kind of a selfish act and that's something that we do when

we don't want to focus on ourselves like i i fucking distract redirect all of that stuff i'd rather throw so much at something else than like internalize and like reflect and do all of that stuff and I think you feel like a little like what the fuck dude because he's now leaving you with you and you're like I don't want to do this yet like I'm not I don't I don't want to do this and I think simultaneously he's doing what you're not comfortable doing yet and that's also a big fucking reminder that it's like fuck because not that i'm saying that this is how you feel at all but sometimes we can cast people in relationships with like okay they're the mentally unwell one i'm the stable one they're the this one i'm the that one and you've given yourself this caretaker kind

of role and that he's the one who's dealing with all of this stuff and like you're there to support him and then he goes and deals with that stuff and it's like well who gave you that role you and we only give ourselves those roles when we have stuff that we haven't dealt with yet and that is no knock on your relationship at all um or like who you are as a person and being compassionate all that stuff but there is a huge difference between caring about your friends being compassionate and like being there for your friends then having people or not even like i i say friends just because i'm projecting from other friends but like there's a huge difference between being that person for people in your life then um having people in your life that

you you just want to be around and not have a to-do list or things that you're fixing or working on and all of that kind of shit yeah this is yeah yeah so you gotta figure that out for yourself because you're not being the strongest partner for him I would also like really take invent like I'm not I like I'm so like you have to go to therapy like this is so important and at least like read books on this kind of stuff until you're able to do that but the least helpful thing that you could do right now is make him feel like he has to choose between his mental well-being and you and that you should be able to fix him because that is so dismissive when it comes to mental health like months and I've had we've this is

something we've worked in therapy for like so long that I was like if you feel like you need to fix me I'm I fucking that breaks my heart because I'm like I'm not gonna get fixed and like are you gonna be are you okay with that like this can't be like a this kind of thing but like that was like a whole process for us for him figuring out like how can i care for somebody without that's like my go-to like his go-to is just like he's a he's a problem solver and it was like oh okay sometimes like there is no problem to solve it's just like a thing that exists and like i just need to be there and that's what there is to it but like making him feel like you all he needs is you and even if that did work then you've just created someone who's

entirely codependent and whose mental health is completely resting in your hands which is not your responsibility and it shouldn't be ever yeah yeah i suggest like going back and listening to the update for the episode that comes out or came out on march 8th um when she was talking about her codependent relationship and how that wasn't good for either yeah and i don't think that they're Like, I think that this relationship, I don't want to say it's like, I don't think it's doomed or anything like that. But I just think that you need to, you've spent so much time focusing on his mental health, so you don't have to focus on yours. And you're making it about you when it's not about you in the sense that you think. No, yeah.

It's about you in the sense that you seek out relationships like this because of you. And... that's how you ended up in this situation but that's it's not your responsibility at all yeah i hate i hate this is like such one of those things that i'm like i apologize for this kind of like meteor to your life do you know what i mean like this is because it is like i i have close friends who this was this is what brought them to therapy that it was like they are fixers and they do this over and over and over again and like it's which which might have been like an initial attraction things because it feels like they're missing something and i have something to

give to them and vice versa and then just when it becomes so dependent on that then that tears the relationship apart because then you when the other person realizes that no this isn't healthy and I need to to figure out like what what what's going on in with myself then the other person feels left behind and it's like earning your keep in a relationship that's not that's not what it's about it's like you you're you're what do you again yeah you're earning your keep and that's just like not how it like works and all that stuff and I also think as a society we like praise those qualities in people of like oh my god like they're taking care of like damsel in distress like someone taking care of me and all of that kind of stuff and also we also romanticize like

rise and grind working so hard and doing all of this stuff and so when you are praised growing up for like i think about when it's like oh my god you are so mature that's that's not a compliment for a kid like that like yep i get it all the time like it's not like it the idea that it's like oh you you are you've been like given this hand in life that like no you didn't ask for this kind of shit and you're handling it like an adult when you shouldn't have to and then that becomes a compliment that it's like hey you're taking on way more than you should and that's a good thing good job and then for the rest of your life you keep doing that and it's not even 100 me yep and it's not even necessarily like outward trauma that people like think of but it's like come to single

single parent household you really had to take on more responsibility you had a parent dealing with mental health had to take on that responsibility you had a uh grandparent around take on younger sibling you had like something that like and then it's like good job and then that especially when you're taking on extra things that praise and like verbal affirmation that you're doing a good job that's usually why we start doing those things in general then you get that dope mean and then it happens over and over and over again and then we end up in these situations that it's like what but then you can look and you're like oh maybe i have a perfectly happy family like maybe this doesn't make sense and it's it doesn't necessarily come from

like a traumatic event it can just come from i was praised for doing something i didn't need to do and now i always do things i don't need to do because i need that praise and that's how i felt loved and that's how i saw it and all of that so here i am telling you go to therapy and like you can't be a therapist to him and i'm like therapizing me shit out of you you're more so sharing from your own personal experience well everything stems from us like what happened to us is like children and like it's cool to see with how like matzah's brother and sister-in-law are raising i mean i guess you like take care of a baby and then you eventually raise a baby but like we talk about like all of that kind of stuff that you like hear about the different

things of like why cry it out isn't like a great thing because like psychologically and all of it my therapist has even told us things like that where it's like oh wow we are tiny little humans who absorb everything and that forms us and do like who we are and our patterns and all of that kind of stuff that's like completely subconscious it's wildly interesting but it does feel like a meteor to your life you're like what what do you mean this is not normal so yeah um i would also say that last thing i'll say is if you feel like your partner has like sensed this in your conversations um i would acknowledge that like that was not okay and like they deserve an apology and wholeheartedly apologize and tell them that you're going to be like seeking out therapy and

all of that kind of stuff because there's one thing about like changing and doing better but then there's also something that's like really great personally that I love when someone acknowledges like hey I now I'm looking back on that thing that I said or did or maybe you didn't even pick up on it but like I need to let you know that like that wasn't cool with me and like this is what I'm doing to change them that is it for our episode no ma'am we feel that don't blame them this episode is nine hours long oh my god we have don't blame them now this is where one of you a listener you call in and you give your own take and your own advice on a previous call from a different episode so what episode so this actually this isn't from about a specific

episode. This is, um, someone that's giving, um, general advice about something that we all deal with. Hi, Melissa and Megan. This is a call for don't blame them. Um, it's not for a specific episode or case. It's just for one in general, since especially right now, I feel like there's been a lot of discussion about forms of grief on the podcast and helping others go through these really difficult moments. Um, so whether it's a form of grief, following someone's passing a relationship or friendship, an event or time that changed due to COVID restrictions. All these forms of grief are so valid, and this is for anyone who has called in about any of those difficult moments.

My dad passed away about a year and a half ago from cancer, and this metaphor helped me a lot to cope and recognize my feelings. So here it is. So you know when you go to the grocery store and you get really excited about something in particular. Maybe it's a snack, a specific meal ingredient. If you're me, it's a specific dairy-free creamer. And you get home, you're so excited to eat whatever it is, drink whatever it is to make something for dinner, and you're putting it away, and you realize it's not in the bag. It got left at the store, got left at the parking lot. Maybe it's the bad boy's fault. Maybe it fell

out. Who knows? It doesn't matter whose fault it is. It got left at the store or something. It's not in your bag at home and you're super sad you were so disappointed and no one else was looking forward to this specific thing the way that you were in that moment whatever it was and if you tell someone about it or if the person that you went to the store with saw this moment of pure snack sadness usually all they can say is I'm sorry and while it's nice to hear that no one was looking forward to those perfect pieces of pirate booty or that coffee creamer the way that you were in that moment. And so taking a moment to recognize this, sit with it, adjust with it, and move forward to find something else to be excited about for dinner or coffee time, whatever

it was, is super important. And taking those moments to be sad before finding the next thing to look forward to is extremely valid and extremely important. And so I know it's super silly to have this metaphor to compare something so simple to something so difficult such as grief but it helped me a lot to think of some of the similar ways similar to Megan's book that we've all experienced that feeling and in a way we're not special we're not alone and so maybe it could help someone else out there and I hope it does thank you so much I love the podcast and I hope you guys have a wonderful day bye wow that almost I am like not an emote that almost made me cry i got a little bit right here that's like not a silly metaphor at all like that as soon as you

started saying that like it makes so much sense it makes complete sense and i think like yeah they're right like it applies to so much and like especially like this time and like what everybody's like going through like everybody's grieving over something like there's always something and it's yeah that that's no it's a fan i've never heard about i've never heard that before and that's like an incredible metaphor yeah thank you for sharing and my condolences to you and yeah i think that's gonna help a lot of listeners it's gonna fucking help me i'm like holy shit you also have i don't know what your job is but you need to utilize your voice and your cadence when you speak you should read inspirational quotes for like a living like

as someone who directs audiobooks you might be a good actor you have such a good yeah i also maybe you're a therapist i don't something you have such like a or a teacher you've got such like um like a welcoming warmth to like your voice and how you speak which is uh like not only is it like a it's a like a skill that people work on but it's also just like an innate like gift that some people have fucking shit wow that was great thank you and that's our episode everyone what a journey this episode was it's so long um and maybe if we do like more a new show then we it would be like you know one hour for regular show well not regular show one hour for don't blame me and then one hour for whatever the other show is and we would

love to do that so let us know if you would be interested in that i also yeah also part of me wonders if we should do an additional show and then add in like a 30 minute episode midweek of don't blame me but like with a slightly different format like doing something like that i'm just trying to fill my time we just get all five days a week it turns into don't blame me i've actually thought about it too it would be great that is it if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com again we ask you're 18 years or older have your parents permission keep it under three minutes practice write it down and let us know what your pronouns

are we are uh available everywhere if you want to listen ad free check us out on stitcher premium leave us a review on the apple podcast app it makes our lives i love to go look and find them and see the nice ones that make the other ones buried deep deep deep deep down you got anything to promote buy my presets buy my book i added a highlight to my preset i added an instagram highlight of my presets showing them you can like if you're like a fellow uh white person you can see how my presets you can imagine your face on me for the presets but I made a whole highlight um of how the presets look on people with deeper skin tones and hair and I also shared like the adjustments that I make for them which it's been like very it makes me really happy to

like see people are excited that I like didn't even think about it ahead of time that I'm like there are a lot of people that you can't really the practicality of it is like helpful so check that out if you are curious buy my book watch my youtube channel if you have any friends in casting get me a job and working on it make working i know you are working on it working overtime um truly what about you what do you do you want to promote a show uh sure i'll promote she just promotes scandal i'm gonna promote uh actually a real housewives show podcast that i'm working on uh not directly but indirectly um it's called portia for real i don't even know this one i'm bringing drop the new gems on you i hope you know that i can no

longer recite what podcast you work on you can't i forget all the time i have a list now that i have to go back through and like make sure that i'm cover everything but uh portia is star of real housewives of atlanta she's one of my favorites she always has been and especially like you can go back and see her growth from not knowing that the underground railroad was in fact not actually underground to now just being like a hardcore activist and out here in the streets and getting arrested and things like that but she has a show with her um mom miss diane and um her sister who lauren who you both who you see on the show on real housewives with her too so but now you get like a full podcast with the three of them that's fantastic i hope you all enjoyed where um

double up on your masks um don't have sex with people who don't have more than one pillow what else that's a big one and they sleep on an air mattress well you know air mattress could always you're in between places like a single pillow is a choice do what i mean true how about not a frame sheet on there a fitted sheet i'm sorry some people don't have fitted sheets yeah they'll just put the top sheet on just like the top and then sleep under the the comforter without like an actual sheet wait i okay hold on because i don't use a top sheet i only use a fitted sheet yes that's okay i i mean yeah that's okay because mine rolls down and i just don't pull it back up it's annoying i always put it

actually have you seen have you seen that there is like a comforter brand that has it they have little like um buttons that go where it connects the top sheet to the comforter yeah wow maybe i'll get that maybe probably won't but um i mean i get hot at night anyway so like that extra layers whatever but there are some people that just put that top one on i'm sorry i already without the fitting i already hate a top sheet and you are going to up for a top sheet over and then the thing is you just slip inside that's what i was gonna it's gonna pull like ew no it's disgusting and also well i guess also it makes a lot more sense if it's some like straight cis dudes who have that because that's of course who i'm referring

because like i don't know if i've ever owned a mattress that doesn't have a period blood stain on it they're mine but like i don't know i don't know anyone who menstruates whose mattress does not have 100 one yeah it only takes one time now i mean the ones that i have on now are pretty because now i i always use a mattress protector plus like a um feather bed type thing on top of it so none of them are new at this point but they you know they're there there exists it was this is my story with this and then we'll actually end the podcast the one day the one fucking day i was lazy i took my mattress protector off i was like doing like a whole i think i like flipped my mattress or something um because i spilled coffee on it so i like flipped my mattress took everything

off and then i was like oh i'm just gonna i'm just it'll be one night it'll be fine the one fucking night after i flipped my mattress blood threw onto it and i was like great great great when i moved from upstairs to downstairs i left the mattress protector on there oh yeah and then the guys took it off when they were moving it down how do moving how do they not understand i'm like if you're gonna move a mattress it will have period stains you know it was my oh yeah yeah but and his friend and i was like why why would you do this there there's a reason that this was the only thing i left on here i just they don't understand those straight cis men just don't get why i remember the first time we were like mox and i were ever like really like

doing like taking like match protector off and everything else i'm gonna warn you some stains on here didn't murder anybody but my uh body tried to murder me so yes oh that's Okay, let's end the episode. Okay, everyone. Bye. Don't Blame Me is a production by me. Executive produced by Melissa DeMonts, edited by Katrina Henning, and music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.