Don't Blame Me! - S7E18: Friend Fallout

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: friends with brother's ex Entering the entertainment industry Former hookup down the street Homophobic sister Don't Blame Them: nanny morals   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME.”     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me episode i think i did another another in the words of dj khaled another one i hate him he doesn't want his wife doesn't eat pussy yes and he expects blow jobs on the rag poor fucking wife the rock came out and he was talking about how much he loved to do it and we've talked about i mean we've talked multiple times about our desire to sit on the rock's face yeah because it'd be so firm so firm i feel like that like you can't tell me that like that is not his number one request in bed like he wants you to sit on his face yeah i mean because i'm sure his dick is huge so he wants you to be oh yeah he's like we gotta we gotta prepare

for this we gotta study for this exam oh my god i told you i've had like one guy that i hooked up with we refer to him as like smart water because like and every girl he's ever slept with which was like not a lot because like his dick was so big we all used to get together and be like we gotta talk like it was like it was like a bonding thing with me and this like specifically one other girl where we were like how like i remember like he gave like that whole like guy thing where he's like i'm just gonna give you like a warning and i'm like oh my god shut the fuck up but it's like you might want to like we were like drinking and smoking and he's like you know you might want to have like drink a little more and i'm like dude like you are talking a big game do not flatter

yourself pull those pants down and i was like yeah i'll take another shot like i was just looking at it being like i don't know how i was going to fit inside like what yeah and yeah i don't think he'd ever i mean this was like way back when so i'm sure things have changed now but he had never been able to like finish from a blowjob because no girl had ever been able to like really do it because it was huge yeah oh compared to this microphone the thickness no i'm when i say a smart water bottle i'm like i'm okay just a smart water bottle okay like you're it's a two-hand girth like and like your fingertips are tight like you're but you're it i have small hands so mine would be just know that on this my finger doesn't on the microphone my finger can't wrap

around so this like the are you like the ariana grande thing where pete davidson said like ariana grande like hinted that his dick was huge and he was like she's tiny everything's sure probably oh that's it's a good time it's a good time um wow quite the intro if you are welcome this is a taste of us we are an advice podcast my name is megan i'm joined by my co-host melissa hello hello hello and we love to give advice we have i mean you can see my if you're watching the video you can see my whole plat like my wall of plaques and degrees of why i'm so qualified to give said advice a plot twist if you're listening um there are none but you should still watch and also her walls are completely white with nothing on them yeah i keep saying

i'm gonna redo this room and then i just keep not because i close the door and then i forget this room exists object permanence so um we're an advice podcast you call in you leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com some requirements for your calls uh you got to be 18 or over have your parents permission we ask that you write everything down you practice make sure it's under that three minute mark oh i didn't tell you that it's got to be in three minutes you'll get cut off um practice make sure it comes out within the right timing let us know your pronouns and all of the important details and we love to give advice because we are professional cunts we have

more opinions than assholes yeah and if you're here thinking like that we're somebody people that like preach love this isn't the place for you i the amount of times people have told me like megan you preach love and positivity and i'm like where tell me where olivia tell me fucking where in my life have i ever preached love and positivity i am a negative bitch yeah I mean someone left us a comment saying for two people that preach the love they're such hypocrites one star I've been here from day one I'm like no you haven't you're a liar because I think it's season one no maybe season two that we said season two probably maybe I mean later but I'm going based off of the locations of where we filmed of we had one of our early

lines that was um you can't be racist and own an apple tv nobody should be surprised about like we have not taken a massive shift in like what we talk about our like activism our political stance like we've personally i've been there since like i was 16 on the internet but i mean like specifically for this podcast like you have not once been hoodwinked or no at all so what picture that you may have painted of us that if any of this is offensive to you this just isn't your podcast like go somewhere else go to um some conservative person that will accept your lies in delusions of grandeur and uh be happy over there enjoy i'm sure their aesthetics just like not so great and like you're just like you're just so disappointed oh why can't we all just

get along the biggest issue is division we need unity and i'm like excuse me while i jizz on your face shut the fuck up bitch oh and again we're advised we're like not here to be an unbiased like political or like moral kind of shit these are our opinions right different opinions that like you said this is not the podcast for you and it's not an airline you do not have to announce your departure right also like you people are coming for our opinions so let's get into the update yes we start each one of our episodes now with um a live update where we hop on zoom with a caller from a previous episode and we get the update in real time we can ask all the questions and all of that stuff so this one is from the episode that aired march 8th

of 2021 from season 7 episode 15 and she will give us an update on the other side so i called a few weeks ago asking for advice on staying friends with my brother's ex-girlfriend um and my call is aired on episode 15 which was she wants me to move to Spain um I admit I left out some important information um I wrote notes I should have written it word for word so this is a PSA to all the callers to actually write out what they want to say because bullet points didn't cut it um I was so embarrassed when I left out our ages because that's like such an important part but I'm 25. My brother's almost 21 and his ex is almost 22. So I definitely think that brings a different dynamic to this situation as opposed to if we were in high school. Also, you asked if

my brother and I lived together. I think I sort of mentioned it in the call that his ex was living with us for most of the 2020. I was going to say most of the pandemic. Yeah, for real. And yeah, So when they got kicked off their college campus, she came and moved in with us. Their relationship was pretty new. And then I moved in shortly after. And I think that's sort of how we got really close really fast because we were living together and it was really like, you know, stressful times. And yeah, but usually my brother and I don't live together.

We haven't even lived in the same state in like six years. And then another big thing that you asked about was if I asked my brother first. Yes, of course. That's the first thing I did was I was like, I figured he was doing okay, since I found out he broke up with her. And I was like, how do you feel about her and I being friends? Like, is that okay with you? Does it bother you? And he said it was fine and that he actually expected it. um and then I felt better too because I found out my mom also asked like hey like you know after the pandemic's over like can she come back and visit us because a few months ago she flew um back home she quarantined and then flew back to her family um that was a long time I think especially at that age with a new relationship to be living with his family and um but we miss her a ton and so everyone in the family was like we want to see her still um he said it was fine

and then I also asked him how if he thought she would be okay with um me like reaching out to her if it was like toothbrush or if like that would be something that she like um would like to hear from me but it was weird though because I had broken up with her like a few days before and I didn't know and I was like texting her and like sending her tiktoks as if everything was like normal that's on your brother she mentioned for real I was like she like she mentioned something about like being like sad or something and I was like oh yeah like we can talk about it like when we facetime this we get and I had no idea I had no idea he didn't tell me I was like did you learn about it from him or from her from him I yeah I we were talking about something and I was saying

talking about some funny TikTok I sent her something and then he was like being like weird about it and I was like I don't know I asked him something about like her and he was still being really weird and then I was like did you guys break up and he was like yeah two days ago and I was like rude yeah I was so embarrassed because I had been like texting her and you know we taught her and I talk like all the time um but yeah I did ask him like how he felt about that I was like I feel like I have to say something about like me not realizing me not knowing um because otherwise I'd be a little weirded out if like something happened like that and the other person yeah she might have assumed that you knew and just like weren't saying anything no totally that

makes sense yeah yeah so I like um and he was like yeah she would actually love that if you messaged her it would mean a lot to her so he sent her a little message and that's when she message back and was like oh I'm relieved apparently she had been talking to her mom about it and was like I like she was like not only did I have a breakup but like I also feel like I'm losing this amazing family and like she didn't she wasn't sure if I would still like be okay with being friends with her and I was like yeah obviously we're still friends so were we wrong that you guys are destined and like you guys should be in love and like you should marry because like I'm not gonna lie I still ship it I laughed so hard when I heard that I don't think

that would work because when we're both straight but that is an issue yeah but we thought it was so funny because her and I we have sort of different personalities but we're into all the same things like even like really niche things and we have weird personality things like we are the same enneagram type we have the same love languages we um we both have the same chronic illness which is also a little weird so we like related on so many levels and we'd always be like to my brother like does it weird you out like you have so much in common oh god stop that is so funny because he would like there were so many like things and interests I have that he might like make fun of me for be like you know he's not always the nicest to me so then it was like

funny to see you know yeah the girlfriend like dating someone like karma he makes fun of you for a certain thing you've liked forever and then he has gets a girlfriend who likes it and he's like oh okay yes yes exactly it was so funny and i also like having her on because she um he's you know he has like a lot to learn on certain things and she's very I mean I don't think it's fair for girls to like teach um their boyfriends things like we don't want to raise them and that's part of the reason I thought she would break up with him because like again living together he wouldn't do chores unless someone asked him and she would start doing chores and I'd like yell like stop doing the chore like stop doing it like that's his responsibility and seeing her do it

would sort of get him up to start doing it and I was like stuff like that would bother me so much I'd actually complain about it in therapy I'd be like he's gonna lose her like because all of these things are so frustrating which also brings me to another thing that I didn't I don't think I mentioned in the fall but like I don't really think they should get back together because I think she could do better um sounds mean but it's true as like a friend to her I think she could do a lot better um and I also told him because he thought I was gonna get like mad at him and be like you can't do better than her or whatever like what were you thinking but I told him I was like no like if you're not ready to be invested in a relationship you shouldn't be in a relationship

like both of them deserve to be in a relationship where they're both like happy and they don't feel a bunch of pressure and you know I just thought I don't think he made a bad decision yeah but do you I do think she's best do you have other siblings or is it just you and your brother yeah two other siblings two sisters do you feel like his ex is kind of like a sister to you yes like she fits like right in um her and I are definitely closer than she is with my other sisters that's partially because of age but um I think yeah she like like I said fits right in um before the pandemic too her and my brother like went to dinner with my grandparents and when they found out they were like oh no can we still take her to dinner too

like when i say she fit in with the family yeah like i don't know she just bonded with everyone how is is she like sad after the break because the only i think i don't i think we talked about it on the call or we talked about it i'm pretty sure we talked about it on the call um was that like the only like downside of i mean you know aside from us like wanting you guys to be together and thinking that you guys should date the other one was that like the that like when he gets date starts dating someone new or if she starts dating someone new if it's going to be one of those things that like it is essentially kind of like a prolonged like she's dealing with like the romantic relationship breakup but then you might have to deal with the friendship breakup like not

now but later have you guys talked about that like is she like very upset about the breakup currently still she's I think she's sad about it but like what's weird is that they're like they talk all the time and like she had already bought his valentine's day present so she and like he broke up with her like right from her valentine's day too and so she like sent it to him and when she sent it to him I was like are you guys getting back together like that's a little weird I asked him that I didn't ask him about and he was like no no and then like they'll talk all the time too and like it's very I'm the way I see it and like my mom agrees too because we'll like talk I feel like what is going on um I think he's leading her on a little bit but unintentionally

I just think he's missing the social cues I just don't think he's very much like oh well she seems happy so it must be fine but like I think he's missing out on some social cues there but also i don't see aside from that valentine's thing and i know she's getting him a birthday present too and i'm assuming he'll get her a birthday present i'm trying to figure out like what's going on there without like talking to her about it i mean if i were you i think if you're gonna pursue the friendship with her i would just pretend that he is not related to you and that like just playing dumb like not asking him not finding out any more that then you know because like even if you're like not trying to if she can talk to you you're it's gonna be an inflection in your voice like

she's gonna know that maybe you know that like he got her a birthday present or he sent her something like there is that kind of thing but if it's like if you treat her like I don't know like a camp friend who has like you she doesn't know anyone else in your circle you don't know anyone else in her circle like you guys are just like an isolated friendship because it does sound like and like it's not your responsibility to be like hey my brother is and i think it's a good call to like not talk to her about it and like saying it to him but i think in general like the more out of the relationship of theirs that like you can get then i think the more likely your friendship will be able to like withstand it because on her part not that she would be like

using you by any means but like she can then if she's still having feelings for your brother like sending gifts or whatever she can kind of like subconsciously try and get those like micro expressions out of you or like get your gauge your reaction or something like that that you can then have that tie in her mind to him still but i think if you can separate yourself and like i would even just tell both of them being like hey i like love you both separately i really like he's my brother and like you're my friend and like i just want to pretend like he's not my brother like i like and like let's not talk about anything that's going on with him and like if you ever need space because like I'm reminding you of something that's going on and like let's do that like

my goal is to preserve our friendship and if that is going to take some like wiggle room and take some like growing in some time for us to like get to like a good place like let's do that and then with your brother I would be like I just don't want to hear about it I don't want to like talk about it I don't want to see it and then say the same thing with your mom like don't know that he's getting her a birthday present or she's getting him one because no matter what like you can see this from a place that neither of them can and like we can see it from the same place of being like i agree she's probably way too good for your brother like shouldn't get back together but neither of them are that unbiased yeah yeah yeah and and i think too making it clear to her

because it seems like she still is trying to hold on to the relationship with him and making it clear like that your relationship with her is completely separate and she can't and i don't And I know she's not doing this, but she can't use you to get back to him. Well, and like the, the, and I would also just really reassure to her being like, I'm not going anywhere. Like no matter what your relationship is with him, like you start dating someone new, he starts dating someone new. Like that's never going to change.

Like my relationship with you, like he gets a new girlfriend. Like, I don't think this isn't my relationship I have with all of his girlfriends. Like, I think we were just destined to be friends and like, it has nothing, it just so happens we met through my brother but like you're never going to be replaced in that sense so like reassuring her in that kind of way because subconsciously she might be

like she said she's feeling like she lost a relationship she also lost this like family but her tie to the family is him so subconsciously I think she's probably continuing to tie herself to him because all the rest of you are kind of strings attached to that which she doesn't want to lose but I think

it's reassuring her that she's not going to and then being like no if you need like six months break of like not talking to me because you need to like get over that relationship i'm still gonna be there just as much as i am for you like today tomorrow every other day but because it is this is kind of one of those things that we talk about like getting over a breakup you have to like you really have to like cut ties and separate yourself and like get that sign of isolation and you are not isolation by proxy do you mean like you are this is going to make it harder for her to get over this relationship but i think the more you

can reassure her that like whatever she needs to do to work through this breakup and get over this breakup you're going to be there on the other side of it and that like hopefully for hopefully then she'll be able to break up because like melissa said i think you are attaching her back to like the the family all right well thank you so much thank you so much I love the podcast I'm a big fan

oh whoa wow I'm low-key sad that this isn't like romantic fantasy like it's not living out my fanfic dreams but I love the friendship aspect me too I think it'll be sweet

yeah if it works it'll be I think it'll be a funny story in like 10 years I I can like can you believe we used to date he's like my brother no yeah that'll be really funny yeah so should we get into the rest of our episode hi Megan Melissa um my pronouns are she her and I'm 25 and I was just calling in for some advice from two girl bosses that I really look up to um I I don't know if I should say this but I am in law school and I know that there are some other law students that listen to this podcast but I am in my second year and I recently decided that I wanted to go into kind of like entertainment

and music law because I am a musician and I feel like I have been quote-unquote hustling a lot lately and trying to network and find all these jobs and I just feel like today it really hit me that I'm having kind of a fatigue of really trying to make it for myself and I really look up to um you and Melissa because you know you all are working in the entertainment industry and I know that you know things have been really hard this past year and I know you two work really really really hard and I would just love to hear some advice on how to get through the fatigue and how to not be so scared about the future um how to stay positive I don't know I just I feel like I have been really putting myself out there

a lot and I'm just scared I'm just scared um sorry my dog in the background but I love you all so much and i just thought i would call in to get some advice um so thank you very much i love you both bye is this gonna be you giving both of us a pep talk here we go um i like to set big picture goals i don't like to look in the short term unless those short-term goals are steps for me to get to the big picture. So any short term goals that I set there, anything that goes towards the big picture. So like, um, for example, I want to have my, uh, ultimate goal is to have a multimedia production company where we're doing podcasts and TV and, um, movies. And, um, so I know like in the short term goal right now most of the things that i'm working on are podcasts but

what those pot what the podcast are doing is that they're funding enough so that i'm able to write and work on other things while still like being able to live and also like building my company and bringing up other women in the force um the force like it's star wars yes um uh and um also like it it's normal to be scared it's normal to be tired you have to allow yourself to have breaks and have like the mental clarity to be able to see what the big picture is because if you if you aren't um a little bit a little bit scared then you know it's there's no risk and if there's no risk then why are you doing it um you don't ever want to get too comfortable also in the entertainment industry there's a million ways to get in like no one has just like one set path

for example um on another podcast that we had on a director and she got and she was working in like corporate america moved to like they hadn't moved her here for a job um hated the job because they were racist um and quit like one day she was just like she quit they're like okay the two weeks no she's like no i'm out today then she went to become a uh yoga instructor and it wasn't anything that she was actually into like she went the first time she's like this is stupid then the second time she went to a different type of class and got really into it became a yogi now and then through that she met a big producer who was like you should work in the entertainment industry and she's like that's not anything that I ever planned and so she like but then from that like she thought

about it she did that now she's like friends with Halle Berry and like is directing all these like big projects so like there's I mean and for me it was like I was studying biology and I was like that's not for me came out here worked on student films did a bunch of just like internships kind of figured out where my lane was and again my whole big picture was like i want to write and produce but there's other ways for me to get there so you can do it um keep networking who you know is a huge part of it um keep networking but like make meaningful connections don't just go out and you're just like handing out your card to everyone actually talk to people get to know them and if it's someone that you're genuinely interested in then that's who you build a relationship with

because if you're just out here dusting and throwing everything out and just hoping something bites back you're never going to connect with anyone agreed i also think remaining positive if positivity is like a key pillar in something that like you need like a hundred percent in your career then that is something that like you need to find a job that reflects that because i it's not realistic to remain positive all the time positive most of the time especially in entertainment like and like when getting into entertainment like i will be honest getting into the entertainment industry in a pandemic like people who are actively in it it's really hard right now so trying to get into it when it's down low things aren't really going so well

it's not really a positive time in this industry and so wanting to have like a positive mindset about this like it is going to be not a linear path and my number one advice for anyone who wants to get into the entertainment industry it's because nothing else will make you happy and like it is i will work my ass up on this because this is like what i want and i would rather do this be miserable for a good chunk of the time because any other job I did I would be exponentially more miserable even if my job was perfect and everything was great and like there was nothing wrong with it and like x y and z and all of that kind of stuff like there has to be this kind of like delusional drive yes that you can withstand and deal with all of the bullshit

and there's no shame in being like oh I don't want that like it's the difference between like i like live to work and work to live entertainment industry is you live to work yes you have to be someone that had that hustles like you have to there's no other way around that and that that's like that's a forever mindset it's not like oh i'm gonna like if you think about it with like finance not like i mean it obviously differs person to person but like that's an industry um in which like if you work on like wall street or whatever like your first couple of years you're making no money and you're hustling hustling hustling and then you do that because then you get to the place where you can kind of i don't want to say coast by but you you do that because

you pay your dues to get to this level but that's not really how it is entertainment like that's going to be your day in day out kind of mentality and so if the if like the the door is shutting and the nose and like the all of that kind of stuff if that's discouraging to you now that's gonna be forever and it is discouraged as someone highly discouraged like and like it can feel really sucky and like not having there be any certainty and all of that kind of stuff it's really really hard but that doesn't change that like that's still what i want yeah to do like honor your feelings and all of that but just recognize like okay this is i'm not necessarily ever going to feel 100 stable all the time in this and stability is something that some people

really value and like i think i mean i think everybody values stability but there are some people who are willing to compromise that for like their passion yeah but yeah i would i would say that but if i think like if you're going into entertainment law that it that does have a little bit more stability than like what we do um but it is just like um it's an intense it is it's a really intense job it is and you also yeah and you also have to you know pick the right clients and pick who you want to work with because if something happens like say like they like eat people um yeah or you're the person that that's defending that so you you gotta you know you don't like it goes back to what i was saying like um spreading things too thin you want to make sure

that you're making valuable relationships with people yeah and it depends on what side you are going to get into if like you said you do music so i was assuming you would do more like music related stuff but a lot of the time like entertainment lawyers are also like have to kind of also be publicist too and like do that kind of stuff so like that can be really intense and you have to deal with all of the different like personalities and all of that kind of stuff that like you have to be the bad guy yep so much and like all that's your like everything falls on your shoulders to be the bad guy all the time and so uh and you also have to might have to work with people you don't like and like until you get to the point where you you're able to you know pick

and choose who you want to work with exactly um but even if you're at like a firm or whatever and you get put on someone's team who you're like not super into or any of that kind of stuff like it is it's just a lot and i would also say like yeah like there is like you said there's no linear direction to like do any of this kind of stuff um and i think it's also smart because didn't you do that didn't you want to be like a dentist for a while and then you like got like a internship or whatever and then you're like oh i don't like this uh yeah yeah i mean i did the i'd like the internship i took a class where i was actually you know having having to learn about things within the mouth and stuff and i was just like this is boring as shit yeah i would recommend like whether

you can get like a virtual internship or something where you can see the day-to-day and make sure it's what you want to get into because i think it maybe it it could totally just be like serendipitous that it makes perfect sense that you're into music you would want to do this but it could be like a comp like something you actually don't really like that mesh of it but it seems like the obvious choice so um yeah and again yeah maybe that's not the first law office that you work in yeah and do something else yeah and i like when i was working um or interning i did so many different internships like i did editing and producing direct like there were so many internships that i did and they helped me learn about all different areas and i think as an

entertainment lawyer it would be good like maybe to do an internship like with the producer because a lot of the things that a produce like a financial producer does are things that the lawyer would handle and I think it might be easier to get a producing internship versus a and also I do know a lot of producers that thought that they wanted to be lawyers and they went to producing instead because it's a lot of you know reading contracts and talking to people and it's a lot of the same things I would also say too I don't know if you're explicitly like looking for like if you're looking for jobs in like law entertainment law firms but i would also look at like positions of like in-house lawyers at studios or at record labels or even at like

management companies or all of that kind of stuff like those smaller kind of things that are you know a little less um how to get away with murder that kind of like thing like where it's a lot like there's a little bit less competition yeah and working like that you said like you can then end up seeing like oh is this something that i really like is this something that like is similar but yeah even working in the financial side of production could be like a great stepping stone to then be like oh okay this is our or like risk management like not to get into like all the like the deep like the job titles and all that kind of stuff but um yeah and i would also just really really take your i don't want to take your time but like find a way to do the to get an

internship or like shadow or do something to like see if you like this because it could be the perfect blend but it also could be like oh wow i have a really hard time working with musicians them doing this thing that i really want wish that i was doing and i'm not like i would have an incredible like i could never be a fucking agent yeah like my agents have said like you would make a great agent or like a uh casting casting that's what i was gonna say and i i would be i would be a great casting director but i could never and most of the people that were casting directors they went into it um as actors yeah but like i at this point in my life could not do that like emotionally and so i think like looking into it um in that way because also like a fun music

thing that you could do that maybe not be representing like musicians specifically mott has a couple friends who work in and i would love to do this job they work in amusement music placement so they find the songs to put into tv shows and movies and all of that kind of stuff um but there's tons of legalities that go along with that and tons of contracts and whether they're working directly with a record label they have to like reach out and do all that stuff and those are like smaller kind of things that like then you're working with like music and like not necessarily musicians if that's like too hard for you to like see someone doing something that you really want to do um and i would also say if your goal your if your actual dream and your ultimate

goal is to be a musician don't go to law school yeah like that's just so much money so so so much i think doing a whole bunch of internships to figure out exactly what you want to do would be your first step yeah i think that's a good idea and hey i i benefited from that pep talk too all right next one any casting directors are listening I am available to read for anything hey Megan and Alyssa I love the podcast literally love both of you I'm calling because I just got the most information possible and I don't know how to handle it I was planning on moving in with these three girls they're absolutely amazing I'm so excited and when we were looking for the third girl to move in we were looking together and we were doing interviews with other girls to

see who would be a good fit and one of the girls ended up being from my floor from when I was on residency last year and when she hung up I was like guys this is such a funny coincidence we hooked up with like the same guy during frosh week like within like a few days of each other I'm 19 in the Libra by the way um your playlist might get you through the work day but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st. Visit

ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. I don't know what anyone else's star signs are. We're on the same age though and so we ended up picking someone else anyways that doesn't matter but I get a message today on Instagram as well as a follow from that guy saying hey like I just wanted to let you know I'm really good friends with like your new roommates I just didn't want to jump out on you and catch you by surprise and the thing was is that I ghosted him because my friends convinced me to even though I was like into him but whatever that doesn't matter anymore but I just don't know what to do with this information and he just so happens to be part of a group of friends I'm almost positive that the two houses and he lives down the street they

do family dinners every Friday night that I was being told about that I'm invited to so it's just like I don't feel like I would feel awkward about it like I'm super over it it's been like a year but I also just don't know what to do with this information and what to do if that does occur and we're put in situations together like I honestly wouldn't know how to act like do I just make jokes about it or anything I really don't get around a lot with guys so I don't know how to handle these situations when they come he's like one of the only guys I hooked up with out of like four right like I'm 19 so any advice would be great I'm actually really excited that I have something to call into the show about.

I literally love you both. I think we need to know why your friends told you to ghost him. Yeah. I'm really curious about that. Yeah. Because I think that, like, did you get the ick? And then did they confirm it? And now are you regretting it?

And then you're like, oh, now I'm seeing him. Like, why did I ghost him in the first place? Like, do you not want to take responsibility for ghosting him? Because, like, you're now... Because it sounds like there's some flirty stuff that you, like, want to follow through with. Or do you have, like, some shitty fucking friends that are... Where are they in this picture? Like, what is this?

Yeah, you need to... Why did you ghost him? And then, like, if you're over him, then this shouldn't be an issue. If he was just some guy that you hooked up with. Yeah. and i don't think you might still be flirting with the thought of maybe hooking up with him again well i think like this is i think your your imagination is playing house that it's like oh there's family dinners like how cute would that be if like we started dating again and like he's

my roommates like i mean we've all been there where we kind of like you know that fantasy daydream spiral of like ah especially since the other girl like the you like realized that she had hooked up with him so like that played a factor in her not being your roommate but then this one came along and they just happened to be friends too and it's like oh maybe this is serendipitous that we are question if you had said to the roommates that you were living with about this like third girl that didn't end up living with you guys. Like, oh my God, so crazy.

We hooked up with the same guy. Those other roommates are friends with him and they didn't tell you, oh, we're friends with him. He told you? I, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like who, who established family dinners?

If these are all brand new people moving in together, what do we like, is he moving? Is he serendipitous? Okay, because here's the thing. Like this could either be like, And I think, like, I am 99% on, like, the, this is college, small groups of people, like, just happen. Then there's also, like, this 1% of me that I'm, like, single white female or, like, you know, that kind of thing where it's, like, okay. And then, like, he ended up moving next door in with these guys who, like, do family dinner with, like, the other roommates of girls that you know.

And so, like, he's inserting himself into all of this. I don't think it's that. but like if like your friends had said you need to ghost him for like a like he's creepy like that's a big difference than like we like when you're single more or like we don't think he's that cute is like a huge difference but like i just wouldn't i wouldn't read into this to be fully honest i would go out of your way to not hook up with him because like this will cause inevitable like repercussions or feelings or what do you what do you want like one why did why did they tell you to ghost him was it a valid reason where they should be friends

are they still in your life now if they're still in your life maybe go back and talk to them like now that you've had some distance between what happened like like you told me to ghost him i just wanted to fall back and see like what were your reasons because people might have different reasons that they weren't able to tell you at the time or they saw the big picture and they were you know looking out for you um and then like if it's something that's valid that's not even someone you want to have dinner with so just yeah don't be i know it's like quote unquote family dinner um but they're not your family you don't even know that yeah so don't go to the dinner but if it's like something that that's like silly or they just like we're just like you know he's just

not like good for you then move past it and i honestly it doesn't feel like to me that you're actually over like you were over it and now that he's like contacted you you're taking it like a sign as a sign yes so eventually because of how college is you're probably going to end up together at some point like at a party with these friends he might show up with other friends you need to set up boundaries if you don't want to actually see him but if it's just like fine I mean it's college everybody hooks up with everybody then you know just go about live your life it doesn't have to mean anything unless you want it to mean something that's what I was gonna say you mentioned that you haven't hooked up with a lot of people and like you might just

not know how to be friends with someone that you've hooked up with before but like that's what college is for is like learning how to be like oh yeah casually hooked up with this friend like we're still chill like everything's fine between us like it's whatever um because we can kind of assign a lot of meaning to those things when previously we've only ever like hooked up with people where it really meant a lot to us so um yeah i would i think everything you said spot on talk to those friends again and all of that but like yeah it i would go out of your way to not hook up with him because i'm doubting either of you are both on the like emotional same page like and regardless he is too close in proximity and then too close with your roommates

to like not inevitably make it awkward but but at the end of the day it's college like what's gonna happen is gonna happen but yeah i would i would try and not romanticize it or take it as a sign it's just what it's literally just what happens when you're on in college and it's like a small thing like if i took it at every one of those things it's like signs i would be it would be so bad i yeah no me watching like a buzzfeed video where my ex was in it and it was i was like is this a sign no i promise it's not every one of his exes probably saw it every single one yeah every single one yeah all right but um have fun yeah be safe wear a mask and condom all the protection take your birth control all right time for a break okay let's

take a quick break and we will be right back and we are back from our break and it's time to get into the rest of the calls hi megan and melissa i'm 21 my sister's 29 and both use she her pronouns I've been fantasizing about cutting her out of my life for a while now I was in a relationship with a girl and during that time I've experienced extreme homophobia on her end for example a few months ago a children's book came out which featured LGBTQ plus characters and it was read publicly by politicians

banned by a mayor from kindergartens there were protests and there was a petition to ban it from bookshops and I found out about it because she shared it she expresses disgust when she sees the gay people she told me to repress my attraction to girls and it's going to go away and she sees all this as an extension of my mental health problems we used to have a great relationship she was my best friend and then she became christian and it was a complete u-turn i know she loves me so much but that makes it hurt even more if that makes

sense because I associate this love with actively hurting me. The problem is she's pregnant now and I kind of feel like I'd be a dick for cutting her out and ruining this important part of her life. Also, it would hurt my mom so, so much. And so I don't know what to do. When I think about my niece I know that she will be raised to be homophobic and I will have to hide this from her because they think that it's unnatural for children to know about this because being gay is unnatural and I just don't know what to do because I don't think I can take that mentally so please help me I love this podcast so much and I know that if someone can help it's you guys so thank you and bye fuck your sister fuck your sister fuck your sister

fuck your sister oh just to state it again if you're new i'm straight and i don't have any sort of i don't have full biological siblings so i can't speak from like i can't put myself in your shoes um and relate it to my own life in that kind of sense so just to get that out of the way but you have our permission to cut her out of your life like that's what you you know that's what you need to do and you know that's what's best for your mental health and you're right and you're valid like that's what you should do and I'm not going to say like your mom is shitty for like wanting you to keep her your sister in your life because like that's a nuanced situation but it sounds like for me like you are taking on a lot of other people's emotions and nobody's

taking yours on except for you and you're worrying about everyone else and nobody's really worrying about you and your well-being in this situation so you have to be the one who only worries about you because that's you have to take care of you because that's all you have and when you first started saying about like the niece it was like in my mind it was like oh okay do you feel like a responsibility to maintain in her life so your niece um is able to like see different to be exposed to just not this like heteronormative all that stuff but the fact that you wouldn't be allowed to share. You wouldn't allow it to be your true self or anything like that. Nobody is benefiting from that in this situation at all. And like, that's not your

responsibility to be there and all of that. And like, again, like it's also not your responsibility to maintain a relationship with your sister. That's if she wanted to maintain a relationship with you, she wouldn't be homophobic. And like your mom being, if your mom's upset that you cut her out that's not like she should be upset that her other daughter's homophobic like that's what the the reaction is not the issue like your reaction to her actions no that like it's she she chose to do those things and that's on her and like she's gonna lose her sister and that's gonna fucking suck but like you have to protect yourself in that and like i just like i feel for you so hard i can't imagine how like awful that must have been to like find out all of that stuff

through like your sister reposting all of this kind of shit and just going through your life having someone who's been previously so close to you say like incredibly bigoted and hurtful and like just awful awful incorrect also things under the umbrella of that that's her religion um but yeah i mean i say cut her out cut her out because this is just so not okay and not healthy for you and your mental health and it's also even if like you wanted to and you didn't express this but even if you like wanted her to like change her mind and all of that stuff that's also not your responsibility i haven't been in this situation but i have someone close to me that has been in a similar situation where, uh, two family members of hers are deeply homophobic.

She distanced herself from the family, uh, but she's still close to certain members. So it seems like you and your mom are still close. Um, and your mom isn't homophobic, I guess, since you didn't mention that. And so I would, based on what this person that I know did is that she distanced herself from the other two family members, but stayed very close with her mom and other siblings. And eventually, as I mean, it's been a long, long, long road, long road. And now that the um other family members see that like this isn't a phase this isn't something that you can suppress this isn't something that you can uh get rid of um like sexuality is your sexuality then they're slowly starting to come around they still haven't fully come around it's been years

and it deeply hurt her um and I remember like after she had initially came out and I just took her aside and I said that you know like I accept you for who you are and um like that it I like I don't like there's no difference like sexuality is just sexuality there's nothing different about you to me there's nothing different that's changing that like i'm i don't have the same views as these other people and she was very like appreciative of that and i just want you to know caller that like you being you doesn't change like anything about you and your um so your sister she may never come around and that is hurtful but you can't there's no way that you can teach this child not to be homophobic if you can't be yourself around them if you can't even

talk to them so or talk to them about who you truly are so if it's going to be better for your mental health and better for you then I say that you distance yourself and maybe one day she might come around and maybe not but you have to do what's best for you because you can't be a positive example around about to this child if you can't even discuss the yeah the information with them i would also talk to your mom about passive homophobia because if she's not homophobic but she's allowing it but yeah there is some sort of putting the really the the fate of the relationship on you is your responsibility as like even if she's telling your sister like this is who she is and like whatever and all of that stuff even if she's still telling you like that

would break my heart if you guys if you cut her out of your life is her not validating your experience or like what this is doing to you mentally that like that essentially in saying that is that like she is sad that like you can't just deal with this situation at hand and you can't just like continue on like this which in itself is just it's passively that's like it's passively homophobic that like that is something that even if she feels which i think is an inevitable feeling like oh my god it would break my heart if my daughter stopped speaking to each other but like that conversation should be had with her not you it should be like it is breaking my heart that like you are not accepting of not only a huge chunk of the population but like your sister like

and like that you are willing to like completely destroy her mental health and say all these horrible and horrific things that like will cause her inevitably and rightfully so to no longer be a part of this like family that to me if i was your mom if i was a mom and i had two kids one kid was homophobic and the other one was um gay or like bi pan anywhere in the not straight spectrum i i would never in my life be like oh my my kid who's gay they are leaving our family i would never that would not i would be like okay fuck your sister and her fucking homophobic views she's out of the fucking family come back home and that's to me like regardless of how she feels or like what she says she feels like just having a conversation with her about like how hurtful it

is and she might not that might not be her intention or how she feels or anything like that but there's a filtering that needs to be done or understanding that like hey you're not gay so you don't understand what this is doing to me mentally and expecting and being not even expecting but telling me that you're sad that I'm not going to withstand this anymore is makes me feel like you're telling me like you wish I could just deal with this and this is so hard and also you're not the one that changed you've always been you she's the one that went to this like awful place with and i'm not calling christianity awful because i am a christian but i don't i'm not a hateful person and um but she's the one that changed she went to a church that preaches

hate yeah and so she has she's the the you're the constant and so you shouldn't be the one to dampen who you are to make her feel comfortable and religion is a choice sexuality is not a choice and that's like point blank yeah but i think you know that like you even said like i this would be really detrimental to your mental health like you you know this and i think like if you don't have like a support system of people around you at home or like friends or something that are like sometimes it's easier to have like an unbiased third party tell you like people who don't know your family don't know any of that like and just know the facts can tell you like yeah cut them out there is the whole fucking nuclear family idea and the fact that like

we're really encouraged to deal with the shitty shitty awful things that like family members do and just take it as like family is the most important blood is thicker than water and all that kind of stuff like is so damaging and cutting out people who are related to you because they hurt you their relation to you all that does is hurt you more that doesn't give them like a free pass or like more grace or more empathy or anything like that like people who know you and people who are related to you have the power to hurt you even more and you have that doesn't offer any sort of extra wiggle room or extra things that you should have to deal with like the people who are they should be treating you the best out of everybody and if they're not you

don't have to accept that like that's not a prerequisite of family at all and it's on your mom if your mom's not homophobic it's fucking on your mom if she's going to maintain a relationship with your sister, then you've told her, hey, it's on you to not raise, to. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors.

Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Undo all of the homophobic teachings that will be ingrained into that child. Yeah. Because I would love to have a relationship with her one day, but that's on you. That's true. Because she is the one that's trying to bridge the relationship.

So, yes, 100% is on her then. Mm-hmm. On to the next one. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I'm a 28-year-old female, she, her pronouns, and I'm calling to get some advice about moving on after a friendship breakup. My friend of over 20 years just ended our relationship over me not attending her wedding last October 2020. For some context, I was her maid of honor, and thus I was responsible for planning the bachelorette party, engagement party, and, like, providing general support.

Leading up to the wedding, there was some strain on our relationship. She was a bit of a bridezilla that kept changing any plans I made for her, and her mom was a raging bitch the entire time, like, yelling at me for spending money to buy things for the parties, whatever. This all could have been dealt with and looked past if it wasn't for the pandemic. Back in March 2020, I strongly encouraged them to postpone the 20-plus person wedding, and they refused. This was especially frustrating for me because I have a Ph.D. in virology, you know, the study of viruses. But they were too stubborn to listen, and needless to say, I did not attend any of the wedding events, and this stressed our relationship even further.

we both agreed we wanted to move past this and I continued to reach out and keep in touch we live in different states but finally she decided she couldn't move past me not attending her wedding and ended our friendship I really don't know how to move on and it feels really weird being best friendless and like how do adults even make new best friends any advice would be great doctor oh my like can you imagine the audacity of them arguing with her with a doctor with a doctor who studies like you're like oh my god i don't know how you didn't like directly laugh in their face i'd be like i'm sorry what it's literally like arguing with like uh a cis man over women's rights where you're like you you don't know anything i

i can't okay um i'm just like back i'm baffled that they would argue they would even argue about i mean she was a bridezilla first of all but like the fact that you didn't attend her wedding like the fact that she didn't postpone the wedding because you an expert asked her to or told her to not ask really but like but like even the fact that like the wedding still went on and thousands of people have died since then and like there is no sense of like okay i understand or even like why is she still thinking about her wedding now like it's the spring like why are you still held like bent out of shape like is your marriage that sucky that you're still thinking back to the day where this would be the happiest day of you marrying the love of your life and all

you can think about is like that i wasn't there yeah because like there was a deadly virus that's the thing is like why i want to have a wedding because i want all the focus to be on me and i'm not thinking about anyone else like that is my like and like i feel like marriage not that i'm like marriage is separate from the wedding because you can just get married and you know not have the wedding and you know it's it's a legal thing to be bound by someone i'm talking about the actual wedding it's a party to celebrate that marriage and she's pissed that you weren't there because you were trying to protect yourself and you didn't want to be a hypocrite in your profession because it would be very unethical for you as a doctor to show up at this wedding

you don't want to be the next dr mike oh my gosh okay so i mean her question is about how to make friends yeah i mean i think your outlook on this like you kind of have the same like what the fuck as like we are having right now it doesn't sound like i think this sounds like this displayed like a massive character flaw in her that you're not necessarily like missing and i think right now you're looking to like i think you're i don't even think you're missing her i think you're just like like you said like i think you're probably missing like a friend to send tiktoks to or like someone's like blah blah especially when they've been your friend for most of your life yeah i mean i think like having no best friend or whatever is best

friends are made from close friends so i think like if you don't you don't need to like go on like make a casting call and like go look to find a new friend just invest your times and invest your time in the other existing friendships that you have and the people who have like displayed themselves in a way that like you align with during this pandemic so you can kind of like you know prevent anything like this from happening again um and then naturally i think we make friends when we're like when we have good friendships like and we have those people like when we have those examples and i always say i'm like you'll make the best friends when you already have a great group of friends because your standards and your expectations

and for the people that you're allowing into your life like you have a high high standard So I think investing your time in those other friendships and like making friends as an adult is hard, but I would say making friends as an adult in a pandemic is like even harder. So I think it's great to like reconnect with like former friends or just foster the relationships that you currently have. And then post pandemic, um, it, I think of it in the same kind of way as dating. Like, I think there's like great friend set up dates of like a friend of a friend who's like, you guys would really get along. Or like, I have a friend, like you live in New York. Like I have a friend who's moving to New York who you get along with really well. And again, like kind of like a blind date set up sort of thing, or, oh, you're really

into like music and concerts. Maybe you meet someone there. Maybe you are into reading, you join a book club and you meet someone who's doing that and all of that kind of stuff, like with shared interest. But I wouldn't worry so much about like the term like best friend or anything like that, because I think that's something that just naturally comes out of like regular friendships. Yep. Agree. And I think maybe and like how to make if you're looking to make new friends, maybe all your friends that were your close friends went to the wedding. um i mean i feel like maybe like at professional conferences because you know that these people are going to be like-minded in what how they view uh the world in a pandemic so maybe like

there's other like women's groups or like groups within your profession that you can meet other people to be friends with that don't necessarily work at the place because i know like it's making friends with people that you work with not including megan and i um that that can be difficult but if there's other like groups outside of that that you can meet people that don't work at your specific place and that can open up your friend group yeah use like networking things as like not necessarily business connections too but like friendship connections yeah i think that's a great idea if your whole friend group though went to this wedding that's insane i would be laughing in all of their faces i'd be like sarah you work at baskin robbins what do you mean you know more

about this than me like that's wild wow wow wow wow wow wow i do just like piggyback off of that i do want to know if the girl that called in i think it was like may ish maybe that called in and said that her friend was having a maskless wedding did you end up going we didn't get an update oh yeah i would love to know yeah i we had people send on the podcast instagram account just like random like news articles of like maskless wedding in random state like kills like 100 people we had like lots of people send like very different ones like do you think this is them do you think this is them so i would be curious super spreader events yeah it is time for don't blame them this is where someone calls in with their own advice from

a call we've had on a previous episode and so this one is from season seven episode 16 and the original caller she um does like temporary nanny jobs um and she the people that she nannies for teaching hateful you know comments to their children and so she was asking us how to like how she should respond to those comments so here's someone sharing advice on that. Hi, Megan and Alyssa. I'm calling for a don't believe gum for season seven, episode 16, the most recent episode. I'm offering advice for the caller who is a nanny and is having difficult conversations with the children they are taking care of. So as an early childhood professional, I commend the caller for challenging the children's belief about racism, sexism,

and other isms that they have been exposed to via their families. I wanted to say that the caller is doing all of the right things, it's very important to have these conversations with children in the most holistic and organic way. In my classroom, we deal with social issues around gender and race as soon as they come up. Like the caller, we ask open-ended questions that make the children think and offer a different perspective on the issue. I would recommend for the caller to read about anti-bias curriculum to learn more and be prepared to talk to the parents about the conversations that come up because trust me the words will come back to the parents and their reactions may be intense because their beliefs are so ingrained inside to their identity and

I don't think that the caller is stepping over the line she's not trying to parent the children or lecture them about what is right or wrong she's simply helping the children uncover their own biases and develop a better understanding of these complex issues so I really feel like it's important for her to maybe look up anti-bias curriculum because it's so integral in guiding the children on how to tackle these two issues and giving them the resources to develop a positive sense of self. So I hope this was helpful. Thank you so much for bringing up this call. And I think I hope that was really helpful. Thank you. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah. We got a lot of don't blame them for for this call um so a lot of people have thoughts and i think this call

are summarized with everyone the same fully fully fully agree and um yeah now you have our seal of approval of what you're doing and someone who like is actually has credentials yes so we have opinions she has the credentials that's that is really what don't blame them is a lot of it's Like us with our hot takes and our just, just so many opinions. And then someone calling in to be like, I concur. And I did graduate in college with a degree. Like, yes. Well, that is it for our episode, everyone.

We hope you enjoyed. If you want to call in for an upcoming episode, you can give us a call at 310-694-0976. And international listeners, you can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com. again 18 or over or your parents permission to call in keep it under three minutes let us know your pronouns and practice write it down give us as much details as possible um as you can tell from the update she said she's like i i bullet points weren't enough i should have written it down word for word which we always appreciate and we're on socials don't blam meme pod over on Instagram, our own individual Instagram.

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you know i mean like you do it's like every time we watch um i watch crossroads and i remember i'm like oh my god or like any of these other things and i'm like you're everywhere yeah you are the same you can be the shonda of podcasts right now and then you'll be the shonda of shonda yeah and then shonda does have like a podcast network of her stuff too so i missed that yeah that's it friendly reminder we do not answer advice via dm so call into the show and if you have an update send us an email say hey i've got let's do we want to do a live update blah blah give us a call do it any of those things same with um to get into the facebook group if you forgot forget to add something in your profile we probably won't see your dm until after we've already declined you

so just like reapply and put the information in it's that simple yes and also um when we ask for like a profile that is public messaging us on your instagram saying hey this was my application does also does not qualify we need to cross make sure that everyone is who they say they are so yes that's it for this episode leave us a review counteract the um us being mean girls did you listen you're like oh my god they're so nice let me leave a review how wonderful we're not the thing is we're not nice but we're not mean we don't like intentionally intentionally be malicious that's like the thing i always have a hard time people like you're a bitch i'm like yeah but like not in the way that you think i am like i am but like not no like you know that's not

how this works being against bigotry doesn't make me a bitch there's a lot of other parts of my personality that make me a bitch but like this is not one of them yeah oh well that's it and we'll see you next time bye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts edited by katrina henning and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso