Don't Blame Me! - S7E3: Snooping Little Brother w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: December 14, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: Having sex dreams about exes Helping a friend Abstinence until marriage Kicking a friend out of your wedding Don't Blame Them: staying safe   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me welcome back or if this is your first episode welcome welcome you know you're actually giving me a little bit alexis as soon as i did the shoulders and i saw myself i was like i'm getting some alexis rose here so well i mean it is a personal attack this is don't blame me it's an advice podcast i'm megan my co-host is melissa d mons and we are giving you advice based on our own personal experiences and then um you know sometimes we have no personal experience but you know we make up for in lack of experience opinions that's the new tagline for the show we have so many opinions we feel strongly about everything truly truly everything um and we are

giving you our straightforward very honest advice um we uh we don't sugarcoat we are not the um tell you what you want to hear kind of people and we do ask in advance if you are um sensitive if you are a cancer or you are a pisces or you are just a sensitive person let us know beforehand because um you might uh notice that we tend to go pretty hard all the time but live fast i actually don't think we don't we go that hard no i truly i think we're like i think it's just we trigger some something within a call for a certain person and then they feel compelled to share and as we say if it doesn't apply let it fly and if you feel personally victimized by anything we've said maybe if you weren't the caller then yeah yeah and uh oh if you want to call in for an upcoming

episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com got to keep it under three minutes long or else you'll be cut off and personally shamed and we ask you to write it down and then read it so it can be the most clear and concise way uh of how to word your call yeah last episode gold star a lot of people wrote those down those wonderful even the girl who um was in her car driving i do think there's something to be said about obviously we're not promoting distracted driving but like me now when you like multitask doing something else you're like just autopilot kind of a thing so that that works but also if you are going to be um in your car please roll

the windows up and do it while you are not driving please be parked and no radio no cows we can't control the cow uh should we oh before we get into the calls we are going to have a live update so we're going to hear from a previous caller and they're going to update us on um what happened after the curtain closed so I called in um I think it was season six episode one um and I called in basically because I just kept slash keep having sex dreams only about guys I've hooked up with before my boyfriend um and I've been with my boyfriend for three like coming on four years now and like it's just weird I never have sex dreams about him but always about other people that I've hooked up with and so I just called in about that and um I don't know

my update was basically that I continue to be having these dreams it's very bizarre I don't know why but based on like what you guys had said I have been thinking about it a lot and I think partially it's because like I've just been with my boyfriend for a long time and like we kind of not have like the same sex every time but like same dick similar like yeah same dick like every time it doesn't it doesn't it can't really get like that much different you know like it's it's the same dick um and like I before I was dating him I literally was just like in a prolonged hoe phase from like high school through the beginning of college and like no one ever really wanted to date me which I came to terms with and then I was just like whatever I'm just gonna be in a

hoe phase and like do whatever because whatever um so then like I was hooking up with like a decent amount of guys before him and then like we started dating and then it was like it was like I was hooking up with guys and then I met him and then we started dating and then it was like that's it and so I also think that's part of it is just like that I like not like I'm a hoe but like i enjoy like having sex with different guys and so i think my brain just like wants to think about it it's a very nice way to do it yeah it's like your brain is so used to the same thing i mean not the same thing about so used to different things and then you you settle down and then yeah it's a your mind's just wandering and you know the brain is just a big mass of juicy things that

and then it's going I was like I also was thinking that a lot of the times like those hookups were like secretive or like like someone could come home at any time or like whatever and like that is also another element because like I live with my boyfriend now it's not like we literally could fuck anywhere like it's not a big deal and so I think that is part of it too but yeah i'm still having the dreams so i don't really know i don't know have you told him by the way no i'm scared no i don't i don't want to tell him because he's gonna literally get so butthurt he is the type of guy that like i haven't really told him anything about anyone i've been with he doesn't want to hear about it he's like i don't care it was before me and i'm like that's weird

because i'm a gemini and i just yeah my entire like life story i'm to everyone and i don't really care if people know my life story because it happened to me and whatever and like he's not like that and so yeah no i would never tell him but i think that that's the thing choosing not to tell him in this situation is like if if like if like moths told me this i would be like okay you're telling me because there's something too like there's a reason why and like you're recognizing like oh this is not it also i feel like this is the most gemini thing i've ever heard like you are literally like i'm in a stable relationship like we love like i'm so happy all that but like dream me is fucking around but like it is like it just makes so much it

makes so much sense to me like so much i'm a gemini sun and rising and virgo virgo moon so i'm like a mess the last person we talked the last callback we had she was a triple virgo so like oh my god very similar very similar of like the overwhelming energy for you guys so much oh god it's too much to be me it's a lot I think you're spot on though with like the you know like when it's like oh like this is like once you're in a relationship with someone like sex like for a long time especially because you live together like sex can be like sexy but it's not like you really have to go out of your way to like have like like fantasy kind of sex sort of stuff yeah and so like that's like when when people it's the same thing like when you're i

don't know like when you're thinking about situations of like get like getting off or whatever like or even like if you think of like porn in general like there are like really fucking heightened stakes and like all of this kind of stuff and like your mind is being creative and like the least creative thing that your mind would do it's like you are having missionary sex with your boyfriend on a tuesday night after you ate chipotle after chipotle yeah that literally would be like yeah yeah yeah I think also I think also a big problem is that I don't really watch porn I'm not really into porn and so I think that's another reason that my brain's not creative at all so it just keeps repeating the same scenarios over and over and over which you guys

had said in when I called yeah and I think that makes like it makes total total total sense to like you just go back to like like my fan i will like i usually i mean i'll be honest like you had good sex before your boyfriend so like obvious like yeah you can i did not so like that's like like not like like not to give mods too much credit but i'm like yes sir like i'm not gonna fucking fantasize about some dude who like finger banged me for like 35 seconds and i was like this is awful but like this one is worse yeah like it's you fantasize about the stuff that you no like that you've like you've already done before and it's easier for your brain too and we're back what a call what a time what a fantasy

that's what the call was about no no i know i was gonna say though like i the amount of like sex i think we should compile a list of um everybody's weirdest sex dream like who everyone do i mean i think that would be great yeah i'd say my weirdest one was i was hooking up with someone don't know who the man was but then his penis came out and it looked like came out like a tootsie roll like the long skinny ones stop it looks like rabbit poop is what you're saying no the long skinny ones though you know you buy like the big bag of tootsie rolls and the long skinny ones it's like when you're like feeling around in your um halloween bag like after you've gone

trick-or-treating and it's dark and you're like smarties and then you go and you go it's just an extra long tootsie roll yes do you like tootsie rolls i feel like that tracks your personality a chocolatey chew tootsie roll i think i'm in love with you whatever it is i think i see becomes a tootsie roll to me so i thought i saw a penis is that like a commercial yes very famous commercial i just can't relate to anyone desiring a tootsie roll i don't desire to roll i've never just like walked into a store and bought a tootsie roll oh my god of course i'm not accusing you of that crap but if i see a bucket of tootsie rolls hell yeah i'm gonna eat one no no no see that's the only thing

that to me tootsie rolls only exist in like other candies yes like they only exist like they're only there like you can't you don't seek them out they're only ever there and i would kick it i would kick a tootsie roll out of bed i would kick i would i love it now it's our first call let's do it hey megan and melissa i'm 27 and two weeks ago i had to leave california to go back to my home country germany i didn't want to leave but my visa expired and so i had to go i'm still very jet lagged. I'm depressed. I'm anxious. I have no idea what to do next in life. Anyway, this isn't really about me. My best friend in California is also not doing great. We just FaceTimed. So he lost his mom to cancer about three years ago. Right before she passed, he

started dating his now ex-boyfriend. They were on off until right before the pandemic and my friend called it quits. This time for sure. They've had a toxic, manipulative, unhealthy relationship. Like some real big shit happened. Police was involved at some point. They had multiple actual fistfights. They strangled each other. Like, it was really bad. Unfortunately, those relationships are the hardest to get over. His ex also had a dog who helped him get over his depression and who was there for him after his mom died. He loves the dog so much and would do anything to get her back. When we were just talking today he mentioned that he was thinking about reaching out to his ex again. I got upset and I tried to reason with him but he talked about how he's in a better place now

and he knows what he's doing. Basically boiling down to him only wanting to fuck with him again to play with his feelings. I told him that I don't think that's a great idea and he shouldn't try and seek revenge. That's not cool and as much as I don't like his ex he would be playing with everyone's feelings. Also, since his mom died, and a little before, he put on some weight, and he still can't really accept himself for that. He's absolutely gorgeous and incredibly intelligent, intelligent and talented. He keeps saying the gay community is different when it comes to dating, though, which I understand. I am a bisexual femme-presenting big woman. It's not easy out there for queer people, especially for bigger queer people. He has such a big heart, though, and he doesn't

realize his own self-worth. I feel so bad for not being able to be there for him. I know it's out of my hands. I literally can't do anything, and I told him that I will love him no matter what, but I also told him that I don't think it's a great idea to reach out to his ex because he wants to get the dog, like basically stealing him. I don't know how to make it clear to him that he will potentially regret that decision. When we ended our call today, I could tell that he was hurt. He was crying. I know he misses me and I miss him it's also his mom's birthday today after tomorrow so he's probably just spiraling but he could hurt himself and I would hate that for him I'm not 100% sure what kind of advice I'm asking for but I had to talk to someone

also he's a cancer and I'm a Pisces if that helps in any way and yeah anyway thank you stay healthy wear a mask wear blue which I know you two are but you know for your audience okay thanks i think the advice that you're asking you know you say you don't know what the advice is is how to um tell your friend that he's toxic and needs to stop yeah i mean i think like uh you took a side and like this is your friend predating the relationship i'm thinking or post the relationship like you're only friends with him like you're not friends with both um and that relationship was toxic because of both of them and i think you're i think you might be having a hard time uh because you're looking out for your friend

as if your friend is like the sole victim in the situation versus someone who also participated in doing a lot of this stuff and i think like we we like to see the best in people and if he has like recognized that he hasn't been so healthy and it uh wasn't a healthy relationship but the fact that he's still like trying to get back in there and then like and be messy like that's basically what she was saying is that he wants to be messy and is using the dog as an excuse to do that and that's not how you get a is it his if it's not his dog all right he can't get the dog back because it's not his and if it is his dog there's come on be like um i'm taking the dog dumbass like and um oh my god legally blonde oh i haven't

seen that movie in years upon years i made mods watch it for the first time a couple years ago Um, I, I just love it. I will never forget the day that Reese Witherspoon told me that I could be the new Elle Woods. And I was like, when was this? Oh, I did a panel that she was at and we were on it. It was me and her together. And she was so lovely and so nice. And then she was like, I've watched some of your stuff before.

Like I watched some of your stuff in preparation. Well, if you're making a new one, you should be like her daughter in it. I love that. I think she's, I mean, I think her probably real daughter who looked identical to her would be that i think she said it mostly to be nice but i like but she still said it and i don't think i don't think reese witherspoon says things just to be nice because she's very shady she has very like southern shade and i don't think she would say it i don't think she'd say it just to be nice it was the best moment of my whole life i was like um but yeah like in legally blonde like

here's the thing like if you're getting your own dog back the way to do that is you bring a friend you get your legal rights and you get the dog and because it was such a toxic toxic unhealthy relationship for both of you you don't do this thing you someone else has to do that bidding for you to kind of maintain the like calm and not let things get out of hand or get physical or anything like that but like putting yourself back into the situation uh is a conscious choice and there's something that she said hold on keep talking but there was something that she said that like he was doing this to intentionally be messy she didn't say in those words but i think i think i think what it was was that like pretending to want to get like just to like break his heart

or something like pretend like getting not necessarily getting back together but like hook like fucking him and then breaking his heart yeah am i wrong is that what it was that was pretty much it yeah like fuck with him about how he's in a better place and knows that he's basically doing better wanting to fuck with him again to play with his feelings and i told him i don't think that's a great idea to seek revenge but see that's how is that that's what i want to know is like how is that revenge no because that just sounds like again from the way that you've talked about this it's they were both violent and physical with each other and like that they both and not in like a self-defense way that this was a really unhealthy relationship with the both of

them and now he wants to go and like rub into his face like i'm doing so much better like I don't think I don't think like it may be in his head revenge I think it's him trying to seek closure yeah and he's saying it in a defensive way so that like if his feelings get hurt if his feelings are actually the one to get hurt and not the ex then it was like that's I wasn't that's not what I was doing and I think when you want to rub it in someone's face that you're doing better it's because you're not and you're also not sure if you're doing better because like you want you need them you need them to validate it yep if you were doing better you wouldn't reach out to them you wouldn't care and you would be fine and this is just you are friends with someone who is messy

and you depends on the kind of person that you are if you're i don't know if you're comfortable just being like point blank here's the thing like you're being messy or you're being an app and i've done this with friends before where i've like literally explicitly said i'm like i love you but you're being an asshole and you're being like there's no point to what you're doing all this is going to do is hurt you later down the road i'm gonna love with you like i don't like this person like this is not who i like i know you deep down and like this is not something like in the moment this might you think that this might sound like a good idea or something you want to do but like this isn't you like and this is not something that like i as your friend like i'm not gonna

stand by and watch this because like i don't like this person like i really don't fucking like this dude and so if that like if this is what you're going to do then like do it but like i'm would like i'm i'm not cool with that and i'm not gonna like sit by and pretend that i am or that i think it's a good idea right and like you just have to say it like that and because at the end of the day it could also just be like i don't know when you guys became friends but like this could have been like you became friends with him on like the off of the relation like the end of the relationship and being like oh I'm gonna like you know when I'm gonna change my life I'm gonna be different and now this is just who they are and they enjoy the messiness they enjoy that kind of drama and

whether that's a forever thing which also is not a sustainable thing but you don't have to be friends with that just because just because that's how he's being there's no point yeah also he's like trying to use the dog as an excuse and if it's really about a dog tell him to go get a new dog yeah and especially if it's not his dog yeah because if it's not your dog and you don't own the dog you can't steal you he's just doing it's just the the dog like him saying all the things about the dog were just an excuse and then you and you know that or else you wouldn't have been you wouldn't even mention it so hard when you were doing the call yeah yeah and also like watch the ex be like in a much more stable place and like he shows up tries to steal the dog and

he just like gets him arrested yeah and is like i'm not even gonna talk to you yeah and here's the thing like i have messy friends too but i don't ever like encourage their behavior do i like to hear about the mess and drama yes do i indulge in it yes but do i like talk them up and tell them like yes this is something you need to do no i don't do that so you have to like realize like where your place is in this relationship are you going to be the friend that's going to be messy along with them or are you going to tell them like this isn't what you need to be doing and a lot of the time like when you're being messy or you're planning on being messy and you tell a friend usually you're either telling a friend that you know is going to just is also messy and

will encourage you or a friend that will stop you or like tell you it's a bad idea and so there there could be that there that he said that because he knows that it's a bad idea and wants you to say it too but you only really have to say it once and then from there it's like i don't want to hear about it i'll level with you and also if you revenge as someone who lives for revenge revenge needs to feel good even like the only way that revenge quote-unquote works or whatever is when it feels good when you're alone and you don't have to tell somebody else to be like oh look what i did and like oh well like if you're trying to feel validated you have to just it needs to start and end with you and your actions and what you're doing it can't be expecting a

certain reaction out of it or a certain reaction from a friend or like oh my gosh we're like telling people it needs to feel good start and end in that moment and if it doesn't don't fucking do it and truly rarely does that ever happen like that's rarely will you ever actually feel that feeling and that's because sadly revenge is doesn't really work out that well no just means you care a lot and there's nothing more embarrassing than clearly caring so much when you don't want to care i've been there i've fucking been there oh all right next call next call i'm megan and melissa um i'm calling for some sex uh or i guess lack thereof um advice i'm 19 my boyfriend is 21 and we've been dating for about a year and a half i love him very much and everything is going

swimmingly except for this one bump we hit for context we were slash are each other's first everything first kiss first relationship first all that jazz um he grew up in a really christian home and being grown has stitched um a lot of that patriarchal dogma and now has much more fluid view of religion and i couldn't be dating him if he hadn't done that uh but one thing he does hold on to that I do not is abstinence before marriage. When I say abstinence before marriage, though, I mean the kind where like foreplay and blowjobs and that kind of stuff is okay, but like we can't have our pants off at the same time. And this is an issue that for the past few months, since we've had quarantining together, we've been doing a lot more sex related things,

which is fun don't get me wrong but can also be pretty frustrating for me he's getting a lot more pleasure than I am because frankly it's a lot easier to give a quick blow job and it's a lot easier to give a mediocre to good blow job he's tried to finger me and eat me out a couple times but they were all just really uncomfortable and felt cold and weird um and just like not really good for me and that's nothing to do with me not being attracted to him um it's just really hard for me to stay in the mood and not feel pressure when we're still like fully closed except my pants And I know that this is the end-all be-all for right now. He feels bad that I'm not having as good a time as he is.

And we've talked about it before, but it always kind of ends in this weird circle of I feel like I'm pressuring him into going against that moral and having sex. And then he feels bad for not being able to often be something that I want, which makes me feel bad that he feels like it's his fault. I don't know. Obviously, I'd like to be having sex and it's not fun to always be the one getting to use and having to finish on their own. But I would never want him to do anything with me that he'd regret. So any advice on this would be greatly appreciated. Love you guys and this podcast and this community so much. Yeah, thanks, you guys. So you think that the solution is having penetrative sex and then it's gonna be good and you've never had she never had penetrative she's never had penetrative sex um also like so is one of you wearing clothes so that it's not a temptation

to keep it's like the barrier to it's like that's like the stopping point i truly like when the most we when it was like oh we can still like you know do like sexual related stuff we just like can't both be naked the same we can't we like can't both be naked at the same time i was like i'm sorry that's like i think here's the thing it seems like getting eaten out wearing all of your clothes on top and the person who's eating you out is fully clothed and it's not like oh we're an office sexy workplace situation yeah i don't even like wearing clothes as it is so like uh i feel like you guys are both wearing clothes as a safety net i mean one is wearing clothes as a safety net and you're already doing the act and it's just getting over the guilt trip

like maybe oral basis one through three are all you do and you just don't go all the way um and i think like you guys physically like if you say it out loud and physically say like we're not gonna have sex penetrative sex then i think that's enough of a barrier than you being uncomfortable and just like messing around and not getting any satisfaction from it then it's just like what the point what's the point and then you're and then you feel pressure to get him off I think like if his boundary is I don't want to be fully naked together I think that's fine but then stop doing what you're doing because that's the thing it's not worth like it's not a matter of like okay i have to ask though did she say when he was like eating her

out and fingering her it was like weird and cold yeah but i think it's because she's lacking the intimacy of like being completely naked and she can't emotionally cold i'm emotionally cold i was like if his mouth is cold we have another i had a friend who made out this guy she goes his like lips were like no she's like his tongue was weirdly cold and i was like is he alive somebody put it in somebody in the facebook groups at that it blows my mind i mean if you make out with someone your mouth goes numb it's cocaine everyone was asking like is he alive i think you missed that thread because it was a good threat yeah oh that's really funny um so because here's the thing i think like you should never feel guilt uh when it comes to like your own pleasure

and your own body i understand like obviously like not like pressuring him to do anything i will be super honest if you you're guaranteed to uh break up if you just are like let's just fuck and then it will be you'll realize like oh that's not if he can't get you to get off like the percentage of like people with like vaginas and clitorises who can get off from penetrative sex alone is like minute like very very very small and the fun the stuff that's typically the most like fun and actually pleasurable for those of us with vaginas is the foreplay kind of stuff and having that mixed in with sex in itself but like it's And I think it's the physical intimacy, though, the physical and emotional intimacy, because she's not completely closed.

He's not complete. And then he is completely closed. They're not touching. It's just him going down on her. You know, I just think he's not good. I'm sure he's not good at it. But the added thing is that he's not touching her everywhere. like just imagine if he's just like going down on her and not like kissing her chest or breast and playing with all like okay because he all that's closed so he's there's not that physical connection it's just the waist down so i think that's what she's talking about naked and then he's fully clothed because then there's no issue there do you know what i mean yeah but

i think that's the barrier that's like the thing that's like he's like that'll be too much yeah i think he you guys just need to have a conversation of like here's the thing like whatever is let's like talk about like what your boundaries are and your boundaries aren't automatically his boundaries aren't automatically your boundaries so like if he's like oh i can't like do this and it's like okay well here's the thing like i'm not i'm not i i'm if i'm not going to be like getting any like pleasure from this I'm let's if these are if these are your boundaries are then let's just kiss let's just hold off on all of it like because that's the thing that's not if he has no I think there's truly I literally think there's a way for him to

like make you come and like make this like an enjoyable and like hot thing but that's like yeah read some articles read some books she comes first and all of that stuff but like if the boundaries are not just um if the boundaries are like you can't be sexy do you know i mean like it can't be seductive and it can't be like sexual it's very like i don't know like hand jobby do you mean like hand jobs are barely like it's one and done she can't get off because she's so much in her head because she's not comfortable yeah well she's not enjoying it yeah it's coming like a task versus like she gives these mediocre blowjobs like she's saying she's like half-assing them because she's just not fully comfortable because they're not actually being as intimate

as she needs yeah I mean I'm will be honest I think you guys want different things and I think that uh just because somebody is just because you don't have just because someone's like your first like romantic sexual experiences or whatever um doesn't mean that you can't break up because you want more like even though like he can have met your needs and like has been great for all of that but like you're allowed to like be a virgin in a relationship with someone who's also a virgin who doesn't want to have sex and you can be like even though you've never had sex you can be like i want to leave this relationship because i would like to have sex like you don't have to be you can be missing out on things you've never experienced and like that's okay and you can end a relationship

because it's important to you to have things that you haven't experienced like that's very very very okay so uh i yeah to be honest i because i don't think there's i think it's fine if um he wants to like wait to have sex but I think if you're waiting to have sex you're not getting not to be the asshole it's like I'm not gonna I'm not gonna no I'm not gonna give you I'm not gonna do all this other stuff that like is something that makes me uncomfortable and I feel fucking weird about just because like this is something that makes you feel more comfortable neither of us should have to sacrifice our comfort level I'm just this is just in the fucking right relationship like I don't want to be I don't want to do this and I don't want you to have to be with someone

who's like half-assing this kind of shit someone else there's some other girl out there who wants to do the exact same thing okay guys we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back are we back we're back we're back from our break and we're getting into the rest of our calls hey megan and guess i just sent in a different voicemail but this one would probably make more sense because I wasn't like my brain wasn't working um so I'm going to explain this is the best way I can so I just got engaged and next year I'm going to get married and one of my best friends or ex-best friends I guess is also getting married next year and we're both in each other's wedding okay so I bet you're wondering like why ex-best friend huh okay so um this girl

and i were really close um for only a year like it was only a year we got super super close and did pretty much everything together we're inseparable like everyone knew us best friends so we both like went to the same church whatever just keep in mind we're all super christian okay um so one day we had this um thing at church and she decides to go up to my fiance's sister and tell her that she was made to hate her by me and all this crazy stuff that she just wanted to be best friends with her and then it started this huge blow up between me and my fiance's sister and the whole church had pretty much

kind of fallen out with everyone but the thing is she didn't like the sister me and the sister had a couple problems we weren't the closest people I didn't always agree with what she said so I would go to her to I guess

rant and just kind of so she understood where I was coming from so I'd go to her in pretty much confidence and tell her how I felt and she would tell me how she felt which she was not friends with her so it just put a really weird relationship and I we talked about it me and my ex-best friend and I was like hey this is a little weird like why'd you do that and um there was really no real answer she said she was manipulated into doing it anyways the moral of the story I'm just deciding I don't want her in my wedding because I don't want this type of energy in it.

And I kind of want to figure out how to go about that. And that's what I want y'all's advice for it. So, yeah. Thank you so much. Y'all have a great day. I don't know if this girl still thinks she's in your wedding. I think she does. But, like, I don't know if you've been clear to her.

If she thinks she's still in your wedding, then that means that you're still in communications with her. And she still thinks that you're her friend. so the ex might only be on your side let me yeah like maybe she's your ex best friend but she like you haven't actually like broke up with her as a friend so maybe you're being like a little standoffish but you're i'm guessing since you guys probably go to the same church she's still in your life also you guys are still going to church yeah no i was i mean you know my uh atheist shady ass over here is just being like well it's what fucking happens when you go to church in a pandemic

yeah uh you need to be clear with her that you're not her friend that's the thing and as someone who grew up in church i know how like political things get very very very much and um lots of churches are very messy it's actually like if you just sit back and look at the drama very entertaining but i only know that through you and like it makes me feel like i really missed out on something like not the religion part but like the tea yeah there's so much just like there's like a hierarchy there's like the cool people like it's just like school but with god and so so i think you just have to let her know that you guys aren't friends anymore

and then tell her you're not in my wedding and tell her you don't expect to be in her wedding either yeah oh and then i can't wait for everybody in the church to start gossiping it's you just got to be prepared because it's going to be a thing it's going to be a huge thing within the church it's going to be messy everybody's going to be talking about it but if you don't want her in your wedding you have to be truthful and let this be a lesson to you and to everybody do not talk shit about people to especially family members and future family members you that is reserved for your childhood best friend who will never meet that fucking person ever like not not somebody you know

don't call him about your best friend after knowing them for a year the other t like there is just in having someone be that whole thing of like oh you're gonna be in my wedding like you're my best friend like we're inseparable um that's the same thing as like dating someone and like falling into lust with them and like oh we're gonna get engaged and we're gonna get married like god like we love each other we've only been like for six months and like he's perfect and like everything and like i've ditched all of my friends for him that's the same we have to maintain that like same energy that it's like okay i wouldn't do that in a relationship i'm not going to do that in a friendship yeah yeah don't call anyone your best friend after a year of knowing them

unless you're 11 and then that's actually it's a big part of your year it's a big part of your life yeah like but yeah that shit changes and this is i truly think that there is um people should just start going to therapy just to talk shit like that like i if you need to vent about like something and feel validated that's literally what therapy's for if you need to vent and feel validated and you like need an unbiased person go to therapy so you can vent about your sister-in-law but not yeah i literally lied if she if she was like coerced into doing it that means that she told but that means that she told other people so who was co if somebody was forcing her to do it that means that

somebody else told her she told somebody else see that's the logical thing but when the call was playing i said who manipulated her god and then was that no satan and i died but you're right no logically unless like satan actually did or whoever manipulated her um then you're right then she like someone else was involved in this whole situation there's a good thing about like being like closed off and like no new friends and like really having to like like there's something nice about having walls built up it is it is like it is really solid in our relationship without a doubt also we've this is the fact that we've known each other for so long yeah so long and like i have people that i've been like

and this is like you're not considered in this but like i have people that like i've been like yeah i'm like i would call my own friends for a while just not care i like i like you can do whatever i don't not invested really not i just don't really give a shit but um yeah this is messy this is very messing very messy also um my belief again is don't say anything about anyone to anyone that you would not say to their face and if you wouldn't say it to your boyfriend if you wouldn't like if y'all say there should be very few things in your life that like when it comes to talking like pertaining to other people that like or i mean truly even about your own life that like someone just trust less people like to look out for you or care about

you not to be like jaded or whatever but i'm like there shouldn't there shouldn't be like oh shit i hope this person doesn't this person has the ability to ruin this relationship with someone or like don't give other people that much fucking power because you can't trust them with it messy messy i can't like i think about like i haven't even met anyone in the last year truthfully like i haven't met anyone new but like i can't imagine how i would have done putting someone in my wedding that i've known for a year but i guess i also don't know anybody that I haven't known for a long time yeah all right uh next call hell yeah hi Megan and Melissa um I'm 19 years old and I'm currently at college right now um living on my own and I can I just

want to say I was really excited to for this to not excited for this to happen but um this is my podcast moment and I'm so excited for to be able to ask you guys for advice finally and so I'm 19 living away from home and I still have belongings at home like I still have a full bedroom at my house back in back where my parents live and my younger brother lives there he's 13 and I had some stuff that was hidden away um things like sex toys and also some like THC CBD stuff and my 13 year old brother found them and he's asking me to buy him um like he's asking me to buy him all these things now and so I just I don't know what to do because I'm obviously not going to buy him the things that he wants just because it's like nicotine and I'm not going to buy like I can

myself buy a nicotine for myself let alone buy it for a 13 year old that's so wrong and I would never do that but I just I need advice on what to do I just need help and any help is I'm going to be grateful because I

I feel like I'm on an episode of Punk'd right now and I I just have no clue what to do thank you guys bye bye what a crafty little boy a little asshole you're getting blackmailed by a 13 year old like i think you need is he taller than you yet like

can you physically intimidate him like just can you lie to him and be like why was he snooping in your room also you're she's at college right yeah i mean here's the thing this is the shit that you bring with you always 100 we like oh my god me and me and um a friend like had like all like hidden alcohol like all of my high school friends like hidden alcohol at like friends houses who like the parents were like the most like chiller or whatever and we would did all of them find it within a week because they fucking knew we had been drinking in high school did they fucking search it and find it and like leave it out oh my yes i had friends who came home from like college for the first break and their parents had like lined up every empty alcohol bottle that they

found like hidden in their room or like full alcohol bottle or like anything just like lined it up on the kitchen counter I was like so I mean that's you can't go back in time and not like those things should come with you in general um I just don't know what the worst that like okay I would just be like okay so and he tells your parents and then what yeah that's the thing is like I'm sure you're going at this point you're probably back home for the holidays is he keeping the stuff like on him as bribery like i will show mom and dad if uh you don't buy me tobacco i'll i would say i would literally be like i'm not buying you tobacco you can show them but i'll let them know that tobacco or a jewel he said tobacco oh are you asking well we don't know

i don't know okay well i would assume i was yeah i would assume i'd just be like okay you tell them that and i'll tell them that you want me to buy you tobacco oh facts yeah truly there's like i mean you having like sex toys which did sex toys what else like she said thc and cb cbd illegal okay children can have cbd truly having weed and versus like you having like a let's say a vibrator and some weed and some cbd is you're 19 fucking okay your little brother trying to blackmail you so he can buy that's what they're going to be worried about they're not going to be like yeah i would be like okay tell them and i'll tell her i'm guessing he probably sent it in a text message and be like tell them and i'll tell them that you want tobacco go ahead

You can tell Melissa has siblings. No, that's true. I think that's exactly what you just said. The audacity of 13-year-old boys. I would be pissed because that means he was snooping in her room. Yeah. Also, he knows. He was probably looking for tobacco.

He was like, oh, she probably left something behind. did he send you a picture because i would die yeah also i would he probably like probably smoked the weed if you yeah that's what i was gonna say i'm gonna i'm going to highly highly doubt aside from like the sex toy like if he's asking like you said if he's asking for you to buy him like i don't know nicotine like a jewel nicotine whatever i'm assuming a jewel because he's 13 um and he already saw your weed first of all he knew what the weed was he also like presumably i would just say it was cbd if like and then just say all of it was cbd and then uh for the sex like

does he know the difference well but if he does then all of the all this is doing is being like just like digging him in a deeper hole to be super fair i think i don't have siblings i would tell him that um in general and then i would like i would tell him exactly that like okay fine tell them then i'll tell them you did this whatever uh i would also like either you obviously know your parents better than anyone but i would either like if you're home like pay attention to him like is he fucking trying to like because like he'll fuck up his lungs like you can die like it's awful and if you need to tell your parents then it's like okay you're not gonna die from like if it's an embarrassment factor of like oh i have sex like whatever like i would then just

be like hey heads up he fucking like found some stuff in my room that like i'll share it with you if you want to know what it is but like i'm an adult i don't think that like i need to and i i think it'll probably make you feel uncomfortable and weird uh they've already drawn their own conclusions to what it is at this point like yeah it's just kind of like you know uh but uh yeah he like blackmailed me and said he wanted me to get him like this so i feel like that's something that like you should know because he's 13 yeah what a little douche okay now it is time for a don't blame them don't blame them is when a listener calls in with their own personal experience and their advice from a call from previous episode so this

one has been covered in a few episodes i'll just play it hi i'm calling for don't blame them um by the way hi megan and melissa um this is in regards to literally everybody who's been making calls and seemingly ignoring the pandemic. I wanted to just address a couple of things. I found out recently that a friend of mine who I had not been seeing is possibly COVID positive. She doesn't want to get tested. She's just going to isolate, but she had been going out and was exposed to COVID. And she told me that. And she saw her parents the very next day apparently um after she had been exposed so she's freaking out about that i recently saw a tiktok of a young 20 year old woman who had lost her baby during her fight

with covid um so this isn't a joke guys literally a 20 year old lost her baby due to covid it can happen to you it it can happen to my friend it can happen to that woman it can happen to you and you don't know who you're going to infect you you have to go to the grocery store you might run into frontline workers who might get it from you and they might be out of jobs for a while so please just take that into consideration all right love you guys bye love to hear people who also are taking this seriously i now have three friends that have had covet or currently have it yeah i don't even know how many i know at this point so but i mean yeah one of them one of them she got it like at the beginning of when everybody

uh got locked down and she no she didn't go anywhere except for taking her dog on walks and she thinks the only way that she got it was either just one not wiping things down properly that she bought that came but she was also wiping things down like she was wiping more than so many people are doing yep or someone jogging by her while she was walking her dog that didn't have on a mask but she always had on a mask and she i mean like she i mean this was back in april ish and um she still has residual effects like she can't sleep all the way through the night because she can't breathe um her voice is still raspy um she's always coughing so yes you and they say like you know people recover if you're young you'll recover but there's still residual

effects that are going to affect you for the rest of your life and that's just the stuff that like people the the long-term effects people have had over the last like six to nine months versus like we don't know what it's going to change in bodies um and i think something that's uh been really helpful when talking to people about this is a lot of people like to throw around statistics oh 99 percent of people recover and while if we want to talk about that statistic specifically like is it when you think about 99 of the population one percent of the population is millions of people like that's millions of people but um the real kicker of it is the 99 is from a study of 100 people so out of 100 people it's one person out of millions we don't know what that what that

actually is that it's most likely greater than that but if we're taking from a sample of 100 people that's that's not that's not that's not enough for us to decide that that's how it's going to affect the rest of like the entire world and the entire population right so we need to assume that it's more like that it's it that it is more than that and that it's not just people with pre-existing conditions it's there are perfectly if you read these articles of there are perfectly healthy people who have young people who've died perfectly healthy young people who have died and there are people who are my friend lost her her grandpa to it and he was not he was not um he was older and of like a high risk age but didn't have any respiratory issues wasn't like

actively wasn't actively struggling with like cancer or anything wasn't on immune suppressants was just an older guy passed away and it's the misinformation that's out there is so wild and people are cherry picking what they want to listen to and what they want to believe and what they want to hear and if you are not taking the pandemic seriously just know that when people inevitably die from the actions that you have taken this passive feeling that you have will not last you will it it will wreck you it will fucking right it might not wreck you the next day or today but like how she's saying about how her friend freaking out about her parents that's gonna happen and also her friend not getting tested is reckless that's reckless

like she's like if she tests positive um like she her friend has covid symptoms so like if she tests positive she can start taking the proper regimen to help her get healthy but like she's still being reckless with her health it's that notion of i'm too scared to know no you weren't you weren't too scared while you were going out partying yeah if you were scared you would have but hi scare staying inside fucking like and it's there is there's just there are so many like lives at stake and lives on the line and you are responsible for them and this whole thing of people who are like oh i don't know like i don't know anyone i don't know and that's the same thing you don't know anyone who's gay like you do you do but a lot

of people aren't fucking telling other people when they're testing and a lot of people aren't also just not going to go get tested they're only like the people who are getting exposed and finding all of that out like you're walking around asymptomatic like if you feel perfectly healthy and you are perfectly fine stay inside if you have to go do shit you have to go do shit like and again we're not we're never speaking about essential workers here are people who like are not being given time off from work and all that stuff like the biggest issue through all of this is the government and not doing like actual forced mandates and doing all of this kind of shit like that is the real like big issue here and that's like the reason why all of a

sudden everyone's doing these making these stupid decisions because like our government's allowing this kind of shit to happen but if you are like choosing to go out and do all of this stupid stupid shit you shouldn't even be like like if i'm doing any fucking thing that like when i had to like start like working and it's like socially distanced that everything is taking all the time like if you are gonna go out and do like things that like okay i need to go do this i need to go do x what still get tested you still get tested but just because you feel healthy doesn't mean oh i don't need to quarantine and i know people get mad at us for like talking about covid and stuff but like i don't care stay mad if like what we say helps save a life i don't give a

fuck you can be mad all you want but clearly the people that are calling in that are going places they don't they either like don't know any better or don't care to know any better and if if we have like the platform in order to educate them then that's what we're gonna do and if you don't like the call fast forward we're not enabling anyone's ignorance and this podcast is not uh escapism from this is where people are calling in with like real life fucking issues and real shit that they're going through and the reality is is we're in a fucking pandemic and so if you're gonna call and ask us if you have the audacity to if you want to call us and ask us for advice on like oh how do i get digged down by this guy blah blah blah i'm gonna fucking

no i'm gonna call you out you called me you called us you called us and told us that you weren't social distancing so oh well um don't blame them uh caller we appreciate you so much thank you it's hopefully it's helpful for other people to hear it from not just us and also don't join the facebook group if you're not um social distancing because you get called out real quick when i tell you that like if you think that we are a lot welcome to 2500 people that are like it is so fast it is so fast the amount of times like a lot of it is just like it's so fast that i can't even i don't even see it no i get a screenshot um and then we get tagged in it and by the time that we're tagged in it person's already

left the group everybody's are it's been all of it explained links everything yeah you can't get anything passed like not that like you know we're a bunch of snoops who have a whole group of snoopers yeah okay let me get off my soapbox and i'm off um that's it for our episode uh hope you all enjoyed if you want to call in for an upcoming one you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com our videos are available on patreon and you can also just support the show over there we do live streams twice a month they're really fun we just like hang out i mean we've been talking about how we're gonna like plan and do something really specific maybe we will going forward but like

truly we kind of just it's like the zoom call that you have with like your high school friends where you're all just like catching like talking and hanging out and catching up and talking about like what you saw on twitter that day we have a great time last one was three hours long i know we didn't even feel like oh shit i'm starving both of us were like oh i have to eat so if you would like to support the current show we would appreciate it so so so much it helps us keep the lights on which is as you can tell the lights on my video are dim so yeah the light changed during mine as well so please um you can follow us on instagram leave us a review on the podcast app our socials are always linked down below and is there anything else anything you want to promote

no no i'm good yeah okay well we will see you guys next time don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts edited by katrina henning and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso