Don't Blame Me! - S7E4: Festive Family Fights w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: December 21, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: Her car is in his driveway Having a celebrity crush Answering DMs from enemies Mysterious phone call Don't Blame Them: liberal younger sister   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me ho ho ho ho ho ho you fucking hoes um this is an advice podcast i'm megan i'm joined by my fantastic co-host producer melissa hello greetings please if you're watching on patreon i need melissa to um uh show off her sweatshirt there you go this is krampus as it says um for those of you listening it is like a satanic looking being that has a little crown and an extra long tongue and he carries these bills for like little bad kids to if their mother feel about this um she hates it yeah she's like why do you have that ugly thing on your sweater but you know it is what it is very very cute if you guys are new here this is an advice podcast um you call in you leave

voicemails we give you our advice on the shit that's going on in your lives and uh we are not professionals aside for being professional bad bitches professional um um bad bitches i'm trying to think of what else i mean last time you said uh we're not professionals and uh we make up for in opinions is i believe what you said which i really like what we make what we lack in like uh in like certification we make up for like opinion yeah so that's truly where um this comes from is we might not have uh like any sort of education to give you advice or any sort of training but what we do have is a lot of opinions on your life so we will give you the advice that we give each other what we give our friends um again if you're new here it's very uh tough love

but in the kind of that kind of like warm like we care about you we're looking out for you kind of way and i think that that is shown when we have our like live updates where it's like look everyone even though sometimes like we we tell you what you need to hear and that's always makes me feel so much better when people are like when i'm like so sorry we were being harsh and they're like no no i needed to hear it like that's what we're here for because sometimes you do need to hear it and If you want to call for an upcoming episode, you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976. And international listeners, good day, mate. Bonjour.

Guten tag. There you go. You can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com. We do ask for everybody, whether you are calling in and leaving a voicemail or if you're recording a voice note and sending it. We love when you write it down and then you practice. and that's how you can keep it under three minutes because you will get cut off and you do need to be over 18

or have your parents permission to call in. Anything else? Oh, this is the first episode I'm recording, not in California. Oh yeah. We're both in different positions. You're way far. You're way far.

I just am on a different wall in the same room, but uh you know new looks new looks new apps big changes um yeah i'm currently in uh colorado we i i will say we talk about safety precautions and covet here all the fucking time so um if you want to watch my youtube video where i showed all the safety precautions we took to come here and do everything I would highly encourage you to watch that video because uh yeah I I am you you all more than anybody know how sick and tired I am of people pretending we're not in a pandemic and I didn't want uh not that I don't think people will trust me but I I don't trust other people so like I wanted to make it abundantly clear to like show people because that if every other fucking person

in the world did that that would make me feel a lot better because you're not doing when people don't do that i'm like there's a reason why you didn't do it like there's a reason why you didn't show all the precautions you took because i don't think you probably took those i think you probably flew on a plane and i think you probably just like saw people immediately and you probably got a rapid test and then just went about your life and then went like weeks later like all that stuff so and rapid tests can be not that great they're the least accurate of all of them go check first clemons out yeah dude that would have given me so much anxiety yeah i was already fucking nervous that i was like i mean you were i mean you were like did you see he doesn't go

anywhere like he takes all the precautions and that was like the week that we got our first test was that like i was waiting for it and then his video came out when he like tested positive and i was like oh my god what and monster's like if we didn't go anywhere i was like stressful stressful how are you i'm good you know i got my new rolling machine i did it yesterday i'm very excited how was it it was great like it felt good and like i was looking for it because i put it together the night before and i was looking forward to so it's like reinvigorated me to uh you know work out because i haven't been at all should we get into our live update yeah let's do it just summarize the first episode and then give us your update just your call

you don't just summarize the whole episode thanks megan you're welcome um and i would like to mention like i would like to go ahead and say there's a trigger warning i do mention sexual assault and or harassment. I don't, you know, some people would consider it one or the other, but I just wanted to mention that before I jump in. Um, and that's toward the end, but anyway, so I became friends with this guy who I will call through a mutual friend and we will call her Inez. And when we started being friends, his girlfriend, who we will call Betty was studying abroad. And so he turned to me for a lot of emotional support and it was a lot of, should I break up with her? You know, I don't really want to marry her. And I was like, okay,

so you just, I don't know her. I don't know you guys as a couple, just pay attention to how you're feeling and honor that. And around the same time I was trying to move out of my parents' house. I was attending a community college in town and I was like, I just need to like get out of here, at least get somewhat college experience. So I, he knew someone in the neighborhood who needed a roommate. And so I started texting her and I ended up moving in there. It turns out it was the house across the street from him, which I was not aware of at first, but I like already was like so into it. And then I was like, well, we're not dating. Nothing's going to be awkward. We're just friends. So then, um, whenever Betty got back from studying abroad, he broke up with her. And

that night he came to me and he's like, I have really intense feelings for you. And I was like, I you know you have a girlfriend though and he's like no we broke up this morning I'm like you've been single for a few hours and you're gonna turn to me like you just like you just got out of like over a year-long relationship take some time for yourself don't turn to me who you've known for like a month or so um and then you know and he's like oh yeah that makes sense like I'll take time for myself and that night he tried to kiss me I pushed him away and he did that a few more times and eventually I was like maybe he just wants me to be his rebound and not anything more and I was like you know why not and so in my original call I did mention how he was my best friend at the time

which he was and you know looking back I'm realizing because he isolated me from all of my other friends and everyone else in my life and so it was like he was my best friend because he was my only friend and so therefore by default um but you know we started spending a lot of time together um we got super close in a very short period of time and like I said he was just isolating me from everyone and I think that he just didn't want everything to get back to Betty you know while he was kind of trying to get to know me better and like we were spending all of our time together he was also doing very very relationshipy type things and this is only a few weeks into us like hooking up and we've been friends and we have been friends for like a month

or two months before this and like he took me to meet his parents he um would buy me gifts like the type that you would give to your significant other he gave me this very special bracelet to him that he had gotten on vacation a few years back and then like I think like three weeks in or four weeks maybe he was like you know I never wanted to marry Betty but I want to marry you he's love bombing he was love bombing you yeah so I that's when I like I went to go to his closet one day for like a sweatshirt or something I was like why do you have so many dresses are you a cross-dresser and I didn't know are you like like that's cool like what's happening why are there so many dresses here he's like no those are Betty's I was like why hasn't Betty gotten them

he's like well I haven't told you this but she was very physically abusive to me and I just I'm scared of what she's going to do and like he did have a scar like on his neck too so like he wasn't I don't think that he was lying about that but I don't think that anyway that is like a whole another like thing and but anyway he was like there's no way that I can give her these clothes back I really just like I just need some time away from her and I was like okay cool and so than a few days later um and I in my original call I did mention how he was going like he was across the country and it was because his birthday was coming up and he was going there like family and they were like hanging out in California and all this stuff and he had asked me to take him to

the airport at 5 a.m. I was like if you really don't have anyone else to take you I guess I can like I'll take you at 5 a.m. like that's really early but it's fine I'll just go to bed earlier and like drive you and he's like cool by the way it's an airport two hours away so you'd have to get up at three drive me two hours be there at five and then drive back two hours and go to your 10 a.m and I was like yeah and so I was like no I'm not gonna do that and he's like fine I'll just go ask Betty I was like okay like I'm still not gonna go like I'm still not gonna drive you to the air two hours away yeah so while he was across the country after betty had driven him two hours and in the middle of the night he was texting me while he was there and he was like saying like

being very affectionate over text he was like using words like dear and darling babe baby honey like saying that he missed me so much um and i was like oh maybe we're gonna like make it official soon when he gets gets back and like um and then that's when I saw her car in his driveway and that's when I called in because I was like I'm upset right now he's being very affectionate but also there's something wrong and I need to call Megan and Melissa and that's what I did I apologize for our harshness but it I needed it but your call also I will say was the setup for so much like just fantastic comedy because like the image of like us being like not that you actually think this which was I don't think we even like clarified that but like that like as

if it was like the Matilda house like how did it get there like I love that fucking image like I'll never be able to get that out of my head of like oh god but but when he got back from California he we were hanging out um and he was like do you want to have sex I was like no not right now and he was like and I was like actually I want to talk about something and I was gonna like end it and he kept pushing and I kept saying no and then he pulled out his penis and I oh my gosh so then I left and like at the time I was like oh that's weird but like and it made me uncomfortable so I'm gonna leave but like it's not like to like I didn't think anything of it because like also up until that point I had had like a really rough summer a lot of like

sexual assault instances um and I just like that seemed like that was very minute compared to everything else that I had experienced um but and I was like you know I want to talk about something and then he like pulled pulled it out and then like the next day I told my friend Inez and one of my best friends who were still best friends like we're gonna be best friends forever you know it's one of those things like it's like um yeah it's just anyway so I told Inez and my best friend about it and my best friend was like oh that sounds rapey and I didn't I was like oh I don't know I didn't see it that way maybe you're right but I don't know and Inez took this information um and I'll get back I'll get to that in a minute but he so then I broke it off with him I was like

I don't want to be treated like a second a second option it seems like you're still really into Betty I don't like what you did the other day and then he was like no we can work this out I was like, okay, let's give this a week. Give me a week by myself. Don't talk to me at all. I just want a week alone. And then the next day he texted me, he would reply to my story on Snapchat. He would send me Instagram posts, tweets, like all this different stuff. And I was like, you need to leave me alone. I told you to leave me alone. And he wouldn't. And so then he had a birthday party for himself. Um, a few days later and Inez texted me and she was like, Hey, you should come over here and I was already super drunk I'm a writer and so I was like I might as well like

try to write drunk like I've always heard that that's like fun and so I was trying to do and that's when she texted me and she's like you should come over here we're having like a great time she was at his party yeah across the street okay yeah and she knew what happened okay and so I was like I might like and you know I was drunk I was like I might as well like go over just like do something but yeah so anyway I went over there I was super drunk um but not drunk enough not to remember anything I want to point that out but then I was over there for a while and I started hanging out with like some other friend like mutual friends that we had and I didn't talk to him at all he tried to come up to me and I was like I told him I was like get away from me and

he just walked away like in his own house too which is funny but um he walked me home that night because I like was so dizzy that I couldn't walk but I was also like I called him I was like I'm at your house right now both of your roomies are asleep and I need to get home but I'm so dizzy do you need to like, I need you to walk me home. And he was like at a club, like he left his party in the middle of it just to go to a club. And he walked me home and he was like, and we said, I love you to each other. Yeah. And then I like woke up the next morning and it's like, did that happen? And so I like, he called me and he was like, whatever happened last night didn't happen. And that was after, and Oh, before he did that, I had told Inez, I was like,

we said, I love you to each other last night, but like, that's not, you know, that's, weird like I don't know why that happened like all this stuff and I was like I guess I was just so drunk that I like it just slipped out it was it was three in the morning it was super late you know I don't know what happened and then he he worked with Inez and so he like called me and he was like whatever you said last night didn't happen whatever I said last night didn't happen don't go around telling people this you're crazy and like I think he just he did he did remind you what happened so of course it actually happened what a dick oh my god I didn't even realize that yes yeah but anyway so after that like after he like got really upset with me on the phone and

he basically was like you can't like don't talk to me again all this different stuff him and Betty got together he asked me that night he was like you know I I'm really happy with her and I'm in love with Betty but I still want to marry you so like would you want to like do you think you'll be single in a year or two years after you've matured a little bit what and I was going over to my best friend's house after this because we had girls night every week um but like I was I'm going over there like where you can't play with my emotions like this you can't be like a second option and still tell me that you want to marry me and be with me forever because that's like not cool at all um and then so a month later it and that was like right before my birthday

that that happened and then new year's was happening and inez was going to this party and so was james and betty and i was going to go with my best friend and or we had heard that james and betty were going but we didn't know that james and betty were going and so inez just didn't want me to be there because she knew that she like did a lot of wrong in the end of our friendship and so she started spreading the rumor that I accused him of rape even though she's the one that said what he did yeah so my best friend was the one who said that sounds a little rapey and she's like she stands by that like she would tell you right now yeah yeah it does yeah um but I never said anything like that and I like you know and the thing is that now I can acknowledge

that that was very inappropriate and I would consider that I don't know if that would be considered sexual harassment or assault but you know it's honestly it's whatever you it's however you feel about it and technically if he touched you then it's assault and if he didn't touch you it's harassment so I think considered harassment but yeah like and you know now I look back and I consider it that and I would tell like I would tell you know but at the time I didn't consider it anything because I had already had a very long summer and when I didn't accuse him of rape he didn't rape me you know but he did whip his dick out um regardless of whatever like that is even if you did like that the idea that like starting a rumor like a woman starting a rumor

about another woman like accusing someone of rape as if that makes her look bad not him that's the whole like that's the part that's so fucked up that it's a rumor about you like being like look what she did versus look what he did even if it do what i mean like if it was true or not that's so much fucking internalized misogyny with her oh oh yeah she's definitely like like one of the first things she said to me was like oh yeah i'm not i don't consider myself a feminist and i'm like my best friend and i were like what are you talking about you're not a feminist like that's like we stay on your best friend here fuck everybody else oh i we love my best friend she's heisei's queen we all need and i love her so much um but yeah so she knew the people who were

throwing the party and she like told him she was like you know that didn't happen i was there when she told both of us that that's not the case she hasn't even like even hinted toward the fact that that happened you know that's not what she said don't believe inez um and so all of that seemed to like go away and Inez and James worked together so I texted him I was like you know I didn't say this this isn't what I said I don't want you to think that you know because I was scared that she would tell people at work and then there would be anything there I was like you know I just want to let you know this didn't happen but also I this is not an invitation to talk to me I'm just telling you that this didn't happen like get ahead of it and so he texted me back he was like you know you

need to like leave me alone and all this different stuff I was like I didn't say anything I'm the one who's like having rumors spread about her called crazy and all this stuff and it's like but the thing is that at that point I was like maybe I am crazy maybe I am this thing that people are saying about me but anyway um but yeah after that like I thought everything was done Betty and James broke up I guess like February or January um I'm friends with his roommates or I was when I was living there just because we were neighbors and we were friendly and so we became friends um but so after that like during so once quarantine had started he started to come over and ask for different things so he came over once and just asked for pickle juice and we were like we

don't have pickle juice that's weird and like at first we were like maybe he just like needs this and maybe he's making fried chicken yeah yeah who knows and so I was like and then he came over one day he was like do you guys have a trash bag and we're like not for you like what and then um he came over once and this is the last time that he had come over to ask for anything but it was like 11 at night corona was like in full swing I think this this had to have been in like late April or early May but he asked for like one of those charging boxes but I was the one who opened the door so I opened the door and he was right there and he was like oh uh do you have a charging box and I looked at him I was like no and I slammed the door in his face wearing a mask no I know

James and like yeah and so I was like no and I slammed the door in his face and I just heard him from the other side like kind of yelling and I was like I don't even want to hear this like I don't want to have a conversation with him this is so ridiculous I don't know why he's still coming over here and like all this different stuff. And, you know, and he would always try to talk to me whenever I was outside. And like, you know, once it started getting warmer, I tried to go outside as much as I could because we were stuck inside. Like I would sit on the porch and read or I would go on socially distanced walks or, you know, all this different stuff. And he would always like, if he was out there, he would try to talk to me. It was just so uncomfortable. And then like,

you know, and like I said, I was friends with his roommate and like, I, you know, I bake all the time and so i made these cookies and i gave them to his roommate and i like you know i like opened the door put them out there close the door he like or like i like put them out there so that he could get them and you know it was we were socially distanced i just want to make that like yeah yeah yeah um but yeah i haven't seen him since like may i haven't really talked to him since december so it's been a year since like i actually talked to him and now i have a very wonderful boyfriend who i'm very happy with oh my god the plot twist oh my god that makes me so happy i would like i've i needed it i needed a silver lining yeah oh my god i love her me too

she's so i mean you guys didn't see her but she's so cute and she's so fucking cute i feel like we'd be friends with her so sweet she yeah she would be like the sweet part of that do you mean like she would we would encourage her to do petty stupid shit and then she would be there just like to like be nice and like bring us down like she'd bring me down a couple pegs and be like let's stay grounded yeah i love it i love her and um i love the taylor swift references and i can't wait to send you all of them yeah now i've got to listen to it should we get into our first call Let's do it. Hey, Megan and Melissa.

I'm an 18-year-old Gemini. My pronouns are she, her. And basically, since this year, I've been having this oozing sexual attraction to Timothy Chalamet, and I don't know how to handle it. I'm in a two-year relationship that has been pretty rocky already for the past year, especially with the pandemic going on and everything. we're also kind of long distance now since I moved last year I kind of do feel trapped in the relationship but that's a whole other story I don't have time for it's literally gotten to

the point where the only sexually appealing person right now is this unattainable celebrity I feel so dumb saying this but I just like want to sleep with him and then dump my boyfriend and then after just leave him to be famous and whatever and then i just move on with my life um but i kind of also feel like our vibes would match really well like our energy and stuff um anyway i don't know if there's some deep psychological explanation for this or if i genuinely need help um maybe miss rona isn't giving me the action i need but I don't know I've never had like this kind of celebrity crush before um yeah put me in my place or something I don't even know um or maybe if you have some advice on how I could maybe one

day make this happen if the world goes back to normal and we have a vaccine or something anyway I love the podcast and I've been listening to you guys since you started so you kind of helped me with my sexual awakening i guess um in a good way so thanks all right so i have conversed with timothy chalamet briefly um at a screening for that movie that took place in your hometown forgot what it's called beautiful boy yes that one yes and so like i get it i get like i get the appeal but uh i think this is he i mean like he just has this like charisma about him i i will just say i he reminds me so so fucking much of one of um my friends who i'm like not attracted to at all love him but like i this i will say that like the year like the last two

years of timothy shalame have kind of been like i felt like a like a 90 year old person being like what like i don't i just don't get it so like of all of the people to pick to call it and talk about like if you said like i don't know you said like who i i'm trying to think of other like like who people think are like really hot if you said like chris pine i would be like okay i get it like chris evans okay i get it um i but i think the difference is here you said that you're that you're like unhappy in your relationship essentially and you don't think it's related but i think it's 100 related so what it is yeah and so you're unhappy so you're projecting this person that you see as like this mystery he has like a mystery about him like I don't think anyone

fully gets him and I don't think he fully gets himself either and so you're projecting your thoughts and attraction onto this unattainable guy because it's safe you can let your mind wander you can live out whatever you want in your mind with him this fantasy of running off with him and we're not gonna make this happen like no but uh because you asked how we could help make a famous for yeah like i just want to be famous for dating him and then yeah no we're not gonna help with that at all i have no like direct connection except for this brief conversation i had with him five three four years ago i don't know whenever that movie came out but like i actually do think we have a closer connection okay i think he did something with someone who we know but i don't

know maybe i'm wrong but either way we're not like we're not gonna hook you up with this dude you don't know him we don't know him you don't know what he's like in real life you have you need to focus on the relationship that you're in right now and come to the conclusion of what you actually want and i think you want out and so you're projecting all of this onto timothy chalamet so uh yeah that's my advice get out of your relationship spend some time with yourself figure out who you are you can continue to fantasize about timothy but he is not going to be your end goal i agree and like you're right that he is a celebrity so therefore he is a safe crush for you to have while you're in a relationship and like that's how your mind is

dealing with it that you're projecting all of your unhappiness and all of your wants and desires onto somebody who again it's safe they're a celebrity and like it's not like someone you and like it is so important to not stand white men celebrities it's really fucking important to not put them on this pedestal of any like truly anyone that you don't know don't put them on this pedestal but like when you are like so convinced that like you love them at all like inevitably something shitty is going to come out and then that's how you have all these like fandoms and fangirls who then defend people for doing like atrocious and horrible things like he's an actor he's a fucking person and like the what you see of him and like what you think you'd be really

attract like what you think would be like really great and like vibing with him is also a product of his publicist his team and whatever project he's promoting at the time because like that that personality and that persona and who you are like that's it changes based on how what job you're trying to get or what job that you have and like that's it's you're not ever going to know like that real person and the more that you can kind of just humanize people and maybe but also the same time humanize you already maybe he needs to be more distant for you this is the other thing timothy chalamet though like i could see because he reminds me so much of uh my friend i could see us being i could see us being friends like i want to say like i'm not slandering this

at like him as a person at all because i don't i also don't know him as a person but in general you got like y'all everyone needs to do this like everyone needs like you can thirst after like we thirst after our mutual shared husband all of the time but like if it's getting in the way of your relationship the issue is the relationship not the celebrity right and also that celebrity i promise you i promise you regardless of who they are they will disappoint you they will they will because like if you want like if you want to be like i need to fuck this athlete or i need to fuck this movie i need to fuck this youtuber i need to fuck this movie star or whatever you can probably make it happen you probably can make it

happen but i cannot promise you that you're actually going to be happy that you did that or that it was like worth it or what you thought or enjoyable at all like there are some people that like keep them in your fucking spank bank and don't actually like meet them because i know it'll ruin everything so don't meet your heroes don't also don't fuck your heroes masturbate to your heroes don't fuck them and yeah all right so next call yay hi megan and melissa i'm 22 years old and i'm calling because i had an issue that resurfaced so back in october it was my friend's birthday and we zoomed and played drinking games it was me her and two of her other friends. So keep in mind, I'm not close with them. One of them I was close

with when I was younger, but we just grew apart. And the other, I just was never really close with. Anyways, when we were talking, one of them asked me, oh, how are you and your boyfriend? And him and I broke up because he did something without my consent. And then he broke up with me. Yes, I know. Trash throughout the whole man. Don't worry. He's gone forever. Not recyclable. So anyway, they asked why, and I guess I felt like I kind of had to explain myself, so I kept it brief and said he did something without my consent, and then we broke up. Then one of them said, oh, well, do you mean something physical? Like, what happened?

And this just made me a bit uncomfortable because I shared what I wanted to share. If I wanted to say that, I would. So I just reiterated myself. Then the other girl, the one I knew from childhood but wasn't close with, said, oh, Well, did you see yourself marrying him? And I go, what? Keep in mind, neither of these girls said, I'm sorry that happened. That's not okay.

This bitch asked if I saw myself marrying him. As if I said yes, then it would be okay. Like, I just don't really get where her thought process is there. Keep in mind, I'm 23. I dated this man for six months, and I loved him. It sucked, but I just wasn't thinking about marriage. So that's what I told her. And she said, well, you know, I thought I loved my last boyfriend, but I just didn't see marriage with him like I do with my new boyfriend.

And the other girl chimed in and agreed and said, like, she just said the same thing. So I said, you know that some people don't want to ever get married, right? And she goes, yeah, well, those people just haven't found the one yet. You'll find him. I know you'll find him. and I said to this bitch I wholeheartedly disagree and I don't want to find someone right now and then it just got super uncomfortable and the conversation was basically over and I feel like looking back on it I'm glad I told her that I disagreed but honestly I wish

I just called her a stupid bitch because I cannot believe that that happened so the reason why I'm bringing this up is because today one of them messaged me on Instagram it was irrelevant to the situation it was just about a story i posted but part of me is like do i ignore this girl do i block her do i tell her how ignorant her and her friend are i just don't really know what to do and i'm curious to see what you both think um oh i'm like getting heated talking about it again but i love the podcast thanks so much bye guys god damn first i'm sorry about what you went through with him and then with them and then also i love your energy i i love this energy i wish we knew what your sign was um but like you you have our energy we have we have the same energy um i

mean here's the thing you can do whatever the fuck you want to do so i think like you have our permission again to do whatever you want to do um if you want to tell her off fucking tell her off but also block her or just don't respond like you don't owe her anything and if when someone says some just like ignorant stupid fucking shit you have every right to tell them off like you don't have to be concerned about her feelings or like well i don't want to be i don't want to hurt her feelings like no she she hurt you and like you don't always have to be this idea that we always have to be a bigger person you don't like you need to do what makes you feel good in the moment and what will make you feel good afterwards and like is that going to be and like we always say like

sometimes when it comes to like having conversations with people like are you gonna feel you have to feel good once you say your piece and you walk away like it can't be like riding on like her response or her acknowledging it or her being like oh you're right or anything like that it doesn't even sound like you really want her like that from her it's just you you don't it doesn't sound like you need anything from her you just need her to know that you think that like that was incredibly ignorant like awful to say and like just fucked up and if that will make you feel better or make you feel good like fucking go for it do it like i have no i have no issue with that kind of stuff and i think like we can we always have those things where like something happens

in the moment and like we say something and or we don't say anything at all and then you you know you go home and you're like i should have said this yeah but i think what you said was great yeah i i i think i think you you obviously like in those moments we can't be we can't expect anything of ourselves to like do you know i mean like you we can't expect like when someone says something that's like incredibly hurtful or ignorant like our automatic response isn't always like the most eloquent or we we just protect ourselves it's like it happens in cases like in when like people in higher power bosses or someone says something that like makes you feel uncomfortable there there is an inherent our first need is to protect ourselves and our safety and

that also happens with our psyche too and so uh we can beat ourselves up for like not have like saying what we wanted to have said and everything but uh if it'll make you feel like better to fucking tell her off then 100% do it but also like you can also just fucking ignore it and if it pisses you off yeah block her like you don't have to owe her anything even and I have no issue with like when if I like had like a a tiff with someone or like a falling out with someone and then they like reach out about something unrelated or random that I don't you have no obligation to respond to that just because it's not the same like context as like the issue that you had like the issue that you have with people can change your entire relationship overall it doesn't have

to be like oh well i missed the opportunity in that moment to like stop being friends with her or like cut them off or whatever you can fucking whenever whenever you don't have to respond you don't have to deal with that shit or you can if you if you want and i you know just depends on the day depends on your mood right like make at this point you've had some time to sit on it for a minute so like how are you feeling today just do do what you want to do I'll probably just like block them and then for me I would block them and then they'd wonder why I blocked them and that would give me more satisfaction yeah that is a good that is a good one I yeah I think I would i would it would depend on my mood that i would either like say something you'd probably call

them out i would probably most likely but if i or i would just like ignore and block them but my ignoring and blocking them would that would be the least effective thing i if it was me i should just respond in the moment to it like in over the dm and just like call them fucking out because i would want i would block them and then i would want them to like text me or call me to be like why and then but that's something that like i won't get as much satisfaction because i'm counting on them to do something when in reality the smartest thing if i was in the situation is i would just say it in the moment like i would respond to the dm oh it's time for a break okay we will take a quick break and we will be right back

we are back from our break everybody and we're going to get into the rest of our calls oh i wasn't expecting that leg to come up if you're not watching patreon you're missing it i flashed my tit no am i allowed to say that hey megan and melissa so i have um a pretty like significant conflict with my family right now so I'm in college but I'm currently home for like a month and a half for the holidays and I have um some very major political conflicts with my family basically I am the only liberal in a household of conservatives right now and um just with like the election and everything politics are just a huge topic of discussion in my house right now and I am just constantly fighting with my brother and my

dad it's it's so bad um and I just I just don't know what to do um I'm not trying to turn them to liberals or anything I'm just trying to make them like more open-minded and maybe like anti-Trump or just not pro-Trump um it's just really hard because every time I try to have a civil discussion with them they just make it into arguments or they make fun of me they call me stupid like they're and I don't do that to them and it's really frustrating like whatever they um you know disagree with me um or I disagree with them like I'll just I'll try to like come back with like a fact or something and I don't make fun of them and I try to be as respectful as I possibly can and you know it's gotten really bad and we've tried to say

okay politics are off the table but they'll still talk about it in front of me and i just can't stay quiet for something i feel so strongly about and it's hard because i have been very quiet with my family about my political views up until like probably like six or seven months ago um and it's just really hard it's just really hard and i just like how i need some help on how i can be civil with my family because i'm here for a month and a half and I'm going insane and they're like my family like I can't drop them like if this was like a friend or something like I would I would drop them but I can't and they're just really not respecting me for my views and I don't disrespect them for their views and I just wish they would

have that mutual respect for me um and I'm like and I just want to have civil discussions with them and try to make them more open-minded but anyways I would love any advice you would have for me um I'm a Pisces by the way and I love your podcast and I hope both of you are doing well and yeah have a good day I mean I like I definitely like I am not in any sort of similar position to this at all so i i just want to like like say that because i you know me i'm very much like fuck these people and like i've definitely gotten some flack from people who are like you need to like like have conversation and like here's the thing that like i love to post like funny stupid shit of people who like there's no there's no use in having a conversation with

them. Like there's no use in like, you know, it's not going to go anywhere, but then like, there's also like great conversations you can have with people who are open and willing to like, listen. And for me, those conversations that I'm having, those aren't long haul conversations necessarily, because I don't know these people in real life. These are people who are sliding into my DMS. We're having conversations that way. The people who are actively in your life, it is different because it is a long game. It's not like when I say things like I'm, I'm going to talk to and respond to people. I'm not going to respond to someone who's saying, like, uh, uh, like Trump is the, Trump is the savior of the world. Like you're like,

you fucking like lived hard. Like, well, I'm not gonna, I'm not going to, because that's not worth my time. But if you're in person with somebody, there is more of a long, and you have a relationship, there is more of a long game to that than just responding to like people's DMS and stuff. And I think if you can. And maybe this is like awful advice, but if you can look at the situation and take the word politics out of it, you're telling me that your parents make fun of you, call you, your family makes fun of you, calls you stupid and doesn't respect your beliefs or your opinions. I don't really care why I don't really care what the context of that is I think you need to address protecting yourself in that before you get into I think the issue is you need to have a like a conversation with your parents about you're really hurting me and all of these things that you're saying and doing are unacceptable and would you call me stupid and make fun of me

on any other subject like is this a this is this a consistent part of your relationship or is this only related to politics and i you can't make people want to learn something or want to hear something that they don't want to hear and i know i also want to state that like not that your call sounded like this but i want to make it abundantly clear you don't have to have your family in your life you don't have to accept like you individually can make the choice that i don't like these things that my family does and i'm not going to cut them off but you can cut your fucking family anyone can so if anyone like listening to this don't ever feel guilt tripped into this like fucking idea of like a nuclear family and like this being this like all

important kind of thing it's only important if those people are your your parents are only your parents if they're parents and that sounds stupid but like there is no need for this like unconditional support you don't have to give people unconditional love and support if you're not receiving unconditional support and love and that's like point blank and it's a choice up to everybody you don't have to forgive yeah i don't i've just been seeing so much of that stuff like online with the holidays and like even like post-election that it's like forgive people who've like hurt you don't have to that's your fucking choice and so if you choose to that you that it is important to you to maintain a relationship you it kind of sucks to say that like

you kind of this is the relationship that they're giving you and like I don't know what to tell you to make that relationship better but if you want to keep that relationship with them this is the relationship you have right now like i don't you know i mean yeah um like you said you can't change anyone's like if people aren't willing to have an open mind you're not going to change their mind so you're going to be home with them for a month i would just not even because you the caller stated she was like, I'm trying to make them change their minds. Like, you're not going to do that. And I think that's, you can't go into it with that mindset. You have to, it has to be more of like, you're just going to have conversations with them when they come up and share how it personally

affects you and don't make it a political thing. And that's it. Like, I don't think anybody's gonna bring anything they're not gonna bring it up unless they're looking for a fight yeah if they can't if all they're doing is making fun of you and calling you stupid like they're not looking to have an open like that is such a huge leap from there to get from them doing like the goal right now should be to get through the next month and a half that should be the goal and like sorry what were you saying and i was gonna say just try to because your family's important to you. I don't think she's, she's going to cut them off and she doesn't need to. And so in order for you to be fine in this situation, you, I think you need to look at it as a time to spend with

your family and not as a time to change anybody's mind. Well, because if you want to maintain a relationship with your family, you're saying you don't want to cut them off, which again, is a personal choice and totally fine. That can't ride on the condition that in this month and a half you change their minds and you make them more accepting and open like if you want to make if you're like no no this is important to me to maintain this relationship then that's not how you're maintaining that relate like that's not a part of maintaining the relationship like this is the relationship that you have with them and you need to work with what you have and it's like it's going to be like a slow burn and you said that you have a hard time not responding and i would

just make it a habit of the second that it comes up like the next time that politics come up just say okay everybody we're all here and i think this is an important time to say like i you know i the earlier the couple of like the beginning of this trip like i very much got into these conversations with you and we've talked about politics the last like year has been really politics discussion heavy and i really don't feel um loved and accepted and supported in this house when we talk about this. I feel really belittled. It really hurts my feelings. And I have now made the choice now that I'm not going to be in those conversations and I'm not going to be a part of them anymore. So if they do come up, I'm just letting you know ahead of time that I will be

leaving the room. And if those conversations continue, I'm not engaging and I'm not going to be responding to them because nothing good is coming from them. And it's just been really painful and, uh, exhaust emotionally exhausting for me. And if we want to have like a conversation that doesn't involve name calling or anything like that, I'm not ready for us to even attempt to do that right now, but maybe the next time that I come home and visit, or we can have like a FaceTime in a couple months after I go back to your apartment or whatever, then we can have that. But right now that's, that's not what I'm capable of doing. And because they're not capable of doing that so if they lead you into thinking that like no we can have that conversation like blah blah

blah they can't because like they haven't proven they can't yeah yeah and so i think there's absolute and i'm i i i've set those boundaries before like with people where it's like if you bring this up i'm letting you know ahead of time i'm leaving the room and i will just be like okay and i just and you remove yourself from the situation and when you give people especially parents who feel like they have so much say and control and like how you behave when you're under their roof or whatever when you give them that ample warning you're setting those clear boundaries and then you also need to set physical boundaries for yourself and literally it's not removed it's not saying hey everybody at the dinner table we're changing the conversation it's I'm removing

myself from the conversation because that's a boundary your boundaries can't involve other people and their actions and what they do your boundaries can't involve other people changing They can only involve you. And it's taking yourself physically. It's verbally taking yourself out of the conversation, but physically removing yourself from there. And also that it shows a very clear division of boundaries. And that's, I think, important. And we talk about boundaries here a lot, but that's something that has been very helpful for me to understand in therapy that that's how boundaries are created. Boundaries don't rest on other people and their actions and other people adjusting to your boundaries. Your boundaries have nothing to do with anyone else. your boundaries should be things that you can do and nobody else can change them do you know what i mean like nobody else can affect them like you don't need anyone to do anything you just do your own shit right so um but yeah i think again like i just to loop back to the beginning of it too i would also like recognize that sure politics makes people like very like ugly and do some like

nasty stuff but um your family and your parents should not be calling you stupid or making fun of you or belittling you or calling you names or anything like that and recognize that and don't let that behavior happen remove yourself from that situation if that behavior is happening because you don't have to take it you don't have to fucking you don't have to take that at all because also it's not it's also not productive in the fight for it at all that all that does is exhaust you and it doesn't get you any closer to them being open-minded so but yeah this is something that I feel like a lot of people are probably dealing with right now 100 yeah and also think of it like it'll be over and you know like January 20th is gonna roll

around and it's gonna be a glorious day like we won next call next call hey megan and melissa i'm 25 and my boyfriend and i have been together for almost three years um so crazy story a couple of nights ago around 11 30 i got a phone call from an unknown number my boyfriend and i were just laying in bed so i answered the call and put it on speaker it was a female voice but they wouldn't tell me who they were. I kept asking, and she just said she knows someone who knows me very well. The vibe was super creepy, and I got scared. So my boyfriend took over and started arguing with them. Soon after he got on the phone with them, a male voice took over on the other line and started claiming that I had cheated on a boyfriend with this person, which is a complete lie. I

haven't talked to or spent time with anybody. Cheating is completely not in my character. He even went so far as to say something like, remember last weekend when you were blowing up her phone? She was with me. So a little backstory to that, to why that matters. The previous Tuesday, which is my day off work every week, I'd gone to a museum by myself just to get out of the house and do something fun. My boyfriend got a little freaked out by that because it's not something that I would usually do alone. But I was bored at home, so I did. But my phone also died while I was there, so I wasn't answering his text messages. He's been cheated on in past relationships, so this kind of brought up some insecurities for him. But we talked about it and

we were all good. But then this stranger on the phone telling him that I had cheated and the coincidental nature of the comment about blowing up my phone, that kind of made him question me again and question my honesty. The caller also called me a whore and said they were going to come to my house. And they knew my name, so they definitely were targeting me specifically. So needless to say, my boyfriend can't stop thinking about this and has been questioning my loyalty for the past couple of days now. I'm well aware that this story sounds too coincidental to be completely honest and true. And I do sound guilty when I explain it. But I promise you that I'm not. I haven't cheated and I would never do that to anybody, even a relationship

that I wasn't happy in. And I have no reason to lie to you guys about that, obviously. So I just need advice on how I can help my boyfriend feel more secure. Like I said, I would never ever do that so this whole situation is brand new for me i've never had to convince anybody that i wasn't cheating on them before um so any advice for that would be helpful thanks you guys who the fuck are these people one question that this is for you um did she specifically say that they said the day that like or did you say last week when you were blowing up her phone last week when you're blowing up the phone okay you know maybe I am just like so shady first of all people lied to us all the fucking time

um I will say that it feels a little weird to me I think like yeah it is a very large coincidence but it also feels a little weird to me that we're trying to make and maybe this is just because you didn't include in the call but like we're trying to make your boyfriend trust you again and feel like you didn't cheat on him and we're not talking about you finding out who called and like who this person they know your name they're come they said they're gonna come to your like to me if i'm gonna be the most pessimistic most skeptical person in the world like that's what i would be afraid of and that's also what your partner would be the most afraid of to do what I mean, like of someone's gonna come to our house and

like, did they know your name? Like, this is terrifying. And that to me, should be what's being addressed. And I think if you're maybe you didn't include the call, but like, I don't this is all I'm going off. This is all you gave us. If I was your partner, and that was what you were trying to focus on was my reaction. I would be like, so you're not you're not worried because you know who called like you don't think that they're actually gonna go like go through with it and then i would then assume if i was your partner that that is kind of an admission of guilt in that sense that it's like that that there's that but again i'm a pessimistic piece of shit um and yeah i just think that like do you have any idea who it could be and like

right like who knew that your phone died last week who knew that you were at the museum because that's where I would start because obviously they have something they have they know you in some type of way because they know your name they know the phone number or whatever even if this was a prank there's too many coincidences so like you need to find like who did you tell who did he tell that that would be where I would be going like who are these people why do they care so much about our relationship why are they trying to plant what you have your pessimistic part i have my part where i'm like if he's dealt with cheating before in a relationship and he they know that this is what's gonna they know that this is gonna hit hard

that's not even where i'm going if he thinks that uh that you that the thing that happened last week where your phone went dead and maybe he's testing you like what if he had these people set it up like oh my god it's colton it's colton underwood all over again i don't know what that means he's from the bachelor but he pretended to have a stalker for him and his girl like fiance at the time who won the bachelor um and then it came out that he was just doing it to get closer to her and he was the one stalking both of them wow that's messed up oh he's i never fucking trusted that fucker not fucking once didn't even watch the fucking season oh disgusting disgusting terrifying human um so we don't we don't know your boyfriend at

all we don't know these we don't know you we just know what you've told us but there's just a lot there's too many coincidences in this story it's there there is this is not random and even you said that because they know your name and so it's either it's on one camp of the other it's either on his camp and it's someone that he knows or something like that that is like either trying to break you up and like knows that he's been cheated on knows this is a sore spot for him or it's him testing you again through someone in his camp or it's you're not being honest with us and like something did happen or something that you wouldn't necessarily consider because here's the other thing too this is also how people uh like when like lie detectors are also like

admissible in court but uh not admissible or admissible you can't they're like they're not okay um but a way that like or even people who are like really like if you're working with someone who's like just like trying to decode lying in something people can believe and i'm not saying that you're lying at all but like there are ways in which we can tell stories that we believe our truth because like maybe you consider cheating having sex with someone else maybe you made out with someone else maybe you had feelings maybe you went on a date with someone maybe you like have a crush on someone else but like you don't consider in your mind that's not cheating so therefore you're not lying when you're saying you're not cheating but like when there's something

when you're hiding something there's there's a reason to hide it and again not saying that you are hiding it but there is literally this is not random this is not random and there's a reason why this happened and you guys need to figure it out but I will say the fact that like you're not try you didn't include trying to figure it out and like you're yes your relationship should be the most important part of it but how you prove to your boyfriend that you didn't cheat on him is and and how like you regain his trust is by your you d you didn't have you you decredit the witness like this is what like that's what you have to do and so the fact that that's not part of the conversation makes me feel like you can't do what i mean like it makes me feel like that's

not an option so that would be either because you know who it is and you know that there's some truth to it but like it's enough it's far away enough that it's never going to come out like or that like I don't know like I but I mean what you said does make me that does like that to me would be I don't know why I feel like that's more like and it's also just like why is there both a guy and a girl like what uh i start with um start with who knew where you were then go with who you've pissed off um yeah that's i i would just decredit whoever it was i can't you can't make someone feel better about themselves or trust you more if you did nothing that was

not trustworthy then that speaks for itself yeah you can't change any of that so this is uh from the original call was from season 6 episode 21 and uh the caller had a younger sibling that uh identified as well potentially identified as being liberal and the rest of their family was conservative and so the caller wanted to know if she should reach out to her sister so here's somebody calling with similar experience hi um i'm calling for don't blame them i'm uh i want to get give advice about episode 23 or 21 partying in a pandemic um i want to give advice to the girl with the conservative family who found out that her little sister was also liberal, and how to just give support to that little sister.

So I actually, all my siblings and I are all liberal. My father is very conservative. Well, my father's sort of conservative, but he's a boomer. So, you know, but I'm very outspoken as a liberal, which can be a little extreme for my family. I'm an Aries, by the way. And it has created a lot of conflict. And I actually have an older half-brother that is significantly older than me. And we have different mothers. So we both have the same father, the same conservative boomer father and uh my brother and I've recently gotten very very close um and he's really been like a safe haven for me and he's he's in his 30s so and I'm in my 20s So he's experienced a lot. He's a Scorpio, so he's not quite as extreme as me. But we were both very liberal and it really saved me this past year to be able to have him.

And I just want to let that caller know that having that older sibling to, like, stand by you and back you up really means the world to that younger sibling. And he really gave my trust by just having a very casual relationship. And when there's a big age difference, it can be hard to get that relationship going. But it really has been amazing. and don't don't stop yourself from making that relationship with your younger sister because it really will be special to her to know that she has you to rely on that is so fucking sweet that's really sweet like so so sweet i didn't think that i thought she was going to have something similar with like a younger sibling but like she is the younger sibling in that situation

i think that's great advice and yeah so sweet i love that i have nothing else to add yeah nothing either very very lovely is that it for our episode that is it that is it for our episode of don't blame me did you enjoy yourself if you did um leave us a review on the apple podcast app we literally appreciate it so much should we read one oh my god yeah Okay. All right. So here is a review of five stars from Alfie Adele. If it's your real name, I will take it. Oh, it's online. So whatever. It says my favorite. This is one of my favorite podcasts ever. I love how candidly and open Megan and Melissa talk about different topics. The advice is genuinely very good. And it's hilarious. I also love love being part of the

facebook group the community that has grown from this podcast is so sweet and lastly i just want to shout out how much i appreciate oh wow this is about me oh yeah and lastly i just want to shout out how much i appreciate melissa as a fellow black woman creative i love seeing melissa embark on fun projects and reach success doing them i love having representation in spaces like this i recommend this podcast to every girl i know oh that almost made me cry that was so sweet i wasn't i literally just picked the first long one that i saw so thank you that was oh thank you oh my god i'm gonna cry that makes me so happy thank you guys for listening if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners send us

an audio message at meganpodcastgmail.com under three minutes write it down and you must be 18 or older or have your parents permission follow us on instagram uh you can um also join our patreon we do live streams twice a month it is so fun especially for those of you who uh uh you know maybe are quarantining and isolating away from you're living alone or you don't have roommates that you like it's literally just like a fun hangout session and i love it it's so great it's remember you were nervous the first time we were gonna do it so were you don't pretend it was just me remember when you were nervous we literally said before everyone joined i'm kind of nervous yeah we were nervous um but it's so fun like it's really just like it's just like a hangout

and it yeah and we always intend to only do an hour and it's at least two we've done three so and we like it's it's so fun and like so great um so join our patreon and also our videos are there if you want to watch them and that tier is only a dollar a month and then the live streams it's only uh how much five dollars a month five dollars a month and it helps us can keep keep this show going because um in the quarantine times there's a lack of ads and we love doing this and we want to keep doing this for you guys so if you can support the show it'd be great and you can't that's also okay um and listen and leave reviews though and share with your friends those are great great ways to support the show for free and if you work at um companies that do

ad space be like hey i have a wonderful podcast you should advertise on um okay follow us on instagram and uh we will see you guys next time oh also if you're looking for a last minute christmas um gift or holiday gift for someone get them my book okay we'll see you guys next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts edited by katrina henning and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso