Don't Blame Me! - S7E5: My Boyfriend Has A Sugar Mama w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: December 28, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: he's into farting Boyfriend's friend looks like you How to break up with someone who depends on you Hating your boyfriend's dog Don't Blame Them: cult-deprogramming   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me hello we're coordinating we are i mean i did i saw what you were wearing so i ran and changed all in like one minute i it was very impressive when we started the zoom call i she was you it was so fast that i i thought i was crazy because you you had walked away and then i came back and you were still like gone and so i was like should i fuck with her should i tell her the truth though thank you because i was just like i just automatically assumed i was wrong i just assumed that i like was misremembering you shout out your shout out where you got your sweater from my sweater is from m print not i am but just m print boutique and you're not related to them at all there's no

nepotism there is no favoritism no i didn't get the friends family and fire discount um i've been fired about 12 times um hi guys um welcome don't blink me this is an advice podcast i'm megan my co-host here is melissa hello we are eminem um you might be wondering are the iconic chocolate candies based off of you two yes they actually are which one do you want to be i'm the chocolate you're the candy coating oh facts facts well this is an advice podcast um we listen to your voicemails you call in you tell us what's going on in your lives and we give you our amazing advice and if you're new here and you're like why are these bitches giving me advice your your guess as good as mine you you landed here you how did you get here let us know put it in the comments

on the youtube previews because you know we don't really get comments except for uh bots sex bots sex bots what a type of bot too i mean if you're gonna be a bot that'd be a sex one be a sex one um if you want to call in you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com we ask that uh if you are 18 years or older or you get your parents permission to call in i do not want your mom yelling at me um or your guardian whoever is in your life that can sign off on that we say that but i'll be honest i don't know how many people who are under 18 are calling in not anymore in the beginning yes but i think even those that were in high school then they're like in college now

inevitably they did age yeah um and i'm timeless so i don't know facts facts we give all of our advice from our own experiences in our own life and our own opinions and if you have a different set of opinions that's totally fine but people who call into the podcast nobody calls in before they listen people know what they're getting themselves into uh and it all comes from like a place of love how we talk to our friends and yeah can you tell i read some negative reviews of people who are like they're so mean no it's a that's a lot megan's so mean if it wasn't for melissa this podcast well um we love it we love our community and um anything else what's new with you oh well this is this episode is coming out um the week of new year's thank god so are you uh

making any resolutions uh not to die it's the goal great great resolution yeah not dying not killing anybody is another resolution of mine i hope it'll be easy so far knock on wood hasn't happened yet um what else would my other resolutions be i don't know i don't know i'll think about you do you have resolutions um well a goal is to sell scripts okay so that can be one of mine yeah i mean if i sell then you're coming along because you're attached to all of them anyway that's what i mean so i'm just going to piggyback off of your resolutions and my resolution let's just say ditto and i also want to get out of this fucking pandemic that's not really a resolution for myself but for like the u.s oh yeah we should make some country resolution

and i'm going to be you know i just want to be back on my bad bitch behavior like wear some heels leave the house i want that too i mean last year i couldn't complete my resolution last year was to be a hoe so i need that to come back i mean that's not going to be till like end of next year because i'm not going to trust anybody until they've been on the vaccine for at least six months but you can start the person you don't have to act on it you can start the the internal and it's like the the one that only involves you yes exactly i want to say thank you to everyone that listens to the podcast that has stuck with us through this year because it's changed a lot um i also want to thank the people that work on this podcast shout out to amanda who

we haven't seen since march was literally thinking about her today being like i wonder i need to reach out i wonder how she's doing it's so sad i know so she was our camera person for anybody that doesn't know shout out to chris who listens to the show he does our audio sorry chris he actually i forgot like that he like active like i know that he listened to the show listen to the show but like i forget that he listens to the show you know like it's his job to listen which he's listening right now but he gave us a very let me let me tell you what he said oh my god does he like us well i'm afraid that every i've known him for a long time so i know that he likes me right chris i mean who doesn't like you a lot of people really you i you have that you have that

vibe you have the universally everyone wants to be your friend but they know that you don't want to be their friend but i everybody wants to be my friend i don't want to be their friend and then they pick up on it real quick and then uh don't want to be my friend and then don't like me not their fault that you're better he said he was submitting his invoices for last month and he said here we go into into december fuck 2020 and then in parentheses although listening to you and megan commiserate on the subject has been quite a comfort oh oh my thank you chris thank you that makes me so happy to hear and then my right hand woman katrina who's always you know there katrina she's like you know the the the unseen heart of the show she creates

our graphics she does the editing she writes the descriptions yeah she's the fucking best she's always been the fucking best and she's also i think one of the things that's been so like the because the people we work with normally are Amanda and Katrina and like Katrina moved back but like for a long period of time it was like you know all of us and so I miss the aspect of like when we had like a guest on that we knew Katrina would love and like we're like oh my god I can't we up we have to tell her where we can see her expression and like I love that kind of shit or like the fact that Amanda was not only like our camera up and doing like fantastic stuff like but she was also like a built-in laugh track and like always made me know that I was being

funny and like I just yeah I it's it's so weird to think that like we have it it feels like we've been in like doing the show this way for so long yet also like that stuff feels like just yesterday yeah and you know I miss it and yeah I appreciate like we are so happy with all the listeners and especially people who have um been in like the really uh great position and um who have been able to like become part of like beyond our patreon like we really appreciate it we know it's like we know we're not unique in the sense that like it's been a tough time uh for our show it's also a tough time for people job like jobs across across the world and so the people who have been able to um support our show has been like so fantastic and so we want to thank all

of our patrons and also everyone who just like you know listens and leaves reviews and is in our facebook group and like the community i think i feel like we all have trauma bonded throughout this and like i love i just yeah i i love it and we're we're we're so grateful for all of you really are and yeah also let us know what your new year's resolutions are so i can um steal some because i need some uh so we have been starting our episodes with our new favorite fucking part it's i guess it's still kind of new i mean it's new to me and us it's still new i mean we're seven seasons deep so like oh that's true it brings me so much joy um and we're gonna get a live update from someone who has called who's been on a previous episode and they're

gonna give us um the the current haps so give what are you gonna tell us where they're from or they tell us where they're from they're gonna tell us they'll tell us my call was actually the title of the podcast. And I was the caller whose boyfriend asked me to fart on him or fart while we were having sex. And I was super thrown off because we've been dating for five years. And he's never mentioned this before. And long story short, I was like, you know, I was we had a great conversation. And it was pretty in depth over like how it's not really my thing. Um, but you know, I was welcome to new ideas and kind of working through it together. But my call was basically like, like, what do I do? I'm kind of taken back because

this is the first time hearing of it. So I ended up taking your advice, which I kind of, which I should preface with our first initial conversation was pretty like detailed. And, um, we got into a lot of the topics that you guys had questions about in the podcast. So, um, I even said to him, I was like, you know, I want to make sure that I am meeting your needs in every aspect that I can, and that includes sexually. And if I can't do that for you, um, you know you can go and find someone else and that's okay and if you need to go and explore which some like to a lot of people probably seems crazy but to me I'm just like if you need to go often I'm also his first girlfriend so he's like never experienced things with other people so I'm

like if you need to go do that like I'll be here and whatnot and he was like oh my gosh like I would never I would never do that and I said okay that's fine so let's figure out what we can do with this um so Megan you mentioned you're like oh my goodness I have IBS well I do too oh my god okay relatable so like one of the initial thoughts I had was number one I can't fart on command this isn't like you know it's just I just can't and the second thing is um I would be so afraid that I would start like like so I didn't I kind of like we briefly touched upon that for a second I'm like you and your girlfriend with IBS to fart like do you know what's like what could happen that's what I mean you would have to have that fantasy too because I can't promise you that I'm

not going to give you that accidentally exactly oh and here well here's the other thing that really threw me off about it was I work in the medical field and if I'm like on the phone on FaceTime with a co-worker and we're talking about a poop story or something he freaks out he cannot do any bodily fluids so I was this whole time between a rock and a poop place that's why when he first told me I was like super calm and non-judgmental but at the same time I go is he joking because like he is so he gets so grossed out by this stuff normally so in our conversations that we have had we've had now on multiple just to kind of work through it but it was good because I think the initial conversation was him asking me I asked my questions and then

that's when I called and that I didn't say anything for a good two weeks like we didn't talk about it for a good two weeks and then I listened to your advice and I go okay I like we need to have this conversation again and talk about this a little bit more because he's probably still thinking about it too and he was um I asked him too I said have you like tried watching porn or anything that has involves this with it and he goes yeah I did and it like wasn't great but it was fine. So it's just kind of, there's like a lot of touch and go, but at the end of the day, the conversation ends up being, I'm not comfortable with it for multiple different reasons. And here's why, if you need to find a way to like, you know, that you feel like this

is a need, then you need to go do that and figure it out. Because for me, this, this doesn't work. And he was like, no, I think it was, you know, he goes, this was a very new thing for me. I've never had something like this before. So I think it's something that I'll get over. And he said, well, I don't want you to like try and get over something. You should kind of see where it's coming from and explore it. And he was like, no, like I'll probably stick with it for a little bit. But, um, from here on in, it's, you know, it's, he goes, obviously he goes, it's not something I would ever, I would never pressure you to do anything you didn't want to. And he goes, and I'm not gonna go and you know lose our relationship over this one thing and he goes and regardless

you know we still have great sex so I mean we kind of we figured it out I mean it's still there every once in a while if I do fart in front of him he's like he looks at me and I'm like back down wait I think that's actually kind of cute like knowing that he's like not pressuring you at all or anything like that but like as opposed to like people who feel like they have to hide their farts in our security net. They're like, when you do it, it's like there's a winky face on the end, like, I just farted. That's true. And I guess it's kind of like an inside joke now that really no one else will know. And they're like, okay, I don't know what they're laughing about now, but whatever. So the good thing about it is like going back and opening

up this conversation was that we, I mean, we've always had really great communication, but even more so now because it honestly is a pretty uncomfortable subject, especially when there's something new in a relationship after a while. So we are able to go in and have kind of deeper conversations. And we got back on the topic of like, why are we not as sexual as we have in the past? And it really came down to, it's like never been his problem. It's been my problem. And like, I've talked to my doctors about it. I'm like, why do I have a low libido? I just like never want to have sex anymore and this and that. And it came down to me realizing my daddy issues are coming through. Um, we, of our five years we've been dating, three of them have been long distance

because I'm in grad school. And what happens is, especially during quarantine, like I didn't see him for six months and then for him to come over, it's a whole process. Like I have to get work off for a few days. Cause I work in healthcare and he has, I mean, he works from home, so he's fine, but he still gets tested and I get tested. And then he's with me for a few weeks, but there was a day that we, he was like with me for two weeks. It was awesome. He had great sex. And then he goes, okay, like so-and-so and I are going to like one of his friends, one of our friends from college, he goes, so-and-so is, uh, wants to meet up for lunch with me tomorrow. So I think I'm going to go home tomorrow. And then I completely shut off and shut down. And the next week I had a

conversation with him about it. And I was like, I don't know if you realize, but like when we're together, we don't have sex until the fourth day. And I think this is why. And he was like, I have realized that it's always on the fourth day. And, but if I'm leaving the next day, it doesn't happen. And so he is super awesome. And he is like, whatever you need to do and like work through it I'll always be here so to me he's always been a keeper for me and he still is and for you know anyone listening just continually have open conversations and communication because it just will help build your relationship 100 is he that this is something that I just thought of now um what how does he feel about queefing because queefing is like a natural it makes a

similar noise does it need to come from the and also when you queef it's not like could he close his eyes and pretend it's coming from your butt do you know what i mean like that's actually a really good point so i used to i used to queef actually now i haven't really oh like on command i have a friend who queefs like literally she figured out how to queef on command when we were like teenagers and she's like look what i needed to do and it was really funny that's amazing yeah that's actually really interesting I never even thought about that but he well I he lost his virginity to me so everything sexually is very new to him and not anymore but it was so like the first time I queeped he literally looked at me and was like did you just fart and like didn't

freak out he was like oh my god like what you know but this was like five years ago right yeah yeah and I was like no it's a cleave and I like explained it and he was like oh okay and he just like got used to it but I wonder how it's a pussy fart yeah exactly I'm gonna ask him that now and be like what if I learn how to cleave on command

from Megan it's just positions like that's really the easiest way to do it like if you have like if your like butt is up in the if you're like up in the air enough and it's an angle and he like pulled fully out and then you're like you're you're you're just you're the vagina's up here and your head is down here like you're on

this angle and he's pulling fully out and you're like open and then that's how you get the air in there perfect and then it'll happen and then you stand up and walk and then they'll just be like you're just like it's like when you come back from the beach and there's like sand falling out you just like take it i that's why i literally make like i laugh every fucking time where i'm walking and i'm like i'm just getting my queefs out so sorry so sorry and there's no sharting there's no right this sounds like the solution truthfully i think the queefing thing is the smartest thing i've ever said i think if you that was i think it really was all of the things i've said on the podcast who care anything i've ripped off from my therapist no i think this is actually

the smartest thing i've ever said in my life should have been should have been my college essay why queefing is comparable to farting queefing is the fart of the pussy and therefore you know uh that trend of people making uh stupid uh uh slideshows with their friends you should do it moths has been moths has been begging for us to do one he wanted to do one so bad i love it don't tell him no i won't hello megan and melissa i'm calling because my boyfriend has a young sugar mama I don't know how to feel or what I should do I'm a 22 year old Aquarius I've known my 21 year old Aquarius boyfriend for over two years but we've only been together for a little over six months he's my first relationship and it's amazing it's everything

I wanted and my best friend but a couple months ago we were just talking and the topic of sugar babies came up. He told me that he had a girl that he used to work with that would give him money. He also said that she liked him a lot, but she had a boyfriend. She's also 21. He was very open about the conversation and answered all my questions. He said that he hadn't gotten money from her in a while. Well, the other day, I was looking at his phone and noticed a name I didn't recognized on his text messages when I looked through them I realized it was that girl the conversation wasn't flirty and he did mention me in the messages so I'm not worried about anything going on there but she's been giving him money for the past month it ranged from 50 to 150 dollars

in my eyes that's kind of a lot I don't know if that is to other people he also asked her for a $200 monthly allowance. This whole thing makes me feel very uncomfortable. I feel like he's using the girl for money. I feel bad for her. I know if I confront him about it, he will think that I don't trust him and wonder why I was looking through his messages. Well, I do trust him. It's just, I'm curious. I just want to know. I feel like everyone does that. But the big problem is, is that I pay for 60% of our stuff. When we go out to eat, I pay for that. Which at first, I didn't mind because I don't pay a lot in bills. I don't pay rent.

I live at home. But he pays a lot more than I do. He helps his family out too. But now I don't know. But now I know he's been getting money, which makes me mad. I don't know if he's embarrassed because he doesn't have enough money. I feel bad for the girl. I don't know if I should feel bad for her because she's willingly giving him money.

But it just makes me feel weird because she's 21, like younger than me. um how should i confront him about it i know you guys will like tell me the right way because i don't know i feel like he'll just get upset that he knew like that i went through his phone um but i've been listening to you guys forever um i love you guys please give me advice um you can go as harsh as you want or you can just do whatever thank you guys love you bye i love that aquarius energy if she if she hadn't even told us i would have been like 100 okay so uh first of all kudos to this sugar mama for like having like usually sugar mama like goes younger and he's like the same age so she's on her shit she's powerful yeah um second you shouldn't feel bad

for her at all because she's willingly doing this like this is her thing this is what she wants to do it's not you shouldn't feel bad or embarrassed or anything for her people who um we have i think i don't know what episode we might talk about it in multiple ones that she's been on but kelsey we've talked about it with her on this um that uh like fin doms or financial dominance or like sugar all of that kind of stuff um i think it gets looked at not in a sexual way when it is sex work like it it truly is sex work and it doesn't necessarily mean that there are um I mean I'll be most of the time in a lot even like yeah Kelsey said this that like it's very very hard to find someone who like the only thing that gets them that there isn't anything else sexual attached

to it but that it being able to provide for someone think of it like how I get off given giving a blowjob it's that same sort of feeling it's not like oh i feel like oh i feel bad this person's being taken advantage of like no no they are turned on by asserting financial dominance or giving someone money that turns them on like that's that that that's what it is so like there's no need to feel bad for her at all because if it was he's not the being like a sugar baby is i mean it's a career like it's a full-blown career but it's the origin of it is because there's a demand there are people who want to and just because like she is younger and she is like a woman i think yeah i think if it was if and i think if the if it was like switched and like

the ages and the genders were switched it would feel more quote-unquote normal but there's nothing like it happens with in every sort of there's lots of like powerful women and also women just who have money who cares where she yeah I think that there's I don't see any issue with that as like a whole and I would say like you feeling uncomfortable that like you are paying for more stuff in the relationship I think they're neat like I feel like for you you would if he hadn't like lied and said that like that's what you should be mad at yeah yeah and I think that's what you are mad about. But I think that like, it's just manifesting it in these different ways, because it is kind of a it is a different situation. And we kind of assume that that's

probably like, oh, that's probably why I feel uncomfortable. Like I feel weird about the situation. I think you just if he hadn't, because you know that he is paying for family and all that kind of stuff. And I think if you you already know that. And I think if you know that the money that he is getting is also helping out. And that's why he's not contributing more to you guys, because it's not like fun money quote unquote it's stuff that's like helping him keep his like family afloat and support his family but yeah going through anyone's phone you knew like you knew I want to know though so I'm assuming based on how you worded it her name either oh maybe maybe he didn't tell you her name to begin with or her name was under like a code name in his phone

because you scrolled and then you figured out who it was because if it was a code name i think that's probably also making you more nervous and then feeling guilty because she really likes him blah blah blah i think you uh i mean there's do you want him to know that you've been looking in his phone is the first question you should ask yourself because that's the only way that you're going to get down to the truth because he's already lied to you yeah you at you guys had a full conversation and all he had to say in this conversation is that she's still giving me money and that and he didn't he said that he hasn't got money from her in a while and that was a bold-faced lie and he's asking for more money so that's like the part of it that i wouldn't trust

he's yeah lied to you no 100 and it also really doesn't why someone's someone's intentions behind what they do doesn't negate how you feel about it like it's like if you made him lying whether he was like lied for a good reason or not you can look at it and say like see like oh well he maybe he lied because he's embarrassed like that's fine like you can recognize that and still not be okay with it like you're allowed to understand someone's motive and why they might feel a certain way and that doesn't have to like that doesn't mean that you have to feel okay with it or change how you feel about it at all it's something to consider but um yeah i wonder i yeah i would wonder the the selective i think it's always so fucking frustrating to

the selective truth like it tells you he tells you it in the past tense and it's in the present tense and so it becomes something like he kind of gauges your reaction and then is like okay and then doesn't really like let you know what else is going on but the only way that you can go to get upon this like you said you only know this information from looking through his phone so there's no other way for you to obtain this information so you have two options um either you and there's one that i think you should take and i will tell you you have two options either you are upfront and honest and you say hey i did something i'm not proud of i went through your phone and point blank, I shouldn't have done that. I really apologize. I invaded your personal space

and your personal boundaries. And that's on me. And that's, that's not something I should have done. And I like deeply regret doing that. In doing that, I found something that kind that makes me feel uncomfortable. And I'm a little confused by because it goes against what we've talked about. But I wanted to be really honest with you. I'm not happy at all that like how I found this out, but I'm not able to kind of just move on knowing this. And I shouldn't have looked through your phone and I really apologize for this but like I really need to have a conversation about this or you can strategize something where you're sitting next to him and you like you like say like oh my friend or I texted you or something like let me see something and then

the text messages and you're like oh who's that person and you can and then you discover it with him but but you're doing that you're you're lying yeah and you're not giving him when you want someone to be truthful with you, you have to show by example. And so I've fucking done that before where like, I've, I've, I've a hundred percent fucking snooped and found out someone's lying about something. And I'm like, well, I can't, I'm not gonna, I'm not going to try and get the truth out of you by lying to you. I'm going to show you that I trust you enough to lie to you that to be honest with you and say like, blah, blah, blah. And then you can do the same, but it's really fucking hard to expect people to be truthful with you when you're not being truthful with them and

when you also telling someone that you've done something that you're not proud of and you're like you know was wrong and you're embarrassed by also shows i respect you enough to tell you this and to give you the the to give you the ability to do with this information what you want i'm not going to withhold this and then if you don't want to be with me because i've done that that's all that's your right i'm giving you like full uh i don't know whatever rain giving you the reins on this situation and i also trust our relationship enough to know that honesty is only going to bring us closer together and i have nothing to gain from lying to you and leading by example i think is the best thing that you can do but also when doing that just owning the fact that it wasn't okay to

go through his phone and you regret that and if he if he defaults to that and that becomes the issue and like it's not being talked about what you found because i'll be this is when you snoop you know you're gonna find something and so you have to apologize for looking through the phone but if you if it's worth it to bring it up to a person they are comparable crimes so if so if he's going to then turn it on you that's not that's not a good sign and that's also indicator of oh there's more that i don't know and you're trying to gaslight me so then i don't find out what the rest of it is because it's kind of you're on even playing field when you do that like when you admit your own fault like what you did when you snoop and then you find you're even playing field but

if he makes it feel like what you did was worse snip snip time to go baby time to go but also i would also say too um if he has talked to his like sugar mom about you before um if he if you guys like get to a point where like this is like you guys are working through this and it's fine i would ask him if it's like comfortable if you can have a conversation with her because she knows about you so like a lot of the time those relationships you keep your you keep the mystery of like that alive because it like adds to it but like she clearly is okay like do you mean and i think that might ease your anxiety uh or stress worrying about like him hurting her or something like that and you can also yeah suss out that situation that way if they're both comfortable

yeah but let him get his bag but don't let him lie that's the thing get your bag but don't lie about it yeah i would yeah just talk to him see if he is truthful with you if he continues to lie get out and it doesn't matter why he's lying if he's embarrassed or anything like that if you can show him that hey i just need the truth but some people they can't some people have a really hard time telling you you can't handle the truth i thought you were gonna say but and you can't control that and that's something that they have to like work that's that's a therapy thing compulsive lying as an adult is like a it's a hard it's a hard thing to uh grow out of and work on but it's also not your responsibility to be a truth seeker well i would

love to know what happens um please call back and if anyone who has we we've got like sex work sex workers who listen to our show but if anyone who specifically does like fin dom or sugar babying stuff uh that's i guess like sexual or not this doesn't i don't think i mean i would love to we would love to hear from those like because yeah i'm just regurgitating from someone i know we would love to hear from you please please hey megan melissa so i just recently turned 20 and i also just recently entered into my first relationship um we've been seeing each other for about a month and a half that we just became um like official a couple weeks ago um and it's going really great um I feel like I'm pretty like jaded by guys like I just I don't I don't know why

but um yeah I really really like him um and presumably he really likes me too so it's going great um the only thing that I'm kind of chirping about is um one of his like friends that are girls like requested to follow me on Instagram and I I thought it was his cousin at first because he has a bunch of cousins and he I asked him like oh who's this and he was like oh that's um my friend from college and the only reason why I'm kind of like chipped up about it is because she looks somewhat similar to me she's um a ginger and that is like very much his type and you know they also seem just pretty close because he told her about me and then she requested to follow me on Instagram so they seem pretty close and like when I was in his car like

um his apple carplay thing came up and it shows like you know who you test texted most recently and like she was on there so they seem pretty close and um also on her instagram feed she had a picture from way back when of them going to like a college dance together um so i haven't like asked him like if they ever dated or whatever or if he had feelings for her i mean it's hard to believe he wouldn't considering like she's exactly his type and they're they clearly get along well um I just don't know how to bring it up like I feel weird because she just looks really similar to me and I just hope that there's not some weird like counter-transference thing going on I just I feel like it's bothering me and I'm feeling like jealous um but I don't know if

that's just like my insecurity speaking and I don't know if I'm overreacting or just how to bring it up um so yeah if you guys have any advice on like a way for me to bring this up um that'd be great i i do feel really comfortable around him like fully i just don't want to sound like jealous or anything so yeah any advice would be appreciated thank you i'm gonna this is i think it's a success as fuck yeah i don't think you're jealous i think you're cautiously like looking into something as you should i think you're seeing something that's clearly fucking black and white or ginger and ginger i think you're seeing something that is like apparently like this is i'm not even seeing this girl and hearing you say this and you're also

probably downplaying that like how much you guys like look alike because it's hard when you you personally look like someone you don't see it as much you are i i don't even have the visual and i know you're not fucking crazy and i know you're not being jealous this is just like it is it is too big of a coincidence and i would say i does he have other female friends because um i mean what if they're all gingers he just wants to be surrounded by gingers as told by ginger is his favorite tv show and just that sounds like there's an end game of an orgy and like him just in the middle but no because if he has if i think the i i maybe i'm not even saying that you need to do this at all but i think it depends on like your comfort level before like bringing it up to him

um does he have like a lot of other female friends who because you're right in the sense that the only difference between our friends are we're not sexually attracted to them and when you get along really well personality wise with somebody that sexual attraction is the only only fucking difference like that that's all there is to it And if you look like her, like they obviously get along. They obviously talk all the time. I wouldn't necessarily say that. I mean, here, no, that's a lie.

She, I think she added you because I would add you. And you know me because you listen. I would add you to be petty. I would like if I was like, if we were like, I don't know, on again, off again, or I don't know what their circumstance or situation is it's a power move i've done that to like not people in like this circumstance but i've done it to like people like my friends have like dated like i added i think i had sydney's boyfriend on like facebook like before i ever met him just be like i'm just showing you his fucking boss what's up dude i was like a co-star adding someone on

co-star like it's a power move and especially because you don't you don't know her and like there's no i yeah and there's there's just a boundary and territory i would never request to follow anyone leo is dating until i've met them and like can us like hi i am not like we are friends just to make do you mean like there's just a way you go about it if you're not if you're trying not to look like a shitty also since she requested you that means that your profile is private which even more like of a power move because that means like you know you know you know i have done that before i love it though i think that's a very fun power trip when someone's private and you're you're you're requesting them just to be like i see you and then they're like

but she also might just be like a really nice person just to give the other side for this like what if she's like they're just friends and she's super nice and she's like not into him at all maybe he might have had like a little they might have had a little crush at some point but they decided you know we're just better as friends and she's like i this is my best friend and i want to see who this girl is that he's dating because i need to check her out to see if he's good enough if she's good enough for him i think that's totally possible i think there in 50 50 chance that's that was her that was her motive behind it it just missed the mark because she has a she has photos of him and her to get like there should have been i think there there kind of needs

to be uh even like i don't know in that kind of like power move or whatever i would never do that to another like i'm saying that i've done that before it's like friends boyfriends i would never do that to another woman like i would never do that in a way that like comes across that hey like i call the shots around here or like he needs my approval or like like that kind of thing like will i have conversations with like my guy friends who are like i need you to meet this girl like if you don't like her i'm fucking out like i trust you but i'm never going to do that because like that's such an uncomfortable position to be in and requesting you without sending a message or him saying hey like so and so has like it just is too eerie if you look alike

and too like it's just one of those things that i'm like they need to address the elephant in the room like that that should be something that is stated or said so it's not because here's the thing when I would rather someone be like overly cautious and telling me something versus then when I see like a picture of them at formal together and she looks weirdly like me and I'm like well that feels that feels something like odd that is pretty easily misinterpreted so if it wasn't I would assume that either one of these parties would have like given me a heads up um but I don't know how much you've heard about this girl I think that's also like a question too um because yeah I mean in these situations I really feel for you because you it's a really hard

position to be in because you do wonder if you're feeling like jealous or you're being crazy or anything like that but it's also it does take some effort and some thought process for the other two parties to make sure that you're comfortable and make sure whoever they're dating like when you have like when it is kind of like glaringly something you would think is pretty obvious that they definitely would have gotten together whatever there is a way to like respect each other's like relationships even as a friend or anything like that i think there's just a way to make you feel and also like you haven't been even dating that long and like I there's nothing that gives me more anxiety than like dating someone and meeting their friend group

and they're all like so fucking tight and like so close and you just feel I hate feeling like an outsider and anything but especially with that kind of stuff you don't really feel like you have anyone in your corner and you don't really feel like you have the like and you do but like that you don't want to like ruffle any feathers of people who've been there before you and I just think that like it's just such like a yucky thing that people do when they don't make other people feel included and like wanted in a situation and if there were like were like really great like nice wholesome intentions behind this um i think she should have just gone about it in a different way and i honestly don't even fault i mean it's me i'm automatically assuming it's the boy's

fault but like i who knows do you mean like she might not she might have assumed that he had told you that like you had heard all about her and like they went to formal together and like oh they hooked up once but they were not into each other at all anymore and like they're now like blah blah blah like a whole backstory but you don't have that so she might be going into this thinking that you know you you i mean that you're all on the same like page and you're not but the only person that you can talk to and the only person who actually owes you anything in this is him i also take back what i said about her doing this as a power move i do now that i've said the second option which is her i think that they definitely had something and i think she

thinks that you know and i think that her requesting like you said is her disarming herself and like getting to know you to show that she's not a threat but i don't think that you know all the other stuff so i think that's what it is i don't think it was an intentional uh i don't think it was an intentional power move now so i take that back yeah but you gotta have a combo with him all right guys we are going to take a break listen to the ad and then we'll be right back all right we are back again again tell a friend about our podcast hi megan and melissa I'm going to get straight to the point. So how do you break up with someone when they are financially dependent on you, need you for a home, need you for a car, basically need you

for everything? How are you supposed to break up with someone like that? A little bit of specifics. I am 23. My boyfriend is 22. We are both Scorpios. We're opposite end Scorpios. I'm like first day Scorpio and he's like one of the last days of Scorpio I already know not a great start um so we have been officially together for like two years but there was a good three years before that where like we met in high school he took my virginity and then for like three years um I was just super obsessed with him and we would just have sex in secret and he would be super fuckboy manipulative and mean to me um and like that was just a whole incident at one point I even spent like a week in a mental hospital because of dealing with all those things.

So already relationship wasn't great. Everybody already told me not to do it and it was horrible. And then a couple of years in, all this stuff happens in his life where he gets fired from his job. He gets his car repossessed and then his mom lives in a studio apartment and he has to stay on the couch in her studio. and during that time is when he finally decided to settle down stop fucking everyone else in the world and then fuck me in secret and be like actually gonna be your boyfriend now so then very quickly within like three months of us actually starting to date we moved out together he got a job where i have a job so that we could just share my car it's been two years and we still

share my car even though we work at different jobs now like i work a night shift job specifically so that he can use my car. Okay. But that's kind of getting off track. I have tried to break up with him twice in this year. I tried to break up with him back in December and he had a full breakdown and told me that, uh, I should just drop him off at the homeless shelter, give his dog back to the shelter, um, that I can sell all his stuff, uh, that he was going to die without me. He has no way to live. He can't go stay with his mom anymore because they have issues. Um, and basically, yeah just guilt tripped me and then we ended up sleeping together and then staying together and then moving to a new place but now I'm the only one on this lease because of COVID he didn't

have a job and he had bad credit so I'm the only one on this lease now until the end of the year and I still kind of want to not kind of I still want to break up with him and now I feel horrible like leading him on because he obviously can tell that something is wrong but I don't know what to say and I don't know what to do for the rest of the time of our lease if I try to break up with him I don't know where he'll go or if we do and then he leaves I'm not positive how I'll pay for rent I don't know girl just help me out bye this boy is being so manipulative and abusive towards you and he's using all that to keep you like in place so that you can provide for him uh on a financial level like you're basically his parent at this point

you're taking care of him you provide him with food clothing shelter um you're there for him it's he's just he's using you there's a reason there's a reason why he was a fuck boy for so long and then his life went to shit and he was ready to settle down and there's also a reason why you wanted to when you told him that you wanted to break up his reaction wasn't uh about his feelings for you his reactions were well what about the these things that you provide me i don't know i mean i'm assuming this is still the same kind of thing but i know of financial abuse in a sense of someone who has they keep it they they gatekeep the money and they're the ones who have the power and the money and they use their money to assert power over people but i

would fully assume that that also can be in the reverse and someone who can be abusive in regards to like someone else's money because that's what it fully is that like it's not like him convincing you like he's gaslighting you and manipulating you like that's it's so supremely supremely supremely fucked up and you don't that what you gave him was so beyond generous and just because you you you offer you you do something for someone at some point that thing is not permanent that thing does not that doesn't that is not the new expectation or the new level of it and you taking that away isn't a bait and switch or leading him on at all that's I was comfortable doing this at that point I am no longer comfortable doing this and you have no right to demand or expect that of

me because that nobody would expect that that should have been like a oh my god wow that's like of course like that of course like that that's so unbelievably kind of you like yeah that's just no like you he's been manipulating you from the very beginning school he's never respected you ever and he's never going to respect you he he knew that he could take advantage of you when you were in high school he kept everything secret oh he said and did things to you that put you in a mental institute for a certain period of time everyone in your life is telling you like he needs to be out of your life you shouldn't settle down with him be in a relationship with you he only decided to be with you because he lost everything else and then even then he's still like

manipulating you and using you and taking advantage of you and disrespecting you one thousand percent if he needs to go to a homeless shelter then that's what happens but he does not need to be in your life anymore you're better than this you deserve better get out and there's someone who is literally like on the fucking other side of the like other side of the fucking rainbow there's someone on the others like right fucking beyond him there is someone else and when you get so and you guys have been like this has been like you said this has been for so long and you've gotten so used to this and especially when in those like formative teenage years like that's develops of what we're used to especially when he was the first guy you're you've ever been with

and like that is it's this is you're not gonna come across this again and this is not i hate to say like this is not normal or whatever but like this is not what you should ever expect in a relationship and that's no knock to you for being in this situation because this shit happens we've all been in bad relationships and like we don't let people quote unquote treat us badly people will treat us badly. We don't have a say in how other people treat us. We have a say in how we respond to that. And then being like, okay, I learned, I can't control how you spoke to me in this time period because I've grown and I've learned. And now I acknowledge that that's not something that's okay. So while I can't change that or change you, I can really focus on me and

make sure that I am vetting someone who I date again, that is, is different than this. And I have something to look out for in regards to these kinds of things. And so that's, there is someone who is so much fucking out like out there who is so much fucking better for you and his responsibility is like you you are not responsible for him the same way that he is not responsible for you and i don't think you think that he's responsible for you but because you've been in this caretaker position for so long you feel a sense that you need to provide for him out of obligation not because you want to or because you care for him and like he is grateful and this is something that like makes you feel this is something that you want to do you it's because you feel obligated

to do this and just because like he first of all anyone when someone says to me like oh i tried to break up with my partner and they wouldn't let me i'm like that is the most that's the biggest red flag in the world that is that is gets into a like abusive territory what he's 100 exactly and that gets into a point where i'm like if you're not gonna let me do something if you're not gonna i don't have the say to say i want to walk away from this relationship you say no that's like you're holding me hostage that is so scary and that's like such a huge huge huge red flag and i think like people say things in the heat of the moment and like definitely but like if someone says something like that needs to be like a wow i that was really fucked up i need to

go to therapy i need to work on my own shit like feel free if you like i take it like that was act like but he's this is what you've been conditioned to kind of be and even if he like says that he didn't mean that we know that this is his pattern and like how he's been treating you over all these years and it's really not your responsibility it's not and it's it's just not if he has to go like you said if he has to go to a homeless shelter he goes to a homeless shelter if he has to uh rekindle his relationship with his mom and stay there he's there if he's to find a friend to stay with he he stays there if he needs to move to where a family member is that he has a relationship with he can he can do that but it's not his he you are it is not your

responsibility to provide for him you are not his parent and therefore you have to take care of yourself and that's not at the expense of him at all and i hate him i hate like i so much hate him and i hate i like can't imagine how he what he i can't even imagine what he fucking put you through to have you be institutionalized for a bit and then what fucking psychological warfare he must have had to fucking do to be to maintain his place in your life after all of that that's i i it's awful it's fucking awful if that ever if i ever got like fuck god forbid i i was i my behavior or led someone to that, I would never, I would be like, I am horrible for you. I cannot let my, I will not be able to live with myself. Like I need to remove myself from this situation.

So the hotline.org is a website you can go to with more information and they can help like facilitate you getting to safety. So, and we can put the link in the show notes as well. and i think you did mention that you weren't sure how you were going to pay didn't you say i wasn't sure wasn't sure how he was going to pay for his rent if he's gone uh i think he said that but he also said that his lease ends at the end of the year so yeah that's what i was gonna say that i also think it might be just emotionally and psychologically a great fresh start for you and also then uh won't know where you live and maybe you know move in with a good friend and someone who is like or move in with like a family member like move in

with someone who uh knows the situation and everything and also if you move into a new apartment don't feel like weird at all talking to like whether it's like a building manager or like any like a neighbor or anything like that and just like letting them know like hey i have a situation i had a situation with someone i used to date um just want to show you a picture of them and um we if you see them if you there's my number if you could please like call me and um or anything like that and i've done that before and people are so nice like so nice and so helpful and people just want to look out for other people especially in apartments because you have so many people from like every different age range and all that kind of stuff and people get it so i would really

encourage you to be overly cautious in this situation yeah i hate him oh i hate him but i wish the best for you yeah i know you're gonna have like the best fucking relationship after like i just know it and i have a feeling if you're not in therapy i i just have a feeling you'll have a great therapist and you'll love your therapist and like it'll just be like a like a wonderful you're about to become not that you're not a butterfly right now but like you're about to be like an even bigger butterfly i don't like butterflies but i like you so i probably should have picked something better but you ain't mean like i just what you didn't know i didn't like butterflies i think i know that you don't like butterflies i just think

it's weird not have you seen that spongebob episode where they zoom into about oh i hated it there's a bunch of gen z-ers and millennials like who just hate butterflies just from that episode but ugh I hate him okay let's play the next one hey Megan and Melissa

I'm 21 and I have been living with my boyfriend for about a year now and we actually just bought a house in April we have two cats and a dog and I love my cats like my children they are literally my therapy animals

um but the dog on the other hand is a nightmare uh he is 12 years old and has no health issues he's been to the vet within the last month to rule any health issues out so he's good but um this dog pees on my carpet on my couch on my bed on my clothes um he eats my clothes sometimes too. He has bitten me and drawn blood four times. My boyfriend was extremely upset about that in the moment, but he acts like it doesn't happen now. The dog is 50 pounds and comes up to my thigh just for reference. I'm 5'1". I'm past the point of trying to train him. I've watched every YouTube video and I've even paid for an online class. I'm paying for everything, by the way i pay for his treats his food his toys his vet bills all of that is on me um i know telling

my boyfriend that i want his dog gone is gonna hurt him but if i have to wash my couch cushions one more time i think i'm gonna have a fucking brain aneurysm oh and the dog does this in front of you by the way um it's not like a put him in another room when you're gone sort of situation get a baby gauge um we we have done both of those things um but he will straight up look you in the eye and then pee on the floor so i really i really just need help on how to tell my boyfriend that i that i hate his dog thank you guys yeah why the why are you paying for everything i need to know that because that paired with the fact that you keep saying my couch my carpet thought you guys got a house together there yep so i don't know if that's if like that's how you guys split

the bills yeah like if you paid for these kinds of things but at the same time if you pay for stuff and then he paid it should even out so then it being your couch it just gets into a little bit of a tricky situation you guys haven't lived together for that long so I will say that but like but they own a house together yeah but when you start thinking of things in your home that are shared things as yours that that's that is not I mean I this is a big fucking learning curve for Mott's and I in our relationship and it took a while like because he did move into my apartment and like a lot of stuff that I I bought and like prior to him moving in or things like that and so but the he's been like we've been living together

for so long that like everything is ours now and I know for a fact that like when I saw things as mine that made him feel unwelcome and like it didn't make him feel like it was also his home and not to get like dog psychotherapy on this but I wonder if the dog is feeling that like if the dog is feeling like I don't I'm not wanted here this is not my home this is not like my couch and my like do you what I mean like in a way that like usually when animals like are peeing on things and like stuff like that it's asserting dominance or there there's some there's you what i mean there's like some issues there and also pets really reflect their owners so i would i don't like i know it's like how do i tell my boyfriend i hate his dog i first of all don't

don't say that um but i think the and people hate when i do this and say well that's not what she asked about i say people like the four people who like leave negative comments um i would at like why are you paying for because you're essentially yeah you're paying for something you're paying for a dog who is treating you shitty so why are you paying for the dog like I don't think the issue is I don't know I think there's something else here yeah I think there's something else here I also think that how can your boyfriend not see that the dog is peeing on everything even if he acts like the biting isn't happening anymore which is fucking ridiculous but uh there's pee on the couch there's pee in the carpet there's pee

in on your clothes this is kind of like driveway there's pee every fucking where like how and was this dog acting like this before you guys moved in or is this a new learned behavior or a new behavior because you're in a new place a new uh like it's a new dynamic with the cats like the dogs with two cats that they it wasn't living with before um with a new person that they weren't living with before and like a smaller yard like in a new uh house like there's a lot of new things and so um I know that you said you paid for the uh training but like virtual training isn't the same as in-person training because there's some people that train dogs have this like special gift to them that they're able to

communicate with them and i don't think doing it through a camera or through a yeah through a camera is going to give the proper training that the dog needs yeah i i think that this i the fact that your boyfriend is pretending that the dog like he's mad in the moment but then like the fact that he's not i think the issue here is your boyfriend not taking any initiative you shouldn't have to be the one who's being like hey your dog has like bit me all of these times and like i you're at the end of your rope because he hasn't done anything and that's not okay because he's all he's doing in that situation is basically being like okay it's fine and so that's why i wonder if like he doesn't yeah that he feels like it's kind of transference that it's like

it's the dog problem yeah and like the kind of stuff that like the dog like he feels like the dog is I mean not necessarily justified in it but like there's a part of him that's like maybe feels that way or he just doesn't care and I think it seems like to me he just doesn't care like it doesn't but if the dog was doing all this stuff before like he's just used to and it doesn't bother him and he does not care and that to me is like that's the I don't think that's I think that's a not get rid of the dog issue I think that's get rid of the boyfriend issue who happens to have the dog because like and I get that you guys live together so like when I say that I'm not saying like I think it's you have to address the relationship with him because you shouldn't

be even be in this position to begin with and I don't think I think that if this is how he is with the dog I just I don't this isn't like an isolated incident do what I mean like this is kind of something i'm like if he did like what like why are you not caring about my my stuff or like in our stuff like it just i don't i think if you just get i don't think the problems will be solved when the dog is gone i think this is kind of yeah it's just an it's just an issue it's time for don't blame them don't blame them is where a listener calls in with their own advice from a previous episode so if they had personal experience or they just had um a revelation look at me i'm growing and changing i didn't say revelation um uh and they want to give their own

take on it i also love this i think this is an underrated part of the show i do too um all right So this is from season six, episode 26. I'll just let them take it away. They have a lot to say. Hi team. I am 28 years old. I'm a Gemini, perhaps more importantly, Enneagram six, wing seven. And this is a don't blame them.

I wanted to respond to the caller from November 23rd episode who wanted advice on how to tell her family that she would not be coming home for Christmas. Megan had mentioned something about cult deprogramming. and I just wanted to speak from my own experience and affirm anybody who's wanting to tell their parents no, their families no, and are navigating feelings of guilt. So over the last few years in weekly therapy, I've come to understand that I was brainwashed by a family member and essentially grew up in a cult-like environment surrounding spirituality, not in my immediate family but my extended family. It's taken a lot of work to unlearn what I grew up believing, what I was

program to believe and to work through the PTSD and fear that comes with trying to break that cycle and to begin trusting my own instinct and make my own decision. Based on what I've worked through the last few years, I'm seeing a lot of parallels with the cult of Trumpism and with more liberal family members trying to contend with that. Around my own trauma, I've had to cut particular family members completely out of my life. And once I identified where the manipulation was coming from, I asked my immediate family not to talk to them about me and vice versa. This was very uncomfortable, but it's made me so much stronger and happier and freer. In terms of Christmas, my sibling recently had their second child. And as much as I want to see the baby,

and as much as I don't want to spend Christmas alone, literally by myself, I've made the decision to stay where I am for the holidays. My sister and her husband don't wear masks and are not taking isolation as serious as I have been the last eight months. And while I've worked to set boundaries around our politics and would have been able to handle that,

pandemic notwithstanding, there's no way I feel comfortable visiting them for Christmas with COVID. I'm still having trouble finding the courage to tell her I won't be coming, even though the CDC is literally requesting that people do not travel or visit family. I just wanted to speak power to people who are in the same place as the original caller

because setting these kinds of boundaries with family members takes work and learning to trust your gut and stand your ground, especially if you have no practice setting limits with family, it can feel so scary and it can make you feel really guilty. I'm just calling to say that anyone who is deciding to stay home, you're doing the right thing and your relationship with your family will be better in the long run because you let them know who you are and what you stand for this will not be the last time in your life that you will have to make a decision that's good for your well-being that causes your family discomfort and like megan said you're not responsible for taking care of how your family feels about your

decision you can only own with yours and they have to own what's theirs and that's all i have to say i love the podcast we have a therapized bitch here you can so you're in her voice i'm like i do you should be like i just i feel like i just got out of therapy like that is you're so right and you're so they i'm so glad that we have someone who uh has is going through this and been through this and i would also really recommend our facebook group is open again now and uh join like join like if you don't if you don't have like financial means to join patreon we talk about how we do live streams twice a month on patreon which are really really fun and really great for um i mean all of us but especially people who have are isolating alone and like

are spending the holidays alone it's been so nice and fun but if you're not financially able to do that please join our facebook group um you i swear you just binge a bunch of episodes and then you'll be able to get in i would just really encourage anyone who's feeling uh kind of like lost and like alone during this time to like we have such a like like i love we love our fucking community and love our listeners so much and it makes us so proud and that makes me feel so good to just i we've cultivated and this is like we've cultivated a group of people who like i it's so amazing to see other people care about other people and it's for anyone who is wanting i really would just encourage people to um join and find other ways and even if it's not

joining our facebook group like make scheduling things with your friends and scheduling things with family and doing all of that stuff and i think we can get um kind of negative and which we have every right to feel we feel negative feel however the fuck you want to feel whenever but sometimes i know for me when i'm upset about something i'm like well nothing i don't want anything then like i'm just gonna be like and feel that for like a day or so and then adapt and find those like compromises and those things that you can do that they're not the same and sometimes it's like i don't know tofurkey i'd rather have a salad i don't want fake turkey so make a salad or or make something else have a pie do something that maybe it's not recreating

something that's impossible to recreate right now but maybe doing like hey this is our off the cup one like a new weird tradition doing trivia with friends and that kind of stuff here's so for me this is my first time that i won't be spending holidays with my family at all period like i won't see them um except for through zoom and i've spent every holiday with them my whole life and so i decided that um since i won't be i mean but just to say like thanksgiving we spent the whole day together and i didn't really feel like i was missing out because i like ordered food and megan had brought me food and it just felt it still felt special so um for christmas i decided like i'm just gonna i ordered it's very bougie of me but i ordered if they haven't

learned this about you guys are they fucking kidding i ordered lobster from maine that will be uh sent straight to me the day after it's killed i mean so i could have got it live but i decided not to get it live but it's coming from maine um and i got it because like i love seafood but like half of the children in my family are allergic to it so they can't have it so i know that's not something i'm missing out from because i wouldn't be able to have it with them anyway that's really smart so yeah so that's like what i'll be doing i'll be having lobster mac and cheese and lobster bisque and lobster knuckle and what else there's more oh scallops and shrimp and like i got a whole feast it sounds like you did get a value yeah i also want to say

you don't know the reference you made but everybody that you just made the the most like natural like you are the sharpay evans you just made from high school musical and she has a song like uh sensitive but there's one like uh lobster imported from me yes and i literally was like i did my adhd thing when i don't interrupt where i like put a finger down being like you have to say the thing oh my god that made me that made up but no it's true like coming up with those new kind of traditions and that stuff i think it's when when you take away and like when you add on like when you can spend all day with like your family and friends on zoom and stuff you can get that family aspect of it and then when it comes to like the tradition part i i i don't recreate it

unless that seems fun to you to attempt but otherwise yeah like i think if we can separate take what we can get from those situations like i can have this one like this time where i can like hang out and like this will be great but like i'm not gonna fucking attempt to make something that like is what we normally eat because it's not gonna be the same and it won't make me feel good so like let me have an excuse to do this and i'll do like x y and z instead or even like we did turkey for thanksgiving um because i wanted to but like mox was like low-key stoked to not have to eat turkey great that i made him eat turkey but we ate turkey with like nando's hot sauce now that you say that I think he sabotaged on purpose you are right you are right

I don't know why I trusted him no that's not a tip I don't know why I believe not even believed him I don't know why I didn't question the fact that I took a shower shaved my fucking legs like applied moisturizer like I don't even think I I don't I didn't do my hair or anything like that but like I told him to check the temperature and then come to me if I was in the shower I was like just come in and then tell me what it is once the timer goes off come tell me the temperature and I like didn't I didn't follow up with him and then I like went out into the kitchen and I like my hair's all brushed I'm all showered and he's like oh it's the same temperature and I was like oh okay no Megan it's not the same fucking temperature but our oven is so like wonky that

I was like I guess that could have happened if it just like suddenly turned off and back on of course not of fucking course not but yeah find your lobster oh and that's cute because it's also in friends where it's like that's your your lobster yeah but that's kind of sad why because no because like i'm alone and like in the sense that i won't find i don't have like i'll be eating lobster but i don't have like a man okay so find find a lobster not your lobster yes and don't watch the lobster i wouldn't say it's the holiday no i'm watching i'm gonna watch mariah carey's christmas special wonder woman and then because it comes out that day yeah and then that other movie whatever it's called holiday no so oh the the happiest season happiest

season yeah i oh i wouldn't end on that yeah i'm starting with that okay and probably ending with with Mariah Mariah okay like of course yeah are you gonna watch have you gonna watch do you like Kacey Musgraves uh when I was into my sad girl uh coffee house music I did but I had I couldn't tell you anything from any new music she's her new music is great but it's it's uh you if you miss the country Taylor she's like Taylor's no I'm not gonna say that she's like country um but like uh on acid and like stand by the gays okay she's like she like her earliest songs we're talking like we're very much like open on like like talking about like gay couples very early on and also like weeds and she did acid for her whole last album um and that's like yeah i got

inspiration from just doing like a ton of acid and she's very cool um but she has a christmas special and it's like it's so it's like kyle's dream it's like expensive and glitter and pink and so cute it's i loved it i mean i need to watch it again i hate expensive and pink things she's lying she's she's she's she's really lying fucking bitch who ordered lobster she's lying it's my treat to myself because i can't instead of a plane you don't have to justify it instead of a plane ticket i bought lobster and i'm not sitting in a pink chair oh yeah that might be one that people don't know but i'm like no you don't you do not hate pink uh well um i guess this episode is coming out after yeah but i think it's still applicable

because i feel like the holiday season lasts yeah past uh christmas still got new year's oh god thank i truthfully this is the greatest this is the this is the only good thing they've done for us is gotten rid of any fucking new year's parties i hate new year's i usually because my mom's birthday is on the second so i'm usually just oh still in arkansas spending it with my mom yeah but then that's i hate i don't hate i hate new year's parties oh yeah i hate the young i hate how people feel like it's like everything's going to change with like especially because like this year it's just going to be a shit show like rolling over and starting to clean up the mess but people think that like they have to completely change as soon as the year drops and then

everybody's trying to like out hoe everybody to get the wholeness out for uh like for the end of the year and nobody's the worst person in the week before fucking thing before new year and so then they're like trying to get it all out like as if like the new year means anything to as if someone's keeping score yeah i hate it i actually hate it and then everybody is too overly fucking nice for that week and they email you so much being like let's have coffee like let's start a new project and i'm like get away i was trying to find um an address for something and i remember somebody that i had emailed with um they worked there so i figured it had been in their signature which is that how that's how i found it but like their last email was from our

last email was from like 2018 at the end and they're like let's connect after the new year let's get coffee but that is how everyone is yes but at least this time i mean people still try to do virtual coffees and shit but god i hate that it's like people get mad because they're i hate like the gym rats who are like obviously before now we're like i hate new year's because everyone who doesn't work out comes here and clogs it i go no no no i love that time i love that time and like especially like when it's like people who are like when that like because like endorphins like if you want to be in the like that's the time when people are going because they want to go and not because they feel obligated to go and like it is just happier like it is just a happier time

in like a gym because everybody is like i don't know and it's like i like that time but that's the only fucking time that i like that optimism also and that fucking earnestness also lots of free deals for remember when we were uh gym hopping last oh that wasn't like all january like we just like january free give me the free give me the free give that was our that was our literally like our hobby for a while it was just being like so if we do this free we do like extreme couponing but for like fancy gyms in la hey you can do it guys it's not hard all right well this is a super long episode uh and we wanted to like it's our last treat of the year yeah it's our it's our earnestness and being nice yeah so don't get fucking used to it

we're gonna be done so um no but we love you all and we really appreciate all of you this has been like this is like my favorite i mean megan it's the only thing you do i do other stuff sometimes uh she had i'm arguing with myself this is like my favorite not only is this actually yes it's one of my favorite things this is like the thing that i am like the most proud of that we that i do and that we've done i just i love that we've created something that exists beyond us and that is something that what started off as a podcast of us you know like listening to people's like crazy problems and things like that has turned into a community of people who want to help other people and like want to be there for other people and just yeah and i i i love it and especially

during this year it's been such um a wonderful thing that i look forward to and it's been yeah we just we love you guys and we appreciate you and i can't get more into my feels because it makes me uncomfortable i'll let megan have all the feelings for this because there you go these make me very very uncomfortable these are your aquarius sun and my query is rising i'm like okay um well guys if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you could leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com we ask that you keep it under three minutes write it down practice so you get all your information in there and we're not left being like i want to know why don't we know this what's this

what's this give us as many details as possible and most of the time we don't need to know how big someone's dick is um unless you have extra time and then for sure tell us but get more descriptive paint a picture for us send it to no i'm kidding um and uh if you want to watch the video version we're on patreon or if you want to support our show we would appreciate it so much we do live streams there twice a month uh our facebook group is open and if you want to follow us on instagram or any of our socials they're always listed in description or the show notes wherever you are listening or watching this and um buy my book buy my presets and um check out my other podcasts oh which one do you want to promote all of them none she just wants you to go to her

instagram and then click on her bio because that's where they all are yep thank you we don't talk all the time one one time i'll i'll at some point i'll finally get a website together with everything in one place and working on like changing the name for my company that's why so it's not just melissa diamond wants incorporated that's long due yeah why don't you do mdma because i still have to get not mdma but um i know that's why it's a joke i still have to get like i have the paperwork is literally right here and even if i just do mdm then um it has to i still have to like change it but um i've changed it to imprint media so then we have imprint oh my god yeah you just like unfrozen thought a little bit of my cold frozen heart that's so cute yeah um what else fuck i

had something else i'm sorry i cut you off no oh i was gonna say squarespace please um sponsor our show because we use you for our um i use you for my website we also use you for our podcast website and hi please or wicks i'll switch over thanks for space i love you unless wicks you are listening but square save you're listening ignore what i just said okay guys we will see you next time Don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by Melissa DeMonts edited by Katrina Henning and music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.