Don't Blame Me! - S8E1: He's A Terrible Driver

Episode Date: May 31, 2021

This week we're sharing advice on:    Friendship with a toxic relationship Telling him to talk dirty Funny sex Don't Blame Them: going down   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME.”   Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me i am megan joined by my fantastic co-host melissa hi thank you so much for joining me today you know um it was a decision but i'm here uh i'm ready to give some advice and um i am hoping that you and i can forge a bond like olive garden says when you're here your family the food that i ordered during break it's not all oh god i was like it's similar buka de beppo what'd you order everything every time i think of buka de beppo you don't watch real housewives of beverly hills or any of the housewives but direct her big project last season is she's like i am re i'm designing a designer now and like she knows the person that owns bucadabepo and she like designs the back room at this place

and she like treats it like it's a big deal and it looks so tacky and it's so bad and that was like her whole storyline for the whole season and it's like this is boring as shit i will say though i fucking stand a bucadabepo moment i've never been to one i actually never heard of it until first of all the name buca di beppo that is the funniest it's so fun to say it's so funny but that was like once we got older like that was like um where like you know rich kids would go for like birthday dinners so it'd be like you maybe you'd go to the melting pot and then it was like no no and then you would go to uh like ruth's chris like the fancy steakhouse i'm familiar with the worst chris we have those in arkansas as well and buca di beppo and i was

like fuck i love having rich friends like this is a good fucking time i love it yeah they're not like a chain in arkansas i don't think there's that many of them in general there's one like close by here but like yeah i mean that's the one that dory read it that's funny i don't think they're like considered like like i think they're i don't know i don't think they're considered like the night like the best italian like michelin star yeah that's the thing is she was treating it like that and then everyone was like man i think it's just expensive i think that's what it is yeah i guess i should give a rundown about what this podcast is if you're a buku de beppo fan podcast imagine it's we just we go over just like different right with pf every every episode

we review one item from the menu can you imagine we did a cheesecake factory one that podcast man that's what's coming to my door what'd you order what'd you order chicken madera i did and then they have um some like honey something or whatever some other chicken that's like honey it's new it said it was a new item so nice so yes um one thing Postmates did not have Cheesecake Factory on it but DoorDash does good and I know that it's gonna last me for a few meals so that's when I told you I wasn't prepared for the week um I have been eating Cheesecake Factory all week um but the burrito at this point like I've been eating it for like five days and it's a breakfast burrito and i'm there's still like maybe two portions left and i'm not gonna

finish it because it's like old now and you're probably sick of it too no it's delicious i could keep eating it but like you know you're not supposed to eat like cooked food after five yeah that's that is true yeah so i could keep eating it it's delicious but there's like i've trans i've put it in because it came in a tray if you're looking at me it was or watching but i would say about a foot long is how long this breakfast burrito was and then every day i just cut a little piece off and then put it into a new another container because it was getting smaller but there's still like a full like regular size container that's sitting in my refrigerator right now and i was like should i risk it no i shouldn't maybe this is your new tiktok content because like

between this and like you figuring out that you can order like catering family platters of tender greens like you've really solved like hey do you live alone do you not want to cook but do you want to eat some good food let me teach you my ways that's impressive but now i'm going back to my meal delivery service that's the end of that maybe it's an indicator that normalcy is coming it is it is pre-pandemic and i would like to fit into some of my jeans again i would like to grow an ass that's what i need to do i gave you i that's i will be doing that workout plan so mine's gonna be sitting on on my back that's how i like to spend my quarantine on the back

well because no one was on top of me so hey you could have gotten fucked by a ghost i guess you weren't trying hard enough you know that i would love that i would love nothing this is where we differ i would love to be like a ghost an alien anything anything i'd rather have sex with an alien than anything that's out of the ordinary i want it to happen well everyone what a segue let me explain what this podcast is um we are don't blame me we're an advice podcast you call in you leave us voicemails and you tell us what's going on in your life that you need some help and advice with and then we deliver our patented copyrighted trademarked amazing advice

so if you want to call in for an upcoming episode leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com what are our requirements what do we tell people to do our requirements are to make sure it's three minutes or less and the way that you do that is that you write it down you practice it make sure maybe start with some bullet points to make sure that you have uh everyone's ages in there their pronouns um if it's a relationship how long you've been in the relationship um all the pertinent information that's going to help us give you the most vital and useful advice possible um also if you're in a car please be parked have the windows up and

uh not driving well i guess if you're parked you're not driving but those are requirements could ghost ride the whip uh oh the car's not parked then then it's not just yeah it's a neutral yeah i love us breaking down the semantics of should we start the no i'm not gonna say should we're gonna start this episode with an update call with somebody um giving us exactly that and an update am i tired or like hungry i think we're a little bit of both my food now has been officially delivered i just got a picture of it sitting on my doorstep um but this is from season seven episode six um okay so i was the caller about my friend going to college with me and like wanting

to go to the same school as me so i was basically calling because she told me that she only really wanted to go so we could like do things together and like wanted a room together and all that stuff so what ended up happening was so I called in I think around like December and you have to decide by May 1st so I kind of waited a bit to talk to her just because I'm like not like it's not like I'm scared of confrontation I just love to like put things off I guess so basically on the phone like before I called she told me when she told me that she got into this school she like straight up said like I will go if you go like I thought I was like making things up but then I remembered that she actually said that and then she ended up actually visiting the school

and like texted me she was like oh my god I love it so much like I'm definitely gonna go here all of that so it's like made me feel a lot better because that meant like she actually liked the school so I still didn't necessarily really want to like room with her so what I did was maybe this is bad but I joined like the Facebook group and like kind of was talking to some people and like people were asking about rooming together so the next time she brought it up I was like oh like I was actually talking to some people in the group and like someone asked to room with me and like the more that I thought about it I realized that like for our friendship I don't know if it would be best I said Megan I think you said to say like to preserve our friendship and she took it actually

like pretty well and was like yeah like totally that makes sense and this was like also like pretty soon to committing and she told me like yeah I'm still like 99% sure going there um and so then I yeah I guess a few weeks later I texted her I was like oh have you committed yet I think I had already committed never get a response um so then on May 1st today you have to I check Instagram to see she committed to a completely different school and the funny part is the school she committed to is a school our other friend is going to and now they're rooming together oh my gosh oh my gosh oh so she really was wanting to be your roommate and then when you told her no she was like oh I guess I'm not gonna go there I mean maybe we haven't spoken about it since like

maybe there was other stuff involved but it is just weird like the series of events doesn't sound like she that sounds like something I would have done as someone who like didn't want to go to college like that to me I I would have done that because I wouldn't have wanted to go to college I would have been like well we just like hang out with my friend the whole time yeah wow or she's just really scared of college yeah no bad yeah no that's totally and yeah maybe there was other stuff um yeah involved but she's not the one that called you are so i'm very happy for you um you completely like got the experience that you wanted for college or you're going to get that experience so that's awesome i would have done the exact same thing now like i would have

joined the facebook group started talking to people and like yeah yeah i think that's a good plan good plan because she never even asked like hey if we both go we shroom together she just started assuming and like she's like this is how we're gonna decorate our dorm and i felt so awkward because I didn't want to like shut it down but I didn't necessarily want that either and also like I don't know maybe if it's different than the small amount of time that I went to college but like you could request people but you didn't always like 100% like do you like if you request someone to be a roommate does it 100% happen I'm not sure I think because right now I did end up finding a roommate in the Facebook group and we requested each other but I don't know my like

housing situation yet so I'm not exactly sure yeah mine might have been too too late to be fair though really glad mine turned out the way really glad who I requested I did not live with them but um wow so your other friend do you think your other friend is like do you think your other friend who like do you think she's like you in this moment or do you think that like they're both on like the same energy level like we want to live together I think because like they also were like very extra like see I'm like I'm going to college but there's some people like especially feel like in like the u.s people like go crazy with like posting with like all of their like college stuff and balloons and it was like one of those posts with like all these balloons and like

them taking pictures together so i think it was i think they are on the same level but wow yeah i'm glad i was in college before like facebook came out the year i was my freshman year so like you can even post pictures at that point so i'm glad that i was yeah before people did all that we had all these like groups and stuff that would be like facebook groups and then just like text message chains and like all of that stuff of like oh and even like fucking like instagram accounts where it was like oh like where everyone's senior from our high school is like going to college and all of that everyone's posting it's literally everyone because like i went to like a very like i mean a public school but like a very good school in a very affluent community so

everyone's like stanford cornell and i'm over there i literally responded and said you see reject and one other person goes yeah me too i'm like sick yeah we did we have those at my school too it's it's a lot yeah yeah especially when you're just seeing everybody with like ivy league ivy league ivy league and i'm like i don't even want to go to college yeah this is so awkward oh wow well i'm glad that this it seems like this worked out super yeah i like your plan that you had you had a plan yeah that was a perfect plan i would have done the exact same thing and she got what she wanted a friend to live with can you please update us in a year and let us know if they're still friends yes I totally will who are who are you closer to are you like are you

like super close with both of them or no I feel like they're also like they're not like my closest like since the pandemic we've definitely like drifted apart much and I'm more closer to the one that wanted a room with me but I still talk to her enough to where I can ask in like a year like i was thinking how are things going oh i'm so excited to hear about that you have to give us an update of course well congratulations so happy for you that this is working out in your in your favor and yeah yeah give us an update and then let us know how their friendship goes and then also let us know how you like college yeah of course thank you of course congratulations thanks for calling back yeah have a good one you too bye bye we are back from the update what a good update

mm-hmm i'm happy this i'm really happy with how that worked out i don't think i thought it would i don't yeah i didn't think it would either um i like the way that she went about it and i just want to reiterate as i feel like it's becoming my mantra for every episode at this point do not room with your friends this gal didn't she lucked out i guarantee those other two girls will not be friends next year no they're screwed screwed screwed screwed as um he's not just that he's not that into you as they say one of my favorite things that i've taken from that movie but it applies everywhere you are the exception not the rule or you are the rule not the exception never seen that but yeah agree i mean to be fair that's that's how a lot of that

misinformation and shit goes down yeah well happy to happy to happy to hear that uh she's gonna be going to college living her best life without this friend oh also welcome to season eight oh yes yes yes yes all this has been a joke the reason why i've been acting so weird is because we didn't know if you know an inside joke it's the beginning of season eight wow what a hiatus it's been literally no time you didn't even know we announced it the last episode so now i will hopefully forever remember that season eight because i never have any fucking idea what season we're on ever ever ever ever well shall we get into the rest of this episode hi megan and melissa i'm following notes i'm sorry

because it's messy. I'm 22, a Gemini sun and a Capricorn moon, and my pronouns are she, her. My friend, we'll call her Kate, is 23, a Scorpio, and also uses she, her pronouns. I've been best friends with Kate since about third grade. Growing up, she had a lot of trauma happen to her, and I think it caused me to always focus on her and ignore my own problems. I'm not trying to fault or shame her at all. I feel awful for everything that's happened to her, but I think it caused me to neglect myself, and it's something I've always done until the past years, though. I never set boundaries, and I was essentially the escape route for her, I let myself be. About three years ago, there was a collective traumatic event in my community that

I don't want to dive into for anonymity, but a few months before the event, she started dating this guy who at the time was 30 with a seven-year-old son, and she was 21. Because of the event, he and his son had to move in with her and family, which included her mom, stepmom, and three siblings. From the moment I met this guy, I didn't like him. One of her first details of him was that he trolls old people on Facebook because I thought it was a good thing. He quickly became very emotionally manipulative and abusive. He would neglect her, but get mad if she spent time with anyone else it was very obvious that he and I didn't like each other and he eventually singled her away from everyone including me I moved away from my hometown about three hours

away in August of 2019 in June of 2020 she called me crying asking for help to leave him she asked to stay with me and even though it broke my COVID boundaries I did it I picked her up and she stayed with me and my boyfriend for a week to detox the relationship because she knew she would go back to him if he was still in the air, if she was still in the air. She went back home to live with her mom and she ended up getting back together with him a few months later. She's never directly told me. I found out through my mom telling me about it and seeing it on Facebook. In August of 2020, things started going south with my friend. My grandma got sick. My friend knew about it and she would check in on me and at one point asked me how I was doing. I told her I was numb. She left

me on bread. A few months later, she randomly deleted me on Facebook. I have social anxiety, so it's kind of my worst nightmare to see my best friend at 13 years all of a sudden not be my friend on there. I confronted her about it. She deflected, talking about how she deleted all these other people, and she was sad about seeing my face but not seeing me in real life, and that she wanted to vent without starting shit. I ignored her. I just hit a point where I couldn't have the energy to care about her drama anymore.

I've been in therapy since September of 2020, and I'm doing better. I'm trying to evaluate if I miss her or just miss the friendship that once was. We're slowly talking more. We've texted a couple times. She's apologized for deleting me, but we have other issues. She wants to get coffee once we're both fully vaccinated so we can talk shit out. I'm willing to do this, but I'm not sure if I can have her in my life again if she's still at the hospital, which she is. Pieces get under my skin, and I'm afraid of history repeating itself.

I don't want to lose myself into her shit again. I'm getting better with boundaries, but it still feels raw. I know her and I have our separate issues outside of her relationship, and I do want to hear her out and see if we can evolve our childhood friendship into an adult one, but I don't know if I can with this guy in the picture. I'm still evaluating if this friendship is worth salvaging, but is it shitty of me to not want to if he's around let me know what you guys think this is a very shitty situation but i just want for everyone that's listening this is how you do a

call you write everything down you give us all the information she's clearly been practiced rehearsed it so i appreciate you for um you get a gold star i don't think if you are frequent listeners you know how you know how major that is very very rarely do you get a gold star and even even even more rare than that does melissa right off the bat say hey this you did good usually i'm like hey that was a call that you you enjoy no no this is you got a compliment from this is like the principal giving you like this is the dean of your admissions grading your paper giving you an a but yeah great amount of details uh this is hard because um not only is there like a lot of ties because it's like a childhood friend but i think that and something you didn't touch on on the call

which i think probably is part of the reason why you're also having a hard time is um simultaneously his involvement in her life is probably the reason why you don't want to maintain the friendship but also why you feel an obligation to is because he's like a really emotionally abusive kind of he's an emotionally abusive person and that's like really scary to walk out and like end a friendship with somebody when they're in that because it can feel like a sense of responsibility that like oh i want them i want to be there for them i want to be able to help them through all that kind of stuff but um at the end of the day you also have to prioritize your mental health too um this guy's like creepy as fuck in general um what i would do in this situation

is i would kind of i would basically just kind of prolong our inevitable friendship breakup because i think it probably is inevitable unless like it does turn out that all of this was really him i would probably get coffee and be like i like yeah i definitely still like want to be able to like talk and stuff and like i'm just like really working on like clear boundaries is something that i've really developed like over like the pandemic and all of that kind of stuff and um full transparency you know your boyfriend and i like don't get along and i want you to be happy and like healthy and safe and so i'm here to support you and whatever that aspect of it is and uh i'm just going to say this and i don't mean this to be like fatalistic or anything but if anything

does happen with your relationship like i'm never going to be and i told you so i'm never going to be like snarky about it like you can always come to me but just as a heads up i'm not asking you to choose between me and him it's just like him and i really don't get along happy to have a really separate relationship with you and friendship with you but i i need to be transparent with you that i don't him and i don't get along and i'm okay coexisting with that but that's something that like not though she says she doesn't want is he's in the picture she doesn't want to be but not hanging out with him is this a kind of situation where it's like a toxic manipulative abusive relationship that you feel like you need to maintain some like some semblance

of closeness to her to be able to be there because he may he cut out everyone else in her life or is it this person is really toxic and is in sure is also in a really toxic relationship with this person is really toxic to me and i being on the sidelines is there's no way i can do that because you know i mean there's like there's like a level of like is it a kind of thing that you can tolerate to be there on the sidelines but then if you can't then all you do is adding all you're doing then is adding more stress into that person's life yeah what do you think yeah i think this is just this is such a hard situation because you still you you said you want to like preserve the friendship because you've had it so long but you can't do it if he's still in her life

and so yeah it's like the do do i isolate her but it doesn't seem that she's being isolated like i don't think she is it just it doesn't seem like he left her like like she's being left with someone else and i think like in this type of situation you have to look out for your own mental health as well and if it's not going to if this relationship this friendship is not serving you then you walk away if she feels like that it may not that may not be i just want to be careful with what i'm saying it may not be that she feels like that she wants like she she values the relationship with him more than the relationship with you but it it does seem like she's he's she's being manipulated to be in this relationship with him

i was gonna say though i think like i don't think you need to really i think a way that you can also do this is not even necessarily like addressing your friendship with her it's like it's having like i mean a conversation i could see it going is you guys get coffee and you talk with her and you are just like really explicit and you're like i like love you and you've been like one of my longest like childhood friends and full transparency I really don't like how your boyfriend has treated you and I really don't like it and it makes me really upset and it makes me really worried and I'm really torn because I don't want to be around him or the whole situation but I care about you and I want to be there for you and yeah I'm not

making, I'm not saying for you to choose or anything at all, but just know I need to take a step away. But if anything happens, you can always reach out to me. Like I'm always going to be here for you. Um, and then she might just peace out. But like the whole thing, if you're friends with someone who's in a toxic relationship, the only thing that you can do is just try to be there enough or have them think of you fondly enough or leave the friendship on terms where they know if things go south they can come back and they can they can do that and i think at the same time even if like that happens and you don't want her to come back and you guys just don't get along that's so that's also okay but i think if

you're feeling an obligation to maintain this friendship that's bad for your mental health because like, for the sake of her mental health, and for the sake of that, then I think it's that's when you pass it on to somebody else. That's when you talk to her parents or a sibling of hers or someone who's in her life. And you're like, I can't do this anymore. This is like, I love her. But like, point blank, she hasn't been a great friend to me. And on top of it, this relationship that I hate, and I'm like, really wary of, but in good conscious, like, I need to let you know all of my worries about this so you can like be on the lookout and be aware of it but I can't my plate is full now right which I think is like the responsible thing to do in that kind of

situation but yeah I think this is hard because I think you are inevitably growing apart but you feel an obligation to hold on for like the memory of who she was and then also how much of her is influenced by this person like would you like her and would you guys maintain your friendship as adults if he she wasn't with him and like that you can kind of want to hold on to that kind of stuff as like the what ifs and possibilities but yeah i would also maybe just to let her start the coffee talk with like what she wants just like figure out like hear her where she's at and then from there you can really gauge your response back to her because maybe maybe she really like wants to get out of this relationship and this is like the second round of trying to do that

yeah yeah so this is this is a multi-layered tough kind of thing but glad you're in therapy and um let us know how coffee goes best of luck hi megan and melissa i am calling because i am a 20 year old virgo my pronouns are she her And I'm calling because my partner of over three years, he goes by him, he pronouns, and he is 20 years old, and he is a Scorpio. Like I said, we've been together for over three years, and our communication is great. We have a very healthy relationship, but I am concerned because when we have sex, he doesn't really, like, talk dirty. He doesn't really talk at all, which I think some people are just, like, quiet. I don't know, but it feels, like, a little bit awkward to me because I'm the type of person that if I don't, like, hear people talking, I get, like, worried.

and so I expressed to him that I wanted this and he was like okay like I'll work on it like because he I mean we're very good like with communication but now I'm worried like how am I going to get around feeling like he's not enjoying talking or talking dirty and he's just doing it for me which I understand like him doing it for me is like the whole point and all that but I don't want him to like not enjoy it if that makes any sense um yeah so any help would be great i love you guys so much you guys are like the best and thank you i mean here's i think it's great that he was like receptive to all of this but i think what you when you have these conversations which i'm not doubting that you're doing um you guys seem to have like great healthy open communication

that if you're not comfortable doing something that like that's that's okay and that's allowed And maybe for you, it's just like following up with him and being like, Hey, uh, just does it follow up? I probably, I don't know if I express this or not, but like, if you're not into that, like, that's totally okay. Like, I don't want this to be something that like you're sacrificing your comfortability, um, just because like I'm into it. And then hopefully that will like ease your nerves with that.

Because I think a lot of the time with this stuff, like, yes, we should set up like clear boundaries, but like when we're having those conversations that like, it's really okay to say like, no, I'm not comfortable doing that. but also that, um, a lot of the time there's like, it's not so black and white. It's like, sure. You can be into it. Oh, I'm not into it. Um, I'm down to try it and I am not going to be into it after I try it, or I'm going to be into it after I try it or figuring that kind of stuff out. So I think as long as you have healthy communication. Yeah. It's just as long as everyone's doing everything consensually. Um, and it, which comes to anything sexually. And

that's kind of like you know that gal that we had to call in that her husband was thought that he would be into them like her getting um having sex with another man while he watched and then when it came up to it then he wasn't into it and they talked about it um yeah but then she thinks that she's into it so it's just like you just have to keep the communication going you have to ask him like even if it's like maybe before you're even like every time before you're having sex you can even mention it and just like make see if he's into it and if he just seems weary um and doesn't give you like an enthusiastic yes or enthusiastically going like uh talking dirty to you then you know that it's something that he's not into and you know if it's not a um hard out for you then

you know just maybe listen to some dipsy i have put some air pods in when you're having sex yep that's yeah i think also like when it comes to like talking dirty too i think it's really a good call to when you're asking someone to like talk to which is I I can't have exact people who just like don't say anything I'm like hello are you I want to check your pulse like are you still with us like hello uh big summer bra out hello um I think it's good to like kind of set parameters and give examples too because like nothing worse than saying that you want to like talk dirty and like you think he's gonna be like oh yeah like suck my dick like i love that like i love your tits and he's like come on you fucking whore and you're like yeah yeah there are limitations to it

and also that like she might be that's what she wants is like reel me in the ass and he's like here's the thing that's gonna take you put your penis in my butthole it's gonna take a while like you have to be on the same page because maybe you want some like know what kind of dirty talk it is because i think that also if he's like what the fuck am i gonna say i have to come with this whole like improv monologue like i think if you can give some like you know writing prompts give some like starting jumping off points and like what you're into versus like what you're not into and also i think you know watching porn together and like if there's something with dirt something like even listening to dipsy together like saying like this is something that i would be really into

i think can also be helpful for someone who's like exploring something that their partner's into because you're not starting from scratch like you have something you have a jumping off point um but i would also say that like dirty talk is definitely um like comfortability thing that like it's it's gonna it usually will take a little bit a little while and if you're if he's not cool just like calling you like a dirty slut immediately you can work up to it yeah like it's like i think it's taken every every time i've had sex with a guy without doubt will not the first time we have sex and it's like being like okay come on okay come whenever you're ready just letting you know just letting you know and now there's a bunch of dudes like walking around now that i'm

like i did this to you it's time for a break okay we're gonna take a quick break and we will be right back we're back from our break and we're getting to the rest of the calls hi megan and melissa love the podcast so i have a problem um i am 18 i'm a gemini i'm a senior in high school and my pronouns are she her and my boyfriend is also 18 he's also a senior in high school and his pronouns are he him and he is a Sagittarius I'm a Gemini basically my boyfriend is a bad driver like I don't want to call him a bad driver but he's a bad driver for example yesterday he was coming to a tennis event with me because I manage the team 18 for younger kids and right in front

of everyone he's trying to pull into this parking spot and he hit someone's car like so like painfully badly that it was just like was so embarrassing he hit only their tires somehow but it made such a loud noise it was in front of everyone and then he gets out and like is disputing with the person that he hit their car and then like comes over to the next seat and that's like my boyfriend and it was so embarrassing I don't even know how that happened like the parking spot wasn't tight or anything but regardless of that the next thing is that Later that day, I get in the car with him, and we literally almost T-boned someone at an intersection. We're coming out of this parking lot onto this main road, and they're trying to go left.

And then there's someone in that main road trying to turn left into the parking lot that they're trying to turn out of. And he just goes, not understanding that the person in the main road has to be right-of-way. So we almost T-boned them on top of the fact that there's other cars coming. And it was so bad. Literally, as it was happening, I was just constantly, I was just screaming. because I thought we were going to die. Like, genuinely, it was so scary. So my question is, how do I tell him that he's, like, a bad, irresponsible driver

without telling him that? I mean, I don't know what to say. He constantly wants to drive us around, and I have my own car, so that's not even a problem. It's just that he constantly wants to drive us around, so we're not taking two cars. And I can go five days being like, babe, let's take my car instead. But that only works for so long before he starts to be like,

how about we take my car and i just don't know how to tell him like why i don't want to drive with it because he is really insecure about driving and i just feel really bad genuinely really really bad so any help where's help i don't know how to word it how to tell him just help me thank you the first thing you need to do is you need to figure out where he took his driver's license to us and you need to call them and you say you made a fucking grave mistake provoke this man's license immediately child like i i this also this actually reminds me of my brother-in-law he's been in numerous wrecks he's a terrible driver he's wrecked just in the time that him and my sister have to marry i think he's totaled four cars he i've seen i've actually seen him get into two

wrecks before that these weren't even the cars that had been told like i the fact that i have visually seen him get into car wrecks and i wasn't in the car for either one of these things it was like one of them one of them we were driving to church for one of the kids where they were getting christening for something and i was with my parents and i think i had i had lived i lived in la at that point so i was like with my parents and him and megan were in a different car with their kids we're just driving to church and we're like marquez just got in a wreck like see him like right like a few cars in front of us and there was another time we were driving from littorock and he was pulling out of uh um and i again i was not in the car we were just kind of caravanning

and he was pulling out of someplace and didn't look and just got t-bone right there so he's a terrible driver um i honestly like i've told him that i will never even like when i go home i take ubers because i don't have a car while i'm there and um and um and also i just don't want to drive and he's like i'll drive you and you can pay me instead of uber and i said absolutely the fuck not he's a terrible driver and how i told him is that i told tell him that he's a fucking terrible driver yeah there's no way around this and he's he's self-conscious about his driving because he's a terrible driver it probably took him so long to get his driver's license and they're and they just got got tired of seeing him show up and putting their own lives

at risk in the car while he was taking yes it was me it took me a long ass time to get mine this is just like and here's the thing he needs to get better at driving and yes how do you get better at driving practicing do you know how you but you know how you practice in a parking lot don't practice in places where like you have to he has to like then park his car after he hits someone and then has to be like reveal himself as being your boyfriend that's embarrassing it needs to be like the same way that i learned how to drive when i was 10 he needs more driving lessons when i was 11 my mom used to take me to the school parking lots when they were completely empty yes i can't she took me to the school parking lots when they were completely empty

like after school was out or on the weekend so there would be no one there and i would just like drive around the parking lot and practice parking and things like that what kind of car did your mother have that 10 year old you could reach the pedals i'm the same height as i've been since i was 11 oh okay i haven't grown at all like i was like average height and then just stopped growing um and she's shorter than me so there's that but i was driving first she tried to teach me on she had the z like stick shift car that i it was a sports car that i could i me and her got in fights because she has no patience and i didn't understand what she was saying i've never learned how to drive a stick shift because she has traumatized me for the rest of my life um so

i first tried to learn on that didn't work and then uh they had a blazer and i learned to drive on that what's a blazer i don't know what that is the suv that show has my ex-boyfriend tried to teach me how to drive stick in like the brand new audi his parents bought him and i was like i don't even know how to drive a regular car but you're very hot so you can try yeah you just have to like fucking straight up um tell him he's a bad driver because you're putting your life and he's putting his life and other people's lives in risk and like serious risk every time he gets in the car like cars are a weapon yeah and like there's no shade but it's like hey i think like you know like i'm not comfortable driving with you like it really stresses me out and like i'm

also worried about you driving on the road that you should talk to your parents and see if you get some more driving lessons or just practice driving more with like where it's like safer but go to school parking lots while they're empty and put get some cones and he just like practices driving in between and parking and parking spots i can't believe he yelled i just can't imagine just being like a teacher or uh having like a young tennis tennis hopefuls he crashes into someone and then gets out it's loud so everybody's already looking but then he gets out and argues with him and then comes over and sits by you how embarrassing i would be like i'm sorry i don't know you no like get this man i don't i'm sorry to this man sorry i don't know

who this man is like i would be more to but here's the thing mott is not a good driver i am a much better driver than mott's granted we have said in the last year he is a better driver than me because you can see yeah i can't see and he knows and here's the thing mott's is not 18 he's 30 and it has probably taken up until this year before him to like be self-proclaimed like i'm not that great you are a better driver than me so there is like a lot of like you know straight cis male ego built into like driving cars being the best like i'm so good at this or whatever but here's the thing like you do not need to coddle that fragile male ego for this like at all this is like you can die like anyone can like yes you can die he can die the people in the other car can

you can be put in a coma and then think that you killed your um ex-girlfriend and i also think we need to like go back to that call and i really want to input some like witchcraft in there at some point like i want some magic in there like i feel like we need another layer to it and it's either gonna be like to myself yeah science and time travel or some magic i want so just food for thought but um yeah you don't need to like this is like the epitome of like you do not protect the the fragile male ego like his fucking ego will get somebody killed yeah and it's just stupid and absolutely reckless and like there's a lot of 18 year olds who in general no offense aren't great drivers just because you don't have as much like experience

driving but that doesn't mean that you should gain experience by like constantly crashing also do his does his parents know does his guardians whoever he lives with do they know that he keeps doing this because like that's just a family of sucky drivers oh yeah i think you just have to tell them and come from it from a loving place just like i really i don't know if you love him i really care for you um and i just want to make sure that the next time i see you that you're in one piece and um your driving's a little bit reckless and i think that you need to practice or get some driving lessons because i fear for my life every time that i'm in the car with you i think you're gonna kill me and i don't want to die so please let me drive us

but like also he needs to get driving lessons without a doubt a hundred percent because this is also like this becomes a an adult who's bad at driving do you know what i mean like i was not the bad driving and then the cockiness and ego to just keep driving like that that's that's a recipe for disaster i was a i had a really like really tough time learning how to drive i was really highly anxious like really hated it and i when i got my license i didn't like drive anywhere for a while like and it was like okay then i built up the confidence but like i was not electing like oh i'll drive i'll drive like i was aware that i wasn't good but like not knowing or knowing and committing to it that's fucking that's insane yeah hi melissa and megan so i'm calling because

i have kind of a weird i don't know um i'm 26 my pronouns are she her and my husband is school 34 oh shucks he just had his birthday 34 um and his pronouns are he him so I was calling because our marriage is great love it everything's wonderful whatever um but we were recently having sex and then I was on top and he slapped my boob um and like I luckily the room was pitch black so like he couldn't see me laugh, but he had never done that before. We've been together for a while now, five years. Wow. I really should know this more. Um, but yeah, my book and not like hard or anything, just like a little, like, like, um, and then like, I don't know how to tell him. Like that was the funniest thing I've ever fucking experienced in my entire life. Um, yeah. So is

that's like a thing do people slap boobs now am i just like like you know behind the times um i guess my advice or my like question is how do i tell him that that was the funniest shit i've ever experienced without making him feel embarrassed um because i think he enjoyed it and i enjoyed it but for different reasons um so thanks so much you guys are great and uh see you later or see later i don't know you um talk to you later maybe sometime okay bye i'm glad you found it i'm glad you found it humorous because we're dying dying dying i'd also love to be friends with you uh see you later actually i won't see you later i don't even know you uh goodbye i'll talk to you later oh maybe i'm dead talk about slapstick comedy i'm dying i did just text monson and i

said have you ever slapped my boob during sex i don't i don't know if it's a thing but i feel like body parts are just getting slapped or tapped or a little love thing during sex i don't think it's not a thing yeah like i i right now could not definitively tell you if i've had my titties slapped yes or no like 50 50 chance yeah that's the thing 50 50 chance i don't think i'd mind it i think i found it funny and i think i would find it hot yeah but but when you talk about an isolated incident when we're not in the middle of having sex you know i'm just imagining a titty slap it's hilarious and we were if you're not watching the video this was gold of us just titty slapping ourselves slapping our titties that's so funny i do wonder though if like immediately after he did

that he was like what do i just do yeah i think if it happens again laugh in the moment i don't know if you laugh i don't know yeah yeah it depends on if like he thinks it's like hot and serious but you think it's like hot and funny and it seems like you want him to do it again yeah because of the jokes like oh yeah or talking about dirty talk you gotta call it out oh yeah slap my titty i would die i would literally like pee myself laughing yeah slap that titty you just take your boob and you smash it you just slap him across the face while you're on top you like that you like that i really hope you've got big boobs too so you get that like skin to skin like that feels

like you know when you slap skin that's like um uh like a belly flop in the pool where it's just like yeah oh i think monson's have fallen asleep because he is not responding to my text he doesn't respond to your text all day i know even when he was awake like what how rude how rude he did respond to my first tiktok i sent him this morning which is of a guy getting drunk and then eating shit on a golf um it's like personal golf cart segue things yeah uh how do you bring it i think you think you bring it up like now you think like not in the moment i think i know i think that you should bring it you should like tell him to slap your titty while you're fucking him with a straight face yes and then die laughing and be like a lot of you're setting him up for a joke it's that's

how you set up a punch line that's what you call it i mean god imagine though there's when there's a punchline and there's a dick inside of you like that's exactly that's why i called it slap and stick comedy slapstick comedy did that go over your head no the first part i got the slap the obvious joke i got the second was a little more nuanced no no that went right over my head wow i'm dying i do part of me feels like he immediately like regretted it after he did it and he was like what was it did it make him come did he slap your titty and then he's like oh or did he slap it and then like grip your hips harder like i i just need more details okay also i don't know why that like i really like glazed over the fact that you were on top

that's what you said i know but like now i'm picturing it more it's kind of like a baby in a mobile it's like like that's also like the like one of the least like like but are you meaning over on that's what i was gonna say there's so many different variations variations of being on top so like were you like was he all the way flat and then kind of just like bobbed up like a cat yeah or was it like was he kind of sitting up some and did it were you leaned over there's just where you lean back because that's even more did he backhand it or you front hand it yeah was this like a tennis serve or was this like a cat playing with a toy because i will say if i'm leaning over and like you know and your boobs are doing that like that yeah it would be like like a cat if

someone slapped my boob there i'd be like don't even look at my boobs in this angle like fuck you but it looks like they're melting also can you imagine if she was like riding like reverse cow girl and then he like did it from like behind her and it came across i'd be like did you just see that she said she said it was dark and it was a ghost that ghost that i've been trying to fuck and it hasn't happened yet it just went to the wrong room so i titty slap and left and right i'm dying because i think that like yeah i think this is something that like it's not not a thing like i can't i can't with

conviction tell you i have not been titties left i'm pretty sure i have been but i don't for some reason the way this is going down it just feels like a out of left field for your relationship and startling and shocking and we i literally need you to draw a diagram but the thing is like the fact that there's both she's like i think he was into it just that fact that like she thinks it's so fucking funny like do you want him to do it again so you could have just like a giggle was it like playful sex also like what was the uh like how hard were you writing him because it could have been like playful but if you're in the dark that to me is not funny sex but like what was it like very intense heart and then he's just like

ah titty slap or was it more like a uh uh like a slow sensual and then just like a like a like a what's that one instrument that's like percussion that the sim no it's not the symbols but like wind chimes wind chimes where you're just like but you thought it was gonna be like it was like an aggressive grace like you thought he might have been going for a grab but then it was just like was it open open fingers closed fingers and only one call back because i feel like we're gonna have fun with this with this update so call back let's have a nice little fun kiki give us all the details and lesson if you brought it back up call us back and you know next time monster i have

i'll make him slap my boob and i'll tell you gotta tell him slap my titty i am dying dying dying dying oh wow well can't wait for you to call back can't wait for us to just talk about this and um looking forward to it me too well now it's time for don't blame them this is where um a listener will call in with their own advice pertaining to a call that we had on a previous episode they give their own insight maybe uh they have some personal experience that we didn't have or maybe they see it in a different light or maybe just maybe they'll be like megan and melissa were so right they're so beautiful everything they do is completely right and my dad happens to own like a multiple private jets and is

a bajillionaire and we're gonna give you money waiting for that last one to happen that would be terrific and this is definitely not it oh god where are little fuckers with like where are little fuckers with billionaire parents yeah who hate them like who spiteful we want we want some spiteful little fuckers who hate their rich parents yeah if you ever want to spend um if you have access to your republican um family's credit cards and you ever want to spend some money just like send us some money and we want to make a movie oh we do we want to make a lot of we would but like if you just want to run us 30 mil a quick 30 mil we really appreciate it yeah thank you thank you so much for your consideration so what's this one from this is from season 7 episode 24 hi megan

and melissa i'm calling for uh don't blame them you had an update on season 7 episode 24 of the girl who was using who got a toy and you mentioned um well she mentioned that uh she didn't quite enjoy oral sex. It didn't really feel like much, and I wanted to call in with some solidarity for her. I also don't get that much pleasure out of oral sex, and through talking to my sex therapist and my partner and all of these people, I've discovered that I have a smaller clit, which can get overstimulated. So what we've worked out is that getting G-spot simulators and really focusing on the G-spot simulation,

which kind of hits the back of the clip but not the outward facing nerves in the exterior part, I can still simulate those nerves. But when we just do exterior stimulation, it just kind of goes numb and then stops feeling like anything else. So if you are a caller still trying to figure out what might help you in the bedroom, if you want to get a G-spot stimulator that can be used in the front, in the back, those nerves still work, but it might be something

and it might be why you're kind of not feeling too much from oral sex. You're just too overwhelmed, I guess, with the, with the feelings, but hope that helps. And thank you guys so much. I love this podcast and have a great day. I think this is great. I also love the fact that you mentioned, I don't, I think you said sex therapist, which is fantastic. And great because I, I love hearing people who are go to that kind of stuff. Cause I think a lot of the time, like, you know,

specifically uh people with vaginas and all of that stuff like our pleasure has been so neglected to be like talked about at all that it can feel kind of like a oh this is a me problem oh this is like a or not even a me problem like oh this is just must be how it is kind of thing that i think like taking ownership back and like prioritizing like your own pleasure is like a great thing to do and yeah figuring that kind of stuff out yeah so hell yeah hell yeah and it kind of when we were on that episode of the clit talk and oh yeah i was just about to bring that up yeah we were all talking about different clit sizes and different stimulations that work for work better for others and one of the gals was talking about how you know even like she doesn't

like penetration in her vagina she can only get off if she gets penetrated in the ass so you know different strokes for different folks that's why they created that term specifically that is it for our episode we hope you all enjoyed if you want to call in for an upcoming one leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com again write it down practice keep it under three minutes let us know your pronouns you got to be 18 or over and have your parents permission we are also available uh to be supported i mean emotionally you can support us anywhere but uh financially you can support us on patreon if you love the show and maybe you want the video versions or

you want to tune in for our live streams we have two tiers one's only a dollar a month one is five dollars and hey if you have some extra cash to spare like 30 million you can always enter in your own specific amount that you want to donate to uh to to keep the show i was gonna say keep the lights on i specifically have no lights on in this video so please my lights are off um your um and the wise words of hillary duff if the light is off then it isn't on the lyrics i didn't know one song yeah well uh oh yeah follow us on socials you can buy my book buy my presets follow me on instagram youtube tiktok she's pumping out swifty content and uh what what would you like to promote yeah uh follow me on um

instagram um i would like if you have any male friends i would like my um ratios to be higher so have your why are you worried about your ratio i don't know i thought you wanted to i just i was like i thought you were like i don't have any like if you have any male friends send me their photo so i can date like decide if i want to date them is that are you trying to use your instagram to like pimp yourself out or like you just would like to have more male followers also just i have like six percent male followers that's probably me too yeah i'm sure i mean i feel like most of the people that follow me probably follow you too um it's good crossover so thank you for those that do if you have any do you specifically would are you specifically looking for men to date who

follow you like would you like specifically men who are interested in women yes yes specifically men interested in women that are above the age of 32 years old okay so anybody like your big brothers that you um think would be a good fit for me just sneak onto their phone and this is the thing though you're gonna have to start fucking posting more i've started this week did you see you posted literally one you posted once um i posted my mom i posted my mom last week so that's okay mother's day post do not count at all i'm sorry a mother's day post is not a thirst trap like no guys commenting fire and then being like i'm really okay especially because i'm gonna i'm about to start this this booty workout too it's gonna be thirst traps left and right

okay i'm happy for you is your mom still blocked no i'm fine with her okay did you see what the comment i made about for mother's day did you read the caption i don't think i read the caption oh you should read the caption oh i'm excited well um i'm i'm looking forward to seeing a bunch of random men in your comments section okay we will see you all next week goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts edited by katrina henning and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso