Don't Blame Me! - S8E17: Step Mom is Cheating On My Mom

Episode Date: September 20, 2021

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: friends lying about being vaccinated  “Friend” is a user Boyfriend wants to debate all the time Guy I like wants to join a toxic fraternity Don't Blame Them: Copying Friend Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me    Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME.”   Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Don't Blame Me, your favorite podcast. And if we're not your favorite podcast, lie to us, lie to us. Exactly. And like, I can't even think of a podcast that's better than ours. Except all the podcasts I have been guests on and all the podcasters who have come and been guests on our podcast of course and every other podcast that you do welcome we are an advice podcast where we give you you guessed it advice and know it's a revolutionary concept an advice podcast that gives advice never been done before and you might be wondering is it these disruptors is it financial advice is it mental health advice is it physical advice is it health advice is it yeah all of those it's all of the above it is

we give life-changing wonderful life-altering advice to professional unprofessionals but we lack foreign credentials we make up for in opinions some people say opinions are like assholes they're more like the pores in my skin or the hair on my head i have a plenty my name is Megan and I'm joined by my co-host producer and the only reason this podcast exists Melissa hello you are the glue I am the glitter but you're also like glitter glue do you what I mean yeah because like most glue you would not think can be like on-air talent true in the words that Kyle says you got a face for the boom mic it's his favorite fucking line goes on set one time, here's it. It's his favorite. Yeah. So if you want to call in for an upcoming episode,

you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976. And international listeners, you can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com. Just record us a voicemail. Let us know the worries, the quanders, the shit you're dealing with in your life that you need our help with, and we will do our best to help you. And in order to do our best, we need you to do your best. And that means writing down what you're going to say. Please write it down, practice, keep it under three minutes and make sure you include all of the necessary information and you can time yourself. So, you know, hey, I have some extra time. Let me make sure I have all these facts in there or it's running over. Let me explain the fact that I'm a Libra. Good for you,

but it's not usually instrumental in this. Also, let us know your pronouns. Make sure we know the ages of everybody involved and if you're over, have your parents permission to call in. Should we give the disclaimer? If you're not watching, which you can watch on Patreon, I feel like you can just sense by our eyes maybe our looks um the cadence of how we speak this is a podcast by two liberal women so rachel close your ear holes and go find the new joe rogan episode ma'am you're lost or the people that purposely came here as their destination do you like to torture yourself i don't i just think like i enjoy a good hate watch like i live for that stuff but like i'm a passive hate hate watcher because like i will say it's the most embarrassing part of my

personality i don't want anyone to know podcast hate watching is a different level though i could never hate listening what if somebody bought the patreon that hate watches oh if you're going to i would recommend it too it's actually 15 month free um yeah that's that's the spiel what's new with you melissa i'm just enjoying life you're just living life your vibe right now yeah it's just living life you are getting so many comments i'm getting dms of people who want me to tell you how good your hair looks i just got one thank you so much it's fire it's so good and hopefully by the time this episode is out definitely the beautiful photos i took of you will be on your instagram i was planning to put them up today but that's so late that's a lot to do today i know

too much i know much too much i know i was gonna complain about i mean i still did complain about how i was like tired and i was like well melissa moved and she recorded before this and i was just like packing that's all I did so when I moved yeah I feel like we need a closing chapter to my nosy neighbor because it's over now um so I didn't tell her I was leaving because I knew she would ask to be a pen pal it would be so annoying so many questions not even pen pals she would just have questions about my finances I feel like because she's asked me how much I pay for rent more than once ma'am we live in the same building but I pay much more because she's been there for 25 years and my place was renovated and hers wasn't so the moving truck came up and

one of the mover guys all my movers were so cool nicest guys one of them came in he was like yo your neighbor is so nosy and I was like I already know who it is and he said she's asking if I'm moving you which I didn't tell her where you're moving to why you're moving and he was like I couldn't tell he said i couldn't tell you she was latino or not so i didn't pretend like i i only spoke spanish so i acted like i can only speak french which he's fluent in french and then so later when i came back to all only my frozen things and not the things that have been thrown away another story for another time she yelled out her door my name and then asked me where i was going and why and she was like and your mover wouldn't tell me any information

if he had told you the information i would have been angry yeah man she was mad she was like i didn't know if you were in there or not okay nosiness like that is a disease yeah does she have a cat she has a dog and it's not enough oh yeah god nosy neighbors no more i'm so happy for you thank you and now i think maybe you'll just have the kind of nosy neighbors that i am where i am a quietly nosy neighbor some hooligans will be on the street doing some weird shit moss and i were we would we'll open our balcony and just like peer out there with our arms crossed these people are our age but we're like these kids i'm like they are literally our age like same probably my age not his and we just quietly do that or like you know you list you put an ear

against a wall but like never will nobody ever catch me snooping and that's the kind of peeping that's the kind of like nosy neighbor you want today there were or yesterday i met one one neighbor when i pulled up in my car she was like i like your princess car so she's like i used to have a white convertible and so i already like her and then another woman saw me when i left this morning and i had on the top that goes with these shorts what i had on the last episode and um she was like i really like your outfit i really like the matching thing so so far wow that's more interactions i've ever had with my neighbors i'm not even kidding they're a lot more friendly in that neighborhood like my other neighbors in my old neighborhood when i would

walk by like no one said anything yeah that seems nice the only time i had any conversation with one of my neighbors was during the pandemic and we were like all taking groceries and it was all like uh groceries and then they wanted to clarify where we live because they wanted to you know talk shit about someone else on our street and i was like oh we are ready to talk shit uh okay well that's the life updates for us i know that you all were dying to hear except for the two people who hate when we talk about ourselves at the beginning of the podcast it's not all about you guys well it is oh okay well we're gonna get into our update and quick little disclaimer for all of the anti-vaxxers you need to leave before you get your feelings hurt okay bye goodbye or

you're consenting to get your feelings hurt in which case shut the fuck up so let's get into the update i called in just a couple episodes ago about my friend not telling me they were vaccinated while we're on vacation which was super fun and i guess i wanted to clarify like some stuff you guys brought up in the podcast because i did not make that clear in my call at all but um basically yes my one friend did straight up lie to me like a couple months before and was like yes I am vaccinated so I was like oh okay and we were going like this vacation that we planned was not like oh let's go party in Vegas like we were going to a remote area to just like enjoy the outdoors but still like we were driving through some like big cities and stuff but

that was like you know he told me like oh yeah I'm vaccinated back in like June and so I got home from school like after finishing school and like all summer was like told like oh okay you're vaccinated so all summer in my hometown which is south southern u.s small town no one's vaccinated covid's rampant vibes that like he was vaccinated so we were doing all these things you know at the time because delta miss delta hadn't like truly fully entered the chat to the extent that she has now so that was like also really kind of disarming because like well I've been doing stuff with you all summer so that happened and I was clear with both of them before we left I was like we have to make sure we're careful like we still need to be wearing masks because at the time of the summer

that we went it was like you know Delta was starting to pick up it was on our radar we were like hmm okay like we've all spent a lot of money we're still gonna go we're going to a really remote area like we probably won't see that many people I was like safer with it if we'd gone anywhere else I would have said no like we're not doing that regardless of being vaccinated or not um so yeah essentially what happened is they lied to me I just like didn't really know what to say because I had a really hard summer like I had a really close family member pass away my parent had to quit their job like I graduated college then I moved across the U.S. like it was just like one thing after another so I was like I really want a vacation time to just vibe and not

like worry about all that so when this happened I was like well shit like I paid for this vacation I don't want to ruin it you know and I also don't want to just like totally ruin one of my relationships with my really good friends out of just like pure anger but essentially what happened in the moment is like my other friend that was with me like made a joke about not being vaccinated And then before I could just like say anything, my friend who's not vaccinated didn't like, you know, we were sitting all down together and they told me, and I was just like shocked. And then he just started going in like, well, you don't know what the data is. Like, truly, like none of us really know if we get it as a young person, we're probably

going to be fine. And literally said like, like, it's my choice at the end of the day. no one can take that away from me like just as much as like if you were to go and make a medical choice about like aborting a child that would be like the same thing and I was like okay no but like that's also super disrespectful to even that's just a non-sequitur to like bring up in this conversation so all of this stuff was hitting the fan and I just kind of sat there like shocked because I just didn't know what to say so that's what happened in the original call we went through vacation you know it was fine and by the end of the week like we were there for a couple days by

the end of the vacation you know we were all sitting outside eating somewhere and they were like I'm glad we can joke about the vaccine stuff now like I'm glad that you're cool with it you haven't like thrown a bitch fit the whole week and I'm like okay cute cute nice and I just didn't again I think didn't say anything which was not a good response no you're allowed to not say anything you had a fucking rough year you wanted a vacation and you are like two against one like not to sound aggressive but like don't beat yourself up about for like not saying things in the moment and these are two are these two men or two women men okay yeah do not beat yourself up at all about like not saying anything in the moment sorry and you were off somewhere secluded

you had no way of getting away you were trying to keep the peace until you got home yeah yeah and so i don't know i i was just kind of like oh haha well then we got back and i gave it like a week and i just didn't speak to either of them and then i talked to my one friend because i was leaving a couple weeks afterwards to move across the country to start a phd in a natural science which is the other reason that pissed me this off so much is that like i'm going to get a phd in natural science like you know damn well how i feel about all of this you know like you can't convince me. I'm sorry to be an asshole, but like, you cannot convince me otherwise of like vaccine efficacy. So I just kind of took a week and then I just called my friend and I was

like, Hey, like, I need to talk to you because they had asked me like, we need to hang out before you move. And this is like early August. So Delta was really starting to like pick up. And I was like, you know, I'm really going to be honest. Like I'm not comfortable with that. And I just kind of left with that. And they were like, why is this because the vaccine? Yes. And I was like, it's not BS. Clearly we need to talk about this very like, and I'm not going to do it over text. Like I need to speak to you in person over the phone about this. Like, we're not going to meet up, but like, I need to speak to you over the phone. And I basically called him and I was like, you know, I just feel really upset that you didn't let me like speak at all. Like it was

really disarming. And any other time that you would have been in that situation, like I know damn well he would have spoken up and I really don't think that like we need to be seeing each other anymore and of course he got really really upset he was like well I don't understand why you're so worried about it like you're vaccinated what do you have to lose and I was just kind of like well I have a lot to lose I have an immunocompromised sibling I have an older mom like I'm moving across the country in a few weeks like I do have a lot to lose not that the vaccine efficacy, you know, isn't real because, you know, against Delta and everything, but there's a higher chance now that I could potentially get it. So I do have a lot to lose and I'm really shocked that

you don't have a lot to lose. And so I just basically set a boundary of like, I'm not seeing you. Sorry, not sorry. You're really that pressed about it. FaceTime me because at this point, I don't know what to do. He was kind of shocked in that sense. Cause I was so done and so upset and so pissed that I just was very blunt after not saying anything this whole time but I don't know I guess like it's been it's just been really hard because I've had so many friends and family members in my life who've had to do this to people it still made me feel bad to like have to say that to one of my best friends but luckily I set that boundary we didn't see each other we didn't talk he actually ended up reaching back out and was like you know I really respect the fact that you

made that boundary that you were willing to do that even though initially you felt super uncomfortable doing that clearly because you didn't say anything to us and i know it's really daunting to like bring this really contentious subject up and even though like i'm still not going to get vaccinated whatever he's like i respect the fact that you are like willing to create those boundaries for yourself and was really receptive and apologized profusely and all of that. So I guess like, I'm just really glad and proud of myself. And I hope to be able to encourage other people that like, it's hard. It is hard. Anytime you have to cut someone out of your life for whatever reason, you guys have talked about this a lot on the show too. Like

it's hard. It's tricky. It's not like flipping off a light switch. Like some, for some people, it is that easy for others. It's not, but I just like hope to be able to illustrate a little bit the like at the end of the day it's your own health and safety on the line and the health and safety of other people and if your friends refuse to see that like that's their loss like you've done all you can and at the end of the day you might even be garnering respect that you didn't realize you could by setting a boundary which is really important that's basically all that happened still not going to get vaccinated and I said well cool until you do we'll just keep talking over the phone like very cordial cordial about at that point because I got all my like

pissed off energy out yeah yeah definitely appreciated you guys's help and I feel really bad I didn't say all of that they were all like the whole situation no no no don't worry at all I mean everybody gets caught up on like we forget to say stuff in calls when we like listen and like all of that kind of stuff so don't worry about it did he apologize for lying specifically no that's the thing so he was like well I'm really sorry that like we kind of came after you and we want you to know that we still respect you like that's a lie that's a lie like I say this like you're fucking great like I would be friends with you like you seem like you are very much like not even just on this topic but just like you're our vibe we're very good at reading vibes you have

our vibe and like we hate everybody and like i'm just telling you like he is full of even the whole like there's nothing i hate more and i don't mean this at all because like this can still feel like a really great thing for you because you did a wonderful job setting your boundary i hate when people who you've set a boundary with reach out to you to say thank you so much that's a good job on setting that boundary great like because what the fuck are you supposed to say to that because you're just like yeah yeah okay yeah go me and then it's but it is kind of just like this i just want to let you know that like my opinion of you i'm thinking highly of you so i hope like blah blah blah and like it's just this like fucking self-righteous shit that it's also like you've

created this boundary that like yes you're not talking to him in person but like he's reaching out still not saying that he's getting vaccinated so it's like i'm gonna cross your boundary to like talk about your boundary with you which is not technically crossing that specific boundary that you made but like he and your other friend like this whole note like they're just talking out of their asses and like this is something that like we literally our last epic call we like just had was with someone who it was the same like covid anti-vaxxing one she brought you up she did like it reminds me of this call we're talking to her next but like there is something of like feeling this sense of guilt and feeling like a bad person but i think really what it boils down to is like

there is a lot of like embarrassment that we harbor that we have friends or people we've associated with who are like this it's like this is mortifying to have someone that you're like what the fuck like this is like and like not that I'm saying that you should feel like that there's anything wrong with you at all but like when I have had friends who've done stupid shit like this I'm like whoa whoa whoa or said like really sexist comments I'm like what have I done to make this seem like I am the audience for this like what the fuck and like it can be hard to kind of like register with that it feels like an innately prideful thing when it's not this is like nobody could have expected maybe some people could have expected like how disgusting and selfish and like

murderous so many people are that they're like i just want to kill people but what he is saying has absolutely no merit and like value to it because he's saying we really respect you show me show me how the fuck you respected me in the past show me like it is to me what he's saying not to like tell you how to live your life but like it is just kind of like a little too late and like in the words of Jojo a little too late and you also like haven't done anything to change this like massive thing like flawed thing that you did

and like are still participating in and yet you still expect me to hang around and be your friend and you're gonna pat me on the head and say what a good person I am while you're just gallivanting off being like an absolute piece of shit with legs like fuck off

and it's like it's hard because you know I was like well I appreciate that you guys like quote-unquote respect me and my profession and like the fact that I'm you know literally going to be a scientist in training to save the world literally I mean yeah it's just like I said I respect that I appreciate you guys think of me like that but until like I see you starting to act differently like this is just going to be the same but you can say all of that but like until you really start to show me in the future that like this is how that those words are verified by actions like i just am not going to be super involved like i can't be because i just

don't need to be disrespected on a daily basis all the time by my friends like i don't need to do that respect is a verb not a noun wow put that on a fucking t-shirt to me their response is backpedaling because they are shocked and obviously that they were not able to pull this one over you like they are shocked that you had this response later on and that they thought that they could get away with it but it's also so fucking perfectly timed because you're closer with this one guy right specifically i'm kind of close with both of them equally okay but the one who lied to you so like so one lied to you and then like they wait until it's two against one and you're in the middle of the fucking woods to bring that up tell me that's not a fucking flaccid dick move like

oh i move for like it's like they set it up perfectly in a way that you would not and that's also like really sketchy that it's like you would wait to tell someone that like when you're in the middle of a fucking like remote area just you guys like it's like i'm going to purposely make a situation in which you do not feel comfortable or safe to obviously express all this kind of stuff and then we're gonna pile it on on you like that to me is just like a intentional dick move and like very fucked up and like I again I'm not telling you how to live your life and like if you want to maintain like a FaceTime relationship with him go for it but like these people to me just sound like not only are they idiots like they don't appreciate you and they're just kind of like

blowing smoke up your ass and like saying these things that like and like that doesn't negate any past friendship that you have and that they have like respect for you and all in these other things but I think that like you can respect me you can respect all x y and z but if you cannot respect morality like protecting other people and coming together as like an entire world to like face this thing and deal with that then like you don't respect me because you you might respect me on professional level on a friendship level but you don't respect me on a human level and like that overrides that to me but like I understand like I mean you had so much change and like moving and doing all of this kind of like starting all this other stuff that like those friendship that you

had for a long time and that kind of stuff like it would be insane of me to be like don't be friends with this person anymore because like that's a huge a huge thing but i think like you setting a boundary is like the first step in i mean sometimes when i've set boundaries with people after a couple months i'm like well nothing's changing and like i don't want to fucking hang out with you anymore and it's kind of like a slow fade so maybe i don't know yeah and like it's hard i mean all of us are in such different phases of my life right now and my friend like did point out that our friendship has been very much because i have been friends with these guys for so long we've grown up together you know went through the whole tomboy phase with like them being my

friends like we've been such a unit that like i do feel like all of us peacock a lot to each other and he pointed that out he was like that's something we all need to work on i'm like i agree I agree that we need to work on like not peacocking but like example a let's start here because I can't really pinpoint a time and correct me if I'm wrong that I have like brought something like this up in such a way that feels like I'm being set up because what you guys said felt like I was being set up and I don't need that in my life and around me and I don't need that energy so please point me to a way I've done that to you otherwise like really consider it in your navigating your relationships with your other friends and especially women because they are not

not going to appreciate that shit being thrown on them like what might seem like a joke to you is another person feeling like they're being self self-sabotaging and made to think that they're wrong and like that's just not cool and you guys are better than that too like i've been friends with you guys for long enough to know that like you don't need to act like this like i really don't know where that's coming from but it's also just men i don't know like it's also just men so god i low-key hate them for you like a lot and by low-key i mean high-key this just pisses me off because you're great when an issue is brought up like and then them being like well we all do this thing that we should all stop doing like it's like fuck off we're not talking about me

i'm perfect i didn't do anything you fucking idiot like this is on you but like making this that like a group project that we all need to do better on and all of that kind of stuff like it is just so minimizing and like it does suck because like when you have been friends with someone for so long like you also expect better of them and like you want to hold them to a higher standard because like not only do you want to be surrounded with people like that but like you love that person and like you want to see them do like the best that they can but I hope they have like leaps and bounds of like education and like understanding and all of that kind of stuff but Like you have so much other shit going on and all of that.

Like I would, if I were you, I would like focus my energy on like friends who are really aligned with you and all of this stuff because like they have so much learning to do that like you are not the teacher in that. That's like not your responsibility. And like, they can come back around when they're ready to take the test.

But like, you don't have to be the one handholding them through this kind of stuff to anyone. Like, especially women in general, when it comes to men, if anyone feels like they have to do that, to like their partner or like their male friends or whatever like you feel the responsibility that if you don't do it no one else will those people are not fucking ready they're not ready like it should not matter that laborious task is someone who should be paid yeah you guys are always right on the money of course no you're more measured i probably would have i would have lost my shit

and not in like an eloquent good way i would have been swearing name calling like i would have lost my mind see i would have internalized it while we were there and then as soon as like it was time for us to depart ways then that's when i would have went off on them and i would have been angry and seething the whole time yeah that's what my sister told me to do she literally told me she was like you should have just like went off on them like as a parting note goodbye everybody have a blessed day fuck you yeah and it's just like it's generally just really hard i think to like in the age of covid for people to understand that like you know these words of like medical freedom personal choice like at the end of the day they're all thinking

like i i i me me me and they fail to realize that this is a public health problem the word public is there your actions affect another person it's like going to the amusement park and not putting your seatbelt on it's like driving drunk it's what that is and like it's these things affect other people and i my whole thing is like these sony people are so loudly wrong just understanding about how long vaccines stay in your system like all of these kinds of things that like people who want to get educated on it there's a huge difference between vaccine hesitant people and anti-vaxxers vaccine and we've had so many conversations about this like vaccine hesitant people are people who are like i am hesitant about this vaccine let me go do this research so i can

quell my worries and understand this more so i am ready and able and prepared when i am able to get the vaccine and anti-vaxxers have no desire to have their mind changed and their and any of that kind of stuff and that is like talking to a fucking brick wall because there's no initiative behind it the only initiative is like misinformation and disinformation which is yeah it's especially frustrating like colleagues of mine that are scientists and then colleagues of mine that are medical professionals because they're seeing these like words that are in their vocabulary like body autonomy medical freedom like stuff that would pertain to you know signing a dnr stuff like that like get twisted around to fit a narrative that is just not evidence-based right

it literally feels like mad lips like it literally feels like mad lips or i'm like none of these things make sense in the sentence that you're using yeah one of my best friends is a doctor and she's just tired. Like every day I check in on her just to see how she is because it's just like she's losing people all the time. And then like long-term patients

that are anti-vaxxers, so much of it could be prevented and then people just don't want to do it. Yeah, people are way more stupid than I thought they were. And I didn't even go to college. And I'm like, this is embarrassing for all of you bitches.

Yeah. Oh, well, I hope that moving forward, your life is not stressful. And like, I wish you the best of luck and school career all of that PhD dissertation what else you doing a PhD I'm trying to remember I honestly don't even know I don't even know yet well I think I'm very excited for you and um I hope you're coming this the maybe 2022 better than last year and all of that kind of stuff but you seem like a very awesome like great person with like I hate to be like you got a good head on

your shoulders kid that you really do yeah you like you you seem to really like not only like know yourself but like creating those boundaries and like having this kind of like bird's eye view of like your life and like bigger picture and all that kind of stuff and I see great things in your future and if you ever need me to just like egg these boys's house like do anything like just let me know because I totally can. Thank you guys. Thank you a lot. Of course. Well, I hope you have a fantastic rest of your day. I hate these people. Not her. I love her. She's great. We talked about this off mic afterwards that like, I am so decisive and I'm like, so all or nothing. I'm a big coaster. I'm okay. Cutting people off. Like I'm doing all that. I've also like, I will say

like have gotten a lot better at that now. And like now, since I've set that precedent in my life, I don't like to backtrack because it's detrimental to like the progress that I've like made in my life. So I definitely can come at these things in like a very black and white way of thinking. And I understand that that is not so easy or clear cut for other people. And sometimes to also just hope that like when I come in that hot that they're not gonna obviously do everything they're not gonna get on my full team but maybe it'll inch them a little bit closer to like give them the confidence of like look how mad I would be you're allowed to be right you don't have to like suppress and maybe go educate yourself yeah all right ready yep hi I'm 22 years old my best

friend is 23 we both use the pronouns she her and hers I'm calling to confirm I'm not crazy and that this chick is jealous of me or straight up using me we met in the fifth grade and didn't become best friends until the 11th grade. In 2016, I moved away for college and she stayed in our hometown because she couldn't afford to study. She moved out of her toxic household and now lives with an ex 25 minutes away from our hometown. I graduated during the pandemic, so my mom, dad, and I celebrated at the house. I sent her photos and she didn't respond for two days. She said congrats, followed by a paragraph about how me graduating was a slap to her face and how she feels bad about not going to school. When I got into my top choice of graduate school,

silence once again. Three months ago, she texted me, I'm in a dark place and I need some company because her on-and-off boyfriend officially broke things off and is moving out. On my way to her house, she texts me that she has a small bag of laundry if we can go to the laundromat and talk while it's washing. The bag was actually huge and took both of us to carry into my car. I also took her to her overnight shift because she didn't have money for an Uber. I spent the whole day just doing errands for her when originally I just went for support. Then a month after this, she texts me that she's upset that we haven't been hanging out. We make plans to go to her house after work. Turns out she only wanted me to go so that I can give her a ride back to town so that she can

hang out with her sister and other friends. I didn't get invited to join them until we were literally two blocks away from her sister's crib. I obviously declined the offer. She constantly compares my relationship to hers. She says things like at least blank shows you love and he takes you on dates and posts you. That must be nice. She also sometimes makes me uncomfortable because she makes so many comments about how my boyfriend is attractive and he's not really that cute. the tip of the iceberg was three weeks ago it's important to say that i make a lot more money than her because of my degree she asks me to borrow a hundred dollars on tuesday for her ubers to work and says that she'll be paying me back on friday since her boyfriend is moving out she's tighter

on money than before so i say fine weekend comes and she doesn't pay me back but she posts herself going to six fives on friday out to the club on saturday and sunday we had planned to go out the following friday when the friday comes she suggests that we just go to dinner near her house and drink at her house afterwards because she's broke. I ended up paying for the dinner and she didn't even have for the tip. But when we got to her house, she proceeded to show me all the things that she bought over the weekend and talk about how she had so much fun with her other friends last weekend and that they had spent over $300 on drinks and food. All in all, I think she's jealous because I have a great relationship with my parents, a loving boyfriend, and money is not

really an issue for me. I have worked hard to create the life I have and I'm proud of it. She's walking on a different path of life and since her boyfriend is moving out, she's going to be asking for more money and favors that she won't be able to pay back. I'm quite passive unless provoked because I'm very empathetic. I understand people are just projecting their insecurities, but your insecurities are frankly not my problem. I don't know how to distance myself without the confrontation. She is very hostile and I'm nervous to do so. Oh, and the girl won't get vaccinated because she never got sick, but I was literally in bed for two weeks and lost 10 pounds because of COVID, but fuck me, right? Ma'am, ma'am, you are doing the world a

a service by not being confrontational I know she's got it's all bottled up inside yeah and then it came out in this call first of all my nipples are hard I loved it my nipples actually are hard and um you get a sparkly uh diamond I could hear you turn the paper during this and slip just know that like I wish the world and the people who have wronged you could see this energy face to face and I totally understand that some people like you know when you talk about your friends like you talk about it so differently than you do when you're like faced with this but like you you you could hurt her feeling so well like just so quick she's a user i feel like the same thing applies like sometimes dump him dump her dump them dump her as a friend yeah

this is like she's not even your friend she's using you yeah it's like you're her babysitter personal assistant yeah this is just like so weird i think like regardless of the origin of like sometimes like we can find it in ourselves especially with my friends for so long that I get trying to be like well maybe she's like I think that she's jealous of x y and z and all that like okay it's honestly irrelevant like she's just like a shitty friend and like when people are going through stuff or are like reacting a certain way and all that sure I can therapize you and think why you're doing this or what the origin of this is but unless like we are on the mend and working on it I'm not going to use that as like a excuse for repeated behavior and like zero growth also

because like I'm also just assuming that and like you also could just be like a shitty friend just like a shitty person so I think if she is like you said like really hostile and all of that I think you just send a text message and you're like here's the thing I have really enjoyed our time being friends growing up and you obviously like meant a lot to me like throughout the years I just don't think that we are doing super great as friends as adults right now. And I haven't felt like this friendship is being reciprocated. Yeah. And I haven't really felt like, like appreciated or respected in this friendship. And I I'm done putting in this time and effort when like, I'm not getting anything in return. And I just feel kind of used and maybe later down the road,

like we can come back together and things will change between us. But like, I am just I'm done for now yeah and then snip snip we do need to loop back did you say your boyfriend's not that cute because if so iconic and that is how we should humble our men every day yeah because it sounded like you said you said she talks about how attractive my boyfriend is but he's not that cute like are you saying that sometimes she says he's attractive and sometimes she says that he's not attractive but but are you saying that you don't think he's that cute because it was great so iconic and like i i choose to believe the latter because like sure the former makes sense like your boyfriend's like imagine her saying like i think your boyfriend's really attractive

but he's like not that cute versus like i think your boyfriend's really attractive and then you he's not that cute right like that is just men should treat us like queens and this is how we should keep them in line we should be like you're not that cute like you're not that hot shit what was the other one you want to look back to she went to the club on a sunday oh my god what a loser who goes to the club on sunday what a fucking loser what a loser maybe it was a three-day weekend but even so maybe it's like you know what's the gay bar that everybody goes to the abby the abby is canceled i know but if they had like a brunch situation oh like drag brunch yeah okay that's the only way that i would say maybe but like if she like sunday night sunday night

11 p.m she has her club clothes on fucking platforms it better have been a day a day club you go out at the club on i didn't even know they were open on sunday nights that's insane to me oh yeah this is just like not a friendship and i think this is just like you know you've been friends with someone for so long it just becomes like a habit and that's what this is like this like your relationship with her is just like habitual and like a reflex she really puts the bitch in her bitch that was good yeah cut her off cut her off and then also after this is what we always do when we talk about like if you're going to send something before ghosting you send that message and then you either block them or you like delete their phone number like

mute them on social block them on social do all of that stuff like don't wait for a response and don't invite it to be a conversation because like you said, she's hostile specifically. And like, there's no point. She's just gonna try and hurt your feelings. And so make sure that your text message doesn't have, she will still find a response and like she will still respond,

but make sure there is no like questions that need to be left answered or anything like that. Have it be like the beginning, middle and end of everything you have to say. And then you don't have to respond moving forward. Yep. I can't believe she asked her for a hundred dollars and went to Six Flags.

Fuck these people. Club on a Sunday? What do you wear? Like an Easter brunch dress? Like fucking Reformation? Church ready. Like you go to church. You definitely wear a wedge.

Yeah. Okay. Should we get on to the next? Why not? Take a crazy chance. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I am 21 years old and I use she, her pronouns. And I'm going to be asking advice about my boyfriend who's 23 years old and uses he,

him pronouns. We've been dating for a year and a half. and I love him a lot. We have a really, really good relationship. We're very different, but we make it work. He's really, really smart, like book smart, and I am not. And he's super into politics. He's taught me a lot during our relationship. And because of him, I'm much more aware and educated on political issues, which I'm super, super grateful for. However, I hate debating, and he loves it. He's also just a very confrontational person in nature, and I am not. It makes me very anxious to my core, and he always tries to debate with me about every political

issue. Anytime we disagree, I get really frustrated with him, and because I love him, I don't want to be mad at him, so I tell him we'll agree to disagree because I hate debating, and he gets frustrated whenever i give him that response we got into a fight about it last night because he tried to debate with me about something and i immediately was like i hate debating i would tell you i hate debating and you never listen to me and he was like well it's something i like to do and i want to have intellectual conversations with you and we always do what you want to do and never what i want to do and blah blah blah and i guess my question is am i the asshole for not wanting to debate with my boyfriend because I feel like it's pretty blatant that that's like

not normal like it's not normal for couples to debate but I don't know if I should just humor him or whatever because it's like important to him but it genuinely makes me uncomfortable also we're both liberal just figured I should mention that yeah thanks guys I love you I'm long time listener and yeah thank you thank you for finally including that you were liberal the whole time we were like whose side so that makes a huge difference and because of that i find this not problematic but just so fucking annoying and some people do really like this like i've had friends who've dated guys who like live to debate and like they are also and there's girls that are very much into it too yeah and like that is like definitely like him wanting that in a

relationship is totally valid and it is something a lot of people are like like i want someone to comment my bullshit i want somebody to tell me when i'm blah blah blah like i i want to be able to like have debates and those kinds of talk like conversations with people i know it sounds like it's not a huge thing but like that is a really big thing yeah i couldn't be with someone who like really loves to debate it makes you combative like if you're both not into it it makes you combative feelings can get hurt some people just like to argue but like if you're not into it you're not into it because you're just going to get mad and frustrated and i'm sure that's not what he wants yeah there's he said that he wants someone that he can have intellectual

discussions with you can have conversations but you don't have to be combative and debate over that also kind of felt like a read like that was a little i would have been insulted if he said that to me the only way you can have an intellectual conversation with me is you not to like put words in your mouth but like essentially mansplaining something to me or like because that's the thing that like you don't want to debate and when you take away two consenting active participants in a debate and it's one dude it's turned into kind of like mansplaining his opinion to you and i would have been offended by like we don't have any other into like this is the only way that we can have intellectual conversation

because you are the one dominating it. Yeah. Because you think you're smarter than me. Well, he, she said that he taught her about politics and helped her open her eyes to some things. So it's like, he's trying to fight with you over things, but now he's fighting to teach you. Yeah.

He's like teaching you a lesson. And like you said, like this shouldn't be working for him because it's not working for you. And that's an issue. like if this is still like scratching that debate itch i'm like maybe you're not into someone you can debate with maybe you're into like mansplaining like maybe you're into that maybe you're into dominating conversation regardless of who gets caught in the crossfire like and you're okay with hurting feelings and like causing turmoil at the sake of like well i like this so who cares how you

feel right so i think it sounds like a trivial thing but i think that you have to have like a sit-down conversation with him and be like okay we have been going back and forth on this for a really long time. And I've said over and over and over again, that like, I really don't like debating and it feels like he's being brought up. And this is something that like, I'm not budging on. I really don't like it. It like feels really hostile, regardless of what your intentions are, regardless of how lighthearted you find this. That's not how it is to me. And if that is something that you need in a relationship, like, this is not the relationship for you. And I'm not going to budge on that i like having intellectual conversation through i like being able to talk

about like what we read in the news today i like being able to talk about that kind of stuff but like i hate debating if he wants to debate go join an adult debate club i don't like like i already said that comment about like i want to have intellectual intellectually stimulating conversations with you and making him being like i'm the only way we can do that but i also don't like how he's like it's just like kind of like a whiny bitch like a whiny thing afterwards like well we never do things that we always do what you want to do never what i want to do and it's like are you doing things that make you uncomfortable yeah like let me in that situation i would be like please let me know i would never want you to feel the way that i feel when we're debating

with another activity that we do so like can you let me know what that is yeah but like what anyone like throws like well you know reverse what you do that i don't like i'm like that's does not help at all and negates that argument at all because you're only using it to try and get out of being of my hurt feelings for something else tell him to go join toastmasters that is adult debate club yeah i mean and i also think that like for him you guys are on the same side of politics he's playing devil's advocate that's what he's doing like because usually in a debate you take this the side that you are against because then you know what the other person's going to come back Yeah, I just think that like, the origin of this of like, he's really been able to teach you a lot

about stuff and like made you like, just more aware of these things. Like, that's great. He should be leaving it at that. But like, it doesn't seem like that was enough. So creating that like firm, it's not an ultimatum. It's just like, this is what I cannot give you this. If you need that, this is not the relationship for you and just be like, if you need some time to think about it, I don't know if you guys live together or whatever, but if you're like, you need some time to think about it, how about like, let's meet up in a week and we can talk or meet up in a couple of days or something like that. You already have been creating this boundary that he's repeatedly been stepping on over. And now that someone's done that, it's like, okay,

this is where we're at. And this is where I'm at done. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors.

Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. So Mott's and I are the exact opposite. Like if we even, we were talking about something today. It wasn't even a debate, but I said something and he goes, oh no, no, no, we're not getting off on that exit. Go back, get off that ramp, go back. And he's like back on the freeway, moving on.

And like very much like there's no point because we're also both like really, really stubborn. And it's not fun for either of us because neither of us can win. That's the other debate thing that I'm like, someone always has to win. I don't get it. Okay, we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back.

We are back for the break. We're going to get into the rest of the calls. Hi, Megan and Melissa. So I'm calling in about a tricky situation. I'm a female pronoun, she, her, and the male in the situation is my friends with benefits from last year pronoun, he, him. And him and I began our friends with benefits situation before the pandemic. Then our university kind of evacuated everyone, sent everyone home for the pandemic. And the following semester, him and I both lived alone separately, and we both were socially distanced for everyone.

And I'm sure he'll judge the situation, but we did hook up for the entire year, and we were pretty safe with COVID. Now we're both vaccinated. This past February is when we stopped hooking up, and he was rushing to fraternity, and I was talking to someone, as was he, so we both sort of faded away from each other. Now we're talking again, and I'm a little bit nervous about where this is going because the fraternity that he's joined has had a lot of allegations with sexual assault on campus. so much so that their chapter is no longer instated at my university. The house that they live in is like the biggest one on campus and it still is damning because it's kind of the biggest frat in the country and they have a lot of sponsors.

It's still here and they're working on getting it reinstated actually. And I'm a little bit nervous because I don't know where this relationship would go. And I feel like the next natural step is for us to date. And I'm just not sure about like how that would look for me. Like as a feminist, would this be okay to date somebody that's in this fraternity that has so many allegations against them? I'm not saying he has done anything. He's a new brother. The brothers that had

allegations against them have since graduated. But then again, like he's just associated with the place. And of course, I don't want to say like he hasn't done anything because as much as I believe he hasn't, I know that there are men out there, so many people would argue for them. I know their character, like they wouldn't do that, like whatever they would say to defend these men. But of course you never know who's a predator and nobody can really you know you never know people as well as you think they that you do so I don't know I'm probably messing this up I hope that it's making sense but like I don't want to defend him but I do want to like say that I don't think he's like that I know it sounds like I'm defending him but I wouldn't sit past him if you know what I

mean so like I feel like I'm talking too much and maybe not making sense but I'm just looking for advice here on like what you think I should do if I should date this guy who's in this fraternity and what that's going to look like for me what my family would say like what my friends would say and if it's really worth it in the long run and I just don't know what to do I know it sounds like I'm concerned about image and I kind of am but there's just like a lot to it and the environment he's in and I just don't know so any advice you can give me I would appreciate love the podcast bye the thing that made me crank my neck was i wouldn't put it past him yeah to be a predator if you wouldn't put it past him then why is this even up for discussion yeah did you have any

fraternities like this on your campus that were like illegally because it's illegal recruitment like they're not allowed to be recruiting any new members especially like from what you're saying like it sounds like their chapter has been revoked yeah like the person that was over all the faculty member that was over greek life yeah paris what's up she's such a like very by the rules if she found out about something like that we shut down immediately every school should have one of those people yeah so we have this at my school uh a lot we specific one that comes to mind that was charter i'm pretty sure their full charter was revoked or it was very close to it very much similar situation to this was SAE. And I, at the time, an active member of a sorority, SAE was

like, no, they're bad. But we had Fiji. And part of me wonders if, I mean, if anybody has not looked into and like massive trigger warning, not going to talk about it here, but if you want to look into the University of Nebraska, Lincoln, the stuff that's happening with the Fiji house is horrendous and sadly, incredibly common. And part of my huge issue with IFC and national stuff is that these things get buried under an organization that is not even there and has an image to protect and it's not members and not people or anyone in general. I mean, they're protecting their image and like their members. So Fiji at my school was not allowed to recruit. They were kicked off for repeatedly roofing people there was this like weird thing about girls were like

oh they're still like really hot and they're like really cool like blah blah blah and like I was kind of brainwashed into that like I was definitely sketched out always and like they were not who I really wanted to hang out with or spend time with but all of that to say I did not know anyone or was friends with anyone who then went out of their way to rush and pledge one of the fraternities that had been whether temporarily or permanently kicked off of our campus for similar things and there is a reason why you rush and like so similarly to your sorority experience like fraternities IFC fraternities you pick one and you it's one it's not like recruitment when you are going through a panhellenic sorority where you meet nine and like it's a matching

kind of thing like you either get I mean you get recruited someone's they're trying to get you in and and or you are also trying to get into that fraternity choosing to be associated with a fraternity who has a horrible history like that especially on your campus it's an active choice and it's a public one but fraternities everywhere have had sexual assault cases that have been buried or people don't know or blah, blah, blah. But not all of them have been forward facing and people know. And so choosing that in spite and knowing what people are going to say, that is not a good person. You don't join that. You don't want to be associated with that. Like if you think about it in this way, these are a group of new people, whether he knew some before

or whatever, but like you are actively as a man choosing to associate yourself with a group of men who at this school historically have been caught for sexual assault. And that's what he wants to be a part of. That's what he wants to be a part of. And that's what he wants other people to know that he is a part of. You are going out about this in a really logical way.

And I want to applaud you for that because like, as you're saying, I don't see that you're like, I don't necessarily see that as him, but also like as often as we know victims of sexual assault, we probably also also know rapists. Like there's no way that those numbers just don't add up in that way.

And like, I think it's great that you can recognize that like, as much as you're trying to not defend him, I don't think you're trying to defend him. I think that you have feelings for him and you're trying to like justify the reasons why he would join this fraternity. But like, there is no good reason. Like, think about it that way. Like, if he's like, well, I really like these guys. And it's like, well, this, they've done these horrible things.

And like, you're also giving money to this organization that is doing this, or it's also a legal rush. And again, like, I can't even stress like, you can't rush a leak. Like, that's like very bad. Like, you're not supposed to do that. And like, the charter can get in even more trouble. And the reason why they're off campus is because of this thing. That is not what you want to be associated with, like for future employers, like any of that kind of stuff. Like, it is, you know, as so many straight dudes say, their worst nightmare is being accused of sexual assault. and it's like so why are you gonna go join a group of men who have been already accused and have faced the repercussions of that if you do not fit into that mold right worst case scenario he is also a predator best case scenario you said you wouldn't put it past him that's what i cannot get yeah but then best case scenario he defends sexual predators and he justifies it and he says the not all men argument they're they're good guys it's like the kind of person who defends like brock

turner and like you know i mean like there is no good option in which this happens because he can be friends with shitty fucking people and not be a part of that organization you know he just wants everybody to know it's a hard pass this is a hard hard hard pass and if you also haven't looked into the stuff that happened at Nebraska if you are at Nebraska and this is Fiji no no no no no no but yeah if you haven't looked into that I would I think it'll open your eyes to how IFC fraternities have very much police force energy like sure maybe it's not every single person in there but there it's enough and nobody is speaking up and that's how these things keep happening over and over and over again what a bad apple spoils the bunch and let's be

honest there are majority of fraternities like you have a lot of bad apples and it becomes the whole frat like i can't stress this enough for people who aren't in the greek system like when i was in college sig up i loved sig up there was not a guy in sig up i didn't like i loved them They were great. Phi Psi, maybe liked one. Didn't really like them. They did a bunch of coke at parties. Like I either liked the entire frat

or I did not like the entire frat. Like there was no, like they become like clones of each other. Like they become, you become who you're surrounded with and like having a reputation of being that. Like I wouldn't want to hang out with these kinds of people because like, that's not my vibe. But I find out you're in this fraternity that I really get along with.

Like, great, awesome. Like there are still bad people and good people everywhere. but like as a whole it becomes such a hive mind kind of thing that like that's also what they're rushed based on their id all of that kind of shit nah nah nah nah it's definitely piker fiji please let us know which it is because that's who my money's on is that who you're on yeah those are always great ones all right now time for the last one hi megan and melissa i love the podcast and could really use some advice on basically just how to deal with this situation and I'm struggling. I'm in Australia, and as far as I know, everyone has been following COVID-safe

guidelines. I'm booked in for my vaccine. My mom's been both fully vaccinated as of a couple months ago. I just turned 24. My mom's 48. Her wife's 38, and we all use she, her pronouns. My mom raised me on her own. Although she's had some relationships in the past, it was never as complicated as this. Her and her wife have been together for about 10 years, married for three of those. They've bought a house. They've had two kids with IVF. My mom stopped working to look after them. She does pretty much everything related to the kids and look after the house and all that stuff my siblings are five and eight i still live with them since i'm saving to buy a place with my boyfriend majority of this i've learned through my mom also their relationship is non-monogamous the agreement

is that it's a free pass on one night stands but anything more than that is not okay uh so me this year my stepmom says she's flirting with a woman but my mom quickly figures out it's more than that several our phone calls multiple times a week freaking out that she's been lying about where she's been a side note lying about where you are I feel it was extra shady during a pandemic when my mom and siblings all have just been all have different respiratory related health issues she's on the phone to this woman instead of making the kids dinner the one night a week my mom goes for an evening walk so it's affecting their relationship and their parenting not that I think my stepmom's a great parent anyway I think she's a very self-centered person but I don't have

time to connect to that so basically my mom tells her she needs to end it my mom's been cheated on before and it's a deal breaker for that my stepmom says it's fine it's done and then flash forward to a few weeks ago my mom gets a gut feeling opens to find my iphone to see that my stepmom isn't at baseball where she said she'd be but in this woman's suburb my mom confronts her the next day and my stepmom lies to my mom's face multiple times before finally telling her where she was and then tries to gaslight my mom and blame her lying on my mom so my mom says it's over to top it off not only is my stepmom this other woman's baseball coach this woman is a 22 year old international student with no prior sexual experience and when my mom brought up how gross

that was that she's dating someone younger than me and question age to her son then to her my stepmom's response was that she's really mature for her age gross so now my stepmom's staying with her parents i'm staying at my boyfriend's since i really don't want to talk all about my stepmom at the moment my mom's in therapy she's booked a therapist for the kids and given me resources to find a local one for myself uh we've also been in lockdown the past couple weeks and that's probably going to continue for a while. I'm still really mad and angry that my stepmom couldn't just have a conversation with my mom and tell her that it wasn't working so that they could work out what's best for the kids. But at the moment, my mom's the only one doing that.

Any advice you could give would be very much appreciated. Also, my mom's very much an Aquarius. My stepmom's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo. I want to give your mom a hug. And you. I think that you're looking to do something. There's really nothing you can do. no this is one of those things that like you and you're like so mad you're like i just like i want to punch you like this is the time that like you take a boxing class like this is the time that like you get that like aggression out in a physical sense like you're going on a run like doing something like that because it feels like right now you just like need to tell her off and need to do all of that but like it sucks because you can't because that's still like your siblings

mom and I mean I would definitely recommend therapy and all that I think it's great that your mom's in therapy I think it sucks that you despite the fact that you are an adult like you are having to like watch your mom go through this and like hear all of this kind of stuff that is still hard to process I don't want to say like I'm playing devil's advocate because I'm not because again doesn't need an advocate but maybe she went about this in a really immature and hurtful way your mom has two wonderful kids out of it you have two siblings out of this and maybe this will be the shake-up in her life that she at volvo safety is not a feature it's our purpose rigorous crash testing decades of learning from real accidents innovations that

help prevent accidents before they happen and help protect you when they occur going above and beyond industry standards a vision of zero collisions Volvo's legacy revolves around you because safety is about helping to keep you and everyone around you safe for life learn more at volvocars.ca slash safety he needs to learn to be a more present and better parent and will be a much better parent now that she's co-parenting like there could be you really think that no but I'm saying like at the end like it's when you're going through this stuff when you can't outwardly hate her sometimes I think like if you need to lie to yourself a little bit to get through the day so you're not making it harder for your mom unless your mom wants to like bitch about her and all

that stuff but like I'm okay with like lying to yourself a little bit to get through the day and like to pretend it was for the best or anything like that but at the same time like I don't know what you can do because you can't tell her off unless your mom is okay with that and like no I I don't think that I think that's messy and like not productive or helpful for anybody. Like it's just one of those situations that's just shit. Yeah, I think you be there for your mom, you be there for your siblings, not that you don't have to physically be there. You physically being there is going to piss you off and make an uncomfortable situation

because I'm sure you're hiding things from your younger siblings. They don't know completely what's going on, but just support them because I mean, clearly you're over it and you have been for a while because you know that this has been going on for a while but your stepmom's gross she's a predator yeah there's nothing more of a red flag than when it's like they're really mature it's so gross and the fact like how do you guys even know that she wasn't sexually experienced before that makes it look yeah it's just not it's not a good situation but i think it's i think it's hard and like the kids will come to their own conclusions about their mom they're still pretty young hopefully she steps it up in the parenting

department and she can't even step up one day a week i'm just over this woman i know i don't know if co-parenting is like the best thing for them either yeah well that's what i would i also say like i think like i obviously don't know how the court systems and divorce and all that stuff works there but like i think a lot of the time we put huge emphasis on like the kodak nuclear family all of that, but specifically a two parent household. And it's, I can tell you, like it is so irrelevant. A two parent household that is like two functioning parents, or even if it's like a two parent household where it's like co-parenting and all of that, the best thing you can do for your kids is have responsible and loving and doting parents. And if that is parent, that is

better than sacrificing that i just can't get over like her one day a week that she takes a walk yeah that's like oh but she couldn't even do that because stepmom's out being a creep well to me it doesn't sound like your mom if your mom needs permission to be like fuck you i'm taking the kids you don't do shit like she should fully do that but if she wants to like try and remain as civil as possible. I think the best thing that you can do is a be there for her, but then be like, Hey, I know you're in therapy, but let's keep the line of communication open. Because I think this is a wonderful pipe dream. I don't know if we can make it a reality. And I think if we can't make it the dream, we're not going to settle. I think that like, then the settling is

going to be settling for us. And these kids are never going to feel neglected a day in their life, They're never going to feel any of those kinds of things. But I think like, who knows what your mom wants? It might change what she like wants. Because I think like we all have that like image of that dream of what you want it to be. But yeah, she doesn't seem, she also doesn't seem like she really wants to be a mom. She doesn't want to be part of the family. When you hook up with someone that much younger than you,

you want to be a teenager again. You don't want to be a mom. You don't want to be a parent. You don't want to have responsibilities of young kids. You think that you are a young kid. And that's, no. I'm just angry. Me too.

Ugh. All right. Okay. Don't blame them. This is where listeners call in with their own advice. I'm from previous episodes. I didn't know what word I was saying. So if they listen to an episode and they were like,

this sounds something like I've been through. I have thrown my own two cents. Anything. Any of their own opinions, they can call in. So what do we have? Hey, Megan and Melissa. I'm calling in for Don't Blame Them for season eight, episode 12, where the girl said her friend was copying her.

Like, it went from just, like, copying, like, clothes to, like, actually getting an identical apartment, which I find crazy. But I just want to say, I didn't have a personal experience with this, but my friend had a friend who did the exact same thing. And so I was always the friend that was vented to in this case. So I know all about it. And I always told her, I'm like, you really just need to ditch her. Like, I understand you want to make this friendship work.

Like, you were on the same page and everything, and you wanted to, you wanted to see the best in it, but it's not the best anymore. You really need to ditch it, because everything that she is saying is coming out of a place of, like, jealousy and insecurity. So, like, when she was saying that it was a fuck me skirt, she was saying, what she was really saying is, oh, I wouldn't look as good as you in that skirt. so I'm feeling insecure I don't think I would look as good as doing that skirt so I'm feeling insecure but now I'm going to take you down a notch so when I eventually do go and get this skirt it'll make me seem better it'll make me feel better it was all a point of like jealousy and insecurity and like the fact that she even got an identical apartment little creepy it's taking it a little bit too far I definitely agree like with Megan and Melissa when they said that

that was really stalkery and creepy but yeah I know you want to make it work out but it's not gonna work out and you'll be doing yourself so many favors by just sort of being like maybe fading out the friendship maybe giving yourself a little distance but really just cut it off what I would do is just cut all ties by the way I'm 22 and I'm literally the same age as you I've seen the same things and best thing you can do is just cut it off she is not in the proper her headspace to be dealing with a friend like you right now she needs to take some time figure this all out because it's all jealousy and insecurity and maybe you can even have that conversation with her if you really want to keep the friendship but the fact that there was the

apartment thing a little weird so yeah just cut it off but thanks guys bye i agree with it all except for calling her crazy oh yeah i'm totally missed that i was eating an almond I just think that like I'm all for putting work into friendship all that stuff but like I just feel like we are giving people so many chances you know yeah I mean I used to give people more chances but in my old age now I don't have time for that I'm trying to think of like since the last fight I got into with a friend that's like a real fight fight was Sydney and I when we were like 21 middle school me and ivy would fight because we were like sisters and i would just yell at her for like stealing my shirt but like we never gotten like a real like we would like

bicker and stuff but like we're still friends like sitting i got in one like literally i've been in two fights our entire life i think it is kind of like once you raise the standard for the people in your life you just have a way lower tolerance for bullshit and i think in general like most of this did come in my life when i like cut people out and created like really big boundaries for myself before then i definitely had lots of like shitty friends and all of that but like once you make that big boundary in your life if you start letting it creep over it'll happen all over again fucking fucking creepy yeah creepy but i just want to emphasize we don't call people crazy no you can self-identify as crazy they don't call other

people crazy that's not really called women crazy yeah specifically i'm also more okay with calling someone psycho i'm not okay with that either it's not it's not any better but like i think that there's less historically there's the same connotation but there's less like socially that connotation crazy is like i don't like you because they both come from bad terms but i hope that situation is turning out okay i would love to get an update on that well that is it for episode. Hope you enjoyed. If you did, go leave us a review on the podcast app. Get there before Rachel does and all of the anti-vaxxers. My book comes out September 28th on paperback. Please pre-order it. It can help with the numbers and it's great. It's got a whole new cover that I

worked on so hard and all my friends gave input and it's really cute and I'm excited. And if you want to call in for an upcoming episode, you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976. international listeners you can send us an audio message at megapodcast at gmail.com all the same rules and requests apply that i said at the start we are on patreon videos uh all the video versions of the podcast you want to see our facial expressions which are pretty great and if you just prefer watching your podcasts we have some good faces we do they're cute and then they're shocked and then they're surprised and then they're aghast and lots of eye rolls i would say the last two episodes have been some good faces. So it's only a dollar a month for the video

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