Don't Blame Me! - S8E3: How To Tell If They’re Into You

Episode Date: June 14, 2021

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: Splitting costs with a partner Friend sexually harassing you Drifting from a friend Dating when you're going to move Don't Blame Them: pervy uncle   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME.”   Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I saw my friend on the other side of the street. I was heading to school with the kids. I let go of mom's hand to wave. I had already forgotten their lunches. I ran over to hug her. She came out of nowhere. And then... It stopped.

Sometimes the moments that never happen matter most. Volvo's automatic emergency braking helps ensure a safe ending for everyone. Learn more at volvocars.ca slash safety. hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me the last one period goodbye we're done bye done bye motherfucking bitches no this is the last podcast episode that is being done over zoom and if you're not like a video podcast video watcher on our patreon you might have like gotten so used to the zoom and like it feels like it feels like we're in person but when i tell you when we get together it's gonna it's gonna blow your mind be prepared

gird your loins the bitches are getting back so i'm so excited i am fucking thrilled oh i should give you a full intro the podcast we're don't blame me we're an advice podcast you call in leave us voicemails and then we give you fantastic amazing advice and the we in question is me megan and my co-host melissa i don't want to talk over you those are the moments that i that they're gonna be able to notice a difference yeah me whispering being like i hope i'm not talking over what a time what a time i'm so excited to hold your hand again here's the thing neither of us are like touchy-feely like hugging kind of people i'm gonna like that it like it's what this pandemic has done is like for the people that i do like you know touch and i'm

okay with touching i'm gonna be like oh my god can't wait to give you a hug and then for everyone else my aversion to touching has gone up like ten thousand percent like now i really don't want to touch anyone or any of that but yeah let me give you the number before we get into our talking shit catching up if you want to call into the podcast you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com and we ask that you write write down what you're going to say practice it set a timer on your phone see how long because you have three minutes before you get cut off and three minutes is like a very long time it is if you write things out you'll see how long it is yeah think about it like writing

like when you do like speeches in high school and you're like for long and you were like i can't fill this time with three minutes exactly you're like oh what do you mean i wrote a page and a half like how does this work so make sure you include your age you include your pronouns and if you want to include your zodiac sign it has to be you've included everything like you've almost included your blood type you've almost included like gps location your social security like if you want to include your zodiac but you have to include everything else everything else i like truly don't really care that much if you're a taurus like i just don't you used to well i i enjoyed guessing and then people just started letting me know and like giving it at the beginning of the

call and not giving other important information and like we wasted time on like a scorpio joke which i'm like been there done that right yeah true true true oh 18 or over have your parents permission is there anything else i'm forgetting no no it's completely anonymous no one will know who you are except for us if we decide to like look deep into your soul your phone number which we have done we have done sometimes we gotta we have to we have to look back to see what else you've called in about because they usually connect they do usually connect then we can give better advice but i was also thinking like you know that time that the girl said there was somebody about like a family and there's like a family secret and a murder and so naturally

we tried to find oh okay i admit when we were giving advice but you know sometimes we're just a little nosy nosy just a little bit just a little bit and if you don't want us to be nosy call star six seven i think that blocks the number right yeah and then star 69 is how you call back which has become obsolete now that we have caller id yeah i use star 67 all the fucking time i think i'm the only like fully grown adult who like still will like prank call my enemies and just and i will just be like you just have to like hello hello hello and then just get like increasingly frustrated and then hang up and do it again i don't do it that much you're now in your late 20s and no no excuse me a casting director could be listening to this and not

seeing what your birthday is on the internet i know how do i get that removed it's everywhere i don't think that it's possible for you to get it removed i also don't think it matters i don't think so either at all what really matters is my height that's my that's my biggest issue in life my height and one boob is so much bigger than the other but that's just my personal yeah i mean you can slip a cutlet in there oh i think i used to own my cutlets from freakish but season one i had one pair of cutlets season two they were like we got you hair extensions we got you a second pair of cutlets and i was like oh to switch out they're like no no we're double stuff in these oreos and i was like okay melvin made fun of me so much because you know he had

to like see me and when we had to do sexy scenes it's just me and pasties and he was like damn those cutlets are really fucking misleading and i was like you've seen me all you see me in is like at normal times i'm wearing a tank top with no bra like you know those aren't my fucking tits uh so funny what's new with you you got your second shot would you like to inform the people how how it's how it's going how you're doing yeah i mean i got my second one i was feverish for until monday morning three days yeah so um so i got it on last friday um and then since then i was feeling a little uh nauseous every day and kind of like on the verge of a panic attack so i had some race in my heart but today i feel fine so today is thursday that's

how many days is that it's less than a week yeah i mean just because i got my shot on friday so oh it is thursday yeah so it's like just right around yeah i was super tired so i just slept it off um luckily i didn't have that many recordings actually this is the first thing i'm recording this week which i usually have several so that is worked out fuck yeah well everybody get your vaccine side effects can sometimes suck but but i mean the side effects of covid i would rather have those side effects than covid so and this only lasted a few days and i'll be back in these streets coming soon she'll be hoeing in these fucking streets so we just went and talked for 40 minutes too long we're gonna have to cut this but we're gonna upload a bonus episode

if you want to hear it's all very interesting and entertaining which is why we're not just cutting it yeah i think if you're on dating apps too you'd find it fun okay well let's get into our episode oh and i don't think i mentioned this but the advice that we give it's it's honest it's straightforward we give advice like we would give advice to each other we're the friends that you call when you want the truth and some people think we're bitchy but most of those people are republicans who are upset that or they feel personally attacked by someone else's call exactly had nothing to do with them i mean like don't you love when that happens they latched on to yeah and then the person calls back and they're like the actual caller is like thank you so much

that's exactly what i needed to hear so we're going to start the episode with our update and this is where um a caller gives us an update on the advice that we previously gave and find out what happens so i called in from season 7 episode 21 um and i called in about um the fact that i had moved out separately and then i was moving in with my boyfriend um and i kind of wasn't totally sure if i was correct in saying that like anything else we needed for the apartment that i didn't want to pay for it i didn't feel like i needed to pay for because i was already bringing like 75 of the stuff that we needed uh from my place that i paid for out of pocket um so yeah that's what i called about give us the what's what's happening now what's your update yeah what's

the sitch? So we moved in together, uh, May 1st. So it's been like a month. Um, and everything's been really good. Um, before we moved in, it was kind of, you know, like the weeks leading up to it. Um, and you know, we're like scheduling like couch delivery and he's like picking out a TV and stuff and, um, you know, just like stupid little stuff. And he's like, wow, like this is really adding up and I'm like funny you mentioned that um so um basically I kind of just told him like look you know obviously anything we need like we're now going into this together um you know obviously we're gonna split it like whatever we need I said but if there's anything that like you want like you want to upgrade and get like a crazy tv or like you know you need like furniture

for like your little home office like I one like don't have the money to be putting out for that right now but also too like I paid for all this stuff like you know if you want something I feel like it should maybe come from you and luckily he was super receptive to it um like he insisted on getting some like crazy tv and then he also really insisted on a beverage fridge specifically for the dining room and I was like okay that's coming out of your pocket like totally unnecessary so like not even just like in the living room while you're sitting on the couch like specifically in the dining room specifically in the dining room I kind of he actually came out kind of cute he made like a little bar out of it okay so I was like I'm gonna love with you that sounds hideous but like

if he made a moment that's like better but like that just sounds so fucking ugly yeah yeah he bought it and I was like um what's happening with this he's like I didn't think it out but so we fixed that but um luckily he was super receptive to it um and uh I think also just to clarify um I had moved out by myself with the intention of us moving in together like knowing that it was going to be like a temporary thing um and also i am a spreadsheet bitch so like you better believe like all finances i'm like how much do you pay every month for your phone how much do you pay for car insurance like we have the whole thing broken out um but definitely definitely definitely you know if you plan on moving in with a significant other

or a friend like talk about finances because like you guys said it's such a big deal and um i feel like it also just lets you know like if you guys are on the same level like just you know same wavelength of what's important what's not what you can kind of handle that kind of thing so you guys were very right and i did wind up selling some stuff that um did not make it to the new place so that was very good advice i don't know why i never thought of that but thank you guys so much. Well, thank you so much for giving us the update and calling in and listening to the podcast. And it was great to talk to you for having me. And we are back. And it's great. I this was one that you know, sometimes I'm like, Oh, yeah, this is like a she was nervous. Megan

was nervous. But to be fair, like, most of the time when it is things like that, it's because someone didn't give as much detail and information and what we had said like we were like okay this is okay if you're if he's like upgrading like that would make sense like to cover the cost and then her being like oh yeah that's exactly what it is i'm like okay great so it's the other stuff it would have been like bitch what and then it would have been uncomfortable okay well should we get to our calls. We shall. Hi, Megan and Melissa. My friend who's 25, he has been making me feel uncomfortable with what he talks about with me over text and just over the phone. I'm 22 and we've been friends for about two and a half years. We went on a study abroad trip together pre-COVID

and our host families lived close to each other. So we spent a lot of time together walking to class and to campus, riding the bus. And we got really, really close as our study abroad group when we had, like, 70 people, and so he would, like, walk me home late because I was kind of in a sketchy area, so he would walk me home late at night and make sure I got home safe from the bars. Anyway, we hung out a little bit after we got back from the abroad trip, like, for episode number 2019 until he moved away to go to school across the country. I have always seen our friendship as only friends, and I see him kind of like a brother,

So I sometimes get this feeling that he may have a crush on me because he will blatantly call me babe over text or over the phone and, like, kind of flirt with me and, like, always type up on my Snapchat things and, like, leave me comments and stuff. But I always brush it off and just say, ha, ha, ha, because, again, I see him like a brother. Lately, he's begun talking about sexual things with me and alluding to the fact that he may want to, like, do things with me over text. The idea of that makes me really uncomfortable as, again, I only think of him as a brother. He started mentioning, like, sex and anal over text conversation one night, and I straight up told him I was uncomfortable talking about that and I didn't want to talk about it with him. I told him I don't want to talk about that with you, and I blatantly told him to stop.

And then he followed up by saying, sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I thought it would be, like, a one-time thing and he would move on. But the other day he sent me a TikTok, and it was a TikTok that talked about like doms and subs and butt plugs and it was basically just things I again didn't want to talk about with him. I ignored the video and I didn't respond but I don't feel unsafe or threatened by him. I just need help figuring out a way to make sure he understands that I don't like discussing sexual things with him before he makes it a habit. We don't talk every day but the last two times I have talked to him it's been along these lines.

I've also asked a mutual friend of ours who has the same relationship with him um at least i think we're both just like kind of friends with them and we might not see a broad trip if he ever refers to her as babe over text and she said no um so again i'm just kind of uncomfortable and i don't know if i should distance myself or anything any advice would be helpful um i love the podcast hope you guys are doing well and staying safe anyway hope you can help me thanks guys bye it is a habit and he knows it makes you uncomfortable and he does not care he's also not your friend no he's not your friend he doesn't understand boundaries he's he's continuously crossing the lines when you've told him to stop and then he brings like he waits and

then brings it up again and just know like yes you should stop talking to him because he doesn't he's not your friend he's disgusting quite honestly disgusting disgusting because like this is like he knows you have set your boundaries and he is he is choosing deliberately to ignore them because he's like fuck your boundaries like that's what that is and it's like this is not any no like normal dude if like he's you're calling someone babe or saying like really flirtatious stuff and you're brushing it off that's like oh okay let me back off but like he can say he knows you're here he knows you're uncomfortable like there is nothing that you can say or do this isn't on you to like well how do i communicate in a way that he'll like better

understand like how do i really make this clear like you've done that he knows he's choosing to disrespect you like he's choose he's choosing that and that's on him and then he's going even further than simply like flirting and calling you names like that he's that's like sexual taking it to a sexual place and he's harassing you like that's not okay did do we know how old the caller is she said she's 22 and he's 25 yeah this is just nasty and like this can be one of those things that like hey this was one of your really close friends when you were studying abroad and they were like a brother to you while you were there and like pretend that they died there like block their number like don't talk to them like cut them out like because like the friendship

that you thought you had and that relationship like that is not the relationship it is this is relationship it is and like it's not on like fucking like women for like the fucking creepy ass men who are doing this like it's it's not on us to handhold someone through our boundaries and like spoon feed it to them because like they're not like sure men are dumb they're not that fucking stupid like he's he knows that this is your boundary he's not like he he hears you he knows that and he's blatantly choosing to disrespect your boundaries so he doesn't care he thinks he's gonna manipulate you and bully you into doing what he wants and the dom sub thing like that's like oh i already don't i'm already so uncomfortable with someone who like flirts with

you and like you shut it you're not into that or you like shut it down um and it makes you uncomfortable or whatever but like there is a different level of like talking about the sexual things that's also like he like as somebody who's gotten like the unsolicited dick pics to me that sounds like he's also probably getting off on the fact that you are uncomfortable and that's super fucked up it's a power thing he's trying to assert his dominance over you which is why he was sending you that oh and also just makes like the whole like bdsm community like look bad when there are people who you know the whole thing is like healthy consenting stuff yeah yeah fuck this dude not your friend don't have to say anything

i literally just say block him on absolutely everything yeah creep creep creep creep creep why do men why do they i don't understand i really don't it's a full-time job hope it goes well i think it will because blocking is a power move yeah but then there's like the there's also the problem that her other friend still talks to him yeah but yeah i guess the question is like are these friends that you sustaining friends that you're around physically exactly like if they're not around like if they're going to maintain stay friends with them but like at the same time like i think if you i'm if you you just you said you asked your other friend like does he ever call you babe or like flirty or

anything if you send your friend like this is the stuff he's sending me and i've said it makes me really uncomfortable like if that is a good friend to you and also yeah just a good friend to you and like being like aware and safe um they would not be friends with that person anymore very true i hate people well they're not like that with me i'm like okay that's you that's so you don't care yeah okay gross should we get on to the next one hi i don't want to run out of time so i'm just gonna get right into it i'm 19 my pronouns are she her so i used to have a very toxic friend in middle school we went to different high schools so it was really easy to naturally drift apart we don't talk anymore but we still follow each other on instagram and every once

in a while she'll always comment or dm me saying how much she loves me and how she'll always love me and how she's so proud of me for getting in university. I didn't mind the messages at first because we aren't friends anymore, but I can tell that she wants to be nice and keep in touch. Fast forward to today, we didn't talk for over a year and she recently DM'd me with a video where she said an inside joke that happened in sixth grade. And I'm going into third year university now. It's been almost a decade where we haven't seen each other and I feel like she's still clinging to our friendship in the past. And along with the video, she messaged me saying that she's proud of me I don't know why because I didn't achieve anything recently but I've been on a

social media break so I've been logged off Instagram for a while and when I logged back in I even saw that she DM'd me again telling me to watch her video because she saw that I didn't open her DM yet I hearted her messages and just replied lol because I didn't want to be mean but I always make sure I message her in a way that won't spark a conversation if that makes sense like I said she will only message me every once in a while, but every time she does, I just get more annoyed. I never told her that I didn't want to be friends anymore because I thought we would naturally drift apart, and we did, but I didn't think that she would still message me. For context, I don't like being confrontational unless I have to, and we live in the same general area, so if I were to

bump into her, I feel like it'd be so much less awkward knowing that we just drifted apart rather than me straight up telling her I didn't want to be friends. That video was the last straw, and I decided to unfollow her and I also made her unfollow me but I'm scared because she knows where I live and I don't think she's gonna do anything extreme she's still a reasonable person despite being extremely toxic but I just don't want to provoke anything or have her dm me asking me why I unfollowed her I don't know why but I feel scared for some reason I don't even do anything to make her think we are still friends I don't like her photos or comment or message she's always someone commenting or DMing me first every once in a while. And she just can't take a hint. So

like I said, I unfollowed her and made her unfollow me. So I'm just waiting to see what happens. But I still want to know what you guys think. Thanks. So my first instinct was to say, like, just restrict her. But then you said you already unfollowed her and stuff. But that reminds me of my friend from high school and college who is very toxic very much trumpet out here um still doing it and and I had like just muted her but then she just I got so fed up with things that I knew she was still saying that I wanted to make a statement to let her know that I did not want to be friends with her anymore because she was still like messaging me like checking in on me and stuff and I was never forthcoming I stopped even when I would

like go home I never I haven't reached out to her in years because I didn't want to see her um so and I made sure because my mom is always like posting that I'm at home on Facebook and I was like do not post anymore when I come home but um I at first had restricted her but then I like I said wanted to make this statement and I just blocked her and had her unfollow I did the unfollow first but then I was like I might do the thing where I check in to see like what she's saying now and then it would just become me spiraling into disliking her more so I just blocked her on everything and just let it be well blocking is um a complete sentence so I think like I don't want to like freak you out more caller but like if you wanted to avoid if you wanted to

be like oh we just like I don't want to have to tell her I don't want to be friends like you did when you blocked her and had her unfollow you like that made a statement now and so like when I was making this statement too if you just wanted it to be so she wasn't seeing things and you didn't have to respond and she didn't know when you had read things you should have just restricted her but now yeah so the the line has been drawn i think why you're scared is because like you accidentally did something very confrontational which like is is blocking and i think like would it be great if it was like oh we just grew apart sure but like that's only one half of you so i think like while that can be nice and i don't want you to like thank you i don't think

you did the wrong thing in blocking her i think that's the right choice you should like should have made i just don't think that i don't think you realize that like that's all you have to do you don't have to have that conversation um and sometimes with these kinds of friends and stuff like there is especially toxic friends like there is no polite and like cordial way to do it unless you both are simultaneously on the same page or you're lying about it like she might lie about i've had like friendships where like not friends that person anymore and like from like friends of friends i'll hear around they're like oh yeah they said like no bad blood and i'm like that's literally not at all true but like they're just embarrassed and they don't want to like

admit to that or say that like it ended it was dramatic and like you know what i mean so that kind of stuff but yeah i think ending friendships like you gave her hints she didn't pick up on it also like you being scared that she's going to show up your house has she shown up before if she hasn't i don't think that that's going to be an issue um but if you feel like she is then you just need to write up a statement of what like be prepared in case she does come because then that will minimize the dread i think or in case you run and tear around town um yeah you just have something just like i we just grew apart and i don't want to be friends anymore um you're gonna have to say it if you do see her face to face or you're gonna have to turn around and run away

i've done that i've hid i think that's fine like you're allowed to hide if you like see from somebody we saw on the podcast we had on the podcast one time oh my god about that yeah sometimes these friendship things like it is it is awkward and uncomfortable and i think like yeah if you see her in person you're gonna have to say something and i think what what you say is like uh i'm sorry if that hurt your feelings i just like i know that we have like a lot of history together but like we just don't really mesh as friends and i'm like i wish you the best but i just don't have an interest in like maintaining a friendship and yeah like i'm again i'm sorry if that hurts your feelings but i just want to be like upfront and honest with you

and that's if you see her and that's on that best of luck fuck toxic middle school friends yeah bye bye okay let's take a quick break and we'll be right back we are back from our break and it's time to get into the calls hi megan and melissa i am 24 i use pronouns and i am a leo i'm basically calling today because i feel like i'm not steady enough of my life to seriously date anyone if that makes sense. I've kind of been in this situation for a few years now and it's beginning to make me feel a little bit lonely. So I had a boyfriend from 16 to 21 who was great but it ended after it ran its course. I took some time after that just for myself which was awesome and everyone definitely should do that after a breakup if they can

but then once I was ready to get back into dating I was graduating university and I was set on moving elsewhere in the country if not internationally so this made me resistant to start anything serious because I was leaving and I didn't feel like I had enough time to build a serious relationship so I just didn't really know what to do but I met a guy I really liked during that time and we both wanted to be serious but we avoided making it serious so we pretended it was casual and it was really messy definitely wouldn't recommend anyone do that so I had a bad experience with that and then I moved away and COVID happened and I've since come back after I came back I started dating a new guy who I honestly like way more than I expected to

I just kind of found him on dating apps when I was bored. We met eight months ago and have been exclusive for about seven. So I'm now in a situation where I'm deciding what I want to do when I finish grad school in a couple of months, with the main options being continuing with a PhD in person at the school I'm virtually attending, which is halfway across the country, or working somewhere, maybe here, I'm not sure. the guy I'm currently seeing is really supportive and sweet but he's kind of been in my shoes before which makes it hard um he kind of feels like he's holding back from getting too attached to me

because he is scared that I might be leaving I've talked to a therapist about it so I kind of just want general advice um I feel like I just shouldn't date anyone and I should be alone to avoid hurting myself for them. I'm always candid with anyone I date about the fact that I might leave but it still sucks. I basically just feel lost because it's like I can't have feelings for anyone because it's inevitable that it will end because of me and it just seems impossible to expect for someone to want exactly what I do and I'm not really sure if I can compromise my professional or personal goals in a way that is settled enough to date anyone seriously um if you guys have any advice I'd really appreciate it thanks I think the thing is is that like it sucks that

like things just kind of have to fall into place when you're dating like all of these things have to like serendipitously happen and all of that and I think because you had a really long-term relationship and you've kind of taken that break emotionally you're you're like okay I I I'm ready to do this again but your life is not there yet and like that sucks because then you do feel I don't know emotionally like that that's it's really hard but that is kind of what dating is it's that sweet spot of like being emotionally and like physically available and like being able to do that and I think that a lot of the time people people try to combine so it's like okay I'm taking a break I'm not gonna date I'm gonna throw myself into work

but like you're it's you're doing school and so that's like on a specific timeline so now that you are ready to like yeah seriously date someone again your life kind of is on you haven't decided what you want to do I think it's completely valid that this that the guy that you're seeing um is holding himself back from like really diving deep into like those feelings I think subconsciously you probably are too but I don't know if my I think I mean to be fair my first advice is not like oh yeah you don't date it's make a decision about what you're going to do Because that will, that will spare everyone's kind of feelings. And then I would, you might be someone who doesn't like to casually date, or you might be someone who like had been in a long term relationship for most of like the, for most of your formidable years, and then you had one casual thing that didn't really work.

that doesn't mean that casual relationships don't work for you. It could mean that. But I think like, like, if you decide to go to this PhD program, you are abroad. How long are PhD programs? It depends on the program. Okay, because I was gonna say, like, I think like, if you want to try casually dating again, and like, I would also say that, like, really established before, like establish solo what casual dating is to you versus like oh him and this person who i'm we're going to talk about this together first like establish what you want don't go into a date and be like oh what do you look like what are you into okay we'll do this and you kind of come up with that because that's you kind of need to treat these men like these are my shots if you

fit into what i'm doing like great cool like maybe it's like a random hookup like sleep around like fuck buddy like anything like that but also you could be someone who just doesn't like to casually date. And then I would say, I don't think that there is any harm considering you say you're really transparent at the start. I don't think there's any harm in dating someone for two years seriously, and then breaking up like as long as there's communication throughout all of this. I think it's better if both parties are consenting to be in a relationship and like knowing that hey i'm only going to be here for this amount of time i don't think that that's i don't know like i i mean i probably like if i met somebody and was like oh i'm only going to

be here for two years i would probably still date them like yeah if i really wanted to and you don't know like in two years things might be completely different for their circumstances as well they might be like right they might say okay you do that and i'm coming with you you don't know what life is going to be but like for me um I knew like emotionally a couple years ago I was ready to date but because of my job that I did I just did not have time and so I had to weigh what was more important to me so and people were like well you can make time alone I was like no I physically cannot I know what my limitations are and I can't put like that much time into it for me but if it's important you just have to figure out what's important for you no it's true yeah i i don't

i think like thinking about and you don't even know if you're going to do this program either yeah so i think making the best decision for you as far as what you want with your career and then everything else will fall in place yeah and i think it can suck to feel and know that someone's holding themselves back emotionally but that's like that's their right and that's like they know going into this that this is what they need to do to protect themselves and you both kind of knew that going into it and like i don't think you should like factor this person into your decision because it doesn't it sounds like right now that that's not even really on your mind which i think is like great don't don't factor this person in but but yeah like this is

if you're going to date someone and let them know that this is going to be time line or this is how long you're going to be here it might be on any of this and they consent to that that is also usually under like the pretense that they're they're going to adjust certain things to protect themselves because they know that and the same way that you probably do but it's probably just harder when you're seeing it and you're feeling it on the receiving end that that can be hard but i'm sure that sky probably feels the same way about you he probably feels like yeah there's definitely some like like this arm's length between us because neither of us really want to hurt the other person yeah you don't want to hurt yourself

and you also don't want to hurt the other person but yeah this it does suck to say that like there is like i love mott so much but like i like i knew i'm like if i want my my career will not the same trajectory if i start dating someone especially because like what both of us what i was doing at the time and like what both of us like i'm creating my own shit like so if i don't do it no one else has got like that's not gonna like it's not gonna happen then and so it's not like a normal like nine to five job or something like yep i have to if i'm not working it's not gonna get done yeah like if i'm not doing it it's not like someone else is going to do it or it's not like I'm not reporting this to anybody but like if I'm not doing it I'm not making money

exactly and so that's like the exact same thing and like that was like at a point I was like I want to do this and like if I didn't I'm sure I would have spent more time doing like work kind of stuff but like it it's about like what fulfills you and like that changes like it changes of like I've done this for x amount of time that's really fulfilling it doesn't fulfill me in the same way anymore this is what's really missing from my life i want to focus my energy on this and then eventually once you get comfortable in a relationship you can like that can maintain and continue to fulfill you and you're still like obviously working the whole time but like you can still do all of those things like it adds these ebbs and flows and it's just harder when you're

younger and those decisions are abroad and like moving and those things because it's not like law school in the same city where it's like these are going to be a lot of really long nights and i'm going to be not like we're going to be a little emotionally distant but we physically close but to be emotionally and physically distant is pretty it's pretty hard to maintain that yeah okay hi megan and melissa um i'm 22 and i'm starting to date women for the first time I realized over the pandemic I was gay, and once I was vaccinated, I planned a date with this girl from Bumble who was 22 or 21. Things felt like they were going really well, clicked,

and it was the most comfortable I've ever felt on a date. It really was, like, completely different from any of my experiences with men, and it felt, like, so validating, and we had, like, such a good time. Like, it was amazing. and since then we've been on two other dates they were really fun they were very gay and so again like on these dates it felt like we clicked everything just felt really easy I wasn't like anxious I didn't have like a pit in my stomach like I had with men and it was just fun and I felt like we were really connecting um and at the end of the third date we even said you know

like I really like you I really like you whatever but in between the dates it seems like she's really distant she doesn't really feel like like it doesn't feel like she really isn't interested in talking that much um texting whatever um and now she's going to an internship in New York um this summer and she really hasn't indicated whether or not she's interested in keeping in touch we've only been talking for like three weeks now but it is just like they've been through really great week so I just I'm kind of not sure where things are going from here uh we don't get to see each other again before we leave and I'm really disappointed about that but I understand she's got a lot of friends that she wants to see and spend time with before the summer

so I'm trying to you know not to be too bothered by it and part of me just feels like maybe this is just a fling before she left for the summer but at the same time she hinted at going to this art exhibit together in October so I'm just I'm very confused and I'd like to know your perspective of like is this something or am I making it to be bigger in my head and I guess like how do I know when somebody's actually into me like what yeah like I don't understand how to figure it out because I feel like I'm getting mixed messages here and I just don't understand and I guess like also should I just appreciate the time that I had with this girl and be over it be done and move on okay i guess that's it also i'm a capricorn and she's an aries love y'all bye

i just have to start by saying she sounds so happy that like make like i i am not a warm and fuzzy person that made me feel warm and fuzzy like i can hear her smile happy pride like oh and it's fitting happy pride june up oh that makes me so happy um I think like my instinct is thinking that like she has back burnered you in but put you on like put on your favorite burner like she front burnered you like it's like a very night like I'm not getting this like oh I want to keep you around like I'm going to string you along kind of thing like what I'm getting is I met this really great girl I have this internship over the summer um and I'm not really gonna get to spend time with her

like beforehand we've only known each other for a couple of weeks but like I'm still interested in her and when I come back like I like would hopefully really like to date her again that's like go on a date with her again like not like but not like I want to date you continuously I think that like you guys hit it off really well and it's just a kind of a weird situation because it's not like oh I we I didn't really we didn't really get along I don't really like her I'm going to like do this but it hasn't been long enough that like there would be any sort of commitment or like promise that there's going to be something there afterwards yeah I get that vibe too I feel like she you guys went on a few dates and she's and she's and it might be like

You said she doesn't really communicate well through text message. She might be a person that's better on dates, but she might not have seen it like this was just going on a date. She didn't see it turning into something bigger. And I don't want to have this come off the wrong way, but because this is the first time that you've gone out with a woman, you might be putting more emphasis on this because you feel so comfortable than when you've gone out with men in the past yeah it could kind of feel like your first date all over again where it's like oh my god like all of that kind of excitement

that you don't have you don't have the jadedness that you have this is like it's a whole brand new experience to that and i think you're right like that it is the like she said it's such a validating experience that like oh this is what this was what was missing this was supposed to do all along and kind of like the first time you fall in love or you can relate that to one person like that power is not in her like that like and i i could totally see how like the first time like it's like the first time you orgasm with somebody like and then you're like oh my gosh like it's oh no that was me that's not necessarily like this other person or yeah you but i would also say that like i think the communication the lack the lack of communication thing might also be

to kind of set up that boundary of like I'm gonna be gone in like New York doing this internship like I think you're really cool and like would definitely be down to like go on another date with you when I get back but like I don't want to keep up I don't want you to have that expectation like you know when you first start talking to someone and then they're like they text all the time and then you like date for a while and then it's like oh you don't do that like what do you mean like maybe she wants to doesn't wants to maintain that like this is I don't want you to think that we're we're like three like like 180 miles per hour for three weeks and then i'm gone right like that's devastating like i think that this is like the i think it would probably be

helpful if it was communicated to you that that was like what she's saying but i think like when you ask like how can i know like you straight up just have to ask and just say say that and i yeah like I like I like you I wouldn't I wouldn't do it here because like this is again like an internship and it's not like sure you can meet someone when you're having an internship but like it's also like I'm sure it's probably just like a lot of work and just focusing on that stuff and all of my friends who had New York City internships hated them like we're miserable I can't even imagine going now can you I awful awful but yeah i think that like if you can end things on not end things but like you've left

off with this person like on a great note i would maybe say text them and be like hey i know um i can kind of like i've kind of alluded or i've kind of like i've kind of picked up on and tell me if i'm wrong that you're not like necessarily a big texter like i don't want to like obviously bother you when you're in new york um but if you like do want to text or you ever want to text like i'm always around if you want to hit me up but like have so much fun like and i'd love to see you when you get back if you're interested and just kind of leave it there because then there's no expectations of maintaining anything away and i also am like i'm very against people um not like long distance relationships where you meet like separate and then you come together i'm not i

don't like the kind of relationship where you meet and then you're like where you develop a relationship almost entirely over text before you get to know that person and then they're coming back like immediately after like that to me is kind of just a recipe for disaster yeah i think that you should use this summer to explore more because this is new for you and you can date other women and just see see see how you like that I don't think you should like feel like you need to be in a relationship with the first woman that you've dated yeah and I I think like like you said like that that feeling you get on a first date where you're like you felt so validated like have as many of those moments as, as possible as you can. And I think this is like, even if this person

doesn't end up being like a massive, like you're like your big love or whatever, you can always look back on like your first date with a woman being that's like really fantastic and wonderful experience. And I think that's like a, I think it's a great thing. And then yeah, enjoy your summer hoe it if you want to hoe it hot girl summer man oh happy makes me so happy i've also heard that that's like apparently i mean i've heard that through tiktok that that's like a a lot like people are thinking that that's going to be like a lot of people come out of the pandemic also because there's a thread on twitter about it and it was like oh women who like realize that like when they're not forced to be around men all the time like oh i actually they actually

don't like men that much and it's like that makes it makes that wonder woman island make so much sense i'm like yeah yeah they're not there you're not thinking about them like okay i get it they get it oh well congratulations on all this like self-discovery and you sound so happy and i'm so happy for you and happy pride don't blame them so this is where someone else a listener will call in and give their own advice about a previous call from a previous episode so if they have their own personal insight or they they they or they have something that we missed that they thought about or they've just got personal experience friend friend experience or they just love the sound of their own voice and

want their opinion heard which relatable that's why i have this fucking podcast uh so what episode is it from uh they talk about it in the call so we'll just get into it okay hi megan and melissa i was calling in actually for a dumpling stem um from season seven episode 26 your most recent episode the girl who's getting married congratulations by the way but has like the pervy uncle and like the bitchy aunt or whatever um so yeah I just had some advice to offer about that I actually just got married um a couple of months ago in April um after my whole family and my now husband and I were fully vaccinated so my aunts and uncles actually did not attend my wedding um and neither did my dad but that's another story for another

day if you want to ever hear about that um but I I do have some aunts and uncles that are pretty shitty people just all around um just the decisions they've made some of them have been arrested for things and I didn't really want them at my wedding either so I totally get how she feels um and I can relate so I my dad and my mom they're divorced but they both helped financially with the wedding um and one thing I do have to say is that just because they're helping financially does not mean that they should get to make decisions for your wedding and the way that I went about that is that I had a very point blank conversation with my parents like are you helping out of the kindness of your heart or are you helping with the expectation that you're going to be making

decisions because if it's with the expectation you're going to be making decisions thanks but no thanks i would like to plan my wedding how i want to um so definitely go ahead and clear the air there i think so as far as how to go about the situation um i think if your mom is on your side and you feel comfortable approaching your dad with her definitely use that to your advantage i think it's nice to have somebody in your corner because one that makes you feel validated and you feel like you're not crazy if you're not wanting them there um because i felt the same way but I think Megan and Melissa are absolutely right when I got married I was not paying attention to anybody even though my own dad and aunts and uncles weren't there I literally didn't give a

fuck like I was not paying attention to that you're so wrapped up in marrying the love of your life and enjoying that day and dancing and drinking and eating you're not worried about that so I think you just need to evaluate how much it would actually bother you because from you know hindsight is always 20 20 and looking back I wouldn't have cared like I didn't care that there were people there on my husband's side that I didn't really care to be there and my own aunts and uncles and my dad didn't show up and at the end of the day I still had the best time makes total sense to me i think all of that all of that makes a ton of a ton of sense weddings are yeah i also think that like what i mean i also am a fan of like the idea that weddings should

be multiple days so you actually can see everybody but that can work in your favor if you don't want to see certain people yeah and that also gets pricey too so yeah that yeah i do those are my favorite i mean that's a lot maybe it's just simultaneously months his friends who did a destination wedding that was a couple days everybody just extended for a couple days i just think i also liked it because i like love them so maybe that's part of the reason yeah but yeah i mean i think all of his friends it's like three day affairs everything yeah like everything's like three to four days that is it for our episode i hope you all enjoyed if you want to call in for an upcoming one you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976

international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com all the same rules and requirements apply please be 18 or over have your parents permission write it down you've only got three minutes practice it get it all out there and give us as much detail as possible i had a brain fart could you tell just like stopped short time it got like fuzzy in the eyes but also i did too so i didn't know if it was no me or us if you want to watch the video version we're on patreon also if you just want to support the podcast we have live streams that we do on our five dollar tier only five dollars a month twice um a month we do these live streams they're really fun what did we talk about last

this past week well when we talked about ellie kimper oh my god we all learned about it was like breaking news at that moment so it's literally just like 15 20 of us all like typing sounds like what what are you because you were like you're like melissa what's going on in your glasses and i was like uh everyone just go look up ellie kimper it was great and it's the best. So that's our $5 tier month. And if you ever, if you want to do more, you can always input how much more money you would like to do for supporting our show. And there's no requirement to join the live stream. So if you're like, Hey, I'm a financially responsible, making, making dollars bitch. And I would like to support your show, but like, I don't really like I'm too

anxious or I don't really want to have like, that stresses me out. You don't have to come. It's okay. Think of it like an open invitation whenever, but we're going to keep inviting you, but like you don't have to come and even if you never come we will never think less of you right you know it's always the way it should go and leave us a review on the podcast app should we see if there's any new ones sure been listening for three years webkins lover right you are correct was it does it mean something yeah it's like um it's kind of like do you know what neopets is yes it's kind of like neopets club penguin but you would like it was like you could buy a like a stuffed animal and then it also existed in like your like the game

like on like it okay it was um what do you fucking call it uh multi-vertical cross-platform cross-platform integration it's great okay i have been following megan since megan rosette's halls and i love this podcast good to hear their perspective and know other people experience the same problems as you do hell yes five stars dramatic reading i we're happy to hear it we love the reviews um and if you feel so inclined to leave a nice review please do it helps us a lot rating of five stars and then also wherever you listen to podcasts subscribing that also helps trying to get those ads y'all because again we're not barstool thankfully well um okay we will see you all next time goodbye

Don't Blame Me is a production by me, executive produced by Melissa DeMonts, edited by Katrina Henning, and music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.