Don't Blame Me! - S8E5: He Just Lies There

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: divorce & age gap Marital fighting Snapchat friends Feeling behind financially Don't Blame Them: suspicious rash   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME.”   Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When WestJet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us, and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. your playlist might get you through the workday but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs what work helped them build a life how did they adapt as the world around them changed with ancestry you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time

and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree you've got questions we've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Don't Blame Me. That was a little musical. thank you so much I am such a talented musician it's remarkable I play ukulele once a year when I pick it up and tune it for five minutes look at Riptide by Vance Joy pluck a few strings and then I go I'm good see you next year did you play some um Taylor Swift I try what if you become a ukulele tiktoker oh my god I then I need to then I need to write a penny board like I need to like

i need vans and i need a skateboard and a backwards hat i need to move to venice if i'm gonna really commit to the aesthetic it is a vibe um welcome back where don't blame me we're an advice podcast and we are me megan hello joined by my co-host melissa hello i was like is this a burp i had a hiccup coming and then i suppressed it just bury it deep deep deep down all of those that's like when you first start dating someone and you have like all of the trapped fars and you just like get into your car after and you just fart so much let them rip oh i wish you could like backlog farts though and like so you wouldn't get like those gas pains so you could just be like i'm gonna hold this off later just like a little squeak out oh no i do i'm so i will

hear you want to hear my toxic personality trait i will fart on an airplane if i have to fart i ibs and i'm so sorry for everybody else involved but my bowels are very important to me and i'm not important to them yep i would too yeah i won't eat tuna on a plane oh yeah that's i won't eat any smelly food yeah you can't like as far as being on a plane and like bringing food on that's one thing but like if you there's more one of my friends grandmothers would say that it's more room out than there is in so like if you need to push it out then it needs to come out because you can it can mess you up and especially if i have headphones on so i can't hear how loud it is i like i will just be like looking out a window and just fart i don't need it i have

headphones in i get to be blissfully unaware i don't care do you know i will also say though that like whole like smelly food on planes is such like an american like thing and so anytime i've flown any like international airlines they have like very fragrant dishes that are like being served as a part of like the airline menus or whatever and it's not gross and doesn't make anything like different smell everyone is eating yeah that's what i mean but so because we have this whole like like the most of the airplane food we have is like super westernized that like everything is like sandwich salad pasta like blah blah but like when we were traveling to cambodia there was like fish eye soup and all of this stuff and like because everyone's ordering it

there's enough people ordering like there is no like the plates felt great i was like this is but we have those you know just salisbury steak ew how much longer have you had a salisbury steak i've never had a salisbury steak i don't even know what it is is it meatloaf actually i think it's like a meat patty with gravy which actually is pretty good but i think it's like but it's like yeah but meatloaf usually has like ketchup or tomato sauce but it's usually made like not a good part of the meat yeah the animal well that's because it's not actually like steak it's ground and mashed together and just like a not good part of it's like a cheap because i would have it in you well you went to your

hippie school but like school cafeterias had them i've seen it as like a tv dinner yeah you know yeah like that one with like the the the microwave dinners hungry no the ones with the penguins on them i always wanted oh yeah those are trash i wanted them and then my mother was like those are disgusting and then i kept asking and then she eventually bought it and then i ate it and And I was like, this is disgusting. We're an advice podcast. You call in, you leave voicemails, and we give you advice.

We give you advice that we like to receive, the kind of advice we give each other. We give our other friends. We're honest. Some people describe it as tough love, but I just say that, you know that one friend that you call when you're like, okay, I really need some,

I need someone who's like gonna shoot me straight, who cares about me and like cares about my wellbeing, but isn't just gonna say, who will stop me if i'm going to make a bad decision that's us or we'll encourage you if we agree with said bad decision and if you want to call us to be in an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com we ask that you are 18 or over have your parents permission you let us know your pronouns at the start of the call your age and as many details

as you can we don't need to know if you're a libra and if you feel like you have to tell us you're a libra tell us the very end of the call after you've already told us everything and how can they be sure that they tell us everything in the call melissa well they should write it down maybe start with a powerpoint where they write down all the bullet points um after they do that they can write it in paragraph form it should only be one paragraph it's three minutes maybe one and a half um have all those details that megan said practice it a couple times make sure it's three minutes or less because either if you're calling in google will cut you off or if you send an email we're not going to look at it so uh just make sure three minutes or less

write everything down all the details and i will be handing out goal stars to those that i feel follow the directions and we only have two so far so if you're looking for a way to get melissa's good graces there's some spot panties well if you have like a older brother or anyone in an appropriate age range um send an application for them to get into melissa's panties but i don't wear them so yeah just to get into you no just get gay to be invited to be invited who knows what will happen um but yeah so what's new with you should we talk about how you're on dating apps now i know you're talking about it on another show that you work on we can promote them i can talk about the bad things i love them because it's fine like i you know so just between us

podcast with Gabby and Allison who are great and I love them I don't know why you're saying I'm not I was gonna say though I thought she's just a little jealous just a little I am just a little jealous that Allison happened to have the bet like have a great idea that I should have had to get you a premium fucking membership for a dating app and then under that was like we're gonna talk about it on the podcast I am jealous at how good of an idea that was I am I am but um would you like to let people let people like what's where you at like I mean I've been talking to guys but like I've realized that I would like to the next few weekends spend more time with my friends that i haven't seen in a long time so it's more like just talking yeah so um you know

there's and then there's one guy that megan you know about that i was like he makes fantastic things he makes something that we both looked on his website and said i would like a friends and family discount yes you should go on a date with this man and i guess that's really the only think he brings to the table yeah i mean he's very tall did you look at anything is that good for you no i'm just saying he's extremely tall i think he might be german six four you will never be able to 69 ever no do you really want to give that up i haven't had sex in a year so okay so i guess yeah i guess that is true and also i don't like 69ing yeah but that to be fair have you ever been it's like a height ratio thing it only works to

the dudes that i've dated for like six but i don't like it because i can't concentrate like i need me neither i need to even i can't concentrate on one or the other so like it's like why are you eating me out i'm trying to suck your dick like i can't it has to be one or the other i can't do it it is i i think it's a fun like neither of us are going to come to complete i mean yeah occasionally but it is like you it's like if you have time if you've got time you've got the time it is by far not like the let's get this done it's because it's another step yeah so i don't care about that as long as i'm getting eaten out i don't care facts but you're not going on a date with him probably not i gotta see how the next part of our conversation goes but i can't i don't

want to talk about that on oh you don't want to say that yeah okay um i'm trying to think if there's anyone else you've sent me recently who you're talking i mean the other ones that i've sent you were more jokes and funny things but have you seen cute ones yeah yeah nice so i've got i've got some good conversations going have you seen anyone um maybe they're on ryan but i don't know of any like former batch oh you don't watch i don't watch it so i wouldn't know because i feel like that is like such um like i didn't get into the bachelor till like mott's and i were dating but i feel like in la like you would just come across them all the time but maybe they're on would but i don't there's i've seen other people that i recognize from other things on

i'm like i know that face but i don't know like who they are so checks out well i'm excited about you what's um what is new with me um have you talked about your tiktok make me buy it video i have not talked about my tiktok made by it um tiktok i like will say though i'm not usually easily influenced like i i think because i've been in this space for like a long a long time there are i i am yeah i i almost just don't like to buy shit in general um but i caved and bought a bunch of stuff the thing that i will say that everybody sent me that was like crazy at the picking stone it's really fun and it like supposed to help to like not pick your skin i did definitely pick it all um in almost all

one sitting and so i need to add more to it but um it's over on my youtube channel if anyone wants to go watch it but you didn't get the rose the rose oh you don't know about this no is there one that looks like a rose oh no it's a sex toy and i didn't think that you got it so that's why i brought it i didn't think you got it so that's why i brought it for show and tell wait wait i'm sorry you bought a sex toy from tiktok shut the fuck up oh my god bring it close to the mic it's suction but like not suck it pushes more air down on it well it's like it's not like the other one that we have this like i can't with that other one that we both have like it doesn't do anything for me and this one does so the one that most

talking about that is like similar that we both have is uh it's like the same build and pretty sure it's a satisfier pro i think that's what it that clit one yeah but it's not the satisfier no no but the same shape so people know like it's that same kind of like you know shape that like sucks onto the clout or whatever but that that looks like a bigger like a it just has more space to like have more space and it like it you can hold it better in your hand yeah so um has more space you can hold it better and it gives like different like a different type because i have one suction toy that like it sucks too hard and i can't like it hurts and then this one is more like a pulsation air pushing thing and it's on i see it on tiktok a lot and people talk about it

just like i don't think it has an official name because i think it's from overseas and there's a bunch of just like random companies that make it but just if you type in rose tiktok it will come up if you google it yeah i'm interested in that because that's the other thing like i like the like suctiony ones but like they are like utilitarian i'm trying to come as fast as possible it is like not sexy like i'm finding the exact position to like get it on this is like yeah this is like it's a good teaser and it took me a minute to like it took me a few times before i actually could like come with it yeah but like when i did then i did and i figured out where it needs to be for that i am a huge proponent in people having like different sex like different toys that like

achieve you different things like you should have a sex toy that is like this will make me come in like this is utilitarian i'm having the worst night ever like i need to go to sleep and i yes i have cramps and i want to go to sleep so it's like an angry orgasm like it's like i need to get this fucking done it's like a meeting like that's the kind of shit and then ones that you can use with partners ones that can be used like i could go like i think this would be our session too i could i would see that too because it's it's when you have one that's way less precise it's going to take longer but also like it's that sometimes you don't want to just one and done as fast as possible yeah this is a good i wrote it down simmer i love that i reorganized my um i like

really deep clean. I mean, I guess I, I like finally cleaned out, um, like the last remaining drawers in my dresser. I did a whole video like a couple months ago of like cleaning my depressed room. And, uh, I finally did my bedside tables too. And so now it's like all organized. Like the top section has like, you know, like my notebooks and like books I'm not reading and chargers and headphones. And then the second drawer, half of it is sex toys. And then the other half of it is period products like that's all of that i'm like and the second drawer is everything from my vagina but it's like wonderfully organized and i like it yeah i've got my cleaners and all of my toys in one area i've got their chargers there too nice i want a nightstand

where the chargers can like are like on the inside that's i never thought about that for like vibrators and jigs like why my phone i'm on i know it's not good but i'm like i'm usually listen to like music on my phone like i don't shut my phone in there but i never thought about that could be what's charging in there yeah that's smart there's gotta be some i mean i'm sure you can make it but there's gotta be somebody that yeah no because they do have those for with usb ports like inside there so i'm sure they have that we've got an update hi i am the caller from season seven episode two who uh whose husband just came home one day and just said I want a divorce and I left the country I was living with him within 24 hours and had a super shitty time

with all of it um and I called to give an update on basically that I am doing so much better and the the reason I'm doing so much better is because I realized so much from it like I basically have like trauma from that relationship and like I didn't even realize it you know like I like when I was in that relationship I was like oh my god I'm gonna be the wife that kills their husband because he makes me so angry he would belittle me all the time just little things just constant jabs throughout the day every single day and I mentioned this in my update and I was just listening to you guys earlier today I was 21 at the time he was 30. I was like I think I hesitated to tell you guys I'm like in the call because I was like I know what they're

gonna say yeah and I met him when I was 19 and he was 27 I think and things moved super quickly and like he was like perfect you know like such a charmer too perfect so handsome you know exactly like all of that and it spiraled so quickly and it took me so long to realize how manipulative he was it just is insane right wow this is this is so funny the literal last update we had with someone being like giving us like the lowdown on the their ages to be like yeah didn't work out like these this age gap it happens like and it takes getting out of those relationships to kind of like see but i'm so happy that it's like so much so much better and like because you know rug ripped out from underneath you but then like you're saying like you realized you're like

oh holy shit like this was actually like i'm this needed to happen exactly like i like i still have flashbacks almost of just the um the way he like beat me down all of the time and it took me leaving I think it was either my mom or my best friend being like oh he sounds really insecure and I was like I never thought of it that way like I never thought he wanted to make me smaller because of his insecurities because he totally did that you know he made me delete my Instagram he made me dress less sexy even though I wasn't even dressing that sexy or he'd say oh she can wear that because she has longer legs or oh but she can wear that top because she doesn't have as much boobs you know so it's not as sexy on her like things that like I'm like a full-on feminist

why did I like why was I okay with that you know yeah I mean hindsight is 50 50 you don't see it while you're in it but you see it now I think there is something also too about like when when we're taught as like women to like when we date older men it's because they're going to be more mature and more together and so like we have this preconceived notion that like oh no they're not going to be like that so when they are like that it's like no they're not like there's like it just we kind of get those like blinders on because they're older and they're more mature and they know more than us and all of that that it's like oh my god no like you're actually less mature than me and like you're a piece of shit like holy shit and it also is kind of like a

lobster in like you said like he was like he was great at first and he was like so charming and all of that it's kind of like you know you put the lobster into the cold water and then you turn it up and you're like this is like it didn't start like this like how the fuck did i end up here and that's yeah just like terrible terrible shitty shitty dudes exactly and especially our intimacy i mean he almost used his age as like something against me and not in the way that you would think he would think he oh he was really objectifying and stuff like to an extent like I think he enjoyed me being young but I think the biggest thing was he definitely had some intimacy issues but he turned that into oh I'm not attracted to you and I don't know why

it's so weird like imagine me already I'm not the most confident person but especially like in that relationship and him just saying you know like because he's so honest right that's his whole thing he's so honest he'd be like um he'd be like you know i i just don't i don't know like i've never not felt like i've never not had a spark with my other partners i've always been attracted to them it's so weird i just don't understand i'm just not attracted to you but he married you that makes no sense what uh fucking yeah that i hate that i hate i hate that that's like the same thing like any guy who says like as one of his like qualities in like a dating app profile it's like i'm really honest i'm really truthful i'm really blunt and i'm really opinionated

i'm like oh you're a misogynistic piece of shit like that's all i get from that i was like as a white man i don't need you to like or any man as a fucking cis man i don't need you to tell me like i'm really opinionated i'm like i know i know you're opinionated everybody's listened to you forever you don't have to tell me that like and even when we when I left we but we were still talking at a point um and he I would be on the phone with him sometimes and I would just be there like wanting to like shoot myself because he would just drone on and on and on and just giving me this like just talking constantly you know just about nothing just about himself like there was a day where he felt like really converted to like Christianity he's like yeah I feel like the only

real love is between like a man and woman married in a church what what i'm so glad you're out of me too and what a fucking weirdo i'm glad that you didn't end up on snapped as well oh yeah because i would have too i don't know how you lasted that long i like i would not be able to yeah well you you look so happy now you do you look like you look very happy well thank you so much for giving us the update and yeah calling in and everything i'm i'm sure everybody's gonna be so happy to hear how much you're thriving all right have a good rest of your day and we are back i am so happy i'm ecstatic i'm glad that she's doing well if you guys can see like she glowing of happy like i we obviously didn't see her beforehand

but like i bet you could do a full ass before and after she dropped that fuck she's great yeah she's great absolutely so i want to i said during the call i said hindsight is 50 50 with i knew as soon as it came out that it was wrong and i said i would correct it during this part i mean i know that it's 2020 when you said that i immediately was like i've been saying it wrong this whole time like i didn't think you did it wrong i was like either melissa's making like a very advanced joke like a reference to something or i was wrong no because it's like eyesight yeah no i yeah that's what i assumed but i just without any evidence but just you saying hindsight's 50 50 i was like my entire world she's coming to question i was like she's right

i'm probably wrong um that's funny but i didn't want to mess up the flow of conversation so i did not correct myself in a moment i wish i had that kind of impulse control i don't um but yeah this is makes me makes me so happy to hear and it's also like one of those things that we always talk about when people talk about their um relationships and even though the original call when she called And like, she was like, you know, getting divorced and all of that. But even how she said that, like, I was like careful about how I talked about him because I could think, know what you guys were kind of going to say. And we recognize that a lot when we have calls that we can tell when someone's trying to

make someone sound like the best version of themselves or something like that. But it's like so, so common that we can all kind of like hear through that kind of stuff. And then once you're out of it, you're like, yeah, trying to protect him for no fucking reason. I'm, oh, but happy, happy, happy, happy. She's out of that. And should we get into the episode? Hi, Megan and Melissa.

I'm 26. She, her, my husband, 25. He, him. I'm calling because we've been married for four years. And for the most part, our relationship is good. But we always seem to fight for the same things over and over again. And I'm tired of it. Every time all he says is, I'm sorry, it won't happen again.

And all I have to say is, your apologies don't mean shit because all I say goes in one ear and out the other. Our fights range from him not helping at home cleaning, which makes me feel like his mate sometimes, to his misuse of credit cards we're all dead because of that to his reckless driving among other things our fights are couple paced at this point

all that happens is we fight I get mad I cry and eventually get over it all by myself I told him he needs to do something about it because i'm tired of his bullshit i gave him the talk i gave him the

task to look for a therapist to work in a marriage and gave him this i gave him this task because i'm tired of being the one that puts all the effort and so he can show me that he cares but so far he only did some research the day that i told him and then gave up he's dyslexic but he managed to do research on his video games and other things that he cares about i love him but i don't know what to do anymore i'm tired of just being more his mom than his wife sometimes so please send what to do thank you um i'm a crap corn he's a cancer by the way okay bye you sound stressed you sound tired and fucking done which I would too oh this is hard because like do you I think like I I could so see my like this is so like

I so get this like you have you are doing everything if you called in at any other point of this you are doing everything we would say to do do you know what I mean like we're having these conversations over and over again like like these specific things are really hard i'm recognizing that like i'm the one who's getting over it like he's not doing anything to make anything like better and for the therapy task like he needs to be the one to like put that effort in and he's not even doing that oh this is like i mean i what i would really do is like you seem so fed up and so tired and really done with this shit the fact that like the fights are about like you're being his mom you're cleaning for him but also like he's a bad driver to me i'm

like do we mean duis do you mean he's crashing cars and you're like when that gal called him before just hitting cars and parking lots constantly and now you're in debt and that is like these are all these are so serious and like so like that's so serious and so reckless like i can totally understand that that's it's a really dire situation if i were you i would be like if there is not a therapy appointment scheduled within the month i'm out you're not taking this seriously. And I'm done. And when WestJet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere. And two out of three women rocked the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that

fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at WestJet.com slash 30 years. that also doesn't mean that like after the therapy thing that like you guys are good and you guys are going to stay together and it's going to work i think like if it's even worth it to work it out and if he's going to even be susceptible or wanting to work it out if he can't make a therapy appointment he doesn't and at the same time i think like if this has been enough of a sign for you and he hasn't done it then maybe it's not even giving him that ultimatum it's like you okay i'm out i'm done agree 100 like did she even say that she loved him at any point here she did

she said but the way she said it was i love him but i'm really tired of being like his mom and i think this is i think it's crossed her mind yeah like there's love and being in love so maybe you have love for him and maybe she's not in love anymore um yeah there's it sounds like you're at the end of your rope i agree 100 with everything megan said i really don't have anything else to add i mean there's i don't think i think there's only one solution to this yeah and i think it's like i truly think at this point therapy is kind of going through the emotions and might prolong this but I think you know that you don't want to have to again if you can't even make a therapy appointment like that to me is like the biggest act of like

oh you care about me and you really want to fix this is like that therapy and like you are the one who is like pursuing it you are getting it all settled you are doing all of that like that's a huge act of like love and like proving that and he can't do that without you asking him to and to me that doesn't bode well for how he would behave after therapy and especially when you've had like so much of your life like your early 20s together um and the debt thing and everything like that like this is not do not go down with this ship you know you deserve way better than this yeah you do i hate him for you that also pisses me off being like it won't happen again and just the same fucking thing over and over yeah it's like a carousel just gonna keep going

round and round until you get off or somebody turns it off yeah pop the fuck off but i i'm so sorry this like it sucks like it's not an easy thing i know we're saying like divorce your husband like that's obviously comes with i mean even so much even if she divorces him that still doesn't take her out of debt it doesn't not if they are on a joint account so like the problems will follow her damn at least for that though i would hopefully if with lawyers and stuff they're able to i don't know yeah that's brutal yeah i mean also i think like as yeah i guess kind of knowing that too then if if what you need is to i don't i don't even want to say like help him to save your marriage but if you need to like

how to help you and get out of debt like that like if that means that you make the therapy appointment and you both show up and like a therapist like really like talks him into shape like not to salvage your relationship and like not for you guys but like for the debt like then yeah there are financial therapists that you can talk to yeah say to save your credit is really what it is literally because also at that point like he shouldn't have access to like i would make sure you have all of your own bank accounts and everything so but if it's still like if their joint account is still in if they're in debt like credit cards wise if they're in debt that follows her until it's paid off yeah but so so she's not

putting any of her money that into like if it's like a debit card or something if there's if you can have your even though like your credit's shitty for that like you can work on something like individual because right if you sign it or if you're married your credit there i'm talking about like the credit card like if they have a joint account for a credit card her her credit will continue to be bad until that is paid off but if she gets an additional credit card that's just her and like but she might not be able to get one okay that's so it's it does so even if that's his debt then she still has to pay into it so it doesn't mess up her credit yeah which is messed up and then if he still has access to that he can still use the card yeah then this is

literally like a child that i'm like you need to cut him off like he needs to not be able to have access to anything like that and like he needs to be giving you like the money that is that he is making and it needs to go into that and yeah that's so frustrating yeah oh i hate this for you but yeah it's figuring out what you can do about the debt and then what is the what is the way to get there yeah maybe talking to a financial advisor or something that pisses me off so much for you yeah he shouldn't be driving any of that stuff so fucking annoying i'm so sorry um wishing you the best of luck and i hope it all goes goes well me too should we go on to the next hi my name is melissa i'm 20 years old i use she her pronouns i recently got into a

He's friends with someone I met through work. The guy is 24 years old, and he uses he, him pronouns. And I'm just going to get right into it. During foreplay and sex, he's really quiet. Like, he doesn't eat ass, and he just kind of lays there. I am his first sexual partner, so I understand. Like, he might not be too comfortable yet. Like, that's fine.

and he's even mentioned it to me too like he gets things shipped in the bedroom I've talked to him about this you know I let him know you know like just communicate you know that's important you know tell me what you like what you don't and I'll try like talking to him

you know talking to him asking questions and he'll just nod or not answer my question for you guys is how can I help make him more comfortable I wonder too if he's just like focusing on lasting for a long time that he's holding back let me know your suggestions and what you think thank you so much bye i think he's a shy boy you've got yourself a

little shy boy in the bedroom um but i think he is just like you're his first partner you're his first sexual experience and he's probably focusing on a lot of other things within sex because he's not used to having sex and so he's trying to get things right quote unquote and like being vocal and loud is or moving around and not just lying there is a lot of work for him since he's new to this and so he's like yes like what you're saying i gotta stay hard and make sure that she's i don't even know you didn't say if you were satisfied or not unless you're just doing all the work and rubbing yourself off doubt you are um but did he say he's just laying there she says he just kind of lays there that's exactly what she said oh my god um yeah i just think that like i'm a level

with you this is not the kind of friends with benefits i would want no i think your friends with benefits needs to have a little bit more like your friends with benefits it's someone that you should be having fun with and not like someone you should be like having to coax into being not just lying there yeah like you're friends with benefits like that should be the person like you're horny 4 a.m like i'm gonna get off like fast as possible like it's just hot like yeah or it's like convenient and easy and this doesn't this doesn't sound like it might be convenient and easy but like too easy yeah like easy as not easy as in like he's right there as opposed to like easy like he's gonna rail you yeah i mean

the laying there thing is much bigger to me than like the no vocal because no vocal is like yeah some guys like or some people in general like if that's like it's too much too fast like it'll be like if you say like something i'm just gonna come like it's like too it's too overstimulating um and i would say like talking in vocal stuff like it's just more comfortable as like time goes on and then also some people just really aren't into that um but the just laying there thing for me is paired with that i'm i you're i'd have to work overtime to stay interested in wanting to have you might as well be fucking a corpse that's what i mean like this just this it seems just like a vibrator with i was gonna say you should just need a dildo

or like a human um sex doll that's what he is and i think some people like really enjoy um like sexual exploration with someone who like isn't that experience and that can be like a really fun experience for them and it doesn't seem like you are loving it no it's not when if they're inexperienced it's usually like the other person is like asking things and like showing show me how to do this if he's just lying there not telling you anything what's the weird vibes yeah like does i i'm guessing you're on top all the time that's the only thing that you're doing so you're just exhausted if he's just lying there because i mean he's not just like on top of you like just not doing anything maybe i could see maybe like a side

side and then she's still doing all the work but he's just lying there maybe try some different positions and see if he gets into it i would i'm sorry the idea of having like sex from beginning to end you're on top my thighs are just burning is he eating you out yeah but if he's is he just lying there and then you're just sitting on his face yeah but like not in a hot way like this to me just seems like i would just and i'm not trying to put this into your head at all but like i would just be like do you want to have sex with me like are you like what is like it just doesn't feel like on any end of like you don't have to be like a vocal part like vocal to show that you really enjoy it but like physically

like i all of these just kind of feel like you're putting in so much more effort than he is and like it's friends with benefits like he what benefits are you getting also you work with him and i can't stress this enough stop fucking people you work with stop it's stop just stop don't fuck people you live with unless you know you're like living with them living with them because they're your partner yeah yeah don't fuck people you live with and don't fuck people you work with especially if it's like just like i think the just casual thing is like way because then you can't like gossip with your other work friends about like who you're fucking like do you know i mean like you shouldn't be doing that anyway okay i don't have never a

normal job like in a corporate job yeah no but do you know i mean like in the sense that like i don't know like the or i guess more along the more along the lines of like with your regular friends like you know how you talk about guys that you hook up with way different than the people that you date and then like it's gonna be like you're talking with your friends like don't you work with that person it's like you're taught like it's just odd and then it ends and then he's still there and it's like you've seen him naked he's been inside of you yeah but you've been just like bobbing up and down on his dick yeah i just need him where's his hands are they i just imagine them on his side yeah i'm picturing them they've never moved the entire time i was

thinking because i could see maybe like you riding him and like he's rubbing your clit or something but like if he's just lying there he's just in court's position yeah i would be like is he looking i know his eyes are just closed like he's shut i keep that's where i keep going back to maybe that's his kink maybe as opposed to having sex with dead people he wants to be the dead person Yeah, maybe that is. Also, by the way, necrophilia is not a kink. I just want to put that out there. Long advice short, I would just, I would cut it.

Yeah, because I don't know, maybe you got into this thinking you could teach him and that's what you're asking us about is like how to. When WestJet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion. Inline skates were everywhere. And two out of three women rocked the Rachel.

While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at WestJet.com slash 30 years. Get him to be more active. If you're already telling him and he's not doing it, that's not what he wants. Yeah, exactly. and so it just doesn't seem like you are compatible in any sense of it and so to get some i do want to know are you always like

are you coming but like are you always is he always on his back and his side and you're just doing all the work fucking pillow princess i mean i have no issue laying there but i could never i could never ever but that's also like that's why you have to be compatible do you know what i mean yeah like i hooked up with guys who are just like go ahead and i'm like i mean i will but your lack of effort i am this is not hot to me like there needs to be that like you know what i mean but it also depends on the person and like maybe there is the perfect person for him who is that someone just imagine he gets with someone else that they also do not want to

do any work and they're just lying there and so you should mutually masturbate in silence and then they high five at the end yeah and their juices touch when they high five yes i had to go there you did it looks like a cheese pool when they let go disgusting you are disgusting oh wow well um looking forward to you having like way better way better friends with benefit sex someone i saw on tiktok described um a soft penis as um gummy and a hard penis as crunchy crunchy i was like you know i totally see it i get the gummy but i don't get the crunchy like i that just seems painful i know but don't you think it would like don't you feel like it is like crunchy i mean if you crush it yeah but why would you

crunch it if something's crunchy like you don't describe like a stick as crunchy i would describe a stick as crunchy if someone said if you bit into the stick what would you think it'd be like and i would say crunchy like think of like uncooked grains of rice crunchy i know but like even a dick like i would think gushing blood yeah but okay we're not thinking about like the science you're thinking of like a chico we're thinking of textures a chico stick that's what you're thinking a chico stick yes what's a chico stick do you remember the song that said shake the laffy taffy or do you know that song okay so then there is a female version that came out that said shake the chico stick shake the chico stick a chico stick oh i see it's

this hard candy it's essentially like the hard stuff that's inside of a butterfinger without looks disgusting it's like what's inside the butterfinger without all the soft stuff so it's just that hard part of a butterfinger so it is hard yeah it looks like a giant cheeto so it is crunchy that's what i would think it would be that's like a penis to me crunchy if i've bitten to one i don't think it's crunchy i think it's juice like it wouldn't it'd be juicy but not like in the jizzy juice just bloody juice i mean i do acknowledge that there is blood in the penis i'm there's no actual bone no it's not gonna be crunchy comment uh and let us know what you think because as soon as i saw it i was like i see it

it's like you know like if if you get like one of those cylinder type of balloons you blow it up it's hard but if you break it it doesn't crunch logically i agree with you but at the same time think about when people break a dick but it doesn't crunch or snap no but doesn't it part of you feel like that would make sense i know i think you just can't get out of like the fact like the facts like i think you can't suspend disbelief because like i am saying something that is like factually incorrect and it's not like the actual anatomy or science but it's just like a feeling i know i know everyone's gonna be on your side they're gonna be again no i don't think of a hard i think they'll be it'll be split half and half just i know it's not crunchy it just

like feels like it would be right in let us know i spent too much time on tiktok um well that's that call should we um go on to the next one oh break time okay we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back um we're back let's get into this the calls hi melissa and hi megan of course um i'm 22 years and Leo and my boyfriend is 23 and Aries. We currently have a disagreement that hasn't been compromised on yet. We are long distance and our relationship has been kind of rocky lately due to his own insecurities and emotional issues. And the last time I went to visit him, he asked about a male friend of mine that I have on Snapchat. He's asked about him before and I always tell him that

he'd never been more than a friend from college and we barely talk since graduating. Despite that, my boyfriend took the liberty of removing him from my Snapchat without my consent, to which I was very upset. I told him that I would re-add my friend, to which my boyfriend said in that case he would add one of his girlfriends back onto his Snapchat then. Now, this girl was removed from my boyfriend's snapchat a whole year ago because my boyfriend wasn't truthful about their history i found out on my own um after snooping through his phone um that my boyfriend and her were not just friends there was a period of time where they were hooking up a couple years prior to us dating and although it was before we were dating it was the principle that he wasn't truthful

about it after i had asked him before um and i found out on my own and now he wants to add her back if i add my friend again and i think it's unfair but he doesn't and to me it's like he's starting a problem out of something that could have just been left alone this is a platonic friend we don't even live near each other anymore and he's comparing someone that i don't think can be compared in my opinion please help I mean you know where you you already know what we're you know what

we're gonna say you know what we're gonna say you're gonna say it on the count of three just like the summary one two three break up with your boyfriend

yes break up with him i'm gonna say something that like this is not what you want to hear at all um and you have to break up with him this is like this is so toxic this is so stupid like manipulative controlling i'm gonna go ahead level with you i think he's cheating on you and i agree with that think that the reason why he's freaking out about this friend is he's projecting and if anything like i would bet my money that him and this girl are hooking up again and he's picking a fight projecting and then gonna add her back on snapchat and manipulate and have it be that you drove them together i think that's what it is i do too i do too that's exactly what went through my head like why why is he so specific about this also him picking up

your phone and deleting this person without your consent it's just awful he's so controlling and manipulative like this is not someone that you want to be in a relationship with because if he's gonna do this over something so small and minute plus he's covering up that he's already cheating yeah it's just gonna get worse as you keep getting further in this relationship yeah and you originally finding out that him and this girl had a history together and they were talking and on snapchat all of that like you were looking for something so like that to me is like a you're not feeling like he's being truthful maybe you're feeling he's being unfaithful and then you find this thing like this is this like when you snoop you're snooping because you you know you're

gonna find something and you did find that thing and like this relationship is just like this is not this is not it no no especially long distance you deserve better yeah break up with him also everyone delete snapchat yeah just i think i think it's a red flag like i know that's like dating us um but i think if you use snapchat like regular like you use snapchat in like the this way or whatever all of that like i think it men like that i think that's like anyone i think it's a right like i just think like the whole nature of the app of being like oh it deletes blah blah blah amount of times like i just think that like it breeds so much insecurity in relationships because yeah it's the nature of it but but this is uncalled for

everything that he did is uncalled for it's not on you you don't trust him he doesn't trust you what's your relationship neither one of you trust each other yeah this is garbage i'm sure you have other issues as well oh without a doubt yeah i also just think that like insecure and emotional issues that's like that's not your problem no and like he needs to fix like it's really hard to fix those things while you're in a relationship those are personal issues and like you can go to therapy and fix those while you're in a relationship but like it is so much better to be doing that single like doing that self-work that's because it's it's it's so hard to do that kind of work while you're actively in it break up with him break up

with him next call best of luck let us know what happens because i'm pretty confident that you'll I mean, I know you'll be so much happier if we break up. Hey, Megan and Melissa. I'm calling today because I'm really struggling with feeling behind my friends and my peers and I need advice on what to do. So I'm 19 years old, a current college student, and I live at home with my parents.

For reference, I graduate in May of 2023. So I went to a commuter school to live with my parents and save money. So I'm missing out on the big college experience that a lot of my peers have. But on the bright side, a lot of my friends also live at home and live with their parents and go to the exact same school I do. So you would think, we're in the same boat, you know, no reason to feel behind them.

But I do. For example, I owe $1,400 a year in tuition, which is super affordable. They owe none. I have saved up a few thousand dollars to my name, pretty good. They've saved tens of thousands of dollars. I'm working part-time. I work as an assistant at an office, and I only make $8.50 an hour. It's kind of crap, but I'm doing it.

They work full-time, and they're making $14 an hour. So I really feel like I'm not working as hard as them and that I really need to figure it out and find a better-paying job I feel behind them in the money category. And here's where I need serious advice. My friend can get me hired to work with her, which sounds super good. But I just started my assistant job, and at this job, I could potentially get a marketing job in their department, which is a very good, valuable work experience for my major and my future career path.

So I really don't want to burn any bridges at this job. So I'm really conflicted on should I choose the pay raise or if I should just stay at my current job and go with the career development? Or if I should be a crazy person and just work both of them? Am I insane? Any advice would be very much appreciated. I have no idea what to do. Thank you so much. Bye.

i just want to you are not so behind people at all this is like it sounds like you have a couple of like 19 year olds and 20 year old friends who are like not are very much out of like the norm and they're making you feel like they're the norm and it's really really not right like one you we as a whole need to stop comparing ourselves to other people because our paths are our paths also most college students are in way more debt than you are like significant like the amount of debt that you have i wish i had that like i have yeah i'm in debt so much from school and i own my own business i work full time i'm making more than 14 an hour like they're they're just different okay like i and i don't i don't want you to think that what they're doing is normal at all and then

also like career wise if the job that you're what you're getting paid is shit that has more to do with like minimum wage bullshit anyway but if it's going to put you on a path for a career and looking towards your future and you know if you're i guess you're a marketing major it seems like since you're looking at the marketing department then sometimes you stay the course and it's not specifically about the money because you're looking in the short term and not the long term so like when I was in school I did a whole bunch of this is when at the now internships aren't like you you have to get paid but I could I wasn't getting paid for a lot of the internships I was doing but I did a ton of internships that were in the field that I was studying

and I also I mean for me I did have like an extra job but it wasn't like the fact where I wasn't working full-time at all but I did have like an extra job to like make money but it I mean you're making the amount that I was making at that time so um you have if you want more experience in your specific major and the where you're working now it's going to be better for you then that's where you should stay you shouldn't be looking at the short term of like I'm gonna get more money right now yeah because it's also like not necessary like you've saved up you said like you've saved up a couple of thousand dollars like you are living at home for free for what i'm like assuming like it's not that you are not making ends meet it's just that these other people seemingly are

making more than you and like it's not a need-based thing that you need to make more it's you just you you want to because they when west jet first took flight in 1996 the vibes were a bit different people thought denim on denim was peak fashion inline skates were everywhere and two out of three women rocked the rachel while those things stayed in the 90s one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when west jet welcomes you on board here's to west jetting since 96 travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years are and I most 19 year olds that like I'm like a friend like maybe had a college campus job and then would babysit over the summers but like they were just like students like that's all they did

and I it just so happens that you are with a crowd of people who are like going doing all of this but like that also like i think it's helpful to kind of recognize that like you you can't have everything all at once and you can't do everything all at once and sometimes when people are really excelling in a certain part of their life they haven't historically haven't excelled in a part of their life that you have or at that time they're not excelling in it so sometimes that's like with like relationships or with friendships or sometimes people throw themselves into work because their family life's not doing great like it's there are so many different things that lead people to succeed in one area and i think it's hard when we're not to their level in that area

we assume that like that carries over for the rest of their life and things that like you might have that they don't have they are jealous of and they wish they had but if they have like tens of thousands of dollars saved up they're making 14 an hour which is and then 40 hours a week and then like there's like roughly 52 weeks in a year that's like 29 000 before tax so are they like not paying for anything at all in their life yeah that's the other part that you have to recognize too that sometimes and i've found that like very hard like with other people that i'm like who are much farther like when I think of like much farther along I'm like oh you have had like financial support or you just have had a cushion of like fight like you you got the leg up

like you had that to start so you don't start with debt or you don't start with like this this and this and that's something that like you can't come like it's so hard to compare that because that's like very much out of your control that's like how the circumstances the financial circumstances you were born into. But, um, I think like it would really benefit you to have some, make some friends that don't make you feel inadequate. And maybe that's like an assistant that you work with. Like maybe it's just even like now having this new job, meeting people who are working at the same level as you, and you can kind of like be in the trenches together don't understand that. But yeah, I don't think that there's a need from what you've told us.

I don't think there's a need for you to potentially burn this bridge of a career path that you're really interested in at this specific company to work at a job that pays more when it doesn't seem like you need the money and that money in this current moment is more valuable than that connection and that potential job in the future. Yeah. I mean, I always recommend for people if they can like on like friday nights or something like babysitting doing that kind of stuff if you're looking for if that's a part of it like you're trying to make money but i wouldn't burn no i wouldn't bridge with experience at this place and it also seems like you don't need the extra money either like you're because you said you have money saved so i think it's better

to you for you to focus on school and stay at a job to be on a career path and stop comparing yourselves to others yeah i agree and i think sometimes it's like making friends who are in your same boat it's a lot it's a lot easier to talk about because then sometimes like they're doing all this stuff that's like out of your price range or they're talking about things it's like can just kind of be like annoying icky but when you have other people yeah and if they have this money saved up and they're not buying anything so what does it matter yeah I mean yeah you just have to recognize too that like again they could be lying that is really true they could be lying but yeah also being like 19 and that's it's not like I also just hate this whole hustle culture

thing and it's like sad because we've made not we personally but like college has become so unattainable and like so expensive and such a fucking privilege that like it's not enough like this whole thing i read this article about how um fucked up it is that it's like oh my kid is like they're they have a job all through high school like they're learning the value of a dollar and it's like they're a fucking kid like ideally like you shouldn't have to have a job in high school like you shouldn't have to like financially like everybody should be our government like should be in our country should be supporting people so they can afford to have kids and also so kids can afford to be kids and this whole like hustle culture of like not only are you a student

but you're also and like it seemed like you're like a literal full-time student like you're 19 you're going to graduate in 2023 like you're a full-time student that you are feeling behind because you also aren't have a full-time job and like that whole yeah it's just it's the i think it's that really toxic hustle culture and thinking to be friends with some people who are not not like that yeah i mean you can just enjoy it agree um don't blame them is where a listener will call in with their own advice um on a call that we had on a previous episode so which episode is it from season seven episode 26 and they'll explain hi megan and melissa i am calling for a don't blame them from season seven

episode 26 about the girl who was having a reaction to her partner's like environment um so the same thing was happening to me a couple months ago back in like November and I noticed it was on like my arms and my thighs and like my butt area and so I talked to my boyfriend and I was like hey I've been getting a weird rash like bumps and rashes lately whenever I stay here so I think it might be some of your products you use um and so we made a list of all of the products he uses and i talked to my doctor and what we did was we took a dot of each product and i put it on my arm and tried to see which ones gave me a reaction it turns out it was his laundry detergent so whenever i would sleep on his sheets it was rubbing on my arms and also his beard wash so

whenever he went down on me or like would rub his face on my arm or something and the beard wash was getting on my skin i was getting the reaction so mind you i've been with my boyfriend for a while and he had just changed those things i didn't realize it and he's a guy and he didn't like realize it either but he changed those about the same time i was having the reaction um and he's awesome and he changed it and it was totally fine um but yeah i definitely recommend like talking to him you don't have to make it weird and it's not like you don't have to be like well you're dirty and it's your fault just like hey i've noticed this like if we could like write done the products and obviously talk to your doctor before you do the dot testing thing because

i don't want you to like have like a really bad reaction or something crazy my doctor said it was fine um but yeah so i really hope that helps and i hope you kind of figure it out thanks so much bye guys my vagina just like hurt thinking i mentioned that when we had the original call i think it's just because my vagina is going through such turmoil right now bleeding cramping mm-hmm ouch ouch ouch honestly like i'm not gonna lie i fuck with allergy tests at the doctor like the ones they do on your back when you have all like they like graft your whole back out like feels kind of it's kind of cool well that's because you also like bumps and things i do but it is annoying because you can't see the you can't scratch the ones on your back but it is just

like it's like it's very interesting to see um but yeah you essentially kind of do like your own like dot test with don't do that no no that's what i'm saying but the caller like her doctor advised her to do her own like dot test um with that which makes sense to me that they would probably if there was like a brand new thing that happened in your environment that you would probably like do that because it's not like food related or anything like that agree i just don't want anyone doing it and then no don't do it me knows and we'll be like this is don't blame me holds up in a court of law sorry bitch um but yeah dermatologists love them go to them get the help but i wonder what happened i wonder how how their skin is doing let us know call back let us know

let us know how your rash is um well that is it for our episode hope you all enjoyed well thank you that's it for our episode if you want to call in for an outcome when you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com all the same rules apply that we said at the beginning 18 or over have your parents permission let us know your pronouns write it down practice you only got three minutes with as much detail as possible and we are on patreon if you want to support the show video version of the show we also do live streams twice a month they're really fun it's literally just us all hanging out on zoom um and what what do you want to promote still tiktok tiktok follow

us both on tiktok it's a great time i was hoping we'd have one together today yeah i mean to be fair even if you came and there would be no tiktok i am a mess it it would be act it would be active for you already know what sound i'm using you just need to lie there oh great just like man like what if he rests his arms on his thighs like she's writing but she's writing him yeah but he likes to have his arms pinned down like to his side no no i mean on his side so she's like riding and like the top of his on the top are stuck under it that just seems so sweaty i know you imagine imagine it's like this i would be so i would rather give your arms by your side or like what if he's like in a teeth hands up or down like he's being crucified yeah oh

that's that's that's his fetish that's his kink his crucification kink maybe he should date like a i don't know someone who's into like like witch trials and then they can cause like you know yeah because you have to be on the other side of it like you can have a crucification you know what he would probably work with someone that's like into like bondage where he doesn't have to move oh like a submissive like yeah i mean he seems like he's already a sub he just doesn't have the words to articulate that's what he is yeah that would make sense because i was trying to say what's like what is the mutual kink of like the person who's like into crucifying someone but i feel like you'd have to be like i'd have to be like a witch hunting

king yeah or you know they just like bound your arms in the same way yeah so let him go find um well yeah that's it for the episode we will see you all next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts Edited by Katrina Henning and music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.