Don't Blame Me! - S8E6: I Slept with My Lawyer’s Ex-Husband

Episode Date: July 5, 2021

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: feelings for your friend He makes weird noises during sex Friend throwing a tantrum Moody boyfriend Don't Blame Them: friend lying about getting tested   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME.”   Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. hello everybody welcome back to the podcast if you are watching and i mean you'll probably even be able to tell in just like our spirits so connected physically we're touching hands your hands are really warm that's because they were like oh in your they were not in my cooch or in my pants they were between my thighs which also doesn't sound any better i mean i understand i understand this is our first official podcast where we are back together physically in person back back back again and shady's back slim shady yeah that's him yeah slim shady shady's back back again

slim shady eminem tell your friends yes that is eminem yes he's back yes he's back got it got it got it got it and if you are watching on video um there's just something you might notice or uh or see so yeah gird your loins gird your loins gird your loins and that's the only teaser i think we're gonna get yep if you're on patreon you can see it yeah if you're part of our patreon group where you get to see the live shows you might see it tonight this this will be after oh i forgot we're doing that tonight yeah we're probably only going to be able to do one episode yeah yeah why are we what is wrong with me well we also did have have kind of just also sat here for like 45 minutes and i played you

all of the songs from the playlist songs that excite the white folk and if someone that grew up around the white folk then i knew a lot of them and as a member of the white as a white folk what's a single for folk folk you can still say as a white folk i can why are you saying i'm excited midwestern like folk i don't know folk folk yeah you did it it's a weird thing i don't want to think about it too much folk yeah that's fine nope okay okay no i want to say it again i'm done i'm done i'm done um i didn't really give a full intro this is don't blame me we are an advice podcast and we give you guessed it advice life-changing fantastic amazing wonderful advice you call in leave us a voicemail

and we change your life with one dick joke at a time that's what you know that is the official sound of what a dick that's what a dick makes that's the sound of dick makes um and oh i'm megan you are melissa diamond monts do you have anybody with i was no i was gonna ask what are your sisters middle names megan dion denise formerly mons now mayfield and melanie d'angela formerly mons now watson she messed up the m's whatever wow that's so i'm just because i knew you were all md mdm and i'm like i was trying to figure out with it they were other like stones and i couldn't think of any other ones besides diamonds oh i love it your parents did a good job my mom's a little narcissistic with the last one d'angela oh my god i didn't even think about

it angela i mean yeah i wouldn't there's no way i could do that with megan but like that if it works do it melanie her last child's also middle name is d'angela as well hey continuing on i mean men have ever named their son yeah junior junior junior well if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com record it on your phone and uh for both ways of sending in voicemails or voice memos got to keep it under three minutes we ask that you write it down to prepare what you're going to say and you can time it out make sure you're exactly under three minutes it's really like a long time it's not it's not

hard to stay under not at all gotta be 18 or over have your parents permission and let us know your pronouns what else do we ask that's it that is that that is it yeah write it down in practice that's really what we care about and then you won't forget any important details because we don't need to know if you are a scorpio unless you have so much extra time and most likely we don't really need to know no the fun of it was megan guessing but now people are just telling so it's like whatever and i know nothing about a lot of the other signs i just like care as leo my love of astrology is like myself i know about my sign just because it's straight up me and then yours because of you because i talk about capricorn because of you because you talk about

uh well i guess we can get into the first one it's so exciting to be in person i know i'm just gonna stare at you oh my gosh let's get into the update so i originally called because i had questions on whether or not i should tell my guy best friend that i still had feelings for him um after we took a trip um like a solo trip together um and i listened to the call again before this just to see like what I said and what y'all said and um I ended up like the day that it came out um and I heard the advice I was like okay I gotta I gotta tell him I gotta do it like I'm I'm gonna like blow up my life right now and then my I told my friends about it and they're like okay just like wait it like wait a day see how you feel in the morning like how you feel

about it and so the next day um I still felt the same way I was like I got it I gotta say something So I took the advice of telling him, but also like saying that I was going to take a break from the like relationship. And I really liked that because it made me like, it didn't make me feel as vulnerable. Like it kind of made me feel empowered because I was like, I'm still like in control of this situation. And I don't know what I was expecting, but he took it better than what I was expecting. He was just like, okay, like I understand, you know, stuff like that.

So the update more of that is, um, so we didn't talk for a couple of weeks. Um, and then I like muted him off of social media. Um, I took him off of my private Snapchat story. I deleted our text thread. Like I did everything. And, um, and then he messaged me on the day of my graduation and just said like, congratulations. Like, I'm so proud of you, all that stuff for like graduating. and I was like oh thank you like it was really short conversation um and then I moved so I'm in my own apartment now it looks very cozy so cute thank you thank you um uh yeah in a different completely different state um and I hadn't talked to him since I since he texted me on my graduation and then he randomly like sent me money for coffee like a couple days after I moved and I

texted him I was like what is this for he's like I just wanted to let you know that like I'm so proud of you blah blah blah things like that and so like it's always the conversations that we've had have been really short but he's initiated it so I I guess that means he's not like freaked out by me like I guess having a major crush on me or the crush on him since like I was 19 um but I think now that like I've come away from it and from like the relationship I realized like it was basically all in my head but like I've been there I've been there yeah I still really care for him and I think he's a great friend and I do want to like stay friends with him and I think the one thing that like I romanticized was that I think him as a person is what I would look for in a person as

a relationship but we just like don't click that way which I mean I've had to like come to terms with before and I guess I still like was harboring some of those feelings um but even though like I don't know we're still good friends though I guess because he still talks to me so I guess that's a good sign he's sending you money yeah yeah he sent me money that was so unexpected so I was like I was like what is going on so I texted him he was like I just want to let you know that I'm so proud of you and I was like that's really nice damn were you annoyed at all like when he like because I think you have such a good and it makes sense that like this not that it was like all in your head or whatever but like you we romanticize people and like he's like the

alternate reality version of the person you would want to end up with and so like you kind of just put him in that spot for the time being but do you have like I mean I guess you guys are such good friends you don't have any ick at all now like now that you're gone and separated from the situation like do you have any ick or it's just like oh full friendship no I don't have any ick I think right now I don't have any ache. If I were to like see him in person again, maybe, I don't know. Or I can just be like, I'm just going to keep my distance just so I don't like fall into anything again.

But no, I definitely think that like, I still would like to be good friends with him. And I think we still are good friends. Like he didn't seem to be angry or like wanted to distance himself or whatever. But yeah, I just like, I think it was just, it was just the brain. oh my god what this is a good this is great this is great good result yeah hell yeah did um i have a question though i think you mentioned that when you guys went on the trip you were acting coupley you said that right um what was what did you mean by that it was like i don't know it so i thought about this too because um i think melissa i think you said this it was like if you were to if i were

to switch it out with someone else and go on the trip would it be the same and I feel like for me it would be different like it'd be a completely different trip but for him if he were to switch me out with someone else um it would be like the same thing and it was like we weren't like cuddling or anything but we're always like close like we're because we are we are close so we're always just like you know like close yeah yeah and then like actually no like glances yeah I would die i know i would die i'm happy for you and you have like you know new place like new city like all of that kind of stuff yeah and now like new people to date new crushes oh i love new crushes me too that's so fun and you're like oh butterflies like are they gonna text me like oh

that's the best part yeah i haven't done that in so long so that's that's what you just graduated from college right yeah yeah it's new now you're entering into adulthood crushes oh yeah it's fun i start my job next week so don't crush on anybody at work oh no there's no one too so that's good okay as someone who did that don't do it don't do it it's stressful yeah yeah they're all way older or women so okay perfect absolutely perfect well thank you so much for giving the update um this is great this makes me i feel like we're starting off on such a good foot smiling thank you of course have a fantastic day and thanks for listening to the podcast and everything thank you of course y'all are amazing and i love love that makes us happy

have a good one have a good day bye great update love it absolutely love it did not think it would go this way and then you found out you don't actually like the person that is like that's that's the real shit that is what happens and that is like the big people always talk about like what's the biggest issue of or like the pitfalls of like liking a friend it's actually i don't think it is actually like ruining your friendship if you break up i think the issue is is think not actually like liking them because like it clouds it so fucking much and then you also like i feel like when you like someone a lot and you're trying to hide your feelings you're never your true self around them anyway so you're always like trying to put like your best foot

forth plus trying to flirt but also trying to hide yeah and so you're not going to be yourself as it is so no yeah as somebody who is really only my very all my serious relationships are all with people i was friends with first but like yeah it is like fucking weird but i've you know we've we've all been there where we think we like someone then you tell them she took time which i i think it's smart i think it is too um and you know you're like i actually don't you're just a really good friend yeah and it's probably proximity but thankfully he didn't have feelings for her and then you don't figure out that you don't like them i think he does at that point i don't want to say it i love keeping that too well she's gonna listen to this now and then be like bitches why

didn't you fucking say that to me because she's in such a good place i don't want to yeah the money thing yeah it's the money thing also just popping up and checking in i know and like that also what i was doing going through in my head because i was like i feel like he likes you but at the same time like i'm like would i do that with my would i find it weird if like my guy friends did that or i did that too and i would say no but what's the conversation that's right but like if the conversation wasn't there like i were him i would be like so conscious of everything i'm doing to like not give the wrong idea and so like i'm like so are you trying to give the hint that you're in or you maybe just you aren't thinking about that we'll see we will see but she's moved anyway so

yeah cute apartment too yeah we should have asked for a tour should have asked for her pillows because that couch looked comfortable as fuck oh my and that that the this the the yellowy ones i love i loved them yeah we should have asked i was gonna ask when the plant was real too hi my name is melissa um so i am 24 and i got out of a relationship on literally march 5th 2020 so the timing of that we broke up and then went straight into quarantine and i basically didn't leave my house for a year um so obviously that was a pretty difficult time to be coming out of a breakup because i couldn't just go out and like hook up with other people and get over him whatever so it took a really long time for me to finally get over him and you know I thought

forever like I'm never gonna love anybody else um but then finally like a month and a half two months ago I met this guy on Hinge and he was the first person that I've had any feelings for since my ex like he clicked immediately he's the first person that I could ever like see myself dating again since my ex um and things have been going really well between us we're both vaccinated so you know we've been seeing each other safely etc um and I don't I just have a big crush I like him a lot but I hate the face that he makes when he comes like he looks this he's so evil and mean to say but like I hate the face he makes and the sound he makes when he comes and it makes me like so turned off during sex and I don't know what to do about it because I like

everything about him I really I I like him so much and he's the first person that I felt this way about in such a long time but I really like the sex in the church got me crazy what do I do I mean I candidly I think that you probably don't actually like like him this much like this is like I think this is like an ick and for me when I get an ick I'm out like I don't work through icks but the other thing is maybe maybe it's the more mature thing to work through an ick and you just close your eyes and listen to music that was but I was gonna say you can close your eyes but it's the noises so like have you already i'm taking you haven't got off by this time because i feel like if you've if you've already gotten off then it doesn't matter

what noise oh yeah because you're already done but if he's taking you out of the moment and you can't be like you're completely thrown off and like dried up because of the noises that he's making then that's where the issue comes in i wish we knew the noise in the face because i mean i'm like that's what he's doing he just turns into like land before time like it's because like i will say like i've like hooked up with guys like guys or whatever that like it's fun like i can laugh like not laugh at them but like it doesn't take me out of it or make me like less attracted to them but it's like hot like oh that's a loud noise or that's like a startling but i would have to assume it's really bad because like there's no offense if there's any people with penises watching

um there i don't the spectrum of what it is like it if it's like so insane that like it makes you like so turned off and it's so out of the norm that has to be it has to be awful awful yeah awful awful awful but i just think that i don't know i think maybe you like like him a lot more on paper and in theory than you do like practically and because this to me would ruin all of sex and then you are just friends you know it's coming yeah literally do you know what i mean though like it seems like no i think maybe because you can really like someone like you can like them and then they could be bad at sex you know what i mean or you can like really like someone and they just make weird noises or like you just got

get annoyed because of the way they chew their food but do you still like them you could yeah like is the sex good that's what i wonder that's i think that's a big part of it that we're missing like is it is the sex like good enough that it's worth it and it doesn't seem like it is no and this seems like i get like the you know you get annoyed with your partner like there's certain things or whatever that you're like oh my gosh stop like gross but that's it's not really that early on yeah and like anytime that there's like a big ick really early on to me i'm like this might just be a sign that you're not that into them or like this isn't it and this isn't a like like a character flaw it's literally the definition of an ick like this isn't hi i don't want you to do

this this is like an unhygienic or problematic thing that you're doing it's i don't like the sound the sound that you make when you come or the face that you make the face like i said that's easy i'm picturing it like you gotta you gotta get it uh explained to the podcast so um think of the spongebob face that he does where he's like catching butterflies he's like where like the lips are pursed the tongue is out and curved upwards that's what i'm thinking and you had your head thrown back well yeah or is it weird if he's like i'm just like in different positions maybe he just hits it from the back yeah and you put in

i don't know it's the sex worth of noises in the because you can't change that you cannot say like that's like unless he's like putting on a show you put your hand over his mouth when you know he's gonna come stuff something what if you're really kinky put a ball gag in his mouth and then because i don't know what it could be a gutter like it comes from the back of his throat because then that doesn't help but like if it's something else you know get a little kinky and unless he's doing something real weird with his eyes that makes it kind of imagine it's like the eyes are heavily involved and it's a guttural noise i'm like then you're you gotta put the whole mask on you've seen those like leather masks i die die die die

yeah you just have to decide if this is this is the is the sex worth what's better the sex or you know i mean like everything else yeah you gotta pick and pick and choose because it's but yeah it should be like yeah i don't know like that also like kind of ruins it because like when you get someone off you're like yay great this is hot awesome go me but imagine like the anticipation of like don't do it um but we would love if you could i mean obviously give us an update but if you could specifically maybe slide a photo into our dms of you recreating the face and a voice memo audio message on instagram with uh the noise or sliding to our email anything please let us know we would love to i know what it is and then we can give everybody an update

oh speaking of email this had nothing to do with this call and i haven't told you about this but this girl keeps sending us she has this long story talking about how she likes us whatever i didn't read it because it's like 10 million paragraphs but there's a dick pic in it what and she asked and she sent it twice because i think she thought i didn't see it the first time and i ignored it but she sent the exact same email twice and it's not the dick pic no it's a different but i didn't know there was a dick pic in there and that's not fair that's not fair if dick pics you have to ask when she showed me that weird dick pic that was sent to her she asked me before she sent it i said do you want to see the dick pic and you said i would like to yes you have to ask and like i will

say like on instagram people will see dms like um who respond to my dick pic story instagram um they they filter them so people either say like hey can i like i think i got this similar dick pic or like something like can i send this to to you or it's already automatically censored in there and then you give a warning of hot like open at your own if you want but at the same time that shouldn't be that you gotta yeah you always have to ask no matter what even if it's girl to girl you still need to ask yeah even if we're both going to be shitting on it like yeah not literally shitting on but we're both going to be like fuck this dick pic yeah you gotta so i don't want to i don't care if it's attached to you or not attached to you like we you need some consent

oh gross yeah that is the only other time i've gotten a dick pic besides the time that it happened before was in my email yeah the one with the with the button the gingham button you said it was very artful it was he made a little tent with his shirt right around his penis perfectly it was weird uh well should we uh get on to the next call hi megan and melissa i need to know if i'm the asshole i was on vacation with my best friends who are married in orlando on the day we left orlando as i'm in the middle of trying to load the car so that we could head to my vacation house in pensacola my friend's wife walked off from the car and told me to watch the child, he began screaming. It is important to note she did not ask me to watch him, she just

told me to, and these kids always start screaming the moment she walks off. It is also important to note that these kids do not even listen to their parents. So I waited with the screaming kid trying to keep them calm until she came back, at which point I asked her, why the fuck would you leave me with them? He's your kid. I apologized for this, however, later on, and she threw a fit saying she didn't want to hear it upon arriving to Pensacola she acted like a total bitch about being there and was rude the entire day including screaming about not wanting to be there we stayed one night and she convinced her husband it was time to leave the trip was supposed to last another six days and I am unhappy about how she acted both her ending the trip early and her screaming so I

blocked her on Facebook her husband and I are still talking and he is trying to mend things power she is mad that i blocked her and she feels blameless i feel i may have been more guilty that morning if i should not have kissed at her however i feel that line was crossed when she was rude to me in my own home for an entire day and ended the trip early because she was having a temper tantrum i'd appreciate your guys's thoughts on this thank you goodbye i mean neither of us have kids so i think this is like a weird like yeah i don't i i i mean but i do have nieces and nephews but like you don't you why where did she go was my question yeah and how like and it was both of them it was her and her husband right like where did they go and it doesn't sound like you have kids yeah

and also like the not asking like as somebody who not only babysits but like hey can you watch him for like my nephew like for like i'm gonna be i'm grabbing him from the car or whatever like that or family and they still like ask yeah so i just i mean i would have been annoyed if i were you too and i probably would have like i don't know i think it's also like she put you in a hard position because if you don't have kids or you're not like well like you're not i don't know you're not like close with her kids or whatever that if you they're screaming and fighting like it puts a lot on you to be like what do what do i what am i supposed to do and like it's hard am i making this worse how old are the kids like whatever all of that kind of stuff how many were

there at least two yeah because i would yeah i would have been annoyed and i think snapping like i think it's understandable yeah especially if they're screaming yeah it's just you're not the no you're not the asshole i am just like so confused why that was her reaction do you what i mean yeah it's like you she didn't hire you for your babysitter you were going you guys were going to your vacation house i mean just sounds like she was embarrassed and like decided to be pissed instead of embarrassed i you're i would be pissed i would be so pissed yeah they ruined like did you have to drive then drive back with them or did you get to stay at your vacation house and they went back they went however they went yeah that's so weird to me i don't i mean i think

that like you've said that the her husband is your friend specifically of that and like he's trying to mend it i mean i think that like if she wants to like swallow her pride and like be okay eventually like fine it doesn't sound like you're holding a massive grudge towards her it sounds like yeah she just was like ruined your vacation was like shitty when you were there and so you're like fuck you i don't want to see you on facebook anymore but i mean i think like if i were you i don't think you're the asshole at all but if i were you i would like ask your friend like what's you want to maintain the relationship with him what like what should i yeah are we good right is there anything else i need to do or like we okay from like where this goes forward

weird so weird we are going to take a quick break and we'll be right back all right well we're back so sorry we got a little distracted by my new crush yeah and then it as it does it leaps us into other things that we then have to look up and then suddenly we're looking up joe biden's behind not his ass we're looking at the back of joe biden's head yes all right next call hi so i've been listening i've been listening to your podcast for i think since the beginning and i'm just now calling for the first time so i'm a little nervous um to start i'm 24 i'm a virgo

so i have notes but i also have adhd so buckle up um a little bit of background i just got out of a three-year-long abusive relationship at the beginning of december um so since then i've gotten vaccinated and have been a little bit of a hoe. We love that for me. Also, another, I guess, detail. I used to work at a law office when I was in college, and that kind of comes into play in the story. Basically, like a month and a half ago, I got a DUS. I'd never been in trouble before so i called fed law office um they ended up getting the case dismissed and doing it for me um that was awesome and then fast forward to like last friday i was out at the bar with my friends ended up uh seeing a guy like across the way that i thought was super hot

ended up going up and talking to him uh we talked for like i think like three hours like literally until bar closed. In said conversation, I ended up finding out that he is actually my lawyer's ex-husband. They have a kid together. They're still in contact. They've been divorced for like six years because she actually had an affair with another attorney that I worked for at said law office. Basically, the night ends. I end up hooking up with this guy, and now that i'm sober i'm kind of freaking out um i really don't want her to find out being that she just did me a huge favor um also she knows my dad so uh if she were to find out um that would probably get back to my parents um the guy was 42 and i'm 24 i really don't know

what to do um yeah i'm a little disgusted thanks what does dus stand for oh yeah i was gonna will you look that up driving under suspension so your license has already been suspended for what you're driving why would you get a license suspended because it could have been like you got a ticket and you didn't show up for court it could be a you she could have been driving drunk and then take out her license taken away and she was driving i mean in some states you just go straight to jail at that point i guess what i'm wondering is like how what were they involved the first time that like for the reason why the license was revoked or suspended i don't know but she also intentionally didn't include the story of it because like i

because i'm like if you if she was driving before and was maybe under the influence before and got her license taken away and now she's sober and now she is drinking and then hooking up with this guy and then she gets sober and realizes that she made a mistake i don't i'm just i don't know based on the information maybe you have a yeah substance problem yeah well because i'm gonna say that the decision to hook up with a 42 year old man when you are 24 not only is it just a 40 year old man it's someone who is like not only from like you're like a part of your old workplace but like the people who have just bailed you out of a really shitty situation that to me is like um intentionally bringing chaos into your life it is it's fully self-sabotage not but like your

direct lawyer because she said her lawyer who also knows your dad and then he tried to sympathize with you by telling you that she slept with somebody else i don't buy it even if it happened he didn't have to share it well that he said it to be a predator against you well he said it to get yeah he said it to make it more okay like make it to to sell him to be like oh you should date me it's like the same thing when people who are like in relationship like oh but like we're gonna break up or like my girlfriend's so mean to me or like my boyfriend's so like blah blah blah like they create this window to make you feel morally like oh this is this is okay but all of these things added up to me I'm like this is like a self-inventory time I don't know if you're in

therapy but I would definitely go to therapy I mean I don't know is this lost stuff like is this done like do you still have work to be done they have they have they finished completed doing all of this do what I mean like because my question would then be I think they're probably not done because she said my lawyer like as if this is something that's revolving I don't know because I think that like you it's really 50 50 chance like if this guy is like a piece of shit or not even necessarily like he's just like vindictive which it kind of sounds like he is for saying that stuff about his ex-wife um it sounds there is a high likelihood that he will tell her and you have to decide would it be better coming from you or him and you also don't have to

say anything and then you can hope that he doesn't say something but like you do run the risk of this blowing up in your face and like you did know that going into it and that's why i think that like this is yeah like i said like a self-inventory therapy kind of time because you saw this chaos it was explained to you and you think you walked headfirst into it yeah i would i think i would ignore it unless it came up yeah i mean i think without a doubt if like the case is done you're not working with them anymore i would without a doubt ignore it ignore him yeah you've got to get a new lawyer i think even if the case isn't done yeah maybe because now there's like conflict in there i don't know what if that's a problem but yeah this is because

if she's still if she's still your lawyer and she finds out that this happens is she still i don't know what the type of person that she is but is she still going to be the best person to do the work for you because maybe she's vindictive i don't mean i she i don't know there's a lot of shady lawyers out there so i don't know it's odd and i will also say like not to be on not i don't want to like it sound like i'm downplaying like your worry with this but like i'm so confused why at any point your dad would find out because he's friends with the and that guy would tell him no he's friends with the lady lawyer so like what if if something happens and then yeah she's like your daughter slept with my ex-husband i that would that's insane i would also like if

your dad brought that up to you i would be like this is deaf 100 therapy time because like that is like i mean if your dad her dad might bring it up because he's concerned for her no that's what i'm saying like if if it gets to the point where like people are it is getting back to your i would just assume hopefully that the adults not that you're not an adult but the 40 year old adults in the situation if it ever got back to your like it's not going to be i don't think of it as like a gossipy thing like i can't imagine like a friend gossiping to another maybe but like fuck i think she would say it out of concern yeah because if she's already helped you with the dus was it would be like adam and she probably like i'm guessing since her dad knows the lawyer she

probably like helped her dad probably helped her get the job at the place oh yeah well because then my whole thing that boils down to is your fear of your dad finding out i you're right i don't think the i don't think it would be gossip i think your dad would find out because he'd be concerned like why if you were standing by your decisions and knowing that you were making like good choices like you would not you mean like even if you make something that like your parents don't agree with or whatever but you're like my choice like my whole thing or whatever it sounds like you were are you worried because you think he will be concerned and like something is up or whatever yeah i'm concerned for her me too this is i think you can have the whole phase

but you should be doing it with a sound mind well hoe and hoe safely and this doesn't this is not hoeing safely not even just like physical safety but like for your mental health and all of this stuff like you are picking and choosing a 42 year old man should never be sleeping with 24 year olds that's not on you at all but the thing that made that is concerning to me is that these personal connections there and you knew that they were there and they pose a massive risk so this is yeah this is this is not how like a hoe face goes and you said you like pretty recently december ended the three-year abusive relationship and i don't know if you're in therapy but if this has been sometimes people who like go through like really rough stuff like i

mean i even find that with like things that feel quote-unquote more mundane i'm like i don't my favorite like whatever but we talk about more if you're not talking to your therapist about this if you do have a therapist like you really should because this is not this is not something you should be taking lightly at all because i think that they're you're okaying the whole phase by also drinking on top of it which if you're like she said you need to hold safely and you should be more of a sound mind while doing this and you i don't think that you should like the little alcohol is okay but if you're drunk enough where you're making a decision that you wouldn't have made sober then you need to re-evaluate how you are going through your

hopeless so i think that therapy if you're not already in therapy talking about this three-year long abusive relationship you're in and then other ways that you've been coping since then then these are discussions that you should be having with your therapist yeah because it is not any time that there's like a massive like i mean this is the power dynamic this man should have never slept with you and it's not on it's not on you in that sense but like there is some responsibility there is some again like the self-inventory that it's like you know not to make light of it but like you know in those movies where it's like record scratch how did i end up here and it's like in these situations where um your decision making

is impaired and that can be like alcohol it can be trauma it can just be like a bunch of other things that are like playing a part in all of that and it can just lead to some like this specifically is like a really intentionally risky situation especially with your future and like what this could be and subconsciously i think that you wanted that and maybe subconsciously like you're not doing well and your parents think that you're doing fine like maybe subconsciously you are trying to create some chaos in your life because you don't feel comfortable opening up to people that you're not doing super great and you need i don't i hate to use the term like a cry for help or whatever because that sounds really thought out and intentional but um it could be

an unintentional part yeah like something in in the sense that like you you are not doing great and you don't know how you don't know that and so you're making these decisions that will inevitably cause all of this risk and harm which also is again the cycle of trauma of like putting yourself in things that will inevitably blow up in your face because it's like what you think you deserve or like what you're used all of that kind of stuff but this is like and especially like i cannot stress this enough if the reason why your license was suspended was anything related to uh alcohol or drugs or substance abuse or anything like that you said you were at a bar with a friend tell a friend if you're not comfortable attending like a meeting or having

like like talk to your friends and have them be aware of that kind of thing and even if it's just like mental health wise if you're going through something like make sure that you tell somebody someone that you trust that's going because it could be a friend that also makes bad decisions yeah where was your friend probably making another hooking up with his friend yeah and i'm all for a hoe phase and i will reiterate till the end of time um do not sleep with men twice your age for free like especially if they're connected people that are helping you get out of a law and even then i wouldn't don't even do it for money yeah because that seems illegal well i hope that you are not angry with us

for the tough love yeah i'm just concerned yeah hi guys um i'm calling in because i am currently in a relationship with a guy who is a very, I guess I'm just going to say moody guy. I love him a lot, but I'm a very anxious person, and I'm the kind of person who, if anyone's in a bad mood, I want to try to fix it. And as much fun as I have with this guy most of the time, when he is in a bad mood, I find myself constantly trying to fix it to the point where I am just not being kind to myself about it. And my advice, the advice I need is, is this a relationship that I should just end? Or is this a relationship that I should continue to pursue while working on my own issues with taking his mood swings personally and, I guess, internalizing them to make them about me when it's really nothing to do with me a lot of the time.

So, I don't know. I just need some advice. I'm not sure what to do. I have friends telling me I need to break up with him. they think he's a jerk but i don't think he's a jerk i think he's just moody i don't know i don't know if this is normal or not anyway um i would just love some advice on that thank y'all so much in advance bye until you said your friends think he's a jerk i i think two things can be happening at the same time he can be moody and he can also be a jerk and just because you're

working on your own issues doesn't mean that you need to work on his issues too yeah so mox is a fixer like the definition of a fixer and this is something that like we have we work on all the time in therapy and this is something that we've gotten a lot um better with that like he is someone not in the sense that like it takes on i mean we both are like we both are very i take on other people's moods and I will feel like really want to like cheer them up or whatever but he's specifically like we've talked this before like he's a game plan fix this how can we do this and that and the beginning of this call made me kind of think that that's what this was going to be and I was like well from his side as someone like when I'm in like a bad mood or

I'm feeling shitty like having someone try and fix it isn't helpful to me and can be really frustrating and then I can get irritable with that person but like there is communication there and Like Mott's knows that this is not what I, it's helpful for me. But now that you've said that your friends think he's a jerk and now think, now knowing that your specific word choice with moody makes me think he's an asshole.

Yeah, it makes me think he's an asshole. And I also think that you think because you're in therapy and you're working on yourself that you deserve to be with somebody that isn't great. you know like it's practice like oh great perfect time to practice and also like i'm not great so he doesn't have to be great yeah no that makes sense yeah yeah this is

is this relationship serving you do you enjoy being in the relationship and once you're you've worked through your own issues do you think you're still going to want to be with it and is he actively working on himself yeah because like yeah i guess i think the word choice of moody now that you can be in a bad i wouldn't call someone who's in a bad mood a moody person i also wouldn't call someone who's like depressed moody yeah moody is a temporary state and moody is like it's like what uh like a fucking like disgruntled boomer describes their teenager as as a personal

attack yes like moody moody feels not that i'm saying that like you're doing anything wrong at all but like this might be fucking with your head because like moody does feel personal like moody is kind of like it's like it's like the the like the um more lethargic version of like snappy like yeah it's it does feel like a response and I wonder if you feel like this is something like you said that you I mean you've been working on but this is like a like a problem that you've had and that you're interpreting this as oh this is this is a great practice for me and this is something that I really need to work through and this actually isn't that and he is just a jerk but you're seeing it because you're working on yourself through that like lens so yeah i think

also just because you didn't give us like any details of like the communication you've had with him about this and like conversations makes me think that he is a if your friend if all your friends see it it's for me it's like i'm working on myself so it's okay for him to be like that yeah and unless there's like some serious communication between you and him that you haven't like disclosed in the call i feel like you would have disclosed it if it like was there but if it's like a sulking i'm moody i'm doing my own thing like i don't want to talk about it there's no like boundaries of like hey i'm feeling depressed and like this is like what like i need some space and like blah blah blah if you are able if you are still getting in your head

and being really anxious about like oh is this my fault blah blah it sounds like you're having this entire dialogue with yourself and not him and if he can visibly see that you are like getting anxious or upset or something like that and he's just like okay cool i just don't think he cares yeah yeah does he support you not i'm not talking about like financially i'm just talking about support you as a partner okay now it is time for don't blame them this is where a listener will call in and give their own advice on um a call that we have previously had on episodes and maybe they have personal experience maybe they heard something or thought of something that we didn't or maybe they like us love the sound of their own voice and their own opinions no shame no shame at

all this person gives all the details in their call um then so i'll just play it hi i'm calling in with a don't blame them this is for season eight episode four this is the girl who found out her friend lied about getting covid tested so i'm gonna state this first off i am also non-confrontational unless i need to be and i am the friend that like people send me things to make sure they're not being a bitch so when i say this girl is not your friend she's not your fucking friend. This girl put your health, her health, and the health of all of your other friends in jeopardy. She does not respect you. She does not respect your friends. She does not respect your friendship. If you need to keep this friendship for whatever reason, you still need to tell her

that she fucked up and what she did is not acceptable. I don't care if it's a political issue. This is just basic human respect. If you need to get your other friends that went on the trip to support you do that but you need to fucking tell her and you need to like you need to make her understand that what she did put all of your health in like your lives in jeopardy just because she couldn't be bothered to go get a fucking test it's it's bullshit that's all I have to say on this hope y'all have a great rest of your day bye I love when non-confrontational people like have their thing or the have like the their um their threshold and then they snap i love that shit i do too i think she was spot on with everything she said

and that actually brings me to a review that someone left for us toxic this is in direct response to this call i hate everybody with that name i mean this is public so you can say it so we had i usually do not like to read negative reviews but i think this is called for just because you don't owe being nice to anyone when they're putting your health at risk you don't owe nice to anyone point blank yeah point blank but especially at their point so someone left and i think this is something that we can all like learn from they left a review do you think this is from yeah because we said that i said i don't know how to be nice yeah so you think this

is this one is in response to this call okay so they're saying taking pride in being mean this was i said that in when we did the call so this toxic advice i used to be a huge fan of this podcast but the advice has really taken a turn from what it was it encourages toxic behavior and vilifies the person the caller's story question is centered around sad to hear the host taking pride in being mean and bullying others so when the call came through i had said because the original caller said um i want to still be nice when i confront her and i had said we're not the nice people to be calling i usually have one of my sisters read like emails when i'm supposed to be nice to someone so i feel like this is the direct yeah no you're right you don't

You never, oh, being, this, we didn't give toxic advice. The girl literally put everyone's health in jeopardy. And also, that's not even the caller. No. Like, why, and that's the always thing I'm like, okay, you heard yourself in the caller's friend and you are upset about that because you don't want, when you inevitably have

or will do that to somebody else, you don't, you want to be met with sunshine and rainbows. Like, you don't want that. Yeah, I'm dying. encourages toxic behavior this is not call her daddy no and we're not if someone is putting your health at risk you don't owe them anything you called it and it's not even about calling someone out it's about calling them in yeah you call someone in when they're in the wrong and you're telling them this was wrong you shouldn't have done this period i hate when people police reactions

because i'm like if you wanted to ensure that there was going to be like if you want to be able to control the reaction and make sure there's all pleasantries and all of that stuff then you shouldn't have done that like i'm allowed to react however i choose to this thing that you have done or said or whatever and being like aghast or like oh my gosh too far with the reaction you can't control my reaction but you can control the shit that you do yeah point blank yeah and i mean for the taking pride in being mean and bullying i always get people that's why i had put it in my twitter bio where i said we'll bully you there are there are bullying exists without a doubt as somebody who got bullied and like dropped out of college all of that kind of

stuff there is it reminds me a lot of the cancel culture uh argument or whatever of like bullying again in response to other people's actions and the shit that they've done that it suddenly becomes a personal attack as if what they did was not a personal attack and that shit always pisses me off because i'm like yeah if you're bullying like yeah kicking a kid while they're down doing anything like that but like how you respond and react to someone who's done something problematic or dangerous or fucking hurtful or anything like that that is that is by design not bullying yep yep it doesn't bother it doesn't bother me that's the other thing i'm like i just think that a lot of people think that you especially women think that you have to be nice

to get your point across and you need to be respectful for people even though they disrespected you no i'm like you it's disrespecting yourself if you go there and you take a different attitude than they have you know it it's just it's such a it's so fucked because like it is that person deserves to treat i deserve to be treated like that by this person the person who is like saying some nasty shit or doing some stupid shit getting offended when someone reacts away it's like i can treat you like that but you can't treat me like that and i'm like you created the energy dish it right back right absolutely right back and again yeah i just i hate this whole like i don't know crying bullying and um like all of this kind of shit because like it's if someone does something

fucked up and they and you tell them like tell me what the right way to say it is without backtracking like what do you think it should be or being like well don't stoop i also hate that don't stoop to that person's level and i'm like if you're gonna be an asshole to me i don't have to be an asshole to you if that's not something that serves you or not what makes you feel right situation or it's not how you would want to react like don't censor or like water down your reaction to be more tolerable to them i'm not michelle obama if they go low i'm going to the fucking gutter have you seen that tiktok there's like one guy who says that he was like i'm so sorry michelle obama but when they go low i do not go high i go low i go six feet under i go it was like

all of that was like that is me yeah yeah and that's my prerogative here michelle obama go listen to her podcast with fully which i love her and i listen to her too but like the world needs everyone yeah that's not who i am and also we're like not mean i mean if you ask people who i've been mean to i'm gonna be mean to somebody because they were mean to me yeah i'm not just gonna go out of my way to be mean to someone no unless i was in middle school and that's because i was a cunt but like you've grown up i oh thank god thankfully a lot of therapy but yeah like this yeah i just i mean this get don't even get me started this gets me on the whole gooby humor yeah we got a live show here in a few minutes oh great okay um well speaking of

uh if you want to join our patreon please do we are literally going to hop on our zoom that we have twice a month five dollars here also one dollar video you can pay and see what are what the thing we hinted at the beginning oh with your eyeballs and if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at megampodcast at gmail.com all the same rules regulations and requests apply practice keep it under three minutes 18 over have your parents permission and let us know your pronouns leave us a review anything else you got an update shoot us an email yeah that's it you want to promote anything do i want to promote anything um i've got a book my presets for your

hot summer photos and my youtube channel and my tiktok or my twitter or my insta whatever you want yeah just follow me what about you um go check out the salon with lala milan podcast that i produced we've been on hiatus we just came back from this the previous week but the episode that's out today i was gonna ask super juicy just super juicy i'm excited i'm i can't wait to listen to it um that is it and we will see you all next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts edited by katrina henning and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso