Don't Blame Me! - S8E7: His Ex Is Trying to Sabotage Our Relationship

Episode Date: July 12, 2021

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: the iconic titty slap Wanting to get engaged Family drama Don't Blame Them: he doesn't understand casual sex   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME.”   Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me we are together again in person oh yeah i just touched the inside crease of megan's thigh you know it's the part where if you like you know squish it together some may think it's a fat vagina or i was gonna flat ass yeah it's like i don't have enough um i don't have enough to work with right here to make it look like an ass so it is just kind of looking like i said flat ass a flat ass or like a this is my vagina after like that time i had that allergic reaction yep makes sense that may even thinking about that makes me hurt this is your date this is your weekly reminder to if you have the start of a yeast infection do not use the full strength one day monistat if you're not even fully convinced

you have one you can't actually get ahead of it you will just cause a horrible reaction oh no well this is dumpling we weren't advised podcast are you so happy you stuck around after uh swollen pussy talk i'm what that's a good name for her pussy talk and i'm just thinking of logos yeah you're like are those lip injections or are those pussy lips speaking of i have a meme to show you later remind me terrific love it can't wait don't you love that segue because like it is and it once i show you you'll be like this completely makes sense uh weird advice podcast i'm megan i'm joined by my co-host and producer and the only reason why anything gets done around here melissa hello did you see my to-do list i sent

you today no but i did see you sent me one because we have to do yeah because um because when you hang out with me you every it's like island time like you come on to like you when you come into my home people just forget shit yeah we are an advice podcast how many times i said that about three or four great so glad if you have been here for years and you're like shut the fuck up we know that get through the intro um well if you want to call in someone has said i've seen people say that they discovered us during quarantine so that makes me happy too i want to know how because like we haven't had guests in so long i'm like how'd you discover how'd you find us i love it makes us happy um but we give amazing life-changing life-altering

advice and why are we so qualified is it the countless phds we have is it the fact that we are both fuck so you know how like men can become like you can be like sirs what do we what do like a madam like um dame dame dame i was like what's judy dange got it dame duty we have both been damed knighted i don't know what hold on let's figure it out let's let's make our let's sell our lie a little bit better damehood damehood that's also a good podcast name it is it's a really good podcast name um yeah we give great advice uh it's actually we have no credentials at all what we lack in credentials we make up for in opinions we have opinions about everything including your life and if you want to tell us about your life and get our opinions and get our

advice you can call us at 310-694-0976 leave us a voicemail and then if you are an international listener you can record an audio message and then email it to us at meganpodcast at gmail.com for both of those mediums we uh ask of you to keep it under three minutes because you will in the on the google voice number you'll be cut off um and the voice memo melissa will cut you off and we just won't play it um it just won't get sent to me oh true look at you yeah filter that shit through oh ow hit my elbow i'm like so extra clumsy today she's literally tripped six times ran into the end of this couch hit that she was more concerned about her plant getting tangled into these cords that then her own knee that has already been injured

you hit it twice right yeah it was like lower here but my biggest fear after I hurt my knee was that I was going to get it again on the corner of this marble coffee table you need rounded edges like a toddler I think I do I know you do you know that is true I actually rarely hurt myself when I'm babysitting because everything is childproof oh that's funny um oh we ask that your agent over have your parents permission, let us know your pronouns and all the pronouns, people involved in the story. And speaking of the story, what are you going to tell us? Give us as many details as possible. We really don't need to know what your Zodiac sign is, but we pretty much always, without a doubt, I mean, always, we want to know how old you are,

how old the other people in the story are. If it's about a relationship, how long, how long have you been dating? All of those things give as much detail. And the best advice that we can give you when recording your calls is to practice what you're going to say, write it all down and then you can time yourself make sure you're under three minutes see if there's anything you're forgetting and that's how we get those like perfect clear wonderful calls that get a gold star from melissa and i think you've only had two right yeah i forgot there's been a couple episodes where i when i was reviewing the episode i was like i should have given them one i just forgot so delayed but we're not going to give them to you now but just know just know that the

thought was there just know if you think that you're like damn i can't believe i didn't get a gold star maybe melissa was thinking that you should have later on yeah you have gold you have I was like, never mind. Regret. I was like, post-mortem regret, but I was like, no one died. Like, post-episode, post-edit, post-record, I don't know. Whatever. I took an Adderall that will eventually kick in.

It's going to be a great time. So what's new with you? Absolutely nothing. Except you got your hair done. Oh, yeah. I did get my hair done. If you're watching the video version, it looks so fucking good. Yeah.

like that is amazing like yeah that's great you need a tiktok like that's like a that like you could do that to some like this oh yeah it's so good i'm really happy i love it haven't had it cut in a year and a half because you know the panoramic but um here we are with new hair change your hair change your life that's what they say right is it oh yeah we both changed our hair have we recorded since i changed my hair oh yes yes we did last week when we were supposed to be doing this very episode right now oh yeah yeah yes last friday but you wore it in a ponytail uh-huh and i was disappointed i'm so sorry because i was like megan didn't dress up for me today no but look now that we both get i would just be like you didn't have your hair you're just waiting

for me for a grand reveal to be together oh it's so good because you have a new hairstylist right oh she's great i will say here um if anybody wants to know what i have been up to you should chuckling twitter i haven't been on twitter granted this will come out it probably will still be going on oh god i hope not but probably it's the rest of my life i will never know peace little gooby hammer okay well we're gonna get into our update this is um pretty self-explanatory we just have a caller giving us an update so our update is iconic it was everything that i hoped it would be because she's just so chill about it oh my god like it's exactly the person who i would have assumed this like their attitude like match the call so much and i'm like this

makes sense to me so laid back so chill so so chill about it and this is from a recent call that we all loved this was we were all up in arms in the facebook like this was like a fun one so um i don't want to spoil it let's just roll the tape i was the girl who got her tits left during sex um that's me and so basically um i didn't say anything that's basically the summary i didn't say anything and i just wanted to die laughing and it was dark thank god um you were asking about position okay so imagine are you hiding from yeah that's what yeah that's why i'm hiding imagine me on top it's dark i'm feeling it we're getting you're facing him facing him hands on chest and then he's just

i wanted to die it was the funniest moment of my entire fucking life were the lights on or off ah it was on it would be a problem because also was it was it the like a a nice firm slap was it the wind chimes yeah like like they like jiggled well just one okay so did like one hit the other like was it enough force that it was like a pendulum like yes like those things on the office that's what i'd call it pet no what's a pendulum a pendulum just swings back oh no i'm thinking of that i'm thinking the exact same one we're talking about yeah same thing yeah so that's what happened so that was fucking hilarious and then we were doing it again later i'm not that crazy but

but this time this stuff i was from behind it was from behind and then you guys and then he hid it from behind and i like what i like snorted like like that but then it's and then he goes did you fucking fart and i said yes you'd rather fart than the snort yes and i said oh yeah i did and we haven't talked about it i'm done wait so has it now like this was i mean it was like kind of recently but not like so crazy recently have you this have you had fornication since and have titties been slapped since the second titty slap we have but no tits lap maybe he thinks if he slaps it then you'll fart and he's scared now hey maybe that which kind of works for me a little bit um but it was the fucking funniest thing i've ever experienced i'm dying also like slapping the

titty from behind that is a shot in the fucking like not to be like do you have large large but like does he like i'm gonna say if moths tried to do that like he's got a very small percentage of actually hitting them and like might accidentally like upper hand me in the face yeah no he i mean he has some area to work with like he's got some surface area yeah he's got so it's not like that difficult maybe he was like trying to like i don't even know but he he hit it wow wow he hit it while he was hitting it yeah to be fair though in the original uh episode when you when you when we played your first call i said i couldn't confidently say if i have or have not had my titty slapped and for anyone who doesn't follow our instagram or

miss the post i did text moz in the episode and i was like have you ever slapped my titty during sex and he said yes and i was like so i i guess i've been there too i don't remember but also i would say slapping my slapping some like something like a i'm not gonna like i'm not gonna like talk negatively to my boobs i love my boobs but like i have small breast it's a commitment like he knows it has to be like right there in his face and he knows he's not gonna miss and also like the slap in itself there's if you come with a lot of force like you're probably gonna swing right past it yeah like it might be like oh yeah i feel like it was like a flick i'm sure yeah but like with like large boobs that's like a very different experience yeah yeah it was it was pretty

jolting um it was it was quite fantastic you know i've had a number of sexual partners but this has never been something that i've experienced so that's kind of exciting because you know he's my husband and i definitely didn't lose my virginity to him but i lost my cookie spot for dinner that's so sweet so you should have a cookie cake it's a boob yeah yeah what a good call you do a hand with icing on it yeah that would be hilarious wow i do love the commitment to i would rather fart than have him know that i laughed while he sucked my titties you know it's something to remember and i was like fuck i need to tell someone well thank you thank you like we so greatly appreciate like that was like we were

dying i like so like we i think we have to pause we did we've had to pause and start over we did we were we were like could not speak and we're both doing the lab we're talking to me it was hilarious killed us yeah it killed us so thank you for sharing yeah yes i mean it seems like your husband it seems like you are doing it well you are thank you so much have a great one bye thank you bye we are back fucking fantastic update we'll never not think about this titty slap titty slap titty slap titty slap i wasn't going with that one but it did sound like it though i was switching it up when i got to the fourth you're gonna you throw a remix this is the remix imagine that like anytime

there's a group singing that you just like slide in there everybody goes oh my god we're all singing the same thing this is great and the remix and you just like fucking glee it and throw another song underneath yeah or pitch perfect oh fucking funny well love it love it let us know in the uh comments on our latest instagram if uh thumbs up no let's do it needs to be that open hand one that has like the motion yeah so give us an open hand emoji but the one that has the motion with it so you know it's moving or a closed hand emoji or any other hand emoji if you're like never have my titties slapped should we get into uh the episode look at you and your green drink so revitalize we need a remix of purple drink hi megan and melissa hope you guys

are doing well and staying healthy i need some advice and i'm hoping that megan in particular might be able to relate or help out a bit i am 23 years old my pronouns are she her and i am a virgo sun taurus moon and capricorn rising and i've been dating my boyfriend who is also 23 for almost four years and he is a Scorpio sun also a Taurus moon and a Leo rising. We have pretty much been living together at my parents house since the start of the pandemic when we went into lockdown together but now that regulations are slightly lifted where I live my boyfriend occasionally goes back to stay with his parents for a bit. We are planning on moving out into our own place together hopefully by the end of the year if we can afford it. We have talked about marriage and

getting engaged and we are both completely on the same page. We both wanted to be finished with university, which he is, and I am busy with a postgraduate degree that I will finish at the end of the year, and moved in together before getting engaged. So realistically, I am not expecting him to propose anytime soon. However, we are at the age where a lot of our friends are getting engaged and married, and there is just a lot of external pressure. And I really do want to be engaged to him and marry him. And although logically, I know our timeline makes sense, and we don't need to be engaged to be committed. Emotionally, I just really want to get engaged to him. Anyway, that brings me to the crux of the issue. We are going on a trip, all COVID safe, in a few weeks for our four-year

anniversary. It's a super romantic trip to this secluded cabin and I just can't help but think this would be the perfect occasion for him to propose. Like so perfect that if I were the one proposing, I would probably do it on this trip. And even though I'm trying not to, I can't seem to stop myself from getting my hopes up. But I really don't want to ruin this trip by being disappointed if he doesn't propose so the advice I need is basically how do I not get my hopes up and end up being disappointed I've considered talking to him about it but I don't want to ruin the surprise on the slim chance that he is planning on proposing and I also don't want him to feel like I am pressuring him because I know he will propose when he is ready oh oh oh here's

the thing you're already done goofed because you think it's gonna happen yep not like ever I mean like on this trip and i think that there's like there's like it could possibly happen but i think you're right that you will then ruin the trip by being disappointed if you're not um i mean okay let's talk about it logically uh you don't want to get so after school one and you've got a year left of school so i mean from what you both have said unless you meant that you don't want to get married until then but you'd be okay getting engaged while you're still in school i don't necessarily think that unless you're taking the trip next year it doesn't even seem like that aligns with your original plan yeah i mean i would i'm a fan of always surprised never

disappointed i would just be like i'm not getting engaged on this trip like it's not happening i would like do whatever it means like whatever outfits you're bringing or if you're gonna like do your nails beforehand or what anything like that like correct anyone who says you're getting engaged on this trip and you say no I'm not like just say it over and over and over again and then eventually even if there's still like a part of you that thinks it's going to happen you just gotta make the part of you that thinks it's not going to happen a little bit bigger you know what I mean like but you don't think you should just get her nails done no i'm saying like get your nails done i think she should yeah just in case just in case but

here is the fucking tricky thing and i was just talking to my friend about this who um like basically they thought the exact same thing they were going on a trip and they were going to get like potentially get engaged but um their now husband ended up accidentally butt dialing her mom and telling the entire story of everything no her no her mom ended up dialing my friend so my friend like three days before the trip had the entire proposal and everything spoiled and everything like that what did the mom tell because she was she was telling she was talking to her friend about it and she accidentally butt dialed her daughter oh i thought you were saying the boyfriend accidentally but i didn't say that at first but that's not what i meant

you're not wrong though that's what i said but yeah so and it was like a total like wild thing but even like she was saying before that she was like i had like an i thought it was going to happen. But as soon as I found out for sure that it was going to happen, I realized that like, no matter how much I thought it was going to happen, like there was still an element like of surprise there. And like, I didn't really necessarily think about it. So I think like, I think if you want to be, if you have like a mutual friend or something that like, but here's the other part, like you, either you have two options, either you don't get your hopes up and you really like work on like squashing that or you potentially then have to like find

out if he is and then ruin the surprise I mean I think my biggest advice is that it's going to happen eventually and if it doesn't happen this trip it's going to happen yeah and there's a reason why and like I know that for you you're like this is how I would do it but like you're not marrying yourself you're going to marry him so however he ends up doing it is like how he's comfortable doing and how he really wants to and so I think if you can just relinquish any sort of like oh wow this would be ideal and if he does it there that's because it would also be ideal for him too and like that's the perfect thing and if he doesn't it's because like he has something else in mind which is I think that's like the whole sentiment of it is like that it's someone

who's planning this for you and doing all of that stuff but I will definitely without a doubt say if this if you feel like that if this trip is coming earlier than you've talked about getting engaged and like you've just kind of felt like oh all these people around me are getting engaged and like now i would really want to if you guys haven't had that updated conversation i think you could just take it off the table that it's gonna happen yeah i agree just just don't think it's gonna happen yeah everything megan said i mean that's always what i do for everything i'm like i never get this is never gonna work i do the opposite of manifesting i always have my expectations set very low that way people can't disappoint me or they can

exceed the expectations yep anyone who's like megan that's not the mindset you should be you have not been an actor like you have to you can't go into every writer yeah you you can't go into like especially like any freelance gigs or anything you have to pitch yourself for you can't go in there being like i'm gonna like fuck you rachel hollis any other self-help like that's how you book it no no that's how you become severely severely depressed yeah I'm always like they didn't say no exactly so I'm still in the game yeah you're like well it's fine I'm Megan and Melissa I'm a 26 year old woman and my pronouns are she her I'm calling to see what advice you can give me on a situation that happened eight months ago that I just can't seem to shake I've

been dating my current boyfriend who is 27 for about two and a half years we have a beautiful and balanced relationship about eight months ago in lockdown I was up late and received a message to my work email, which I thought was odd. I opened the email and it read this. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but I've been sleeping with your boyfriend. It's been going on for a while now. I believe you are his girlfriend. I thought you should know because I don't want the guilt of it anymore. I checked to see the email to see who it was sent from and it had a full name of a person. So let's just say it was Allie Smith 808. So I immediately went to my boyfriend's Instagram follower list to look for an Ali Smith and I found one. So I immediately called my boyfriend

to confront him and he denied the accusations. I've been cheated on in the past and I'm very aware of the signs that indicate a cheating partner and I knew he was telling the truth. The real question was, why was this girl sending me this email? Who was this girl? My boyfriend went to undergrad with her and they hadn't seen each other in years. He pulled up her Instagram profile for me to see and we saw that she lived in a completely different part of the country as us and had a boyfriend. It just didn't add up or make sense. I ended up tracing the IP address of where the email was sent from, and the city just so happened to be the same city that my boyfriend's toxic ex-girlfriend from seven years ago lived. Let's call her Sarah. Now, I've never met this

Sarah, but I've heard from countless people that she is essentially the devil. There's no doubt in my mind that it was her. So I wanted so badly to reply to this email, but my boyfriend asked me not to and after some discussion we thought the best power move was to block her off all forms of social media so she would find out when she went to creep us and she would know that we knew so all this to say even though this has happened eight months ago I still have so much anger towards Sarah I can't stop going into my blocked Instagram accounts and creeping her profile and bio which always seem to read be kind to others or spread light and it just drives me nuts the worst part is that this year she just graduated as a physician, a medical doctor, which is a profession to help and care

for people, and every part of me just fantasizes about going on to rate my doctor and leaving her a bad review. I know I should probably forgive her and move on, but the effort that this girl went into trying to sabotage my relationship just irks me to no end. What should I do? Should I contact her? Should I just move on and trust that karma will get her? I don't even know why i'm still hung up about this but i am any advice or options you can provide would be so helpful i'm a libra if that helps and thank you both so much i i i you don't have to forgive her ever yeah i would i would have i would respond with like i know i've watched the videos i've watched the video yeah what does that mean that means that if it would be like i know i've

watched the videos like that she knows that they were cheating quote unquote and she's seen the videos oh my god they get me off that that's i mean that's really the power move yeah i mean i mean you trust your boyfriend and like that's all that matters in the situation i would not have been okay with like that we're just gonna ignore her i wouldn't either because that to me i'm like then my mind goes racing i go why if yeah why like if this is a lie and she didn't actually do this why aren't we can why am i not why aren't we confronting her about this and like that to me i think probably the reason why you still have these hung up feelings is i think 99 of you trust your boyfriend and thinks that like he's truthful and all of that and i think

there's probably like a one percent of you that feels a lot of this hate towards this girl but also she's the only person who could also tell you if it's true i mean like true or not so like it is like this is a stone that has been left unturned and you're just supposed to kind of move on and uh if i were i mean again right off the bat i would have not accepted like that we're just not going to engage with her and like block her. So then she followed, like, cause I understand the thought process. And I think that's like a very mature thing to do. And I'm not saying that my way is more mature. I'm probably saying my way is less mature, but I don't get the same satisfaction of, um, Oh, when she goes to find us and to see that we're all that, that she,

we, she's blocked on everything. I'm like great in theory, but for me personally, I don't get to witness that. And you don't know for sure. Yeah. And I think that like, i think that you i think that's the reason why you're still like hung up on this also because you can't forgive somebody that you don't know 100 sure that they did this right but you don't but you also don't have to forgive her no yeah and so but i think that like without a doubt do not leave any review for her like medical practice no no no that's uncalled for and it's also just like you have like i understand like oh she's supposed to be caring about people and all of that stuff like again you don't have confirmation without a doubt that this

is a person you could then be potentially ruining someone else's professional career and also someone can be a massive cunt and great at their job like also what did she do that was toxic in the past yeah because that could be why he said to not depending on how bad good call how bad it was what did she do in the past yeah but i mean yeah i guess that's a good point because then my follow-up was going to be like i i would reach i would reach out to her but i think it is like having a conversation with your boyfriend like is she like dangerous would it be whatever it is um i think that like messaging her like and like asking about that or like or to also like making a fake instagram account and messaging her and being like hey are you hooking up with

so-and-so yeah but then she'd know it would come from them yeah but then it also is the same kind of thing of like technically she could like yeah that's true you know but i do want to say you have great detective skills what i'm doing the same thing yeah and also i did not know you could um look up ip addresses for emails yeah and then i went into my gmail and so now i have them expanded every single one so thank you for this uh because i read the summary and it just said like something about like son got the ip from the email address and i was like from gmail and then i did it on mine but yeah good to know because i do have a secret email yeah but yeah i also think that like i would urge you um to make sure you have communication with your um boyfriend about

this too because i think like the language and the terms like why am i not over this like have like forgiving all of that kind of stuff like this is not something that you have to deal with like alone at all and even if like he has quelled almost all of your anxieties and worries about this kind of a thing like like you said you've been cheated on before so this is like a triggering sort of instance and it's not something that you need to like get over on your own at all and it is up to your partner whether it's true or not but it is up to your partner um to also be a part of it you don't have to go through all of that alone and then i think if he's like really like not helping you out at all that to me is a little sus it is but yeah it seems like for this you just

want closure just confirmation that she's the one that she did it yeah you want closure and then you want like retaliate like you want to hurt her in the same way but i think you also have to register too that she tried to get if this is her she tried to get to you and it didn't actually work so you don't have to retaliate in any way it worked in it still under your skin but you guys didn't break up yeah and so i think that like it does like any of this kind of like revenge stuff it does like take time just to like get through it but i think the thing that is holding you back is you've never had a conversation with her and i think you it sounds like you've got a really good eye and ear for when someone is being like deceitful and that it might be really helpful

for you to actually talk to her to then know like okay I definitely know she did this or I definitely know that she didn't do this and um yeah I think this is one of those things like you know in those movies where it's like the person dies and they keep coming back and living the same day over and over again like I think the reason why you're not getting you're not like moving on past this is because like there's there's something left you feel like you really need to do um and i don't think you have to get over that feeling like i think you can do that thing that you need to do moving on yeah i would not be i would not be able to rest no stone would go unturned no my therapist said that's one of my biggest issues and she's like megan you constantly

have to you're just constantly surrounded with like all of these stones upside i was like yeah i will will no cannot not i know it's a great thing about me she said sarcastically all right let's take a break well we are back from our break and we're going to get into the rest of the calls Hey guys, so I'm 21 and a Pisces, so I'm a little sensitive. I'm calling to get some insight on what to do or how to process some information that I just learned. As a background, my parents divorced when I was just a baby and they've both been remarried and they have a rough relationship that I've kind of always been in the middle of. My dad ended up remarrying a woman, and she ended up getting pregnant with my little sister, who is now 13. My stepmom ended up passing away from overdose when my sister was four. My dad was kind of a deadbeat, so me and my sister became really close due to me taking on the role of her parent.

I don't really have a strong relationship with her anymore since moving out and going to therapy and realizing that wasn't supposed to be my responsibility. However, I absolutely despise the way that my dad and his new girlfriend treat my sister and the mom over there and he just kind of wants to take her in. That's not really the point. The point is that my mom told me that my dad is not her biological father. Apparently, my dad got a vasectomy when both my parents were still together and my stepmom cheated on my dad and got pregnant.

But she did put my dad's name on the birth certificate and he's been her father her whole life. Even though I'm fully aware that family isn't blood, I think it's information that she should know. However, knowing that she lost her mom at such a young age and then to tell her that her whole life is a lie and we aren't biological siblings and my dad isn't her biological dad would pretty much crush her. He may be an absolute asshole, but him and his side of the family is all she has. I don't think it's my place to be the one to tell her, but I also don't think anyone will if I don't. I don't know what to do. Should I keep this to myself? Should I tell her now?

Should I wait till she's a little bit older to tell her? Should I talk to my dad about it first? I don't know. Also, my dad doesn't know that I know. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. But just remember, I'm a little sensitive, pricey baby. Thank you.

Goodbye. I'll say it again. i really appreciate when you let us know that your son's yeah because i was about to go i know um how does your mom know that he cheated because even if you have a vasectomy you can still like mistakes like it can still happen it's not 100 is your mom just saying that your stepmother cheated because she got pregnant or do your does your mom know for sure yeah how did she come upon this information and you say that they have a really rocky that your parents have a rocky relationship but like at the end of the day it's just no

you shouldn't tell that's not your secret to tell no because i think that like a part of you i think part of the reason why you want to tell is because like you hate him and you want her to have like a better family but or the opportunity to have some like great people in her life but this was nobody and I say this like out of like love um and I don't want to mean this to come across callous at all is because it's not you got you were told this information from your mom you weren't told this information from her biological father who's looking for her and looking to have a relationship with her and that's the big thing that like it's telling her something that is going to yeah shatter her idea of her like nuclear family and opens up all of these

like questions and then also opens up the chance for potentially like horrendous rejection from a parent that she didn't even know that she had also vasectomies are reversal too so like for all your mom knows is they got it reversed yeah and but yeah maybe your dad does know and like it is that is that the case but it's also not yours to tell even if you think nobody is going to tell her um she's 13 she's so young she's dealt with the passing of her she was four when her mom passed like this is not i think like i think it's like i think your intentions are really pure in the sense that like you don't want to keep anything from her but i think there's probably a part of you that kind of wants to give her this like fairy tale family and kind of like

this one's shitty but like you actually have like i talk about all the fucking time that i'm like god i wish i was adopted like i wish i could find out now that like blah blah blah blah but i am i am an adult like and obviously that has not happened to me but like that's something that yeah you don't and it's also not your responsibility or obligation to tell her because you don't know for a fact so what i would do is i would not dig i would not talk to your dad about it i would pretend your mom never told you if she brings it up again you're like i have no idea what you're talking about like i don't believe you like i think that you need to i would ask the mom how she came upon this information you think so yeah i mean i would

just because your mom could just be making assumptions yeah no i agree yeah i just think if you if you just step out of the situation and you just like pretend you never heard that and like be the best like and you also like if you can like reach out and be close to her like you're yeah you're hot like her again like your sister again like i think that's a more impactful thing than telling her this and this is something that like people find this when they do like 23 me or maybe like if it is true your dad has a plan to tell her when she turns like a certain age or like the only i would say the only reason why it would need to come up is if like there's like a medical thing that's the only reason why it should come up yeah because it is true like family

like it's it's not like family is also like who raised you and again like this would be so incredibly different if there was like a parent out there who was trying to find her and wanted a relationship with her because basically what this all this does now is opens up for another deadbeat dad yeah you know like it just opens up for an additional and i don't or maybe the other person doesn't know that's what i mean like i don't think i i if it was a one night they cheated maybe like whatever it is like it's either that person doesn't know and we have no idea if this is something that they would want to like take on um but they might know and they might have had no that it might being a parent might have not been what they wanted to do and

And they are living their life knowing that they have a kid. And I think that this. Your playlist might get you through the workday. But have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree.

You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. It just opens up. And I don't mean this in like a callous way at all. But when you don't have like great family who's like raised you, that can feel like a personal failure.

And she's only 13 and like taking a lot of that burden of feeling like she is a reason or like all of those. She's she's taken on a lot of that kind of stuff. and it's too much to have been taken on for a plate for a 13 year old especially with her mom when she was so young um and obviously you said her dad and your yeah your dad and his new girlfriend don't treat her well and you don't like any of that kind of stuff and it just opens it up for her to feel like somebody else is not going to pick her too and that's way too much and unnecessary and i think if your goal and all of this is to make her feel like seen and loved and have this like potential opportunity for like great family i think you can step up and be in

her life more and be that because you can control that you can't control how her potential biological father is going to react to this news and how he's going to step up to it um and you can control how you are with your and your relationship with her but also if it's going to make you like being around her more is going to make you like feel like more that you should give you the like determination to tell her more than you should back off yeah and it doesn't matter what you think like well i think i would have wanted like no no it's it's she has already dealt with too much for her age and that has not that's no knock on her as a person but like growing up like we can only like we have kitty plates to start and when it gets

overflowed with trauma and just shit that happens and all of that like someone it's it's growing up too fast and growing up too fast catches up to you and it's not like um you're not necessarily adapting and one of my things my therapist told me like being resilient is like a product of trauma like it's not a it's not like a compliment it's an observation when someone's really resilient and we use that as a compliment a lot especially for young women um when in reality we should just be like acknowledging the space that they're in and like the shit that they've gone through and how like you shouldn't have had to grow up so fast you shouldn't have had to be i shouldn't have to give you a compliment like wow can't believe you're still like like trucking on after

all the shit you've been through like look you keep bouncing back up like it's not it's a it's very like this like um girl boss kind of way to like she's a tough cookie that's okay she can handle it yeah no no no and you shouldn't have to and this is you have a unique opportunity to and you're 21 now and you have a unique opportunity to hold this information back from her right again theoretical information we don't even know if it's 100 but you have this power to hold this back and we can't prevent a lot of trauma for other people but this and this opportunity you can and so you're the adult and you you can you can hold on to it and i yeah my biggest advice is just to forget that it ever happened um or yeah i would say forget that ever

happened or take melissa's like and find out if it's true or not but that doesn't change whether i just think that i don't know if your mom's going around gossiping and telling people because it could eventually get back to her but like ask your mom how she came upon this information where she got it from is it just solely based on the fact that your dad had a vasectomy yeah because that's it there he could have asked he could have like she the vasectomy is only like 99 percent effective and then he could have got a reversal which also is very plausible yeah yeah but i i will also say that if your mom is going around telling people and it's going to get back to her it is it is if that is the case then you tell your dad you have to tell like

you have to tell her i will be happy to be there and have that conversation with like be there if you need me to be there um but i honestly i honestly in that kind of thing there's certain things people like oh well it's better if they hear them from you sometimes yes but if you're not positive that information is going to get to them i'm a fan of i'll just lie if you hear it from somebody else and i knew it ahead of time it was a it was an 80 chance you were going to never have to hear this information ever 20 chance that somehow someone else knew and told somebody that was going to get to you, I'm going to bank on the 80%. I would rather that. And in that moment, when that comes, I'll either say, I didn't want to believe this was true. I completely

like, or I'll be like, I had no idea. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think if you can potentially, it's not an inevitable thing to find out. And I think if you can potentially withhold harming someone, especially at this point, you don't have like proof and it's not good news yeah do you i mean but yeah i i think the best thing you can do is do whatever you need to do that can make you feel okay being around her and having a like a good relationship with her without telling her this kind of stuff great but yeah don't tell her all right next call next call hi Megan and Melissa I have been waiting for a chance to call in for years now listening to your podcast so this is exciting but also not exciting because I have an issue

and I need advice so um I am 25 my husband is 31 and I made a mistake when we were dating and engaged um he is really into nipple play and I was really indifferent at the beginning um I didn't mind playing with his nipples it made him come he really loved it and he really liked to play with my nipples which I I mean I was indifferent it was whatever but it got to the point that he just started doing it way too much and um I really really lost interest quickly and I told him that I didn't like it anymore and that it was actually doing the reverse effect and I was getting turned off so he didn't listen to me and that's been the problem he does not listen to me he does it all the freaking time I guess he like took it like a challenge or something like oh she doesn't like

this then let's just bug the shit out of her and keep doing it I'm not kidding you like I almost dread the point when he comes home from work every day because he like goes straight to like oh you look like a snack which is fine but then he goes straight to like trying to pinch my nipples and it pisses me the fuck off and I can't fucking stand it anymore I'm at my wits end like we'll be we'll be having sex or something and I'll be playing with his nipples because he likes it I don't mind doing it but then he reaches down and tries to play with mine and I just instantly go dry like I'm like okay sex is over like I'm not in the mood anymore because you just fucking touched my nipple I told you not to and I don't know what to do anymore like I tried telling him

I've been to the point of tears before where I'm like I don't fucking like it it makes me mad when you do it I it pisses me off it turns me off completely and I I hate it if he doesn't he doesn't get it i don't know why and i don't know what to do like he hasn't said or anything that this is a deal breaker and we've been married for five years now like dude if this was a deal breaker you should have told me before we got engaged i i don't know what to do i love him so much i don't want to end this relationship over something like nipple play but god take a man i mean seriously what what do i do i don't know any advice would be great i would love any advice because i'm not comfortable talking to anyone else about this please help me please

help thank you so much in my notes i just have divorce and all caps underlined i was screaming in my head on top of being very angry because he's doing something sexually uh-huh that you don't want against your will when you've told him to stop and you've cried over it like i've goosebumps like it's this is not the way that you are speaking about it in the sense that like oh i don't want to like over something as like little as nip like that's not a little thing this is not little at all take away and replace any of sort of physical action like he does not have your consent to do this not only does he not have your consent which point blank is enough you have also expressly told him over and over and over again that you do not like this and stop and like the

way that you're like it's like he takes it as like a challenge to keep like that's fucked up that's so that's messed up beyond belief like and then he comes home and that's the first thing that he does how i'm not endorsing violence at all but how the i if some getting in my personal space like doing like it's like if you're um and it's a very different situation but like something that i've always hated since i was a little kid which i'm like i'm not gonna do that with my parents fucking hate when adults would just tickle me and i would be like stop stop stop but like then like i'm gonna kick you and it's just like an automatic reflex kind of reaction and for you to not have those innate physical, like you are, you're shutting down, you're shutting down your

physical reaction that someone does when like someone gets into your personal space and is doing something you don't want to do. Like the reason, and it's because that you have, this is your husband's because you have a relationship with him. If this was a random person or anyone else, like we have those, you know, your doctor kicks your knee, that hits your knee. You have a reflex but you are suppressing that and he's not like he does not respecting your like that's why this is a uh again if you if for you it's easier to take out nipple play yeah put in something else that's like he is he's not listening to me he's he continues to do this physical thing to me that i hate and i've told him and it's like he the way you're describing it's like he gets

enjoyment over the fact that you are not enjoying it which is sadistic right and so fucked and you i think i you know that and it's not about and it always like pains me when we hear people calling about this of being like how do i get through to this person and it's that person is choosing not to like they're choosing they hear you you're not speaking a different language you're not saying it wrong you've blatantly said no that you don't enjoy it and he continues to do it and and he gets off on the fact that he's continuously doing something that does not excite you that you do not want he's forcing you into a sexual a sexual situation that you do not want to be in yeah and i'm sure like if you're calling him out and like he's coercing you to like he's

not doing it and then suddenly you're having sex and then he does like it's it's manipulative it's control like it's getting off on that kind of control of it and like of i will be brought to tears to a frustration because like it's it's appalling to like again like you said be married to someone for five years and have them just not respect your boundaries at all like and again expressly expressed boundaries and it's even more i'm sure it also like as soon as you started expressing it and he kept doing it that seemed even like that feels so much worse because you're like you're you're doing this because you know i'm gonna feel like this in the end and you're okay with that or you like that and that's so fucked so so so fucked um i mean i you're not

So when I say like divorce, like this to me is just a symptom and a sign of someone who does not respect your body autonomy at all. And doesn't respect you at all. And that's like a terrifying partner to have. I think that if you feel like you need, um, I don't know what, like a last ditch effort or for you to feel like you have, again, every stone left unturned, I would schedule a couple's therapy session and I would talk to a therapist about it beforehand and then be like, I'm going to bring my husband in. And like, so it's not the first session you have had an established relate.

you have you have clued the therapist in beforehand um and have that there and if you need that before recognizing that like oh it's not how i'm saying it it's just it's you it's you don't care um and then find a good lawyer and yeah because this is like this is just i'm infuriated i know it's not funny it's not okay and like even the way that you're kind of downplaying like well it's just like like i'm like that to me sounds like nothing he would say like that that's like a justification for any of this and like five years is the way that she was coping with telling us yeah yeah trying to

make light of the situation she said she's never talked to anybody about it before yeah, this is, I also want to say that like, like obviously you need to do what's best for you and like your safety and everything. Um, but for anyone like divorce is not a failure ever at all. And like, if you end up with somebody who does not treat you well, that's not a personal failure. That's not like a lapse in judgment. Like that's, that's not your fault at all. And like a five and five years like no no relationship is wasted time at all but you need to make the actions that are going to protect you like emotionally and physically in the future and be with someone who respects you respects your body autonomy and like knows what the word no means yeah

because i think also if you think and do some inventory about your relationship i think you might notice that like i think it's highly unlikely that this is like an isolated trait um and yeah and if you find that you actually don't really talk to your friends about your relationship a lot i would reflect on like why that is even if it's not this kind of stuff because you can be in like really like toxic bad manipulative relationships and like have no idea but you you compensate for the other person you know oh i'm sorry i know this is like i feel bad too because like when someone's um you know opening up being vulnerable yeah they're trying to make light of the situation because they know yeah oh last thing i will say um you started the

call saying like i fucked up you did not fuck up at all like saying that you were interested in something at the time when you were like exploring yeah seeing if you might be but also like you can be into something for like a week a day a season a couple years the next time you can be into something at the beginning of starting that sets round yeah i don't know how to say it but like and then be like i don't want that anymore think about it like food like sometimes you're in the mood for this sometimes you're not sometimes you're like i'm never gonna eat that again i have no desire to try that i'll try that once and like no i had a phase with this for a couple years and like now i'm not into this anymore like and that's not it's not like uh being attracted i mean i mean

like the sense of like phase of uh sexual yeah sexual sexual things so yeah but i would none of this is on you like you did not invite this in because at one point you were into this like at one point i was again not to trivialize this but like at one point i was into gauchos i don't have to wear gauchos for the rest of my life like at one point we've all done like one point someone has braces you don't have braces for the rest of your life like you didn't invite something in because you were okay with something at a certain point in time and even if for anyone if you like say that you're into something or you like it and like you are not wholeheartedly being truthful any any adjustment or change or feeling like saying that you are not into that later on

is not deceit it is not any it's not your fault at all it's this was my automatic reaction to this this is what i said i've now done some reflecting realize i've not been truthful and so like i don't want to do that anymore i don't consent to that and your partner should without a doubt respect that 100 oh my god i just can't even imagine like the oh my heart breaks like the terror you every time he comes home and like i don't mean to i don't know if this is like making i don't think it is but like the way you're talking about it is someone who is in an abusive relationship I'm terrified for my husband to get home like and doing this kind of stuff like I I think you need to take the the physical act out of this and recognize that like your partner

should never be making you feel like this regardless of what it's over but I do want to like commend you for taking the first step in you know getting help because I'm sure it wasn't this wasn't an easy call to make yeah and you're at your wit's end like we you've said it we can hear it like it's it feels like you feel really powerless and that you've done you've done everything that you can and what sucks is that at this point what you are left with when you have done you've kind of gone through your entire toolbox for this you're left with recognizing like this never was never on you but this there is no doubt now you know like and that's like a really like overwhelming and kind of scary place to be so yeah i would just um in all of this i know you

only told us i would you don't have to get specific with a friend but again because this is like a physical nature and crossing boundaries thing i think it is important to like let one person know who is within closer proximity to you and you don't have to be specific with like what's happening um but i would also say that like there is no reason to feel like like it's trivial or it's like a funny it's not like it's not and i hope that like our reactions have shown you that people who know you in person and have known you for a while like will most like like will have hopefully the same level of like support um through all of this stuff but i'm yeah i'm so fucking sorry all right time for don't point them this is where a caller will um let us know their

own advice based on a call that we previously had so they think we forgot something they heard something we didn't or they just have their own opinions here we go okay i'm going for it don't blame them because this one just pissed me off it's the he doesn't understand casual sex situation from i don't know what episode um so i me and my husband had very different childhood he grew up catholic as hell and i had a hoe face a massive one i have slept with literally 10 times the amount of people he has and again for him it was only people in relationships and for me it was a lot of one night stands at no point ever has he asked about my motivation or why I did that unless it's related to like my mental health at no point ever do we discuss past

sexual experiences unless it is related to what I like or don't like or things that trigger me from bad experiences because it's irrelevant to the relationship unless I bring it up and I want to talk about it then that's fine and even then he's like I really don't care because he doesn't need to because it's irrelevant to the relationship so your boyfriend wanted feeling like he has to understand casual sex to understand you it's utter bullshit he doesn't need to understand casual sex because he's not having it that's not part of your relationship and the fact that you have had a before is not part of your relationship this guy doesn't need to go fuck a random person he needs therapy and if I'm really honest you need to get out because like Megan and Melissa said

he may say it's not but it's a thousand percent coming from a place of judgment and slut-shaming and you don't deserve that that's completely stupid um yeah so get you a man who values you and does not put your, I don't know, the way he sees you has nothing to do with your past sexual experiences because it's so irrelevant. I can't even say it enough. I hope either your relationship worked out,

you're happy, or I hope that you find someone who doesn't make you feel that way. Best of luck. I hope this helped. I know that was a little hard, but I wish you guys the best and love the show. Thank you. bye i love it that's such a good point like he doesn't to understand you better to know you

better he does not need to under like your sexual your past experiences and also he doesn't need to understand casual sex because he's not having casual sex very good points you speak how i wish i spoke i like that energy me too you do speak like that no but she's way more she's way more concise than me she probably she might have written it out though that's true that's true it's true great point great fucking point and this was also the overwhelming response on um was the facebook group or the i think it was facebook or maybe some patreon comments but yeah people were heated about this one because it is it's it's slut shaming and nothing pisses me off more i mean there's a lot of things piss me off i guess i shouldn't rank them um when

um men like code their slut shaming in a way um that it comes from like a place of love or comes from like concern yeah and when it comes from someone that you know because like we're really adept to look out for that kind of stuff in um people we don't know and people we don't trust and then when people we trust do those things it's kind of camouflaged in a different way that it's a lot harder to recognize and it's just fucked so i agree with everything that they said in that wow then we are ending the show on are you gonna go look at comments yeah reviews to see if we can like uplift it a little bit yeah intro was not too long did i read this one i don't think we did i think we just said that yeah intro is not too long don't believe the

haters i definitely didn't read this from mimi raw m-e-m-m-y-r-a-u i can't when you read letters like that they just go in the other i can't visualize that i have to do my voice for i found this podcast over quarantine i've been going back and listening to older episodes since one a week just isn't enough while i enjoy a guess here and there eminem are a duo that can't be beat they're bold unapologetic and even you didn't finish writing the review so stop it wait that is so funny i love it like that yeah don't edit it go just add another one that is funny i love it that makes me so happy i would love to know um maybe you can also let us know in the instagram comments too how you found when you started listening to the podcast how you

found it did you find it through anyone different i've had a couple people i think found it through oh i don't remember but it was one episode specific it was like different guests any of that stuff would love to know or like the episode that made you start listening okay well that's it our episode. I hope you all enjoyed. If you want to call in for an upcoming one, you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976. Forgot to breathe. International listeners, you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com. Again, all the same requests from the start of the show. Keep it under three minutes. Write down everything and practice. Let us know your ages and your pronouns and got to be ancient over. Have your parents permission. Our video version is also available

on patreon if you want to see us see melissa's hot new hair and see me attempt to hide my blue feet in the couch we also would love if you want to support the show you don't have to like watch the video versions only a dollar a month and then we have our five dollar tier where we do zooms like live streams twice a month it is so fun we know so much about everybody's life it's great we have new people joining all the time and we had someone new join when did we do it like two days ago yep two days ago and it was like their first time and they were like this is so much fun this is great so it's so it's such a wonderful community and like so awesome and we love it and uh it also helps us continue to do the show and follow me on instagram youtube twitter

tiktok buy my book my presets and uh what would you like to follow me on instagram twitter i was like into doing tick twitter yeah you can follow me on twitter okay well someone has not been up to date on twitter all week and you're gonna have the like come on ma'am i'm on twitter liking things but like for the stuff that you're doing i have to go through and read deep into threads yeah and i don't have time and also i've probably tweeted 200 times a day so it's been a lot too much it is i just need the cliff notes versions i told you i have a question i know so that's what i'm saying but you know my twitters or when i tweet i'm usually just like saying something to megan i love it though you know you're great on twitter yeah it's just i go through phases

yeah sometimes i'm good on twitter sometimes i'm not one week i was good on tiktok the rest of the time it's yeah it's i feel the same way about tiktok i go through my phases yeah i think maybe i'll pop up a youtube page i would die i just you just don't tell me i just suddenly see what i'm like oh yeah um anything else you have for any of your podcasts uh go check out my business instagram diamond imprint productions hell yeah okay um that is it we will see you all next time we forgot to do any of our soundboard do you want to throw us out no it's just because it was so far do you want me to do one which one well i don't know just pick one okay and with that we will see you next time

Goodbye. That was actually a good one to end on. It was. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system.

This city demands agility, and Optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at CadillacCanada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. Don't Blame Me is a production by me, executive produced by Melissa DeMonts, edited by Katrina Henning, and music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.