Don't Blame Me! - S9E2: My Boyfriend Slept In Bed Naked With His Friend's Sister

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

This week we're giving advice on: Moving on from being dumped A long-distance break up Boyfriend doesn't like you masturbating Found out you boyfriend slept in bed naked with his friend's sister Don't Blame Them - Brother dating your best friend Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me    Subscribe to our new show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-am-i-wrong/id1591757891  Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME.”   Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me starring us we are don't blame me we're an advice podcast where we give you life-changing life-altering amazing wonderful fantastic advice and we're qualified to give you this advice in no way other than the fact that we have decided to fucking do it and you have also decided because you call in yeah this is your fault you fucking listen you fucking called in this show is here because you listen if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast.gmail.com you got to keep it under three minutes we ask that you write everything down that you want to say

you have all the important information we need to know your ages everyone ages involved your pronouns the pronouns of other people in the story got to be 18 or over have your parents permission if you do a wonderful wonderful call you might get a diamond from the diamond herself a nice sparkly diamond sparkly diamond like real housewives which one did they do that uh beverly hills sparkly so that's what we asked for we don't ask for much we do want you to write down and practice what you say yeah that just makes the advice that we give better because we have all the information yeah you don't want us to accidentally think that like you were like a monster yeah do you but please please please please guys please call in please do not dm us

asking for advice i feel like we have to do that every three months i know we get a lot of people dming us please don't dm us please call into the show if you have updates please write in send an email you don't have to dm us to let us know you have an update just dm us everyone's like okay what okay for sure for sure we wish we could insert advice over dms but we can't because that eliminates the entire point of our podcast and our podcast is it is anonymous here's the other thing if you're calling about someone you're like but my friend listens to the podcast you have our permission to lie to them and say that it wasn't about them but at the same time sometimes it's kind of great to be like be good but also there's plenty of ways to disguise your

voice too on the internet on applications and we haven't gotten one of those in a while hello i have a question i am worried my friend and i are fighting you could put it in tiktok you know now it's like rocket voice there's different voices so just put on tiktok yeah don't post the video to tiktok you know save it to your account but you can put type it out if you're writing it down you already have it typed out paste it in there and then just play it there you go i do like the from guardians of the galaxy the rocket boys doing it it's very funny um so what's up with you i got my hair done as you can see and if you're watching you can see and if you followed me on instagram and looked at my stories you would have seen me naked butt ass naked

yesterday do you not see it no is it still up it's probably gone by now well also this is a good time to promo the patreon if you want to see how hot we are and how great melissa's hair looks i never i have taken no nudes in my life except for like stupid ones they're not sexy they're like funny but like i need to take nudes like i need to like i want to look back and be like look at you you hot bitch and we just start doing that i posted and then later isa ray posted a picture of her naked and i was like obviously she wants to be just like me yeah no you're you're an influencer you influenced her she looked at my stories she did she was like i need to go do this and she rips her clothes off and she has yours pulled up on her ipad so she can see a big screen

how do i do this that's so funny so and then also i'm just you know i've been talking about this for weeks i'm excited about people not being able to contact me for three days and so i haven't watched adele's special yet that she did with oprah and so i want to i'm going to take an edible i don't fuck with edibles and i can't smoke because of my lungs i'm too queasy edibles or do not do well with my stomach they had a sale the other day from a company that i like get delivery for for cookies and it was like four dollars for 10 cookies so i have about and you have to do a minimum order oh my god something so i have about a hundred cookies holy fuck but they're you know in plastic bags so oh that's good okay at that time you're solid you can freeze them too probably

I'm probably going to sneak some in my bag and take them to my friends and loved ones. Happy holidays. So I'm going to have an edible, watch Adele's special, also get caught up on Housewives. While I bought a light bright from Target the other day. And for those of you that don't know, light bright is so back in the 90s when I originally had one, it was this big kind of like an old school TV type thing. and you had to put a light bulb in the back oh yeah and it would get really hot but it was like my favorite thing to do because you put like this little piece of paper on a screen and then poke the little they look like christmas light yeah it's like a peg board kind of looking thing you

peg it and it's color coordinated and so this is what and i bought the new version of it which is more just like a flat screen like updated tvs and you don't have to put batteries in the back and they'll light up and so i'm very excited about this i'm excited for you like that is like as soon as you're like i got a light bright i'm like you gotta get high too there's a light bright you're an adult that is so funny well i'm excited for you i still also need to watch adele's special i have not watched it yet we just started i have this issue with tv shows where like i don't like i don't like in general i don't like ending things like i don't like things to end yeah it took me like three years to finish how to get away with murder i still have like orphan black i still

just have the last episode left of that i'm exactly the same way so like i have like the last two or three episodes of criminal minds left like we have the last two episodes of modern family left i like sat on like the final like 50 pages of the last harry potter book for like a week and i was like i don't want to finish it but i wouldn't leave my room because i want someone to spoil it for me like i don't like things ending we basically for brooklyn 99 the final season we restarted the season at the start of the new season because i was like i want to watch all of the other episodes to prepare because it's like a very short,

it's like nine episodes for the final season. So that's what we've been doing. And we've been watching that. Have you started the newest season yet? Yeah. Okay. I thought they did a really good job with Lives Matter. I thought that it was like,

I think I also went into it with a preconceived notion of like seeing everyone talk about it. It kind of felt like a pilot all over to me again. Like the first episode had so much like setting the stage context kind of thing. that it felt a little clunky but then episode two i thought was like great episode three i thought was great i just thought like the first one back like but at the same time i'm like how do you do it to do it in some type of way but they also had to address like covid too so like it just felt

like i know if it was a streaming service they would have done a 45 or an hour episode and they had to fit it all in like a very short time frame when they aired it though they aired both episode one and two together that might have way more sense yes it was aired as one episode way way more sense but i'm like very pleasantly surprised because it's a show about cops and one thing that they've done which i think is like important is like throughout the whole show they have shown and discussed every different kind of policing so like they didn't really have an out not that i would think that they would do this based on like the creators and like just the show and in general but they didn't really have an out for like other policing shows it can be like well we hate like

criminal minds like it's like well like criminal minds hates like cop cops but they're detectives and they're in like a special unit and so they're like seen as like othered and better than them but like for nine nine they've shown like beat cops like detect they've done everything and showed like they don't really have one to be like oh we're better than this kind of thing we're the exception to this so i was interested to see how they were going to handle it because it's a cop show that it's clearly not written by people who are pro policing so i think it's like doing very good now that we're into like more of the episodes i mean i know it's already over but i'm sad for me when i was watching the the last episode i didn't know it was the last episode but when you

watch it you like you'll you'll be like oh this is the end yeah and so it just caught me off guard because I was like I didn't realize how short the season was I was just watching I was like this feels like a finale finale oh it is yeah so I'm liking it that's what we've been doing yeah with Modern Family since that last season they thought the season before was going to be the last season so it's kind of it's very weird drawn out and weird it is I I made mods check like four times in the season before the last i was like are you sure this is not what they thought and then abc was like nope we want one more season yeah and it's like okay let's do it then oh i was gonna ask you one other thing this is so irrelevant would you have sex with p davidson i don't think

so you don't think so no i think it's my right as a woman to have sex with p davidson i think he is an attractive man but if we're going to talk about age gaps oh how old is he he's like 28 eight and Kim Kardashian's 41. It's a big age gap. It is a big age gap. I don't think I want to. He's a homie hopper. He is a homie hopper, but not dating him. Just having sex with him. No, I don't think I'd want to have sex with him. Okay. Well, I have one less person of competition. We do constantly need people that neither of us want to have sex with. I am not sexually attracted to him. Yeah. Fair. He was written by a woman. And like, I just feel like it is my duty. Not even my duty. I think it's my right as a woman is to want to have sex with Pete David.

like he just doesn't look like he smells good to me i don't disagree but that also doesn't turn me off in this rather sleep with timothy chalamet you're pete davidson hitting me here's the thing i can't even find an argument because they are both scrawny white boys in different fonts and one of them just does it and the other one like it is like a visceral reaction that i'm like no no offense timothy chalamet but like no i want my skinny white boys to be like i don't want them to be like artsy and pretentious like no i need like a face tattoo or like a neck tactic i don't want not machine gun kelly so what do i even like i don't know look at us hey look at us well um what a great ketchup hope you all enjoyed that ketchup do you want to hear i really sound like

i was saying ketchup like as in and mustard kits so cats up cats up if you didn't skip ahead and you're not like get to the fucking advice and you like hearing us talk you should go listen to our other podcasts but am i wrong every thursday we talk about who's wrong and who's not but i won't keep promoing that our update didn't show we've been stood up and we are just going to hop into the calls and pew pew pew and we promise updates are coming soon we just have switched it we're now going to be doing updates on weekends because people can't really do it during the week and um we thought we were going to be able to get it today i mean we had two people scheduled and one is understandable yeah the other one i just need you all to read time zones yeah come

on it's hard sometimes i do it too though but it was an email and text it was it was so it's fine we'll talk to them again but um we're gonna get into the calls hi megan and melissa i'm calling after just being dumped by my boyfriend of seven years and kind of wanted to get your advice so So, like I said, she, her pronouns, and him, pronouns for my ex. We were dating for seven years. Now, this morning, he went to work like he usually does. And then, on my way to my work, I received a text message saying how some dude is following me. Some dude on Instagram that apparently he doesn't like.

Now, I'm not following that dude, and he can see that I'm not following that dude. So, I explained that to him. I didn't know he was following me. I'm not following him, but if you'd like for me, I'll blog him, situation dealt with. He continues to be upset and replies, if I want to play these quote-unquote games, then to go ahead. I replied to him, letting him know that I'm not playing any games, and, you know, we're adults here. We'll talk about it when we get home. Well, I'm here for him all day today, and get home, he's not here.

Yeah, so he gets home around 1 a.m. he started packing all his stuff and we get into an argument and pretty much that's how I haven't been there for him and how I haven't been the best partner and pretty much he starts

piling all this stuff on me which by the way what an asshole right anyway part of the story is what do I do how do I get over a breakup of somebody that I've been with for 7 years knowing that I did nothing wrong he literally broke up with me

because of a guy that's following me on instagram and now he took up all the stuff that he has from our home and he left and now he won't talk to me so what should i do should i try to fight for this relationship or just kind of move on thank you so much and i hope you can help bye-bye oh my god i feel so bad okay i this might be a hot take and also feel free to disregard this this is not like helpful for you at all to me this seems like he's done something nefarious and he just broke up with you instead of totally like tell not to like again that is yes i am jumping to conclusions and all of this but like the reaction from the information you gave us the reaction does not warrant the action like the the action does not warrant this reaction and this is seems so wild and definitive

and like dramatic and also like the sheer lack of communication seven years and like you seem so blindsided by it that to me it's like sometimes when people like attack you for doing things it's those the things that they are doing and to me I'm like did you cheat or have you had thoughts of cheating and then you see this you decide to cast you caller in the light that he has put him like what he has done and then retaliates and then like treats this as like an easy way out so he doesn't have to tell you but that's like me jumping to a lot of conclusions but it does not add up agree this seems very out of the blue and he's just using it as an excuse to dip yeah like either things have been piling up and this was just like the last you know thing that broke

or he's done something and using this as his his out but he's placing the blame on you because he's trying to alleviate his own guilt yeah either way no a hundred percent like it could be that he has the feelings he has had has changed and have lost and instead of reconciling with that himself losing feelings for someone doesn't make you a bad person but like a lot of people feel that way and so instead of addressing the guilt that comes with that he's just going to make you the villain and lash out at you but this is about him and like i mean i can't tell you what to do but my opinion yeah don't reconcile with him don't try and kind of like make this work at all because this is not what you do to someone after seven years it's not and like if this is how

someone's going to handle the end of a relationship after all of this time i don't see the point of trying to work through forward with this because that would be coming from you not him being like hey i really want to work through this no that's taking on way too much and i just think you'll end up disappointed again because you're taking the initiative not him but this is like wild and you live together live together it's been seven years that's a lot that's more than mott's and I have been together. It's a lot of time to be invested into the relationship and just leaving over something that is so out of your own control. Somebody following you is not in your control. And then him getting mad about it. So something else was going on. Yeah, something

else is definitely going on. So I don't think you even need to get to the bottom of what was going on. I mean, it's obviously not my life. So I can't tell you because I'm also like, chronically curious whatever the reasoning behind it as much as it feels like it's going to be so instrumental in getting over him it's not like we think we assign a lot of like we talk about closure here a lot but we assign a lot of value in uh knowing all of like said information so then we can process and handle it in a certain way as somebody who's been there in like the i need to know everything in situation and my therapist says that like what i do that is i intellectualize my feeling so i think if I can know everything then I'll know how to feel and she's like well that's not what feeling

is like you just have to fucking feel it like do you feel like sad do you feel happy do you feel angry like you don't need to have a justification or something that's going to change your instinctual reactions to things so I say that you reach out to like a close friend if you have somebody or a family member who you can either stay with or can come stay with you so you don't if you aren't really wanting to have kind of alone time in this place that you have lived together with him, blocking him on everything. And like the biggest advice I can have is like when you're going through something like this is like starting a hobby and like not as like a means of distraction, but as a means of doing something for myself that is only about me that I like,

because I have to decide that I like this thing and that I want to do this thing. It forces you to like prioritize yourself because you're doing something for you. And I think it's an easier way to kind of let those feelings of processing grief and heartbreak come through as opposed to throwing yourself into work where you're essentially performing

and working for somebody else that it can just help you to put yourself first and be a little selfish in all of this. And then I would, yeah, not answer his phone calls if he calls. Like this makes me so mad. you have to deal with being sad confused and mad you know yeah like it's a lot of feelings to process and handle at one time be patient with yourself and knowing that like a heartbreak like

really really really sucks and like it's really hard it's gonna suck for a while and then eventually it's gonna suck a little less and then a little less and a little less and there's no real like formula to that except time and working through it I'm so sorry I'm so mad at him it's like not how you treat people no well once you get reach a certain level of like relationship like you owe me something of all the people in the world that you owe something to like I am one of them and like this is unacceptable yeah and you think that you get to a certain point where like you've kind of dodged it you know I mean yeah you've avoided it was gonna happen later down the road but it's also like they live together is he gone i don't know if you guys

have a mortgage or rent there's just so many like you're still gonna have to be in contact with him at some point i mean i would have a friend facilitate all of that but yeah what did he just leave you high and dry for like finding someone to take who's on the lease right if he's just on the lease then i would just leave and then leave him to deal with like pain whatever hi Megan Melissa I am 22 I use she her pronouns the guy I'm going to be talking about uses he him pronouns so I met this guy when we were both living up in Alaska um and we hooked up it was really good but there weren't feelings there really for me there were some red flags and we like both agreed that we were just like keeping it casual you know and we both left after a month

like of seeing each other but after that we still talked a lot like texting and there were some kind of feelings there developing on my part um we had kind of started joking about him coming to visit and then it got more serious and he ended up coming to visit um and it'd been like I think a month or a month and a half a week is a long time to spend with someone after not knowing them for really all that long there were some things that I really kind of didn't like that itched me a little bit and you know still a fun visit still a fun trip for sure but now it's been a month since then and with nothing like planned and like coming up my like feelings are kind of gone now again there's some things that I'm not a big fan of and I just yeah the feelings are kind of faded

away what I wanted to ask is I don't know like how to end it I haven't ever had to like be the one to like end a situation like this and he still has feelings for me and he like talks about how much he misses me and like stuff like that I never know what to say and then my other problem is I am very much the type of person that likes to cut off contact when I end something or like break up with someone because that's how I get over it and I know that he is not like that and that he's going to want to still talk and stay in touch so I don't know how to like nicely say please never talk to me again because he's like a nice guy and i don't want to hurt his feelings too bad i know it's gonna do it either way but i don't know i just kind of need advice on how to like end this

situation that i've gotten myself into thanks love you guys bye i truly wish it was acceptable to say please never talk to me again why is it not acceptable you know like i mean in every context i wish there was no hard feelings in that you know but you can't control people's feelings no but your feelings here are you don't want to be in association with this you called the perfect yes so i would simply either ghost or say hey i think you're an all right person but you're not somebody that i would like to date and also since this isn't that serious you can send it in a text message i believe oh my god yeah they never even crossed my mind that you would do this on the phone or facetime like this is text yes this is fully a text here's the thing

here's what i would do the nicest way i think to do this in a way that i would do it so it's not like the nicest way that it's nice as i would do is i would initiate a conversation of hey i just wanted to reach out and i just want to be really honest with you you know it was really fun seeing you and like I had fun like in Alaska but I just my feelings have just like changed and I am not interested in pursuing anything with you and I want to be honest with you I don't want to like lead you on and I think that you're great and you're gonna find someone who is like really great for you that's just not me and then if he tries to hang out with you and like be your friend as long as you don't say let's say friends stay friends or he said let's stay friends that's all

you want no but then you are allowed to not respond to anything he says ever again you know what i mean unless there's an assumption created by him or you that like you're gonna maintain a friendship and you're gonna still talk just don't respond and you know i've done this before where it's like i'll just respond to like every three text like third text message or i'll just like like a message but like this is something that like you don't owe him anything yeah once you cut it off just cut it off you know yeah if you think about it this way like when I think about ghosting to like make myself feel better if someone wants to come after me which to be fair I have really no remorse about ghosting like I'm doing what works for me but I am also doing what's

best for you because like here's the thing if I don't like you anymore I'm not going to fake that to you I'm not going to be like me not responding to your text message bitch you you should be happy that I have not refused I mean like it's like if you know that I don't want to spend any time with you then why are you trying to push anything more yeah no it's just like you heard me the first time like this is I don't want to pursue any of this and like gives like that I know better than you like I'm just gonna like stick around and kind of be there I'm like this is like really embarrassing for you like this is really cringy and I just don't want to and like you shouldn't want to hang spend time with me this just feels like you're trying to win or conquer or

like change my mind there's also nothing wrong with if ghosting feels too extreme for you first of all ghost for a week like a trial run just like don't respond if you like response for a week then see how you feel afterwards because usually the guilt is like a 24 hour usually like three hour thing and if you can get past that week you're like i can just never respond again yeah because sometimes it's worse to like keep those like pleasantries and like night like those things i think that's worse as long as you're not mean when you're ghosting how are you being mean if you're not talking to him in the goodbye in the please never talk to me again text yeah you know that's it and you like you're not in a relationship you don't own anything yeah i mean they're long

distance it's literally an alaska hookup and also they mostly text anyway so there is an issue with when you have like a destination dick appointment and then you bring that domestic alaska is part of america i was trying to keep the d's i was trying to keep the d's to keep it down home i don't know but the shine and the shimmer of that kind of faith naturally yeah best of luck let us know how it goes please yeah all right let's take a break okay we are back from our break and we're getting to the rest of the calls hey megan and melissa i was a previous caller from season 6 episode 16 i was the girl whose boyfriend didn't tell her about his past sexual history with his best friend we were both still

together and now both 28 and more than a year into the long distance i mentioned i gave him a past because of the confusion we had in our first few months of dating about whether or not we would stay together when he went to school. She eventually stopped being friends with that girl because I wasn't able to get over the way it made me uncomfortable, but we have had, for the most part, a great relationship since. I'm not calling about a separate issue that has come up that took place during those first confusing months. During that time, he went on a trip with his friends from college to New York City. His friends bought him lots of shots because of an old bet they had and he ended up blacking out and sharing a bed with a different friend that was a girl.

This girl is his best guy friend's sister, and he told me about it the first night he got back. I was pissed that he insisted she was like his sister and has never had any interest. I also asked if he was naked, because he always sleeps naked, and when you're blackout, you'd probably just do what you're used to. He said no, he wasn't, and I struggled with it, but decided it was probably nothing. Fast forward to last week, almost two years later, and those friends are in town, and the girl jokes about them all having seen him naked at some point. He was pretty wild in college, so I was kind of hoping it was then,

but had him ask her later for clarification over text because he said he had no idea when she would have. She responded that it was the weekend in New York City, the night they shared the bed, and that he also tried to have sex with her, but she stalked him by slapping him and telling him to turn over. I could tell as he was reading the text, he was just as shocked and horrified as I was.

She cried and begged for my forgiveness and even said he would stop drinking. He said he would do anything to keep this relationship. I'm struggling because while he kept things for me in the past, I can't say this is a lie because he clearly had no memory of it. I'm also confused because while we had been seeing each other for months, we had not officially decided what we were at this point. I was also supposed to be on that trip and in that bed that canceled last minute. I don't know if I can consider it cheating. They didn't have sex and we weren't sure what we were.

He has changed a lot in the past two years. He doesn't have much contact with these friends and never even really gets drunk. He has not blacked out since. I am heartbroken, but I feel like we've come so far to let something that he wasn't aware he did when he was a different person end it all now. We are also only six months from long distance ending. Should I separate it in my head and try to move on or am I being dumb? I appreciate your advice. I don't think that you're being dumb.

I think you're trying to see the best in the situation because it did happen over two years ago your relationship has been fine ish other than him lying about hooking up with this friend which was before you guys were dating well it wasn't really a lie he just hadn't told you with his friend and also you guys weren't dating at this time I think this is a complicated situation I don't because just before you continue here's the thing he's saying that he didn't know but the second he came home from that trip he told her I got blackout drunk we slept in the same bed and I promise you my clothes were on if this like surprise I had no idea any of this how was he so definite in what he did know to then immediately tell her he was so drunk other people told him

and other people told him what actually happened and then he lied about it to her I mean when he woke up he knew he didn't have clothes on when he came he knew he didn't have clothes on I'm just more so that they weren't dating yeah they weren't dating I mean they were dating but they weren't exclusive at the time I want to know the timeline how this coincided with the other original call about the other girl and also the shock on you on his face it could have been the fact that you were reading the text message at the same time he was and the information was put in a text message not that he was shocked because he didn't know it was happened it was more so he was shocked that now you were seen would actually happen i also just have a very hard time believing

that like this girl would bring it up for the first time ever none of them have ever discussed it they're in front of you if she didn't want you to know i think that's why she brought it up and when you have like a fucking crazy blackout night you wake up naked you're in the bed with your friends like sister but also he did try to hook up with her too that's what i'm saying like pushed him the next day they would all talk about that like that's what you that's what you do and like I just think that like he went out of his way to lie early on about like no she's like my sister like no nothing like that and being like so sure when he didn't have to be because you weren't dating and that to me that's a red flag that it's like I would rather you have like done this and

then just like fully told me absolutely everything because yeah like we weren't dating you actually didn't owe me that like i can make the choice if i want to continue a relationship and like or continue pursuing potential relationship with you or not but if you if we're not even dating and so if we want to get on technicalities technically like that is not cheating but you still feel the need to lie that to me is a big red flag but i do understand the fact that you're saying that this all of these things that you guys have gone through are all from two years ago the thing that also sticks out to me is like him saying like I'll do whatever you want I can stop drinking if you want me to like it's putting a lot of it on you and your responsibility that like you just

tell him what to do and he'll do it versus him taking it upon himself to be like I'm gonna stop drinking and I'm gonna start going to therapy and I'm gonna do all of this stuff because I care about this relationship, not tell me what to do and I will do it. That puts it on you still. And it means that if the relationship fails, it's because you wouldn't tell him, you know what I mean? Like it, it puts onus on you for stuff that's like, well, I'm going to do anything to make it better. You just tell me what it is. And it's like, have you not thought about what you could do? Like, just do it, like do it, be better. So what do you think about them being in six months they're not going to be long distance anymore i don't have good feelings about him

being forthcoming about information that is not that you are directly confronting so if it was me i would be yeah what have you been doing when we have not been together yeah that's my thing is everything that you found out about things that he's done in the past it's been through you coming upon the information and not him being forthcoming so i would definitely ask him like what all have you been doing yeah if he was drinking that much and didn't realize he almost well he tried to sleep with someone he considers to be his sister but then was so definitely sure absolutely nothing happened and he was not naked even though he woke up naked and they've like all definitely talked about it before i think if someone has made such strides

and leaps and bounds on like being a better person and a partner within two years part of that would have been unprompted without you finding out him saying hey i have something to tell you this is what happened this couple years ago and i need to tell you a whole thing i need to do this and even if it's not this situation he's done other shady stupid shit has he come forth and told you stuff within the last couple of years that like he has not been backed in a corner about he has not been confronted about like are there any lies that he has gotten away with that you had no idea about that he has told you. Like, I just think that like his reaction to this and like the crying, it's just like, I'm all for men expressing, expressing their emotions and crying

and all of that stuff. But like, stop, you fucked up. This is what's happened here. You lied. And now I'm comforting you because you had no idea any of this. And like, if you want to talk about having like potentially having a drinking problem, that is a separate conversation. And that's a very valid conversation to have like I understand it I don't drink I am not a good person when I drink like but any stupid shit that I have done while drunk like that is a separate conversation than like lying in a relationship right I think it's manipulative also you've said that like since this has happened he like hasn't drank that much since so it doesn't sound like he got sober it doesn't like I don't know I don't want to say like from how you've been talking about it it seems like

He's he blacked out this one time two years ago. He hasn't blacked out since. It doesn't sound like he has a drinking problem. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, I blacked out one time in my life. Lucky. Yeah.

I mean, I was a heavy drinker, but it was only one time that I was drinking all day and then blacked out. And I will say that while I was blackout drunk, I blatantly lied about a lot of things. Thankfully, my cousin was there with me and he was telling me all this stuff. I was like, none of that actually happened in real life. I don't know where I came up with these ideas, but that's not true. And he was there to protect me, of course. But I know that when you're blackout drunk that like things can happen. But I woke up and I was naked, but I always I am always naked when I go to sleep. so like but i was i fully remember everything from the moment i woke up so the fact that he does not remember or tells you that he doesn't remember what happened the next day when he woke up with no clothes on then that he is blatantly lying to you because it doesn't add up because

he's definitively saying that oh nothing happened i woke up like nothing nothing nothing like this is like and now it's like oh i didn't remember and it's like and it's like if he lied about something like this before you were actually together what has he been lying to you about while you are together yeah so i'd be very cautious and also like was his friend there did his friend know that like he tried to have sex with his sister and then like she slapped him and like was the friend there at dinner again like that's an event like you know when you like party with your friends you go on a trip like shit happens and like that's what you talk about like This is one of those things.

And I think like something that's like really shady that people do is the, I'm gonna be forthcoming about something and not tell you the whole truth to make you feel like I'm being honest with you. But it's not, it's hiding kind of those lies in plain sight. I mean, I think that you should do some digging about what he's been up to

while you have been long distance. I would talk to that girl again who had this interaction with him i would also talk to her in the sense of like that seems like i don't know how she phrased it because it seems like i don't want to say a casual thing but like that's like a very scary situation it might she just rolled over and went to sleep so i feel like this probably wasn't the first time that it happened yeah this to me sounds like if there is a man naked next to me in bed trying to have sex with me like and i am like oh i just rolled over and i was like fuck off and we're still friends i'm still there like yes it makes me

wonder if this is like something that he kind of just does and I think again there's a reason why she brought that conversation up and it was not to protect him and it was not for him was not for like she knew what she was doing and it's because I think she knows that you didn't know it would be water under the bridge if he had been completely like angelic and perfect for the last like time that you have been you what I mean like if this is like way in the past it's like you know what I have no need to bring this thing up she doesn't know what it's what she doesn't know won't hurt her this seems like she needed you to know because something else is happening and it's like oh he has not changed this is the second thing that you found out that he's lied about yeah so and i hope

if you don't take our advice and you are still you don't do the snooping and you want to like move on past this and have a relationship and keep going on the same trajectory that you are do not move in with him when you are done being long distance don't just don't fucking do it yeah You've got six words. Mm-hmm. Oof. I think we should start, like, an agency where we just snoop for people. I would love that.

I would love it, too. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I'm a little newer to podcasts, but I have followed Megan for a while. So when I was looking for something to listen to at work, it was one of those words that I searched for, and I love it. So I'm a 27-year-old female. My pronouns are she, her. my boyfriend is 30 and his pronouns are he him we've been together about seven months and he's like uncomfortable with the idea of me like masturbating like he's seen my toys and said

stuff like well you don't need those anymore because you have me or like at the beginning of our relationship I talked about it and he just like doesn't like it he came over recently and I had left something out and I quickly hid it before he was able to see but like I felt weird and guilty about it i know you guys are like really open about masturbation and i know like megan you're in a relationship and you've like talked about it i just i hope you guys have some kind of advice on this also we have you as a toy during sex one because like i brought it up but it was hard for me to finish because i felt like he was weird about it um and i couldn't like let myself you know he does get me off but mostly by penetration and when he does go down on me

Either I can't finish or it's just, like, different than a toy or when I do it myself. And sometimes I just, like, need that. And I believe it's healthy and, like, perfectly normal. And I don't know if it's just something I need to keep to myself or what I should do, if anything. I can't wait to hear what you guys have to say. Love you. Bye. Also, I'm kind of out of breath because I'm running.

Anyway, thanks. Bye. I can't. This is a 30-year-old man. Does he not masturbate? There's no way he's not masturbating. He has been on this earth for 30 years. Break up with him.

Break up with him. Like, just fuck it. Did he participate in No Nut November? Yeah. Like, has he ever watched porn? There's no way he doesn't masturbate. There's no fucking way. But also, I'm like, you're going to be a 30-year-old who has, like, literally, like, this statement,

like well like you don't need those anymore because now you have what okay we're dating now so chop off your hands like what do you mean like it just makes that so so wildly like naive and like he's viewing masturbation as like the means to an end this is a sex thing you only do this when you're not in a relationship and like you've only been dating for seven months and so like does he think in his world in his mindset that like every time that you are horny or you're in the mood which by the way like you can masturbate for so many different reasons but like have a headache you could just need to want to fall asleep like cramps there's so many reasons but like let's say it's like but purely like horny base does he expect you to like call him like

that he is your sex slave like or just wait till you he gets there no this man is so immature he's so stupid being like uncomfortable and emasculated by a sex toy when you are 30 that is not your fucking problem i mean it's never anyone's problem to like deal with that but like you've already had these conversations with him like you've already been like we're gonna have like use one in the bedroom and you said like you felt uncomfortable and like this is affecting how your relationship with your own pleasure because you now feel guilty when you have done it like no you cut him out and you fucking bounce because like i hate that you've only been seeing this guy for seven months and he is instilled in your head that now oh is it something i should keep to myself and be private

you're 27 years old like you are you own sex toys you like masturbate you have these things that like within seven months as man and this is no discredit to you at all this is like fuck men and how they can make you feel of now you're wondering wow should i not be doing this i feel guilty doing this should i have to should i hide this blah blah blah like you've done all of the hand-holding that you not even need to do but like that you did to like try and get him to be like hello welcome to the 21st century do you know what a clitoris is do you understand any of this and he has just been like nah not about it no goodbye bye we have no time no time this is so not how not to make the whole like not all men argument but like truly like there are like guys that you

were like will literally love the idea of you getting off like in like that whether they're turned on by that where they're just like yes go for it like the the goal or like the norm isn't someone who tolerates it like at all this makes me mad he is 30 years old and like the only time that you're ever like coming is from penetration yeah he's not he's also not good in bed and the audacity to be not good in bed and then not what your partner and masturbate like you said you he doesn't make you come when he goes down on you and like you're better when you're doing like you're getting yourself off maybe he doesn't want you to masturbate because you'll be reminded that he's not good in bed but like if you're not good in bed you should be good with sex toys come on that makes

you good in bed literally penis and thrusting itself doesn't have to be the only thing that makes you good in bed and also like majority of the time if you're coming from penetration that is purely based on angles and it's purely based on you knowing your angles like he's not putting the work in to make you come during penetrative sex unlikely like it's possible like that can't happen but it's so much about the angle that you're having sex but also the angle that your your parts are and like your body is and like where your foot is like i'm over this i'm over i'll drop some articles from bustle into the description but if you want to try to talk it out but no i don't have energy she might be someone who does also don't be nervous no dump

him and buy a new vibrator buy any new toy you want all right it is time for don't blame them this is don't blame them this is where a listener will call in with their own advice so if we talked about something on a previous episode that they have gone through personally they have a friend who went through it personally or they just have some insight that maybe we didn't mention or maybe we did mention they want to reiterate they give their own two cents but this one is from the episode where the caller was upset because her brother and best friend were dating and then they were leaving her out yep hi there megan and melissa i am calling with a don't blame them in response to the latest episode with the girl whose best friend dated her brother and i had a

eerily similar situation a couple years ago so my best friend from high school started dating my brother who had never dated anyone never even showed interest in anyone so panic came out of nowhere and they were absolute polar opposites and she's always been bad news which I told everyone from the beginning shitty person and I'm crazy she ended up cheating on him anyway but I also had moved away from home further than anyone so I was completely out of the loop of anything and everything going on so I had to completely distance myself from both of them I've always been super close with my brother and I was super close with this girl as well and once they started dating it kind of you know so that separation kind of has to be and i found it better to be

out of the loop because trust me even if you want to be involved you don't you'll find out things about either of them that you will make you want to vomit so you'll be fine but one that girl is not your best friend especially if you're having to cry information out of her then she's just in it for him now and now it's not about you and her that should be the priority she's not your best friend and then either have a sit down on his heart to heart with your brother and let him know how you're feeling or just kind of wait for this to fizzle out and if they're both acting incredibly immature like it seems like they are and aren't including you in anything then kind of wait for it all to blow up in their faces because eventually i'm sure it will all right well thank you bye

just that paired with her like very sunny voice i was just like just let it trickle out because it'll blow up in their faces i did a poll on the instagram and um one person was saying that like she is like married to her best friend's brother or something now and again it's great and like a lot of other people were like yeah this has happened like it's been like a friend it is wild how common it is yeah for me like if it's like high school or like in your hometown it seems like that's oh yeah totally like a norm type thing if sydney had a brother well here's issue if sydney had a brother he would be very very short but like we would that always said like we wished that they had a brother so then we could like be related i think it's different when

you're in on it and know that they want to date and you're you might be one pushing for them to date but when they're sneaking in and doing it behind your back that's what makes it worse i would be pissed well that is it for our episode we hope you all enjoyed if you want to go leave review on the podcast app please do get there ahead before rachel does and um you should read oh yeah and while we pull up one to read i will also tell you that we are on patreon we do live streams twice a month really fun literally just like zoom hangouts with your friends it's a great way to make friends or just maintain um some semblance of a social life while being indoors especially during the holiday season if you have to like go home and visit family and stuff

you can be like i have like a work or like a college class that i have to be on zoom for and then we also have all the video versions of the episodes so if you want to watch our reactions you can m&m equals bad asses the s's and s are spelt with dollar signs and this is from the 13 sunflowers idk who let the rachels be so unhinged but these radical liberal ideas are basic human decency m&m give great advice and are hilarious keep it up ladies to all the rachels i hope you stub your toe but really do get vaccinated and find a mf hobby hell yes thank you for that thank you we love it if you're unfamiliar with rachel rachel is a disgruntled listener who likes to come by every other week and leave her specifically unhinged

reviews they're quite a fun time to read but they um we do appreciate when you leave dice reviews because she has made it her personal mission to tank our ratings. So we would love if you left a review if you enjoyed. And we also have another podcast, like I said, But Am I Wrong? That comes out on Thursdays. Really fun.

And if you want to follow us on Instagram, please do. Our Instagram is by Megan and Melissa. We will have it linked down below. You can also vote on the topics that we have for the next But Am I Wrong? episode. And yeah, if you're listening this far in, what should they go comment on the newest instagram post you know that uh that sound that

people use and they'll ask their friend to they'll ask their friends to just send them a picture of them holding a random object yes and then play the sound anything's a vibrator if you believe in it yes so comment um emoji of what you think could be a vibrator that's a great great call and if you're feeling extra creative or you have one that you're like this would be great but there isn't an emoji of it feel free to use a couple emojis to describe what you're trying or you can write it out that's it follow us on socials and uh we will be back on monday anything else you want to say follow me she is not melissa there might be a naked picture man it's a good one you should you should do it i'll probably post it well we will see you all next time goodbye

don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts and diamond and print productions edited by coco lawrence post-production sound by chris henry production assistance by melanie d watson music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso