Don't Blame Me! - Sucky Friends

Episode Date: December 26, 2022

Meghan and Melisa give advice on: Getting more out of a sex buddy If you should use pronouns on social media Failed Friendships Don't Blame Them: Dating a Virgin Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @by.meghan.and.melisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody welcome back to another episode of don't blame me hi how are you who are you who are we who am i what is this are you having an existential crisis um you know i think in order to have an existential crisis you have to have big thoughts and right now I'm in my Joey Tribbiani era I am no thoughts just vibes okay well I'm Melissa Diamond Montz and this is Megan Rinks and we are the host of this here podcast don't blame me we're also hosts of another podcast but am I wrong and we also have two other episodes of our podcast multiverse that come out during the week we are here for you four days a week because five days a week would just be too much yeah missed opportunity because you said that no because you said that you're in your joey

triviani area era and then you said we're here for you i'll be there for you facts i organically like that wasn't even it was like sometimes i love self-references so we were watching friends last night and Mott and I were just dying at Joey and I was like you know every time I re-watch the show I decide who's my favorite character like for that re-watch and right now I'm loving Joey and I literally have a draft saved on Twitter that says I'm in my Joey Tribbiani era and then I just have like a bunch of pictures of him from the show and nobody knows that that was like a reference in this conversation to my tweet that I haven't sent out but for me it was like as the head writer and showrunner of my life i just like gave myself kudos for the referential joke you

lost me somewhere along there but gotcha i don't i don't know if i had anyone there except for me that's how my brain works i'm like it's so hard to get those words out when you're like you should know how perfectly and just organized and just visual and just all that is in my head and then when i try and say the words no thoughts just vibes okay well what is this podcast what do we do here do we give blowjobs do we give but that's not part of the podcast no we that's what we do on our off time there's none of your fucking business what do we give we give advice thoughts opinion sometimes vibes too as you said people can call in to the show at 310-694-0736 0976 bitch i knew it because i never say it no i never say it i'm not i'm not knocking you for

not knowing it i'm knocking me for hearing different numbers and going i don't think that's right it didn't feel right it didn't feel right i was like these last few numbers i don't know what what's coming out that's where i get caught too i'm always like oh i don't know if these are it i think i might have said the number out loud twice on this show so this is the second time i remember the first time and i was so impressed because you did it quicker with more confidence than i have uh as somebody who says it once a week for years well you'll figure it out if you don't information's in the show notes i'm pointing down as if i'm on a youtube video but if you do have the video it is on our patreon which you know if you want to sign up for five dollars

a month you can get this show plus some live streams six dollars a month you can get this show plus our other show but am i wrong and the live strings are one dollar a month and just get this show and what i mean by this show is the video for the show and if i'm pointing down the number and email the number is down there and email address if you're international you know i was gonna say you know oprah was like you get a car you get a car think of us but like instead of giving everyone cars we're not on a prime time budget so we're just giving you free advice she wasn't on a prime time budget either she's on at that time budget yeah she's always daytime she has i mean her budget is exponential but she's a day this is the moment that i have realized

that prime time oh i meant network budget not because i was like prime time i was like not the time of day and then i go no megan you said prime time that is that is the after dinner spot so yes she has a network budget we have a student film budget and indie we have an indie budget and not and that's not a lie a24 is not is not a real indie and also you have something crazy i mean you know this but to the audience a movie that's two million dollars is an indie movie i know that's the part that's so wild that like you could spend lots of money and have it be an indie yeah and if you want us to have a higher budget just know you can go onto patreon and enter in any amount you would like to give us per month and we will happily take it like we thank you we

appreciate it we're we're here for we're here to receive your money if you're you've got money to give to us if you'd like to bless us please what's my mouth i said i was saying bless but i said bless this my mouth malfunctioned on me i thought it was just the video skipping for me and i was like no no again it was like a it was a like jumping over your words but it kind of sounded like bless up i was like yeah bless yeah kind of sounded like that anyways like melissa said we're going to be giving you wonderful amazing life-changing advice and if you're wondering how we are qualified to give you advice because you're not oprah first of all you don't know that second of all because we have been a part of oprah's favorite things for going on 15 years now so if

oprah is a friend of the show and we have oprah's seal of approval imagine we edit on the oprah's pick onto our podcast logo i'm sure there's some trademark thing there but we have to make we'd have to make some we have to make a parody version of it i'm literally writing down fake oprah logo on our podcast yeah i think you should put fake at the bottom of it just to stay protected but oprah's own future favorite if oprah listened she would like it or we do one for gail gail's favorite but we do a g instead of the that'd be pretty oh that's pretty cute that's it it's pretty cute gail so that's all we have to say on that subject so stop asking for our credentials those are protected those are protected by hipaa so like please please stop

i'm obsessed with everybody thinking that everything's a hipaa violation covers everything i can't tell you my vaccination status because that's covered by hip are you a doctor is this your personal information one acronym and then they go i'm i'm i gotta i'm good for now thank you thank you they heard one acronym and they're like that's that's all i need it's all i fucking need being loud and wrong that is that's my culture it is my culture so we're gonna give you wonderful advice so for your calls and for your voice memos international people you have to keep it all under three minutes and the best way to make use of your time is we command demand we pretend there's an invisible us yelling at you saying come on do it write down everything that

you want to say like literally a script then practice a couple times with a timer to make sure you're under those three minutes and include things like your age it's all anonymous we don't need names but if it's about relationships how long you've been together friendships give us all of the relevant information so we can give you the best advice we don't need like a little nitty-gritty of you know and we don't need your zodiac sign like unless you got extra time sure throw it out there but we can give you the best advice when we have the best information that really pertains to the advice that we're giving so yeah i was gonna say if you think somebody's a shitty person please give us specific examples because we can't just judge them based on a

blanket statement yeah anytime it's something like that we've had it in the last like couple of episodes when people be like well you know and then there's like all this other shit i could get into like get into it we yeah we also like we absolutely love when you're like oh i love listening to the podcast forever like this like all you we our egos are fine like you can cut that out if that means that you can give us more like we want the most drama there is don't leave any of that out like give it us all i'm i'm starving i'm so hungry my plate is not full throw some more drama onto it that's what we're here for and read it when you are recording that's like the best way to do it and even as a listener if you listen to a couple episodes you will find that the calls

that you like the most the calls that are like the most like what the fuck this is great this is i'm following so along really well those are the people who write them down and then read them when they record and you can potentially get a diamond from melissa and we have one listener who has been a caller twice and has gotten oh no they have gotten two diamonds for the two times they've called and they got a diamond or whatever you said some diamond dust something adjacent for when we read one of their reviews and you know they feel great about themselves like they love that and that could be you could be you could be you i do want to say i noticed in the last episode it seemed like we were cutting each other off we are recording virtual for the holidays so there's a

delay and when i think and i'm sure megan thinks the same thing that there's a break in conversation it sounds like it on our delayed side but not actually in the recording so please forgive us if we're talking over each other if this was just audio we'd be able to separate it but since there's video we can't do that yeah and as somebody who um does not do well in silences i always am just throwing in another thing here and i end up cutting we end up talking over each other uh a lot so we appreciate the understanding and it can be like the beginning of quarantine people are like oh my gosh like their vibes are weird like are they fighting it's like no no virtual isn't perfect no and we don't fight also we don't fight with each other but we also don't fight with

other we're ghosters if we had we would the podcast would just suddenly end and you'd never hear from us again all right shall we get into the calls we should I think it's a good call hi Megan and Melissa I'm 25 I use he her pronouns and the guy in this call is 30 uses he him pronouns. For a little bit of context, I am an actor, and this summer I had a small role in my first ever feature, which was a huge win for me career-wise, but also it was, like, a great time socially, and I felt really embodied. On the set, it was, like, mostly female, except the cinematographer, basically, and I developed, like, a little crush on him, and all the women on set were, like, vouching for him, and they'd worked for him, so that made me like him more, and I didn't

want to make anything weird, so I, like, waited until the wrap party, but I had been, like, telling all my friends like oh I like really have a crush on this cinematographer he's like so hot and fun and I really want to hook up with him after the wrap party but I wasn't sure if it was going to happen because I wasn't sure if he liked me like that but anyway he was and we hooked up that night and I woke up the next day like truly rejuvenated like the sex was so good in the most like run-of-the-mill way like I don't know how to explain it besides life affirming and like good wet sex as you guys would say like he was a four-play king and I scored it like I never do that so that was crazy but after we hung out we didn't hang out again for like a month and a half

because like one I think we were both busy he was out of town I was out of town and two neither of us were like initiating anything but eventually like I replied to one of his Instagram stories and he was like we should get drinks or whatever and then we hung out and had sex again it was so fun and then again it took another like two months for us to hang out again because of life shit and like we're not really friends so we don't talk often or see each other often so it's not like normal to just be like hey we should hang out or like it to just come up naturally it has to be planned and I think neither of us are really like taking the time to plan shit because it feels like formal dates and stuff you know and the thing is I don't really think I want to be in a relationship

with him because he's like a 30 year old cishet white dude who's like life is so different than mine but I'm in a place in my life where like I don't really want to date anyone and stuff good and every time I hook up with him I'm like okay this is like so fun and I need to be doing more of it but this is coming from a person with low libido too so like it's just I have never had that much fun having sex with someone but I've never really been in this position where I wanted to have sex with someone a lot who like wasn't my friend or person I was dating so yeah I also struggle with initiating conversations like this because i'm afraid of rejection and both of us are kind of avoidant people and i feel like this is exactly the kind of low-stakes sexual relationship

i want right now and i want to just be like hey i really like having sex with you and i want to do it more often if that's like fun for you too but i don't know if i could say that um i'm so anxious right now i'm talking so fast so fucking weird and so new i'd love your advice and like what i should say and also i want to know what sign nuggin thinks i am because i feel like i'm not coming up right now anyway thank you so much love you guys so much bye um i have no idea what sign you are because the only thing i can say is the only guess i have is a leo because this is this is very this is very leo and um mostly because this is this is me i've this is this is why i am so glad that i am no longer single because it is all fun and games to hook up with someone who you

work with on a set because you're like you know not gonna see this person again like it whatever it is town gets really small and it could get really bad like the amount of friends that i have had where they like run into like hair and makeup and was like oh my fucking god like this person i hooked up with is like day playing is like here for one day like what the fuck and you know it's it's all like fun giggles and laughing until like one day it's not a fun giggles and laughing situation like it's actually gets in the way of doing your job or whatever it is this is a hilarious call I knew exactly where you were going when you were like there's one male cinematographer and I'm like yep and we're hooking up at the wrap party like that's just how

it is so I don't think you need to tell him anything like you said that you don't want a relationship and you just want to like enjoy and continue just hooking up you are doing that like that's what's happening right now like so I don't think that you need to to say any of that but if you're if you're trying to like if you're like I feel like we should have a conversation then it might be because you feel like you actually do have started to develop some feelings for him or that you think he might have developed feelings but you brought up your fear of rejection and so like you can't be rejected from something that you're already doing like you're hooking up with him when you both have the time and energy to like reach out and like hook up so that's already

happening you're not going to be rejected from that so I don't want to infer that maybe you do maybe there's a part of you that thinks like you has said that you deal with low libido and you've never had this much fun having sex before maybe there's like a part of you that is like oh this is this is probably what this is supposed to feel like with like your person and so now I need to like get my emotions to catch up with like my body during sex with this, but you don't. But sometimes, and I don't know if I've said this before on the podcast or like something similar along the lines of it is when you have someone who's like fulfilling the role of partner or like fuck buddy or whatever, if you have someone who's, who's scratching that itch,

if you don't let that itch go without being scratched, sometimes you won't look for it other places. And so like before Mott's and I started dating, I wasn't really like dating that much because if I wanted to talk, text someone late at night or talk to someone or flirt with someone, like I could, I would talk to him. And my friends were like, you either need to pursue this or you need to pursue it with somebody else because right now he's playing that role for you. So you don't really have an incentive to seek that out anywhere else. And so I think like if you want this to be like what kickstarts your like hoe era or like your whatever you want it like your kickstarts you having great good wet sex with other people and this new era of your life that's

like i'm all for that but i think you should recognize if you feel like you are investing too much time in someone that you actually don't it's like scratching like 70 of that itch and you know like if if this isn't what you want to spend your time doing with him and you would like to do with other people i think you might want to put him farther on the back burner so you know you are meeting new people and hugging him with other people like that but i don't think there's anything wrong with a with a fuck buddy like this yeah i feel slightly different about this because to me it sounds like that she wants to have him as a fuck buddy but have it more often but she doesn't want to tell, like communicate to him that, you know, I want to do this more often, but she doesn't

want him to think that it's because she's catching feelings for it. So that would make sense. Yeah. So I think, you know, I, in this case, I believe that you should have a conversation with him in the sense of, I like what we're doing. I enjoy hooking up with you. This is the kind of like friendship i would like to have with you i just would like to do it more often not more as in i want to have more with i want to have deeper feelings and explore deeper feelings with you but i want to continue to do exactly what we're doing just more often you want like a a dick appointment on the books like a reoccurring yeah make sense so i do think like you should have a conversation with him and say and say you know just say hey i like hooking up with you this is

fun i'd like to do it more often i like where we are now you know we're good at being friends and that's all i want just more often hell yeah i will say though i would i would know when you're getting into a fuck buddy situation especially one where like we don't have you don't have we don't have co-workers in the same way but like you need to consider him like a co-worker and we always say don't shit where you eat that does change a little bit in the industry because i'm like don't do it when you're fucking filming but yeah which she did she waited till after you totally but just know that like know when to get out because all these people who are like singing his praises and like all of that like love him all of that kind of stuff like you want to

eventually when you end the fuck buddy relationship end it on a note that doesn't make your future jobs uncomfortable or make his future jobs uncomfortable so if it like starts getting sticky or if it starts like someone starts having like more feelings than the other person you you have to treat this like i don't know maybe like a a co-worker who is in a different works on the other coast but comes back like you have to treat it as a relationship that like you're going to have to inevitably you know see and be around this person and have lots of mutual people and you don't want that feeling where you're looking at a call sheet every time you get one and going i please please don't see the name please don't see the same please don't see this

name and you know i have one name that i'm like oh god please no that would just be bad and then i have another name that it's like hey um can't can't we need to we can't be there at the same time this is this is this is not this is not it like there's a like you know so you can't always live as much in the in the moment like you have to think about it pragmatically which you know if the sex is good keep doing it as long as it's good and you're having a good time agree see this is the other if you're afraid of rejection there's also part of me that i'm just like i would just start hitting him up more and seeing if he wants to like hook up because i would rather that rejection if he's like not into it than me being like i'd like to hook up more he's

like i'd like to have sex less i'd be like yeah i think going off of that i think maybe instead of let's go out and get drinks you cut that part out of it yeah or send a like send like a sexy pic because that feels like like if you go out and get drinks before that feels like you're dating and if that's not what you want then don't do that and that's just like foreplay with like no clit action like you know if let's let's get to the if we're just trying to cut to the end let's utilize our time we're both busy adults let's do that like maybe send a sexy pic and you know that's actually a good call if you if you if you instigate making it more fuck buddy-y and less of like the song and dance of like oh drinks maybe dinner and then ending up

in that place, then I think that you might not even need to have that conversation. It just naturally happens that way. All right. Next call. Hi, Megan and Melissa. This is Jay. I am 34 and I'm non-binary, born in a female body. So my question is actually about the use of pronouns in social media. I have really complicated feelings about social media as I'm a white person and I used to be a model so a lot of people have followed me and kind of like in an objectifying way and I feel very uncomfortable with being objectified and sexualized against my consent so that's been a lot of my experience. Secondly after I learned more about Black Lives Matter and issues about race and class, I realized, and in privilege,

I realized how unhelpful it was for me to present myself on social media. And then thirdly, when I came out as non-binary, even to close friends or family, I had really challenging responses, a lot of pushback, a lot of people just, like, not understanding. And that's okay with me, but I don't have a pronoun preference. I'm good with he, she, they, kind of whatever. And yet, when I say I don't have a pronoun preference, a lot of people call me it and say, like, I don't know what to say about you and this or that, which is a little bit confusing to me because to me, it feels like I'm including whatever personal pronouns you

prefer to call me. Like, basically, you can't do wrong as long as you use a personal pronoun. So just due to my experiences in those circumstances, I really not wanted to include pronouns on my social media feed because they're now like standard and none of them really apply to me. And I've also taken away my pronoun preferences or lack thereof in my school and work environment because I'm scared of how people will respond. So just curious how you feel about that. And if you think that it's better to be vocal and just kind of deal with whatever happens so that I can stand strongly for others, or whether it's okay that I don't come forward about it, even though that makes me seem like maybe I'm not being helpful to other people. So thank you. your pronouns are your pronouns and you can do with them what you want. You don't have to be out here fighting other people's fights if that's not what you want. This is personal. It's about you. I mean, how we feel about it. I mean, we, you know, used to require people after we started

having people use pronouns, asking them to use them, we would say, definitely include your pronouns and now we're like because we realize that you know there are people like you over corrected yeah we over corrected there are people like you that exist and don't care like use your share our pronouns i mean share your pronouns if you want to but you don't have to that's not for us to say and we were wrong and we know that we were wrong and again like this is this is you this is about what you want and if people can't respect that that's on them and anyone who refers to you as it is someone who didn't respect you point blank and like whether that's that they didn't respect you prior to knowing that you were non-binary with no personal pronoun preference

or that they didn't respect you because they're bigots because of that like that's not and i'm someone who is, you know, not great at spelling, not the most great, not the greatest at quickly calling to memory things I learned in English class, but people know what pronouns are. And in turn, if you care about someone and you have, you're confused when someone says that they have no personal pronoun preference, a person who respects you and cares about you and a good person would be like again if they didn't totally understand what that means they would be like oh could you explain that a little bit more i'm i am a little confused do you mean that you don't want me to use any of x like he she they pronouns or is there a different one you

would prefer me to use or do you mean that you're okay with all of these within that like i as someone who is like a cis woman like i can't say that all questions come in good faith and all of them should be entertained the same but never in my life have I had any interactions with someone who has a different experience with their body with gender with pronouns with sexuality with race with anything who's ever been upset that I asked a question and maybe I didn't phrase a question great and I would hope in those situations and there's times where I haven't phrased questions well, and people will correct me on that instance, but never have I had an instance where someone's been like, I wish, I wish you didn't ask that. Like, I wish you would just,

you know, continue. I would, I wish you would just made an executive decision to offend me and be offensive. And so you on the other side of that, like what I, what we're both describing is not it's not hard what we've done like it's bare minimum baseline and you have dealt with like traumatic responses from people and of like it's dehumanizing and that was intentional on their end that's not an accident like that's not something that you would do accidentally and again if you care about someone you're going to do your research before you talk because you want to make sure you're not doing something like that or you're going to have a big precursor whatever it is but like people get upset when you call babies it people are upset when you get

called when you call dogs it like that is that is like a no that is that was an obvious thing and so I think even taking all of that away like Melissa said like your pronouns and your preference like that's it's literally whatever you want you don't you don't have to be a voice you don't have to be an advocate you also we've said this before you don't have to be an advocate for a group that you are a part of like you can just exist you can just exist and you don't need to deal with the potential repercussions in your school or work life or on social media to be like a face or a voice of any sort of group with whatever like you just you don't have to do that like that's not that's not like paying your dues at all like you've you've been you've had shitty

fucking things that have happened with this and like that's not something that you have to take it you don't have to be a poster child for anything yeah like it already you've already to deal with that and like you can draw a line in the sand of being like yeah i'm not dealing with that anymore and like that doesn't mean you're being deceptive that doesn't mean that like you're not giving people the opportunity to show you that they can like respect you like you're allowed to have been burned and then have and have that effect and change how you interact to other people to prevent you from getting hurt again even if none of those other people you're having interactions with would hurt you you're allowed to withhold information or withhold

sharing things with people until you know that you're going to be supported that's like I wouldn't be offended if someone did that to me at all I would not like I would never be offended even if it was like a close friend and they were like I just wanted to like you know have a conversation with you later and like suss out whatever more i would i would never i wouldn't be hurt i would be like that's that like i i'm i'm happy for whatever i can do for you and whatever vessel but you also like you started on modeling and you have being objectified and all of that shit like no like you had bad responses from friends and family i don't think anybody would assume that that would make you want to be even more vocal about that on social media it's like strangers you don't know

so you just do you yeah you know and when I see someone who doesn't have pronouns in like their social media or whatever that like whatever I don't automatically assume that that person is like oh that person doesn't believe in pronouns quote unquote you know the the fox news thing where it's like dare you to make a sentence of that one like I that's not the assumption that I have I think like like Melissa said I think we overcorrected in ours and I do think that social media and cultures are shifting in that sense as well that I don't think I think now we're starting to see there are people who don't have pronouns for in their bios for safety there are like all of these different things and I think there's been a little bit more of

a shift here I would hope because I think that especially on social media the demanding of people to tell strangers what their pronouns are what their sexual orientation is all of these different things I think that we kind of hit a peak with problematic nature of that in the last like probably two years or something and I hope and I think but again that's not my community to know for sure. But as someone who, you know, how we of course corrected in our own podcast, I hope that people are starting to, it's starting to level out in the sense of when we expect people to disclose everything. And then when we first expect everyone like, don't ask, don't tell, this is so taboo. And then it becomes, oh, everyone needs to tell us everything and owe us

everything absolutely has to do it there's no one has to do anything yeah it feels like acceptance at gunpoint like it's like threatening except like we're like i we're really inclusive we accept you but i need to know where to put you i need to know what box to put you in and do all of this other stuff like that's that's so much more about people who are consuming you whether friends family people who follow you versus you like so protect your peace fuck anyone who claims that they don't know what to uh what pronouns to use for you besides it yeah you have my permission to um slap them in the air you have my permission to haunt them all right we're gonna take a break now

We're back from our break. Next call. Yay. Dear Megan and Melissa, I'm a 22-year-old tourist, she, her, who just graduated from undergrad in the spring. I went to school about two hours from my house at a small school and lived off campus in the city nearby starting sophomore year. I was able to make friends, but like many, my college experience was interrupted. When I returned in the fall of 2021, the beginning of my senior year, everything was different. All the friends I had made bonded throughout the pandemic because they stayed on campus while I stayed with my parents for financial and safety reasons.

I tried to hang out with them throughout my time there, but plans would always fall through, mostly because they did not respond to my texts when they were going and just went without me. This actually happened the night before graduation, and I was devastated. I was all ready to go, and I was actually waiting for a reply when I saw that they were. already hanging out after watching somebody's story and I just felt so stupid. It made me realize that I had failed to make real friends during my four years there. That was really hard for me because not only did I feel like I was robbed of a true college experience that I really craved but I had nothing to show for my four years other than a piece of paper. To give context my parents are really controlling to the point of having an 8 30 curfew every night. Needless to

say I don't have many friends other than my boyfriend of five years and my best friend of 10 years who is off at vet school. So not being able to have that and seeing all of them posting stories and having a great time together, even now, it's kind of painful to see. I guess what I'm looking for advice-wise is how do I not feel like this and how can I make adult friends? I think I should also mention that I am a nanny in online grad school, so there's no hope of making friends there, but I do live near a big city, so there's that. So any advice that you could provide as far as the shows would be great i think that is awful like those people are assholes no that like and that's no fault of yours like that's not like oh i failed to make true friends

like you had it's hard to look at like friends that friendships that end badly or were you like burned in the end it's hard to look at it it's easy to look at an absolute and i don't know if you have like good memories of them from like the beginning of school and like that's but like if it was me I would rewrite as much of it as you can as to oh yeah I had a couple of these friends freshman year and then they ceased to exist afterwards with that because the circumstances like I don't want you to think that your picker is off or like you picked bad people like I think like covid brought out the worst in people i think there are some people who already sucked and i think it made it worse i think there are some people who if covid never happened that

they their lives would be pretty different now like i think there are some people who the only way that they were going to become this person is if they dealt with a fucking pandemic like that's just like really all there is to it and I don't think this is a like a you a you problem at all like you have so much to show for like just having a piece of paper and looking at that like but you're telling me like you have a best friend you've had of 10 years and a boyfriend you've had for I think you said five and you graduated college and you're doing online grad school and you're a nanny like you have so much to show for your life like that you're you've done amazing things you have you've got a you've got a lot and you don't have those friends those people

because those people suck they they just fucking sucked and if they did invite you out that night for grad school like they still would have sucked like their behavior they would have been shitty and I think like it's really hard as someone who also had a really shitty college experience I didn't even make it out with a little piece of paper I had a hard time making good friends as an adult or like a like a late teen early 20s and the best thing I ever did was realize that like my friendships don't have to look how everybody else's look and not everybody can say that they've had friends that they've had since they were like, I've had friends since I was in diapers and I've had the same, like I've had these people in my life for so long. And a lot of the people

who I was, you know, felt burned by as friendships in my adult life, they didn't have those relationships. And so we all have, we all have different things and we all have different things at different times. And I realized that I couldn't have, I couldn't have everything without giving up things in my life like if I wanted to have all of these like fantastic college friends and all that then I might not have been able to maintain a long-distance friendship with childhood friends like there's always this kind of give and take that happens and it's really easy to look at what you don't have versus what you do have and I found it a lot easier to make adult friends when I wasn't trying to kind of just check off a box and make adult friends it was when I was

you know i i was i wasn't trying to impress people i was hanging i was doing things that i liked and i was being myself in those instances and i was gravitated towards other people who were also being themselves in those instances but the times where i felt like i was trying to complete a mission and befriend people like befriend people around my own age and do all of that stuff like that's when i was going to fucking like one oak on the weekends with girls like i don't even know their fucking names and the friends that i've made as an adult like you lily jesse cammy other cammy like like anyone like kyle all of these other people i'm like i'm like saying all the names of people who like i wouldn't feel weird like you know saying their names on a podcast but

you know all of these different adult friends those are the ones that i had and i made those friendships organically and everyone else who, where I tried to, where I tried to do it for the sake of doing it, I don't talk to those people anymore. And it's kind of like furnishing a house or building a closet. Like it's a little bit at a time and it's gradual and that can feel hard because it doesn't look like how everybody else's looks like with these large friend groups and you know big birthday dinners with like 30 people and all of that stuff like but some people collect friends and some people like you collect friends that are going to be there for a really long time and other people they cycle through friends and not one is better than the other

but if you're a collector not a cycler focus on that strength yeah i think freshman year is a time where everybody is just kind of friends with everybody because you're excited to not be at home anymore. You're just more open to making friends. You're around a lot more people where it's not, it's, it's friendship more by proximity because you're like mostly friends with people in your dorm. And I think once you would have become, once you got further into your sophomore year, if you would have still been on campus, I don't think you would have stayed friends with these people. You would have, like for me, when I started freshman year, I was in every club. I was, you know, making friends with everybody in my hall. I was going to every

possible party that I could, like, I was just like out here. But then sophomore year, I got more focused into joining things because I actually was interested in it. So I, my friends became a smaller group. I still, it was still a pretty big group, but my friendship was more of a smaller group of specific people that I actually had the most in common with because these were people that were interested in the same things that I was interested in. So I just want you to think about it. Like I, like you wouldn't have continued to be friends with these people because they suck. Like they probably like, oh, she, she feels like, you know, she's better than us because she left and whatever but I and I don't want you to also think that you were only you only left

with a piece of paper you left with an education an education that got you into grad school you wouldn't be in grad school if you hadn't finished school and like Megan said you've got other you've got a best friend you've got a boyfriend how to make adult friends we've talked about this numerous times. But find like with your grad program, see if I don't know if it's like a grad program that isn't local to where you live, but see if there's like special interest groups or people that are similar. Look on LinkedIn to see people that are in a similar profession that you want to be in. People have meetups and hangouts all the time. So see if there's meetups you can go to because if there are people that are interested in the same thing that you're

studying or they have a degree in that then those might be your people those would have been the people that were in the clubs that you were in that you would have been in if you were in college go see if there's alumni meetups for your school join special interests i mean we've talked about all this before but like the things that you're interested in there's like clubs and things for the same things that you would have been into in college, just like the out of college version of it. So seek those things out. Look for it. Look on Facebook. Look on and look and see. You said you're near a big city. Bumble has like a BFF feature where you can find friends. And I know a few people that have actually had a lot of success with that. Just look into things that

you're actually interested in and go join it. Go make a hobby out of it and you'll find friends. you'll meet people yeah like you don't it doesn't seem like you have a ton of free time so spend your free time doing something that you like and you enjoy and if friends come from there like that's that's great but friends aren't like an assignment in that way that like don't strain yourself like and and push yourself and put grad school on the back burner and put all this like it's too much pressure on you and it's too much pressure on other people and they're not friendships aren't going to organically form like that's just not what it's going to be and like i'm very anti pity date i'm also very anti friend pity date like i think that you should pursue friendships

with people because you really like them as people you're really interested in getting to know them as people not because oh well i don't have any good friends here so like i might as well like okay whatever like it's just not you're wasting both of your time it's not fair to both of you there and I've said it a thousand times but it is far more lonely it's far worse to have shitty friends than to be alone like it's it's just point blank and this is a time where I definitely felt the absolute most pressure to like have friends and it's also okay if sometimes you need to like mute people on social media who do have friend groups and friend circles in a social life that you don't have at this point and you might have that eventually or it might not be in

the cards for you because that's not how you like interacting with people and that's okay if you need to mute that like that's that's absolutely fine and just knowing that you don't need to have all of these different friendships sometimes you can also get really good quality friend time by scheduling a facetime date with your best friend like i don't want you to then put that friendship on the back burner while you're pursuing other friendships trying to kind of get that friendship social interaction part of your life like part of your week checked off because trying to make friends and like reach out to people that doesn't fill you up the same way like quality time with people you care about does so value that versus value that with anyone with

like a cousin a family member a co-worker uh whatever like value positive social interaction time because it's going to make you more inclined to seek out other interactions like that or just have an eye for that when you see someone in passing you meet someone in passing you join a new hobby it'll it'll build up your confidence in in that versus putting so much pressure on every interaction to result in like a lifelong friendship right truly fuck those people and melissa's right like literally nobody is fresh freshman year to senior year like that's the i remember when like i was friends with seniors and they would tell me who they hung out with their freshman year i was like what like it was yeah all right next call hi megan and melissa

i am 22 years old and use she her pronouns i am calling because i don't think i've ever had an orgasm it's not that i haven't tried i have used penny vibrators and have been masturbating for a long time. I do feel like when I do feel something, there is some buildup, but not a lot. Once I get to that peak point, it just goes away quickly. Sometimes it just feels like too much and it isn't like a whole body thing. I don't know if that is an orgasm or not. If it is an orgasm, I feel like it might either be just a small one or it's just that there might just be to hype around orgasms, for lack of a better word. If that's possible. If it's not an orgasm, sorry, I don't know what else to try to get one. The closest that I've gotten has always been by

myself. I've had a few partners, but they don't come close to getting me to that point, even if they go down. At this point, I'm just very frustrated and don't know what else to do. I've tried masturbating while tipsy or high, because I heard that helps, and it did a little bit, but it still didn't happen. I watch porn and read erotica and still nothing. I even listened to the How Come podcast to see if I could learn anything that helped. I've even considered going to a sex therapist, but I just haven't had the means to do that without my parents finding out. So my question is to you, what does an orgasm feel like? What else do you think I could do to each one. Do you think there's a possibility of there being a lot of hype around orgasms?

I will say I've had some anxiety around STIs because of a past experience with a partner and a bit of religious guilt, but I have worked on these issues in therapy. I hope you can help. I love the podcast and if it helps, I'm a Libra. So thanks. Bye. i was waiting for the last part and then you hit us with a double whammy anxiety around stis and religious guilt i don't i don't know how to explain what it feels like i just think the first time that i had it you know if you have one you'll know you know like i just feel like the first times i was going i'm also like i hope my parents don't hear me talking big a's just at the door ear to the door yeah just about all the whole family is stacked heads

on heads on heads so i'm gonna be talking in code okay okay love it so if you're listening now you can listen in code too yes uh-huh so the the first few times i was working towards it when I felt it getting close, I got scared and stopped. Cause I was like, what is the next thing? Like I was freaked out by what the thing was. And then like, I would say like, I was there for like a year where I was just getting really close and would be afraid to go over the threshold. And then the one time that I just kept going and I got there, it, it felt kind of, it feels like a rush like a high like and the thing is every time sometimes they feel the same sometimes they don't sometimes it's like to the point where everything's shaking sometimes it's just a little you know a

softer one that's gonna put me to sleep sometimes it's like so much that i want more it's just like there's no way to really say it and for everybody it feels different too and then you know the the fear and the guilt i would say because of the fear do it more with yourself which you said you've been doing but also how are you doing it because some people their hands fine i can't get off that way i have to use uh it's just it's so much work so you know using a helper that buzzes um things like that so and also with those you're going to get a different result and it takes like trial and error to see what you actually like sometimes things are too much sometimes they're not enough sometimes even the sound can make you not into it anymore like you have to find what works for you

your environment can also make it make a difference i mean there's been times when i've literally woken up in the middle of night can't go back to sleep so I'll do it just to go back to sleep like what are you trying to achieve like there are things that you have to think about but also not think about and when you haven't crossed that threshold then it's really hard to know until you keep doing it and then also I have a friend that can't she's like I just can't do it and but she can um say the word but i don't want to say it just in case they can hear squirt yes um they can do that i'm obsessed with that whispering i need that to be when you text me you just hear female ejaculation so uh some friends that can do that i can't do it but she

can and i was like but that is a form like you can do that i can't that's a different form of what I experienced. So it just depends. And then some people, they just can't. And it might be because of the things that you explained, like the guilt and shame and fear. And with that, I would say, talk to your therapist about it and see like what they recommend. It might be kind of scary to bring that up. I mean, you did talk about going to a specialized therapist for that, but maybe starting with your therapist to see what their thoughts are well sex and sexuality is a huge part of like religious guilt so like your therapist that should be a part of the conversation regardless and i do think that that is playing a part not only because you mentioned

it but because you they're like i wonder are our orgasms like is it too hyped so i think for you you might be treating this as like a confirmation in your I don't know what your what your personal journey is with religion but in like your deconstructing of religion if you're treating this orgasm as like a sign of I'm doing the right thing like sex is this is empowering in this and if it doesn't feel like that yet that you might actually be holding them too in entwined with each other that when it's not happening then is it am I being punished is this like it was this too hyped where they if they were right about this does that mean they're right about whatever like that can be a whole can of worms that you can open up they're just so intertwined there

and even just from the language you used I think that they still are holding that for you and the other thing I would say is like it's about yes it's about the tools it's about how often you're doing it but like how long are these sessions of you doing that because I'm the exact same way as melissa like oh it took a while and like it took a fucking long time before you get up there and it's just the first time that you finally like continue and let and keep going because what else is going to happen like nothing bad is going to happen and that's why like if you only have 10 minutes say like no like clear out fucking like two hours clear out three hours like clear out some time and if like you don't love the sound of a vibrator or if you find that like

maybe you enjoy like reading erotica and watching porn but you don't enjoy it while you're actually doing it like figure out what is like turning you on and then figure out while you're you know using a vibrator whatever at what point do you kind of start do you stop being in the moment like at what point are you then starting to be like okay is it gonna happen is it gonna happen like where do you kind of clock out what's the first thing that distracts you is it that the room is messy is it that there are loud noises is it that like you're cold is it that you're too hot is it that you're uncomfortable like figure out what those external factors are and if there's still like a level of like shame there like you don't have to you don't have to like wait in your

journey post-religious trauma to like until you're quote-unquote like healed recovered or you've done all this work to like then eventually enjoy sex like it's not a reward you get at the end of it like it's an ongoing process and so it's okay if when you're like masturbating is not the most sex positive empowering thing like if it makes you feel more comfortable to like masturbate in the bathroom with the door shut and like play music so it feels quieter and it's it can be that like it doesn't have to be like sex positivity doesn't have to be loud and public and and proud like it's those everyday sort of things that that's empowering just making the choice to like prioritize your pleasure is empowering it doesn't have to be a large it doesn't have to be like a

large demonstration of that it doesn't have to be what you think it means to be sex positive so I remember for me like I'm like I'm gonna get in the fucking bathtub I'm gonna turn like the bathtub faucet on like that's gonna be you know and I'm gonna set aside some time and I was like and I'm gonna fucking get there like that's what I'm gonna do and for me like that was kind of how I heard like that was the best way you could do it while you're at home without getting caught but I did it and it made me like numb so it didn't work for me yeah it also depends on your bathtub like it really like you have all these things that like it really depends on like how these things are but like I think and I found that like I don't didn't love like master in like

my bedroom with like the door open like even if I'm living home alone like it was I wanted there to feel like a and I don't have any religious trauma or anything like that but like there was something that whether it's comforting or it's like sex whatever like I wanted to be like a little more private in my own home with just me there. And that's also a good way to recognize like where you're inclined to, you know, do this might also give you some insight into like, okay, do I like to be near a window? Do I like to be out in my living room? Or do I like to be kind of like more to myself and on my own? And like, maybe I'll turn the lights down and I'll do this and blah, blah, blah. But like, orgasms are not overhyped. You'll know. And the fact that you've

gotten close and then it just stops like recognize in the moment like what's happening there like is it that like it's when it's too much and then you stop so then you know okay I'm gonna try again afterwards like nothing bad is going to happen and it's hard for our bodies to recognize that when we have like a foreign feeling we have like fight flight or played head and then when there's like orgasm that's not on there and so like your body just kind of like what am I supposed to do how am I supposed to react and so you can even have a gut instinct of like pulling away or stopping or whatever that is but then just this is why I think you should set aside time don't consider that a failure if you only build up to that level start again like in in that exact moment

like do that there and know that like enjoy the time that you're doing all of this and so you're having a good time and you're not counting down the minutes trying to get to an orgasm because the more you're thinking about that, you're running towards a destiny that you don't even know where you're running to. And it's really hard to, to get there when you don't know what you're trying to reach. So you have to kind of just enjoy the process and listen to your body because your body's going to get you there. Your head's not going to get you there. Yeah. And I also want to talk about, you said like getting tipsy or like being high tipsy, not that good i think that's more of when you're with someone to make you if like for the first

time or something where you are a little nervous to relax you a bit but it can also make you feel paranoid and you don't weed because you're not because you're not like at your base level you won't understand what's actually going on with your body when you don't understand when you have no understanding to begin with because you're working towards something that you've never experienced before and then also with cannabis there are like studies that show women it's more intense but it depends on what you're doing because there's so many I don't you say you're high I'm I'm guessing you're talking about cannabis but whatever you're on saying what I said about alcohol applies to it but with cannabis there are studies that show that it's more intense

but it depends on what you're using. And also like you can use like lube that you can use that has it in it that will make it more intense on site, make blood flow better. But if you don't know where you're starting at, it can make it worse. Yeah. I, I just, and like you said, you're not, if you're not sober in the moment, you're not going to be able to like really understand your cues and how you got there to begin with and you don't want that to be the prerequisite to then getting there like and it'll just make you frustrated at the end yeah and you don't want to you don't need it to be more intense it's it's gonna take a like a while like the i think like the actual like session that like i find it was probably i probably like an hour and a half maybe

probably maybe even two hours three a long long time and even then like the next couple times like it might still take you a couple of hours and then depending on my mood now I can be like three minutes five minutes or 45 minutes it's it's so much about your so much about like mental also your environment just where you're at like mentally and how you're feeling how turned on you are whatever it is like you'll start to learn that about yourself the more that you do it but the first couple times like i think in movies tv shows porn like obviously like people like think this is like a really quick thing and it's it's not especially when you're figuring it out on your own the first time everyone i know it took them out like it took them like both

and i said like i probably a year of trying to get there and then the actual session weren't hours like hours to get there like it's it's like running a marathon so give yourself more than enough time to be able to get fresher with yourself and then forgive yourself and then keep going like just get back getting back on that vibrator getting back on getting back on that ride or whatever it is that that helps you're gonna have to buy a variety of things just to see what you like how it feels and the last thing I don't know how much you talk about sex with like other people in your life but like I remember when I was like younger and this not at that time but i was just like oh so like you just like get a dildo and like you fuck yourself

with a dildo and that's like when you're gonna come so like making sure that like you know where your clit is making sure that like you've confirmed that area or you can try a little to the left a little to the right a little more forward a little more back and focusing on toys that are specifically just hitting that versus anything penetration wise because at least for me the first time i was like trying to like all of that especially solo you can just feel like you're I can I felt that I could be a little bit more in my head because you're having to think about two things at once like if you want to deal with pressure and stuff like that's two things you're thinking of at once and one of those things based on the angle I'm mastering I'm not going to come from that alone

so I'm going to leave that for another day that'll be my advanced move and I'm just going to focus on one thing and there are specific vibrators that are for just clit stuff and that is where i would i would go and then getting one that just vibrates that you can but you don't have to stick it inside you can do use it anywhere but it just it it vibrates everywhere and you can maneuver around and it has a more of a larger surface area and that's a great way for you to figure out where you have the most sensation because you know I always joke that like when we first talked about the clit suction once I was like I feel like I have to get a hand mirror and I'm like trying to like snap a button together I'm like okay where exactly are we going here and that can feel a

little more technical yeah and less yeah I would say I'm an advanced user and the first time I used that the rose thing I was like what is the hype for this like I don't understand it this is doing nothing for me but then when i figured it out i was like yeah but it's like it's like a new it's like starting over again and you're still trying to figure things out so like and again i know what it feels like so if that's new for me i wouldn't you know i personally for me i wouldn't start there same but again experiment with a few things when you figure out there's some things that people swear by and it's not it does nothing for me this is not for me yeah but i think in this stage you have to do like some sex toys are pure function and others like i think you should be

getting one again larger surface area whole thing vibrates you can feel sexy you can really close your eyes you don't have to worry about the technicality like love the rose love the clit ones but again like the first like three times i used it and even every time i use it now but the first couple of times are like, this doesn't do shit, but it's literally like, I'm trying to snap a button on a bodysuit and I got to get the right angle. Like it's not sexy, but that's fine for me because I know where I'm getting to and that won't take me out of it. Cause I know what I'm working towards. You don't. So I would go for things that are more universal and work up to that. Yeah. And go to a place that sells these things and talk to the people there. It might feel a

little embarrassing, but you can, they're experts. You can talk to them about, I like this, this made me feel like this, but I'm still not getting to X, Y, and Z. And just talk to them. That might be a cheaper way than to, for your parents finding out the other thing. And I feel like for people who work at like sex toy shops, they are going to be relieved that they, the first, that someone who's talking to them about like, what do they like? And I've never had an orgasm before. Like But I worked there and it's like a 22 year old came in and was saying this. I would be like, oh my gosh, I just had to deal with like all of these pervy, gross old men asking me like if they can stick this up my butt.

And here you are trying to have your first orgasm. Like I will become your mentor. Like I'm so happy to help you with this. Like that's it's an empowering thing, especially for people with vaginas. All right. Best of luck. Happy orgasming. All right.

We're going to take another break. we're back it's time for don't blame them yahoo don't blame them is where listeners will call in with their own advice pertaining to a call we have aired on a previous episode. So maybe they have some personal experience. Maybe they have dealt with it by proxy. They picked up on something that we didn't, or they just have thoughts of their own that they would like to share. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I am calling in for Don't Blame Them for the episode titled Dating a Virgin, and this is actually about that call. I'm 23 and my pronouns are she, her. I wanted to touch on a few things from the original call. The caller said that this guy is, quote, very adamant about waiting

to have sex and is uncomfortable around the subject, end quote. To me, that sounds like he has put up a boundary that he isn't willing to cross at this time. This isn't to say that he'll never want to have sex, but that seems to be where his mindset is now. If he has set up that boundary with the caller, then I think that she should consider if she wants to be with him if sex isn't a part of their relationship. Sexual compatibility is important, so if he doesn't want to have sex right now, then maybe he's not the right person for you. But I think it's important to focus on where his head is now and not what might happen

in the future. Also, and I'm not trying to say that the caller is doing this, but I wanted to emphasize that his boundaries in regards to physical touch need to be respected the same way he should respect yours. I am someone who enjoys showing love through physical touch and often referred to myself in the past as a touchy-feely person, so I understand where the caller is coming from. But no one should be touched in any way without their consent, and everyone has a right to refuse any form of physical contact. Also, the caller asked if she should worry if there is, quote, something wrong, end quote, with this guy because he is a 26-year-old virgin.

I'm not totally sure what she meant by that, but like Megan said, the idea that men are supposed to be super sexual comes from the patriarchy. Obviously, this guy doesn't fit into that stereotype, which is completely fine. Hopefully, this doesn't come off rude or mean or anything. Also, to reiterate, there is nothing wrong if you, caller, decide that you don't want to be in a relationship without sex. That's totally your choice, and you have the right to make that decision. Okay, that is all.

I love you both so, so much. thanks and good job on writing it down i know that you're going through a tough time right now why did i not know who it was until you said that is that who i'm thinking about yeah wait you should just know that like if melissa wasn't here me with my dory brain i'm like i don't know who this is i i could see this man walking on the street and i wouldn't know anything it took you three times and the first time you didn't write it down the second time you wrote it down I don't know what happened because I didn't look at the whole thing and the third time you wrote it down and took your time so thank you thank you we appreciate it and yeah I

co-sign all of that and I love to hear from someone who's self-identified as a touchy-feely person who has since you know recognized that touch might still be a part of how they like to give and receive love, but recognizing that that's not something for other people that they just need to work around and consider. It's the actual exact opposite. As someone who's not a touchy feely person, I would just like to say for my people, thank you, because I hate it. Like I truly, truly hate it. And also when I do, when I am like more touchy or whatever with people, like if I'm forced to do that then you know it's never coming from me it's coming from obligation and when I give you a hug or whatever that's coming from me like it's so it's much better

it's so much better I enjoy it so much more except sometimes I do hug if I'm awkward or uncomfortable and it's just because I like I'm trying to think of what I should say I'm like oh we can have a hug and I'm like buying time buying time see i'm fine with it from other people if i'm comfortable with them but it's hard for me to give it back yeah yeah i will like hug some people when i see them yeah never me unless it's been a long time yeah but like it's once a year we're good i was like why would we do that to each other like i know we both don't we do it i mean exactly we don't want to give it no we do it when we both want to and yeah i wouldn't want any more than that like it's just like why like a call

thank you person thank you person i have no idea who it is if you want to call in for an upcoming episode give us a voicemail give us a voicemail call us and leave us a voicemail 310-694-0976 international listeners send a audio message mega podcast at gmail.com if you have an update if you've been a caller on a previous episode and we have given you advice and you would like to let us know what happened afterwards what was what's the current haps of the situation shoot us an email at mega podcast gmail.com and we can schedule a time especially now that we might have some people might have a little bit more free time in their schedules or we're happy to like take updates as we can get them at this point like we'd love to have you on like a video but if you want to

record a second thing for us and you want to do that you want to send us something we we'd love to hear an update and yeah just be thorough and make sure that you answer if we had any questions that we asked when we were giving advice please make sure you answered those questions because we're going to still have it exactly because we don't know anymore half the time i don't even remember what i'm like what was this on what was this about i need to get to jog my memory and if you want to call in for don't blame them that same number as well and that is it if you want to leave us a five-star review you might be greeted in your sleep by an angel who will give you money underneath your pillow like a tooth fairy or will give you wonderful succubus dreams

if that's what you desire because you don't you don't you never know what good is going to happen from leaving review and i think that's going to happen unless we have a bad review and then i can't promise they're going to be positive succubus dreams but we we've got we've got people in high places who could they could give you those dreams yeah we can make a fiver account and if anybody is curious about what that reference is to it is now the perfect time for you to follow the succubus saga so if you just look if you search don't blame me succubus you will find all of the parts and i encourage you to listen from the beginning and you're welcome for the journey you're about to go on i think it's one of our most underrated sagas and on the on

the podcast yeah and thank you person for sharing you know who you are you know who you are we love you we adore you and we wish nothing but all of the good things for you yeah cool follow us on socials everywhere and leave us nice comments on things on our personal accounts on the on the podcast account tell us something cool i don't know happy new year next time you hear from us it will be a new year 22 and you get to listen to melissa's new year's hot takes on this week's episode of but am i wrong where i was gonna make a reference to it but i realized that that comes out later and i don't want to spoil one of the funniest sentences i ever heard and i laughed very hard so stay tuned stay tuned for that and um we'll well i guess you won't we'll we'll we'll

see you'll you'll see us this year um but then for this episode for this podcast you'll see us next year uh-huh bye Don't Blame Me is a production by me. Executive produced by Melissa DeMonts and Diamond and Print Productions. Edited by Coco Lawrence. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. Music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.