Don't Blame Me! - Summer Fling

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

This week on Don't Blame Me, Meghan and Melisa are giving advice on pursuing things further with a friend you've always had tension with, and how to handle a friend who talks too much in groups. In Don't Blame Me, a listener shares their advice on talking to your mom, who is jealous of your relationship with your dad and his new girlfriend. Join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Subscribe to But Am I Watching? Apple  Spotify Subscribe to Don’t Blame Me! Apple Spotify Call In for DBM - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In for DBM - [e-mail] (300 words or less) DBM Submission Form Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Don't Blame Me. On this episode, we are giving you some amazing advice. Specifically, we're telling someone how to tell their friend, if they should tell their friend, that they are a little bit, a lot bit supremely annoying. And we also have someone who wrote in wanting to know how she should tell her summer fling that maybe she wants to be long distance.

Yeah, and then in our own personal lives, Megan has been looking at cars and has come to the conclusion that men are colorblind. And I have been really leaning into, like, Russian manicures and pedicures and getting my lashes done by Russians. And this leads to discussion about heated rivalry and what was said or not said on screen. Melissa's in her Russian era.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And maybe I've picked up on some Russian. Who knows? I knew what was happening on the screen. She did. And then we have somebody also giving their own advice about a call from last week about setting boundaries with your mother. Let's get into the episode. Your summer travels deserve an upgrade. With select Chevrolet, Buick, GMC, and Cadillac vehicles connected by OnStar, you can stream, game, and more on the go.

Whether you're headed to a music festival or a cottage getaway, you can access hundreds of apps on Google Play right from your center display. Explore OnStar tech today at OnStar.ca and discover how to take your summer to the next level. OnStar. Better never stops. all right so let's get into the first person asking for advice this person is 21 she her i have this guy friend that i've been close to for almost two years we always had a little bit of a tension between us i said that wrong they wrote it better we've always had a little bit of tension between us but nothing ever happened because timing was always off either one of us with seeing someone or we were at school or life was just getting in the way. We go to different

colleges. This sounds like you, rivalry. We go to colleges and his school is several states away, so we don't see each other that much during the year. But this summer, we were both back home and started hanging out all the time. Eventually, he asked me out and we both admitted that we liked each other. At first, we agreed it would just be a summer thing because long distance felt like a lot. We were trying to be realistic and not make it too serious. But then we started spending even more time together, sleeping together, and acting very much like a couple, even though we said we weren't going to be one. Now he's about to leave for school and I'm realizing I like him way more than I planned to. I want to tell him because part of me thinks he might feel the same way

and maybe we could try long distance. But I'm also scared that if he doesn't feel that way, I'll make things awkward and possibly mess up our friendship. So do I tell him how I feel before he leaves or do I just accept that it was a really sweet summer thing and try to move on? You ruined your friendship by fucking just by the way but also like is he going to the second it did is he in a school that like got out in may and then he's going to the second summer session is that what's happening oh which could be happening because like arkansas school has been out since like the first week of may and the summer session starting yeah so you've had like a month of hooking up and then you're like i'm in love well you've known him beforehand so it's a little bit easier to

yeah that's all for that but i will say um as someone who has had sex with friends this this is and you said heated rivalry this timeline is way faster to be fair it's the same timeline there's just no jumps to uh pretend six months later but i think in general the whole thing of like i don't want to fuck up our friendship you've already had sex yeah you've had sex yeah so anything that you say isn't going to fuck up the friendship if anything fucks up the friendship it was the fucking and like i'm a big believer in like you know in the words of taylor swift ruin the friendship like that is fine because it gets to a point where like it's not even just intimacy that ruins a friendship if you start to develop feelings for a friend that fundamentally changes

the friendship and i think you owe it to yourself and i'm glad that you guys acted on it so like to me i'm like already if you start developing feelings that friendship is fundamentally changed then you hook up you sleep together you're basically dating that friendship has fundamentally changed you saying that you have feelings that does not fundamentally change the friendship in a meaningful way compared to the other two like if it's going to change you still feel this way you will have to change the friendship if he doesn't feel this way because you might need some space from him but i think this is like i don't know kind of like a perfect time to do it because like if he is not interested in that then like you get to lick your wounds and you know

build yourself back up before you go to school yeah but also like long distance relationships are hard especially i think when you're in school too because then you've got a like you're going to school you're studying you're i would hope still like having a good time in college too but then you add the relationship on top of that where you have to you know you can facetime or whatever but are you gonna want to visit each other on the weekends but then that makes things harder because like i also want to do stuff here on the weekends but i don't know i don't know what your social life is like i want you to be out there hanging out but there's only so much that i can do maybe that's not your personality but yeah because i'm not a proponent of long distance relationships

in college like i just don't think i think it hinders your experience but it's also like once said like with him or without him would that be your experience like would you opt in for that because i think if you would and you are you were like you would be giving stuff up to be in a long distance relationship then i think that like this could be a really fun summer thing that could turn into a really fun next summer thing that could turn into a really fun next summer thing that like by senior year could turn into we're actually gonna date like right i think like if it's if not saying something will affect your friendship they're 21 so actually maybe it's just this year oh is this your last year of school maybe that does change if it's your last year of school it

does change things yeah yeah because by the way so many fucking seniors are in long-distance relationships by the time that you get there so that would in fact change it for me but i also think at the same time you know if both of you are more homebodies who like don't really get out much and like this is not like your social life kind of thing there then i think opt for it go for it but i think if like you've had a fun flirtatious friendship and you both kind of have that personality in general and like you date people and you hook up with people at school and all of that i think that like the leg up that you have is that you have this hometown connection and that ultimately that you are circling back to you are circling back to that

and that by the time school's done you know you can pick things up right back where you like you left yeah off but what are your plans like if this is your senior you're going into your senior what are your plans after are you gonna be in the same place then um are you i think like once you're out of school i think it's gonna be easier to date long distance but you still need to have an in plan like i know it's early to be talking about that but if you see this as something because you've already been friends for a while if you see this as something that can be long term what's your but what's both of your plans after school is he gonna come back are you guys gonna to be back in your hometown are you guys gonna also you don't know what job you might have after

school if you have a job or if you're going to grad school there's just a lot of things that are open-ended right now to be thinking about yeah and i think if you even without this conversation you would factor in him to your long-term plans like if you would be like maybe i wouldn't apply to a grad school that far away because like what if he moves home i think if like you think about him when thinking about your post-grad plans i think you have to have a conversation with him because if you are subconsciously going to factor him into the decision making you don't know that he is doing the same for you and like you don't want that to affect your decisions unless you've both agreed that that is you are you are factoring that in and that's like

it's a commitment i also think like sometimes when things have been a slow burn this long what's it this isn't like a we have to strike while the iron's hot like the opportunity has always been there it's built up to this moment not locking it down within the next like month does not mean that that's going to go away because it already took this much time to get here so i i think you can take your time with it it's just a matter of that mindset for you but again also like if you're even thinking about factoring him in you again have also already ruined the friendship and if that's your worry I always wonder if you're more worried about ruining the friendship or are you more worried that having this conversation at this point will change the outcome versus if you had

had the conversation in six months from now I think sometimes the idea of appearing to be more chill we think that will change the end result when it doesn't like how you go about the conversation when you have the conversation doesn't change the outcome of the conversation it just changes the time that you get the answer yeah but i love this it's very romantic let us know how it goes give us an update please last thing i'll say is i think you need to have the conversation regardless because if you don't think you're going to be sitting here pining for him and i don't i don't want you to be sitting there like a sad bitch like no bad bitch behavior yeah go after what you want exactly how's your weekend my weekend was good my in-laws are in town did you write the d

We did not ride the D. Oh, damn. I know. I wonder if we're going to. I mean, they're here for a long time. Yeah. I don't know how long. First you said two weeks, and then you were like, I don't know.

And then I was like, okay. I definitely think they're here for two weeks. Are they staying with you? No, no, no. Okay. Wait, what'd they say? I'm in the room that they would be staying in. Oh, yeah.

That's right. I don't know. Maybe you kicked them out just to record. No, this room is messy still. I've been doing a lot of work on it. You cleaned it last week. No, I didn't finish cleaning this room. Okay.

and i say that as i'm just i'm decoloring i finally put up wind uh curtains on one of my windows in my room just one that's hard yeah my least favorite one is doing that um but it's been fun i skipped my nephew's final soccer game because someone had the bright idea to schedule at 8 a.m which i was like whoa that's fucked up love you to death buddy knock on that that's not that's crazy that's not me yep no i'm not going which i'm also glad because turns out my niece has the flu oh flu in the summer is rough i know i did see her the day before but she wasn't as bad so i'm like okay hopefully that means i will be able to avoid it but we've been working on and by So we, I mean, Mott's and his dad have been working on making covers for the planter boxes in the garden.

Like once the birds and things can't get in, which is nice. And they're going to look really good. And then it's been a lot of watching Love Island. I'm in the thick of Love Island. And this is the first year that I have watched simultaneously UK and U.S. And they're both good. Good. Because one of them usually is bad, right?

Yes. Usually if U.K. is good, U.S. sucks. And if U.S. is good, U.K. is bad. It is showing me that like, my God, I don't know what happened to Americans, but like we got way hornier there in the U.K. like no one's it takes like about two weeks to kiss someone outside of a challenge and the biggest concern right now in love island usa is there are orthodontists coming online saying that someone needs to step in and remove this girl's invisalign because it's a petri dish for bacteria because everybody's making out and they're concerned for the long-term health of these individuals that they are just like there's too much kissing and like nobody's talking about it and she has an Invisalign and now germs have been spread everywhere and I was like oh yuck but yeah oh we looked at cars yesterday for you for Mott's we we extended mine for one extra month we thought

we extended it all the way to July turns out we didn't they were like hey you can return your car now and I was like what why don't you just buy it I think that's what we're gonna do but like you don't want to have to like think about that so that's what Mott says he thinks we're gonna finance it but we just like need to plan ahead of time for that but motz wants you'll never guess what car he wants melissa i don't because i don't know his car taste because as long as i've known him he's always had a suv just a you know just a normal suv yeah well unfortunately his parents were like that kind of sounds like a fun idea and i was like oh my god you guys i've been trying to squash this dream of his for for years as long as it's not a tesla divorce divorce uh i was talking

shit about tesla to both the salesmen at the two different dealerships we went to and they were both like yeah fuck tesla and i was like yeah fuck tesla and uh uh no it is his long-term dream of having a truck okay i can see that for him oh my god don't tell him he'll be so flattered that will fill his head ego is he comfortable putting his golf clubs in the back of a truck okay so here's the thing when i told him by the way you can't just like throw your golf clubs like loose in the bed i was i told him i was like where are you gonna put your golf clubs he goes in the bed and i go how would you do that he goes i just put them in the bed the truck and i go you don't know how to have a drug you have to have a cover and also you can't you have to strap them down

or you have to put them in something that locks in there you can't just like why is that what i thought of immediately Melissa I know me too but I'm like my guy do you what and I also think that like he loves the concept and the idea of a truck but like the first he told me that his dad had a truck before he was like born he had a truck for at like a certain point of time but I'm like there's no way you knew anybody who had a truck because like like that makes no sense how big of a truck is he getting so a truck in Denver makes sense to me though yes but not a truck in LA so no that's why i'm asking because also he's not the greatest driver in the world i love that he doesn't listen to the podcast because you're correct but i almost died in a car with him it wasn't his fault that

time it was somebody ran a red light that was we did but we did almost die and it was very scary i brought that up and he goes i don't remember that and i was oh my gosh there's no way about it constantly so does kyle and so does hazy i was like all of our friends who were in the car think about that all the time what are you talking about you don't remember it i was like that was crazy you remember random you remember sports facts you remember that time that we all almost blacked out yeah well it was traumatizing i could see that so he's had a one time like years ago when we were living at our old place his car was in the shop and they gave him a loaner car and he got a truck like i

did that one time exactly and i was like oh and he was so happy about it and he was supposed to be picking me up on the way back from like somewhere i it was like a weekend and i think he was picking up the truck that day and he was picking me up from soul cycle because i had gone there with somebody else and he's like uh actually can you meet me on the street i can't i can't get into the lot and i was like oh if you turn around like you're not gonna get charged no no so sorry the actual truck couldn't fit into the lot and then when we were parking at home he had to do like 16 loops before we could find any spot and it was a mess so that was like an f-150 or something and so that was like a big motherfucking truck so now he has his heart set on a maverick which is a

smaller truck i do think it looks like a manatee like i think it's like an ugly truck i know exactly what trunk you were speaking of that's why i went because it looks like and i'm like it's so ugly but they had a light blue color online and i said okay if it's light blue that's kind of fine we go there yesterday i need men to stop men but statistically are colorblind they need to stop naming colors of cars because by the way gray with a sprinkle of a hint of a look lacroix level of or lacroix level of blue that's not blue no it isn't blue at all it's just gray with a cool undertone yes but i don't know how many times though like even like my car is brown like there's no like it's inexplicably brown whenever i go somewhere and like valet the man's

always like the gray car and i'm like that is brown what are y'all looking at they're color blind we need to stop giving them control of the colors they don't know what they are and i was like and i was talking to the guy and i was like so where's the blue he goes i think this is the blue or this is the blue and i go both of those are gray and what do you mean you can't tell which one's blue like neither and he was like i think it's one of these and i'm like you think what but they have one in green and they have one in red and i was like okay these are cuter like you know they're it still looks like a manatee but like you know whatever and i told mods that the only way he could get it was if he got the blue but then i was like okay maybe i could deal with

the red and maybe i could deal with the green but i can't deal with the red but i can deal with the green it's a new red it's not like i'm gonna be in the car it's not real red it's a new red and they just released it it's like a dark maroon color and it's creamy not sparkling which i like but i was like and if you do that you have to go i was gonna draft we would draft off a contract with the amount of times we can go to home goods and how much money i get to spend at home goods of not that we can strap things in the back and how many estate sales we can go to and he's not allowed to complain at any of this because i was like this is a trade-off and also like if you get a truck like you're gonna be busy because everyone's gonna ask you to move and like haul

shit or whatever but thankfully once he got inside he was like i think the novelty's wearing off because like it's only a truck from the outside and it's kind of just like a shitty car on the inside yeah yeah and it's very weird like it doesn't have like full handles for the door like it's just like a the little scoopy thing yes and it they exposed screws and i was like this is kind of ugly like it's very unfinished on the inside and i don't yeah we didn't love it but it's a hybrid which is why he like likes it okay you're not gonna get a cute hybrid truck i'm already telling that no of course not of course not um and then we looked at some hondas and we looked at the one that both you and kyle separately said i should get that i said for some reason it

cost sixty thousand dollars and by the way no one believed me mott's didn't believe me mott's mom didn't believe me and mott's dad didn't believe me where i was like no they both told me to get this and then we looked it up and it's like sixty thousand dollars like it's a what honda yeah it's a honda it's not 60 and i was like i promise you it is prices have gone up and we looked and they were like why is this sixty thousand dollars and i whip my head around i go i told you mother that's so funny that I literally just was driving and I saw this car next to me and I was like oh that's cute Megan will look cute in that and I sent her a picture and Kyle did the exact same thing he goes find your next car get this one it's cute and I go already been over this Melissa

$60,000 can't get it can't get it but uh so I don't know what Matz is gonna end up with he like started like looking at these like big SUVs and I was like are you planning in impregnating me with octuplets like why do you need this much space like there he looked at a three row suv and i was like for what like for all his golf buddies like he goes and picks them up and then they all they put down the back row and then i'll put their their pubs back there was a speaking of putting down the back row the way that that was his first question in every car he was like can i put the seats in the back on the maverick down to open it up and i go it's a truck bed you don't need more space you already have what else would you be putting in there he goes wood and i go for what

like we have bungee we just drove with bungee cords with wood on the roof for this project when i was like did he get inspired after you couldn't put the what were you buying the frame by the way in his in this yes but all that matters is that that some fucking man in a prius had bungee cords and a dream and a will and he made that work we don't need to get a big a massive car like that but he's gonna get some sort of suv or maybe he'll end up getting the maverick even though it's cars right now are ugly just like fundamentally cars are really ugly right now and they've been ugly for a while and i've been saying this to the whole family and they are in fact a car dealership family and this is the first year where they were like you know what

megan you're right these cars i say every car looks like a gazelle or an antelope every car looks like they drove it really fast while it was still drying and that all the colors are ugly and now they all finally agree with me and i was like finally look at me look at me here i've been saying this the whole goddamn time but i guess we'll see what car he gets but he might have a truck which you should know i will i'm not letting him you know extend the offer to everyone he knows but of course i told him that by the way if he gets a truck whatever melissa needs the truck you gotta do yeah i like that yep that was also part of the negotiation what about i don't know how much they cost though but what about the um mustang suv i don't are mustangs good cars

i'm talking about the suv not the car it's still ford if you're looking at the ford maverick then i don't know maybe we didn't look at that we were that's why i'm asking that is cute i should ask him because they that's one of the dealerships the family has i know the only ones they don't have only one i can think of off the top of my head is subaru and i like subarus you like the official car of lesbians that's what you want i first of all do you know how many supers were in marin county like also a lot of lesbians in marin like i i literally love it that's what jake's first car was was his sister's old super and i was like i'm gonna love it and she called it the lesmobile so i was a fan our neighbors have one too yeah yeah and i asked them i was like do you

think they're doing any sales for pride and everybody was like what and i was like okay i'm actually not with people you're not with the with with your your people yeah well because also i'm like you guys don't know that like that's like their famous pride campaign like you don't know any of this and they were like no and i was like okay but i'll ask him if he likes this one coco what kind of car do you drive just for research you and coco there's no way i think coco drives i don't think coco drives a uh a subaru no i think coco could drive like a mustang yeah like coco i think coco would you would drive a car that is one of the ones that people would get and like soup up for street racing like the honda kind that people get but they go from

like zero to 100 and i think you probably rested a 50 but i mean 50 like she's cruising no no no i'm saying that like zero is the base honda that you walk off the lot with zero 100 i thought you miles per hour no no no no i'm saying like they soup it up to a level level 100 where like the paint job it's scraping every every gutter you've ever seen like it is completely banged up i think that you don't have a off the lot one you've gone about 50 so like it's not a street racing car but like it's a cooler version and mine's like well why didn't i get that at haunt and you go you have to do other stuff to it coco drives a hill cat can you imagine that'd be so fun yeah so cars are crazy like i just don't get it i also did become friends with one of the guys in the

dealership and he was like this girl like keeps texting me she wants this car and i was like she does like it is a cute car you're gonna get are you gonna get out this car and i'm just like literally bro-ing out with this guy and i was like i love that that's the energy that i give that we're there with the whole family looking at cars and he just looks at me like i'm gonna talk to her I'm not talking about this girl that I'm texting

I was like for sure dude hell yeah help out the girl like it's really a girl move like you're like she needs that

discount she really wants this one and I was like this car's gorgeous save it for her yeah and he's like

yeah she said she might roll by today and I go follow up with her right give her a discount she looks so cute in this car

I don't even know this girl but it's a cute car but by the way for your safety you should be worried about the new Broncos and what about them

Is O.J. going to come out the grave and start driving them around? It doesn't even matter who's behind the wheel. The issue is, is Mozza's mom was standing next to it. Mozza's mom was about your height. And I said, Diva, they're not going to be able to see. The car is about five inches taller than she is. They had to get it jacked up because... Melissa, it's dangerous.

It's so scary. I have dated someone that was driving one and it wasn't that high. It's the new one. That's what I'm saying. No, I'm just like, this is recent. New Bronco... high height but i'm always while i'm driving i'm always terrified somebody so i always like speed around people or 80 inches tall 80 inches isn't that high what are you talking about i'm

just saying that's not that tall that's six six like that's not tall for a car but it's the the the top part is it's 90 of the height is the bottom of it so like even up to me it was like up to my boob and i was like holy fuck but i kept thinking about like in like that it would be like a fast and furious moment that like it would just like your car would go underneath it and it wouldn't even see and you would you'd be fine yeah but you just as i'm driving i'm more concerned about 18 wheelers but yeah i'm always very conscious of what's around me while i'm driving yeah i i was more concerned about as a pedestrian because i think you'd be safe in your little car I think that's pedestrian I worry I don't walk outside that much you don't have to worry about

that I told my mom I was like and I told my dad and I said watch out for her near those broncos I I'm afraid they won't be able to see her I'm genuinely afraid of that and I asked the guy and the guy goes yeah they're pretty tall pretty big all right we're gonna take a break and when we get back we're gonna give some more advice and then learn about my weekend we're back all right here is the next one i'm 28 she her and i need advice about my best friend because she's basically two different people depending on whether we're alone or in public one-on-one she's amazing she's funny thoughtful supportive and genuinely one of my favorite people we can talk for hours and she's been there for me through some really difficult moments

but in a group she becomes so abrasive she's loud interrupts people talks over everyone and somehow redirects every conversation back to herself one time a friend announced they were pregnant and seconds later we were all listening to a story about the time my best friend thought she might be pregnant after missing one birth control pill and no she's not a leo i don't believe in pseudoscience anyway. The problem is that my other friends have started complaining. People have told me they feel ignored around her and I've noticed some of them barely speak when she's there because they know they'll probably be interrupted now i feel stressed planning birthdays trips dinners or even casual hangouts she's my best friend so i want her there but i also spend the entire time

managing the energy pulling quieter people back into conversation and apologizing with my eyes i feel terrible because i love her and i don't want to exclude her but i'm starting to dread being around her in groups have you ever thought about like sprinkling some adderall in her drink sounds like she needs it microdosing have you ever considered microdosing your friend with a stimulant i know it sounds counterintuitive but that's actually why it works uh because you know she's not a leo but she certainly does have adhd and as a leo with adhd i am feeling very seen but this is annoying and this is a trait of mine that like i don't find cute or endearing it is annoying and like i'm not offended when people have to be like hey stop like or like

you know i mean like it's just either it is it's not adhd and she's just like an incredibly self-involved selfish person but that's not the person that you view her as but i think that like i don't know like i would if i'm doing something stupid or bad or embarrassed like whatever i i think the highest compliment you can give a friend is telling them about their behavior that's like not okay or that you expect more of them because that tells me that that friend doesn't view me as my bad behavior you know what i mean they view that as like a byproduct of something that like i either cannot control or in order or i'm not not i can't control something that i'm not consciously doing and it's something that i need to know about so i can course correct but if i

think if you never tell someone about this then that is saying that they are that behavior yeah and it may be like to the point where when you're one-on-one it's fine because there's only two people to give attention to and so when she is in a big group maybe she feels like she doesn't make i don't know how when she was younger maybe people told her she was shy or maybe people told her why don't you talk more or it might be to like she thinks this is how you communicate is that you're constantly talking but she's not listening she doesn't understand the listening part she's a great conversationalist but like all everything is not always about her the pregnancy thing is wild like it is but that to me is so adhd because it's like oh my god the way it's connecting the dots

and now i'm trying to you know be connected but there's a time and a place in the way of doing it and this was not the way of doing it and the audience yes or the audience not the people and i have that issue where i will like try to i think i'm connecting people like you don't know the ball enough to do this this is coming off as off-putting and i'm like oh thank you and so like when you and i met i like that about you because when we met i was an assistant and like megan didn't treat me like i was an assistant and other people i'm not everybody but like some people industry standard yes industries and standards were and I and like within months I was a producer but like it was just like in that time period and I was like this girl is cool she like talks to me like

I'm a normal fucking person I like that but like sometimes people just don't know what to say and so or they aren't comfortable in the quiet or or they just aren't great at grasping what's what's the gravity of everything that's going on and so I think as her friend as her best friend it is your duty to let her know and you know her you know her better you say that she knows you like very well and you know her very well just take when you're having one of your 101s just let her know you know how to approach her and talk to her about things will it could hurt her feelings yes but I'm sure if she reflects on it and she knows that you know you're coming from a good place and you're like of course I want you to be everywhere but I want you and everyone to

feel comfortable well because your friend doesn't want to come across like this and I think if we don't certain things you don't tell someone then it feels like their behavior is intentional that's how they're trying to come across and then it will make you resent her even though logically you know that this is not what she's trying to do and what she's trying to do is to form connection to make people feel included and like i will say i don't have any friends who are shy like i i i don't and if they are shy when we met it was not in a way that it was like oh i can tell that this person is shy like like you and me we vibed immediately that's how i like when i make friends with people but like i can't say that like if i'm in a group of people and most of those

people are shy i can't say that i'm not dominating the conversation when i think what i'm doing is like moving a conversation along because i'm not shy so i don't i don't know how when you were saying that you have to remind like bring quiet people back into the conversation to her she might not know that that was a part of the conversation she might not know she's used to like people budding like doing all of that kind of stuff and like saying things and that if there's a silence feeling an obligation or responsibility to fix it to think that she's keeping the social interaction going when in reality that's not how you do it and like there's a lot of correlation between adhd and autism and a lot of that is like the social aspect of like adhd it's like this is the

only way I know how to make social situations go and it comes across very self-involved very like all about me me me me me but if you view that her in that way you shouldn't be friends with her if you view her but it's that's not how you view her and so and it's clear you don't like that your other friends view her like that like it hurts you that that's their impression of her and you're like oh you just don't you're not seeing her in the same way that I do but another thing that I haven't it is a blessing and a weakness is that like I talk to everybody like I've known them forever like that's just and sometimes like you said like sometimes it totally works other times not as appropriate and I need other people to tell me be like hey that's not

how these other people operate and she might think she's kind of surpassing the getting to know you stage and just like trying to mesh into your friend group like click in immediately especially if the rest of your friends are friends with each other and she's like the odd one out but i don't know i think like the communication on all levels i think is good like i think your other friends letting you know that they're feeling frustrated about that it's is good because you're also picking up on it but you have to tell your friend yes because then because i think your friend's telling you is like you're her best friend can you please like we know that you know how to fix a situation but if it turns to it turns into everyone complaining and nothing being done about

it now you're talking about her behind her back and that's not fair because it it could be something that's so easily fixed and like sometimes you think that you're like you're killing it you're landing you're doing exactly what you need to do in that social situation but it's like oh hey it's actually not landing the way that you think and that's all that matters is the result of it like she doesn't want to she wants people to like her and she wants to form connection and if it's doing the exact opposite and you don't tell her she's gonna keep doing it and it's going to push people away and it's also like not only like mel said like you're gonna suddenly be talking about your best friend behind her back but like you are gonna start treating her with kid gloves to try and

mitigate and manage how she interacts with people in the world and like she also should get the agency and decide if she wants that and like then are you gonna have to choose what people you're friends with but also at the same time sometimes friends don't always mesh right or it turns into like you're only inviting her to certain things now or other of your friends aren't showing up for other situations so handle this as soon as possible yeah because i also think that like let's say you do handle it you tell her she's receptive to it and she like vastly improves and your other friends are like i still don't like her and vibe with her then you might not like those other friends like you might take that there so some people can be friends with

lots of different kinds of people like really shy people really loud people really quiet all of that and that sounds like the kind of person that you are and sometimes other people don't have that uh versatility in the people they're able to be friends with but just tell her and microdose her a little bit so how was your weekend my weekend was good speaking of group hangs um samantha had like a girl's night fun and we just hung out and ate and talked about girl things and it was fun fun menopause periods yeah they're yeah period we did talk about periods we talked about fertility we're not at menopause yet but yeah it was a good time and then uh i have started working out again how's it going it's going good i've done three days in a row the first day i

played it pretty easy um just to see where i was and i was like okay this is good i didn't even really work up a sweat the second day i pushed myself more i wear my apple watch of course so i know when my heart rate's getting too high and was taking breaks but i was like i'm actually not winded so that's good i just need to get back into stamina aerobic yeah stamina and aerobic conditioning so yeah and last night i went hard very hard and i felt fine then i woke up this morning didn't have my regular inhaler anymore so hopefully i'm hoping it'll get filled today so i can go pick it up when we're done if you call did you fill it online cvs if you call and tell them like hey can i pick this up they'll usually bump you to the higher list okay of it

on top of it and sometimes mods will just if it says they're working on filling it but it still doesn't say ready mods will just go to cvs and then if you're there then they'll bump you up even further good to know yeah because i'm in a rhythm i don't want to get out of my rhythm and like especially if you push but you didn't feel too far that's like a high that you like then you're like now i don't want to pause now i was i was doing so good i want to bump up so yeah so that's what i did i got my i got a pedicure i got a russian panic pedicure have you had one of those yet no and i don't know after that toe thing that i had i don't think i i don't think i can have that much manipulation on my cuticles i'm afraid that's true i'm my i feel

like you know like your hand print your toe print i don't think i have toe prints anymore like my feet are smooth like a smooth stone that's how they feel and it's now it's been five days and they still feel fresh out of getting a pedicure that's crazy i think i'm going to go the next pedicure i get i haven't gotten a pedicure since i had that because i'm afraid yeah that that's something to be afraid of do you want to tell people what happened so you constantly are stubbing your toes yes they're very long they are they're huge especially my big toe which is the problem um and i this is gonna sound like i'm a victorian child but like this is in fact present day los angeles california um and people think la doesn't get cold la does get cold and before

right now but also i it was just because i had the temperature in like 64 but i'm cold right now that's why my my shoulders are yeah she's shaking yeah she's chilly so before we had heat our house is very old it's very drafty and i have rain outs which is like a circulation disorder and POTS exacerbates it so like my feet never have blood in them so because of that paired with what Melissa said I stub my toes all the time I frequently can injure my and I'm tall I frequently injure my toes and there's no blood so I don't feel that I've hurt them and they're so far away from my body that I don't see them that much and it's cold so I'm never I'm just going from shower to socks socks socks socks like I'm not looking and then it got hot out and turns out

I was getting, I was getting these things called chill blains, which are essentially like cold blisters on my toes. And then when it got hot out, oh, and then they swelled because of that. And then when it got hot out and I threw on some sandals, turns out they had swollen so much, this is so gross, that they'd essentially like created a gap between my toenail and like the inside of my body and so bacteria and things get into it when your foot is that swollen it just makes it more susceptible and so then it got an infection and it also could have been like a burst blister that then got reinfected they weren't sure uh and when i tell you that it was out two or four weeks of antibiotics that still didn't fully clear it up that it's been like it's

better now but like they've said that like anything like that with your toes once it happens one time you are more susceptible to that because like it's an it's like an imp like i did they did a shot in my toe they did i did topical antibiotics i did oral antibiotics like people will do iv antibiotics and it's still bad um so now i'm thinking that the next time i get a pedicure i'm gonna do it one of those medical ones oh yeah yeah that's smart because i just yeah i know that they can also tell you better how to like take care of your feet and because they said that like someone people said that like if you do a year of medical pedicures usually after you've had that you can then essentially like work your immune system back up to that but i'm just afraid of

like the possible risk like yeah that means total sense yes i gotta do that sometime yeah if you if you are capable of getting not i'm not talking to you i'm talking to our audience no i if you're capable of getting them getting them i got um like a a bright pink which i usually get on my toes anyway but also i got a russian manicure three weeks ago and i want to just show you how good it still looks like yeah they you have no cuticle they literally remove your future cuticle yes like I was going to get because I usually when I get just like a regular gel I will get it every two weeks because it pills so much this is going on week three like I'm in week three it'll be I'm going on week four that's crazy and like this and you're hard on your nails yes your nails your gel

chips or peels quicker than anyone I know yes I know I don't know what's wrong with my nails but like this is good i'm gonna just change i'm gonna change it up just so that i'll be on schedule for when i go out of town in july so i'm going to get it but i could go another week but it's grown out but you can see where it's grown out but it has not peeled on anything and also because your cuticles are so tiny the growth out is feels so much yeah like that's a cute color on you too the shape is nice too you look good in the squoval that's what i was trying to she was like do you want russian do you want square or an oval and i was like i want squoval and she's like what is that she's like huh she literally just went huh i'm not just saying squoval to ilia romanoff

and so um i was like the square but but circular on the edge she understood it's cute that fits I look ridiculous in that shape. You gotta know what's good for your fingers. My fingers don't look right with a pure oval on it. That looks really good on them. They look like magazine nails. She took pictures and put it on the website. Yeah, those are great.

Those nail beds, too. Fucking good. I would do the exact same. Well, I love it. Look at you. Your lashes and your nails. Yeah. She's Russian.

She's Russian, baby. Have you learned any Russian? Not yet. I will have only learned it from Heated Rivalry. and pierogi so the second episode of heated rivalry are they speaking russian this the whole episode is this what i was working out at the same time and i couldn't quite understand what was happening i was using pictures like i could i knew the story i know what's going on because there's really not that there's really not that much story anyway for this show so was

that in were they speaking english or what was who's speaking english when iliana was with the other russian people not his name but for sure when ilia was was with with the russian people were they speaking english or were they speaking russian so um wow for some i was about to make fun of you but now that i think about it that's kind of a good question were they was i reading the subtitles there was no subtitles on my screen so that's what i was confused about did they ask because i was watching when i was watching episode one i was watching it on my tv and there were subtitles when i was watching episode two it was no i was watching on my computer while i was working out because i might work out on the tv and so i was hearing it and i

was like i don't know if i'm here are you having a stroke or was it in russian is that right or and did i accidentally cut off the subtitles the subtitles are built in well then there were no subtitles the language to russian there was no subtitles on my screen wait so who was he with was he at the party he was with the girl that he's fucking svetlana and then the other dude that's interested in him too and they were doing coke in the bathroom so it was in fact either in english and you were having a stroke or there were subtitles i was working out and could not fully hear it because i was on the row machine yeah so i'm saying whatever it is i wasn't having a stroke i'm just saying i wasn't having a

alternative i'm just saying i was on the row machine i could not fully hear what they were saying everything that was like without a russian accent it sounded clear in english but the russian stuff i could not understand what was being said it was it was i know what they said so that means they were either speaking in english or there were subtitles okay so that's this yeah i know what happened in the scene okay so i in fact actually maybe they were speaking english or you were also reading the subtitles there was no subtitles i know for a fact there was no subtitles okay so then i don't think we know russian so i think they were speaking english But, like, to be fair, I can't really remember.

No, I could tell what was happening just visually. Svetlana set them up. They went to the bathroom. They did some coke. He didn't do coke. Huh? Ilya didn't do coke. Well, the man, the man that was already there.

Well, he was annoyed with Ilya. He was like, you're not even fun anymore. You don't even do coke anymore. Right. I could, I understood all that. Well, I don't think you're picking up on that dialogue from Vibes. I think you must have heard it or read it. Heard it.

I did not. There was nothing to read. there was nothing to read you heard it then also then i'm wondering why were they speaking it is maybe just because they were speaking russian for so long they just made it so that they're speaking in english yeah i always find it funny when there'll be like a movie and it's like set in germany and everybody is german but they're just german speaking with american accents and i'm like that was really weird like you could just have them not be there or like have them speak german i don't get it oh but yeah and then the olympics at the coffee shop i was like are you

kidding this is the olympics okay if you want to hear more about our heated rivalry discussion join us on thursday for but am i watching where we discuss the first episode of heated rivalry so i guess we're kind of speaking about it out of order but we have a full breakdown yes on thursday all right we're gonna take a break when we get back we will get into another one we're back it's time for a don't blame them where one of you a listener a viewer a watcher you write in with your own advice pertaining to a call or some advice that we had on a prior episode and this one is for the episode of i kissed my ex's friend from june 8th of this year on the divorce mom that gets jealous if megan's suggestion doesn't work or you feel like it won't

work slash sick i thought they said or like operating room i was like i don't think we need to get that right intense do you want to share a little bit about what your advice was i was hoping to read it to uh you know jog my memory okay i was okay so what happened was this one this the writers mom and dad have been divorced for years now and the mom seems to be jealous of the time that the writer is spending with the with her father and his new girlfriend and so i actually don't even remember what your advice was either i had two prongs advice it was you have to kind of gray rock your mom and be like hey i'm not gonna talk about this anymore and if she does you get up and leave and you don't let this be the relationship because like it will breed

resentment and or i said reach out to like if she has sisters best friends close people in life to be like hey i think that she is like looking for she's a little bit lonely and and trying to foster her having friendship with friends not just like you and viewing that as a social circle and then our shared advice was uh making sure that you and your mom plan fun things to do so it's not just like disneyland dad like he's not you're not doing all the fun stuff with him and then you and her are just like chilling at home if mega suggestion doesn't work or you feel like it won't work stick i suggest setting a hard boundary with your mom and if it makes everyone feel better make it a boundary for all parental figures block her on instagram or whatever she's seeing this is so

intense okay if we're trying to keep the peace blocking your mom on instagram is a little crazy blog or instagram or wherever she's seeing your post with your dad and don't talk to her about the things that you do with your dad clearly she can't handle seeing that and therefore she does not get to see it in real time life updates via social media or updates via from phone from you think of it like a child box and she is in fact acting like a child also are you an only child if not talk about it with your sibling and see if this is a thing she does with them mom definitely needs therapy regardless you got this i have to say whoever wrote this in is also probably no contact with their parents because that is a level of intensity i understand but i don't think we can

tell other people i mean i'm not no contact with my mom but uh on social media she can be a bit much so like honestly my catalyst for deleting facebook was because she thought that every life update needed to be on facebook and would get mad if i didn't post about life updates on facebook so i deleted facebook you should tell her about threads because apparently people are getting got because they didn't realize that their posts are not automatically going to threads and so there are all these people like posting like facebook updates that are going to threads that are then going viral on threads and then they have a whole fan base on threads and they have no idea yeah i'm not gonna tell her but then on instagram sometimes she also gets mad if i don't like my

mom's the opposite where she if i'm not posting things she gets mad about it so like if i don't tell somebody happy birthday if i don't post about my dad's birthday on instagram i'm like he's not even on instagram he wouldn't see this well why don't you make a post for him for father's day he's not on he's not on instagram why should i make a post she thinks it's it's about the principal yeah that's the thing she's like it's about the principal like like people should know that your father is there and i'm like if you don't know i know it's a personal relationship i do not have relationships with everybody that i know that's following me on instagram i do not care i called him and wished him a happy father's day i sent him a father's day letter or father's

day letters i sent him a father's day gift like he knows that i love him if you only posted on instagram your father would have no idea that you're in a happy father's day right then then that would also be a problem right so my so i've had to uh limit i limit my post for her to see which you can do yes i i will say your you it doesn't sound like she maybe has the same relationship with you know ever melissa's oldest melissa's got sisters you're the oldest you are i would say that you facilitate peace you don't keep the peace no i i rock the boat i don't want even say i facilitate peace either i am no one's peace to be honest i'm saying that if somebody if somebody is trying to you're you're not going to throw fire on someone else you'll instigate from

your end no you're every you'll instigate from there no mate melanie's the one that tries to keep the peace no no i don't think you try and keep the peace but i think if someone else is trying to keep the peace either you'll facilitate by moving yourself if you're not ready for the peace but oh i'll remove myself but sometimes if i believe that the person is thoroughly in the wrong then i'm definitely throwing throwing more gasoline on the fire but you're not trying to make everything worse you're trying to essentially get to a better you're not doing this like you know i mean like not not maliciously but i want people to learn a lesson from the mistakes that they have made that is facilitating the peace like you're planting

the seed of correctness and peace yeah but a lot of people see that as being an asshole well which my mom when she introduces me to new people she tells them i'm an asshole so they already know what they're uh you know getting into when they meet and a lot of people also refer to me as an asshole so to me i think that's a peace facilitator but not a peace people like i'm sorry i'm telling you about you and you just aren't ready i'm telling the truth it's not like i'm lying i'm giving you the option to choose peace which is why i'm facilitating a circumstance for you to make the right decision but i'm not going to make the wrong decision to like keep the peace no that that to me is a peace facilitator i'm setting i'm setting the steps in place for you to do the right thing

but i'm not going to do the wrong thing right so but i think that this caller is a little bit more of a peacekeeper and will sacrifice their correctness will sacrifice things in order for the greater good which i in fact have never done in once in my life so i think that restricting would be a better mindset but i truly think that like sometimes when like if you come in too hard trying to parent your parent like parent your parent um by the way they don't like that they don't but it's gotten to the point where they um they're they're at the point now like they save doctor's appointments for when i come in town and so i'm like now you actually want me to be your parent therefore you have to accept when i do this on my own time too but i think

it's just about like sometimes you like there's a difference between having a conversation and setting boundaries and then acting out those boundaries versus being like I'm blocking you on Instagram I don't think you need to tell that I think you can set the boundary and then whatever you need to do that falls within that boundary but I agree that mom definitely needs therapy but I think one of the greatest things on Instagram is just restricting people so they think it's one of my favorite things in the world yeah my one of my favorite there's My list is so long. I'm surprised I haven't got to the point where there's too many people on the list.

Yep. I will restrict someone for, like, just a time period because, like, I don't want them to see something from a time frame. And then I'll look back and I go, I'm actually going to keep you on probation. Right. You got to earn your way back. Or you just post a couple things that are just really annoying. Oh, yeah. And I don't want to see all your re-posts and whatever.

Yep. I feel that. I wholeheartedly. I love like out of sight, out of mind. Because sometimes blocking people makes them feel vindicated. And I don't want them to feel that. I don't want them. I just want them to feel unsettled and no peace.

Exactly. We're all in the same boat. I love that. Well, let us know, listener, from the original one, if you've been able to set those boundaries and if those things have come. And again, end of the day, when all else fails, lie. Right. Lying is okay. It's honestly a necessary.

as long as it's not hurting people then i'm fine with lying if it keeps your peace and it makes it so like you can show up in a better way for people and like those people are better off for it yeah but like radical honesty i think is a huge mistake because that's why people will go up to you like i think you're ugly and then it's like cool that's not helpful right not helpful at all lying should be helpful yeah like and for example with this caller when your mom's like what'd you do this weekend you don't have to tell her you went apple picking you could tell her that you went apple picking and your dad's girlfriend shit her pants like you could like or you can just not even tell the story yeah you can just be like oh you know not much what did you get up to yeah you don't

have if people want to have their feelings hurt the more information you get they will hurt their like you can't the information you give people they are at the back of they're at the the helm of how they react to that no matter how you package it if they want to be upset or if they are upset about it no matter how you phrase it and you do that to them they're going to digest it in the same way and so sometimes those people just don't need to know because they're just going to be upset regardless so best of luck and um person who wrote in let us know if you're no contact with your parents because i feel like i was picking up on that vibe and if so i see you I understand.

I understand. But otherwise, you run an incredibly tight ship with your parents. It's incredible. That's remarkable. And I would guess if that's the case, you are also either the youngest or the oldest. And if you're youngest, you're youngest by a lot. And they had no idea what was coming when you came out. All right.

Well, that's the end of our episode. Woo-hoo! Thank you so much. Join us on Thursday. Again, as we said, we'll be talking about heated rivalry. And then Monday, we'll be back for a new episode of Don't Blame Me. Woohoo! Bye!

This is a Sister Sign production hosted by me, Megan Rinks. And me, Melissa D. Montz, plus Diamond Imprint Productions. Post-production by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.