Don't Blame Me! - Trashing Roommate's Room

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

For But Am I Wrong Meghan: Kind vs. Nice Melisa: Stop judging people by how "well" they age In But Am You Wrong they if listeners were wrong in the following situations: Boyfriend's grandmother won't talk to me Am I entitled to a deposit check Not talking to a friend going through a hard time Roommate throwing a party And in But Are They Wrong AKA "Rachel of The Week" they nominate, Meghan: Yolanda Swim Melisa: Arkansas, Iowa, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, South Carolina Write In: [e-mail] Weigh In: Vote in the weekly poll on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/by.meghan.and.melisa/ Buy Our Merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Join Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Follow Us: https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdYV7J5p/ Follow Meghan: https://www.instagram.com/meghanrienks/ https://twitter.com/meghanrienks https://www.youtube.com/c/meghanrienks Follow Melisa: https://www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa/ https://www.instagram.com/diamondmprintproductions https://twitter.com/SheIsNotMelissa Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hi welcome back to another episode of but am i wrong starring two people who check my watch still have never been wrong it's skin 30 it is skin 30 unless you're uh and that's if you're on the patreon if you are listening my whole boob is out and you should subscribe to our patreon so you can see it i mean that wasn't alive last week was my tit out the whole time yes and i told you oh and then you fixed it and then it fell out again okay but you were like i'm fine with it being out yeah it's kind of haywall i'm cheap adult but it's also like you had on a little bra thinking so it wasn't like a tit yeah i think honestly at this point i should do a poll how many people who follow me on the internet have seen one part or multiple parts of me nude because like

i've had a lot of accidental slips and videos like it got to the point where people stopped telling me and then i would check and i would go oh my god no one told me that i had thought thought you knew or if you saw my just jared photos on just jared jr on the i know just your junior leaked my nudes what is junior you don't know what just jared is i know what just jared is but what's jared junior it's for the it's for the teeny boppers that's disgusting what do you mean they're putting up naked pictures for teenagers you have to let me finish the joke she's like you're ready to cancel just jared junior no i was at comic-con and it was flash photography and i had no idea that my dress was see-through and so i'm standing in the middle of like all

the boys it's like me melvin and leo and and liza and and haze and i'm sitting there in the middle flash photography and it's just like fucking nipples and like areola full titty shape like outline of every part of me and like vagina and like thighs it's all of that and i saw like we like you know at the end of like every day when you're on a press tour or doing press and for anything your publicist um will send you all of like the things that have been that have gone up that will do a good end of day recap and so we had like our own individual publicist who would do that but we also had like hulu's network publicist who would send us one on a whole group thing so it's a message with all of us on it an email and i open it and it's the first thing i

fucking see is that and i like turned to the guys and i was like oh my god look like it's totally you see through and they're like yeah like we thought that's what you're doing you knew that and they were like yeah i just thought i don't know i thought it was like a vibe like it's very you like i didn't think i thought you knew i was like you let me walk around all day interviews comic-con flash photography you let me stand in the fucking middle arms behind both of your backs just like fully like starfish spread for this and they were like oh i thought i thought it was a point and then just jared jr had posted those photos and i was like those are my nudes wow I didn't know this. Yeah. Look at that. Learned something new. How about I find them while you

introduce what the show is? Welcome to But Am I Wrong, a podcast by two people who are never wrong. You're probably wondering, what is this show about? We have three different segments. The first one is But Am I Wrong? And that's where we pick different things from our lives. It could be a hot take. It could be something that happened personally. Then we choose if we're wrong or not. And then y'all can write in and present things for us to judge. And then the final segment is, but are they wrong? And that's where we pick somebody from pop culture, politics, anything that's in the real world.

And we nominate the vote of the week, Rachel of the week, the wrong of the week. And then the best part is that we have participation. So on Fridays, we have an episode called Fisting Fridays, where we, y'all can vote on our Instagram and then we'll read the results on 15 Friday. You did a great job. Thank you. So shall we start? We shall. OK, so for my what am I wrong? I have a hot take that I don't even honestly have like that much to say about this. I'm like mostly just like really curious what other people think. And I'm curious what you think. And I think this will spark an interesting conversation. OK, i think there's a difference between being kind and being nice and i think being kind is better

okay i think that you can be kind and still be like a bitch i think i am a bitch but i think i am kind but i think nice people can actually be like shitty people yes right yes do you agree with us yes 100 remember that girl i was telling you about on my cheer squad that was a nice person but she was a cunt i i have like very strong feelings about this of like i think kind being kind is being nice with intention and being nice when it counts and when it matters i think being nice quote unquote there's not usually much like no thoughts just vibes behind it and it's so much more about your perception because like when you when you refer to yourself or you refer to other people like being nice like oh I want people to think I'm nice I want people to think I'm nice

like that's so much more about how other people perceive you versus like I don't you don't ever think like I want people to think I'm kind but when you think of someone else who is like a really kind person that's how you would describe them because I think I'm kind but I don't think I'm nice I think I'm thinking the exact same way and I think like you know some have called us rough around the edges but i think that like who called us that i don't know maybe they use a different one but something along the line what was there was some descriptor of like a catchphrase some sort of phrase that someone in a review forever ago about like and it was a compliment it was something of like how we give advice i don't think it was rough around the edges because i do not

take kindly to that it was something out maybe it was like is there a bigger phrase with sugarcoat probably it was it was something that i was like i've heard this word this is on a tea towel in home good somewhere and i think that like the desire that people have to be perceived as nice like actually prevents you from being kind because it doesn't come from a genuine place and i also think that like that's what like how the discourse of like really fucking chronically online interactions and conversations happen when people I was reading like this subreddit thread about like someone talking about some like influencer that they met or whatever or it was like no someone was talking about how some influencer had responded to someone's comment

on like their TikTok and like a comment was like that bag doesn't go with the outfit and they responded being like it goes like I think it goes and like how could that person be like so rude back and I'm like you whoa that's so weird like and then someone else commented on it and said like oh I've like met her and like she's really nice and like I've she was like really really kind like and like I don't buy that look how she responds to people in her comments I'm like so you as a as a perception are valuing someone that you want to be like nice and it's usually in the over the top and not in a balanced way like it needs to be one side is overwhelmingly and honestly like weirdly nice to something that isn't nice in the first place you would rather that and you would

rather like believe someone's true person and intention on that versus someone who's like oh i've had a conversation with them they're really kind i just think it's very interesting and i would love to know what our audience everyone all of you listening do you think there's a difference between kind and nice do you agree with me am i wrong in thinking that there is a large difference between being kind and being nice and it is better to be kind than to be nice yep food for thought i've said that three times today juicy okay i'll never say it again savory sweet salty umami i said acid acidic fire acid what was the name of the salt fat acid heat yeah okay mine is a hot take as well. I've wanted to speak on this for a while but I wasn't sure how to approach it

and so I was inspired by two things. One there's of course a TikTok challenge as there is that inspires a lot of things that happen in my life. One of them is going around which it seems to come back every few months but people are posting like their age and being like can't believe that i'm this age or nobody ever knows my age and then there's also like i posted some old pictures the other day on instagram and one of our listeners of the show who i adore yeah they know who they are they sent it who i adore responded to my stories and was like and they said you don't age at all and it kind of made me feel weird so i didn't like feel good about the like like liking it yeah enjoying that you you personally read the comment and you you didn't like that they were

giving it as a compliment or you didn't like that you felt it like i didn't like that they were giving it as a compliment okay so my but am i wrong is we need to stop judging people based on what age they look and how well quote unquote that they're aging and comparing our ages and how we look physically to other people we kind of have of like a skewed view of how people should look at a certain age because in media a lot of times like on tv 16 year olds are being played by 28 year olds and then people are in their 20s are being played by people in their early to mid 30s and then when you're in your mid 30s they're playing like 50 year olds yeah so people don't have like a actual concept of what how old people actually look unless you're just like looking at

your peers and stuff and then also they're not taking into account makeup and then airbrushing and all the photoshopping that gets done and also some people have access to cosmetic procedures as well and so um I like for one have never really looked my age when I was 16 people thought I was 12 when I was 25 I was literally walking in the airport and a woman thought that I was a child and came to help me with my luggage and I was like I'm going to my rental car um and like for me it's just like genetics i don't do anything special i you know do basic skin care and that's it and like when people say like you don't look your age or you look younger i'm like but like i can physically see that i look older than i used to look and i just i don't like it

and i'm like i don't like that people perceive people aging as kind of like a bad thing and i don't like that women aging uh-huh and i'm and like i'm fine with the way i look but like i know that I'm getting older and I can personally see it. And so I've seen people judge celebrities when they're like not all done up in their everyday looks, specifically women. And people comment on how bad they look or how they look like they're getting old. And it's like, no, you're just used to seeing a false image of them. And then there's, like I said, that trend that's on TikTok. And a lot of people are judging other people like, no, you actually like somebody will post and be like i'm 35 and they're like you look 45 and like comparing themselves to other people

and like in essence saying that they make themselves seem like they're better because they look what some would perceive as younger and so when people talk about if somebody's aging well quote unquote or what aging good or aging fully yeah gracefully that too and it's like we're not taking into genetic we're not taking into people's genetics into their life experiences what trauma they've been through I think about my friend in high school when we were 16 she like I remember seeing her at school one day and then she came and visited me at at my job on the weekend at the mall and she looked like she had aged like 20 years and we didn't know what had happened and we found out a few weeks later that one of her organs had gone into failure holy shit and so it's like we're not

considering like what other people are going through or even let's say that it's just somebody that's just like really into surfing and they're out in the sun all day yeah like people just have different things that they go through and so i just think that we should just stop like judging people are saying that people aren't aging well and that we're all aging every day and the physical manifestation of that shouldn't be up for debate and aging is like a good thing like you know a lot of people don't have like the luxury and the privilege to get older like a lot of people don't make it to their 30s a lot of people don't make it to their 40s i don't think you're wrong at all i have been terrified of starting to get into my 30s of being like oh i'm going to have that classic

like actress like in hollywood like working in like entertainment for what you look like i'm like I am going to like it's impossible to not have that crisis because like you are talked about in a way that's like your body and your face is not a part of you like it's a separate thing and like every time I go meet with casting directors or agents it's like oh I like before an audition of like oh we can't have her come in for this like she looks too young for this or we can't have her come in for this she looks too old for this and then I go in in person like oh my gosh you don't look old like oh you could do this like you could play like this is exciting like because if you look young that means there's more job opportunities for you and so like it becomes

intrinsically tied with that and like I saw Jamie Lee Curtis did a video on a clip from her on Drew Barrymore show where she like talked about that about how her awareness of like being a woman in Hollywood of like trying to look pretty like just existing in life and she's like and I'm not like living my life but I'm trying to like look pretty like I'm just so stiff and I'm just thinking about what I look like and like the most beautiful one in the room is like someone who's just like having fun and like enjoying herself so I mean I don't think you're wrong at all I think it's so hard for women because like we spend the first 21 years of our life trying to look older and then we spend the next however long we have trying to look younger like there's not any point where

it's socially acceptable for a woman to be look how she does in that time and not want for something or wish for something that has already happened or hasn't happened yet like it's it is it's one of like the most glaringly obvious like examples of like the patriarchy and like feeding on women's insecurities like it's so obvious and like i still so fall guilty into that when people like oh my gosh you look exactly the same you haven't aged blah blah blah and for me it's not even a and it doesn't make it any better and for me it's like it's not about what I look like because truthfully if someone's like oh my gosh you look exactly the same as you did in high school I go I got a whole ass nose job and I look the same and like I don't want to look like I did in high school like I like

look in the mirror and I'm like I'm really happy about the new ways I've changed about how I do my makeup or if I get like a haircut or I do something like I'm I'm not longing for what I looked like when I was like 16 like I still look back on that and I can be like appreciative of who she was but i'm like don't love that hair choice like you know i mean uh-huh but like the fact that it has become so tied to longevity in my career that that becomes a compliment in itself and i'm like oh so we couldn't just have the patriarchy to tie capitalism into this and it's like oh okay wow and it's it's it is fucked i will say that tiktok trend i saw someone make a funny one video about like being like i don't look my age and she was like to be fair they could look older

than their age or younger than their age and they're making a video saying i don't look my age like that just means they don't look their age and most people who are posting that you're self-aware a lot of people would never post that because they don't want to hear what people say and most of the time like some people have always heard they looked older or some people always heard they looked younger and like looking older like short wrinkles like certain things we associate with like sun damage because you've been on this like on the earth for more days than other people but also like it doesn't seem to apply to people who have always looked older than their age in just like their bone structure and they might have like a very like when you think of like a classic

that you could throw them in a black and white movie and be like oh you totally fit into this and to me you seem like this person who like could have been through all of these eras it is only ever used as a way to really make women very clear where they stand do you know what i mean it's not just an observation it's like a very poignant statement yep because my thing is if i get the compliment and i don't like that i like it but you being like i don't like they're giving us a compliment i don't like to hear that that is my goal to not like hearing it you know it also just might help me if like i put on a blazer and like you put me in like i don't know a lawyer outfit if i didn't have casting directors saying you look like a child playing dress up like let me look

older i either need to look older or not look older do you know what i mean like child thing it's like to who because they've got people your age playing high school students that's the thing literally it's honestly it's 90 about body type and like i've been told i'm a little too tall to play like certain ages even though i've been taller but it's mostly just because men tend to be shorter but because i don't have boobs if i got fake tits i could i'd be fine but it's because i don't have and i've been told this by lots of like i don't have a quote-unquote womanly body i have more of a like young adult body that's one of those superhero tv shows i forgot which one it was but my friend was telling me about how she was watching it and there was an

actress in it that's a 30 year old woman and but she doesn't have like she has small breasts and she took off her shirt and it looked like prepubescent yeah and the person who's telling me this is that is also an actress that has a smaller figure and she's just like i see why they say that because it made me feel uncomfortable yeah and a lot of like you'll see a lot of actors and actresses who like get fake boobs like a lot of like we think of the stereotype of people getting fake boobs when they turn 18 or like when they're in they're becoming an adult but like you'll see a lot of actresses who like by the time that like they're in their like late 30s early 40s they're gonna get a boob job because they're trying to make to match up because also even if

you've been around for a certain period of time then it feels like well you have to be older because i've seen you in so many things like i can't keep believing that you're this age but yeah the whole thing is like so so so so so so so so skewed and i'm really curious about the current generation like gen z um but like mostly the older or like not the older the the um younger and like middle age of gen z i'm really curious what their relationship to age will be like because uh they tend to like they started like you know wearing makeup more and like trends have stopped being so like age range defined like the trends that like a lot of like people in their 30s are wearing are sim like very similar to ones like people who are like 11 years old are also wearing

and that was not did not used to be the case so i'm really curious how they're going to view that when they've always been looking older or and like been trying at a much younger age to look older yeah but then you look at like people from the 80s and they all look like in their 20s look like they're 50 yeah it's also just the amount of powder you throw on your face even but i'm saying like the men too they all look i know every time i even like look at like people will do like TikToks are like old yearbooks and I'm like those aren't children yeah those are like and maybe it's like just like the style of photography and like it's not as high quality so things look more like movie-ish and so you think of older people I don't know okay all right let's take a break

and we are back from our break sorry i thought i saw something we have we have like three flies that won't die i bought one of those electronic ones it makes a zapping when they die um and so now everywhere i go i like flies are there any flies here well there is one so this is a fun thing that's about to happen we are doing but are you wrong where you submit your predicaments your dilemmas your situations to our email address

but am I wrong pot of gmail.com keep it under 300 words let us know your pronouns if you would like if there are other people involved in what you're talking about give us some pseudonyms it's all anonymous and you can include their ages just as much information as possible but under 300 words and if you do a fantastic job

actually you don't really get diamonds here no the bar is lower i mean the standard is always high the standard is high but the execution is the median is raised i think because you can because you're just writing it out as opposed to writing out then calling you know so this is gonna be fun because i forgot to pick one so we are this is a cold read you're going in i'm raw dog very cold chilly dry i'm going in fucking i don't want to be cold and dry that's dry alarming okay hi megan melissa i'm inquiring about something which has been going on throughout my relationship with my boyfriend so for context my boyfriend is half

dutch and we live in the netherlands i've been here for a year so we are in contact with this extended family quite a lot i want to say they are great however they never really tried to talk to me and always seemed disappointed that i was not dutch or spoke it fluently the worst offender is his grandma who refuses to speak to me on the principle that it will make me learn the language this is not something new she did to my boyfriend's non-dutch mother until she learned it regardless the grandma does apparently appreciate my presence since she has invited me to all family events but am i wrong to think this is very disrespectful am i wrong to be very annoyed by my parents telling me not to be bothered by this am i wrong for being bothered about my boyfriend's lack of response to

this i have been reeling about this for a year so i would love to hear your opinion love the podcast best wishes? I maybe have a hot take, but I think if you are going to like a country with someone who speaks a different language in a country that is like predominantly speaks that language and you have access and ability to pursue learning that language, whether that even without the intention of becoming fluent, but just like for your own convenience and everybody else's convenience and even just for the cultural experience i think like it's it's important and it's also respectful i don't know what language you speak if you speak a language that they that they don't speak like i'm curious like is it that you speak english they also speak

english and they speak dutch i think a lot of people that speak dutch also they do yeah they do speak a lot they do speak English and so I think that that is a far worse offense than like let's say you move to the Netherlands you speak Portuguese they speak Dutch and they expect you to learn Dutch but have not made any attempts to learn Portuguese even if it's just some phrases or anything like I think that that would be really really really disrespectful on their part on the opposite end if it's english i do think that that is disrespectful on your part because it's a part of this their culture and like that is something that like you know i i think like you know they they seem disappointed that you weren't dutch you know that's not nice that that

sucks that doesn't feel great but i think you live in a place he like you live in the netherlands your boyfriend is half dutch his family all speaks dutch i don't think it's that maybe they don't like you because you don't speak dutch it's maybe that they don't feel like you care about his culture or they care or you care about wanting to communicate with them and respect their culture and their language that's what i think it is is that they're you're you said you've been together for years and you haven't made an effort to learn the language and then they're probably I don't know if you want to have kids but they're thinking about their kids too and then him having kids and then like their culture continuing to be passed down and then they don't want that to get lost

that's what I'm thinking like it's that they feel like you're being disrespectful to them yeah and I think like you know the grandma didn't speak to his mom until she learned how to speak Dutch like abrasive yes but I think like I would probably talk to his mom about it and be like I've been feeling like really uncomfortable and territorial about this and that it's like something about me like can you explain to me like why this is important this is also like it's a direct contrast to because his mom is not seemingly is not Dutch and didn't speak Dutch but is now fluent and speaks that and so then they're the grandma and the family seeing like she loved loves her husband he really cared about him and made the point to respect his culture

and where we live and learned this because she really cares and then you have you essentially in the same situation saying no and that feels like the polar opposite like you don't care right i agree how long have they been together they've been in the netherlands for a year but i've been reeling about this for a year i think it seems like probably the last year okay this has been because like i just can't i don't know i also just like really really really can't imagine like i will before going anywhere i'm gonna brush up on my duolingo like i can't imagine moving to a country and knowing i'm gonna be spending time a significant amount of time with like my partner's family who speaks a different language and not even like attempting to like

it's just such a show of like respect and like care and even like when you go visit another country when you make the effort to like you might go to a restaurant and you don't speak the language at all but you might have a guidebook and you make the effort to order things in that language then they they respect you more and then like they might realize that you speak english and if they speak english they'll switch over but they have a respect for you for trying because it's not that you're walking into somebody else's home and being like fit around me yeah and it's like well you're a guest here like this is like other places don't need to don't need to do that and it's you know i mean a lot of companies when you move overseas like

will make you take like language immersion because they don't it reflects poorly on you and like the individual and like your what the care that you feel towards the situation so i do think you're wrong all right next one yes sirree tldr am i entitled to any part of the deposit we're not lawyers so just keep that in mind i mean me they 30 newly divorced new to city desperate for housing i like the way that you formatted this joanne she 26 friend of about six months also pretty new to the city michael he 30 question mark joanne's partner of maybe three months question mark joanne spends all her time at michael's and i was having a hard time finding a place wait can we pause joanne's and michael's yeah i'm loving this i propose the

idea of splitting rent and sharing her apartment. This was before I realized how dirty the place was. This is not to shame anyone. I understand mental illness often gets in the way of keeping a tidy home. The place was filthy and infested with bugs. Cat poop and piss had been left on the floor. There was a hurricane last year that knocked out the power for a while and Joanne's refrigerator had clearly not been cleaned out since before then. There were frozen books in her freezer. I'd rather they be frozen. It took me days to clean the place. I had to invest in a vacuum cleaner. She didn't have one, a dehumidifier, a purifier, a steam cleaner on top of other cleaning supplies and tools. Joanne just told me she's officially moving in with Michael and his

roommate and will contribute to their rent at the end of November, leaving me to find a new place and move in a matter of weeks. When Joanne moves out, she might get her deposit back, but it would only be because of my hard work. Would I be wrong to ask her for part of the deposit? I know Joanne through a mutual friend and I am not on the month-to-month lease. We've made no previous agreements on this thank you so much love the podcast and appreciate y'all you're not entitled to anything because you weren't on the lease no but you can trash the apartment so she can't get it back yeah but like you're you're staying there by yourself for half the price though because she's paying the other half so i think anything that you might have been able to get she's paying

half the rent for you to have a full apartment by yourself did you pay the deposit no she paid the deposit like her money yeah she paid the deposit you're paying half the rent to stay at a place you cleaned it up like you didn't look at the place before you agreed to even live there so that's on you so just because you cleaned it up that doesn't mean that you're entitled to anything no and also like you also don't know that like she wouldn't have cleaned it to get her deposit back or hired someone to do that like the way you should have gone about doing this is like hey i this is like pretty unlivable at this state it's definitely not going to get it's uh you're not going to get the deposit back can you send me some money to cover for a cleaning service to come

or can you cover all would you pay me to clean this up but even then she's like she's entitled to say no yeah she's saying no but also again you're living there for half the yeah like but that's the only way that like you could even try and approach it by like being compensated for the work that you've done you can't get compensated for something that someone didn't ask you to do nor something that they didn't agree to pay you for and like you're I think you're looking at the deposit right now not is like her money that she's going to get back I think you're looking at it as like this is money just sitting there and she was never going to get it until I came like get it back until I came along and you just don't know that that's not the case it's just highly

unlikely and it sucks that you had to do all that but I think like at this point the only thing you can do is being like hey I know that this you put the money down for the security deposit and that's yours and all that obviously I don't expect to get any of that but like you should at this point get all of your money back from that I did invest in a good chunk of like cleaning supplies like it would be really great if you could maybe like toss me a hundred bucks like toss me something to like cover a little bit of that and I'd also be happy to like leave you with some of these cleaning supplies that I had bought that you can bring over like a vacuum there like if you want to do that like I think that's totally fine I still think she's going to be like well you stayed

at the place for half the price so I'm you're not entitled to that yeah you're not entitled to literally anything all you can do you can ask but i really think she's just gonna say you i don't know how much you're in is to say it was 500 you've been paying 250 to live here for months so like that compensates for whatever that was yeah it will i think it looks like it feels like a financial blow right now but like the money was never yours you didn't lose any money and she gives you money and pays you back for some of this like it all evens out in the end and like you got a great deal on a place by spending this money up front to like clean that and like maybe you got to keep a lot of this stuff and like or whatever but it's just like if you want to be

compensated for something you need to have an agreement before you do the thing that you do the work you want to be paid for yeah and also like if you have to move out in a few weeks why could you not say to the lane alerts like hey i'm interested in this property can i take over the lease yeah i'm sorry this definitely like i i would feel like annoyed as well but i would i would feel annoyed with myself for being like how did i i walked into this and like i don't have any grounds to stand on like and i don't have any right to any of it and you could go be as bold as to ask for some of the deposit back but like that you're i don't i really don't think she's going to give it to you and i think if you come from that angle that comes across just like really

really entitled again it's just entitled to her money right i don't know i always think of security deposits like mine might not ever get it back but then like my business manager's like no your security deposit like you shouldn't be making financial decisions based on like oh i need this money to close on a house but like you that you're getting it all back it's just it can't be money that you need in a timely manner but that's it's a part of her financial planning is a security deposit so i apologize but i think you're wrong okay now let's pick another random one i have no idea what it's about hi megan and melissa i 23 she her have two friends Leslie, 22 she her, and Marley, 23 she her, who I met through a club on campus.

We had grown really close over the last few years. We'd talk almost every day, have sleepovers over the weekends, and even went on vacation together. Recently, Marley has started acting different towards us. She's lied to us and others about things that don't make sense to lie about, ignores our calls and texts, and has dropped out of the club. Leslie has tried reaching out a couple of times and asked what's going on, but Marley either ignores her or completely evades the question.

I have yet to hear from her, but I've seen her around campus. During a conversation with another friend, I was told to try reaching out to her because Marley must be going through a rough time. Am I wrong for not reaching out and for being done with the friendship because of her actions and lack of communication? We both feel hurt, but Leslie has been more open about it and thinks I should try to be more sensitive since this is very sudden and out of character for Marley. But I really don't like the mistreatment and I don't see a point in reaching out when

Marley clearly does not want to communicate with us. Thanks for any input you can give and I love both your podcasts. wow this is the episode of us telling of me saying that I think you're wrong I think if two people have said hey let's approach this with like some sympathy they might be going through a hard time you don't have to like how someone who's going through a hard time is treating you and I think the only thing in that situation that like is like the the the best thing to do not that you have to do it or you should do it but I think like the kindest thing to do even if you don't like how someone is treating you in a situation but it is like very drastic

and sudden is to just reach out and just be like hey i miss talking to you this feels really sudden i just wanted to check in with you that you were doing like to see how you were doing i'm here to talk but if you're going through something emotionally mental health wise if you could shoot me a message and just let me know that and you want some space that would be great but if i don't hear from you after this i'm just going to assume you don't want to be friends anymore. And I'm just going to step away. That's, I think the kindest thing that you can do. It gives someone an opportunity to be like, you don't have to tell me everything you're going through. Just like blink once for yes, like twice for no. You know what I mean? Like, just let me know if

that's what you're going through. And if that's the case, then I'm like, okay, cool. I will be here. If you need me, reach out to me. If you want to talk, I'm here, but like, I'm going to, you know, I'm not going to keep, I'm not, I'm just going to pull back if that's what you want. but if i don't hear from you then i know where i stand because i it is very common for people who are going through tough times to like not reach out to people and to just kind of ghost and it doesn't like doesn't come from a malicious place but that doesn't mean that it doesn't like hurt like you can be depressed and like i do all the time i fucking like ghost my friends and i'm like not a great friend or even lash out. I may not want people to reach out to me, but it's what

I need. Exactly. And like, but that doesn't mean what I'm what I'm doing is any less hurtful. And like you're entitled to be like hurt by that. But then we need to have a like a conversation about that. And if I'm in a really bad space, mental health wise, most I'm going to need you to let me know, hey, that really hurt me or something. And then I can I will apologize to that. But like when someone's really going through it and they're not being present or they're not being there and they're not doing what they're you're used to expecting from them they're not if when you start treating your friends half-assed that is like uh you've you let your you stop treating yourself well a long fucking time ago and sometimes people just ghost some people they don't want to be

friends anymore and they don't really want to communicate about it and it's just because they don't have like the courage or the strength to do that and they have zero mental health stuff going on and then there are people who are having some serious mental health things there and this is always one of those things that like I'd rather me find out you actually are not going through anything mental health wise you just don't be friends anymore than me treating it the opposite and then finding out you're going through something and that I just was like couldn't be couldn't be bothered because you hurt my feelings I would always rather that and you're allowed to be hurt but sometimes like hurt people hurt people and I also don't think it's good for you

if you have been hurt in this relationship to not give her the opportunity to apologize and help you heal said hurt like both people walk away more miserable you giving people the opportunity to apologize or not even just explain but like give context what's going on or like let you into their life like that will help both of you yeah when I was in college same age 22 I had like my first bout of depression and I didn't understand it and I didn't know how to process it and I did tell a few lies and was pushing people away and I know that I was being mean and I just needed some space but like I still appreciated that people were there even though they were there and I felt annoyed but at the same time needed them to be there you know like even if it was just a text

message or something and so I remember the people that were there for me when I needed it even if I wasn't talking to them directly but them just dropping a note letting me know that that they cared that was enough for me at that time and then when I was able to speak to them and tell than what i was going through most of those people i'm still friends with today yeah and like that perspective the friends the friends who like stick around through all of that like leslie is saying this and then like you know some other people whatever like those are usually people who are like i've been through that and i've been that person and it is not necessarily intuitive to automatically assume someone's going through something mental health wise and it is pretty

easy to assume that like, oh, they don't be friends anymore. Like, fuck that. But the people in your life who are telling you, like, let's treat this gently. She might be going through something. They know that because they've either been hurt or they've been on the other side of it before. And if you respond with like just callous and like, I don't give a shit, you're also showing those friends like, I don't think that you might be a safe person for me if I'm going through a rough time and I'm not the greatest friend. And also it's going to happen to you at some point. Even if it's not mental health related, you can be really stressed with work and you snap at a friend or you don't respond for a while or like something happens. You can have like a family

member passing and you're grieving. And if we don't show compassion to people and just give them the opportunity and like a place that feels safe for them to say what they're going through, or even that they're just going through something, it's going to be really hard for you to receive that back when you're inevitably going through something so communication is like a great thing and it's a really like mature thing to do it takes a lot of mental and physical energy to communicate things and sometimes like she might not be even processing what she's like what she's going through herself again i'd rather be wrong about a friend going through a tough time mental health wise i'd always rather be wrong about that and then have them find out like that

my pride is i value that so much less than like other people even people i don't like like their mental and physical well-being i would my pride is fine like i'm right now you're hurt no matter what you're gonna be you're gonna be hurt as you are right now you end the friendship you walk away you're like fuck it you're still hurt you find out that she's going through mental health stuff you're still hurt and you but you understand that this is what she's going through and then once this time has passed and she's really worked through this you can work on mending that friendship or you find out that she doesn't want to be friends anymore and you're still hurt like but one of these things is just a lot more compassionate uh than the other so wow we're

really i did not this is what happens this is why i gotta read them ahead of time so i'm not just telling everyone like i think you're wrong i think you're wrong no sometimes it needs to be done i have a petty one okay no this happened a couple years ago but i want to know if i am wrong i live with four girls 19 to 20 my tongue was a little wet there yeah i need you to stop 19 it's gonna take you longer she hurt and my roommate cammy's birthday was on a sunday she had partied the whole weekend before and then texted our roommate group chat and asked if she could have a couple friends over on Sunday night one roommate was out of town so my other roommate Stella and I responded saying sure a couple people would be okay but could they please keep it down

after 10 30 p.m as we had to work and go to school in the morning well Sunday comes and she has a party 45 people in the apartment bass blaring beer pong screaming the whole nine me and my other roommate are locked in our rooms fuming finally at 12 30 after many angry texts exchanged it ends and they all go elsewhere we come out to a disaster video and aftermath attached find the video i'm fine what do you think i'm fucking doing so i decided to take all of the alcohol cans some empty some not and put them into a trash bag and dump the bag out onto her bedroom floor photo attached am i wrong for gathering and dumping the cans on her floor before she had a chance to come back home and clean okay here's the cans

no video no i'm opening it you've got great eyebrows here's the thing i'd be pissed the fuck off if this happened i mean i had a friend once we were briefly roommates it was like a six months thing she was i mean like we were cool roommates all until one day she brought some friends over and they were being loud as fuck and i had to go to work the next morning and it was only like three people and i was mad about that because she knew i had to go to work but this having a full party with 45 people that's a nightmare when you already had told her it was you only say it was going to be like a few people and it was like 10 30 i will say though latest for it to be 45 people and based on the video that we saw it looks like she had started to clean

like they had started even though you think that she didn't have a chance or you didn't give her the chance i think she had started to clean because that wasn't that wasn't a 45 people just like terrible party rager thing yeah and so there was a swiffer out that we noticed in the video stuck into a chair yeah but i wonder if like the video was done if you had already started cleaning up a bit yeah but yeah there's a lot left there glass on a hardwood floor yeah this was like if anyone remembers a pivotal point in my book this was like this happened to me in college except my roommates threw a party took my keys threw a party locked me out and then wouldn't answer in so i had to scale a fence to get in it's like a 12 foot iron fence to get in to the house

and I had like strep like a couple of days before and I was on antibiotics and I was so tired. You had strep? Yeah, I'm kidding. Like everyone's like, get your tonsils out. And I'm like, no, that's so much fucking worse. That's so much fucking worse. I have adult size tonsils now.

I'm not doing that shit. Yeah. And then when I finally like literally broken through the door because someone let me in accidentally, people were leaving hookah coals on our carpeted floor and it was burning holes through the carpet. And the whole thing was like fucking trashed. so I understand like the absolute like fuming feeling and the regardless of the amount that

it was like clean or whatever it was I think a Sunday night having a party even if it's your birthday like you have to know that your roommates are doing you a fucking solid and then you got to abide by everything and I think if someone is not going through with the common courtesy I think that your common courtesy is out the window like I think you have full right to like literally dump all of that shit in her room like i don't think that you did anything wrong wait so she left oh they so at 12 30 they all go elsewhere so they probably went move the party to a bar or something i don't think you're right or wrong for moving the stuff i think she's completely wrong but like as far as you being petty i think for me it would be like when she comes home she's gonna

have to like i wouldn't have cleaned anything unless it was just in my way and i would make her when she got home clean everything but like you moving stuff to her room it's easier for her too it makes it easier one and then it's just extra energy that you have to exert unless it just made you feel good if it made you feel good okay but like why are you wasting energy moving her stuff yeah if it was cathartic you're not wrong if you were doing it to like prove a point i i i think that your point is better proved by letting her face the aftermath and just like texting her videos and photos of it and like so it's clear like i saw what this looks like and like i'm not cleaning it up unless somehow you bring it into her room made it harder for you

yet was somehow easy for you yeah like if they were all if you needed to eat something and it was all over the oven everything was all over the oven and you just scooped all this stuff into a bag and then carried it to her room and then dumped it on the floor and then you cooked like cool but if you like really just went through and just picked stuff up and moved it to her room waste of energy i don't think you're wrong if it makes you happy you can't i i don't have a conclusion oh my gosh look at you indifferent you're splitting the line you're straddling the line you're writing the line you're grinding the line wow only for patreon what's joe biden's plan for melissa grinding the line now let's take a break

we're back it is time for but are they wrong where we nominate the absolute worst of the week so i would like to nominate uh this is a a swimsuit an australian swimsuit designer but um she she did this herself on tiktok so i'll be referencing her tiktok account so the account is sky yolanda swim and it's yolanda swim so this is an australian woman who her bio as she says home of the contouring bikinis and she had one of like the most embarrassing like worst worst fat phobic takes i've ever seen and instead of just taking the video down she proceeded to make a series essentially about this and then remove one that was like oh this was too offensive but so she did this the video that I started seeing this from was from Dana Patterson like

I said my TikTok friend who stitched a video where and this video is like since deleted but the creator said if I hear one more woman who's like a size 18 or higher asking me to make plus oversized bikinis. And that's the video has been scrubbed. So I haven't seen the rest of the full one. But she goes on to respond to a comment on said video that is no longer up, which then sparked a video that is still up, which again is mind blowing. She starts a video like, you know, that you can hear if you're not watching the video, you can hear like with like the like the teeth together, like yikes kind of face, her pouring red wine into a wine glass. And with the sparkle emojis, the title is this is why I stopped stalking plus sizes. And someone, the comment

she's referring to is someone said, I don't think this lands the way you hoped it would. Your website only a size large for quote unquote larger bust category. And that's the only thing you have in a size large wild. And she goes on to say that she's a small business victimizing herself for this. And that plus size people don't wear skimpy bikinis and they don't wear bikinis because they're not comfortable wearing bikinis because they're plus sized. And then she says that like we just don't sell any like we're not making a profit. We're losing money by carrying plus sizes like we're not making money. Our biggest selling things are, you know, size small and extra small. So why would I make money for something that I'm not like? Why would I make more thing I'm not

making money on she is yet to address the fact that it's it would be impossible for her to make money on um making plus size bathing suits when she doesn't make plus size bathing suits so of course your target demographic and your audience is wearing size small and extra small because that's the size you carry plus size no no one's gonna buy a size that doesn't exist right like you're like it's just like the most like this most stupid argument and the whole thing she's like making jokes in between and just being like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then people like fat, like are seeing other videos of her that she's posted where someone had comment. She like keeps referring to herself as midsize, which there has been like a

trend in specifically white women deeming themselves midsize because they don't view themselves as thin and they don't view themselves as fat, that they are a midsize. Midsize like legitimately means it is you can wear the largest size and straight size and you can wear the smallest size and plus size or you can't wear either. And you're in the middle. Like that's what midsize means. She's not midsize. She fits in straight sizing, midsize and straight size. That's not you're not that. And someone had commented and said, since when is this considered midsize and then she goes oh my god like you think I'm skinny like thank you and just keeps reinforcing skinny and then she goes if you think bikinis make you look fat this is why

my bikini will make you look so skinny and just keeps being like you don't want to look fat in this and like I always feel fat fat fat but like oh my god like skinny skinny skinny this is like so great and she keeps keeps doubling down did a three-part quote-unquote apology series which was like I messed up which is always starting with like little like he like quick quirky little like emma chamberlain wannabe edits and it's like very downplaying all of it and then she is in the comment section arguing with people about like there's nothing wrong with valuing being skinny and wanting to be skinny there's nothing wrong with that that's not fat phobic like i'm not fat phobic at all and anytime any plus size creator anyone is like reaching out and being like this

is like not it she's like well you can dm me like let's not talk about it here like does not want anyone and then people are like i would love if you made this in an extra large and she goes I can custom make one if you want me to. It's like, just carry them. And she won't hire plus size models because plus size models are currently, as she says, trendy. So they're charging more money than skinny girls.

And so it's too expensive to hire plus size models. So even though she carries like a large, which by the way, Australian conversions, her actually, she says that she also, oh, the worst part I didn't even start with. She markets this as an inclusive bathing suit collection, a bathing suit brand that is inclusive. And she goes, well, we are plus size.

We go all the way up to like, i don't know extra large maybe she says they go up to 3x but they don't but the largest size that the equivalent that they carry is a us 12 and they only have that in like one thing that's it and it's just like absolutely baffling and so she does this like faux apologies and then it's just doubling down and fighting with people in these comments and then being like well you know like people always say that like if you're not going to be able to like do plus size like well and inclusive like you just like shouldn't do it and i just like maybe that's not my space like and i'm like oh now suddenly you're a thin person you're not but you've been

advertising yourself as like oh my gosh like oh you feel so fat you feel so fat like i'm gonna show you to be skinny like i am like the the guru of all of this and like i'm mid-sized i'm not like those other skinny girls but now you're like i wouldn't know i i don't want to step on anybody's toes here i'm like shut the fuck up like shut the fuck up and also no one support her in any type and then she had the audacity to then just totally out of the blue repost like a plus size creator who did a video of them wearing her swimsuits in like april because you know there's literally no content with people in bigger bodies wearing her swimsuits on her instagram on her website like the models even on the social platform so they have one they found and she's doing this being

like oh my gosh she was like so sweet she loved all of our stuff and everyone's commenting being like, I'm glad that she really likes these bathing suits. She doesn't have a relatable or attainable or pretty like an average sized, like quote unquote, plus size body. Like she's a model. She's very proportionate. And these swimsuits don't fit her in a way that universally people would be like, yeah, that fits me. Like she likes the under boob look. She likes a lot of this. That's totally fine. She's making them work for her. Unless you're into that look like the swimsuits don't look the same as they do on people with smaller bodies because you you've they're not intended to be these like ridiculously skimpy things it's literally like

you couldn't even tell me that there are different sizes that you just threw that on someone else and her entire thing is just like so fucked and just like super super super fat phobic and i absolutely hate it and do not support her swim line and her obsession with being skinny and then preying on her audience and finding people who are also dealing with like body image issues and in fat phobia whether it's outward fat phobia internalized fat phobia and then reinforcing all of that shit with a shiny capitalism bow on it under the guise of like it's a part of small business no thanks bye what's her name again yolanda swim all right here's mine first i just want to say fuck kanye wiss all right he's always a rachel of the week oh yeah

for week month year uh-huh this week i'm nominating the states of arkansas iowa kansas missouri nebraska and south carolina well they have argued that the president acted beyond his authority and alleged that they could be hurt financially by the mass forgiveness of student loan debt. So they're trying to derail the debt relief plan which is, in case

you don't know, if you have any federal student loans then you can get between $10,000 to $20,000 just wiped clean from your loans. I should check to see if I still have any. You should. Like you can fill out the little form

it takes less than five minutes like it's nothing like i i filled it out and it was it's nothing all it asks for is you like your name your address and your social security number the administration's hope of erasing millions of borrowers debt and so the plaintiffs those states they claim that they'll suffer irreparable injury from the provision of much needed relief of millions of americans but the public interest would be greatly harmed by its denial the biden administration said that in its court's findings if the court disagrees any injunction should be narrowly tailored to the plaintiff state so basically these states are saying that they're gonna

lose money i guess have they said how no like there's no like they have like a bunch of mumbo jumbo um about like them losing money but debt in the united states is a joke like it's not real also if people have less debt they can spend more money in your state yeah but like exactly but the deficit is not real like none of it is real so in one week 22 million people applied to get this that was just in the first week that it was available for you to apply to it and the republicans response was to sue the federal government and block the relief and it's basically the real reason they're doing this is because they don't want as we go into the new election cycle they don't want another one of biden's things that he promised to do he did not to get

into the nitty-gritty he did promise to wipe all of it but this is how much he was able to get past was to get 10 to 20,000, depending on what kind of loans you have. And so they just don't want him to have another win. They don't want him to do anything that benefits the masses because the whole thing with the Republican Party is like, we're going to this is going to help us, but not even really help us. We want to hurt these other people that we don't like. And when he does something that helps everyone universally that starts to unravel this like thing that they've created and this like monster and hysteria that they've created that they count on votes for yeah and then it was like a slap in the face kind of to the republicans because uh associate justice

amy cohen barrett last week denied she actually did something decent i still hate her i do too but she denied a request to hear a case from wisconsin from wisconsin from a group without explanation or consulting the full court it's unclear how the full court which now has a conservative majority would rule the challenges of the president's plan have largely brought by brought by right-leaning organizations or state so a republican justice didn't let them come with their bullshit but yeah it's how you know that they're like okay it's like the same ones for the insurrection where they're like we've been we've girl boss a little too close to the sun i'm gonna need us to dial it back through notches yeah arkansas my home state iowa kansas another

state i've lived in missouri nebraska and south carolina are all my nominations i wonder how much money they uh like lose and if they should have tried to like you know start petitioning to not give full-rided scholarships to all of their athletes which bring in so much money for all of their sporting events i wonder how much money they could be getting there if those people had actually had student loans they don't actually care true true true they're they're making they're losing so much more money that way so much more money especially in some of those big schools if you're a d1 school very very unlikely any of your athletes are there paying out of pocket in full or even with like a like paying for most of it yep you have to be enticing so but like school is

expensive for no reason exactly but it's like well one of these things makes us money and so therefore like we actually don't care but this it's like well no no no you should only be you should only be cutting a deal if we actually make more money off of it just go away absolute bullshit i hope it's not looking good but i hope arkansas doesn't put sarah huckabee sanders into the office of government i fucking hope that as well that is our episode we hoped you all we hope you all enjoyed if you're still listening go comment something on our instagram go comment go right on the instagram melissa's hi or dare melissa d-a-r-e oh i have an update oh great all right so here's an update

hi again eminem i just listened to the episode where you read the results to my peed on the dorm floor situation thank god and i wanted to clarify some things for you slash everyone side note i thought you guys did a really great job speaking about this situation everything you said was fair but also compassionate and i really appreciate it this is a situation that i get too embarrassed telling people in my real life about so it was nice to hear both your takes reactions because before that it felt like a secret to clarify in this situation i was in my robe i have adult diapers but because my pain symptoms are very on and off i'm honestly not always as prepared as i should be i was rushing to the bathroom so i put on the bathrobe but it

was being used and i just kind of peed on the floor in my room oh in your room no robe oh so you and i were right so actually i thought she pulled her pants down and peed and other people were like no of course she peed in her pants but we didn't think about third option she wasn't wearing pants so you didn't take your pants off which i think would have been that would have been rude right that would have been more rude but if you just stood and let it just like trickle out yeah i think this is on equal level honestly i think of this is i think peeing in your pants is a little bit of a high like if i'm not wearing pants my bladder control is half like if i'm not wearing pants and i have to pee like i have to be fucking quick like

way quicker than if i'm wearing pants so i understand that rush more but that's also just like the mount uh-huh you get it the mount rushmore i can't believe that's real yeah it's real dope real dope dumb oh i was like where's the bit going because i was like there's no way except wasn't there a plot point in a national uh treasure i'm sure so here's the thing i don't need it to exist for real use it as a plot device tear it down i've never seen it i don't know what it looks like all i need to see it national treasure as it's as as in so many things in america it is built into native land a sacred part of native land it's like the biggest fuck you it's not even like oh we just built a building like we're gonna carve some like

old white dudes faces poorly like we're gonna like attempt to carve it into what like that's so that's so embarrassing like that's just so embarrassing for people that go take vacations to see it too

no hate it anyways thank you for the update and that's it for our episode get excited tomorrow hear the results from last week's episode in fisting friday all right we'll circle back next week goodbye fuckers but am i wrong is a production by me megan rinks and me melissa demonts plus diamond

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