Don't Blame Me! - Unwanted Spiritual Texts

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

Meghan and Melisa give advice on: Update: The Bride Peed on Me Brother-In-Laws's girlfriend doesn't like me Not wanting to work anymore Texts from former Fellowship of Christian Athletes leader Not going to friend's wedding Don't Blame Them: Possible misgendering Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Subscribe to our new show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-am-i-wrong/id1591757891 Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @by.meghan.and.melisa https://www.instagram.com/by.meghan.and.melisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome to don't blame me i only need one shot she's a one-hit wonder welcome to don't blame me the wonderful podcast hosted by these those girls are like so pretty and fun and cool and smart yeah they're pretty i love them obsessed with them would have full-size posters printed out of them like they're just i would stalk them but ethically only when they're doing public appearances and i know that and they know that other people are there it would be funny if like someone had like full-size cardboard cutouts of each of us because then you could like really see the height like difference and then we could make verizon bars if you like fit in within our heights

yeah welcome to don't blame me we're an advice podcast where we give life-changing wonderful amazing perfect fantastic advice because what we lack in credentials we make up for in opinions yeah yeah i haven't said that in a long time i know i realize we haven't said that forever my name is megan who are you my name is melissa diamond wants the diamond of all the diamonds sparkle sparkle what's like a sound effect you can do for like sparkling you know kind of like chimes oh yeah but you can't do it with your mouth unless you're a beat boxer probably there's probably one in this thing hold on let's see let's see no there isn't we've got clapping cheering drum joke drum roll and then some transitions i don't know what they are i can't

stop looking at my own video i told melissa this offline but if you're watching the patreon on you you'll you'll see the example but people have over the last like three days keep dming me and telling me that i look like rue from euphoria and i just can't unsee it i would rather if someone said that i would rather go with mj from spider-man because she's got her hair natural in that right yeah but she doesn't have the dark circles and the puffy and that's why i said i'd rather go with that yeah here's the thing i'm not delusional i don't look like zendaya but like if you're gonna it's the vibe that people are saying i don't i think that they think it's the vibe but in reality they're subconsciously recognizing that it's my face and i'm just

tired i know that's what i'm saying she's coming off drugs so she looks tired and strung out so but i think they think they're complimenting i think they're saying like it's the vibe and i'm Like it's not the vibe, but I would just rather you just tell me that I look tired. I would rather you DM me and be like, you look tired. Or do you not open up your response responses and just keep it to yourself? Yeah, no, that is an ideal world. But like, I don't think we're living in that world. And like, if you feel the need to like, look at me when I am struggling and tell me that I

look like you're coming off drugs. yeah instead of putting the zendaya filter on it just tell me i look tired because we both know i look nothing like zendaya and there's nothing worse than like someone telling you look you look bad and then also just throwing in zendaya in there it's like you look bad who doesn't look bad zendaya and you're like okay but you do look like her in that show where she is a strung out high schooler that makes it what you're saying is they look young thank you well yeah exhausted absolutely exhausted i had an endo flare this morning last night and brutal so stress induced i think i also had some corn so maybe that was like a component of it but

i haven't had an endoflare like this bad since being on birth control and i'm not looking for any tips or advice i'm just giving a disclaimer for why i look like rue from euphoria and why my eyes are so bloodshot and tired if you're watching i don't think you need to give anybody an explanation no i just want to complain okay and it is the american dream the amount of people who like talk about free speech and i'm like bitching about something like well aren't you glad you live in a place that like has free speech and i was like i don't think you've ever read what that's in reference to because me complaining about anything okay for sure well what's new with you absolutely nothing i have nothing to share have you watched

anything this weekend no wait did i no i just caught up the latest episode of we crashed i didn't really watch anything else how many episodes are there i think this was episode eight maybe and there's one left we need to watch that i enjoy it they're both really good in these parts i've heard which is simultaneously a compliment and also ann hathaway talks like this because that's how the woman actually talks i don't know if i'm gonna be able to watch it she does like she does such a good job the thing is her and this woman look nothing alike but she nails the voice hey if you can't have it all yeah i feel like acting wise like they nailed it but physically they look nothing alike they've got

the same color air did you see the um what was happening on twitter with the viola davis michelle obama oh my gosh it's i i will never speak ill on viola davis but no neither did you see so there's a billboard for that show on the way to trader joe's closest to me and it is like when i saw the billboard i was like holy shit she looks so much like michelle yeah and all the promotional that's exactly what i thought when i saw the picture a long time ago because when they cast it at first i was like this doesn't make sense and then i saw the picture i was like great also i didn't realize they're like the same age michelle obama just feels a lot younger to me but they're the same age um i actually think michelle's older than viola but yeah yep and i just want to know

did they photoshop that picture no because she they in the in the show she does but like she's posing for it so like she sits down and poses for it and she nails that that face dude it was i will never speak ill but i just want to say sometimes beautiful tweets and beautiful commentary come out of difficult situations it just because i was i actually was gonna sit down and watch that this weekend but then i saw that i was like i don't know if i can't they know then i was like maybe it's just you know they made a compilation it happens like once every episode and they showed one scene and i was like i think they did everybody dirty here and i'm blaming everybody except i'm the director because she can't see what her face looks like no and you

needed to have helped it's viola davis and like i think it makes everyone else look bad and she will never be at fault you know why she for me she was at i went to like an oscars or something award after she could have been in either one so i know um and uh there was like a dance circle and we were all like dancing and like reese witherspoon's there and viola davis was like in the middle just like getting down and i was like dancing like annalise yeah and i was like i love this one that is like i don't think that like the world regard i feel like the like i don't think the world regards Annalise Keating for like she's like a cultural icon like I don't know if it's just like my for you page knows that I love Annalise Keating but like she I just think that

like she is a reference that we should be making every day did you see since you said she's showing up on your for you page did you see recently someone posted a clip from like it was like I think it might have been like the last time annalise and nate slept together and he was talking about basically how he was about to blow her back out and she was looking at him like scared but like excited about it and then someone was like that's why she walks the way that she does out of pocket but correct but correct dude he my nipples are hard just thinking about him and his character i want to know what they did for the breakdown of that like we are searching for the hottest alive to just seduce and be hot like how hot can you be constantly

without being cringy yeah the voice and he's like of the characters on that show he's a good one so yeah that's a great show i uh anyone if you haven't watched it yet how to get away with murder moths was obsessed with it he like constantly for fun will always just do his annalise walk and he's like watch me do my annalise walk i gotta see i'm like okay yeah you should ask him to do it he will perform he's all about performing well i guess uh i haven't talked about on the podcast yet but we bought a house yeah so i uploaded a youtube video a vlog about it i don't know when i'm gonna be uploading another video maybe by the time that this is up maybe when i come over and help i'll capture some footage there you go you can

use stuff from our live stream maybe uh-huh i just start just putting gopros in like the corner i'll find mine it's some i think it's in my closet and i'll charge i haven't used it in years i think the last time i used it was at audrey's like first birthday party and she's eight so um wow but yeah i'll set one up for you but yeah we bought a house um we're so fucking excited we're also so stressed because from the time that we like officially closed we had a little over two weeks to move so that's been my priority so if you've noticed we have not been as active on posting on the instagram or me personally or if you see every single one of my instagram stories it's me unshowered no makeup glasses on hectically being like do i

need this scarf like you know i was gonna say what's the difference it's the do i need this scarf is the difference okay I was like everything my chaotic energy the same constant chaotic unchowered energy I for a while I was debating changing my uh my twitter bio to um unchowered white woman because like I am the stereotype and like I I just think that like people need to stop running away from it because we were nobody was wrong about us so yeah moving eventually not eventually moving before the end of april and yeah i'm so excited to like not complain about um the housing market and like not i mean i will still complain about the housing market on behalf of people who aren't able to get into it but about our personal struggles getting a house so

now we're moving on to the era of complaining about packing and then we will graduate to the era of complaining about having the house the thing that we as we do in the cycles for all of that and the difficulties are going to come through that but i'm excited i can't wait for you to see it you still haven't seen it no but yeah can't wait for it to be done the move to be done moving is hard yeah and i i i'm glad that you moved recently because it reminded me so like it's been in the back of my mind while we were hunting for a house that i was like megan moving sucks you just watched melissa move you didn't help but you watched her move and like that was hard yeah it was make sure you get all your stuff before the cleaners come so they

don't throw things away do you know that that has been playing on your text message of you sending me a text message of being like my cleaners threw all this shit that's why i was like let me go for your kitchen stuff because i do have i bought pots and pans but then there's just like those other like small things that you just don't think about unless until you need it and then yeah like that text message that you sent me has been playing on a loop in my head as i'm packing that i'm like if you don't pack this the movers will throw it away and then you will not have it yeah the cleaners yeah the yeah so yeah this is don't play me where we give advice you call us you leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send

us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com and tell us what you need our us to give you advice on so something is happening in your life relationships friendship family drama scandal all of the above send us a voicemail or again a voice memo it's got to be in three minutes or you'll be cut off and let us know your pronouns your ages all the relevant information got to be 18 or over have your parents permission but we do ask that you write down everything practice time yourself out see if you're under three minutes see if there's things you can cut out see if there's more pertinent and helpful details to include and then when you record it just read it and if you do a wonderful job you will get a diamond from the diamond herself yeah i'm gonna

gonna start being more stingy with them everybody you you know what that means you gotta break your back for this get it nice and tight but yeah the video version's on patreon if you want to watch but nobody commented i look like bro well your hair's not as curly right now so i'm hiding it no i see we're gonna get into the update i was just about to say something really exciting is happening so get your ear holes ready it might make you pee yeah so go pee first let's get into the update everyone our update is it might be our newest icon truly this is like the most unhinged call we've had i think ever and like i mean first of all we appreciate you calling us and giving us an update like so quickly after because like i'm

still living in this like this is still like this takes up such a huge part of my brain every single day yeah and it's been exactly a week since this came into our lives and yeah i've been talking about this to a lot of people that i come in contact with so thank you for joining us um so drum roll everybody this we have in attendance the maid of honor who got peed on holy holy shit i just need you to know that the entire community is up in arms for you like everybody wants to fight this bride for you like we are all bamboozled hoodwinked shocked completely taken aback by the situation so it gets good okay so yeah i'm the maid of honor that was peed on and was probably on the worst batch the red trip imaginable so I went on the Instagram I loved

the Instagram post I was like Chris Cacklin I thought it was the greatest thing and I read the comments I was like hey let me answer a few questions and then I'll give the update great thing was why is like why was I so calm and I honestly feel like first of all I was still in shock like I could not believe that that happened also I was totally gaslit for basically four days and people telling me it was like completely my fault so I honestly thought that it was me also I meditated the entire plane ride calm myself down like I listened to the calm app on the plane because I was so stressed out and it was also three o'clock in the morning so I feel like I was just like on another level so that's why I was calm but I trust you I am the least calm person

so how did we become friends so I've known the groom from grade seven we were never friends in school he started dating the bride like 10 years ago and her and I ended up working at the same workplace for a couple years and we just became close co-workers like we were each other's like we cover each other so that's how we became friends backstory on the groom as well he is a complete loser and I don't say that lightly he's 27 he thinks 18 and he's like Paul Walker fast furious like he's Vince he is like the be-all end-all he's cheated on her so many times he does like really hard drugs weekends he is no help in this situation oh my god um also his entire family are complete anti-maskers like complete anti-vaccine anti like everything

could exist so I didn't even want to go to the wedding to begin with so he is unfortunately and well yeah unfortunately zero help in the situation actually when they got engaged I almost called in and asked you both how to support her without supporting the marriage because I was at a loss like I didn't know what to do so basically here comes the update so we didn't talk for like two or three days and then I sent her a long text which looking back at it now was way too nice and I basically was like the trip didn't go as planned and I think it's best if I step down as your maid of honor and she just responded and was like I need time to process this so I just didn't answer her text because I was like I don't know what to say I didn't answer her text then I I

kid you not, like 72 hours later, I get three phone calls from third party people that were either in bridal party or going to the wedding that the groom and the bride had literally called everybody, called me a bitch, called me a cunt, that I was the worst maid of honor ever. I'm like the worst person ever that I backed out. I left her hanging. I didn't do anything for her. So I tried to do the adult thing once I heard, and I called her. I was like, I'm not texting her. I'll call her and just be like is there a like complete miscommunication here and she declined my call and then she texted me and said basically like I have made you're giving me major anxiety and I asked you for space so I just didn't respond because again I felt guilty like I was like oh my gosh

she did ask me for space then she texted me two days ago and she was like I'm very upset with your decision and I still want you to be a huge part of my day etc she didn't apologize for anything but she basically was like I just like can't do this without you and I responded to her and I was like how do you expect me to support you and the groom like individually and together as a couple and like stand up there on your day in like a couple weeks when you just talk shit about me for five days and I guarantee you nobody knows that you literally jumped in my bed and urinated all over me while I was sleeping and I just said to her I was like I will no longer be associating with you and her response was she's like well she called me by my name she said this

is folks I wrote it down from the text she said boys will be boys and her fiance was very upset he had every right to talk shit about what he wanted how he was feeling that she can't control him and I stopped taking things so seriously as a woman and this wasn't her fault and this was nothing that ever happened on the trip was her fault I hate them oh yeah I responded and I would this is my exact text I said I reached out to you privately and respectfully to talk about what happened and this is how you and your fiance decided to act that's fucked up this isn't on me this was never on me this is on the two of you I did not deserve anything that happened on the trip for the last few days I won't be responding or communicating with you any further and then

she texted me back it was like oh I get it it's just all my fault you're such an angel etc etc and so I just like did not respond I straight up called the bridal shop I refunded my bridesmaid's dress like same day and like my hands are like clean like I am done like clean behavior clean did she say anything about the peeing no she didn't say one thing and everybody that I talked to that was like oh they said this this about you I was like did you know that she urinated on me and they were like what what do you what happened I'm like I don't know you tell me because I still don't know what happened I have no idea what happened I was convinced she took drugs and then she yelling at me accusing her of taking drugs and nobody like nobody knows what happens

on the trip other than like everyone in the bridal party like the groomsmen and like the families think I'm just like this awful human I don't know how like if I if this was a movie and or maybe if this was like my life like there would be a part of me like you're being such a huge way being such a huge person you're being such the bigger person like it's so much like I would straight up like show up at the wedding yeah and just be like or like paint on the walls and being like you peed on me you like fucking bitch like I would want the whole world to know yeah and so now it's so funny because I probably sound even calm like talking about it now but it's because like I'm such a reactive person I've really worked hard to like breathe but Megan I am on your level like

if I could go there and slash every tire break all the windows in their house steal their dog because they don't take care of it either I would I straight up would and I thought about it but I'm like you know what just breathe it out everyone already thinks you're crazy the words that they put in my mouth and I was just like you nobody has no idea and so even the groom I'm like you're just such a piece like I just I'm like this is why I didn't want to support the marriage to begin with because it was just I don't know so I don't know what's gonna happen their weddings in like a few months we have a fundraiser and then we have her shower and then yeah the wedding's in like eight week and i'm like i'm not attending i'm not communicating i am like you're a whole other

level of a bridezilla do you guys still work together no we don't oh no okay that's good it'd be funny she was another room like next to you yeah that's why you booked a conference room i'll leave the door open so she can hear no thankfully i don't oh what kind of fundraiser are they having so i'm from canada you have these things called like socials where like you basically go and it's like a big dance and you like drink but they're holding it like outside because of the pandemic and it's just like the bridal party going it's kind of strange but his family wasn't invited again because they're like anti-maskers and anti-vacciners and whatever they call themselves and so his family luckily wasn't

coming but hers was and it's just like you just raise money basically for them which I am not contributing I've contributed enough with that do you so you don't do you get presents for them on the wedding day or this is you do both yeah you do both and so then there's the wedding shower and then there's bachelorette it's a lot what the fuck i know why did i pay for her yeah and the ubers oh yeah you know what i think you should do that i think like maybe this is like you are definitely like much much more mature than i am like i know you say that you're but like you like I wouldn't be like like you are what I would aspire to be so I wonder and maybe Melissa can check me if this is too much but like it would it be like steps back in the progress

that you've made to like not be like reactionary to like anonymously send a wedding gift of um adult diapers because that's what I would do you know what that's not a bad thought and I would love to her to explain why she got that as a gift yep I have no issue with that I have no issue I think once somebody releases bodily fluids on you all bets are off and I said to my boyfriend I was like I wish I could go to LA to see them so I could reenact how it went down because it was just I literally thought I I thought something someone was coming for me I was confused she jumped on the bed she pulled her pants down and I was like who is that like three o'clock in the morning it was pitch black i couldn't see nothing and i was like hey like so

and so and she was like yeah and i was like what are you doing and then she like got up from her squat and her pants were on her ankles and then she like jumped off the bed and started like pulling the sheets off laughing and i was like what are you doing like i was like wait she took the sheets off of you to pee on your like your body body specifically correct what i thought your comfort during this this is even worse oh my gosh there's no way she was sleepwalking i was like what are you doing and then all of a sudden like it was all wet and i was so i was literally distraught i thought i was having a dream i thought i was still in my rem zone i didn't know what was going on the girl beside me i wasn't even like really close with like we like we didn't

really vibe before the trip and me and her were like what the actual so you have a witness oh yeah i had i had a roommate a sleepmate she's not saying anything oh she also backed out of the wedding party okay people backed out of the wedding party because i was like this is weird and the morning she just wakes up she's like good morning this was so intentional it was so intentional oh my gosh this is like when my cat this is so much worse but this is like my cat made me wake up to then know that he was peeing on me like that's 100 like this is obviously so much worse okay so i take it back don't anonymously send the diapers right with my name and just be like you know what you like like dear blah blah blah this this is for remember when you peed on

me during our during your bachelorette party when you woke me up like this is for that like go fuck yourself yeah and i honestly had the thought of like do i leave like do i leave and like like at night one and just like go get my own Airbnb and like leave all these people but I also thought I'm like okay well what if like I like I have a bladder condition so I'm like it's kind of like IBS but it's bladder wise and I'm like what if I accidentally feed the bed I was trying to like be understanding and I think that took it to a fault where I'm like no you physically jumped on me woke me up took the sheets off and peed on me I think I instinct reaction like yeah sure not me thinking that i would kick someone but like yeah the way that you're talking about it like i don't

think any of us would like it's so obscene and so crazy that like you're in shock like i think that like that's one of those things like when you get a fight in a fight with someone and then like an hour late like hours later you like think of all the things that you should have said but like yeah that's like a shocking situation to be in but like i mean i think in theory i would be like i would have immediately i don't think i don't know that at all like i think i probably would have felt the same way were you gonna be on the same plane ride with them back home yeah yeah and funny story I actually I left the part part out too the day that we were leaving we had like a really late flight and I tried to get on an earlier flight just so I didn't have to like see them the whole

last day like anybody that was there basically because I was it was just too much and there was like absolute zero flights like zero flights and it was even better I paid for like a new airline and I was like it's not worth it but it was just like I had no choice but to be stuck with them So literally, I landed at 3 o'clock in the morning. And so I also find I'm kind of the person that's like, it's bad. But I'm like, oh, yeah, everything's all good. And so I can like get out of the situation. And then I can like ghost everybody and be like, this is fucked up.

So I feel like I was like in fight or flight. Like I was in survival mode all weekend being like, it's all good. All good. I mean, you're trapped. Like, I completely understand that. Like you're trapped there. And like, also when it feels like it's you obviously had your like roommate. But even then, if you're not really getting along with everybody else,

it's like you versus everyone so like you are in survival mode of just like I just need to get through this shit and then I'm gonna be like fucking done because I think about that like I'm someone who processes things like and then like when I make my decision like I'm incredibly like decisive about it but like sometimes the situation doesn't lend itself that I can do exactly what I want to do and so I'm like I'm just gonna coast until I can do that and then I'm never gonna speak to you ever again yeah and so it was so funny so I was talking to my mom my mom's like you better not attend this thing or this thing or this thing and I was like I'm not and then she's like what are you doing about your dress and I was like oh is it like to react react

an area or whatever you want to call it like reactive to like send my dress back my mom was like you better call right now you better get a refund and so I did and luckily I did because it's like I was like in like a couple window time frame of like having to pay like hundreds and hundreds of dollars for the dress so I don't know I just like and I know her and I know she's gonna text me in a little bit and be like hey like thanks calm down like how are you but let me just go back to the part where she told me that like boys will be boys and like her fiance had every right to call me that and like to stop taking things seriously I'm like I don't know if like she oh I know she probably does put up with that like with him I was like that doesn't mean like I

have to put up with your fiance yeah no right yeah well question did you feel like when she asked you to be the maid of honor was it kind of like obligation begrudgingly like did you kind of like obviously none of us could have ever like fucking predicted that like what happened was going to happen but like i know you said you didn't support like the marriage or any of that kind of stuff did you have like were you nervous going into the bachelorette party like did it feel like she was like starting to become like a bridezilla and like the same thing with like being the maid of honor like were you nervous about that like you know i mean yeah so i remember when she asked me this was like back in January and I was in actual shock because like she's

closer with other women that were in the bridal party and like I knew that would come on the trip so I was kind of confused and then I realized now that she probably just like used me in the sense that like she'll just go along with it and like I like she'll just be like a pleaser like she thought that's what I would be so I feel like that's why she asked me also before the trip I could tell that like thanks for going south because it first of all the trip was supposed to be a surprise and then one of the girls accidentally like forwarded the itinerary to the group chat instead of like a separate group chat and so I called her I was like oh yeah hey now you know we're going here and she was like oh like that's like not where I would pick and I just

knew it I was like oh no here we go and so I knew and then leading up to that she's like well what's this plan and what's that plan and she was like trying to control everything and I just knew from that point forward it was like gonna be a catastrophe like I just knew as soon as we got there oh that sucked like it's so it's so horrible when like you think something's gonna go badly and then it goes worse than you think it's going to go and you're like fuck yeah and then I'm just gonna throw this in here as like another take take topper the last day we hired a male stripper because that was one of her like must-haves fine like four hundred dollars he was like soaping himself up he's all on the ground like completely butt naked and he like stood on the

edge of her chair she's on like an ikea chair and he stepped off the chair ate shit broke his ankle listen i think i'm in a movie this is how it goes i'm honestly i'm going to email you after this so that i want more details so i can write this so what do we need to put this in a tv show i have a video okay and he i asked him he's told me you can share the video with people he wants his name out there i have a video of him falling put it on tiktok and he was butt ass naked covered in like dawn dish soap with like a little ikea sponge it was literally the trip from hell i wish i was being dramatic because i'm a dramatic person but this is like point blank period fact so what was his like theme as a stripper like in the bathtub or clean i don't know he was a police

officer and then he had like a bright red thong on and then he when he and then he took it off and then he was soaping himself and i was very i've never heard of soap i've heard of baby oil but not soap and he okay i have a video he asked me he said hey can you text me he said can you come in the bathroom she didn't know he was there and he goes i have a bucket and it's like a little ikea bucket with a little yellow sponge or green sponge he goes can you bring this out to where i'm performing when i come out and i'm like okay i didn't know what it was for and he's on the ground is all straddled the ground he's so rubbing himself down and then he fell broke his ankle swole up just like a peach oh my god it just got worse you survive like you you're gonna win the

lottery or something like i don't know canada has a lottery but like you you you like this isn't real like no you went through like three seasons of a fucking sitcom like in your life like i want my own Netflix documentary and that's it because this this is like and I have proof of all of this like I literally have like videos and like pictures and like it's the truth this is the legit true story it was awful I wonder if you could reach out to did you stay at a hotel or like an Airbnb so we stayed at like a hotel but we had like a it's like a separate suite situation and the second half we were in like our own private Airbnb so it was like both just because the location didn't have any options where did the peeing happen at the hotel like in the suite

you should ask if they have footage they might they know they they will like in the bedroom yeah they have security cameras the only place they don't have cameras is most places don't have bathrooms like cameras in the bathrooms but like you you should if it's like a suite if it's like a big one like they tend to have security cameras especially because we were in the living room like on the pull-out couch so we weren't even like in a bedroom yeah yeah you should ask i should put that on tiktok yeah you should you should you should like hack their like wet if they do like one of those like wedding slideshows in that video just stitch it stitch it stitch it i'll pretend i want to be a part of the day and i'll say i have a very special video for you

like wedding crashers you you two can come oh my god i would die come on it would be the great like oh my god oh wow wow i'm so sorry you went through this but like this is so fucking funny like it's so funny and like you're gonna get all of the great things in life because like and i'm so happy that like we got the explanation of why you're so calm which i think it's totally understandable but i'm so happy that that doesn't translate to you being like you know what like it is what it is we're gonna work it out like we're still friends like I'm so glad no after honestly after like the text and like what I heard about like Beyonce the groom thing and stuff I was like I'm so far out of this if I go there I look like an idiot and I'm not looking like an idiot I'm not

an idiot so like just imagine the audacity of like calling you crazy when you when like she peed on you like I'm like I'm so sorry like what I don't talk shit about people who like have stuff on me like I'm like I'm a bitch but I'm like a smart bitch I'm not dumb yes like why what what yeah pulls the sheets off squats right down pants around her ankles it was literally horrendous oh my god all aspects would you say it was like a full bladder of pee yes because it went through this like this the top sheet like the fitted sheet the mattress pad and like onto the mattress like it went through the match I mean hotel mattress pads are like I don't know yay big but still went through like it was a it was a puddle what'd you do after so she went to the bathroom

and then I just like again was in shock so I just like the phone was beside me so I reached over hit like like maid service and I was like I need another pair of sheets and so then all of a sudden I was like in shock and they were like up in minutes because it's three o'clock in the morning they ain't busy so they brought the sheets up I was stripping the bed I took off the mattress pad but then I feel awful because it's like what am I supposed to do with these they're full of urine so I just left them in the hallway like I put wrapped them up so the urine wasn't like no no I don't knock you at all at that did they charge you for that if they charged you for that ask for the footage they have then yeah they charged me like for extra because like the other

girl that I talked about who and again I want to clarify also on my my last call I related to one of the girls that was on the trip I was having it was like a mental health disorder and the reason I use those words is because that's the word she uses to describe what she's going through. And I don't know, every time I heard it in the call, I just kind of cringe. And I was like, I feel like that's not right to say, but she was very sick on the trip. And so we had to bring her a few pairs of sheets up and the hotel charged me like an extra like $187 for extra sheets to the room. And it was like my card on file, of course. So I was just like, oh my, so I'd straight up made everybody pay me that like that next morning I was like I have a charge of 187 dollars we're

splitting the seven ways which I shouldn't have even split it amongst myself but I was like everyone is paying me because this is ridiculous yeah get that footage get that footage I'll email it in well they definitely have well I also would say they definitely have it because if they're charging you for that like they're usually not gonna they they're probably charged you for like an adult peeing not like a child or like a urine yeah they probably saw the video and it was like yeah i could see that i was just so lost well thank you so much for giving also like the promptest update ever like yes thank you and thank you for renting a conference room doing this while you're at work like we we appreciate this so much i know that the audience is like gonna

be so yeah ready i don't think we've had an update where like our jaw dropped with the update too yeah this gets worse yeah thank you oh well thank you so much well thank you both i hope uh i hope you guys have a great day and megan i saw on instagram you have an endo flare this morning so i hope you're feeling better thank you it's brutal apparently stress is just a trigger where i was like perfect great you need some laughter i'm happy i hope i could thank you you truly did truly truly did well thank you so so so much you have a good rest of your day jesus christ holy shit like she's she she is so lovely she's a fucking saint i i don't know what i would do in this situation truthfully i think if i was more therapized and more mature i would do what

she's done like in like the in the conscious like choices and decisions and stuff but i think like the in the survival mode thing i think i probably would have done like the same thing because like when things like that are so outlandish and wild like i think it's natural for us to kind of assume fault and blame because it feels like there's no way this could you know i mean like and so you just kind of like get through and then once you decompress and you have time to process it out of that situation you're like holy shit that was so much worse than i even realized i can't believe that she pulled the duvet cover off to pee on her that just that means that it of course because i think in the first call she said she might have been sleepwalking there's no

way no way no way i can't believe she never addressed the peeing like the bride ever wow wow wow i want to send this to buzzfeed they need to do we need a whole no like for real buzzfeed article that's like the worst bridezilla ever yeah i want to do a right like a a fake documentary like um what was that who drew the dick what was that one oh uh american vandal yeah american vandal do that but like with this do it yeah wow i hope you all enjoyed this like this was one like there there happens to be like every every couple episodes every quarter i was gonna say there's like an episode i'm excited for people to hear and then there are like five episodes there's like five calls total through the entire time of the show that like i that like keep me up

at night that like i can't ever get over and that like we will constantly talk about and we we were do for one yeah i mean i think the have we had a big one since uh the girl with her fiance that was in the coma i know that one was like i'm trying to think that like that one i think was fake no i don't i don't think it's fake but i don't think it's fake because like she didn't like she just like got upset and then stopped listening to the podcast you know if you got on once you would like keep the bit going but no i don't think we've had one like this and so in like a long long time and like there's it just brings the community together like it's just the comment i like that she started off by answering questions in the comments let me answer the

frequently asked questions which is great so like i just wow wish nothing but like the best things for her and i feel like even if like she doesn't do an expose or like a piece all about them in some like news outlet like i have so much faith that this couple is going to be make headlines one day and not for a good reason like this is how you start the marriage uh it's only gonna get worse even her saying that they're not his half of the family isn't invited to the fundraiser thing is that what like people in canada do because they don't they like have like taxes that cover their health care and things like that so then they can spend their money on other things like wow i was like thought about the aritzia and stuff and like yeah is that why you have

like high quality clothes not so much into the i guess they're probably into fast fashion as well but like you know okay wow gonna be decompressing from this for the rest of my life i i what else is there to say truly i guess we'll get into the the episode hello so i'm 27 she her and i've been with my partner he him for seven years i'm extremely close to his family his mom is a second mom to me and his brothers are essentially my brothers all of it is really wonderful and great. My issue, however, is coming with my one younger brother, my partner's younger brother's girlfriend. So she's 26, she, her, and she's been dating my partner's brother for a little over a year. I'm very close with his brother. I have a good relationship with him, but you know, it's

nothing beyond the brother-sister relationship. However, every time we are together, his girlfriend. She talks over me in conversation. She cuts me off. She insults my interests or just ignores me altogether. It even got to a point at functions when she'd hug everyone hello and goodbye except for me. And it was very obvious that she was doing it and other people were noticing it. My partner's brother ended up speaking to her about this and she actually very maturely reached out to me and apologized, saying that it stemmed from not knowing what to talk to me about ex-functions and just being jealous about how comfortably I fit in with everyone. I accepted her apology and told her that I really appreciated the maturity and I know that

it took a lot for her to reach out to me and that I want to be with her in any function and have a great time with her. So all was fine and good. It seems to be going great except until this weekend. So we were at a family wedding. We got our makeup done together. We had a lot of fun. it seems like the weekend went wonderfully and we all had a really great time and I thought we were all in a good place until I noticed that she had cropped me out of the photos that she had posted so I was told this wasn't intentional and it was because of Instagram restrictions but I have a hard time believing that just given our history in any situation I'd let it go but it's extremely hard to when she is talking about how much she loves my partner's brother she refers

him as her brother-in-law, which is great, but you know, you can't do that and shut me out at the same time because I'm very much a part of the picture as well. We don't need to be best friends and we don't need to be like talking together all the time, but I'm making points to reach out to her. I asked her if she wanted to get her nails done and, you know, spend time together. And she just hasn't shown any interest in that, which is fine. But like I said, I would at least like sensibility and i don't know how i'm going to be able to handle this going forward because i am growing tired of the constant ignoring and my resentment just keeps building so i'm just looking for advice on how to deal with the situation before i lose my shit on earth because i don't

want to do that but i'm afraid that's going to happen so any thoughts you guys have for this I'd appreciate thank you guys bye just stop stop trying just stop like I completely understand I don't want to understand both perspectives but like I think if her apology was genuine I would understand that yeah like having the girlfriend who is so part of the family like to be fair I think that's actually more intimidating than like a biological sister like having a girlfriend who like is now family and like yeah that I could totally understand the jealousy intimidating and all of that but I don't think that that's actually what she felt like I think that like that was kind of just an apology that was not sincere because it doesn't

match her actions but I think that like you're looking at this like big picture and like you know if they like however long they stay together and like doing all of this stuff like you are working overtime on this and like you don't have to like if she wants to crop you out like right now it kind of seems like everything she's doing like hugging everybody except you it's not like passive-aggressive that's like uh i wish there was a like a in between a passive-aggressive and like aggressive but like that's like a dig that not only does she want you to know it's a dig she wants everyone else to know that it's a dig the same thing with instagram like that's like a she's making a point that you know that she's insulting you and everybody else knows that too

and so like I think at that point you don't have to like save face and like bend over backwards to like try and have a relationship with her at whatever capacity because like it will look bad on you like I don't think it will at all I think people have probably seen all of the effort that you have made and I think if you keep doing this you will eventually snap and like at a certain point like I think if you show her that you're like completely unaffected by this and like the Instagram thing of all of that if it's just like whatever I think if you can treat her as if her apology was sincere and like everything she's doing was instance like was sincere and if she keeps cutting you off just be like oh I wasn't done talking but you probably didn't hear me like

and then continue moving on like if you can do that was my favorite method of like cuntiness but that kind of stepford weiss like no i don't think you have any ill intentions like but i'm just talking like blah blah blah if you can pull that kind of aspect of it where it's just like you've already done the mature thing and like now whatever you can't separate yourself from the situation just like if she interrupts you just be like oh you don't you don't have to be like i think that's like the way to do it because otherwise i think you're viewing this in a way that like you're so much more emotionally mature than she is and like i just don't think you're gonna get what you want uh you need to lower your expectations for her which sounds fucked but like

in doing that when you lower your expectations for people i also think that you should put in less yeah 100 you should put in less she might be one of those people that there's like when somebody is a super try hard, then that makes them pull away. And it seems like you are trying very hard to make her like you. People are either going to like you or not. And I don't know how big your family is, but like, look at your family. Does everyone in your family get along? Do you like everybody in your family? There are going to be people that you don't like life wise, family wise. You don't have to. You can be cordial with somebody. You can be in a room so you're not fighting. Everyone's not going to like you. You're not going to like everybody else. So just

exist. Be cordial. If she doesn't want to hug you, don't hug her. I don't want to be hugged by somebody that doesn't want to hug me. I don't want them to fake it. So just chill out. Enjoy your time. You can exist in the same space without liking each other. Yeah. And I think that you're exactly right and like the i think when you're being cordial you have to be cordial personally whatever she does is on her you can't make the interaction like a cordial interaction only your response can be so you're i think you're exactly right in that where it's like that's the only thing that you can do in these situations and you mentioned that like um like we can't continue like like this can't keep like blah blah blah it can like i don't want to say but i just think you

need to pull back like you need to stop trying and also exactly like you said though like she doesn't actually have to like you at any point and like her her if she doesn't like you ever i would just caution you against feeling like you wield a lot of power in this family of over this situation because like we've had time and time again calls of people who like their sibling is dating someone and they're married and like they're absolutely horrible and all of that like this happens and so i think that like it might you feel and like i'm as you should i'm not contesting that that like you are a part of this family but you don't know that your boyfriend's brother isn't going to say fuck you to the whole family because of this girl like you don't know

that like or the family like as much like you can complain about her and like you can have like lots feelings towards her his parents might feel the exact same way but if they get married they're gonna they're gonna deal with it like it's gonna happen and so i think that like this relationship like she could very well for the rest of time just not like you and like that's not your responsibility to fix and also fixing that is not helping uh it's an impossible goal and it's not something that's like helping anyone like the relationship is gonna work or it's not and that has nothing to do with your relationship with her like some people just end up with people that their whole family doesn't like and it just happens i mean there's somebody in my extended

family that i thought that we would get along because we're kind of like into the same things i don't like if we were in well we would have been in school at the same time if if we were at the same school we wouldn't have been in the same friend group at all but like i thought we would be friends and you know I've tried I had tried in the past like reaching out and then when she didn't seem reciprocal to it then I was just like okay like I'd moved on it didn't it wasn't something that I lost sleep over yeah I think she's like ultimately like at fault here like I think she's like very catty and like mean and like mean-spirited in this whole thing but even if she wasn't like this and you felt like it was just not being reciprocated like

on a friendship kind of level I would also tell you to like pull back like I don't think that someone needs to be mean to you for you to stop like pouring in lots of effort into a relationship like you know and I'm someone who like I'm not I don't know like I'm like I'm very much like a like a I'm a neurotic person but I'm like a very kind of like chill person like I'm not like I really don't like when someone I don't know like feels an obligation like oh let's go to lunch and i'm like let's like i hate that like i would much rather like get to know you in like not a situation where i feel like i like am like masking and i have to perform and like really be on i like i got really close with mox's like sister-in-law my future sister-in-law her and i got like because

we just like would hang at the mountain house like and i'm not wearing any makeup and i'm in sweatpants i'm like hanging out and chilling and i felt like in those months we always like got along but like i got along better with everybody because i was like i can't mask for fucking months at a time like that's super exhausting and that i i'm it's much easier to get to know me when i'm not in a position of trying for you to get to know me i'm also trying to get to know you and the issue is is like when it comes to like neurodivergency or whatever and masking is like that you're just you're you're not thinking about the other person like you're so engulfed with yourself that like yeah so i just think that like you seem like someone who like pours a lot into

like everybody and i'm sure you have like really great a really great relationship and i'm sure you have really great relationships with your friends and all of that and it can be hard when you meet someone who's kind of just like a brick wall to that and then she's using those bricks to like throw at you and you're like the fuck so yeah and it doesn't change who you are as a person like it's just like this is a relationship that I've put enough into and like now I'm done well best of luck next call hi guys I'm 18 she her and this is my first time calling in so I hope it goes well I'm in my senior year of high school and uh three weeks ago I started a part-time job my first part-time job actually I'm I've always wanted to work since I was like 16 but

due to COVID and stuff I couldn't find a job which is all well and good I'm privileged enough that it isn't essential it was just me you know trying to save a bit of money for when I go to university and like have more financial freedom for my parents so yeah before me starting work I feel like I have to say my mental health wasn't great and I thought that me starting work would be like I would forget about it or something but it didn't happen it just made it worse I'm extremely burned out and just a bit depressed and and stuff and yeah I don't I feel like I don't have time for anything I miss having free time and stuff which you know I realize I sound very spoiled because a lot of kids my age you know they have to work they don't have another choice I also barely go

to school now I feel like I'm up for detention for having a lot of absences and I decided I want to quit even though I feel like a big disappointment to my parents because they worked really hard that's another thing and yeah my question would be like how do I approach the situation because there everybody has been nothing but like kind to me and then helpful and I you know it's very irresponsible of me to like start work and quit after three weeks and they have invested you know so much time in it to give me these skills for the work and yeah I don't know what to say. Like, do I lie and say I have to go to detention, which, you know, I am up for it for a lot of absences, but I'm not yet going. So it would be kind of a lie. Or do I just say I'm

burned out? Yeah. What do I do? Thanks in advance for the advice. And yeah, have a good day. Love the accent. Yeah. She sounds just like somebody else that I know. Oh, that's cool. Do you have thoughts? Yes, I have a lot of thoughts. First of all, seems like you're equating a lot of your kind of worth to how much work that you're putting in. My thoughts are, as a whole, if you don't have to work, then don't work. Um, I was someone, I was in the same situation as you when I was in high school that I got a job because I mean, my parents actually didn't want me to work, but I got a job because they, because I wanted some freedom from them. But my parents were always very much of the mindset that

if your school is getting in the way or your work is getting in the way of school, then you need to quit the job i quit because the person i was working with it was my boss she lied about us not getting commissioned anymore and she took my commissions from everything where was this at lady footlocker because she is my she was my oh i remember yeah she was my godmother's niece and so she's like yeah you can come work with me and then she just because she was the original scammer yeah in her thoughts she was like here's this privileged girl i'm just gonna and i need this jobs. I'm going to take her commissions. Yep. That's why the scammed got to start. The scammy becomes the scammer. Right. It's your that's your origin story. That should be. Yeah, you're right.

You're right. So you're missing school because of this job. You've missed a lot of school. And so and you said it's been three weeks and you feel like people have been like investing in teaching these people. It's just their job. People just show up. They're going to they have to do work. I guarantee they do not care if you quit or not like no one cares they're they'll hire especially someone that is still like in school they'll hire the next person quit free yourself free your mental health go have fun as long as you can go to school your education is important don't think about anyone else it's okay to be selfish and that's the lesson that you should go ahead and learn now that when it comes to your own health mental health that you should be selfish I agree with

all of that I think you sound like a really empathetic person that you like recognize that other people don't have the privilege to have like the choice to work and all of that but it also sounds like you're kind of carrying that you're kind of carrying the burden of privilege and feeling like we can't deny our like privilege like whether whatever kind of privilege that we have and it's not helpful for us to then go out of our way to like seek out needless suffering because other people are suffering the best thing that you can do is to use your privilege in a productive way like we should all have privilege like we should all be in a position where we don't have to work when we're where we can i mean where we don't have to like personally i don't think i

think we should all be in position where we don't have to work to live i agree and so i think in this instance it might feel like a selfish act to quit and it's like well how is that using like my privilege for good or anything but i don't know anybody who's does not have that same privilege who would look at you and be like i would rather you be depressed be depressed and like be burnt out to make a point like and no school yeah and like you can recognizing your privilege and i i guess like in i don't want to say indulging but benefiting from those things like that is not inherently bad in this instance like you benefiting from the fact that like and recognizing that like oh I don't have to have a job right now and this is for my mental health

it would be a lot better if I quit you can quit like you can't and I think that like when you can get your mental health to a place where you feel like comfortable then like having a job and then I don't know maybe if you're like very interested in like teen mental health stuff like volunteering some hours even maybe then if like you don't want to work um and you don't need to work at this point then maybe in a couple months if it feels like productive and might even be helpful for you mental health wise to like do some volunteering with some teens dealing with mental health issues like you're only a productive member of like society when you are your mental health is at a place where it's manageable for you and then i will also add that you've talked a lot about um

You said how it would be irresponsible for you to quit. Again, this just feels like, like self, like I can, I don't want to say this in a bad mean way at all, but like, you know how we have like our, like, at least for me, like I view, I have like my rational, like good mental health voice. And then I have my bad one. And like, I can hear your bad one. Your bad one's calling you irresponsible. Like this isn't irresponsible at all.

Like prioritizing your mental health is not. and you also said that like your parents have been like kind like they've been so kind about all of this and it's not the case for everybody and like I I feel really comfortable saying this because that's not my personal case but parent that is their job it's their job to be kind to you it's the bare minimum and the same thing when it comes like parents who provide parents who can't provide for their kids in like every single facet of like emotional support financial support all that that doesn't make them necessarily bad parents or bad people but your parents the goal is to provide for you with absolutely everything that they can and what they want to be able to do

and like I think personally that parents owe us kindness as their kids and we might not get it but that is something that is owed to us and not something that you should feel is a great task that they are doing or something that you should feel indebted to like that is the absolute like that's what they're there for and like i say this from somebody who did not have that perspective you don't need to think about everybody who in these instances you don't need to think about people who didn't have that and therefore feel like what your parents did was a much greater sacrifice than all of these other people like i'm not saying your parents aren't good parents or anything like that i'm just saying like this is how all parents should be

and like you shouldn't be putting this pressure on yourself to uphold yourself to essentially being like the perfect daughter because you're viewing them as the perfect parents from what you've said like i think perfect parents are parents who meet your needs like that's like and then i also think perfect parents are parents who can't meet your needs and meet the needs that they can like I think there's a wrong way to parent but I don't necessarily think that there's a right way to parent and like a right circumstance that makes good parents like money doesn't make good parents like religion doesn't make good parents community doesn't make good parents like there's there are things that they should all do and because your parents are doing them that's what they're

supposed to do and like I'm I'm really glad you have that support system so utilize it and don't lie I would just be super honest like you can even tell them like play the call like and just be like I feel like I really put a lot of my mental health I weighed a lot of that in having a job and I thought that this would be productive for it and it's actually had the exact opposite effect and I'm like really miserable and I'm feeling like even more burnt out and then I think what you do then is then you have a conversation of like, I thought the job was going to help and it didn't. I don't really know what's going to help now. Can we make a plan? Can we together as a family figure something out? I don't know if that's like seeing if you're already seeing a professional or

if that's telling your therapist that you're already seeing or your psychiatrist about all of this. But like, I've done the I've I've made incorrect choices of things that I thought would help my mental health and didn't. And like, that's okay. And like, sometimes we don't have to have pride with that like sometimes it's okay to start from square one but i don't think like lying about it or trying to sugarcoat it is going to be helpful for either of you because it just seems like they want to help and they can't help you unless you're honest with them you know dude but like the capitalism aspect of it that like i mean it always comes back to it but just like and this is i felt the same i i still still deal with this like the same even now but like so much

of your like you said you're worth being like tied to your career and your productivity and that you you you we we rest a lot of our mental health on that and that is a scam like it's capitalism that fucked up like it's like we're not going to do mental health resources but we're going to make you feel like the reason why you are depressed is because it is something that you can fix with capitalism what you said about volunteering i think that's a good call to think if you're volunteering and maybe maybe you know volunteering with other people that like i think you said that struggle with mental health maybe that's not what that might be too much exposure find something else maybe you like horses or something i know you hate horses mega but maybe

you hate, you like, yeah, you like horses and you go to like a horse thing, or maybe you like we have the farmer's markets here. They throw out stuff that they don't sell at the end of the farmer's market. They throw most of it out. So I would go around and collect food to give to shelters and stuff that they would just give you for free. So there are other things that you can do that can be fulfilling and help within your mental health without it stressing you out. And again, missing school because of work. That's, I think your parents would be more inclined to you. And you said, you've mentioned that they work hard and you want to do the same thing. Working hard looks different. Working hard at school is different. Working hard at volunteer

work is different. Working hard on yourself. It's different. It's all working hard. It doesn't have to be tied to a job. Yeah. So I agree with all of that. And I think as long as you're honest, like you were with us the more honest you are with people the better chance you are at them being able to like actually really help you and fulfill your needs in that but when we're not honest with ourselves it's really hard to be honest with other people and then our needs keep not getting met and we end up blaming ourselves when there are people around who really want to help but we need to have those honest conversations so they can't help yeah sending you love this is this is this is really rough and you and i really obviously i knew this in theory but we've always

talked about with the pandemic about like the ages of people like going through it and like i'm really like 16 to 18 is such a huge life change that you spent in the pandemic and just that would be enough to make me be seeing a therapist because like it's a lot it's like growing up in a box like right for these like really formidable years of your life so quit your job quit your job i quit jobs three weeks in don't worry about it i quit several jobs i had over the phone at a party speakerphone like weeks in i once had a job at express and i was at an express but like three hours away from where i actually because i had gone to a party in college three hours away at another school and then i was in an express and then i was like oh i'm actually

supposed to be at work at the express that i work out and i was like hey i'm at express but just not like there so like i quit i guess i thought you were gonna like steal someone else's time card i could have logged in onto the computer i thought about it i thought about it but then i was like i don't even want to work this job like i don't want it so you didn't want that discount on those blazers and those skinny suit pants just not enough for you i mean that's what i wore oh that's why i know i've seen your pictures like business professional and so that was the time yeah so uh That's why I got the job only because they didn't pay shit. I think it might've been like $6 an hour.

So I just wanted the discount. And then I was like, I'd rather just have fun with my friends, which is what the caller said. So yeah, free time is good. Yeah. Okay. We are going to take a quick break and we'll be right back. and we're back let's roll the tapes hey megan melissa i have a question on how to tell my

old youth pastor that i don't want weekly texts from him anymore so i'm 21 years old i um go by she, her pronouns, and I haven't talked to him or his family for about three years now since I graduated high school. I went to FTA, a middle school fellowship of Christian athletes, and became close with his son, and I liked the community it provided, as I've always had a hard time making friends. I continued to go to the youth group he ran at a church in town when I went to high school. Again, I liked the community it provided. All the people who attended were guys who I had major crushes on. And once I was in college, I lost interest in Jesus

because I wasn't around these hot guys every week. But I don't know how to tell my old youth pastor who kind of became a family friend that I don't want to receive these texts from him anymore with Monday inspiration and faith-building exercises. So any thoughts that you guys have, please let me know. That would be very helpful.

I'm also calling on Easter. and so he's been sending individual texts to me instead of group texts all right that's all thanks so much guys love the podcast bye i have experience with this is this a thing yes fellowship occurs in athletes is a group at school like it's a probably nationwide i would guess it's a group that we would just like any other like interest group yeah i mean like these text messages is this like a person or is this like an automated service that he would have set up depends it could be either the person if it's an automated service then just send stop in all capital letters would you know i would think so okay yeah but i did go to a church with someone before where

it seemed like it was personal text message like that anybody that came to the church would get added to this list and then and it looked like it was a personal message but it wasn't and everyone got the same message so like that was automated so fellowship of christian athletes i get it i went to everybody i feel like everybody like this was probably the biggest club at my school because it would be like all i was at a 5a school so that meant that we had big population very big sports school fellowship of christian athletes had to meet in the gym because it was that's how big it was but i think it was just because everybody just wanted to have a period where they didn't have to like they went to a club for this were they hot though at your school too

I mean, it's athletes. So like, yeah, it's a toss up. Some are hot. Most of them are. It's true. It is a toss up. Yeah. And you know, some people just seem hotter because they're on teams and then you get older and you're like, they were not hot at all. And then when I was in college, I helped set up like a group through my church that I grew up going to and I helped set up like a group on campus. And so like I was the quote unquote president of it because I was the one that was the student that got it on campus. But I didn't stop going to it. And then I didn't want to be like a part of it. But on paper, I was still very much a part of it because I was the founder of it. Were you sending people daily motivation? I wasn't sending but our college minister because like you know youth ministers and then we had like a college minister too and so they were the like people that came on campus and they'd be like I

stopped going completely so they would like send me messages and stuff and I'd just be and I so I just sent them a text message and just like hey I really appreciate you sending me this this is helpful it wasn't this is helpful um but uh it's i'm just trying to keep up with other things in my life right now so um can you stop sending me text messages and then that was the end of it i think you just tell them but so my question if it's like a you know this is like a long i i don't want to say like a long distance kind of thing but like you're 20 the caller is 21 now you haven't seen the youth pastor in like three years if it's a family friend okay multiple question if it's a family friend do you see him often is this gonna happen i think whatever you

do like i would clue your parents in on like hey heads up i'm not gonna i like said this anymore yeah but then also like because i'm sorry i'm just laughing because i'm like trying to find the word like i was like is there a call to action in these text messages like do you is he seeking a is there seeking a response or something like is it like it's probably like a daily devotion type thing or a weekly devotion which i'm guessing you're not familiar with but it is like they'll send like a bible verse and then like some action things of how to apply it to your life and that's probably what it is because i guess my question is if it's and this is kind of why i asked if it was like an automated thing like if it's something that like is he sends the text message kind of

like into the ether you read it and you do with it whatever you like do or is it something that elicits like conversation and like response and like there's a follow-up of something you have to do because i think like he's trying to have bible study via texas i don't know like i don't know if there's like if there's like some response that's kind of like required or expected or if it like pleasantries like you know like you kind of have like there's a conversation that happens alongside it because i would say like if this is someone who like you're never going to like see again and like if your parents are like in on that or whatever like you can mute notifications from him and like you can just like you know I think it actually is like you can technically

block him but like he could still or no I guess if it's text messages but like you can do something where like you're not seeing them but like he's still sending them or is it something that like you have to have like a conversation with him and like if it if it isn't like an active you're not like an active participant in like a thing and if it's just kind of like inspirational or something like that do you have to say like i don't believe in god anymore because why else would you not want him to text you it you just don't want like it because it's just one more thing that you have to do like i still believe in god but i don't go to church and i don't participate in these type of things that she's talking about like these devotional things and so it can just be like

thank you for sending these so a devotional is work that you have to do it's like it's on your own that makes way more sense because i thought if it was like inspirational quotes or something like that where it's like which that is essentially part of it but there's like something that you're not expected but like you're not expected to do homework like but it's if you do homework it's for you it's not for someone else yeah and it's not like an assignment but essentially like the not expectation but like you might put your own personal expectation on it that it's not like a when i see an inspirational quote or something that's not something that i ever had like an exercise through an organization where i would do something so like is the text so what you're so a

devotional something like if you got the message it's something that like could i don't want to say instill because i don't know if you feel not you but caller like it could instill if you're not currently believing in aligning yourself with this like religion it could trigger like christian guilt or something that like okay that that was my question yeah so usually it's it's like it'll be like a bible verse and then like a story and then like how you apply it to your life and something like that okay yeah so it's like a it's very personal and yeah it's very feels like personal responsibility yeah which if the religion is done right that's all it should be is personal responsibility but if it's like an automated message that everybody from fellowship of

christian athletes that went to it three years ago is getting and you know that it's an automated message just hit stop and then it will stop the automated message can you imagine she just sends stop and all capitals and it's just it's just him that's how we should we should end all conversations as if we're opting out yeah yeah i think as long as you're on i obviously don't have personal experience with this but i think in these instances of like communicating boundaries i think the most important thing is not only communicating the boundary with like the person but also the mutual connections and here it seems like that is like your parents and so as long as like you are you don't all necessarily have to they don't have to have the same or agree with

you or have the same belief system if that's what you want to do it but as long as you like i think let them know then i think you absolve any sort of responsibility for how people feel about you not wanting to participate yeah i'm learning so much it's gotten kind of religious the last few episodes well i'm like also very curious i like don't know anything about and i've like heard of the word devotional and i always see it on like books and stuff but i like didn't know if it was like a like something you feel like prompts that you fill in or if it's like yeah so it's like more of an open-ended concept it should always be things that kind of like like like a bullet journaling like that if you think of it in that way but like with a slant for a personal life

yeah which you know if it's just like growth great but like sometimes people take it too far yeah and like a responsibility that doesn't necessarily seem like i'm obviously not religious but i think like people i know who are spiritual and or religious like have had like the most i don't know if enlightenment's the right word but like felt that usually not in times where they were like sat down and kind of like assigned or felt like an obligation same thing with like reading books like when you read a book exactly out of school like yeah i think it means more think of like a self-help book that has prompts in it it's like the same thing okay that makes sense it's like the exact it's always in that section too yeah it's the same stuff essentially

i think a lot of if you looked at like a devotion and you got a self-help book they're saying the same things without having bible verses like it's it would be the same verse that was in the bible but they've reset it restated it so it doesn't it's not biblical you know how i feel about christian to wellness like in that pipeline let's just repackage yeah it's the same thing but sadly most of the time it's not the um for most of the time when it's those white spiritual uh wellness people they they start with repackaging the kind of general and like obvious morality and then suddenly we ratchet up we do we go into the oh yeah go into the dark territory yeah well best of luck and you know maybe you just tell him hey if there were hot

people here sorry to recruit hotter people maybe you need to have these text messages come from hot people texting me them sorry you're not hot enough for me to care about jesus anymore enter hillsong oh god that's what that is they're not even hot i know but the people that go there think they're hot and it's like there's that like justin beaver's youth pastor but it was like oh my god she's so hot and it's like did you really look at him though like really look at him all right ready for next yep hi megan and melissa i'm 21 years old she her and i'm a gemini to start my brother just died in december it was very sudden and out of the blue and we still have no idea why I've been struggling a lot with this lately, and my brother's birthday is in September.

Well, my two best friends, let's call them Harry and Sally, just got engaged and have decided to get married the day after my brother's birthday. I spoke with my friend Harry about this before the date was officially set because I knew it would be in September, and I warned Harry if it was on my brother's birthday or near it, I may not be able to attend because I don't know what my emotional state will be like around this time since it will be my brother's first birthday that he is not here for, and my parents and I possibly may have plans to do something for my brother. Maybe I will be emotionally okay during this time, and maybe I won't, but I don't want to set expectations for myself on how I could feel around this time.

I don't expect or want them to change their wedding date to accommodate me at all. Sally is the one who set the date officially, and I'm guessing Harry never told Sally about what I said about the date being around my brother's birthday. But my question is now that the date has been officially set, should I bring this up again to them both that I don't know if I will attend or not because of my brother's birthday? Should I just not say anything and wait until it gets nearer to my brother's birthday to see how I'm feeling? My concern is they will think I'm being selfish or expect them to move the date when I don't expect anything other than them to just understand my grieving process. I'm afraid

this will cause conflict too because i think sally wants me to be a bridesmaid and i'm unsure what to say if she does ask me i want to be there for their wedding so badly but i also want to take the space i need emotionally for the grief of my brother and i don't know what to do please help me and please be gentle i'm very sensitive right now i love y'all's podcast i've been listening since i was 17 you'll help me out with so many things love you guys thanks we'd never be mean to you no no there's no reason to be mean and sorry that you're going through this yeah this is really really really hard and it's obviously not the same but a classmate of mine in high school a year older than me he died suddenly and that was for his parents like the

not knowing kind of thing like i don't think a lot of the time like a lot of people are really uncomfortable with grief in general but that's a different level of grief that uh most people who have grieved haven't had that specific aspect of it and so i think like yeah i'm just i'm so sorry but i you you i think you're i think you're doing all of the right like things and going about this you know i was just gonna say so the advice i for me it's just very simple i don't have much to elaborate on but I would just tell them like hey I'm excited for you guys to get married I'm just because of the loss of my brother I'm not sure what my emotional state will be at the time so if I emotionally feel like I can attend then I will attend but if not then I won't be able to

attend and I understand if you guys need to you know if you have to have a head count beforehand just don't include me in it yeah that's exactly what I would say because I think like yes weddings are you I totally hear you that you kind of want to play like potentially play it by ear and like see how you feel first of all if they think or insinuate that you're being selfish at all like they are not good not your friends and they are bad people like no like this I think it's completely valid for you to also feel like you are kind of like holding out hope that you want to be there and like you don't want to miss out on it and like you want to feel comfortable and you want to feel like you're in you've got the emotional capacity to capacity to go and i think

that like the the only thing that like you owe your friends is exactly like melissa said just like a heads up and the sooner you do that the better and the same thing like she said like head counts like I like I'm so excited for your wedding I am so happy for you both to be married I don't know if I'll be at the place where I emotionally can like attend the wedding but like I want you to know that like that has nothing to do with my thoughts or my views on like your marriage like I'm really happy for you both it's just I don't know where my mental state is going to be and I know like you need to have a head count for all of that and I I don't want to put the pressure on you or myself day of to feel like I'm going to put myself in a position that I'm not comfortable

with. And yeah, I think you will also feel a weight off your shoulders doing that now, because I then you can plan if you want to do stuff with your parents around that day, like you can, you don't have to hold out and wait to see if you feel like you want to go. And I also think maybe this is a hot take i think weddings are kind of whatever like i think that like they can be a wonderful meaningful moment to the people who are getting married i think as like friends and family members and people close people getting married i think we really view them as these like all important moments in someone's life that's kind of like a make or break situation and i think if we could kind of ease up on the expectations of weddings I think it would be easier for some

people involved because it's it's a lot to ask of anyone to go to a wedding let alone someone who is like dealing with a really like with grieving and is also dealing with like a triggering anniversary like a date your brother's birthday that like you can be some you can be the greatest friend ever and still not attend like someone's wedding you don't have to it's just a day it's just a party most people don't remember who's there like most people that i've talked to when they get married they're like it was all about me and my partner i don't even remember most of the day yeah i i think like ahead of a wedding it feels like there's a lot of personal responsibility for everyone in attendance and this like obligation thing but yeah at the end of the

day they don't they don't really remember and it takes a lot of sacrifice to be there that I don't necessarily think that yields the reward or the payoff a lot of the time and I think in these instances spreading yourself thin I don't think that any any good friend would want that for you either if you want to send a gift send a gift but otherwise take that time for you take that time to honor your brother and if you're up to it go and if you can go go but if not that's your day yeah and again if they're not cool about it and understanding like that's nothing you did that's them that's all on them like that just would make them bad people yeah god imagine uh thinking like have being that that's selfish not that like you caller are thinking like i'm not on

on you for thinking that you think that they might think it's selfish but i really hope that that's not coming from like a personal experience with them like because i do think also hot maybe this isn't a hot take but i think if that's not coming from your own um i don't want to say insecurity but your own feeling like you you're letting people down and it's not something that they've put on themselves i think if you think that they will say that you are being selfish they are bad people and i don't even think you need to owe them that conversation yeah i agree sending you so much love i i hope you get to honor uh his birthday in a way that you and your family are feel good about okay a little bit of a tonal shift so uh now we're gonna do don't blame them

this is where a listener will call in with their own advice based on a call that we played on a previous episode so maybe they have personal experience maybe they just have something that we didn't say that they thought of some different insights or yeah hi Megan and Melissa this is take two of this call because Melissa high key picked up the first time I rang it absolutely made my day and let me just say to everyone listening that her vibe is the exact same off the air so anyway i'm 22 my pronouns are she her i'm calling in for a don't blame them for the episode titled keeping a secret from your boyfriend i know that you requested for therapists to call in and give their take on the situation where the caller had crossed the line with her involvement

in the relationship between her husband's sibling and their counselor and unfortunately i'm not a therapist, and nor does my two cents directly correlate to the situation at hand. I just wanted to share that I immediately noticed that the caller referred to her non-binary family member as her sister-in-law, which came off as invalidating of their gender identity, especially as she had just spoken to their coming out experience. Please note that I am a cisgendered queer woman, so I'm not speaking from my personal experience, but rather just trying to reflect what I've taken away from non-binary and gender-fluid individuals. I also obviously have no idea if there had already been a conversation where they said that using sister-in-law is okay,

but caller, if that is not the case, then using sibling-in-law instead would be a straightforward and affirming shift in how you refer to them, or just ask them how they would like to be referred to, and I'm sure they'd be glad you came to them about it. And Megan and Melissa, I know that y'all were just echoing the terminology that the caller used, but I just wanted to point out that it did come across as misgendering that individual overall, and I wanted to suggest a gender neutral and more inclusive option. I appreciate y'all including discussions like this on your podcast, and each episode really does push me to be more self-aware and cognizant of the world around me. Thank you. I mean, I don't think this is like an off-basis thing, but I mean,

i'm not trying to like defend us or the caller but i think that as a cis woman like i have in lots of different in the gender identity like spectrum and i don't think it's impossible that the caller like misgendered their sibling-in-law but our mo of this is you usually have a conversation ahead of time and that's something that is like a terminology that is agreed upon and we've had calls or people have said one pronoun for someone they're talking about and then they'll misgender and then they'll correct themselves or and we do that too and we edit that out if we misgender someone and we are cognizant of that as like we correct each other when we're talking on this and like that's something that like i don't want to invalidate how that could

feel like that in that instance maybe i'm wrong and i'm off basis but i think that like usually when it comes into like gender identity most of the time people calling in are sharing usually the level of the story that they're comfortable with and that the other person would be comfortable them talking about to strangers and just to piggyback off that i've seen and know people that are trans and stuff and they and i think one of the most famous examples of this is for example caitlin jenner prefers to still be called dad by her kids and so there are people that like the terms that they that had been already set in place and used and so they still use those original terms yeah no and i think that like maybe moving forward if it's helpful

for people in calls to specify if the the terminology that they use with a partner or a friend or something that they're using that feels like gendered terminology in the call is pertaining to being non-binary or gender non-conforming or just the gender in general if it maybe that is something that's like helpful for that but we do want to make sure that we're not asking people to reveal too much about themselves that they're not comfortable with and also other people in their lives that they're not so comfortable with that but i also understand how like when you hear a call or something that it can be hard to not look at it kind of like big picture as opposed to like a specific instance so yeah i i think that like i very i completely understand

the sentiment I think we can move forward and hope that have calls that have more clarity so people don't feel like they are being by proxy misgendered in a conversation about gender identity but I also don't hope that as like a community we cannot single out specific callers and instances that might be a private conversation between them that they don't necessarily owe us me me megan and melissa in our audience like they don't necessarily owe us those intimate conversations and i mean like we used to say give us your pronouns when people called in but then you know we realized some people don't want to do that so we started if you'd like to share the pronouns yeah so i think that like we can talk about broad strokes things and i think that like

this is a great example i saw a post in the facebook group of someone being like assuming that the conversation between the caller and they're like the person that they're referring to in this that they refer to as their sister-in-law assuming that conversation was had and that terminology was agreed on by them but in case anyone didn't know this is a great terminology to use so i think if we talk about it in broad strokes versus the individual and like that aspect of it i think we should always be correcting people but it's hard to correct someone when we don't know that they haven't already had the conversation and they don't they don't owe us a conversation either exactly i don't want people to feel especially when they are siblings allies friends of i don't

want any of them to feel like they are sacrificing the privacy or just comfortability of their friends or their family members to kind of share us with more context to i i just i don't i i don't feel comfortable asking people to um do that because it's it's already a very personal thing and yeah so i will also say sometimes people change things or like move change things around or something or don't want to give a little bit more information we always ask for more context we can give better advice that wouldn't make us give any different like advice but it could potentially help if there was a very specific conversation that could feel identifying to the caller and their sibling that people withhold that stuff because they know other people who

listen to the podcast or something like that they don't want it to be identifiable yeah but i think the sentiment as a whole is great and sibling-in-law is a is a very great term i also heard that's the term that they want yeah and the i saw another one that was i think it was for i think it the original origin was non-binary sibling but this person they also used it with their sister's kid because they weren't into any of the gendered terms that come with that because they use they them pronouns currently and they're on that identity and so they use the term nibbling and that like it was one that they was not initially for created for that relationship but like worked on an individual basis so yeah i also just don't want us to i think there's a we

should all be like inclusive and hearing people's experience and what they want but i i don't think we should view and assume everyone on every straight person every gay person every bi person person cis person everything that non-confirming person yeah that they align with a certain subset of terminology to them as like it feels like then at least as me as someone on the outside of that community that i'm kind of assigning terms to people and when i want them to tell me the terms that they're comfortable with yeah so i directed an audio book a few months ago which is it's a essentially like a middle school age ish book but one of the main characters is non-binary and they talk about like and they also go to like this meeting within the book um and it was written by

a trans person and so they just say everybody's the way that they define their relationships is how they define them if they want to even define them so you can never guess or assume or think that there's one way to do something yeah then we just start creating a binary for that and that's just what i listening is the best part but i could definitely understand how that might have felt triggering or unsafe for people so i want to apologize for that wholeheartedly never our intention i hope this was able to like clear some of that up but i also want to make sure that nobody feels pressure when you're calling in we talk about we want as many details as possible and that stuff but like when that comes to the story but like your gender identity the terminology that

you use and all of that like that's on you your own comfort level like we don't need that you don't owe that to us you don't owe it to the audience like so share whatever you're comfortable with and we're good with that yep okay well that is it for the episode we hope you all enjoyed if you want to call us for an upcoming one or if you have a don't blame them do it give us a call 310-694-0976 same thing with the audio message but send it over to meganpodcast at gmail.com if you're an international listener and if you are still listening at this point head on over to our instagram make sure you're following our instagram and comment on our instagram we would love to hear your thoughts on the update on in the comments so please head on over there so we

can discuss we can see your reactions because it's a wild call yeah and if you have any updates send us an email email yeah you can bypass calling send an email yeah you've already been led into the exclusive club i was going to read a review oh go for it all right this is what i needed i have called into this podcast twice and both times the host disagreed with me and told me i was wrong which at first is jarring because most people write in hoping to be agreed with and told how right they are but i never knew how much i needed an outsider to look at a situation and tell me who I really was in the situation. Both of these ladies humanize not only you,

but everyone in the situation. They helped me to see from a perspective I never would have. So no, they have never sided with me and told me how much of a smart girl boss I was, but I can get that advice from any of my close friends. Sometimes you need someone to tell you you're being a big jerk in order to be a better person.

They are not about making their fan base happy and agreeing with the callers. they are about making you into a better person and i love that that's the best review we've ever gotten this is from maddie uh six six okay now i'm gonna tell you right now you're a girl boss like that was a wonderful girl boss moment girl boss supporting girl boss that makes me really happy because like i think you and i both operate from the same po like point of view from like friendships too like we'll give the sugarcoating friendship but like if you i will offer to give you my honest opinion and like that kind of thing. And so like, it is so nice that, you know,

sometimes can get misconstrued online and that, but like, I think it's great to know that like people like who hear these things, like the same way that our friends do the same way that both of us do when we talk to each other, like we're not here to pat you on your back. That doesn't help you grow. No. And I think that like, I personally think like the best people who have my best interested at heart and who I can like take it from are like specifically the women in my life like when it comes from that like perspective I think like it's it's great and we care I think that's like the bottom line like we really care and I'm I'm glad to know that like you felt that and it makes me happy to know that like our advice resonates we also don't want like our

listeners to make bad decisions but we used to say we don't want you to be a dumb bitch we don't want you to be a bad bitch we're gonna be a bad bitch don't be a dumb bitch be a bad bitch it's like when we're we're not trying we're not like this isn't like psychological like we're not trying to mislead you like we want you to succeed we're just trying to help out in the chaotic way that we are so thanks for that review if you want to leave a review and you're another caller that we didn't necessarily agree with if that like actually helped you it's a nice perfective to hear from okay follow melissa on instagram yes please follow megan on instagram youtube twitter buy her book buy her presets and then follow us both on tiktok you need to get on

tiktok again we need some more content tiktok yes yeah it'll happen may it's gonna be may okay we hope you all enjoyed and we will see you next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts and diamond imprint productions edited by coco lawrence post-production sound by chris henry production assistance by melanie d watson music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso when west chat first took flight in 1996 The vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere,

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