Don't Blame Me! - We're Struggling

Episode Date: March 28, 2023

Meghan and Melisa are having a rough few days. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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bit congested but it's not like if it was a decongestant I would definitely take that but like I'm that that also doesn't bother me nearly as much as like the itchy throat and eyes like the eyes are the thing that like they're the windows to my soul and like right now they're itchy well mine are always itchy so i can relate to that but i fucking hate it the eye drops help yep put those into them did you get allergy specific ones no i have to do just like extra lubricating ones because of my scratched eyeballs after lasik got it because it's supposed to help with my vision but you know i'm blind as hell so what is it really doing then um well i just think like it's gonna help marginally apparently you know um but if you i mean if you want to go

to sleep the benadryl then bitch oh you i'm sorry i've got allergy like oh god damn it i touch this i've got like allergy allergies so like you know i know the like the miracle that is drowsy benadryl i i like obviously never want to have allergic reactions but like when they happen towards the evening or on a day that i'm like i'm fucking done with the day and i basically just have like i've been i'm assigned a nap like i'm assigned a mandatory survival app i'm like good night world i'm just saying that that would help with instantly with the throat and eyes so because my eyes would be closed yeah but it does help with like the dryness too yeah benadryl does maybe i should get some non-drowsy benadryl it's not the same

it's not anyways are we we are recording yeah hello everyone they're getting tit bits you're getting tit bits you're getting tits and bits I just have to say when I think of bits like I just like think of labia like one labia is a bit the other labia the majora and the menorah

bits and bobs well happy Tuesday no it is I mean for us it's Monday but this is coming out on a Tuesday see you next Tuesday on a Tuesday we told you we'd see you again and here we are we did not break our promise you're hearing two people with

a little raspy voice my my soul has been taken out of my body and you via her my her i did not want to share that megan okay sorry cut it out so me my soul has left my body and megan is having bad allergies yep I do feel like though that like I can't even complain about my allergies like they suck but I want to acknowledge people who have worse allergies than me because like I'm allergic to dust mites and therefore from genius Melissa college graduate who figured out that like when we're any time that like it's windy or weather and I'm like why do I have that why are my allergies kicking up you're like because dirt is doing the same thing to you as the dust and i was like oh my god bitch you're fucking right years ago melissa told me this and it like changed my life and i

handed you a claritin you did and we were in palm springs and suddenly i was like i can see again like this is amazing um so it is a very fucking windy day and i also did some cleaning yesterday and this weekend and most of the time like matz is like he'll just take over all the dusty related tasks but on the off chance that my hyper fixation for the moment is cleaning no one can get in my way no one can stop me i'm not fucking pausing or delegating to no one like i am in my own world and i done goofed you should get some goggles and wear a mask while you're cleaning i usually wear a mask and um i have more goggles through your eyes but again it's when the hyper fixation happens Melissa like I will I like there are times where like I haven't but like I could

pee my pants because like I just can't I'm not it's not even on my radar like I will sit uncomfortably I won't eat for out like it's just but also maybe put one of you put Claritin in with your Adderall so that you take one a day when you take your first Adderall you take a Claritin I usually do and it is right next to it so I'm I'm trying to set myself up for success but like that little adhd demon in my brain is like fat fucking chance bitch so that's what i'm dealing with allergies but my heart goes out to anyone who has year-round constant allergies like i grew up with people who are allergic to just like grass hay like things that are just constant or like the trees that release shit um and that's like known as pollen there you go that's what it

was i was like what is that fucking word they're just they're seeds you have bad allergies i do and they're california bread allergies i was gonna say that was your biggest issue here yeah but i do take claretin every day so that's where we're at i want everyone to like you know this is not necessarily a call i mean this isn't a call and response podcast but if you're listening in your car or anywhere either say out loud and thinking or think in your head like air out your complaints your grievances i think it's i always think it's very healthy and good to like complain and release and move on versus people are like no don't complain about things like why so you just keep them and you and you stew on them and then you and then they you built up resentment

and then you're just like bitter and mad no it's your party and you can complain if you want to yeah it's true and if you're new to this podcast and you've never been here before like please listen to another episode unless you just want to hear us complain but this is not what the main shows are about i mean we do complain on those shows but those are other people's complaints yeah we're giving our thoughts yeah that we're giving our thoughts on facts facts facts facts facts um what'd you do this weekend i got a lot of cleaning stuff done and like some stuff done around the house i spray painted and like removed this is what really kicked the allergies into full gear um our bathroom vent and so a lot of the vents in the house we have some

that are like i mean they're all original to the house but we have some that are like cast iron and like just gorgeous like beautiful like ornate ones and then we have some like plain metal ones but the grates in all of them thick as fuck like that's how and they go straight down to our foundation so it's like would you like a cockroach would you like a mouse like pick your poison whatever you want like we'll let you in so um you know it's looked a little diy since our cockroach because i just took painter's tape and tinfoil and taped over all of them and had been meaning to like work on them and i inspiration just struck me uh this weekend so i removed one and boy oh boy disgusting absolutely disgusting i don't know if anybody's ever removed it before

i still haven't put it back yet because that's a task for matzahs to clean that little inside part because i dealt with enough of the dust it was awful um and then we're adding like i added mesh to all of them but i spray painted they cleaned them there was a bunch of rust on it and it's just like not like the cutest kind of color because it's really just what was that i don't know did you hear that no i just saw you look away sometimes i don't know if i make things up in my head you do i know um but also it's because i'm fucking paranoid i hate wearing fucking headphones like i need to hear myself because i'm egotistical and i'm and like i'm a leo but i guess i don't i don't wear headphones at my own home like i just like i'm like

like it just i feel too isolated so i spray painted them um gold and i didn't like clean them all the way which you know i knew i was doing that like i made the conscious decision and choice and i was like you know what they're gonna turn out how they turn out because i've used so much of the pink stuff like abrasive gooey thing to like get all this shit off i love the pink stuff i have like a a pack of their different products of course you do but the i i will say the only the only thing that works like superior to other products is the pink stuff like yeah the other stuff i can leave or take it yeah like it's pretty par for the course for a lot of other cleaning supplies um but i was like i'm just like really not gonna try and get like every little

spot of rest off like it's just a lot of fucking effort for a bathroom vent i was like it's old like it's gonna be old and so spray painting it they were like you can sand it down no i'm like low-key loving that it looks more lived in like it actually looks like it was gold so that was pretty exciting and did a lot of cleaning got new laundry baskets started moving like our laundry baskets instead of just being at the foot of our bed taking up so much space putting them in the closets um and what else did i do i did something else oh we finally measured for the plywood that we have to put under our cabinets because that also goes straight down to the foundation and that's how the mouse was getting in so we measured for that and turns out lowes like couldn't cut

those pieces that small so now we have to be those neighbors who are like hi neighbor can we can you borrow your circular saw or something like that do y'all know how to use a circular saw well no we're borrowing the saw and their expertise which is okay because i was about to say i don't know if i trust either one of y'all with the circular facts i trust i trust mods less i do too i just do i do too i love that boy to death but like he has the luxury of being a straight white male where his mantra is power through it what's the worst that can happen i'll just fix it and i can i can just fix it versus like you know women it's like well no if i fuck up one time i've lost all credibility and now i'm not allowed to do anything and all of like i'm rarely granted

the opportunity so like i have to make sure i'm prepared right that's what i was gonna say i have to go prepare and um no like or i'm if i mess up i'm just gonna go do some more research and come back but i can see him just keep trying until he thinks he's gonna get it but it's not gonna happen yeah we had to have a conversation where i was like here's the thing like i love you i love you to death i need you to stop thinking that throwing money at the problem an avoidable problem is a solution and i think that is a solution no an avoidable problem like where it's like you know like sometimes like well he'll go grocery shopping and he won't read that like oh i have to make sure i buy the gluten-free waffles so we have three boxes of like waffles that no one's gonna eat

he's like oh i'll just buy new ones and i was like i appreciate that but like if we took an extra second to just make sure that we were grabbing the right one yeah we wouldn't have to do that you know yeah so that's how i feel with like oh sorry my mic okay that's how i feel with like diy projects and that kind of stuff where i'm just like sure in theory we could just buy another thing but like we there's a high likelihood we mess up after being incredibly prepared and being equipped to do it and there's a chance that like the person at lowe's if they had cut it they had messed it up like okay you know like that's possible but i'm like but they're experts and if someone owns this circular saw thing i just think both of us are also like

just relatively clumsy and if someone else has it like it's a really intense tool and it's like it is i mean i will i will say that i have used them before when i was in seventh grade we had to take everybody has a woodshop oh and i loved it and i think like i could have been great like my i was like one of my teacher's favorites in woodshop and metal shop and i think if i would have continued with it i could have been like a great carpenter you would have been calling me jesus i can call you jesus if you want me to no i need to have the skill set for you okay you know no but like i also like i want to get one and i want to be able to be comfortable using one but why don't you take classes no that's what I mean like I want I want to do I want to have

the preparedness there and that's not one of those things that like there's a there's a risk of the failing at that so like you know having a neighbor help us so we can like watch and then like show us how to do it and you know so it's a little bit more guided in that sense and then I'm going to attach those to the bottom of all of the cabinets and then I got some cute ass peel and stick tiles to go on top of our heinous tiles and i'm just like excited because um i've told have i told you this is for the kitchen yes okay cool i don't know if i told you if i just told casey but um kyle my friend kyle from the audience is coming to stay he's coming to visiting la he's in la for work weekend after next or week after next and then he's extending the trip and

staying with us for the weekend and kyle has high standards so um you know he can see the house like messy and gross and stuff but i just know for a fact if he walks into that kitchen i will be roasted like so much for it and i want him to like see it and be like wow cute like you know what i mean so that was my goal and who knows if i will accomplish it before he comes but i think we will and i think it'll be it'll be fun like it's a cheap interim project for the kitchen which would be a longer term renovation yeah so i think that's all that we did this weekend yeah i did a lot of like organizing went through closets and emptied out stuff like so that was it but yeah the house is really clean and cute

and i'm loving it what did you do this weekend let's see i ate some fire food i did but i i did start making like content like i told you i was gonna make what kind of my milk with my milk machine for a second i was like pole dancing no no no so i made a bunch of stuff with my almond cow not sponsored but she is incredibly open to it i i mean i would love to be the spokesperson and once i get the videos up then we'll see how it goes but i made some banana bread milk it made banana pudding i made regular almond milk i made caramel milk made coconut creamer i made butter are you referencing these videos or do you have a list of all of your recipes i those are the videos i made no i wonder did you write recipes for them or did you like to follow someone else's

i looked at different sources but in the end like i came together and made my own now this is a strong pitch for the future spokeswoman yeah like the the milk is i mean the well the milk is great too but that butter it really i'm sorry i'm making you cry megan it's okay i'm glad this isn't on video well i know we have to film after this um but but yeah like that it's it's better than me oh it goes which flavor butter was it again that i made yeah i uh i mean i made it made it with almond milk and i put um um some nutritional yeast in it so it actually like cheesy butter it smells like it i mean it does it's not even cheesy but it smells dairy like it tastes dairy wow yeah it's really good like i'm surprised at how good it is

i mean there's something nice about i mean leo was obsessed with telling me just like start making my own almond milk he was like stop buying it like it's a waste but it's because like you have to you make it fresh and you don't have far less preservatives in it so it doesn't last as long but like if you can make it like and keep up with your own supply and demand like it's this only and the machine only takes four minutes to make like four minutes like i was looking at my videos and i was like these are so short which is great but like like they're so short i'm not gonna sit there and have the machine running the whole time in the videos but but um but yeah it's four minutes or less wow yeah and it lasts for four days so it's like that's enough like it's like a cup if

i have a cup a day that's perfectly fine so what would you say is your favorite and like what would you has any of them like inspired that you want to do a different flavor now um i've got a i have a list of different things that i want to try um and so i'm gonna make uh my friend avia which whom you met um she just had a baby and so i haven't met the baby yet and you're gonna make breast milk almond milk yes no i'm gonna she wants an apple pie and i'm gonna infuse i think i'm gonna infuse the milk that i use for the pie with apples and cinnamon so then you taste it in the crust and stuff too like yeah wow yeah i would do like yeah brown sugar cinnamon yeah and so i like i made a banana pudding and i infused the milk that i used with the bananas

christina tosi could never like you're really taking over like milk bar no i was gonna say diamond bar that's a place to go this is like so impressive yeah wow i get like so excited to join you on your almond cow influencer career thank you thank you that's so i made a whole bunch of that i did that from friday to saturday sunday and um you know friday night we had our live stream as we have been having yes um so if you would like to join us on patreon please do it's a good time it's a great time we um i i was just like i was telling mods how funny it was that like it took so long for us to not that we don't notice when new people are there but like we assume that we've like met everybody and like we're like so quick and casual and then it was like that then

suddenly we put them on the spot yeah i always try to force them to do a icebreaker but nobody plays along with me that's because as soon as she says that i immediately follow up but you do not have to listen to her i know that's what i'm talking about i just i just i have to undermine you to make sure because as two people who hate icebreakers it is uniquely cruel that yeah we would ask someone to do what i don't actually want them to do it i do it's more of a just like a little test are they gonna say no psychological warfare with i swear everyone it's a fun time it's great it is not eyes dinks it is not stress no yeah it was yeah i had a good time too 92 and then saturday i made some more stuff and then i went to a friend's birthday party with um

um and there was somebody there that we both admired yep it was great i had a good time i stayed up i stayed out later than i was going to but and i appreciate it was outside yeah and then you had like the one good day of weather yeah yeah and then sunday it was raining again and i went i had family in town my uncle and aunt were here so i went out with my cousin and we had we went to brunch i got some shrimp and grits that were subpar well you know i i don't like i like grits i do not like shrimp well obviously i love shrimp i love all shelled fish um but they messed up the grits which i don't understand they it wasn't it was like too much juices in it i don't know why there was a lot of juices in this

but and but like half a thing of grits that wasn't enough to cover the bowl and it wasn't like like that could have been an appetizer i was hungry after oh and they're like order more food and i was like no i'm gonna go home and eat like i don't trust this food um but then later then i went home and made some more content stuff made the banana pudding dude you're a full-time fucking almond you know big almond big almond reviewed they got to everyone they did but but but you know how everybody was talking about like we shouldn't be drinking almond milk because it uses so much water blah blah i'm not i'm i'm i'm you know i'm i'm stopping it because i'm making it at home and only using five cups of water for which is essentially just a cup a day for me to drink so

yeah and here's the thing if you think about it this way when people like come after people for having like non-dairy uh milks and it's like well you could just have cow milk do you know how much more water i'm gonna have to use flushing the toilet because it will not process in my body and then i will become dehydrated so i have to drink more water yep so uh that and then later um my uncle made some salmon and some other stuff and it was quite tasty and we just hung out the night and then i came back home and worked and that was that was it you texted me at what 12 and you were like something and i was like i'm still working i can't oh you were asking me for the calls and i was like i'm still doing other work i know i was trying to be proactive

and you were just like no and i was like perfect great this is like that's what i needed i appreciate you being proactive but i had to finish kidding no but like sometimes i find that like i'm not i i wouldn't say i'm like a last minute person or something like that but like it's really hard and this is ADHD it's really hard for me to like think of things before they've happened or before they're like like happening in that moment like when I would do homework in high school like I would either have to do my homework the day that it was assigned like they gave it to me or I'm doing it the day that it's due like I don't do the in-between stuff um and so I obviously forgot that we were recording today and you did because usually you know what's funny is that I

was record i mean editing see you next tuesday and in it i say remember we're recording this i will not remember like i genuinely will not remember and the issue is is that like i write these things down somewhere but like i don't know where the fuck they go the amount of times that i've called my psychiatrist's office being like i'm so sorry will you let me know what the new email address is again like i just and they're they've told me nine times and i keep being like do you remember where i said i was writing it down the last time that you told me um so my trying to be proactive last night which was not even true proactiveness um because i forgot we were recording today and i was just like oh shit i

gotta do this and you were like oh i'm like editing i can't do that now and i was like oh amazing perfect great so glad bro like amazing like i i did i tried um and my heart my brain and heart was not in it i was just kind of going through the motions and you just being like it's not doing it now i was like anything great because that sounds perfect to me so i i appreciated that yeah on the same page i was almost um going to vegas again this week holy fuck you're still recovering i know and my um the arkansas razorbacks the basketball team is in the suite 16 for march madness and they are playing in vegas and my mom of course gets to go and so she gets two tickets to the box or whatever and so she was like come down and I said well I'm directing an audiobook

all week and then Friday I have one two three five record now six because of this and so I was like I can I can if the game is later on Thursday I can fly out Wednesday night but I'm gonna have to work all day in the hotel and then go to the game and now they're saying and the thing is they were going to stay until saturday but now they're saying if they they're only staying to saturday if they win both games and so we don't know if they're going to win both games so i was like i have to work all day friday so there's no way i can fly out friday morning like fly back here one game i know because it's thursday so the thing is i'm directing all week so i can't like reschedule anything and so i would have flown out wednesday night been there thursday and then like worked in

the hotel room all thursday and then gone to the game the night and then if i was able to i would fight i would have flown back on saturday because that was the original thing okay but now they're saying if they lose on thursday night then they're leaving friday morning but i have to record starting at eight so there's no way i mean there is a way i could get back but that's just too much to do no like you'd have to fly back thursday night yeah and that's a lot especially the night game yeah are all basketball games night game no okay no a lot of the um stuff during march madness is during the day but there's four games during the day so they have to so like the Razorbacks

or the night game for that thing so yeah well you could have had that life I know but you're an influencer in your own right you know like this is you turning down a

revolve trip because you've got to do all this other work damn that seems like it would have been fun it would have been so much fun you know what here's the thing i just would i would maintain a positive mental outlook of like maybe things will fall into place maybe someone will cancel something else and then you can like make it happen and or

just to throw it out there and this is something i tell mods all the time that it's like you know when you are incredibly accommodating for like other people that banks and like allows you to like whatever happened to faking sick like as a like in like like middle school elementary school high school like sometimes like after you've done all this great work it coming up with a lie or something or being like so sorry i have to cancel something came up and doing something fun it's not gonna not gonna not gonna kill anybody if this wasn't the first time i was gonna record this podcast wow would have been fun for you yeah it really would have i'm holding out hope that something if something changes you know never say never

that's what justin bieber taught me well you know what i'm so happy that justin bieber inspired lonely island for their film pop star with the greatest subtitle ever never stop never stopping like i just think about it and i laugh like constantly it's so funny oh anytime i think of that movie the only thing that pops into my head do you know what it's gonna be i've never seen the movie oh i literally only know of the subtitle yeah should i or would i hate it no i think i mean you like andy sandberg i think you'll enjoy in a sexual way and in a comedy way yeah i think you'll enjoy it i think i would too he's so hot like that is my taste in men is all over the place no it's really all over the place but then it's like

not you know no as soon as you get it you get it yeah like he's like physically he's motz-esque like he's got the same type of hair like no i'm very specific about the hair yeah no it's funny because like there is there's a specific brand of brunette white boy of like a specific font of them that they fall into a category and they all fall into that same fucking category and like that's there's no there's no diverting from that like there's never gonna I'm not gonna be into a Henry Cavill no not gonna be into a name any blonde men no that's just a hard pass we're related I'm not doing that I'm already confused enough by my 23 and me like I don't need to throw something else in there but yeah I remember I was like going

through like my type because I think the first like when Mott's like asked me on my celebrity crush or like knew my celebrity crush like you know Michael B Jordan and I remember him just like okay he was like so what about huh and then we were like watching like Criminal Minds for the first time and like Andy Samberg and all that stuff he goes oh okay so there is a subgenre that like I do fit into Andy Samberg isn't Criminal Minds so Criminal Minds Matthew Gray Goobler oh okay sorry it was in my head I was like I just can't I just couldn't picture him there can you imagine no that i can't so i can't but you know like comedians they that you know funny funny well funny funny you know funny funny haha and then they do their serious time

you're melissa mccarthy and you're like fuck yeah and so it's like when's andy's coming he's got to have his serious time soon he's getting of the age where they have their serious time i do think though that usually that only pertains to when you're not producing and writing a lot of the stuff that you're in because you want to be seen Melissa McCartney produces and writes like her and her husband produce and write so many things at this point but I do think that like she's also still getting attached to things and getting cast and things like Andy Samberg almost exclusively does stuff like from his team so like you know a lot of the times like oh I need to branch out because you know I want other people to see me in other roles I also think Andy Samberg has like no

desire to be seen in any other we'll see I would have thought that Steve Carell didn't but look at him now he only does serious stuff now oh see I get that yeah that makes sense to me do you think are you one of those people who like now that he's older like sexy he got hot like get hot he got so hot I'm like so happy for him like that must be like so like imagine not having been this like first of all I don't like there's no point in my life where like I pity men for like oh wow like they're not like the absolute like Todd like the absolute because like no people thirst over literally any man doing anything they bare minimum they can do and they're like oh my god yes love it but like going from being like haha funny guy like so heavily leaning on the personality to then

suddenly when he probably least expected it this pivot to being like you're a sex symbol and he's like i'm a what like that must be so exciting yeah i uh remember the first time i saw him in his new look with the sandy not sandy with the salt and pepper salt and pepper hair and that beard and the beard does wonders what what and then i was talking to my sister melanie who has an affinity for old white men and um he's not old enough and uh so uh i was like have you i was like you know who got hot steve carell she's like no way and i said yeah and then i dropped a picture and she was like oh he is hot i'll give him another 30 years make him dustier knocking on death's door and she's like there you go that's perfect i can't i will send melissa just like

pictures of like old white men and i'm like for your sister and she goes not old enough like what do you mean not old enough like this man is on life support like what the fuck it kills me and she was your only defender in the dick van dyke debacle oh all right well we're gonna end here but come back for part two which will be out on friday nope actually this will be part two part one will be out on the previous friday if you missed it i have no idea what you're saying so fisting friday there's no results i don't need to know i'm just saying there's no results for this week because we didn't have an episode come out last you're right you're right you're right and so for the one that comes out this friday this coming up

friday which is after what you're the people are hearing right now yes yeah so yeah so we'll give you to give another reminder we tied it in monday's episode but there is no episode of um fisting friday because there are no results to read because oh we had to we were just going to push it and then we just ended up fully rescheduling because um i had mouth sores and i couldn't really fucking talk so thank you all for understanding me during this difficult time if anyone cares they are substantially better i definitely have a couple of like you know little nicks and and some stuffs and my tongue desperately is in need of my jaw Botox so I'm dealing with that stuff but other than that yeah those sores are doing a lot better I think about it because I bite my lip all

the time like I have a little thing yeah it's nowhere to where yours were and I was like this can get worse no I couldn't rub my lips together like I was like I was Lisa Rinna in lips only i laugh as if i did not no you said it i did not say it to you you were like okay center picture he goes hi lisa okay so thank you all for understanding um and yeah toodaloo see you again soon