Don't Blame Me! - When to Call it Quits

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

Meghan and Melisa give advice on: Being unhappy in a long distance relationship Not feeling at home Adult friend who still asks parents for permission Hooking up with a guy that's dating an acquaintance Don't Blame Them: My life is falling apart Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @by.meghan.and.melisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hi we're recording yeah we're recording well you gave a silent look to the camera this is a podcast it's an audio medium well before sometimes i forget the camera's there so you're gonna get one or the other up top yeah we gotta we have to ease our way in so you also can watch the video if you just want to see the nice little looks melissa's giving to you before she okay now she's seducing you oh she's she's taking her clothes what oh oh okay i'm officially uncomfortable no she actually did expose a part of her body i did you'll have to join the patreon to see which one it was and i would also like to say if you're watching the video you are seeing the result of me and my hair i got my hair done and i was so excited to like style it and have it

look all cute and do like a reveal i haven't even taken pictures of it yet i still haven't seen i know like because i haven't like taken pictures when did you not take pictures after you got it done it was nighttime in the salon like there's not lights up in the salon no she took some pictures oh my god she should send them to me but they're from like the back like not so much the front of it you know like hairstylist pictures so my hairstylist gets it from the front too but yesterday i had my doctor's appointment at the cardiologist to get a echocardiogram i don't know it's the ultrasound of your heart it was very fascinating like i think the whole thing's very fascinating but in the notes that they had on the app they were like you can't shower for 24 hours

after well you were prepared no no here's the thing like i definitely in i'm like yeah of course like that's fully fucking fine i don't need to try for 24 hours i'm good but i done goofed and fucked up my whole like shower hair washing schedule and so it was suddenly the night before like 2 a.m and i was like fuck what am i gonna do and i have to wash my hair but i can't get it and i was like can't really get it wet and i'm like when am i gonna wash my hair then like if i'm just gonna do a body shower before all of this blah blah blah so with 20 minutes before i had to leave i took a 10 minute shower that included washing my hair and then just air dried it were you not exhausted melissa this is why i'm so going into your appointment oh i was dead and i had to

like lay down and then i do all these breathing exercises thankfully i didn't have to like hop on a treadmill or do anything like that um and then i did brian and aaron on the way home which is unheard of for me to like stack multiple things on top of each other so if i seem low energy today or like i am on death's doorstep that is why i feel like i ran a marathon so is this the appointment that you were supposed to have before no okay because i was like this was the heart equivalent of the long appointment i was supposed to have before so like in a different office where they i mean it's the same office but like a different room kind of procedure room where they like do all this stuff where they like run an ultrasound machine on your chest it gets really weird i

felt like i was seeing something i wasn't supposed to see i was like she's like these are your like the valves and the vent like these opening up and i was like and she was like had me like listen to it i don't like it sounds so squishy i don't like it it was it was interesting but it was like i don't i could do it on somebody else but i don't want to hear it on me that's the part that was because i always lie down and be very still at night and try to just think about one you know there's little things crawling on you at all times and so i think about that i think about how we're never really just touching things because we can't i think about the noises that our body makes i just think about how everything's just like going being smart is a burden yeah and

this is really something that when i lay asleep at night i mean lay awake at night this is the things that i think of my thing is that like closing my eyes am i seeing black or am i seeing nothing and like what the like where are my eyeballs going like and then that i think about when if you look if you hold a light up and then you can see all your blood vessels in your eyes disgusting disgusting and also like you mean i'm supposed to like go to sleep when in reality i just know that there are these two flaps of skin that just went over my eyes and now suddenly like oh i'm resting but like my eyeballs are just there yeah like i don't like it i am the same like if that shit freaks me the fuck out but i will say it was pretty interesting the sound

effects i did not enjoy no um so i was going to like re-wet my hair and blow it out and like make it look all nice and shit and the thing with i forget what it's fucking called the abbreviation is like pm pem but it's like yes things take energy out of you like when you're doing them in the moment and afterwards but it's like specifically like 24 hours later you're like it's as if you in a fit of like desperation you lifted a car off of like a kid then you're like oh my god i'm really tired the next day it's like that and so i had all these plans like i was like i'm gonna blow dry my hair and then no i accidentally slept through all of my alarms that's fine woke up late and it's perfectly fine because i woke up at six o'clock in the morning

to pee and then stabbing pains of cramps in my abdomen and i was like should i power through and just do what i need to do and just be awake and i was like no i'm too fucking tired yeah so i rubbed some cbd slash thc oil on there rubbed one out and went back to sleep it's like when it's like an angry one yeah just like and i was like i just can't it's like i don't know if i can actually get there i'm tired too yeah but you're like i just gotta fucking try i just gotta try because if not then i'm just gonna be lying here i'm not gonna go to sleep so i did that and then i set my alarm for eight eight thirty maybe eight slept right through it yeah and eventually got up and then i was like now i have to prep and i'm still half sleepy and i was i was like waiting

to see if you're gonna text to see where you were in the day and i was like i just woke up and you're like six me fucking yeah it was great yeah mods woke me up at like 7 30 when he was leaving and i was like okay cool i'm gonna wake up in an hour like maybe a half an hour nope psych my body had other plans they were like but you're tired and that's fine so that is the um mood of today just know everybody that's what we're going into today as and we're gonna do our best to be entertaining and fun so which we will be obviously because we're the best we can't not be no but if you're looking at me going like are you trying to cosplay as haggard you're a wizard harry that's the look it's giving but i feel like the people that can see you mostly family anyway yeah they've

seen me much worse yeah and we've seen them at worst oh yeah maybe yeah i mean now part of my when we're doing live streams part of my thing is twisting my hair and doing my facial routine so yeah no and then i eat dinner that's kind of how it goes and there's at least like two or three people who are like cooking dinner and then it's like oh partners are getting home like there's like it's the whole thing yeah we've we're all in specific areas and then some people are like you have to pause i have to go eat dinner like don't talk until i get back anyways welcome to don't blame me we're an advice podcast where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice and you might be wondering how if god doesn't give with both hands

are these women so gorgeous funny smart hilarious sexy uh intelligent dazzling rich and be great at giving advice and to that i say fuck around to try it out find out or try it out try it out yeah that's what you said oh i meant fuck around and find out my brain is operating on i skip over words all the time but i just wanted to make sure that we were on the same page we are on we are on the exact same page so if you want to get some advice from us you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 or international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com you have to keep everything under three minutes regardless if you're leaving a voicemail or sending a voice memo in the voicemail you have

three minutes from the time that it beeps and we do recommend that you practice write everything down that you want to say include your ages it's all anonymous but if you want to include pronouns that's helpful it's about a relationship how long you've been together i say the same thing every time we need as many details as possible otherwise we will have to infer ourselves and you might not like what we assume based on what you've given us so give us the most accurate information and all of the details that we need and then we will give you advice but time it out a couple times so then you know when you actually record it that you're going to get all that info in and nobody ever regrets writing everything down people are always like damn i didn't include if you didn't

write it down you don't practice like i didn't include like i totally forgot to say this like i should have said this they call back yeah might as well get it done in one shot there's a song lyric in my head but i don't actually know it i just know that it's like a all i need is one shot maybe danity kane justice for danity it was a theme song for the show too oh that actually has to be 100 when i'm thinking of love love them should we get into the episode yeah i had something else to say but now it's irrelevant because i don't remember what it was so therefore it's unimportant we're getting into the episode we're gonna give some advice oh you should be aging over how your parents permission great job thank you it was really concise hi megan and

melissa i love your podcast so i'll just get right into it i'm 26 to her my girlfriend is 27 to her we've been together for a little over a year and i love her a lot and she's really wonderful but we were in the same city when we started dating, and about six months in, it became a long-distance relationship. So now we're two states apart about a thousand miles. We were friends for a few years before we started dating, and we both knew I would be moving away. She had been planning to move to the same state as me before we started dating for her own reasons unrelated to me, and she still is. I'm having a really hard time with the distance. I'm honestly just not much of a phone person, So while we talk every day, and that's obviously better than not talking at all, it just doesn't

feel real to me because I'm not seeing her in person. I see her about once every two months, and when we're together, it is really great, but then when we're apart, the distance really gets to me. I'm unhappy being in a long-distance relationship, and my biggest problem is that I don't know when it will end. Her plan for moving here was and is to do remote freelance work, but she hasn't done very much to make it happen. I'm a freelancer myself, so I know how difficult it is to start your own business and get clients

and all of that takes a ton of time and effort and I absolutely think she could do it but she just honestly has not been putting in the work. I feel bad saying that but she's said it herself she loves starting projects but she isn't good at finishing them. It wouldn't really be a problem for me if it didn't mean staying long distance indefinitely with no end in sight. I love her a lot but the distance is making me miserable and it's disheartening to see that she isn't getting anywhere. By not getting anywhere I mean she isn't trying to find clients, isn't marketing on social media. I made a website for her, but she hasn't put her portfolio up on it, and she's just not doing much of anything. She started this business about two years ago and was super into it for a

few months, but not much has happened since. We have really great communication, and we've talked about all of this and tried out different ways to make the distance easier for me, but I truly don't think I can be happy in an LDR. The bottom line is I don't know how much longer I can handle the distance and how much longer I can wait for her to quote get her shit together those are her words for what she's doing right now I love her but I'm really unhappy how do I know when it's time to give up on the LDR or if I should stick it out and just wait for us to close the distance and for things to be better I don't want to break up but I'm genuinely miserable and the fact that I don't know when it will be over makes it extra hard for me I've also considered

that maybe she doesn't want to move here anymore or that she's changed her mind about what she wants to do for work but i thought this up to her a few times and she reassured me that it is still what she wants the reason she can't move closer to me and find another job while working on her business is because she is working a part-time job living with her parents um to save money on rent and she just doesn't have the money i think there's a lot of things going on here one if you're in a long distance relationship you kind of have to be a phone person you have to take the initiative to make time to talk to each other maybe I don't know when you say you're not a phone person do you mean you're like not talking on FaceTime because to me talking on FaceTime always better

always better and also feels like the person is there with me like with my family I feel like I'm like always there with them well because you can like go about your like do when you're on the phone you someone can know that like oh i'm making dinner but like you actually can like watch them and then you can like get to know their environment right where it feels like you're there more right so that's one thing i think putting in effort to actually talk to each other and then we always say you're the first person to say that when you have a long distance relationship that you need to have an end goal and y'all had an end goal and it seems like she's kind of moving the post with it and so she has to make the effort to even if she's, you know, starting things and not and not finishing

them. Still, there needs to be some type of if she wants to be with you, if you want to be in a relationship in the same place, she's going to have to do something. You have to have action with that. But it does seem like she might be comfortable living at home with her parents paying, not paying a lot of money. And that's why she's not actually doing things. But she's telling you one thing but her actions are saying another thing yeah and i think it's she's clearly not as miserable as you are doing long distance and so i don't think you should like give an ultimatum but she knows how miserable you are and like you've communicated that to her and you went into this with the plan of her being there with you but she's not doing anything to get there

like i specifically think in long-distance relationships like you need an end goal and you need an end date like you need like okay i'm here for four months and this is when i'm going to like move it feels like it's everything has to align so perfectly for her to move and that's just not fair to you i don't think it's fair to anyone in long distance relationship because building a free like a moving for a freelance job is so fucking hard like you you either need to do that because you work a really high paying corporate job or you have a lot of family money and you have the funds to do that but or the initiative yeah but like even then still like you need money for rent like a freelancer you don't have any clients there yet like you have

to spend a lot of fucking time and like how are you going to like it's just like there's so much effort that needs to be put into that that like she's not putting into it and so it's kind of like, nothing is going to change. Like you have to, she's not going to strike gold one day and suddenly have all these freelance clients. And even I think if she puts in a lot of work into it, she's putting a lot of long distance work into it that then she can still be making that money and then not spending money and living at home. Like there's just not a lot of initiative there for her if she's more comfortable in a long distance relationship than you. And I don't think that's fair for you to have to wait to that point to then find out that

she might be like, well, maybe I should save more. Like, I'm just going to keep saving more and then this. And it's like, well, I'm fucking miserable. You've also spent half of your relationship long distance. Right. I don't think it's fair for you to be this miserable for half of your relationship. And that's not to say that like relationships that start long distance, like I don't think there's an issue with that.

But like, you're so fucking miserable. There isn't an end date in sight. and this has been the last like how long ago did you say yeah and so you've known each other for a year I mean you've known each other for years before your friends you've been dating for a year and six months it's now been long distance so she started this business two years ago I think that like what also might be happening is you're realizing that when you talked about your future plans like six months ago or a year ago or whatever that was you didn't you were friends but you didn't know her intimately as well and now that you're saying that she like starts projects

and doesn't finish them and you're saying that she started this like business two years ago and all of that like I think you're probably feeling more fed up because you're recognizing that this is like a habit and a pattern that she has and that you're a casualty in this and it's not intentionally cruel on her end but it's like oh this timeline that we set is not gonna be this a strict timeline like this is going to be like this for a while until then so I think like I would tell her like I'm just you know how miserable I've been in this like long-distance relationship and I love you and I really care about you and I don't want to give you an ultimatum I don't want to push you to do something that you're not financially or emotionally ready to do

But I just, like, need you to know that, like, I can't, like, do this anymore. This doesn't mean that I don't, like, love you and I haven't, like, the distance is just too much for me right now. And I can't be in this limbo waiting period anymore. And that's it. I think, like, if she wants to put the fucking effort in, then she can be like, no, I'm going to go get a corporate job in that city. And I'm going to go, like, I'm going to move and I'm going to get a loan from my parents or I'm going to find a place. like i'm gonna find an apartment that we can live in that's cheaper that i can't afford to split like she needs to take all of the fucking initiative yeah i was gonna say the other option same as

what you were saying is her not being freelance like finding a job that's more stable that you don't have to where you they set that deadlines and if you don't make the deadlines then you get fired like that kind of job because if she's not able to set deadlines for herself maybe that's For right now, that's not the best industry for her to be in if she wants to be with you. Also, she has to pay for her own health insurance. It's just one of those things that I technically work freelance. I have a lot of friends who work freelance. Nobody started working freelance because it's expensive and you have to build clientele.

but also your costs your overhead costs are just so so fucking expensive that it's it's like it's a really lovely dream to kind of be there and maybe you said that you also do a lot of like you do freelance work so maybe she's like oh i can you did it so i can do it it might feel like a personal failure that like she wasn't she's not able to be like other people like people work differently right and this is just if she wants to be in the same city as you she cannot be freelance right now that can't be the goal in order to move but she already knows that and that's not your responsibility to tell her like i don't think i think that you tell her that you're done and that's okay like a happy relationship being miserable is more than like i don't think

you should have to endure any shitty things but like if life happens but i don't think that this is par for the course is something that you should keep dealing with for the sake of a relationship but if she does really want to change this and make this happen that has to come from her right because you've done more than enough in trying to help her so i'm sorry this this that sucks it does but you can be miserable by yourself like yeah and like you can be miserable without feeling tied to someone because it's hard to like work through your own misery when it is tied to something you have no control over so wishing you the best of luck and i hope it turns out the way you want it to i do too i hope you're not miserable anymore yeah hi megan and melissa i'm

24 she her and i'm looking for some advice on living alone so i recently graduated from grad school in may this year and i moved out of my parents house pretty soon after i moved to be closer to my boyfriend who I've been dating for a little over two years. He's also 24. So I've been living alone in an apartment for about six months now and the initial excitement has definitely worn off. I'll add that me and my boyfriend are planning on moving in together soon which we're both very excited about. He's currently looking to buy a house so we're basically waiting until that happens to move in together. We had been long distance up until this point so we wanted to have some time living in the same city before living together. So living alone at first was really nice.

I liked having control of where things went and having quiet when I needed and things like that, but lately I've been really struggling with being alone so much. I work from home remotely, so I'm literally alone all day sometimes. I see my boyfriend maybe four or five days a week, so some days I'm just home all day by myself. He lives with his family still, so he spends a couple of nights with them. I do also have a few friends in the area that I usually see weekly as well. All of my friends, though, live with either their parents or their significant others, so I feel like extra alone when we all go home and I'm just going back to an empty apartment. Since there are plans to live with my boyfriend, I feel myself just waiting for that to happen. I'm having trouble

enjoying the time I have now by myself and just wanting to not be alone. I have gotten into some also great habits and I can feel my depression getting worse in the last couple of months. Simple things just feel so hard. I think the holidays might be contributing to this lonely feeling too since I will be traveling to my parents' house alone for Thanksgiving. I just don't feel at home anywhere right now since I don't live with my parents anymore, so my apartment still doesn't feel like my home. I'd really appreciate any advice that you can possibly give to living alone and making the best of it because I was really so excited when I first moved. I love you both and love listening to you now almost every weekday.

It definitely makes my mornings at work go faster. Okay, thanks. Bye. You sound like the sweetest person. Like, you just sound so sweet. And so, like, I so understand this. I think the holidays is a huge part of this. And specifically, like, my advice and my thoughts changed a lot when you were like,

my boyfriend lives with his family. All of my friends live with roommates or with their family. there is something really different about being the friend who lives alone in their apartment when all of your other friends have roommates there's something really different when everyone is with their parents like there is something more homey about that like it can be difficult but people aren't always going to their friends to complain about like oh my gosh like my dad is so fucking annoying like my parents but like they'll bitch about their roommates and you can have the positive of like wow I'm like people like oh my god you're so lucky to live alone that's so nice

living with family that's like inherently kind of more like home-y especially at the holiday time that you're like okay well I have to travel to go see my family and all of that families during the holidays can be like the actual most stressful time but when you're not actually living with your family it's the most romantic beautiful like hall like festive time that I can totally understand that specifically this time of year that feels especially lonely I don't think that there's anything wrong with like you know not wanting to live alone after having done it for you said six months and it goes through seasons that's just kind of really how it is I found living alone the loneliest time was the holidays I really liked decorating my apartment for the

holidays and inviting people over to make it feel more like I was inviting people to my home versus going to other people's homes and that was like helpful even just having music and not playing music from my computer or my phone but like playing it from speakers and throughout the whole house and having the speakers being connected throughout all of it to feel like I don't know to kind of create more like energy and like livelihood there and you know working out of the house of like on your computer somewhere else having routines where you go to grab coffee like I like would always make a point that I would have like leave the house every day like that was I'm gonna leave it I do not do that now but when I lived alone and it wasn't the

pandemic I was like I'm leaving the house at least once a day and it just helped because it can it is really really really isolating and I think we'll get to the part of boyfriend buying a house later but you live alone and you've lived alone for a while yeah I've lived alone for years but I think it's different because I just prefer to be alone so I don't really get lonely like all day I'm talking to my sisters all day like through text message and stuff I am a part of like online communities I also like I leave I like get outside at least once a day sometimes like I don't like going to grocery stores but I do order like I was getting my groceries delivered but just like actually leaving and going to pick it up gives me like some sense of like not being at home all day

I like go outside I talk to my neighbors I I should say neighbor there's really only one that I talk to I think because a lot of like the things that I do for work I'm talking a lot or I'm on screen listening to people so it's a little different as opposed to like somebody that would be sitting at a computer all day like podcasting there's a lot of talking with that but i don't always have plans yeah i always so social and like you see i don't live alone you see more people during the week than i do unrelated to work that's true like you really i like i make effort to get out the house i make effort to see people i kind of i don't understand when you said you felt lonely traveling home you're like thanksgiving you said you're

going to your family like why do you feel lonely in that because you're not taking your boyfriend with you i mean it depends maybe it's like everyone else if all of your friends live at home they all live in the same area and so then you're going somewhere else to visit your family because it doesn't feel like home it doesn't feel like you don't feel like you're home anywhere else yeah Yeah. Okay. I think like when I go, I do, when I go home for the holidays, I go for like a full month. Um, but I take like a lot of things with me to like when I, even when I'm not here at my actual house, I go, I take things that fill home. I order my own sheets. I tell my family, don't touch my sheets, but they inevitably do. So I buy the same sheets that I have at home every year and have my pillows while I'm there. I make sure that I just have my room. It's kind of separate from everybody else's. So like, even when I'm there in Arkansas, I still feel like I'm at home. And then like you not feeling home at your apartment, you you have to kind of create the the space that you want. I never like when I was living in my apartments before, I never really did anything with what I was living at, because that's part of my upbringing.

We moved around a lot. So I never just like had a lot of just like long term things. But when I moved into this house, I made sure that I got things that made me feel at home. like I bought things that I wanted like I really wanted I invested in the things that I wanted so I you just got to kind of like create the spaces that you want yeah and I think you need to define to you what makes something feel like home and you can observe that when you visit your friends or when you think about like if you felt that way about your childhood home like what are those things and if home is a person and it feels like one other person there there is you can be lonely when you have roommates you can be lonely when you live with other people and there is

something that like yes when I'm with Mott's I feel like I'm wherever we are it's the closest thing to like home but it's also my responsibility to whatever room that I'm in whatever house that I'm in, wherever we are, when it's just me there, I need to make sure that it still feels like home and my home. And like, yes, it's our home when we're both there, but there needs to be like this personal attachment to that. And I would assume similarly that you're probably not doing a ton of decorating and stuff because you're just waiting for the time that you and he move in together and like there's lots of free stuff you can find on facebook marketplace and even just things that might take up a little bit more time but i think it's so worth your mental health i

would also say have you made any new friends because if everything is attached to all of my other friends have their own family their own things that they're all doing there i think that it's just going to be like a constant comparison of something that like i think making new friends and having new memories in this apartment versus just having it be the place where you sleep and eat like they're just the you need to mark this time in your life with something that has a little more significance to it yeah so it's hard like it's definitely really hard and it goes i think this is like so fucking normal like you're really excited when you first move and it's awesome and awesome and awesome and then yeah and sometimes like the loneliness thing will hit and there are

things that you need to do to prevent that and to like you know self-soothe but also i think hanging out with people who have like shitty fucking roommates and like remembering that it's not always a lot of other people like who you talk to would probably like like fuck i really wish i like lived alone but i think right now you're seeing the holiday season of it all yeah even The last roommate that I had, and I lived with her, I think like three years. And at that place, I didn't feel at home at all, like at all. But I don't, since you're traveling home, so I'm guessing you don't live like close to where you grew up. And I've mentioned this before, but like for me, when I moved here, I like went to a watch party, like an alumni event for my school.

And that felt like a little piece of home for me. And then I met my closest friend. We didn't go to the same school, but she's from Arkansas. So she went to this watch party and like becoming when we became friends, it just kind of felt like a shortcut to home too. because like first of all liberal people from a red state yeah so we were bonded on that we also like like the same tv shows and stuff but we also like like the same food and like miss the same food and so we recreate those same like memories from being there too so like that's kind of that created a shortcut for us like she just understood i made a joke she was talking about how my friend katherine she was talking about how she went like she didn't go vote early she went on election day and i was like yeah megan said that's the southern thing that was us you take her on the

belt but she's about to stand there on election day with a bunch of republicans gotta do gotta get my vote gotta get a count i wasn't wrong yep you weren't wrong um but yeah it's just like you you have to like sometimes when I'm missing home I'll just like cook things that remind me of home yeah and you're in a different position than a lot of your friends right now and that is something that I when I lived alone none of my friends lived alone and a lot of them still lived at home and I had to realize that they were going to eventually be in the spot that I was in I was just there a little bit sooner and it's kind of hard to be the first one there and it feels lonely being the first one there and it was like oh i actually need to make friends with people

who are also living on their own and are in a similar position that i'm in because i have i i can relate to them on that level and it just it doesn't feel like i'm othered in this like i need to find like people who are going through this at the same time even this age is like such a transitional age too. And so you're out of grad school now. So it's kind of when you're in school, you have these ready-made communities and now you've got to find your community outside of school. So, you know, like do activities, you can volunteer places, you can, like, for example, I'm going to start taking gymnastics in January, maybe. So like, just like doing things that you enjoy doing but like group activities that can you can find more friends that way too yeah even

like starting to do like on the weekends like walking dogs like doing something like that where it gets you out of the house and you can meet people but you know also just have community or volunteering at an animal shelter too yeah totally i do think we need to very quickly touch on the moving in with a boyfriend who is going to buy a house that is not an automatic red flag at all. But I will say that because you're in this mindset right now of really waiting for that to happen and kind of, I don't want to say putting your eggs all in one basket, but just getting through this time period just to get to there. I don't want you to let the loneliness cloud the logic and the planning when it comes to that. There is a lot of cases where people will have

significant others move in and essentially cover their mortgage and they will have no rights to the house and then they will use the argument well you would pay the same in rent and you wouldn't have any rights to that but it's different because you owe your partner more than your landlord owes you right so i think if he's buying a house and you're going to live there with him your rent needs to be i think seriously seriously cheaper than um market value and i think that there needs to be like a contract drawn up that if you break up and you like move out what's gonna happen and if he wants you to pay and you're ready to pay the same cost that you would pay to an apartment then i think you need to have if you break up that he will then owe you money so i would just

make sure that you also lay out all of the groundwork for when you eventually move in together and what that plan is because it's going to be even more devastating if it's not a situation that's good and it's not going to make sense for you in your future financially and it's really shitty and you have been waiting months for this to be like the solution yeah and it's not like it's not just like a financial thing to like putting your eggs in the basket as far as that helping you mentally feel like home exactly if you're if it's not actually your home is that really gonna solve anything and it how is he operating in like the are you a tenant kind of a thing and like that's gonna feel like you live with your landlord right like it just has it works

for a lot of people and then sometimes it just doesn't and it's not about it's not luck like it's about is this a smart thing to do is this a healthy relationship because if it's a healthy relationship no one's gonna try and fuck you over and it can seem like it's totally healthy but then some people are weird with fucking money but then like sometimes people break up and it's like i've been investing in this thing that you have but also like not just like monetarily like creating this semblance of for you it would be like normalcy of what a home is and then if that's taken away what does that mean for you? Yeah. I mean, I, I strongly believe that like living with someone in a property that they own, I think there needs to be similar contracts and rights that you would

get as if it's, if you break up like a marriage, like a divorce, like just because the assets there running a household is an expensive thing. Yeah. And it's whether it's like financially expensive or like mentally taxing if you take on that responsibility i think you should be compensated if you break up yeah so i just would really make sure that come up with what you're comfortable with on your own do a lot of research reddit has a lot of fucking posts about this stuff and do it when you're in a good headspace solo and then bring it up way before way before the moving yeah because i i do think it's important for you to be able to create your own feeling of home without him before you move in yeah because like let's say you start you decorate stuff who

gets to keep it and you created this home do you have any say in what house he's gonna buy and like how much it's gonna cost and then what the subsequent mortgage payments are if there's homeowners associate like all of this stuff and then if he's covering the cost of everything and you're just moving in like that's also a bad power imbalance yeah it's bad power but that again won't feel like your home yeah so i i don't think the solution is buying a home together but i think if the future plan is him buying a home and you moving in with him like there needs to be contracts that are there that protect you emotionally financially but then also like you said like give you the opportunity to actually make you feel like this is your home too because i i think that

that feeling's not going to shift and yeah i the last thing is invite people over to to you like the most like that's host things that feel like homey things like host a game night host like watch a movie night do those things and having guests over is fun but you will eventually be like can't wait for them to fucking leave and then i have some nice peace and quiet there but if you only ever leave the house for social you come home to a quiet house always that that does have that kind of like sinking feeling to it yeah so best of luck this is a very relatable thing i have been there all right let's take a break we're back we are hi megan and melissa i'm calling for Don't Blame Me for something I'm going through with my friend. My friend and I are both 22,

both use she her pronouns, and have known each other for eight years since we were freshmen in high school. We're very close and talk for several hours each week on the phone. During our friendship, she's frequently said no to making plans, saying that her mom wouldn't let her go. In high school, this wasn't weird because several of our friends had strict parents, so I didn't think anything of it, but this hasn't changed since she moved out and went to college eight hours away from our hometown. Even after she moved out of her parents' house, she would still tell me she couldn't do stuff with her new friends because her mom said no. At first, I thought she was just using this as an excuse to not make plans, but I don't think that's what's happening because she said no to

things I know she wanted to do, such as going to concerts for artists she really likes. Also, I know she's not financially dependent on her parents because her grandmother pays her tuition and she has a job to cover the rest of her expenses. She's also never said that she can't something due to cost, so I don't think money or financial control is behind this. Her parents not letting her make plans has started to affect our friendship negatively because I've gotten a lot more independent since being a teenager and she hasn't. I think she needs to set boundaries with her parents, but I'm not sure how to approach a conversation about this with her. I was wondering what you guys would do in this situation. Should I bring it up at all? And at what age does it become

weird to have to ask your parents for permission before you make plans with friends extra info is that i'm a pisces and my friend is a scorpio thanks love you bye i think if she's not using this as an excuse this is just like straight up abuse yeah like so when i turned 18 i was still in high school but i told my parents i wasn't like i'm an adult i'm just doing what i want to do now like yeah i put my foot down i put that boundary down so and my parents i was still financially dependent on my parents through college so i don't know what this is people don't people who don't set boundaries when they clearly like would benefit them it's because the consequence of setting a boundary is dangerous either emotionally or physically and like that's what this is like

this is not like i don't know if the grandma whose side of the family the grandma's on if the gram like if because you're like being financially dependent on the grandmother if the grandmother is like no contact with the parents and is like fuck that like fuck my kids like they're the worst but it's paying for their grandchild that's probably an indicator that they're aware of how bad it is but the i do not think the solution to this is like telling her to set that like you grew up with her like your friends from high school and all of this stuff like i think if she was incredibly emotionally like stunted and like truly there's just no point in my mind that i can imagine somebody being like i'm not i i'm i calling a parent saying i

can i do this and them saying no and being like sorry i can't go do that that's not a healthy adjusted adult and so i cannot imagine that there is any positive or spontaneous or reason that she would be like that that you wouldn't know about do you what i mean like i can't i think if you don't know why she's like this it's not a good reason like i that's my assumption i think if it was like you know if she was had really like hovering parents because she was developmentally delayed as like a like as a teenager or a child like I think you grew up with her you would know or if there was a health thing that like she needed to be within x amount of like miles from her parents or whatever they were had medical choices over her like again all of those things

I think you would know and I think if you have no idea why I just I can't imagine it's a good reason like a positive reason yeah i guess ask like have you ever asked just like hey we're adults you can drink by yourself you can vote you could if you wanted to who wants to go to the military like you have you like you're you're an adult so like why are you still asking your parents permission to do things yeah and i think like just be like i'm not saying with this judgment but like can i ask why like you ask your parents like i know you really want to go to this thing and like that makes me really sad that you can't go and if you don't want to go like you can totally tell me that but like i'm a little i i just like i would i want some insight like we've been friends

for so long and i you know when we were younger like i also had to ask my parents for that kind of stuff too but i just i'm a little curious i and like when is this gonna end because now you're i don't know if y'all are going to grad school or what like now you're should be if you're 22 and y'all like went to start at college when you're 18 like you should be graduating soon so like when is this gonna end yeah i mean i i would honestly probably just leave it at the like you know what like like what is happening with this because there's she knows that she's the only one like going through all of this and stuff and like i just there is a high likelihood that no one's ever asked her like no one she's never felt like for her it might be like this is

abundantly clear to me that like there's a an abusive thing going on here and if nobody has asked her for her it might feel equally as obvious and that people might not give a shit or that it's like oh well no one's said that there's anything concerning here so obviously this is how it's supposed to be or whatever it is like i think extending some empathy that you are sad that you know that she's missing i don't think that she wants to do and like as a friend like how can i like i want you to be able to do these things like what can i do like how can i help like let me in like i really want it like i feel like this is like it's creating a distance between us that i don't want to be there like i let me in so i can like hear about this and take it really

fucking slow baby step wise i do want to say just because you think that she can afford things financially you should never assume anyone's financial situation that should just never be like don't ever count what's in other people's pockets because you never know what could be going on that she's not telling you about or how much money she actually has yeah and i i also think like unless you are somebody's therapist you should never tell someone to like instruct someone who's clearly in a like a relationship that's not doing well um to set boundaries they know that and it's pretty dismissive of the fact that like she might not be able to set boundaries this might be the biggest boundary that she's been able to create and it's so different than yours what's

going on with her is not good it is not something i condone but it takes a long time to like get out of those situations that people end up you you settle for a little bit better and a little bit better and a little bit better and from the outside it can be like that's fucking in like why like this is so so bad but this could legitimately be the best situation it's been so far and that's the part that it's going at it with compassion and knowing that this one conversation might not completely change everything and have her like move out and all of that stuff but or not move out have her like completely like set all these boundaries and cut ties and all of that but I think like as her friend I can't imagine that for her knowing that somebody is

like recognizing and seeing that like this isn't really fair to her no one might have said that to her before she might think that this is this is fair to her she might think that other people are dealing with the same thing or are suffering the same way, or there's some reason why she deserves to be punished this way that other people don't. And when you go at these things from like a place of love and like, I want you to be happy. I want like, I will, how can I help you be happy? I don't think she's hearing that from her parents. And so when you can be the supportive voice, like that doesn't always come from your parents, but that is something that we recognize like unconditional love, like all of those things. If you can be that voice there, you're basically

setting an example of like and proof like it doesn't have to be like this right but i also because you've known her forever i would also listen to her with whatever she says her relationship is like with her parents or what her parents are like like just listen and it might be like completely out of left field and so not what you thought and so not what you expected and not the experience you had with them but she knows all of it a lot more i mean i think actually the best way to start the conversation is like you said that she said you already brought up that like if you don't want to go just like don't that you can tell me I would start with the same start the whole conversation with that again of being like you know if you don't like what because I think

then for her she's gonna feel like no no I really need to tell you how much I want to go and then I think it does set up nicely for being like okay well then how can I help you go like I want what you want here as well like how can we how can I support you and do that as your friend yeah yeah But this is, like, giving me really heebie-jeebies. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Next call.

Hey, Megan and Melissa. Long time no chat. I am calling because I need advice. So last night I went out with some friends. We had a good time, right? And there is a boy there. We're going to call him A. And A and this girl, B, have been on two dates.

They met, like, three weeks ago. They've been on two dates, nothing, like, serious or anything. A and I ended up going to, like, a different bar and just closing out the night. It was all platonic. It was fine. Like, we were just, we closed out the bar. But there was definitely some vibes going on. And it was definitely, like, we were talking about it.

And we were, like, I don't know. Like, I'm sure. i was really drunk because i at the second bar location i was walking distance from home so i was not driving we are safe individuals but so i was running like drunk and i was like i don't know like come over a like you know like no one has to know and he's like i really want to and i would but like i have a third date with b tomorrow and i was like oh like you know and A was like no how about next week like give me like a week or whatever and I was like yeah that's fine I woke up this morning feeling so bad because B is like me and B are not

good good friends like we have each other's numbers they are part of like the group that like for friends giving a few weeks ago they came and hung out you know but we're not like best friends by like any means or anything like that like we're we're acquaintances I'd say so my advice i guess my question for advice is do i have to feel bad about that like again like and nothing happens and i don't know if i would continue to pursue a knowing that b is like a sweet angel fairy of a woman you know but i do feel a little bit shitty about it and i guess should i feel shitty about it and also like how do you think you guys would have approached that situation or would approach you know something similar i don't want to keep being the bitch but

like i don't know that seems a little hallmarky i don't know but they were on two dates so you guys tell me thanks we're gonna come from this as we know who this person is just so y'all know i just want to know like you sound really different in the beginning of this call it towards the end i think we i could have maybe figured it out i think it was the guilt yeah no no i'm telling you like you're it's riding in your voice like it was like i was like what why why are you so angry and then i was like oh no this is the guilt speaking so we are operating because we know who this is we tell people like you have the right to your feelings um and you do feel shitty and I think you should feel shitty I have been in situations where I was hanging out

with a group of people and there was someone there that I kind of like I was like oh they're cute I would you know move in but then and they were like vibing with me too but I could tell like one of my other friends was like really into them and so I would just like moved moved aside and they ended up getting married so it's like I you're welcome yeah like I I've also been in a situation where this guy who I'm still like casual friends with he um was casually dating someone and he like asked me out he actually like went through another one of our friends was like getting like vibing and seeing like how I could potentially feel about him and I was like this other woman that you've introduced me to her,

I can tell like she's so into you. Like she thinks that y'all are like serious and I'm not going to move in. They also are married. Like, I'm just like, I just don't like, I never want to just step on somebody's toes unless I can just blatantly see that the other person is not into them.

You know? I feel the same way in like, and in the sense that for me, it really boils down to like, do i like how much do i like both these people because honestly if i like the person who like i'm having the flirty thing if i really fucking like you i cannot like the acquaintance mutual friend pretty much at all like i have to the layers of that like i'm really only gonna fucking do that if i don't give a shit what that bitch thinks like i don't give a and i say bitch like

like lovingly in like the i don't think you're a mean person but like i can't either i have to be completely not friends with you at all or i have to be like i don't fucking like you like i fucking hate her i hate all of her friends like i hate like it can't affect my social life like it can't affect all of these other things there there's just never been a situation where i would have to like the fucking like in my case like i'd have to like that fucking dude so fucking much that i'd be willing to like not just homewreck but like fuck up my own life right because I'm not fighting for no dude no not at all and also like I'm not going to have to like sift around my friend circles like I'm not about to be like oh you can't come to this because she's gonna be like

I'm not about to sacrifice my social life and my friend group and an invite for some dick like I'm just not gonna do that like it's just not worth it to me and there have been times where like I've stop being friends with like the other girl and I've like regretted that I didn't pursue the guy more but I'm like now years later I'm like I don't give a shit like right it's so just not worth it and also like I don't know I think it does show like I would this situation the whole interaction would actually make me be attracted to him less because I don't think it's like wow he's such a good guy like he wouldn't hook up with me this night he has a date with her tomorrow like we just made plans for next week like I would just like that's I it would make me like him less

because i personally when i date someone like i want them to be like super fucking into me right and i want them to be like if it was like oh i've always been really into you you know what like i have going out with her like she's cool but like it's not really going anywhere i wouldn't want someone who's like going on a third date with someone who like he clearly also has some feelings for to then say like i'm gonna fuck her over too to hook up with you like he'll do that to you too which is if you're fine with that then like okay but i i just don't think that like anyone kind of wins in that situation because it's not like oh i like you so much it's like oh you're gonna go on a date like three dates with someone who you like aren't into at all but if it's not that it's oh

you're gonna completely fuck over someone you're totally into to hook up with like there's just not really any way to cut it that looks really good for him specifically so i think like yeah drunk a drunken night that you did this i think you waking up feeling guilty if you automatically feel guilty about something like this not like religious guilt or things that like we've been conditioned to feel guilty about i think when you have like a gut instinct that you wake up alone and you feel guilty before you've talked to anyone else that's how you feel right and i think you should honor how you feel in this situation and also think about other situations that you've been into yeah this is again homie to homie you're learning to trust your gut instincts and right now

your gut instinct is telling you that you feel guilty about this and you do and like i would feel guilty about this too yeah i'm not saying i would feel guilty enough to call up his acquaintance and say like hey i'm so sorry i got drunk and tried to have sex with him and he said we can have sex next week it's not that serious not that serious but it's not not not serious at all like there's a middle ground where you have to live you don't need to go like fully on either side like you didn't have sex with him don't see him next week and also do you like you don't have to tell her right like just hang out in that middle ground for a while and get comfortable trusting your gut and then following through on those actions without needing confirmation from other

people that you did the right thing like her do you what i mean yep like there's something really powerful and like the best thing that you know that you can trust yourself when you don't have to let anybody else in like you don't have to tell them that that's what you did you just did it and then you feel just you feel it and move on yep this is like what happens though when you live too close to like the bar you're going out at like i've i want to say every single one of my friends who's like lived near a bar they've gone out with like it's that bar where you get the fucking messy as greg i'm just gonna walk home also i just want to say you know better than to give us initial abbreviations yes you do you know better bitch like you know fucking better

which is why when melissa said who it was i was like and you came in here with your a and b and there was a point where you said a and i and i was like who the fuck is i but it's you mean i But also, A, that's an English language that constantly is a solo thing. I'm like, you can't, you can't do this to me. So, do better. All right. Hope you're well, by the way. Yeah.

I know you're thriving in other ways. Yep. okay now it's time for don't blame them that's it for our calls but don't blame them is where one of you a listener calls in with their own advice pertaining to a call that we had on a previous episode so maybe you have your own personal experience you just have something that we didn't touch on um and you just want to give your own advice so here we go hi megan and melissa and caller the episode from november 14th 2022 my life is falling apart so i'm calling about that particular call in which the woman who was calling is really confused about

what to do with her life because she feels like it's falling apart and i was in this same boat a year ago my college closed unexpectedly said oh yeah we'll help you get a new college and they didn't and I was supposed to graduate and now I found myself shifting paths and on to the next thing which is kind of the way that I had to think about it and that's what I've been working on in therapy as well as like finding the good things even though like this shit happened to me but there was nothing I could do about it it was completely out of my hand and caller you were talking about how you feel stuck and that you're not going to have anything to show for yourself but you have to fulfill you I completely agree with what

Melissa said about like her degree and finding what she actually liked like look through like any of the schools that you're looking at, look at the classes they have to offer. See if any of them excite you. I was able to use the part of my degree that I got to go test out the field that I wanted to work in. And then I made connections based on that job. And I got to see like, okay, do I actually want to do this? What else could I be doing? And in that job, I also met a lot of people who are at different stages in their life and chose their path like I'm 21 I'm going to be a veterinarian hopefully and I just had to restart school this year it sucked it felt really weird but here I am doing the damn thing because what else am I gonna do just sit around

no it's for me I have to do it for me don't do anything for other people be selfish if you're not selfish then you're living your story not for you but you're the main character in your story don't be a side character in your own story so if your path moves take that detour there's nothing else you can do find what you like find what makes you happy that's the most important thing make you happy all right love the path thank you love you guys bye you didn't hear but when she said that don't be the side character in your own story i was like i'm literally the main character to everyone's story and i said not mine and i said i'm at least a fucking ghost and she was like yeah fair wait i i get great advice wonderful like i have some fucking

questions for you though when you said your school shut down i was like what and i know that there how there were some schools that lost their accreditations but then i googled and there are 861 colleges and 9,499 campuses that have closed down since 2004 this feels like illegal like this feels like this feels like one of those things where you have a there's a pilot on a plane and you have a co-pilot so if something happens the other pilot takes over like the idea that if your school just shuts down will help you get into another college how fucked up is that that's what i mean you couldn't even in the uc system i could see if they're like okay well now we can transfer to another uc but like it just blows my mind thinking about the fact that like

wait so like nobody plans for this wait i like i'm floored yeah i'm like bringing up articles but a lot have closed down wait so they're not filing for bankruptcy right i don't uh let's see like here's a good example bloomfield college in new jersey this was reported on october 26th that they're closing june 30 of 2023 but they're merging so they're merging that makes sense to me there's this other college that chat chatfield college in ohio they're completely closing they're not merging with anybody yeah like a whole list of colleges that i've never even thought about that but like that's actually not okay yeah so like do you get your i'm assuming unless if they go bankrupt but like if they don't go bankrupt and they're just shutting down you get

your tuition back right for like or like no credits transfer because you say you're starting over so like none of your credits still work well like also for private schools or like a specialized like fine like a specialized degree that's like a bfa versus a ba like what if you didn't have like general ed yeah stuff and like the actual credits themselves the classes like don't don't exist elsewhere yeah or your major like i'm floored baffled too and i would feel bamboozled oh my god like i i would just be done no i i don't know what i would do i know i like don't know but she wants to be a veterinarian so she has to go to school so you're the best person to have called for a don't blame them like thank you because like holy fucking shit did you get

like you didn't even get the rug ripped out from underneath you like you got the whole house ripped out from underneath you like it feels like this is like a like a leonard dicaprio movie where it's like oh you just woke up and like your whole life was a fucking dream and it's like good luck it's like what the fuck well good on you though like you said be selfish and just like you have to do what you have to do yeah like and you took some time to you know you you say you worked in your feels i'm guessing you probably worked at like a vet office or something but you did what you needed to do and i think that this will really help the other caller too yeah without a doubt like this is you did a level of problem solving that is going to like those skills will take you through

the rest of your life and that's like an incredibly hireable skill yeah it's like you could probably land a job just fully based on the fact that you're like yeah so i went to a college and then the college shut down then i had to figure out how to like i'd be like i'll hire you i don't know the fucking job is but like i will fucking hire you like that is the initiative there when you're feeling like directionless like you i don't want to say you hit rock bottom but like you were pushed between like a rock and another a harder rock like you were really so you had to like get yourself out of there and do all of that and that we don't all have to reach that point to like learn those skills and to like work on those skills and that is remarkable wow i cannot stress enough thank you

so much for calling in to don't blame them and honestly i would love to like truly just like hear more about how this yes please like if you just want to like send us an email like you don't have to call no like it could just be between the i'll say four of us because melanie will read the email but yeah if you want us to like read on the podcast for like other curious people but like purely for our own sage like i need to know how this happens yeah i i like want to know like because if you were you're you're going to be a veterinarian that means that you did have to take those basic classes that should transfer like well she was able to use what she had of her degree and so like did they give you an associate's degree but she said that she has to start over but you

would still have to start over for an associate's degree i don't think you can you'd have to go to like pretty much like a sister college to take that associate's degree to immediately start going into like your third and fourth year i mean i know some people that they didn't like they just started at that point with at at it at another school that wasn't in the same state but if they have not necessarily like same state but like like a large university with like a pretty common undergrad and that like i can't imagine you could go from like sarah lawrence from that to like uc berkeley but i'm saying like if it's a veterinarian that means she's pre-vet like those classes are standard across the board oh pre-vet is an undergrad i mean it's a concentration

so she probably may be biology or something like so yeah so those yeah it feels like if you're 21 it feels like if you started at 18 you almost done she did say i'm almost done she was almost done so i'm guessing senior at least junior year and like what if people only did a year like that Please follow up I need more details Alright well that's it Oh it is that is it Alright well we have a review

Here's one from LGC1934 You are old Have you ever wanted real life guardian angels Bitch you know how To get straight to our hearts You old you old person five stars welcome to the mmu megan and melissa universe

here you will find icons who can guide you to greatness if you let them every week the mmu tackles topics such as friends urinating on you and the ultimate sloppy toppy techniques i love that it's like every time i do a request to mods or i pay him i always say it's for sloppy top and he goes stop doing this the mmu regularly battles a host of villains such as big milk drake and leah michelle tune in to watch good triumph over evil every time oh my gosh we're not done i'm not done yet on a serious note this is a wonderful podcast rich with ethical advice megan and melissa are compassionate strong and intelligent women who put so much good out into the world open your eyes and ye shall receive love you all heart emoji handshake emoji smiley

emoji with the heart surrounded my nipples are hard from that review this is amazing incredible i think that we should i mean your nipples are actually hard they've been hard the whole day though but i think we should add this to all of our pitch decks yes i also think that like if we want to start our ethical scam or an mlm we just found our log line like this is like you this might be our marketing exec legitimately can't you hear this like over like the loud speaker at like a ted like convention and then we come out yes and then we're just like chilling things yeah wow we have i was gonna say some person that i would have said a few weeks ago but not anymore katie perry usually plays at a lot of these i mean i think it's still on brand

but i don't want her part of our ethical scam i know but i think if we go to first of all we go to mlms i mean we might be able to try to make it but if we go the unethical scam route katie's welcome to come i don't want her there oh unethical yes unethical yeah if we if we're would bring her down with us exactly rick caruso yeah he can we'll have it at the mall yeah i've seen people having events at the grove on the lawn with their little director's chairs they sit there on their fake grass yeah anyways wow that's the greatest review we've ever gotten like i love it so much thank you like what that's done for my ego like that was like wwe like nba like that was like someone over the loudspeaker i was like we're about to like play the superbowl

like that was thank you old ass person from 1934 edward collin anyways that's it um call us for upcoming episodes please please i mean our show is popular but a lot of people always assume that they're we're never going to use your call or a ton of other people are always calling and we do have calls but a lot of people will call in about really similar things that we've already done or things that are we are not qualified to give advice on so the more calls that we have the better calls we can pick for the podcast and we don't want to get to the desperation point where melissa was like at some fucking point i'm gonna have to disguise my voice and call hello there maybe we do that we just do an entire episode and we just do accents and it's like so fucking

or we don't do any accents and it's completely obvious it does and we're like wow that is a really good okay um join our patreon stay tuned uh well not now but tomorrow tuesday we've got our cnx tuesday episode coming out and then don't blame them later this week as well as fisting friday and that's it head on over to our instagram and comment they should comment this is kind of sad but i think it's relevant like how you combat loneliness oh okay that's not that sad it's helpful i that's that's a that's a good one and we will see y'all next time goodbye goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts and diamond imprint productions edited by coco lawrence post-production sound by chris henry

Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. Music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.