Don't Blame Me! - Who Should Run Twitter?

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

Meghan and Melisa discuss who should run Twitter. https://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/elon-musk-or-this-other-guy Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

happy tuesday whores cunts and bitches alike wow such strong language what do you fall under are you a bitch a whore or a cunt why can't i be all of them of course you are you're that's what the true hollywood triple threat is i'm a bitch i'm a whore and i'm a cunt i'm gonna rewrite a musical with those lyrics um hi everyone welcome back to our podcast universe it is see you next tuesday where we you know grace your tuesday with more megan and melissa content because more is more we do not subscribe to the is it i don't know miss nazi coco chanel who said something on lines of like every time you're getting dressed like take something off like you don't want to be like don't do too much we're the opposite of that we're not nazis and we like

a lot of things more is more yes i agree speaking of your musicals that you were just saying i saw the matilda one the movie on netflix very good wait the musicals on netflix yeah it's a uh movie like they did the movie you didn't see everybody doing the dances on tiktok a girl in a red i might have doing dances i saw the video of the girl who got cast as it i think like getting but i for some reason thought it was like on like it was like the broadway adaptation like i didn't realize they're making a movie mott has never seen the original that's really sad for him i was like dude you would love this movie like this movie is so good this is like so your cup of tea like so we definitely need to watch it but now i have to watch the musical as well oh i'm excited the

directing the acting all of it terrific well shauna lynch who we talked about last week or the week before she plays mrs honey in it she's great emma thompson plays mrs uh what's the other lady the trunchable the head mistress she plays her and it's phenomenal uh all the acting from the kids is great the dancing is incredible like the directing i can't believe they got so much into this film it's wonderful oh my god wait i haven't heard you like speak this highly of a film in so long i'm so fucking excited especially a music like a movie musical like a good movie musical like fucking best thing ever but like it's hard like it's very rare that they're that fucking good otherwise they're like sometimes they're so bad it's good like when i

watched um the remake of annie and got high i think that was great but like not because it was like a quality that was a bad movie it was a bad movie we talked about it on uh black man can't jump actually last week so well that's just to say they I wasn't part of the discussion but yeah it's a bad movie you were there wow I'm excited to watch it we watched um Nights Out last night Matz's parents hadn't seen it and we thought that they would like it and they really did and it was only the second time I've seen it but I was reminded how much I love that movie like I love campy movies but I specifically love campy movies that the entire genre is camp as it is which is murder mystery like if you ask me to

take that seriously and you're not gonna have like some lux and some grandeur and just like you're not gonna have like the the comedic side of like the over-the-top nature with it like i don't want that like i'm not okay with that like i need to have a little bit of self-awareness and i now we're gonna do a double feature and tonight we're gonna watch glass onion which i have not seen yet yeah we actually sat down and turned it on last night and then the internet went out so we couldn't watch it so that was sad how's the weather there now uh i mean it it's cold like right now it is oh it's pretty it's warmer today than it's been since i've been here it's 43 degrees today but it's been zeros negative seven every other day um we tried to go out to the

square last night um which is like downtown here and they decorate a lot for the holidays and it's like a square block of just decorations and food and some people that were singing terribly um but and I was with the kids and um one of my sisters and her husband and my mom and we literally just did the square and not stayed around to enjoy anything because it was so fucking cold I took pictures and everybody just looks miserable I'm like I'm not posting this these pictures are awful yeah that was like me trying to vlog um our drive down I was like yeah I don't know that this video is going to go anywhere, but I definitely will get into that in yesterday's episode.

Thankfully, everything's thawing a little bit now. Fingers crossed for everybody. So after we had so much fun doing the BuzzFeed smash or pass about holiday food, we thought it'd be fun to do another kind of one. And this one, I feel like was, we didn't write it. obviously we're not employed by buzzfeed but i just feel like very seen by whoever wrote this and i know people will shit on buzzfeed listicles like day in and day out but sometimes this kind of pointless journalism that is just there to make me laugh i am all for it and i would like

to encourage it as much as humanly possible also this is not journalism well that you know everyone refers to everything that buzzfeed does is this is what the mainstream media and left left-wing journalism has done and it's like it's a media company like who does quizzes and videos and they also have a news subset but okay this is called um we will i'll i'll say the exact title of the buzzfeed um post so if you would like to play along you can it is called everyone is arguing about who should run twitter and i want to know if you think these 35 people would run better than elon musk on brand would you like to take us uh off with our first one all right first we've got elon musk versus dwayne i'm upset that they did not put in quotations

the rock johnson um yeah who would run it better the rock but also it would be too diplomatic like he would just let everybody on um and and just i would like to see his uh videos that he posts every day inspiring us to have a good day and the rock also has like a mean side too which he still does but like in a very nice way so i would like that he'd still run it better than elon but not the best choice on the list so i think we should like also pick who we think from this list would be the best choice i think that's a good call i will also say that um i think dwayne the rock johnson's ex-wife who runs his production company i would like to also throw her hat into the ring um because she's pulling the strings behind the scenes and she does not need to be

nearly as um wholesome family friendly or uh all all all american like box office like wonder boy as um the rock does so without knowing much about her at all uh and becoming a stan of her for absolutely no reason other than the fact that they are divorced and she runs his production company i would like to um think that she would do a great job yeah danny is her name so right now i feel like danny's top choice all right next up your turn elon musk or chris jenner i know i hate to say this but chris would probably do a good job and i don't stand for anything that she does like right now elon musk is taking um twitter into like an alt-right hellscape but the worst

that chris jenner would do um would just be like infiltrate it with spawn con and i don't think that that's nearly as egregious and uh awful as this so like i i think that she would also probably do a pretty a pretty good job and i would think that even the ad placements would be nicely done like they know that family knows how to sell some shit and i do as as someone who like when you're on a user on twitter you're the product and if you're gonna i know you're gonna sell me something i'd i'd prefer you do it in an aesthetic way that i i feel receptive towards because sometimes i need to buy things and i'd rather you sell them to me in a way that is respectful um and acknowledges my intelligence yeah just don't put tummy tuck tea on there

um no but yeah i guess right now she's a front runner for me begrudgingly next one is sadly i also a real catch 22 elon musk versus mark zuckerberg um i guess mark zuckerberg dude i guess yeah like at least because mark zuckerberg has a two-pronged personality it's like controversial enabling of conspiracy theories but then also selling your data and like he can't spend so much time on the contract like the on on the conspiracy theories because he does have to take time out of his day to sell your data and that is a little less problematic to me. Yeah. At least I knew I would know what I'd be getting with him. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't be disappointed. Every day I wouldn't be surprised by something I see

on Twitter. Next, we have Elon Musk or Ryan Reynolds. This is easy. I would say Ryan Reynolds. I would say, though, I would not necessarily foresee Twitter lasting that long. i could see ryan reynolds just being like okay i'm bored i'm done okay this is whatever ryan reynolds does run a lot of like successful companies though he's got that oh true yeah boost mobile is it boost i want it i thought it was i see those non-skippable ads all the time mint but he's got his mobile oh sorry same thing why are they all just four leathers he's got mint mobile he saved that uh football club aka soccer team that was like in the shithole and bought that he's got his some drinking company uh what's the alcohol company

whatever it is some alcohol company i actually think and like his his mint mobile like is he makes it so it's affordable to a lot of people i also like he has acknowledged past mistakes that he's made um so i i would i would feel pretty safe with ryan reynolds you know you're right i agree i'm changing my answer i don't think he would i don't think he would cop out i think i was looking at this as like you know how i picture twitter currently being run um it is no it's like Elon Musk in a cave by himself but Ryan Reynolds he seemingly has hired a lot of really great people and like has these things working and he's not um trying to do everything all at once like all of himself so I feel like I would trust who he would hire to run it and then I could

see him being susceptible to or receptive to audience feedback yeah oh then next we've got Elon Musk vs Paul Rudd uh I don't know about I mean again Elon still bottom of the barrel

but I don't know about Paul Rudd's business ventures I can't foresee Paul Rudd wanting to do it at all like I maybe Paul will give it over to Ryan yeah maybe he'll be a stepping stone i can't yeah i i just i don't know i i anyone is better than elon musk but i don't think he's high on our

list no no no so still standing with ryan here not me having to google who this next guy is like i know the name the head of apple oh as you see the apple tv behind him okay that would make a little more sense so elon musk or tim cook i i guess tim cook we can just have useless chargers for um twitter every year that they do yeah tim cook out of all these people but he but i take it back i mean he's better than elon musk but uh i um don't think that i think apple is great for hardware but not for software so um i'm still standing with ryan reynolds and tim cook is desperate for innovation and uh there are some platforms that like you i don't need you to keep evolving like i need you to do the baseline of what we want editing tweets that like within a

time frame like whatever that is and then like i don't need more i don't need the spaces i don't need the live streaming i don't need the blah blah blah and i just think tim cook is the person who has insisted that we switch and rotate what chargers work with our devices like every two years because they desperately need innovation i don't trust them with um twitter this next one is about the next one is pretty much the same people uh elon musk versus jeff bezos corporate would like you to find the difference between these two photos um okay i'm gonna say jeff bezos and that's because jeff bezos has never had to

pay other companies to say that he started them yeah I was gonna say I would say Jeff Bezos as well just because um you know there are human rights issues on both ends of the the companies that both of these people are running but it does seem that jeff bezos has um a better selection of people that they work with who actually can get things done versus elon musk who is individually a horrible person lots of human rights uh issues in what he does and the company he keeps is sparse and you pretty much just as bad yeah all right i don't know what you're doing melissa i cackled who would be better at running twitter elon musk or ma as in ma from the horror movie ma played by octavia spencer i've never seen this movie i've seen i don't think you need to

i've seen enough clips yeah the memes are and i can i can get the gist of it um she seems pretty controlling she's got she makes people love her um probably knows what she's doing probably a little too hands-on a little too in your business so is elon did you see that he posted a poll i have him blocked but then when other people repost things that he says then you can like look and see what like yeah you have this person blocked but view if you want to so i did and he had a poll saying if he should step down from twitter and uh i was like this is a trick but i'm still gonna say yes in case something you know he does tap my information for some reason then i have an excuse i would love that yeah so um

i i i guess ma i don't know how the movie ends this is i don't know i just can't imagine that if someone made a blumhouse movie about elon musk like there wouldn't be any sort of like nuance or campiness to it and i just know that a blumhouse horror movie starring octavia spencer has some campiness to it especially considering the entire marketing campaign for this movie was like memes um so i'm gonna i'm gonna pick ma yeah but i also have no idea how the movie ends okay next up your turn elon musk versus oprah oprah i mean i don't i don't need to elaborate as one of oprah's favorites we um oh you got to make the uh gill melissa that's why i was late

setting up because i had been working on it and it looks fucking amazing i found a photo of gail where she's like kind of snapping her fingers so they edited her holding our podcast art it's really fucking funny can't can't wait to see it uh yeah next up right now right now we've got oprah and then ryan reynolds and then chris jenner yeah oprah's beating because oprah oprah we oprah has hired people and like the people that she works with like we now know them as separate entities and then that i trust oprah's hiring um with the caveat of dr oz and again i will not let oprah take the yep exactly the fake doctors i will not let oprah take the entirety of that blame for um that so oprah all right this one i just don't even see the

fucking point of elon musk or bono like i know nothing about bono except that his daughter um but like a begrudging nepo baby who feels slighted by the title that's like literally all i know about bono he's a big humanitarian that's all i got i just know that he's a big humanitarian okay go bono yeah he's got like he gives so much money to a lot of different organizations like he's a big activist and philanthropist so I actually I actually would

trust him I feel like it would be a safe place if he took over it okay I trust you and your judgment I know people are mad because you two stuff ended up on Apple that one time

is Bono from you too? yeah he's the lead singer for sure well i'm gonna pretend i was joking and that wasn't a serious question yeah i knew that what did you think he was famous for melissa when i tell you half of the fucking time of these like these these like musicians who are in their 50s with their first and last names i'm just like i assume i just haven't heard your disc okay well 50 plus like i just assume i haven't heard your discography or i know of you as like a famous person like i i never think about like oh you're a member of said like if you ask me who's an acdc i have no idea i know acdc's a very popular band or like anything else like any of these like rolling

stones but then you name individual members of like who are very famous and i assume that they just had very fruitful solo careers and i have no idea who's in any of these bands not good at this should we skip number 11 because i don't think either of us have watched white lotus the second season i have watched i have watched the first episode oh well i cannot contribute to this one so would you like to take it away okay uh elon musk versus lucia lucia i don't i think it's from lucia and mia from white lotus um i've seen this is from the second season i've seen the first episode and from what i can tell these two women are crafty i haven't watched the rest of the season so if they turn out i mean everybody on these shows are horrible but if they turn out

to be the scum of the earth you know come back to me but uh they're they appear to be sex workers in the first episode they're like scoping out the boat as people arrive and um are breaking into the hotel the white lotus hotels to uh get more clients and then keep getting chased out so um they'd still be better than elon musk okay i trust sex workers to get shit done so number 12 elon musk or matthew mcconaughey i'm sadly gonna have to say matthew mcconaughey um begrudgingly but he is honestly like he is so at the bottom of this list like I could not tell you an actor whose like personal life and personal endeavors I have simultaneously

like been like this is so weird and cringy and I just like do not like you and like I can't with like I really can't and I know that he really banks on being middle ground and apolitical and like you know let's get back to like the uh the um what is that fucking called oh like he's trying to like essentially like redefine and bring like the class back into like independent party or being on it like being like in the middle of the political spectrum um and it's just really like i can't tell like there's no one who embodies cringe more in their personal endeavors to me than him he's so wishy-washy um i don't pass truly truly your turn to read i can't talk about the next one i can't talk about it fine we'll skip it okay i really want to but all right who

would be better running twitter elon musk versus ferguson from clarissa explains it all did you ever watch Clarissa is that with what's her name Melissa Joan Hart yeah I think I am like I I I know that I don't know if I know that because of like pop culture references or if I know that because I watched a couple episodes but I have no idea who this child is okay I was so little like I was little when I came out but I love Clarissa explains it all I used to get compared to her she was very much like outspoken and activist and stuff and her brother ferguson was a little shit and to be honest i could see him growing up to be elon musk so this one is a wash for me because they're probably the same person

that's funny i mean just from this outfit alone on a child i could yeah that's what he wore all the time a suit yeah i'm gonna also have to opt out of the next one because i've never seen an episode of the simpsons i've seen the symptoms but not a lot to so we can keep going so everyone just know we're skipping it's elon musk versus mr burns we're not gonna be able to do that um probably the same person to be honest elon musk or jennifer lopez and hustlers so um i auditioned for this film so i cannot tell you about the actual like just like jennifer lopez character in how it was portrayed in the film but in the script i would say okay i saw the movie it was a good movie um and she really ran this shit i think it's hilarious the photo that they chose

for this um where she's pulling they're sitting on a rooftop and basically she pulls constant into her fur coat to uh protect her from the cold new york streets but it's also to say that you know what i'm gonna take care of you in your newfound life as a stripper so um you know what jennifer lopez's character in hustlers 100 i could see her she was uh ethically scamming people in the movie i think in real life the person that it's based on was not ethically scamming but in the movie shooters in the hollywood version and sometimes i do want movies to have like green book don't do it but hustlers yeah give me give me the ethical scamming version of this like make this package this up in a nice little bow and make this about strippers who get what's uh actually

get what they deserve take it back it wasn't ethically scamming because they were drugging people so never mind oh yeah i didn't pay that close attention to the script i just remember they were robbing um men who treated them badly yeah but they were drugging them in order to rob them okay so yeah uh minus the drugging yeah yep next up elon musk or sister mary clarence from sister act i feel like this is a no-brainer mm-hmm sister mary um thank you for all that you have done for twitter like the fact also like imagine having a twitter like even that in itself i would i would love but the thing is she started out as like uh she was a um a um singer in las vegas and so she was running away from some i

forgot how the movie starts but she was running away yeah she was running it when we have to because when the next one comes out kiki will be the star hopefully um but she was running away from some bad guy so that's why she took up in the convent i think the police might have set her up to be there or something to protect her oh yeah i think you're i think it maybe was a somewhat of a witness protection adjacent kind of thing yeah yeah no but like so you know she's got she's lived lives yeah she's lived life's got the street smarts 100 sister mary clarence oh who would run twitter better who would be better running twitter elon musk or donald trump pass pass pass like they're one in the same trump has his own twitter anyway yeah the only thing is that

like the people who love elon musk and dislike donald trump don't like dislike don't dislike donald trump for the right reasons you know like we've got the free thinkers versus the maga cult exactly i'm like terrible it's a fucking full circle okay next up elon musk or judge judy i have to say um of course judge judy i um usually hear judge judy a lot on the television but not as much now because she has when i come home because my dad loves him some daytime tv and there hasn't been that much playing recently because he doesn't understand streaming and she has a show on freebie which is imdb's thing and so he doesn't know how to use it and so i've been introducing him to it and so he's you know getting back into his love of judge judy

i'm really happy for him me too me too i just like you know that that woman runs a tight ship based on how much fucking money she has and how long she's been doing this shit like i i i trust yeah i agree uh next we've got chris evans i mean better than elon but low on my list i don't know his business me neither um and twitter is just not a himbo place and like i don't know if he's like an actual himbo but like if he's not he might want to like try and correct his image that is being portrayed on um tiktok um and it's just like i just it's just not the vibe but he's definitely on the list who's better than elon seems like a nice guy but i need a little more

spice and a little more cunt in um my corporations you know yeah i agree speaking of serving cunt next up elon musk or miranda priestly obvious i'm picking miranda priestly yeah she might be number two after oprah maybe number one miranda priestly has she has definitely kicked out chris jenner like she has everything chris jenner wishes she could be even down to like the haircut the outfits like wait i literally just put two and two together chris jenner is trying to be miranda priestly yes yeah so i think she's a strong number two and the only reason and like oprah is just a real person so because i don't want anna wintour right i didn't realize you could click on these and vote

so i've been missing the voting oh yeah i've done it a couple times the next one we've got oh elon musk versus grimes again i've said this before i could see grimes walking down the street and i wouldn't know a thing i know nothing about her except for she makes music right yes and she procreated with this man correct yes and um she's like a tumblary myspace very alternative kind of musician and pseudo uh intellectual who also staged a photo shoot of her reading the communist manifesto after they broke up i mean she doesn't have she doesn't make good choices no and um she makes more bad songs than good songs so i'm just gonna put them in the same like they have like yeah if you have a court ordered like child support with someone like you

have like a legitimately like legally binding contract like you're one in the same yeah oh that's a good one elon musk or l woods l woods yes yes yes yes yes this is she's now it's now going oprah miranda priestly l woods oh actually honestly i think it's gonna be oprah l woods miranda priestly i think so too because i don't know if miranda priestly even understands i know that l woods definitely does and i think that like they both they they're both cunty but i think l is like you know cunt cunty for good like she's like she's going to like she'll weaponize that cunt for the greater good and i do think i do think miranda you know she wields that power a little more haphazardly yeah i think l will be a better boss for people working there

as well agree um next we've got elon versus ashton kutcher and honestly like ashton might be higher on my list than oprah because he does invest in a lot of these companies yeah if we're talking practicality yes practicality like as someone who actually like he was one of the first people that was on twitter and like pushing it himself himself and he what i know that he's invested in a ton of dot-com companies like skype foursquare airbnb fab.com uber yeah yeah i think like he actually has the likely like if someone was gonna take over twitter like i don't see oprah doing it but like i legitimately like in this realm in like our actual reality i do see ashton kutcher doing that yeah so um is it less glamorous is it less fun

would we have less cute photo shoots would there be no like seamless integration with oprah's favorite things and therefore promotion for our podcast like yeah we would lose on that um so if we're talking practicality he's my number one but if we're talking like fantasy he's in my top five yeah he's yeah number one alright Michael Scott no we're just gonna power through a couple of these

Taylor Swift yes but I don't love I don't always love her whole team and who she works with so she's not I love Taylor Swift she's not high on my list oh god

Jared Kushner okay sure pass pass aoc easy easy easy easy yes top five soup dog honestly kind of easy yeah joe rogan pass pass pass same person yep megan markle and prince harry yes with flying colors because i will take any opportunity to sing the praises of megan markle against everybody else who hates her for no reason that they can come up with except that they are racist bill gates bill gates i mean i mean he's the clear choice he understands software he actually created things yeah he created covet in a lab melissa and then he sent it to china and gave it to us how could you give him that a power of twitter he's an asshole but um still much better

than elon musk mike bloomberg pass that's just also boring like no offense it's boring but gonna be a dictator at least like there's no put there like he's just like he reminds me of like an old school like Dick Cheney or like Nick's like he just reminds me of like an old school Republican like but he's a Democrat but you know the vibe you know what I'm talking

about though like that kind of vibe like it's just not no it's just not Twitter would be boring it would be that's what I mean it would be literally it would be so fucking boring 2017 sexiest man alive Blake Shelton

i will never choose him for anything even if you were on the voice he wouldn't you wouldn't pick his team if he was the only person who turned around would you be like i'm not gonna i'm done get somebody else to do it yeah he's i don't know something a little weird and lastly elon musk or dolly parton her social media team of course i'm picking her but also her social media team is not good um so i don't think twitter would be along for that long be around for that long no when you're like that level of like icon status you don't really need to use social media and so like i just don't see anyone in her camp thinking like really valuing its importance enough to uh

keep it going and running well i could see them abandoning ship um months ago um they made an announcement that she was joining tiktok they're like tomorrow at blah blah blah we're jump we're dropping this video and like we'll be on tiktok and then like the next day the account was gone and they just joined recently like they don't know what they're doing and no i don't know why the obvious choice is not even on this list dion work yeah yeah i mean her team is great but also her individually a passion for twitter and a hatred of elon musk like that's like you checked off the two boxes that made you the perfect candidate yeah like she understands twitter and said that she was a employee until

he took over and she's like oh tiktok's looking kind of nice now so dion warwick is the obvious choice obvious choice obvious choice i that's that's my number one i think we've got some great options and i hope the shareholders um are uh sending this episode as well as the buzzfeed um article to each other before their next meeting yeah let us know what you all think i did see a comment on buzzfeed that said voldemort would be a better option um and i would have to disagree with that only because um voldemort does have magical powers um as well as the death eaters and i think that if we put elon musk and voldemort on the same level like there's no way in hell he doesn't see that as a compliment and we can't let

him thinking that he has like magical powers because i think i i could see him actually thinking that like standing in the mirror and just being like there's energy coming out of my hands that's it we hope you all enjoyed um and we will see you next tuesday