Doomed to Fail - Ep 70 - The People of Tenerife - The Lost Civilization of The Guanches

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

A couple of centuries before the Tenerife Airport Disaster that we covered recently, The Guanche people lived on the Canary Islands, until, of course, conquests etc. From 1402 - 1496, the Spanish ravaged the islands, finalizing their conquest with the takeover of Tenerife, the largest of the islands. There's a lot we don't know - but we do have some caves, mummies, and snippets from Pliny the Elder (naturally) to give us a glimpse into this unknown ancient society.Here's a joke that ChatGPT wrote for us about The Guanches:"When the Guanche chef opened a restaurant, it was truly unique — every dish had that special 'Guanche' flair, leaving diners saying, 'Canary believe how delicious this is!' Sources:The Guanches: Original people of TenerifeThe Guanches People and Native Plants of Tenerife (Canary Islands History, Medicinal plants)The truth behind the mysterious mummies of the Canary Islands – BBC REELThis is the first of many and great timing – Canary IslandsLEGENDARY: QUEEN ICO AND THE TEST OF NOBILITY - Blog THB hotels.Cenobio de Valerón | Hello Canary IslandsTinerfe - Wikipedia Join our Founders Club on Patreon to get ad-free episodes for life! patreon.com/DoomedtoFailPodWe would love to hear from you! Please follow along! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doomedtofailpod/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/doomedtofailpod  Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/@doomedtofailpod TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@doomed.to.fail.pod Email: [e-mail] 

In a matter of the people of the state of California versus Hortonthal James Simpson, case number B.A. 097. And so, my fellow Americans, ask not. And we are back. You're drinking beer, or I see, or B, or bourbon. Gingerill. That was the only thing I didn't consider. So, welcome back to Doom to Fail. We're joining you on the sunny Wednesday. It is lovely.

And we are going to cover a Taylor-specific topic, which is going to probably involve, give me a clue. Give you one clue. Well, I'll give you and tell you what my drink is. Is it ginger ale? No. It's a barakito, which is a coffee cocktail made with espresso, condensed milk, liqueur 43, whipped egg whites, and sweetened milk. Let me look at it. this looks why does everybody make this i've never seen this before i feel like you would

like it because you love an espresso you love an espresso martini a coffee-flavored booze yeah uh definitely this looks incredible i'm going to order one of these the next time i go out to drink which is probably tomorrow um okay what are you talking about i don't have any egg whites so okay so your drink is a bare keto uh i'm looking it up and it looks like it's very famous Tenerife, and Tenerife is a topic that I covered. So I doubt you're covering the plane crash again because... I'm not. Okay.

But I am... I'm going to go back to Tenerife and talk about the ancient people that lived there before the Spanish conquest. Got it. Okay. Cool. All right. Yep. I'm looking at my list, and I have a culture on my list that I wanted to talk about.

They were eradicated by the Spanish in the 14. hundreds. And then when I was reading more about it, I realized that they are the pre-Hispanic natives of Tenerife. So they are the Gwantius people. Gwantius comes from the words Gwan and Ancienet, which mean person of Tenerife. So the people who live there. Me. Sort of. So this is. So we're basically covering the people that called in a terrorist attack that caused the accident in Tenerife. Kind of. I'll tell you about that group and like what they want. Um, but there weren't really a lot of, there aren't guantious people really left, but there is a bunch of like DNA stuff to figure out like where they came from and who they were. We don't know a ton about them. But they were essentially like a stone age civilization that lived on the seven canary islands. And they were eradicated during the Spanish conquest that lasted from 1402 to 1496. Okay. Cool. So some people think this is like like fun things that are not true, but they are like,

the original people of Atlantis because they were like tall and like big earth and like other people um there is a there are sculptures on Tenerife right now they are made by the sculptor Jose Abad in 1993 so they're not ancient sculptures they're new sculptures but they make them look dope as shit they're like big and strong and like have like spears they look like you know the people in Aquaman essentially how do I how do I find that look up uh guantuanches is G-U-A-N-C-H-E-S statues. They'll show you those seven statues. They'll show you those look cool.

They look cool. The Canary Islands themselves, there are seven islands. They are from largest to smallest, Tenerife, Forte Ventura, Grand Canaria, Lanzarote, La Palma, La Guerma, and El Harrio. And they are way closer to Africa than I thought. I don't know if when you were looking at the Tenerife Airport disaster, do you notice how close they were to Africa? and not that close to Spain. So they're like, like Spain and Africa like nearly touched by like the Strait of Gibraltar, right? That's what that is.

And then right below that, the Canary Islands are like not next to Spain. They're next to Africa. Yeah, I'm looking at it now. Yeah. They are volcanic island. Oh, wait. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah. So, yeah, it's like it's more Middle Eastern. But it's on Africa. Yeah. It's like Northern Africa. Right. Yeah.

So they are volcanic islands and they come from a group of underwater mountains. And there are the highest peak on the Canary Islands is a volcano on Tenerife. So someday, fingers crossed, we can talk about it again when it erupt. But right now it hasn't erupted in like 30,000 years. But it could happen. The word canary comes from canaria, which is Latin for dog, which is not what I expected. yeah that seems it's like calling a dog canary i thought it was like canary like a lot of birds but had a lot of dogs so i would have absolutely assumed that i was wrong um and you know how we know

it had a lot of dogs guess who wrote about it two thousand years ago cleany the elder he did yep guys everywhere everywhere he didn't go there but he had information about it they were visited by the phoenicians the corthaginians the romans like they had been there it doesn't sound well here's what we don't know this is like a big bunch of shit that we don't know but when plenty of the elders heard about people going there

he heard that they got there and there were ruins and this was like in like zero like year zero ish so getting there there were ruins of a civilization so at some point some people must have lived there

and then disappeared right but we don't know anything about those people because there are the people we know about does that make sense yeah so the people we know about the Guantches, they probably moved there between like 500 and 1,000 BC.

So they were there maybe after or during another civilization living there, probably after a first one did. We don't know anything about that one. They got there from Northern Africa. They are part of the Berber ethnic group. And Berbers are pre-Arab North Africans. So they're like stone-aged Africans similar to and like they have similar cultural things to the Egyptians.

They like mummified their dead. we'll talk about um and berber is also a slur from the romans meeting barbarian essentially um and so it means like a whole bunch it's not like one group it's a whole bunch of these like northern african tribal people free arab they look like me they look like you yeah i look like everyone yeah wait taylor real quick side story when i was in dollywood there was this part that had like all these paintings you go by and it was all about jesus And so Jesus was painted into like every like it was hidden he was hidden in all the paintings and all these people were like just shelling out all their money to buy these paintings of like a hidden Jesus to find and I was like Rachel like should I tell these people that he looks more like me than what this guy's painting and she's like they will absolutely tar and feather you they don't they don't want to hear it they don't want to hear it they get a little too tall to be Jesus even oh man wait the kids have an orchestra they're in like the orchestra Florence plays the violin and And there's at a church and there's a hilarious painting of Jesus where he is like 100% flirting with you.

He looks like a dude in Brooklyn and he's just like, hello. You're like, oh, God. Like, why does he have abs? Like, why does he need a six-pack? Why do he look like that, Jesus? Yeah, no, totally. Yes, they look like you. They're Middle East, Northern African people, like Moroccan people.

Like, that's where they came from. They got there on boats. Yeah. Because it's an island. So how else the fuck did you get there? They got there on boats, but they never left. So the seven different islands had different groups of people. They couldn't even really talk to each other. And they didn't really travel back and forth because they didn't have boats. They didn't have any navigational system. So at some point, they were forced to the Canary Islands. So it could have been like the Romans made these specific tribes that people leave for some reason or they were running from something. But they went there with goats, pigs, and seeds. they were like exiled there as a people for some reason that we don't know it's awesome you can exalt me there if you want 100% exiled me somewhere happy to go so they're here they also have no metal so they have wooden swords stone tools and no navigational system so they lived in caves they had a close relationship with the mountains and wanted to be higher so they had a lot of like you know they

lived a lot in caves they had stone houses there are some like wild lavender wild fennel there's some, a tree called the dragon tree that looks like the Joshua tree. So it's like a, it's like a beautiful island. That's why people go there now. Yeah, of course. That's why it's like a big tourist back, because it's gorgeous. Again, send me there with some seeds. I'll figure it out.

I'm fine. So, so it's pretty isolated. They could have had people potentially swim between the islands, and that's how they would have, like, communicated with each other in, in some way. So they had some, like, translators. They had no writing system, but they had some, like, paintings. There's some cave paintings that you can see now. So they varied a little bit in culture.

They were definitely from this same, like, Berber people. And that's where you'll remember in 1977, the movement for the independence and self-determination of the canaries archipelago. Cut it down. You got to cut it down. I had to do the whole thing. Movement for the independence and self-determination of the canaries archipelago. You need to make it snappy. Something that sticks.

Isis. Isol. Arcada. So that movement was not very successful, as you know, and a lot of it was because it was super violent. People didn't love that. But they wanted the people of the Canary Islands to go back to speaking their Berber languages rather than Spanish. But it's an interesting thing because I think I want to say this later, but Spanish wasn't even the official language of Spain. Who knows what this place was called at this point until 1492?

And so, like, the Berbers all spoke different languages. The Guantches all spoke different languages. So it's not like there's, there's no really, like, culture they can go back to because it never was one huge thing, and it's changed so much, you know? Wait, so what was Spain in the 1400s? It was, like, the same as, like, the rest of Europe. It was, like, a bunch of little, like, like, little kingdoms, little fiefdoms, like, little things, you know? And then, like, eventually it was, like, bigger and bigger. But, wait, I'm going to just skip to this part because the 1400s.

is right after the Middle Ages, you know? Like, there's not like, it's just like, we kind of went from like Middle Ages to people doing this like world exploration. And pretty quickly, I feel like when time, way time is. Like Middle Ages, they didn't have a lot of like metal and things like that. And then all of a sudden you have this kind of more opulent Spain. I'm sure there's a lot more to that. But it feels like it's closer to the Middle Ages than I thought it was.

If that makes sense. Yeah, well, what's the implication? Like, I felt like when I hear middle ages, I don't feel like I can put together like the in my head like a seafaring people like the Spanish. Oh, as you were saying. Yeah. Yeah. Felt a little bit like a little bit more stuff, you know. Right.

Right. But that's what that those terrorists are trying to do when they bombed that airport and indirectly caused the the Tenerife Airport disaster. But that, you know, didn't, didn't work out. there are some places on the Grand Canary Island that are some like archaeological sites of where the people had lived so a lot of them lived in caves on Grand Canary there is a silo in the mountains called the Valerian Sonobo de Valerian which is a silo and it's like really cool it's like a big side of the rocks and it has like little holes dug into it all over where they would store grain and barley and other things and they would have like these wooden plate these wooden doors over them and the wooden doors all had markers so someone would like guard it all night and then they would like dole it out like a store so it was like pretty advanced for like we're keeping track of their stuff and ever have to say i watched a bunch of youtube videos and they're all like four minutes long and they have really nothing to say one of them was hilarious he was like i'm here on henri if i'm going to go to these museums and he was like oh they're all closed today thanks for watching i was like because you post this

No, it's funny. I'm on lonely planning up right now, looking up the eight places to visit in Tenerife. I was just like one, like, what is it like? I don't. Yeah. I look pretty, right? Yeah. Yeah. There's also a Kueva Pintara that is a decorated cave and Arrisco Cato is like these complex cave dwelling. So we have the like caves that they used to live in. We know we lived in the stone houses. So very like stone age culture. On Tenerife in particular, it's largest island. So we know more about them. We do know that they mummified their people. And we know that because we have the

mummies. And so not all of the islands did it, but they definitely did. They would involve them. They would spend time with their dead. So they would like be with them in the high caves. They would actually put them like higher up in the caves to be closer to like the gods. And then I was thinking, where are all of the mummies? Because like even if like just royalty and like rich people are mummified in these cultures, there should be a shit ton more mummies, you know, because it makes sense that we don't have, like, everybody's body because there's, like, thrown into, like, a body pit for most of the time, but, like, the mummies technically should have stayed. Have you ever thought about that?

I mean, what do you? I have, I have the answer, but did you, but. Because they're cursed, because they'll, right? Well, curses aren't real, so, no. That's why they call you Buzz Kill Taylor. That's why they call them that, yeah. It is, but it is actually a magical answer. It's because Europeans ate them. Eight them.

They would ground them into powder and use them in magical cures. That's, that's great. I think I'm into that. That's why we don't have any, and that's probably why Europe is so powerful, because they ate all the mummies. Oh my God, what if it actually works? But now there's no more mummies.

Now there's no more. where i don't even know where to find one anymore because they've all been eaten so they didn't mind for other people but there aren't a lot left because they were all shipped to europe and ground down to powder and given to a magician so well next time we hang out taylor we'll go we'll go great robin and see if we can find at least like a corpse like any corpse but it has to be a really old one because it has to be able to turn to dust and like how long does that take yeah 50 50 if we just get a regular corpse to need it maybe it's like half hour that's fine i can go to a crematorium yeah there you go and just like get some dust

it great good idea so the religion of the guanches it there was like one god called akamand supreme god and then other gods kind of underneath him as well and there were some like beings there are multiple gods there is evidence that they did human sacrifice and sometimes they would throw a living child from the from a mountain at summer at sunrise on the summer solstice like you do just to make sure you know that props are good whatever works yeah it's like midsummer yeah yeah and they are also they say that there's also maybe even some human sacrifices when the king died adult men would rush into the sea and you know everyone would die and they would throw or they throw people into the sea after the king died so there's there's a hard rock hotel in tennarief

Ew. It's incredible. I didn't know those existed anymore. Oh, I guess one of Vegas is moving. I don't know. Well, that's gross. Good for them. Okay.

So that's a little bit of them before. We know the Romans visited first, because plenty of the elders' friends had been there. In 1150, an Arab geographer named Muhammad al-Aidrizi, he visited and made some notes in the population. So they weren't completely isolated. People knew that they were there. So in now, it's the 1400s.

Specifically, it's 1402. And that is when the Castilian conquest begins. So it began with a conquest of Lanzarote in 1399. I guess that was just casual because it officially started in 1402. And it lasts until 1496 when Tenerife was the last island of fall, which is a really long time. It's like almost 100 years. So like generations of people are fighting for this. there's a lot going on in this area in this time obviously so you'll remember like

Columbus happens in you know 1492 which is like towards the end of this but that's when he like goes across the ocean blah blah blah but people had done that before and another thing about I want to make sure we talk about about like seafaring peoples so the latest Dan Carlin was about his third installment about the Vikings and he talks in like Dan Carlin detail about what it must have been like to be on a Viking ship because it's like an open ship you know there's no like downstairs and so you're on the ship with you know potentially like women and children and families and goats and all these things just in the darkness of the sea like going and trying to find something you know and like finding Iceland or like finding Greenland and like you're doing that and you don't know how long you're going to go and it's like very rudimentary so there definitely was that and also in like Polynesia you know Polynesians got to Hawaii somehow on these boats like out in the middle of of the oceans kind of left to the um you know it's not a cruise ship it's like so many people died so many people probably died so people were doing this have have been doing this for centuries at this time some of the two of the boats that went with columbus you know the nina the pinta maybe the nina

the pinta were really small and they didn't have it downstairs either they were kind of like out in the elements boats only one of them had like was a little bit bigger but europeans weren't doing this They weren't doing that, like, long sailing out into the middle of nowhere during this time. They were sailing really close to the shore. So one of the things that when Columbus did that was, like, so interesting to everybody was that he left side of the shore. And they hadn't done that yet. Other cultures had, but they hadn't, you know. And they, I wrote, some of Columbus's boats were shitty.

And I feel okay saying that because he's Columbus. So the canaries are a great place to start. because you can actually see the peak of the volcano TIA day from Africa on a clear day. So it's not that far. It's not that scary. Yeah. Right. You know where it is pretty much.

So if the people of the seven canary islands would have had navigation and would have had boats and would be able to talk to each other, they probably could have worked together. But it wasn't like that. So the Spanish were going to like island by island and conquering them one by one. There's a legend of a princess Iko on Lanzerote, and in this legend, a captain named Ruiz D. Evendanyo and his crew came over and they became friends with the king there, King Zonesamas and stayed several days. And then, done, done, nine months later, the queen had a blonde baby. If you want a blonde baby, this next sponsor won't help you produce one, but they could produce a fun short. Stay tuned. This week's episode of Doom to Fail is brought to you by Naughty Studio.

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Let's do this for 15% off your order. That's Naughty Studio. We'll put the link in our show notes and happy holidays from us. Thanks. Hmm. Hmm. Especially as they say, as they say, finish. And so later, when the king, the island was conquered and the king was taken away,

they had to figure out who was going to be the next ruler. And it was going to be Princess Izo's husband. and they needed to prove that she was actually part of the royal line in order to make him the new leader. So they obviously put her in a cave with three women who they knew weren't royal and set a cave on fire and filled it with smoke

and if she survived, then she was royal. And she survived, legend has it, by putting a sponge, a wet sponge up to her face and breathing through a sponge. And she just let the other women die. I mean, I would. Yeah, I would for sure. sure let them die. So stuff like that is happening around, but bit by bit, the last island is

Tenerife. It's the last one to fall in the 1490s. They have a great king. It is King Tenerife. It's a little bit different, but King Tenerife. And the thing that happens again and again is that he died and he had to divide the island up between his dumb sons. Which always happens. And, And so you have to be very careful who is next. Nine sons is too many because they're never going to grant anything. And you're going to have lots of problems. And so King Tenerife lived in Adé, which is a town on the southwest of the island. His nine sons divided up the island into nine kingdoms sharing the middle.

So the middle where like the volcano is and the mountain is, they shared that. And then they all have the nine on the outside, nine little places. kind of privileged yeah so I mean it's not a ton of land but it's like a little bit so of his nine sons and this is like this is the most that we know because this is when the Spanish are really in there

like talking to them and getting to know them so these are actually in alphabetical order his son Elkimo he assimilated with the Spanish pretty quickly and he his people even said that they saw Virgin Mary

on the beach in the 1300s They were, like, ready to be Christian. They did not, but also good for her if she was on the beach. The 1300s? So they were like, oh, yeah, like, a hundred years ago, we saw the Virgin Mary in a beach. So we're totally on your side. Probably just to not get killed. Oh.

You know, wouldn't that make her 1,300 years old? Well, yeah, she's 1,300 years old, but she's the Virgin Mary. So she didn't, oh, yeah. I guess she can just come and go, right? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Got it, got it. makes sense Miles and I

the kids have been talking about time and they're like well if Jesus is only was 2,000 years old and like he's God then he couldn't be the earth because earth is older I was like yeah

exactly and then Miles goes why do people believe in it I was like why do you think and he goes huh this makes him happy I was like exactly super cute

wait I think Jesus is the son of God but he's not actually God some people think he's both it's very confusing I don't know God's so hard he looks like me me anyway so then his son ad honia he signed a peace treaty in 1490 with the governor of the grand canaria

pedro de vera he went to spain and returned his island to assimilate so far they were like cool we'll be spanish um ania verde was the first to join a peace pact and he provided the Spanish with help against his brothers so first three we're ready to give it up yeah then there's ben Como. He led the most bloody battle, which was in 1494, which was called the first battle of Asantejo, where a thousand Spanish were killed. So that was like the one where they actually had a good resistance. And the second battle of Antejo was a loss. And Bencomo's son, Ventor, died by suicide because he was leading that battle and he was embarrassed. So Ben Como put up the biggest resistance to the Spanish on his little tiny part of island. There's Bencombo. There's

Ben Hario, he made peace with the Spanish. He took it back because as soon as he made peace with them, the Spanish came in and stole a bunch of people to enslave them. And he was like, well, that's fucked up. And then they apologized and he went back to their side. Well, it never stops. It never stops trying to enslave people. And then there's Pelicar.

He allied with Ben Como in the big battle. He was taken back to Spain to the court of Catholic Monarch. by Alonzo Fernandez de Lungo, along with six others, and presented to you the king and queen. He was sold into slavery, unfairly, by the royal butler Pedro Panito, who then delivered, who pretended to be his guardian. And then we don't know what really happened to him. He probably, he could have ended his days in Seville as a free man, which is so bizarre that you're like, the prince of this ancient king of this island and you end up living in Seville.

like it reminds me of like did Kim Jong-un just go live in Switzerland or France or something and just go to a Disney World all day? He did, isn't that weird? I guess he just want to be normal. Do you see the thing he did this week where he was crying about not having babies? Was that real? I thought that was the onion.

Was that a real story? No, it was real. He like had this speech in front of like Korean Mother's Association and was like, we need to have more kids. And he was like, fake crying because their population is slowing. Because nobody's having kids? Are they all dying? I probably all dying.

It's so weird that's part of the world that we don't know what's happening in still. Yeah. Right? And not because it's like undiscovered just because it's like scary and weird. Yeah. Not worth feeling. But okay, a couple more kids. Pelinor, he signed a peace tree in 1490.

He ended up receiving a villa and like a valley in the area and kind of like as peace offerings. So he ended up staying there And he got a coat of arms And they lived in Spain There was Roman He was taken to Spain Told him to slavery And then Tegueste

After in 1496 After the loss of his brother's kingdoms He surrendered So he was like the last one To surrender In that act of submission As soon as the Paz De Los Rhalios

So sorry to my in-laws Who speak Spanish I'm listening to this And then that was it It was 1490s 1496, the Canaria Islands were conquered by Spain, became the first colonial territory of the Spanish Empire, and at least four of the islands, you know, had like a very violent resistance and tried to save themselves. And it lasted, you know, almost 100 years before they finally, finally did it. Maybe they're still doing it.

Well, like, barely and like we don't know who those people actually are. I feel like DNA tests actually be really helpful here because by 1600, like the Guanches as a people were largely wiped out. You know, like they either assimilated into Spanish culture or were or died. So there's, it's not like, so I think there's what's cool now is that they're able to take like the mummies and do DNA testing on there. So like half the Wikipedia pages are about like MRNA and haple groups and like where they came from because then we can figure out where they came from and where they went. The Berbers weren't just one people either, you know? So it's like, it's hard when there are so many little groups of people most of time. That's it.

I feel like I don't know a ton about these people, but it's interesting about isolated people's because there aren't that many, you know? Should we do one on the North Sangalese? We should. I rewatch that John Chow thing and I was just howling. It makes me so mad. I was like howling and laughing my ass off at like how awesome. it was they just fucking gutted him like a fish it's like don't try and change people like yeah yeah that's like the most justifiable homest i've ever heard of my life yeah no absolutely

unbelievable uh i did go i'm not gonna lie while you were talking i did go to air bnb and i looked up to rife guys if you want to have like a dream vacation i'm gonna do that now pretty cheap It looks amazing. Like, there was one I saw for $42. It was almost like in the water. There was a three-story condo. Like, it was a freestanding three-story building. And it was literally like the water was like in front of you for 42 bucks a night.

It was great. It was insane. Yeah, I feel like it looks really beautiful. I thought the Canary Islands look beautiful. And like, it's cool to think that like you could have just. avoided all that nonsense of like the crusades you know and like all this shit is happening like in Europe and you're just like I'm just going to live in my cave and like fish in these beautiful waters until someone comes and bothers me and then I guess I'll do something about it but for whatever reason

and we don't know why that you were there in the first place so maybe they were like doing something bad maybe they're doing something cool maybe they were like I don't know maybe it's like Australian yeah yeah that's what I was like Australia like I mean They're the funnest people out there and they're all just descendants of convicts. Yeah. So I don't know. Who knows? So I hope that they had many, many, many generations of a great fucking time.

And then, you know. Fort all went to shit. Port all went to shit. Totally off topic. There's McDonald's is apparently going into the coffee business like full hog. And they created a entity, a separate. entity that's called c o s mc so mc in the end costs at the front so the way i read it is cosmic and in austin there's like an incredibly old famous reputable establishment that

have several locations called cosmic coffee and i'm just like i am i can already see mcdonald suing them for their own name poor guys they have no chance i mean it's going to be it's going to be fun you can say this fisherman's cottage oh my god it's gorgeous next to the water dude like run a filter for like beachfront and it's just like what is this is $59 what's this one this isn't say $59 oh my god it's like the entire it's like all white and it's like really clean and you just oh my god and all the pictures of this on some it's just like a open book and a cup of coffee i'm like don't threaten me with a good time that sounds awesome this is stunningly beautiful like i would absolutely invade this that's and you can see it it's

close enough to be invadable you know it's not it's not a mystery like the rest of the world is really Taylor all right we should make some plans we should seriously make some plans talk to one I know we've hung out a lot this year but we have only stayed in the country which is lame we could so do this yeah we could rent like a two bedroom or three bedroom house we say on one side you stay on the other we can get something dope like imagine if we pulled our money together like we get a great place you know oh my god this one has an infinity pool i've never even been in an infinity pool i didn't even know they were real i thought they were just illusions that they were all made by AI for rich people to pretend that they

live in places what's this one that's six hundred eight dollars a night oh anyway at some point look at um it's okay so the one i just slacked you look at like the fourth picture so you look at the first one and that's your pool that's in the center courtyard but look where you are in relation to the beach like it's crazy if this was in like Miami or California it'd be like a $37,000 a night save mm-hmm oh there's like like I'm just looking at the food on the table, which is not actually looking at, but like, drinking mimosas and have a coffee, French press. I'm like, yes. Yeah, we literally, all we would do, you know what, me and Juan would wake up in the morning. We'd go into the ocean with a bunch of spears. We bring home,

we bring home fish. You and Rachel can gut the fish, and then me and Juan will go swimming while you're getting the fish. And then we'll, you know, when you're done doing that, we'll get out of the pool, we'll grill it up. Y'all can make mimosas. We'll grill some fish. It's just like, we'll just live there forever. things you want to do less than gutta fish. I don't remember I see anybody do it in a movie. I'm like, I wish I was dead. Like, I just can't even, I don't want to look that anymore.

It's like, look, guys, I know, we come back just with sewers of dead fish. You're like, we just ordered takeout. There's calamari. Yeah. Like, I don't know what your plan was at that, but like, we're not. That'd be fun. I can be a little fisherman. I love it.

Well, thanks for sharing. And now you just spawned like 50 different ideas on. vacations that if you go if you've been there let us know if you're european and you're closer let us know like you're north african you're closer you can go there more easier than we can let us know if you've been there i'm sure that people have i'm sure i love how we and my episode about a child being decapitated and which woman was holding his head when it came off and then we go into like we're going to go into the ancient cultures of these people I was making it a little later.

Imagine just like really tall, hot people on the top of this on an island. And, you know, actually cooking their fish and then mummifying their people. And that sounds real nice. Yeah, and somebody was there to gut the fish. Probably the women. Probably the women. That is your plate. Taylor, thank you for sharing.

You're welcome. I have one piece of mail for this episode. Our friend Nadine asked us if we had ever. asked people for their own red flag stories. You know, and our red flags, I think this week are, you know, don't go on a roller coaster that was made by someone who's not a engineer. And if you're isolated, good luck, people are coming for you. But Nadine has a scary story that she was dating someone who was really kind of a deadbeat.

And he tried to go and see her at her parents' house. And he took a cab there and then he didn't have any money. So we got out of the cab and hid in the bushes. and the cab driver was like furious and like trying to find him and then she ended up having to like find him and pay the cab driver and he was still drunk and it was just like really awful and that was her big red flag she was like she's like she's shit so I'm out of that and adene because that sounds terrible and stuff like that is crazy yeah that's rough that's rough I love reading those buzz feeds of like tell us tell us the story of like a close call you had and it's like my great aunt went on two dates with Ted Bundy. You know, it's just like, oh, God, so, so interesting. Totally, totally. Yeah, if you have any red flaggy stories or if you're like,

knew a serial killer or anything that, let us know. Was I always fun to talk about. I'm trying to think my new, newest serial killer. I don't think so. Yeah. No. It's fair. I'll have to edit all this out.

So if I did edit this out, everybody knows that I had to edit out the past five minutes, and that's why it skipped forward in the way that everything's fine it's fine cool so taylor thank you for this i'll go ahead and cut off the recording at this point