Doug Loves Movies - Adam Carolla, Jerry O'Connell, and "Bald Bryan" Bishop Guest

Episode Date: May 5, 2011

Doug welcomes actor Jerry O'Connell and podcasting legends Adam Carolla and "Bald Bryan" Bishop to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny babies, sticky seeds With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Those Doug Fudge Movies Hey everybody There's officially too many prizes Like The guests tonight that you'll be hearing about shortly

Brought way too much stuff So the winner At the end of the Leonard Mung game is just gonna be Bringing home a lot of crap My name is Doug And I love movies of the Leonard Mungame is just gonna be bringing home a lot of crap. My name is Doug, and I love movies. I'm not sponsoring this particular beer, but someone brought some beers backstage,

so I'm gonna have one. This is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you from the UCB Theater in LA before Comedy Death Ray on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2 Oceans 11. How's it going, everybody? Where are my name tags at? Lizzie has one.

You down with OPP? Doug, you know me. And what is Jordan? Who is that on your picture there? It's Borat. He looks kind of fat at. Overweight Borat. Jenna's got a new sign. It's Borat He looks kind of It's kind of fat at It's an overweight Borat Jenna's got a new sign It's about time

No I'm just kidding around Jen and Jenna Next to each other That's not confusing Elena's got a What looks like a Dildo What is that?

It's a penguin Alright No wonder I didn't understand March of the Penguins I was like why are these vibrators Walking down the beach Beach Pang is back I thought you were leaving dude

He's here in spirit That's messed up I got so excited that Pang was back and it turns out It's just somebody holding up Pang's sign How weird is that So Pang is ineligible tonight so excited that Pang was back and it turns out it was just somebody holding up Pang's sign. How weird is that? So Pang is ineligible tonight. I guess you

could go by Pang if you'd like, young lady. If you're willing to accept that moniker, you'll have to officially change your name to Pang if you get into the running tonight. A shit ton of fun was had in Buffalo, New York, andonto canada by me uh last

weekend uh went to the ufc fights that was amazing went to joe rogan's show uh up in toronto it was great uh played the babeville which is annie defranco's church that's now a club in buffalo that was fun and at comedy Comedy Bar in Toronto on Sunday, Sean Cullen came by, because he lives out there, and he played the Leonard Maltin game against audience members, and he got Star Trek 4, The Voyage Home,

in negative four names. Yeah, we didn't record it, so no one will ever hear it. You have to take my word for it that Osama bin Laden is dead, and Sean Cullen got Star Trek IV, The Voyage Home, and four names. Because they happened almost at exactly the same time. As Osama bin Laden was looking up from his massage and getting shot in the eye,

Mo Green style, At that same moment, Sean Cullen pulled off the deepest negative names in the history of Douglas movies. What else? I've got shows coming up, as I always do. I'm going to be doing stand-up at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia on May 16th. Because the May 17th Douglas movies taping sold out,

so we added a stand-up show with me and Graham Elwood, and I'll be at Flappers in Burbank on May 15th at 4.20, and that is going to be a podcast taping, so I'm begging everyone that's here tonight to come out. I think it costs like 15 bucks to get in

on a 4.20 in the afternoon in beautiful downtown Burbank. Arlington Drafthouse in Arlington, Virginia, May 18th. Avalon Theater in Easton, Maryland on May 19th. Doug Lowe's movies and Benson Interruption tapings in New York City at the Gramercy Theater on May 21st. I think those are almost sold out, and the guest lineups are, if they don't flake on me, are pretty amazing.

I'll be at the louis anderson theater at the palace station in las vegas i know louis anderson's got the night off so i'm gonna come in i do i have to do his act so it's gonna be awkward it's gonna be weird about yeah i used to be fat then i was less fat now i'm fat again. No, it's very nice of him to let me use his theater. At Palace Station in Vegas on May 29th, I'll be at the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas for two nights, June 1st and 2nd, and all of my tour dates can be eyeballed

at douglovesmovies.com. We've got a list there now of all of them, and then there's other things you can do that are Doug Loves Movies related. I want to quickly share a couple of tweets with you guys before I move on because I got some good at tweets about tonight. Someone named Andrew L. Lane wrote, Getting to UCB 70 minutes for Doug Betts' Doug Loves Movies. I think he meant 70 minutes early.

But getting to UCB 70 minutes for Doug Betts' Doug Loves Movies still wasn't early enough to be the first in line. Hashtag slightly disappointed. Yeah, because that was probably about 45 minutes into people lining up. Because people line up generally around. Here's another guy. Fortez 007 wrote, Only thing bad about Doug Loves Movies Live,

being high as hell, standing for an hour on the sidewalk line. Hashtag buzzkill. At Doug Benson. Hashtag let me in. And then Izzy P, good old Izzy P wrote, Doug Benson, your podcast is great to listen to while studying until I laugh

and everyone in the library looks at me funny. That's not somebody that was here tonight. That's somebody from somewhere else in the world. All right, so anyway, I thought those were funny. And then I read one too many. Last week I screwed up and I said the winner's shithead choice and not Jenna with the Juno sign. It should have been her that got to pick the shithead.

So to make it up to her, her name on Twitter is at awesomeness to Jenna. And as per her request, a special early shithead, Nick Gagnon is a super shithead. Yeah, so there it is. It's right there on the table. Did I say it right? Yeah. Okay, good. Super shithead.

Did I go too far, Yeah. Okay, good. Super Shithead. That's rough. Super Shithead? Did I go too far, you're saying? Yeah. All right. We'll find out. Well, last week was, you know, it was a super-themed episode,

so I thought it'd be fun to call him a Super Shithead. And there's still a couple tickets left. If you guys here in L.A. want to come watch Unstoppable with me and two of its stars,

T.J. Miller and Ethan Suplee, at CineFamily in Los Angeles on Monday night, May 9th. We'll also maybe get another special guest in there, so it should be pretty fun. And Unstoppable is exactly like Fast Five, but with a train.

And no handjobs. Alright, you guys ready? My guests tonight are two friends I've been waiting to get back on the show for a while. They did it early going and I'm

happy to have them back. And a dude who recently got fucked over in the Leonard Mullen game, so he's back for some bald-faced revenge. Please welcome Jerry O'Connell, Adam Carolla, and bald Brian Bishop. Bald Brian!

Adam Carolla! Best day of my life! Woo! Woo-hoo-hoo! Wow. Best day of my life! Best day of my life, a guy just yelled out. Wow. Probably mostly for Brian. Thank you, Doug. Thank you for acknowledging that I got fucked over last time.

Well, that's why you're here so quickly. Thanks, buddy. That and I got fucked over because a guest canceled about three hours ago. Whatever it takes. I got fucked over because a guest canceled about three hours ago. Whatever it takes. I was like, who is used to being with Adam and having him do most of the talking? Yeah, Bald Brian. Let's get Bald Brian.

Yeah, this was news to me. We just did a podcast today, and I wasn't aware of this, but evidently you're moonlighting on me, Bald Brian, with Mr. Doug Benson. He was on a few weeks ago and was very displeased that Bill Burr was sitting next to him during the Leonard Maltin game and fucked him at every turn. As Bill Burr is wont to do. Brian is wildly competitive and super smart in a way that doesn't make him any money. There's a couple. That's a hilarious joke coming from the guy who's supposed to be

paying me the last eight years. Yeah, I know. Well, there you go. What I'm saying is dads ought to have a talk with their kids, which is there's two types of smart.

There's I know how to make money smart, and there's I can whip everyone's ass and then go back to my shitty job at the Chili's smart and the trivia competition.

Well, there's always Jeopardy. And Wildly. Which he did very well on, I's always Jeopardy. And Wildly. Which he did very well on, I should mention. Millionaire. I meant millionaire. Jeopardy, please. I meant Wheel of Fortune. And brimming with self-confidence

and bravado and self-esteem. And I remember a few months after I met him on Loveline, I said, Brian, you're bald and you're fat. He was fat at, I said, Brian, you're bald and you're fat. He was fat at the time. I said, you're bald and you're fat and you make $7 an hour and yet you're brimming with confidence. How does that...

I have a full head of hair, I'm a millionaire, and I'm very easy on the eyes, and yet I cry myself to sleep. No, I'm hot because I don't know I'm hot. You see, Jerry knows he's hot, so that makes him not as hot. I don't know I'm hot, and that's what makes me hot.

Do you see what I'm saying? Girls, you know what I'm saying. He knows he's hot. He knows it. I don't know I'm hot, and that's what makes me hot. Sorry. No one else knows it either.

Oh, you see what I'm talking about? Wait a second. Yeah. Let's talk to Jerry for a second. He knows he's hot. Like on one, a scale of one to 10,

how hot are you, Jerry? It really, you got to get me on the morning, on the week. You got to really. He told me 9.7. Fluctuates.

Back there, and that was dripping wet, he said. And he said it gets hotter as he dries off. I've been doing, and I'm sure Adam will make fun of this, I should say backstage when Adam walked in a little bit late and saw Brian, he said, what the fuck are you doing here? So I knew this was going to be a good time. He's not hot, but he also admits it. So that's what makes him not

hot. I know. You understand? I mean... As long as you've confessed you're not hot. Right. It's in the beholder. Some ladies, some men like cleanly shaven men. You're hot, he's high, I'm hot, and I don't know it.

Again, ladies, that's what makes me hot. Well, I'm glad we established all of that, and the listeners love it when we don't talk about movies for minutes at a time. So, Adam, let's get, I know and love the movie you did, The Hammer. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Which, of course, was a labor of love, so my question is, will you uh yeah thank you which of course was a labor of

love so my question is will you ever get pregnant with another movie um is that the is that the plan i i can't see myself you know taking a year off to not make any money ever ever again like i i really the process is is gut-wrenching, and it's horrific, and I wish it upon nobody. And I really mean it. But you did it, and you did it well, so that's like almost

another reason to not do another one is because you nailed it. Yeah. The hammer, you nailed it. Oh, that's a good one, Doug. Thor, that's my review already, does not nail it. Yes. Oh, it's a giant hammer. I haven't seen it yet, already, does not nail it.

Yes. Oh, it's a giant hammer. I haven't seen it yet, but he does not nail it. Yeah, it turned out good, and so I'm happy with it, and I don't feel like I've got to get another shot at this, but it is a lot of work for not much money and a lot of time for not a whole lot of rewards. So it's the definition of a passion project.

But I can check that box and move on with my life. And I think everyone says, oh, what about doing a man show reunion or the Hammer 2 or whatever it is? I feel like artistically, that's the whole point we got into what we got into. To do different things all the time? To do different things the next time. I mean, I always say the thing that defines a shitty job is not only the shit pay,

but the repetition. Like when they say the guy worked as a mail sorter for 42 years at the same plant in Poughkeepsie and then died, you go, oh, that's sad. And the reason it's sad is because he sat in the same place and did the same plant in Poughkeepsie and then died, you go, oh, that's sad. And the reason it's sad is because he sat

in the same place and did the same thing. Yeah, poor Adam Carolla. He made movie after movie. It was torture. There was craft services almost every day. Oh, man. And masseuse on the set. And it was fucked up.

I have a question for Adam. Do you ever get offered like the role of the... Like... No. No. I think he was about to say Taco Bell spokesman. No, no, no.

Let him finish the question. No, I don't... The hot guy who doesn't know he's hot. I don't... You know what? I should get it, but then if I was aware I was hot by getting those roles offered to me,

then it would burst my bubble of hotness. I mean, a cone of hot silence where I'm not aware of my hotness. So if someone kept offering me roles as the guy who's hot but doesn't know he's hot, eventually I would catch on and realize I was hot and then I wouldn't be as hot anymore. You know what I'm saying?

No, I don't. Okay, good. Because I kind of lost it too at a certain point. No, I thought, well, I'll just do this movie and I will open up doors. And evidently it is not. lost it too at a certain point. No, I thought, well, I'll just do this movie and I will open up doors. And evidently it is not. I got a question for Jerry.

What's Jim Belushi really like? For those who don't know, I work on a show called The Defenders on CBS. It co-stars Jim Belushi. Thanks for bringing us up to speed. To be honest, we really get along he's a tough guy

he just is you want to say Jim's Jim he can be aggressive at times he can be a fighter he can be he can be ticked off very easily but he and I have a very good relationship.

And a lot of your scenes aren't together. I noticed on a lot of episodes you both go off on different cases. Yeah, I think that's generally television storylines. They have what's called an A story and a B story. But you're always the A story. That's not true. We switch off. To be honest, he's been in

New York the last three months and we email each other on a daily basis. Daily? On a daily basis. What kind of stuff do you talk about? Like the stuff you and I talk about where you're like show me a picture of somebody naked? Somebody. Anybody. Seriously. He's just like, do you have any naked pictures? Well, it should be

said I'm married with children. I'm at home a lot now. Not a lot of stuff is coming in the inbox that isn't like, how are the kids? Blah, blah, blah. Did you pick them up from school? Did you get kefir in the fridge? So, yes. That's a great pickup line, though.

I'd like to put something in your inbox. Kefir's liquid yogurt, for those of you who aren't hip to Kiefer is that really? it's liquid yogurt like somebody was spooning yogurt and went man is my arm getting tired

man I wish I would invent something I could inject with a syringe I have an idea it's called liquid yogurt we'll name it after Donald Sutherland's son.

They should have called it Jack Bauer. Yeah. Jack Bauer juice. Yeah, but no one wants a milky, creamy, white substance that starts with Jack. Ends with juice. And juice, yeah. You know what I'm saying?

I know exactly what you're saying. No, seriously. I understood every word of it. No, I'm okay. But you were a gentleman. You just showed me the photos. You didn't email them to me. You said, I don't want this getting out there.

You were a gentleman. Thank you. I've never had three bigger sports aficionados. You guys are all super into sports On one panel So if you don't mind I'd like to go through Everybody we'll start with Brian down the end What is your favorite chick flick?

Well played If you had to name one movie that you have to see with the wife That you that like is bearable I'll name several movies I'll name several movies that I'll watch on my own. Without her? Oh, absolutely. Because the ladies are hot though, right?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean that's, whenever I get stuck in a chip click, I'm like, well, because she's hot. No. I'm not an idiot. I'll stand up and defend Love Actually. That's a great movie.

No doubt about it. Oh, look at all these women clapping for you. Yeah. You really won the men over with that comment. That movie sucks. Wrong. Wrong. That movie's brutal.

Liam Neeson and that weird kid. That's all you remember is Liam Neeson and the weird kid? It just felt like Love Boat without a boat. Yeah, it was awesome. He's hot, but he knows it. That's the problem with Liam Neeson, okay? Again, ladies, I'm completely unaware of

what I have. There should have been a scene in Love Actually where he says to the little boy, now what I want you to do is get under the bed. Now you're gonna be taken. What about you, Jerry? What's your favorite chick flick? What do you watch with the Rebecca Romijn? I'd have to say

that Taken movie with Liam Neeson. Not a chick flick. Because Rebecca's pretty cool, though. It's about a father and his daughter. That's female skewed. Not chicky. Flicky, but not chicky. It had the flick in it, but it didn't have the chick.

It's missing the chick. You cannot deny the flick. In all honesty... The Hammer's kind of a chick flick when it, but it didn't have the chick. It's missing the chick. You cannot deny the flick. In all honesty... The Hammer's kind of a chick flick when you think about it. It's a boxing chick flick. It's got a lot of romance in it. My wife, I had never seen... Oh, gosh, I'm forgetting the name of it,

but it was with Shirley MacLaine and Jack Nicholson. Oh, True Grit. No. Shirley MacLaine, Jack Nicholson, directed by Jim Brooks. Terms of Endearment. That's possibly one of the best chick flicks. So I had never seen that film, and we were flicking through the channels,

and my wife said, oh, Terms of Endearment, and I kept going, and my wife said, oh, that's the saddest movie ever, and I said, oh, I've never seen it, and my wife was like, we have to watch this, and I was like, oh, God. So I turned it back, and I started watching it, and man, that last scene.

Let's fucking re-enact this. I forget the name of the actress and I started watching it. And man, that last scene. That's fucking ridiculous. I forget the name of the actress. I'm so sorry. Deborah Winger. Is talking to Huckleberry Fox. Yeah, her little boy. And saying, I forgive you. Oh man, that is.

That's a real. I'm getting chills just thinking about it. That's a serious cock jerk. I mean, tear jerker. Tear jerker. Sorry, I'm not weird. I was bawling. I never beat off to jerk. I mean, tear jerker. Sorry, I'm not weird. I was bawling. I never beat off to that. I just can't say jerks.

That movie really gets a woman wet with your tears. Yeah, tears. Tear jerker. I'm going to cry into your vagina. Not a cock jerker. A tear jerker. People, let's be clear. What's your favorite, Adam?

John Cena's The Marine. I'm so much dude that I look at that as a chick flick. I will go over to the genre of television and defend Sex and the City. I enjoy it. I enjoy the series. I think it's well shot, well written, and I know they're all cunts, but I don't care. It's well shot. Yes.

It looks like it's a good looking show. It's glossy, yeah. And they change outfits a lot. I watched the first one and did I tell you the story about the second one? You did. You told that story on

the Benson interruption on television and then I got the call the next day that the show was canceled. Well, let's not ruin this one. If only you talked about Lethal Weapon 2 instead of Sex and the City 2, I would have hit the demographic.

But what have you seen lately? Have you been to the movies at all? Yeah. Took the kids maybe? No. I find them to be a nuisance most of the time. And plus you have to then watch their movie. Right.

Like you didn't have to sit through Rio? No. I mean, that's the thing. It's like they want to go see Rio or Rapunzel. I want to see Taboo 27. And, you know, obviously... That's not even in the same building. Yeah, it's a totally different theater.

They don't need quarters, but you do. Right. It's the difference between those two movies. A pillowcase full of quarters and a lot of imitation butter for a guy who doesn't have popcorn. An extraordinary amount of imitation butter for a guy who has have popcorn. An extraordinary amount of imitation butter

for a guy who has no popcorn. Bill Simmons, I know he was planning on doing this show. He was going to come by, maybe. Bill Simmons and I saw Fast Five at the...

Which is not, full disclosure, it's not about a really quick handjob. No. It is Vin Diesel acting his ass off at the which is not full disclosure it's not about a really quick hand job no it is it is Vin Diesel

acting his ass off and in Rio de Janeiro and that's do you think he acted his ass off with that well he does a lot

he almost emotes at one point yeah he's like borderline emoting he does he does he does this thing where you can

you can see him thinking and although I was saying, I said to Bill, I said to Bill, you know, his arms should actually be insured by like Lloyd's of London like when they would do that with like Raquel Welch's legs or something like

that. And Bill suggested that one of his neck rolls should be also you know, so i say his right arm and the middle roll behind his neck should be insured by lloyds of london yeah it was some uh and there's some pretty pretty great dialogue in that movie too like like i was just watching uh i was fast and furious the one that was before it. And that scene where he shows up back at his old house and his sister says, what are you doing here? The feds have staked this whole place out

and they're crawling all over the place and they're sure to find you. And he says, don't worry about it. I mean, that's riveting, man. No, that's the thing in the sequel is there's a scene where they go, they're robbing a place and they all have hoods on, and they pull them all off and show the bad guys

exactly who they are, and they're like, why are you showing us who you are? And they're like, because you know who we are. And then they leave, and then they're not worried that now everybody knows who they are. They're on another planet in the Fast and Furious movie. It's also weird when you're writing

the Fast and the Furious or Faster and More Furious or whatever you write, whatever it is, and you're writing it and you go, hey man, we got a little plot problem here

because he can't go back and see his sister in their well-lit garage at night with the door open because the feds would be staking out his house

knowing that he's going to return to the house and would thus arrest him almost immediately so how do we address this super interesting plot point here they go oh i know how we'll do it she'll bring it up and he'll say don't worry about it and then we'll move on oh that is wow, problem solved. Well, to be fair every situation in the movie should be handled that way. They should have done that in terms of endearment. I have cancer. Don't worry about it.

Moving on. To be fair, it does sound like it's an incited discussion with you guys. I mean, you guys are here debating about it, so you're talking about it. That's what art is supposed to do. Fast Five is the first big huge hit of the new year made like 83 million dollars the box office has been in a slump and the

solution is the shittiest movie well also it's the action is good but the stunts are good it is smart where you go like look we want people to spend know, times are tight and the economy's bad and we need people to pony up $13 or $14 to see a movie. What crowd should we go after? And if you think about that demographic, the guys who go, I think it would be a wise investment to sink $18,000 into my $1,300 Honda. Even though I have three kids that need braces, that is a good crowd to say,

I will buy a ticket, even though times are tough. You know what I mean? They have a lot of, they do a lot of discretionary, a lot of discretionary spending going on. I will lease these rims for my Honda for more than the Honda is worth.

Yeah, and the new Fast Five is about people who, you know, they kind of act like they're Robin Hood. Like they're taking from the rich and giving to the poor, but they're taking from the rich for themselves for their one last job. And during the last scene, when they're towards the end, spoiler alert, they're dragging a safe down the street,

this giant safe that they pulled out of a bank because they're dragging a safe down the street this giant safe that they they pulled out of a bank because they're good at driving and and pulling a safe down the street and uh this giant safe is flying all over the highway and cops are chasing them and at least five different cop cars as the safe just smashes it beyond recognition like these police officers are dead because this safe smashed into it and it looks really cool but nobody ever stops and thinks they're just killing cops the cop killed their Mary's down there merry little adventure to raise a few ducats so they can you know retire and then come back on you know unretire in the

next movie let each movies like we got to come out of retirement to do one last one last thing. I want to do a movie where we're pulling our second to last job. There's going to be one more. The fucking penultimate. It's going to be bigger than this, but let's focus on the task at hand, people. Our second to last job. Yeah, and then shit goes wrong on that one.

And I'm only going to come out of retirement one more time after this. I got two more strikes. Two more. This movie's strike, and then maybe another one. You say what you will. Yeah, and everyone is like, this guy, he's the second best wheel man in the business. That's why we work. She's the second best.

What happened to the best guy? No, no. He's not a bill. Well, of course. He's busy. She's the second best. What happened to the best guy? No, no. He's not a male. Well, of course. He's busy. I said get the best. I know, but the best are always busy. That's the thing about once word gets out that you're the best.

What? He's doing this better than this. He is the second best second story man in the business. You understand? Give me a second to think about that. You have to say this about Fast Five. There was one super creative piece of filmmaking that was involved with that movie,

which is the opening shot when it did the Rio de Janeiro thing when they were in Brazil. They had a helicopter shot that went over the giant jesus on the hill and you never see that never no never like i did that old joke when i saw it ah chicago it's almost as rare it's almost as rare as the hollywood sign when the new person comes out to los angeles you just don't see it in movies yeah that was that was pretty old. Yeah, that's innovative.

It's very by the book, except the other thing that's funny is there's lots of subtitles in it because there's some Hispanic characters in it. And whenever a subtitle comes up, presumably after you're done reading it, it shoots off in different directions each time. A little subtitle that shoots away and it shoots off to the side.

It's just like, oh man, these subtitles are so flashy, I don't mind having to read this shitty dialogue. Keeps you on your toes. Yeah. It does keep you on your toes. What have you seen lately, Jerry? We gotta play the Leonard Maltin game soon, but what have you,

have you been in the movies? Or are you too busy with the twins? And by that I mean your children. And not ear balls. I have two little girls at home. They're two and a half years old. We attempted to take them to Rio. The funniest thing is there was a family in back of us making noise.

And my wife turned around and went, shh. And I was like, what is wrong with you? And she was like, I think they brought their own food in. And they were making noise with everything. And I was like, you is wrong with you? And she was like, I think they brought their own food in and they were making noise with everything. And I was like, you're going to get a shot, you know? And my wife was like, they're making noise and we're trying to watch the film. And then our children lost their fucking minds

and went fucking crazy. And then this family started shushing us. And I was like, we're gone. We're gone. We're gone. We're leaving. And we made it about halfway through. We can't be what we hate. You can't take kids.

I have this problem and let's just say what we're all thinking. The Jews that are sitting behind you are never... Wait, when you say what we're all thinking... Asian or Jew? Asian or Jew? The point is this. Let me ask

that guy over there was thinking that this problem I take my kids they all got to see the 3D movies now

and they all got the big pile they all got the fucking big tray of popcorn in their lap and they're they're noshing away

on the popcorn and they got the 3D glasses and they're getting the schmutz all over the fuck because they're got the 3D glasses, and they're getting the schmutz all over the, because they're constantly, you know, the glasses are too heavy and too big

for their little heads, and they're falling off, and they're eating the popcorn, and the kids don't know enough to, like, hey, I'm gonna get out a wet nap, and, you know, they just grab the thing, and so, as I look through their glasses, it's like somebody rubbed Vaseline on them halfway into the film

and here's what a shitty parent I am. I always look through, I'm always like, oh my God, I can't even see that and then I give it right back.

I'm like, I'm not fucking, I'm not going to let you fuck up my glasses. Mine are pristine but we need something. I don't know, the paper towels.

I said they should take the imitation butter flavor and mix it with windex or something that couldn't taste any worse but something that the fucking butter the kids get the butter well they get the butter hand and then the butter hand gets all over the fucking lens and you can't wipe it off of your shirt sleeve it just smears it around you guys feel my pain or i i've never had that problem, but it sounds legit. You're a homo who won't adopt.

Wait till you start a family. Wait till you buy a family. Are you calling me a homo because I won't adopt? You know what I'm saying. Or are you saying I have to adopt because I'm a homo and I refuse? I've never met your girlfriend. You have no children. I'll start showing you some pictures on my phone.

Yeah, and they're good. They're good. Show them the one with the marijuana tattoos all over her body. That was incredible. Yeah, that's awesome. I do want to say, this is really embarrassing for me,

but I am an actor, and this is years ago. I got off the boat here in L.A., and I auditioned for and got pretty far and met the Coen brothers to audition for the role that Philip Seymour Hoffman played in The Big Lebowski. Wow. And I got real close to it, and obviously I didn't get it. Spoiler alert. So I do this, I don't know if it's jealousy, I don't know what't get it. Spoiler alert. So I do this,

I don't know if it's jealousy, I don't know what you call it, I do this thing where I boycott those films. I'm like, fuck that movie. And then for years I've been hearing, have you seen The Big Lebowski? And I'm like, no, I heard it sucked. I heard it was awful.

And they're like, dude, this movie is amazing. You have to see it. And I'm like, fuck you. It's gonna suck. And they cast some other dude and some role. The whole thing's just going to suck. Well, why do I want to see a guy in a bathrobe for an entire film? So I was flying.

This is about three weeks ago. I was flying for work and they flew me first class. Yeah, they did. So it's unlimited booze. And nowadays they give you the digital player. You don't have to look at the screen up front. And you're a victim of whatever film that didn't make it in the theaters is going to be.

I got Gulliver's Travels, by the way, when I flew first class to New York two weeks ago. That's what was playing on the flight. You were great in it. Oh, thank you. Not in that. But I

got the digital player and the big Lebowski was on it. And I was like, oh, man, am I going to see this shitty ass movie? And I was like, I better check it out. And it was such a fucking good movie. Oh, my God. But think how much better it could have been. It was so good. It's really good.

I'm only 13, 14 years late. But man, man, oh, I couldn't stop talking about it. Let's play the Leonard Mullen game. Did you see the first Tron? The first Tron. First Tron? Oh, yeah. I can't believe we have to even refer to it that way.

First Tron. Yeah. I don't think we'll ever have to say third Tron. Woot monkeys. I'm going to shoot one into the crowd, as I often do. Oh, it didn't get very far at all, so congratulations. Wow. Woot monkeys I'm going to shoot one into the crowd As I often do Wow Didn't get very far at all So congratulations

Wow But somebody's going to win Somebody's going to win one of those And somebody's going to win A t-shirt from the Woot company Can I say this? I was in I was at the UFC fight

So somebody's going to win A St. Pierre versus Shields headband Yeah That's a big UFC crowd here You know You know by the way You have a shitty gift when it lands right between two dudes

and they both stare at it and then the one dude goes, no, you take it, no, I'm cool. That doesn't even happen with a fucking baseball. I have that movie, by the way. Who brought Pirates, the collector edition? I have it. Brian. I had to get out of my house.

He also brought some sex decks, sex cards. That was a stupid wedding present. Some idiot gets me for a wedding. Here's something no one will ever get as a wedding present. Adam Krola's book. Oh, yeah. In 50 years, we'll all be chicks. It's good.

I read it. Very funny. I read it out loud. Thank you. It's that funny. There you go. Out in paperback. And then what's in this thing, Brian?

Is this from you, Brian, also? The sledgehammer bag? What's in there? They're a sponsor of our show, and they gave us some wine and a carrying case, and there's some good booze in there. Yeah, they make good booze. All right. So somebody gets that, and then Jerry likes to outdo everybody at every turn.

He brought something. Is this a wedding gift? It was a wedding gift that someone gave me as a joke, and I already have one. So, I mean, it's been sitting in my closet. Oh, you broke it. It's been sitting in my closet. I mean, it's useful.

Maybe not as useful as Pirates the Collector's Edition. It's a Hamilton Beach toaster, two slicer. It's a two slices. Oh, they make up to two now. Yeah. It's always been one, and then there was one and a half for a while and I never thought they'd get by one and five eighths, but it turns out they're going away with the two.

So all the audience members have or not all of them, but many of them have name tags. If you gentlemen could do me a favor and go take a name tag from someone that you would like to play for in tonight's Leonard Motley. I'm going to play for Jordan because I don't have to get up.

Jordan is always here with a baseball and that always attracts the sports-minded. I'm going to play for Scott in the back. He's much more nimble than he looks. Lizzie laughed at my joke. I was going to have you throw it, Jordan, but all right. No, throw it to him and have him throw it back.

I'd like to see that. There you go. I'm left-handed, Jordan, so. All right. Wow, that was fun. Where'd this come from? Who's playing for her? You?

Oh, me. Yes, you're left. Okay, hang on to that. She laughed at my joke. You're like, if Nolan Ryan was a heavy-set Mexican and had no arm, you'd be like, that, I mean, I'm sure you get that. Oh, black. If Nolan Ryan was black.

If he was a heavy-et black Mexican looking guy. You must get that all the time though, right? Like people stop you on the street like, Hey, if Nolan Ryan was black and heavyset and had no arm, you'd be that, you'd be him. You're him. And Mexican-ish. I don't know.

I don't know anymore. I really can't tell. There was a time. Oh my God. I was doing a show recently where I started talking to a guy in the crowd, and I was talking about him being black, and I had to stop and go, you are black, right? And he was like, yeah.

But it was touch and go there for a second. But you can't argue with. You can't. Patrick Ewing said I'm not black. Like, I'd be like, oh, sorry, bro. I mean, dude. I mean, guy, dude, bro. Like, I don't know what to.

You can't argue with people. You don't know what to, bro. Like, I don't know what to... You can't argue with people. You don't know what to say. Right. You just don't know what to say. So I'm playing for Jordan. Who's got the toilet paper? I'm playing for Scott. Scott just brought in a roll of Scott toilet paper.

This is an inverted product placement there. Lizzie. And Lizzie says, are you down with OPP, Doug? You know Lizzie. Uh-huh. Yeah. So that's who you guys are playing for. Since Brian got burned so badly the last time, we'll start with him.

You get to select a category. Would you like, on Rotten Tomatoes, Morgan Spurlock, my good friend Morgan Spurlock, he named his five favorite movies. So it's Spurlock 5. That's the entire Fast and Furious franchise. Yeah, yeah. It's all five parts. One through five.

I know Morgan's work. I know the man. Either that or Rocky. Right. Michael Rooker was here last week. Wow, man. Cliffhanger, man. Underrated, man.

If you start naming Michael Rooker movies, it kind of spoils it. But that movie's hot because it doesn't know it's hot. And then the third category, sports! With an exclamation point. Because I'm excited about it. Which one would you like, Brian? There's sports movies. Movies about sports. Let's find out together, shall we?

I'll play your game, Doug. Sports. Okay, sports movies. These are sports movies from either 1979, 1981, or 1992. Where sports are at the core of the movie. Some sort of sport. 1979. All right.

Goes way back. Interesting choice. I'll give you a couple of sport. 1979. All right. Goes way back. Interesting choice. I'll give you a couple of clues. Leonard Maltin gives the movie one and a half stars. And he says that it's about a losing team. And he says that game hijinks are the only saving grace in this movie from 1979. And there are ten names.

How many names do you think you can get it in? B, B, B. My only motivation is to get into the tournament of championships. So zero names. Wow. Zero names. Yeah. So we come around

to Adam and Adam you have to either say name that movie or you have to go negative names where you have to name

you know if you say negative one you have to name the top billed person in the movie in addition to the name of the movie and I'm pretty damn sure

you could not do that 70 79 79 yeah Leonard Maltin gives it a star and a half yeah he didn't care for it and he just likes

the action the sports the game hijinks uh huh alright so save it so if you went

negative one you'd have to name the movie and the lead person in that movie I'll go negative one wow alright

so now we go we go to Jerry who has really been set up tonight, sitting between these two. So I have to go negative two in order to win for Scott? Yeah. Oh, you know, you could still win a point later. It's first person to two points. So in this case, you could say name it to Adam, and he has to name the movie. One name, the name, lead actor or actress.

And then if he doesn't succeed, one name, the name, lead actor or actress, and then if he doesn't succeed, you'll get the point. I want to be a little more aggressive than that. I want to- If you go negative two names- So I have to name two stars in the film? You have to name the top two stars, yeah, in billing order, according to Leonard Maltin. I can't do that.

Yeah, so you're going to have to say, name that movie, Adam Carolla. Name that movie, Adam Carolla. Name that movie, Adam Carolla. All right, so do you want to do the movie first or the actor first? I will say, I know it's earlier in this, but Slapshot, Paul Newman. No, but I like your aggressive play, and Jerry O'Connell gets the point.

Because... I was going to say the same thing. I don't know who else is in that film. I was going to say the same thing, I like your aggressive play, and Jerry O'Connell gets the point. Because... I was going to say the same thing. I don't know who else is in that film. I was going to say the same thing, but I only knew Paul Bennett. Not bad news there. Fish that saved Pittsburgh. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was in this movie. Flip Wilson, Nicholas Pryor, Meadowlark Lemon.

Oh, that was the fish. Jack Kehoe, Fish Who Saved Pittsburgh. Yeah, that's right. Oh, who said that? Brian said that Oh Brian Yeah Fucked again Brian said that

It's a tough game dude No it's not Wait a minute So I'm winning right No no Jerry got the point for that See the reason I'm winning But we'll start with Brian again The reason I'm winning Is because I don't know I'm winning.

Well, also, I bet you take a little pride in tearing down Brian. Sure, why not? Bill Burr seemed to enjoy it. Yeah. What the fuck are you doing here? Let's let you pick again, Brian. Would you like... That's more movies. At Alan McKee on Twitter suggested Dudley, Demi, or Julianne.

That's more movies. It's George Clooney's birthday on Friday when this podcast plops, so George Clooney movies. Or Marshman3030 suggested, how did he put this? Bad Air. Oh, Bad Air Day. Get it? Bad Air Day.

And air is in quotes, so it's movies with the word air in the title. Movies with air in the title. Which there are more of than you'd imagine. Would you like one from 1970, 1994, or 2009? 1994. All right. I know where your mind is going.

This movie with air in the title. I can smell it, dude. Got two stars from Leonard. He says that it's not exactly the toughest subject to satirize. And he calls it fairly energetic. And there are ten names. How many names do you think you get it in? Baldo.

Five. Oh, nice opening bid. Adam? Four. We go to Jerry, who had his cock bitten off in Piranha 3D. Yeah, he did. While watching it? And he spit it out like ugh

now you know why I need to see those pictures so bad um three three alright what do you think Brian two whoa Adam so competitive so if I Three. All right. What do you think, Brian? Two. Whoa!

Adam! So competitive. So if I say one... You can either say name it or go one. If I say one, you will name one... The tenth billed person. Oh, it's tenth. We're going that way. Yeah, you go that way on this end.

I'll say name that movie. All right. So you get two names, Brian. It's a movie with air in the title, and it's not the toughest subject to satirize and fairly energetic. And your two names are Nina Shamasco, brother to Charlie Shamasco.

No, Casey Shamasco. Casey, sorry. Wow. I know. You worked with him. Relax. He's a good actor. Casey, Charlie And Amy Locaine

Have you ever worked with her? Amy Locaine? No, but I'm sure she's great She's sexy She's very sexy I fucked her Those are your two names It's because I didn't know how hot I was

What do you think, Brian? Wild guess. Air America? Oh, that's a great guess, but it's wrong. Wow. But that was a great guess. The other names are Ernie Hudson, Judd Nelson, Michael McKean, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Steve Buscemi, Joe Mantegna, Brendan Fraser.

In Airheads. Airheads, yeah. Airheads, wow. So Adam has a point and Jerry has a point. The game continues to Brian. I just changed the name

from letter ball game to fuck ball. Brian game. I was in an air bud FBB. Yeah, you know me. All right. I was going to go air butter con air. Oh, I was going. I was going to go Air Bud or Con Air. I was going. I was on in my hotel

room in Milwaukee. I did not turn it off. That category is certainly not coming up again tonight. Well, you blew it out. So we'll let you pick, Jerry. Doug thinks this is fucking Monopoly like we all know the fucking rules or something. Most people don't know the rules to a game after they've already played it, like you have.

You know what? It's so long in between visits, and I usually have a beer or two. When I come in to play totally topical TiVo trivia with you guys, I never go, all right, now refresh me on how this works. That's self-explanatory. It's right in the title.

Okay. Jerry, pick a category. Would you like Michael Rooker, Dudley Demme, or Julianne, or George Clooney? Oh, man. Please speak into the microphone. I think, sorry. I think I'm going to go with George Clooney just because it's more my... You don't have to have a reason.

It's more my era. I'm afraid I'm going to get a Dudley Moore question and while I'm a big fan of his, as I am Casey Shemasko. Well, of course you're a fan of his because you're a 10. I tried to ask you earlier.

I'm trying to win this for Scott and I have a feeling that I will...'m trying to win this for Scott, and I have a feeling that I will... He tried to win this for the guy that's like, oh, the roll of shit paper has my name in it, so I'm going to bring that down there. His name's probably not even Scott. It's probably Steve. It's probably Bounty.

Tough times. Can't afford to bring down the whole paper towel roll. And poor Jordan over here can't even afford a do-rag, and that's why. I mean, just so folks know, you know, right now they all think you're Mexican, and I'm just saying, if we win, buddy, we go right to the do-rag emporium and get you set up.

Go check out the D-R-E. Yeah. You know what? No, I'm not going to do George Clooney. I'm not the D-R-E. Yeah. You know what? No, I'm not going to do George Clooney. I'm going to do Dudley Demme or... Oh, shit. I never had a top... I hadn't had a change like that before.

Wow. Well, I sort of went through my repertoire, and I thought maybe... I think I'd be a little better in the more category. All right. Would you like 1979, 1996, or 1997? Oh, man. Let's, uh...

Dudley Moore, 79. Is it possible you're going to ask me about that movie that was just remade, which I think was in that year, possibly a little later? You shouldn't give away this much before we move forward. You know you're talking, right? Mm-hmm. All right.

I'll take 96. This isn't a movie where you narrate and the other characters don't hear it. Oh, man, he got so into seven. I'm just here for Scott, man. I'm just here for Scott. I'm doing what I can for Scott. I'm a player, and players so into seven. I'm just here for Scott, man. I'm just here for Scott. Doing what I can for Scott. I'm a player, and players come to play.

I came to play for bounty. You got stuck with Jordan. Did you win the last time somebody played for you? Okay, good. Then you're still eligible. Like I can keep track of that shit. Okay, 1996? Yes. All right. Leonard Maltin calls this movie a bomb.

On a scale of bomb to four, it got bomb. He calls it unspeakably dreary. But then he says, not to mention dreadful. And then he also says that when it came out on video, it included two minutes of additional footage. I know, those are great clues. Wait, what year is this? 1996.

Is that all you're giving me? That's all you're going to get. And you have eight names. I can do it in zero. Nice. Wow. And to be fair to Dudley Moore, he died in 94. So, you know, obviously his work after that point was not...

You're just helping your competitor with that comment. Brian? Fuck this game. I mean, name that movie. He doesn't like the randomness of it. All right, zero names. What is it? Striptease.

That's correct. Wow. Boom! Wow. And now Jerry's qualified for the next tournament of championships. Hey, I'm undefeated in this game. I'm 4-0. This is my fourth time on this motherfucker,

and I've won it all four times! Say it! Say it! I only remember you being on it, like, once before. If you had any long-term memory, you'd know this was my fourth time, Doug. And I've won it every single time. Hey, remember...

It wasn't a podcast taping. It was over at Largo you played. Yeah, and here twice. But you remember what I was saying about knowing he's hot? That just came through. That scared me. It scared me with your hotness. Doug, get on the ginkgo, Doug, because this is my fourth Doug, get on the ginkgo dog because this is my fourth

win. Get on the ginkgo. I'd stay away from the ginkgo dog. Who'd you play for, Jerry? Was it Scott? Where's Scott at? Come get this shit. It's too heavy for me to even carry. Do you have a bad back, Scott?

Alright, good luck. Seriously. Oh wow, he just took it like it was nothing. I'm keeping this. He's going to keep the toilet paper. I'm going to use it when I view all of Doug's photos. Oh, that was it. He won. You're going to be shitting while you look at my photos?

Yeah. That's right, man. On you. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. Who are you playing for, Brian? Right here Lizzy

Yeah yeah okay Lizzy Come over here and write down Who you want me to call a shithead It's on the back of her Oh she wrote it on the back Alright perfect And then Jordan Did you write who I should call a shithead

On here Alright you can write it down On this piece of paper right here Oh he's got his own pen And everything Adam You've got a show coming up At the Wiltern here

In Los Angeles I do May 21st. Yeah. What's going to happen there? You and what else? Not that there needs to be anything else. I will be making mirth, but Jimmy Kimmel's going to come out and say hi.

And the aforementioned Bill Simmons is going to come out and say hi as well. So it'll be a star-studded night. That sounds like fun. Right here at the Wiltern. And named, why? Because it's on the corner of Wilshire and Western. Wiltern.

Yes. They were like, Westshire sounds stupid. Right. I never knew that. That's amazing info, actually. I lived in this town for 46 years and figured it out three weeks ago. Let me tell you all about the Sunfax Arco and what's

going on there it's on the corner the sun fax are you ever late to that party though where you're like hey man you know sundance film festival's robert redford and he played yeah sundance and everyone's like yeah i know douchebag and you're like oh i'm oh i'm stupid okay yeah because i just thought of that okay i didn't know that yeah i'm going to the butch cassidy festival right which is a little bit scarier festival yeah it's butch so right jerry what about you anything uh you got any movies in the can uh no nothing man i'm just here season two of the defenders yeah hopefully we'll find out in a couple weeks oh you're on the Bubble? On The Bubble, yeah.

Oh, shit. Well, good luck with that. I hope you and Jim get to continue to make sweet man love to each other. I got to say, I shot a couple of pilots, and everyone's like, ooh, on The Bubble. But I was like, the executives at CBS and NBC were like, get the fuck away from The Bubble. We don't want you anywhere near The Bubble. Oh, yeah, you might pop the bubble if you get near it.

Yeah, you don't even get to be on the bubble. Yeah, so it's just being on the bubble is pretty damn impressive. No, Jerry's got a very impressive career. He was in that movie where he was fat. What I'm saying, like, when he's not on the bubble, he's on Rebecca Romijn.

The point is, it's either bubble or her, and it's all good. Do you ever get her to paint herself all blue just for you? He paints his balls blue when she's out of town. Brian, so we can hear you, obviously, on the film vault with Anderson. Yeah, you can also find me on my couch shouting my Leonard Maltin review book.

Yeah. Will you review the inaccuracy of his reviews? Absolutely. Let's hear it for these guys, everybody. Paul Bryan, Jerry O'Connell, Adam Carolla. I can't ask for three better guests and friends. And

as always, Aram Akopian is an asshole. Yeah, the person stepped up and put asshole instead of shithead. I like to play along. And I don't know why, but Dr. Drew is a shithead. What? Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you

Cause Doug loves movies