Doug Loves Movies - Andy Kindler and Marc Maron Guest

Episode Date: December 9, 2009

Doug welcomes fellow comedians Andy Kindler and Marc Maron to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds with 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see cause Doug loves movies Hey! Hey everybody! That was hard and firm singing that theme song that has burrowed its way into the brains of many unsuspecting individuals. Chris Hardwick was on the last episode. I don't know if you guys heard it or not, but he and Weird Al Yankovic have pledged to do a project together under the name Yank Hard. Yankovic have pledged to do a project together under the name Yank Hard. And so when that eventually happens, you guys can blame it on me or credit me with making it happen.

So I'm very excited about that. I just saw – I found a piece of paper today that I had written down. I had written down a little exchange of dialogue from a movie. And I'll read you the exchange of dialogue and see if anybody knows what this is from. I bought my first Rubens with poker winnings. You bought a Rubens painting? Not a painting, a sandwich. Now,

first of all, the level, I didn't say that hoping you'd laugh, thinking it's funny. I was hoping you'd laugh thinking that is the most horrible joke. How could characters in a motion picture speak that to one another? And then the movie continues. Like, maybe if that was the end of the movie, that would be pretty awesome.

You know, as they're walking off into the sunset. I bought my first Rubens with poker winnings. You bought a Rubens painting? Not a painting, a sandwich. And then the credits start to roll. That'd be pretty awesome. But that joke was written by the great Woody Allen and was in the movie Scoop,

which was not good. So I wrote it down and saved it. But I found it today and then I read it to you guys. I'm going to put it in my pocket. I'll find it and read it to you next week So this is I Love Movies We're coming to you live on tape From the UCB Theater in Los Angeles

At California Home every Tuesday night of Comedy Death Ray A very popular show Comedy show featuring a lot of the guests Most of the guests That you hear on this podcast And on the Comedy Death Radio podcast.

We're like sister podcasts that make out. Next week on December 15th, 2009, I decided to start saying, when I say dates, the year, because these podcasts are just going to be stacked up. You know how, I don't know if you guys have done this, but

people find out about the podcast and they'll have a marathon where they listen to it for three days and they don't bathe. I don't return those people's emails, but I do hear about it. I want to make sure everyone's clear about what year it is so that next year around this time I don't get people going, I went down to that thing

and it didn't happen. I'd be like, what are you listening to? A podcast from a year ago? So on December 15, 2009, the special Christmas extravaganza that they do at Comedy Death Ray every year, which is already sold out, it's a benefit for the L.A. Food Bank. It's a charity that gives food to people that are in banking. So it's an awesome charity, and they are having an auction to raise money for the L.A. Food Bank. And so what we have in place in the auction is the opportunity to co-host or co-guest, I should say, an episode of I Love

Movies to come out. I'll have a cool guest for the other guests, and then there'll be some basically like a trick who paid money like I'm some sort of whore to be on

this show. But it's a good cause, and I think it'd be fun to have somebody out here just talking about movies and playing the Leonard Maltin game and the whole deal. So you'd have to fly yourself out here if you're bidding on this from elsewhere, and you'll have to find somewhere to stay.

Maybe the L.A. Food Bank has some cots. But to get more information on this and to bid, the bidding is currently at like $118. And I'll tell you this right here and now. I will match – I will donate to the LA Food Bank. I will match everything that's bid, the highest bidder. I will match that amount up to $1,000 because for two reasons I only go up to $1,000. Because for two reasons, I only go up to $1,000. Because I don't want to have to spend more than $1,000.

But then also, I don't want any person to spend more than $1,000 to sit here and be on this show. I think, but somebody might. We'll see. Could be exciting.

So go to CDRXmas, X-M-A-S dot Tumblr. You know how to spell Tumblr, right? T-U-M-B-L-RXmas.tumblr.com and then click on auction. That is really complicated. And then you can also find it maybe by just cruising around the search engine on a specialthing.com, which is another friend of this podcast. All right. That was a really exciting announcement we're all so happy it's over uh you can't listen to my podcast or any podcast i don't think on a uh ipod shuffle or i ipod shuffle on a uh you know the shuffle... Forget it. What am I talking about?

What just happened when you listened to this later is proof that this show is unedited. Tonight's guests... are some long-time comedy stand-up pals. Jesus, comedy stand-up pals? I wrote that down. Please welcome from... They've both been on The Late Show with David Letterman,

and one of them hosts the WTF podcast, respectively. Andy Kindler and Mark Maron are here, everybody. Can you believe it? Andy comes out with a bow, dances around before choosing a seat he's got an orange beverage he's playing with my beverage now Mark has got a coffee

and is very sedate you guys are totally living up to we're going to be the evening zoo I understand what's going on here this is obviously a Jew themed show it's a Jew themed episodeemed show. It's a Jew-themed episode. You said, let's get the happy,

exciting, fun Jew and the angry Jew and do a show. Let's discuss Serious Man for 45 minutes. Hey, can I get more of that in my monitor? We get a little bit of that sometimes. I'm not hearing that enough of my monitor. Like, we have a monitor!

Hilarious! If you pull the microphone out, Andy, and then sit back a little my monitor Like we have a monitor Hilarious If you pull the microphone out Andy And then sit back a little bit We might have a Why would anybody work like that? Could you try out in the hallway? See how it works? You've just given Kindler a license to move

Hey Yes, look what's happening A very small comedian's mic stand That's hilarious Am I right? Let me explain it to the radio people Yeah, he has a podcast When Andy did was hold up the small mic stand

And said very small comedian mic stand That's for the people listening at home Hilarious, Andy Oh, that's right, for radio For radio Okay It's not even radio, it's a podcast I don't know what we're doing

I've always just said jinx When I talk at the same time From Chinatown? No with another person I'm ready for the test To the two jinx What is the two jinx? That's what a lot of people were probably asking

While they were making it Didn't turn out so good That was the one with Harvey Keitel That's what a lot of people were probably asking while they were making it. It didn't turn out so good. That was the one with Harvey Keitel that made no sense? Yeah, I was a young man living in Hollywood working as an extra in motion pictures the first time they attempted to make that movie because it was one of those things where they started to make it and then they shut down after a day. And I got the call saying,

hey, we want you to play like a lab technician. There's only going to be two extras in the scene, and the scene is the two of you and another extra and Jack Nicholson. I was like, this could be a fun day. It would be great. And Jack Nicholson is directing. And that was the one with the kid stays in the picture. What's his name?

Robert Evans. He fucked something up and did something stupid, and so the production shut down. And then a couple years later, they finally got it off the ground again. I didn't get the call. They don't really keep that on file. At that point in your career, though, did you have a moment? I think the script might have been rewritten, too.

They might not have had a scene where they needed two lab technicians. Did you have a moment, though, when they told you that, where he's going to be in the scene and also to the director, where you're like, so he's got to come around from the camera and come into the scene? How does he do both things at once? I wasn't that naive.

I think I knew it from reading it somewhere or something. I don't think they told me that when they called me. They don't usually tell the extras who the director is. Listen, we got this project. This director, it's his first time director, but he wrote The Wrestler, so I think it's going to be good. That's somebody trying to get extras for a big fan.

Come down for our stadium scenes. It's always good when you make a sequel like 20 years after the original. Expecting people to still know what the fuck the story was. No one would know the story on the first one. You didn't understand it? The water came on. The water came off. The water came on. know what the fuck the story was. No one would know the story on the first one. You didn't understand it? I didn't really get it.

The water came on. The water came off. The water came on. He goes into, you want me to cut your nose? Yeah. Boom. Then he raped

a 13-year-old man. That was him. Rowan Polanski was him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I can't enjoy that movie anymore because he's a guilty criminal. Really? Do you really feel that way about it? No, not at all. I don't enjoy that movie anymore because he's a guilty criminal. Do you really feel that way about it?

No, not at all. I don't get it. I won't defend him because of it. I won't say, come on, Chinatown. Cut five years off of his sentence. I can't wait for the Masters, personally. What does that mean? A Tiger Woods reference.

What does that mean? That he's in trouble now. Oh, Tiger Woods is in the news in December of 2009. I have to be very clear about that. Don't read my crazy notes. They look like they're written by R. Crumb. I had no... I mean his brother.

I had no... When the Tiger Woods thing happened on television, I could give less of a shit. I had no reaction at all. I don't care about golf. I don't care about Tiger Woods. All I was thinking is like, do I still have cereal? I could not...

What if he slept with 400 women? Well, then he should win a different prize. Wouldn't you get mildly interested at 500 women? Well, it's just like the Miss America lady. So they found seven or eight tapes of her after she

lied about masturbating on camera. And I thought, well, that means they should give the crown back to her because she's done a spectacular thing. I want to see all of those tapes, too. Can you see them? I don't want to see Tiger Woods' naked picture, though. I don't care about that. No. Oh, I'm all over that.

Let's talk about movies. Oh, so you guys went on tour together, right? Yes. We didn't see any movies. What was it? It had like a name, though, or something. It was called Wild Hogs or something. It was the Wild West.

It was Vince Vaughn's Wild West comedy show. No, what was it called? It had a name. Stand Up-ity. And whose idea was that? Stand Up-ity. It was your called? It had a name. Stand-up-ity. And whose idea was that? Stand-up-ity. And the tagline was comedy that makes you feel better about yourself and

superior to others. Right, so it was a goofy name that condescended out of the gate. We had big arguments about it, too. Huge arguments. I didn't have an argument. You argued about everything. I know. I said I didn't like it, and you go, it doesn't matter. It's my tour. No, I wanted to give people IQ tests on the way in. If they liked certain comics, they couldn't get in.

So he had this great idea to put three comics together. Mark thinks everybody should get in. Yeah, of course everyone should get in. But this idea was that, okay, this is stand-up comedy for people who only understand this comedy. That was the presentation. If you like sort of angry, esoteric Jews that aren't as popular as they should be, come see this show. Well, now he tells me.

I thought I was huge on that tour. I was surprised that we could do small rooms. Eugene Merman went with you guys, right? Yeah, but even he didn't bring people out. And he's got that stand-up. We thought he would draw. He's the most docile of the three, for sure.

Oh man, traveling in a car with these two guys oh my god you know traveling with andy i've said this before is like traveling with the history of the jewish people and and and and they're they're different styles of jew in the car because like you know i don't know if you know eugene merman but eugene operates at this speed. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Ba, ba, ba, ba. And then Andy's like, beep, boop, ba, ba, boop, ba, ba, boop, ba, boop, boop. Yeah, and then I'm like, la, la, la, la, la, la. So all I know is by the time we got to Cincinnati, if people didn't know from personal experience what a Jew was and why they were irritating, by our third visit to the Waffle House, they were very clear on it.

Do you have any different kinds? Do you have maple syrup? Let me do it here. Do you have maple syrup? You're the most demanding Jew in the world to go to a Waffle House and demand maple syrup. Not real maple syrup. Real maple syrup.

You could have picked something harder to get. He tried to go off the menu at Waffle House, which is a... Off menu, I like it. It's a Semitic trait. Where, like, what's with all the waffles? Yeah, right, exactly. I think you said something like,

is there something I can get that isn't bad for you? As you were sticking, chewing tobacco in your nose. Have we hit a movie yet? No, I'm looking at my questions, and they're not movie-oriented at all. tobacco in your nose. Have we hit a movie yet? No. I'm looking at my questions and they're not movie oriented at all. You've got to get movie oriented. How did the whole Letterman scandal

affect you? Did you ever have an awkward elevator ride with him? Did you say something wrong during one of your segments? How can I respond to a question like that that would help me in any sense of the word? There's nothing good you can say.

That would only hurt me. It's called a hardball question. Okay. This is hardball. I didn't bring you guys here. I didn't bring you here to be like Joey Behar or Larry King. Did you say Joey Behar? No, Joey Behar.

That would be great. I would love if that was her name. If her name was Joey, you would love that? I would. I would. Have you seen ViewTube? What is ViewTube? It's the Bill Getty producer's pieces

during The View. He's the producer of The View. As they bump the commercial, they show you some ViewTube. Oh. Sounds very interesting. It's fantastic. It's good to see what's going on behind the scenes in something where there's nothing going on in front of the scenes

That's so right Like what if Let's go deeper into nothing I did The View once Really? Oh you were in Comedy Corner? At the beginning of Comedy Corner I did it I don't know if you've ever had the experience

I know we have because we do television occasionally But when you see somebody you've seen on TV exclusively in person and you have that moment, you're like, oh, my God, they're 900 years old. I had that experience with Meredith. What's her name? She looks a certain way on television, and then when you're sitting across from her, you're like, oh, my God, the camera just hides all that? She literally looked like something, like the Crypt Keeper.

And I like her all right. I don't feel bad. You can't say that at the end of that riff. Yeah, you can. I mean, I'm a fan. She's a nice lady. I like what she does. I like her work on the millionaire program.

But she looks like she's 7,000 years old. Well, that's called the comedian qualifier. It's like, fuck that guy. But he's all right, that guy. I kid the president, as Bill Maher says after every joke. After every joke. You guys didn't see the Curb Your Enthusiasm finale? Because they go into the whole

having said that. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. That whole thing where you can then just, you can say something horrible and having said that and then say something a little nicer.

I find that. Paint it up a bit. Like saying something awful. I say something awful then I apologize sort of half-heartedly and then I say a few more awful things

and then I say, we're okay though, right? He does do that. We're okay. He is so insecure. We're okay. He is so insecure. Beneath the anger and the rage and the bravado is a small crying child

who wants to get one of those Zuzu toys and hopes there's heavy metal in it. Why do you have to expose all the inner workings of who I am to these people? They don't know me. I mean, the crying child I try to keep hidden. It's a Jeff Dunham character. What is?

I think that's my hook now. I'm going to make a doll out of my crying inner child. Why are you crying? Why are you crying, cry-y? What do you need, little crying Mark? I don't know, but it's not going well. I think, but you've got to try to make it a terrorist somehow.

Because that's what really put that, him over the top was having a dead terrorist. I will kill you if you don't love me. That kind of angle? I like that.

Yeah. I think of you when I'm on the road. That's going to sell a lot of tickets. I think of you when I'm on the road all the time

because I get on demand. I mean, I never order anything on demand because that would require giving your credit card to the front desk. I'm not going for that trick. But I always think of you

because I go... You're like at the front desk, what incidentals? Yeah, exactly. What am I possibly going to need? Yeah, I'm using your long distance calling system at the hotel. I've heard so much good things about it. But I always think of you because you might know one of those movies that I could like Duplicity. Should I was thinking you because you might know one of those movies that I could like

Duplicity. Should I see that? I'd know what that is and I'd tell you to give it a pass. A Race to Witch Mountain I could have watched. I wouldn't watch that either if I were you. So to me, I think you're batting a thousand on your own. Holy shit. You don't need me to stop you from watching these things. I don't know either of those movies.

Well, one of them is a Sandra Bullock movie, isn't it? And one's a remake, prequel, sequel with The Rock in it. I'm not going to be good at this game at the end. Well, don't start stressing about the game. I've been stressing about the game since yesterday. I've got some more hardball questions that have nothing to do with the game. The WTF podcast, what does WTF stand for?

It stands for... I like that, Doug. Doug has a good... He's quick. He's always been one of my favorite actors. He did... I'm serious.

I'm being serious. Have I not been giving you props? You've always been very complimentary of my two or three lines that I say in popular programs.

All I know is when I had you on my podcast in the live venue that was here and I brought up Pot. You looked at me and said, oh, that's an original angle. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. So what's your point? He likes to make people feel bad about themselves. You know that about Doug, right? That's his shtick. And then I brought up a story that we shared, and I've told it many times, and it never gets a laugh. Oh, yeah, that's right. Let's not tell it again.

No, we're not going to. You guys can go back and listen to him tell it on every other podcast we've done together. What are we, the Smothers Brothers? But I do want to ask you to tell us what the WTF podcast is. Because you used to be a very political figure

in radio. Yes, I was a polarizing political figure that people resented. But it took me... Well, I used to do a radio show on Air America, but this is not politics. This is not that. No, I have rendered... Let's sell this the way it should be sold. Right. I've gotten under the politics

just to the pure rage of being alive. And that basically is the thrust of what the fuck. It's not about politics. It the thrust of what the fuck it's not about politics it's really about what the fuck seriously so I have learned that that that everybody experiences that so what I basically do on the podcast is for about 10 minutes I'll pick on one thing or two things that have made me say you know what the fuck and extended that thought and then I'll

have a comic on who I will not interview or let do any jokes. Here's my interviewing style. Here's what you'll get if you listen to what the fuck. Usually what I do is I have a guest, and then I'll tell them why I resent them. And then I'll talk about myself for a little while, so they're really uncomfortable. And then I go, so what are you up to?

So what happens is they're completely... Yeah, see, I couldn't even answer. You go again. Right. See, that's how I try. So I'll go, so say something like, so Doug, what have you been doing lately? Do I look fat? No, seriously. See, that's how it goes. You look great.

Then they edit out even that response of him. You look fantastic, hyenas in Dallas. Just right there. So that's basically the podcast. But you're right, a lot of people think I'm political, and I may still be political, but I'm not going to talk

about it in the same way. You're non-sectarian, right? You're non-denominational. You're non-Parisian. Yeah, it's not a... Republicans can't stand you, like you for this reason, and the Democrats, you know, you're across the board. No, no. Here's what I realized when I rendered it right down was that here's the difference between, like, liberals and Republicans.

A liberal is someone who wakes up in the morning and says, God, I feel great. But there are people that don't. Whereas a Republican is someone who wakes up in the morning and says, God, I feel great. And that's all that don't. Whereas a Republican is someone who wakes up in the morning and says, God, I feel great, and that's all that fucking matters. That's true. And that's as political as I'll get right now. But I will address certain things. I just want to say this table

has a lot of character. You need to be. Here's the most compelling political thing that happened to me yesterday. I pretty much get you politically, right? Well, listen, listen. It's actually happened. I'm standing in line at the Duane Reade. There's a guy standing in front of me buying a case of beer. He's got sandals on.

He's got shorts. He smells like cigarettes and liquor, and his hair is matted. You know, fairly standard character in California. And he's arguing with it. He's basically having a conversation with the cashier saying, the lottery, I'm not playing it anymore. I'm done with the lottery. He goes, Do you know how much they take in taxes when you win the lottery? And the woman's like, I don't know, 50%?

He goes, No, 33%. And then he says, What's the point of even playing? Like he's got his like, I was two days away from winning, but if I'm only going to get $630,000 out of my million, that's bullshit. I'm not working that hard to win the lottery so that they get kicked back. They don't have to do anything. They just sit back and go, we get some of it that you won from us. I'm protesting.

I'm not playing no more. And then if he dies, there's the death tax after when he dies, right? Well, yeah. It's amazing. He's not playing no more. And then if he dies, there's the death tax after when he dies, right? Well, yeah. It's amazing. If that message got into the brain of the idiot who's wasting $10 a day playing the lottery, it's really sunk in. Like, I'm fucking done with it.

It's rigged. I went with the weekly payout. That's where I went. I don't want to spin the wheel, Drew Carey, because then I might win and go to the Showcase Showdown. Yeah. That is the dream job, though, what he has. Oh, my God. When I when i see him in the morning i go wow i why can't i be the guy he doesn't even have a microphone that weighs very much it's very thin he hasn't had he apologizes occasionally for being funny i don't know if you've ever seen that like people wait would you make a joke sorry about that

used to be a comedian would you do that show though full-time comedian well what does it pay i like him I was just joking around. I used to be a comedian. Would you do that show? I mean, full-time comedian. What does it pay? I like him. Could you see him? Would you do that show? He's one of my favorites.

How would you do that? How would you present the game? Like, all right, now, hey, we're going to spin the wheel. I hope the wheel works. Oh, it's not working. Is my hair okay? Look, I'm on fire. I mean, how would that go with you?

Would you like to write for me if I get I would love to see you I was the game show I don't want to see me in the morning I don't think that those that it really is that you know the people watch that show you back well people watch that show they don't want anybody Making a big racket Keep it down Keep it down Pink and horrible music It's a very jarring show To watch

I would love to see you Host a game show That to me would be hilarious Well game show I mean Isn't that a game show Or is that just Yeah but I mean

I want to host a sophisticated But like the way I picture it Oh sure Word oriented He just made a Sophisticated face He just made a sophisticated face. He just did it again. Stop it. Welcome back to words and things.

Here's how we... I think if you host a game show, the best thing that could be is you host it, but you actually never get to actually playing the game. That's the thing. That's the thing. Where you sort of do a lead-in, then you get distracted, you go a little off-road for a little while.

Oh, we're out of time. I guess we'll play tomorrow. How about they pick a box? It's not in the box. Then I make a phone call. And I ask them, will you settle for it if it is in the box? I got a name for it. I got a name for it.

Filibuster. You make a phone call. The guy's not there. He's not picking up. I guess we have to improvise. Quiz show. He's fucking around the entire show. Bring it back to the quiz up. I guess we have to improvise. Quiz show. Quiz show. Bring it back to the quiz show.

And you'll have a movie thing, a nice hunk for the podcast. Oh, you're trying to talk about movies now? You just gave me a segue? Yeah, segue. It's like the quiz show. Have either of you guys ever written for a quiz show? No. Have I written for a quiz show?

I've written for a bunch of them. You have? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you write the questions or the jokes a guy says? No, no, I write the answers. Get this guy. What did you write for? I wrote for Debt, that thing that was hosted by Wink Martindale, I think it was.

Did you see Wink Martindale? It was kind of like Jeopardy, but not Jeopardy. Did you work with him personally, Wink Martindale? You know, he was around. You know what? Maybe it wasn't Wink Martind you work with him personally, Wink Martindale? You know, he was around. You know what? Maybe it wasn't Wink Martindale. Yeah, it was Wink Martindale. Not Chuck Woolery.

No, not Chuck Woolery. He would have known if it was Chuck. He didn't host that. How could you not know the difference? But was he one of those guys that looked 900 years old? Because he strikes me as a guy that you'd see up close and go, holy shit, Wink Martindale's a monster. Yeah, well, he died, right? No. No, he's he died, right? No.

No, he's still alive, but he was like, you know. Even if he's alive, it sounds bad the way you're saying it. What's that? Even if he was alive now, you've ruined it for him. He's alive. He's dead, is he? That's not good. We can just look it up on the phone.

There's no one over 50 listening to a podcast, Andy. No one he knows or loves is hearing this. I heard he's a big fan of the alternative comedy scene, Wink Martindale. And that's his birth name, by the way. Did not change it. You're right. They're not listening. My father just informed

me that he found the page of my podcast on the internet. Like, I see the page. What happens? Does he know what WTF stands for? Yeah, he's been on the show twice. Oh, so he's heard the theme song. He's heard the what the fuck song.

But he's like, he comes on the show and he still can't figure it out. I had my mother on last week. My mother, who is a functioning eating disorder person, she refuses to acknowledge she has an eating disorder, though she's done 115 pounds her entire life. So I figured, what better person than to do a diet segment?

So I actually had a diet segment with my mother on the show, which I think is something everyone should tune into, just to hear what she eats for dessert. And I'm going to leave it there. Wow, that's what we in the business call a tease. Yeah, or it's a cliffhanger it is a cliffhanger really yeah because people are going to be like what happens what does his mother eat if she doesn't eat anything yeah it's a one off that's my favorite phone seriously uh sure i mean i don't i think it's all right but i are you addicted to it can you live without it i think it falls in that realm of technology that is created just to make us angry at how awesome technology is.

It's the most amazing thing, and every day I get pissed at it for some stupid thing that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Like the iFart doesn't work? If you're in the middle of writing a text and somebody calls, the thing comes right up and it fucking interrupts the text writing process, I don't want to talk to anyone on this thing. Right. I don't want to put this thing to my ear. Right. Because you know about that, right? Yeah, it gives

you cancer of the head. Yeah, it totally gives you ear cancer. It totally does. Yeah. Alright. I hate when you throw around Medical jargon Jargon Jargon

Use it on all my That sounds like a character From Star Trek What if it was jargon? Or a planet And he is up And he's down He's up

And he's back to the chair Did you notice In the last run Of Robin Williams Where he's promoting The Did you watch the thing? Old Dogs Robin Williams where he's promoting the old dogs? I didn't see the special. I didn't either.

But he's promoting old dogs, and he's promoting his special. He did a run of all the talk shows like The View and all that stuff. Not a lot of getting up out of the seat anymore. He's keeping it. Oh, is that why? Because he can't exert himself? He has a thing. He has an electronic sensor.

I think he's got like a... He's got like a boot that electric... Like authorities are contacted if he's exciting himself with his own comedy. I think they actually

replaced this. Rob is just really pleased with what he's saying right now. He's thinking about standing up. We've got to have men rush in. Push him down.

Push it down. Didn't they actually replace a valve of his heart with that of another comic? That'd be weird. Do you have an example of a comic that that would be? He's launching into his Catholic light bit. Stand by. We might need help

with that. I'm Episcopalian. That's Catholic light. So what does he do instead of get up? That is the mere definition of pity laughter Right there Like he was doing a lot with his hand And the voice and everything Some of us will giggle In a sad kind of way

If it wasn't for pity laughter I wouldn't have a career my friend You should have gotten so much more pity laughter after that. Now there's just this crowd silence. What the fuck? What the fuck? I'm trying to get WTFF going. Oh, really?

Yeah, what the fuckity fuck. Oh, that's okay. Makes it cute and fun. I think what I've said about Andy Kenmore, and this is for the audience, what what I said in bringing him up when I used to work with him back in the day is that, Andy Kenworth, folks, the humor is in the trying. Oh, I laughed like it was about somebody else. All right, so I thought it'd be funny to let the whole show go by and not play the Leonard Maltin game. I've been preparing for it. Because one guy complained to me about it on the internet

that he didn't like it, and I said, well, because you didn't like it, I'm going to do it in every show until I die. Did you say that to him? Words to that effect. I said, thank you for your nice comments. Why don't you do it until Leonard Maltin dies? Well,

it might be too sad to press on if Len passes. That would be tough. Yeah. I was already hit so hard by the non-death of Wink Martindale.

How much negative email do you respond to? Do you find yourself responding to them? I find myself starting to and I try to stop myself. Sometimes I'll type it out just to see it and I'll take a look at myself. Sometimes I'll type it out just to see it

and I'll take a look at it and then I'll erase it and move on. Like don't hit send. But a lot of times I resort to blocking. I'm just like I don't want to hear

from this person again because they're clearly just trying to poke me. But a lot of times when you write back to somebody they'll write to you something like

you're a stupid faggot and you write back and they go just kidding you're one of my favorite comics I didn't think you'd respond

unless I said something obnoxious. It's just like, all right, I guess I am a stupid faggot. How did they know? You got me.

You got me. It's too specific. How could they know? Stupid and faggot together? Come on, what are the odds? So now I'm having a resurgence of wanting to play the Leonard Maltin game

To go against this guy I'm pumped up about it And he wasn't rude really He was just saying that it's not as fun for him to listen to As some other aspects of the program And then he burned a Leonard Maltin effigy On your front lawn Yeah, but we got some people sitting here

In these chairs right here. You know what that means? Oh, yeah. People sitting this close, they either didn't know that they might be participating because they sat this close, or they sat this close on purpose. Let's find out what happened. Did you sit here on purpose? Yeah. Yeah, this guy's here on purpose.

He wants to play. He came to play. What about you, sir? Yes. Oh, okay. And you, ma'am? You want to play too? You're clearly a couple, though. So I'm going to penalize you as they do to most women in most countries.

And... Actually, you guys can share the prize. How about that? And she'll get 50% of it eventually. All right. You can't even split this in half. She'll get more. Yeah, she won't want any of the prizes.

All right. So should I tell them what... Will it make you more nervous if you know what they're playing for? Should I tell them after they've won or lost? That'd probably be better. No, you can do whatever you know what they're playing for? Should I tell them after they've won or lost? That would probably be better. No, you can do whatever you want. I'm not nervous at all. I'm going to ace this thing.

I'm playing for St. Jude's Hospital. I'm playing for St. Jude's Hospital. All right, that's a good way to fill, Andy. I'm bringing up the Leonard Maltin game. Andy laughing at his own joke. My iPod... My iPhone comes through week after week when playing the Leonard Maltin game on the show.

Like, I've never had a problem with that. I just think I need one. I worry that it's going to, like, one night I'm going to get in here and it's going to be a dead zone. The compass doesn't work. My Blackberry has become developmentally disabled. Okay, so...

The compass will fail him in the article. Since you guys are both amazingly astute politically individuals... Z! You always have something to say. See, that's a good guess. That could be one of these. Okay. I've picked for the game this week political thrillers.

It's all political thrillers. Costa Gravis. Am I wrong? Yes. And we'll start with you, since you were sort of right by guessing a political thriller ahead of time. That's not in here. I don't like playing games.

Would you like to play one from... Pick a year, Andy, you think you'd be better at. 1991, 2009, or 1976? 1976, because I was 40 at the time. Alright, and what's your name? Pat. Pat, and what's your name, just a man?

Ray. Ray. No, I'm sorry, what's your name? Sarah. Ray and Sarah. Okay, Ray and Sarah and Pat. Mark's playing for Pat. You're playing for Ray and Sarah.

Okay, just the man I'm playing for. I'm not playing for the woman. Mostly the man. The woman's not going to want any of these prizes, but she may want just the happiness that'll come with the look on her husband or boyfriend's face. Hey, Pat, if this doesn't pan out, you're not going to kill me. Okay, all right.

The guy's sitting by himself. He's got fatigues on. All right, here we go. So glad he dug his podcast. He changes it up, too. Last week he had a black trench coat on You do come every week don't you What did he say He said I've got all your records

And that was the last thing I heard You picked 76 Lee Marvin Andrew Kindler picked 1976 This movie Is a political thriller From 76 And

I'll tell you one thing that Leonard Mullen has to say about it He says Superb Calls it superb You should be able to get it That's the only word I could pick out of the review that wouldn't give away what movie he's talking about. You got it?

Everything else would give it away. So this is a superb 1976 political thriller and four stars. Perfect score from Lin-Manuel. Do you ever do it like they did on Password? Superb. I can now. I'll do that next one that way. I'll do the next one that way I'll do the next one that way

Alright, Andy Yes You got 14 names I can name it in 14 names Strong opening bid No, that's good Now, Mark, you get to bid Do you want to undercut him?

Yeah, hell yeah By a number of names? Do you want to say like four names? What do we got to go on? It's superb It's superb And it's a political thriller And then there's 14 names? The year was 1976 like four names? What do we got to go on? It's superb? It's superb and it's a political thriller. And there's 14 names? The year was 1976.

14 names. What is thriller? No. First of all, don't guess until someone says name that movie. Because he's going to guess it in how many names? Two. Two names he says. Oh, I can't beat that. The worst players do the boldest moves in this game.

It's always amazing to me. The less they know, the more quickly they jump to I can do beat that. The worst players do the boldest moves in this game. It's always amazing to me. The less they know, the more quickly they jump to... I can do it in one name. That's called Let's Get This Over With. Yeah. Oh, nice. No, it's good. I like your attitude.

No, I'm kidding. I'm excited. So now I got to do it, right? And Pat is really excited that he has a gun on him. He's happy that they took away the magnetometer. He's happy that he's packing. I could use a new stalker. Mine retired. Okay, your two names. Yeah. I could use a new stalker. Mine retired.

Okay, your two names. Yeah. Because you're saying name that movie, right? You're not going to underbid two names. No. Oh, come on. Yeah, name that movie. Name that movie.

Your names are Lindsey Krauss. Yeah. This is not a mammoth movie, though. Yeah. And because that's the only other time she worked. The guy with Sarah laughed the loudest of anybody. I just saw this movie, I think. F. Murray Abraham is the other name.

Andy thinks he knows it. F. Murray Abraham and Lindsey Krauss in a 1976 political thriller. Yeah, and they both had small enough parts that they were listed 13th and 14th. Don't say anything, but is there anybody in the crowd who actually does know this already?

Probably not. It's tough. It's hard. It's a hard one? No, it wouldn't be hard if you heard all 14 names. Can you give me some other names? No, you said two. Why can't I choose the names? This isn't the two bargains for more time. Look at Pat.

He needs to win. Are you still trying to get this over with? No. But I thought 1976 political thriller, it had to be what I thought it was going to be, but it can't be. Guess it. I didn't make it super hard on you guys. Name that movie.

I have no idea. Watergate. Watergate. No, it's not All the President's Men. It is All the President's Men because that was... Yes, it is All the President's Men. Okay. It is All the President's Men. What's wrong with you? I knew that.

That was the only movie that came out that was political, but I thought it was later That's what I'm saying. I thought that was a great clue, 1986. All right, can we edit this part out? Probably Holiday, Robert Walden, Ned Beatty. Wait, wait, let's go back. Let's go back. I'm going to guess it.

No Bernie at the time. Oh, I thought it was called Watergate. Stephen Collins, Jane Alexander. Let's edit it. Okay, so I'm going to guess it again No Bernie at the time. Oh, I thought it was called Watergate. Stephen Collins, Jane Alexander. Let's edit it. Okay, so I'm going to guess it again. All the President's Men? No, you said it. You get it.

We're not going to hang over that. Yeah, he said it. Even though he said it's not All the President's Men, it's the only thing he did say. Right. Yeah, I think... Oh, you disappointed Sarah. No, I just... No sex for Sarah's man tonight.

I was under the impression that it was the anti-Jeopardy, that I had to answer all questions and not an answer. Good cover. I toured the country as Andy Jeopardy. So you... So Pat's got a point. So we'll start with Andy again. Andy, would you like a movie from 2009, 1999, or 2004?

Let's go with 1999. That wasn't a choice. 2009, 1991, or 2004. I'll go with 1991 again. Okay, this has... The clue is there's a shit ton of names. And it's from 1991. And it's a shit ton of names And it's from 1991 And it's a political thriller

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 16, 17, 18 names Shit ton Shit ton I can name it in six names One person in the audience I came to play I came to play You can do it in six names he says

And there's a shit ton of names He has a lot of names And what year is it? It was from 1991 Now what's the play here? Because my instinct is just to go I can name it in three I think he

Well you don't have to go one lower I think he either knows it I think he already knows it already Or he's just being silly And again trying to keep this moving along How many did he say he either knows it, I think he already knows it already, or he's just being silly and, again, trying to keep this moving along. How many did he say he could move it? Six. I can do it in five.

It's very dramatic. Oh, do I get to rebid? It's a good thing you just replenished some of your electrolytes. It's rough. Tell them what this is, Andy, because it's clearly not... He's drinking from an orange beverage. Don't distract from the game! No, I'd like him to tell the story. Do I get to refit?

No, he gets it. You can go five, you can go four. You can say name that movie. Name that movie. No, I want to do it to you. I can do it in four names. Okay. Name that movie.

All right, here you go. The names are Sean Stone, Thomas Milan, Tony Plana, and Wayne Knight, who of course played Newman on Seinfeld Now I'm supposed to

Those are your four names Divide it like a psychic I'm going to say missing Oh that's a good guess That's a really good guess But now somebody yell out As soon as you know it Vincent D'Onofrio

Edward Asner Walter Matthau Jack Lemmon John Candy JFK Wow Oh Nice

Well all I know is that That was fun. So you won. So we got two points back. You were so worried. You just won. Because of what we established earlier, I feel like I'm playing for my life. Well, it's an enigma wrapped up in a bacon. Let's tell Pat what he won. You won for him. What did Pat win? What did I win for him?

You bested a very smart gay. He had two good guesses. Z and Missing You bested a very smart... He had two good guesses. Z and Missing are probably the only two other political thrillers I didn't put into the game. The others I had were Manchurian Candidate and Parallax View. And one more. Scarface?

No. Well, Z would have been great. Oh, The International. Ooh, I would have been great. Oh, The International. Ooh, I would have never got that one. The banking thriller from earlier this year that didn't make any money because it's a banking thriller. Like a banking thriller.

Was there ever a year in our lives and everyone was like, we're all rich, let's go see a banking thriller. But this particular year is a really bad time to fucking drop the banking thriller all right so as usual i have a medical marijuana tour t-shirt uh from my tour that i did over the fall and uh you can get those at donkeytees.com and uh so he won one of those he also won a shirt

that says uh oaksterdam university on. It's a real place. Oaksterdam. That'd be a good place to learn about egg dishes. Oaksterdam is where you go to they have a college there where you can learn how to cultivate and be a person who hooks

people up. That's the technical words for it. Is it in Amsterdam? the technical Words for it Is it in Amsterdam You could be a provider A provider Is it here It's in Oakland California

Oh cool So you learn to grow And distribute Yeah and you could do it Like it's a night class You could do it over a weekend And you learn like all The ins and outs of

Growing your own pod And distributing it legally It's sort of sad isn't it That used to be things You learned from that guy That you know And it's amazing It's amazing if you But that's the thing Is if you I sat in on a class And it's all It's sort of sad, isn't it? That used to be things you learned from that guy that you know. And it's amazing. It's amazing if you – but that's the thing is if you – I sat in on a class and it's all dudes that probably either didn't get through high school or were just really tough, scary guys.

It's definitely like that kind of a crowd that seems – but they are all fascinated. They're asking questions. Like, you know, it's just nice. Is there a class that's... They found something that they're fascinated by, marijuana. And, like, I wish that they could just... That people could just see that, like, how it's probably... You know, like, they say, you know, medical marijuana, obviously,

or marijuana in general doesn't cause any... You know, it hasn't really caused any deaths. But also, I wonder how many times it's caused a situation where something violent could have happened but didn't

because of the marijuana. There's no statistics for that but there's gotta be a lot of times where someone's gonna beat somebody's ass but they smoked a joint

instead or they were high and didn't even think of beating a dude's ass. I know I never do and this is like, you get nice things when you do TV shows sometimes, like his little parting gifts,

and I already have several of these, so I thought I'd pay this forward with a Comedy Central sticker on it. You could probably scrape it off. I mean, if you're not into Comedy Central. It's an iPod Shuffle. Wow! I thought you'd win because Marc Maron knows so much more

about movies than Andy Kindler. Look at this couple. Holy shit, Pat. But guess what he gets to do? Guess what Pat gets to do? At the end of every show, I call somebody a shithead, and he gets to name who this shithead is this week. Oh.

Yeah. So who do you want this shithead to be? Don't say it too loud. It'll be a fun surprise. you want the shithead to be? Don't say it too loud. It'll be a fun surprise. Who's the shithead? Is it one of us? Well, yeah. I would pick Andy Kindler if I were you.

I feel like I'm going to take the hit. Because he made you lose. But who do you think is the shithead? I think it's Mark. Don't hurt me. He's got no one. I'll improvise at the end. He's a very polite man.

Yeah, there's no reason he didn't show up. He came, he sat down up front and I tried to give him a consolation prize and he said, fuck your consolation prize.

Yeah. I'm too polite to go with your bullshit. Because you're asking someone to call someone a shithead. Yeah, like who would that be?

He would be like a Nazi. Oh, could there possibly be? Yeah, what about Nazis? Who would be a Nazi? Who would be most likely to be a Nazi? I'll pick a famous Nazi. I'll say a famous Nazi at the end. who would be a Nazi who would be most likely to be a Nazi I'll pick a famous Nazi I'll say a famous Nazi

at the end it would be a nice way to close off the Jewish episode do you guys have anything you want to plug do you have anything you want to plug

before we go we got to get out of here yeah I do I have a show called WTF no you don't yeah he's going to be on WTF tomorrow

oh you're going to be a guest on his show it'll be like A crossover episode We're like the CSI of podcasts I still have a DVD For salads I'm releasing it slowly

Seriously Raise your hand If that made any sense to you It doesn't need to make sense When Andy says it It's a DVD release party I'm having a DVD release party Tonight

Tonight? Yeah With salads? What does salads? Yeah. With salads? What does salads have to do with anything? Is this actually the invitation? I'm having one now if anyone wants to hang out. With salads. I'm having a DVD release salad.

I'm going to be at the Irvine Improv. I'll be at the Irvine Improv December 26th and 27th. That's a joke credit you're doing there. Okay, I can plug things. That's a real thing. I'm going to be there. And then the High Road, I'm going to be a TV special on G4 Network on December 28th. And for New Year's Eve, I'll be at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco with Greg Barrett.

The Bammer's going to be there. Holy shit. Todd Berry and more. Am I on that show? More is going to be there as well. Can I try and plug now? He's more successful. Please.

You were supposed to do it before mine. I got the WTF podcast going. I'm going to be in Seattle in January sometime. Just visiting? No, I'll probably do some shows. You're planning ahead to up your depression? I should schedule a weekend in Seattle. In January.

Big letdown when he gets there and there's no booking. What? I'll be at that laughs club. Oh, laughs in Kirkland Yeah in Kirkland In January But I don't remember the dates I'll be at Parlor Live

In Bellevue Nearby suburb February 26th and 27th Oh shit Maybe I'll hang out No no What is it like a month A month apart

Who books these rooms though Is what I want to know Oh it's There are these magical gnomes That I keep meaning to hook you up with their number. Yeah, you can go to WTFpod.com. That's my last plug. I have a DVD that I'm... Is it salad?

Salad. It's called Salads with a Side of Soup. It's horrible when you're insecure to try to be a salesman. Because you're sort of like, hey, go there. You know, if you want. I've got them under my coat. Yeah. Apologies to

Comedy Death Ray. We ran long. He's got one. And thank you, everybody, for coming and let's hear it for Andy Kindler and Marc Maron.

Do you name a Nazi at the end or no? It's about to happen. Oh, okay. Thank you, Doug. And as always, Tom Cruise is a shithead. Ah!

Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you because Doug loves movies!