Doug Loves Movies - Anthony Jeselnik, Jay Hollingsworth, and Sean Jordan Guest

Episode Date: October 13, 2011

Live from the Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Doug welcomes comedians Anthony Jeselnik, Jay Hollingsworth, and Sean Jordan to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming baby sticky seeds With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody. My name is Doug and this is Douglas movies. What version of the theme song was that? That they just played?

It was hard and firm. Yeah, that's like the normal version, right? So it was the correct one? Oh, it was just quiet. Okay. I just, to me, it sounded like I thought it was the correct one? Oh, it was just quiet. Okay. To me, it sounded like I thought it was something else or something. Because it was so quiet, I was like, is that it? You guys are in store for...

I've got a lot of more great things like that to say. If you were here for my stand-up show earlier this evening, I've got a whole campaign for Fiji water all worked out. If they want me to be the spokesperson for Fiji water, it's going to be awesome. But where did I leave off? I believe I need to say that we're coming to you from, for the second time,

the Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Oregon. Yeah. Yeah. On October 5th to Ocean's Eleven. Yeah. Where are your name tags at?

Bridgetown. Oh, look at that. Oh my God. The front row, you can't even see past this one guy. Because he's got a whole sandwich board that says, Doug, save a baby.

Hit me. John, his name. There's a woot monkey on there that's making the noise right now. And John's face in the middle of a target. So good luck with that, John. Mandy has a whole thing going on there with who's that guy

Mandy Patinkin there you go oh look at that over there there's some sort of artwork that I can't I can't really read but he's got like kind of a devil face and what does it say Fred? Ben?

Ben Fred? Fred Ben? Fredbin? It's Ben everybody right behind you turn around Ben it's Jeff! Look out! Oh there's little punching dolls over here That's crazy Look out. Oh, there's little punching dolls over here.

That's crazy. That's like from the new movie Real Steel. The Thomas Wilson is over there. And then Chris has a Jaws theme. You signed. I signed it. Last time. Last time I signed it. Let's reminisce later buddy

there's a Scott Pilgrim situation over there did you change it to your name? Steven? Steve? Ken? I gotta get glasses this is ridiculous all the listeners are going what the fuck is he? How far away are these

people? Well, thank you so much for bringing the name tags and we will definitely be playing the Leonard Maltin game of course. It's 10pm or actually much later than that.

We had a little bit of a late start because the headliner in the early show just went on forever. We had to have a spirited game of Leonard Balton with some folks in the last show, and I already forgot what happened, but it was very exciting and let's see what stuff

I have written down here that I wanted to say to everybody last night Andrew oh he played the Leonard Mullen game he was covered in name tags. He's one of those kind of psychopaths. They can't just wear a name tag.

He's got to cover himself in them. And then he always gets picked. And he got up on stage and he... What happened to him? Did he lose? Oh, he won. And that was the end of it right he he beat sean jordan and then it was over it was so exciting oh no he took a one inch punch from from big j for no reason he thought it meant he would win if he took a one-inch punch. I don't know where he got that idea.

So anyway, that was awesome. And then today, this morning, I was on AM Northwest with my friend, my old, old roommate, Dave Anderson, who's the host of that show. Helen. Yeah, thank you. Helen, the lady that's normally on there, wasn't on at all. It was just me and Dave for the whole hour. Yeah, it was crazy. I got to hold a cockroach in my hand,

and I got to watch a dog ride across the parking lot on a scooter. I tell you guys, there is nothing better than being baked out of your mind and co-hosting a local morning show. I was so happy the entire hour. Yeah, I'll hold some bugs. That sounds

fantastic. We did a show earlier tonight that I already referenced and that was super fun. And Sean Jordan played against Beat the Dude from the audience,

right? Yeah, his name was... Listen, I remember. Yeah, Nick. So Nick lost, but we gave him the prizes because we were out of time. And now here we are.

I'm so glad we're all caught up. It's time for Watch This, Not That. Helping people who only have time for one movie decide which movie to see of the top two movies. Number one movie in the country right now is called

Dolphin Tale. It's a charming true story for the whole family that's a great reminder of what a terrible actress Ashley Judd is. And the number two movie is Moneyball. A charming true story that has no Ashley Judd in it whatsoever. So watch Moneyball, not Dolphin Tale.

This has been watch this not that oh man I mistimed the applause on that one I thought I could get the top off of this bottle I'm not going to say the company name because they're not paying for the mention.

But this shit is Fiji-rific. On Thursday, September 29th, my residency at the Cinefamily in Los Angeles continued with another movie interruption. This time I was joined by Paul F. Tompkins, Greg Proops, and Chris Hardwick. And together we interrupted M. Night Shaman Scams.

The happening. Yeah, in which nothing coherent happens. So we had a marvelous time. And the next movie interruptions are October 13th. It's going to be the original Fright Night. And October 24th, Wes Craven's Deadly Friend. Classic.

So if you're in the L.A. area, come out to CineFamily on those nights. My guests this evening contributed some of the following prizes. Of course, we have, you know, woot monkeys. You can't do one of these without woot monkeys. Well, I might someday, but for now...

Oh! They're clapping it up in the back over there. I don't know. Lately, I have not been very good. Lately, it's been just crashing into the front row, so look out, everybody. See, second row, second row. That's right. The ladies call me second row Charlie, and I'm like, seriously, how far do you need me to get it? How much does it really matter? So there's another Woot Monkey up for grabs for the winner.

We've got some of my CDs. We've got my first one, Professional Humoradian, and my new one, Potty Mouth. We've got a copy of a program I did for g4 called the high road that isn't really available anywhere so you could just watch it and then you know pass it along give it to a friend and move it around so the people actually get to see it and then oh this shit's fucking crazy you guys aren't gonna believe we're gonna believe this but i was impressed in my

in my hotel room today i got from at joshua underscore roberts and at a underscore smart two boxes of voodoo donuts. Yeah. And I was like, I'm leaving town in like 20 hours. So I'll have two of these and pay forward the other two. So they are part of the prize package. Two amazing looking donuts. I kept the ones that had bacon on them.

Two amazing looking donuts. I kept the ones that had bacon on them. And then we also have I accidentally bought two copies of the Brad Pitt issue of Entertainment Weekly. So I thought why waste that?

Somebody might enjoy reading about Brad and other stuff in Entertainment Weekly. And then we have a t-shirt that says something about, we'll ask him when he gets out here what that means. And then finally we have a copy

of a very funny comedy CD called Shakespeare. Please welcome to the stage my guests, Sean Jordan, Big Irish J. Hollingsworth, and Anthony Jeselnik. Let's do this.

Fuck yeah. Let's do this. I'll make some room for you there, Anthony, for your stuff or whatever you might have. Thanks. Do you just have this, this water? Yeah, that's it. All right. Keeping it clean. I like it.

Totally. Yeah. Staying straight for this one. I've been getting shithoused for hours. Oh, okay, so you're slowing it down just a little bit just to get through this. If I can get the lid off this goddamn water. I've been having the same problem, too.

They're not great for while you're performing. There's no lid on this wide-open beer that I'm going to slam real quick. That's Sean Jordan for the listeners. A Leonard Malton tournament of championships participant

down in Los Angeles. Are you fired up tonight? What do you think of the competition tonight, Sean? I don't think shit about the competition. I'm ripping faces off. That's what I'm doing. Alright, that's pretty aggressive for Portland. That's like the skater side of you coming out. That's right.

Fuck the police. I bet that sounded more confident when you wrote it than when you delivered it. Here we go. Here we fucking go. Here we go. Let's hear it for Big Irish Jay Hollingsworth.

Yeah! Don't give me your fucking condescending clap. Now let me ask you this Anthony You've gotten a one inch punch from Big Irish Jay Hollingsworth correct? No that's incorrect Oh you didn't get one? No Canane got one.

Yeah, I hit him in the face instead. Oh, okay. I remember now. That was fun. Yeah, it was. That was on one of the bumbershoot shows. Alright. Good stories.

Let's move it along. That's how we're going to start this off. People say that when you're stoned, you get rambly. I get more like... Introspective. Sort of like a stutter rambly. Rambly would be a bunch of words streaming out. Are you talking to me right now?

What are you... Do I have that eye contact problem still? Anthony, I'm looking right at you right now. I'm looking right at you. Is there a problem? Is it alright? Is it alright? Staring into your soul, Anthony.

Anthony Joselnik. right? Staring into your soul, Anthony. Anthony Jusselnick. Well, I'm uncomfortable. Were there any movie stars at the Donald Trump roast? Who counts as a movie star? Lovitz? No. No one on the dais

was really a movie star. But the closest we had to a movie star was the guy from Breaking Bad, like the younger guy. Aaron Paul. Yeah, the guy who won an Oscar. Oh, Aaron Paul was just sitting in the audience? Yeah, he was there.

I think he loves comedy. I met him once. He was very nice to me. Yeah, yeah. I can't believe it. Cocaine and handjobs. No, those are a couple things we talked about. There was an upcoming story arc on Breaking Bad

where he did a lot of cocaine and handjobs. That's the one he won the Emmy for, right? Yeah, yeah. He's great, though. That guy's great on that show. I haven't seen the finale, so no spoilers, you guys. How you doing, Sean? I'm just listening to these bitchin' stories.

I'm doing great. I must have a question written down for Big Irish J. Yeah, how's Anthony doing? Let's see. I know, that was just, you know, I wasn't going to allow for dead air while I'm trying to find a question about you. Hey, the people want to know. Yeah, I just sense what they want to hear about.

And, yeah, I don't think I wrote anything down for you, dude. Let me just ask you something just off the top of my head. Sometimes you wear hats, right? On occasion. So, Anthony, how are you doing? Shut up. They're Kangol hats. What?

They're Kangol hats like Sam Jackson, to further the question. Is that one you had on earlier today, that's an official Kangol hat? There's motherfucking Kangol on my motherfucking head. Okay, all right. I didn't see the Kangol. If I'd have seen that it was a Kangol, I would have definitely referenced Sam Jackson in some way to you.

Because that's how I do it. It's just knee jerk. It's just like I can't say the month of this month without saying, calling it Cocktober. Just in any setting, I'll say it. You okay, Anthony?

All right. I'm satisfied that I don't have a question for you. I really thought there'd be something in there, like it's some sort of puzzle, and I have to figure it out, but no, there's nothing for you. Sean Jordan will be joining me,

and then you can play the Leonard Maltin game against him at the Houston Improv on Sunday, October 9th at 420, and at Zaney's in Nashville, or I call it Hashville, on Monday, October 10th. Big J, did you enjoy... It was on the other side of his paper. Did you... Did you enjoy...

You have like a martial arts background and you do the one-inch punch. Did you enjoy the film The Warrior? I haven't seen it. Okay, thanks for coming by. And we have another comic standing by. The Warrior was awesome. The Warrior was great. Did you guys see The Warrior? Yeah, anybody? The Warrior? It didn't do as well as it should. He saw it. It was awesome. Front row guy. It's really great.

I was especially impressed by the acting. And like I've said already on this podcast, too much wife upset that it's going to kill him. That doesn't make any sense, but what I was going to say. No, don't you think in every fighter movie, there's too much of the wife wants him to stop fighting, he needs to keep fighting and she wants him to stop fighting. Yeah, but in this one the wife was kind of right. But listen.

You guys remember Brian's song from back in the day? It was the movie that every guy was allowed to cry at. This is like 2011 Brian's song. I'm telling you, see it by yourselves. Because you're going to cry, but it's amazing. Check it out. Go have a good lowly cry. Yeah.

It's the only one of the ways to cry. I'm not going to lie. I cried a little bit at Dolphin Tale. Really? At what point? I really did. When they asked you to leave for looking at the kids? No, let me look at them.

Sir, you shouldn't be here in a bathing suit. Hey, man, you have a dolphin. It's 3D. I don't know what's going to happen. I've got to be ready for this shit. I saw it 2D actually, and I ponied up the less money to not wear a thing on my face and not have an occasional dolphin come close to my nose. And like I said, it's all right.

Wow. I'll run right out. But it did make me cry. Did it really? You actually cried at it today? I think so, a little bit, yeah. You think so? Because there's stuff about, you know,

a guy going off to fight in a war and something happens to him, so that's like a heart tugger. And then there's a dolphin. That's the funniest part. The dolphin thing is sadder than

the thing that happens to the guy fighting for our country. Because it's not called The Guy Fighting for Our Country Tale. It's called Dolphin Tale. We're there to see the dolphin get saved or whatever. Was it upsetting to

watch because you never get tail? No. That was good. It got like, there was a chunk that enjoyed it of the audience. Which is always weird when people gather into a laughter group. It's interesting.

So yeah. I feel like after that explanation of what the movie's about, I have no idea what the movie's about. It's a true life story, but at the very end, they show footage of all the events you see in the movie's about. It's a true life story, but at the very end, they show footage of all the events you see in the movie. They quickly show you the real people

doing the real things that really happen in the movie. And that made me tear up a little bit, because I was just like, it just felt cool to know that it really happened. And it wasn't just Hollywood manipulation. But then that manipulation makes me cry.

It's like the people putting their rocks on the tombstone at the end of Schindler's List. I heard... That's what Dolphin Tale was like? Yeah, it's about time somebody compared that's what Dolphin Tale was like? Yeah, it's about time somebody compared Dolphin Tale and Schindler's List. Don't make me drag Saving Private Ryan into it, because I will.

Well, they're all three so similar, it sounds like. So, yeah, I get it. Oh, old man at the cemetery. Oh, I get it. He's still alive and the other guy isn't. I wouldn't have gotten that if he didn't have that long extra scene. Wouldn't it just be like a dolphin's tail?

Like crawling around? I don't know what you mean. Like if you combine the two. Maybe like Grandpa Dolphin Tail. What's wrong? And then we'll do a flashback to when he still had the tail. And he was on the beaches. When I bought my ticket, I asked for money, Dolphin.

She went, what? And I went, ball tail. Jesus Christ. I got nothing. I got no idea. No idea. I'm just sitting right here.

There's no reason to have anything, you guys. No, I love rejected Twitters. Yeah, I save the ones. I save them for the podcast. Smart. I save them for the podcast. Smart. I just like saying dumb things to the person when buying the ticket.

Because it's fun the non-reaction you get. What I do, I go Fandango, and then I walk up to the ticket guy and I go, go fuck yourself. I tear it in half in front of the guy the wrong way. I drop it on the floor and he goes, like, theater six, I'll go in whatever fucking theater I want.

And then I leave. I don't even see the movie. That reminds me, what have you guys seen lately drive have you been in the cinema you saw drive saw drive and you loved it right uh at first i was uh indecisive about it the first hour seemed like it could have been about a half hour but then once it picked up it fucking started rolling so i ended up liking it hey anthony's to shit on me. Let me ask you this. Did you coincidentally finish your Twizzlers half an hour in? Ha ha ha. Oh, they love math humor here in the Pacific Northwest.

I will say, I didn't cry at the end of Drive. I cried during a lot of parts of Drive because it was so goddamn gnarly. The whole movie was so good, but now I can string together a theme of things I can do to people in a fight, and I can reference drive in there like I'm going to roadhouse your throat and then drive your face in the elevator

you know that kind of thing obviously you guys haven't all seen drive thanks for nothing yeah I saw it and I didn't give you anything either it's these splashes or moments of violence are quite brilliantly done. Those are exciting. Gosling is interesting

and that girl is cute, but I don't know. I think people are very divided on it and I stand on the naysayer. I thought it was great. I did too. I thought the Twizzlers were good.

Fucker. There it is. Yeah, clap for Drive. Overpower everybody. Do it. Yeah. That should be your rating system for movies. What did you think of Tree of Life?

Not enough Twizzlers. One box. Twizzlers. One box. Who hasn't answered the question about what you've seen lately yet? You said Drive. You all saw Drive, right? Yeah, I saw... It's interesting that we all saw Drive.

No, I saw Red State. It's not that big of a hit. Oh, you got to see the Kevin Smith movie? Yeah, I got to see it. I paid fucking five bucks on iTunes like everybody else. Oh, okay. So you watched it on your laptop? Fuck yeah, I did.

Like an American. Doesn't even make sense. Don't worry. And how did that work out for you? Did you enjoy it? You know, I kind of liked it. I liked it overall. I did.

It was one of those crazy, you never know what's going to happen next kind of movies. Yeah. It was pretty cool. I like that. I don't like Kevin Smith. He's not in it, though. Keep it to yourself.

So he's got projects going, you never know. I know. Get me that asshole from the roast. He said what about me? That kind of shit happens in this town. And by this town I mean Portland. Who knows, this might be another lost episode. Which I mentioned during the episode that got lost.

I said this one might get lost. Yeah, I had a feeling. This one I'm not sure. Not sure if it's going to make it? I think it will. Yeah, I think we got it. We'll pick up the tempo a little bit. I feel pretty confident about it.

Anthony had that prem about it, so we're good. I'm pulling my weight. Yeah, people are going to see your name on there and they're going to click on it all excited and you deliver the goods. This is a done deal. I could leave right now and people wouldn't... Just don't say you're leaving.

Just put the mic down quietly and go and then people will just be waiting for your next hilarious thing. At the end I'll be like, Anthony, you were so polite tonight. How would you say my name? Anthony. Anthony Chazalman. Did I say it wrong somehow?

Like a teacher who felt betrayed. Okay. If you knew my teachers, that would be hilarious. So I saw Midnight in Paris the other day. Big romantic comedy fan myself. And I loved it. I watched it on a plane next to the rudest steward I've ever been with in my entire life. Like he was, he didn't like quite have the best grasp on the English

language. So he's being a total prick to the, to this girl who had her bag. It wouldn't fit. And he's like, he's like, baby, your bag will not fit. It's not, it's not, it's not right. And she said something, she's like, can you move it? He's like, just use your head and then you can do it. And he's smiling the whole time. Like he's not being an asshole to her but he totally was so there's me bringing it up a little bit right there use your head yeah he just looked at her he's like you just have to use your head a little bit and he's smiling the whole time and she's like what a dick and i'm thinking the same thing because he was being a dick and then uh she moved it and then like she sat back down and then he goes see it's not that hard you just need to use your brain a

little bit. It was really gnarly. And not being a racist or anything. I'm not trying to be a dick, but it was just funny. And I'm the only one that thinks so, apparently. I don't think it was racist until you said, I don't want it to be racist. But I really wanted it to be racist,

so I wanted everyone to know that. I just didn't want to admit it. But I really wanted it to be racist, so I wanted everyone to know that. I just didn't want to admit it. That might have been the 1,000th person to be standing there in the aisle like that, putting the thing in the wrong way. And that person, that steward,

finally just snapped and said something. And then that puts them in the dick column, even though that asshole's probably shoving their suitcase in the wrong way. Groundbreaking! Here we go. More airline talk. More travel talk. This United Continental Merge is really, really biting me in the ass.

All right, did we cover everybody? Midnight in Paris is good. Drive is good. Dolphin Tale is good. None of you dudes have seen Moneyball? Yeah, I saw Moneyball. Oh, how'd you like that? It was good.

No, I thought it was really, I thought I liked it. I'm an easy critic, but I really liked it. I thought Brad Pitt was it. Huh? It was solid. Yeah. Made me excited about baseball. I don't really care about baseball.

I don't think it was Brad Pitt's best role, though. Like, everyone's saying it's Brad Pitt's best role. I don't think it was. Oh, yeah. It's no The Mexican. Fight Club's what I'm going with. Fight Club, I think that's Brad Pitt's best He was pretty good in that I like him a lot

Seven was good I think he's always good even if the movie around him is not as good I feel like we're having a harsh one-on-one here I feel like, what's going on? You know how some... Anyway. I can't get into a whole thing about acting,

but I can get into a thing about mashing titles together in a game called Build a Title. Let's play. Let's play. I gotta get little theme songs for those things someday I'll dream about it

these are this movie we're going to play build a title with is actually set in part or completely you guys can tell me in Oregon is actually set in part or completely... You guys could tell me. All right, go.

In Oregon. I picked out an Oregon movie, and it's not The Goonies, but thank you for guessing that. What was the other one? They kept a kindergarten cop. Yeah, at the show earlier tonight. At the show earlier tonight,

it was set in Oregon. It turned out to be Are We There Yet but people kept yelling Goonies and Kindergarten Cop and it was hilarious because I don't think either of those titles ever just yelled out that much in a room full of people

Drugstore Cowboy yeah alright how much of it was here? of people. Drugstore Cowboy. Yeah. Alright. How much of it was here? Wasn't it kind of a traveling movie or was it quite a bit of it was here? All of it. Alright. Settle. Little in Idaho. See what I'm saying? I don't know what I'm saying. No, I don't. I have no idea. Alright. Let's start with... That means something's really funny about one of our names.

No, let's start with Sean. Okay. So drugstore... Drugstore cowboy, add something to the beginning or the end. I know that it's possible on both ends. Did that come out right? Possible on both ends. Did that come out right?

Drugstore Cowboys and Aliens. Yeah, that's a good one. I did my part. You done did it. Now we go to Big J. Drugstore Cowboys and Aliens versus. Predators. Oh, snap. Snap, Matthew. Boom, son.

Drugstore Cowboy and Aliens vs. Predators 2. Oh. Yeah. Boo. I think that works just fine. I'm happy with that. Alien vs. Predator.

Requiem. Settles down, sir. Wouldn't even... Wouldn't work anyway. Do you play the game, Doug, or is it back to me? No, I'm just thinking about making a decision on this move that Anthony just pulled. Are you shitting me?

So it went from it's alien versus predator. That's what you said, right Jay? No, cowboys versus aliens versus predators. Two. What was that called? Was it called aliens versus predator?

Or predators? Yeah, predator. There's only one predator. What doator. There's only one Predator. What do you mean there's only one Predator? There's only one Predator, goddammit. The one with Adrian Brody only has one Predator? There's a bunch of them. Yeah, there's a grip of them.

There are whole ships in L.A. and Danny Glover. But that's just called Predators. Yeah. What the fuck is going on? So what we're trying to go for, there's not a movie called Predator 2? You're saying the movie's called Predators. Yeah. What the fuck is going on? So what we're trying to go for, there's not a movie called Predator 2. You're saying the movie's called Predators? The sequel to Predators called Predators?

Predator 2. Predator 2 is with Danny Glover. Predators is with Danny Glover. Oh, stop it. Quit yelling at me. Jesus. No, I'm just... If you want to try to back out, back out.

Don't fucking make a big deal about it. Jay said... What did you say? I fucking won it. Where's my money? Drugstore cowboy versus aliens versus predator. Cowboys and aliens versus predator. And then you said Zzz too. But I think it's

Predator too. There's no S in there. So you're disqualified. Okay, no, no, no. Oh. Get that weak shit out of here. Am I not allowed to try another one? If that one's rejected by the press?

If you do it really quickly. Aliens vs. Predators and Prey. That's a movie. Predators and Prey? Predators and Prey. Predators and Prey? There's definitely a movie called Predators and Prey. A foreign film.

I don't give a fuck. It could be made in California for all I know. But there's a movie. Predators and Prey Predators and Prey Because I can look it up Look it up man It's like Scrabble Look it up

Look it up Here we go It's worth everybody's time I don't even care If you get Wi-Fi in here Just go for it I do Oh helium Wi-Fi

Is locked up I heard the password Is Jesselmick just go for it. I do. Oh, helium Wi-Fi is locked up. I heard the password is Jesselnik. No, it isn't. Predators. The password to my heart. Oh, wait. Hey, while you're doing that,

Irish Jay here does an impression of me he wants to do. You want to hear that? Should I roll it out? Yeah. Alright, let me stand up for it. Alright. This is my Jesselneck impression talking to me. Jay. Thank you so much.

My favorite joke of yours is the one you haven't written. That's a fucking genius joke. And you have AIDS. Thank you. Pretty good? That was really good.

Here's my... Here's my impression of you. Standing up, listeners. Is this really happening? Oh, yeah. I don't believe this. You fucking mentioned Twizzlers. Irrelevant.

Irrelevant. For the podcast listeners, if you could see my face, it would really bring it home. There was a TV series in 1994 called Hunters, The World of Predators and Prey. And then, I don't get this one at all. Maybe it'll get a laugh.

There was something on TV called Predators and Prey an interview with Don Coscarelli. I think that deserves it. I was saving that one for you. So yeah, so that doesn't count. So you're out again. Alright. You keep getting double eliminated. I accept it.

All right. Love and other drugstore cowboys and aliens versus Predators 2. What? No, versus Predator. We're done on Predator, right? It's like, yeah, that's the end of that. Predators 2, I thought. Oh, did we?

Well, no, we didn't agree on that. Oh, no, we discarded that. So just Predator? Yeah, so I'm, yeah, that's the end of that. Predators 2, I thought. Oh, did we? Well, no, we didn't agree on that. Oh, no, we discarded that. So just Predator? Yeah, so I'm going to, no, I got one. So a lot like love and other drugs store cowboys and aliens versus Predator. Snap! Everybody go do a bump. Let's wake up.

Yeah, goddamn. How about, is it on me now? Yes, sir. The Sandalot, blah, blah, blah. What? Boom. What? Up top one time.

Boom. What? Come on, dog. It's no Predator Sisters 2 and Prey, but. I see we're getting pretty loose. Pretty loose. That was awesome. No. I will awesome. No.

I will not allow it. What? What? You can't allow that? It's not pronounced sand-a-lot. It depends on what part of the country you're from. It might be. Yeah, and Sean doesn't want to sound racist, but...

There's a lot of sand in some places. But to make matters worse, you could have gone Camelot. That's a movie. I think they liked the sand a lot. They loved it because it's really funny. That is the point.

When I get mad mad I turn it into Aubrey Plaza on Parks and Rec That was funny Shut up Alright So where are we then Let's take Sandalot Just cause it's such a proud favorite

What are you gonna do Anthony then. Let's take Sand a lot just because it's such a crowd favorite. What are you going to do, Anthony? Oh, that's right. You're not anywhere. I thought Better Just Do was a fucking crowd favorite and look where I am. You got anything there? Is it on me? Yeah. Hop in. Yeah, that's on you. Predator.

I didn't think anything. Okay, I got it. Sandalot like love and other drugstore cowboys and alien versus predator. Tor. A-tora-tora. Ah! Yes!

Tor-tora-tora. Motherfuckers. The Sandalot like love and other drugs store cowboy zen aliens versus Predatora Torambo. Alright, I'm up. What was that? Rambo. Tora, Tora, Torambo. Alright, I'm up.

What was that? Rambo. Tora, Torambo. Torambo. Don't frown. I got it. I'm ready. Alright, Torambo.

Go. Fucking, what's the whole thing? Sand a lot. What are you adding to the beginning or the end? End. Okay. Rambo finger. Oh. Okay. Rambo finger. Oh.

Wow. Hey, now this isn't great, but could I order another beer? Hold on. I got one, so it's me, though, right? Hang on. I think it's Doug. Oh, is it Doug still in? I get to go, right?

Oh, yeah. Okay. I thought you were out. Never mind. It's just your game. I wasn't kidding about the beer. Finger. I'll take a Heineken, please.

Two, please. It keeps getting funnier every time someone says a new number. I'll have one, two, three, four. Oh, give me a big glass. Everybody shut the fuck up. You don't have to buy me a beer. Every time I drink a Heineken, they give me $5. Serious.

I know there's a movie that starts with finger. I just know it, but I can't think of what it is, so I gotta go down to the sand end. That's gonna be hard, too. Is there a movie called Thousand? Streisand? Streisand?

No. I think it's a dead end, dude. Somebody in the audience disagrees. I got one. You do? Yeah. All right, so I'm out. So the Sandalot-like love and other drugstore cowboys

and aliens versus Predatora torambo thing girl interrupted. God, I'm starting to wish I was good at this game instead of funny. All these years I've been writing jokes, I could have just done that. That would be... Wow. Alright.

Big J. Fuck. What's up, son? You got anything that ends in sand or begins in rupted? Ain't got shit. Interrupted. Fuck, I don't got anything. You see anything?

No. What was yours yours everybody be quiet everybody quiet down wait i don't know if this is legal what it probably is in let's hear all the sand a lot was no no racist uh what is it we established that already It ends with Girls Interrupted What about the movie Ed? Girls Interrupted Eddie Eddie was a movie with Whoopi Goldberg It's a basketball movie Girl Interrupted

God damn it it's a movie You workshopped that with the whole crowd I was stuttering Eddie Interrupt Teddy. Larry Johnson was in it. Whoopi Goldberg. Shit.

That was her last great movie. All right. So we're back to Sean then. Wow. Son. Is it distracting if I talk to you while you're doing this? You got anything?

Is this helping? How about Teddy got tinkered? I know there's something. The Sandalot-like love and other drugstore cowboys and aliens versus Predadora Tor Rambo. Did I already fuck it up? No. Rambo, Fingirl, Interrupted, The Evening at the Roxbury. I know that's not it, but I tried.

I got nothing. I got nothing. Oh, you started saying the whole thing thinking something might come to you by the time you got to the end of it? It's a good strategy. I thought it would work and it didn't. Honestly, I feel like Eddie and the Roxbury or whatever the fuck. I feel like that makes sense.

Eddie and the Cruisers. God damn it. Oh my God. A voice, just the gentlest and sweetest voice came out of the darkness and saved the day. Probably the first time yelling Eddie and the Cruisers has ever been useful. Maybe it's an answer in Trivial Pursuit.

I'm going to be a gentleman and give that one to Jay because I did not get that on my own. So I think, yeah, I think that's right. All right. Is there anything, anybody think of anything, audience included, that starts with the word cruisers? That's a tough one, right? Because you can't even use the last syllable, really.

What starts in zers? Cruisers. Yeah, I don't think there is. I think that's a stopper. So let's call this one complete. I'll read the whole thing. Sandalot, like,

like love and other drugstore cowboys and aliens versus predatora, tora, torambo, finger, finger, I'll interrupt Eddie and the cruisers. Finger... Finger... Interrupted and the cruisers.

Very nice. Was it good? Proud of that build-a-title right there. Very nice. I'm going to label this episode Mumbled Mouth Mess. Holy shit.

How late can everybody stay? We started a few minutes late, right? Okay. Just want to make sure we don't overdo it. I'm so glad to be back here at this particular club. The crowds here are so great.

Woo! Goddamn right. Oh, so this beer got delivered to me. I didn't ask for a beer, so do you want it, Jay? Sure. There you go. Thank you. Enjoy that.

I'm having this. This used to be a vodka tonic, but the ice is now melted, and it's probably just going to be, just taste like water. I can't wait. You should be in sales. It's funny you should mention that, because Fiji water is a proud sponsor of Douglas Movies.

What do you say we do some Leonard Maltin games? I say. Let's do it! Oh, shit. We need these funny, funny gentlemen on the stage to... Oh, my goodness. That is crazy.

He's got a woof monkey on his thing. Yeah, just go out there and grab the one you want, Sean. Jeff, right over there. Same for you. There's one that's blinking over there. There's some big ones ones Wait, wait, wait Anthony just grabbed one Everybody quit talking

Everybody in the crowd, calm down What? Somebody's got a boombox And they're playing the Peter Gabriel song? That one That one In your eyes. Go get it. Or bring it up here.

Yeah, you're gonna get a whole laptop out of this deal. That's pretty sweet. I can replace that with the one that got stolen from me last night. Yeah, Sean got his laptop stolen, you guys. So go to Sean Jordan on Twitter and say, that's too bad, buddy.

And then send me $5 each person. Can you send money over Twitter? You can give it a shot and we'll figure out a way. I recognize what you picked out there. I didn't want to take his iPad. I just took the name from the bottom of the iPad. Oh, okay. With me drinking up here.

We had a little accident with water earlier. Us drinking up here. So what's his name then? Garrett. Garrett. All right, Garrett. Boom. Nice.

Nice tribute to Say Anything. And then he goes, what are you talking about? I just thought playing that song in a boombox would be a great way to get attention. It's from a movie? You got a trench coat on? Oh, do you have the whole outfit on? No. Fuck this.

I think what you like to do is lie to people, I think, is what we established out of that. No! I of that. No! I like that. Like those commercials with Patrick Stewart where he says, get in your car and

go. Or is that Ian Mc... It matters. There's no way to find out. Who are you playing for, Anthony? I saw this girl in the front row, Erin Howden. Is that how you pronounce it? I was like, oh, a recent

graduate. She gave me her diploma. I was like, oh, Portland State University. I'm like, a girl who just graduated. And then it says June 2009. How long have you been dragging this around trying to get shit? It's a film degree. Okay.

So I guess this is the only time this would pay off. See, I'll play for her. That's why she has the pocket copy. Yeah. Because you never know if she saw anything remotely related to show business. Yeah, it's not even really centered. She'll just whip it out.

I know how to do this. That's what she'd say to them. How to do art? If she saw somebody making something. Like a podcast. She's just showing off. Pick somebody else. So who do you have?

I got Jeff. Sean picked Jeff. Wow, that's a big one. Like the flamboyancy of the size. Is that a word? What are each of those buttons? What's on them? They're $100 poker chips, it looks like,

but then they're studded with gems. Yeah, you could really land a play with that sign. The casino that we do not speak of. Maybe it's Poe Kim. Yeah, anyway, I just liked how it caught my eye. All right. Well, hold that in a way that I can always see that it says Jeff. Jay, hold this in a way that I can always see that it says Jeff. Jay, hold this in a way that I can always see that it says Jeff.

Your arm's going to get so tired. Yeah, just put it. Maybe put it on the ground in a way that I could see part of it anyway. I'll remember if I just see F or J. I was wanting a partition between me and Jay anyway. Oh, that's good. Yeah, keep everything going on there a secret. Yeah, my IMDb over here is going to be a secret.

This is like a real game show now. No, I'm not looking at IMDb. What's that movie again? Let's go. I'll take Bachelor No. 1. Everyone listening at home, just imagine what that would look like. And then you'd get it. That ain't going to stay there. Trying to help him through it.

Oh, there you go. That's a good'd get it. That ain't going to stay there. Trying to help him through it. Oh, there you go. That's a good place for it. We'll just look down at the ground whenever it's your turn. I want to mention Jeff. Anthony and I were reminiscing about how many recaps I did during the Drunken Baltimore episode.

It was a lot. I'm going to try to give a normal amount of recaps here tonight well pace yourself buddy that would have came in handy like two hours ago it was a sleeper it was a sleeper. It was a sleeper, that one. All right, here we go.

Who should we have start us off? Let's have... I don't know how to pick. Anthony's usually a cheerful starting point. So let's start with Jay. I feel like I usually start it. I always sit in the seat. Okay, they voted for each other.

Sean, what do you vote for? You're the deciding vote. Unless you vote for yourself. Yeah, start with Anthony. Well, no, start with Anthony. I already said it. Okay. Let's do it.

Here we go. Anthony, would you like Best Picture Losers? That's movies that were nominated for Best Picture and then lost. Or would you like No Picture Losers that's movies that were nominated for Best Picture and then lost or would you like No She Didn't that's movies that have one of the words in the title is a

contraction you know like Didn't and then Down Under, that's movies that have either down or under in the title. Nothing to do with Down Under as an expression. Is that it? I'd like to give a shout out to everyone Down Under.

Yes? I'm going to do the first one, the Oscar Best Picture Losers. This movie is nominated for Best Picture and Lost. Audience, if you happen to know an answer, don't yell it out. Or even guess the wrong answer. No helping the players on stage who are playing for Aaron, Garrett, and Jeff.

Wake up. That's recap number one. Leonard gives this movie that got nominated for Best Picture and didn't win four stars. The year is 1939. Good luck, buddy. Oh, no, she didn't.

Leonard says of this movie, he says that it is spirited, oh no she didn't Leonard says of this movie he says that it is spirited and he says that he says oh that's gonna give it away

oh he says it had a pair of sequels alright so, he says it had a pair of sequels. All right, so it's spirited, had a pair of sequels, was nominated for Best Picture, didn't win, four stars, 1939, and they list ten names. How many names do you think you can get it in? Anthony, Jessel, Nick. I'm going to say ten names.

What the fuck else? Strong opening bit. Let's go to Big J. Name it. Fuck him. He's going to get the top build. I don't give a fuck. It's 1939. Right into my trap, you fat motherfucker.

Why would you call Sean fat? You didn't call Sean fat. I take that back. It's a softer, nicer answer. So, in the essence of time, Anthony gets the point. Now, the next. What? What?

He won't get it. All ten names? Try it. There's a chance he might not get it. Try it. I'm going to try it, but I'm telling you. If he doesn't, I get two. Here, I tell you what.

Say it as soon as you know it, Anthony. Just tell you what. Say it as soon as you know it, Anthony. Just jump right in and say it as soon as you know it. The tenth name listed, The Singer Midgets. Okay, just jump right in. Clara Bardic was in this movie.

Okay. Charlie Grapewath. Grapewith. All dead. Margaret Hamilton was in this movie. Billy Burke. Frank Morgan. Jack Haley., Jack Haley.

Spell Haley. H-A-L-E-Y. Burt Lahr. Roy Bolger. What year was it again? 1939. 1939. And Judy Garland.

Okay. Were the 10 stars of... And what did Leonard Maltin say about it again? He said it was pirated and it had two sequels, which is a terrible clue. That's why I picked it. It's embarrassing to even say it at this point,

but Wizard of Oz. Yeah, you really didn't know it until all of that? I knew it the whole time. I wanted to embarrass this guy. Oh, okay. Well done. Thank you. One point. I think you really proved your point.

Sorry, Garrett. Maybe after this, you can make a movie about me. It's all about how somebody let her down. Yeah. But then I was a guest on your podcast. Oh, that turned it around. I see. I didn't know there was a backstory.

I thought the story started here. I thought you were meeting cute right here on my podcast. You've been watching a lot of Alan McBeal, huh? You know I got the... What channel would that be on? Which one? Own.

Own? The Oprah one. You know I got Own hooked Own. You know I got own hooked up. One lifetime. One lifetime. Okay. We've got to keep the game going, you guys. Shut up for just a second. Let me handle this.

That's my impression of Mark Wahlberg in The Happening. Shut up, shut up, just let me think. Just everybody give me a second to think. God, why won't you let me think? Okay, it's the trees. Okay, so... Which ones did I just do? Okay, I got this.

I don't want to play one that we played in the first show tonight, because you guys would know the answer, so I had to skip over that. Horror movies, because of course it's coctober so horror movies a new category i'm very excited about called edgar hasn't seen it which is films that edgar wright has not seen and he's seen most movies so that's a lot of fun and then in theaters now which of course is a movie that's in more than a thousand theaters right now. This is on me.

And we're starting with, wait, what happened last round? This is on you. This is on me? Who got left out in the last round? You said name it. Sean got left out. Since you challenged him, it comes back at you. So it goes Sean and then

Jay and then Anthony. Horror movies. Here we go. You pick horror movies? I picked horror movies. Okay. This horror movie is from 2008. And this is what Leonard Maltin has to say about it. He says it's a two star movie.

So that's not good. I can't agree or disagree, because speaking of people not having seen something, I have not seen this. That's a little bit of a clue, maybe not. He says about this movie... Somebody's got the giggles over there. It's very, very distracting.

He says about this movie that it is not terribly scary. And, oh my god, the very last two words of the review. It's pointless. Snap. And three names are listed.

Three names? Three names of this 2008 horror film celebrating the month of Cocktober. How many... What just happened? Somebody knocked a drink over? Yeah. Cocktober knocked it over. That's a good rhyme. Cocktober knocked it over.

Cocktober's dick sweeping through just knocking everything over. How many do you think you get in there, buddy? I'm going to go ahead and say three. Okay, and we go to Jay. Two. What does Anthony do with this? Does he go down to one or zero names.

I know what the movie is. Oh, you do? This is exciting. So you got a bid. No, I changed my mind. What did you say? I said two. I'm going to say name that movie.

Alright. Who got the point in the first round? You did? I did. So this is for the first round? You did? I did. So this is for the win if he doesn't get this. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. I can't help you now.

How many names does he get? Okay. Here you go. Do you want to hear the clues again? No. I like the way you play. Your two names are Glenn Howerton and Scott Speedman.

People know it. People know it. Don't say it. Good. Fuck. It's not called fuck. Yeah, please, sir. Only the words in the title.

God. It's not God either. I have no idea, so I'm just going to guess. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah. No idea? I don't. But a guess. If he doesn't get it, who gets to guess to get the idea? I don't. But a guess.

If he doesn't get it, who gets to guess to get the points? Nobody. If he missed it, you win. Oh, okay. That's that. And I've let Garrett down. I know what it is, by the way. Do you?

Yeah. Shall I go? Yes. I was going to guess paranormal activity, but because everyone's silent, I'm pretty sure that's not it now. Can I say what I think it is? Even though I went already, I want to say The Strangers.

Is that it? That's correct. Sorry, Garrett. That was an honorable way to win. That was an honorable win, I think, to take it down that way. Quite honorable. Yeah. Maybe the only honorable way. Much better than was an honorable win, I think, to take it down that way. Quite honorable. Maybe the only honorable way.

Much better than Predators and Prey. It's no sand a lot. I'm leaning for the glory. You play your little Ratboy games. Ratboy games! You two just go get naked I feel like the credits are rolling on this show right now

I feel like everyone's like well that's pretty much it right why are they talking like they have more to say but we do have a little bit more to say if you guys don't mind hanging out for another second or two sure just the nicest

crowds in Portland. I love it. I want to do more of these here. Yeah. There we go. But in the meantime, I'll be at and then read off a bunch of cities. I really did write down a bunch of stuff but it just doesn't feel right

at this time. I'll slip it in some other time. Oh, I forgot to mention on the movies Edgar hasn't seen category, the reason I brought that up is because he's going to do a season, they call it, it's going to be seven or eight,

ten nights of he's going to program the or eight, ten nights of he's going to program the new Beverly Cinema in Los Angeles. It's going to be in December. Who? Edgar Wright. Oh, okay. I'm not doing that.

You don't have to do it. Some celebration. Let's see who she's calling a shithead. Is she right on the back? I won. Give her the prize. I don't care who she she's calling a shithead. Is she right on the back? I won. Oh, give her the prize. I don't care who she wants to call a shithead. She won the prize.

So just give her this. I got to say, clap for the winner. How about that? How about we all clap for the winner? Congrats, Aaron. Such a gentleman. We've got to figure out who Jeff and Garrett want me to call shitheads. So let's see if they write it down.

Yes, Jeff wrote it down. Oh, nice. Nicely done. I have to go to the bathroom so bad. Join the club. How's it going, guys? We chilling? I was staring at this name. I think it says...

I hope I get it right. And what's that one? Who gave you that one? My girl. Oh, okay. But she doesn't get you one, so she doesn't get the name one. She gets one. No, she doesn't. You want me to make

an exception for her? She gets one. Okay. Alright, I gotta stack these up in order. I think it'll be fun. Let's get three new ones. No, these are great. You say that right now. These are great. These are perfect.

Let's thank all the guests, you you guys let's thank everybody that's here thank you thank you guys let's have just one thank you for Anthony everybody give it up for Anthony Anthony what why do you have to wallow in it what do you have coming up Anthony Anthony. Anthony, what...

Why do you have to wallow in it? What do you have coming up, Anthony? What do you have coming up that, you know, you want people to come see you? You're at this very club this weekend. I'll be here this weekend. I'll be in Atlanta next weekend. Check out my website.

Google my name. If you get close, they'll help you out. Yeah, how much can people fuck up Jesselnik and still get to you? Like, if I tap in Jiggle Rock, you'll get it? Jiggle Rock? Yeah, you get

the J out there. They know who you mean. Okay. You're the first thing that comes up when you type J. Honestly, if you even hit control. As soon as you start to look for something, it just comes up. This is who you want. Yeah. We knew you were

looking for him. A lot of viruses. Who's not looking for this guy? Big Irish J, what do you got coming up? Parlor Live this weekend with Jim Brewer and then a couple weeks I'm going down to San Francisco to host Warrior Dash What is that? It's a bunch of fucking people

in much better shape than me running through every obstacle while I just talk shit So it's like biggest loser hit him in the face go fuck yourself. I'm amazing at this. It's really your humility that shines, I think.

Who the fuck needs humility? I hope this has a Twizzler ending. What do you got to plug there, Sean? We're doing a show at the Hollywood Theater here in Portland on October 27th with Moshe Kastur and Ron Funches. Nice. Oh, very nice. Ian Carmel and Shane Torres will be there too.

So yeah, that'll be dope. That's an excellent lineup. That's going to be terrific. It is. It is going to be a good time. Did I sound sincere? You sound like you work for NPR. Yeah.

That sounds really special. I'll be at Zany's in Chicago on October 15th at 420. I don't know the significance of that number. I'll be at the Columbus Funny Bone in Ohio, also at 4.20. I don't know why all these shows are 4.20. On October 16th at 8 o'clock. That's a better time than October 17th. Those will be with a gentleman named Dan Gabriel.

He's very funny. He's been on the podcast before and I'll be taping Douglas movies and Benson Interruption on Sunday, October 23rd at the Gramercy Theater, the beautiful old fashioned Gramercy Theater in New York City

you just look up at the ceiling when you come in it just it just pulls your mind, oh shit easy on Jeff. Name tags fell off my lap. And Douglas Movies Live in Portland is still available for $2 on iTunes. The first time I was here with

Big Irish Jay, Sean Jay, and TJ Miller. Only people with Jay, right? Juzzle Nick? Shut up. That's funny. Oh, Dave Anderson was on. He doesn't have a J in his name.

And, oh, my 421 show, 42112 show at Wow Hall in Eugene, Oregon is on sale. It goes on sale starting today at 10 a.m. That is some advanced motherfucking tickets

for my show on April 21st. But it's a new tradition. Last year I did a show there on the 21st. I said I'm coming back every year on the day after April 20th. And so I'll be out there for that. Oh, check out fucking Santa Claus over here. What?

Made sense. What? I keep playing to the balcony. I keep thinking there's a balcony. There's no balcony. And people at the balcony would enjoy you saying check out Santa Claus?

They'd laugh their asses off. That's the interesting approach to stuff that doesn't work. Oh, the people who would have liked that one weren't there. That empty section would have been where those people are. Yeah. They won't even let

those people in. I love it. Alright, so the shithead that doesn't count is Jeff Goldblum. And then that's his bonus. That's a bonus shithead. It's a too legit to quit head. And then

the next shithead is oh, sorry, I should give the proper cue so we get the closing music. As always, Rick Emerson is a shithead. And people who hate John Stamos are a shithead yeah

now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie, Eyes of Gold is viewing prowess makes him cocky there's no room in his heart for you cause Doug loves movies