Doug Loves Movies - Anthony Jeselnik, Wayne Federman, Kyle Kinane, and Big Irish Jay Hollingsworth Guest

Episode Date: September 4, 2011

Day two of Bumbershoot! Doug welcomes comedians Anthony Jeselnik, Wayne Federman, Kyle Kinane, and Big Irish Jay Hollingsworth to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, greedy babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies! This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from day two of Bumbershoot, the music and arts festival in Seattle, Washington. We're in the Bagley Wright Theater, away from the heat or the cold, depending on how the day turns out. Oh, I wrote this a couple days ago.

It's Sunday, September 4th, 2 Oceans 11, and as usual, I'm having a great time here at Bumbershoot. But I realized something yesterday when we were doing the show here, that there's some folks that might come into this theater. It just says Doug Loves Movies, a comedy show. So there's some people who may come in because they're fans of mine, or they may just come in just to see some comedy. So don't say boo. They're perfectly nice people. But yesterday when we were playing the Leonard Maltin game,

I was like, there's some people out there that look like they have no idea what's happening right now. And they're not sure. They don't know if they got into the right show. So let me just ask first how applaud if you've never heard my podcast doug loves movies wow there's even one in the front row you got here early for something you have no idea what's gonna happen well that's great so that's so there's a smattering and uh you know maybe some up in the balcony. But I think you'll have a good time nonetheless. Let's see your... Did you guys bring name tags?

See, this is the part that really freaks out the people that have never been. They're like, what? We're supposed to bring something with our name on it? It's not too late. Find something. Scribble your name on it. Wow, is that Dan that's illuminated back there? That's a, that one's going to catch an eye or two. And then there's some with my face on it. The guy's got a Hulk fist over here. That's always good. Is your

name Hulk? Did you write your name on the knuckles? What does it say? Neil. All right. Caleb has a big green sign. So I see that. Oh, here's some movie posters over here. Who's your cat? He was here yesterday. Good luck again. And Bratz again. Okay.

Good luck to both of you. You didn't decide to rethink it after I told you yesterday you wouldn't get picked? Okay, you added stuff to it. Good job. Doesn't make a difference to me. What's this thing you have here? Could you pass it up to me? Look at this.

It's a tongue depressor with eyes and a mustache and a tie, because you don't want him to be naked. And a little flag that says Kevin. That is adorable. I use the word adorable

too much. And you've got a cute one too? Well, good luck to everybody. I don't decide. Oh, you've got the same thing as Kevin, but this is the girl version. Does the girl version have a tie on too? Oh, okay. Yeah, so good luck to everybody. I don't pick the name tags.

The guests pick the name tags, so it's going to be up to them. Let's go ahead and get to it, right? What do you think? Let's get these fantastic guests out here. Today, my guests are comics who came here to Bumbershoot from New York, Los Angeles, and right here in the Seattle area. Please welcome to the stage Big Irish Jay Hollingsworth,

Wayne Fetterman, Kyle Kinane, and Anthony Jeselnik. Thank you. We nailed that intro. That was for me. That applause was just for me. Yeah, I bring everybody out at the same time so they're not embarrassed that Wayne Fetterman's got all the heat.

And that they're just a bunch of other dudes. It's Wayne Fetterman and some other dudes today. Now, Wayne yesterday came out here, and I thought you'd be a great deal of help to Rory Scoville. I would not help, I am. The weird thing is, like, I've never won that game, and I consider myself very knowledgeable in movies, and I just, I freeze. I just totally freeze. Well, also, it's just, you know, like, you knew a Muppet movie

because you were standing backstage listening, and you're like, oh, that's a Muppet movie. It's like something about that extra pressure that makes it hard to come up with it sometimes. Yeah, it's surprising. I would pick show business as a career. Well, it's not like you have to go out there and think of an act as soon as you get out there. That's true.

You don't have to dream it up as you go. You get to prepare. So it makes it a little... This game is tricky because it just has to be something that has to fall into your wheelhouse. Like the first time Anthony played it, he knocked it out of the park because the subject was disaster movies. And he just from the year and little description, he just knew exactly what it was. And it's a great, great story. This whole conversation gives me a whole new respect for for audiences. That they'll come out for anything?

With their tummy depressors wearing ties? I can't believe nobody threw anything. Well, there's still plenty of time. Now, Big Jay, is it fair to say that you're a local favorite? Is that a good way to describe you?

We'll wait until the game's over to see if I'm a favorite. I'm local. I qualify as that. Well, you're one of my favorites because he's the house emcee at Parlor Live out in Bellevue. And he does this thing that he learned from his years of martial arts training called a one-inch punch. And he did it to a couple of my guests. punch, and he did it to a couple of my guests, because I threw out the idea that you could get an extra point in the Leonard Mullen game if you let Big Irish J punch you from one inch away. And I heard rumblings backstage that some of the guests tonight might want to try it.

I've lived through a three-inch punch, and I suck at this goddamn game, so... So maybe we should just... Unless all the questions are about Big Trouble and Little China, which I watched a few nights ago. I'm going to have to get my ass kicked to get a leg up on this. Big T and Little C, that's what you call it when you know the film. All right, let me ask you a question about Big T, Little C. That's what you call it when you know the film. All right, let me ask you a question about Big T, Little C. What horrible actress who went on to appear on Sex and the City?

Kim Cattrall. Done. Done. You got it nailed. Where's Normsy tonight? Oh, there you are. He also wants to contribute a prize tonight. Normsy is from Spokane, and he comes to Bumbershoot.

That's the guy that tweeted that I went 20 minutes over on my last set. I did five over. I did five over. Yeah, give him a break. I read Twitter. I read the fan banter. It was more like 10. It was more like 10. But give him a break. He was drunk. He went to see some bands

today and had some beers and then had to do a show. Yeah, I got do a show. It happens. We all have problems. I had myself a festival. Festival of problems? Yeah. Festival of festival issues. So, Normsy has contributed.

He doesn't drink, so he contributed. Somehow he got his hands on six free beers, redeemable in any beer garden here at the festival. So we're throwing that into the prize package as well. This is an exciting prize package. Now let's talk to my guests for a little bit before we play some games. Kyle. All right, we already talked to you. I'll let you sit it off for a few more minutes.

I'm going to say those beer gardens aren't very well appointed. Garden is not the right word for it. It should be beer area. Beer holding pen. I'm expecting a garden, and I was like, oh, there's grass and a guy throwing up.

How do you think that grass stays so beautiful? Good point, good point. Circle of life. I didn't know you were an expert on what gets thrown up and how it irrigates grass. Those Russian dumplings have to go somewhere, man. Yeah, they do. They do have to go back into the system one way or another.

That's Seattle, man. It's ecological. Seattle. They're not staying in you. So, Kyle, you appeared on the show once in Chicago. I did. And I thought you did great. I don't know why you think you're not good at this, but... Who said that? I mean, you were good at the game, I thought.

You said you weren't good at it. Oh, yeah. I mean, I give a good effort. You know, I... That's all that matters. I try. Have you seen any movies other than Big Trouble in Little China since we did that show in Chicago? I went to two movies at the theater isn't he kind of like little valiant thor you know what i'm talking about thorat thorat what the does that mean he was on the show yesterday and he has a longer beard than Kyle's.

And certainly a lot bigger. I'm envious of his whole thing. Yeah. He had red boots on. It was amazing. And they squeak when he walks. Which is something I look for in a boot. So what were the two movies that you saw in a theater?

I saw that monkey movie. Don't make that joke, Anthony, that you're about to make. Amy beat you to that one by a day. I love underhanding that one out there. That's more like T-ball. That's more like T-ball. Yeah, you really just put it on a stick and said, take a swing at it. I don't get it.

And what was the other one, Kyle? Attack the Block. I saw Attack the Block. Oh, love Attack the Block. Did you love it? I mean, did you love it? It was just a monster movie. Yeah, but it was fun.

Oh, wait, wait. Is that the one with the maids? Yeah, these aliens come down and the maids decide to take care of it. Instead of what would really happen is just like, oh good, our... I almost said owners. Our bosses... I was gonna say their teeth don't really... Our bosses are gonna get killed. This is perfect. Let's just lay low for a while and then rise up. Alright, I'm sorry we had to go there two days in a row. That's not what I'm about.

Wayne Fetterman, help me out here. Yeah, I did see the help. And I saw a documentary called That's All You Have to Say About the Help? I saw a documentary called... That's all you have to say about The Help? I saw it. Say something that's not racist about it. I'm going to say something that's not racist about it. It was a good attempt.

There was incredible acting inside that movie. Viola Davis, she'll get nominated for Best Actress. No doubt about it. She'll probably win. But it was... I didn't know it was fake. I didn't know it was fiction. Like, I didn't know it was fiction.

Oh, you didn't, going into it, you thought, maybe a white girl did change the way we feel. Yeah. As a nation. The white haired,

the white girl with the red ringlets. Right. I know, she was adorable. Named Shecky? What's her name in it? Oh, Spark, no, it's not Sparky. It's something like that. It's I know. She was adorable. Named Shecky? What's her name in it? Oh, Sparky. No, it's

not Sparky. It's something like that. It's Satchel? Scooter. Scooter. Scooter. So Scooter. Scooter Titty is her name. Scooter Titty. Who is still in jail, I think. I think. But anyway, so Scooter, that was a political

joke. There's one person who follows politics in this crowd. So Scooter. Was was a political joke. There's one person who follows politics in this crowd. So Scooter... Was a great political joke. Scooter Titty was actually a good political joke. Relax, Dennis Miller, it's going to be okay. Settle down, hotshot. God, he used to be funny.

Oh, I love that guy. My favorite reference of all time is Buckminster Fuller. Yeah, because all of his references, like, what the fuck did he say? No one knows. I always think of Dennis Miller as the biggest casualty from 9-11. The biggest. More than the 3000 dead how many

the one of the things that what about the losing your right to make a phone call without being tapped oh my god it got real it got real it got real wait are we for or against that what oh that's what happened after 9-11? Yeah, yeah. Those are all casualties of 9-11, people. Yo, my phone conversations are the shit. Like, I'm glad someone's doing that. Yeah, it's kind of, it makes it

exciting that a third party might be listening. Like, they call me back when I order pineapple on a pizza. They go, you don't want that. I'm like, uh-oh. Thank you, government. thanks for stepping in i want pineapple and bacon no no man just to make it let's take a step back 24 7 24 7 i'm the jerky boys like it's great so what's this documentary that you were about it tell us about? It's called The Interrupters. Oh, I heard that's great.

Yeah, I know, and it's about African-American people, and it's not about the movies. It's not about them yelling at the movie? Well, that's what it is. Black people, it's called The Interrupters. It's like, okay, we know what this is going to be about. Is that wrong? Is it about black people at a movie? The most ironic part is seeing that in the theater.

Right. Is Scooter in the dog? So that's what I thought it was, but it's not about that at all. But that is a thing. What is it about, though? I've read a little bit about it, and I still don't get exactly what it's about.

It's the same director who did Hoop Dreams. Correct. And that's a great documentary. And he also followed these guys around for a while. Just one year. Not like the Hoop Dreams. Hoop Dreams was a four year thing. Gang members, right? Ex-gang members who come back and counsel kids. No.

But it's a scared story. That's exactly what it is. Anthony, when are you going to get your mind off of the help? Quit describing the help. The helpers. Yeah, it's about, it's exactly what Anthony said.

It's about a group, it's like ex-gang members who interrupt, it's not about stopping gangs because they can't stop gangs. You can't do it. So it's about interrupting violence right before it happens. So they like step in and like, hey.

Like human shields. In a weird way. To bring it back to Iraq. Wait, wait, can I try real fast? Yeah, go. Hey, gangs. No, you can't do it. Oh, it's black guys, Anthony.

Cut that shit out. We'll find out tomorrow. So we did somewhat good here. It's a good thing nobody has to work tomorrow. We can all find out the news. And then I saw a movie called The Guard. Really? No one? Don Cheadle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's going to be nominated for Best Foreign. Best what? Foreign. That's a category? Best Foreign? But it's not... Foreign language is the category. It's foreign language?

They speak in English, right? Oh, no, it's like weird Irish. Don Cheadle didn't learn another language, did he? Weird Irish. Bro, it is. Oh, I thought it... Is that foreign language? Best foreign film in the Academy Awards is foreign language film.

So it's each country that's not here or the UK contributes... I've only been watching the Oscars for 40 years, so it's... You'll get it. You'll get it eventually. And now they're not doing 10 movies. They've already knocked that off. Oh, thank God. And what they're going to do is they've've already knocked that off. Oh, thank God. What they're going to do is they've had this elaborate system where it might be six movies, it might be seven,

but it's just going to be movies that get a certain number of votes. So it probably won't. It could be as many as 10, but it probably won't. But you know, I heard today that Eddie Murphy might be the guy to ruin the Oscars. Well, the host gets the blame every year, but I think it's a pretty atrocious show no matter who's doing it.

I can't fucking believe that joke didn't get more. Maybe they think Eddie Murphy will be awesome at it. Maybe he'll just interrupt. Wait, is Eddie Murphy hosting the Oscars? Where did you hear that? He's in the help. Wow, nailed it. So, Wayne, the question I wanted to ask you

is... You know what Jack Burton says? Oh, shit. Forget it. Yeah, forget it. Forget it. Yeah. Forget it. You're famous, at least in my podcast world, you're famous for your one-and-out movie roles

where you have one scene, and then you're not. That's your whole part in the picture. Correct. Do you have any of those in the can that you can tell us about? Ooh. What's in your can? Are there any coming up no the only thing is there's going to be a movie I'm going to be in it but it might it is Jeff Garland new movie do you know about this about why don't yeah yeah Jeff Garland call

him is it's about Little League and I think I'm going to play one of the dads of the little leaguer so might be more than a Fetterman and Out. It was a good run though. I went from legally blonde right up to funny people and then that was it. You don't have a one and out in Judd's new movie about being 40? Thanks for rubbing it in. Thank you. You're welcome. Sounds like things are going great, buddy. And Anthony is going to be on a little something called the Charlie Sheen roast on Comedy Central. That's true.

But you can't tell us any of the jokes you're going to say. You know what I could do? I had some jokes. I had written a bunch of stuff. And then I found out you can't make rape jokes about Mike Tyson. Yeah, I heard that when you were on another podcast that was taped right here on this very stage in front of many of these same people.

Yeah, well, I didn't write more of them. So we don't need to hear the same ones again. I can tell you one more that I didn't tell last night. You want me to tell that one? Yes, please. This is a rape joke you can't tell on the show. That I couldn't tell, yeah,

abandoned rape joke. Saddest of all rape jokes. I said Mike Tyson, I said Mike, I said Mike Tyson went to jail and he was the only prisoner in the history of jails to rape a guy who was just there visiting a friend.

Through the glass over a phone. Like, I think he's just wandering around. Oh, God. Interruption. Like I think he's just wandering around Oh god Interruption I thought it was through the little holes in the glass Yeah that's disgusting So how does it work? Does Mike Tyson just like

And no rape jokes? That's my That's my impression of Mike Tyson just like, and no rape jokes. That's my impression of Mike Tyson. No rape jokes. I'll show up, but no rape jokes. Well, if you guys would allow me to throw away my career in the next three minutes, I would love to tell you,

but I will not. Because all the powers that be listen to this podcast. Listen, you don't understand how fucking famous I am No we don't Someone's gonna fucking google That's your license plate on your car Fucking famous

With a couple of letters missing You have to figure it out It's a puzzle Yo I don't have a car I just fucking put my hand up And I didn't even get a cab Somebody just stops. And then, like, that shit you said to the situation was hilarious.

Where you need to go. What's the... Were there any off-limit things with Donald Trump? Was there anything he said you can't say? Here's one thing. People usually say, like, my kids you can't talk about, or this thing, whatever. Something really personal.

Trump was, you couldn't say he had less money than he says he does. Wow. You gotta admire that. People would believe it if it come. You gotta admire him. If you came out and said, yeah, I saw your books, you don't have any money. Everyone would believe it. Donald Trump, you've got $10.

Fucking sue me. I remember when William Shatner was roasted, they told everybody they couldn't talk about the one wife of his that drowned in the pool. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot heavier than don't tell them how much money you think I have.

Yeah. And rape. Tyson and Shatner win on the untouchable subjects. Trump is a pussy. But the one thing no one really knew about his wife drowning

in a pool. It wasn't like a huge thing. Tyson, the fucking second thing you think of is he went to jail for years in the prime of his career for raping a beauty pageant runner-up or winner, depending on how you look at it. No, she was Miss Congeniality. That wasn't a roast joke. That was off the top of my head right here.

Nice. Nicely done. Thank you. Yeah, I just wanted to say, I mean, I wasn't on the roast with William Shatner, but if I was, I would have asked him how much he enjoyed that movie that was out at that time

called Lady in the Water. I know. But it's off limits, so I can't... It was really off limits for me because I wasn't even on the roast. Maybe I can use it. Maybe I could make it, I love that movie,

Raped Lady in the Water. You should do jokes about how everyone on the day has raped people. That's the loophole. Except Mike Tyson. You talk about everyone else being raped. People keep saying that to me as if I haven't fucking tried.

It's a tangled web. I don't even know why is it called a roast? Why is it just called kick me while I'm down? The roast of whoever. It's the worst people. Why do they call it a roast? What are you fucking Jerry Seinfeld's deadbeat brother?

Why do they call it a roast? It's a fucking roast. It's history. Everyone's cool with it. Everyone's cool with it? What is there, a drunk echo in here? Oh, shit. Oh, fuck.

What, is there a drunk echo in here? You guys really are like, we just caught the two of you on stools in a bar. It was a little sober on the ends. So, B.I.J. Yes, sir. What have you seen lately, motion picture wise? I think the last thing I saw was Cowboys and Aliens.

Because I think I was scarred from when me and you went and saw the, what was that? The Fast and Furious. We saw Fast Five together and I kept trying to convince you that a Fast Five is a hand job. And that that's not gay. If your friend needs a release and it only takes five. I did enjoy you trying to convince me, though. It was a fun debate. Spirited.

Furious. But yeah, we sat through that together and then now you saw, what was it cowboys and aliens oh how was i haven't seen that it doesn't look not that great yeah it was uh it pretty much you saw everything you needed to see in the previews it just was it was about an hour longer than it needed to be it was boring bless you jesus are you allergic to cowboys or aliens? Or both What a horrible life that would be I can't go to sci-fi or westerns

And I'm sorry but that's what you sound like It's a very accurate impression It was close to Tyson I will say My Tyson is also my go-to for whenever I do a ladies' voice. That's my voice. Alright, you guys. Should we play a game? Yeah.

Let's do it. Do you want to play Build a Title or Leonard Maltin game? Maltin. Maltin. That's enough votes. Good input Kyle I don't need to hear From everybody

So as you guys May remember From appearances In the past Everybody has name tags They're holding them up Oh there's a water bottle That's a good one

That's cute That one's lit up Over there Yeah just Oh speaking of Being lit up Do we walk out And grab something

Everyone go out And get Yeah go get the name tag you want to play for just pick take it from the person and i heard someone had a baby the other night i see it i see yeah yesterday we had a baby up here see it i say i don't know i'm not saying yes or no i'm walking around light up dan light up so i just, way in the back here. I got you. I see you. I'm looking around. You want a light of Dan, Kyle? Yeah, I want a light of Dan. There you go. Go get that from him. What is that?

I don't know. Oh, it was a trick. He just wrote Dan on a piece of paper and put his phone behind it. It's only to a few people. Goddammit, Dan. Yeah, let's do it. What's your name?

I was going to lose anyway, but now I'm not as upset. I already got this dude. I know. This part is always fun for people to listen to. He did draw a bat with a face. Very creative name tag. Alright, Jolie, come on. Why do you guys pick the shittiest ones?

Can you read it? Why is that creative? That's what I said. He just scribbled Alex on a flyer for... I don't even know what this flyer is for. Something about turning off your cell phone. There you go. My girl Kayla wrote... Oh, that's a nice one.

She wrote, I came in my hat to come see you, and that caught my eye. The hat or the name tag? She's not wearing a hat. Oh, interesting. Wow. Where is that hat? Where's the hat? Where's the hat?

Oh, you're wearing a hat now? Or did I not see the hat? The back of mine says, shithead equals Matt McFarlane. Spoiler alert. Yeah, people write their shitheads on the back for me later if they lose. Oh, is that what it is? Should I hold on to that or do you hold on to it? You can have it.

You should hold it. Wayne has a little school bus that says Julie on it. Yeah. That's because I'm usually seen around school buses. Wayne has a little school bus that says Julie on it. Yeah. Yeah. That's because I'm usually seen around school buses. How did you know that about him, Julie? She knows. She knows. It goes to my website, www.childpredator.gov.

Slash Boy Scout. One word, Boy Scout. No dash. Oh, you should put that in your act. All right. No dash. Oh, you should put that in your act. All right. All right. It is in my act, and you said that knowing that. Just to hurt me.

Just to hurt me. I brought wood monkeys, like I always do. And I'm going to shoot one out into the crowd for some lucky person to catch. Hopefully not with their face. Don't say that. I'm not gonna say what's on the back of Julie's bus thing. You just learned you're not supposed to say that.

Okay, are we supposed to be talking during this? Because it's weird for the people at home. Here comes... Whoop! Whoop! Okay, for those at home, Doug is so high he can't even put it on his finger he can't even manage to get it on oh no he's gonna do it he's he's claiming he can do it

he's talking without a microphone here we go he's aiming he shoots all the way to the third row holy shit fucking willie mays over there Made an amazing catch He jumped up for it That's the kind of guy that pushes his own baby Off the edge of the Ballpark stands just to get to the ball Couldn't hear what you said Stick to catching monkeys Do what you're good at

That's why there's this unemployment problem in this country. Because there's not a lot of work for monkey catchers. What? Okay. Also in the prize bag, in addition to a Woot Monkey, we also have a copy of one of my CDs, Professional Humoridian. We've got Anthony Jeselnik's CD, Shakespeare. It's kind of a rip-off, because he just reads Shakespeare's sonnets.

But my timing is fucking ridiculous. And you narrowed it down to just the ones about rape, so that's... That's a lot of them, if you really dig. Wayne works on the Late Night with Jimmy Fallon program. So he brought a t-shirt. Yeah, two years ago. Why do you still have this? I don't know.

Just in case? It was just left over. It was left over. Oh, okay. You just have a basement full of shirts. You invite the ladies over. Do you want to meet Jimmy Fallon's shirt? It works.

If you're going to go to the gym and you don't mind being laughed at, it's perfect. I'm family. Yeah, Anthony worked on the show as well, so he can say that. But you guys quit, so it's kind of mean. Normsy brought some Some beer tickets I already talked about that And then yesterday I lost the prizes

That Rory Scoville Brought And then we found them today So Those are my prizes now Yeah So those represent Kyle's prizes

Two VIP passes for It says Sunday on them Wow I swear That's probably the best them drummed up anyway I was backstage talking to somebody about it like oh yeah I'll just give him out today this is perfect all right so guys Wiz Khalifa's playing in like an hour and a half does anybody want to run outside without getting a hand stamp and then need to get back in? Because this will come in handy. Really? You need one, really? For today? Nobody needs those. Oh, yeah, you could still probably get in

to see Wiz with this. Oh, okay, well, I'll keep it in the prize package then. Yeah, yeah, okay. I thought it meant, like, admission to the place, so that would be funny to give that to people that are already here but since you can still go stand in a VIP section for Wiz Khalifa I wonder if they change What is a Wiz Khalifa?

Wiz Khalifa's from Pittsburgh He's one of the best young rappers alive Fucking recognize But I'm still gonna see the kills Wiz Khalifa's from Pittsburgh. He's one of the best young rappers alive. Fucking recognize. But I'm still going to see the kills. Oh, good reference drop. And Wayne also brought this. What is this, Wayne?

It's a notebook. Oh, from the movie? Yeah. From the film of the same name? Very clever. It's called a Moleskine. It's a famous notebook that Hemingway used. Hemingway, Picasso, you.

Exactly. You don't know what that is? You don't know what a moleskine is? You've never used one? I always use moleskine condoms. Oh, okay. That has the extra thing that wraps around it like that? It's a moleskin humor.

This is very precise. But there is an extra little band that keeps it quiet. Yeah, you wrap it around. Yeah, yeah. Guys, these are all jokes that Hemingway did. These are all jokes that Hemingway did. And Irish J brought two tickets to attend a show. How limited is the rules on this thing? Is it pretty open?

They can go to pretty much any show? Whenever you want. Any show at Parlor Live over in Bellevue. And whoever wins this might be able to use it sometime early next year. I'm going to try to come back and do another Doug Loves Movies from there. Because I like that place. Yeah, so. All right, so that's all the stuff that you can win with the Leonard Maltin game today. Good luck to the people who got their name tags chosen.

And let's go ahead and play. Let's play. Yeah. Let's do it. We'll start down there with BJ. Thank you. BJ and his fast J's And furious When we

I heard they were furious Do you guys want to get your one point For one inch punches right now Or do you want to wait until you think you need a point? You can't get it once you already have one point, because then that would just make you the winner. Go ahead. I'll wait until I need it.

Okay. I have a question about the one-inch. Anthony, do you want to just go ahead and get a point right now? Which is right now. I'll wait. I have a question about the one-inch punch. Yes. Do you do metric conversion?

No, my question is, where is it punched? Where do you punch? Anywhere? It can be anywhere you want, but usually I do it in the stomach. Okay, I have a weak stomach. Can't take a charley horse? Yeah, I was thinking a shoulder or something like that. Would you do that?

My hand's too big for the shoulder. You feel the shoulder. Yeah, it's too... My hands are going to slip off. What? Your shoulder's too small. Okay, so I have a feminine shoulder. Is this what you're telling me?

Sit down, small shoulders. I've never been told that. Your hand will slip off. Could it be that your hand is just too heavy? Is that a fat joke? No. Goddamn you. No.

Stop talking. You're going to get real fucked up. It's about to be a two foot punch. He would never make a fat joke about you. You're too ham-fisted. It wasn't a fat joke. It was just a big hand joke. Fast and the Furious.

Also, I forgot. there's two coupons for there's a czar. You can get something called czar. Is that how you'd pronounce that? Czar? Yeah, yeah. It's the place you go, who gives a fuck? And you can get a pelmeni dumpling. Oh, fuck. Rory really talked these up last night

and I'd lost them, so. Anthony, I think you missed your calling in advertisement. I actually do a lot of advertising. Motivational speaker? Not so much. So this place, if you want to go here, if you're in the area, it's 3516 Fremont Place North

to get a beef or potato pelmeni dumpling. I want both. I want a beef and a potato. Wow. Maybe someone here is about to go on a honeymoon. Spice up the bedroom. Literally.

Spice up the bathroom. Spice up your life. Going to that Spice Girls song. Okay, so... We'll start down there with Jay you get to pick a category would you like the Dan Peck show on Twitter suggested

since we're in Seattle suggested Starbucks and so that category is movies that have the word star or buck in the title today is dr. Drew Pinsky's birthday so films that feature a cameo by dr. Drew Pinsky they exist I found one and then at Chris Chris peers P I ers he suggested weak movies which is not movies that are not very good, but movies that have a day of the week in the title.

So it's Star or Buck, Drew Pinsky, or Week Movies. Week Movies. Which would you like? Week Movies. Week Movies. Everybody's thinking of some now. I love that movie, Thursday Night Fever. All I'm thinking is this game already sucks.

It already sucks? Yeah. It's your turn soon. Are you okay, Anthony? Everything alright? I'm not. Things are... He doesn't know how to process joy, so it's different. There's too much happiness in the room for him. He's really...

Joy's are thin shoulders. He can't handle it. Seriously, guys, things have been really tough at home with my second family. That's a great fucking joke. Here's another. That's great. I didn't know you could be funny.

Here's another. That's great. I didn't know you could be funny. This is like a mini roast. That one wasn't so good, but give me a minute. All right, Jay. This movie has a day of the week in the title. It's from 2004. three stars from Leonard. That's fairly accurate, I think. He says that the movie has expected cliches. Expected ones.

And he also says it's based on a highly regarded book. And it's from 2004, three stars. If you're in the audience and you think you know the answer, don't blurt it out, no matter how drunk you are. If you just came from the beer garden, try to be quiet. And there are ten names. How many names do you think you can get it in? Five. Jay says five names.

Strong, cut it in half, opening bid. Four. Okay okay small shoulders these are small shoulders ss bits four then we go to uh beardy drunky guy it's kyle kyle oh kyle kyle thank you but i'm high I think everyone's drunk and has a beard. Do it in four, because I'm ready to take a punch.

Alright, let's do it. He says, name that movie, Wayne, and so... I don't even think I need the names. What? Holy shit. What kind of... Why didn't you just bid zero names then? Because I wanted to see what Drunky was gonna do. Alright, alright, okay. No, I didn't. I bid zero names then? Because I wanted to see what Drunky was going to do. All right, all right, okay. No, I didn't.

I don't know. All right. Should I just go? I can give you the names anyway, or you can show off. Wait, wait, can I do it? I've got so much faith in what Wayne's about to say. I really believe Wayne's about to nail it. Can I somehow jump on board?

Bet over him? And get half a point for just doubling down on him. Yeah. No, you can get a whole point for taking a one inch punch. Maybe later. Wayne, just to save some time,

go ahead and say it. Tuesdays with Maury. That's incorrect. That's a TV movie, first of all. Can I just guess? I think I got a guess. Second of all, that was a TV movie.

Doug doesn't love TV movies, except for Brian's song and the one with the Zuni fetish doll. What about the killers? What about the killers? What does that have to do with anything? That was a TV movie that got released theatrically, too. Oh, okay, so that happened once.

I didn't think it would. I know it's a TV movie. Thanks for coming by, small-shouldered loophole finder. You're going to have so many nicknames before you get out of here. I got a guess. Hey, check out Johnny Nicknames over here.

You do want to guess? Yeah, it doesn't matter either way. It doesn't matter. Kyle got the point. Good for you, Kyle. Is it? Yeah. Welcome back.

Is it Any Given Sunday? No. All right. I mean, you can just sit here and guess movies with the day of the week in it. Any Given Sunday wasn't a book. It wasn't even a script. Can I give him a one-inch punch now? You want to give me a one-inch punch?

You might be able to in a second. Let's just tell everybody that's excited to hear what the actual answer is. Does anybody in the audience think they know it? Friday Night Lights is correct. That's what I meant. Friday Night Lights. Football. Which I like to pronounce Friday Night Lights, and it That's what I meant. Friday Night Lights. Football.

Which I like to pronounce Friday Night Lights, and it sounds like it's about children that are afraid to go to sleep in the dark on the weekends. All right. Now it's time to start with you, Anthony. Then we'll be heading back the other way over to Kyle and Wayne and Jay. And you get to pick a category, Anthony. Then we'll be heading back the other way over to Kyle and Wayne and Jay. And you get to pick a category,

Anthony. Would you like, it's Labor Day Weekend, according to at WestProVideo on Twitter. I'll have to take his word for it. Or hers. Could be a lady named WestProVideo. And so, for Labor Day Weekend, movies with pregnancy

involved. Movies that have a pregnant person. And then summer blockbusters. That's blockbuster movies that came out during a summer. And then Leg Quiz Mo. Leg Quiz Amo. It's movies with either Leg, Quiz, or Mo in the title. Which one of those would you like Anthony or which

one do you you know I like the one you understand I'd like you to stop wasting my time and give me the fucking babies the pregnant one whatever do you want to get a point first by getting a one-inch punch first by getting a one-inch punch? Yeah. Here we go. Here we go. It's happening. It's happening. Here we go.

Yeah. Maybe you should put down that expensive microphone. All right. here we go. He's coming in. He gets one inch away and still manages... Oh! Oh, no, you didn't. Oh, wow.

Two points. That's not usually how it goes. That's not how the one-inch punch works. Yeah, that was also a really terrible face slap He didn't take into account how far away his face was from you Did you half watch wrestling growing up? What happened there? I felt like that was a

I mean It's hard because we're not dating Wayne Fetterman Because we're not dating. Wayne Fetterman, would you like a one-inch punch? Would I? Yeah. Not in the stomach, but in the shoulder. In the skinny shoulder.

Or what about... The shoulder's too minuscule. Right up here, like chest area. I don't want to give him a heart attack. That would give him a heart attack? Doug, would you like a one-inch punch? I don't need to get points. Come on, Kyle. Let's do it.

Oh, yeah. Well, now he's just showing off because he can't win by getting a punch. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. What is the point of this? This is retarded. You didn't wait at all.

Kyle got hurt. Kyle is hurt. You didn't wait at all. Don't puke. Fucking bullshit. You didn't even give is hurt. Don't puke. Fucking bullshit. You didn't even give me a chance to work it up. Jesus Christ. You didn't even give me a chance to drum up

some interest. I was trying to grab your attention. He is bad at building. Jay always doesn't build the drama. He just gets right to it. Everything's soft. You hit everything soft. Oh my god. First of all, I think that was more than an inch. When you told me you would do these things

on this show, I was like, why? And now I know. That was amazing. Stop being a big bitch, Jizzle Nick. I'm the bitch, but you're the one who gets punched in the stomach. For no reason. Like a goddamn man. Say... Say what you want about Kyle,

but massive shoulders. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm getting hammered here. But, Kyle, it doesn't hurt anymore, right? Nah. No, no.

Okay. It's a brief... I think I, okay. It's a brief... I think I'm bleeding. It's a brief pain. You'll be shitting blood later. It's a brief pain, and I'm sorry that I enjoy that so much. I was going to be shitting blood later anyway. It's Sunday already?

Russian dumplings and 20 beers. That's all it takes, huh? All right, you guys. The category is pregnant ladies in movies. Or like a scene where a birth scene, you know, something about pregnancy.

One and a half stars from Leonard for this movie from 2007. He says it's the story of a mystery man. Yeah, that's a great clue. And he says, despite the efforts of the stunning cast, this sleazy film leaves a bad aftertaste. Yeah, and it involves pregnancy.

2006. No, it's from 2007. or was that your guess or is that how many names you think you can get it it's not that's not far off all right so you get seven nine names so start the bidding Anthony I'm gonna say five names right on Kyle you still awake huh my god he's in shock he's in shock he's in a one-inch coma so I tell the ladies stupidest joke you're gonna hear all night that's it we got the dumbest one out of the way four names Four names Wayne I say name it Mr. One Inch

That's not the nickname What is the nickname? Tell me what the nickname I'm sorry I got it wrong One Inch Nightmare? It's still The one inch part Is really hard to overcome

No matter how dastardly The rest of the nickname is I don't know The one inch You could be the one inch part is really hard to overcome. No matter how dastardly the rest of the nickname is. I don't know. The one inch, you could be the one inch miracle. One inch assassin. So how many names does Kyle get? Shallow and rapid. Kyle gets four names.

Four names. Do you want the clues again, Kyle? 2007. And if he gets this, he wins the game. One and a half stars. It's a lousy movie about a baby. It's not about a baby. There's a pregnant woman or a scene where a woman gives birth.

The baby. Does she what? Did she have the baby by the end of the movie? I shouldn't be saying that much, but the baby is born in the film, yes. And there's a mystery man in it, and it's a sleazy and stunning cast. And your four names, your four names are Tony Munch,

Julian Richings. This is stunning. Ramona Pringle. Yeah, I'm just making up names. Ramona Pringle. Did you just say Ramona Pringle? Yeah. It gets worse. Daniel Pylon. What the fuck?

I took an improv class with Daniel Pylon. Daniel Orange Cone. Daniel Pylon and Ramona Pringle. And Munch? Munch, Pringle, and Pylon are in this movie. That's tough because Pylon's been in a lot of shit. Three Pringles and a baby. Daniel Ponson.

He's got a twin brother. So I don't think you have any idea, right? Did you give me four names? What was the fourth name? It was Pylon and Pringle and Richings.

Julian Richings. Oh, shit. Julian Richings really turned it around. He just named the fucking key grips. Just name any movie. This is one of those movies

where like the top three names are the ones you really need to hear to have any idea what they're talking about. Yeah, why don't you say those? Because I'm a great player. I should have started from the top. You're right. And it was a baby movie. Do you give up or can you name a movie where a baby

is born? Can I just get punched again? We can do that. You already have one point. You can't get punched to win. 2000 what? 2007. I'm going to say You already have one point. You can't get punched to win. 2000 what? 2007. 2007. I'm going to say the fucking... Well, that's already wrong.

Yeah. That word's usually not in titles. I don't know. I don't know it. Let me just give you one to say it's wrong, but just so you can say something. I know it's wrong. Try Operation Dumbo Drop.

Isn't there a baby elephant in it? Isn't that Richard Dreyfuss in a... When did Precious come out? How dare you? This has come full circle. That cunt was pregnant for most of that movie. And yet we still have to keep going. I think this movie's a minor classic.

The rest of the names, the point goes to Wayne. So now Wayne and Kyle each have a point. I have two points. I got punched in the stomach. No, you can't win with that, though. And we're playing to two. What? Sorry.

I tried to explain that. I thought you would get it. I I tried to explain that to you but I think you might be drunk it actually didn't even happen tell you when I'm drunk hey Kyle was two three I'm drunk the color was still say something confident condescending. Are you talking to me? I did. Of course I'm talking to you. I did. I said something confident and condescending, but you went way over your time and interrupted me.

Yeah, everybody has a time limit. That's some inside baseball for you people. We all have a style. All right. Does anybody in the audience think they know it? Shoot him up! That's right. Shoot him up. What?

Yeah, at the very beginning, the lady has a baby, and he uses a gun to shoot the umbilical cord, and then the whole movie is him running around shooting while carrying a baby. That's not a movie about having a baby. Is Paul Giamatti in that? I said a baby is born in it. Shoot him up. It's a movie carrying a baby. That's not a movie about having a baby. Is Paul Giamatti in that? Shoot him up. It's a movie about a baby. Paul Giamatti is in it. He's the baby.

He's only a baby compared to you, Wayne. That was an age joke. That was like, I was calling Wayne old. Age. Like that Paul Giamatti's really old, but he would Wayne old. An age joke? Yeah, you said age. Age, age. Like that Paul Giamatti's really old, but he would be a baby to Wayne because Wayne's like way older. All right. We got it.

I think the more I explain it, I feel like the more I explain it, the meaner it is. All right, Jay gets to pick. And the more I talk about it. Jay gets to pick a category now. We're on a time crunch now. Unlike Anthony, unlike the last time we did this where they just let us go on for two hours, this theater is very serious about...

They let you go on for two hours, motherfucker. I was trying to wrap it up. You should listen to it. Never. Okay, so, Jay, you get to pick a category. Where did I leave off? Labor Day. So, summer blockbusters, decapitations, or...

Oh, I forgot this one. At Pink Fixed Gear on Twitter suggested Hold Me, which is a movie with a hostage situation. Let's do summer blockbusters. All right. This summer blockbuster is from 1983. Jesus Christ. Leonard Baldwin gave it two and a half stars.

He says that this movie is an older, well-known movie, but he says this version of it is for the Pac-Man generation. Isn't Leonard part of the Pac-Man generation? I guess he's a little older than that. And he says, also he says about this movie, he says, it's easy to see why this movie is so popular with kids. Most of the adults in the film are boobs.

The adults are boobs in this summer blockbuster from two and a half stars, 1983. And there are nine names. Nine. How many names do you want, Jay? Nine. You go the full nine. So we go to Wayne.

Wayne's probably going to go lower. I don't think he's going to say name it. Name it. No, you're not. All nine names. That'd be ridiculous. That's a nice move. Why?

Is that against the rules? It's stupid. I'll just give him the point right now and move on. All right, all right. I'll take it back. I'll take it back. God, I didn't know I was going to yell that again. Don't be bullied.

I am. I'm a skinny shoulder. Why you shouldn't be bullied. Eight. There, you happy, Doug? As you lift your shoulders, eight. Eight. Kyle.

Name it. Fuck. This is when I don't want this humiliation. Either way, we're going to have a winner, so I'm very excited. I'm not even going to give you the clues again, Wayne, because if you can't get this with the eight names, I don't know what to do for you ever. All right, I'm going gonna stand for this okay don't try

to peek I'm not all right here we go John Spencer Michael Madsen Maury shaken Juanine clay Barry Corbin Ally she John Wood, and Dabney Coleman. Summer blockbuster from 1983. All of the adults are boobs in this summer blockbuster. Everyone out there knows it except for him. I have no idea.

That's a lot of names. Dabney Coleman. Kyle is going to win this shit. I know. I don't know why you don't fucking lose it. He's fucking... Kyle hasn't even been awake for half an hour. Told you not to be bullied, Wayne. I know.

You bullied me into this humiliation. Do the names one more time. Ally Sheedy. Yeah. Dabney Coleman. Yeah. Those are the two that are in it a lot. And then a bunch of other names.

Barry Corbin. John... War Games. The late John Spencer. War Games. That's correct. Oh Corbin. John, uh, War Games. The late John Spencer. War Games. That's correct! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Oh, my God. He's walking off. He's walking off. It's a walk-off, Homer. Amazing! Why isn't she standing up? Why is that amazing? It was easy. Why is she standing? That was incredible. The walk-off. He just pretended to not know it, just so amazing? That was incredible. The walk-off was dramatic.

He just pretended to not know it just so he could see like a big fat show-off. That's the business we're in. Put the game on his back with those skinny shoulders and just walked off with it. Killed it, Fetterman.

He walked off because he knew a one-inch punch was coming. Where's Julie at? Where'd he get this from? Julie? Here you go. Here's Julie at? Where'd you get this from? Julie! Here you go. Here's all your prizes.

Congratulations. Thanks, Julie. Oh, do you want this too, Julie? Right at her feet. Like a gentleman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's see. Dan, we already know who Dan wants to call a shithead.

Did Alex write his shithead on the back? Nope. No? Okay, Alex, did you go this side or that side? It's right here. Where is he? Oh, there he is. That's too far away for me to hear you. I mean, everyone will hear it if you yell from there.

And who's Anthony got? Anthony's might be on the back. Is it on the back? It's not on the back. Not on the back. I'm gonna have her yell to me. What? Okay, and what was yours have you ever heard the podcast i guess not you just scribbled some shit on a piece of paper because i told you to at the beginning who do you who in the world or a friend do you think is a

shithead all right how about alex how about alex i'll get it for you i'll get it for you is a shithead? How about Alex? How about Alex is a shithead? I'll get it for you. I'll get it for you. I got it. I'll get it for him. Don't worry about it.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming. Let's hear it for Wade Fetterman, Big Irish J. Hollingsworth, and Kyle Kinane and Anthony Jeselnik

as the drunken Fitzpatricks. Kyle, you all right? You all right? And Anthony Jeselvick as the drunken Fitzpatricks. And as always, Matt McFarlane is a shithead. Oh, don't forget to come see us again tomorrow and then I'll be at the Neptune Theater here in Seattle on Friday, October 28th. Matt McFarlane's a shithead. Banked is a shithead. I don't know what that means.

And that guy who couldn't come up with a name is a shithead. Alex. Alex is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you. Cause Doug loves movies!