Doug Loves Movies - Ari Shaffir, Adam Burke and Tom Thakkar guest

Episode Date: September 12, 2017

Live from the NerdMelt Showroom in LA, Doug welcomes Ari Shaffir, Adam Burke and Tom Thakkar to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny babies, sticky seeds With 50 azod pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Because Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. I really spotted some talent in there on that one. Coming to you from Meltdown Comics in Los Angeles. We did it we're the best place! It's Monday, September 11th, 2017, and this is our 60th episode this year.

It's 52 days till Ragnarok, and I'd like to see some mighty nametags. Let me see them. Okay, maybe not mighty so far, but certainly colorful and Photoshoppy. What do we have here? We got Back, Taya, Future. Your name's Taya. Great job. From Dusk Till Dawn, That's a lifestyle right there. I like that.

Resident Evia? Yeah. Evia. Evia. And it's already got my signature on it, so we've already probably had this discussion. Jess LC Punk. I like that.

That's good. What does this say? Bridge to Terry Bithia? Good job, Terry. All right, well, that's weird. There's not one giant one. It's all like tiny ones. Not tiny.

You know what I mean. Trump size. But thank you guys for making those and for being here. It's a warm day in Los Angeles, and I was worried about the air conditioning. The lights just came on so I could see the name tags. This is uh, this is really going great tonight But one thing I got to say right out of the gate is you can't what's up with the crickets are gone tonight They last Thursday was all crickety. And then today did you kill all the crickets? Is that why you're late?

That why you're sitting down right now? That's okay. Good job, cricket killer. I appreciate it. Maybe it's, I mean, is it like too hot for crickets? Is that how that works? I don't know how crickets work. I should Google it.

Doug Bluggs, Portland, Oregon. This Friday I'm doing a stand-up show at Happy Hour at Helium Comedy Club, and The Gas continues the next day, Saturday, September 16th, with the Douglas Movies taping at 420. Douglas Movies is back here at Meltdown Comics next Monday night, September 19th. We're back in Austin, Texas at Cap City Comedy.

Oh, sorry, on, wait wait what the fuck 19th Jesus what what's next next Monday I'll be the 18th I don't know why we're done September 19th next Monday we're here September 18th and then September 20th in Austin Atlanta Raleigh Phoenix and more coming up. For all the dates and deets, go to Douglovesmovies.com. That's Douglovesmovies.com! Yeah! Jim and Sam. Alright, the

prize bag that I have includes I'm very excited about this. There's an art gallery down the street from Comedy Works in Denver, and they donated this to me to put in the prize bag and apparently this is artwork at the gallery is called incredible art gallery in downtown Denver and this is a Game of Thrones piece with I guess that guy is Jon Snow, right? Is that who that is?

I'm glad you guys are all excited. That worked out great. I might not need this tonight. I brought my cricket noisemaker. Because one time, I don't know if it really works, but one time... Did I just make the crickets start? God damn it! Crickets are so weird!

They're quiet as shit until they hear a fake cricket? I got a t-shirt from the Accidental Comedy Festival, a Peacemaker pipe, of course. This one hasn't been used at all. It's a nice, freshie. And, you know, because I live here, so I didn't need to use it yet. A blue card from Getting Doug with High, and I think that's everything I brought.

And then stuff brought by my three terrific guests. Please give a big warm welcome to Adam Burke, Tom Takar, and Ari Shafir. Thanks, everybody. Thanks everybody Hey fellas Hi Hey dude Hello Let's just start with you Tom Takar Let's meet them individually

And get a round of applause for each Starting with Tom Takar is here, everybody. How's it going? Did you guys get a chance to listen to the Boise episode? Did anybody listen to it yet? Okay, so some of you heard it. He was there in Boise. He didn't win, but he's still...

I'm proud of how I played, though. Yeah, really good play, dude. Thanks, man. But always happy to have you on the show in New York. You're a New York comedy phenom. So it's nice to see you out here. Yeah, it's good

to be here. And we got high earlier today on the internet, you and I. I did my first dab today. That was your first dab ever? First dab. Hold on. Oh my god. I can't. Have you ever been around it before and peer pressuredly said, no, I don't want to?

Or is this your first experience at all? First, I've never even seen it before, okay? I'm a fucking nerd. No one offers me drugs. This is the first time I've gotten high. I feel very anxious. Well, you know, now I hope this opens up a whole new world and all those people out there with dab rigs in New York City will approach you and force you to do it.

That's what I got in this for. So I'd be offered dabs. I think that's only fair. Does anybody have a dab rig here tonight? No? Okay, that's cool. But next time, you better. I was going to say, because I've dabbed out and back after a show

from time to time. After shows? Yeah. I do it before. I don't care. Look, everything's written down. The term is, I don't give a fuck. He was like, I don't care. I said it wrong. I don't give a gosh darn god damn Yeah fuck it That gentleman speaking

Is Mr. Ari Shafir Ladies and gentlemen I got like two applause Because I got the one before Gentlemen gentlemen gentlemen I just said Is my mic still working Or did something happen to it?

Feels less hot. Check out how hot yours is. Holy shit. And then I'm over here. Oh, there you go. That's better. Good job. Thank you.

Thank you, tech team. Ari, you got a special now on the old Netflix. Yeah. What's it called? Double Negative. It's on the old Netflix. Yeah. What's it called? Double Negative. It's like two specials. Yeah. What?

Yeah. You weren't getting Doug with High today. We didn't discuss the premise. How does it work? Why is it two specials? It's like a double album, but like in special form. Oh, okay. So people watch it.

It's two hours long? No, it's two 45s. Two 45-minute sets. Yeah. And how long apart did you tape them? so people watch it it's two hours long no it's two forty fives two forty five minute sets yeah and how long apart did you tape them minutes oh you did one set then you did another set

and you only had one shot at each no two at each oh okay two nights yeah of two no one night

I just did them back to back just for one night you did them back to back I think I did it back to back. Just for one night you did them back to back. I think I did it back. This feels like a math equation.

This is fucked up. It sounds like you did a long special. It was a long special. They're thematically broken up. Yeah, it's a 90 minute special but it's in two

45 minute parts. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in. I'm in. You know, why do an hour? And also, what's with all these fuckers who are just getting a half hour? These poor pieces of shit. I'm in I'm in you know why do an hour and also

you know what's with all these fuckers who are just getting a half hour these poor pieces of shit now they'll get two 15 minute sets

and that's Adam Burke everybody hi Chicago comedy phenom I'm sure all of you sitting here today

have heard him on Douglas Movies. The last time he was on was at Talia Hall in Chicago. Always great to have you. What are you doing out in Los Angeles? Just doing some shows. Just hanging out. Doing this. Did you come out here just to do this? Yes.

I did. Oh shit. What a waste. No, but it's super cool to have you here. I'd say this is a pretty evenly matched panel as far as movie trivia knowledge goes. I think you all

know what you know, but don't know everything. Is that safe to say? I know almost nothing, but I'm the best at gamesmanship. Right, that's true. You are a good gamesmanship-er. You just mean you're friendly in competition? Shut up, nerd. I think I got my answer.

You haven't even done dabs before, you dork. I've dabbled in it. And Ari was on Getting Doug with High today as well. So are you fully recovered from that? Yeah, man. But it took a little while. We were pretty high when we left today. Yeah, I mean, I was testing the theory that you can drive safely on marijuana.

I mean, there were some bumps, some heavy bumps. I'm like, I don't know. Don't ask, don't tell. Finally, someone put it to the test. How would we have known? I had a driver and I was so high. For several times throughout the ride, I thought he was my friend.

I kept forgetting that he didn't care about my well-being. I was like, oh, shit, man. I just every once in a while would blurt that out. Like, oh, shit. Oh, fuck, shit, man. I just every once in a while would blurt that out. Like, oh shit. Oh fuck, man, buddy. Usually I have the reverse problem where they think they're my friends. Most of the Uber drivers these days

aren't too chatty, I find. I find they kind of just, they feel the room. Like if you're just sitting there not talking to them, they just drive. They were at first. That first year of Uber, people were like, can you believe I'm doing this?

So have you ever taken one of these rides before? I just treat you up in my Miata. You live there? Cool. I think a memo definitely went out. Hey guys, just shut the fuck up. Less Facebook invites. Right, but doesn't Lyft have a thing where there's three things

they have to say to every passenger and they're all kind of convo starters? Is one of them, this is not an Uber? Yeah. Lyft is a front seat ride share. Ugh. I want to sit in the back like Miss Daisy. Lyft is the southwest of ride share. I want to sit in the back like Miss Daisy.

Lyft is the southwest of ride shares. No, barely anything on that. Okay. Is it overly friendly? There's barely anybody here. I almost sent out a tweet today warning everybody about how hot it was going to be in here tonight.

I guess they fixed the air conditioning, so it's not bad. So we all dodged a bullet there. I like the message I got from a producer of yours. Just so you know, the air conditioner's out, so it's going to be hot. And I'm like, should I prepare for that? What do you mean? Bring a fan? Drink more?

I don't understand. Bring one of those mini fans? Bring a fan, yeah. They were like, do you know anything about air conditioning? We need you to bring a lot of water. No, I just thought people would want to wear shorts or something if they knew.

But like I said, it's not bad. I'm going to have my camel back in there. What? I got my camel back in the green room. Well, you know, it's midnight at the Oasis, so send your camel to bed. Alright, what did you guys bring for the prize bag? Starting

with you, Tom Takar. Oh, man, I'm pretty excited about these things. I know you feel a lot of pressure over what to bring. I do, I do. I brought, I think I brought some good shit today. I stopped at Amoeba Records today. Oh, that's a wonderful place. 40 minutes ago, I brought, I got a DVD copy of Harry and the Hendersons.

Nice. A special edition. That, of course, was an answer at one point on the show in Boise. That's right. Yeah, because I was trying to come up with monkey movies. And I should say to you, Tom, that Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 1 doesn't have a Volume 1. I knew it! I just invented that in my head.

It just felt like bullying me. It should have a Volume 1. You know, just like Godfather 1, The Exorcist 1, Alien 1. You know how it works. He bullied you into thinking there was a Volume 1. He did. And then he was like, I bet I can get this guy to smoke dabs you are a pushover in a lot of areas but what so I apologize for that but also it didn't affect the

out no it didn't any ones like the first movie and they just call it one I think so I think well or like you know what did Mel Brooks do with history of the world what's that called? Part two. Part one. Part one? Oh, it says part one? Yeah, it does.

Yeah, so there you go. That's the one. That's the one where somebody made that joke. And there was Philadelphia One. They really thought there was... Philadelphia One? That clearly wasn't going to be a sequel. They thought there was going to be a sequel.

The original ending was open-ended. I heard the second one was going to be a sequel. They thought there was gonna be a sequel. The original ending was open-ended. I heard the second one was gonna be a drag race movie. It was gonna be called The Streets of Philadelphia. But, you know, I didn't get my news sources from, like, publications,

so it might be wrong. I also brought... Philadelphia Drift. They just, like, say racial slurs as they slide. Hey, eat a fucking cheesecake, you spicoli. Is that something? Hey, wah-wah. Hey, we're all garbage.

I also brought one of my favorite books, Anthony Kiedis' Scar Tissue. It's a fine book, and it's related to my podcast, Stand By Your Band, because we had an episode where somebody defended Red Hot Chili Peppers. Oh, how'd they do it?

They said, I like to hear the same song a bunch of different... with a bunch of different... They did not say that, Doug. Best cover band in history. What the... Wait, what?

What the... Is that official? Yeah. I don't know when anybody got bigger than them. They weren't a cover band in history. What the? Wait, what? What the? Is that official? Yeah. I don't know when anybody got bigger than them. They weren't a cover band, though. They're pretty much a cover band. They cover themselves over and over and over.

You can't think of any bands that are bigger than Red Hot Chili Peppers? Bigger cover bands? Oh, no. Cover-based bands. Now I understand. This is just a burn. Now I get what you're saying. This is a burn. Now I have scar tissue.

Oh, okay. I thought you really said that they're the biggest band of all time. And I'm like, well, the biggest cock sock band of all time. That's for damn sure. I also brought like a pin from Abiba. And the most important gift, I brought a receipt so that you can return all this shit if you don't like it. Oh, okay. But please read Scar Tissue.

I like that. Give my boy Kiedis a chance. Well, that's the great thing about a book. God. When's this gamesmanship beginning, Ari? God. Knocking my books out of my hand like a... Oh, my God.

Yeah, you're like one of the bullies. High school bully. You're like one of the bullies in It. The bullies in It are so fucking aggressive. They're the scariest bullies of all time. They're like so, like they say, they say faggot and retarded, and then they just start punching

on the basis of people being those things. Yeah. It's so crazy. It's so weird. Why are they so mean? They don't give them any motivation. It's so crazy. It's so weird. Why are they so mean? They don't give them any motivation. That's true. You don't see the bully backstory.

What made them so shitty? You never have them sit down and be like, what's your problem, man? Do you need help? Yeah, I need a friend. The crickets are going crazy. Let me try to shut them up. They're coming out more. No. Yeah.

They're weird. Crickets are weird. Can't figure them out. They're going to go away but the locusts are going to come. I mean, I'm glad that my life isn't trying to fuck a cricket because I don't know what. They send really mixed signals.

It's weird that these crickets keep showing up to all your shows adam adam what do you got for the prize bag um we should never put these under them thank you uh just uh what have i got i got a copy of my album as usual, Universal Scroll Theory, through a special thing. Thank you, Ari. I like old books about old movies. Like this book is called The Films of Frank Sinatra. There's no penetrating insights. There's no criticism. It's just a list of all his films and all the people who are in them and the plots of those films. It's great. I love them. And I was watching one of my favorite movies, Kansas City Confidential. I don't know if any of you have seen it.

My favorite actor in that is Jack Elam. So I drew a picture of Jack Elam that someone can have. Oh, yeah. I didn't see that. Famous bug-eyed character actor. Yeah, but very young, handsome Jack Elam. He was always a cockeyed, crazy old guy for the last 30 years of his career. Right, that's hot.

Yeah, he's hot. I'm getting boned up over here, dude. That's very nice. Yeah. Ari, that's hot. Yeah, he's hot. I'm getting boned up over here, dude. That's very nice. Yeah. Ari, did you draw anything for us? No. Did you buy anything?

I'm here just visiting so I didn't realize I'd be doing this so I didn't have anything heartfelt but I stopped at a comedy store and I got

some free passes to shows at the comedy store. I don't know. They're worth a bunch of money, I guess. Like four passes?

Four for, yeah. Yeah, there you go. Maybe. World famous comedy store. Two each, two each.

Oh, so eight passes to the comedy store. That's great. Maybe split those up. Yeah, and then when you get in there, there's a two drink minimum

and drinks are $17 each. It'll still cost you over $150 for sure, but enjoy your time there. Sort of a Ponzi scheme, actually. You know the pyramid scheme over here? Yeah. All right, so all of that is going to be won by somebody tonight,

but before we get to the game portion of the show, I've got a couple of things I want to talk to you guys about, starting with... You never type, huh? What's that? You always go handwriting? With this, yeah, yeah. I just like it. Oh, sure. It's therapeutic for me to write it down like it's a fucking note from a serial killer.

Somebody, probably Pat and Oswald, pointed out that it looks like did you ever see the documentary Crumb? Yeah. Yeah, and his brother that just writes maniacally long, he's always writing shit like this on paper. It reminded him of that. All right. Don't stare at it. That's cheating.

You'll go blind. That's totally cheating. If you look at Doug Betts' handwriting, you go blind. Right. It's like the eclipse. Stare right at it. All right, so I'll start with you, Tom Takar, because you just, I think, got this question just two days ago.

So I don't know if you've seen anything since, but what's the last movie you saw? I tried to watch World War Z today. Why did you fail? Well, to watch World War Z today. Why did you fail? Well, I just couldn't follow it. I was so high. The whole movie, I was like, why Z? Why is it

called? They never say, whoa, this is like World War Z. I think I needed that scene to put it together. Can I tell you why? Why? Z for zombie Oh! Did you really not get that?

I swear to you I did not get it I am not kidding when I say I didn't get it Wait, did you think there were 25 prequels that you missed? I missed A through Y. I was like, I should probably have watched the other movies first. I'm not following this. It was funny how often

they said the word zombie. They're like, there's an email with the word zombie in it somewhere. And I was like, why are we talking about emails, man? It's a zombie movie, dog. Oh, my Blackberry's not working. That's so scary. I didn't understand the film.

He survived a lot. They were getting a plane crash. Yeah, oh my god. That sucks. They were just kind of fine. He had a thing through his chest. He's just like, yeah, this sucks. It just lives. Oh, Big and Pale sucks.

Yeah, and they go to the World Health Organization sucks. Yeah, and they go to the World Health Organization at one point, and the guy that's in charge is the same dude that ended up playing Doctor Who. Yeah, so in the credits

of World War Z, they call him Doctor Who. Really? I think, Something like that. Is that right? It's some shit like that where you're like what the fuck?

It's weird that when they Before he got cast as Doctor Who? That's crazy. I think the most heavy handed part of World War Z is when they get

to that hospital and they won't take their insurance because they have Medicaid. They have Medicaid so they won't help them from the zombie pilots. Is that why you didn't understand the movie?

You were too busy writing great jokes? Thank you. I'll be in LA till the 18th. You couldn't focus on it because you were just being too funny. World War Zed.

That's what it's known as in England. And then the dude's name was Peter Capaldi. Who Doctor? It's his fucking name in that movie. W.H.O. Doctor.

And then he's Doctor Who like a year or two later. Like several years later. What a world. Proof that God exists. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? But now Doctor Who's a lady so it's over.

Yeah. Proof that... Shut it down. Not right. That fucking phone booth has a glass ceiling if you ask me. I've never watched Doctor Who,

but I admire it anyway. You know what I mean? It feels a lot like, the tone of it feels a lot like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which I enjoyed a lot. But, you know, Doctor Who

has been on for so many years. I watched it when I was like 12. I can't even catch up. Yeah, which I enjoyed a lot. But Doctor Who has been on for so many years. I can't even catch up. Yeah, it's been around forever. But it wasn't good then when you were 12. When you were 12, it wasn't good, though. Disagree. If you say so.

I'm glad you guys got to the bottom of that. Adam, what's your... Hang on, I've got to shut down of that. Adam, what's your... Oh, hang on. I've got to shut down these crickets. What happened to this place? Kind of worked. Kind of, yeah. Kind of a little quieter.

Wait, what is the theory here that if you make that noise, surely the worry is that they're going to start mating with that box. Right, they're going to come fuck this noise box. But I'd be very happy to see that happen. Oh, you'd have to let it.

Listen, see, they're gone again. Like, what the fuck is the deal with crickets? Are you that stupid that a fake cricket sound makes you shut up? You dumb crickets! They're male crickets. That's a female cricket noise.

They let them speak for a little second and then they interrupt straight away. Yeah, you know what? Cricket-splaining is the issue. Among... Actually, you're supposed to flap your wings like this. It's called

striation. We do it with our back legs. Did you answer the question, Adam? Mm-mm. What was the question? We got off on a cricket riff. Also known in Britain.

I saw Florence Foster Jenkins. Why? That was the last movie you saw? Yeah, sorry, Florence Foster Jenkins Z. I couldn't figure out. Yeah, that's

I saw it. Why did you do that? I don't know. I heard my mom thought it was good and then I made the mistake of taking her. I mean, Meryl Streep commits to it, but it's a movie about a horrible singer. So you have to watch her sing horribly. Yeah, I didn't hate it. I thought it was all right.

It's got cephalus in it. It's got what? She's got cephalus. Is that what you call Hugh Grant now? Hang on, the crickets are back. Alright, fine. I'll go fuck the crickets. Is that going to fix this?

Ari, what was the last movie you saw? Theaters or any movie? Anytime, anywhere. The Lego movie for the first time. Why did you wait so long? I don't know. I just kept putting it off. What happened?

Did you enjoy it, though? Oh, it was so good. It's really fun. Yeah, it was great, man. Multi-layered. Yeah. Super funny lines. That song is crazy catchy.

Everything is awesome. It was great. Yeah. I'm glad you finally got around to it. Does that mean you're going to graduate into watching the Batman Lego? Maybe I'll go Ninjago right now so I can see it in theaters.

Oh, it's Ninjago? I thought it was Ninjago. Probably, you're right. I don't know. It's confusing to me, but I'm going to check it out in case I'm in it. Good luck, man in it good luck man really good luck all right so uh great answers all really good answers uh the last movie i saw of course uh

what was the last movie you saw sorry thanks for asking we are so rude I saw it you saw it what I totally saw it boom boom for me going or boo free wait I think this I think this theater might be haunted I keep hearing boo yeah it's kind of weird that we're doing a podcast in a theater where there's a critical ghost. It says boo, not to scare you, but to bring you down as an

artist. The scariest ghost of all. Boo. I didn't like these jokes when I was alive. Boo. Yeah, there's... $125 million were made by IT. Biggest opening in September. Second biggest R-rated opening after Deadpool.

They just raked it in. Did any of you guys see IT? I saw it in Boise. You did see it? I saw it in Boise You did? Yeah, I saw it in Boise I loved it Oh, you went with Jeff Tate? Yes

I was sitting in a different area I thought you were almost going to say You were sitting in a different seat than Jeff Tate I was going to say That's the way to go, buddy He would not let me sit on him And he looks so comfortable Doesn't he look like he'd be comfortable as hell?

Yeah, you could totally sit in his lap. I could curl up in Jeff Tate. Ask him for some Christmas stuff. But did you, yeah, he screamed a lot, I guess. Yeah, I screamed too. You did? Immediately, I just said, oh, shit. Out loud.

I don't want to ruin it, but it's in the trailer. The first scene is really terrific. And then, you know. I liked it overall, but at the beginning, it promises to be a lot scarier than it ends up being. Yeah, there's a lot of time where it's not scary,

and I think that's why I liked it. I don't like scary movies, so when they were doing boring stuff, I was like, this movie's sick. This is a great scary movie. It's barely scary at all. Yeah, when you're just watching a bunch of teen boys

in their underwear at the quarry. I love that. Usually I have to go on a private server on my computer to do something like that. And now I can see it in public. Proof that there is a God. I love... What? Sorry. Oh, I was just gonna say

I can't wait to see how they try to replicate the success. Because you know whenever anything's a surprise hit, they try to replicate the success. Because you know whenever anything's a surprise hit, they try to make it again. I think they're just going to start putting clowns in everything. There's going to be like a... Well, first of all, I don't know how much of a surprise this was to anybody because it's a book that's been sitting around forever

that people just adore. And people remember that TV miniseries that wasn't good at all. They remember that fondly too. So there's just a lot of goodwill going into it. And then young people that don't know any of that stuff are just like, it just looks like a fucked up movie about clowns. And they deliver. Like, it's very Stranger Things-y, but the kids swear a lot.

And the violence is very violent. Like, they went hard R with it, and to me, that was part of the joy of it. You said you love hard Rs? Well, especially ones where really violent things happen to teenagers and younger. There's a very young kid in it that just gets fucked up six ways to Sunday.

I'm in for that. Yeah, it's really bizarre. But on the last episode that we taped here, Joe DeRosa is a huge fan of the book. So I think people that love the book, there's a lot to be disappointed about because they've made so many different changes. But the book goes back and forth between these kids and then when they're adults, they get visited by Pennywise the Clown again. And so it's

back and forth through the whole book. And the movie is just them as kids. So everybody's speculating that the sequel, the inevitable sequel, will just be about the adult part. No, they're going to do it like boyhood. They're just going to follow these kids. Oh, shit. It's going to take us seven years to get through this?

If nothing happens, the rest of it? No, no. Well, you would love that. It's just scenes of them growing up. You'd be so happy. Oh, this isn't scary at all. Young romance, young heartbreak. I'm into it.

A story of... Some voices drop, but that's about it. That's great. A coming of age story. Maybe one of their dads. Well, the dads are all bad. But I've heard people speculating about how they didn't expect it to be this big of a hit and that

now they're only going to make a sequel because it is such a huge hit. But at the very end of the movie, it says fucking it, chapter one. Yeah. They pretty much spell it out that there's going to be more. Oh, so that's bullshit you're saying.

Yeah. I knew it was going to be Yeah, but you can add that real. Someone just ran into the theaters and typed that in. That would be the easiest

thing to edit in. It just said it. It wasn't like one of the kids was like, this has been it chapter one. It's true. I did see it on day two. So maybe they fixed all

the prints. Chapter one originally had a question mark at the end of it. Chapter one? Huh, guys? Maybe one of the characters will be like, this is not it. We've already established this guy doesn't like pronoun humor. He should go to the comedy police.

So in honor of it being the number one movie right now, and Stephen King, you know, some would argue, finally having, like, you know, it's certainly the biggest opening of a Stephen King adaptation. Or even the Salem's Lot. That's crazy. Well, that was, you know, Salem's Lot was TV. It was a TV miniseries.

Really? Yeah. But what I'd like to do now, and maybe Ari won't be too great at it, but I'd like to play a round of love-like, hate-like, and that is where we each take turns. First round is we all name a Stephen King adaptation that we love. Then the next round, we each have to say one that we just like. Next round, one that you hate.

You can pass on any of these. You can pass once. And it's not really a game. There's nothing on the line. But then finally, a Stephen King movie That you hate yourself For loving Oh Yeah

And again You can pass But let's start with Tom What's What's your favorite Stephen King movie? Green Mile is Stephen King Right?

Yep I'll take that I love Green Mile You do? Mm-hmm Mm-hmm That thing's about Three hours long, right? That's right.

Yeah. Perfect amount of time for a film. No story has been told perfectly in under three hours. And that's the movie where a mouse finds a horrific, he gets stomped on. Oh, wait. Is that true? I don't remember that. Oh, you don't? It's your favorite one? You don't remember?

Doesn't the mouse live forever? No. I saw an edited version that my mom gave me. She knew I'm sensitive about mice. Was this mouse also voiced by Michael J. Fox and drive a tiny little car? I think you saw Stuart Little. That's the film I'm thinking of.

Yeah, you're thinking of Stuart Little, which is one of the better Stephen King adapts. He just gets crushed in that movie. Stuart Little. Stuart Little is a really loose adaptation of Green Mile. What do you got, Adam? Do you have a favorite Stephen King movie? I'm going to go obvious.

I'm going to go Shining. The Shining. The Shining. Yeah, classic. I know that I didn't, when it first came out, I was mad at that movie because it wasn't like the book. You know, it took a lot of different turns. But, you know, I was young.

I didn't know any better. Ari, do you have a favorite one? I mean, it's tough, but those two are good. But I'll probably go Stand By Me. Right. One of my favorites when I was younger. And that's the other thing that's interesting. I wrote this down.

Like, the ones, Shawshank, Stand By Me, Dolores Claiborne. Like, some of the movies that people think are the best ones are based on short stories. Yeah. Or novellas, rather, that he wrote. And so maybe like, maybe that's part of the problem with adapting Stephen King is that like, you know, like it is like a thousand pages long or some shit. It's crazy how many pages there are. So maybe like, you know, the shorter ones are easier to adapt. He's still writing the stand, I think, at this point.

He's still working on it? I think so. All right. What about the gunslingers? Is that happening? That came out and nobody saw it. Wow, really? Yeah.

Everybody was so excited for that. The studio kind of buried it. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow. Some people I know are going to be poosed. studio kind of they buried it really yeah

oh wow people I know are gonna be poosed so since you guys took those other ones I'm torn between

Carrie and the dead zone take the dead zone yeah they're both really good I haven't seen dead zone in a

long time I saw Carrie again recently and it's you know it's got some Brian De Palma silliness in there but overall it's pretty effective

like Tom I'm gonna go with it what's one you just like you just i'm gonna go with it i well i liked it i didn't mean to do that i'm very sorry don't boo me again sir i'm very fragile i'm a snowflake i'm a he's one of them he's one of the bullies yeah yeah. I thought this was the nerdist theater, buddy. Yeah, I liked it. Okay. Adam? See, I did really...

There's got to be one I just kind of liked because I did really like Misery. Misery is good. That's a good one. It brought the word hobbling into the lexicon. Yeah. Like everybody knows what that is because of that movie. Everyone knows how to do it, more importantly.

Yeah. I thought that movie had some effective moments. It was another example of Rob Reiner was jumping around doing every genre. He was such a hot shot in his first five or six movies with Spinal Tap and the shirt thing and Princess Bride and Misery. It was like, what the fuck? This guy could do anything. And then he made more movies that all sucked and well, just sort of backed away.

But he was, he had a really nice track record. Do you think in order to get Rob Reiner to be good again, we need to kidnap him and break his legs? Yeah. We need you to write something of value. If nothing else, Funny or Die should do a version of Misery

where somebody does that to Rob Reiner. That'd be funny. What do you got for that one, Ari? Just movies I just liked. Yeah, you liked it. It's fine. It's a Stephen King movie, and it worked out fine. I'll go Carrie for that.

Okay. I like the religious undertones or overtones I don't know the meaning of that word but it was very religious yeah her mother was super religious so that was a big part of the problem yeah she really forced it on you yeah and she like her mother was so religious that Carrie had to find out about periods when she was bleeding in front of all the other girls in the high school. That movie would have been very different

if she was like a cool Christian. It was a lot of acoustic guitar. Yeah, very loving Christian, very sweet to Carrie. Like, oh, I don't know what went wrong. She, maybe just having telekinesis

makes you a bad person. She was just religiously Jewish. And then Carrie's like, what should I do she goes most laws don't apply to women so you're fine

just do what you want Harry do whatever you want but yeah I feel the same way about it and strangely as much as people love it

that's how I feel about Shawshank Redemption wow like people love don't punch me people really fucking love that movie but I just find it

to be like, just sort of a, you know, it's alright. You know, I like it, but I'm not like... That was when I knew that Doug Benson was in the worst movies. I was gonna try that and I didn't feel confident. Now we gotta hear it.

Andy Dufresne would not like Doug Benson if he met him in real life. Is Dufresne would not like Doug Benson if he met him in real life. Is that bait? He would not... He would not treat him like a penguin. All right, and... I was born in the sewers.

This is the tough one, you guys. Some people like to take a pass because they want to have a career in show business. Ari, did you have fun shooting your scenes in Keeping Up with the Joneses? I did have fun shooting it. Yeah, you got to fight with another guy that you worked in the same office,

and Zach Alphanakis was the HR guy. Yeah, it was fun. It was just fun being down there. I've never done a movie before, so it was pretty fucking cool. Yeah, yeah. You got to spend a lot of time around Gal Gadot in a sundress. Yeah.

That's not a terrible situation. You should have heard how I was trying to fucking talk to her. Oh, no. Really? I mean, I tried, man. And every time you talked to her, she would just shut it down like she was not interested. Shut it down? Like, are you kidding me? I'm on a set with the handsome Jon Hamm and the hilarious Zach Galifianakis.

And you have the nerve to try to step up? I was like, my father's from Israel and she was like, oh. Oh, shit. She was like,

sorry, Ari. What are you talking about? She goes, everyone's from Israel so that's not an important thing. Matt Walsh is fun to hang out with, though, right? Yeah, he was cool.

Very nice guy. He was cool. Went to see Bob Dylan one night. Wow. Just, like, it was fun to shoot. I've never shot a movie before. It was fucking cool. I like that movie, too.

It's one that I, like, watched a bunch of time on planes. I know, I know. Stop it. The critics didn't like it, but I enjoy it. But, you know, I'm friends with you and Zach and John, so, like, that probably helps a lot. Yeah, maybe. And Patton shows up in it, too.

Patton Oswalt? Yeah, yeah. Really? Oh, you never even seen it? No, I did see it on a plane, one seat next to me, and up one. And I saw it. I was like, oh, that's that movie.

Oh, there's a scene I'm in. And then I saw it. I was like, cool. And then that was it. That's as much as I saw. Yeah, you really fight that guy. Like, you, like, try to strangle him. You're like, I'm in. And then I saw it, I was like, cool. And then that was it. That's as much as I saw. Yeah, you really fight that guy. Like, you try to straggle him. You're like,

I'm gonna fucking kill you! And you grab him by the neck and push his chair over. Yeah, he got hurt. Summation dude, right? Yeah, that's his name. Yeah. Summation dude.

Okay, Tom, what's one that you hate? Hate? All right, so I'm going to be honest here. I'm not super familiar with what is and isn't a Stephen King adaptation. Because I hate horror, so it's not my... Oh, shit. Is Pet Sematary a Stephen King?

Crickets are so mad at you, yes. I hate Pet Sematary. Okay. I don't need that shit. Oh, a dead rabbit's going to kill me? Fuck you. Get out of here. Yeah, that one's got its share of? Fuck you. Get out of here.

Yeah, that one's got its share of lovers and detractors, I think. What about you, Adam? Well, he took my one. Oh, shit. Well, you can still say it. I was going to say. It's a little less fun when we all just sit here and agree. I was going to say Pet Sematary. I haven't seen, Christine is him, right?

Christine, yeah. I haven't seen Christine since I was a kid. I'm pretty sure I would fucking hate it if I watched it again. I don't think it holds up. I probably wouldn't. I don't think it's that great. But also, it is kind of cool when Christine is killing the fat guy because Christine can't fit in the alley,

but it wants to kill the fat guy. So it just wrecks itself. It just jams into the alley until it can crush him that's the most aggressive body shaming an evil car is like you're too fat yeah you're a pretty nice guy but this car does not like fatties i have a bumper sticker that would no fatty that would be the end of the new christine is it just gets taken down by bloggers It's just shame that I'm stopping being a car. I heard it's diesel Do you have one that you hate Ari? Yeah, I'd probably have to go with Carrie the new one. Oh

Yes, where the girl is perfectly attractive totally hot. Yeah late all the time. Yeah, no problems She'd figure out what a period is as soon as it happens. Yeah. Oh, yeah, period. On the internet, of course, I know what a period is. Yeah, that was a weird one. That was a weird way to remake that. Because Sissy Spacek, there's a beauty to her,

but you could see where she'd be in OutKast. She had a very different look about her. Yeah. And she obviously became a movie star. Can I say real quick? You just reminded me. an outcast. She had a very different look about her. She obviously became a movie star. Can I say real quick? You just reminded me. I remember watching Carrie as a kid, the old version, and I didn't know what was going on with the period thing.

My sister told me that the other girls had put razor blades in her soap. That's why she was bleeding. That's why she's bleeding in the shower. Yeah, that's what she told. So I was like, yeah. Because those girls are even more evil than just girls that would laugh at someone on their period.

They would fucking cut her and then laugh at her. Wow. So at the end of the movie, I was like, yeah, they all deserve to die, especially you, Travolta. Yeah, well, he murders a pig at one point to get the blood for it to pour and carry. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, it's a murders a pig at one point to get the blood for Warren Carey. Oh, yeah, that's right.

That's right. Yeah, it's a gnarly movie. But it has a wacky tuxedo trying on scene because they're going to the prom. And there's like a wacky fast motion trying on a bunch of nutty tuxedos. Yeah, yeah. I don't remember that. Yeah, it's a weird ass movie. And then even when she's going crazy at the prom, it's like De Palma was in love with split screen.

So you see different things where people are getting fucked up in different parts of the auditorium. It's an interesting movie. Did you say one that you hate? Yeah, Carrie 2. Oh, the remake of Carrie. Yeah, I

liked the okay. The reboot of Carrie. Yeah. I wrote down two movies. I wrote two of Carrie. Yeah. I liked the okay. The reboot of Carrie. Yeah. Yeah. I wrote down two movies. I wrote two of them. Yeah. Maximum Overdrive, which he directed. Stephen King directed it.

Stephen King directed it? Wow. Yeah. And starred Emilio Estevez when he was, you know. And. He never got better than Men at Work. No. That was it for him.

And then Dreamcatcher. Oh, wow. Is fucking awful. Where like dudes are shitting out an alien out of their ass. Oh, he wrote and directed it, didn't he? He didn't direct it, no. I think it was his first original screenplay or something.

Maybe he wrote the screenplay for it, but it's terrible. Wow. I think. I haven't seen it. Some people like it. I'm sure Salem's Lot wasn't also a movie at first. I remember one with vampires, and they were holed up in a church.

Yeah, it was on TV. It was starred James Mason. No way. It was a movie, too. No. I saw it when I was little. No. It was a movie, too.

No. Look up on your box. This is like that Shazam thing. They made a TV movie version of The Shining. No, no. It was Salem's Lot. It was really bad. It was beyond TV bad. Yeah, there might have been. There might have been something like maybe a Salem's Lot 2

or something. Way before the TV movie. Way before? Before. Nerd, look it up. No, there was... I think he already is. There was... You know, the first movie was Care. The first adaptation was Carrie. And then the next one was The Shining.

And then the TV movie of Salem's Lot. Because those were his first three books. TV miniseries? It broke. It was a miniseries. I say. Rob Lowe was in it. There's a movie.

No. No? What else did he adapt? It's just a miniseries. Wow. Yeah. But he might have had something to do with another vampire thing or something. no no what else did he get what else it's just a mini series wow yeah but he might have had something to do with

another vampire thing or something but now we gotta do one that you hate yourself for liking Tom oh I don't know if I even have one

well then you might have to pass I'm gonna pass he's passing you guys I'm passing I'm not gonna pass I'm passing I'm not gonna pass

I'm Jerry Seinfeld I'm not your best I'm passing I'm not your best I'm Jerry Seinfeld I'm passing I'm gonna expand I'm gonna go ahead and expand the parameters to include Richard Bachman books

and go of course and go go Running Man the Running Man you like it yeah yeah yeah in spite of how terrible it is

yeah the Running Man's bad it's with Schwarzenegger yeah it's such a great premise like Schwarzeneg yeah in spite of how terrible it is yeah the Running Man's bad it's with Schwarzenegger yeah it's such a great premise like Schwarzenegger in a game show

that's life and death and that was bad Richard Dawson is the host of the game show the guy from Family Feud yeah and

I didn't think it turned out so great wow but it might be one of those ones not to make this kind of joke but it might be one of those ones because I re-watched it recently and I was enjoying it and then I had to

My girlfriend came in and watched the second half with me and I didn't enjoy it as much Just cuz I felt she's sitting there with that negative He's about to say now just plain zero which I thought was genius at the time. He had to split after he fucking chopped him in half. Yeah, I don't think that's a good movie. I didn't know we could just expand it. I'm going to go with She's All That. If it can be anything.

Oh, that's a Stephen King movie that you hate yourself for loving? Yeah, there's a prom dress-up scene in that one, too. It's better. Do you have one Ari? Oh man I don't know Something I hate That I like Yeah

I think we made it All the most hateable ones There's a few other ones I mean Cujo Did you see Thinner? I enjoyed No What about the ones

With the guy With Balky Bartokomus What? Perfect Strangers? Yeah And then it was in a TV movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Langoliers. Yeah, the Langoliers. Yeah. That was for TV. Yeah. I'll put that. You could pass. Oh.

No. Mine is Pet Sematary. Pet Sematary. Because I don't think it's a great movie, but I love how young the kid is in it and what fucked up shit they have him do. Oh, I see.

Yeah, yeah. I thought you were going to end this. No, I love anything with two-year-olds. I just love how young he is. No, he's older than that. But he's the same kid in Pet Sematary. He's the same kid from Kindergarten Cops that yells out,

boys have a penis, girls have a vagina. So you gotta love it. Wow, two genders. Seems a little problematic. Taking that kid down. Thinking about that part. Alright, well here's the part of the show where I tell Bert Kreischer to turn it off

because he doesn't like movie trivia games. Let the games begin! Name tags's the part of the show where I tell Bert Kreischer to turn it off because he doesn't like movie trivia games. Let the games begin. Name tags, come out of the shadows. We've got a lot of... That is a great Morgan Freeman. We've got a lot of medium-sized name tags out there today. You can pick one out if you'd like and bring it back to your seat. So just go grab one, and while you do that, we'll do this.

We'll be right back. Today's episode is brought to you in part by our pals at Loot Crate. On a quest for epic gear, housewares, and collectibles, Loot Crate has an epic range of pop culture items for less than $20 a month. You guys already know all about Loot Crate. They've been a longtime sponsor of Doug Loves Movies and have been incredibly generous with our listeners. If you haven't already, it's never too

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go to lootcrate.com slash doug and enter my code d-o-u-g to save three dollars on any new subscription today back to the show we're back tom who are you playing for? I'm playing for Back Tia Future. Is it Tia or Taya? Back Tia Future. Now that I know it's Taya, I want to give it back. I don't know about Taya. JFK, just fucking kidding. Do you want to trade in?

That's great. Hashtag JFK. I got to write that down for this one. I like when we have a good hashtag. Adam? I'm playing from Dusk Till Donna. I guess that's Donna,

and that's you in... That's the Clooney character. Oh, yeah, you're in the Back to the Future one, too. You're Marty. Okay. I was writing down just fucking kidding. And Ari got Resident Evia. Resident Evia.

I really just took it because of Jonah Ray's picture. Now is Jonah Ray over Michelle Rodriguez? Yeah. And his last name is also Rodriguez. Was that on purpose you know that yeah oh yeah trees that's wild that's wild that also proves I think we have proved that God is real in this room tonight what's to come forward what a weird venue to prove his existence.

This is where we need to prove it. He's fucking L.A. godless freaks. Here's where he's most absent. All right, well, great job with the name tags. And you guys can just throw those down on the ground. Oh, shit. In a very violent way. High school bully Ari's back, kicking around posters.

They all are like the same size and the same kind of paper. Did you guys all do this together? Can you just buy these out front? It's weird. I've never seen them where there's not like a giant one. It's wild. It's interesting. People in LA like to say paper.

That's it. That's true true people in LA are very like they're so conservative they just show up and don't even bring a name tag at all my name is whatever you want me to be to fit yes call me what is that voice what are you you doing? Calling me whatever you want? Alright, so the first game we're going to play is a little something called Doing Lines with Mark. What's up, y'all? You want to do some fucking lines? Oh, shit! Let's talk about San Carlos.

Wow. So, yeah, so Mark Wahlberg's here after an amazing appearance in Boise, Idaho. He's back here in Los Angeles. What's going on, dude? How you guys doing? What's up?

Why are you here? I was out on my fucking midnight run. Started early. Saw you were doing a show. I was like on my fucking midnight run. Started early. Saw you were doing a show. I was like, I'll go make that show better. You like the beard, dude? I do. You told us the other day why you have a beard.

What is it for? New reason now. I originally said I'm not going to fucking shave until the pats went. But then I'm like, do I really only want to have a beard for eight days? You think they're going to win nextay no i know it and then i thought to myself i'm gonna use this to be in a movie so now guy with a beard can't be a cop that's your that's your way of not being typecast as a cop anymore no i'm gonna be a fucking like

normal i'm gonna play a restaurant manager. I don't think you could do that. You didn't let me finish. Who used to be a cop? Oh. That's so gross. Jesus, Walmart. How did he lose the cop job? You'll find out when you get a fucking ticket, dude.

Was he fired for growing a beard? What's that? Nothing. Well, that's pretty good. Oh, you like that? Yeah, dude. What if he was like, you can't fucking tell me what to do with my follicles. And he beat the shit out of his chief and they threw him out and he was running a restaurant. And then these guys come in and they try to shake him down for money.

But they mess with the wrong restaurant manager. Because him and the dude who works for him is actually Jackie Chan. and they tear some shit up. You're all bringing Chan. Sounds good, yeah. Of course it fucking does. I'm in it. You want to do some lines?

What's the movie called? Rush Hour 5. Oh, shit. Rush Hour. It works. That's like a restaurant. Oh, my God. Restaurants get busy. Oh shit. Rush hour. It works. That's like a restaurant. Yeah dude. Oh my god. Yeah dude.

Restaurants get busy. If you had any movies you regret doing what would they be? Indiana Jones. You're not in that. I thought you meant like ones I turned down.

Any that I regret doing? Season one of Wahlburgers. Wahlburg of Wahlburgers everything else has been like I think it's a fi certified classic I'm pretty sure did Wahlburgers give you the idea for the cop movie that you're gonna be making no because then some money would go to my brothers Paul and Donnie and that's not fucking happening so no is there any truth to the rumor that you're going to do a Max Payne and Pain and Gain mashup called Max Payne and Gain? Yeah, for one reason. To not put The Rock in it.

Oh, you don't like him. No, dude. He's a glorified background actor who got one tattoo, and then he got rich, so he made that tattoo bigger, and we're supposed to fucking clap for him? So, you're're gonna say a line from a motion picture and all three of these dudes guess as often as you like. You have to guess what movie this is from.

Is this one of your movies or just any movie? It's just any movie. We did all of his movies so now it's just any movie. And he also has a little warm up he does because he's such a fine actor look good feel good that's what you feel good yeah that's what that part was so now here's the part where he's saying a line from a movie nice wrist chain there

mark just guess as often as he like it weighs 37 pounds. Here we go. She's a human. Titanic. And she's scared. She's a human. And she's scared. Speed? Why would somebody say that? Speed.

I mean, maybe there's a moment where... She's a human. Sandra Bullock is a human. And she's scared. Is it Planet of the Apes? say that in speed. I mean, maybe there's a moment where... Are there any lines in speed? Sandra Bullock is a human! And she's scared. Is it Planet of the Apes? She's a human. And she's scared. Close Encounters of the Third Kind. You want a new line? Yeah. Same movie. Ready? Okay.

No one in the audience yell out if you know it, because I know you're going to be overwhelmed. What are you doing? Turn that down. She's never heard music before. Oh, shit. Monsters, Inc.? What are you doing? Turn that down.

She's never heard music before. She's a human and she's never heard music? What are you doing? Turn that down. She's never heard music before. Oh, nice acting twist on that one. What are you doing? Turn that down she's never heard music before nice acting twist on that what are you doing turn that down she's never heard music before he gave you like seven up yeah you can really do it you must love how you give them so much music before what are you doing turn that down she's never heard music before et2 now the. 2. No. The humans are in it.

The Lovely Bones. The Lovely Bones. You want another one? Yeah. Same movie. Ready? Same movie. Preferably.

Otherwise, it gives us nothing. Is she like an animal? She's human. Let me ask you right now. Does anyone in the audience know what movie it is? Okay. That's good, too. Let me ask everybody listening on their podcast.

Do you know what movie it is? Thank you, person good too. Let me ask everybody listening on their podcast, do you know what movie it is? Thank you person in a Toyota. Here we go. Tay in the Way. What? Tay in the Way. Tay in the Way? Oh, is it now? It is fucking now. Way to go, dude. What's it called? Now, is it Nell? It is fucking Nell. What is it? Way to go, dude.

What's it called? Nell, bro. Fucking J.F. Fucking Nell, dude. Fucking Nell? Dude, J.F. crushes that shit, bro. Wait, is this an alien movie or not? Have you not seen Nell?

I've not seen Nell. Get the fuck out of here. She's a human. I'll see you guys later. Nell is a human, and she's never heard music before because she's deaf and retarded. She lives in the woods. You want to choose your verbs, you go ahead, bro. Does somebody molest her?

She's got a lot of shit going on, but mainly she thinks she's a tay in the way. That's crazy. She makes up her own language. Wait, are the other people in the movie humans too? Look, I love you guys, but seriously, I paid for four hours for Donnie's sitter, so I can't keep going over this with you guys.

Do you have anything you want to plug before you go? I guess I do. We're about two episodes left on this season of Wahlburgers. Go welcome, enjoy it. You're fucking happy because you deserve it. You're Americans. And then, Daddy's Home 2, Six Million Dollar Man, and don't forget to watch the season finale

of Ballers. Okay. And also, why didn't you stop Hurricane Irma? How do you know I didn't? Oh! Mark Wahlberg, everybody! Wow. Yeah, I mean now that he's gone I can say this you know he did famously say that he would have if he was on one of the planes at 9-11 he would have he would have stopped it yeah yeah I heard

him say that and I was like it's about time you said it it's about time people know that they should have booked you on that plane. Yeah. Should have given you a ride. All right. So Adam won that game. So it means he gets to go first in this next game. They should have a Wahlberg movie where he is an air marshal on that plane and he stops the terrorist attack and then just lands right.

Yeah. Yeah. Instead of doing that show on HBO where they go, what if slavery was still a thing? How about a, what if Mark Wahlberg stopped 9-11? That'd be more interesting to me.

Man, if that second plane never hit the second tower, it would have been weird if it just fell. It just went down. It just came up. Oh my God, that's a whole new movie. Ghost plane. It looked at the first one and was like, I can't live without you. And then just collapses. Finally, a rom-com about a whole new movie. Ghost plane. It looked at the first one and was like, I can't live without you and then just collapses.

Yeah, yeah. Finally, a rom-com about a couple of buildings. All right. I think I should say, I don't... I think there was like an airplane-like thing

in the back where somebody during the attack was trying to shave. And it was... I'm glad no one's listening to this until September 12th because...

I was about to say. I just wouldn't be listening It's very inappropriate. I don't support 9-11 like these other comedians on the panel. I'm not a 9-11 supporter if you guys were thinking that. When you were asking

me earlier why I was out here, I was going to say, I wanted to say tickets were cheaper. And I was thinking airline tickets should be cheaper on 9-11, right? Everyone flies for free. You didn't know that? If you're a baby.

All the planes today were full of babies. Piloted by babies. Ever since 9-11, what's it been, 16 years now? Every year I have flown somewhere on that day. This is the first year that I haven't gotten in a plane. Because I mean, I didn't go out of my way to do it, but I just still was sort of like, I think it's cool to fly on 9-11 to just say like,

yeah, fuck those guys. I'm still going to live my life. But I didn't fly anywhere today. I just sat in LA. Should have flown to Burbank. I just sat around profiling people. Well, that guy looks 9-11. Oh, there's a 9-11 over there.

All right, we're going to play whose tagline is it anyway and Adam gets to go first I'm going to say this directly to Adam I'm going to say a tagline from a motion picture that was used in some form of it's advertising or something and you have to just guess what movie it is, if you can't guess what it is

then we'll move on to we'll go to Tom next in that and then all right okay you'll get a piece of the action it'll be cool yeah Adam what movie at the tagline If only they knew she had the power. If only they knew she had the power. I don't think this is it.

I'm going to say Supergirl. No. Tom. I'm going to say Supergirl. No. Tom. I'm going to go with Carrie. That's correct. Hell yeah! Wow, really? Woo, Noggy!

I was going to guess Back to the Future. The mom to fuck her son. Ari gets to go first on this one. Every mom's dream. Is that a power or is that a right? Elaborate. What movie had the tagline, The Tide Has Come?

The Tide Has Come? Yeah, you can sing it if that helps. The Tide Has Come? Is it Wolverines? Whatever that one is. yeah you can sing it if that helps the tide has come is it Wolverines whatever that one is Red Dawn wait what I thought you were just making Wolverine

the Hugh Jackman movies plural Wolverines but yeah Red Dawn no for sure not but that was a good guess cause of the tide the tide. The tide has come, Adam. It's not also Carrie, is it?

That'd be fun. It'd be a fun game where just four different taglines from Carrie. One time. It's not Perfect Storm, is it? I was thinking that too. So It's not Perfect Storm, is it? Mm-mm. I was thinking that, too. So that's all you got, Tom? No, I got another.

I have a backup. Okay. So the tide has come? The tide has come. I don't understand it. It doesn't make any sense. Is it Jaws? No. No way.

It's not a real tide. No. For some reason, that was a tagline for the movie Misery. Ah. What? Oh, I see a tagline for the movie Misery. Ah. What? Oh, I see a trend here. Me too. I feel a trend brewing.

Wait, who are you, Dana Gould? All right, so Ari gets to start us off again. Fuck yes. How do you kill something that can't possibly be alive? It's got to be Pet Sematary. No. Fuck. I got two choices here.

I'm going to go with Christine. That's correct. Wow. Nice. What else? What was your other? Don't tell me. Don't tell me.

All right. So Ari didn't get any right. So you have to sit this one out, Ari. This is just between Tom and Adam, and we'll start with Tom. Okay. If either one of you get this, you win this game. If you get on her bad side, you're toast. Shit.

It's not a Madea movie. Big Mama's House. You're toast! You're toast. You're toast. Is there a Carrie 2? Did we talk about that? I'm just going to go with Big Mama's house then.

I have nothing better. I think there was a carry two actually now that you mention it. It doesn't sound like it's it though. It's carry two colon some nonsense. No, that's incorrect. Adam? I'm going to say it's the Drew Barrymore vehicle Firestar. That is correct.

You win. Whose tagline is it anyway, game? Which means you get to go first in the Ron Bennington adjusted for inflation bureau game, and that's going to determine our winner tonight. The Ron Bennington

adjusted for what? Ron Bennington has a show, you know, on SiriusXM, and he... Are you doing the Survivor Pool this year? Yeah, I lost the first week. You did? What, did you pick the Patriots or some shit? Yeah, the Patriots.

Why'd you pick them right away? They're going to win a bunch of games, probably. I mean, yeah, thanks. Did you win last year or come close? No, I was in a pretty fast win. You were in the final four, were you? Yeah, I came pretty decent last year, actually. You and me were both in the final four.

Did you win? No. I think we got knocked out by the same thing. Yeah, I came pretty decent last year, actually. Yeah, you and me were both in the Final Four. Did you win? No. I think we got knocked out by the same thing. Yeah, it's good when you go long. It sucks when you

lose the first fucking week. Well, when you lose the first week, at least you can, the rest of the season, you can be like, I don't care.

You can just kind of walk away, but yeah, that does suck. What is this? I'm sorry. Am I wrong? Ron Bennington's radio show on

Sirius XM, they do a survivor pool where they get a bunch of comedians. And we all have to pick a winner each week. I see. So I picked the Pittsburgh Steelers, who only won by three and didn't cover the spread. So I was fucking lucked out. There you go. Yeah.

But a lot of people picked the Patriots, I guess, and got knocked out in the first week. Wow. Yeah. That sucks. Yeah. Sorry, dude. I'm not going to kill myself. All right. in the first week. Wow. That sucks. Yeah. Sorry, dude. I'm not going to kill myself. But so Ron, on his show, suggested

to me a game where you have people guess what I'll give you a movie star, and you have to guess what movie of theirs was the highest grossing movie after adjusting for inflation. Okay. Yeah, and you get, if you get

the first one, you get three points, and if you get the second one, you get two, and if you get the first one you get three points and if you get the second one you get two and if you get the third one you get three and I ask you guys one at a time for sure wrong point system you know I fucked it up but everyone everyone already knows how it works the point system has been adjusted for inflation just don don't get two. Get one or three. That's the secret. Yeah. I messed it up.

And this is the opposite of who's line is it anyway. Three is worth one point. This is the opposite of who's line. The points do matter, right? Oh, yeah. It's all on the line.

All you win in that last game was the opportunity to go first, which is what Adam has. We have three rounds, and each one of you will get a chance to go first. We'll switch the order around, so Ari goes second. So I'm going to name

an actor or an actress, then each one of you in turn has to name a movie you think might be in their top three. You're hoping for number one. Adam, what's in Reese Witherspoon's top three. You're hoping for number one. Adam, what's in Reese Witherspoon's top three?

Good old spoons. See, you always go Spoon Woman. See what? Oh, Spoon Woman. She's married to Spoon Man. I was going to say, if she was in a movie called Spoon Woman, the superhero movies are always in the top. No,

because then you go animated, but I can't think of any animated movie she was in. I'm going to go with Legally Blonde 2. That's a good one. Do you know the subtitle?

I think it's like Red, White, and Blonder. Oh, right, right, right. Or Blonde and in Charge or something. If you get on our, white, and blonder. Or blonde and in charge or something. If you get on our bad side, you're toast. Legally Blonde 2, Blonde Demand. I don't care. I don't know and I don't care.

Ari? I was going to say Walk the Line or Election, but those can't be. So I'm going to go with Legally Blonde 1. Just Legally Blonde 1, Just Legally Blonde 1. Volume 1. The beginning. Tom? I'm going to go with Walk the Line.

Okay, right. She won the Oscar for it. Yeah, I feel like I'm going to go with that. Yeah. Nobody sees Oscar movies. Joaquin Phoenix, terrific job. Like, oh, what if Johnny Cash had a hair lip? That's what it would be like.

He does that in a lot of his movies. Love that dude though, by the way. I'm not here. Okay, so coming in at number three for Reese Witherspoon after adjusting for inflation. Sweet Home

Alabama. Yeah, what's that about? It's about that guy who had a dog. For Reese Witherspoon, after adjusting for inflation, Sweet Home Alabama. Wow. Yeah, what's that about? It's about that guy who had a dog. Sarah Laughlin, whatever his name is. What? He had a dog. I don't know.

He was a beagle. Coming in at number two. You were right to think maybe animation might come into play, Adam. Because Monsters vs. Aliens. think maybe animation might come into play Adam because monsters versus aliens she plays like an incredible 30 foot woman or whatever and then same problem for number one

oh no so none of you are going to have any points on the board walk the line was number four wow and coming in at number one that karaoke singing performance things sing oh yes saying we made a shit ton of money yeah Wow that's Reese Witherspoon's

number one all right so nobody has any points yet but we're gonna change that Ari gets to go first this time and then Tom and then Adam. The films of Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, that's the guy that was in Sweet Home Alabama. No. He wasn't the love interest in that one? No. No, it was that other guy that was in a ton of movies for a while. A southern drunk though, right?

Yeah, I guess so. I guess he was southern. I don't know. It wasn't him though. Hit me. Any Matthew McConaughey movies coming to mind? Oh yeah, ready? Yeah. I can answer? Yeah. I was gonna say Contact.

I think I might still say it. I can't really think of anything else. He's gotta have been in- Fuck. Oh, he was in that Fast Times at Ridgemont High movie. You know what I'm talking about. The one that wasn't called Fast Times at Richmond High but you all know what I'm talking about yeah I'm gonna stay with contact just because it's sci-fi okay I feel like there's no way it stays to be confused right with inflation oh that's what I'm fuck because I'm either going to... Fuck!

That's my catchphrase on this show. I'm going to say I'm going to say Interstellar. Okay. Which one's Interstellar? He's like, he says to his daughter, I'm going to space, I'll see you in 50 years. And she's like, fuck you, Dad. She's like, I'm not going to space.

He's like, it'd be a lot cooler if you were. He's like, he's like, all right, all right, all right. Over. Oh, yeah, that one had to make a lot of money. Over. Adam, well, thanks for giving me my guess I'm gonna go Magic Mike Magic Mike who gave you that guess

you did when you said alright alright alright that's when he says that yes I thought he said it in Dazed and Confused he did say it in Dazed and Confused

right but he said it again he says it again in Magic Mike and a lot more people he takes out his dick and he's like alright alright

well that takes some of the magic away a lot more people heard him say it in Magic Mike than they takes out his dick and he's like, all right, all right. Well, that takes some of the magic away. A lot more people heard him say it in Magic Mike than they heard in Daisy's movies. He should have said it in Dallas Buyers Club. Sir, you have AIDS. All right, all right, all right. It'd be a lot cooler if I didn't have AIDS. All right. It'd be a lot cooler if I didn't have AIDS. Alright. Coming in at number three

and putting some points on the board, it's Interstellar. Yeah, I'll take a point. Yeah, so Tom has one point. Good for you, Tom. Thank you for those points. The news after that is not good. Oh, Tom. Thank you. The news after that is not good. Except for Tom.

Number two, after adjusting your inflation, a motion picture called Time to Kill. Oh, shit. Wow, that made a lot of money. With Sandy B and Sam Jackson, yes. It was huge. Based on a great movie.

Based on a popular book. And coming in at number one, animation rules the day once again. They always make the most. Sing. Oh, fuck. Is this the theme? God damn it. We know what you did, Doug.

It was right there for the taking. All right, so Tom has one, Adam and Ari need a point. You need to get involved in this next one. And I get to go first on this one, correct? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well. Let's hope there isn't a twist.

Scarlett Johansson. Oh. All right. I know you're going to fuck me on this, and I haven't seen the movie. I'm going to say Sing. What do you mean I'm going to fuck you on this? I think you're going to fuck me on this, Doug. She's in Sing? She's in Sing, yeah. So that's

what he's going with. I was going to go with Ghost World. Wait, what's the order? You can still go with something. It's going to be your turn at some point, Ari. I mean, Sing would be an excellent answer if she didn't also make a movie called The Avengers. Yeah. Fuck!

This is what I was talking about. Sometimes Doug fucks you, you know? What's the full title of that movie, Adam? There's only one Avengers she was in? No, the first one is just called The Avengers. Volume one. If you say so. Okay, it's called The Avengers, Volume one. If you say so. Okay, it's called

The Avengers not The Rise of Ultron. Were there only two Avengers? How many Avengers were there? That she's in? Yeah. All of them. I don't think any of them

are called Rise of Ultron either. Second one was. Nope. What was it called? It's called The AIDS of Ult are called rise of Ultron either second one was nope It's called the AIDS of old Avengers buyers Club What do you think Ari I'm gonna say the Avengers rise of age of Ultron. Rise of the Ultron. I had to go with one of the Avengers. How many were there, three?

What's the one where the Hulk was in a fucking box and they were falling to the ground? Why haven't the Avengers fought AIDS yet? Why haven't they gone to that? Or poverty? What are these Avengers even doing? Okay, so coming in at number three, Captain America Civil War. Oh, man.

Fuck. Yeah. Crossover. Yeah, she cruised around a bit. But Ari is on the board. Oh, shit. Two points for Avengers Age of Ultron.

Which felt a little like cheating. So I'm happy to say I was going to say Avengers if you didn't. I'm happy to say that coming in at number one is the Avengers. Number one.

Yeah, Adam gets three points for that. God damn it. And I was fishing for Marvel's The Avengers when I was saying what's the full title. As opposed to Kellogg's The Avengers. But that's the one where they really went for it and put Marvel in there. And then since then they're like, that's going to get redundant.

Don't make people say Marvel. William Shakespeare's The Avengers. Yeah, so that means Adam Burke is our winner tonight. Congratulations. From dusk till dawn, you get all the prizes. Where you at, Donna? Come over here and take this bag. And then also hang on, the book wasn't big enough to fit in the prizes. Where you at Donna? Come over here and take this bag and then also hang on the book wasn't

big enough to fit in the bag and also be careful of the lovely artwork that's inside the book. Congratulations Donna. Great job. I had a tie breaker all set up so let's play it just for fun and who went

first in the beginning of that? The first round, Adam went first, right? Alright, so we're back to you, Adam. John C. Riley. Yeah. He's the heroin guy? The what? The heroin guy?

Yeah, that's what he's known for, is heroin. What fucking animated movie has he been in because that's oh yeah i know this one and it wasn't animated what could it be what do you got adam uh i'm gonna go i would i would go chicago yes okay chicago stupid piece of that's it you fell for it you don't guess all right's a good guess. 41, you maniac. I don't know. Along came Pauly. I don't know. Oh, fuck. Okay. Can I do it then?

You are totally confusing John C. Reilly with Philip Seymour Hoffman. Yeah, 100%. So wait, how did you guys give me John C. Reilly as the heroin guy? That's what I was already kind of like, wait a second. I don't know anybody's real name.

That's not right. We don't know his life. So I'm saying Wreck-It Ralph. Oh. Ooh. You're making a sequel to Wreck-It Ralph. I'm excited. Put it back together, Ralph, please.

Quit fucking shit up, Ralph. Ralph, we've talked about this. Wait, so do you have an answer for John C. Reilly? Oh, shit talked about this wait so you do you have an answer for John C Reilly you know who he is John C Reilly so the Gangs of New York was he in that yeah once that won't be it but I'll go with it he's in that yeah he's all right but you know it's interesting nobody went for Sing. Oh, God! Doug fucks you! Now, who's the stupid... That's what this podcast should be called.

Get fucked by Doug. It's called, who's the stupid piece of shit now, Tom? Getting Doug with fucked. Yeah, but in his case, it would only have been worth one point because he came in at number three. Yeah, but in his case, it would only have been worth one point because he came in at number three. Yeah, yeah. Number two, oddly enough, the perfect storm. What?

Yeah, yeah. Mark Wahlberg, if he was still here, I think he left because he's got an early call tomorrow or something. Wahlbergers has a sale on burgers. He would yell at you. A sale? Yeah, they have a sale on pizza burgers. Sale on pizza burgers? Yeah, that's a new thing.

Is that really a thing they have? Yeah, they're trying to get pizza burgers. Sale on burger pizza burgers? Yeah, that's a new thing. Is that really a thing they have? Yeah, they're trying to get rid of it because it's not catching on, so they're really trying to lower the price and get good stuff. I don't think Mark Wahlberg would be content eating a pizza burger. He wasn't happy about it. Yeah. And then coming in number one for John C. Reilly, Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 1.

What? God bless you, Bob. Shit. Wreck-It Ralph wasn't even on there. That's crazy. No, he didn't make the top three. Might be close by. He's like some sort of officer.

All of his scenes are with Glenn Close, and they're not in volume two, because that would have been in his top three for sure, because that made a ton of money. But anyway, let's start with our winner, Adam. What do you want to plug? Fuck, I forgot about this part.

I'll be at the Laugh Factory on Thursday. I don't know if this will air in time, but Yeah, it will. Catch me at the Late Show at the Laugh Factory. Thursday night, Laugh Factory here in Los Angeles. In LA, yeah. And then back in Chicago, where can people see you regularly?

You can see me at the Laugh Factory in Chicago regularly. Oh, that's all you do is Laugh Factories? Laugh Factory tour? He just clocks in and clocks out at the old factory.

I'm Union. Tom Chikar, what do you got coming up? Check out my podcast, Stand By Your Band. Like I said, we defend shitty music. And it's music that sometimes I like it, like Coldplay. We did Toby Keith last week.

It's a fun time. Comics come on to defend shitty music. Also, I have a live show at Caroline's on Broadway if you live in New York City. What's it called? It's called Tom and Tommy Comedy Mommy. I host it with my dear friend Tommy McNamara, and we have an awesome show for the next one,

September 27th, 9.30 p.m. with Joe List, a part of Najirla, Christina Hutchinson, Sean Donnelly, Martin Urbano, and more. $10 tickets with promo code Mommy or if you just whisper that in my ear

that's how you do a plug Jesus Christ thank you well Ari is a New Yorker now so you should have him on sometime

I mean if you guys can work it out yeah I'm not a mother but I'd still love to do your show well if you're not a mother I'm sorry sorry Ari

I just like saying Tom and Tommy comedy mommy I like saying it I'd still love to do your show. Well, if you're not a mother, I'm sorry. Sorry, Ari. I just like saying Tom and Tommy comedy mommy. I like saying it. Please come on, Ari. Sorry, book of the show. Ari has a special on Netflix that's two and a half hours. It's epic. It's a long-ass special called Double Negative.

And what else you got going on? I got a podcast called Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank. And I do spots at the stand and the cellar in New York all the time. And, you know, just... When are you heading back east?

Monday. Okay. Yeah, I'm not here very long. Alright. It's already got cold there. I'm fucking dreading it. Oh, it's crazy. We have the long... It's just winter and summer there now. Like, spring and fall are like a day it. It's crazy. It's just winter and summer there now. Spring and fall are like a day each. It's brutal. The rats don't even die out anymore.

They just wait. They just thrive. It's turned into a Tracy Let's Play real quick. Oh, fuck you, Adam. Us hillbillies don't know what that means And I like to get jokes You've never seen Bug?

No I've seen Bugs I live in a basement Killer Joe Whatever Thank you to all of my guests Ari Shafir Tom Takar

Adam Burke Thank you guys for coming out. Portland this weekend come see me. Oh also maybe on AM Northwest in Portland on Friday morning if you like to watch that program. And as always... Not having a driver's license in L.A. is a shithead. Oh, maybe I should have closed with that one. Waiting until 2018 for Prop 64 to go into effect is a shithead. Once again, thanks to our pals at Loot Crate

for sponsoring today's show. Loot Crate has an epic range of pop culture items for less than 20 bucks a month. It's the best surprise you know is coming. September's Loot Crate theme is robotic with items from Star Wars, Star Trek, Aliens, and Blade Runner. One lucky subscriber will also win

a mega crate of seriously epic proportions. Subscribe by the 19th at 9 p.m. Pacific to receive this month's crate. Go to lootcrate.com slash Doug. Enter my code D-O-U-G to save $3 on any new subscription. Bye-bye. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you,

cause Doug loves movies!