Doug Loves Movies - Ari Shaffir, Eugene Mirman, John Mulaney, and Pat Kiernan Guest

Episode Date: May 21, 2013

Live from the Gramercy Theatre in New York, Doug welcomes Ari Shaffir, Eugene Mirman, John Mulaney, and Pat Kiernan to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers with a baby sticky seat With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not more that he won't see Oh, not the least Hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you from the Gramercy Theater in New York City. It's Monday, May 20th, 2 Oceans 13.

Let me see some name tags. Do you guys have name tags? Holy crap. The last year, Loricorn instead of Unicorn. That's the biggest one. And then we... Boxing Elena instead of Helena. That's the biggest one. And then we... Boxing Elena

instead of Helena. That's good. Jenna's up front there with her... What is that? Fruity Pebbles? Okay. That's a great movie,

Fruity Pebbles. What does the sombrero say on it? E to Natalie Tambien? E2 Natalie Tambien That is a sexy name tag There's some sort of Cannonball Run tribute out there There's a dude with Mike and Ike

So he could be either of those names The Blair Rich Project Are you rich dude? Someone with an actual Tiny director's chair that says Sydney on it was that like on the set of a movie with a small actor

a tiny actor a basketball oh my god is there any up in the balcony you guys just like you're like we're getting there late we're not gonna bring a name tag I can't read any of those from where I You guys just like, you're like, we're getting there late. We're not going to bring a name tag. I can't read any of those from where I am.

But who knows, maybe one of my guests will, you know, make the effort and come out there and find you. Oh, there's a really long banner with a heart and a camera. I don't see my face on there anywhere. It's kind of disappointing. There's another light up one over there. Thanks a lot, you guys, for bringing name tags. Who's coming back on July 1st?

I didn't mean to pull a fast one on you. We decided on July 1st, and then I realized my schedule could make this happen also after we put the July 1st one on sale. So I appreciate anyone who's coming to both or any of these shows. And also, I

know Ticketmaster, you know, especially in New York, is a fucking... is fucked. And so I try to keep the tickets as low as possible. So I think if you buy them at the box office here, there's no service charge. But I also, I asked for the tickets to be like $15

and a $4 service charge. So they should be $19. If you paid more, I apologize. But that's what it should be for the next one. And from now on. Because I know how it must feel. You guys are like, those fuckers out in LA get it free every week

but guess what yours is going to be super sized yeah 90 minutes four great guests but first these things out of my mouth it's time for watch this, Not That. The number one movie in the country

is Star Trek Into Darkness Rises. And number two is Iron Man 3. And I think no matter what, there's going to be more Iron Man movies. Even if Robert Downey Jr. doesn't want to play the part, they'll just

get Topher Grace. But, um... I worry because they say that Star Trek Into Darkness earned a little less than they were hoping it would or guesstimated that it would. So I'm hoping for more Star Trek movies.

So watch Star Trek Into Darkness, not Iron Man 3. This has been Watch This, Not That. From the corrections department, the Alec Baldwin movie I mentioned on the last UCB show is called

Outside Providence, not Providence, Rhode Island. Finally, we can all sleep better knowing that that's been cleared up. Lindbergh! There's this guy named Lindbergh that gives me a hard time about things like that,

just so that he'll get into the corrections department bit. Let's look in the prize bag, you guys. It's really heavy, and we've got to talk to the guests about some of these things, but they give us so many great treats backstage that I can't possibly eat them all or think about eating them all. So I included from the backstage here at the Gramercy some Chips Ahoy cookies. Big thing of those, it's the chewy style, so you're basically eating synthetic garbage. Yeah. Get it into you.

Yeah, no, I agree that they're delicious. We got a CD from one of the fellas coming out here. Oh, another CD from another fella. A CD from this fella called Smug Life. This thing is crazy. I'm not going to show you what it says on it, but this item, she's not here, but this item is signed by Taylor Swift. Yeah, so there's got to be a story behind that. And there's a t-shirt in here and a grinder, you know, if you're into that sort of thing. I included Doug Diggs it

for this. I haven't done Doug Diggs it for a while because I can't say it. You've got to be able to say it to do it. But Doug Diggs, the original Planet of the Apes on DVD. And there's a t-shirt and then there's also a $10 iTunes gift card

that you can use to get premium episodes of Benson Interruption and Douglas movies or go buy whatever else you want with it. Go get the new Taylor Swift album Red. I don't give a shit what you do with it. I will never know. I don't set this up so it'll come back

to me that you didn't buy my shit with it. And why would I want... If you buy my shit with it, that's like, has a transaction even happened? It's just like, that's just all neutral. Here's a great idea. Buy my friend's comedy albums with your whoever wins tonight.

With your whopping ten dollar. Buy every Pete Holmes You Made It, You Made It movies. Where you have to sit through Pete Holmes talking about everything but the movie he's watching. And please help me in welcoming to the stage

another great New York lineup. I've got Ari Shafir, Pat Kiernan, Eugene Merman, and John Mulaney. Thank you. A lot of people, bro. It's a little different than the L.A. version, isn't it, Ari? People love you here. Ari Shafir, everybody here Ari Shafir everybody Ari Shafir, Death Squad, powerful

Relocated to New York For a period of time How are you liking it? So far so good It's been kind of cold But nobody's broken into my apartment It was finally warm today And I actually got tweets

from people complaining about having to wait in line outside in the heat. Like, it was fucking the Arctic for the last six months, and you guys are already tired of the heat. Another guy said, I have to stand next to hot garbage. I'm like, welcome to New York.

What are you visiting? He's like, no, I live here. And Ari brought a grinder with his face on it. And by grinder, I mean something so you can make your own coffee. No, I don't. That's not bad at all. Do not make coffee with it. And New York One's

What's in the Papers, Pat Kiernan, brought a lovely t-shirt symbolic of my move to Brooklyn last year. And also, it's got a bike on it, because New York is bike crazy as of next week. Yeah, it's fucking maximum rush time, you guys.

Can I use the bit about the tweets about being sick of the hot weather? Can I use that tomorrow morning? Absolutely. Pat reads the tweets. It's a new segment on New York One. Is that tomorrow morning? Absolutely. Pat reads the tweets. It's a new segment on New York One. And for the listeners who have not been in New York either to visit or to live,

New York One is the best thing. Are you into it? Have you started watching it? I don't know what that means. It's the NBC of only New York. It's the reason people don't switch from Time Warner Cable. Like, almost the only reason. And that voice, of course, is Eugene Merman.

Hello. Not a cartoon little boy. No, a man. A full-blown man. A cartoon little boy. No, a man. A full-blown man. A cartoon little man. And he brought a copy of Eugene Merman, An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory for your listening pleasure.

And real quick, let me mention the name of Ari's CD that he brought. It's called Revenge for the Holocaust. And to that I say finally. CD that he brought. It's called Revenge for the Holocaust. And to that I say finally. We've been buying our time. Way to strike. We did it in CD form. Oops, you have a water drop situation.

And finally John Mulaney is here. Hi Doug. and finally, John Mulaney is here. Hey! Hi, Doug. Hi, John. And he brought the aforementioned Taylor Swift item. Tell us what it, tell us all about it.

Well, on its own, it is a fine and sealed, show them the inside, sealed Joe Malone candle. the inside, sealed Joe Malone candle. Y'all know Joe Malone, right? He's making candles now. This is one of them.

Good old shoeless Joe Malone and his foot-scented candle. And signed to me from Taylor Swift. Do you want to read it? She wrote, John, wow, period. and signed to me from Taylor Swift do you want to read it? she wrote John wow period thank you for everything exclamation point exclamation point

she's got this new song where she goes Exclamation point. Exclamation point. Exclamation point. She's got this new song where she goes, let's dress like hipsters, and every time I sing along, Hitler. But she was a guest. Hold on, what did she write under thanks for everything? Oh, love you. Can't believe I left that out.

And then she kissed it and also put a little vagina juice on there. See, now this is a problem. Now I'm in trouble. Y'all cannot tell her I gave this away. No, for real.

Yeah, don't. She doesn't. Have you ever seen what she does to a young man that wrongs her? You do not repeat This stays in this room And the podcast

And all the people That listen to it Yeah This stays in whatever room You're in Don't be that dick That goes At Taylor Swift

Did you hear what At John Mulaney Did to you? And then What at Doug Benson Tagged it with? I won't stir it up. I'll let it go.

But she was hosting SNL and you were... Well, yeah, I was going to keep it vague. Writing all of her best jokes. I just wanted to have a Joe Malone candle that said, Wow, thank you for everything. I love you, Taylor Swift. Yes, she was hosting Saturday Night Live, and she gave gifts to everybody. And I figured, you know, pay it forward.

Pass it on to these people. Did everybody get something different, or everybody was a candle? Huh? Was it all candles, or did she give somebody different things? All candles, different messages. All candles, different inscriptions. Yeah. No, she's serious about show business.

That girl is not fucking around. She's the Tom Cruise of young country girl singers. She's the Tom Cruise of show business. Yeah, because he's just in films. I think he is a spaceman now. He is a full space man now. A full futuristic space explorer.

Did you see Obliv? Haven't seen it yet. Is that the one with Will Smith and his son? Or is that the one... I wish. I wish there was a movie where Tom Cruise and Will Smith and his son were on another planet. And then at the end, the surprise twist is that they promise to stay there. Yeah. That's actually the end, the surprise twist is that they promised to stay there. Yeah.

That's actually the end of The Master, if you watch it all the way through. Did you like that movie, The Master? Yeah, I liked The Master a lot. I saw it at that big-ass what's it called at the Arclight? The Cinemadrome? Cineramadome? The Cineramadome.

It was great. I could not have been more bored. I felt totally transported. Boom, did you hear that? Ari Shvir could not be more bored by the master. It was like great acting, but I was like, I don't care what you're talking about. What were they talking about?

I don't know. I don't have any idea what the fuck they were getting into. But is that what intrigued you about it? That we didn't know what they were getting into. But is that what intrigued you about it? That we didn't know what they were getting into? What were they even talking about half the time? What was that scene where you had to keep walking across the room and touch the window?

But he was also touching the wall. That's why I didn't get it. I missed the wall part. I was like, why just the windows? Right. Touch something else. You gotta keep both eyes open,

because he went to the whole other side of the screen and touched the wall. Are you, John, a There Will Be Blood fan? I am a There Will Be Blood fan, yeah. That's where Paul Thomas Anderson lost me. Oh, really? It was about halfway through that movie, yeah. Yeah, and I just wanted to make...

Like, his next movie's supposedly going to be about surf music, and I can't wait, because the last two movies, the soundtrack has been a guy hitting a hammer into a saw. Eugene Merman, have you been to the movies lately? You don't have to applaud again. I didn't mean to say it like I was... I didn't mean to introduce him again. I have been to the movies. I went to see Star Trek.

Into Darkness? Yes. I went to see Wr Trek. Into Darkness? Yes. I went to see Wrath of Khan at home. No, I went to see Star Trek Into Darkness. I won against my girlfriend to see Great Gatsby. Which I'm told by

the media is terrible. What do you mean you won? What did you win? Did you fight? I won the ability to not see Great Gatsby. Just picturing you two stalking around the living room about to wrestle. Oh yeah, we went like, yeah, it was just blows. Though I was knocked out as a favor.

No, we went to see Star Trek Into Darkness. And it was a lot of fun. It was a nice time. Is that what I'm supposed to say? It was a nice time. A nice time. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. It was a nice time. Is that what I'm supposed to say? It was a nice time. A nice time. Well, you know. Yeah, it was a movie.

It is a movie. I don't feel like I went and like something, I was transformed. And so I was like, I've enjoyed watching this. It's very fast. I like the latest Star Trek Players production. You know, it's like, it's just, that's what I said in the beginning of the show, is I would not mind more of the same. Yeah.

But I also still feel like it's too new to really talk about because it's got, you know, twists and stuff. Yeah. Everyone in the movie, aliens included, are gay. And it's like, there's a universe, it's an alt-universe where everyone completely is gay and no new beings can be created. And I've ruined it now.

I enjoyed it. I guess we can't discuss I enjoyed it for the following twists. Did your girl like it? Say it again? Did your girl like it? Yeah, we both enjoyed it. It's a movie well made. The real reason we saw it is because

we both wanted to see it. In the other movie only half of us wanted to see it. And even that I was like, you don't really want to see this. You will unlike Leonardo DiCaprio. No, he's supposedly very good in it. And it's supposedly in 3D, which you wouldn't go see anyway, because

her and you hate 3D. Well, hate is a strong word. Disdain? I want to murder it. Totally agreed. Hear that clap? That is passionate people. I saw Gatsby

and Toosby, and it worked out fine. And it's kind of interesting when you watch it in 2D, anything that's also available in 3D, because you can sit there and go, oh, that would have been, oh, the confetti might have seemed like it was coming closer to me,

but I'm still, I'm good with what, how close it did come. Like, you know, like Oz, great and powerful, I saw in 3D, and the whole time I was just like, I would be having so much more fun imagining what the 3D would be like while watching it in 2D. I saw it in 3D, and I thought this is probably good to see it this way, not 2D.

Really? Yeah. Because the story was... Oh my god, it's like almost a little closer. I don't mind 3D. Don't mind it. Sorry, America. I don't like it when the movie is fake made 3D. When they redo it.

I don't want to see Kramer vs. Kramer in 3D. I'm all set. But a movie that was meant to be in it? Okay, go on. The scene where Joe Beth Williams is naked in Kramer vs. Kramer, you should at least check that out in 3D. When she runs into

the little boy in the hallway, like, she is so naked, and that movie's like PG, I think. Not anymore. It was a better time. Pat, do you get to... I know you have a family and a morning job, so movies are probably not a big priority.

No, I have a cameo in Iron Man 3. Oh! Once again... Did you take over the Don Cheadle role? It's good to have you on the show, Rhodey. Doug, it's the Pat Kiernan as himself role again. And it's on New York One?

Or just a generic newscast? At New York One, pronouncing the end of the planet. New York would probably know first. They'd probably get the scoop. No, but for three weeks I've been trying to go see it and my eldest daughter doesn't want to go see it. She thinks it looks scary get the scoop. No, but for three weeks I've been trying to go see it, and my eldest daughter doesn't want to go see it. She thinks it looks scary from the trailer.

How old is she? She's 11. Dude, I just completely set you up to say she's like 22 or something. Oh, I'm sorry. But at 75, she's aging backwards. That's interesting that she would think that looks scary because it just looks silly.

I think I could drag her kicking and screaming. Sure, sure. But she had on her Netflix pick list Monte Carlo with Selena Gomez so we watched that instead.

This is what they don't tell you about having kids. Dude, dude, dude. Dude, the Selena Gomez movie you gotta watch with your kids is Spring Breakers. Oh, yeah. That would be messed up. Come on, kids, let's watch. And they'd be like, why did Selena leave the movie halfway through?

Because shit's going down, kids. Ari, what about you? What have I seen lately? Mm-hmm. Fuck. I'm trying to remember. You had all that time. I went all the way down the line. I know. Ari, what about you? What have I seen lately? Fuck, I'm trying to remember. You had all that time. I went all the way down the line. I know, but I was kind of engrossed in what they were doing,

and then right when he finished, I was like, oh, he's probably going to ask me next. It could be something you watched on Netflix, or... I just illegally downloaded a few movies. That's what I meant. Isn't that meant. Sure. And watched them? The Wilco documentary?

Wilco? Uh-huh. Yeah, nobody should pay to see that. No, it's good though, right? I was worried about Iron Man 3 because Iron Man 2 was so sucky. No, but everybody, that's the thing, is Iron Man 3 is like

they got it back on track. Oh yeah, it's good. Just like Ocean's 13. They were like, we're sorry for Ocean's 12, Ocean's 13's gonna make up for it. And then it was worse than Ocean's 12. If you ask me. But who did?

I saw Django Unchained last time I was here in Brooklyn. Yeah. You like that? I liked it pretty good. But I mean... What didn't you like about it?

It was like a little... You know, okay. Look, Tarantino's the greatest. Let's all agree. But like, you know how in the other movie, the good one about the Jews? There's that scene where the one girl

is like gonna drink milk and the bad guy is like, oh, you want milk? And it's like, oh, I don't know. He knows who I am. And it's so fucking tense. You don't know what's gonna happen. That same scene was in Django,

but it was just like... There's no tension in Django. No, none. He's like, should I reach for my gun? I'm like, why? There's like 20 dudes here. They'll just get killed. Every time they're in a situation,

Christoph Waltz just goes, I can talk my way out of this. And then he does. And it's entertaining to watch, but I thought Inglourious Basterds was a much more suspenseful, scary movie. Yeah. And ultimately disturbing.

Wow, that's a lot of people. I don't know what that noise was. But congratulations on the birth of your child. Dude, there's a balcony here, too? Yeah. It's raked like all the good movie theaters these days So everybody's got a clear vision of us From very far away

Hi And yeah, if you see a name tag up there When it comes to that part of the show that you want Just jump off the stage and go get it Because they're people too up there. I don't believe they are. Did I ask you what you saw, John? No.

No, because we got into Oblivion and so forth. The last movie I saw was The Place Beyond the Pines. I heard that was good. People seem to like it. It's fantastic. It is so good, I bought the score on iTunes. No!

Nothing's that good. It was that good! You just want to listen to music that reminds you of Ryan Gosling? The next morning... Just look at a picture of Ryan. Oh, I looked at a picture of Ryan. I downloaded... Because the track I wanted

was album only, don't you know? So I had to buy a $17 album so that I could listen to the score in my car the next morning and cry on the 101.

It's a real thinker, this movie. $17? Is it two discs? I don't know. It's all iTunes. What disc? Yeah. The movie isn't too long? Is it too long? Mm-hmm. choose discs? I don't know. It's all iTunes. What disc?

The movie isn't too long? Is it too long? Mm-hmm. No, it's a movie. You go. It's your evening out. It's a movie. Who cares how long it is?

Sit there for a few days. I don't give a shit. How long do you want movies to be? Shorter than The Place Beyond the Pines. It's not that long. I also unfortunately know the twist that happens

one third of the way into that movie. See, I think you enjoy it even if you know things about it. This is bullshit, this era where you can't know anything about what you walked into. Because people knew. People read Gone with the Wind and they went in and watched that goddamn thing. No, studies have shown and Pat Kiernan came back on this

that people don't give a shit about spoilers. You're regular people. But the people that are in this room really care about spoilers. Alright. You know, it's just a weird thing. I can't back you up on that, Doug. I'll back you up on that. Have you? Because you've reported

that, right? Every day. Every day. I mean, because you've reported that, right? Every day, every day. Many. I mean, we've reported the Gallup version of that poll. We've reported the, all of the I thought it was a little inappropriate during Hurricane Sandy that you guys kept reporting

the spoiler phenomenon. I just thought people needed a little more info. Well, we were curious whether it was trending down, whether people became less concerned. I mean, I see why it's interesting. I just personally felt. You know what? Maybe just to shake it up, I won't report it tomorrow.

Well, when I restart my cable box, New York One will come on. You'll pop right up there. Let me know when you restart it. I'll restart it at the same time. All right, let's all restart our cable boxes at the same time tomorrow. When I stay in a hotel here that doesn't have New York 1, I get angry.

Good for you. It just makes me feel like I'm back, you know, when you can turn that off. It's just the best. Is that the station that's on in cabs? No, no. Ari, you goddamn L.A. piece of shit. That's like

ABC or NBC. Thank you, Eugene. You are not acclimating well. That's the station that's on New York One. What you meant by that is that the station I turn off in the back of the cabs. Yeah. I always like, I can't hit that button fast enough when Sandy Kenyon's gonna tell me

he's gonna tell me how much I'm going to love the big wedding. The first time I saw one of those cat things, there was a story on gas prices going up. I don't mean to harp on Jew stuff, but they were like... They were like, citizens are outraged. And then they just take it to the street, and they just interview some... His name must have been Jaime.

Because it was just like like his voice was like, eh, eh. And he had everything, he was like, it's too high! The money's too much! The money is too much! So much money! That's basically all New York is. And bread and snacks.

Yeah, I didn't tweet it, but today when I was walking along, I almost wrote New York City where they invented noise. Because it's fucking crazy how loud people do things here. Because everything's loud here. Who cares?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, such a Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, such a soft-spoken panel. I got my wall banged on because I was recording a podcast intro too loud. She banged on my wall to keep it down. Yeah, first night here. And I was like, there's fucking eight sirens going off.

They're not talking about comedy. Were you doing your podcast that's called Yelling? I was yelling. I was getting worked up. Was there a guest or just you? It was just an intro. I probably should calm down more. We'll start down the other end again. John Mulaney.

Stop it. Yeah! I'll try to remember to just use first names. That doesn't happen anymore. Movie this summer that you're most looking forward to, if there is such a thing. You may have peaked with pines. Movie this summer that I'm most looking forward to.

We'll come back to you. No, the, how about, oh, the internship. I mean, hey. It's an intern, they got an internship. You're a liar, you're a liar. No, but Doug, it's at Google.

That's a word. I do not, I do not get what's going on with Vince Vaughn movies. It used to be like- No, no, I'll have to explain it. So, it's Google, right? And they get an internship. I do not get what's going on with Vince Vaughn movies. It used to be like... No, no, I'll explain it. It's Google, right?

And they get an internship. But they're too old, John. I don't understand. No goddamn spoilers, Eugene. I believe I'm right. Don't listen to them. They're not old. But Vince Vaughn went from from the premise that was a big hit

was like you know he's trying to start a frat at a college even though he's an adult and then the next one that was a big hit was like

he's going to weddings and hitting on women at all the weddings and then the next one was he's got a dilemma he knows that his adult friends

are having a difficult marriage and then now his latest thing like the premises are just getting weaker He knows that his adult friends are having a difficult marriage. And now, his latest thing, like the premises are just getting weaker and weaker. Like after this one, the next premise is going to be Vince Vaughn decides to open up a lemonade stand. Like it's so like, it's not high concept at all. Or is it? Is working for Google that crazy?

Well, it's Google. This is a buzzword right now, Doug. Do they just turn to the audience and say, hey, we're not really going to do a movie, just look it up, just Google it? Kevin Spacey comes in as his character from House of Cards and talks to the audience about it. Can you believe that they're working at Google? Do you like when he talks to the audience about it. Can you believe that they're working at Google? Do you like when he talks to the camera?

I'm going to ruin this internship. Even if it is at Google. Didn't you get used to that? I got used to that talking to camera thing. I haven't watched House of Cards. You did an excellent impersonation of it for having us here. I'm going to binge watch it.

Once Ferris Bueller did it. But that was the biggest criticism I heard. Yeah, when Kevin Spacey looks at the camera and goes, life goes by too fast. You gotta stop and take a moment to enjoy it. Or whatever the fuck Ferris Bueller said. Don't be ashamed.

Yeah, but that's the only complaint I've heard about that series. It's brilliant, David Fincher, Netflix, but that... No, I like it. I do like him talking to the camera. I like him talking to the camera. I need that kind of... I don't know what's happening at any point in every TV show

and movie. If someone like in Game of Thrones would just turn to the camera and be like, we want to climb the wall. I'd be like, ah, okay. All right. Dinklage should totally just be the guy that looks to camera and tells us what's up.

What's really going on. That'd be fantastic. Yeah, I would love that. But I just sit there and stare at it for an hour and go, other people seem to enjoy it for reasons that I don't. I just like that there might be a fiery dragon flying in and doing shit.

I start looking up stuff online as I watch. It's like truffles. It's like, hey, you want a mushroom? It's 300 bucks. And I'm like, oh, 300 bucks. Okay, it must be good. It's a solid analogy. Yeah.

But also, you should talk to your cable supplier about paying $300 for HBO. That seems a little... Not even HBO, just Game of Thrones. Yeah, just Game of Thrones. Yeah, just Game of Thrones. 300 bucks, right? Yeah.

Okay, Eugene. What movie am I most excited for coming out this summer? Yeah, if any. No, I am, because aren't there a lot of superheroes? What are some of the movies coming out? We got The Wolverine. The Wolverine, yes.

Superman. Oh, Superman, yeah. Man of Steel. Superman. That is maybe the one that I'm most excited for. It's all those things. It's like how people can either fly or punch or get shot and be fine. I feel like every week...

Good, solid combinations of those. Is every weekend in your life talking your girlfriend into seeing the comic book movie? No, because they mostly, first of all, come out in the summer. And second of all, I'm happy to go see other stuff, too, like thrillers.

Or nice romantic comedy. What was the last romantic comedy that you thought was a good movie? Oh. Yeah. No, I like a lot of romantic comedies.

I do too, but they dig back a little ways. Well, yeah. I bet there was a bunch if you didn't know. I have to dig back to Citizen Kane

to find a romantic comedy. Let me just say this. I really enjoyed Blast from the Past with Alicia Silverstone and Brandon Brager. Was it because you were in a shelter underground and there were no other movies to watch?

No other romantic comedies. No. I watched Admission a few days ago. Tina Fey and Paul Rudd? Yes, and then the next night I made the terrible mistake of watching A Good Day to Die Hard. Because I was like, how bad could it really be?

And the answer is, it's like someone taught a cat to write a movie and then let it write a movie and then filmed and shot and released that movie. I've literally never seen something that was as sort of

nonsensical and expensive. They found a cat that only says, I'm on vacation. Yeah. So that was, but no, I see all sorts, but I am probably most excited for Superman.

I think that's true. Man of Steel. Man of Steel, yeah. Yeah. I'm most excited for Superman. I think that's true. Man of Steel. Man of Steel, yeah. I'm excited for a Gal Alba movie. Sorry to say it wrong. Pat, of course you're going to take your daughters to see Monsters University. Of course.

What else are you looking forward to? You didn't tell me I had to research for this. No, you don't. You can just pass pass can I take us off on a tangent? sure you know the whole romantic comedy question I was thinking what romantic comedies have I seen in the last decade that I enjoyed which reminded me of the

revelation that I had that the guy, the dad in Downton Abbey was Bernie the dopey guy in Notting Hill that said to Julia Roberts' character, so, Anna, what do you do for a living? That's the same guy. I never connected those before.

That's cool. That's a cool tangent. I like romantic comedies how it always works out, just like real relationships. My favorite romantic comedy is Throw Mama from the Train. That's a good one.

Well, um... remember in Teen Wolf 2 how he was... The whole time, the normal-looking girl was into him, but he was like, beat it! And then he hooked up with a hot chick and it turns out she was horrible to be around. And it didn't ruin anything with the normal-looking chick. She was like, yeah, I'll still take you.

What's the lesson you get from that? Teen Wolf 2, that happened? I think that's both of them. It sometimes skips a generation. That's in the movie as well. Teen Wolf 2 was the one that Michael J. Fox was not involved in. It was Jason Bateman.

Yeah, Jason Bateman. What about, this is not a movie thing, but it might be a movie thing eventually. Are you guys excited about Arrested Development? I'm scared of it. You're scared it'll ruin the name? I'm scared of it. You're scared it'll ruin the name?

I'm scared of what's going to happen. Because you'll have to stream it? Yeah, what if there's buffering issues? Yeah. This is the point of the show where I say, let the bangs begin. We're going to play some games, but in order to do that properly, we need each of

the guests on stage to select a name tag from the audience. Who they would like to play for. If we can get the house lights up a little bit, I'd appreciate it. And if you guys could just get up and go out there and grab the name tag that you want to play for. Ari

Shafir, who are you playing for? I'm playing for Tommy 12 Tacos. Is that your name? What's your name, man? I forgot to ask your name. Is your name on the name tag? It's huge.

It's Jesus smoking What is it? It's Jesus smoking a bong. Your name is Jesus? Up in the balcony? And do they write a shithead on the back? Okay, good. Don't show everybody. Alright, Pat, who are you playing for?

Bridget has a Kermit the Frog here. And it looks like a well-worn Kermit the Frog. Yeah. It may have been purchased 30 years ago. Yeah, it's very old. The eyes are a little worn out. Yeah, the shag's a little rough on that one, yeah. Bridget, I'll take good care of Kermit.

Oh, that was so sweet. But Bridget is who you're playing for. Bridget. And she put a shithead on the back of Kermit, so don't say that out loud. No, no, I'm not going to read it out loud, but there is a message on the back. Have you ever accidentally said a swear word

on New York One? I don't believe so. Okay, I take your word for it we often say Shiite really often there's a traffic jam and I was told that the proper way to say that city is not Norfolk but Norfolk.

Okay. That's in the ballpark. Those are two great examples. Not Norfolk. I've been employed there for a long time, Doug. I think part of the reason is that I've maintained a pristine record. But who knows? Maybe it'll all blow up one day.

Maybe. Yeah, maybe you'll be reading Pat's papers and you'll just be, this shit's fucked up. Maybe. Eugene. Eugene, who are you playing for? Assuming her name wasn't Leonard Moulton. I believe I'm playing for someone named the last...

Oh, Laura. Laura Korn. Laura Korn. I can read upside down, not bad. Yeah, I'm playing for the last Laura Korn. Yeah, her name is Laura, and I'm assuming... And her last name is Korn. That's a really good name.

I'm assuming Leonard Moulton gave that two and a half stars, which is a travesty, because that movie's a classic, The Last Unicorn. Yeah, it's got vanity in it. Johns? I am playing for Leslie, right here in the front row. I did not go far.

I did not try hard, and I did not go far. Playing for Leslie on this very not dexterous Homer Simpson doll. She just wrote Leslie on the front of his chest? Yeah. But when I was about to go into the crowd, she said I like, she complimented my 2012 special New in Town, so I said,

I'm not going nowhere, and I took her. Your 2012 special New in Town? Coming out in 2012. Leslie was clapping with the Homer earlier in the show. I saw her, instead of clapping her own hands, she would clap Homer's hands. Probably didn't make much noise, but certainly made an

impression. And congratulations to all the people whose name tags got chosen, and thank you to everyone who brought one that didn't get chosen, because I know what it's like holding something like this on the subway.

I had to come back from Best Week Ever one time dressed as Harry Potter, so I know... I know I know how you guys... Alright, this first game we're gonna play is called Lincoln or Bane.

Of course, the audience is unfamiliar with it, so let me explain. I'm gonna say a line from the motion picture Lincoln directed by Steven Spielberg laughter why is that funny

as said by Lincoln or a line in Dark Knight Rises as said by the character of Bane Dark Knight Rises was the one about the hole laughter sure as said by the character of Bane. Dark Knight Rises was the one about the hole? Sure.

So this is a 50-50. It's a great 50-50 shot. They both say things that sound like the other guy. They both have the same attitude, which is interesting, because one of them is a villain, and the other one is Bane. Doesn't make any sense. It does if, Doug, you like slavery.

I don't like it. I just think it's, you know, it's an option that people should... You've always been a free trade guy. No, it's just weird that these two characters sound so much alike because they are so incredibly different. So we'll start down there with you, John, and we'll go across the lane there, across every person, and just tell me, you can explain why you think

so but it kind of helps the other players if you do that if you do explain tell me if it's Lincoln or Bane and I I do a better Bane than a Lincoln but you'll get the idea wait you're going to do it in their voice never mind just go

I could just say it if you'd prefer no now that I have a voice option please do it in their voice? Never mind. Just go. Just go. I could just say it if you'd prefer. No, now that I have a voice option, please do it in the voice. How do you know how good your Lincoln is? It's based on Daniel Day Lewis's version.

But also, yeah, it's crazy that all the things both of those characters say, except for there's certain phrases, of course. Okay, we got it. Like... Like... Like Lincoln never brings up Gotham.

And Bane never brings up any kind of emancipation. Huh? Oh, he actually does, though. Take back your city. All right, here we go. This is the one. This is the one. That wasn't it.

That wasn't it. John, is this Lincoln or Bane? Put him back in the box. Hmm. Can I hear it again? I've seen both of those movies. I don't know why either of them would say that. Could I hear it again?

Put him back in the box. Are you saying put him back in the box? Put him back in the box. Are you saying put him back in the box? Put him back in the box. That is, and don't say right or wrong to give my reasoning. No, because we're going to go down the line everybody gets to say, so I won't say right or wrong for a while. Oh, I thought this was just me. That's why he doesn't want you to give your reasoning. Because once you tell me your reasoning, I'll know the truth.

Yeah. You'll be helping the other players. We had the retired Pope on recently. His quote was, your reasoning equals I'll know the truth. Yeah. You'll be helping the other players. Like, we had the retired Pope on recently. His Pope was your reasoning equals the right answer for me. Ah. Lincoln. Eugene. Without his reasoning, I'm going to say Bain.

Pat. I think it's Lincoln. Ari. It's definitely Bain. We've already narrowed down to two players because it's Lincoln! What? They didn't have boxes in those days.

It was something about there were some boats or something and he said put them back in the box. Oh, you know what I thought it was, Doug? What? I thought that Lincoln came home and you know that awful Mary Todd was always buying things. She's awful. She had on a bunch of shoes. I was like, look at this here, and look at this here.

And he goes, put them back in the box, and you better have a receipt. Todd. He would call her Todd when he was mad at her. You better have a receipt, Todd. And then he moonwalked out of the room. Then he's got to start directing movies. My favorite thing that Lincoln says to his wife,

Sally Field, is at one point he says to her, Howling at shadows and furniture and ghosts. What? That's a difficult person to live with. That's doing all of those things. Would you rather live with Sally Field from Punchline

or Sally Field and Lincoln? Good question. Either way, they're howlers. Okay, so that means that we've narrowed it down to just Pat and John. So Eugene and Ari. Now we're head to head? Eugene and Ari have to sit this one out.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, goodbye then. Who said... And we'll start with Pat. Here's where it gets truly slippery.

Is there any clue to be read into your voice characterization? No, I read it more as Bane than Lincoln. That's because it is Bane, Doug. Oh, John? It's Lincoln.

That's correct, it's Lincoln. This is in the scene on Robert's birthday when he sets up a slip and slide. Remember that? He's in the backyard. It's the only time you see him in shorts. He's like, we've got a crocodile mile over here, but here's where it gets truly slippery.

Your shit is about to get wet. Shit is about to get wet. I think it's more like he's about to say that slavery is a slippery slope. No, he doesn't say that. It's not that slippery. It should just be no slavery. That's the interesting argument in that movie is everybody that's against...

I mean, they're also probably racist, but the reason Some of them were, yes. The reason they say they're against abolishing slavery is they're like, but what are they all going to do when they're suddenly free? And the answer is, well, they'll be fucking free. Like, try

not to worry. That's like a weird downside to be concerned about. Activities. Yeah. How are we going to keep them busy when they don't have to do things for us anymore? That's how dominoes were invented. No way.

Yeah. All right, relax, everybody. Fucking silence of possible racism. Just relax. Can I have another vodka and soda when anyone gets a chance? Thank you very much. I'll have a gin and tonic then.

When the same person who has a chance to help Doug. Yeah. When you have the opportunity. What do you want, Ari? The vodka and tonic is good. You don't even call your brand or whatever? I don't know heavy drinks.

Do you have peppermint schnapps and Sprite? That was the last time I drank liquor. I've never seen a name tag in a contestant get along the way Pat and Kermit are getting along. Kermit is riding Pat's leg. Like... Bounce up and down, Uncle Pat! Oh, oh, oh, Kermit, you're wrong.

It's the Muppet Show! I believe it chose him. I tried to strap Kermit on with the Velcro, but it didn't work. Because you're wearing pants that normally Velcro would attach to easily? No, Kermit has Velcro built in, thank you. Why would it stick to your clothes?

Are you trying to get me to swear? I would love it. Do you ever go see like Broadway shows, Pat? I do, I just saw Tom Hanks and Lucky Guy last week How was it? It was excellent

It was the kind of Broadway show that New Yorkers like to see because it was just a straight play We didn't have to be entertained by the

singers and dancers And it was all about New York tabloid history. It was perfect for me. The drinks just arrived. That's why shit got quiet. Apologize to the listeners. Let's trade. Mazel tov.

Oh, did we get Eugene's order? I don't know. There's a drink in your thing. That's not mine. I don't know gin and tonic. I don't know gin and tonic? I do know. I just cheat. There's a guy that'd drink anything.

Maybe. Maybe. Was anybody here the last time Eugene was here at the Grammar C on this show? He got hammered that night. I believe everyone did. Yeah, but they're not here.

Just talking about you. Let's play Build a Title. Okay. Yeah. One of the more controversial games because it's very difficult to understand how it works. And that's part of what I love about it.

Who won, Lincoln or Bane? John. That means John gets to go first. And then we'll go to Ari. And what we're going to do is we're going to build on a... in honor of Werner Herzog. Did he just die?

He's been on the show a few times, so that's why they love him so much. And in honor of him, we're going to do Jack Reacher. So what you have to do, John Mulaney, is add to the title Jack Reacher with another title of a movie. So you need a movie

that either ends in Jack or begins with Reacher or the last syllable from Reacher, which of course is er. Okay. Er? The game. How much slant rhyme and creative freedom do I have? creature, which of course is Ur. Okay. Ur? How much slant rhyme

and creative freedom do I have? I'm the judge and jury and executioner. What I'm asking is if I try to go fancy and it is not accepted, am I done or do I have a chance to go back? You will be done

but you'll be back in action in no time because this is just another preliminary game leading up to the serious shit with Leonard Maltin. Okay, Jack, reach her sister's keeper. They like it, but I say no. Boo! Who pronounces it reach her? Not one of you.

Many hands are up. One of you does. But I admire you sticking your neck out like that. All right. Hey, man, I get where... I am disappointed, but I get where you're coming from. Alright. So what was his?

What the hell is this? Jack reached her six-year-old keeper. Don't worry about what he said. Strike that from your memory. You need a movie that ends in the word Jack. There is one. You don't know Jack? No.

Don't start freestyle guessing on me. I'll say no and move on to Pat. Or begins with Reacher, which there's no movie that does that. But there's lots of movies that begin with er. Er. Or chur.

Yeah. Church the movie. You got anything? Yeah. Is there a movie that starts with earth? That's really not how it works. You're not like... You don't ask me to tell you the answer. But... There might be, yes. Just go not like, you don't ask me to tell you the answer. there might be, yes. Just go for it, Ari.

Earth, the final frontier. That should be the next Star Trek, but no. Nor did he say Jack Reacher. Alright, John, relax. Pat, do you have anything?

Isn't there a calico? Calico Jack Reacher? Calico Jack? Yeah. Isn't that really a thing? Oh, yeah. Isn't that something? People are acting like that's a thing.

Is that a thing? Calico Jack. I don't know. It's the best I could come up with. I'd look it up on my phone, but I'm so lazy. Let's just go to Eugene.

This is yours to lose, buddy. Well, I was going to just say Earth, the movie, Earth. But he sort of took it. That was a Disney movie. How the hell is it Earth? Earth is spelled E-A-R-T-H.

Earth doesn't enter into it. It's not a spelling game. Jack Reach Earth. Jack Reach Earth. It's not a spelling game. It's a pronunciation game. It's not a spelling game. It's a pronunciation game.

Earth. Jack Reach Earth. The movie that we all know called Earth. Jack Reach Earth. Yeah, it was one of those Disney movies, right? Mm-hmm. The nature movies. Well, there's definitely a nature movie,

but I think it's also a feature film. Disney's Earth. So everybody loses. Whoa! It came out in 1977. I thought someone would say Free Jack Reacher, because there's a movie called Free Jack, and I thought someone would say Free Jack Reacher, because there's a movie called Free Jack.

And I thought somebody might say Jack Reacher-ness scared stupid. And then someone could say Born Free Jack Reacher-ness scared stupid. And then someone could say Born Free Jack Reacher-ness

scared stupid crazy love. You guys could have built an impressive title. If you had conveyed the game just a little better, there was a chance for that. I bet you if you go back, every one of you has played this game before. I didn't realize we kept both words. Then, of course, I would have said Jack Reacher. Which would have resulted in no success. Wait a minute. We were building on the previous responses?

Yeah, we were playing like one of those Yeah. No, we weren't because we had no accepted first response so everyone was starting fresh. In hindsight John won. Yeah. Her sister's keeper.

Or I won with the ability to have known the movie about Freejack, but forgotten. You know, Amelia West of Us and Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger, yeah. Gotta go back in time. Classic. That is not. And I'm sorry.

But it was still fun, even though you guys all were terrible at it. Do it again! Do it again. Let's go all night. Because that's how this game started for me, was it was a car game, when you're just driving for hours

and you need something to do. It can really take up a lot of time. Kind of like what it did tonight. Yeah. So that means that John is still our best player thank you you won a round

two rounds ago so we'll start with you again technically I might have won the second round you might have some people will bitch at me on Twitter that I should have given you that. Oh, it's not even... You didn't even have the right name. That's how on it they are.

You didn't even have the correct title. Well, then I indeed lost, but say that. I've been sitting over here with such a chip on my shoulder about it. It is my sister's keeper. My! Get that talking cat out of here.

I hate talking cats. Alright. So let's play the main event. Let's play the Letter Mold game. All right. First person to two points wins. We'll start with John who gets to pick a category. I will dial them up on my phone

as I always do on the Leonard Maltin app which is available for anybody who wishes to purchase it. I think it's like five bucks or something they send updates he reviewed Star Trek Into Darkness recently

I love his first line of the review of The Great Gatsby he's like frankly I was dreading Baz Luhrmann's adaption of The Great Gatsby and the review doesn't turn around and go but I loved it it's just like I was dreading it, and I was right. So good for you, Leonard.

But Leonard doesn't like things that blink a lot. He's got that merry heart thing where he like loses his shit if things are too spazzy. John, you get to pick from three categories. Would you like celebrating a birthday today Bronson Balki Pinchot? I'm sorry, I meant the great Bronson Balki Pinchot.

I would rather see a movie called Great Balki than Great Gatsby at this point. You dodged a bullet, Eugene. So the films of Bronson Pinchot or at JeffTate96 who's been on the show before but still contributed a category

which I thought that was charming. He suggested Snakes Not on a Plane and that's movies where Kurt Russell takes a different mode of transportation. And at BJ underscore Schwartz suggested Glenn So Close, and it's films where she was nominated for an Oscar and did not win.

So which one of those would you like to play? Glenn So Close. Alright. This Glenn So Close win was from 2011. Three stars from Leonard. He says about this movie that

she co-wrote the script and also a song that's heard in the closing credits. And I'll go even further, deeper into giving away the name of this movie by saying that that song was sung by Sinead O'Connor. And that she might have torn up a photograph of someone after singing it. I made that part up. And Leonard lists ten names.

2011. How many names do you think it would take you to discern the name of this movie in the category of Glenn? So close. I think I'll go zero. Okay.

So now we go to Eugene, who can say, name that movie, hoping that he'll miss it, and then you'll get the point. Or you can go into negative names, where... What does that mean? I know, it's crazy.

Where if you say negative one names, it means you can name the movie but you'll also name the top billed performer in the film according to Leonard Maltin. That makes sense but I'm just going to challenge because I don't know what it is. Yeah, because you don't know. You're forced into it. What movie do you

think it is, John Mulaney? Albert Knobs? That's correct. May I spoil the end of that movie? Please. Albert Knobs dies and a doctor gets over his chest and rips open Albert Knobs'

jacket and shirt and sees that it is... There's some tits there. With some breasts. And the doctor goes, Oh, Albert Nobbs. That can't be true. You've just tricked a bunch of us into watching that.

No. Because that sounds hilarious. After the big reveal. Oh. Albert Nobbs. I'm going to rent it and then make a

vine of that so no one sits through the whole movie just to see that part. Does it happen quicker

than six seconds? It's at the very end. No, I mean how long it takes to say that.

Is it like, oh, Albert. Nobs. Nobs. All right, John is on the board with one point. Eugene challenged him. So we'll start with Pat, and then we'll go to Ari. Okay. I'd like to get everybody involved.

You lost the turn. Pat, you get to pick a category. At Paige, P-A-I-G-E Paige like someone named Paige got into Twitter early enough to just get the name Paige good for you Paige and she

suggested the rice storm and that's movies that have a wedding in them okay or at mean la cuifa The Rice Storm, and that's movies that have a wedding in them. Okay. Or, at Mean La Queefa. Let's be honest, I'm going to pick the categories that are suggested by funny Twitter handle names, just because that's a bonus laugh right there.

Mean La Queefa suggested random acts of blindness and that's movies that have Ray Charles in them. Or you could pick In Theaters Now and that's motion pictures that are in theaters now. I'm going with the rice category. Yeah, this movie's got a wedding in it Oh, you get to pick between two different years Would you like a movie with a wedding in it

From 1967 Or 1975 1975 People usually go with the most recent Three stars from Leonard for this movie That has a wedding in it From 1975 1975. People usually go with the most recent. Three stars from Landon for this movie that has a wedding in it from 1975. He calls this movie outrageously kinky. And he also says it was followed by a sequel.

And he lists, I know the clues are terrible as always, he lists nine names. How many names do you think it'll take you to get it in? Is that the completion of the clue portion? Yeah, I'll say it again if you like. Outrageously kinky. That's a fantastic clue right there. And then followed by a sequel. And, uh, yeah.

Okay. Nine names. Did I say ten before? No, you said nine. Okay. Nine names. Did I say ten before? No, you said nine. Okay, nine. I can name it in seven. Challenge. I prefer New York One's Pat Kiernan named that movie.

But I know you're not from around here. New York One's Pat Kiernan name that movie. But I know you're not from around here. New York One's Pat, can you name that movie under seven names? He gets all seven of those names. Ari, would you be interested in a side bet with me? Interested?

Whether he gets it or not? I'll bet you $10 he gets it. Oh! All right, I'll bet you $10. What? Yeah. You're in? Yeah, I'm in.

Okay, here we go. Pat, your names are... Don't yell it out when you guys know it. You guys are going to know it in one or two names. So shut up. Patricia Quinn, Charles Gray, Little Nell Campbell, Meatloaf,

Jonathan Adams, Richard O'Brien, and Barry Bostwick. What's it called? What is this? It's 1975. Dude, it was in the papers. I can't believe it's going to cost me $10.

What? I got nothing Anyone from New York too would have known Everybody pro-toasted him squirt guns the rest of the stars are Susan Sarandon and Tim Curry Rocky Horror Picture Show

Yeah, yes Susan said the one guy Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah, yes. Susan said the one guy. Rocky Horror Picture Show, yeah. All right. You know, that says a lot about Pat. I'm with Pat. Also, I've never seen it. You've never seen it?

I know. Sorry. I will. I'll go watch it right after this. It's not that great, but it's still weird that you haven't seen it. People look angry. It's not that great. but it's still weird that you haven't seen it. People look angry. Wait, it's not that great? It's got good parts, though.

Okay, I'll think about it. Like Susan Sarandagas turned into a topless statue. Oh, well, no one ever told me that. I've seen Star Wars. I'm not a monster. When you said it would be obvious that you started reading those names, I was like, I have no idea what this is. Thank you. Little Nell Campbell wasn't in a lot of things.

Right. Also, who is she? Richard O'Brien co-wrote it and played Riff Raff. He's the one that's like, time is fleeting. Madness. I recognize Perry Bostwick. Anyway, that was fun. So, Ari got a point.

Yeah, I'm good at this game. Ari's on the board. Oh, we should get more Valkytonics. Oh, yeah, that's not a bad idea. Just keep bringing them. Jello shots, did you say? Oh, yeah. Do you mean Jello Biafra?

He's working the bar. Yeah. What? Is there a multi-point bonus round, or am I out of contention now? Oh, no, you're still in it to win. I have to get up soon. John and Ari have a point.

We're Tide Pats, so you still have a shot. Yes, I do. I am told by Doug just now when he told you you had a shot. Yeah, you both are in it. So don't worry about it. But since Ari challenged Pat, that means

that we will start with Eugene and then go to John. Sure. At YoYoDineInc Woo! Possibly in the house, suggested,

are we there yet? And that's films that take place in Russia. Oh. Yeah. Or, four weddings and a funeral. Yeah! Was that suggested by you?

Yes. I would hope so. Oh, that's Glenn. That is an unreasonable level of excitement. That's Glenn Rausch over there. I usually don't... I mentioned your name already once, so I usually skip the naming of the person that named it when a category refuses to get picked.

Because no one will ever pick this category. It's Four Weddings and a Funeral. And that's Frank Sinatra movies because he was married four times and now he's dead. I'll strongly consider it. And your third option, which I think you will jump all over, is the dolphin-lungren category. And that's movies that have a dolphin or Dolph Lundgren or both.

Oh, man. I don't think I would have ever known how much I would regret forgetting all the Dolph Lundgren movies I'd seen. And what was the first one? Russia. Oh. I guess... Yeah, I think I have to do that because I think two come to mind

and no Dolph Lundgren movies unless he was in the original unwatched one. You can't think of any Sinatra movies? I actually cannot, no. But I'm an immigrant, so what do I know? Yes, but where are you from? I can't remember Oh yeah, Russia

Oh, there's some more vodkas More vodka! Just in time for the Russia category No, I forget the names of Dolph Lundgren movies And I don't know any Frank Sinatra movies Well, I was just going to say Frank Sinatra, of course, was in Rocky Horror Picture Show Oh

If the category was Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh, if the category was Rocky Horror Picture Show and the answer was Rocky Horror Picture Show, I would have chosen it. But let's do the answer. What? The Russian category. Yeah, Russian. Sorry.

This movie that takes place in Russia is from 1970. Oh, boy. Who did I say is going next? Oh, John. Three stars from Leonard. I disagree. I give it more.

That's why it's here. Four. He says this movie's about... Yeah, I give it the full four. It's about an impoverished Russian nobleman filmed in Yugoslavia. Oh, my God. Yeah.

And versions of the same story have been made in Hollywood, Germany, Argentina, England, and Cuba. Exclamation point. Not mine. Leonard's. Did they give me a gag cup? That's all the information.

That's TMI. That is too much information. I think it would be fair to say... Oh, I'm sorry. I'll tell you how many names. Oh, yeah. You were right. There's more. Yeah, yeah.

Six names. I think I can name it at nine. But I think I will say... I'll say a few of the names extra times. I will say I can name it in six names because there's no reason not to do that, right? Correct. Well played.

I can say five. I'll say five. Oh! Yeah. Oh, Eugene! Yeah, anyway, I can definitely name this movie in five names. 1970, made in Cuba, no problem. this movie in five names.

1970, made in Cuba, no problem. Just give me five names and I hope one of their names is in the title. John? Do I lose a point if I get it wrong? No. That's probably a good strategy on your part

is that if you go ahead and bid and you miss... Then I get the point because I'm kind? No, well, actually, if Ari asked you to name it, then he would get the point and he could win.

Ah. So, yeah, you're in a tough spot there. I wouldn't do that. I'm not going to bitch out. Why don't you just challenge me? Then you still probably win. I'll go for names.

I'm sorry, I know that's... I'll do three. I like where this is going. Keep this thing alive. I like that. That's a good sportsman move right there. Pat? What are the stakes for me? You could say a lower number than four. No, three.

I have zero points. Or you could just ask Ari to name four. Three. I have zero points. Or you could just ask Ari to name it. I'm going to let Ari go. Oh, you fucked up bad. What game are you playing? Why do you think I... I'm not going to bet you $10 again. Wait a minute, how do you know that I fucked up already?

Can't wait to see a bunch of photos of you swearing on YouTube. Don't you dare tell anyone. Distinguished New York anchorman fired over podcast. And then he won't even be able to read the story from the papers because he won't be on there anymore. And the New York Post is going to say, more like, anger man. Or it'll say say Pat Swearden.

You got one, John? What? I thought you might want to add to that riff. I don't have one. New York won. More like New York fuck. Right? See, I thought you'd have one. I have one.

Okay. So you get three names. Alright. I'm sure he's going to say New York fun. Do you want the clues again? Okay, so you get three names. All right. I'm sure it's going to be fun. Do you want the clues again? Yeah. It's about an impoverished Russian nobleman. Okay.

That narrows it down considerably. Like you know it's not Mean Girls. Made in Cuba. Three stars from Leonard. I say four. It's one of my favorites. Yeah, I love it. Made in Cuba. Three stars from Leonard. I say four. It's one of my favorites. Yeah, I love it.

I love this movie. And he says that it was filmed in Yugoslavia, but versions of the same story have been made in Hollywood, Germany, Argentina, England, and Cuba. Okay. Argentina, you said? Again, those are horrible clues. I just want you to listen to these three names and then tell me the title of the movie.

Is it about weddings? No, that was the 1975 movie. Robert Bernal, Bridget Bryce, This is an order, one, two, three? No, it's from the bottom. Three, two, one, okay. It's from the bottom of the

Bridget Price Of the six names I'm reading from the bottom And fourth build out of six Is Mel Brooks Oh I still don't know. Do I have a guess now?

You know, it's all Atari. It's movies about Russia? Yeah. Is that what it was? Yeah. Okay. The emperor wears no clothes. I don't know if that's Russian necessarily

The rest of the names are Dom DeLuise Frank Langella and Ron Moody And it's one of my personal favorites A classic called The Twelve Chairs Have any of you even heard of that movie? John has heard of it Why wasn't it Spies Like Us? That's my question

to you. Read it down, and then when you hit Chevy Chase, I'm like, okay. Were they in Russia in that? Yeah. Yeah, it was the Cold War. Anyway, never mind. Your movie sounds good, too. I thought they were in

some desert somewhere. Yeah, a desert in Siberia. That's how they got into Russia. That's how they got in. They hiked through the desert, then it became really cold. Oh, I should check out Siberia in the summer. I thought Siberia just meant cold. Who got that point? No one. Pat.

Pat. No, you're right. No one. No one. Sorry. I meant not me. Yeah, we got a three-way tie, Eugene. People love it when we get a four-way tie, so you have to step up. No, he has two points.

No, I don't. Oh, that doesn't matter. Wait, what were all those other points? He just happened to guess Lincoln and it just disappears. Those other games no he got to go first in the next game okay sorry so what happened there you want it's a three-way you have a point you have a point everyone but you train has

a point okay everybody but Eugene and re challenge or Pat challenge re yeah so Pat Challengari. So we'll start with you, Eugene. Okay, here's my chance to clean up with one point. And then we'll go to John. And your three category options, Eugene, are Two Thumbs Down,

that's movies that the great Roger Ebert gave less than two stars. Or Beverly Hills Flop. That's Eddie Murphy movies that Leonard Maltin gave below two stars. Or, at Haiku Sam suggested, The Dark Knightly, which is movies where Keira Knightly kills someone. I feel like, Iley kills someone. I feel like, I don't know. I have to go with the Eddie Murphy option.

That's my only hope. This Eddie Murphy movie that got two stars or less from Leonard Maltin got actually one and a half stars. It was from 2002. Leonard Maltin says that Eddie Murphy sleepswalks through this dumb comedy.

Oh, that's narrowed down. And he also says... He also says Alec Baldwin appears unbilled. I was going to say, you? I guess I could name it and then you get a number of names which are 13 names

how many names do you think you get in out of 13 and you know 13 is the smart bit if you're that stumped yeah I feel like if you picked a movie from the 80s I would just be like negative 9 names but feel like if you picked a movie from the 80s, I would just be like, negative nine names. But because you've not picked a movie from the 80s,

I would be like, 64 names. But I will say five. Wow. What? Why is that so crazy? This is like 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13 on the list. You could have just said 13. You get all of them that way.

But won't someone challenge me and it'll all be over? 13. I'll say 13. I'll say 13. I thought... Anyway, 13 it is. He's saying don't wuss out or puss out. This guy changed it up because he remembers that this is podcast. His challenge is making me rethink this. seen it is. He's saying don't wuss out or puss out. This guy changed it up because he remembers that this is

podcast. His challenge is making me rethink this. I'll try to do this in 12 days. Eddie Murphy's going to be number one. Eddie Murphy's one, but it goes from the bottom, right? Yeah. So 12 is actually no chance. You're going to get this someday, no matter how many times I have you on here,

you're going to figure it out. We were pretty sure that Eddie Murphy was at the top of the list. I am on the same page. 12 it is. Why make you read the name Eddie Murphy? He might not be top billed. It might be Dreamgirls.

Oh, yeah. Or Brooklyn Vampire. Because that movie was he sleptwalked through that movie and then got an Oscar nomination. John zero nays. T-W-I

Yeah I bet I have to. He knows it right? That's what I'm talking about. Yeah he sounds. He knows it, right? That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, he sounds like he knows it. Do you think you know it? I don't. No idea at all?

In 2002. Because you had kind of an idea. You could go negative one, and if it was an Eddie Murphy movie, chances are he would be... From 2002. Sleepwalks through this comedy negative one challenge he's handing it to Pat not only do I know it

I can tell you who the art director was what I don't want to know who the art director was I'm out I'm out sorry yeah I might have to do a double or nothing side bet What? I don't want to know who the art director was. I'm out. I'm out. Sorry. Yeah, I might have to do a double or nothing side bet. But, Pat, what do you think? There's nothing I can do with negative one on the table.

Okay, so you just have to say, name that movie, Ari. Ari? Balls. Name that movie. All right. So I need the title of the movie and then the top-billed performer in that movie. In the category of Eddie Murphy shitty movies.

I was lying about the art director. Top-billed movie, top-billed person Do you want to say that first? Edward Murphy. Okay, I will not confirm or deny that. I bet you he's only been not top-billed like maybe once or twice his entire career. Right?

Wait, is negative one then the same as zero? No, because in this rare instance, we already know the star, so it's very unfair what's happening. Yeah, it is. You mean it didn't occur to you to say negative one? I normally find the negative one dice roll unnecessary.

I should have realized. I didn't even think it was on the table since we already know who the top built is. I agree. I also thought it meant that he would have to name number two. I just wanted to say it. There's still a very good chance he's going to miss it. I'm thinking it's the one that's going to take down the whole thing.

I'm thinking it's the one where he goes to space. He went to space in a nothing. He went to space in a movie? He went to space, yeah. Really? The Black Albino was in one. The comic. Victor Bernardo. Oh, he was in it? Yeah, if it's the one I'm thinking of. What was it called?

That's... If it's called Earth, I definitely get served that point. I am going to say... I'm going to have to call time if you don't say the name of it. It is Ace Ventura. Pet Detective. Ace Ventura, Black Detective. It is

No it's Fuckballs I don't know it man I don't know it Is it the one in space It's the one that goes to space It is Is that one

It is that one Hold on then Hold on then What do you mean hold on If I'm thinking the right way Let me have a second To think of that one You cannot

You cannot win at this point No Now that I've told you it's in space. But I knew it already! It's called Planet Eddie! No, it is not. Pat, do you know what it's called? I couldn't understand anything of what just happened there.

What just happened is you won. Well, I know that. But what movie did Ari almost think of? What's the movie where Eddie Murphy is in space? Our audience member Pluto'd it out. Damn it. It's Pluto Nash.

Yes, The Adventures of Pluto Nash. I knew it. Starring, we've both been on Jay Moore's podcast. He's in it. Next time, could you make the movie Golden Child? Put that a bit sober hard. That was in the nutty professor realm for my guesses. I don't think Leonard was that harsh on Golden Child.

You know, the truth is, John really was the real winner. Yeah. I mean... He was most out of it. He could name the movie. He actually could have named it. I was strategic, though. You're a good planner. You two together,

this is good. This is going to be good. A funny comedy called Good Planner and Guy Who Knows the Answer. Oh, shit. Leonard Maltin called The Golden Child a bomb. Whoa. I know. That's why I picked it. It's really pretty good.

He said, top candidate for the worst mega hit of all time. Wait, that's why I picked it. It's really pretty good. He said, top candidate for the worst mega hit of all time. Wait, it's the worst mega hit? Yeah, he says, a box office smash, but have you ever met anyone who liked it? You guys have met one person.

He was 10 years old and his name was Eugene Mervin. Please tell Eddie. I still have to watch Steven Spielberg's Hook again because this audience fucking loves it. They love it. I thought it was terrible. Rubio! Rubio! Rubio! Rubio! Rubio! New York loves Hook.

With Dustin Hoffman? Is he Hook? Yeah. Yes. And who else is in that movie? Bob Hoskins. Julia Roberts is Tinkerbell. It's awful.

Oh, wait. Is Robin Williams Peter Pan? Yeah. And the first on-screen appearance from? Leonard Paltrow. Wow. Nice. I've decided you won.

Can I just say that Rufio right now is doing commercial auditions. If that. Rufio's on some hard times. But God bless him. I'm going to watch it, you guys, and then I will get back to you. I will let you know how much I still hate it.

I liked it in Golden Child when he goes, give me the knife. Give me the knife. Well, the guy was a kid. And Eddie Murphy is charismatic. He is for the first three movies. Did you say for the first three movies?

I think so. Yeah, you're exactly right. I think it was 48, well, he did one in there that wasn't so good with Dudley Moore, but he did 48 Hours, Beverly Hills Cop, and Trading Places. Trading Places. Yeah, no, you're right. Those were all great, and I have

a soft spot for the first Nutty Professor. I thought that was fun. First thing, he's been downhill since then? But when they made a second one, that was brutal. What did you say? A thousand words? Can we turn this into a more formal fight? Bowfinger was terrible.

Yes, coming to America. Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right. They're right. Coming to America. Eddie Murphy was... Coming to America, yeah, that was good. Coming to America's all right. And Eddie Murphy was good in Bowfinger,

but I just thought... I thought the Steve Martin half of that equation wasn't as entertaining. Yeah. The movie wasn't good. Yeah, the movie wasn't that good. But Eddie Murphy was funny in that when he was trying to cross the highway,

because that's hard to do. What the fuck, Ari? What the fuck, Ari? The guy that gave you the Jesus with the bong in his mouth poster. He's very angry. So who won all the... Who will you play for, Pat? I got a point.

I'm for Bridget. Bridget's out there. Bridget, where are you? Come get your bag of stuff, Bridget. Pat went deep for the Kermit the Frog. Do I return Kermit now? Yeah, well, I don't know. Can he keep it? It belongs to her husband.

You better take it back. Does Doug get to read from the back of it? It is really old. No, she doesn't get to name a shithead. Can I just say something? She's successful. If it's definitely 30 years old, if it's 30 years old,

her husband has definitely masturbated into that mouth. A little bit? You have, right? Of course you have. That is genuinely unlikely. I can't find a sock. Oh, there's my Kermit.

Seems ill thought out. Doug, I've only been here once before, but I won the Grand Championship last time I was here as well. I love that you call it a Grand Championship. The difference was last time I actually answered a question correctly. Sometimes you can win just by forcing other people to fail. That's how it happens sometimes.

But I still thought it was a really fun show. Are there shitheads on the back of all of your name tags? Because if not, we'll have to get it. But let's put your name tags down a little bit, Eugene, because I want to get a picture of everybody. I'm trying to get a picture of you. And you're blocking two. Oh, there you go.

Oh, this is an adorable. I'm very happy with that shot. I'll post that on Twitter when this episode plops. Cool. Ari, do you have anything to plug? I live in New York now. Come see me at a show sometime. I live in New York now.

Does this have a shithead on it? No. The back says, I don't like your shit. Yeah, the back says, I don't like... You can keep this shirt, is what it says. So that's nice. I'll do that. But there's no shithead on here. So whoever supplied this poster,

if you could come scribble a shithead on there. And you have one on the back of yours, right, Eugene? Yeah, mine is the biggest shithead of all. It's pretty good. It's a pretty impressive shithead. Do you have one on the back of yours? Do you have one on yours? Yeah. Let me see it.

I can read Eugene's from there, but I've got to... Are you sure? I've got to hold on to this one. What does that say? Indiana Pacers. Do you understand what's... Okay. Where's the person whose name tag this was? I wasn't kidding around about coming up here.

Are you that shy? Oh, here he comes. Is that him? Yeah. Or just some other guy? Just gonna jump in on it. Just use that sharpie and write in big letters on there Somebody you want me to call a shithead Good luck young man He gave you a legalized shirt

And he's also wearing a weed related shirt And he made a really Interesting choice For a shithead thanks dude Appreciate it Don't clap you don't know who it is I definitely have to say Eugene's third because he's right.

It doesn't get any better than that. Ari, do you have anything to plug? I've moved to New York. I'll be here for a while. That was a great plug. My special is available now at Passive Aggressive. It's at chill.com on my website. Yeah, and you also have a podcast.

Oh, fuck yeah. You've been on it. Start with the Doug Benson episode of my podcast in which we discuss girls who have hurt us over the years. It happens. It happens. It's called Skeptic Tank.

Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank. And I have one listener in this audience. Pat Kiernan, New York One. And you also have a program on... CNBC. New show on CNBC. It's a small business fight to the finish. So it's like The Apprentice if you

can't stand looking at Donald Trump. An innocent Shark Tank? A viewer who enjoys Shark Tank would enjoy our program as well, Eugene. I'll keep it in mind. It's called Crowd Rules.

Crowd Rules. Tomorrow night, 9 o'clock. CNBC. Alright. That'd be Tuesday nights. Yes, Tuesday nights at 9. And Eugene, what do you got going on besides Bob's Burgers on Fox?

Oh yeah, I guess people could... I don't know. I have a CD, DVD out You have a big You have a comedy festival Oh yeah, I'm doing a festival in Boston Why don't you guys come to that, whoever can hear my voice I'm doing Yeah, Eugene Merman Comedy Festival

In the city of Boston At the Wilbur and Sinclair Come to those With Bobcat Goldthwait, Wyatt Sinek, John Wesley Harding. It's going to be a wonderful time. I had a real thing to sell

people, and I forgot. Can I add a compliment? What? I've just gotten a boss burgers, and it's so fucking good, man. Thank you very much. It's the three funniest children on television, I think. Thank you. You're only one of them. Settle down.

I will let the other two know. We're buddies. You talk to them on occasion. John? June 6th at the Bell House. I'm doing a benefit for the Innocence Project Eugene Merman, Jim Gavigan, Paula Tompkins and more

so go to the Bell House website buy tickets for that god damn it, that's a good show other than that, I am gainfully unemployed just if you need him to clean some stuff up at your house give him a shout on Twitter. At John Mulaney on Twitter.

At Mulaney. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Keeping it just last name. I like it. Okay, so thank you guys for coming and for being great as usual. Wait, do you talk shit about the things?

What's that? Do you still talk shit about the things? What's that? Do you still talk shit about the things? About what things? Things on the back of our thing. I'm going to name three shitheads at the end. Oh, okay. He's getting there. You've been on this before.

I honestly thought you forgot. Good night! No, I say as always, and then I say the three shitheads. Yeah. I gathered that information for a reason. And, as always,

the Indiana Pacers are a shithead. Woo! Woo! We love you, Pacers! Danny is a shithead. I was really worried that he was writing Dad. And when he wrote the ad, I felt so good.

I can't tell you the wave of comfort that washed over me. When it said Danny, I was like, Danny, I bet it's totally a shithead. Yeah, he was about to write, Dad is an inappropriate, touching shithead. And patriarchy is a shithead. Yeah. Now it's time for us to come to Tucker's Hockey. Guys, the world is viewing how it makes it hockey. There's no room in his heart for you. Because Tucker loves movies.