Doug Loves Movies - Aziz Ansari, Maria Bamford, and Larry Zerner Guest

Episode Date: January 8, 2010

Doug welcomes comedian/actors Aziz Ansari and Maria Bamford and entertainment lawyer/'80s slasher film star (and charity auction winner) Larry Zerner to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds with 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody! This is the first episode of I Love Movies of 2010. And since it is 2010, yeah, let's give it up for 2010. Two guys wanted to applaud, so I say let them. I'd like to get John Lithgow on the show this year. That's my goal, is to try to get him on sometime this year,

because he was in the movie 2010, and he was awesome as the Trinity Killer in Dexter. So I can talk to him about that as well. Avatar wasn't the only movie last year with blue people in it. Patton Oswalt and his buddy painted their faces blue for their love of their sports team

in the movie Big Fan, which is out on DVD Tuesday, January 12th. So get it and freak out at what a weirdo Patton can be. Because he plays a total weirdo in the movie and he does it quite well. We do I Love Movies in front of a live audience at the

UCB Theater in Los Angeles before Comedy Death Ray almost every Tuesday. I'm trying to do them every Tuesday this year, but there'll be a few dark weeks, as we say in the business, when we mean that there will be black people on. So Comedy Death Ray did a...

I think I'm going to book all black people for Black History Month in February, so I'll probably only be doing one or half of a show. I don't know a lot of I don't have a lot of black friends in show business. So UCB, Comedy Death Rate

and we did a charity they did a charity Christmas show here at Comedy Death Rate to raise money for the LA FoodA. Food Bank, and they raised quite a bit, and part of it included an auction to basically the prize for the highest bidder was to be a guest on I Love Movies. And I would like to now welcome the winning bidder who donated $855 to be here, so be nice to him, everybody.

It's Larry Zerner is here. Keep it up for Larry. He's definitely got some ringers in the crowd. Some people are really into you, Larry. There you go. Now you get to see what it's like for the comics every week. You pulled the mic right out and got right into it We're good?

Yeah, talk right into it Loud enough so you can hear that it sounds like it's amplified You know what I mean? Yes Okay I don't know how much microphone experience you have Not a lot But we'll get to know you a little bit better as we bring out

Now Larry got to have a hand in choosing the guests tonight I said, you know, name some names you'd like to have on the show. And he started off with George Carlin, and I was like, this guy is ready for a sad awakening. Why do I have to be the one to break it to him?

But George Carlin and Sam, no. You named, like, five names. I was like, all dead. Dead, dead, dead. So then finally we got to some living people and two of them are here tonight. Anybody that's into comedy loves both of these people. They practically don't

need introductions. Please welcome Maria Bamford and Aziz Ansari. Right? Can you believe it? There you go. That's nice. Aziz. Right? Can you believe it? There you go. Thank you so much.

The Z's and the Bammer. I brought as an added prize all the movies that I bought from 7-Eleven over the past year. This is an added prize for Larry? You brought these for Larry? Larry's already seen them. I quizzed him on all of them.

He's seen all of them. He's seen all these movies? Yeah, yeah. Man, you're so loved. Knocked Up, Family Stone, that was really moving. A tour.

As in, out the door. Stepford Wives, that was a swing and a miss. Barely a swing. Wedding Singer, classic, of course. Sex and the City,

the movie. They do have sex. Mostly in Mexico, though, oddly enough. And then, American Splendor. How could you give this up? This is the most amazing movie of all time. I love this movie. Least selling film ever stocked in any 7-Eleven.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get that movie about the loner who draws comics when we're standing in line with our slurpee. It's an impulse buy. That's the Vermont and Franklin 7-Eleven.

And The Visitor was quite good, I thought. I thought Richard Jenkins should have won like an Oscar or something. That's definitely an L.A. 7-Eleven. The 7-Eleven's in

South Carolina not stalking the indie hits. Yeah, do you guys have The Visitors? No fucking way. We have The Transporter 1 through 3 and that's it. Has there been three of them already? Oh yeah.

Was the third one in 3D? Oh my god. They should go back Even though it would be Transporter 4 They should just go back and say Transporter 3D If you make a trilogy The third one should be D You should go 3D on the third one

Or Transporter 4D No that's too in my face Now Larry you guys I don't know if you know this about him, if you met him backstage or not, but he is an entertainment lawyer here in Los Angeles. Right. So what's like, give us an example of some entertainment law that you've had your fingers on.

Well, I sue people. I do copyright infringement lawsuits. Yeah, so do you say, you've been Larry Zernerated? your fingers on well I sue people I do copyright infringement lawsuits yes did you say you've been Larry Cerner rated I do now right that's gotta be the bottom of every iPhone so but is there anything you could talk about that we would know about or is it all like really technical is is I can't you know really talk about that we would know about or is it all like really technical a lot of the stuff is I can't you know really talk about although I do I did some

work for UCB theater oh really you sued the theater right that is not cool this is the greatest theater ever did you get involved when the neighborhood ended up being a bunch of assholes no I I thought that's been an asshole neighborhood situation.

I helped them protect their trademarks. Oh, okay. Well, I'm sorry about what I said about the people in the neighborhood. No, it's just this was a theater. This was like a non-profit, non-anything happening in a theater for the longest time.

So I think the neighborhood that it's in got kind of used to not having the traffic that this theater brings in. So I think the neighborhood that it's in got kind of used to not having the traffic that this theater brings in. So I know there's been some issues. This is a rough crowd. It's a rough trade here. Yeah, it is. Larry,

let me just say that we could have gotten some guests on here that is just a fan of movies, but Larry is part of the history of cinema. Because not only is he an entertainment lawyer that can't speak of anything that he's done, he is also one of the stars of Friday the 13th Part 3 in 3D. Back when Part 3 Was always in 3D Except for Godfather

And you played Shelly Shelly who You've grown out of this Shelly role Because in the movie you were like You're like, what's his name? O'Connell You're like Jerry O'Connell

Like when he was younger he did Stand By Me and he was fat, and now he's an adult, insanely handsome man. And that's what happened to you, right? Because you were like the pudgy... They called you Roly-Poly at one point, I believed. Yeah, it's like Jonah Hill in Superbad. The first thing

that anybody says to you in the movie is God damn it, Shelley, why do you always have to be such an asshole? That's how you're introduced. How your character is introduced in the movie. And I say, I'm not an asshole, I'm an actor. That's the line. Is that really what you say?

That's the line. Maybe under the laughter I didn't hear it. Because I was like, I got to see, I watched the end credits first to see which part you played and then very early on in the movie some character is going shelly come over here and then you walk out in a weird mask with a knife and the great thing about shelly in this movie is he he's good with special makeup effects and he's an outcast and so to entertain everyone when they go to the camp or two years earlier,

one of the girls watched everyone else die at the hands of an insane serial killer. Larry thinks it's funny to constantly walk in as either a serial killer or a victim of a serial killer. He's always walking in with a hatchet in his head, and then everybody screams, and he goes, Just kidding. God, Larry, why do you have to be such an asshole? in his head and then everybody screams and he goes just kidding. God.

Why do you have to be such an asshole? Because then when he finally does get it when Jason finally slits his throat he comes in

and another character is like quit it Shelly. And he's all like but I'm really dying. But he doesn't say that because his throat's slit and you can't talk

when your throat is completely slit from side to side throat's slit and you can't talk when your throat is completely slit from side to side. I can believe you can barely keep your head on. That was amazing. I didn't mean to turn this

into a roast of you and your performance in that movie, but I was just so excited that I could go watch a movie because I saw it, of course, when it came out. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, of course I did. But I love movies. But I also love how they have pot smoking characters in this Friday the 13th stoner characters and they introduce them by one character

pointing and going the van is on fire and they all run over there all anxious to put out the fire and then there's just two people with their own private bongs two bongs I don't know who's

hey don't keep your bong away from me I've got my own and they're a couple too they're like a romantic couple and they have separate bongs but I think it's just to create enough smoke to make everyone think the van is on fire and move the story forward and then you get they get pulled over by cops so they think they're about to be pulled over by cops. It's the old cops keep going because they're on their way to somewhere else. Gag.

But then Shelly and everyone else eats a bunch of weed because they think the cops are pulling them over. Funny stuff. It was nasty. They made us eat that stuff. But it was just oregano or some shit, right? Yeah, it was oregano or something.

It does not taste good. They didn't make you eat real weed. Although I did once eat real weed because we had a bunch of it when we were going over the border into Canada and Tommy Chong was in the car and we were like, well, they're gonna full cavity search

us. So we ate a bunch of weed and then went through customs pretty easily. In fact, all the customs people just seemed to be excited ate a bunch of weed and then went through customs pretty easily. In fact, all the customs people just seemed to be excited that a celebrity of Tommy Chong's stature was there. And then after we drove away, I'm not going to name names,

but Tony Kameen pulls a joint out of his pocket and goes, oh, I had this on me the whole time. Well, there is a scene in the movie where they take the joint and it's in 3D and they put it out oh my god the audience the 3d shit is amazing because it's like it's like a horror movie so like when somebody gets stabbed to their chest the knife goes out into the audience but they also can't resist yo-yo into the audience baseball bat into the audience like every chance they get they put something into the audience So you're either being poked at

or jumping from things jumping out. It's a very active movie. Especially in my living room today. So that's great that you were in that. Did you do much else after that? Or why did you get out of acting and into law?

I really couldn't top that role. That was... I felt I had peaked. Pretty cool to go out on. That is good. And do you still juggle?

I can still juggle. He juggles. There's a scene where he juggles apples and of course then they do an over the head shot so the apples are like

flying into the people watching the movie. But that's the best... And he's really good at it. That's the best angle to shoot juggling from. It doesn't come up in court. Yeah, they shoot the popcorn.

When they make popcorn, they shoot it from the same angle. It's like, why are we suddenly up in the air looking down on something that's blowing up in our faces? It sounds like they edited... It doesn't make sense.

It sounds like they edited Jason into Honey, I Shrunk the Kids 3D that was playing at Disney World a few years ago. And yeah, it's about to go away because Captain EO's coming back.

Starring Doug Benson? You know, I'm not the star of it, but I play almost as big a part as the tiny green elephant. Larry, didn't you have a client who wanted to have her life story protected? Not a client, but someone called me and said they wanted to have her life story protected? Not a client, but someone called me

and said they wanted to sue Universal because Back to the Future, the ride, was stolen from her life. For sure. Just celebrate your life. I've got to hear this. She spends a lot of time with Doc Brown. She's always trying to...

Talking about gigawatts. Gigawatts? She's always trying to test out his new equipment and Biff always fucks it up. He's such a butthead. I said, the car goes where the Tyrannosaurus Rex almost eats? She said, yes. That's what happened.

Did you get to meet the person that was the real-life Biff in her life? That would be pretty cool. I did not. I called security. I take that case. Let go of the ride and celebrate your blessings. You lived it. One time when I was working at

Warner Brothers there was a funny phone message that went around there was a woman that called up and said my name is Marvell Watkins

and I am tired of Marvell comics and Marvell like she really was trying to shut down the whole Marvell industry

because her first name was Mar because her first name was Mar-Vell. Her first name. I hope that was like a joke call. Because we all passed it around like it was real. Do you go to the movies a lot, Larry? I do go to the movies a lot. What was the last movie

you saw? And if you say Avatar, I'm climbing over this table and ending your life. life well that was the last i did you see it i saw it did you see it the right way and the imax imax 3d i'm both yes okay you did it the right way and it's it's it's it's a very good movie very good i like that Not excellent But very good I don't think it's Cameron's best movie

I don't either Yeah I watched like A little bit of Terminator 2 The other day And I was like Man this blows Avatar out of the water

It does I think it's What are you laughing at What are you laughing at You got some Terminator 2 haters here Do you think it's A 7-Eleven quality

Or I can't wait For the day That you could buy Avatar For $4.99 At a 7-Eleven quality? I can't wait for the day that you could buy Avatar for $4.99 at the 7-Eleven. That day will come. Me neither. It's going to take a while, though. Boy, it's breaking every record there is. It's huge.

And that's the thing. I've written silly, mean reviews of movies for years. And every once in a while you get somebody like, Matrix 2 was better than you said it was. But, you know, people cling to a movie, it's like, really? But in the case of Avatar, I got so much negative feedback

from saying anything negative about it. What was the review? Did you do like the Twitter review thing you did? I did like a three words or less review, and since it was the holidays, and the aliens are called Navi, my review was fleece Navi dud. But people lost their minds on Twitter.

I got so many angry responses. And a lot of, you weren't high enough, you didn't see it in 3D, you didn't see it in IMAX. Like all these accusations. And so I went back a second time and saw it high in 3D and IMAX. I did everything they told me to do.

And it was better. It was definitely better. But it was still not... I've loved James Cameron over the years. Probably one of my favorite directors all told. Because every movie he does has some amazing sequences in it. But he needs to get his shit together on story and characters that, like, you care about.

Because he gets more and more, like how George Lucas did with the last three Star Wars movies. The technology is more important than anything else. They were more concerned about whether they could than they weren't concerned about whether they should. That's right. It's so powerful. A line from Terminator 2. I heard a lot of people... He does have a lot of good...

It's just like, it's weird how the villain in Avatar to me wasn't compelling or scary. Yeah, he was like, to me, it reminded me of the villain in Ernest Goes to Camp, where it's just like, I'm gonna destroy that land! That was all he...

His first line is, you're not in Kansas anymore! Well, you're the hackiest piece of shit I've ever heard. They said that in The Matrix, which also took place in the future. Are they really clinging to The Wizard of Oz that tightly in the future? Haven't we at least moved on to Wicked?

Can't we just quote that? Maria, have you been to the movies lately? What I do is I stop by my 7-Eleven and I check out the titles there and I see what's trickled down. And we all know about trickle down theory.

Trickle down movie-nomics. I like it. Is that the cream of the crop is the only thing that makes it. That is kind of true.

I mean, all these movies, they don't sell terrible, well, Stepper-wise, but you know, most of them

aren't terrible. They're way more respectable than what you would think would be the 7-Eleven selection. Yeah, yeah. They're much better than... Maria definitely had to dig through the thing. Even if you go to a Best Buy nowadays, the selection's pretty bad. They just have whatever, like the three recent movies, and then you can't find any other stuff.

Yeah, they've got thousands of them sitting out front trying to get your attention. Have you been to the movies, Aziz? The last thing I saw was Avatar, but I watched some movies on the plane when I was coming back. I watched that documentary, The Cove. Has anybody seen that? Oh, that's all about those people that rape and kill dolphins. Yeah, these mean Japanese dudes kill dolphins. Not necessarily in that order.

Yeah, it's awful. It's awful what's happening with dolphins. Doug, what about the I don't really have a comedic take on that dolphin killing. What about the

Stoneman movie that came out years ago? So you didn't bring that up. You watched that on the plane? You mean you watched it on your own computer? No, no. It was one of the movies.

What? Yeah. Dolphin Murderers is a movie on a plane? Yeah. The only thing more depressing than that is Up. And then what else did you see on the plane? Watched that. I watched Zombieland which I enjoyed.

Zombieland was on the plane? Yeah. They're just showing anything on planes now. They don't edit it, so you were on Virgin. I was on Virgin Australia. Oh, Virgin Australia. So when did you just come back uh i got back on sunday so was the security international security a horrible horrible bitch on uh on the way back they um once you got to the gate they like uh they like patted you down like at the gate there was a second level of security and they patted everyone down. But they didn't pat your balls. It's kind of like...

That's where the shit's going to be, right? You're missing the sweet spot. Literally, that guy would have been fine if he went through the same security thing. He would have been fine because it was in his balls. So it's like, what are we doing here, man? Pat my balls. They should just have a ball tapping machine and you straddle it

and it goes... It just cracks your balls and if it makes a flesh noise, you go through. If it hits anything hard or if you explode, then they don't let you on the plane. That's smart. If you give the guy a 20, he'll put your balls in. It's literally going to become like...

They're going to have to make a plastic thing that you just seat your balls in. It's like... Null bomb. really gonna become like they're gonna have to make a plastic thing that you just like seat your balls and it's like no bomb what about the anus hey we're not gonna get into people's private areas yeah i was reading the balls i was reading this article like about how um they do uh security and airports in like israel and like they don't do any anything. That guy over there got a handy J, it sounds like. Oh, yeah. Israel security.

Hell, yeah, man. They don't fuck around, bro. I go through twice. Once, cigarette. Twice, sleep. But there, they don't do any of the stuff we do. It's more just like kind of Training them and like technology

It's like they just like ask people questions And just like check for you know Just like psychologically and nervousness And things like that And they just have just smarter things technologically Like in There like each station has like This huge glass case they can put any kind of

Explosive thing in and it'll withstand an insane impact so they don't have to evacuate airports or anything. But they don't do any of the stuff we do. They just go up and say, did you like Avatar? And anybody that goes yes, they take them to a secondary... That's a lot of people.

That's pretty much everyone. I've never had such feedback, like people so angry. Why do you think they love it so much? Well, people like to be taken somewhere. It's good to see the Blue Man Group finally expanding their Vegas show into a motion picture that you can see into. It's complicated into 3D. Like,

that'd be really, you know, just like, like emotional stuff into 3D. Very good. Why do you keep doing this to me?

We'll get there with Shrek 3D, I think. Why can't I get a date? And then you just like, really get in there. It's like, the tears are shot from like, up here. Yeah. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, Doug, Doug just like, really, get in there. The tears are shot from up here.

He's holding it down into the screen. Doug, did you see it's complicated? Because it's all the drug stuff in there. Yeah, there's a lot of... Thanks, Larry. There's a lot of... Thanks for bringing it back to me. Yeah, there's a lot of...

John Krasinski, Steve Martin, Meryl Streep, and Alec Baldwin are all on the list now of people that smoke on screen and also act like it's no big deal. And, yeah, it's complicated. It got an R because of that. Oh, wow. There's no swearing. Although there is a scene. Do you guys mind if I say a funny part Even though you maybe haven't seen it yet

The movie's not that hilarious You really don't even have to see it I'll tell you the best part And then later you can go For some reason, because of a complicated mix-up And people are trying to cover for each other Meryl Streep has to say Yeah, I like a lot of semen

At one point And it's so funny to me On another level It's funny that a character in a movie would have to yeah, I like a lot of semen. At one point. And it's so funny to me. Like, on another level. Like, it's funny that a character in a movie would have to lie and say, I like a lot of semen to get out of a situation. But then also for it to be like

the great actress Meryl Streep and thinking about her having a lot of semen in her around her. And she means literally semen? Like, it's not supposed to be like no no no she's talking about navy man no uh no like semen like i that's why i can't even describe to you how it got to that point where she has that line she has to go yeah it just seemed like well maybe that's why it's an r and maybe not the pot smoking i was thinking about like movies like movies like that

where they it's like they wanted to take a vacation together, all the actors. And so we're like watching their pictures of Alaska on a cruise like the movie is. Like that movie Wild Hogs. They just had a nice bike ride across the country or from here to

Visalia. Or across Toronto. And they call it a movie. Yeah, it's amazing. But sometimes when a bunch of people that like each other are having fun making a movie, it ends up being the greatest thing ever. Yes. You know, like Cannonball Run 2.

Boom. You know, it can happen. Or, you know, I'm just saying, like, you know, that's the interesting thing about those kind of collaborations is, like, either the audience gets involved in the fun or they just sit there staring at it going, why did you do this to me? You get Ocean's 12. Or 13. 13, they gave the big, we're sorry about 12 speech. And then 13 was worse than 11 or 12.

Whoa. Right? I've never seen any of the Ocean movies. None of them? No. That's probably because you want to work in this town And you talk shit about them That's 13 actors that you pissed off And one director

Who made The Informant Like when you go up to the box office to buy a ticket You have to go, The Informant! Have you had any directors like, you know, tap you on Facebook and say, listen, I... Hey, I don't appreciate what you said about my movie.

No, I haven't. I look forward to that, though. I made a reference to the Goodyear blimp on Twitter and sometime next month I'm going to get to go ride in it. What? Yeah, it's that easy. All you got to do is fucking mention

the fucking blimp and the next thing you know a guy with the Twitter name Blimp Commander is going to go to some guy in a shack who's gonna whip out his giant hog and say, ride the blimp. Now they're gonna rescind...

If they hear this, they're gonna rescind the offer. They wanted some good, clean Twitter advertisement for my... But I'm so excited, because when I do do it, I'm gonna tweet, I'm on a blimp Because that's definitely better than being on a boat That's a notch higher In specialness

Okay so we got some movie games we need to play We need to play them quickly Because time is running out I wanted to do a Build a title Because I think this is a good title To build off of the motion picture starring Larry Zerner,

who in the end credits, did you get mad that the end credits were in alphabetical order? That was kind of a fuck you to Larry Zerner. Okay, so... Did I get a 3D credit in the opening credits? Yeah, yeah. Whoa.

Yeah, the credits at the beginning are like fucking Superman, you know, where they come out of the screen. But when you just read the DVD and watch it in your home, it just looks like they drew it. They drew it so it looked like it was coming out, but it's not coming out at all. Not even as much as in the Superman movie. But it did say Larry Zerner, and what's the chick's name above you? Catherine Parks.

Catherine Parks, Larry Zerner and what's the chick's name above you? Catherine Parks. Catherine Parks, Larry Zerner. They both shoot out. If you have the glasses at home, can you watch it at home 3D? I don't think so. There is a 3D version. There's probably a version, but I got the one from Netflix. It's probably like not 3D. Fucking Netflix. It's really funny

watching a 3D movie where they're constantly sticking a broom out and you're at home and you don't have the glasses on, and you're like, I get what they're trying to do. But they're not even getting beyond my flat screen. Okay, so we'll start with the title, Friday the 13th, Part 3. And the idea is that you add other movie titles to the title. We'll start with Larry because he's familiar with the game and also with the title.

So you need to come up with a movie that ends in Friday or begins in the word three. Friday the 13th part, three men and a baby. I love it. See how easy that is? Very nice. Three men and a baby. All right. So now we'll go to Aziz.

You need to give me a title of a movie that begins with the word baby or ends with the word Friday. You only have a few seconds to think. Friday the 13th, part three, men and a baby stay out? Yes. Okay, Maria. A movie that ends in Friday or begins in out. Okay.

Friday the 13th, three men and a baby Friday or begins in out. Okay. Friday the 13th. Three men and a baby. Baby's day out. Baby's day out. Of Africa. Yeah. That might be a stopper. I don't know any movies that start with Africa.

Africa. Wow. It's an old nature movie. Okay. So we're back to Larry. You have to come up with something Ends in Friday Or begins in Africa

Friday the 13th part Three men and a baby's day Out of Africa Cat woman Wow Larry I'm going to have to ask you To leave the room

This is from all playing Playing at home Somebody practiced Yeah Okay so Now we're back to Aziz Ends in Friday Or begins in woman This is from all playing at home. Somebody practiced, yeah. Okay, so now we're back to Aziz. Ends in Friday or begins in a woman? Yeah, that's what I say. Freaky Friday.

Oh, the 13th. You don't have to say the whole thing. Okay. I thought that was part of the challenge. Well, you know, it's fun when we say the whole thing at the end, but we've got time issues. Maria, something that ends in freak or freaky or free even or begins with woman. Start with woman.

Or man. Woman. Or Africa woman. Well, Larry set a precedent with the Africa woman. Oh, Mansfield Park. What? Mansfield Park. Mansfield Park. What? Mansfield Park. Mansfield Park, all right.

That's weird. It's a British comedy. Freaky Friday the 13th for three men and a baby's day out of AfriCat woman's Mansfield Park. Got to pronounce it right. Alright, back to you, Larry, this nightmare you've created. It's gotta begin with park, and it can't be parks and recreation.

That's television. Thursdays at what time is these? Thursdays at 8.30. Thursdays at 8.30. 7.30 Central. Don't forget the Centrillians This is broadcast All the way to Centrilia

Larry What do you got? Ends in freaky Or begins in park Don't look at me Larry I don't have to pass Oh Larry What do you got Aziz? Anything? I don't have to pass. Oh, Larry. What do you got, Aziz?

Anything? Might be stoppers. Oh, I got one. I got one. Oh, you got one? Yeah, yeah. You go for it. I was going to try to weasel it.

Mine's Born Freaky Friday. The 13th part three minute of a baby's day out Af... For Catwoman Mansfield Park I always fuck that one up Afri-cat Afri-catwoman Afri-cat

Well Mansfield Park Afri-catwoman Mansfield Can anybody think of a movie that ends in born? I don't think there is one Is there? Star is born Bam!

Er Star is born No Bam! Er. Star is born. No reason a woman wouldn't love a woman. What ends in star? I got one. Star, what? Rock star.

Sorry, Mark Wahlberg. Oh my God. How not rock star? That guy's more rock star just walking down the street than he was with that wig and the band and the whole thing.

Okay, and then now we need one that ends in rock. I'm still trying to think of something that begins in park. The Rock. Oh, The Rock. Alright, let's call it a day right there then. Okay, good. The Rockstar is Born Freaky Friday the 13th

Part 3 Men and a Baby's Day Out of Afrocat Womansfield Park. Yay! Good work, good work. Boom, boom, boom. Alright, let's do some Leonard Maltin before we finish up here.

Three contestants, first person to two points is going to take this thing down. I've got my Leonard Maltin app on my phone. Let's get some contestants. You guys want to play for some fabulous prizes? Why are you pointing to each other?

You guys want to be a team? All right. But now I can only pick one of you, though. That would be unfair to pick both of you. Right? She can go? All right, what's your name? Aaron.

Aaron? Okay, who would you like to play for you, Larry or Maria or Aziz? All right, Aziz, you're playing for Aaron. And what's your name? Aaron. Okay, who would you like to play for you? Larry or Maria or Aziz? All right, Aziz, you're playing for Aaron. And what's your name, sir? Andrew. Probably a little young to be called sir. And who do you want to play for you, Larry or Maria? Maria.

Why would you guys do this to Larry? Why does he have to be the last picked? He's an adult now. Larry's got to take the fall. Larry's got to take the fall. I'm just joking around. Okay, so you get Larry. What's your name? Kyle. Kyle, all right. Kyle and Larry. What's an adult now. Larry's got to take the fall. I'm just joking around. So you get Larry. What's your name? Kyle. Kyle and Larry. What's your name again? Andrew?

Andrew and Maria. And Aaron and the Z's. Once you're Shelly, you're always Shelly. Once you're Shelly, you're always Shelly. Andrew gets the 7-Eleven library no matter what. God damn it, Shelly. Why do you have to be such an asshole? It's a good thing I had that written down. I never would have remembered it.

Okay, so we're going to play... These movies are all courtroom movies. Movies that take place in or around a courtroom. And we'll start off with Larry since he's in entertainment law. And we'll let him pick. Would you like a courtroom movie from 1992, 79, or 82? Larry?

Let's go 79. 79. Here we go. This is going to be exciting. All right. So this movie, Leonard Maltin gives it four stars. Takes place in and around a courtroom.

And let me give you another clue. Oh, another clue is it's beautifully crafted That's what Leonard says He says it's beautifully crafted And there is a total of seven names, Larry How many names do you think you can get it in out of seven? I'll go five Five names

Aziz, can you do it in less or do you say to Larry, name that movie? I'll do it in four You can do it in four Maria? Andrew, I'm going to do it in two. Whoa! Maria jumps to two. You didn't even have to go. Larry, what do you think?

Two names, you think you can do it in less? Do you already have an idea what it is? Yes. You do. Whoa. So you think you can do it in one name? I'll try. This will be the lowest ranked cast member that they list. It's only seven names, though. I don't want to... Could Maria theoretically

try to do it in zero names? She said two. No, but could she say zero at this point? She could have, but she said two. Now he has to go one, zero, or name that movie.

I'll try one. Larry says one. So now, Aziz, you have to say either zero names or name that movie. I'm going to say name that movie.

All right, Larry. The one name from this 19th whatever. This is so freaking intense. 79. It was beautifully crafted.

Beautifully crafted. Leonard Mullen gave it four stars. Courtroom drama. Four stars. And the name is Jo Beth Williams. And justice for all.

That's an awesome guess. But it's Kramer versus Kramer. I thought you might remember Jo Beth Williams in that because she's the one Justin Henry runs into naked. She's naked in the hallway. Has to cover up her good areas. Her privacy. Her privacy.

She has to put a Do Not Disturb sign on her vagina. The little kid's like, I want ice cream. All right, so Aziz gets the point for that. Well done, Aziz. Very nice. We'll start with Maria on this next one. Okay, Maria.

Yeah. Do you want a movie that came out in 57, 92, or 82? 92. She's going 92.

Here we go. Len gave this three stars. That's about right in my opinion. Some people might think it's better than that. That's from 1992. Three stars, 1992. Yeah. He also says that it has a smashing climax.

Courtroom. S a smashing climax. Courtroom. Smashing climax in 92. So Leonard Martin gets an attack of the British occasionally and uses expressions like smashing. He likes a lot of sperm. He likes a lot of semen. Shelly, why do you have to be... Okay, there's 14 names, Maria.

14 names. How many do you think you can get it in? I'll say 14. 14 names. Larry? 13? 13 says Larry. I'll say four names.

Four names. Big leap. Big leap to Maria. You can go three names. Name that movie. Name that movie. She says name that movie. Big leap. Big leap to Maria. You can go three names. Name that movie. Name that movie. She says name that movie. Oh shit, it's a bottom four.

Name that movie. I don't know. It'll be interesting to see if you can get it. It's an interesting bottom four. 92? Alright, let's go. Noah Wiley. Do you know what movie it is? I don't know. Noah Wiley Do you know what movie it is? I don't know

He's such an asshole I don't know Noah Wiley It's Shelly when you call him an asshole No, sorry Cuba Gooding Jr. Is in this movie Oh yeah, I think I know this

Wolfgang Boddison Whoever that is Apologies to the Wolfgang Boddison family Boddison, I don't know And then Matt Craven. Who I have an interesting piece of trivia about. I think this is A Few Good Men, right? That's correct!

A Few Good Men. All those days spent on the Cuba Gooding Jr. Wikipedia page have paid off. Matt Craven, people probably don't know him by name, but he was hardware in Meatballs he was like the

and he's been a character actor ever since whenever he shows up I'm like that's the guy from Meatballs alright it just doesn't matter yeah exactly

so where do we have to start this time since Z's got it right we'll start with Maria again oh god or does Z's got two points already I do

I think he's won already. Oh, really? Yeah, I think you did. That's cool. Congratulations to Aaron. Yay. But those other two guys, they get a good consolation prize. They do.

They get to each pick. We'll do two names this time. Who do they think that I should call a shithead at the end of the show? Shelly. Shelly? Oh my god, that's not nice at all. Aziz. Aziz, wow. Wow, it got really personal this time.

It's usually like some actor or something, some celebrity or something. That really felt like part of the Aziz backlash. That seemed genuine, like call him a shithead. Well, he didn't say Randy. That would be the backlash if they'd taken on Randy. What's your name on Parks and Rec?

Ron or something? Tom. I just knew it was a name that's not Aziz. It's more of a... Okay. Let's do one more though really quick. Just for the fun of it. Then I'll give out the prizes and we'll do some plugs and we'll get out of here And Comedy Death Ray will start

For all the nice people who came to see that Larry let's let you I'm just going to pick one I'm going to pick from 1982 And we'll start the bidding with Larry Four stars Leonard says look carefully for Bruce Willis As a courtroom spectator

This is what year? Look real carefully says, look carefully for Bruce Willis as a courtroom spectator. This is what year? Yeah, look real carefully. What year? This is 1982, so this is probably pre-moonlighting. I got it. Before Bruce Willis got discovered. Do you really have it? Die hard. There's ten names, Larry. Eight. Eight names you can get it in.

Aziz? This is 82? Yeah. What are you trying to say? You're too young? I'll say, yeah, I don't know. More recent stuff probably better. Looks like a recent courtroom movie.

I couldn't think of any really recent ones. I thought one of them might be that. What's that thing? One of those John Grisham things. Oh, that's what this is. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Okay, Maria. How many names did you say? One less than what Larry said. All right, one less than what you say. Eight. Eight. Okay, so seven. Maria, do you think you can get in six or less?

No. No? Let's say six, yeah. Why not? Okay, she says six, Larry. You know, my goal here was to get one, so I'll go four. He's going four.

Do you want to let him show off and get one? Name that movie, Larry. All right, here we go, Larry. All right, Larry. Aziz will have won all the points if you don't get this one. Larry's going to go home to his shelf of courtroom drawings like, you trained for this!

He's going to be angrier than Tobey Maguire in Brothers. Okay, spoiler alert. James Handy. What are you, looking it up on your phone? James Handy Roxanne

Yes he doesn't have to go home to the shelf He's got the app too He's been practicing with the app Roxanne Hart She was in a few things Can't think of any right now Lindsey Krauss Married to David Mamet

For a period of time I believe And in all of his movies Ruining them And then No she was good in that one Married to David Mamet for a period of time, I believe. And in all of his movies, ruining them. And then... No, she was good in that one about the trick. And then... House of Games. Julie Bavasso.

Julie Bavasso. Maria did the, I think I know it, inhale, but she's kidding. Okay, so those are the four names. Those are the four names you get. I got it for a second. I'm just going to start reading the description and say it as soon as you know it. I won't say the lead actor's name. What was the last name you said?

Julie Bavaso. She played like the mom in Moonstruck, I think. She was kind of always like older Italian lady. I think she's the one that's, she's the one, she's a witness in the trial. She's like a maid. But the description goes... Oh, it's the verdict. Yeah, that's it. Yay!

You just got Zerner rated. Exonerated. Larry Zerner. I wanted to be a nurse. Oh, wait. I gotta write down who the shitheads are Before I forget Okay

And then Thank you Larry Zerner Especially for contributing $855 to the Food bank Thank you It was such a success with you We didn't get some weirdo that just sat here And didn't know what to do

So we'll try it again next year, and you can try to bid even more if you want to come back again. Doug, I've got to say, this was such a treat. Oh, my God. He's got something in his pocket. He's got a gun. That's the part where a gun comes out. It's another $1,000. You're adding another $1,000 to the $855.

It's Scott Aukerman here. Really cool. Scott Aukerman around. Scott Aukerman from Comedy Death Rape. That's amazing. That is amazing. Maria's going to take off early. She's got to go.

She's got a big stack of movies to watch. I thought she brought those to give away. She's absconded with it. I think we told her there are a bunch of good movies. She's like, oh, I'm going to hang on to these. I haven't seen all these. Did I spell Benson right? Thank you, Larry.

He wrote, donation directed by Larry Zerner. That's really fun. Oh, there's Scott Aukerman. Do you want to say something? There's foundation director Scott Aukerman. Well, he's not really a director of a foundation, but here we go. Here's the check. Thank you, Larry Zerner, for this fantastic donation.

This will help a lot of hungry people this Christmas 11 months from now. Yeah, just in time. That's awesome. A bargain. A bargain. Should have saved that for the very end.

This part's not as exciting. Anything you'd like to plug in your life, Larry? Any things coming up that you want people to come and hang out? You want a good turnout for? There's a big Friday the 13th convention next August. Where? In Texas. Austin, Texas?

In Dallas. Dallas? Are you going to go? Do you sign things? Yeah, so I'm... No, I'm so against Dallas It's like every Every actor

Dallas Wow, it's just Friday the 13th How dare you bring up Texas And it's not Austin Alright, and Maria Do you guys look down On like the new

Friday the 13th People are like Get the fuck out of here Posers Funny People Is newly out on DVD If you want to see Aziz in that

He's very funny in that And they're still Rolling forward To develop the character And do more with that Funny People is newly out on DVD if you want to see Aziz in that. He's very funny in that. They're still rolling forward to develop the character and do more with that. Yeah, we're developing a couple and we'll see what happens. Nice. Maria, I believe, is on the extras on the Funny People DVD doing stand-up comedy.

Good, good. I hope I made it. Maybe you didn't. Maybe you're not on it. It's cool. I just heard you were on it. Maybe you didn't. Maybe you're not on it. Maybe not. It's cool. It's cool. I just heard you were on it. I heard a rumor. Oh, okay.

Feels good. What else is going on? I will... Feels great. I'll be at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase. It's one of the premier comedy clubs. It's nice. It is nice.

In Central Michigan. What's the dates? It is January 14th through the 18th. 14th through the 18th. All right, so we'll try to get this podcast up before then. Ladies, come out Thursday. No smoking and lots of great drink specials. Comedy Death Ray, the Comedy Death Ray podcast, which we've all been on,

and my podcast, this one we're listening to right now, or doing right now, are going to combine for a performance at the Punchline in San Francisco during Sketch Fest on Saturday, January 16th at 5 o'clock. It's only $10 to get in. Punchline in San Francisco. Go to LiveNation.com to buy tickets. And I'll be doing other shows as well at the Sketch Fest, including the Benson Interruption. And don't forget that my first CD, which is one of the prizes I have to give to Aaron. I almost forgot to do that.

Aaron, you get my first CD, Professional Humoridian, which is available on AST Records. You get a T-shirt that says, Two-Trunk to Dweet. You get a copy of the screenplay of Slumdog Millionaire, which I know who hasn't been dying to read how that turns out. What happened to that kid standing in shit? Did he go on to win a million dollars?

And then it's very cherished possession. I'm very excited to have one of these to give you, the Comedy Death Ray Calendar for 2010, which is very nice if you didn't get a hold of one of those. So those are all the prizes for Aaron. Thanks to my guests, auction winner Larry Zerner, the great actor, great thespian and entertainment lawyer,

Maria Bamford, Aziz Ansari. Yeah, go ahead, applaud for everybody. I'm Doug Benson, and as usual, Shelly and Aziz, sorry Aziz and Shelly, you're not really Shelly, but Shelly and Aziz are shitheads. He's got a bunch of other talkies, eyes of gold, his view and prowess makes him foggy. There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies.