Doug Loves Movies - Aziz Ansari, Ruben Fleischer, Rob Huebel, and Paul Scheer Guest

Episode Date: August 4, 2011

Doug welcomes the director and star of "30 Minutes or Less" Ruben Fleischer and Aziz Ansari, and reunites Aziz with his "Human Giant" co-stars Rob Huebel and Paul Scheer. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy rolls, but he's 15, he's 15, he has a lot for Colonel Jim, his team, there's still not one that he won't see, but Doug loves movies. Hey everybody One guy is way too excited My name is Doug And I love movies and boobies This is Doug Loves movies and boobies Coming to you from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater In Los Angeles On Tuesday, August 2nd to Ocean's Eleven.

Big thank you to everyone who came to my shows last week at the Funny Bone and Vagina Beach. It's Virginia Beach, but I have fun with words. And the Hat Factory in Richmond, Virginia. Or Vagina. Except for the lady who yelled out Spider-Man 3 during the Leonard Mullen game in Richmond, Virginia. Or vagina. Except for the lady who yelled out Spider-Man 3 during the Leonard Mullen game in Richmond. I do not care for that person. She is a

shithead. Big thanks to 311, the band, for letting me say hi to the crowd at their show in Virginia Beach, and to everyone who came to my interruption screenings here in Los Angeles at CineFamily of Fast Five and Piranha No 3D. Everyone who came to those shows

I think had a great time. At the Fast Five show we had Zach Galifianakis and Brian Posehn and Sarah Silverman and Al Madrigal. Yeah, there's a funny person or two in there. And then at the Piranha No 3D screening We had Adam Scott, Paul Scheer, and Elizabeth Shue And her side boob did not disappoint Her side boob was right on point And so that was exciting

Where's Jordan at? Oh, there you are I don't know why I didn't see you there You're sitting right there And you got your ball? So that was exciting. Where's Jordan at? Oh, there you are. I don't know why I didn't see you there. You're sitting right there. And you got your ball? All right, hold up your ball. Someone on Twitter asked me to take a picture of you.

Because people are like, that Jordan guy, he's always there with his ball. What the fuck does he look like? What's his deal? Let me see if I can get a picture and continue to have a podcast at the same time. It's going to be a terrible picture, but... Oh, that's not bad. All right.

So I'm going to put that on Twitter, and then everybody tonight, sit back and enjoy when one of these people is going to pick him. He gets picked all the time. There's something about the way you hold the ball and you just look at them like it reminds them of their childhood

and a father that never played with them. They're just like, I want that ball, that ball. It's so important to me. I haven't seen the top two movies at the nation's box office, Smurfs and Cowboys and Aliens and I'll be happy to see them

both when they merge into one movie called Cowboys and Aliens and Smurfs then I'll be totally down if Smurfs are involved in the fighting then I'm down but if they're just hanging out with Neil Patrick Harris pretending to be straight that's not good and I love that guy by the way them down. But if they're just hanging out with Neil Patrick Harris pretending to be straight, that's not good.

And I love that guy, by the way. And that lady from Glee. You can see me at the Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis, St. Paul area, August 16th through the 18th. There's going to be a Benson Interruption taping at the Galaxy Theater in Santa Ana on

August 21st. And are you coming all the way to Santa Ana from Ventura, Jordan? Yeah, you got to work that night. You got balls to ride on. And I'll be at Hyena's in Dallas August 28th. Does that work for you? Or how about Hyena's in Fort Worth on August 29th? Works for me. They're so close together

and yet so far apart. My guest tonight I was going to do a special show with, it was going to be, I mean it's still going to be fantastic, don't get me wrong. Don't start getting disappointed because turn that disappointment upside down

and put a right side up frown on it because I do have the director of 30 Minutes or Less and one of its stars. Please welcome Ruben Fleischer and Aziz Ansari. Look at him! Hello. Look at this. Hi, Dylan.

Ruben Fleischer, director of Zombieland, and now 30 Minutes or Less. Hi. Yeah. Zombieland and now 30 Minutes or Less. Yeah. Aziz Ansari, star of Funny People and Parks and Rec. And 30

Minutes or Less. Those are my credits. Ruben's been on the show before, of course, and so have you Aziz, and we've been friends for a while. So I just thought, when 30 Minutes or Less, when I saw the trailer, the first trailer, I was like, oh, I'm so in the zone for this. Nick Swartzen's my friend.

And, you know, you guys, obviously from working with them, know Jesse Eisenberg and Danny McBride. But it's just like everybody's, Nick's doing a new season of Pretend Time. So he couldn't be here and those other two guys are making more motion pictures so yeah so I could have done a show with just the two of you guys but I thought

you know I just don't I don't rest on my laurels laughter why not turn this into a fucking human giant reunion and get Paul Scheer and Rob Hubel! I didn't know this was going to happen. We're so surprised.

Dreams do come true. You never rest on your laurels. You never rest on your laurels. Doug, thank you for this. Thank you for uniting us here. Oh, I worked so hard. This is like the final season of Oprah what happened.

It was like the gala. I worked so hard at it I just got a text from Rob this afternoon like I don't know maybe several weeks ago I might have said hey can you do the show

soon or something I just got a text from him going I could do it tonight and I was just like oh human giant reunion this will be simple

and I told him we haven't seen each other in like two weeks yeah we never see each other we never hang out but it's been a it's been a long two weeks. Yeah. We never see each other. We never hang out. But it's been a long two weeks. Let's talk about the debt ceiling.

Oh, gosh. What's going on with that? I mean, yeah. We haven't even talked about this week's Breaking Bad. So, I mean, this has been real. Oh, no, no. Don't say anything yet. No, I haven't seen it yet either.

Okay, good. I haven't seen it yet either. Holy shit. Someone just yelled out Bill Burr. Is he in it? Yeah, he is. Now you ruined it. Now I know Bill Burr's in it.

Actor cameo spoiler alert. Boom. Walter and his wife go out to a comedy show. And Bill Burr is the comedian. And he goes into a routine about meth that makes them rethink their lives. I thought that Bill Burr's act is so good that Hank starts to walk again. What they should do with Hank,

they should put his fucking rocks on the other side of the room and say, go get them yourself. He will be walking. I know they're minerals. He will be walking in fucking no time. That is sick how people are laughing at jokes about a TV show.

Episode 2. I haven't seen 3. Maybe that happens. I'm on season 1. You guys ruined it for me. No, I'm not. I'm so jealous of you being on season 1. I'm not. I'm on season 3. I'm almost done with season 3. You'll never finish it.

I don't like to finish things. Rob gets to the middle of every show and then stops. I haven't finished Deadwood. You're in the middle of Deadwood? Because I love it. I don't fucking want it to be over. We're in the middle of Lost.

It's so good. I gotta give up on it. Rob's like, what's in that hatch in Lost? That's true. That is true. I wonder. So is everybody else?

There's a Dharma Initiative sign on the wall. There is. Yeah, that's exciting. I don't even know what that means. I gave up before that shit. Oh, man.

You had a little bit of an idea if you knew it was still a lost reference. He gave up on Deadwood right when timothy oliphant moved to deadwood he did not want to be a good town to be the sheriff of click over let me ask you this reuben does 30 minutes or less have any amusement park scenes because that would complete jesse eisenberg's amusement park trilogy if he just had one scene or he's running through with bombs strapped to

his chest uh looking for a ride 30 minutes or less land just so it could go less land zombie land 30 minutes or less land i like that but we uh no no amusement park in this movie all right no zombies either is are the trailers doing as good a job as they think they are just showing jokes from the very first part of the movie and not ruining anything

you'll have to go and see to find out oh Ruben there's like two jokes that aren't in the trailer so you'll be happy if you go no no no

I'm kidding there's a lot of stuff it's like you know what I mean if you had the chance to talk to all those people that want to go see Final Destination 5 on the day that your movie comes out what would you say to them how would you convince them I mean? If you had the chance to talk to all those people that want to go see Final Destination 5

on the day that your movie comes out, what would you say to them? How would you convince them? I know. I was like, oh, we're opening it against Final Destination 5? Great. How about this? Our characters have a destiny too.

But now a lot of people watch the movies. And it might be survival. Ooh, I like that. They could go, these characters are probably all going to live route. Yeah, you should be smart with the fans of Final Destination 5. Always play it smart with them. What we should have done

is called the movie Final Destination 6, colon 30 minutes or less. And they'd have been like, that movie's just out already, let's go! And they would have went to it right afterwards and our box office would have destroyed them. Because we'd have all the 30 minutes or less people and the Final Destination 5 people.

Who's going to see Final Destination 5 in theaters? There's a lot of questions. People that want a reason to not get LASIK are going to see that. Like, oh, I don't want to get LASIK.

I'm going to go prove to everybody that I'm right and that it's very dangerous. If you want to see Final Destination 5, stay home, watch Final Destination 3, and then go see

30 Minutes of Your Life. Because it's the same movie after 3. I gave up in the middle of 2 because I love it so much. I love that you're saying it's the same movie after 3. Like 2 was so startlingly original. It was! A person got cut in half by

rope. It was pretty exciting. It's not enough rope. Rope murder in half by rope. It was pretty exciting. There's not enough rope murder in the later films. They just get derivative. To satiate your love of rope murder. Aziz,

thank you for coming after a hard day's work at Parks and Rec. No problem. Season 17. What's going on with your character? The show picks up

In season 4 in the year 2015 Oh shit All the original characters have passed away We're all playing each other's great grandkids Really strange departure It's a world without parks But lots of recreation So you're good on that front.

Well, you guys are doing Parks and Recreation babies, right? That's an animated show. Baby versions of everybody, but Amy's really tall and all you see is her socks. And their office is the park. They're all just playing in the park, talking about someday they want to develop another park or something. Have you guys seen any movies lately? Wait, I want to comment on this guy's laugh over here. Someone's got one of those.

Oh, is there a weird laugh? Someone's got one of those laughs that goes. Whoa. Dismissive laugh. Yeah, the bus is leaving. Wait, real quick. Just to go back to the Parks and Recreation babies thing. I was flipping on. You're right. Wait, real quick. Just to go back to the Parks and Recreation babies thing. I was flipping on.

You're right. That was going nowhere. No, I've got to let everyone know this, but I was flipping around on HBO and there was some entourage looking back on things. And at one point. Don't get me started about entourage looking back. Wait, you've got to hear this. At one point, they said that Vince wasn't even going to be on screen and they said it

was going to be like Muppet Babies, where you just saw his legs. Doug Allen, you are a genius. He did it. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Oh, yeah. If you have not watched the Looking Back special about Andraj,

it's on DVR. It's on demand. You have to watch it. It's on DVR. It's on demand. You have to watch it. It's so good. When that Emmanuel Chikri goes on about what a great character Sloane is, like it's the most beloved character in the history of television. They talk about how the women are so well written. One woman doesn't even have a first name.

She's only referenced as Mrs. Ari. That's like crazy. That's like setting women back. You're only referred to as the Mrs. of the man? Yeah, her scene just says, strips down to her underwear and then crawls across the bed on all fours. Because that's my favorite scene

of hers on that show. These are all spoilers because I gave up on this show. Season one. Before Turtle stopped wearing backwards hats. The thing about Sloan is that she's such a strong woman. Have you had those guys

on the show? Could you get them? The entourage? Yeah. You could definitely get Jerry Farrar. If I started like... That's his real name? His real name is not Turtle? Let me tell you something about Turds. That dude and none of those dudes actually smoke weed in real life. They're all straight edge, right?

Such bullshit. Yeah, Boo is right. I live in Los Feliz. I live in Los Feliz. I live in Los Feliz and I was having dinner one night. Adrian Grenet was in the restaurant. Name dropper. Neighborhood dropper.. Name dropper. Yeah.

Neighborhood dropper. Neighborhood dropper. I live Silver Lake adjacent. So anyway, all I hear was Adrian Grenet go, I'll be right back. He runs out of the restaurant, comes down two minutes later with a guitar, and starts singing his own songs. It was the best meal of my life.

I think he does that at Cuckoo Chicken every Tuesday though. It's a weekly thing. It's a gig he has. Make sure to tip him. I mean, come on. Ruben, have you had anyone from the Entourage cast audition for your movies? Yeah, just on this most recent Gangster Squad.

Oh yeah, that was going to be awesome. Jerry Ferrara came in. And it was before the season had debuted, so I wasn't aware of his dramatic weight loss. I didn't know that. He lost like 50 pounds or something like that. He's like a tiny turtle now. He lost his shell. The turtle lost his shell.

And he's not a bad actor actor he's a good guy too jerry farrar actually seems like the nicest one of the bunch that's i've only heard that what we're saying is this show is all the final season's been shot so it's not gonna hurt any of us to say that it's the worst thing ever was that a baby infant here is that a baby in the audience babies don't like it either that baby goes oh yeah how can a baby fall asleep to lloyd hey jeremy this week you're gonna be yelling here's a lozenge to Lloyd! Hey, Jeremy, this week you're going to be yelling. Here's a lozenge.

Yeah, it's a great show. I mean, I honestly will watch every single episode. I have not given up on it. Oh, I always will watch it. Yeah. Gary Busey was in the retrospective. I believe he was only

in one episode of Entourage. Well, let's go back and see what he thinks about the experience. It was a great show and it was amazing and they let me improvise and bring my own Gary Busey. I don't wear a motorcycle helmet. But then they go to a very funny clip where he does say some funny shit, which again undermines

the people who make the show. Gary Busey has to come in and make it funny. I was in a movie that Gary Busey was in, and I was talking to guys. And I talked to the lead actor, and I said, what was it like working with Gary Busey? And he goes, he kicked me in the stomach. And I said, what do you mean? He goes, I came on set. He's the lead of the movie.

He's like, I came on set, and I introduced myself to him. He goes, get out of here with that bullshit! And he kicked him in the stomach. The gentleman extended his hand and got a kick in the stomach. And then he said, Gary Busey's like, get that guy off the set! And they did! They got him off the set! The lead actor's like, yeah, they just dragged me off the set. I felt terrible. They got him off a set. The lead actor was like, yeah, they just dragged me off a set.

I felt terrible. I didn't know what to do. The actor, Daniel Day-Lewis. The film, There Will Be Blood. Paul Dano is Gary Busey. Are there any movies you guys have seen lately? Like, Ruben, are you too busy to see stuff or have you been to the cinema lately i actually uh i i'm in pre-production

now so i go to the movies as much as i possibly can just because i think it's good to kind of see what's out there you can go a lot when you're in pre-pro uh i'm in the movie term yeah but i've been seeing older movies. Like at the New Beverly, I saw The Big Heat on Saturday, which was a great classic film noir. And then I saw the classic comedy Horrible Bosses two nights ago. That is an Insta classic. I did get a really nice text from Rob Hubel who was like,

guys, you've got to go see Beginners. Dude, The Beginners is the best the best movie how come i wasn't on that text man i texted that's where we're at now i don't get the movie recommendation let me add a z oh because if i'm in new york beginners isn't playing in theaters there can i say what you said back sure so i texted sheer and uh it's like the best movie it's your text me back when did you become gay because it is about an old gay dude. I have nothing against it. I would like to go see Beginners. I've recommended it to people without having seen it,

and they go, thanks for recommending that. Because it just sounds like money in the bank. Christopher Plummer's amazing. Baby. Baby. Somebody brought a fucking baby. Your baby's gay, by the way. I hope your name tag is your baby

with your name tattooed across its forehead. I hope that they, yeah, they just wrote on their baby and we can take it up here. And on the back of the baby is somebody wrote down the asshole. And it was, you know, the front just says Nick

and on the back it just says, you know, like, Ashley Simpson. I saw that Steve Keegan movie. Oh, you meant Shithead. Oh, Shithead, not asshole, sorry. I was like, why is he talking about writing on the baby's asshole? I saw that Steve Coogan movie, too.

That was really good. The Trip. Oh, The Trip? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, IFC Films. Did you see it? That's very good. I didn't see it, but it was, what is it, a TV show? I emailed you. You didn't email me back. No was really good. The Trip. Oh, The Trip? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, IFC Films. Did you see it? That's very good.

I didn't see it, but it was, what is it, a TV show? I emailed you. You didn't email me back. No, I didn't get any. I didn't get an email.

What are you, Aziz at Yahoo? No. I believe it was a TV show for a while of him and his buddy, comedian buddy, traveling together

and then they made it into a film. Yeah, it's really good. I think the film isn't parts of the TV. I think it's a separate thing. It's called The Trip and it should be on DVD pretty soon. You can check it out.

I saw Conan O'Brien's... You sound like a commercial. I'm just trying to say that it's probably not in theaters. Do you know more industry terms? You threw out pre-pro. What other ones do you know? I know... That baby knows that one Yep, the good one

That means the film got angled Maybe people just brought Woo monkeys that they won At previous appearances And those are doing all the crying I can't believe there's babies You're getting a good audience This is how the podcast

Is reaching into the womb now Yeah, people put the headphones On their stomach and work out and their baby listens to it I saw Captain America it was like my penis too long and too dark Doug I wrote it when I was high and read it when I was high but But is Captain America no good? No, it was too long and by too dark I just mean that it was like the cinematography wasn't very bright.

I saw it 2D of course because I don't do the 3D. I think it has a lot of good stuff in it. I was impressed by Joe Johnston's direction because I didn't care for Jurassic Park 3 or some of the other things he had done,

so I just went in thinking... Jay Johnston from Mr. Show? Yeah, Jay Johnston from Mr. Show. He directed it? He directed it. It just got deep. It just got deep. People, Google at home if you're listening.

Jay Johnston wrote the funniest thing. It was on a flyer for if you went to a taping of Mr. Show. They put this on the flyer. It was such a funny joke. It was weird to me that it was wasted on a flyer. if you went to a taping of Mr. Show, they'd put this on the flyer. It was such a funny joke. It was weird to me that it was wasted on a flyer. It said, come to a Mr. Show taping because laughter is the best restaurant. I thought that was

so funny. Okay, we gotta, we gotta, shall we play a game? Yeah. Let's play the letter ball game, you guys. We're on a tight ship over here. We have four players, so this could take a little extra time. I don't remember this last time. You know, I had an idea, Doug. Yeah, the last time

Aziz was on was probably pre-name tags coming out like this. But basically Aziz, what you do is you pick a name tag that speaks to you. Like, someone has one that says, Andy, pick me if you want. So that's an interesting approach. And then someone also brought a baby.

So yeah, so what you need to do, guys, is just pick one sign that you like and then go grab it and bring it back to your seat. And that's who you will play for. And here are some of the prizes. I'm going deep. Rob auditioned for Horrible Bosses but didn't get in it so he brought

a copy of the screenplay from when he auditioned. That's a nice prize. I like the one that Ruben picked. I like that already. Who brought Saturday Night Live Christmas? Was that you two? Yeah, Rob brought a DVD of Saturday Night Live Christmas.

So you know it'll have that Christmas song that Tracy Morgan does about how if he had a gay child, he would kill him. And... Oh! It's inappropriate. That's the point. That's the point of some humor is that it's inappropriate.

A 30 Minutes or Less t-shirt that Ruben wore. Whoa. Swag. Wear it on opening day. And then Paul Scheer brought a bunch of stuff from Comic-Con. It all came in a The League bag. A League tote bag that you can wear. When does The League come back, Paul?

October 6th, 10.30 p.m. When does the league come back, Paul? October 6th, 10.30pm Maybe we'll have the whole gang on again Right before that happens You also brought a Sons of Anarchy flask Yes, Sons of Anarchy flask Which I'm going to go ahead and hang on to Because I've needed a flask

Especially one that says that You also brought a card that gets you 20% off the FX store online And you can get tons of great stuff You can get a McGiblet shirt 20% off the FX store online. And you can get tons of great stuff. You can get a McGiblet shirt or you can get Archer mugs. Paul, this flask has human blood in it. Don't worry about it.

It is Ron Perlman's blood. Sons of Anarchy t-shirt. Which will be a bold man will have to wear that one. Why are you promoting Sons of Anarchy? I don't know. It's a fellow FX show. I was just out on a show with 311. Be a bold man will have to wear that one. Why are you promoting Sons of Anarchy? I don't know. It's a fellow FX show. Yeah. I was just out on a show with 311.

They have a DJ that opens up for them called DJ Soul Man. He gave me a pair of DJ Soul Man sunglasses. You guys are giving away stuff that you just... This is a Christmas gift from my sister-in-law. Is it open? Yeah, it's an open... It's a good way to rat everyone else out with your own thing. Not even open.

This I've had for a year because I was mad I was in this movie. This is filled with anger. It's horrible bosses. You're horribly angry. I haven't seen this movie. Is this a good movie? It's good. It's good.

It is? I gotta see it. It's funny. It's great. Ruben loved it. John Daly wrote this. John Francis. Yeah, John Francis Daly.

Rob and I just did a movie with him. He has a small part in it. And then also from Comic-Con, I snagged a Walking Dead hat. Ooh. Yeah, yeah. So I threw that into the mix. That's nice. And you know there's Woot Monkey.

You've got to have a Woot Monkey. This is an amazing prize pack. It's especially good for the baby. Yeah, I'll shoot this. Where's the baby at? Hold up that baby. I'm going to try to hit that baby with this wood monkey. Oh.

Oh! Unbelievable. Wow. Wow. From 50 yards away, you nailed that baby girl right in the face. High five. High five. Wow.

You take that defensively. Wow. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Why did you murder your baby? We were at UCB. The first murdered baby on a podcast.

Just enjoying a show with our baby. You stay down, baby. Is the baby okay? All right. I'm sorry. No, that was amazing. Ooh, there it is. Oh wait, there's more stuff in here.

Holy shit. It's always sunny in Philadelphia shot glass? Yep. There you go. When did you become such a company man? Guys, FX. There's no box. There is no box. There is

no box. They don't even have to think outside of it because it doesn't exist for them. That's how fucking innovative they are. Doug, what percentage of the podcast is going through the prize pack? I know, this is insane. Only one person will enjoy that. Not the listener.

Anyone listening to this is like, I can't masturbate to this. What is this supposed to be? This is a Wilford hand sanitizer. It's in the shape of a house. A dog house. A dog house. That's not a house, somebody in the audience

has yelled. But also, one more thing. I've got to mention this because it's another thing I want to sort of promote. A lighter that says Bellflower on it. That's a new independent movie that was made for like $17,000. And it's got a lot of flamethrower action in the movie. So the lighter says pocket-sized flamethrower. And I hope to have the guy that starred in and directed Bellflower on the show sometime soon.

That's really nice to hear. I was going to say that. 30 Minutes or Less has a bunch of flamethrower action in it. Do you guys shoot a flamethrower? Nick Swartzen, his character shoots a flamethrower. He shot it for real, too. Was it scary? I wasn't there as much as Ruben was.

It was pretty scary, right? He was scared. I wasn't there as much as Ruben was. It was pretty scary, right? He was scared. How did you do that shot where the car flips over and both you guys are sliding to us upside down? Is that all? You guys weren't in that car?

No, it was real. You're just getting dragged on a thing and then you paint out the... That accident wasn't supposed to happen. Ruben was luckily rolling. Right place, right time. The car flipped over with the leads in it. Keep rolling. Don't stop taping.

Keep acting. Say funny things. That's my direction. You just summed it up. Keep saying funny things. Think an accident's happened. Just add humor to it. Aziz and Jesse were on green screen

in the car's LCG. Whoa. It looks really good. That does look cool. Yeah. Thanks for ruining it, Rob. These are just... The show should be called

Movie Magic. Tricks of the trade. Tricks of the trade. Tricks of the trade. Let's see what name tags you got. Rob picked Jesse all the way from Vegas.

Yeah. Woo! This was actually a very... I didn't expect a glitzier name tag from Vegas But that's cool Your shirt is more involved in this name tag Don't take your shirt off Oh, is there a problem with the baby?

Did the baby swallow the woot monkey? Jenna She never gets picked She's a recurring visitor Have you ever won Jenna? No Okay Alright

So this might be her chance To win She usually has a sign Or used to have a sign That looks like the Juno The title card from Juno Fun with Doug and Jane

It's got my face on there And then who's Jane? Me That's you? And is your name Jane? Tayone But my name's Jane Oh that's Tayone And is your name Jane? Oh, that's Taelione.

Yeah, that's what I meant. It was, who's that picture? I thought you put your own face in there. You put my face over Jim Carrey's and I like it. Alright, and then Ruben has one of my favorite signs ever made. I tweeted this one today. Nick plus Ash, it's two people

made a sign and it's the Ghostbusters logo with my face on it but now I just look like just a fat naked guy and not really a ghost it's too accurate for my taste you have you have no pubic hair that's what I really look like. I'm very... It looks like the pose very Doughboy has Doug's face. It's about time. All right, you guys. You've been on the show before. You have a vague idea how this works.

I'm going to win. Can I have one suggestion for you, Doug? Oh, please. I think when you bring out the Roger Ebert... I know you said you will eventually bring out

the Roger Ebert game. No, I said I might just to appease people that thought that was a good idea. All right, well, then I won't bring up my suggestion. What's your suggestion? I wanted to hear Roger Ebert's reviews versus, like, you could read both of the... Oh, Roger says this, Leonard says that? Yeah, and then that's how you'd have to...

If that wasn't super complicated, I would do it. But, yeah, that would be too tough for me to pull off. Pre-pro on this show is about 10 seconds. I'm starting to think that's the only movie term we know. I can't tell you what it is, but gaffer. That's a good one. I don't know what they do, but that's in there. All right.

All right. I hope it's movies of Tia Leone. Hey, is everybody having a good shark week? Why do you have to go and date this? It's fucking always shark week. Oh, okay, good. It really is when you think about it. Like, why do they have to make a special designation?

I can't stop masturbating to sharks. Stop that. All right, we'll start We'll start with you Rob You get to pick a category Alright Would you like a gentleman named Nate Wolfson On Twitter suggested lions, tigers or bears

That's movies that involve In some way a lion, a tiger or a bear Oh man CSS Lewis watch out No wardrobes Is that right? lion, a tiger, or a bear. Oh, man. Yeah. CSS Lewis, watch out. No wardrobes. Is that right? Or?

It's Wes Craven's birthday yesterday. Okay. Yeah. So the film's of Wes Craven. One person clapped in the audience. And then, at iLibertarian suggested Vanilla Ice, which is movies with either vanilla or ice in the title.

And there are none with both. I'll tell you that right now. Extra clue. Is there a category called movies Rob Hubel has seen? You know what? Even if you've only seen a handful of movies, you've seen a movie with a lion, a tiger, or a bear in it. Yeah. Those guys work a lot. Let's go lions and tigers

and bears just to save time. This lion, tiger, or bear movie is from 2009. Leonard Maltin gives it three stars out of a scale of bomb to five. Three is... A lot of people disagree with his three stars. They think it deserves more.

He calls it hilarious. He gives only three stars, but then the first word of the review is hilarious. And then he also says, don't bring your baby to it. And he doesn't say that. That just goes without saying. And then he calls this movie

he calls this movie I love that there's a baby here don't get me wrong he says that it's ingeniously plotted ingeniously plotted hilarious three stars has a lion tiger bear or any combination of those in it from 2009 there's in it like they can just walk by in the background they have a pretty prominent role. And there's 13 names. How many names do you think you can get in Rob Hubel? I can name that movie in two names.

Whoa. I'm going to win. Jesse, do you like prizes? I'm the ballsiest. Do you like a shitload of FX swag? Rob is the ballsiest bidder, and sometimes... Because I always win. Dangerously so.

I have never won, ever. Okay, so we go to Paul Shearer. You can go less names, or you can... Negative three. Oh, Lord! Someone is looking for a spot in the next tournament of championships with a negative three bid. So now we go to Aziz.

And you can go negative four or say name that movie and hope that he screws up. He seems pretty confident. I wasn't listening because I thought that was only his movie. It was a hilarious movie that involved Lion and Bear and something in 2009 three stars

intricately plotted you were listening how was it plotted very good how was it plotted cleverly intricately intricately

so I can either say name that movie and put him on the spot or I can second name it and then less yeah then you have to go negative negative three

negative four or more what is that that's a reverse order that means you have to name the cast or more. That's a reverse order. That means you have to name the cast from the top to the bottom. Wait, so you're going to name three cast members? Yeah. Whoa.

In order that they appear. In order of billing from the top. Whoa. He's really putting himself out there. Shears on Salvia right now. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm going to eat that baby. That's why we didn't do season three because of his salvia problem.

I have a horrible addiction, but it's legal, and I'm going to keep on doing it and not work until it becomes illegal. What do you say, Aziz? I'll say I can name it in three people. Negative four, you have to go. Oh, I have to do more. You went three. I would say name it then, I can name it in three people. Negative four, you have to go. Oh, I have to do more.

You went three. I would say name it then, I guess. Okay, so three names. My only question is. You can't ask questions. I just have to know, do I go from the bottom? The very top. Okay, to the right.

The top three. Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis. What's the movie called? Hangover. That's correct. You motherfucker. And that's how it's done. What? Out of curiosity.

Wait, wait, but did you get the billing right? Yeah, that was the right order. Out of curiosity, what was the giveaway? What made you so confident? I think 2009 and Hilarious, and then I thought, oh, that's like,

what's a big comedy that has a lion in it? And it was... It was a tiger. It was a tiger. But yeah. So thank God you don't know the difference between a tiger...

I didn't see Zookeeper, so I don't know things like that. Someday I'll do a liger category and the only answer will be Napoleon Dynamite. I was going to go negative four and guess it was Ken Jeong, but would I have been right or wrong?

Oh, wow. It would have been Justin Barthel probably. Oh, Justin Barthel, yeah. See, this is where I come in. It might not be either of those guys. Hypothetical situation. I thought for sure it was going to be Furry Vengeance with Brendan Fraser.

Next is Justin Barthel. Truth be told, Furry Vengeance was intricately plotted. It was Really But when he said two names I was laughing Because if you just said

Name it If you hadn't been sure Because two is a pretty bold bid Yeah If you just said name it His two names would have been Cleo King Whoever that is

And then Rob Riggle Would have been his other name Oh He would have went From the bottom up Yeah Who is Rob Riggle I don't know anything

About this game What was that show on VH1 Called A to Z Or something like that Yeah we did that Who is Rob Riggle? I don't know anything about this game. What was that show on VH1 called? A to Z or something like that? Yeah, we did that. You guys were so great on that together. That's when I fell in love with you. Is the affair still continuing?

What? Is the affair continuing? Are you still in love with us? Yeah, I think I still... Him, not so much. What do you mean? Weren't you on that show? I've never spoken with him. We did Best Week Ever together.

Yeah, yeah. You and you. I love Rob. Were you ever on Best Week Ever? I got fired. Every time I came in, I was like, this is stupid. I don't want to talk about this. You fucked up.

Like, well, stop coming in then. I was like, okay. You fucked up, bro. You really fucked up. Big mistake. Big mistake. It's going to come back around and get you Rob and I have shows on Adult Swim. We have shows that four people watch.

You're one of the four. That's cool. We like those four people. And their baby. All right. We got to keep going. This game's got to end. You're slowing it down with all your pre-pro.

Enough pre-pro. Let's get to the good stuff. I want to put Ruben in the hot seat. I want to see what he knows about. We start with Ruben. Ruben knows his movies. We start with Ruben.

I'm terrible at them. From there we go to Aziz and then Paul and then Rob. And your category choices. So sleepy. Your options, Ruben, are summer blockbusters. It's summer.

There's blockbusters. Summer blockbusters. Of all time. blockbusters Summer blockbusters Of all time Yeah All time blockbusters When does Planet of the Apes Come out Rise August

19th August something It's a documentary right Yeah Yeah It's a documentary About fake looking apes Would you like

In theaters now That's movies that are In more than A thousand theaters Right now Summer blockbusters Or This is a fun a fun category, submitted by at Robbedian, R-O-B-B-E-D-I-A-N, on Twitter. He wrote, Joaquin Dead, that's movies where Joaquin Phoenix dies. Whoa!

That's a great category. Yeah. That's a good category. Nice job. That should be a cable channel. Robbedian. Good cable channel Robedian Good work Robedian So what do you think Of those categories

I feel like we should I mean I don't know The answer to the Joaquin movies Sure Joaquin is like A highbrow Mad magazine piece

Why is my shirt Open so much Because you know How to bring it To the people I'll defer to the collective What do you guys think No you get to pick I have to pick This is where you Score some to the people. I'll defer to the collective. What do you guys think? No, you get to pick.

I have to pick. This is where you score some sort of advantage. Okay, I'll take in theaters now. Okay. All right. This is a movie that's in theaters now. Leonard Maltin said about it, he said that the lead actor plays his part with complete conviction.

And he also says... He says that in this movie, we're denied the satisfaction of a big finish. In a summer blockbuster? What? What kind of misleading clue could that possibly be? In theaters now. And there are nine names.

How many names did you get in, Reuben Fleischer? 20 or 30 minutes or less? August 12th? I'll go seven. I don't claim to be good at this game. I'm going to let Shearer take this in negative numbers. Does Rise of the Apes open the same day as 30 Minutes? No, the week before. It's this Friday. Oh, Rise of the Apes open the same day as 30 Minutes? No, the week before.

It's this Friday. Oh, Rise of the Apes is this Friday? Okay, good. Don't waste your time even... That would be the fight of the fake apes versus the fake apes.

Prepare for 30 Minutes or less and just don't see a movie this weekend and just get ready for 30 Minutes or less. Yeah, bide your time. Stay at home. Watch old episodes

of The League on demand. Yeah, well, you can do that. You can do that. But I'm saying get ready for 30 minutes of this. Camp out and do it. I would say jerk off to Children's Hospital. TiVo NTSF SDSUV.

Thank you. Paul's new show on Adult Swim. Yeah, after Rob's show on Adult Swim, Children's Hospital. Thank you, Paul. Thanks, Paul. All right. So great. So I'm basically passing. I'll, Paul. Thanks, Paul. All right. So great. So I'm basically passing.

I'll say five, but... Five. Five. Five's his only bid. Now we go to Aziz. Oh, we go this way now? We switch the order each time. I'll do it in three names.

Three names, he says. Paul, say name that movie. Negative one name. Negative one. I think we have the same guess I think we have the same guess the clue is that you don't know the answer and you'll never come up with the answer no it's the ending was what was it not satisfying or something like that. It wasn't a big finish. It didn't have the big finish that you'd hope for. He also said that it was

the lead actor plays his role with complete conviction. There were nine names. Paul went negative one. You either have to say negative names or go more negative names. Name the movie. She's going to take the whole thing right now. Forgena's finally going to win. Paul went negative one. So you either have to say negative names or go more negative names. No, name the movie. Yeah, yeah. So she's going to take the whole thing right now.

For Jenna's finally going to win. No. I have a good feeling about it. Chris Evans. No. Oh. Just kidding. Just kidding.

Captain America. Yeah, that's right. Wow. Wow. I got nervous that that wasn't his name. How many stars? I just love how you say the name first. There might have been some other movie that he's the top. Fantastic Four, Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Leonard doesn't give star ratings to the newer movies. Current movies, yeah. I don't know why, but he does a longer review. And this one was like, he liked parts of it. You can't mess with Shearer. I think he'll give it two and a half. This is the first time I've been able to. How did you guess that from that clue?

Because this is what I put together, that it doesn't have a satisfying end because it's just setting up the Avengers movie. It's all set up for the Avengers. Not all. Not all. I mean, it's got. Silver Lake Adjacents. Guys. Silver Lake Adjacents.

Little Doms. Sunset Junction I go there porridge I've eaten there alcoves I go there a lot Mustard Seed Cafe

Gobex juice why is he doing Brody yeah you know I don't know if this episode pops before or after

you know Brody Stevens is hosting TMZ this week. What? It's a live TV show. So please watch that. He's going to be doing that.

By the time this comes out. What do you have? J-Lo. I used to play baseball with that guy. You should have a ball and a baseball glove throwing it at the guy. By the time this comes out they should they should just catch him on the weekend edition what's this for that was the 20% off the FX that was yet another prize here's throwing it in have enough FX swag yeah

Paul won two rounds well you won Paul you won for Jenna so we don't need to name her head but does there sit down in back of this? I don't think so. I come fun. No, okay, come over here and write it down. My man Jesse came all the way from Las Vegas. I'm sorry Nick plus Ash didn't win. I really like you guys, Dan. On that name tag. Yeah, so

everybody that lost gets to name a shithead as always, and in the meantime let's do some plugs. If you're listening to this on Friday, August 5th, I'll be at the Wilbur Theater in the meantime, let's do some plugs. If you're listening to this on Friday, August 5th, I'll be at the Wilbur Theater in Boston tonight. And like we said, 30 Minutes or Less,

directed by Ruben Fleischer and starring Aziz Ansari. That opens on August 12th. The best cast in any movie. I mean, as the four of the best people. When I drive by the billboard and I'm like,

I know two of those guys and those other two guys are hilarious, I have to pull over and of the best people. When I drive by the billboard and I'm like, I know two of those guys and those other two guys are hilarious, I have to pull over and masturbate. Whoa. That's dangerous. You should just keep driving.

I don't want to give up. Just keep driving. Don't ever pull over. Because you pull over and somebody will smash into you while you're just sitting there masturbating. Always keep driving.

Just swerve. Tony's got billboards everywhere so you can keep driving. You'll run into another one. Oh, I'll see another one. Yeah. I won't go flaccid between billboards.

They're close enough together. As long as you stay in the pocket. I don't want to hype my own movie too much, but there's also a fifth funniest guy in this movie. Oh, yeah. Michael Pena, who just... Yeah, Pena's hilarious. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Steals every city. Can I go negative six? Can I go negative six? Brett Gelman. Brett Gelman. Brett Gelman. Brett Gelman. He's my favorite.

Hilarious Brett Gelman. ruben directed that movie you still beat him boom no more cast members all right let me give jenna her prizes congratulations jenna you finally did it you're no longer eligible i think she's all sad i'm not eligible because i bought i won this bag of shit yeah Yeah. You got the Saturday Night Live Christmas special. That was a gift from my sister-in-law. Do not tell her.

She doesn't listen to the podcast, I hope. Oh, and there's this message for Aziz on the back of this name tag. It says, say hi next time you're at Cube or Lube. Cube. It's a restaurant.

Not Silver Lake adjacent. That is the Melrose-La Brea area. Do not frequent it. How come there's more than one name to say? Is this shithead? Oh, okay, good. I knew there was a reason. Because I had someone else write their name on there. Will I ever win this game?

I thought you guys tried to get two in on me. Will I ever win this game? I think you will. You play with bravado that helps to possibly win. We should have a tournament of losers. And TJ and Rob. I will not. The game.

I will not attend. I tell you what. I'll bring you on with Tig and Natasha Leggero. Tig. Yeah. And you might finally win. I'm somehow not surprised at all Tig's terrible at this.

Tig doesn't go to movies at all. Natasha goes to movies, but she's not going to remember that stuff. She's got other things to think about. All right, so did I go through everybody?

No, I didn't. Paul Scheer, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you. S-D. S-D. S-V-U-N-S-T-U-V-S-D-D. N-T-S-F-S-D-S-U-V.

A couple of semicolons. You got two semicolons at the end. If you call Guinness, like most semicolons in the title. Most acronyms of a TV show and most colons used ever. Whoa, nice. There we go. Adam Scott is coming up next weekons used ever. Whoa, nice. Yeah. There we go. Adam Scott is coming up

next week on the show. Oh, nice. I like that guy. And Rob Hubel from Children's Hospital. Children's Hospital. And you're shooting a part in a Steve Carell movie

right now. Yeah. What's that called? Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Sounds bleak. It's going to be good. And me and Shira

just did a movie called Rapturepalooza. With Craig Robinson. Craig Robinson. And Anna Kendrick and John Francis Daly and Rob Corddry. Yeah.

I'd like to meet all of them if I hadn't already. Whoa. Bam. Bam. Facial. Two facials for one ruble. I haven't met one.

I haven't actually met one of those persons, but I'm not going to say who. I want to wake that baby up so bad. Now she's being all quiet. Is the baby sleeping? No, she's bored to death. Oh!

Guys, the baby got bored to death. Where is Toddler's going to be a category on sickness? This is bullshit. Before we go, guys, do we want to do one of our famous Human Giant songs? There is no human giant song. What are you guys clapping about? There is no human giant song.

Jingles. Oh, my God. That was our theme song. That was it? I thought you were really going to go into it. You take these pictures. Where do these pictures pop up? I just put them on Twitter. I'm like, here's the guests.

You're not even shooting me. You're framing me out because I fucking lost the game. I can't fit you in. I'd have to turn it this way and that's stupid. So and so. Yay. Yay. so and so yay

I bet we all look so dumb it's the most fun part for the listener me taking a picture with the guests anyway thanks a lot you guys let's hear it for them thank you everyone for coming bye and as always

Nancy Grace is a shithead ****** is a shithead. F*** is a shithead. Should have said that one last. And L. Ron Hubbard is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another Talking Eyes of Gold. Hey everybody, it's Doug Benson, host of the podcast you just finished listening to. Just wanted to throw out a quick apology for bleeping another shithead.

I know you guys hate it when shitheads get bleeped or anything on the show gets bleeped. Podcasting is supposed to be about free speech and whatnot. But, in this particular case, I said the name of a religious figure, the mocking of whom could lead to violent retribution. And I thought about it for a while and decided that I just don't have any time in my schedule right now for violent retribution. I'm really busy. So apologies for the bleepage. And if you really need to know who it is, just ask me. You can write to me on Twitter or specialthing.com or just, you know, come by my house and don't kill me.

There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies!