Doug Loves Movies - Back in NYC

Episode Date: May 20, 2011

Recorded live at the Gramercy Theatre in New York City on May 21st, 2011. Chris Hardwick, Rob Cantrell, Wayne Federman, and Amy Schumer guest.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody. Hey everybody. My name is Doug and I love movies.

That is hilarious. I love that you guys did that. Out in LA they're just like, you love the movie. This is a special boner edition of Doug Loves Movies. Back in New York City, we're in front of a live audience

at the Gramercy Theater. It is an amazing day outside. It's been raining in New York for weeks. And finally, you have the most beautiful day, and you guys are spending it inside here talking about movies. Congratulations. On knowing how to live.

You guys know how to live. Gramercy Theater is a great venue. Come back and see other comedy or music shows if you're in the areola. When I write these things, when I write them down, it cracks me up that I always say areola instead of area. And then I should also mention

that it's Saturday, May 21st, a.k.a. the end of the world. Again, thank you for being here when there's probably some business you need to take care of. There's people you need to apologize to and tell that you love. But no, we're going to go watch a podcast. What time are you guys going to get out?

Well, it might start a few minutes late because Doug says 4.20, but you know how that goes. So we'll probably be getting out around the time the world ends. Because they're saying 6 p.m., you guys. So that's part of the reason why there's two reasons why the show started late. The first reason is you know the first reason.

And the second reason the second reason is because I want the show started late. The first reason is you know the first reason. And the second reason is because I want the show to still be going when the world's supposed to end. At 6pm, yeah. I want you guys to know that I made every effort to get Mr. John Lithgow

into the building today. I know, I know. I hope you weren't holding out hope that that would happen. The guests I have are amazing, but I just want to share with you that I've been talking to John Lithgow for this show's been

booked for months, and I've been like, he's in New York, I gotta get him. So we've been writing back and forth, and then finally today, or no, last night at 11.41 p.m., I got the following message from, here's his email address. It's, I'll do it in sign language just for you guys. No, he wrote this.

He wrote, Doug, I thought until the last minute that I might make this. Maybe I should try to do it as him. Doug, I thought until the last... No. All he does is yell. I thought until the last minute

that I might make this, but no joy. I would have maybe said no go, but no, I can't, but no joy. There'll be no joy. Have a great time in Gotham. We'll find another time for sure. And then he signs his emails, just so you guys know it's legit,

with a capital J, that's right. And his son, we're doing a Benson Interruption later tonight. Who's coming back for that? That is awesome. We're doing that, and you could probably get tickets if anyone else wants to come back for it. His son, Nathan, who hooked me up with him on Twitter, he's on the guest list to come and watch

the Interruption show later tonight. I said, do you want to come to the Douglas movies or the Interruption? He's like, the Interruption. I was like, yeah, but your dad might be on Douglas movies. And he's like, I'll come to the Interruption. So I don't know what that's about. They seem to like each other a great deal.

So yeah, so I cried myself to sleep last night over that news, but I remember that I have awesome comedy friends from Los Angeles and New York and some of them are around and happy to participate tonight and also I'd already booked some of them are around and happy to participate tonight. And also, I'd already booked some of them anyway before the Lithgo incident.

So please give a big, warm New York welcome to my friends Amy Schumer, Wayne Fetterman, Rob Cantrell, and Chris Hardwick. Hello. Hello. Hello. Oh, I didn't want... Chris. All right. All right. What a group.

There we are. Yeah, you guys are doing it. Amy, what do you sound like? Famous. That's good. Hi, Wayne. Hello. I'm just thrilled to be here on the stage with Chris.

Wow. Well, this is an interesting lineup. Rob Cantrell, of course, is here. How's it going? How's it going? Yeah, it's good. Is Brooklyn in the house? Oh, what a cheap yell.

That is ridiculous. The crowd was so hot, you had to say it. You got to win over Brooklyn right away. Yeah. Find your friends. I'm sorry. You got to win over Brooklyn right away. Yeah. Find your friends. I'm sorry. You got to give a shout out now and then. That's it. Sorry. I'm just excited about this show because this time there's not

a bunch of drunks on the stage. It's just the only ones drinking tonight are me and Amy. That's correct. Yeah, so this is going to be a lot more under control. I realized last night that I have the drinking habits of a day laborer. Which means what?

You have like a martini around 5 o'clock? It's been lately all tequila and beers and brown paper bags and then I go hang out at Home Depot. And dream of a green card. Yeah, that's true true that's also true and all my illegitimate children and the brown plastic bag

is for glue sniffing right that's correct that is correct that's what I thought yeah so this is going to be a good show let me tell you how good it's going to be now Rob should we just do a good show

do you really want to tell people in advance no that's what I was realizing as I said it that's why I sort of trailed off there I couldn't really commit to telling people what a good show they're seeing you guys are seeing a great show you guys are having a blast right now oh my god

people are losing their minds this is the best thing ever people are thinking about getting a refund. No. Stop doing the wave. This is exciting. There's a smoke machine, too. Oh, that's true.

Oh, really? I don't know. Yes, it's... That's just the crowd. That's why it's like that in here? That's just your crowd, man. It's just...

My crowd is a smoke machine. It's like, yeah, they are. We need some lasers. There's just like a Scottish lake in the mornings. This steam rising off the top. He adds a lot of class. I did a show on the east side where they were allowed smoking in the one bar in New York City.

Wow. You know about this bar? What's the bar? The hookah lounge? Yeah. Doug doesn't want to go there. It's called Karma. Oh, the Karma Cancer Cafe?

That place is great. It's secondhand contact cancer for everyone. It's really good. Great horchata. Yeah, they have this great asbestos wrap. It's also really delicious. So good. But Karma is spelled with a C, like cancer.

That's right. Yeah, so I went there. It's not important. I thought it was interesting Car Ma is the hip hop version of the show My Mother the Car yeah that's correct that was a real old reference they all know it

you can't smoke cigarettes there you can just smoke like a hookah I don't smoke hookah it just looks too Mideaster, right? Wow. Really racist. Am I wrong about that?

Wow. That was... Why is that so racist? That's regional. Osama was sucking on a hookah when they shot him in the eye. You know what, Wayne? It's true. I'm saying it does look a little weird.

It's not like, oh, let's... Did anyone do that in high school? Like, oh, we're going to hookah? Yeah. Right before the football game? Right on top of a mushroom one time. I don't think so. It's a weird thing.

When I see a bar where there's just people smoking tobacco through one of those things, I'm like, why is this happening? Such a weird thing. I think it's like a loophole thing. Like, we could do a hookah bar, but you can't have smoking in a bar. I know. I just feel like it's a weird... You just hate people from the Middle East.

It's not... No, I was just talking about this the other day. I was hanging out with all my black friend, and she was like... She was like, you know, girl, like... I don't know what she was saying. I couldn't understand her, but she was pissed. She was pissed.

Could you tell by her... Her body language. Yeah, a lot of times you can tell by the body language. I'm like, stop yelling, we're not at the movies. Now, Amy. Yes, Doug? Is that on your album, Cutting, currently available on iTunes? Well, that track is not, but yes,

Cutting is available on iTunes. Thank you for bringing that up. I brought it up because your album's called Cutting, so I was wondering, what is your favorite slasher movie? Or cutting movie, but you know. Yeah, Girl Interrupted. How many of those are there? That's pretty much the only one, right?

I think so. For TV, if you pitch a cutting movie, it's going to be a TV movie. Yeah, that's true. There's no big theatrical cutting movies. Yeah, I don't know. I've been watching a lot of revenge movies lately that are horrible. Like the one, the newer old boy one. You know what I mean?

It's called Look at the Devil's Face or The Devil Wears... That guy's like, I saw the devil, you dumb bitch. You dumb bitch. Whatever. No, I think he's got a bon bitch. You dumb bitch. Wednesday. Whatever. No, I think he's got a boner because you were talking about it at all. Oh, really? I don't think he cares that you don't know what it's called.

He'll tell you what it's called over and over again. He will scream it at the point of orgasm. I will make you see the devil, bitch. What's it called again? I saw the devil. I saw the devil. I saw the devil. That is what I'm going to yell the next time I have an orgasm.

I don't care. I don't care who's there. It's what every girl wants. If anyone. It's just me. Just you. I Saw the Devil. Oh, God.

That is exciting. Well, check that out, Cutting. I know another Cutting movie, Breaking Away. Kind of. The Cutters. Yeah, thank you. Thank you, a few people remember. One person's love break. Andy came up with that three minutes ago.

He had it right away. He was trying to talk, but we were busy. That was fine. I enjoyed the face of the devil guy over there. That was the creepiest shit I've ever heard. The movie is so scary. It's like these revenge movies. They have to set up in the first 20 minutes

that they're the bad guy, and you're like, we get it. They're like ripping the arms off babies. You know? So people are like, that guy sounds awesome. No. I get it. Just tell me he's the bad guy.

I like the movies where, you know, they burn down your house, they rape your wife or girlfriend, but when they kill your dog, that is, hey, now we're talking about an animal. Hold on here. Instead of all of my possessions and everything that I love. All the fucking phones.

What was the name of that crazy revenge movie with... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Death Wish? What was the name of that crazy revenge movie with... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Deathwish? Deathwish. Deathwish. Charles Bronson. Crybaby.

That was the best. God damn it. I wanted to say something like Gigi. But anyway, in Deathwish, you know Jeff... Charlotte's Web? Jeff Goldblum. That's Jeff Goldblum's first acting role. The Fly. Jeff Goldblum?

Jeff Goldblum plays a rapist in that movie, and... It's only rape if you remember it, Wayne. Oh, okay. No, sorry, Wes. You never saw the movie Death Witch? I saw it, yeah. I don't remember Jeff Goldblum being the rapist. It's his first...

I talked to him about it. And he plays the rapist. He literally... Jeff, the goofy science guy, that guy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So I should just hold you down because And he plays the rape. Literally, Jeff, the goofy science guy. That guy. So I should just hold you down because you don't want to fuck me and I'm going to make you fuck me? I mean, you know,

it's like, what is the probability that I might have to rape you in order to make this happen? Talk about chaos theory. In any given system, a rape might spontaneously occur. I can only do, I can't do his voice, but I can do one thing

he often does with his hand. Wow, you guys, I wish you could see him right now. Imagine Donald Trump saying, you're fired, but put it sideways at home. That's what's happening. That's what it looks like.

Yeah, he's always doing that, but, but, uh, and he does that with his hand. Like a really polite fisting. Just some gentle... Wayne said that. I call it four out of five. Let's leave one out of this.

Let's let one of them remain innocent. He really respected me, you guys. He left his thumb out. So, Rob... Oh, that wasn't the one I was thinking. Oh, okay. You gotta have the thumb, because you gotta have some leverage.

Once you're in there, you gotta be able to negotiate. You are still right. You're like a scientist. You could totally do two thumbs up. Like everything's okay? Yeah. You're having fun. That just feels too much like I'm about to play

Cat's Cradle when I put my hands back. It is. It's very summer camp. I'm going back to childhood and all the things that were done to me. Wait a second. Wait a minute. It's almost the end of the world. We might as well confess some things. Cat's Cr me. Wait a second. Wait a minute. It's almost the end of the world. We might as well confess

some things. That's right. Put your finger inside. But not your thumb. So Rob. Did I get molested? No. I didn't have it. I have no segue to you. I'm just going to talk to you.

What's happening, Doug? Good to see you. I don't really see you. i'm just looking kind of sideways yeah you're playing to the to the house that's how that's how you do it you're a professional yep uh so you you write stuff for high times magazine you filled in uh when we need uh you know somebody to fill in and the marijuana logs because arj is like always in australia or something yeah and uh so my question to you is what's your favorite movie to watch while getting stoned? And I ask this because I don't think I ever do an interview where somebody doesn't ask me that because I like pot and I love movies. I mean, I love both, but you know what I'm saying?

And I get asked that question all the time and I don't have an answer because I don't know about you guys, but if you're a pot smoker, itoker it's not about like oh I have to watch this one thing while I'm high it's more like I have to be high oh and that's on okay I'm all right with that like I could find a movie on cable television that I'm happy with when I'm high because they play those the movies that are fun to watch over and over again and It's weird to me, though. This is something I talk about sometimes on the show. How sometimes a movie will catch on in that way that's on TV all the time

and then others don't for some reason. There's some that last the test of time and then some that just don't stand up at all. I gave you in the gift pack After Hours which is a classic Martin Scorsese but do they ever show that on TV

yeah the one that I like I think it would just make people nervous and turn their TV off because it's such a fucking I love that movie

but it's so like the whole time you're just like it's like being covered in bugs or something you're like yeah it's like a bad trip this is so uncomfortable

yeah yeah it's really true it's Wizard of Oz right it's an updated I love Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Because he can't get home. Yeah, yeah.

And he had the ability to get home the whole time if he didn't fucking put the money in a weird thing in the cab where it would blow out. Who puts their money in that thing when they get into the cab? This is the movie, yeah, that we're talking about is After Hours. Thank you for recapping because a lot of my listeners are a little high. I was looking at Amy, she didn't know what was going on. I was just zoning out on her a little bit.

Sorry, I think you're confused. You mean a New York Minute with the Olsen twins. They also lose some money in a cab, I believe. So get your facts straight. But yeah, I watched that movie, doesn't stand up, because I'm like, what the fuck? It's this guy that goes downtown

and has this night that's all messed up because uh because he doesn't have any money to get uptown he's in the lower east side but when you're watching it now you're like just fucking use your iphone it'd be done the movie's 10 minutes long no no but chicha chong is in the movie which is pretty sweet that's awesome but they could make it again. They could make it now, and his fucking phone doesn't have service. Yes, because he has an iPhone. Whatever shitty area he's running around in. Or nice area. My iPhone doesn't work in my apartment where I live.

Yes. I have to go, ah, I gotta go outside, I gotta make a call, like I'm some sort of smoker or some shit. But I got this sweet game that has like an, you know, paper airplane, and that always fucking works, so that's always nice. That's good. I have no idea what that meant. I'm talking about the video games. I'm talking about technology. I'm so psyched.

Everybody's talking about the Rapture. I'm psyched about now. Who people is psyched about now? I can't rob it. Doug, there's iPads out there. Do you understand how beautiful an iPad is? Somebody in Africa right now is teaching a child fucking movies on an iPad.

No, they're not. And then a few blocks away, there's somebody doing a fat line of coke on an iPad watching anal porn at the same time. Actually, I think in Africa, they're teaching their kids how to aim birds at pigs with a slingshot. And circumcise.

You can watch movies. This is just a good time to be a nerd. I cannot wait for the Twitter messages. Who was the guy on your last podcast that was yelling the whole time? I just wanted to get that one joke out then I was going to be quiet.

I watched a movie, Superstone, the other day and it was, I don't know what it's called, but it was Clint Eastwood just fucking shit up with an orangutan. Every Which Way But Loose. Or Any Which Way You Can. There was two of them. I can't believe, I was like, this isn't real.

I'm dead. Those movies are amazing. I mean, I was like, this isn't real. I'm dead. Those movies are... This is not happening. Those movies are amazing. I mean, I was a child and I was like, this is fucking childish. Like, orangutan and an old lady both flipping the bird at people. Oh my God. Ruth Gordon, who was awesome. Oh, yeah.

Somebody get them a fucking Pulitzer. Yeah. But it was like really... They don't do that for movies. It was really racist, too. No, I mean for World Peace. Because they're just flipping their... All they do is this all the time. You don't get a Pulitzer. It was really racist, too. No, I mean for world peace. Because they're just flipping after, all they do is this all the time. You don't get a Pulitzer for world peace, either.

But there's one moment. Give him a fucking, give him a Barnes and Noble prize. Yip certificate. But there's a moment when these Nazis pull up next to Clint and his orangutan in their truck. And they're like, oh my God, they're like, you better be scared to Clint, they're like, you better be shaking like a blind fag at a weenie roast, and I was like, whoa!

Right? Because if you can't see it coming and you're gay, hot dogs are going to be shoved in you. Yeah, is that what they're saying? That is infucking inevitable. How is this allowed? If you're walking around with a There's nothing scarier than a weenie roast. That is infucking inevitable. How is this allowed? If you're walking around with a cane, and there's people roasting up weenies,

and they think, that guy looks gay to me. Fire up the grill. Yeah, let's shove these in this guy. Danger. Well, if you have a seeing-eye dog, he would have smelled the hot dogs. Well, they can't. That movie doesn't hold up, because in this economy, you have to eat the hot dogs. Well, they can't. That movie doesn't hold up because in this economy, you can't.

You can't afford an orangutan. You have to eat the hot dogs. You need a license for orangutan, too. You need to walk around with an orangutan. In this economy, you have to have a taste

for hot dogs that have been in someone's house. It's true. Oh, my God. I know. It gets horrible, Wayne. I know.

Which is so funny. Another guest that was so close to doing it, and don't tell him I said any of this, because the next time I come to New York, I'll try to get him. I almost got Pat Kiernan from New York One. Yeah.

I know. How amazing would this have been to have him sitting up here while we do these horrible, horrible jokes? I bet he'd be the dirtiest one up here. No, he wouldn't. You don't think? He wouldn't be dirty.

I don't know. He'd be like, let's take a look at Pat's papers. And then he'd just tell us about horrible things around the world. But no, I feel like when I'm looking at the crowd, how many people get, not understand, but receive New York One as opposed to watch movies just on your computer or something like that? How many people get New York One? Yeah, that was a weird poll question. Polls are never like, how many people do this or this other thing or this other subset? Literally, it's smoky in here.

I just feel like cable is... He never saw Packard. He reads you the newspaper. I know what he does because I get Time Warner cable, but I just feel like a lot of people don't. You feel like he's reading it just to you. He's like, hi, Wayne. It is true, though. It is true from hotel to hotel that I stay in.

In Manhattan, there will be, some will have New York One and some will not have New York One. And when they don't have them, they're on my list of hotels to not stay in. That's right. Because I fucking love New York One so much. I'm with you. It's everything you need to know in about eight minutes. And then you can watch it again if you're high. It repeats all the important stuff it's really good

now doug you get so you say you get high and then just watch whatever's on like will you no no no i'm interested in certain things i really do like i get high and i watch i watch uh if there's poker on television i watch it yeah yeah if there's uh you know uh i'll watch punditry you know i'll watch the news channels. What about like that weird guy that like entraps the child molester? I do. I can't watch that because you know what? Those guys are fucking creeps and they need to be stopped somehow.

Right. But they haven't done anything yet when they show up and the lemonade and the cookies out on the counter. You know, like that's like saying you can't sit at home and think about having sex with anything other than, you know what I mean? Like, they could arrest you for thinking about it. For thinking about it, Wayne. Oh, you've never thought about fucking a kid, Wayne. No, I'm not.

Wayne, it's the rapture. I'm not denying that. I'm just saying, they get a girl who's over 18 to be the bait, so like, a man is like, attracted to a woman who's over 18 legally, but then they pretend she's under, it's all very it's all very sneaky

that's why they don't do it anymore, it would still be on, it would still be a huge hit if it was like completely right to do it that way. How do those guys not know the girl's like always in a towel and she won't come close to them and she's always like they like walk in and they see the situation. As soon as the girl goes, hey, I'll be right back,

the guy's like, yeah, I'll be right back, too. I'll be right back after I watch a few more episodes of that show and learn how to avoid all of this. So they smell trouble. But let me just say real quickly that I have a lot of weed and alcohol in me, and what I'm saying, I might not believe it. What do you mean about defending child

molestation? But let me go back to talking to Sugar Tits over here. Yes, Wayne, what have you been up to? Yes, Wayne. I call Wayne Sugar Tits. No, but I wasn't defending it in any way, I'm just saying. No, it didn't sound like a defense. You know what I mean? Like, is someone I'm saying, let him start fucking

the kid and then break the door down. Then. Catch him red. That's what happens. Every cop that goes undercover falls in love with the guy who she's going after and she fucks him in the trunk of a car. Wait, what? That's just one

movie and they didn't fuck, but it was pretty hot. Are you talking about John C. Reilly in Magnolia? No, I'm talking about Clooney and Lopez in Out of Sight. Out of Sight, I know critics loved it, but it's one of the most underrated movies of ever. Okay, if critics loved it, it can't be underrated. Can I tell you another? But you know what I mean? Nobody went, nobody seemed the critical.

Doug, can I tell you another movie that I think is underrated? Yes. I think one of the best movies of the 80s. And then whenever people talk about the best movies of the 80s, they never mention it. And I watch it again the other day. It's 3 o'clock high. It's such a fucking amazing movie. People love 3 o'clock high.

Casey. What's it? Casey Simons. Yeah, it was Casey Somasco. Yeah. That movie was so fucking great and totally changed the way those kind of fast-moving camera whips,

it changed the way those movies were made. Yeah, because it made people go, oh, movies can be like a 90-minute commercial where we don't settle on any one thing for more than three or four seconds. True. It really amped up the pace of everything and also the composition became very important.

Like, I think that was, you know, around the same time as, like, Coen Brothers were sort of changing the rules on composition, that, like, shots look, like, really cool and set up, and then often, you know, there needed to be a million cuts or no cuts at all. This is why i love your show we just went from child rape to drugs to composition of film like it's a very

now all right is that another thing you're gonna back off on later because you were why because you know what i just say i don't even know what i just said that's what i'm saying no what was it? No, it was about competition You said, you went, I'll fuck any kid in here And then you were like, wait a minute Wait a minute, I'm full of That wasn't me speaking

You know, I do shows in nightclubs With adults in the audience for a reason Because I would be way too tempted Doug loves kitties adults in the audience for a reason because I would be way too tempted. Doug loves kitties. Yeah, that's horrible. This has all been horrible. And you know what? On Rapture Day, it's good to have kind of a breakthrough.

Like, finally a road show that I will never actually put on the internet. This one is just for you guys. You can edit that stuff out. But no, we don't edit anything out. It's just going to be out there, so I hope people don't think I wasn't... I mean, I'm serious. I want them to be caught.

I just think there's a way to... I just think there's a sex to... I just think there's a sexier way to catch them. It's more evocative. I want a more entertaining way to... I want them to be caught in a more entertaining fashion. Of course, I can understand. I'm tired of what Chris Hansen's been doing.

But okay, really quickly. If a guy doesn't have sex with a prostitute, if he hasn't had sex with her then you know no money's even changed hands yet what's the crime?

if they've just shown up and it might happen first of all I'm not a lawyer I don't know why you're asking me all of this well that's why

the government set up the precog program so that we know when people are about to commit crimes we totally need precogs, and we've already got a big board that you rub your hand against and shit flies all over everywhere.

We just need three sexy androgynous precogs in a pool. Floating. It's funny that Tom Cruise, when he's doing those things, it never just doesn't work for a few seconds, and you start tapping it harder and rubbing it harder. Hang on a second, I got it. Hang on, I'm going to get it in a second.

I'm showing off about all these. See the little hourglass spinning? Some smug IT guy shows up. I remember your joke when that movie came out that you were like, you wanted to walk. It's going to be hard to do on radio. You had to walk. You wanted to walk to the front of the theater during that movie and just go.

Remember that? I think we can all figure out what I can't believe yeah that's the greatest joke that can never be conveyed in print or through just audio

like you motion to the right but you did it well you have to see it but I'm bringing that back you waved it I'm going to put that in my live shows

because now especially now people listen to this and they'll go what was Wayne doing what did he do? But just think, Minority Report, that huge thing that Tom would play with.

What time is it? I think I've let this thing go way late. Did the world end? Did the world end? I think we're way behind schedule. Are we not allowed to drink during it? No, we're totally allowed to drink. Oh, let's do that.

Yeah, I need another Kettle One and tonic. Can I have a Kettle One and soda? I also need the Kettle One company to send a case to... What? What do you want? 321. Kettle One and soda? Kettle One and soda.

All right, she's a Kettle One and soda. I'm getting off tequila for the rapture. I mean, I don't think they have really service here, so. Yeah, like we're just like throwing out wild requests. We're just, you know, I read. I want a hoverboard. Did you read The Gift? Did you read The Gift?

The Gift? The Gift. Is that like the. The Oprah Winfrey thing, you know, the. Isn't that what it's called? I thought you meant the movie with Kate Blanchett. The Secret. The Secret.

Oh, The Gift. Thank God I said over Winfrey I did read The Secret You did read it? Because that's how I am about getting another Catawana Tonic I'm just putting it out there I'm just throwing it into the universe and I really want it

It could possibly happen There's a bar right back there There is a bar in the room. Oh, my gosh. Look at this. It's a goddess bringing us drinks. Oprah was right. Tonic's me.

Me, me, me. Go, Oprah, go. This proves that the secret works. The secret. What's the gift? The trick to the secret. I don't know what that is, but it's the same generic kind of like. But I think the secret is, you know, fucking lower the bar.

You know what I mean? Like, don't go world peace on the secret. Go, I want a vodka tonic. Yeah. And you're going to be golden. That is a great idea. There's a new secret coming out, by the way. This is not a joke.

It's for teenagers. It's coming out this year. I know you guys are laughing, but that's totally real. What's it called? Oh, I know what it's called. It's called Don't Rape Children. Just want to get that out there. I just have to say that. I have to say that. I'm going to say it a lot for the rest

of the show. Whatever you do, don't fuck any kids. But they're already kids. That's true. So they're more allowed to. No, kids should be fucking kids. Oh, kids go That's true. So they're more allowed to. No, kids should be fucking kids. Oh, kids go crazy, yeah. Let Larry Clark film it. Oh, yeah.

How did he get away with making those movies, Larry Clark? I don't know. The movie Bully is one of the most haunting, amazing movies ever made. It's so fucking creepy. I mean, kids is bad too.

Kids is pretty awful. But Bully I thought was more interesting. Did you see Happiness? Yeah. There's a good amount of kid fucking in that. Yeah, I like the kid. And there's a lot of kid and semen and that kind of thing. Oh, wow.

This is going to be a great Leonard Maltin category in the future. Yes. Can't wait. Yes, I can. Whatever random guests I have that week are going to be horrified. I'm not going to go with that category. I'll take Ernest Goes To.

Save that for Pat Kiernan when he's on. I want to see more Ernest mashups like Ernest goes to Requiem for a dream I had a question for you Chris Oh me? Okay I have a Christian for you Quest In Terminator 3 something something

You He's in it You did a walk and talk worthy of an Aaron Sorkin TV show or motion picture. Yes. And that's all I've got. Okay. That was more of a quimic. Did you do that, though?

Isn't there a scene? Isn't there a scene? Is there a scene where you're walking and explaining something at the same time? Yes, it's a very expositional scene where I'm explaining to other engineers that the machines have taken over and we have no control over our satellite systems. How many times did you have to do it? Maybe like seven or eight times. And there was just all green screen. We're walking in a hall and everything's green screen. Oh, so you didn't have to worry about bumping into anything

because it looks like you're walking through a corridor where like why are they walking so fast and talking and not running into any of the extras yeah it was all the side stuff was green screen because they had all those crazy flying machines that were

eventually going to kill everyone well bravo is all I can say because I was startled that it was you, first of all, just because I, you know how it is. Somebody does a movie, you don't necessarily hear about it. Well, also because I was like 30 pounds heavier in the movie, so people don't, and I look awful in the movie. Oh, well, I disagree with that.

No, you did. I totally did. I was like, if this guy was a little kid, I wouldn't want to fuck him. Like that happiness kid. Like the pudgy kind. What? That's the best kind of kid. That's the best kind of kid.

No, in Terminator 3, I jerked off and then this robot dog came up and licked it. Keep it up, keep it up. I don't want to have said the most offensive thing today. You still have. You said it was a four-minute defense of child molestation. And then backtracked. Four-minute, no one else could talk while you went off on it.

I'm not only going to say a defense, I'm going to say a four-minute call to action. There must be another way to get these people we don't have it so they're just gonna have to keep doing what they did but maybe we could come up with something better but how much are they doing what they did is that like standard like is that everywhere like because i travel a lot no i'm just saying that seemed extra special just for the TV cameras. What do you mean? It was almost like, you know they finally canceled America's Most Wanted? Isn't that weird?

Wouldn't we still need that? Wasn't it providing a service? They found everybody. We got Bin Laden. I don't know if you heard. We did. I haven't watched it in a long time. Every week it's just been like, he's got a beard.

He'll probably have a turban on. Might be watching tapes of himself. And he dyes the beard. It might be darker than... Yeah, yeah, yeah. He might look around 40, but he's... Right. Walt Frazier.

Anyway. It's a New York thing. Thank you. Every time I saw the Bin Laden video, I kept expecting him to go, Put Edwina Beckenbauer. Nobody else saw All of Me? One of the great Steve Martin comedies?

All of Me. That was Richard great Steve Martin comedies? All of Me. That was Richard Libertini. That was like, Steve Martin had like a two or three movie role there where like L.A. film critics or some rogue organization would give him Best Actor, you know, because he was amazing for a few movies in a row. A mammoth movie, right? I don't know about that one so much,

but I'm talking about that, and he was really great in a row. A mammoth movie, right? I don't know about that one so much, but I'm talking about that, and he was really great in Roxanne. And, you know, so he got a lot of critical support in certain areas, but ultimately, you know, no Academy Award nominations. Splash.

He was not in Splash. I know, but I want to talk about it. Oh. What do you got on Splash? There's a mermaid, Tom Hanks. Yeah. I just like that movie. I love that movie, and here's why.

Was there nudity in that movie? That's why. That's why. It's like, you know, I was a kid, and there was a sexy mermaid movie, and they gave it up. You see her butt at one point. And it's like 80s titties.

80s titties is some good stuff. That's true 80s titties. You know, 80s titties is some good stuff. That's true. You're right. This is before 80s titties in a 70s ass. Now, are we talking about Tom Hanks or John Candy? Tom Hanks, of course. Who are we talking about? Of course, the punchline himself.

Eugene Levy. But yeah, that movie is great. It was really well done. It's like... Very funny. It was really well done. It was a very charming movie. Good. Yeah, happy, fun movie. But it wasn't full nudity, right? It was like...

No, there's no bush or anything. Was it side boob or was it full nipple? You see full, I think, a little bit. Her hair is always kind of strategically taped. Yeah. We could call Mr. Skin and ask him. Now it's getting creepy. I think a little bit. Like her hair is always kind of strategically taped. Yeah. You know, we could call Mr. Skin and ask him.

Now it's getting creepy. Yeah, but then he goes down to live with her under the water and it's like every time he wants to fuck her they have to come up on dry land and blow dry her tail so she gets her legs back.

Wow, it's like... You really thought about this. It's like, it's the opposite of trying to get a girl wet. You have to... get her as dry as possible. Which probably wouldn't be a problem

keeping her dry with all of the child rape talk that has gone on throughout the body of this podcast. I'll fuck a fish over a kid any day. I knew that something was going to... Speaking of Daryl Hannah, I just saw Kill Bill, I guess it was Volume, was someone with the fight

scene in? The one with the fight scene? The fight scene? The one with the violence. The crazy 88's in part one. What's the trailer fight scene? Two. Where Daryl Hannah's eye gets pulled out? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe I'm watching, but anyway. But it's on regular television. And so the scene where she comes out of the coma, and they show the guy, and literally this is the line it goes. Yeah, yeah, you're doing like a bit from my act right now. What? Oh, really? Yeah, but I love it. This is like my favorite bit of the...

I've done this bit for years. Tell me it. My name is Buck, and I like to party. No, that's not what I... That still works. That was it, that was it. I don't watch your... I didn't get your DVD, so I apologize for that. No, but that's not what I That still works That was it That was it I don't watch your I didn't get your DVD So I apologize for that

But that's super close Because you're talking about Censorship and that character Never mind That was fun No, keep going No, no, no Tell the rest of it

That was it That was it That was it No, I'm I feel fine Doug, Doug You know what movie I love that this is getting

More boos than raping a child. Yeah. I got cheers. You know, what happens at the Gramercy right now stays at the Gramercy right now. We're never going to put this out there. But was that really the end of the bit, Wayne? Yeah, that was it.

Let's do more of Doug's jokes too, Doug. I'm doing all of Doug's jokes tonight. I mean, seriously though, Wayne, why didn't they just change his name to Marty? Didn't they also change the name of the car too?

Yeah, it says Party Wagon. And what was it? It was Pussy Wagon. Again, same guy. Pussy Wagon, you dumb bitch! Okay! The face of the Pussy Wagon, you bitch! Okay, okay. Doug, what did you think of Thor?

Oh. The guests have never asked me a question before. I'm curious. I mean, the Thor. The reviews I thought were pretty favorable, and I went to see it, and I was not... I talked about it on my podcast. I was like, I didn't think it was that great.

Well, I'll tell you my issue with it, is I just am not crazy about what happened, what's going on on his planet where he's from. I want him to be in America beating up people who do bad things. So I'm looking forward to the next one. I'm looking forward to him using his hammer in the Avengers. But for this one, it's like, what was the point of it other than just be told, hey, there's this guy named Thor.

Oh, I see. You know what I mean? It's all origin story. It brings up an interesting point. It's like. You get it in the trailer. Like, if you watch the trailer for Thor, you're good. Right.

Like, you do not need to see the whole movie. I'd say see the next one. I mean, I hope the next one is like more like him just. Did you guys like it? Am I wrong? Did you guys like it? You were wrong? Did you guys like it? You were so-so on it? You liked it? Yeah, I don't have

a problem with people liking it. It's not offensive. It's just kind of like I probably said this on another episode, but when Clark Gregg says, you know, do you think Tony Stark is behind this robot? Then the next question should be like, oh, let's call Tony Stark and behind this robot? Then the next question should be like,

oh, let's call Tony Stark and have him come and kill this robot. Like the fact that they all stand around and just wait to get massacred when there's a guy who makes robots that kill things that they have his number and he would be happy to show up and help out. But he's not in that movie. They don't have Robert Downey Jr. in that one.

So they're like, no, we'll just mention it. It'll be cute. Did you stay for the scene after the credits, Chris? Yes, and I had said on Twitter that I had hoped the scene after the credits would have been Jim Carrey finding Loki's mask. I thought that would have been such a fucking great way to wrap up that movie.

But they didn't do it. Yeah, I did stay for the scene. I did stay for the scene. Doug, what did you think of Hannah? First of all, no scene after the credits. Rip off. Also, Hannah to me was like a short film

dragged out to feature length, but a really good one. I really liked it, but like, the way it's kind of bookended at the beginning and end, like, there could have been a lot less story in between the two of those things happening, but Hannah 2 I'm looking forward to

because I like children who fight back. Good. Nice, nicely played. Wow. I tell tell you what. Wow. If there is a recovery of the Millennium Award. Wow.

Nobody's listened this far. Everyone's turned this shit off. They're like, first the end of the world and now this? At this point. Because this isn't going to come out for a few days. The MP3 has already been forwarded to the authorities. I thought Hannah was going to be about Mia Farrow as like a kid. Hannah and her sister's origin story?

It's even spelled differently, Wayne. Oh, it is? Okay. You know what I saw was Escape from New York just recently. Snake Plissken is the fucking... That and Fast Times from Ridgemont High are the best fucking movies to get hired to.

Escape from New York's good. Escape from New York... It's so 80s hokey. What's funny about Escape from New York is that literally the movie looks like it costs $100. It really does. But it's a fun movie. Yeah, it totally does.

It's also funny because they pull out a phone, and it's this big fucking military phone that's three feet tall in the first beginning credits. And it's like, holy shit, this is supposed to be the future? Oh my God. And they also use it. Our phones are going to get bigger.

Wouldn't that be weird? They went another way? We need the phones to do more things. So it's just this fucking walking around with this big fucking computer. I just, I like, I mean, the thing is, you know, Kurt Russell in Escape from New York, like, it wasn't enough of a comedy. Like, I think that character ported well for Big Trouble in Little China,

where, you know, he's playing Jack Burton, and it's kind of a comedy. And, like, you know, because Escape from New York, where he's just like, what are you going to do? Like, all those reads, you're like, ah, Kurt Russell, come on. But it's still fun. But I think Big Trouble in Little China is a much more fun movie. I agree with that.

I think, I've said this before, I think Kurt Russell's one of the most under-heralded actors of our generation, or any other. From Basie's Cool. He was good as a teenager. The Computer War tennis shoes. Yeah, yeah, he's always been good.

And now he just needs... When he was in that Tarantino movie... He was great. He was great in it, but it didn't do for him what it did for what Tarantino had a reputation for doing. It was no overboard, is what you're saying. You know what? It's not a great movie, but...

That Pirate Ron movie is... I never saw it. One guy. That's a guilty pleasure for me. First of all, the commitment of having to have a glass eye that has a fish in it for the entire... But what were we talking about? Bridesmaids.

Oh, yeah, Bridesmaids. Yeah. Have you seen that one, Doug? Yes, I did. I saw it at South by Southwest, yeah, Bridesmaids. Yeah. Have you seen that one, Doug? Yes, I did. I saw it at South by Southwest, and it got this great reaction. I was laughing my ass off the entire time. But then afterwards, I was telling people, yeah, I thought it was great, but, you know, the exact same thing happened the year before with MacGyver.

MacGruber. MacGruber, yes. MacGyver. Fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah. I saw it at South by Southwest, and the crowd went apeshit. And then the movie opened, and people watched it, like, you know, five at a time at matinees crowd went apeshit. And then the movie opened and people watched it like five at a time at matinees

in theaters across the country. It's probably not as much of a laugh riot. The crowd really helps the movie. So I was worried that I just was overreacting to Bridesmaids because everything is so great

at South by Southwest. But have you watched MacGruber again? Yeah. I've watched it a lot and it's fucking hilarious. MacGruber is great. I say that on the podcast

all the time. Every day I get tweet messages from people saying, you're right about MacGruber, you're right about Scott Pilgrim, and you're right about Kick-Ass. And I will get those messages until I die

because I won't shut up about... I mean, MacGruber's not on the same level as the other two, but it's really funny. Yeah. You know, and... And Bridesmaids was...

Bridesmaids, no, Bridesmaids was really fucking funny. Bridesmaids to me is the best comedy in quite a while. And if I'm not mistaken, the director of that movie is in Three O'Clock High. Paul Feig is in Three O'Clock High? He's a little crazy. He has a little part in there?

Yeah, doesn't he? I think he's just one of the nerdy friends. Paul Feig is in that movie. And also, Feig is also in Heavyweights. Did you ever see that comedy? Of course. That movie, that's another underrated movie. That is an underrated movie, definitely.

Ben Stiller's very funny in it as the villain, and the fat kids are all sympathetic. Except for your comment. Paul Feig is their, yeah. The fat kids, you could sympathize with those little fatties i'm sorry if you're i'm sorry if you're still fat fat kids from heavyweights some of us grow out of it at least a little bit i grew you could you really feel for those little butter blimps like you really they all look like they all look like jerry o'connell now don't worry about it. So... Ripped up.

Yeah, I love that. But Feig's in that one, and now he's directing. That movie was phenomenal. Yeah. Oh, it's so funny, and, you know, and it's like... And it's so nice

because everyone thought that women were retarded before that movie. They thought we're all walking around, like, retarded. No, but that's the weird part. Women have to kind of

act retarded to, like, get your attention, but it's so funny. I don't like that part of it. I don't like that part. I didn't like that part. There was this campaign, like, you have to like this movie, otherwise women will never be in. Yeah, that's just dumb.

It is, but it is something that does... It would be recognized. People don't want to go see movies... Guys don't want to go see movies with all women, or that's the stigma that people think. But if it didn't sell a lot of tickets, there would have been so much talk about it that people would rent it. And it would become popular because it's a good movie.

Yeah. It's a solid movie. So it has its business one way or the other, whether it's a blockbuster or just a medium-sized thing. You know what I mean? Like the people who love it really love it. Is it better than The Hangover? Isn't that the two? I'm on record as saying it's funnier than The Hangover.

Me too. Wow. For real. I haven't seen either. I want to see both. You're just comparing it to a lot of movies you haven't seen. I mean, one of my best friends is in The Hangover. Brody Stevens is in The Hangover.

So I don't want to talk shit about it. They should do a sequel to The Hangover. I just had a thought. That's a good idea. Combine a mashup. I just... I still can't stop... I can't get around the fact that

Hangover 2 is going to start with them all having to find some way to be all passed out again. And then have to unravel the... That seems like... That's like John McClane in the Die Hard movies. It's like really at least they stopped doing it on Christmas at least the

date was able to move around a little bit you know this figures very well into a theory that I have about the show Murder She Wrote how many murders do you think you will ever be around in your life and this woman lives in a town in Maine of like 200 people. Now they did that show for 12 seasons maybe.

So there's literally hundreds of murders. So my theory on murders she wrote is that it's all in flashback. And she's the one who committed all the murders. And she's retelling all of the stories in her mind. She's rewriting them on death row. About like, no, Tom Bosley killed that guy or whatever. Like, in her mind. And then it just like, the very last scene of the finale is just like the cop coming in while she's typing.

Going, I didn't kill all these people. And he's like, alright, lights out, Mrs. Fletcher. And then it just ends. And then the paper flies out of her typewriter and it says murder she wrote on it's like, alright, lights out, Mrs. Fletcher. And then it just ends. And then the paper flies out of her typewriter and it says murder she wrote on it. Murder she wrote, like she made it up that she didn't kill all those people. She did that shit.

I like that the cop was Irish in that thing. I mean, listen, let's throw a little subtle racism to the Irish. We haven't lately. Okay, what did she say? Okay. Okay, Mrs. Fletcher. Lights out, Mrs. Fetcher. Nice house, Mrs. Fetcher. That's actually brilliant. Really brilliant.

Thank God you finally cracked that whole murder she wrote thing. Just in time. I think it just got cancelled. It must have been nagging at you for years. Finally. Finally a platform and a platform. What was the one with Dick Van Dyke? Wasn't he also a murderer?

Diagnosis murder, which I argue that when is murder ever a diagnosis? What's wrong with me, doctor? Murder. Why though? Why in the opening credits couldn't he have tripped over an ottoman coming into his lab? That would have been so fucking great.

He wouldn't do it. And then for the last season just hop around it? Exactly. Seriously, what's the diagnosis? Murder. That's the whole show. Is this a doctor killing people? Have you guys seen any movies lately?

We've got to move this along. Black Swan. I like to talk about current movies. Rob is on stoner time, so he saw Black Swan. Fast Times at Rimmel High. 13 Assassins. You can't even say Fast Times at Rimmel High. I know, I'm just so happy about it.

When I just even get to say it the whole thing, fast times at Ridgemont High. Okay, I'm going to piggyback that. Is he going to shit or is he going to kill us? I got a quick story. Hang on to yours, Wayne. You have a better memory than I do.

When I worked on Fast Times at Ridgemont High as an extra, I'm fucking in that movie, dude. I can't believe you're so excited about it, you didn't even know that I'm in it. You're so happy. By the way, are you IMDB? He's the one who raged Jennifer Jason Leigh.

Sorry, sorry. Fucked up. Sorry, Amy, go ahead. It's not on my IMDB page, is that what you're asking? Because I see a lot of people that have their extra work. No, no, the only thing, because I don't run my IMDB page. I can't say it, why would I run it? First of all, I am Doug Benson, I am DB.

But also, I don't pay the fee that they want so you can go in and fix your stuff. So there's some weird stuff in there. But I'm happy to say that it does say Captain EO, uncredited dancer. Because that is totally accurate. But in the case of Fast Times, maybe they'll put it on there now, but I'm running around in the

mall in the last scene at Perry's Pizza at the end of the movie, but why did I bring this up? Were you smoking weed back then, Doug? You said you had a great story, and then you just went off like that. It's not really a great story.

You said it was a story. But I was an extra in it. You're like, I have a story. Shut up, Wayne. Oh, no. I didn't say I had a great story, but the tie-in is that Rob kept getting the title wrong, but when I was going in the next day to work on it,

I was like, oh, one of my first extra jobs, I'm going to go work on Fast Times. And it was like, there were no names in it, you know what I mean? And certainly there was no IMDB back then, so I couldn't look it up. So we just heard it was called Fast Times. We didn't know that somebody like Sean Penn, an amazing actor, a lot of amazing actors are in it. We were just like the night before because it was my roommate and I,

my buddy, we were both going to go in the next day and be extras. The night before we were just like, yeah, we're going in to be on Fast Times tomorrow night. It's going to be shots of us in a mall and the music is going to be like, fast times. We were doing it all night long. we're just making fun of this movie

and then when we actually worked on it the whole time we were like what is this fucking movie it just seemed like the dumbest movie and now one of my most favorite movies ever I love it is there any way to spot you in the footage yeah yeah it's very clear and in the TV version Do you know where you... Yeah, yeah, it's very clear. And in the TV... Damone's hanging out?

In the TV version, Ratner and Damone walk away from Perry's Pizza and have like a heart-to-heart that's a little bit more of softening Damone because he's such a dick through the whole movie. Yeah. And so in the TV version, you get that extra scene

just stuffed in there with or without the director's permission. And yeah, and during that scene I'm like jumping around in the background like a fucking idiot it is like clearly oh that guy's just trying to get on camera which is very similar to one time

he showed it I think on Letterman Jim Belushi does that in the movie The Fury there's a scene where Amy Irving and another girl are walking down the beach and he's just like jumping around in the background, and he showed it on Letterman. He's like, look at that. Yeah, yeah.

So if I'm ever on television, I might show that clip and point it out. But fingers crossed about being on TV. It's going to work out. It's just a podcast right now. Secret it. Secret that shit, Doug. You're on TV tomorrow. Just picture it.

No, I was going to say that Cameron Crowe directed that. I just saw his last movie, a documentary at the Tribeca Film Festival called The Union, which is about Elton John and Leon Russell putting that album together. No insert of this movie. Right, but now you're getting out the word

to like 40 or 50 other people okay no what what is it well it's they make this they made this documentary about this album called the union with cameron crowe directing it but unfortunately in the middle of the movie leon rosso has like a brain hemorrhage oh like. And so that kind of ups the stakes of the album a little bit. Wow. Spoiler. That's depressing. My dad's in a wheelchair, Wayne.

Do you want to talk about that? They don't stop. Anyway, that's it. Hey, listen. All I care about are there any kids in this movie? Oh, boy.

There's a couple fat kids. I know you like that. Oh. They showed on Today This Week, they showed all the kids from the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. They showed them all grown up

and they're not nearly as sexy now. Oh, jeez. They were so hot when they were kids. Now I'm like, Augustus Gloop no thanks Violet? What about Violet? What about Tiny Mike TV? He's all bald now you can tell even in those scenes

he seemed like he had too much testosterone that kid was amped up that kid was just like gritting his teeth and losing his hair. That's how it works, you guys. Smoke some weed and relax. Look at this fucking head of hair. It's gorgeous.

I'm 72 years old and I have all this hair on my head. Perfect hair. And none of that pesky chest hair. But it does give you tits, that's the thing. You keep your hair, but it gives you tits. That's true. Try wearinged, you keep your hair, but it gives you tits. Well, try wearing black, my friend. Yeah, that's what I should do. That's the secret.

I love it all. Tits and weed, you know. Me too. I saw a movie recently, but it was an HBO movie. Does that count? Do you love movies? Sure, which one was it? It was Cinema Verite.

I thought Diane Lane was so fucking great. Oh, that was great. She was great she's great she's so phenomenal in that i mean like she really i mean like tim robbins is great yeah but but she is so she's a fucking incredible actress she was so good in that movie yeah because also it's the first one of those kind of movies where it's based on a true thing and they they they weave in clips of the real thing. And there's no difference between how she looks in acts and the real woman. It's amazing. It was really, I thought it was really good. Yeah, she's great.

She's going to win the Emmy, for sure. They'll all get nominated. You know, HBO, come on. Come on. It's ridiculous. There's always going to be, it's not TV, it's fucking Emmy-nominated TV. You never know.

What happened with The Wire? What happened with The Wire? What happened with The Wire? Well, that's the thing. Right? Yeah. That proves that the Emmys are stupid. Yeah.

You mean it never got nominated? It never caught on. It never, yeah. It got nominated for writing and directing maybe in season five. Right. I don't even think so.

I never saw it. It was the best show ever. It got nominated and everybody in it it's amazing. Amazing. I don't even think so. I never saw it. It's the best show ever. Everybody in it, it's amazing. Amazing. Yes. Clap for the wire. Everyone.

It's my mom's favorite TV show of all time, which just cracks me up. She lived it. She lived it. Yes. She lived it. Once you've been on the corners.

Now, I never saw, here's the weird thing, I didn't have HBS, I never saw it. It's about abortion. Oh, God. I never saw it. It's about abortion. Oh, God! I don't know what it's about. I'm talking about pre-Roe v. Wade.

Pre-Roe v. Wade abortion. How many times do I have to tell you, Wade? No more wire hanger jokes. That's it. Wow. How many times do I have to beat you with it while I tell you? That was multi-layered.

I mean, that was a setup and then a fucking genius spike. That was. That was also a reference. It's ridiculous. You invite four funny people

to sit there and say stuff, you can piggyback all throughout the whole thing. So great. Somebody even tweeted today, I'm going to see the Doug Benson show today

because he has funny friends Not today No this has been great What were we just talking about Abortion We're asking you about movies What do you want to know about me

What makes you tick I love some Let me just say a little I'm sure most of the people here in the audience don't do this. I'm sure most of you don't. But there's this thing where, like, I'll make a joke about a movie on Twitter, and it's just like, even movies I like,

I can think of some stupid joke to say about them. You know what I mean? Like, I liked that movie... With the little kid. No, no, no, no. Well, yeah, but no. The Orphanage. Annie.

The one with Dylan Brody and Owen Wilson and directed by Wes Anderson. Dylan Brody? No, no, the later one. Shanghai, something. Oh, Darjeeling Express. Darjeeling. Darjeeling Limited or Express? Limited. Limited. Darjeeling Limited.jeeling Darjeeling Limited

or Express? Limited Darjeeling Limited It's limited? Oh the order was so long I wanted the Express I love parts of that movie a lot

but it was to me it was the most uneven Wes Anderson movie but I still liked it but also I wrote you know my joke about it was

that they should have called it the Weird Nose Brothers. Because they all have weird noses, but they're so differently weird, it's like, wow, those births must have been crazy. Like, every time, somebody must have had to come in with the jaws of life and smash you in a different spot in your face. So...

But I liked that movie, but I can still make that joke about it, is the point. And smash you in a different spot in your face. So. But I like that movie, but I can still make that joke about it. Is the point I was trying to make. And people attacked you on Twitter for it? I don't know why. Twitter didn't exist when that movie came out. But, you know. Really? It's older than.

But the internet did exist. And I wrote it on. Remember when I used to write when I Love Movies was on BobandDavid.com? Yeah. Does anybody remember that? That's some old school shit out there. I think that site was built with Microsoft front page. Oh, you nerdist.

You're such a nerdist. That site looks like it was built with front page frames on the side, please. Now, Chris, am I mistaken or out of line to say that you're going to come back to the Gramercy Theater and record an episode of your show here?

You may be out of line with the management of this facility who's not been informed of that. No, I think they'd be into it. I would totally bring Matt and Jonah back at some point and do an episode here. Oh, my God. But you fucking have to show up.

Like, it's not going to. No, no, no. Just talk them into it and make it a big punk situation. Oh, let's not go to that. That'll be hilarious. Yep. No, I'm sure they will. And I'm sure lots of the other fans will come.

But I'm just saying, isn't this a great facility? This is a phenomenal venue. Oh, theater. Yeah. Fantastic turnout. They didn't know who the guests were going to be, so you could come back, and I think it would be nice. Jimmy Pardo's doing a show, Never Not Funny. I don't know if it's on sale yet, but it's going to be next month. Tickets just went on sale. We're doing Nerdist Podcast Live at Comic-Con in San Diego.

Nice. Are you going to Comic-Con this year? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd be happy to pop by and do an unbuilt set on your show. Yes, come by and do an unannounced set. If you'll do the same and come by and do an unannounced set on Thursday night at the Tipsy Crow in the Gas Lab corner at San Diego. My venue's a lot smaller,

so I think it'd be all right if you commit to it right now. Well, yeah, I think I'll probably be there. Oh, that's a strong commitment, everybody. He looked down when he said that, though. He's on board. Yeah, you totally had that looking down, lying thing going on. No, of course. I always, if I'm ever around...

Yeah, no, no, no. I didn't mean to put you on the spot of course. I always, if I'm ever around. No, no, no. I didn't mean to put you on the spot. My only hesitation is just if I have to shoot stuff for G4, because we are. I know. You have a job while you're down there. So yeah, if you're busy. But if I'm not, then I will. If you're busy, wink.

I will. Without actually winking, because you can hear me. You just heard me say it. Guys, maybe you can talk about this on the phone later. I don't. Doug, wait. We can text about it. We'll text about it.

We'll email and we'll text about it. That's why I love about... So, Doug, I'm going to the mall. Do you want to meet up? Yeah. That's what I love about communication these days is no one is consistent about whether they're going to get at you on email or in a text. And they bounce back and forth.

They'll answer a question from the other. Whoa, what are you doing here? Sometimes they'll direct message you on Twitter. Yes. And it's like, what's the fucking question? Dude, I texted you that. Text me back because then the question will be above your answer when it shows up on my phone.

We gotta get... Shall we play a game, you guys? We gotta play a game. A game! Do it! Global. No, not Do it! Global. No, not thermonuclear war. No. Because whenever I say, shall we play a game, before playing my games on Twitter, there's always

15 people right back. Thermonuclear war. Risk! That was me. Risk? Go in through Falcon's maze. Yes. Hello, Josh. I tell you, go in through Falcon's maze. You Yes. That's how you go in. Through Falcon's Maze. You guys can't see, but Wayne's doing the creepiest finger motion right now.

It's really disturbing. I know that motion. I don't know Falcon's Maze. Falcon's Maze. Go in. I know how to do it. Yeah, you enter Falcon's Maze through the back door. Yeah. Oh, Falcon's Maze.

Eddie Deason. I fucking love Eddie Deason. Why is he not still doing movies? He is. He still is. Is he still doing movies? Yeah, he was in that animated train movie with Tom Hanks. Unstoppable. They were animated.

Polar Express. Again, that was an express. They were animated. Polar Express. Polar Express, yeah. Again, that was an Express. You should have seen that train movie. I did see that. And you know what? The kids in Polar Express are so creepy and big-eyed and weird-looking that I would not get excited at all. You couldn't maintain an erection. I could not.

Yeah, I couldn't get it up for those weird kids in that movie. That was a tough movie for you to watch. Those kids were creepy. Even Angelina Jolie naked in Beowulf, I'm just like I can't. It's not real enough. You know what I mean?

It's not like Splash, real. You know she's got some bruises. You know she's got some bruises. Some track marks. You mean emotional. You mean emotional. She does her own stunts, Wayne. Like unwanted when she's on the train.

She's like, ooh, ooh. All right. I'm not going to say what the prizes are until we see who you're playing for because I don't want people to be totally disappointed. So there come all the signs. I've got to get a picture of this, you guys. Yeah, that's awesome. Nice. Yeah. Do I... I have to put my glasses on. Do I need each of you to pick the sign that you like

and then go try to get it from them? How do we get down there? How do we get down there? You stage dive, Wayne. Chris already has his. Yeah, I don't want the people up in front. They already get the closest seats. She made a logo on my show. Sabrina, Nerdist.

Nice. I love it. This is so nice. Pick out the person and they'll come? Yeah, yeah. Pick somebody. You can get them to come to you. You can walk to them.

I think you'll figure it out, Wayne. You're a smart guy. This is the most compelling podcasting experience for people listening on their earbuds. Oh, you gotta tell me. It's all about finally getting to participate, right? Just one person agrees. I already picked someone, but I do like that guy's TARDIS.

And it says... Is your name Griff? You mean like Biff's grandson, Griff? Since when did you pick become the physical type? Ah, Marty. Amy's got something to contribute to the prize package. It's awesome. So you all have name tags.

Chris, who are you playing for? Sabrina. And describe have name tags. Chris, who are you playing for? Sabrina. And describe her name tag. What spoke to you about it? Oh, it looks like a Nerdist logo. Nerdist podcast laser logo, and instead of saying podcast colon Nerdist, she wrote Sabrina colon Nerdist, and it's very well done.

Where are you, Sabrina? She's right there, right in the front. And you guessed that he would be here today because you knew he was in Brooklyn last night? How was your show in Brooklyn last night, Chris? I did two. Two shows. And they were super fun. Nice.

So much fun. Yeah. Brooklyn. I love Brooklyn. Yeah. Rob loves it. Who are you playing for, Rob? Darcy.

It's Teen Wolf, but he's got his shirt open. It says Darcy instead of Teen Wolf. I thought that was pretty sick. That's pretty good. I like that scene when he's dancing on the van. It's pretty good. I like it. Who are you playing for, Wayne? I think her name is Yenna.

I think it's Yenna. It's upside down. I thought her name was Yenna. Seriously, I thought her name was Yenna. Yenna. That's got to be your nickname. I literally thought... I've been smoking hookah. I've been hookah. It really does name was Yenna. Yenna. That's got to be your nickname. I literally thought, I've been smoking hookah. I've been hookah. Well, to be fair, it really does look like Yenna upside down.

It absolutely does. But what is it for real? Hannah. Okay. Oh, it's Hannah. Oh, this all goes back to what I, my earlier friends. Wow, it's Hannah with an H, though. Yeah, yeah, I know.

All right, and then Amy is playing for... Amy is playing for Sarah. And then, yeah, I already saw who they want to call a shithead, so we'll keep that a secret, but hang on to that. Oh, Sabrina didn't write that in the back. The Jews. You guys don't have a shithead on the back. Some people... Sarah.

Some people write their shithead on the back and... Has anyone ever said that you're a shithead, Doug? Has anyone ever made you put back a shithead, Doug? I think that might have happened. No. I don't remember. But here's what's in the mix today for whoever wins today. It's a very exciting prize package.

Amy brought the Commodore's greatest hits on vinyl! Vinyl! Blu-ray vinyl. Blu-ray vinyl. Oh, and also a picture of me and Greg Louganis. She really did. On vinyl! Vinyl! Motherfucker! Blu-ray vinyl. Blu-ray vinyl. Yeah. Oh, and also a picture of me and Greg Louganis. She really did.

Yeah, that's in here. That is really in there. Good actor. Good actor. Great actor. It's in here somewhere. It's in there. And then also, there's amazing stuff in here. We got from Rob Cantrell.

He brought his CD, Keep Off the Grass. It's Keep On the Grass. That means something different for Doug. I wanted you to say it, because I'm in enough trouble for this episode. I don't want to be like, oh, he thinks rape is okay, and he also is pro-weed. I don't want to. We also have, What's yours? DVD called?

Metaphysical Graffiti. It's kind of like Physical Graffiti with Led Zeppelin. Yeah, but it's metaphysicals written in graffiti that's hard to read. That's fucking art, dude. It's upside down. Does that look like...

And then, of course, as you mentioned earlier, you brought a copy of After Hours, the great Martin Scorsese movie. That's awesome. Somebody's getting hooked up. Yeah, they are. And then, oh, God,

it just keeps coming. We also have a copy of the great Johnny Depp classic, Public Enemies. I saw that at a drive-in Oh yeah? What was the other movie? It was just that So you didn't see it at a drive-in?

It was a one movie drive-in in New Jersey and I hadn't been in a drive-in in like 15 years and it was a great experience Except for the one movie shit Drive-ins are double features You sit there for 8 hours? Well Are you watching

Schindler's List and Titanic? No, just show us. Let's all go to the lobby. Let's all go to the lobby. No, no, no. He was watching Schindler's Titanic where he tries to get everyone out of Germany on a big boat

and they hit an iceberg. That was a sad one. It was Lonesome Dove, all of them, and Roots. Okay, here's something crazy while you're doing that. When I was a kid... While I'm doing that, the thing I'm doing involves me talking. Right, he talks about it. While you're doing that, never mind, go ahead. Do you think I was just looking through the bag like, oh, that looks interesting?

No, but there is a little bit of a Wizard of Oz. You're going through this bag and everyone's waiting. It's kind of like Santa. There's a copy of my CD, Doug Benson, Professional Huber Idiot, available at astrecords.com. Of course, someone's going to win a Woot Monkey. Whoa!

Whoa! This is so dumb. My friends that come on the podcast are totally not aware of this phenomenon where I bring woot monkeys every time. That's what they call it. What is happening? I always give one away to the winner, but I also shoot one randomly into the crowd

because they have slingshot arms. Yeah. Dangerous. Are you going to do it right now? Do it. Are you ready for the Woot Monkey? Woot, there it is. Come on, New York.

Woot, there it is. Woot, monkey is. Woot, monkey is. Woot. That was very exciting. So there's another one in here. I'm going to pull the thing out because if you pull the tab out,

then he starts making the noise. And it never stops randomly making the noise. So it's the most horrifying thing. That is scary. You can totally bury that in someone's apartment and just slowly drive them insane. Oh shit, I have another one. Oh shit!

Nobody saw that coming! Are you ready for a moon monkey? There are people in the balcony. You gotta try to get to them. You gotta get to the balcony. Those people are huge! Not bad. I didn't know there was a balcony until right now.

I'm not kidding. They don't bring signs. They're like like we're way in the back alright there's more prizes there's more prizes this is ridiculous quit yelling that was the monkey we got a shirt from what company is this

fuzzy balls fuzzyballsapparel.com they sent a shirt it's a it's like a metal unicorn FuzzyBalls. FuzzyBallsApparel.com. They sent a shirt. It's a... What? It's a... It's like a metal unicorn, and it says,

I'm fracking magical. That's great. Yeah, so that's in there. Is that happening? Shout out to Fuzzy Balls. Is that another child? Also from the Woot people is this crazy T-shirt

where there's like a like it's a hamburger. What a great description, Doug. Of that shirt. And then, oh, what else? Oh, also Wayne brought a copy of I Love You, Philip Morris. A screener Wayne didn't want to keep. I did not want to.

Is it alright if I explain the stuff that I brought yeah yeah you describe it I'll show them okay I went to Wizard World earlier before I came here and there's a booth that has a bunch of they're basically these fake parking passes so like there's a I brought four like one of them is a

Hufflepuff student parking pass another one is a parking pass for Ecto-1 another one is a TARDIS parking pass. And then another one is Morningside Cemetery, and the tall man from... This, of course, was his parking pass that you probably saw in the movie Phantasm. There he is.

That's how he parked the hearse, and then he could go in and put the aliens in the other dimension. Now you can park in all those fake places. Okay, so there's all that and then the aforementioned picture of Amy with... Greg Louganis. He is a gold medal winner. This is after he hit his head, right? Right after.

Right after. He's passed out in the picture. But I'm given a winning smile. So you guys, as usual, everybody brought a bunch of great stuff. And whoever wins, it's going to be awesome. But I've got to say, this is right up there with Jerry O'Connell

bringing a toaster. Wayne Fetterman brought a flip camera! Wow! So I have no problem giving the people a flip camera! Wow! So I have no problem giving the people a flip camera plug, because they are stopping the production. So yeah, that's awesome.

Here's an item you will probably get no technical support for if you have any problems. Yeah, but I told Wayne that would probably be worth a lot of money, but thank you so much for contributing. I love the people that come out to the podcast for free, right? Wow, not a good response. Why did you say they're all here for free?

They were like, wait a minute. Sorry, sorry. I have a weekly show that's free and then occasionally we do shows like this and then you pay $1.99 on iTunes or you pay you know after ticket ticket

after they add on everyone here tonight paid $74.50 service charge I should have gone for After they add on, everyone here tonight paid $74.50. Service charge. I should have gone for an even higher number. You should have shown them. Because everyone was like, that was too close to what we actually paid. You should have. Don't you understand about exaggeration?

All right, so those are all the prizes. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. Yeah, let's do it. Do you see there's a baby in the back? There's like straight back. There's like a baby. What? Well, you know, it's never too early to learn self-defense. I hope that's a baby. There are some creeps out there in the world that just think, you know, hey hope that's a baby.

There are some creeps out there in the world that just think, you know, hey, that's not right. That's not right, Dateline. That's not right. Definitely not with a baby. There's definitely, let me make this point. It's considerably later than I thought it was. It's, you guys, I don't want to put extra pressure on the Leonard Moulton game. It's a good speed round.

But we're four minutes away from the end of the world. Oh, God. Already? Couldn't be better. Could not be better. It already hit like China and London and nothing happened. But, you know, New York is really where everything should start. This is the epicenter.

If shit's going to start, it should start here. Leonard Bernstein. That was We Didn't Start the Fire? What? Yeah. I hope Roland Emmerich has just a bunch of cameras rolling on every corner of New York at 6 o'clock, just like, I'm going to get this. Oh, I hope we don't get attacked by a clover field.

They have Jake Gyllenhaal just innocently jogging through the streets and filming him, and it's like, if it happens, we're ready. He's going to have to run for his life. So now we're three minutes away so I'm going to announce it when it happens

no matter where we are in the Leonard Mullen game. Because it's important that the world's ending. No matter where we are? Do you think we're not even going to we will definitely

not start this game in two and a half minutes. You will have ample opportunity to announce the rapture. That's true. No, we're ready to go. Starts with Amy and then moves to Chris, then... What?

Oh, yeah, he's in a 1-4-3-2 configuration. That's how... Very standard for these types of operations. He's in a 1-4-3-2. It's in a 1-4-3-2. Total 1-4-3-2. Going to go around that way. I don't tell them where to sit, but I know what's going to happen

after they sit. Splash. No guessing out of turn and no yelling out of answers. There's been some serious guessing out of turn. Okay. And no yelling out of answers. There's been some serious yelling out of answers at some of my live shows lately. God. Yeah. Yeah.

Are they booing people in the pit? I called a woman the C word the other night because she kept yelling out answers. I mean, I guess I could just say it. Combative. Doug. Doug. Doug. That's the most offensive it. Combative. Doug. Doug. That's the most offensive thing. That's a lady.

No, but I'm going to let Amy pick the first category. What do you like? Unicorns. Close. End of the world movies. Yeah. Or at Mr. Red Beard on Twitter suggested who, What, Where, When, or Why movies, which are movies with Who, What, When, When, or Why in the title.

Yeah. That's intense. And then it's his birthday today, Judge Reinhold. Judge Reinhold. Judge Reinhold. Which one of those would you like to do? End of the World.

Nice. Why not, right? End of the World. So these are movies where the world has ended or is rebuilding. You know, kind of like

what's going to happen in one minute. Yeah, right. I'm going to miss you guys so right. I'm going to miss you guys so bad. I'm going to miss you. It's six o'clock, Doug. It's six.

Six o'clock, Doug. It's six o'clock. Oh, it is. End of the world! Oh, yeah. Oh! Goodbye. Were they chanting Jesus?

It would be like the funniest scene for a disaster movie where the world ends at 6 o'clock but they keep cutting away to a room full of people that don't think it's really happening. Yeah, we'll be like Burgess Meredith in the Twilight Zone. We'll leave this vault to a complete...

And our glasses will break. Oh my god. Only Rob will be affected. Everyone's going to get home so fast tonight. And our glasses will break. Oh my god. Only Rob will be affected. We'll be fine. Everyone's going to get home so fast tonight. Oh no! It's really happening! Everyone start procreating.

Oh wait, it doesn't matter. Orgy time, everybody orgy. It's hard to pull an Orson Welles War of the World with a podcast that's going to drop in three or four days whenever iTunes gets around to putting up there for you. It's not as exciting. Oh, the world's ending last Saturday? No, it didn't.

He said Saturday right at the top. What are those people going to do now that have been preaching that it's going to end? What do they do? I guess, well, I think their fallback is that it's starting today. That it preaching that it's going to end? What do they do? I think their fallback is that it's starting today. That it's not necessarily all going to happen today. Fact.

Let's beat the shit out of those people. So stupid. It's like they went to the trouble to market and produce and put out a movie that no one is going to see that just has the date that it's supposed to come out and then that's the end of it. Like, oh, what happened to that movie? Nothing.

Can't wait for their next movie. Because the same guy predicted like in 1994 that the world was going to end and I don't think it did. I like the way you're seriously talking about like this guy's a legitimate person. You know, he said this before so don't count on it happening.

But it's crazy how much it doesn't have any credibility as a but someone who predicts the end of the world this is not credible at all but people like you wayne are more familiar with 521 than with 420 right that's i was making a joke i know all about 420 hitler's birthday he He was, yeah. I'm Jewish, by the way. Wayne was joking around backstage. He was like, what is this whole 420 start time about? And I took the bait and I gave him a sincere answer. Who doesn't know that?

All right, here we go. End of the world movies. And by the way, hasn't happened yet. World is still here. Or at least the only world that matters to me. Oh, what a sweetheart. What an angel that fucks kids. That's a joke.

That's a joke. What I just said exonerated me because I didn't say... I said everyone here is an adult except for that one baby. Listen, there's a lot of people being sucked up into the heavens out there. A lot of kids without parents right now, Doug. That might be the last baby back there.

That's the last baby. Wouldn't that be great? What was the movie? The Last Unicorn. What was the movie? Right? I know. Yes.

Hang on, Wayne. Don't talk about End of the World movies when we're about to play End of the World movies on Leonard Maltin... Right? I know. Yes. Hang on, Wayne. Don't talk about End of the World movies when we're about to play End of the World movies on Leonard Maltin. Everyone thinks I forgot, but we're playing a game.

Game. I mean, I did forget for a second. 1981, 2006, or 2007? Amy Schumer, which year would you like to play? 81, my birth year.

Me and that girl who looks better than me. That's not cool. Leonard Maltin gives this movie three and a half stars. That seems about right. I might go all the way to four. He says that it is... Wow, these are good clues that he gives. Oh, he says it has trend-setting visual design and unbelievable car stunts.

And it gets three and a half stars. It's from 1981. And there are seven names. How many names do you think it would take you to guess this end-of-the-world movie? I believe I can name this movie in seven names. Sensible opening bit. We go down to the other end. Chris Hardwick.

Oh, shit. It's between two, but I think I know... Fuck. All right. I think... I don't want to get too cocky, because I think I know what it is. But I think...

I'll say... I'll say... You know what, though? You know what, though? You know what, though? It's between two. It's between two. It's between two. It's between two in my head.

No, no, no. It is two in the middle between two movies that I think it could be. I can't believe you guys are arguing. He's really engaging. No, guys, listen. I've been through a lot this week. It's been really tough. We should have put a smoking break in the middle of the show. The show's really engaging. No, guys, listen. I've been through a lot this week. It's been really tough. We should have put a smoking break in the middle of the show.

The show's too long. Everyone's sobered up and just wants to argue. I'll say I could name that movie in three people. He did it. No, no, no. Now it comes down to Rob Cantrell. Can either say name that movie or... Name that movie.

All right. Let's get to it. You get three names. Chris, do you want the clues again? You said it was visually... Yeah. It had trend-setting visual design

and unbelievable car sense, three and a half stars, end of the world movie. Your three names are Kjell, K-J-E-L-L Nielsen. Emil Minty, the great Emil Minty. And Virginia Hay.

Virginia H-E-Y. Virginia Hay. Those are your three names. From 1981. There's two movies I think Virginia H-E-Y. Virginia Hay. A force. Those are your three names. A force. From 1981. What do you think it is? There's two movies I think it could be, but the first one that came to mind was The Road Warrior. That's correct. Wow.

Wow. Yep. Wow. And I honestly, I was like, it's either going to be that or Terminator. And then you said, I was like, if he starts reading weird names, I'm like, yeah, those are Australian names. Kajal.

Kajal. Kajal. All right, so we're back to you, Amy. You get to pick again. I suck at this game always. Sorry, Sarah. It's all good. Would you like like at Esteban

Wayne Wayne you're right 1432 Doug 1432 you're right start with Wayne I was cool with it but I like my people just sort of screaming out Wayne

it doesn't really matter but also I do appreciate I appreciate diligence I want to take my prizes back. I like rules. We're going to do it now. Okay, here we go. Start with you, Wayne. Yeah. Would you like, at Esteban, S-T-A-B-A-H-N, suggested states.

That's movies where the United States is in the title. I know what a state is. At Scott underscore Logie, L-O-G-I-E, he wrote Rock, Paper, Scissors. That's movies where Rock, Paper, or Scissors is in the title. And then I came up with this today because it's the Rapture movies that feature Debbie Harry. Yeah. Oh, that's a great category. That's a good song. Arguably the first rap song.

And we're still here at seven minutes after the hour, so the rapture is running a little late. I feel fine. The rapture had to smoke a couple of bowls. Guys, guys, suicide pact. Who's in? Or is this what happens when you die, and we're just like these weird spectral

fingerprints that are just playing on a loop over and over again but one of those lunatics that thought this was gonna happen should just kill themselves and leave his suicide note going i thought it was just me or something like that do you think he like it was just me do you think maybe just to kind of sell a little more he like stood up on his chair was like oh here i go oh give me the first category again because that's the one i think i'm going with up on his chair and was like, oh, here I go! Oh, shit. Give me the first category again, because that's the one I think I'm going with. States. Yeah, I'm going States. You like States? Okay.

Thanks, Esteban, for your contribution. Does he get anything? Would you like a movie with a state in the title from 91, 97, or 2007? Wayne Fetterman. 91, 97, or 2007? Wayne Fetterman. 91, 97, or 2007? Let me go...

Let me go 2007. Okay. Wow. One and a half stars from Leonard Maltin. Oh, great. Did not care for it. Obscure, obscure. I didn't see it.

You did not? I did not see it. He says that it is odd in the extreme. Should have gone 91. And it's the polar opposite of a feel-good movie. And there are eight names from this movie that got one and a half stars that has the name of a state in the title

from 2007. How many names do you think you can get in? That is not ringing a bell. I'm going to go seven. All right. We'll come down to... People love the opening bit being exactly how many names there are

because every once in a while somebody will take you up on it. Amy? You can do it. No! She gets to play, man. It's a whole new world now that the world is still happening.

Now that Bridesmaids is doing well, she's allowed to talk. Cantrell! I can name it in... Wait, wait, wait. Why do you use Cantrell? We go around that way. We go around that way. We go around that way.

Yeah. It started with her, then went down to him, and we're coming back, and we go around that way. That's correct. I got it right. But it's cool. Thanks, one guy. I can name it in three names.

Nice, nice. Baby. I say nice. Baby. I say name that movie. All right. You want the clues again? It's odd in the extreme. Okay. Polar opposite of feel good.

What was the year? 07? It's got a state in the title, and it's from 2007. Your three names are Laurie Metcalf, Hector Elizondo, and Garrett Hudland. Never mind. Never mind is not a... That's not a state?

That's not an option. You can't pass at this point. You have one in 50 chance. Just think of a movie that has... Just name a movie that has a state in the title and you might look into it. But otherwise... I believe it was the motion picture

Ohio. You could have gone the O in Ohio and that would be one that actually has Ohio in it. Once again, Sarah, I apologize. Does anyone else think they know it? Georgia Rule. That's right. Front row lady.

Whoa. Georgia Rule. Okay, in my defense, I thought Georgia was a city. Georgia Rule. Okay, in my defense. No, it's a whole state. They've got at least seven cities. It's in Savannah.

So who told her to name it? Who was that? I did. It was Chris. Chris, too. Chris, too. I'm on fire. Sabrina, you were so close to having your Ecto-1 parking permit.

Wait, so who's got a point? I do. And who else? The Nerdist. Chris got two. I have two points. I have two points. Oh, that's it.

It's over. That's it? I just fired one? Yay! Can I give Sarah the picture of Greg Louganis? I'm the worst game show host. Like, you should know when the game is over. I wish on Jeopardy the audience shouted at Alex,

no, go back to the other guy! Like, you could just tell him he's doing the rules. You're doing it wrong, Alex. I mean, what is you're doing it wrong, Alex? All right, so who's our big winner? Who was Chris playing for? Sabrina won. The Bible guaranteed it.

Oh, you're nice and close. You get a whole... There should be some... Prize package for Sabrina. Sabrina, you deserve it. Welcome to the front of the audience. That album's awesome. People clap while she gets the Commodores albums.

Films, vinyl. Speech, speech. Now we need to get some shithead names. Anyone who was up for, anyone who signed... You know, I gotta say, I'm a little anticlimactic on the win there that I just snatched from this panel.

Because people know the best person didn't win. Not just a win, a clean sweep, if you will. Both turns, and I literally snatched the trophy away from your gaping maws, and nothing. Good job, good job.

Yeah, you did it. You sat in just the right seat. Doesn't seem right. You knew exactly. I don't know. You sat in just the right seat. Doesn't seem right. You knew exactly what you didn't know. Yep. Which helps in this game. Yep. Lori Metcalf.

Yeah, no, good job. Congratulations. Gotta be grateful. I'm sorry it wasn't more dramatic. I have a sign. Lori Metcalf. That's part of the... Thank you.

I might take some water. Shush. That's part of the... Thank you. I'd like to get some water. Shush. Where's Sarah and... Who are the other names? Darcy?

Darcy and... And yourself. And yourself. Where's Hannah? Where are they? Come up here. I saw it. Come up here.

Oh, it's on the back. Just pass it to me if it's on the back. We need one from... Oh, it's on the back. We need one from what's on the inside. It's crazy. What's nice? She said, I don't need to call someone a shithead. Ah, fuck you. Sabrina.

Well, I got two good ones. Where is it? Okay, she's got it. She's got it. Here we go. Here, here, here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give you a she's got it. She's got it. Here we go. Here, here, here. Can we write it down? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give you a thing or two. She's got it. You guys got anything to plug?

Anything coming up? Oh, yeah. My album. June 26th, I'm doing the High Times Cannabis Cup. I'm hosting it in San Francisco. Go to hightimes.com. I'm hosting the whole award show for the best weed in California. So come. My album, Cut Cutting on iTunes.

Thank you. Mom. It's about stepping in line in front of people? That's right, Wayne, of course. I am going to Great Britain next month to I know this is going to sound weird,

but I'm performing main stage at the Ukulele Festival of Great Britain. Be there. Some vintage Wayne Federman I'm pulling out, bringing the ukulele back because it's now very popular. I'm going over there to do that, and then next week I'll be in Brooklyn at

someplace. All right. Brooklyn! It's Biggie Smalls' birthday, everybody. Did you know that? I just saw Biggie Smalls' birthday, everybody. Did you know that? I just saw Biggie Smalls' kid in a movie. Oh, really? Good actor? Everybody everything must go

and yeah, little Biggie was pretty good in that movie. That's pretty fucking cool. That's awesome. That's a nice little tidbit when some people probably have had enough but they hang in there hoping that they'll be something really interesting. You know, the history of rap music is long and storied. Well, I had to give a shout-out to Brooklyn

and I had to give a shout-out to fucking Biggie. I gotta say, first of all... It makes sense to me. Lyrically, he's supposed to represent. So Chris Hardwick gave me somebody to call a shithead when the person that he played for won the game

so I don't know what that's about that's the consolation prize you get to name a shithead why would I let the winner name a shithead I'm a fucking idiot I don't know I've completely stepped outside these clearly structured rules you have yes

gone rogue it can't be simpler. If it was simpler, I wouldn't remember it. But it is funny that you wrote Thor as a shithead. I did. Because that is a good one. And then Chris also whispered it in my ear. Or you could do child rape as a shithead.

Just to tie it all up at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But here's the actual ones. But before I do that, thank you for coming and let's hear it for all up at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But here's the actual ones. But before I do that, thank you for coming and let's hear it for all the people up here. Amy Schumer, Wade Fetterman. What's his name?

Rob Cantrell. Rob Cantrell. Rob Cantrell, yeah. Rob Cantrell. My? Rob Cantrell. Rob Cantrell. Rob Cantrell, yeah. Rob Cantrell. My buddy Rob Cantrell. Blue Cantrell or Cherry Cantrell. There's a lot of Cantrells out there. Yeah, why is Cantrell such a creative...

Chris Hardwick. Thank you, everybody. Winner, winner, Chris Hardwick. He's a winner. He's a winner he's a winner he won and as always Clutch is a shithead

the acting Phoenix family is a shithead Sarah acting like in quotations and of course we couldn't have gone on without this The rapture is a shit

That was mine Darcy shut up Now it's time for Doug to watch another Talkie Eyes of gold his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart For you cause Doug Loves movies