Doug Loves Movies - Bert Kreischer, Chad Daniels and Tom Plute guest

Episode Date: July 11, 2016

Live from the Funny Bone in Columbus, OH, Doug welcomes Bert Kreischer, Chad Daniels and Tom Plute to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name's Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies! Oh, man.

Coming to you from the funny bone in Columbus, Ohio. Oh! Coming to you from the funny bone in Columbus, Ohio! I was like, you guys, I'm gonna need a little table next to my chair. This is a pretty sweet little table, don't you think? I'm getting a little feedback-y noises, so hopefully that'll go away. Sometimes when you get the mics too close together, that happens. It's Saturday, July 9th, 2016,

and I'd like to discover some name tags, Columbus. Oh, man. I had a real good feeling about you guys. Oh, poor balcony name tags. Good luck, balcony name tags. I like how you're just hanging it over the side. Don't drop your name tags on people. But I love the netting that they have

so you can't drop shit on the people below. That's pretty damn sweet. Tukili, a mockingbird. That's pretty cool. Incrisible. Stace Jam. Your name is Stace jam your name is Stacy her name is Stacy there you go teen Mitch and that's you sitting on a broom sure is so everybody it's really you're really pretty as a teen witch It's really, you're really pretty as a teen witch.

Vic Wilder instead of Van Wilder, I like that. Good Phil hunting, nice. You guys are killing it. This is a lot of great name tags. Go ahead and put them down, rest your arms. I love that moment when they all just pop up, like, because it looks like nobody has anything. You just look like a regular audience waiting for a show. Then suddenly all the signs come out. I love it. Doug Pluggs, Doug Loves Movies is back

at the UCB Sunset in Los Angeles on Monday night. I'll be at the Pemberton Music Festival in Pemberton, BC, Canada next., we're doing Douglas Movies on Saturday, but I'm doing other shows there too. American Comedy Company in Sweet Home San Diego on Wednesday, July 20th. And the Traverse City Film Festival on Wednesday, July 27th. Really?

For all my dates and deets and whatnots, go to DouglasMovies.com. That's DouglasMovies.com. That's DouglasWillis.com. Briefly, before I get to the prize bag, how great... Did you guys hear the Danny Trejo episode of the show?

How amazing was that, dude? You guys don't... Since you weren't there and you were just listening to it, you have no idea how many times he would reach over and grip my arm very tightly. Like it was always a dance. I was like, is this guy

he seems pretty happy, but holy shit he's scary. And he'd just do it without saying anything. He'd just reach over and grab me and crush my wrist. My ankle. That'd be really weird. Stop grabbing my ankles, Danny. Plus also, I just could not get used

to calling him danny like that just does not seem the right name for a guy that's that fucking scary looking hi danny how you doing danny um but i just wanted to mention him again because he's got his indiegogo that i want you guys to support if you can and also just anybody whether you're in columbus or elsewhere if you run into And also, just anybody, whether you're in Columbus or elsewhere, if you run into Danny Trejo, tell him how much you loved him on Douglas' movies, because I would love to have him back, and I don't know where he stands on that.

I know he's heard he was a nice man, but he was a goddamn delight. Let's look into the prize bag, you guys. Flown in all the way from Los Angeles. A Douglas Movies t-shirt. A pipe from Peacemaker. Only been used once. A cookie that they gave

me on the plane. It's wrapped. It's not just a loose cookie. A fortune cookie I just got at P.F. Chang's. I love this mall town. Mall town. I didn't want to say small town. And then I brought some CDs. Cheryl Crow.

So I think this is like a CD single. That's a concept that was built to last. And a comedy album by a very funny dude, Corey Holcomb. And a... do you remember the band Tonic? Are they still a thing? Is Tonic still around? And then finally, this is such a sad day, you guys. This is the last of my personal VHSes. still around. And then finally, this is such a sad day, you guys.

This is the last of my personal VHSes. I've given them all away. This is the final one. And it's Ally McBeal. It's the pilot for Ally McBeal. It's 32 minutes long. So they made a short

pilot. All of that is in the prize bag. Plus, what is brought here today by my guests. Please give a big warm welcome to Chad Daniels, Tom Plute, and Bert Kreischer! We were backstage and Bert was like, I can't wait to get on stage so I can take off my shirt.

And I'm just like, just take it off now. Just get it over with. Walk around the kitchen a little bit. And then that's what he did. Someone in the front row just tried to take a picture of you and had to pull her head back to get all of you in there.

Try the panoramic. It works better. It's good to be back on Doug Loves Movies, Doug. Right? Does it feel nice and comfy? It feels good. You got your flip flops on and your painted toenails.

I'm fucking here. Just the big toe? No, I let them grow out. It's the way I... I stop using calendars and I just paint my toenails and I know it takes 12 months for those to grow out. And so, yeah, that's what I'm doing. All right, well, let's meet you guys individually.

Starting with a first-time guest on the show, local comedy phenom, Tom Plute is here, everybody. Hey, everybody. How you doing, man? I'm doing good. How you doing? I'm all right. Thanks for asking. Nobody ever asks me how I'm doing good. How you doing? I'm alright. Thanks for asking. Nobody ever asks me how I'm doing. That's nice. Are those Girl Scout cookies?

Alright. Are they Samoas? They're changing that name because it's racist. No, I'm being dead serious. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're changing it to Chinkies. Big fat Chinkies. Island Chinkies. Ap fat Chinkies. Island Chinkies. Apologies to the Asian folks.

It's just the first one I could think of that also felt like it wouldn't get me into too much trouble. But it still does. Racism's wrong. Stop it, you guys. Speaking of racism, Tom, this is your first time on the show. Yes, it is.

And how are you feeling? You think you'll be all right playing the games and stuff today? This is a dream come true. All right. Loving it. Fucking get better dreams. Hey, these dreams can turn into nightmares real quick. Yeah, it'll turn on you.

If you get drunk and bring in 200 cheeseburgers, whoo! It was 200 of them? I think it was 100. It might be. I exaggerate for effect sometimes. Alright, well, let's meet him on the other end there, folks. It's Chad Daniels is back on the show. Hopefully he won't yell at the audience

like he did in Minneapolis. They were assholes. Don't be assholes. You won't get yelled at. Very simple. Same thing I tell my children. How you doing? You doing all right? I'm doing great. Thank you. You flew in today? I did.

Yeah. Good flight? Yeah. You got a cocktail? I do doing great. You flew in today? I did. Yeah. Got up at 4? Yeah. You got a cocktail? I do now. You're ready to go. Both of us were in my room going, we're not drinking tonight.

We're going to be responsible. Well, there's a bar in between your room and the stage, so that didn't help. We're like, oh, shit, one of these? All right, I guess. I guess I'll try one. Yeah, this is a heavy drinking panel we got here today. And you guys don't have anything to put your drinks on,

which is always nice. I'd share my table with you, but it's not big enough. It's not big enough for your drinks. You know what? That's not a terrible idea. Somebody just went, aww. We're in the Midwest. It's like the gift of the magi.

The sharing of the table. Wow. You should move shit around for a living, Bert. I've done it before. Oh, no, no. This is going to be bad. All right, we did it. Bert Kreischer, everybody.

I just wanna let everyone know, I came to fucking play, okay? I sat on the plane and I watched a movie and my brain went, ooh, this is what you tell Doug when he said, what was the last movie you saw? This fucking movie. What was it? No, I don't remember.

Something like it, not something like it hot. You really don't remember? Oh, no. You caught me off guard. I was going to build to it. The new Richard Linkletter, something like it hot. Everybody wants some. Everybody wants some.

Hey, well, you got one word in there correctly. So that's it. You're heading in the right direction. And you knew Richard Linklater, so that's good, too. I ran into Richard Linklater and Ethan Hawke at the airport, and I turned around and I went, holy shit, Mark McGrath. And Ethan Hawke went, excuse me?

And I went, you're not, oh, never mind, you're someone else. And I turned around and I went, you're not, oh, never mind, you're someone else. And I turned around. They look a lot alike. Is it bad that I would know Mark McGrath before Ethan Hawke? If they were standing next to each other, you wouldn't think they look so much alike. Bullshit, I swear to God. If they were in the dark fucking,

you wouldn't be able to tell who was who. Doesn't that go for everyone? In the dark fucking, you wouldn't be able to tell who was who. Doesn't that go for everyone? In the dark fucking? It seems weird that you'd shut the lights off and then go, I can't tell them apart. It's amazing. Truly amazing.

I just feel... Oh, this one's got moose in its hair. It's Mark. Yeah, Ethan Hawke doesn't seem like the kind of dude that loves being called Mark McGrath. The other way around, Mark McGrath would probably run with it.

Mark McGrath, by the way, a lot cooler than Ethan Hawke. Well, when you call him by the wrong name. I don't know what results you were expecting. So what did you think of Everybody Wants Some? I didn't... It wasn't that good. I expected more.

I think I was holding up to the standards of Dazed and Confused, and I wanted it to be that, and it was the 80s, so I was looking for racial slurs and AIDS, but... just fell short. You thought it would be a movie about the start of AIDS? No, but you remember how racist everything was in 1980?

And no one knew that they were being racist or sexist? I thought it would be all over the movie, but they were like, yeah, it didn't happen. They're pretty respectable young men. Yeah, and they had a black friend, and I was like, what was that? What's up with that? I was like, well, but it was only one guy.

It was all about the baseball team, and I turned it off for you. They even played a game. I never even got to them playing. I don't even know if they played the games. Did they end up playing baseball in that movie? Let me rephrase my question. What's the last movie you saw part of

before you lost interest and turned... Everybody wants some. And you were watching it on a plane? Yeah, I watched it on a plane and I... There was something better to do on the plane? Is stop watching Everybody Wants Some, yes. Order a cocktail and black out. Wake up in the cockpit, this isn't the bathroom.

I thought it was fairly well done, but it disappointed me because of the Dazed and Confused comparison obviously and you know and the fact that it's it is about a bunch of young men who play baseball which you know wasn't my crowd when I was a young man and it still isn't you know I wish there had been more girls in the story can I tell you something that's crazy doesn't seem like Richard Linkerleur has an uncanny ability to book stars of his movie that don't know what to do with their hands when they act? Like both that guy and the kid from Dazed and Confused both didn't know what to do with their hands when they acted.

They just stood there like, eh, eh, eh, eh. Watch it again. Well, the thing I like about both of them, though, is that they keep their shirts on while they're acting. And that's an admirable trait. Like, you should just start showing up in things shirtless. I also gotta say, I love the pork pie hat and shirtless. That's an interesting combo.

It's a good look. It's a power move. You know, a baseball hat would make sense, but that one's just too dapper up on the top, and then... When your wife said she wanted to fuck Justin Timberlake, I think she was going for something else he's like I got it hat shirt off come to daddy I would fuck Justin Timberlake kiss me and play with my hair but like which one was which if you did it in the dark? All right, as long as we're fat shaming, Bert.

What is this deal with Tom Segura and the hashtag BertIsFat? It makes me sad every time I see it. It seems mean, but he's your friend. He's my best friend. And you guys are just, he's your best friend. I don't fucking, he's your best friend. And I fucking, I said, I said,

I said, I said, I'm a therapist. I can't tell if you're crying or laughing. I'm laughing. It's gotten so out of control. He's making shirts

and like, it's fucking... It's aggressive, man. That's really mean. That's mean to make a bird is fat and then put it on his shirt, the last thing you would ever touch. You can't even wear your own shirt.

Oh, my God. It's gotten so bad. The craziest part of it is, I don't know if anyone knows, but so Tom Skirra said I was fat and then it got really it can start going viral and then we've got went really follow I was like trending behind Amy Schumer and Kesha's being the fattest person online and then there's somewhere you could go to see who's trending as the fattest? Yeah, this one day, yeah, there was a day where Amy Schumer had taken a picture and then Kesha had done something on her Instagram and they were talking about fat shaming.

And if you typed in fat shaming online, it was Kesha, Amy, Bert. And then, but what's crazy is though that like, they'll put it, his fans are supposedly my fans too, I don't know, but they'll put it on my Instagram, they'll put it on my Instagram, and then my friends I grew up with will comment like, hey man, not cool, he's a great guy. And then a troll loves that. They're like, oh fuck you.

And so my friends, I'm with my wife's friends, and they're like, hey, just for a record, like I think it's horrible what's happening to you online. And I'm like, you know about it? Because apparently my wife's friends and they're like, hey, just for a record, I think it's horrible what's happening to you online. And I'm like, you know about it? Because apparently my wife's friend's mom died. My wife. And I commented on her Instagram, like I'm sorry for your loss.

And then they were like, yeah, did you sit on her? People are the worst. Poor woman, lost her mom, and these guys are like, did Burns fat-ass kill her? Oh, it's fucking bad. And then Tom's like, felt bad, and he's like, I'm gonna call it off.

And I go, no, no, no, no, no. How do you call it off once you've started some shit like that? Yeah, I go, you're not gonna come out like my mom in an apron going, nope, don't pick on him, he has asthma. We're riding this into the ground. If it means our careers, it means our fucking careers.

I'll do it, I don't give a fuck. I just want to lose weight, but it's so fucking hard. So what's your retaliatory, do you have a retaliatory hashtag for him? Like Thomas Slender? No. That's the ironic part is he's fucking fatter than me. So I just go, you're fat.

And he goes, yeah, no, you're fat. And I'm like, no, you're fucking fatter than me. So I'm just making a shirt that says Thomas Fat and we're going to make people pick teams. I think I'm going to lose. I'm going to make mine so that the Thomas Fat only makes sense if you wear a triple XL.

For the smalls, it's just gonna be Tom and then around the corner is fat. I don't know. Is that possible? I don't know. I don't know. I'm... A lot of my ideas are just that. They're just like, oh, that would be a cool thing.

Yeah, you wake up from a dream and go, I'll do that. Yeah. Yeah. I have one today. Oh, shit. I want to do a show where they leave me on an island and all they do is they send me stuff for ad sales. Like, they just send stuff, like mattresses. So it's like naked and afraid, but with ad sales sponsors thrown in.

So they're like, here's a lifetime of Dan and Yogurt. Just me eating Dan and Yogurt. Just me eating Dan and Yogurt for an episode. And they're like, here's a Subaru. And then I just have a Subaru on the end. So it looks like the floor of Price is Right.

And I just go like, a luxury king-sized mattress. It's like Castaway if just a bunch of promotional items floated up on the beach instead of a skate that he used to do dental work.

I want to do that. I'm just trying to imagine you alone in your hotel room. Just in the mirror. There wasn't enough. I can't believe they're so for free. I wish I had room to pack all these pillows. These are the best pillows.

My dad does that laugh too. My wife for Christmas, she said she wanted pajamas and I'm like a fucking idiot. I just bought her seven pairs of pajamas but I individually wrapped them and so my wife... What is she, Einstein? She needs a different pair for each day

so she doesn't have to think about it? I heard pajamas plural and figured she wanted a new pair for every day. She just wanted one pair of pajamas. But I heard pajamas. But she got mad at you for buying her seven pairs? No, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, oh, pajamas.

And then she opened the next one. And then he goes, oh, pajamas! And they're all wrapped in pajamas! And my dad started doing this. He goes, oh, tell me it's pajamas! Shut your eyes and picture Mickey Mouse talking to you. Oh! Minnie!

I got Minnie pajamas! Oh, I forgot to take my blood pressure medicine. I said that in my room. I go, I gotta take my blood pressure medicine. And I didn't remind you on purpose. Oh, that's sad. I guess so. Look at everyone.

I'm sweating profusely. Yeah, I don't know how you do it. You're just sitting Let's get some shots of fireball Alright, I'll do one fireball shot Alright But while we're waiting for that Tom, what was the last movie you saw? I saw Finding Dory.

Yeah. I was worried I wasn't going to follow along with the plot because I never saw Finding Nemo. But it wasn't that complicated of a plot. So I followed along pretty well. And you liked it? Yeah, it was all right. It was all right.

I don't like to watch a lot of kids' movies. Clearly. My girlfriend dragged me there. When you skip out on the first Finding Nemo, you're clearly not a kid movie watcher. Because that's a... What are you doing, Bird? Making sure you can see him.

I thought you were itching your asshole on your side. I thought you were doing... I thought he was like a fucking... asshole. I thought that's so inappropriate. You just itched your butt right there. Like a bear. You know there's people watching, right? Alright, so. But there wasn't a lot of references to Finding Nemo.

At least ones that I didn't get. Well, it's all similar characters. Wait, Nemo's not even in it? No, he's in it. He's in Well, it's all similar characters. Right. Wait, Nemo's not even in it? No, he's in it. He's in it, but he's got a small world. Yeah, they're trying to find Dory this time. Wait, hold on.

Nemo and his dad aren't looking for Dory the whole time? No, they're looking for Dory's parents. Wait, did I spoil it? I don't think that's a spoiler. I don't know if there's anything to spoil. Did you see the movie? Yeah, I saw the movie. I'll just tell you the ending.

Fireball shots. Yeah, yeah. All right, thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah. Thank you. That's the kind of club they run here. Like security brings the shots.

Because nobody wants to get close to Bert. I'm sweating pretty fucking bad right now. You've got to be ready to tussle. All right, so we'll wait until we get... Are we all four doing them? Yeah, sure. He said he was coming right back with two. Cool.

You know, that's usually not my thing to get drunk on the show, but why not? Yeah, you guys are all drinking, right? So, Chad, what was the last movie you saw? Finding Dory. But I have a 12-year-old daughter. I'm not a fucking creep.

I didn't just go there to yell about the fucking plot. I went there because I love a child. Did you like it? I did. I went there because I love a child. Did you like it? I did. As good as the first one? I don't think it ever is. That's tough, right?

But there is a scene, it's exactly like one in Finding Nemo, right at the beginning. And my daughter leans over and she goes, what if now they just play Finding Nemo she's funny and she has a sweet piece of comedy yeah she's funny and some theaters should fucking do that to people just for just for a laugh see how long it takes people to come out to the lobby going hey you're showing the first We are? Somebody find Finding Dory. Here we go. Fireball. Thank you, sir.

What are we drinking to? Finding Dory. How about diabetes with these shots? Here's to Finding Dory, you guys. I have fucking two shows tonight you're gonna be drunk gonna be it's gonna be good did you get anybody besides Bird in that picture?

she did the panoramic nice she called back to the thing alright what do you got for the prize bag Chad? I have a little mini bowling set All right. What do you got for the prize bag, Chad? Oh! I have a little mini bowling set. Oh.

No reason to leave. And then I have a KDB game card across the way there. Someone's excited. Somebody just found Dory Hey where's that lady That just made that noise Where you at Over there somewhere Back here

Balcony or downstairs Back here Okay Were you at Bert's show Last night You weren't No Okay

Just checking Cause there was a lady At Bert's show last night That went After every god damn Thing he said. And I'm just trying to shut it down now, if you're back. That's just what they do here.

It's just what they do in this town. It's just their way, okay. What do you got for the bag, Tom? I have a whiskey glass from my podcast, Whiskey Deep, because everybody has a podcast. And I have two weekend passes to the Whiskey Bear Comedy Festival. Why am I just hearing about this now? Whiskey and bears.

Burr wants to be a part of it. Fuck. I am a bear. I'm what they call a muscle bear. A muscle bear? Who calls you that? I don't think anybody calls you that. I call me muscle bear.

I made muscle bear shirts, but then I just wore them all. Contact me after the show for those passes. Is this you on here? No, that's Dustin. God damn it. I was like, he's got so much weight. Is this you on here? No, that's Dustin. God damn it, I was like, you're so much weight. Is this how Making a Murderer 2 starts? Yes. Contact me after the show.

And I was moving this weekend, and I found a copy of Blood Diamond. I've never seen it, never bought it, don't know where it came from, so you guys can have it. That's cool. It's a fun movie. I saw that, but I took my 12 year old cause I'm not a fucking creep.

Hey, Spurt, what do you got? I've got, ironically, shirts. I got a shirt from my podcast because everyone's got a podcast. Bert cast, that's a shirt from there. And then this shirt says Marshmallow about the time I fought a bear. Oh, nice.

And I drink whiskey and I look like a bear. Where the fuck have you been? Yeah, let's do this. And I, too, have a KB game card. I feel like you guys want it together. But? You tell them. Mine doesn't have money on it.

I'm not going to narc you out, but you need to be honest with these people. And I'm going to mix the two up? So you're going to have that moment where you're giving somebody a dead card, maybe. It's going to be even better so that they don't, they both don't. And so they're gonna be trying, like,

which one is it? Give me the other one. Oh, you just put it in a machine? Mm-hmm. The machine. Got it? Now, that laugh was like a thing where you pull the string,

and it laughs like that, and it spits on you. Remember those things? He kicked his legs when he did it. He went... This goes back to my wife going, it's like being married to a fucking child. Please stop saying that, those words.

I don't want to have to do it every time, but most of my guests are single. You don't have a wife, do you, Tom? I do not. I have a girlfriend, though. There you go. When you say my girlfriend, nothing will happen. Yeah, my girlfriend up in the balcony. She is? Yeah. Say hi.

What if she jumped right now? Oh, God. You know I hate being embarrassed. And she just got, like, knocked the wind out of her. Just... And then the one other girl goes... She takes a panoramic of it. All right.

Well, Bird, this is normally the part of the show where I ask you to turn it off. But since you're here, you have to participate. Let the games begin lots of great name tags today this is not going to be easy for you guys plus you have to get out from around this huge table can they turn on the lights uh i don't know maybe get some house housey lights maybe a little bit

and uh well you guys decide who you're gonna play for we're gonna do a brief commercial message we'll I don't know, maybe. Get some housey lights maybe a little bit. And while you guys decide who you're going to play for, we're going to do a brief commercial message. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. Today's episode is brought to you in part by Squarespace. Whether you need a landing page, a beautiful gallery, a professional blog, or an online store, it's all included with your Squarespace website.

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so go, sit, good boy. Back to the show. We're back. Great job, everybody. Yeah, there's only one person can get chosen. Unless, Bert, if you want to pick more than one and then they have to split up the contents of the bag, you could do that.

No, don't do that. It's a terrible idea. Did I say we're back? Good. Because we are. What happened? I saw this one online today. It's pretty nice.

It's Todd Berger. He's got my lucky eyelash. Oh, look at that. Hold it to the side so they can see. He's got the fucking crazy lucky eyelash sticking out of Bird's head. That's pretty. That's an attention to detail.

And, of course, you're shirtless. Yep. And you have a burger on your dick. And you were saying, how am I going to rebound when this Scarsdale affair is digesting me? I like it.

It kind of makes sense. You've lost weight in that picture. That was for my first hour special, and right after we took this picture, the guy's like, I think I got it. So I reached out to the photographer to shake his hand. I go, hey, thanks a lot. And he's like, I won't be shaking your hand.

Makes sense. So I reached out to photographer to shake his hand. I go hey. Thanks a lot. He's like I won't be shaking your hand Make sense Tom who you played for Tom That way I'll remember it and it says Instead of Star Wars, it's Tom's Tom Tom the force of Tom. Why did you just put Tom over all of the star, the word star? That probably would have made more sense.

What was the thought process there? Stom. You ran out of construction paper? Oh, man. There's so many name tags where the people achieved what they set out to do, and yet Stom made it up here.

I'm sorry. I feel like I failed everyone. That's what I'm going to call him. It's a nice poster. It's got a lot of the regular guests on the show. Jeff Tate. Yeah, it's got his bird on there. Yeah, bird's on there.

Of course. Fat as fuck. You know, you could have just trimmed me out a little bit. Photoshopper. But you do see that he put you on Chewbacca, right? You know, that's my just... You could have just trimmed me out a little bit. Trimmed him off. Photoshopper. But you do see that he put you on Chewbacca, right? So that's pretty hilarious. Because he doesn't ever want to leave his shirt on either.

All right, great job. You can just put it down here on the tabla. Chad, who are you playing for? Playing for Lena. A Lena their own. A Lena their own. A Lena their own. Right here. Looks like a very well-made poster.

Are you a big fan of that movie or baseball in general? Crying? I like, well, when I lost my virginity, I was over the gal and I thought I was thinking to myself, but I was saying out loud,

my grandma and baseball. And then the girl said, was she in a league of their own? And then that's, I fucking picked this poster. That's real. I couldn't follow that. You asshole. When you were losing your virginity, you were going, my grandma and baseball,

my grandma baseball. Yeah. And she was like, like she's underneath me going a woman playing baseball a league of their own it's not supposed to be funny you suckers it's a story i was asked for a story i told it that's why you picked that name tag because of when you lost your virginity actually it's because it was just right there but oh okay i knew there had to be a better reason. But good job.

So people brought donuts? And you got them into the building? You called ahead? That's very conscientious of you. You must love to party. I called ahead and we can have margarita. So just pass up pass up all the donuts if you want us to if you want us to have them.

I know you use it to bribe us into picking your name tag but in this particular case. How long has this donut thing been going on? It did not start with us in San Francisco, correct? No, it would already happen before that.

God damn it. It just became a thing. I love it because I don't like donuts. I mean, I love donuts, but I love throwing, man. I love donuts. We're getting some up here. This is like church without money plates.

So many donuts. Did anyone get specialty? Oh, man, I'm with that money plate. Well, hold on. Did anyone get specialty? Oh, man, I'm on a fucking diet. Bert, settle down. I'm shaking right now. Not all at once, Bert. Not all at once. Oh, those look so good. My mouth.

No one roofied these, right? Heads up up top. Heads up up top. We got donut holes. Oh, no. You get a weird smell? This table is covered in donuts. Oh, there's so many donuts.

Fucking ridiculous. I thought there might be a couple when I said, did anybody bring donuts? Oh, I'm shaking. All right. Bert is digging into these donuts like... There's so many. There you go.

This is fucking ridiculous. Get your microphone. Remember, we're podcasting, Bert. This is fucking ridiculous. All right, just leave them for now because I've got something I want to do with the donuts in a little bit. Because I planned a special show for Bert today

where every game, Bert has a chance of winning, a legitimate chance of winning. And this first game is called Live, Die, Repeat. Oh, you got a poster that says that. Too bad it didn't get picked. See you next time. Can you imagine somebody leaving because their name tag didn't get picked?

Fucking outie. All right. The premise of this game, you guys, is I'm going to say the title of a movie. And the first one of you that repeats it back... is the winner. That's why I'm standing here. Ready to watch all your mouths. Because sometimes it's very close. have we can't go to the tape

All right, do you understand? Is this like the special Doug loves movies? Are you using the word special with like quotes around it? I'm using well sure very I call it very special okay you guys are three of the greatest guys I know but movie trivia isn't necessarily

your strong look at Bert he's so ready to go because I think you're going to slide it in he's so excited yeah what if it

just came up in the conversation is that a movie the conversation. Is that a movie? The conversation. Okay, so that was for practice. Right now I'm going to bring it on. Bring it on! This is a fun fucking game.

How is the hashtag not bird is dumb? Do not mention hashtags. It'll start trending. All right, here we go. I'm sorry, I meant to say away we go. Away we go. I'm sorry. I meant to say away we go. Away we go. All right. What did I write down? National Lampoon's Van Wilder. National Lampoon's Van Wilder. Chad is our winner. Fuck yeah. You know it. He gave you the answer and you still couldn't get it right, you piece of shit!

And then, there was another time! Fuck! Fuck! I feel like I hit a home run and forgot to touch the bases. I'm sorry I called you a piece of shit. You missed all the bases. I missed all the bases and just, fuck the pitcher's mound. Eh, eh, eh, eh! I called you a piece of shit. You missed all the bases. I missed all the bases and just, fuck the pitcher's mound.

Oh, okay. So, so Chad won that first game. Shit. And that means, that means he gets to go first in this next game. And then we'll go to Tom and then we'll go to Bert. And this game is called ABC Donuts. Yeah.

We're going to see who's the best at throwing donuts. Oh, I like this. Yeah. Let's get a... That's a perfect name tag right there. That one right there. What is it? Ex-Marchina.

Alright. You guys comfortable with the size of that one? You think you can hit it? Alright, so the idea is starting with Chad, you pick up a donut, throw it at that sign, and if you hit it, you're still in. If you miss, you're out.

A full donut or a donut hole? I'd say full donut, yeah. I don't know what those fucking holes are doing up here. Don't people know I hate Shia LaBeouf? Good call. Chad picked up a cake, cat, or donut. Be careful on that side. Be careful everywhere.

Everyone that's behind that sign, be ready for hot donut! Did he miss it? Was that your practice throw? Yeah, just warm it up. Alright, just warm it up. Because I hate to be out that quickly. So try again.

Is the person behind that okay? Yeah, I mean, you don't have to throw it so hard. Well, it's not ring toss. The idea is to just hit the Ex Marchina poster. Missing it. Jesus. Too close. You're wearing a baseball hat.

I know it says Foo Fighters on it, but still. All right, go for it. All right, Tom. See what you can do here. Let's see if the hipster... Tom, see what you can do. Let's see if the hipster... I love the sound of a donut hitting cardboard. Holy shit.

I love the sound of a guy that didn't think he was going to hit a sign with a donut laughing. He was just like... He was so excited. That donut laughing. He was just like, ha ha, ha ha. He was so excited. That was awesome. He did it. He did only one try. All right, here comes Bert.

Oh, chocolate. Look out, you guys. Full chocolate. Quit moving it. I think you hit that lady in the face. That lady's a man. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh no.

We should have everyone sign a release when they come to this show. That noise was so real. I put so much pizza in my donuts. Oh, jeez. Oh, fuck. Did I hit it? I'm gonna play.

Wow. I thought it'd be easy. I wanted to really tag that sign. It popped up like I was throwing it down the second base. Tom and Doug are the only ones left. Yeah, Tom, you're up again. Oh. I hope you hit it. I love your giggle Do I do another one for fun Bert?

Coming down! You hit two. You hit two. I hit a hand. You hit two. I hit two. He knocked the poster out of the guy's hand, and then it went through and hit another poster. That was like Deadpool shooting three guys with one bullet.

That was impressive. All right. Can I get another Tito's and Soda when somebody gets a chance? And we may as well just do a bunch of shots again. And I'll take another beer. I'll take an America. What's that?

That's the name of the beer, America? America. You're drinking for America? Yeah. Okay. All right. It's a Budweiser. I'm nervous.

I don't know if I can do two in a row. We'll see. What? Too soon. He's very helpful the way he moves the sign. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like a first baseman. He's like a dad that knows his kids sucks.

These are your mother's genetics. Keep it up during the show, and we'll just do it at all times, just out of nowhere. Oh, shit. You are money. He didn't even move that one. I know. That was nice. Your girlfriend's here.

We're gonna get so much pussy tonight. Why does one of the box of donuts say holy hand grenades on it? I think we should find out. I don't know if I get the reference. Yeah, pop that one open. Yeah, I think we just get to throw them hard. See what's in there.

This big table really came in handy. This is like if you were Jesus and this is the last supper. Yeah, seriously, you guys, take a picture of this shit. I know you're not supposed to take pictures in the comedy club, but we'll waive that rule for this beautiful moment of Bert with all his donuts. One of you guys not supposed to take pictures in the comedy club, but we'll waive that rule for this beautiful moment of Burt with all his donuts.

When are you guys going to stab me? When are you guys going to stab me in the back tomorrow? We should take another picture of you carrying all of them up a hill later. Oh, I'm sorry, is that not... That's Ohio? Gotcha. Oh, I missed it. Tom's the winner of the donut tossing game.

Now who just wants one? Balcony, okay. Thanks for the challenge. That's gonna be in the challenge. That's going to be in the net. Apologies to the Columbus Funny Bone. These are fucking good. Did you fucking see that snag? That guy fucking snagged that shit.

That was action movie snaggery. What's this about? This came with something, some sort of box of chocolate bourbon ball chocolate candy. Thank you. These donuts are so fucking good. Does anyone want to try one of these? Up top, right here, right here, right here.

Yeah. Where, where, where? That guy's like, sitting up front, is it working? I'm going to move to the balcony. Oh, he, where? That guy's like, sitting up front, isn't working. I'm gonna move to the balcony. Oh, he gets shot? If you chew it and spit it out, it's like a diet. Oh shit, more fireballs? This is really all bad ideas.

Hey, did anyone ever do the thing in your fraternity where you brought the brothers's donuts on a Sunday but then put them over your dicks and then took a picture? No. Who did that? Yeah, show of hands. Show of hands.

Who's done that? Nobody? Weird. Show of formerly handcuffed hands. You never did that? No. No, no, no. We did that in college.

We bought donuts for the brothers but we put our dicks through the holes and took a picture of us with, but we put our dicks through the holes and took a picture of us with all the donuts on our dicks, and then they ate them, and then we showed them the donut picture. Where's that picture at today? Somewhere that could get me fired, I'm sure.

I can't believe you didn't get National Lampoon's Van Wilder after that shit. Oh, there's too many donuts. I feel, I feel, I didn't eat any of them, and I feel so full of donuts right now. So nasty. I was chewing them and spitting them out. It's diet.

All right. It's healthy, it's healthy living. The inspiration. Let's do the fireballs, you guys. Yeah. To the good people of Easton Mall, Columbus, Ohio. Hey, you want to hear a funny response?

To Michigan. Listen to this shit. It started positive for a second. One pro Michigan person. And an everybody booze. Oh. Wow. Why don't you pull your Buckeye necklace out of your asshole

and we can talk out there like a couple of gentlemen. I love when he does this. You're a mean drunk. I'm not even drunk. I just think it's weird that grown men are like, they're 18 and they throw a football and it's all I have! I was fucking big. This is a good time for me to say, just for the record, I don't do shots.

This is a very special occasion. After that one, I don't do shows after this. Holy fuck. You gotta do, he's't do shows after this. Holy fuck. He's doing two shows tonight. Who's coming back to see Burt later? Still tickets available for the late one, guys. So you've got a chance. Yeah.

Oh, you've got a great chance to pay money to see this. That you've already been looking at for an hour. And, Chad, are you gonna do a guest spot? Did you guys talk about that? I think you should, right? That'd be fun. Yeah, we'll see how that goes. You don't have to.

You might be a professional and go, I'm too drunk for this, but Bert is contracted and has to perform tonight. Oh, that sucks. I'm gonna try to take a nap. I guess I'll just go home. Do you want to do a guest shot? Sure.

Okay, great. Thought he was going to say no. You thought he was going to say no? I was hoping. He was like the neighbor kid that just goes, I wish I could have a popsicle. Sure is hot out here today. Wish I could have a grape one.

Oh, is this still Doug Loves Movies? Holy shit. Burt loves donuts. Fucking love donuts. I'm going through a wing phase right now, too. We know. Let's get some up here and throw them at the crowd. Dude, I will be eating those bad boys.

Let's play another game. Why not, right? Yeah. And I came up with a great idea for you, Bert. Hope you appreciate it. What was that? We're going to play a game of Last Man Stanton. I think we even have the time to play to two points.

And a lot of times on this show, we do lifelines, where at one point during this game, you can use your lifeline, which is the person whose name tag you chose, to help you with the answer. But I thought for tonight, and tonight alone, it would be fun to have the Lifelines join us on stage and help you through the entire game.

I think that's great. Todd, you better fucking know what you're doing. So, Todd, if you don't mind coming up here, and Tom. Stom, get up here. Stom, get up here. Lena. And Lena.

Yeah. You know what would be a fun game, Doug? If someone who wasn't here had to lick my mustache and guess what I'd been eating? Like Fireball and Donuts? What kind of party would you have? All right, we'll try to do that game out in the mall later. But for now, we're going to do this.

Oh, you fit right in with that giant bottle in your hand. That's fantastic. Don't smash it over my head. I hope we didn't invite... You all brought your drinks up here? You did? What are you drinking? The kinky margarita.

Was yours finished, or is there still some in it? There's still some in it. Yeah, bring it on up. Do you pour it on your tits? What kind of... Hold on. It's the kinky margarita just did you see the guy that stood up to hand her her drink no yeah you might want to shut the fuck up what's he look like he looks like he could beat you up wait let me i'll be the judge of that let me see him okay yeah i said that back down did you pour it on your breasts?

He looks like he'd pull your toenails out and you'd be like, is it December already? All right, so Chad, interview your partner there. Hey, Lena, where are you from? Lorain, Ohio. Have you ever started the chant OHIO? Never. You're my best friend. And is that your man?

That's my husband. Husband, okay. My husband! Oh, that doesn't work. And you good at this sort of thing? You think you'd be able to help Chad? I hope so. I'm a fan of the show.

There you go. She rules. Alright. Wow, you got a lot of supporters out there. Alright, good luck. And it's Lena? Okay, good luck, Lena. Who you got, Tom? I got Tom.

Stom is here. And what's he drinking? Rheingeis Cougar. Okay. I don't work for Rheingeis Cougar. Okay. I'm also wearing a Rheingeis t-shirt. I don't work for Rheingeis. What's that? I'm wearing a Rheingeis t-shirt as well.

Apparently. I don't work for them. Okay. Just a big fan? Huge fan. Anything else you want to ask him, Tom? No. I think we're good here.

Are you good at this? Not really. Oh, God. Shit, that did work. Should've picked somebody else. Alright, Bert. What's your name? My, my. Oh, shit. Don't knock over everything

with your mic cord. I knew this was a bad setup. So, what's your name? Todd. Todd, where you from? Columbus, Ohio. Have you ever been to Butler, Ohio? No. Okay. Do you watch movies? Yes. But do you watch them the way

I watch them, where you're like, what's this? Or do you watch them? Oh, we're gonna fucking kill you guys! Bert's so excited. All right, so we'll play to two points. And the idea is whoever lasts longest gets a point. And we're gonna go to the audience for the first one. But if you're the first to drop out in the next round,

you get to pick what actor or actress we play with. So it could be strategic. For those people at home who don't remember how the game's played, how do you play this game? I mean, do you know? Everybody at home knows how it's played, Bert. Let's figure it out. You don't know how to play it either?

Yeah, but I just... This is the game, Bert, where we get a name of an actor or actress, and you just have to take turns naming movies they were in. Oh, we got this. So cocky. I mean, I wouldn't know, because this...

Never mind. Where is at dumb shit I've said? Where are you at? You here? You're in the Balk? And you made it here?

Yeah, and you wrote to me on Twitter. You said, I've got a great name for Last Man Stanton. Best one ever. Ooh. That's a pretty high bar. There's been some good names. Don't, don't,

you don't get to help decide, Bert. So, I'm gonna, where are you from? Youngstown. Okay. I'm guessing you're all going back in the same van. Youngstown bus is leaving!

Very good, Tom. All right. What is your suggestion? Billy Bob Thornton. Damn. That's a fucking good one, but not necessarily an easy one. And you guys are already conferring.

Because you should, you know, you should do it on your own if you can. Defer to your permanent lifeline when needed. You're already chatting it up over here. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I've heard two of theirs already. This is amazing. Oh, what were they? People shut oh, oh, oh, oh. All right. I've heard two of theirs already. This is amazing.

Oh, what were they? Yeah, yeah, you guys... People, shut the fuck up. It's great. Yeah, just, you know, just say it out loud when it's your turn, and we'll start...

Tom won the toss, so we'll start with you, and then we'll go to Chad, and then me, and then Bert, and... I just watched one with him. Oh, good.

Okay. I don't know the names of these movies. That's the problem. Well, you can whisper to him. Like, pull your microphone down and whisper in his ear. Yeah, don't say it so that everybody can hear you. But Tom gets to go first.

So, Billy Bob Thornton. I'm gonna go with Bad Santa. Motherfucker. We're dead. Chad? Sling blade. Mother! All right, we got to regroup.

Oh my God, what's he taking? What's he going to do? What was the first one? Bat Santa. Okay, Bad Santa. All right, I'll go with School for Scoundrels. Chat, I mean, what?

Chat. Bert, sorry, Bert. Mr. Woodcock. Yes. Tom? Bad News Bears. Motherfucker. You just don't have what it takes for this game, Bert.

Every movie that's been... Chad? Is that what it's called? Make sure you get it right. Monster's ball. Yes. Lean up. Lean up. Lean up.

Lean up. Ohio. Sorry. Didn't mean to do that. Tom. Is that our turn? Oh, no. Wait. Whose turn is it? I think it's our turn. No, it's my turn. It's. Tom? Is that our turn? Oh, no, wait. Whose turn is it?

I think it's our turn. No, it's my turn. It's our turn. It's our turn. It's my turn. Don't do it. Why? You know the one that I only know.

Just go for one that no one knows. Okay. Go for one that no one... Oh, I got one that you won't know. For sure. Bullshit. I'm serious. Okay.

Ready? Yeah. Our brand is Crisis. God damn it. That was the movie I was talking about, but I didn't know the name. All right. Armageddon. Yes.

Yes. Now we're in the shit show. Here we go. Bird is so excited about potentially being able to win. Tom? The Toms are out. What? I got nothing.

And your partner? Yep, nope. Your buddy? Both Toms are out. Why don't you just think for a little bit? How much time do I got? I think Chad needs some time. Yeah, yeah.

I think that's what's going on here. He's trying to buy some time. You got nothing. I think that's what's going on here. He's trying to buy some time. You got nothing? I got nothing. All right. He's in all these movies that we've said so far. Pretty well-known dude.

Chad? And all three of you, I'm going to warn you right now, the next time you come back on the show, I'm not doing this shit. You're on your own. Also, did someone just crickets me over there? I think maybe they did.

They just called my name, you dirty piece of shit. They just said my name. But make that crickets noise again. That's pretty cool. Oh, that was a real noise. I thought it was an app. Well done. Impressive.

I love how much conferring bird has to do. What's the one where he had a mustache? Chad? Netflix original Billy Bob Thornton's Christmas. Bill Murray had one. Why not? Why not Billy Bob?

Sorry. Yeah, I know. You're out for now. Sorry, Lena. You'll be back soon enough. And is there... Are you guys worried I'm gonna say one that you already have?

Do you have one? Have you figured one out? Yeah, I think we got one. All right, I'm going to say one, and then it'll be your turn. Okay. Pushing tin. Motherfucker. You know what?

Hold on. I'm calling bullshit on you. Every time someone says one, you go, that was ours. Yeah. You need to write them down so we know that time someone says one, you go, that was ours. Yeah. You need to write them down so we know that's real. Yeah, you're right. Although I've seen those movies.

I have a 17-year-old son. I know this fucking game. He remembers it as soon as I say it, and then says, motherfucker. As soon as he says it, I go, that's what I was thinking about. That's the one with the mustache. Oh, I got it.

Oh, are you ready? You're gonna get your hand up to high five me. Oh, I got it. Oh, are you ready? You're going to get your hand up to high-five me. Probably the first time in history that's happened. Hey, listen, I'm about to score a point. Get ready to high-five me. Should I confer with you first?

Yeah, confer with him quickly. Whisper it to make sure you're legit. Yeah, he agrees. Bandits. Bandits, yes. Monkeys and squirrels. With Bruce Willis, or as I like to call that movie,

Hair Club for Men. Where are we at now? Oh, it's just us two. Okay. Oh, shit, baby. Okay. Okay. Goddamn. Oh.

All the pretty horses. You know what's great? He could say anything and be like, wow, that's amazing. Oh, he's so expert. He's really talking him through it. It's the biggest Bud Light I've ever seen. Next to one that's a promotional blow-up thing on top of a liquor

store. If you get one more, it's an extra donut. All right. Here we go. All right, I brought this up to him. He thinks I might be right. The man who knew too much? Yes.

Told you to get your hand up! No, that's not what it's called. Nuh-uh. That's not the right title. The Man Who Knew Too Little? No. That's also a Bill Murray. By the way, I don't even know what this movie is.

I've never seen it. Right. He saw it. It's with Scarlett Johansson? Yeah. Black and White, Coen Brothers. But it's not called that. The Man Who Knew Too Much,

there's two Hitchcock movies called that. Can we just agree to disagree? Wait, what's his fix? What are you calling it? The Man Who Wasn't There. The Man Who Wasn't There. That's it. Yeah.

I think that's correct. I remember seeing that on an airplane. All right, you guys win that round. Congratulations. Don't go anywhere. Just to make you feel extra foolish, which Billy Bob's did we miss? A simple plan!

A simple plan! Oh, he was in... What? Ice Harvest. Friday Night Lights? Yeah, of course Friday Night Lights. Of course Friday Night Lights. Yeah. Love Actually.

That's right. Booty Tag. Eagle Eye. Eagle Eye. Astronaut Farmer. Of course. Who could forget that movie about two professions that combine so beautifully...

Shampoo? I'm barely hearing this. It's hard to hear when they're all yelling at once. Clearly there's a lot of Billy Bob Thornton. What? Monsters Ball, we said. You go out of your way to be the only person that can be heard to say one we

already said he he really did wait until everything died yeah it was all died down monsters ball remember that what scene i do the out saw the alamo my problem is i don't remember the alamo The Alamo. The Alamo. The Alamo. My problem is I don't remember the Alamo. The guy in the audience said it before I did, but he's not Mike, so I took it and ran.

All right, so what just happened? Who got a point? Oh, you guys got a point. Bird is on the board, everybody. First time in Doug Love's movie's history. I've never won anything ever. Really? Not even a participant award?

I've never won anything ever. We gotta change that. You gotta win something. Burpees? What? Either said herpes or burpees. Either way, that's not a winning thing. Either way, I don't want to go to that girl's house.

I don't want to do burpees or herpes. I slept with the girl. She gave me the burpees. Tom? Yes? This round, you get to pick. And you should confer with your friend there, with Tom, because you guys need to pick

an actor that you think you can run the table on. All right. I think we're going to bring another Tom into the mix and go with Tom Cruise. Oh, that's a really good one. Why don't you guys just give each other handjobs and get it over with? No, we already talked about it.

We're doing that after the show. Nice with this. You going to get a post-show H.J.? P.S. H.J.? We call it the biz. Alright, Tom fucking Cruz. We're gonna change the order around so this is coming back at you, Bert.

You're gonna be next. I'm gonna hammer this one. You're excited about Tom Cruz? I am the $20 million man on this one. Let's go. Who else is the $20 million man? What one. Let's go. Okay. Who else is the $20 million man? What is that a reference to? Is that the $6 million man

but with inflation? I give so much. Alright. Let me write it down. TC. And Tom, you go first. Top Gun.

Mm-hmm. Way to go pedestrian on the fucking first round. Are we going to play like that or do we want to go obscure? No, you knock out the early ones, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah. What do you got, Bert?

Mission Impossible. And how is that spelled? Like what kind of punctuation does it have in the title? Just out of curiosity. I won't take it away from you. Okay. M-I-S-S-I-O-N? M-I-P-P... They're trying to help you.

They're in the front row trying to help you. I'm dyslexic. This is dumb shaming right now. No, it's just kind of weird because it's called Mission Colon Impossible. Mission...

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's what I was going to say. Of course, of course. Mission Colon Impossible. Very good. All right, I'm going to go with... I don't need another one yet

But I might ask for one soon Cocktail Good one Chad And your team Risky business Well you just gave her the microphone Like you just handle this

I've had a couple of fireballs Risky B Good call Tom I'm like, you just handle this. I've had a couple of fireballs. Risky B, good call. Tom? All the right moves. Oh, fuck, I was just going to say that. He said that every time. Use your microphone voice.

I like that. Boo. What do you got? Magnolia. Magnolia. I feel bad for all the people that didn't get tickets to this show today. You know, the outsiders. Oh.

Oh, where were you on that one, numbnuts? He's calling his own partner, who's his only chance of winning. Numbnuts. Vanilla Sky? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you didn't know that one, Bert. Oh, I got a good one. Okay, well, you gotta wait for Tom. Is it Mission Impossible 2? Mm-hmm. That's not the one you had? Oh, no. You didn't say it?

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. You won't... Fuck you! What? What did he yell out, O-H? Yeah. I don't know what's happening.

Burt, you got this. You can do it. Oh, yeah. Here we go. Name it. I'm going to hold on to that one. I think...wait. Okay.

You may think you see me coming, but your eyes wide shut. You can't even form it into a sentence. Second time in a row you've been kicked off the show. Get the fuck out of here. Oh my God, I'm just losing it. Without the G, losing it. Oh, is that his movie? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Jerry Maguire. Yeah, of course. Jerry Maguire, that's a biggie. Tom? Lena, everybody. I think we've got a few good men on stage right now.

Oh, you do? A few good men? No, he's still good. You know Tom Cruise has been in a lot of movies, Bert. A lot of famous ones. What did you say? Bert doesn't understand what he's trying to tell him. You know, this game is fun. It reminds me of high school when my friends

used to call me Tropic Thunder. Why would they call you that? Oh, shit. Because you eat too much fruit and farted in class? Is it my turn? It is. Oh, I thought I was dead. I almost played Taps.

Oh! Lena, killing it. Do you have another one besides that? Here, give me that one. I'll use that one. Sharing is caring. All the right moons?

We said that one. I already said that. You did? Yeah. Well, we're not listening to you. Am I out there? No? Like yeah, that guy you're fucking out. I threw you a donut. I'm in the audience and you're out No when you say me when you say one, it's you know I should remind you

It's been said already and you can you can say something else, okay? Mission impossible 3. Oh, I... That's correct. What did you say? I didn't say anything. He didn't say shit. That was us, dawg. What did you say?

What did you guys say? Mission Impossible 3. Shit. I'll say Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol. Yes, you will. Yeah, I got you. All right, Bert. Well,

when it comes to this competition, we are far and away. Oh. The best. Very good. He's had to have some bombs, right? Yeah. Yeah, but he's had a pretty good run, you're right. He's pretty successful.

I'm gonna go with Edge of Tomorrow. Oh. Oh! AKA live, die, repeat. I got one. I don't know if you guys are familiar with this, but one time I was walking around town

and interview with the vampire. Oh! Did that not make sense? Did that make sense? Was that not how you do this? Am I doing it wrong? Am I doing it wrong? It just seemed...

No, that was great! I just hope you don't get more excited than this sentence! My sentence is better than my answer, go, go! Tom. Days of Thunder. Whoa. Where he played the great character Cole Trickle. Great name for a person.

I almost wrote that down. No, Days of Thunder. D of T. I got to go one. You ready? I got to go one. All right, Bert. In high school, I had a homosexual experience.

It was in the shower. The kid in the next stall gave me a handy. They called it a jack reacher everyone listening is going to think that bird's laughing at his own jokes he does do that trying to end your career Everyone listening is going to think that Bert's laughing at his own jokes. And that's perfect. He does do that. Trying to end your career, mother. Serious attrition rate of audience members on this one.

Like, I don't want to get hit by donuts. Or Bert's spit. Okay, I'm just going to go with Rock of Ages. Oh. Chad and Lena. I'm just gonna go with Rock of Ages. Oh. Chad and Lena. We're killing it. We're going with Last Samurai. Mm-hmm.

Oh, shit. How many of you knew that? Suck it. Know it. Sorry, I'm just getting excited. I'm getting pumped up. There's probably somebody out there that's not aware. No, I guarantee it, but not all of them. Not all the ones that were yelling earlier.

You know, when you hear Tom Cruise's name, you just think samurai. Big time. So it made perfect sense. You know what I love? All of your fans take me so seriously. They're like, this guy's an asshole and we're not even... Tom? Mission Impossible, Road Nation.

Yes. Yes. No, we didn't say that one. No, we did not. We've run the table on Mission Impossibles, though. Bert? We're getting down to it. This is... We did great.

It's pretty impressive when seven people can remember the names of a giant movie star's films. I lost my virginity to a woman named Valerie. But I just called her Valkyrie. Wow. That was really dumb.

I really thought you were mispronouncing Valkyrie like you always thought that movie was called Valerie. Valerie. Valerie. What? I'm going to go with. That's a song. Yeah, it's a real. I'm 30. It's my turn, right? Valerie! Call me! What? That's a song. It's my turn, right?

I'm gonna go with a motion picture called Born on the Fourth of July. This is some aggressive clapping for that one. Either that or that's their birthday. This is some aggressive clapping for that one. Either that or that's their birthday. You know Tom Cruise was born on the 3rd of July. Interesting. Fun factoid.

Chad and Lena. Chad and Lena. Is it the end of the road for you guys? You know, I actually... We are War of the Worlds. Suck my shit. Suck my shit. So you're saying War of the Worlds, colon, suck my shit. I'm saying War of the Worlds, suck my shit, in my colon.

War of the Worlds, suck my shit in my colon. War of the world, suck my shit. I love it. Tom. I am very the firm. The firm. Good. Is your guy a computer? What the fuck?

I got that one on my own. You do? Yeah. It'd be funny if he was just standing behind you, Chad, with his phone out, just looking at the IMDB page. Actually, do you have your IMDB page? Oh, you left it in the crowd? All right, Bert.

Come on, Bert. You can do it. So gross. I can't believe there's so much discussion. We're gonna, we're gonna. Isn't he just telling you a title? Yeah, he is. I was gonna, I'm gonna, it's a lob.

I don't know if it's right. Going clear? They do show him in that, right? It's a documentary about Scientology, and they do show him in that right it's a documentary about Scientology and they do show him good love oh yeah full fucking title

hey fuck off man I can't insist on a full title because it's amazing that they pulled that as it is so clearly we're out what on a full title because it's amazing that they pulled that as it is. So clearly we're out. What is the full title, dude? Yeah, the person who asked for it doesn't even know, but it's like something like

Go and Clear the Fucked Up Story of a Bunch of Assholes. Oh, man. Shh. Oh, it was the answer. I just thought a guy was just yelling out about nothing. Scientology and what? The prison of belief? No wonder nobody remembers that.

Yeah, it should be the prisoner of Azkaban. Going clear. The prisoner of Azkaban. Going clear. The prisoner of Azkaban. We gotta wrap this up soon because I gotta get home in time to see Wapner. Rain Man, you motherfuckers! Oh, shit. Where were you? Standing right behind you.

Chad and Lena. This is intense. There he goes. He's got the microphone. Going clear. The prison of Scientology colon two. I hope they make a sequel, but you guys are officially out we hung in there

you did I'm sorry Lena hung in there there might be another round Tom come on Tom you picked it you better fucking get one

I know right I feel a lot of extra pressure if he doesn't get it, do I win? We've done a great job. Well, you're the last one to give a correct answer. Oh, come on, Tom. Ah, damn it. I don't want you to win this.

I got nothing, though. You know the drill, hands up. Tom and Stom are out. Bird, do you have one more? The color of money? He's back in. I think he's back in. I think he's back in. I think he's back in.

What happened? Holy shit. What the fuck did he just say? That was like Tyson's punch out when you hit A, B, A, B, A, B, A, B, and he rose from the dead. Oh, shit. He rose from the dead, and he said, the color of money. Amen. I had already told him he was out.

Damn it! I don't think that was a good idea to say it out loud into your microphone. Bert? The color of money? Alright. I'm going to go with Lions for Lambs. With Robert Redford.

It's a real thing. Do you have another one, Bert? I do not. But you're our winner! Two points for Bert and his team! Congratulations, you guys! Great fucking job, Tom. Such a good job.

And thank you to Lena and to Stomp for joining us on stage. I'd say better luck next time, but what are the odds that it's ever going to happen again? There's your poster back, dude. Congratulations. And yeah, let's get the prizes to you.

Here we go. There's your prize bag. Congratulations. And do you want any donuts or anything? You're good. What are you doing, Bert? Snapchat. He's always up on the latest trends.

Yeah, wave to everybody. So that's going to be up for like 24 hours. 24 hours. Immortality. Bookended by dick pics. But classy ones. So Bert, can you believe it? You're our winner today.

I'm so proud of you. This is a miraculous comeback for you on this show. It's a fucking big comeback. This is like Rudy. I might have you on again sometime. Tom Cruise is not in Rudy. Which ones did we miss? I know what you mean.

Night and Day. Night and Day. Legend. Legend, of course. Legend. Minority Report. Never Ending Story.. Never Ending Story. Not Never Ending Story.

You're wrong. Collateral. Collateral, yeah. Think Like a Man. A lot of movies. Think Like a Man 2. Yeah, he's in the gold member, the Austin Powers. There's a cameo in that, yeah.

Yeah. Breaking 2, Electric Boogaloo is wrong, sir. But thank you for participating. Oblivion, of course. Okay, stop. We get it. He's made a lot of movies. Wait, what'd you say?

That's what I thought. Yeah. Bert Kreischer, do your plugs. What do you got to plug, buddy? I'll be in Calgary with Ari on the 14th. I'm in Hartford, Funnybone, the 22nd, 23rd, 24th of July. Syracuse, the 4th, 5th, and 6th of August.

Stand-up live, Kansas City Improv, Toledo, Funnybone, Albany, fucking Cowhead's Cruise, Carlin Sixth Work Show in Tampa, Motherfucker, I work. The angriest plug we've ever had. Eat my shit. God damn it, I have gigs.

Thank you for being here. Tom, what do you got coming up, buddy? I'll be at the Laughing Derby in Louisville, Kentucky, the 14th to the 16th. I'll be at Go Bananas Comedy Club the 27th. And I run a showcase at the Big Room Bar the third Tuesday of every month. So come on and check that out.

You can check out all of my dates if you download an app. It's called Tickle Me Tom Plute. And it's... Wait, you have an app? None of the rest of us have a fucking app. You have an app? Yeah. You are ahead of the game, my have a fucking app. You have an app? Yeah.

You are ahead of the game, my friend. It's just a bunch of me laughing. If you hate my laugh, download that. It's free. And it's got all my dates on there as well. But it's free to download. It's $75 to uninstall. Also follow me on Twitter, at Tom Plute.

Right on. Chad Daniels. In July, I'm at the St. Louis Funny Bone and the Punchline in San Francisco. In August, I am at the Brew Ha Ha in Cincinnati. And Spokane Comedy Club in Spokane, Washington, as you could have guessed. And otherwise, I don't really know,

because I just got some weird custody rules, so I fucking father, you feel me? Oh, you're also on Bert Kreischer's podcast this week. I'm on Bert Kreischer's podcast this week. There you go. I'm also on Doug Love's movies. One more time for Chad Daniels, Tom Ploon, and Bert Kreischer. for Chad Daniels, Tom Klued, and Bert Kreischer.

Stom, you didn't put a shithead on the back of your name tag. Who's your shithead, Stom? Barley's Brew Pub. Who? Barley's Brew Pub. Barley's Brew Pub? Is the shithead? Okay.

And Pokemon Go is a shithead. Play that end theme song! Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes unfolded, viewing crowd was baked in foggy. There's no room in his heart for you. Cause Doug loves movies.