Doug Loves Movies - Bert Kreischer, Rob Cantrell and Aaron Kleiber guest

Episode Date: June 14, 2015

Live from the Improv in Washington, DC, Doug welcomes comedians Bert Kreischer, Rob Cantrell and Aaron Kleiber to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Oh, Doug loves movies Hey, everybody. My name's Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you for the first time from the Improv Comedy Club in Washington, D.C. Thank you!

It's Saturday, June 13th at 420-ish and I just smoked weed legally! June 13th at 420-ish And I just smoked weed Legally It wasn't public So it wasn't legal But you get the idea You guys know the vibe

That's going on here these days Oh the prize bag is heavy It's got a lot of stuff in it I think somebody's going on here these days. Oh, the prize bag is heavy. It's got a lot of stuff in it. I think somebody's going to be very excited to win everything. Actually, this bag is such a good one that I might just keep it. Let me see your name tags, DC. I had a feeling there would be some good ones.

This is fantastic. What a name tag turnout we have. What's going on with the top hat right there? That's some sort of Alice in Wonderland thing with Alice and the rabbit on a hat. And your name is Alice? Allison. Allison, okay. Close enough.

Annapolis? There's a movie called Annapolis, and your name is Anna good job team I'm Eric instead of team America Scott Nato of course TV movies don't count

this guy's got a poster for Dave Cause that's his name What? Groundhog Dave Wow You went out of your way I like that jars over there Cause the guy's his face swimming up to bite that naked lady

The Barbaduke Good job, Barbara. I like it. Mike Uzzin Vinny? And your name is Mike Uzzin? Well, good job, everybody. You can put them down. I don't want you to hurt your arms.

I don't want any arm strain. And we'll ask for them again in a little while. Next Friday, Douglas Movies returns to the Women's Club of Minneapolis. And on... That's true. And on Father's Day, Sunday, we're going to be

taping a show in Portland, Oregon. And lots of cities are coming up. We've got Philly. That one's sold out already. Tempe, San Diego, Pittsburgh, Traverse City, Michigan, London, UK, and more. DouglasMovies.com for all of those. This is a segment I like to call trailer alert I saw the trailer today

for a movie called Selfless and I say finally a Sir Ben Kingsley and Ryan Reynolds body switch movie it's about god damn time and then I saw the trailer for Transformer Reloaded

or Refueled Transformer Refoaded, or Refueled. Transformer Refueled. Oh, some people are already groaning. Like, Jason Statham isn't even dead yet. I mean, he's not even dead in the terms of action heroes. Like, he's in the biggest action movies that are out right now, Spy and Fast, Furious 7.

But they're rebooting it with a younger guy and the trailer has the fucking How You Like Me Now song in it. Enough with the How You Like Me Now song. I barely liked it the first few times. Like when it was in the fighter like four years ago.

Like somebody getting turned into Louis Black there on that one. years ago. Like, somebody getting... Yeah! Turned into Louis Black there on that one. And another thing that makes me angry from the corrections department... Okay, so it's called E.T. the Extraterrestrial.

That's it. That's what it's called. I can agree with that. But when the movie first came out, there was the original poster. It says E.T. on one line, then The Extraterrestrial. And then on the third line, not lower on the poster like a tagline, the third line says In His Adventure on Earth. And I always thought that was the title just off of that, having been there the day it opened and looking at that poster. And now people are saying it's the novelization, it's the tagline, all these excuses. But I'm saying that it was on the poster and looked like the title,

and that's all I've got to hang my hat on. But as an example, I don't ever say, Alien, in space no one can hear you scream. I understand that the rest of that is the tagline. But now that's going to be a fun thing I'm going to do on the show is when I can remember a tagline, I'm going to include it in the title as if it's the full title and give everybody a hard time. But I knew this would be a good place to settle that problem here in the nation's capital. And the movie The Martian looks really good,

but the trailer shows too much. I'm already declaring that. So if you are about to watch the trailer for The Martian, stop somehow. Now it's time for tweet relief. Tweets about movies. The David Kyle on Twitter tweeted I like Matthew McConaughey

in Interstellar because everyone in the universe kept getting older and he stayed the same age this has been tweet relief days of confused edition of course the prize bag has a copy of my latest album Days of Confused Edition. Of course, the prize bag has a copy of my latest album, Promotional Tool, and the album before that,

and a Douglas Movies t-shirt, and a bunch of other stuff that we will sort through with my guests. Three very funny comedians who are all regulars on this program, and judging by the name tags, some of you figured out who some of these

guys were going to be. Please give a big, warm welcome to Aaron Kleiber, Rob Cantrell, and Bert Kreischer! Here they come! The green room is right next to the stage, and you can hear everything that's being said, yet somehow they were taken by surprise. Bert probably had to run back to his hotel room to get a coffee. I don't know if I like my seating position already.

You want this? What do you want? No, no, no. It's fine. No, no, no. When you walk out onto the stage last, you don't get to pick a seat. He was walking slow with his drink like this. Yeah, I like him far away from me. Oh. And since he won the Pete Holmes game, say hello

to Burt Kreischer, everybody. What are you talking about? What Pete Holmes game? It's the game where it's the first person to speak without being spoken to. Oh. The rudest guest on the panel wins that game. Did you listen to the Pete Holmes Kyle Cease podcast on That Makes It Weird? Do I want to talk about something else right now?

Absolutely. What did you bring for the prize bag, Bert? I brought a copy of one of the best books written this year, Life of the Party by Bert Kreischer. Oh, I thought Gone Girl was in there or something. I love the cover. You know what's something crazy? They colored my teeth in.

Oh, to make them look all yellow like that? I have gold ones and then these shitty ones in the back. And they fucking colored them in and made them just white teeth. And I was like, God damn it, that's what I fucking look like? Do you think they'd take out my double chin, too? No, it's covered with beard. I did that, because if I don't have the beard, it looks like I have balls. You start giggling,

it looks like you're teabagging your shirt. Those truck balls on your chin? Dodge Ram balls? That's Aaron Kleiber, everybody. He brought a copy of Aaron Kleiber Live, Grown Man Business. His DVD of his stand-up. And thanks for being here, dude. Thank you.

This is spectacular. It really is fun to get together on Gay Pride Day. You're cutting into my parade time right now. Yeah, Bird is sad that the parade started at 4.30 and he wants to be there so bad. Fucking love that shit. If I had known how much I love gay people, I might have been gay. Game's not over yet. Yeah, exactly.

Still get back in that game right there. Praise till 7.30, baby. Download Grindr. You got it right there. It's not too late to change your sex and call me Bertland. I was worried the weather was going to fuck it up. There was a chance if it was raining, but apparently it's just raining men.

Boom! Hallelujah. That's why I don't write jokes. Bert still got it. He still got it. And joining us for his, I don't know how many times now, he was the winner of the last 12 Guests of Christmas episode,

East Coast edition. Rob Cantrell is here, everybody. Thank you, thank you. Washington, D.C. Where I was born and raised. I'm whipping out your big 12-inch right now. Just a big, fat 12-inch. Yeah, what is it?

I'm staying at my mom's house in Capitol Hill. I grew up in Capitol Hill. And I had a bunch of old stuff laying around. This is an old hip-hop record. Oh, this is a Curtis Blow. Yeah, it's Curtis Blow 12-inch. The song is called America. Can I buy that off you?

And it's just like 20... Oh, it's amazing. They got the club version. They got the short dub. Yeah. They got the instrumental. So you and your honey can just freestyle all night over a fucking fat Curtis Blow

1983 beat. But for real, can I buy that off you? Yeah, seven bucks. I had another one that I was going to bring that was called

The Honeymooners Rap. Yes. And it was Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo. Yes. And I almost gave it up, but as soon as I walked out of the house,

I was like, I can't fucking give this thing up. This is too good. I'm going to give him the Curtis Blow. Somebody's going to get a sweet... You're going to have to buy a record player. Well, you also included a copy of your latest rap CD called Dreams Never Die.

Yep. So that's in the bag. What's this other thing that you brought? I brought another DVD that was laying around. It's called, what is it? Laugh in the Clubs. It's a stand-up DVD. Laughing Out Loud.

This was clearly before LOL was even a thing. And so it's called Laughing Out Loud. Who's on it? It's got a lot of people. It's got D.L. Hughley. Chris Rock. Rhonda Shearer. Jeff Altman.

John Fox. Norm MacDonald. The great Norm MacDonald. It's going to be fun. Even when he was young, his sets were hilarious. So that'll be fun to see. A young Chris Rock is on here. It's all with the Hollywood improv, too.

Yeah. But my favorite stand-up on here has got to be Jason Alexander. What a fantastic... The guy that married Britney Spears? What a hilarious stand-up he is. Yeah, isn't he a choreographer or something? Yeah. All right, so that's going in the bag.

It's a good job. Thanks for laughing at it. I brought a candy bar that I got at the Sasquatch Festival. That's going to still be good after all the travel I've been doing with it. There's a fun sticker that says Red Lions on it for some reason. Oh, I also got a chapstick. This is a very thoughtful gift bag. If you got stranded somewhere, you'd probably be all right for a day or two.

As long as you had a record player. Do you guys know the comedian Dave Waite? Do you know that guy? Yes. I was at a festival recently, a limestone festival, and he gave me a pen. And it just says Dave Waite on it and then in quotes, networking. That's how he's hoping to get his name out more is through this pen. So whoever wins it tonight,

I hope that you're powerful and successful. I didn't know his last name was Wait. It's spelled W-A-T-E, right? Yeah. Yeah, I always thought it was something else. W-A-I-T-E, I think. That's what I thought. Yeah.

Follow him on Twitter, you guys. Instead of the hard to spell Kliber or Kreischer. Holy shit. So it's E before I? Is that the rule? I before E except in German That's what my grandma said That's good That's how I'll remember it

No wonder that never made fucking sense to me as a kid I before E except in German And I'm my grandmother K-R-E-I-S-C-H-E-R Bitch S-C-H-E-R It's way too complicated. I hate when people put an N in there.

Kreisner? No. My sister's name's Cotty and this one guy, we see her at the table one time and the guy goes, Crotchy? And my sister's like, no. And he's like, Cunty? And she's like, yeah, it's Cunty. Table for four and we're gonna wait in the fucking corner. Call it out, asshole.

Alright, we'll start with you cunty what was the uh what was the last movie you saw oh man i wish you had told me this i know it's a real hard ball question this is the one that stumps them yeah i was do you want to think about it we'll come back to you no no no uh i no. I got it. What's the one with Dirk Diggler's Mark Wahlberg. No, no. The girl from that. Heather Graham. Nope. The fucking older redhead. Julianne Moore. Julianne Moore. What's the one where she has Alzheimer's?

Is that what you're wondering? Yeah. By the way, that would have been really funny if I thought to do that on purpose. That one. Fuck, that would have been really funny if I thought to do that on purpose. That one. Fuck, that is horrible. You forgot the name of the movie about Alzheimer's? I thought it was Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

It's not. It's still Alice. It's still Alice. It's always been Alice and it's still Alice. It's always been Alice, and it's still Alice. But I didn't see it with the sound on. Oh. So you didn't see it? No, I saw it enough to cry at the end.

You still cried? I cried at the end because she was crying, and she caught me off guard, and we're both crying. And the lady next to me on the plane reached over, and she saw me crying, and she thought I didn't have the earphones in, and she's like, oh, fuck. The last movie he saw had no sound.

Yeah. It holds up. That's how good it is. Aaron, what did you see? I saw Jurassic World. I know. You're always on top of it. Rob Cantrell and I saw Jurassic World. I know, you're always on top of it. Rob Cantrell and I saw Jurassic World today as well. Shit, I saw three last week, one this week.

Yeah, Jurassic World. Yeah. You saw more than once. You get to weigh in first. You know, I think it's a fun drive-in movie, if you can hit some drive-ins. Okay, so that narrowed their box box office take down to next to nothing. I don't care. It's a fun movie.

It's only available at drive-ins. It's fun. It's fun. I was like, all right. That was dinosaurs. All right. Fun times. But if they showed a Sharknado movie right next to it, it just doesn't feel like it would

be that much sillier. Yep. And also that much more effectier. Like, the effects are good, but I wasn't blown away by them. Yeah, agree. Because we've seen plenty of flying creatures picking up people and tossing them around just on our TVs at home watching Game of Thorns. Yeah.

New, spoiler alert, I haven't seen the finale. Don't say a fucking word. Hasn't even aired yet, dipshit. He's talking about season one. Season one. You can proceed. Did you see the last one, though? Bert?

Nope. Okay. I won't say anything about it it but I don't watch it regularly the Game of Thrones but I stumbled into whenever I do watch it horrifying things happen and those are the episodes

where everybody's talking about it the next day and I'm like damn you know weird timing because I always see the ones that are terrifying my wife is my wife

my wife and I watch it together season like season one and my wife's not a crude person you know her Rob and you know her too My wife! My wife and I watch it together. Season one. My wife's not a crude person. You know her, Rob. And you know her too, Doug. Have you met her crude? Just figure out other ways to describe her. What's her name?

Leanne. Okay, refer to her by name from now on. Leanne. We're watching the same... His wife! When Jon Snow's hooking up with the Wilding, and they're naked and he starts to go down on Earth, Leanne just goes,

Wilding pussy must smell horrible. It's the hardest I've ever laughed. That's why you're together. It's too bad you can't go back and put that into your vows. I'll love you even if you have wilding pussy. All right, so let's go to Rob.

What's your take on Jurassic World? I think they needed more pussy in that movie. Boom. Because I think you guys were talking about, like, it's the same thing over and over. Just dinosaurs. And the eyeball shot. They need to maybe come across them humping. They go out of their way to set up that the raptors, their eyeballs are on the side of their heads.

And then at one point, one of the characters is standing right in front of it. And they show a POV where it can look dead ahead, even though its eyes are over here and here. It's just looking at him, eyeballing him. But there's a lot of silly stuff that happens in it. And it's a shame that Chris Pratt is at the level where he can handle the role greatly and then doesn't get anything great to say. True. He definitely seems like a raptor whisperer.

He seems like raptors would listen to him you know he does that well he's got that intensity down but then his interplay with the girl and stuff it's none of it's none of it's fun at all you know yeah i like that scene when he's the motorcycle and he's got the little raptors with them and they're going out to get the big they they i'm ruining it, but they made a new... I think you kind of are. Oh, shit. No, they do give away in the trailer that there's a new dinosaur. They're given new species,

but the new species, they make it white, which I thought it was weird. The new fucking dinosaur... Social commentary, bro. That's what I mean. They make the dinosaur part German, which is kind of odd. But that is a part.

Did I pick that up or not? I don't remember a white dinosaur. I thought they were. But there's one that can disappear completely. Yeah. Which is not helpful. Get it? Ha, ha, ha.

It's called a dinosaur. It's weird. Little kids. Does it turn into oil too? Eventually. Welcome to oil world. Step in a dinosaur puddle. Fuck, I am sweating my dick off. Yeah.

I'm about to shower. People love dinosaurs. They do. And little kids love dinosaurs. It's so weird. People are like, check out dinosaurs. And it's a really violent movie. It's not really a little kid movie.

Not for kids. No, no. There's somebody that horrifyingly gets murdered. Yeah, they're going to go. Kids are going to go because dumb shits are going to take their kids. Yeah. And the kids are going to be fucking traumatized. It's got the highest body count of any Jurassic Park movie.

I think of the first three put together, I think. And it's just that part of it's pretty fun. Yeah. But I don't know the story isn't that great when it's over you go okay great thank god a dinosaur lives so we can do this again sometime do you think Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard

I thought they were kind of wasted I don't know how drunk they were on the set or how drunk I am right now but they were yeah well she just gets this she's just got that part where she's got to be the person that's always making bad decisions and then once shit starts to turn

doesn't realize it fast enough and continues to make bad decisions and it's just like like Burt taking his shirt off which is about to happen go ahead and take it off I won't look in your direction which is about to happen. I'm sweating my ass off. Go ahead and take it off. I won't look in your direction.

No, it's my stomach and the angle that I'm in, sitting and being... Yeah, sitting like that with your stomach out would be really gross. It's a grapefruit top. That's why shirts were invented. Here's the problem with Chris Pratt, okay? What?

Look. I don't got any problems with Chris Pratt. Oh, I got big fucking problems. Okay, here we go. He's sold to America like the cool dude that you could hang out with, have a beer in the backyard, smoke a stogie, maybe take a

one-hitter. The guy doesn't drink. He's vegan. He's like, he's an actor. It's like, I want my actors to be broken with drug addictions and you're an artist get to do the artist shit instead you're like fucking when i found out dane didn't smoke weed i was like what the fuck where does all this shit come from then tosh doesn't drink and i'm like what the fuck man we got a license to be fucking degenerates why'd you turn that into the dV and go, no, thank you. I think I'll just take yoga classes.

I mean, I love Dane and Tosh. Those are great guys. But like Chris Pratt, whatever. He's not all that in my opinion, okay? You don't like him because he's not more of a horrible person. He doesn't drink. That's why I don't like him. And Chris, if you're listening to this.

He definitely eats poorly because when he's not playing... When he's not doing Guardians of the Galaxy or... He didn't even have to take his shirt off in Jurassic World, so he could be a little fat under there. But he... When he's on Parks and Rec, he's just like a fat roly-poly guy. No, he's not. He's in great shape because he's fucking gluten-free. All right, you're stupid.

I might be mixing him up with somebody. That shows seven years old, and he just in the last couple years started being the guy that gets really buff for movies. He used to be like a rollier, pullier dude. And happier for it, and married to Anna Faris. Did you know that? You know what? I think I'm talking about the wrong guy. I think so.

Because I didn't know he was... He's the guy from Parks and Rec? Yes, dummy. Different guy. My bad. My bad. You're thinking of Rob Lowe, maybe. No, I don't know.

Rob Lowe was just in a car accident today. Or DUI. Oh, no, that's John Stamos. John Stamos, you idiot! Cut off his microphone. The worst. Jesus. Facts aren't my strong suit, okay?

Now we all have to worry about who he gets us mixed up with. Like, Aaron killed a hooker last night. Oh, wait, no, that was Rob. I just think it's not giving... I'm not giving Bert my next of kin's number. I don't want him coming through with any incorrect information. John Stamos. I wonder who the actor I was thinking

about that's like gluten-free, vegan, yoga nut. All of them? Fuck. But seriously, who could you have been thinking of? How could you confuse who's starring in Jurassic World with all the ads and stuff? It's not Woody Harrelson.

Is it Josh Hartnett? No, it's not Penny Dreadful. Who? Aaron Paul. Oh, he's always been skinny. Stop guessing, you guys. I love it. This is great warm-up.

It's turning into the worst Thanksgiving ever. If you put your dick in the mashed potatoes, you have to press it in, by the way. Like, you can't even Google who's the actor Bert Kreischer's thinking of. I bet you actually could. I bet

after this airs, you probably could. He barbecues. I'm going to hear a lot of suggestions on Twitter of who you were thinking of, and I'll forward them to you. Because I don't give a shit. How many white guys are in Parks and Rec? All of them.

My point exactly. But he's so, yeah, Aziz isn't white and Red is a little black lady. I don't know what you're thinking of. They've all been on this show and they're all a delight. Chris Pratt's been on this show? Did he drink a beer?

I don't remember. But Chris Evans drank enough for me. Chris Evans is who I'm fucking thinking of! Captain America? Fucking Chris Evans! It's fucking Chris Evans! It's Captain America. They're best friends! They go to do hospitals together! It's fucking Chris Evans!

They go do hospitals together. It's a great place to meet the ladies when you show up in your Guardians and Captain America costumes. Was there an example of me, the type of person I was back in the 70s when people would go on to those game shows? Wait, we solved the first puzzle.

You're giving us another one? Okay, never mind. It's Chris Evans. Fuck Chris Evans. He's a good guy. Did he drink a beer when you were with him? A lot of them, yes. Oh, never mind.

It's not Chris Evans then. It's definitely not Chris Evans. Margot Kidder! It's Margot Kidder! I don't fucking know who it is. All right. Yeah, he's not as clean living as you were talking about

Captain America likes his beer that makes me like Chris Evans a lot right now I might become a big Chris Evans fan alright good I'm gonna get all his stuff whatever fan you become you got the big part covered so and by all

means, take that shirt off if you have to. I will be pouring sweat into my jeans. Take off the shirt and just stand for the rest of the show. That won't make anybody uncomfortable. Can I get another Tito's and soda? Yeah, me too, me too.

Oh, shit. Feels so much fucking better. That's right, 38s, everybody. Take a look at how tight they are. I'm going to the gay pride parade like this. Fucking muscle bear attire. You're going to get so many dicks thrown at you. Do the truffle shuffle.

Somebody in the audience wants the truffle shuffle. It's a good one. I wasn't that guy in Goonies, okay? I was the brother. The older brother. Yeah, you were Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin. Shut your stupid...

Brand. Josh Brolin was that brother? Yeah. Do you hate him? I thought it was Josh Evans. Let's play the game. Yeah. It's always the number one sign of an annoying guest when they start saying, let's move it along when they're keeping it from moving it along.

Alright, so it is that part of the show where I say, let the games begin. Oh, shit. And one of those games isn't Burt knocking his drink over. I forgot to get my phone to periscope, but fuck it. Alright, go get it. Okay, I'll be right back.

Just a few minutes of quiet. Well, Burt, yeah Yeah I can still hear you too Screaming through the wall Last night somebody tweeted I was on stage doing my set And they were like excited to see Doug Benson At the Bert Kreischer show And excited to hear Bert Kreischer clearly yelling

In the other room Because all the people in that row over there are just sitting with their backs to a very thin-walled green room. So if we're back there yelling, they just get a whole earful. There he is. All right, so for the first time ever,

we're going to periscope the selection process of name tags. Hold on. Yeah, we'll do it when you're ready. As soon as Bert gets his periscope going We're going to have all three of you go out and pick your name tags And while that happens, we're going to take a brief commercial break We'll be right back

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It's over. So go to lootcrate.com slash Doug and enter the code Doug to save $3 on your new subscription today. Back to the show. We're back. Who's, uh... Grab your microphones, guys. Perfect. And then I got... Grab your microphones now.

Like, not later. Like, right now. Who are you playing for? I got it. Uh, Doug? You're the... Three of you are all catatonic. Just fucking tell me who you're playing for.

Don Periscope. Instead. Dawn Periscope. Instead of Down Periscope. I love it. Dawn Periscope. I like her. There's Doug's. You're in the poster. Yeah, I got in there.

I wish I was in the original movie like Patton Oswalt was in it. All right, Aaron. Bill Trouble in Little China. Look who you are, Doug. Oh, I'm that weird genie face thing. Yeah, Raiden or whatever. And then Mark Wahlberg. It's the little Asian dude.

That's adorable. This is Mark Wahlberg. Are you still periscoping, Bert? No. Okay, shut it down. Shut it down. And who are you playing for, Bert? I think I'm playing for Daniel Settle.

I'm playing for Daniel Settle. He wrote one of my favorite bits we've ever done on this show ever was when we thought they should make more black movies, white movies. No, this was all you, first of all. Me and you came up with it backstage. It wasn't we. It was just you. You're like, oh, you soft pitch it, and I'll hit it out of the park.

No. And it turns out they're doing this with a lot of fucking movies now, and I fucking love it. Burt loves that they do black versions of movies, and then he's like, they should do black Ocean's Eleven. I was like, how would 11 black guys get away with ripping off a place? Who do you think did it? Oh, maybe the 11 black guys conspiring in the corner? So Bert forced me to say something racist and to shoot down his premise.

But that would be great. I love the cast. Can I tell you the cast? It could have a couple. Ocean's Eleven could have a couple of white guys. Black Ocean's Eleven could be all black except for two dudes. Because the original Ocean's Eleven is all white and one black and one Chinese. Two blacks and one Chinese.

Yeah, so this has three whites. And then it's an interesting cast. Doug Benson, Bert Kreischer, Daniel Settle, Kevin Hart, Eddie Rock, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Morgan Freeman, Hannibal Buress, Denzel, Will Smith, Michael B. Jordan, Craig Robinson. It's odd you didn't put Bill Cosby in here and Hannibal on the same thing.

I think that would have added tension to the set. I don't think anybody ever needs to say, why didn't you include Bill Cosby ever again? Unless it's a list of rapists. Alleged, alleged, alleged. Yeah, alleged list. No alleged rapists. It won't fucking stand.

All right, perfect. I'm ready Okay, let's play some games Yeah We're gonna start off with one that by the time I get it right we'll run out of titles What do you got there, Rob? Somebody just gave me some Japanese chocolate that has exploding candies inside.

I don't think this is legal. What do you mean they just gave it to you? This guy just gave me three candy bars. Oh, okay. Just pass down candy bars. Yeah, give one to everybody. I don't know. This sounds kind of Bill Cosby to me right here.

Yeah, this is shady. He's like, some chick just gave them to me. I'm going to give one to everybody. I don't know. This sounds kind of Bill Cosby to me right here. Yeah, this is shady. He's like, some chick just gave them to me. I'm going to give them to you. How does it... They're Israeli. They're really good. Oh, they're Israeli. Okay.

Sounds good. Got some Israeli chocolate. So I can trust it? All right. You're going to have all three of them? You guys want one? Listen, we'll all take a bite. We've got three guests.

Everybody take one. If we get roofies, you can only carry one of us out of here. Here's a bar of chocolate. Oh, I'm going to cleanse. Here's some Israeli chocolate. You're going at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of want to save it for my kids, but.

Oh, that sounds like a great plan. Here's some Israeli chocolate. Also save for them here. that explodes in your mouth. Wait, there's a golden ticket in here. You get to be in the Israeli military. Oh, everyone gets a golden ticket. It's soft. I'm not eating chocolate right now.

All right. It's hot. You got five or six more things to say about something that's not a movie? I have. Yeah, I do. I have crowns. This isn't going to take off a crown by popping it off my mouth, is it?

How bad is this? That's it. Who wants to go first? Just fucking eat it. I'm the only one fucking doing it? Yeah, because we're moving on, Bert. We didn't invite everybody down here for a chocolate tasting. Is it good? Is it tasting. Is it good?

Is it good? Is it good? Yep, it pops. It's like Pop Rocks and chocolate? It's Pop Rocks and chocolate, and when you bite into it, it explodes. It could just be Rice Krispies in there. It's pretty good. Ow!

Did you break a tooth? No, let them explode in your mouth, not your throat. They're exploding in my throat. It hurts. We all follow that rule. It's Bob Rock. It's Bob Rock. Where's my drink? Chew it up before you swallow it, you guys. That Israeli candy. Keep it in your mouth. Do not let it go down your throat. That's probably good life advice. Keep it in your mouth. Don't let it go down your throat.

I'm glad I didn't get this to my kids. I'm not going to make it worse. I'm sweating my ass off right now. There goes my cleanse. I wish you'd sweat your stomach off. Boom. Doug still got it. So we're going to start now with the games, Bert.

Okay. I've already had to knock out some of people's favorite games from the lineup today because of your antics. I'm just kidding. That crowd was so ready to turn on you, Bert. It was really fun until they thought we might not play Leonard Maltin game. No, we will. I hope.

At this point, we're only five minutes behind. So we're doing good. Let's play Now Bushimi, Now You Don't. This is a game where I'll just start with Rob and move down the row that way so Bert gets to go third. I'm already fucked.

No, I think there's a chance it'll be easier on you if you go third. And we're just going to play, and you guys can figure it out as we go along. Rob, I'm going to name three. This is just for Rob, nobody else. I'm going to name three movies, and you tell me which one Steve Buscemi is not in. Oh, fucking thank God. Nice.

From these three movies. All right. And then it'll... If you... Is that one? Aaron, if you get it wrong, then it'll move down to Aaron and he'll get to choose from just the two remaining titles.

So you really don't want to fuck this up. Oh. Hudsucker Proxy, Raising Arizona, The Big Lebowski. Which one of those three movies Is Steve Buscemi not in? Right?

That's all kind of got a Buscemi vibe to it They sure do But I think Raising Arizona He wasn't around yet That's correct He wasn't in Raising Arizona Good job Now Aaron gets the new three titles.

If he fails, then the two titles go to Bert, and it will be easier for him. Between these three films, Aaron, I have a good feeling about how you're going to do on this one. Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown. Jackie Brown. That's correct. He wasiction, Jackie Brown. Jackie Brown. That's correct. He was not in Jackie Brown.

I knew Aaron would know that. Okay, Bert. Pray that it's Frozen. Care bears the moon. You know that he's not in Frozen? Not in Frozen. Yeah. He almost got the part of Olaf,

but they decided to go with someone that doesn't sound scary to play the friendly... I almost called him an Iceman. Friendly Iceman. Snowman. Snowman. He was a snowman. Bert gets to choose between... Which one of these is Buscemi not in?

Deep Impact, Armageddon, or Con Air? Well, he was definitely in Con Air. Because you remember everything that has a child molester in it. I just saw that recently. Because you re-watch everything that has a child molester in it. This is going to be really bad. You're not going to like this, but I forgot the other two movies. Deep Impact or Armageddon?

Which one is he not in? Deep Impact is the one with Bruce Willis. This is not how the game works. You don't get to talk through it. Armageddon's the one with Ben Affleck? Just pick one. Is Armageddon the one with Ben Affleck? Pick one

of the movies from those three. He's not in Deep Impact. That's correct. Yeah. Feels good. All right, back to Rob. Are you going to give us ten movies? Huh?

Nothing? Go. Back to Rob. All right. Which one is he not in? Fargo, Kansas City, or Tombstone? Oh, come on, Rob. Kansas City or Tombstone? Oh, come on, Rob.

Fargo, Kansas City, Tombstone. He's in Fargo. Tombstone. That's correct. He's not in Tombstone. All right, Aaron. Grownups, Little Nicky, Mr. Deeds. Oh.

Oh. Oh, you're fucked. Drop trow and bend over. Grown-ups. I'm sorry. He's in grown-ups. Yes. Oh, my God. I've been thinking of Jonathan Turow this whole time.

Oh, you're the worst. That's what I've been thinking of Jonathan Turow this whole time. Oh, you're the worst. That's what I was fucking thinking of. All right. So, which one do you think Buscemi was not in? I see Buscemi. Between Mr. Deeds and Little Nicky, which one was he not in? Aaron is out. I was thinking of Jonathan Turow this whole fucking time.

Yeah, we got that Little Nicky or Mr. Deeds Which one is he not in Mr. Deeds John Turturro is definitely in Mr. Deeds So I'm gonna go with Mr. Deeds Oh he's not in Little Nicky You're out

Oh fuck Yes and that means Rob is our winner Mr. Deeds. Oh, he's not in Little Nicky. You're out. Oh, fuck. Yes. And that means Rob is our winner. Good job, Rob. I like Steve. Mr. Deeds, that's one of his funniest little cameos. Yeah, well, he's in every other Sandler movie, and so it's hard to remember which ones he's in.

I think he's in both Grown Ups. I think. I don't remember that movie. All right. You ever see Trey's Lounge? Tree's Lounge? Yeah, Tree's Lounge. That's a good movie.

He directed that one. Yeah, I thought that was great. All right. I'm just giving it a shout out. Yeah, all right. Shout out to a movie I don't know the name of. Yeah. It sounds better.

Give it up for Tree's Lounge, everybody. Trey's Lounge. Documentary about Trey Cool. You thought that was a rapper. It would be a cool rapper. It would, yeah. Trey's Lounge, yeah. All right.

The warthog on the wall is telling us it's time to move on. I know. I heard his snort. The warthog is bored. I love you, Bert. Well, here's a real... I hope that Bert can get through this one without having an aneurysm.

Because this is a tough one, Bert. But you're going to go second on this one. Rob's going to go first, and then Bert's going to go second. We're going to play Build a Title. It's been a while. At a special request. Paul Newman came back from the dead

on Twitter to ask me to play Build a Title and you don't say no to Paul Newman. Right? Yeah. Did he DM you? No, just regular style. Did he follow back? I wasn't following the ghost of Paul Newman.

So he had to just throw my name on there and say, hey, man. I would follow him. You should play Build the Title. And that's what we're going to do. And since we're here in Washington, D.C., I thought a fun title to start with would be All the President's Men. And you just need to add a title to the beginning or the end of that, Rob. Something that begins with men or ends with all. Bert's already confused.

I'm excited about that. Because I want Paul Newman to realize that it's a bad idea to play this game most of the time. Manhunter? Is that an M? Yeah. That would be... I'm going to give you one. As Wahlberg likes to say.

The word you got to start with is men, not man. Ah, shit. I thought it just had to be M. No. All the president's men. Oh, okay. So don't audience, please don't. I already heard murmurings that were correct.

Something for all and the ends with all. All you gotta do is pick one end or the other and add a title. And men is real easy. A movie is called Men and then Other Words. Yes. Men in Black. Yes. It's the one

everybody's thinking of. Yeah. Sorry about that, gang. It's the one everybody's thinking of Sorry about that gang It's alright And now what do I need to do? You need to put your clothes on And leave the building It's gonna be You know what just leave the building

It's gonna be men or black in it No It's gonna have all in it I can't believe I let's going to be men or black in it? No. It's got to have all in it? I can't believe I let Paul Newman talk me into this. You need a movie that begins with the word black. Okay. Or ends with the word all.

Begins with black or ends with all. Yeah. So probably begins with black is probably pretty doable. How about... What? Black Ocean's Eleven is the only time I'll allow that kind of behavior, because that's funny. Blackfish.

Yes! Tremendous documentary. Hashtag Shut Down SeaWorld. Okay, so we've got all the president's men in Blackfish. So Aaron needs to start with fish or end with

uh, yeah, start with fish or end with all. Fish that saves Pittsburgh. Oh god. Okay, alright. It's the fish to save Pittsburgh, but in this game I allow it. That saved Pittsburgh, because we'd never get a game going It's the fish to save Pittsburgh But in this game I allow it Save Pittsburgh Because we'd never get a game going

If we couldn't knock out those thes Those thes So this is tough though, Pittsburgh Yeah, you just bookended that one Booyah Might have finished that So do you have any ideas, Rob, for a movie that begins with Pittsburgh or ends with all?

Justice for All? Mm-hmm. I'll take it. Nice. In the actual title, there's an ampersand after all, but I'll take it. Nice.

Oh, good, good. Or maybe it's at the beginning. Yeah, it's probably at the beginning. So we need a movie that ends in ampersand I'm not even saying the right word It's ellipses Not ampersand Why would ampersand be in there Oh I guess and justice for all

So you guys are going with it You're like we're not going to argue with him After that whole ET thing Alright so you need with it, you're like, we're not going to argue with him after that whole E.T. thing. Alright, so you need ends with and or begins with Pittsburgh Bert Kreischer. It ends with and or begins with Pittsburgh.

It could begin with Berg if you know what I'm saying. Berg. Oh, man, you're so close. Five seconds. Ends with and or begins with Pittsburgh. Yeah, if you want to. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Burger. What's the one with the two black kids? It's not burger. Oh, it's not? No. I mean, burger's in there, but you got that other nasty word in there that we like to call good. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

You're so close. Burger. Thanks for playing. Fuck, I don't know. We'll bring you back for the next game. Please. Rob. Oh. Is it you? Wait, which way't know. We'll bring you back for the next game. Please. Rob. Oh.

Is it you? Wait, which way are we going? It's Aaron. Okay. Can I use the Jeff Goldblum movie, Pittsburgh? No, because that doesn't add anything. You're not building anything. You're just looking at what's already there.

God. Oh, what an accomplished builder I am. I thought I could just sit and rest on my laurels because Pittsburgh is already there. I thought I could use that as a skip around. I didn't even know there was a Jeff Goldblum movie called Pittsburgh. He's in a musical and whatever.

I'm from there. Who cares? I think you're thinking of The Fly. But that's all you got? I mean, that was going to be my... We're going to call Rob our winner once again? No, I mean, but that's what I was... We're going to have to. You threw that Pittsburgh thing in there.

I'll tell you what I would have done as soon as you give in. Do you give up? No. Son of a bitch Alright at the beginning Game's over Rob's our winner At the beginning I would add

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Banned Banned Justice for All And then at the end Oh wait a What? Exactly And then at the end

I would say Pitt's Burglar. Because of the Whoopi Goldberg film, Burglar. I get the game now. Yeah, next time you're on the show, I can't wait for it. Because then... Because that's... We probably won't be playing that game because everybody's so shitty at it. That's way easier.

I didn't know you could, like, oh, okay. I thought I was saying Burg. I was very clear about Burg. And then he was trying to say good Berg, and then I said you can't because it's got good in there. I don't know. Yeah, you weren't necessarily sitting right there during all of that. Doug, here's my – I think we should play the game with foreign films.

I'm trying – I can't even think of a title for a foreign film that I could say to you right now. Amelie. The worst. Such a foreign film, that Amelie. And then Amelie, and then my next poem would be L'Ensat. And then yours would be...

You don't get to build on your own thing. You gotta wait till it comes back around and has a bunch more French words stuck on there. And then you're fucked. I'm going to leave on stat. Keep going. Come up with a movie that starts with Monioke. Let's play the games I've got planned instead of Bert's weird idea.

How are we doing on time? I've got to get my phone out. We're doing fine. It's my show. Yeah, yeah. Bert's headlining tonight. Who's coming back to see Bert tonight? Yeah. Who's like,

I haven't got enough of that stomach yet. I'm going to put a different stomach. I'm going to shave my hair. I'm getting hungry. I'm killing Well, they got a great menu here at the Improv. Do you want to order something to eat? Because I think

people love watching you eat with your shirt off. Dreams come true. Well, dreams may come. Now he knows the title of a movie. Bert knows every movie has got the word come in the title. Look at that. He got a whole sleeve of Thin Mints or something? No, chocolate donuts.

Fuck that cleanse. I was on a fucking cleanse this morning. The old half day cleanse. It's called sleeping in. Can't get fat just laying there. Just gotta get into the food, you lose some weight. That's a great way to jumpstart a diet. Wake up, take an Ambien immediately.

Alright, which one of you guys is the Paul Newman guy on Twitter? That's you? Yeah, he's got Paul Newman's avatar, and it was his brilliant idea to play Build-A-Title today. And since he's already made one mistake, I'm going to give him a chance to make another. Get out. No.

What's your real name, though? Ptolemy Galt. No, I mean your real name, not your Twitter namelemaic Gold. No, I mean your real name. Not your Twitter name. David? Okay, I'll call you David. David is going to name an actor or an actress, maybe a director, but probably not,

with a large body of work. And I'm going to play along. David has not told me who he wants us to use. And we're going to take turns naming movies that person was in, Bert. And if you can't think of one, you're out. And if you sweat too much, you're out. Fucking pouring sweat right now.

Yeah, yeah. They don't allow for that in most competition. I'm just standing here. Yeah, exactly. If you're running around, then they're like, well, we've got to let him sweat a little bit. We'll start with Rob. All right. And then we'll go to, we've got to switch the order around.

Which direction were we going last time, Aaron? So it'll come to you. Yeah. Okay, Aaron, then Bert, then me. David? He said he had a good one. I'm going to murder you. David, he said he had a good one.

I'm going to murder you. It's like you have not listened to a word I've said about what we need for this game. It is the worst suggestion anybody's ever made. And you were confident it was going to be a great one. And now you're already yelling out other names. What was the backup name? Steve Coogan. Steve Coogan, what is wrong with you? I want to go give that nerd a wedgie right now.

I don't even know who Steve Coogan is. For future people who are going to Twitter to me about how they've got the perfect name, it has to be somebody with not only a lot of credits, but also people have written to me, I know a guy who has 130 credits that you could use. And who is your name? Anthony Hopkins. Anthony Hopkins, that's pretty good. But it's also going to be tough for Bert.

And you're right that it's not your problem. Oh, it's your problem. I came here to do two things, sweat and give wedgies. I'm already sweating. I came here to do two things, sweat and give wedgies. I'm already sweating. I can't believe Anthony Hopkins has been in 130 movies, though.

That's insane. Like, you could probably only name 20 or 30 of those, right? Yeah. Holy shit. Stop yelling out names. That's not how it works. I'm never going to use Christopher Lee, because it's sad to talk that way about the dead. I don't know why I thought that would get a laugh.

But yeah, people suggested on Twitter that we do a Christopher Lee. Name a Christopher Lee movie, Bert Kreischer. Superman. See what I'm talking about? It's like immediately eliminated. And there's so many movies you could have guessed in that way. You could have guessed in that way.

You could have accidentally said Star Wars. Phantom Menace. It's not if it's right or wrong, it's how confidently you say it. It's true. Yeah, that's how it works. Can you think of a Christopher Lee movie Rob? Beat Street?

No Yeah I don't know Right? I have no idea Yeah That's why I dismissed That idea

I know Aaron knows some Superman What's your favorite Aaron what's your favorite Christopher Lee movie you had to pick one let's do Kelsey grammar all right I'll go first down Paris you're just looking at things in the room. Fuck! Pass. He's another shitty one,

but we have a polite hand raised here in the front row. This guy really is ready to knock it out of the park. First of all, what's your actual name and where are you from? Tony from D.C. He's going to settle this problem, tell us the perfect name, and Rob's going to start, and then it's going to go... Which way do we side?

To Aaron. What's the name? Elizabeth Banks. Elizabeth Banks. She's been at ten movies at most. A lot more than ten? Wet Hot American Summer 2 isn't even out yet. Maybe I should just take this out of the hands of the audience

and just... I'll just pick someone myself and not play. Because that's why I let audience members pick. This lady right here, she's sitting really close to the Anthony Hopkins guy, so that scares me. What do you got? Reese Witherspoon?

Oh, way to go! Reese Witherspoon, done deal. Here we go, Reese Witherspoon. Good call. Yeah, it's not going to be easy. Good one. Good one. I'm going to nail this.

No, I'm going to win, but you might come in second. And that's a win as far as this game is concerned. But we start with Rob. Fuck. Oh, fuck. Shit. Any movie with Reese Witherspoon. Oh, I just had it.

She was just in one that had a lot of billboards. Yeah, it was Shit man Clueless was she in that Nope you're out I know what you're talking about What do you mean you know what we're talking about It's Reese Witherspoon Aaron

I know which one you were trying to say Legally Blonde Oh you cocksucker That was the only one you were trying to say. Legally Blonde. It's Aaron's turn. Legally Blonde. Oh, you cocksucker! That was the only one you had ready to go? Yes. Oh, my God. Alabama. Oh, you're the worst.

A long walk. A long, hard walk. A long hike. The hiking druggie. I love you with all my heart. Still hot and hiking. Legally Blonde 2. Full title.

Legally Blonde 2. Long hiking in the sunlight, daytime. Yep, next. Okay, I'm going to go with wild. It's fucking wild? That says nothing in the title. Oh, and you know what I just noticed? I won the game.

Oh, Aaron's still in. Aaron's still in. Go ahead. She goes to Alabama. She's dead. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I won the game. Walk the line. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Walk the line. Walk the line. That's dead. Shut up. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I won the game. Walk the line. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Walk the line. Walk the line. That's right. Oh, good call. Academy Award winner. I could play this game competitively if I didn't have to say the exact title and I just told you about the movie. That would not constitute as a competition. Yeah, but everyone else would get to play by those rules, and so you would still lose eventually.

I bet I could outdo you. Because I can describe more movies than you can. He's really good at going, but it has the thing and the guy and the mountain. Yeah. And then there's a, and then, yeah. She's dad, Mark Ruffalo. All right. I'm going to go with, and it's pretty much my knee-jerk reaction to any situation, fear.

Oh, my God. Yeah, she's starting fear. Good one. All right, back to you. knee-jerk reaction to any situation. Fear. Oh my god! Yeah, she starred in Fear. Good one. Alright, back to you. That was your other one? Yeah, I kind of liked that movie back in the day. What about the one, there was a couple titles that Bruce was having, Bruce, that Burt was having trouble with. I don't remember the

subtitle for the But there was another one he was having trouble with that you probably would remember if you thought about it. Oh, it goes back to Alabama. Matthew McConaughey. Shut up! Hold on.

Wait, did you really just say Matthew McConaughey was in it? It's not him? No. It's Chris Evans, isn't it? No. It's Josh Lucas. But what'd you say?

That's not who it is. No. In Sweet Home? I'm not gonna... Sweet Home Sweet Home Alabama Yeah that's it I cheated a little bit I said a Mandy Moore movie Dude dude dude

Make out Park Your job is not to give clues We're playing and you're out I told you I could beat you this way You know what? I don't care for your cruel intentions, Bert. Oh, fuck!

Shit! Shit! Now it's Aaron's turn again. I'm like a crack pipe. I'm not fun to look at, but I make a party really fucking fun. Yeah, crack pipes disgust me with their fat stomachs. And they throw the best parties. Are we still playing?

Yeah, Aaron is playing. Rushmore? Is she in Rushmore? No. What am I thinking of? Election? I'm the winner. Oh, fuck! Ferris Bueller's day off, but she's running for president.

That's a good guess. Man, I got that mixed up. Damn it. Damn it, election. That's right. No, it wasn't a bad guess. It helped me to remember election. Yep, I got that mixed up. Damn it. Damn it, election. That's right. It wasn't a bad guess. It helped me to remember election. Yep, you're welcome.

And then she was in Man and the Moon, I think was the first movie she was in. With Andy Kaufman. And now audience members, tell them what else they couldn't think of. Monster! Hot Pursuit was just released recently. Also,

The Good Lie, I think, was also a recent one. Pleasantville. Freeway. Did somebody say Rocky IV? I think so. She was in Rocky IV. Water for Elephants. I remember that one.

Yes. It's with the vampire on the train. She's in mud? Is she? She's in mud. I never saw mud. It's good Mud. Check it out, man.

Mud is good. I saw the sequel to that. Oh, really? What was the sequel to Mud? It's called Shower. Wow, you set that up like you had something. I meant to say prequel. I meant to say prequel. Oh, I spilled a fucking dude diet Coke. Somebody just went, diet?

You're on diet Coke? You're getting brain cancer because of that drink allegedly? And you... Diet Coke, donuts, Israeli chocolate. What a sleepover. This is going to be the best summer ever.

Yeah. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. Should we take a quick break and teach all you guys how to play the Leonard Malton game? No, I know how to play. I'm just kidding. We can't take a break. We gotta power through.

I think you're gonna do great. Is that Josh Blue on your shirt? Yeah. I fucking thought so. It's better than Tom Green. Right? I mean, yeah. I thought it was Chris Novoselic.

No? Look at him. That looks like the bassist for Nirvana. Don't show anybody. Don't show anybody. Yeah. That looks like him. It kind of looks like him.

I hate when people give me a weird... It looks like Josh Blue. That's who it is. All right. I like them both. Who do you think, if there was a shirt of your face, Rob, who do you think the people would say it is and be wrong? Who do you think?

These are some of my favorite games. Art Garfunkel. Yes. Yes. I can go with that. You should get a games. Art Garfunkel. Yes. I can go with that. You should get a picture of Art Garfunkel and then just write your name underneath it and make it a shirt. I like that.

I did a rubber stamp of my face one time on a shirt and everyone thought it was James Worthy. James Worthy played basketball for all you film nerds. He's not so fat. He's also fat? Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. That was the funny part of it.

Everyone's like, why do you have a shirt of James Worthy? I said, that's me. And they said, no, it's James Worthy. And I was like, really? So no one bought shirts. They're like, why would he sell shirts of James Worthy? I'm not even going to repeat that one. That's how your night ends.

It wasn't a bad attempt, but let's move on. It's fast shaming. Hashtag fast shaming. Hashtag trigger words. Oh no. Bert's shows tonight are going to be incredible. First, he's going to go to the gay pride parade and get nuts over there, so to speak.

And then he's going to do two shows over here. He's going to be drinking his tequila and soda all night long. Cleanse. He's cleansing. Alright. So who won of the three of you in that last game? Who lasted the longest? Aaron did, right? Yeah. Bert raises his hand

whenever a group of people are asking anything. He just always raises his hand. Alright, so we'll start with Aaron and then we'll shift the direction around to, we'll go with Aaron And then we'll shift the direction around We'll go to Rob And then to Bert So again, Bert has a little time To think about what he's doing

Yep Aaron gets to pick a category Between Valentine's Dre And that's romantic movies With a hip-hop artist in them Oh my god Or Red Light Challenge And that's movies where there's a chase scene romantic movies with a hip-hop artist in them. Oh, my God! Or Red Light Challenge,

and that's movies where there's a chase scene that has a cab involved. A cab is involved in the chase. And then no one will ever pick this one. The other Jeff Tate, and that's... Our friend Jeff Tate's on the show all the time, but this is the other Jeff Tate. It's movies that have Queensryche on the soundtrack.

Because the lead singer of Queensryche the other Jeff Tate. It's movies that have Queensryche on the soundtrack. Because the lead singer of Queensryche is named Jeff Tate. Same spelling and everything. Which one of those would you like to play, Aaron? I want to go with the taxicab one. Okay, so there's a taxicab and a chase in this movie. That doesn't narrow it down very much, because when there's a chase

scene, there's usually a taxicab involved. And another car where someone's yelling, follow that. Taxi cab. Two and a half stars for this movie from Leonard Maltin from 1963.

Oh. 1963. Yeah, he says about the movie that it's splashy and generally funny. And he lists 16 names. Yeah, 16 names.

How many names can you get in Aaron Kleiber? 40 names. I have to go 16. He's taking all 16, Rob. I'd say I could do that in 15. Smart. Yeah.

Bert. Bert? I could do it. I'm 14. Okay, Aaron. Yeah, you're going to have to name me. Oh, 14 names. I was drooling myself. Yeah.

Look at that. Look at this. Dripping in. 14 names, 1963. I wasn't watching a lot of movies back then. Bert, this is easy. Well, that's always a great excuse when people are like, oh, Hitler, I'm not familiar. I wasn't born yet. Never heard of that guy.

So I'm going to name these 14. He gets 14? Yeah. I'm going to name these 14. He gets 14? I'm going to name these 14 names and then at the end of it, you're going to tell me the exact title and you're going to win a point. If you fail to give me the exact title, then our

friend Aaron's going to get a point. You know what's on the line here. I'm not going to give you a lot of time. Because you don't deserve it. I know the movie I'm thinking of and I already can't remember the name of it. Fantastic. Here's your 14 out of 16 names.

William Demarest, Eddie Rochester Anderson, Terry Thomas, Jimmy Durante, Peter Falk, Jonathan Winters, Phil Silvers, Dorothy Provine, Dick Sean, Mickey Rooney, Ethel Merman, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, and Milton Berle. You better say the title of this movie after getting 14 out of 16 names. And those names in particular. By the way, it's the name of the movie I thought, and I don't know if I know the name right. Say it right.

It's a Wild Wild World. No! Eric Clymer gets a point. It's called It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World. I thought he'd just fuck up the number of mads. I didn't know that he'd change it to wild just because he's got Reese Witherspoon on the brain.

Oh, you cocksucker! He was close. That was a good one. That was the movie I thought. It had to be that one. Yeah. No, you had the right movie. You just got to learn to have the right words that correspond.

And like I said, Aaron's on the board with a point. All right, let's go. Oh, shit. Come on, let's go. Another one. All right, let's do another one. We'll start with Rob and go to Aaron, all right? All right.

Because Aaron challenged Bert on that last one. Rob, would you like Puff Puff Pass? Oh, come on. That's Emily Blunt movies that Leonard gave two stars or less. Argo Bananas, that's movies that have apes in the title. And I'll give you an example. The Grand Budapest Hotel. The Grand Budapest Hotel.

The Grand Budapest Hotel because it says boot up ape. It has apes in the title, yes. And then your third choice is Fast Batch Cumberbender. And that's movies with either Michael Fassbender or Benedict Cumberbatch? What was the very first one? Puff Puff Pass. Let's do that one. All right.

Would you like an Emily Blunt movie from 2010 or 2011? Can we clear up who Emily Blunt is? She's the person who right now we're talking about the films that she's in. I can name it in 14. Because if I told you some of the films she'd been in, that kind of ruins what we're doing here. Tell me one of the ones it's not. Okay, she's not in The Wizard of Oz. You're welcome. Which year did you pick, Rob?

11. Okay. This is from 2011. Two stars from Leonard. He says about this movie that... It's cute and sometimes clever. And he also says that the songs were written by two of the co-executive producers on the film.

From 2011, two stars, and he lists 15 names. How many can you get it in, Rob? Oh, I can get that movie in 10 names. Oh, okay. It goes with Aaron. Is this something moderately confident? Nine names. Eight names.

I know Emily Blunt's in it. I just don'tunt's in it. I just don't know who she is. Go seven, Rob. Go seven. No, no. No, go seven. Go seven, Rob. I'm not going to go seven, Bert. Go seven, Rob.

I want you to name that fucking movie, Bert. 2011. Let's set the time frame. iPhone 3. iPhone 3. What else are you doing in 2011? I'm driving out

on a Denali. Oh, yeah. I still got two kids. My hair's a little fuller. And I was about 210 pounds. Let's do it. Do I have to give the names?

No, I got them right here. Emily Blunt. She's tall. What are you doing? Let me just give you the names and then you don't answer and then Rob gets a point. This would still be so easier

if I knew who she was. I don't think so. I think you'd be pretty lost on this one regardless, but let's try it. How many names does he get? Seven? Eight, I think. Seven?

Eight. Okay. The crowd knows. Eight names are Dolly Parton, Richard Wilson, Hold on. Hulk Hoganogan Julie Walters Patrick Stewart Stephen Merchant

Ozzy Osbourne and Jason Statham what's the name of the movie Bert Hulk Hogan I dare say most of the people in the audience don't know And the ones that are murmuring to each other They have a specific reason why they might know Is it the songs in it?

Oh, it was a fucking cartoon Had to be a cartoon That's why I don't remember those people Yeah Was it It's not Cars Is it be a cartoon. That's why I don't remember those people. Was it... It's not Cars. Is it...

Don't fucking get it next to me. He still might not have it. Is it... Mm-mm. It's not whatever you're thinking. 2011, my daughters would have seen this movie. Oh, sure.

They probably loved it. Probably running around the house singing the songs. I got a bit of a little sale right here. That were written by the co-executive producers of the film. Fuck. It's a terrible clue. Anything? Is it airplanes?

What do you mean, come on come on bert are you fucking serious might just be a request you might be saying come on come on bert somebody wait what was it what was it it's called nomio and juliet oh fuck you. Everyone's like, oh, that was it. I had no fucking clue. Now, who's Emily Blunt? James McAvoy and Emily Blunt.

She was Juliet, I believe. But who is she in fucking life? In Gnomeo and Juliet. Don't look stuff up on your own phone during this show. She just starred in Edge of Tomorrow with Tom Cruise. Dude, you could have told me that No I can't that's not how this works She's fucking hot I could have said that

Especially in Gnomeo and Juliet Was it a cartoon? Yeah No it was live action Live action Gnomeo Zach Galifian. Live action Gnomeo. Zach Galifianakis starred as Gnomeo. It's a fun movie. His new one looks really fun, Zach's new one, Masterminds.

Yeah. Looks hilarious. It's the same guy who did Napoleon Dynamite. All right. So we got one point for Aaron and one point for Rob. Bert, you can still catch up. Force a three-way tie and a little asparagus pee. Let's do it.

All right. I'm getting fucked up. Okay. This first show is going to be a little shaky, guys. Because, Rob, you challenged him, right? Yeah. Okay, so we'll start with Aaron, and then we'll go to Rob. And I'll name it. Aaron gets to pick between Martin Scorsese,

very popular category, Martin Scorsese, and that's Martin Scorsese movies that didn't get an R rating. So it's Martin Scorsese without the R's is Martin Scorsese. One Fine Day is of course the films of Rafe or Joseph Fiennes. And your third equally horrible option is

Child Abusey. And that's the films of Jake Busey because he's a child abusey. Oh. Which one of those do you like? Martin. Martin Scorsese. Here we go.

Would you like a Martin Scorsese film that did not get an R from 1974 or 1983? 1983. All right. Some people already know the answer because he probably didn't make multiple non R rated movies in 1983 three and a half stars

from Leonard for this one Leonard calls this movie pungent which I don't know if that applies to things that you're just looking at but oh and here's an interesting clue it was filmed in 1981 to things that you're just looking at, but... Oh, and here's an interesting clue. It was filmed in 1981.

Yeah, and released in 83, so there's a little bit of a delay there. And Leonard lists eight names. How many names can you get it in, Aaron? Seven. Rob? Is it me? Yeah. Isn't it all we got is pungent? No, and the great clue that it was filmed two years before, it was filmed

in 81, came out in 83. It opens it up. Definitely opens it up. I say Name that movie What? You're giving him 7 out of 8 names?

He said it Rob Bert would like to have A conversation with you I already can do it I said it Go Rob What happened?

You gonna make him name it? No yeah I mean that's how it works That's how it works. Yeah, he said it, so we'll do it. Yeah, yeah, it came out. I feel good about his chances here, though. Oh, of course.

You think? What do you mean, of course? Hopefully I... You got all the names but two or something on It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Yeah, but this one's soft pitch. All right. Bert? What?

I've never done this before. No, no, no, no, no. But I'm going to give you an option. I was only doing that because I didn't, okay. I'm going to give you an option. You could say the name of the movie right now, and I'll give the point to you, and we'll have a three-way tie. But if you're wrong,

then Aaron gets the point. I can say how many names? Because I think Aaron can do it with the names. But you're not getting the names because you're such a cocky son of a bitch. Martin Scorsese, 1983. Wait, no, so you still have to think about it. After a minute ago, you were like, oh, this is easy, I got this.

Oh, no, yeah. I was doing that because he had to name him. All right. How many names can I give him, Aaron? How many names do you think I can give him and he still won't know the title? Oh, that's a fucking gamble right there. Because he was cocky, so you can't give him all of them. Yeah.

You got to cut a few off. I'd give him like three. Okay, so Bert, if I give you three names and you name it, you get a point. We have a three-way tie. But if you fail, Aaron is our winner. Yes. Thanks, Mom. What do I get out of this?

You don't get shit. Because Aaron's going to win. If I say the seven out of eight names, I guarantee you Aaron's going to tell us the title of this movie. I think it's a 75% chance. I feel really good about it. I'm going to fucking roll the dice on the B-man. Give me those three names.

I'm going to fucking walk out of here a winner. You call yourself the B-man? When speaking in third person, I do. You know what this situation needs? The B man. We're not going with the A dude. We're going with the B dude. Let's go B.

The A guy isn't there. You just bring old Bird in. Let's go B. What? Dude, what? The A guy isn't there. You just bring old Bird in. He's not the best, but you know. Well, you know what the B stands for, right? Yeah. Back up. Back up.

He's always there. We don't have time to find the best guy. Get Bird. He's going to give you a solid B, whatever you want. He's going to get the job done not really well. Dude, I've been calling myself the B-Man for 20 years. It sounds so different when I hear it now. Looks like you got a little of a B-man.

All right. Here's your three names, semen. Fred de Cordova. Freddy de Corvida. Cordova Freddy de Cordova God damn it Fred de Cordova Ed Herlihy and Tony Randall are your three names

Can you just maybe the best way to do this is just guess the name of a Martin Scorsese movie Goodfellas Okay so you lose No no no no Maybe the best way to do this is just guess the name of a Martin Scorsese movie. Good Fellows? Okay, so you lose. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah, list them all and say no after each one.

Until you get there. Is it either... What? Has anybody ever played Monopoly with you? Is it The In-Laws? Martin Scorsese never made a movie called The In-Laws. Is it Moscow on the Hudson? Or that.

That's a fun game. Splash is a splash? Maybe movies he's never made. Did he do Splash? You understand that Martin Scorsese, the joke of this category is most of his films are extremely violent. Yeah, and I can't think of any of them.

And this is one that's rated not R. The Goodfather? This is one of the clean ones. All right, just for the fun of it, I'm going to give the rest of the names to see if I was right about Aaron. But Aaron wins regardless, one way or the other. Yeah, but if he can't name it, I get a comeback chance. No, you don't get anything. We're out of time.

You get a comeback in your headliner set tonight, Bert, here at the DC Improv. You can come out and do all the... Best plans fill through there's always B-Man and say it properly you have to go B-Man kills it

that's what I say about myself alright let's see if Aaron can get this just Aaron nobody else I'm brain dead right now I'm just do you understand I'm going to give you four more names you're going to get the amount of names you would give you four more names. You're going to get

the amount of names you would have gotten. Oh, okay. And then you're going to tell us the name of this movie because you like movies, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You pay attention a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. Yeah. Martin Scorsese directed a movie with those other three people

I already mentioned. Tony Randall. And then he, also in this movie, Shelley Hack, Sandra Bernhard. Oh, God dang it. Diane Abbott, and Jerry Lewis. Directed by Martin Scorsese.

What's it called? I'd like to solve it. King of Comedy. Sorry. That's right. The King of Comedy. So we got it on the second guess. No, no.

I was just like, I started talking out loud like, oh, the comedian one. I thought you said Canadian. No, King of Comedy. That wasn't rated R. That's correct. They did have one F-bomb, I think, in there, and so it got the PG for the one F-bomb. It's so fucking creepy.

You'd think it's so. Yeah, it's got kidnapping in it. Yeah, yeah. That doesn't happen in a lot of movies that are rated PG. But there we have it. Aaron is our winner. Just by virtue of knowing a tiny bit more than everybody else.

If you had gotten a Sandra Bernhardt, I would have gotten it. Have you ever seen King Comedy? It's awesome. Yeah. It's so good.

I'm the B-man. Not Kings of Comedy. Bernie'm the B-man. Not kings of comedy. Bernie Mac is not in this. Comedians. Kings of comedians. This isn't Latino kings of comedy. Who are you playing for there, Aaron, again? Oh, Bill Trouble.

Yeah, where is he? Come get your prize bag. Bert, do you have any plugs? No, this is all natural hair. Here, Bill Trouble, you want this, baby? Trip Flip, every Tuesday night on Travel Channel. I'm on tour. That's it.

Oh, check out my podcast. Doug just saw my podcast two weeks ago. It's Birdcast. www.birdcast.com Who wants a donut? Oh, fucking throwing donuts. Throwing chocolate donuts. This is turning into a bit.

It happens sometimes. Did yours hit the floor? No, you caught it? Okay, good. In his mouth! It was in his mouth, so I thought... No, don't bring me more donuts. Oh, yeah.

That's evil. We're trying to wrap up the show. Just thought I'd throw out some minis. And move on. What do you got to plug, Aaron? Well, you know, I'm starting to tour all over the country. And, you know, AaronKleiber.com. I before E is not... Nope, it the country, and AaronKleiber.com.

I before E is not that. Nope, it's E-I, Aaron Kleiber. And I do a movie review podcast with an actual movie critic, which is cool, and we're two comedians. It's called Handle the Truth Podcast, at Truth Podcast on Twitter. I know. We got at Truth Podcast. Isn't that bananas? That's awesome.

The guy who made the Black Oceanceans 11, is it a guy? Yeah, why did you put a shithead on the back? Seems like a shame because you're not going to get one. And Rob? I'm just tired of people not writing a shithead on the back. He made such a nice name tag and shouldn't even write one. Yeah, yeah. You've got to get it done.

Next Wednesday, I'm going to be at the San Francisco Punchline headlining 6-7, it's Wednesday the 17th of June done. Next Wednesday I'm going to be at the San Francisco Punchline headlining. It's Wednesday, the 17th of June. And check out my... Now people are handing me their name tags with their shitheads on the back like, well take my shithead. There shouldn't be any rules to anything ever

anymore. Whatever we want to do. And check out my rap album. Yes. Dreams Never Die. Thank you, Doug. You're welcome. Thank you to all of my guests, Bert Kreischer, Eric Kleiber, and Rob Cantrell.

I'm going to hang on to my Israeli popping chocolate. Oh, it really says that. Popping candies. That's incredible. Thank you for bringing that. And as always, people who don't put a shithead on the back of their name tags are a shithead. But get your name tag back, though, because that's a super cool one

and you can write a shithead on it next time. And Brandon Dory is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies!