Doug Loves Movies - Bill Burr, Pete Holmes, and Jeff Davis Guest

Episode Date: August 29, 2012

Doug welcomes comedians Bill Burr, Pete Holmes, and Jeff Davis to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, If he sees with 50 ads and not more kernels in his teeth, There's still not more that he won't see, Because Doug loves movies! Hey everybody! My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles, California, on August 28th, 2 Oceans 12.

Since last I spoke and you listened, I flew back from Virginia Beach, and I saw the Three Stooges movie on the plane. And while I still do not think there was much reason to do it, I laughed a lot and concede that they did a good job. Unnecessary, but well done. All right, you guys ready to look into the prize bag and see what kind of awesome stuff me and people brought. I have leftover still from the lead-up show.

This is my mug box, it says on the box. And then on the inside is a mug that says, this is my mug on it. And I don't know the point of it, really. But it's yours to keep if you're the winner tonight and there's going to be more lead up shows in the fall and I'm going to show up at some of them so look out for that oh here's a CD by a gentleman

whose face you guys might recognize oh that's nice and then oh and then there's this gentleman it's just me and my CDs and this is interesting somebody brought a flask And there's this gentleman. It's just me and my CDs. And this is interesting. Somebody brought a flask that is full of, like, Glenlivet scotch, I believe.

Yeah, 12-year-old scotch. That's right. And Douglas Movies T-shirt is also available as part of the prize package. Please welcome my friends, Pete Holmes, Jeff Davis, and Bill Burr. Come on out, fellas. Hey. All right.

We weren't ready. We tried to go through the door. We weren't ready. Sorry, I just hit there. We weren't ready. I know. You guys do a lot of preparing back there? We've been preparing bits.

A little nose bits. Bits of cocaine. We were doing nose bits back there. That's what we call it in show bits. We also don't say show biz anymore. We say show bits. I am so tired, Doug. This is going to be so weird for both of us.

It's going to be Sleepy Hollow, baby. That's a movie. Should I win the game? Should I have worn a T-shirt? Should I have worn a black T-shirt? No, you're looking smooth. I don't know all the rules. You see what he did? He just got that fucking compliment out of you.

That's right. He wanted somebody to say, wow, look, he dressed up. Yep. Nobody said it. So he's like, should I have worn a t-shirt? Why, no. You look fabulous. But I don't have...

And you already tapped out by giving the excuse that you're tired. You know what? I'm here for you, Doug. Let's fucking talk movies. Billy, why would you throw me under the bus? You know why? Because you take it so personal I know, I do

It just makes it fun I see the hurt when it hits your eyes We look like the guys sent to rough Jeff up I feel like I'm the host of some weird reality show You can write it Called The Blackest T-Shirt Yeah, you might just be checking in In a boutique hotel

The three of us are going to help you with your bags. Can I just get my room, please? Suit beats T-shirt. Like, if we had an argument, you'd win. Yeah. You know what I mean? Even over something like objective, like, I don't have a water. And you'd be like, yes, you do.

Adjust your tie. People would be like, I'm with the black suit. That's why I wear a suit. When you walk into a building and you're wearing a suit, people either assume that you work there or that you're involved in some sort of government agency. And then people just give you a little room. That's why I wear a referee jersey to the mall.

When Jeff walked in tonight, I said the Matrix is real. I know that film. He looks all Matrix-y. Keanu Reeves. Lawrence Larry Fishburne. Wow. You still don't understand how the games work, do you?

About Schmidt. That's a good movie, man. You like that? I did like it. You know what I didn't like, Doug? Dark Knight Rises. Gave it another try today. Can I say some things that might be spoilers? Hey, just

skip forward. If you haven't seen that movie yet. Okay. You know what's weird about that movie? Can I tell you this? How does Bane eat? See, I'm sleepy, but I'm here for you. I'm Bill Burr for you, man. I'm here for you. Fucking Bane kicks the shit out of Batman.

Spoiler. It's on the poster. Fucking relax. So then they put Bruce Wayne... The poster has the entirety of a fight scene on it? The poster has the broken mask on it. Oh. One time I talked about Dark Knight,

the first one, I said, two faces in it, and someone went, hey, spoiler! It's like, okay, there are spoilers hanging up all over town, you stupid piece of shit. That's what I said. So Bane beats the shit out of Batman.

Wait, wait. Bane kicks the shit out of Batman, then flies him to his prison. His weird prison is in, like,onesia it's like a 17 hour flight to put him in like he has nostalgia for his weird hole prison he's like i'm gonna put and he goes with him that's when he wakes up and he's like now you have my permission you took a like 30 hour round trip to threaten me in your home court prison? Your fucking plan to take over Gotham allotted travel days?

You were just gone for a couple days and came back? Fuck that movie. If I get more frequent flyer miles, I'll get to meet a pilot. Doug loves movies.

Also, the police are underground. Jesus fucking Christ. Are you on peyote? What the fuck is going on? I need to get it out up top. Holy shit. You don't get points. God damn it.

Princess Bride. So Jeff Davis is here, everybody. And it's his first time on the program. I'm going to get that police point out at some point. Go ahead. Part of the reason you're here is because I was listening on a plane recently to an episode of Harmontown, which you are

the... Is co-host the right word for it? Yeah, I'd say co-host. Are you the co-mayor of Harmontown? I'm the comptroller of Harmontown. Dan Harmon, who is the creator of a TV show called Community, which... Sure. Which

15% of the people here like. He was recently fired from that show, and he and I kind of get drunk and rant and rave. Yeah, I loved it. Yeah, it was fun. It was very enjoyable. You do it in front of an audience. We do it live at Nerd Melt. We do it now every Monday, and because of pioneers of the podcast world like you,

now we are a weekly podcast. It's all because of me. Pioneers like you. And the other pioneers. And Bill Burr is here, everybody. Hey, how are you? How are you doing? How are you doing?

And also the very popular podcast called the Monday Morning Podcast. That's right. And it's just you. Where do you do it? Like in your kitchen? Bed. In bed? With the wife? She's still there? No, sometimes she'll come on.

Sometimes she's still in bed so then you read audience emails? Yeah, and I just shoot the shit. It's too much of a pain in the ass to book guests and then deal with all, you know, oh, I'm on the 405. I don't know what to do. Do you have a little sound technician sitting next to the bed, like a little nerd with earphones on?

No, I got a little mixer. It's really, like, I don't understand the level that people have taken podcasts to where they're building these fucking studios. It's like you can go to Guitar Center and have a little four fucking thing microphone. I don't even know what it's called and I can run it.

This makes it louder. This makes it softer. Oh, it's into the red. Turn it down. And then you just record it. You just went into the Guitar Center and went, I'd like to yell in my bedroom. And they were like, over here, please. This is what you want, the four button? No, he just saw me walk in.

He knew what I wanted. These guys are pros. Yeah. Do you find that confuses your bedroom space, though? I've heard in certain magazines like Better Homes and Gardens that you shouldn't do things in your bedroom that aren't sleep or sex related because you'll wake up in the middle of the night

and be like, I work here. If I saw any one of the three of you walk into a guitar center and I work there, I would take you straight to the podcast section. I would take you right over. I think he only needs to worry about that if he's doing the shitting in a bed podcast. I don't think that just doing a podcast

near the bed will really hurt it in any way. No, people who make shit for other parts of your house came up with that. That's true. They're worried if you spend too much time in the bedroom, you're like, well, why do we have all these other rooms? We can clearly get everything done in here. So they go childish, like,

ooh, you're not gonna fuck anymore, and you won't be able to sleep. Yeah, take that, Better Homes and Gardens. Fuck you right up the ass. So there's a bunch of police under Gotham for six months. And then they come out. They've been fed little rations of water and bullshit.

And then Batman's like, come out, guys, we're gonna fight. And they come out with their little pea shooter like fucking state-issued handguns and defeat thousands of thugs with AK-47s and tanks. And all that happens while Batman and Bane are fighting in a bank.

We conveniently don't see it. Fuck you. Wait a minute. You know what? Fuck you, Pete Holmes. Why? Fuck you. Because it's Batman.

You should start with it's a man who's a bat or whatever the fuck he does, and then you want reality? I do want reality. Oh, yeah, and then the half-faced guy says to the green dude with the temper, what the fuck? And his sword is totally not believable.

The green dude with the temper? I fucking hate superhero movies. So, Doug, this is my first time at the show. Nobody who likes them knows how to fight. It's mostly just guys in T-shirts yelling at each other? Is that how that works? Wear a T-shirt. Sorry, I tried to warn you.

Oh, here we go. What if he just had the bat suit on under the suit? He's like, it is real, Bill, it is. This is getting kind of... Taking my suit off. Here we go. What is this piece? It's a fucking tie clip, man. Grow up.

Fucking grow down, man. We don't need this shit. Fucking Benjamin Button, dude. Did we win the game? Here we go. Alright. Now it's all guys in black t-shirts yelling about movies. Now we're all gonna agree. I dropped my tie clip.

There we go. You don't need it. That is completely superfluous. But anyway, you can make a lot of those kind of points about that kind of movie, I imagine. I suppose so. Yeah. I just, I didn't have any problems.

You just didn't have fun? Dark Knight, I only had one problem. It actually has the line, have a nice trip, see you next fall. A lot of people forget that. It's like the perfect movie. It includes the joke, have a nice trip, see you next fall.

That's like at the end when Joker's hanging upside down and Batman goes, cut your nose. That's a rift bit and I'm like half in the bed right now. I'm doing pretty great. Who says have a nice trip, see you next fall? One of the police officers. Well, it's a fucking stupid police

officer. What is this? The Christopher Nolan fan club? I can't... Everybody pump the brake. Somebody became inflamed out there. I love Christopher Nolan too, but we can make fun of that line. Sir, you agree with that?

Have a nice trip. See you next fall. Bad line. Yeah, but the reason people forget that anybody said it is because it's a long-ass movie. You know, you guys are real pieces of shit. Oh my God. It's just a t-shirt. It's a long ass movie. You know, you guys are real pieces of shit. Oh my God. It's just a t-shirt. It's the outfit. I'm sorry. I'm so filled with rage right now.

I feel so betrayed. I feel like if I was going to get mad at something, you would have my back and get mad too. You love getting mad. Can you stop saying mead? M-Y-A-D. I just thought you guys said mead. This is all

it's kind of so angry you know what it is I don't like I don't like when you go to see a fantasy a fantasy fucking movie

and then you get a bitch about it I don't and generally speaking I don't like superhero movies because I just don't like them

because they're silly I don't no I like they make you mad I like real people superheroes do they make you mad. I like real people super heroes. Do they make you mad? Like Chuck Norris. They're doing the same shit, but it's more believable.

That's just because he's a redhead. You're just like, yeah. Finally, we're doing the ass kicking. My whole life. That's funny you should say this, though. Steven Seagal. All those dumbass fucking movies. But there was a reality to them in that at least they were still people. Steven Seagal was all those dumbass fucking movies. But there was a reality to them in that at least they were still people.

Steven Seagal was all about reality. Totally. They weren't superhuman. Steven Seagal could kick the shit out of all of us. They didn't have superpowers. Even when he was fat. That's when he lost me, when he was wearing a muumuu and kicking ass.

Yeah, no, he had the cumberbund. He had that cumberbund, and then he would sit there with his arms crossed like he was wise rather than out of shape. Those are some of the best movies. Like he had the answers to global warming. I loved fucking Hard Target

with Jean-Claude Van Damme. That was my fucking favorite movie. John Woo, right? Yeah, yeah. It's in New Orleans or something? Yeah, they justify his Belgian accent that he's... French-Canadian?

That's why they're doing that. French... Sorry? Cajun? Cajun? French Cajun? There's that Schwarzenegger movie coming out

where he's like the sheriff of a small Missouri town. How are they gonna justify that? I grew up on Oak Street. I've been here my whole life. I'm the son of Austrian immigrants. This is how I talk. Who the fuck?

You know what I did? I'm totally white bread. I have a cleft palate. There's one scene of Austrian immigrants. This is how I talk. What the fuck? You know what I did? I'm totally white bread. I have a cleft palate. There's one scene at the beginning going, and he has a cleft palate, go. It's not an accent,

it's medical. Medical? I had a very difficult childbirth. I've been injected with someone else's memories. He keeps doing lines. I don't know

which movie this is. I'm a cybernetic organism, T-800. Wait. It's been a while. Give the people the air. What? I am sorry. I don't know.

Give the people the air power. I thought that would get a big laugh. You guys ever riff a joke in a Schwarzenegger voice and it gets nothing? Try it again. That's tough to do. Do it again. I'll tell you why I like Batman. I'll tell you why I like it. Good again. That's enough to do. Do it again. I'll tell you why I like Batman.

I'll tell you why I like it. Good call. That's a good call. I'll tell you why I like it because it's not a chick flick. And I did like Spider-Man when I was younger and I fucking hate the movies

where there's the upside down kiss and there's all, it was never like that. His fucking chick was smoking in the comic books that raven haired girl with the fucking ass and titties sorry i know i love her but she was gorgeous she was gorgeous he wasn't like i don't know man you know i don't know what i'm doing he i just i don't know i'm over nerds i've had it they're just fucking everywhere well you're in

the right building yeah i don't even know if people here are nerds. It's the fashion. They're sitting underneath the Dharma Initiative sign. It's mainstream now. Being a nerd is really fucking mainstream. Comic Con is all about the Twilight films. Everybody's awkward

and unsure of themselves. I'm not buying it. We go up to lacrosse players and knock their Axe body spray out of their hands. That used to be down with encyclopedias. How long are you going to play the victim? I'm wearing a black t-shirt. I'm not a nerd. I'm a bully.

Yeah, enough already. You're a grown man in your 30s. I'm 33. Have a fucking conversation. With this fucking awkwardness. 14, like you're on a first fucking date. It's just like, and then the pressure's on me. I gotta hold up the whole conversation now.

That's why you like the superheroes, because you have the option of flying away when it gets all weird. This is the best day of my life. When is he gonna be... You know his podcast is called You Made It Weird. Bill did it. We had a great time. Oh, did it. We had a great time.

Oh, you did? We had a great time. Oh, okay, good, good. That was fantastic. I thought you were onto something new there. Oh, no, no, no. We've known each other

a long time. Yes, we have. That's the first time I heard his falsetto. No, we did an awful gig. You're really drunk, though, right? A little bit. That guy in Dark Knight Rises,

he does do a full field return. I know the field is blowing up behind him, but he was going to make it. He runs it all the way. He does run it all the way. That's incredible. That's the most incredible thing in the movie. But A, it was in the trailer,

and B, what about all those people? You're so distracted by the one guy trying to get away from it that you're forgetting that thousands of people are dying in the background. You're just like, oh, that guy's gonna make it! A whole team dies. That character we don't even know.

Bad season next year. They got kids. That's the next movie. All they're gonna do is play against Penn State. Because they don't have a team at all for a while. No, they have a team. They do, but they don't get to team at all for a while. No, they have a team. They do. They do have a team.

But they don't get to play? How does it work? No bowl games. No bowls. They took away all their victories, which was, I guess, they had to make a statement, but it didn't make any sense.

Nobody on the team molested any kids, right? Yeah. Some people blew out their knees trying to make it to the NFL, and they didn't. At least they said that they fucking won the game and now they can't even say that because

one old guy had... I'm just fucking with you. That was so close. He's going to defend us. That was almost like network. He was going to stand up and start walking towards the crowd. You look like the wedding's over.

Alright, let's loosen it up. I did this for you, you asshole. Bill, when you play ice hockey, what do you do? Do you wear a cup? I go out there like Robocop. I wear everything. He's going after the show. He's going to play hockey tonight.

Over at the Pickwick. He's going after the show. He's going to play hockey tonight. Yeah. 1130. Over at the Pickwick. Yeah. What's your team name? We don't have it. It's just a bunch of people show up. Pick up. Pick up hockey.

Oh, okay. I see. That's terrifying. What do you play? It isn't, dude. I suck. Oh, really? Yeah, you're fine.

If my coach was like, all right, we're the Beavers. Who are we playing tonight? The unknown players. And then RoboCop skates down there. I'm like, fuck this. No, the guys you gotta worry about is the guys who barely have any equipment

on and their shit looks old. They've played forever and they have Vietnam flashbacks of championship games. And they slam into me. We were talking about that. There's like really jovial, happy-go-lucky people who

then get in a game and their personality, they become fucking psychos. Their faces get all red before they even drop the puck. They change like the angry green guy? I thought that was a pretty great callback. Oh, the Hulk, yeah. You even lost me with my own joke, too.

My problem with hockey rinks, especially like minor league ones or like little community ones, I did a comedy show recently in Canada joke. My problem with hockey rinks, especially minor league ones or little community ones, I did a comedy show recently in Canada. It was on a hockey rink. We were actually on the ice. They put a little rubber mat out so that's what I got. And our green room,

and it was with Greg Proops and Ryan Stiles. We're back there in the green room, but it was the locker room for this minor league team, and it just smelled like balls and mildew. It was a fucking overwhelming ball smell. There's no excuse for smelly hockey stuff.

It's cold. There isn't. All you do is you just leave the... When you bring it home, you fucking leave the bag open, and you just drape it over the balcony, and you're fine. These fucking animals play,

sweat their balls off. They stick it in the bag and then they zip it up until they play again. It's fucking, it's the nasty, like literally most hockey stuff bags like would be on the other side of whatever this fucking wall is made of and you could smell it. It's horrific. It's fucking horrific.

I feel like all crevices smell the same. Can we say that? There's only one way to find out. There's only one way to find out. There's only one way to find out. I've done some research. I feel like vaginas... You don't feel like... I feel like vaginas get a bad rap for smelling,

but then, like, my shit, sometimes I touch it and then I smell it, and it smells... It smells exactly... It's all the same. Any dark area... Smells like vagina? Yeah, sure. I feel like a fat kid's... the same. Smells like vagina? Yeah, sure.

I feel like a fat kid's... Your ball sweats. Smells like vagina. Yeah, but if you hung your balls over the railing and let them dry down... Like his elbow crease after a volleyball game.

Smells like vagina. Smells like vagina. I'm just saying we're all the same. Turn off the lights and let's see what happens. I had a couple white wines before the show.

Did you do them as shots the show did you do them as shots? why did you do them? I got here 10 minutes early sat at the bar at Bird's and had a glass of you're just dead drunk right now aren't you? you sat down you had a couple glasses of wine?

yeah that's fucking hilarious yeah don't give the don't give the giant two little Dixie cups of wine because he becomes like this. And then I get the contact high from you sometimes. Yeah, yeah, let's blame that.

Can I? No, because we didn't even smoke in the same room with you this time. The Avengers. Have I won? Is that the game? You just pick a movie and rant about it? Nothing has happened yet.

Yeah, you each guess movies until I say it. Curly Sue. Correct. All right. So Jeff has a point. That's some serious bullshit. That's one for Jeff

and we're playing to two. All about Eve. Two points for Jeff. We have a winner. Good night. Thanks, it's been our show. Thanks for coming, you guys. All About Eve is not a movie.

So? No, it's not. It's Thanks for coming, you guys. All About Eve is not a movie. So? No, it's not. It's just old. What is wrong with me? You pissed off a guy. Christopher Nolan, this whole section, everything I'm saying.

That was the Christopher Nolan guy groaning again. You've made him groan. No, that's him. That's him right there. Yeah. I call him mustache. All About Eve was a movie.

You're wearing a Super Bowl shirt and you look like you coach a football team. It's kind of perfect. Why am I doing visual humor on a podcast? I ask myself that every week. Why did I take my fucking suit off for no value at all? Because it's really hot.

Pretty soon we're all going to smell like vaginas. That's what we call laser accuracy. You guys in the hunger for games? He is the worst guest. He is the single worst guest. I keep trying to prove it. I put him up against titans like Jeff Garland

and T.J. Miller. I feel like a passenger on a hijacked plane. Do I take him down? Like, what happened? Do I take the pen out of my pocket and stab him in the throat?

I honestly thought, I thought, you know, Bill Burr's not gonna let Pete do his usual shenanigans, but there we are. No, I never realized how selfish he is. Get a couple of drinks in him. I've just seen the back of his head for this whole fucking show. Bill, I've thrown to you a couple times.

He throws it to you. I got nothing else. We'll go. I'm done with it. Your turn. I know you're sensitive, Pete. I wouldn't get you going like that, sweetheart. We'll get you another white Zinfandel.

Get him a Zinfandel. That's a blush. I don't fuck with blush. A feminine Ernest Hemingway over here. Get him a white Zinfandel. There's got to be something backstage that he could drink. Just bring Pete some sort of alcohol. Or how about from the flask?

Don't you drink from the flask? My gift, I actually brought a boozy gift. Yeah, here we go. Let's do that. Let's all do it. My gift I brought was a brand new flask, and it's full of Glenlivet. He wrote booze on it, sort of defeating the point of a flask. You want to be a little bit more subtle.

And then he wrote Jeff Davis on the back of it. Let's crack that fucker open. And it's got Glenn Livet in it? Yeah, Glenn Livet 15. All right. It looks like the Tin Man's bladder. How about now?

Thank you, Bill. That's funny. Oh, that, Bill. That's funny. Oh, that's good. That's delicious. Oh, shit. Popeye needs a spinach. Starring Robin Williams. Did I win?

Oh, shit. Who played Olive Oil? Olive Oil was played by the actual Olive Oil. Yes, the actual Olive Oil. Either you're hiring Hitler or you want some Glen Libby. Sometimes when I'm in a cab and other people don't know I'm in the cab and they hail it, I like to pretend I'm Hitler

in a parade. You know what I mean? Like they're hailing me and I'm just like, yeah, how's it going? If I was in the audience, I'd be like, this is fucking fantastic. I just offered that fucking funny thought for free. This is a free podcast?

Yeah, these people got in for free. Yeah, you guys get in for free? You really cast those pearls before swine. You really wasted that gold. I feel... I'll say it again, don't worry. Say it again. Sometimes I'll do it... I'll do a different joke. All right.

It's a similar thought. Sometimes when I'm in a revolving door and someone goes in before me, I won't push. I'll just crack an air whip. Like, so they're pushing. I'm like, that's right. Push the door for me, bitch.

It's these little techniques that lead to a happier life. I wouldn't do those two back to back. They're in front of you. They wouldn't see you, right? They don't see you. That's part of the fun. They can't look at the Lord. Fucking get out of the way and open some doors for me. So the audience is people behind you. Yeah. Alright, I got you.

There's someone behind me also cracking a whip. This is some fun time. I like that. Yeah, that's good. It's fucked up, but it's good. It looks like you drew an electrical outlet and then crossed it out, but really that's good. Yeah, yeah. It's fucked up, but it's good. These are some... It looks like you drew an electrical outlet and then crossed it out, but really that's Jeff's two points. No, it was a pig's nose.

It also looks like a pig's nose. It does. On a long enough timeline, a farmer has tried to plug something into a pig's nose. That's happened. Lonely nights on the barn. I don't know. Let's see what happens.

And then his curly tail goes straight for a second, and then he takes it out. We're living in a magical fantasy land. There's a Pixar movie happening in all of our brains. Open up the tin bladder for old daddy. Glurp, glurp, glurp. Let's just fucking...

Let's fucking... Oh, old daddy. Let's make it taste like you juiced a tree. Maybe you should drink some Glenlivet. I fucking am, right? Okay, it's okay. Or are you laughing as a failure? It's beyond the jokes, Pete.

It's the whole package. You have to look past me like a magic eye painting. Do you guys thirst for truth? What do you say? Are you guys in the vicinity of amusement? So where's this hockey game? Should we get out of here? No, no, no. We got time.

Do we ever get to movies? Yeah. We try to talk about movies and then we try to play some games and Pete was trying to cue it up for me by saying my line that I say, which is, does anybody hunger for game?

Hunger for game. Game. Oh. Game. Well, we're not going to play more than one tonight. Oh, that's true. Yeah, we're running out of time. If you were at one of those fancy restaurants that serves elk and deer,

you could be like, do you guys hunger for game? There are fancy restaurants that serve elk and deer? That's worse than that line in Batman, have a nice trip, see you next fall. That's just as fucking bad, you cornball. You're not just some dumb beat cop. You're a professional comedian. Laser. Laser.

I'm caught between two lasers. I, for one, hunger for game. There we go. Let's play. Let's do it. Let's see your name tags, audience. Does anybody have a You Made It Weird one? No? Okay.

Fuck you guys. Make it all about you again, Pete. No, I just feel bad when I don't pick the weird ones. Oh, okay. That's all. All right. Well, nobody has one. What am I choosing?

Whichever one you'd like to play for, you'll be playing on behalf of this person. Anyone can win. Anyone can win. And, yeah. You can play. A name tag that speaks to you in some way, like you enjoy the creativity that went into it. I'll take Britannic over here.

Can I get Britannic? Maybe it's a food item or something. There you are. Britannic instead of Titanic. And she's got my face in there. Yeah, your face over Leonardo DiCaprio. I look appropriately terrified

that the boat is going down. And who's Brittany Knuppers? Is that you? You're Brittany? So there's a romantic Doug Benson and Brittany Knupper? Knupper. Fantastic. That's so scary. I wish I'd never seen that.

It's a Titanic poster with hers and Doug's face superimposed over celebrities. What would Freud have said about watching the Titanic sink? Looks like a big old dick is what I'm saying. Going into a giant wet pussy? Yeah, an ice pussy. You've never had pussy until you've had ice pussy. That's my favorite James Bond movie, Ice Pussy.

So who are you playing for, Pete? I'm playing for an inflatable... Is this Christopher Walken? It's Marie Curie. It's Marie Curie. It's Madame Curie, a.k.a. Christopher Walken. It does look like...

It does look like Walken from... What's the one with him and Sean Penn? At close range It looks like at close range Walken I feel like it looks like any Walken I discovered Iridium She graduated from high school With high honors at the age of 15 She danced in that cool Fatboy Slim video

So this is Jay that we're playing for That you're playing for age of 15. She danced in that cool Fatboy Slim video. Is that the right band? So this is Jay that we're playing for, that you're playing for, but also you see Graham and I already signed it. Oh, that's weird. So they saw us somewhere. So this is a good one. This is like what you should model. You did a great job, Pete. No, I meant that he brought an interesting thing

because people keep picking it. Yes, he did a great job. You did a great job. I think you're doing a great job. Can we move over to Bill? Yeah. Can we talk about the great job that Bill Burr did on a recent episode of Breaking Bad? Can we drop that in there? Thank you. The best movie on television.

When you were complaining about superhero movies, I almost brought up Breaking Bad at that point, but I couldn't get a word in because he took over. Jesse. Breaking Bad, you're so interested... Jesse!

Drink your drink. Oh, yeah. I've never tried to do it before. Have some more booze and less microphone. Pretend the booze is a microphone. Jesse! So you appeared on Breaking Bad recently. And somebody... I hadn't seen that episode yet.

And somebody for their shithead at the end of the show made me say the ginger on Breaking Bad is a shithead. And then I got some messages from people on Twitter saying, why are they calling Bill Burr a shithead? They met that other Ginger. The other, the guy that...

Oh, the guy that did the... Landry from Friday Night Lights. Yeah. Yeah, he was the shithead they met. They didn't mean you. But either way... Plemons. Yeah, Jesse Plemons.

Jesse Plemons, yeah. Yeah, but you did a great job on that episode. But then the next week you weren't there again. Is that it? Or are we going to see you on there again? They bring me back every once in a while. I play... You're like a con guy.

When you show up, we know something's up. That you're running some game on somebody. It's fun. Just happy to be there. You do a good job on it. I've never seen it. I'm waiting. I'm always late to the party. I'm going to rent them all and watch. Spend a couple months just watching that.

Yeah, yeah. At three different points during the run of the entire series, you'll go, hey, there's that guy I sat next to on that show that one time. You're awesome. Yeah. Is there anyone scarier than Skylar this season? It's not a spoiler. I'm just saying that is scarier than anything.

Oh, she can bring it all down with a phone call. I know. Or just a lot of whimpering. And her with the white wine. Fucking pump the brakes, sweetheart. This is all going to end. Get out of the pool. She's going nuts.

This is fucking freaking me out. She's going to fall down on the baby. No, I thought she had the best line. The best line of the series. Like the most, I don't want to ruin it for anybody. That one, like what are the three, four episodes? Which all I can do is wait. You said for what?

Oh, yeah. For the cancer to come back? Yeah, yeah, what are the three, four episodes which all I can do is wait? Oh, yeah. For the cancer to come back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking badass. Now I don't need to see it. Skyler! Brutal. Skyler!

Jesse! I love your one-word impressions. I can't, I can't, I can't do it. You really nailed Ted Knight that one time. Do Tony Danza. Hey. That can't do it. You really nailed Ted Knight that one time. Do Tony Danza. Hey. That's Fonzie. That's Fonzie.

No, you're supposed to go, Angela! Angela! Yeah, so you can do Tony Danza. I'm the boss! No, that's too much. That's three words. One word.

One word. I'm the boss! Jesse! That's for me! That's full house. Everyone wins. Were you too tall for it to get into the Three Stooges movie? Was that the problem? Three Stooges

I'm often too tall I'm often too tall for things Casting directors humor me But they go like And what planet do you come from? Thanks for climbing down your beanstalk To read those tiny, tiny pages. You huge man.

Do we pay you in ham on the bone? Please leave us. I'll hang on to the flask. It's going to be empty. The winner's going to get nothing. Oh yeah, that's for the crowd person? Yeah, the crowd person. That's what I call it. He thinks he's for the crowd person yeah the crowd person that's what i call it crowd people crowd people i think it would be funny if we called new year's eve

jesus christ naive because it's ny eve naive what are you doing for naive try it in a sentence got plans for naive? I'm doing the fucking Cleveland Improv naive Pretty good money Don't act like you're not going to do this I don't believe in naive I don't celebrate it You don't? It's some old calendar that doesn't have anything to do with modern times

I agree, it's been exactly one year before it was today And we'll be back after these messages. Gold bond powder. Gold bond powder. I will throw myself under the show bus as many times as I need to to give us something

to make fun of and just live our lives and enjoy things. See that? He's doing it for us. I'm doing it for you. I did it for you. All right, so

Bill is playing for Jens. Jens. I like that. I'm playing for you. All right, so Bill is playing for... Jens. Jens. And... I like that. I'm playing for Brittany. Brittany. And Pete is playing for...

Christopher Walken. Puts the watch in his ass. Three years. Dies of dysentery. It's uncomfortable hunk of metal. Do Walken doing Fonzie in one word hey

you guys have been great to you hunger for games goodbye what a gift you gave me you're welcome that's a real comedy gift I'm going to try and be more gracious speak kindly of me after I die. If only T.J. Miller were here,

because then I would replace you with him. He is here. You said maybe you were going to. I think so. Is T.J. here? We have to do the test. Come on up here, T.J. T.J. Miller, everybody.

He better have a black T-shirt on. Oh, he's dressed wrong. It's so awkward. You know, it's like when... I love him, but Sam always comes in. Sam. Not always. He did it once.

You were sitting there, but yeah. Yeah, and I always think it's awkward. But I just came in to take the mic away from Pete. Yeah, if you could be Pete's mic monitor while we play this quick game. We'll do that, Pete. You get one statement after each Bill Burr. Three statements.

So, in other words, no more statements. I have so many feelings. You're done. That's a statement. Oh, that's perfect. And Pete, take it away from him if he starts talking. He has a mic monitor. He's got a mic monitor. Dude, I've never seen that. 20 years of comedy.

You've never seen it get this dangerous. He has like a sponsor. He's a danger to himself. Alright. I have to call TJ when I'm feeling tempted. Don't. I call him and I go, TJ, I want to riff a bit. Okay, that's enough.

Let's play the cocking game. How about that? Yeah. We'll start with, since this is Jeff's first time, we'll start with Jeff. And then we'll go to Bill. And then we'll go to Pete. And Jeff gets to pick a category. And you get to choose from the following.

Jeff, would you like Baby, It's Cold Inside? That's movies where someone's in a refrigerator for some reason. I really can't stay. Or Willem the Foe? That's a movie where Willem the Foe plays a bad guy.

Willem theoe. That's the movie where Willem Dafoe plays a bad guy. Willem Dafoe. These are the bits. That's a front runner so far. Okay, or... Let me double check this one. Yeah, that'll work. In theaters now, that's the category about movies

that are playing in theaters now. I'm going to go Willem Dafoe. Oh, nice pick. Willem Dafoe. Oh, nice pick. Willem Dafoe. The crowd has gone mild. He played a bad guy in this. Two stars from Leonard. Uh-oh.

Yeah. The year is 2005. Shit. Yeah. I recently played this movie on the show recently and then forgot to erase it. So if you've listened

to recent episodes, you may have heard Oh my God, I actually know this one. Really? Yeah. Did you listen to one? No, I just saw the movie.

Okay. All right. All right, Bill, that's three. I hope it's New Year's Eve just so I can call back naive. And that's your one, so now you're off for a while. I like taking breaks.

He calls it outlandish, and he also says that, I'll say this, Willem Dafoe plays a four-star general. Yeah, so it must be some sort of bad general. I don't know it. And there are good poker face. I don't know it. And there are... I thought it was Spider-Man. Good poker face. I thought it was Spider-Man.

You all thought it was Spider-Man. Okay, eight names. How many names do you think you can get it in, Jeff? I'll go... When you know that everyone else says they don't think they can get it. I'll go four. What? That's a strong opening bid.

We'll go to Bill. Bill. This is like the price is right. If he doesn't do it, then I win somehow. Yeah, the price is right that if he doesn't do it, then I win somehow? Yeah, if you say name it and he can't name it, then you're the winner. Oh, fucking name it. Did I do the right thing?

I don't fucking know this. Alright, well, I'm going to give you the four names. Toby McGuire. That's Spider-Man. Take a swing at it. Uncle Ben. I remember him playing Joe. I can't hear, but my arms went out for victory.

He's going to give you the clues. Let's hear these names, Doug. Okay, the names are... Aunt May. Nona Gay. Michael Roof. Jesus Christ Exhibit

What? Exhibit? Exhibit That narrows it down a bit, I think And Peter Strauss Jesus I have it What is it?

I know this Okay, what is it? All About Eve No What if it was? Do you have a guess? What if it was? Do you have a guess? What if it were? Oh please

Earlier you said On a barn What's that mean? Nobody knew But they all pretended to Because you were loud enough Don't share my show business secrets I truly have no idea

Well there's You know It's a tough one The rest of the names are Scott Speedman Willem Dafoe Don't share my show business secrets. I truly have no idea. Well, it's a tough one. The rest of the names are Scott Speedman, Willem Dafoe, Samuel L. Jackson, and Ice Cube. And the motion picture was called Triple X, State of the Union. No, Exhibit was in that. Exhibit was in that.

No, he was allowed to be because his name starts with an X. You can be in Triple X. I know how movies work. I'm so sorry, Brittany. I'm so sorry. That's alright. It's just how the game is played, and Bill is our winner, everybody. Congratulations, Bill. Is the show over? He didn't even do anything.

Look at the clock on the wall. We've never cared about clock on wall. Clock on the wall. Hey, Joan Osborne, What if God were one of us Wait can we go It's about time somebody got her in line on that one You really have a boner for the subjunctive And that boner smells like everybody

He's like I'm trying to figure out what your guys' dynamic is Fuck I wish I knew I think it's like he's like... I'm trying to figure out what your guys' dynamic is. Fuck, I wish I knew. I think it's like he's a smarter version of you, but you're much louder and more boisterous. Again, stop giving away my show

business secrets. But he's also better dressed than you'll ever be. I feel like that's true. What's going on? Doug's walking around picking up shit. Yeah, yeah. That's a good one. Don't read it, Pete.

Too late. Don't say it out loud. Take the mic away from him. I got it. That was a close one. Bill, I'm sorry. I couldn't be here earlier. Where's Jen's at?

Because she gets the prizes. Where'd she go? We don't need that because she won the prize package. If you put the John's poster upside down, where's Jen's at? Because she gets the prizes. Where'd she go? We don't need that because she won the prize package. If you put the John's poster upside down, it looks like... Where's she at? Oh, it's a dude.

It's a dude named Jens. No, I'm not. Wasn't Jens the name of the... Wasn't that the Craig Sheffer character in some kind of wonderful? Wasn't he named like Harley Jens or something like that? Flask?

Oh, yeah, you get the flask. Here, take the fancy boxing cam and to you. I know whenever my name is Jens and I win something, I'm like, I want that thing that everyone had their mouth on. You're going to be French Kiss and Bill Burleigh. I want that flask that three dudes were just sucking on. Oh, it's on the bottom. Look out.

It does look like Christopher Walken. Whoa, that one's crazy. All right, let's hear it for all of my guests, you guys. Bill Burr. Monday Morning Podcast. I feel shortchanged. Jay Davis. Harmontown.

I don't feel good. TJ Miller was here. I don't like this. Doug Miller was here. I don't like this. Doug, tell them that I was here. And as always, if you look at the Jaws poster upside down, it looks like a really happy shark is coming in from the ceiling.

Oh, I'm such a big fan of myself. Guys, I've been Pete Holmes. This is Pete Holmes Likes Movies. I just want to relive Bill Burr saying White's in Fandale. Let me get a picture of you guys

before somebody passes out. Before somebody. You guys have to keep talking because people are listening. All right, we're standing and posing for a picture. Pete's going to puke soon We got it?

We got it That was a perfect one And one more time for TJ Miller, everybody You're not gonna say my name Pete Holmes, go have another drink backstage Pete Holmes, everybody And another drink backstage. Pete Holmes, everybody. And thank you, everybody. Appreciate it. We'll see you next time.

You've got to sober up in time for my podcast tomorrow, my other podcast. Oh, that's going to be fun. We're going to eat food together. And as always, Dick fucking Chaney is a shithead. Oh, Jay. And black t-shirts are a shithead.