Doug Loves Movies - Brian Heffron, Seth Herzog, Doogie Horner and "Mark Wahlberg" guest

Episode Date: June 26, 2017

Live from Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia, Doug welcomes Brian Heffron, Seth Herzog, Doogie Horner and "Mark Wahlberg" to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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with the brand new Hulu experience. Go to Hulu.com to start your free trial today. There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. I feel like Harrison Ford hiding in a refrigerator in Indy 4. Coming to you, because that was a fucking atomic blast. Helium, it's an atomic blast. Coming to you, once again, from the gassiest club,

one of the gassiest clubs in the universe, Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania! Oh, my God. I'm so excited about today. Yesterday was so much fun. Who are the two-timers? Who's back for a second time? You were here.

You know. I mean, I don't think yesterday's show is on the internet yet, so I don't think anybody's heard it, but it was a complete delight, and I can only expect more of the same today. Every person in the front row had a name tag yesterday. Somebody in the fourth row just farted.

A disdainful... It was crazy. And I don't necessarily expect it to happen again. I won't ridicule you if you don't have one. But let me see your name tags. Okay, that one is big enough that it makes up for the person next to you not having one.

Why don't you have a name tag? Because you're covered in them. You have a lot of ink. So is any of it movie related? Could you be like, what's a movie reference in one of your tats? On your leg? And what is it?

Morticia Adams? You know that's from TV, right? It's even the TV one, isn't it? Oh, she's beautiful. What was her name? Oh, Mrs. Argentina. What's that? Oh, from Beetlejuice. Well, all right. So you're a human name tag. Ready to go. What's your name? Lauren. All right, Lauren. Well, good luck. What happened to you guys? Why didn't you make name tags? Also, dear Helium Comedy Club,

may I have a tall Tito's and Soda regular strength? I like it tall because I don't want to drink it too fast, but I also don't want it to be all vodka. All right. So when did I see this name tag before? Oh, out on the street. It says, don't set him off, John Wick. And then there's a Mark Wahlberg in the corner and it says, another movie that I should have been in.

So that's very clever. And then we have, instead of Up, you change it to Jake Up. Which kind of sounds like Jacob. And that's your name? And then you have Jacob Siroff on there. He's not here today. Yeah, he was murdered by people

who hate the prequels. Then we have Horrible Joshes. I see you have some vodka hanging from it. But it's not Tito's. It's a good thing I'm not picking the name tags. Because I would absolutely

not pick that name tag. Thank you, Darnell. What do we got there? Shaw Swank Redemption? Because your last name is Swank. Alright, good job. And then we got Bree Anaconda.

Because her name's Brianna. Ten years of this, I'm getting pretty good. Saren of the Dead. That's a really beautiful one. Turn it around and show the whole crowd. She lit up all the eyes of all the people on the poster. Yeah, Schwenk is just throwing his shit away It's like, that creepy shit is better than mine Guardians of the Gregory

I like that And then It makes a noise? Oh, you've got like a dancing Groot on your table Holy shit And then what's Mickey Mouse ears lady got? Oh, you've got like a dancing Groot on your table. Holy shit. And then what's the Mickey Mouse ears lady got? Steph Wars.

Steph Wars. And you've got lots of people from the show's faces on there? Wow. It's small from where I'm sitting, but it looks like a lot of work went into it, so good luck to you. And Bren-glorious bastards. Because your name's Brenda? I didn't even look at the dude i'm just looking at his giant poster and then i'm like brenda and i look over oh no man

that'd be the most fucked up parents ever but what's brendan short for something brennan okay yeah Brennan glorious bastards I like it and then the dude next to you nothing you know what you could possibly make some money in a young Anthony Michael Hall lookalike contest

there's a total recall poster with my huge face on it, but what's your name? What? Gottschall is your last name? So you went with Total Gottschall? All right. And there's a Clockwork Orange poster, and you put at the front of it...

Marilena is your name? Marilena Clockwork Orange. And a really big Michelle Balloon in the lead role of Clockwork Orange. She's about to start singing in the rain. For those of you who don't enjoy that reference, Clockwork Orange has a very disturbing scene where some

malookie lads, whatever the fuck they call themselves, after they go to the milk bar, while raping someone, they sing the classic Gene Kelly tune. What? Oh, only the one guy sings it. Yeah, one? What? Just the one guy?

Oh, only the one guy sings it. Yeah, they don't break out into harmonies. But it's horrible, and don't watch it if that sounds horrible to you. The movie does have a point, I guess. It's a pretty fascinating movie, but man, that goes, gets nasty. But that's a

beautiful poster. I'm like sitting here going, that poster reminds me of rape! Doug Bluggs, and thank you to everybody for bringing in posters, but the front row has been killing it lately, so that's enough description of posters, name tags, for one episode. Oh, everybody, go to O'Shea's down the block that way.

O-H, exclamation point, Shea's. And, you know, I don't know. The drinks are pretty reasonably priced, but they'll just be happy to see you because people always come in there with name tags

and they're always like hey you just came from Doug Love's movies which is not gonna happen at any bar anywhere else in the country people are just gonna be like

what's with that stupid poster Brent and Glorious what's so Brent and Glorious about you Doug plugs tomorrow night, you guys, road trip, New York City, jump on

the Amtrak, 8 o'clock show tomorrow night at the Gramercy Theater, and then I've got shows coming up in Kansas City, Salt Lake City, Los Angeles, Sacramento, Tempe, Tempe, if I can land there, because planes can't land in Tempe right now because it's too hot. Like, if I can land there, because planes can't land in Tempe right now because it's too hot.

Like, if it's 117 or above, commercial flights won't land. Isn't that fucked up? Hey, you guys, global warming, not a thing. And I'm excited to say it's fucking June, you guys. Like, the hottest month in Tempe, Arizona is August. And I might not be able

to fly into there in July. Oh, this is a very exciting announcement. The schedule for the Traverse City Film Festival has been announced, and I'll be doing Douglas Movies on Thursday, July 27th, and a Benson Movie Interruption 20th

anniversary screening of Starship Troopers. Yeah, that's gonna be super fun, because I bet you that movie is even more hilarious and relevant right now. Someone from the audience gave me a little something

to put in the prize bag. Hi, Doug. We hand make comic collage drink coasters. Here's one for the prize bag. What's the name of the company? Cranerosedecor.com. And again, good for you, Cranerose Decor, but no one else do this.

This is pretty cool, though. But you know what I mean? Like, you don't have to bring stuff for the prize bag to get a plug for your company. Right? It's very beautiful. Joker art from, I'm guessing, Killing Joke? Is that what it's from? But anyway, and it's a coaster.

So I'm going put Matitos on it Because this fucking table gets so goddamn wet That's the drawback of vodka, you guys Is it likes to perspire all over everything And it's probably not a good thing to put into your body Something that's trying to escape the glass constantly. I don't know why we do it. All right, so got some crocheted donuts

for safe donut throwing. Got a copy of my CD. What's this one called? Promotional tool. I'm going to save this for last. It's so good. Peacemaker Pipe and a... Oh, this is cool. This is a sippy

cup that I got when I got a Tito's and Soda when I saw Friday... Friday? On Friday night I saw Saturday Night Fever the musical at the Walnut Street Theater, which I saw Saturday Night Fever, the musical, at the Walnut Street Theater, which I learned while I was there is the oldest

theater that does, you know, plays and musicals. It's the oldest one in the country, they are claiming. Like Sidney Poitier and Audrey Hepburn and Catherine Hepburn, all the Hepburns.

Jimmy Hepburn. They all have performed there. So it's very historic and awesome. And I saw a stage version of Saturday Night Fever. But interestingly enough, because if they ever make a musical of The Clockwork Orange, I hope they don't cut anything.

Because they cut something out of Saturday Night Fever. And they also say frickin' instead of fucking, which is kind of funny. But anyway, Walnut Street Theater. So if you go to see a show there, any show there, and you bring this, your first drink will be cheaper because you'll already have the official sippy cup because refills are cheap.

They might say to you if you walk in before the show starts, why do you already have... What kind of game are you running? And since I'm all the way on the other side of the country, I thought this was a great place to gift this. This is a Blu-ray and DVD of La La Land. Oh, no, I'm sorry, Moonlight. I will never forgive Faye Dunaway for that.

Two great films, and the people who made them all got their feelings hurt that night because Faye Dunaway is an idiot. It said Emma Stone for La La Land. Why would you think that's the answer for what is the best picture? for La La Land. Why would you think that's the answer for what is the best picture?

She probably didn't have her reading glasses on. Part of it was in small print. I'm looking at the wrong side. Let the game... No, wrong side again. Oh my God. There's four chairs again today. And, uh... Yeah.

After the show, I asked Chip Chantry, our winner, to come back, and he said, yeah, he said he couldn't. And, uh... I was like, what the fuck do you have to do tomorrow afternoon? But yeah, he couldn't make it out today. And so we do have one repeat visitor from yesterday. By popular demand, I like to say, even though no one said shit.

Please welcome Doogie Horner, Brian... Oh, excuse me, Blue Meaty, Seth Herzog, and Mark Wahlberg. Thank you, Philly. Thank you very much. I had no idea you were so excited to see me. They went crazy for you, Seth. I did not had no idea you were so excited to see me. They went crazy for you, Seth. I did not know that. They were really excited to see me.

I'm already realizing today that having two ladies on the panel yesterday made it feel less cramped up here. I'm the fat guy in the middle seat on the airline. Yeah, it's all dudes today, and we're sitting in economy, but we got plenty of leg room. Yeah, this is pretty tight. Let's meet these people individually. I almost accidentally said his name name,

bringing him out here, but he wants you to know him as Blue Meanie. Blue Meanie. Hello, hello. So far, you seem like a blue sweetie to me Pop off the clock I'm not in the ring Okay, so that's fair I like that

Thank you for being here We got a lot of wrestling fans in the crowd today There's a little crossover Thanks brother fans in the crowd today? There's a little crossover. Thanks, brother. What me, what's that? What about my cock, brother?

Nixon. Nixon. Was that Nixon? Yeah, Nixon, right? That was Nixon? Yeah. I know my voices. Wait, so when you got the name Blue Meanie, was the person just looking lovingly into your eyes?

Because you have the bluest fucking eyes. Right before he kissed me. Or does blue hair on your head and your beard just make your eyes look blue? Is it all shining off of it? Makes me a little bit extra Swayze over here. All right. So here's a great question for you. Because someone named you

Blue Meanie in the wrestling world and it stuck. But, what's your experience with the movie Yellow Submarine? Have you seen it?

Once. And I was very inebriated, yes. You had to get super drunk to watch that shit? Pretty much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty much.

Those Blue Meanie's are scary. Yeah. It's effective. Yes. Yeah, I like it. The main heels, or the villains as we say in the world of professional wrestling. Right? Yeah. Yeah, and those apple bonkers, they had really high heels. Speaking of heels. Jumping bomb Turks

or whatever. Oh, yeah. That movie's seriously fucked up. As a kid, I was very scared by all of that. When I was a kid whatever. Oh, yeah. That movie's seriously fucked up. As a kid, I was very scared by all of that. When I was a kid, it made sense. And happy that love prevailed at the end. Yeah, when I was a kid, it made sense. But then as you get older, it didn't age well. Oh, okay.

Are you telling me I should smoke weed before watching a movie? I know that's like saying to Aquaman, you should drink some water. Sorry, your sense giving me cotton mouth over here. Well, thank you for being here, dude. I'm very excited to have you. This is exciting, yeah. Yeah. Also joining us today,

freshly landed from Kansas City, where he's participating in an amazing charity event called Big Slick in Kansas City. It's Seth Herzog, everybody. Thank you. Yes. I'm so psyched to be here. Philly is one of my favorite towns.

But such interesting routing. Sort of is. It sort of is. Sort of is. Sort of is. But it's just interesting routing that you were at a charity event that was several days. Several days. Where you partied all night every night.

Partied all night. And then you have to get up at 7 and go see sick kids at the hospital. And then there's like, I I know it's a bummer and then and then there's like a charity baseball game and there's a bowling match and there's like

they have you scheduled like every second of the day all day. But you're partying with like massive celebrities like Paul Rudd and David Beckner. Rudd and Riggle

and Kegel Kegel. Riggle, Kegner, Sudeikis and like Johnny Knoxville and Zach Levy. Jason Sudeikis was there? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Everyone's going hard. I like that guy. They're all nice guys, too. They're the nicest guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What ladies were there? Ladies-wise, Sarah Cha. Oh, I don't want no scrubs.

You would not have liked it. You would not have liked it then. Is she still going to play Becky on the new Roseanne? I asked her several times. I just kept referring to her as second B. I kept saying, what's up, number two? How are you? Oh, shit.

She didn't get it. She didn't care for that. She never got it. Yeah. She did not originate the role on that show. She did not originate the role. Yeah, that's where you were driving at. If Roseanne was a Samuel French version of Roseanne, she would not haveate the role on that show. She did not originate the role. Yeah, that's what you were driving at. If Roseanne was,

there was a Samuel French version of Roseanne, she would not have been in the original part. That's a theater joke. No one got it. That's all right. That's all right. I brought up Saturday Night Fever, the musical, and got next to nothing as well.

They were like, what, is that supposed to be a film? What? I haven't slept in three days, literally. So I'm as high as Doug is. Maybe. No, I'm not. Possibly.

But thanks for making the effort, dude. No, I'm so psyched to come. Good to have you. I'm in the room! Yeah. That's my old catchphrase. Remember? Did you wear blue

because you knew who you'd be sitting next to? Yes. I wanted to be mistaken for a wrestler. Yeah. That's my old catchphrase. Remember? Did you wear blue because you knew who you'd be sitting next to? Yes. I wanted to be mistaken for a wrestler. Yeah. You guys match. I'm a giant fan. I love it. Wait, what does it say on your shirt, Blue Meanie?

I am, it's Pizza the Hut from Spaceballs. Yeah, Spaceballs. He ate himself to death. Spaceballs came up as an answer yesterday after we had been talking about Spaceballs and still no one thought of it. Nobody got it. Yeah, it was pretty funny.

Rick Moranis. Good for him, Rick Moranis, that he's only done 15 things. It made for a very difficult Last Man Standing, but he's amazing. And today, I'm sitting there watching my goddamn HBO in my hotel room, and My Blue Heaven comes on.

Yeah. Which is not one I would have thought of in the moment of playing Last Man Standing with Rick Moranis. That one would have slipped my mind because he's part of the straight man to wacky Steve Martin. But such a good actor

and like I said yesterday, he's threatening to be in something again. He's threatening? Who is he threatening? I don't know why he didn't have a cameo in the Lady Ghostbusters.

Yeah, he should have, right? That's the reason to hate Lady Ghostbusters. Don't blame it on ladies. Blame it on the lack There's not enough Rick. of Rick Moranis. Yeah.

How many movies did he do that doesn't have the word honey in it? One. I learned yesterday that he did Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves. Is that an actual one?

I never even heard of that one. That might have been straight to DVD. I think that was the fifth installment of the Honey series. No, it was only three. It was only three.

Yeah, we went into all of this yesterday. Yeah, yeah. Honey, I blew up the baby. Yeah, people that are listening to the shows in order, they're all up to date, as are many of the people in this audience. So let's say hello to, back by popular demand, it's Doogie Horner!

Thank you. It's great to be here, in the blue meanie's lap Basically Yeah, it sits tight today Oh, I'm wearing blue too This is great Yay And Doogie

We learned yesterday And then I can confirm Happened again today Likes to show up in shorts Changing the pants It's hot outside, and I'm a professional. But everybody, you know, lots of people in the audience have shorts. Why can't you have shorts?

Blue Meanie has shorts on? It would be... We're doing a podcast. I was about to say. No one will see if you're wearing slightly longer shorts. Everybody in the room would see. Yeah, there's people here, Seth. So they're going to be like,

I can't believe he didn't give a shit because he's wearing shorts? I don't, I mean, I didn't know the blue meanie was wearing shorts and now I have to quickly backpedal. Well, normally I wear Daisy Dukes and a half shirt, but. Yeah. Would you? Doogie, would you like to take a moment and go change back into your shorts? I'm going to go put my shorts back on. Shorts, shorts, shorts, shorts, shorts, shorts, shorts, shorts.

I feel like I'm being bullied. I think this is bullying. Be a star. Come on, show off your legs. I bet they look nice. Oh, here's a Trump tweet just in. Doogie Horner, the crowd wanted him to wear shorts. He refused.

Wow. President Donald Trump. the crowd wanted him to wear shorts. He refused. Wow. President Donald Trump. He's listening to this live? He's listening to this tape podcast live? He's got tapes of everything. Yeah. Even stuff that

hasn't happened yet. He's always recording everything and listening to it live. But thanks for coming back, Doogie. I appreciate it. Chip couldn't be here, and I think you came in second yesterday. I think I came in last. There's really no second, third, or fourth in these games,

but it's always good to have you back. Good to be here. Yeah, and I'm always grateful when I'm in a town where he happens to be, or in some cases he travels here for the show. I can't believe my luck with this gentleman. It's Mark Wahlberg! How you guys doing? You doing good? What's up, Philly? Let's fucking do this shit, Philly!

What's up, dog? Do you go to children's hospitals ever? Because you're such a presence that I would think that even children who haven't seen your movies would just be fascinated by you. I go to every children's hospital. Oh no, what the hell is happening?

This can't be happening to Mark Wahlberg. Are we good? I think we're good. Don't fuck with my mic. I think traditionally the mic drop means you did something successfully. No. It's not, this doesn't work. He just hates the mic. So you just drop it? Yeah.

Hello? What is this, the Donnie of microphones? Barely works? I swear to God, if this microphone cuts in and out of this fucking show I will beat a person to death what I was trying to say

is every single Saturday I'm at every single children's hospital what are you skyping or something no dude they fucking print out pictures of me

and they pass it around to the kids and that counts as a make a wish wait they don't get any other wish they just get a out pictures of me and they pass it around to the kids and that counts as a make-a-wish. Wait, they don't get any other wish? They just get a... What other fucking wish would they have? A picture of you?

You're lucky I'm in town, although I'm in town this weekend every fucking year, but this is the first time we've done this. Why this weekend? Are you serious? You don't know about this? I want to know. Dude, it's the first weekend of summer, man. So why do you have to be here? It was the 87th annual underground Philly fist fight.

I've been going since we shot Invincible. I fucking knocked out seven dudes yesterday. It's a time-honored tradition. People bring their kids. It's just a fucking summer fist fight to kick it off. Because if you fight all your friends at the beginning of the summer in Philly, you're cool the rest of the summer. You want to go next year?

I'm available. Fucking A. Let's do this, Blue Meany. Fucking tag team. Hell yeah, dude. Holy shit. You're my favorite eagle, by the way. Oh, thank you, man. Invincible is the best documentary I ever

made, dude. Eagles went fucking 11-5 that year. We ran that shit. E-A-G-L-E-S E-A-G-L-E-S E-A-G-L-E-S E-A-G-L-E-S E-A-G-L-E-S. Ego. Wahlberg. Fucking tag team. I think I forgot earlier to say that all of my dates are at...

Did I do that? I don't think I said that. For all of my upcoming tour dates, go to douglosemovies.com. Go to douglosemovies.com! Yeah! Wahlberg. Don't make me add that, dude.

I'm just glad they're saying yeah after it. All right, so thank you for being here, Mark. You're welcome. And I'm glad you worked us into your weekend beatdown. Happy to do it. Are you going to beat up anybody tonight? I don't know. Does somebody ever make a wish?

Wait, there's some children that their wish is to be beaten up by you? Could you imagine laying on your fucking deathbed and being like, Mark Wahlberg punched me much? I'm good. What a life I've led. Fucking A. Let it go. All right. I heard that one time you actually punched the cancer out of a child.

Is that true? First, I'm going to be honest. That's a rumor. But Michael Bay and I, that's our next movie together. It's called Punch Adams. Right.

It's a sequel to that Robin Williams movie. Only this, I just rock around clocking fucking kids. Is it based on a true story? It kind of fucking has to be. The tagline is, pain is the best medicine. Really, seriously. is the best medicine. Really? Seriously? And instead of red noses,

they have bloody ones? Yeah. Remission possible. Yeah. Exact title, please. National Lampoons. Yes. Remission possible. I'll tell you one thing about you being on this show all the time, Mark Wahlberg.

It's great. Okay, I'll tell you two things. It's great, and people come up to me all the time, and they're surprised by what a great sense of humor you have. Did they not see the happening? That's usually what I say. And then we all just look at the trees. Fucking A, dude. Rockstar, Daddy's Home, the other guys,

I'm crushing that shit. Have I ever done my impression of you for you? You know what? Do it. It's from The Happening. Okay. And it's very short, but it's just it must

be the trees. That's pretty fucking good, dude. Can I do my impression of you? In the happening? It's happening right now. Okay. Ready for it? Yes.

Okay, here we go. Look good, feel good. Look good, feel good. You look good, you feel good. Here we go. Hey everybody, I'm Doug and I loves movies. Everybody, I'm Doug, and I loves movies. If it were, yeah, if it were more accurate,

everyone would have responded. Instead, they just sat there going, no. No, dude. They sat there going, holy shit. So you know the question I ask every time you're on the show, Mark? Yeah. And it is... Probably like 240 for curls, and then...

I'm like 290 if I'm doing 5x5s on bench. That's what I ask you backstage. On stage, I ask you, what'd you bring for the prize bag? All right, dude, Here you go. Check this out. Transformers Last Night Toys, y'all.

If you want, I'll sign it. That's rhetorical. Of course you want me to fucking sign it. You pass that down there. And then this is like a little mystery to you. I don't even know what it is. MB just handed it to me when I left the other day. What do you mean it's a mystery?

I don't know what the fuck's in it. MB just gave it to me. It was like, take this for the kids. I was like, alright, cool. Michael Blackson? What's that? Who's MB? Michael Blackson? Are you fucking kidding me right now? No, I don't. Michelle Balloon? Is it Martin Balsam? No, dude. Oh, Marty... Oh, Marty.

MB, man. Billswood. Is it Maximilian? Men in Black? I can't think of the last one. Did you say M-I-B? Men in Black? What?

Are you serious right now? Is it? It's the Mikey by the Bay, bro. Yeah, Michael Bay. Yeah, fucking A, MB. I was just goofing around but Doogie doesn't get it oh yeah no he gave me that shit to pass along because right

now Transformers last night I know you guys have already seen it but go fucking see it again you got to be eight year old eight years old to play with this whatever it is for sure yeah so it's probably a vibrator some sort of little talk I mean it probably vibrates. Seth, what do you

got for us? Oh, man. I have a whole summer package. Summer started this week. It looks like you just stole stuff from somebody's table. I'm not saying I didn't. I'm just saying I don't think it was theirs to begin with. Whole

summer thing. Starts off with some shades, both neon green and brown. And then what else is summer in a Doug Loves Movies thing than a little bowl? Wooden bowl that comes with screens already in there. Lighter that's themed the 60s. That's when this lighter was made and they themed it when it

was made. I don't know why. And then of course, what else would you want except to talk about what's going on with the new Hans and Solum film, then some Star Wars pins. It's a whole summer in a bag. Thanks for the summer bag. Yeah.

As soon as it becomes fall, you've got to burn everything in that bag. It's in there. Nice. It's in the bag. Feel free to take off the price tags on every single thing once you get it. What fine establishment in Philadelphia has all that stuff?

Wonderland. Behind you and Blue Meanie is a stool now that you guys can put your beverages on. If you want a beverage, you want a beverage? Absolutely. What would you like? Yingling. Nice. They'd be a great sponsor.

For the listener at home, Blue Meanie just did a rep. One rep. You want listener at home, Blue Meanie just did a rep. One rep. Fucking A, dude. You want something to drink, Seth? Oh, you got your Fiji water. Yeah. I brought some water from Fiji. All right.

All right. Don't worry about that cap. Nope. Are we placing orders? The cab landed face up, so it's still safe. Just so you know, no one else is going to drink that water.

That's a great way to reserve your waters. Lick the inside of the cap in front of everybody. Blue Meanie, what do you have for the prize bag? Well, what do we have in the bag? I got a special...

Did you know your turn was next? Kind of got the hint. I have a Bloomin' E pin. Whoa! Where did you get that? It's me as Meanie Van Halen. I like it. I'm sorry.

It's a bottle opener for your beer. Mrs. Meanie just corrected me. Oh, Mrs. Meanie. She made that by hand, by the way. And one of the most popular t-shirts in ECW history. The BWO

shirt. You can get this at peruslandteas.com slash blue meany. It's A large. So if it's too small, eat a salad. I like the way this dude fucking thinks here. Yeah. Yeah.

Is this shirt his incentive, maybe? Yeah. And if it's too big, eat a fucking sandwich. What's on the back? Oh, it's the name of the members of the Blue Ward Order. The Blue Ward Order. if you haven't heard, we were like the Weird Al Yankovic of professional wrestling. We did parodies of popular wrestlers,

which was the New World Order. So I was the blue guy, which was the bad guy. My tag partner, Stevie, he was Big Stevie Cool, which was Kevin Nash's character, and Hollywood Novy, which was Hogan's less racist character. He had a less racist character? That's right, brother. What's

y'all gonna do? Doug, that's a great Hulk Hogan. Well, you know, Mark Wahlberg. That's all I got. There's your Ling Ling. It's not a fucking panda. It's a bear. Doogie, what do you got?

I have a very nice Quirk Books tote bag. I have a Home Alone children's book. We did Home Alone as a kid's book. Inside, so yesterday I wrote my email address inside the book, and I said, if you win, email me, and I'll send you a download of my album.

And then everybody in the audience guessed my email address, which is... Let me guess, it's your name at Gmail. Yeah, basically. That was my fault, is that I kind of threw it out there that it would be easy to figure out. Then they guessed my password, too. Which I think is

the words your name at Gmail. Even you knew it. It's just... So how many people did you hear from? A lot. A lot of people. A lot of fuck yous.

A lot of go kill yourselves. The weirdest one was you will never succeed, which... Hotmail. It's like I'm the Joker or something. You know what I mean? It's just weird. Anyways's like I'm the Joker or something. You know what I mean?

It's just weird. Anyways. So I have changed my password. Now it's my birth date. I'm going to have to change it. I'll change it again after the show. So anyway, so I put my email address in here again, which you already have it.

But then I also put a password in here. So you got to email me with the password, and then I'll send you my album. So the winner, don't show everyone you know the password. Honestly, anybody emails, look, if you want my album, I'll give it to you. I just

flattered that you even wanted it. It would be so horrible if you gave away thousands of albums. A Delicate Man. Hey, Dougie. Mark. Is the password password? I'll change it after the show.

It's password, but the O is a zero, and the S's are dollar signs, and the P is a Z, and the A is my birthday. That checks out. And then there's also a coupon for a free milkshake in here. Oh. Shake Shack. Nice.

Can I play? Shake Shack? Shake Shack. They're like, I was at the counter and they go, do you want a free milkshake? And I said, yeah, what's the scam? And they said, if you donate $1 to feed hungry people, you get a free milkshake.

And I was like, well, now I feel like I don't want a free milkshake that bad. You know what I mean? I was like, no, I'm just kidding. But I'm like, just let me, just ask me if I want to donate $1. I say yes, and then you say, and you get a free milkshake. But instead, it makes you seem like you're just doing it for the free milkshake. Anyway. Nobody's on my side.

Nope. Do you need a lime? Um, okay. Okay. Where'd you get that? From my drink Yeah I'm no fruit on my drinks And then they bring me fruit I take it off

I got a question for each of you Two more questions if we have time Starting with Mark What was the last movie you saw? The last movie everybody fucking saw. Transformers, The Last Knight. So you go hang out in the back of theaters when your movie opens

and check out the reaction? Usually I come in for the end, and then I stand by the door on the way out and make people look me in the eye and say they loved it. I mean, they're going to say that anyway, but the looking in the eye part is what's hard for them because they're just in shock.

Don't you end up having to take a lot of pictures with all the people? Fuck no, dude. How do you get out of that? I say, nope. Before they even ask? Yeah. Just walk up to you, nope.

I'm like, I'm sure you love the fucking movie. I'm going to ask you about that in a second. First off, yes, I know this is the greatest day of your life. No, we cannot do a photo. What did you think of Transformers the last night? Look me in the fucking eye. That's the rundown. It fucking works.

All right. To every single person in the theater, it's a lot of folks. You got to put in the time, dude. It's true. I didn't get here by being Donnie. What would Donnie do if he was there? Eat the popcorn on the floor Oh Donnie Well thanks for that Otter

No problem Seth You were busy all weekend with charity. Like, did you, have you seen the movie? I went to the

Big Sick premiere in New York. Yeah, on Tuesday. So good. It's a great little movie. I'm very excited about it. And we're not just saying that

because we're friends with a lot of the people involved. Well, Showalter, who directed it, and I have been friends since we were six. Of course,

yeah. And we've known Kumail for a while. Kumail and Kurt's in there. Emily Gordon. Kurt is hilarious. Kurt Braunohler. Yeah, he's very funny.

Somebody asked me today, I was doing an Instagram Live, and somebody, a random question was just like, what's the funniest performance in a movie right now? And I was like, Kurt Braunohler is pretty goddamn funny. Yep. He's big slick. He's very good. Yeah, but everybody's funny.

Ray Romano. Ray's great. Ray is... Oh, big sick. Dog, that's a great fucking Ray Romano. Thank you. Not only that, every scene in the movie, he does that one line over and over again.

Yeah, yeah. That's all he does. Oh, big sick. Holly Hunter's in it. She's like yelling about him having pantyhose on his head No that's a different movie But my point is We both love it

It's a great movie People go see it It had a great opening weekend In five screens this weekend Good Like big enough to Get you know Bigger expansion

More screens More cities Yeah Big six See it when it comes Near you I think most people here saw it already

sorry Mark they got time they can see two fucking movies no it's not playing in Philly it's not playing here yet it's just New York and LA five screens oh wow

yeah listen up hey I when I'm home I just watch like you know like Renaissance Man mostly over and over and over again.

Dude, it's a goddamn fucking classic. Blue Meanie, what about you? Have you seen a movie lately? Do documentaries count? Yeah. I watched The Battered Bastards of Baseball. I've heard that's very good. Yeah, it's excellent.

It's about... I didn't mean to interrupt you. So rude of me. But I am the meanie. It's about the minor league baseball team that Kurt Russell's father owned in the Pacific Northwest. Kurt Russell's dad is here.

Kurt Russell's here? Only person who cared about that. I didn't know he was out of the casket. Only person who cared about that. I didn't know he was out of the casket. Did that get too dark for you guys? He's not with us, but Kurt Russell's come up two days in a row because yesterday we were talking about his son,

Wyatt Russell, is acting in movies now. I'm Kurt Russell. What? Oh, there is Kurt Russell right there. In the flesh. And his father is Kurt Russell. Wouldn't that, there is Kurt Russell right there. No. In the flesh. All right, so. And his father is Kurt Russell. Wouldn't that be weird if I just, if Kurt Russell was in the crowd,

I just moved on? So, Blue Meany. Douglas. You recommend the movie? Absolutely. Yeah, where did you see it? It's a Netflix exclusive. It's on Netflix.

Okay, cool. And if you like movies like Slapshot and stuff like that, it was like the Slapshot of baseball. Oh, cool. And if you like movies like Slapshot and stuff like that, it was like the Slapshot of baseball. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm in. I want to see it. I've heard good things.

Doogie? I went and visited my dad for Father's Day, and I said, Dad, what do you want to do? It's your special day. We can do whatever you want. And so we watched the Taken trilogy. All three parts?

Back to back. DVD. Because he had seen them before or was it new to him? He's seen them so many times. And it's the perfect Father's Day movie because he's like, here's how much I love you. I will kill all these terrorists. That's like the best way a dad can show how much he loves you is by killing people but don't you see a pattern in those movies of the dad being the reason that they're in all this

trouble all the time yeah i do how do you and dad work that out we don't you don't get it doug because it's all fictional fun it's a dad thing thing. What certain set of skills does your dad have? Look, Doug, someday when you're a father, you'll get it. You'll have a kid, and you'll go murder a couple hundred Eastern European men, and you'll tell me, I get it now. He doesn't even murder people for a wife that's left him. Like, that's messed up. What does he care?

She left him. Doug, someday, you know, you'll be holding your child in your arms, and you'll be looking into its face, and you'll just realize, I would break a man's neck for this child. Alright, we gotta do this one really fast. This is like a speed round.

Raise your hand if you have one. Doogie went through this yesterday already. What is the best movie I, Doug Benson, have never seen? Of course, you're taking a guess because you don't know what movies I've seen. Mark Wahlberg has a guess. I'm imagining he's in it. I've seen all of your films,

Mark, but let's hear it. What do you think is the greatest movie I've ever seen? That's where I was gonna go, but I was like, fuck, he's seen all my movies. Equilibrium. What's that? Fuck it. It's the reason Christian Bale became Batman. You gotta go see that fucking movie, dude. Well, there's two reasons. One,

I turned it down. Two, he was in Equilibrium. You haven't fucking seen Equilibrium? Dude, I don't even have Equilibrium. No, dude, it's like a perfect world. Everything is fancy and shiny and they hate books, but they love to punch each other. You gotta

fucking see this movie, dude. You're making me very excited for it. I'm putting it above predestination. Do it. Equilibrium is legit. Okay. If I remember. Seth? Do you have one?

I don't think you've seen. Yeah. We can go to somebody else. The Fabulous Stains. Baker Boys? The Fabulous Stains. The Fabulous Saints? Stains. Stains. Fabulous Saints Stains Stains

Am I saying that right? Saw it Saw it Okay Did you see it? Young What's-Her-Name Yes She's perfect in that part

of playing the character that she was in. Blue Meanie? I'm going to have to go with an 80s classic. Okay. Just one of the guys. Oh, yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, of course I've seen that.

There's like one clip that you see a lot over and over and over again from that movie. Well, that's the thing about that movie is if it's on and she hasn't shown her tits yet, there's no bigger build up to getting to see a pair of tits in movie history and they're great tits. When she finally busts them out and says I'm a girl and shows everybody her tits. Like that would have been the best day of

everyone that's at that party's life. It's like a high school party. That's the other thing that's weird about that movie. All the high school students are like 26. And there's one that's like 12. So it's deeply disturbing, but

I'm a huge fan. So sorry. I've seen that great movie. Doogie? Got another swing at it. What'd you say yesterday? Mouse Hunt. Oh, I'd seen the shit out of Mouse Hunt. You're really insulted that I would suggest that you hadn't seen that film.

Why would I miss Mouse Hunt? You accused me of trying to be pretentious by mentioning the director's name. Gore Verbinski. Gore Verbinski. The new Gore Verbinski movie, the latest one, which if you saw it, applaud. Right?

It's called The Wellness of Being. And what? A cure for wellness. Yeah. Oh, now we got another guy who says he saw it. Oh, now I know what you're talking about. That movie's the most alternatingly irritating and disturbing movie I've ever seen.

It's either really violent, horrible, or naked things going on, or pure boredom. Obviously, it wasn't a hit with the public, but some people like it. I'll give them that. But the trailer for that movie said, from visionary director Gore Verbinski.

And then it didn't follow up by saying, who made three too many Pirates movies and that fucking awful movie The Mexican with Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts and fucking Mouse Hunt. The guy is not a fucking

visionary director. In my opinion. I would love to work with him someday. Gore, if you're listening. I hope I didn love to work with him someday. Gore, if you're listening. I hope I didn't burn any bridges, Gore. Oh, I forgot the fucking Lone Ranger. What a great masterful vision.

Let's make the Lone Ranger a doofus and fucking Tonto's the smart one. What a visionary. They should have just said, from the man who. What a visionary. They should have just said, from the man who brought you Mouse Hunt. Get all the kids in there for a cure for wellness. It's got the most fucked up dentist tooth thing since Marathon Man. Spoiler.

I'm kind of mad at that movie. I saw that movie with an audience full of mad at that movie. I saw that movie with an audience full of people who loved it. So people love it. So don't take my opinion necessarily. Of the people here that clapped when I mentioned it, who loved it? I hate it. Yeah.

Only one spoke to say I hated it. He clapped. Who loved it? I hated it. He clapped because he hated it. Yeah, I know. It's really, and it's long. As are every Pirates movie. The guy makes movies that are too long.

He's like Judd Apatow without the jokes. Doug, I think you- Judd produced Big Sick. He did. And that guy, everything he's touching lately is fantastic. It's great. I know. And he worked with Kumail and Emily for like three years on that script.

Really? And then they also audience tested the shit out of it after they made it. Oh, really? And in both cases, like, it is, I dare say it's near a perfect movie. Wow. Dare say. You saw it, right? I saw it, yeah.

It's great. Isn't it perfect? I would say it's perfect but it's very very good it's hard to make a movie which runs that line between heartbreaking and funny yeah it's hard the tone is the tone is right it's very well done I say this because I when I saw it I was sitting next to Kumail so I basically just did you did you cry really loud and laugh really, really loud the entire time? Cry really loud? Yeah.

I mean, I've cried in a lot of movies, but not really loud. Well, then you're not doing it right. Tears just start running down my face, and I wipe them away. I don't sit in the audience going, Then how do people know if you're feeling it? Can you imagine? Yeah. That's how I cry. Jesus Christ.

Like De Niro on Cape Fear? I yell boo-hoo really loudly. Doogie? Yes. Did you answer it? I didn't answer it. I just gave you shit about Mousetown again? I made the mistake of mentioning Gore Verbinski's name And I guess you guys went through a horrible breakup

He sounds like he should have a product line Not a fucking movie directing career Well I guess I would recommend Raw Force It's a It was not directed by Gore Verbinski, so that's a point. Sounds like a penetrating thriller. It's kind of a...

It's an obscure horror... It's like a zombie kung fu movie. I'm in. A lot of it takes place on a boat. I'm out. A lot of gratuitous nudity. In! Yeah.

Nothing to make you out. Nathan Lane has a cameo. No, he doesn't. There's no mouseters in that movie. But it's just a great, silly, crazy, fun film from the 70s. Okay, well, I'll put that third on my list. I've got to see... Transformers.

Equilibrium, dude. Equilibrium and Predestination and Raw Force. They all just sound like I'm going to sit through six hours of science class. Bert, turn off the show because I'm going to say let the games begin. The name tags are amazing. Holy shit. Please do your best to give everybody a chance. And while you guys do that, we'll do this.

We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. While name tags are being selected, I just want to remind you to check out Doug Loves Minis and Getting Doug with High and Dining with Doug and Karen if you haven't. And be sure to subscribe and rate and review all of those shows and Doug Loves Movies on iTunes. Back to the show. All right, we're back. Mark's still working his way to the stage,

but let's start with Doogie. What do you got? You got a new cocktail? I got a new drink. That's what I got. I got a Tito's. Yeah, we ordered a Tito's for you during the break. And what's your name tag, Doogie?

I got Oh Heather, Where Art Thou? And I chose it because it's one of the laziest, worst name tags I've ever seen. It is a spotty black and white printout of the poster with her face just super teeny tiny in the corner.

And I love it. Do you want to keep it? Yeah, it's great. It's got a shithead on the back, right? Ghost Bilsters. No, I wasn't going to. I was going to compare it to another classic bad name tag, Ghost Bilsters. Do you remember that one?

Oh, no. It's great. I mean, I kind of do. Eight and a half by 11, black and white printout. I love those. All right. Anyway. What do you got there, Boomini?

I got Kids in the Hall Lynn Candy. And basically, I'm a huge Kids in the Hall fan, so I was a little bit... Wow, that's great. Yeah, she replaced all the kids in the hall with her face. And then I'm some weird Teletubby son up in the corner. Yeah, I think the kids in the hall are geniuses, so I just picked that one.

Yeah, they are so good. And a couple of them have been on the podcast, and we're angling to get another one. Yeah, there you go. Seth, pick up your mic. Yeah. Oh, you fell for the... There's a guy back there dressed in Harry Potter garb. The guy came in costume. That's an extra commitment. I'm hoping you

came on the subway, and people are like, what the fuck? It's not even Halloween. This kid's in full Harry Potter outfit. Or maybe they thought he just graduated. He might have just graduated. I just graduated from Hogwarts, you dick. Yeah. There's a Hogwarts friends here?

It's a friend school. It's a friend school joke. That's all you fucking have here. Wait, and he's fucking Gryffindor? Yeah. Fucking pussies. Slither it, motherfucker, and eat it. Hufflepuff.

Hufflepuff. Fuck that. See, this is the kind of great debate that we have here. And it's a whole banner. It's a giant Gryffindor banner. And it says, Harob Potter and the Sorcerer's Stoned. Ha ha. Get it? Doug likes pot. Harob is your name?

Oh your name is Rob. Oh Harob. Harob. Yeah that was complicated. All right and I believe does this thing light up? Yeah. Yeah there's a lot going on there. Someday. How do we know if it's lit up? I turned the switch. Can we turn off all the lights, please? How's that Gryffindor education, brah? You want shit to happen in the dark, you go Slytherin, motherfucker. All right, Mark, what's your name tag?

Dude, I chose this name tag for two reasons. One, I want you to see what's possible for yourself. Me? Two, it's the greatest depiction of the rock I've ever seen. Okay. For the listener at home, you should have fucking been here. Check that shit out, dude.

Whoa. If only I had been your pain star, I mean your co-star, in Pain and Gain. You could do that, man. You could start rocking fucking tanks, bro. But it's, what is it? Pat and Gain. Oh, it's got words on it. Yeah.

He's Pat the Cat. Oh, okay, cool. All right. Maybe his name's Gain. No, his name is Pat. That's why he went with... Okay, so... Oh, also, this other woman really wanted these candies up here.

You should read the note. Okay. It's a note with some candies on the name tag. I'm very into bribery Do I have to open it to see the note? I think so Okay, this isn't wasting valuable time Oh, the candies stick to the note

I'm a Gryffindor, he'll like it Fucking A, dude Oh, it's just about It's about how much I'm a Gryffindor. He'll like it. Fucking A, dude. It's just about how much... Pot is in them? How much... Yeah, oil. Okay. 0.05 for each candy.

Yeah. Is that a lot for one candy? No. All right. Oh, I almost put them in the prize bag. That would have been fun. I got to hang on to those because sometimes I fly on planes. Thank you for that, Hair Rob.

And thank you to everyone who made awesome name tags two days in a row it's it's always a treat to come here and now we have we got to play some speed games oh shit yeah because we spent some time on all that other stuff what happened to my phone there it is found it we got 24 minutes of gameplay.

Oh, my Lord. Yeah. So I'm going to buzz you guys fast. No thinking for long periods of time. We're going to start with a game called Doug Loves Musicals. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to name songs from a motion picture that has songs in it.

You guys guess as often as you'd like. You know, you could still guess after a wrong answer until someone names the name of this movie that has these songs in it. Where You are. An American tale. No. That's somewhere out there.

The next song is We Know the Way. Rent. La La Land. Moonlight. No on all of those. What did you say, Doogie? He said Moonlight. Did you think Moonlight was a musical?

No, I was making a La La Land joke. I get it. Thank you. It's all that matters. It doesn't matter if it's funny. As long as you get it. All right. You're welcome.

Thank you. Moana. Moana is the correct answer. You're welcome. Is that why you remember it? Because The Rock sings that song? Oh, my God. Oh, you fucking wrestler.

Great job. Congratulations. The rest of the songs in the movie, not a lot of songs in that movie, but Shiny, which is a song about that little weird bird that likes shiny things, and How Far I'll Go, which was nominated for an Oscar, and then the song that would have really given it away,

I Am Moana. Oh, yeah. That would have been a hint. Yeah, that would have been a game of live, die, repeat. And it would have been very exciting. But Blue Meanie got in there the earliest, so he gets to go first in our next game. Whose tagline is it anyway?

Blue Meanie, I'm going to read the tagline from a motion picture to you, and you alone in this room get to get one guess of what movie it's for, and then if you don't know it or get it right we move on to doogie and then mark and then seth and uh this first one goes like this adventure begins with a z before you speak i must remind you it has to be the absolute accurate title. I feel that's a trick.

Adventure begins with a Z. Zoolander? No, but don't know why they didn't use that. Doogie? The Lost City of Z? Clever, but no. Mark? Zathura, An Unexpected Journey. Seth?

Zorro, The Gay Blade. No, but you got the closest It's called the legend of Zorro Legend of Zorro Motherfucker Also for the record Someone in the audience said all When I got it wrong

I'm Mark Wahlberg I don't feel pity I don't fucking need it Aww Thank you Doug Alright here's the next one Don't fucking need it. Aww. Thank you, Doug. All right, here's the next one, starting off with blue,

wait, right, yeah, blue meanie. Human, period, nature, period. So it just says human, nature, as if each of those are a sentence. What movie do you think that's for iRobot you know there's no bad guesses just stupid ones

Doogie return to Fern Gully Just stupid ones. Doogie. Return to Fern Gully. You just said there's no stupid ones. Mark. Mark. Surviving the game. Seth.

AI. Full title Artificial Intelligence Incorrect That was fucking cold What is it? What's the full title? The name of the movie is The Legend of Tarzan So close to what I said

Alright starting again with Blue Meanie Legend of Tarzan. Oh, so close to what I said. Yeah. All right, starting again with Blue Meanie. Every man has a destiny. Final destination. It's, you know what? A lot of taglines apply To Final Destination Because someone said that yesterday During this game but incorrect

Doogie? Legends of the Fall No Mark? Too long food thanks for everything Julie Newmar Seth? for everything Julie Newmar. Seth. Can you repeat the tagline?

Every man, it doesn't matter what the words are. You're not going to get it. Every man has a destiny. Can you use it in a sentence? Do you have a destiny? Yep, I'm a man. Every man has a destiny, comma, even Seth Herzog.

How about... Oh, shit. The shooter. Oh, fucking A, dude. Good call, bro. Good fucking call, dude. The shooter, bro. Good fucking call, dude. The shooter, right? Fucking A, man.

Remember when I was in that white outfit? You're like, where is that fucking snow leopard? I'm right here, motherfucker. God damn, that's a good movie. The correct answer is The Legend of Hercules. I was going to go Mr. Destiny. All right, Blue Meanie's got another shot I feel like there's a theme here

People in the audience People in the audience are really going to know This next one and you gotta keep it in Can I ask Do a lot of people here already know the theme Yeah I think so Fuck Alright

Blue Meanie Some things can't be learned. They must be remembered. Actually, maybe no one will know this. One more time. This is definitely going to be... Some things can't be learned. They must be remembered.

This is going to be a legendary... I got it. ...round of this game. Anything? I'm going to tap out on that. All right, that's cool. Tap out. I like a wrestling expression. I'm going to put that one

on a headlock, Doug. I'm going to fucking pile drive on a headlock, Doug. What? I'm going to fucking pile drive it. What do you got? The Legend of Bagger Vance. That's correct. God damn it. You're fucking lucky you went before me.

Because I was going to say Memento. The Legend of Memento. If you were only wearing shorts, man. When I was changing out of my shorts in the stall next to me was the guy changing into his Harry Potter gown. Oh wait, you didn't

come like that? You changed while you were here? No, the Douglas movies changes people. What's that? You put on his shit everywhere. Oh my God. I love that right now his friend's taking this moment to have an intervention with his friend. This is a letter that I've written to you.

Sometimes you wear that to my house and it makes me feel bad on the inside. Are you upset with him because does he call you a muggle? Mudblood. All right, you guys. We got one more game to get in. I think we can do it.

We got like 10, 15 minutes, so I think we're in good shape. Let's do this shit. Yeah, and so Doogie won that one. And so he went before me, technically. What's that? What happened? He didn't really fucking win it, dude. He just went before me, technically. What's that? What happened? He didn't really fucking win it, dude. He just went before I did.

You said you were going to say memento. Yeah, because that was fucking hilarious, which I'm good at doing. Okay, let's try it again. I didn't get it. Let me just find it here. Some things can be learned. They must be remembered.

Memento. Yeah, you're right. That would have been pretty fun. Doogie really fucked up your bit by being smart. Sorry, Mark. It's all good, bro. My favorite part of The Legend of Bagger Vance is during the end credits because Will Smith sings Getting Baggy With It. Dude, is that real?

No. Shit. It's the Wild Wild Golf. Woo! It's the Wild Wild Golf. Come on. Wicked Wild. It's the Wild Wild Golf.

Yeah, yeah. Uh. The good guys dressed in pleats, remember that. When you're carrying your bag. I think if anybody on this stage should be rapping right now, it's not you, bro.

There's one person who should be fucking rapping. And it's the Blue Meanie. You guys are way too fired up for Sunday afternoon. Well, that's because it's about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme. Oh! When was the last time you rapped, Mark? After my third workout today.

You rapped a little bit? A little bit to myself. I'm like... Oh, you feel it, feel it every day? I'm like, who's the motherfucker with all the power? It's you, you badass standing in the shower. Somebody told me they were bringing their, like, 12 or 13-year-old kid to this today.

Is that... Did that come true? Does he need to make a wish? I don't think they're dying. I think the kid's dying. Hey, save it for later. You don't know what's going to happen. All right.

Well, I know what's going to happen. And it's a game called Ron Bennington's Adjusted for Inflation game. And Doogie gets to go first here in the first round. We'll switch the order around. He'll go Doogie, Blue Meanie, Seth, and then Mark. And we'll start with a different person each round. But the idea is I'll say the name of an actor or actress.

You name what you think might be in their top three movies of all time after Adjustment Inflation by BoxOfficeMojo.com. So some of these answers I can't necessarily stand behind them. But that site says it's legit. And Doogie gets to go first.

I'm ready. Make sense? Yep. All right, name a movie you think is in the top three for Mr. Dev Patel. Okay. People are freaking out a little bit over that one. Don't know who that is. You don't?

So you should probably pass. Am I allowed to pass? It would be great if you were going second because you'd hear one of the other movies he's in and then you'd be like, oh yeah, that guy Is there an advantage to passing? No, you just have to do it because you clearly don't

I mean, you could guess the name of a movie that he might be in The Monuments Men? No, I mean, we'll see. Blue Beanie. I'm in the same boat as him. Yeah, you're in the We Don't Know Who Dev Patel

is boat? Wow. There's not a lot of room in that boat. There's only room for a tiger. Especially with me in it. Damn it. in that boat. There's only room for a tiger. Especially with me. Ah!

Damn it. He still didn't get it. What do you got, Seth? Slumdog Millionaire. Slumdog Millionaire! And Mark? Oh, no. What a time for the microphone to go out.

Life of Pi. Life of Pi? Yes. Life of Pi. Okay. Coming in at number three for Mr. Dove Patel. Lion. Lion. Yeah. Number two.

The Last Airbender. Oh, shit. Really? Right? I thought that movie was a bum. Did pretty good. Number one. Slumdog Millionaire.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm shocked that Life of Pi isn't in there. Obviously, some dog's probably bigger than Life of Pi, but yeah, Life of Pi, I gotta double check that because maybe Box Office Mojo fucked that one up. Let's just give it a point and figure it out later. I'm gonna give three points to Seth. Yeah.

Yeah, and I'm giving to give three points to Seth. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm giving Doogie 18 points because I really want him to win. Sounds right. All right. So Seth has three, and no one else scored with that one. But this next one, you never know. We'll start with you, Blue Meanie. Give me what's in the top three of Mr. Bruce Willis.

The dude from Moonlighting? That's right. In case anyone was wondering who he is, it's that guy. He's making movies now. Wow. Okay. I would have to say The Sixth Sense. Okay. What do you think, Seth? I'm to say The Sixth Sense. Okay. What do you think, Seth? I'm going to say Die Hard.

Okay. First one. Die Hard. You don't have to say anything else. You don't have to say first one. You said it. Right. You locked in.

No one's dying harder. Mark? So many guy from moonlighting movies. By the way, is this what a normal person feels like when things in their life don't work? Oh, yeah, the microphone cutting out? Yeah, that's what happens to most of us all the time. I think it's because your palms are so strong

you're squeezing it, you're crushing the electric... Your grip is... You're cutting it off. Does that happen when you're watering the lawn? Do you grab the hose too tight? Then the water doesn't come out? I do manual labor all the fucking time. Hey Donnie, I'm going to live your life today. All right, we'll see.

All right, what do you got? Let's go. Die Hard with a Vengeance. Okay. Doogie? Armageddon. Okay. Armageddon!

All right, so coming in at number three, no one got it. Look who's talking. I don't know about these box office mojo information. Adjusted for inflation. And I think you'll be happy about this, Doogie. Number two is Armageddon. I think they're right.

You can trust them. Now you know it's about this, Doogie. Number two is Armageddon. I think they're right. You can trust them. Now you know it's accurate. It's accurate. Yeah, Ed, coming in at number one, the Six Sets. Blue Meanie is on the board. That's wrong. It didn't even matter, Doug.

I might as well have just fucking said Hudson Hawk. Who gives a shit? That was a masterpiece by the way. Well it is. I know not enough people fucking saw it. All right. Well Mark's the only one without any points at this point. In this game but not in life.

You are winning above all of us in life probably. Thanks brother. You're welcome. We'll start with Seth. Yeah. The films of Joaquin Phoenix. Ooh. Who, of course, was made legendary in the song,

Walking in L.A., Walking in L.A., Nobody walking in L.A. Come on, feel it, feel it. What do you got, Seth? Johnny Cash film. Okay. Walk the Line?

Walk the Line, okay. Mark? Gladiator. Oh. Fuck. Did you see the porn version of that? What? He was Sir Gladiator.

Dude, is that real? Is that fucking real, dude? Yeah, and Joaquin's in both of them. I don't know. I mean, he's versatile as fuck, but... I just heard there was a young person in the audience. I want him to grow the fuck up. Make this show as dirty as

possible. Who else has got to go still? I guess I'll say signs. Okay. And what are you left with there, Blue Meanie? The village. Okay. All right.

Coming in at number three. No one got it. Parenthood. Parenthood. He was awkward and young in that. Not as awkward and young as he was in Space Camp. When he was Leaf Phoenix. Coming in at number two, Gladiator.

Mark is on the board. This is the most competitive game of Ron Bennington we've ever played. But leaping into the lead because number one is signs. Our friend Blue Meany has six points. No, I got signs. Oh, our friend Doogie. That was close. Our friend Doogie.

It's fixed like wrestling. Yes, because your manager blew salt into his eyes. That's five points. The referee. Signs made more money than Gladiator? It's really surprising. Shocking. Yep.

Mel Gibson. Signs was huge. People love that guy. He's a great dude. Horrible drinker. Great dude. All right. This is the last round. Starting with Mark. Let's do this. I'm a drinker, great dude. All right, this is the last round, starting with Mark. Let's do this.

What do you got for Adrian Barodi? Damn. What you up to, AB? All right. Okay. I don't think it's going to get me the win. Oh, well, then why say it? I just don't... I only have two points,

and somebody else already has six, right? Yeah, so you got to go for... You got to get that number one movie to tie it up. Okay, well, I already know what that is. What's his number one movie? The Village. All right. Doogie? The Village. Alright. Doogie?

The Pianists. Some of the audience hates pianists. No! Doug, did you hear about the porn version of that movie? Was it called Glad He Hate Her? porn version of that movie?

Was it called Glad He Ate Her? Bumini, Summer of Sam. Okay. Good call. All right. Seth? They've said every

Adrian Brody movie that I know. What was that? What? Lifeline. That's not a movie. There's no Lifelines, you silly. That's not a film.

Lifeline? He was in that? Fucking Gryffindor shit right there. Oh, we'll help each other. Where's Hermione? She always knows what to do. Right, right. Whereas Slytherins are like,

hold my knife while I fuck this dude up real quick. I don't know. How about what's that movie where they're being hunted by humans? Yep, that's it. It's called Surviving the Game, dude.

Is that it? Surviving the Game. Let's go with that one. Really? Yeah. It's called surviving the game, dude. I already fucking said it. Is that in surviving the game? Right, right, right. Let's go with that one. Really? Yeah. Okay. Hey, Doug, I don't ask for much, but when you read off who wins this game,

and I feel like today's, I'm trying to seem like a normal person for this role I'm working on. That's another thing. But just say, like, today's winner, but still definitely not getting to live the life of Mark Wahlberg, and then say their name.

Yeah, I'll remember to do that. So what's your movie, Mark? Mine? For Adrian Brody? The Village. Okay, and what do you got, Seth? Surviving the Game. Okay, people are laughing at you.

I think I'm the only one who saw it, so it probably is not going to win. All right. Blue Meanie. Summer of Sam. Summer of Sam and Doogie. The pianists. The pianists.

Which, like, you know, he won the Oscar for that, and he got to kiss Halle Berry on the mouth. Yeah. I don't know why we got to talk about people who won Oscars, but whatever. At number three. I didn't even know he was in this.

Angels in the Outfield. Really? It's a great movie. It's a great fucking movie. Was he like in the corn the whole time? No, he plays Timothy Busfield in the film. All right. time? No, he plays Timothy

Busfield in the film. Alright. Angels in the Busfield? Number two. You know what? For fun, I'm going to skip to number one. Because none of you got it. And it's a film called

King Kong. Oh, fuck yeah. That is fun. That is fun. Yeah. This is fun. That was number one. But coming in at number two, and not affecting the game enough to change who the winner is,

is a motion picture called The Village. What the heck? So Seth and Blue Meanie have three each, and Mark has four, and Doogie is our winner with five points. Thank you. Mother. And still not Mark Wahlberg.

And for the listener at home, the Harry Potter kid just apparated out of here. Oh, Heather, where art thou? Come get your prize bag. Congratulations. There she comes. She was way in the back, so that's always exciting. This is like the Golden Globes.

It takes forever. There you go. Congratulations, Heather. Way to go, girl. Give me the rest of your name tags and give me some plugs starting with Doogie. Where can we see you? What are you doing?

This Friday, I'll be at Johnny Brenda's hosting a comedy show where we're going to donate the proceeds to Phil Abundance, which is a local charity. And you can check out my books, some very interesting cats perhaps you weren't aware of,

100 Ghosts. Same thing on mine, dude. What's that? There's no shitheads on the back of two of the... Okay. We all know that. And yeah, just check me out online at Doogie Horner on the different social medias.

Oh, and check out my album, A Delicate Man. Thank you. Oh, there's a shithead on the Harry Potter one. You just have to search for it like a puzzle. Blue Meanie, what are you doing? What's up? You can find me on Twitter at BlueMeanieBWO. BWO.

As in Blue World Order. You can get my t-shirts at ProWrestlingTees.com slash BlueMeanie. And if you want to learn to be a professional wrestler, go to monsterfactory.org, where we will train you to be a professional wrestler. Yeah, Bluemini's training new wrestlers. I have a couple kids in Ring of Honor and one in NXT. Fucking A, dude. Way to go, bro. That's awesome.

Way to go, man. I'll train you, bro to go, bro. That's awesome. Way to go, man. I'll train you, bro. Yeah, sure. That was the cutest thing I've ever heard. Seth, what do you got? Oh, man. If you're in New York on a Tuesday night, I do a big weekly show called Sweet at the Slip Room every Tuesday.

And next week, July 4th week, if you're out in, I want to call it Montauk, I'm doing a big show July 5th at Rushmire's. It's going to be a really fun, free show. Free show out there? Free show in Montauk. All right. For an hour. I may have some special guests, too.

All right. It's going to be really fun. Oh, okay. Mark, of course, is appearing in Transformers. I'm sorry we didn't talk about it. We don't need to. It's the greatest fucking movie. It's number one on the box office.

Everybody wants to fucking see it or they're dying to see it or they're begging someone to take it to go see that fucking movie. So it's great. Like I said. I've read that it didn't open as well as some of the other Transformers. It's that fucking movie. So it's great. Like I said. I've read that it didn't open as well as some of the other Transformers.

It's doing fucking great, dude. $260 million, and it's all on screen. Oh, I wish your microphone was working. Yeah. It's all for a role I'm working on where things don't go right for a dude. It's the worst role of my life. It'll be fun to see you play a regular person

That everything doesn't go right for I heart Huckabees But whatever Who doesn't heart Huckabees So yeah Transformers last night season 7 of Wahlburgers Will drop in August You're welcome for that

We're shooting Daddy's Home 2 So check that shit out. Let's see. What the fuck else? Everything else is going obviously fucking great because I'm me. And then I don't know what else to say. I'll talk to you guys afterwards. If you want me to sign the tip, you're welcome.

Me first. I'll see you back in LA, brother. Which person already yelled out their shithead? The Lynn Candy? Yeah, Lynn Candy. So what's Pat and Gain's shithead? What, did you fucking leave, bro? There's no shithead on the back.

What's yours? Okay. I'll try to remember that. All right. And thank you everyone that's here today Helium Comedy Club all of my guests

Doogie Horner Blue Meanie Seth Herzog Mark Wahlberg oh no Mark Wahlberg! Oh, no. The mic worked for that... The mic worked for that mic drop. Did you just throw a donut in the audience?

Where were you hiding that the whole time? Yes. Good answer. Hey, Doogie, since you're the winner, we're doing a show tomorrow night in New York City. Is there a chance you could come out for that? Yeah, I'd love to. That'd be awesome.

Let's have Doogie back tomorrow night. I mean, you're all welcome any time you want to be on the show. And thanks again. And as always, who are those people? Chris and Pat McKeever are a shithead? Okay.

No one else seems to agree with that one. This is one we can all agree with. Hemorrhoids are a shithead. I mean, I don't even know how one would get through Hogwarts with hemorrhoids. I mean, wait, isn't hemorrhoids another word for Hogwarts? And Jeff Sessions is a shithead!

Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies!