Doug Loves Movies - Brian Posehn, Tig Notaro, and Scott Aukerman Guest (Live from SXSW)

Episode Date: March 24, 2010

Doug takes his show on the road with a special South By Southwest edition featuring his comedy pals Brian Posehn, Tig Notaro, and Scott Aukerman.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, slinky cheeks, with empty eyes and poplar curls in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, because Doug loves movies! Hey, everybody. Am I the only one that can hear that music right now? There's some sort of music playing. And I was told there wouldn't be music playing at this point in the proceedings. Because we're taping a podcast here at South by Southwest. Well, we're in Austin during South by Southwest. This is a rogue event outside of South by Southwest. Well, we're in Austin during South by Southwest.

This is a rogue event outside of South by Southwest, and we've got a packed house at 7 o'clock on a... What day do you want to call this? Let's call this Thursday. It's Thursday, right? And, yeah, so I've got all my notes in this bag right here that also contains some fabulous prizes that I'm going to be giving out later in the show to one lucky person sitting probably in this front row area.

Oh, now, wait, the band's saying something now. Wow, that was short between song banter. It was like, it's great to be here. Next song. Da-da-da-da. between song banter. It's great to be here. Next song.

I've been here since the movie portion of South by Southwest. This is obviously the music part because it's not possible to book a theater that's away from the music during the music part of South by Southwest. Why is there a band playing loudly next door when we're miles from downtown? Weird.

But I went to the movie portion, and I saw and can recommend the following. I'm not going to name movies I didn't like. I didn't see too many that I didn't like. But if any of these movies come out in the near future, I recommend them. American, the Bill Hicks story. Cyrus. Yeah, applause Bill Hicks story. Cyrus.

Yeah, applause for the ones you like. MacGruber was awesome. The People vs. George Lucas was really good, especially if you're People. It wasn't so good for George Lucas, but it was really awesome for People. The People won at the end of that.

Spoiler alert. Or they lost, actually. But you know what I mean. They won the case and lost their lives. There's nerds in that movie because I think, you know, I hate everything George Lucas did to Star Wars but I also

don't want to go as far as to say what they say in the movie. One guy says George Lucas raped my childhood. It's like, that's really weird. Sounds like you would have had a more exciting childhood if George Lucas was constantly raping you. For one thing,

you'd probably make a lot of money. Okay. I also like the White Stripes documentary. What was it called? The White Stripes Go to Canada or something like that. And then there's another movie called Barry Monday that I enjoyed.

And my new favorite movie of all time, Kick-Ass. I loved... I fucking loved Kick-Ass. Chloe loved... I fucking loved Kick-Ass. Chloe Moretz, who played Hit-Girl, let's start the campaign for best supporting actress right now. Because I can't imagine a better performance.

She was better than Monique in Precious. She kills a lot more people than Monique did. Okay, so I'm going to just bring the guests out. I was going to babble some more about the Oscars, but you guys don't care that much about that, do you? Oh, you do? All right, then I've got to move some things around. Just to make this happen.

There's like, I'm used to having a desk, and when I got here tonight, they're like, how's the stage look? I was like, that's perfect, four stools. And I didn't think ahead that I'd need a desk at some point. Okay, so who follows me on Twitter? Do you guys follow me on Twitter? All right, so

enjoy this. I'm going to read to you now. As many of you may recall, I live tweeted the Oscars. And so I still have it here in my phone, the tweets that I wrote during the Oscars. And I would like to share them all with you now

in as short a period of time as possible. Or I might skip some of them, because there was like 60 of them. So yeah, this will be an edited version. And if you don't get any of them, don't worry about it, because they're funnier when you're watching the awards, when the awards are actually happening in front of you. But this will give you an idea of what you can expect

if you aren't following me on Twitter. Either people here tonight or people listening. Oh, I didn't mention we're at the... I should mention the name of the place, right? We're at the United States Art Authority in Austin, Texas! Yeah!

Yeah! Alright, here we go. Here's my Oscar tweets. James Cameron... Oh, this is the pre-show, the red carpet. James Cameron's wife is wearing blue like she had a say in the matter. There is no truth to the rumor

that Monique killed a trainer at SeaWorld. Nicole Richie is one of my favorite movie stars. There is no truth to the rumor that Melanie Griffith will be playing the lead in Howard the Duck 2. What? I don't care about who wins tonight. I'm just watching for the Super Bowl commercials.

When Penelope... Now we're Super Bowl commercials. When Penelope... Now we're into the show. When Penelope Cruz learns English, she's going to be unstoppable. It's good to know now what Miley Cyrus will look like when she's 50. She's dressed like an old lady. It was weird. Oh, we're still on the red carpet. Holy shit.

Did J-Lo just say that one of the things you need in an Oscar dress is to be able to wear it? And then I wrote in parentheses, yes, she did. Sherri Shepherd should just lean in a little and motorboat Cameron Diaz. Stanley Tucci shops at the child molester's hair and glasses shop. And then this was like 20 minutes into the show. Finally, Ryan Reynolds. Now I can go to bed. Ryan Reynolds.

And then during the commercials. If this new Gerard Butler comedy stinks, I will eat my lunch. I can't believe the Monique montage didn't include her world-class baby tossing. There is no truth to the rumor that Keanu Reeves has crop circles in his beard. Right? He had kind of a weird beard. This tribute to horror movies is a good time for me to take a scary shit. Yeah, that was Edward Scissorhands in the horror movie montage.

How Pee-wee's Big Adventure didn't make the cut, I will never know. And then during the dance number that went on for like ten minutes, the Academy was forced to hire all of these dancers as part of Obama's jobs bill. Okay, I thought it would be better than that. Remember when Alec Baldwin came out

alone at one point? I wrote, Alec ate Steve. 300 minus 300 equals the number of good movies Gerard Butler has been in since 300 That would be so much better if I didn't stumble all over Gerard Butler He probably named himself knowing that it would be hard to make jokes about him I'm going to skip Sean Penn and Sandra Bullock jokes

Because they both seem to be a lot of pain right now there's no reason to rub it in on a podcast they'll never hear and then finally I'd like to thank the Academy for awarding last year's Best Picture with a Best Picture Award because Hurt Locker was my favorite of all the movies they nominated let's bring out our guests, everybody. Let's do it. These three people, the theme of this show

is friends of mine that are in Austin while we're doing this. So please welcome to the stage Brian Posehn, Tig Motaro, and Scott Aukerman. Thank you, man. Wherever you are. Wherever you are. I don't care. Brian Williamson. Ron William. I wonder what the listeners would think of that.

Just that everyone was just excited or that Scott Ackerman was running around doing something weird to get those extra boosts of cheering. I wonder. Uh-oh. All right. Hey, the music stopped next door. Are you leaving,

Scott? He's just making sure that his mic worked. What's the matter, Scott? Oh. Well, he wasn't going to... My mic's not working. Well, you know, the ones that are sound terrific. Hello?

We should have had a sound checker. Yeah, totally. Normally for stand-up comedies, there's one microphone on stage. There we go. It's super metal over here, though, so that's cool. Can you imagine how many subscribers I'd get if one of you died during this? So what do you think, Scott? Are we good?

One less. I said one less. Okay, I figured out what's happening. There's a lot of feedback on that, Scott. Yeah, we're getting a lot of comments in our comments section. Maybe you should go back to the hotel. All right, see you guys later. Oh, did you hear that?

Thank you. Four people were upset. Thank you. Out of 2,000. What a crowd. All right, well, I don't know what we need to do to make that kind of stop making those noises. It's a little better, right? Yeah, it's a little better, but I wouldn't want to listen to it.

If I were you listening right now, I would stop. You already gave me the credit for subscribing or whatever. Picking this. Sounds better now. Where are you going? I'm just going to put my drink down. Oh, cool. Yeah.

Is this all going on the podcast? It's all unedited, Tig Notaro. Welcome. This is her first time, everybody, on the Island Movies podcast. Tig, of course, she plays Officer Tig on the Sarah Silverman program,

and Brian plays Big Gay Brian on the Sarah Silverman program. And Scott Aukerman, what was your character on the Sarah Silverman program? I play two different characters. Oh, versatile. Brian's just gay, and Tig's just also gay. I'm both of those as well. I play Officer Falconer in the first season, and on April 15th

I'll be playing Banana Cop. Did Officer Falconer get a demotion? I played... He got a demotion and also a mustache. Stop doing Billy Crystal bits. I thought it was a Reggie Watts bit. Okay, see, the thing is this keeps coming out, so

if there were tape or something, that would help out a lot. Oh, if anybody's got some tape, that'd be fantastic. Let's make a deal. If anyone in the audience has some electrical tape, you can run up here and rub around that microphone. You'll win a prize. The people in the audience drinking beer

is this big. Did you guys bring tape also? You seem like maybe you plan ahead. By the way, when Tig said this big, she pointed to her penis. I did? Thanks for bringing that, by the way. The people that were here saw it,

but he was telling everybody else. Yesterday, a woman at the South by Southwest festival, She asked me She goes I was hanging out with Brian And he was a little Out of earshot I think

And she said She said Did you like watching Your friend Brian Get shot in the head A reference to The Devil's Rejects Uh huh

Where you get Fucking capped in your No I knew what you meant Big old head No I mean you know I'm filling them in In case Right right

I don't I don't imagine everyone here has seen The Devil's Rejects but they fucking better lots of them have but lots of people here are ladies it's one of the only good things I've been in wait a second no film wise

you can't sit here and say that Fantastic Four 2 didn't have two numbers in the title. Now, do I have to give him a prize? I think he works here. I might add the rise of the Silver Surfer. You might add that. Thank you, Warren, by the way. Warren on tech, everybody.

That's a lot better. It's not feedback anymore. That'll be how the episodes can cross over is I'll yell Warren on tech during your show. Okay, yeah, we're doing a crossover episode. I don't know if you mentioned that. No, you just did. No, I just did, though.

Okay. That's the great thing about podcasts. As long as you get all the information in between the start and the end, people are hearing it. They're not flipping around because we don't have commercials. Or punchlines. You're right. Because when people go, oh, punchlines coming, they want to change it.

You've got to get the fuck off of this channel. This is headed somewhere. I want to listen to podcasts that are all about rambling. So Tate told me backstage, very interesting secret about her. It's not a secret. You're open about it. That you've seen three movies

in your lifetime? So kind of a bad booking on my part. Three that really stick out, but there's been a couple others. There's Jaws 1, 2, and 3. It was Grease, Star Wars, Urban Cowboy, Breaking Away.

So the 70s was your wheelhouse. Like you saw movies in the 70s that you remember. Because that's when all the greats were made. Well, I also saw Mask. That was in the 80s. Yeah. Might even have been 91 for all I know.

The cast of Mask is here tonight. The mask from Mask is here. I also saw Psycho 3. That was your last one, right? That was your last movie? I think I had a joke. This is how long I've been doing comedy in quotes. I had a joke when that movie Psycho 3 came out

where I said something about Psycho 3 for older dogs. Because at the time, it was a dog food. Yeah, you remember, but nobody else here does. At the time, there was a dog food called Cycle 1, 2, 3, and 4, depending on how old your dog was. Right. So Cycle 4 for, okay. Did that work for the remake starring Vince Vaughn?

No, but that whole routine is going on my next album that I'm going to record on 420 in Minneapolis. Come out for that. Was it a popular bit when you were doing it? Not really. People went nuts for it. Because people had to be really into movies and dog food. I lose that.

Like one guy, really. I remember your Batman Forever chunk. No, sorry, Batman and Robin chunk that you did for a long time. Yeah, yeah. You kept bringing it back. Batman and Robin came out on DVD. First it was out on VHS, then on DVD.

Like, you just kept using excuses. They used to stagger the VHS and the DVD, old man. Yeah, I just, that was the great thing about, you know, if Hollywood could reuse it, you know, if they could repurpose it or whatever. Oh, look, Batman and Robin's premiering on cable tonight. Yeah, so I milked that for all it was worth, but it was a fun routine. Let's not hear it, though. I couldn't do it for you if I wanted to.

Why? You don't remember it? I think I only remember part of it. It was a bunch of things that Arnold Schwarzenegger said. Like Mr. Freeze, his dialogue was so terrible, I made up my own lines that he would say that were as bad or

worse than the ones in the movie. And the one that I can remember is... I remember it. Do you want me to do it? Yeah, you do it. Would you like to be a stalactite? I thought that you stalagmite. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

See how I foolishly milk that for maybe a year or two when it works a fucking decade longer? A decade later, it's still solid. it works a fucking decade longer. A decade later, it's still solid. You'd think there'd be a lot of stalagmite-tight humor out there that would fuck that joke up,

but you just don't hear it that much. Except for on Dixie Riddle Cups. What was the punchline for that one? Ice cream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. I don't know. That might have been it. The point was that those lines were so stupid. I think you would have punched it up a little, no?

I think I shot someone and called them an ice hole, maybe. There was like four of them, but it built up to the stalactite thing. Yeah, that's the strongest for sure. That really knocked it out of the park. Okay, so now when you go to movies, you just kind of like, it's just a distraction. I'm talking to Tig again now.

A distraction from what? The other movies? From your life? I mean, like, because you admit that you've seen movies since the 70s, but you just don't... I've seen movies. You don't think of yourself as... Do you watch television?

Not really, no. How? I know. How do you do it? I'm jealous. You just fuck bitches all the time, right? What? I thought she'd love that.

How do you take it? No, that's the kind of shit backstage you would have laughed your ass off. Right? That's our relationship. Somebody's getting humored. That's our relationship. No, that I say horrible shit like that and you laugh. I think I wasn't listening.

That's what happened. Yeah, and also, be cool, Brian, because Tig's girlfriends listen to this podcast. All of them do. All of your gay dudes are listening, too, Brian. Oh. I got him. You always laugh at that.

Whenever we're in green rooms, it shows, and I'm like, you and your faggoty behavior. Whenever we're in green rooms, it shows, and I'm like, you and your faggoty behavior. But now it's not funny. You're right. I think it's funny when it's right back at you, buddy. Have you been to the movies lately, Brian? No. Oh, Brian? No.

Oh, yeah. Legion. You saw Legion? Maximum Overdrive with angels. That was shitty. Yeah. You think that was the pitch? Yeah, totally.

Sold. Yeah, yeah. That's the problem with Maximum Overdrive. No angels. And then I saw Avatar, and then I took a nap while Cop Out was playing. Aww. Let's dig it even deeper this whole. What was your tweet after you saw Cop Out?

Oh no, I took a nap at the Arclight Cinema but that Bruce Willis movie wouldn't shut the fuck up. And then hashtag too high for Cop Out. Did you go see it? Yeah. Don't yell at me.

You can't lie on Twitter, Tig. That's against the rules. I see fucking everything. I always have. But yeah, I also love, like, on paper, I love that movie. Did you see Urban Cowboy? I can't picture you watching Urban Cowboy. As a kid, yeah, yeah.

Not lately Scott Glenn was a badass in that movie I thought you were talking to me What have you seen lately, Scott? I saw The Wolfman I actually did take a nap during that Not as a joke I saw Avatar, finally

In three dimensions as well And IMAX and IMAX yeah intelligent max maximum and were you stoned? I was not stoned no

that was the third part of the trifecta I missed out on well because as soon as I said I didn't like it that was when people came back to me oh you didn't see it in 3D

and IMAX and you weren't stoned and I was like who are you talking to? yeah you're right I forgot to do all of those things. I watched it on my phone in a subway while jerking off. That was like the rhythm of that is what

worked. It didn't make any sense at all. It was like Don Rickles. And then I was over there with a rake. And it's just like, oh of that is what worked. It didn't make any sense at all. It was like Don Rickles. And then I was over there with a rake. And it's just like, oh, that's funny. Two years, I spent in the jungle looking for your uncle. Yeah. I thought Avatar, they really missed an opportunity. Like that whole time they kept sticking their fucking ponytails and shit.

You know, they'd like go, boop, you're in a horse now. Or you're in a fucking eagle or whatever. And then they have sex, and all the dude did was he stuck his cock in her pussy. Yeah, you'd think there'd be something interesting to do. Yeah. Wrap that ponytail around her. It's very graphic.

There's a different way you could say that. What would that be? I don't know. But I've heard it called other things. So Tig, you're on a plane, and they show a movie. What happens then? Where do you go?

How do you escape it? I've watched a few movies without headphones on whenever i stare at it yeah and i'm i'm i'm amazed because there i can figure out obviously what's going on i mean people when they're like i'm like oh well that's what's happening it's just it's just easy to to assume that everything alvin and the other chipmunks are saying is hilarious. So you don't have to really listen to it. You just sit there and laugh. Oh, they just said something about farting.

I know they did. And I love it. Doug, you see everything. Did you see the squeakle? And will you see the third in the squeaklegy? No and no. Our next topic But I have to say Doug I did see Precious

Oh good That leads me right into What I wanted to do next What did you think of that? I thought How many laughs? On a scale of zero to less than zero I like devastating movies like that, though.

Really? I don't like comedy. How would you know? From what I hear, what people describe, and the actions I see silently on planes. Clearly, that's the kind of movie she likes. Grease, breaking away, devastating. Devastating.

She likes the heavy shit. Devastating. Devastating. She likes the heavy shit. Psycho 3. Well, I was telling Scott that when I... Don't drag me into this. When I watched Pressure, I had one of the screener copies that they mail, you know, if you're in the industry. Yeah, if you're fancy, they just send it to you.

And so they send it, and I watched it, and it was cool because I turned it down and I was able to sync it up to Dark Side of the Moon. It worked perfectly with Precious. So then the cash registers started ringing when Precious started eating Monique's pussy out. Wait, does that happen? What, you haven't seen it?

No, I did, but I totally fell asleep. You fell asleep at the wrong moment. At home. It's more comfortable there. Well, I wrote a thing for I think it was like GQ.com or something where it was about the top ten, they nominated 10 movies this year and obviously

as of this taping, Hurt Locker was the triumphant movie. And before this taping. Yeah. What do you think it'll be after this taping? I'm saying it'll remain the winner. At press time, Hurt Locker's still winner. I announce that

every episode from now on. And don't worry, John Lithgow, he's on the hook. He's definitely going to do this show. Let's go! That's weird. Okay, so I wrote a thing about the lessons that could be learned from each of the top ten movies last year, and I will tell you them, and if you guys have any lessons that could be learned from each of the top ten movies last year, and I will

tell you them, and if you guys have any lessons that you learned that are different than the ones I learned, then you can throw them in there. Like for Avatar, we were just talking about the lesson learned from that movie is of course, stock up on unobtainium. And learn how to

say it. Unobtainium. When they said that in the theater, I gasped. Is it hard to get? I still don't know. Well, that's the thing. Like they... Hard to get-ium is harder to get than unobtainium, strangely enough. But yeah, it's just very interesting that... Not easy to findium.

James Cameron invented a world where we'll name things based on what will happen to them in the future. Like, I'm guessing this is going to be hard to get, so we better name it that way now. So that's what I learned from that one. I learned from the movie Up that old people can get away with anything.

I learned from District 9 that someday there will the movie Up that old people can get away with anything. I learned from District 9 that someday there will be a minority that we can all hate. So that's something to look forward to. And education taught me that married dudes are terrible boyfriends. Wouldn't you agree, Tig? Just say yes.

Because I really didn't need a movie to teach me that. So that's my point there. What movie taught that? You know one of those movies you didn't need a movie to teach me that so that's my point there is that they didn't teach me much at all what movie taught that? I'm talking about you know one of those movies you didn't see? yeah the millions of movies you haven't seen? I love your

I'm talking about one of them don't show show your work okay blindside if you're down and out all you got to do is be crazy good at something useful and walk down a highway in the middle of a rainy night and a white woman will pick you up All you got to do is be crazy good at something useful and walk down a highway in the middle of a rainy night

and a white woman will pick you up and invite you to get into her car in the backseat with her young white boy. That's what I learned from that movie. Did you watch that piece of shit? I watched it in Texas the weekend it opened and that crowd was into it. That movie made more money in Texas than any of the other states.

Does it take place here? And that's because people in Texas have big hearts. You would all, driving home tonight, every single one of you would stop and pick up a giant black boy walking along the side of the highway. That is the right thing to do. A giant black boy.

I wish that's what the movie was called. Sandra Bullock in A Giant Black Boy. Doug, you realize you can just say extremely black. What? Hurt Locker. There are people in the world That prefer bomb defusing Over grocery shopping

I didn't know there was Grocery shopping is way Errands are fucking annoying Right When your wife asks you I'm tired of errands My life isn't on the line During most errands

But it could be If you did it right Gotta learn how to apply yourself when I saw Precious from the novel Push by Sapphire I learned that someone named Sapphire wrote a book called Push

about a giant black girl yeah why didn't she just fucking take off down the highway and solve her problems let Sandra Bullock pick her up, too. That'll be the sequel. They'll both be in the backseat of Sandra Bullock's car.

Yeah. My two giant black children. Yeah. You get that little white kid in between, make a little backseat Oreo. I would hate to be underneath that car. Really? Did you really just say that?

Oh, yes, I did it. And then what's left? Oh, A Serious Man. Nothing to learn there. I didn't get that movie at all. And then up in the air, Vera Farmiga has a nice butt. Double.

Butt double. It's good, but it's not her. I'll be honest, I saw that movie, too. Right, well, because, you know, George Clooney's character is based on you. You're a frequent flyer. That's true. That's true. And, you know, you're boring as shit.

Wait a second. You're boring as shit? That's devastating. Especially since it's coming from one of the most boring people in the world. Wait a minute, Tig. I know we joke around a lot. No, I think you're a horribly boring person. What's this now?

I don't like you. Take it back. Before we continue, take it back. Boring. Hey, you know what? Let's leave this as a cliffhanger for your show. Okay, maybe I should take it back. Do Tig and Scott make up?

Nope. No way. I know. Let me guess. We joke around all the time backstage like that. We have such different relationships backstage. It's just not the same. Okay, so let's play the Leonard Maltin game.

That's what everybody's here for. Oh, my God. Scott and Tink made out. They totally made out. That was Scott's first girl ever. I mean Tig's first girl ever.

Brian, you're next. He's next for what? Scott and Brian are going to kiss? They think that's funny. Do that thing where you get really close and don't kiss. Gay chicken?

Gay chicken? Winner. You win. Always. It's a real crowd pleaser. It's a real crowd pleaser. If Brian and I kissed, it would be the gayest kiss ever.

Yeah, let's just tease that. He doesn't seem interested. That's for backstage. That's shit we do back there. All right, let's play the Leonard Maltin game. We've got to get people that for you guys to play for uh we got i'm gonna just go front row center to middle because you obviously not only got here early but uh also were willing to sit in the front row probably heard on the podcast that front row is a Austin thing to make up a weird name for yourself

whenever you're on a podcast. Oh, you're from Florida? Makes perfect sense now. Florida or Germany, right? But I love that you say your name like it's the first time you've said it's fun every time all right gooms who do you want to play for you gooms Brian or you want take to play for you she does nothing you are listening are you sure it wasn't just like a sloppy handwriting and it was supposed to be something other than Goomer? Because a lot of people's M's, B's look like M's. Alright. Stupid. Okay. Goober. Goober. Goomer and Tig! In the

morning. My favorite drive time DJs. Now here's a Brock of Nickelback coming up. Okay, so let's play the Leonard Maltin game. I'll start down there with with Grian. Is that the only person who's playing for anyone? Oh yeah, I gotta get two more players. It's a good thing I have other people on stage with me.

What's your name, sir? Adam. Adam? Seagoomer? It's that easy. What did it used to be? What weird name did you change it from? All right, Adam, who do you want to play for you?

Brian. Adam's taking Brian. What's that mean? Why are people making noises? Because I'm last, Doug. Oh, What's that mean? Why are people making noises? Because I'm last, Doug. Oh, what's your name? Matt. And you get Scott. Hi, Matt. But I think we all know

Goomer made a mistake by picking the person who admitted she's never seen a movie before. You think that whole thing was like a setup? You're on to our little plot. She's never even seen The Hust plot? She's going to be great. She's never even seen The Hustler. She's going to be great at it.

I don't get it. Or a color of money. Okay, all the movies in this Leonard Moulton game take place in or were shot in, or both, the state of Texas. Wait, all of them? Okay. I don't know if I knew how to play this game. A lot of movies take place in Texas. Wait, all of them? Okay. I don't know if I knew how to play this game.

A lot of movies take place in Texas, Tig, and none of the ones you've seen. Degrees take place here? Okay, so we'll start with Brian down there on the other end. Days of Confuse. That's not one I chose because I knew that would happen. Brian, would you like to start us off with a movie from 2004, 2007, or 1999? 99.

99, you got it. Like I said, this movie either was shot or takes place in Texas. Len Maltin gives it two stars. Not that into it. I'm sure I saw it. Not that into it. But I don't think that's fair, to be honest with you. And dry and understated is the clue.

All right. Dry and understated. And the year, again, what was the year? 99. Yeah. And there are eight names. Brian, start the bidding. Five? You can do it in five names. Brian, start the bidding. Five?

You can do it in five names. Scott? Name it. Wow. Scott going to get an early point on the board because we know how difficult this can be. Good luck, Brian. Good luck, Brian.

Rob Schneider's here, everybody. How fucking weird. He doesn't just cameo in Sandler movies. He cameos in real life situations. That's awesome. I thought he was touring, no? Okay, Richard Reel. I don't know who that is.

Gary Cole, who doesn't know who he is. He's great. Steven Root. It's Office Space. Friend of yours. Oh, Brian got it! Office Space! I could have got that.

Leonard Maltin with the two stars. That's not cool. Really? Yeah. What a dry and understated... Oh, man. We should give him a piece of our fucking minds. If we ever see him.

He gave Idiocracy seven and a half stars. So get off his dick. Okay. So Brian got the point. So we'll start the bidding with Scott. I mean, you get to pick the year. 2004, 2007, or 83.

Yeah, going back. 2004, 2007, 83. How old was I? Okay. I don't trust it. Well, I don't know, but there are a lot of movies in the 2000s. Pick one! I'll say 83! 83? Yes. Okay. Here we go.

This is from 1983. Like I said, it was filmed in or takes place in Texas. Most movies that take place in Texas are filmed here, but you know what I mean. And this movie, I'll give you the clue is this movie had a squeak wall. There was a follow-up movie, but it didn't happen for a long time. That's a good clue. And then the names are, we've got seven names. Scott, start the bidding.

I can name that movie in seven names. Wow, ballsy bid. So Tig, you're new to this and you've never seen a movie, so I recommend you go for the six names. Because if you tell Scott's name at seven, I guarantee you he will be able to name it. I don't understand. So you can go for six.

Just say, I can name that movie in six names. I could name that movie in six names. Okay, Brian. No, it's Brian's turn now. Settle down. He was so excited. What? Brian.

I'm not going to make her name it. That's me. Right. And you could probably do it in less. Five? Five. See? Brian says five, Scott.

What do you think of that? He just got one in only three names. Two. Oh. Brian's got a lot of useless shit. How many are there? Seven? What?

So I wouldn't get the top three? Yeah. All right. I'll name it. I'll do it in four. Yeah, sure. Any less would be stupid. Because now, Tig, you can underbid him or tell him to name that movie.

And that's what I'd recommend you do. Just say, name that movie. Tell Scott that? Yeah. Look at your eyes. You don't have to make out again. Oh, Jesus. Every time with the make out.

We got another podcast to do, you guys. Jesus. Scott, just name that movie. I can't believe you picked here, Tig, of all places to go into the closet. All right. Name that movie, Scott. How many names do you get? Four? I get four, yeah. Okay. Danny DeVito.

Oh. Lisa Hart Carroll. Oh, I don't know this one. Jeff Daniels. Jeff Daniels. And our buddy, John Lithgow. Let's go. Let's go! 83. Okay, wait a minute.'s go danny devito jeff daniels 1983 don't don't help

you guys probably were watching them film it i don't know if it was in austin but it was in texas holy shit oh what happens in vegas that's set here in Austin, right? That's what that movie should be called. Oh, What Happens in Vegas. So that's your guess? That's your official guess? I mean, you know,

I would have to say Tin Man or something. Point for take, everybody! The movie was called, it's an obscure little movie called Terms of Endearment. Terms of Endearment. The other names were Jack Nicholson, Deborah Winger, and Shirley MacLaine.

So there you go. That seems reasonable. Yeah. I agree. So Tig got the point. That makes sense after I hear all that. Yeah. Good for you, Tig.

You're on the board. Let's go to Brian now to select a... Wait, but it doesn't go to Tig? Hmm? It doesn't go to Tig? I feel like... The person who just won the point? No, you go to the person that's, you know... Oh, it always goes to go to Tig? It doesn't go to Tig? The person who just won the point? No, you go to the person that's... Doghouse.

You give the next person a chance. So we'll start with Brian. 2004, 2007, or... 90. 1990. 90. Okay, 90. I like the way this is going to work out. Lynn Malton says, sounds as if it can't miss

But does What a dick He's a very sweet man You wait to hear what the movie is Is it the best movie of 1990? No, he gave it two and a half stars. I'm saying the title. But it was the best movie.

Oh, no, no, no. You really would be sticking your neck out with that title. Okay, so Brian, you get nine names. Start the bidding. And five? Five names. Brian says he could do it. Scott?

Name that movie. Oh, this is going to be good. Jack Nance? Eraserhead himself. Yes. Leon Rippey? Barry Corbin? Eraserhead herself.

Wait, wait, wait. Barry Corbin? Jerry Harden? And Brian, this might be the one that does it for you. Barry Corbin. Erase her head herself. Wait, wait, wait. Barry Corbin. Uh-huh. Jerry Harden. Mm-hmm. And Brian, this might be the one that does it for you. William Sadler. 90?

I know you enjoy the character work of William Sadler. He basically just told you the movie. Say again? Say the... Can I hear the other four names? Yeah, Jack Nance, Leon Rippey, Barry Corbin, Jerry Harden, and William Sadler.

Is it fucking Die Hard 2? No. I can never forget the scene in Dallas where they're getting on the plane in the snow. No, it's Dulles. It's what? Never mind. No, no, becauseest. It's what? Never mind.

No, no, because Sadler, I'm thrown now. Sadler's naked in the movie in the hotel room. Yeah, yeah. But I'll give you the rest of the names to see if you can get it, but Scott got the point on that one.

Yeah, you threw me. Charles Martin Smith, Jennifer Connelly, Virginia Madsen, and Don Johnson. Oh, Jesus. Right? What was that called?

The Heap Something. Hot Spot. Hot Spot. Oh, there's What was that called? The Heat something. Hot Spot. There's no fucking way I would have ever gotten that. But if you enjoy Virginia Madsen or Jennifer Connelly younger and naked, that's the movie to check out. The Hot Spot. Or even if you think you'll enjoy them that way. Naked but not younger.

Is it at all similar to Die Hard 2? In my defense, I know it doesn't take place in Dallas, but isn't that the year it came out, 90? Oh, maybe. I can't really check that right now because I've got to finish this up. So, okay, so Scott got the point. So now everybody's got a point.

So the next person who gets one wins. We'll be done. And we'll start with Tig. Wait, it starts with me. You just got the point. I'd start with the person next to the person who got starts with me You just got the point I'd start with the person next to the person who got the point That's the weirdest fucking rule ever Scott

Brian didn't get the point last time What is your name again? Goomer How do you think I'm doing Goomer? She's in it right? She's got a chance I trained her backstage how to do it And I've been talking her through it the whole time. All right, so 2004.

Tig, you get to pick the year. 2004 or 1974. 74. Nice. No one's going to get it. That's your sweet spot. I will. Leonard Maltin, this is an interesting thing that he does.

He gives it three and a half stars. And the first two words of the review are perfect entertainment. So I don't know where they lost the half. Perfection is tricky, you guys. You think you're there, but you're still a little not perfect. Well, that's weird because Urban Cowboy didn't come out yet.

You're right about that. I'll give you another clue. This was... No, that's a good enough clue. No, you need more. God, I want to win this. It's named after a place in Texas. It's named after a place in Texas. That's a good clue for you guys.

People are already mumbling in the audience. There's six names, and Tig, you start the bidding. I'd say, probably, you might want to say, I can name it in six names. You there's six names, and Tig, you start the bidding. I'd say probably you might want to say I can name it in six names. You feel like that'd be the safest thing for me to do? You might want to hear all the names, yeah. Yeah, including the title. I can name it in six names and a title?

Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Okay, Brian, that's her bid. Six names and the title. She thinks she can get it. I'm pretty sure I'll get it. Can you go lower? I'll do it in six names. Brian can do it. Can you go lower? I can do it in six names.

Brian can do it in six names. Scott? I'll do it in five. Now, Tig? What? Just a friendly recommendation. You probably have more of a chance of winning if you say, Scott, name that movie.

But it's going to be a close one. Well, I really want to win this. For Goomer. For Goober. So I should tell Scott to name that movie? I was just discussing with Doug. What did he say? He was just saying I would have a much better chance at this.

Hear me out. Doug over here was... We were just discussing how I'd have a better chance if I told you to name the movie. And it's about Texas. Are you going to listen to that guy? He said he... I think he made up this game.

I was just going to whisper in your ear. Why are you recoiling from me? If you don't want to make out, I don't want you whispering in my ear. What's happening? We worked it out. James Franco just called. He wants to know if there's a part in this soap opera that he can...

Could you... Go ahead and say it. Name that movie, Scott. I already told him. Okay, good. Here we go. I was just discussing that with him. I lost the... Here it is. 74, and it's about Texas. So you get four names. And it's a city in Texas, you said. Yeah, yeah, him. Okay, good. Here we go. I was just discussing that with him. I lost the... Here it is. 74, and it's about Texas.

So you get four names. And it's a city in Texas, you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Wait, four? No, I get five. I get five. I get five.

All right. Calm down. Louise Latham. Or Latham. Latham. Okay. Steve Canale. William Atherton.

He was like the bad guy in Ghostbusters. Oh, yeah, yeah. Michael Sachs. And then your last name, leaving out the name of the star, which would give it away maybe, is Ben Johnson. The fastest man alive?

Is that your answer or question? No, is Ben Johnson or is that Bets answer or question no is ben johnson or is that betsy johnson um you're thinking of the fastest man alive in texas uh okay now i'm gonna start thinking of names of cities in texas i've already been doing that i think tig's gonna win this thing you're not gonna think of it by thinking of cities because it might be a fictional city. I don't know if this is a real city. We'll find out. They'll tell me after.

Might have been made up for the movie. Is it Texasville? That's not a bad guess. I mean, it's a terrible guess. If it's the movie I'm thinking of, I feel like it came out in 73. I actually double-checked, like she was on to something. No, it's 74.

All right. Tig is our winner then, because Scott's not going to guess it. Goomer! This is a really hard one. This is a hard one. The final name is Goldie Hawn. That sounds familiar. It was Steven Spielberg directorial debut. Might have heard of him.

Ten. You really don't know what Steven Spielberg did before Duel? I thought it was Duel. No. Or maybe it was after Duel. It was his first big screen movie. Sugarland Express. And is Sugarland a city in Texas?

Yeah. I won, Goober. There you go. So Goober wins a copy of Doug Benson, Professional Humoridian, available on the special thing, ASTrecords.com. He also wins a copy of Doug Benson's Unbalanced Load,

available on Comedy Central Records. And then you win a... I love that you stand up every time. Yeah, he's coming to get his shit. And then a two-trunk-to-dweet T-shirt that I invented. Oh, you want to... Okay, Teg wants to do something ceremonial with it. While she's doing that, I'll tell you my plugs

that I've got coming up. Oh, I also got to find out who the third place person gets to name a shithead. Is that how you fold a shirt? What? There we go. Okay, I'm going to be at the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island, April 1st.

I'm going to be at the... What's that called? Oh, the Wilbur Theater Boston on 4-2. Comedy Connection Chickapee Mass on April 3rd. You know what's hilarious on podcasts? Physical humor.

That's why I'm doing my plugs during it, Brian. Wow Hall at Eugene April 8th. So funny. Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon April 9th. Thank you, thank you. And I'll be at the Tower Theater

in Bend on April 10th. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Brian, do you have anything you want to plug? Nah. Fart and wiener jokes. I can't even say it. He's got a record coming out called Fart and Wiener Jokes.

I called my record Fart and Wiener Jokes. When does it drop? That shit drops April 27th, yo. Yay, Fart and Wiener Jokes. Available in brown bags. Scott, what do you got coming up? I have a...

After the second of our team-up podcast drops next Friday, the 26th, I'll have a big two-hour Comedy Death Ray radio with guests Ben Stiller, Jeff Garlin, and... What the fuck? Who else? Paul F. Jeff Garlin, and what the fuck? Who else? Paul F. Tompkins,

and some other big people. Scott, you had us at eye. And Tig, what do you got coming up? Got some road dates or anything? No. Sarah Silverman program is now after Stephen Colbert. And watch it or we're going to go away.

On Thursday nights. So watch it if we're going to go away. On Thursday nights. So watch it if you want to save it. Yes. Don't watch it if you don't like it. Yeah, yeah, don't watch it. Simple rule of thumb. I think I'm making an appearance on Brian's Poop and Wiener album. Totally.

Hopefully. Yep. And as always, the losers in the Glendermont game get to decide who I call a shithead at the end of the show, and I feel a little bad about one of the two shithead choices, but I'm compelled to say it because that's what he wants me to say.

So, thanks to my guests. Let's hear it for Brian Poseid and Scott Aukerman who take Notaro. And as always, Matthew McConaughey is a shithead. And John Lithgow

is a shithead. Oh, no! I know. I disagree, but that's what the guy wanted. Alright. End theme. Play it. There it is. Doug to watch another talk. Ben and Liza, all these human problems.

Big Tim Focky, there's no room in his heart for you. Just Doug loves movies. Oh, yeah. Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds with... Keep it going. Keep it going. keep it going. Doug Benson, he's right there. He can hear your applause.

He wants more applause.