Doug Loves Movies - Brody Stevens, Ari Shaffir, and Bert Kreischer Guest

Episode Date: September 6, 2012

Doug welcomes fellow comedians Brody Stevens, Ari Shaffir, and Bert Kreischer to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, if he sleeps with 50 as a pup or kernels in his teeth, there's still not one that he won't see, because Doug loves movies! Hey everybody, my name is Doug And I love movies This is Doug Loves Movies Coming to you from the UCB Theater

In L.A. C.A. On Tuesday, September 4th Two Oceans 12 Hold for applause Since last I spoke and you listened I flew back from seattle and that's pretty much it that's all that's happened since then i miss seattle already today was day 44 in a row of no rain in seattle eight more days to break the record let's this. There's nothing we can do. But much thanks to the

Bumbershoot Music and Arts Festival for letting me put on my dirty daily movie chat show in front of children. Yeah, some children. Not all children. At least two, maybe three babies over the course of the weekend.

The hippies with the bringing their babies to dirty shows, I love it. Babies love the movie Roadhouse, I wrote here. We did a How Did This Get Made talking about Roadhouse, and I'm not sure how long until that'll come out, but check that out when it does. And I'll be in San Jose Saturday, September 8th,

and San Diego Saturday, September 15th. DouglasMovies.com for links and shit. It's time to announce the winner of the I Dream of Siri fake trailer competition. Thank you to all who entered. I counted about 25 entries on YouTube. People that actually went out, and they all seemed to try and actually shoot

their own version of the I Dream of Siri trailer. A lot of them were over two minutes long, which is weird because I only had one rule, basically, and it was two minutes or less. It was pretty much the only thing they had to follow, and people couldn't follow that. They got disqualified.

If there was a really, really amazing one that was over two minutes, I would consider it, but there wasn't. Anyway, I'm consider it. But there wasn't. Anyway, I'm just kidding. There was good ones of all lengths. I watched a 45-minute one. Anyway, it was very tough to choose a winner. And if I watched them all again right now, I might choose a different one.

That's how close it was. The best special effects are in one called I Dream of Siri Ghost Protocol. The best line in one of them was at the guttersnipes on Twitter. They're I Dream of Siri. At one point, Siri says, shut your

pussy mouth, Jim. But it's in the Siri voice. It's funny to hear the Siri voice say that. And then the best animated one, the only animated one, was from Wizard Van Medium. Media. Wizard Van Media.

But for me, the one with the best twist to it and fun to watch all the way through was made by at Carl Jensen for IV. Carl Jensen IV on Twitter. So congrats to Carl. Let's hear it for Carl. Yeah. I thought you guys would be kind of a tired audience

because it's right after Labor Day, but you guys are fired up. Happy for Carl. From the corrections department, at Jovialjackie tweeted me to let me know that there is indeed a movie called Madonna, Truth or Dare. And you guys will find out why that was in contention

when you hear that episode. This is what happens when I do them too close together. Then now there's... You get what I mean. Or you don't. Prize bag, you guys. We've got to get the prize bag out here. Somebody brought a t-shirt, and that would give it away if I show you what it said on it.

This gives away absolutely nothing. Somebody brought a Black History Month t-shirt that I believe he was wearing when he walked in, and now he's wearing a shirt from one of the other guys, so that he would... And then this is an interesting... I'm going to have to talk more about this a little later but this is a cat his cat fish hunter action figure yeah the baseball player and a copy of my cd smug life and this book that i still have from the lead-up conference uh super i Am 8-Bit More Art Inspired by Classic Video Games of the 80s.

It's like a cool coffee table book. And somebody gave me this. I've got to track down who gave it to me. I have some more to give away later. But these are some Yes You Can Bama J. Rolling Papers. Because, you know, you've got to have some President Obama-themed rolling papers to bum out the entire party. He didn't do what he said he was...

Okay, well, give him four more. All right, please welcome... You guys are in for a treat if you're fans of the Death Squad Network, because I got three of my favorites from there. Please welcome Brody Stevens, Ari Shavir, and Bert Kreischer. Sit wherever you like, Mr. Stevens. After last week's black shirt debacle, I'm really glad we all chose a different color.

Because it was all black shirts up here, and it got weird. We were delayed the whole way. What happened? Brody took a call. It was from Zach. So he had to say, I'll call you back later.

Yeah, I did that. To Zach Efron? Or Zach Galifianakis, either one. It's not either one when somebody calls you. It's pretty much one or the other. Yeah. Zach Galifianakis.

Is there an emergency with Zach? No. Not that I don't think so. All right. Brody Stevens, ladies and gentlemen. Brody Stevens, ladies and gentlemen. Brody Stevens is here. You not only brought this Catfish Hunter action figurine. Yeah.

That you just don't want anymore? Yeah. I mean, I've had it, and I've seen it, and there'll be other ones. Other Catfish Hunter figurines? Other figurines. There's tons of them. I was like, I think they're done making them. Look at those sideburns.

They don't make those anymore. Is it too nice to be given away? I just, you know, it seems like something that you would covet or treasure. It seems like you're giving something away that you have some love for. Are you moving on, Brody? Are you moving on in your life? Putting childhood away? Like, how much do you think it's worth? This is getting really fucking deep.

He doesn't fucking want it, guys. Would you fucking want it? He got a bit of a trampoline, too. It's probably worth 20 bucks. I love how Bert starts out at that level of he's already

his head's gonna explode already. I'm getting about to start sweating. We just started. Oh, I thought these people were in wheelchairs. I swear to God. I was like, wow, this is so does that guy have a trumpet? A clarinet? Saxophone? Saxophone.

Saxophone. Oh, she used to bring in a frisbee. Does that guy have a trumpet? Clarinet? Saxophone? Saxophone. Oh, she used to bring in a frisbee. Now she's got it on a saxophone. This folk is a great promotional tool. Okay, so anyway, that's what Brody brought. And the Black History Month t-shirt is from Ari. Ari Shafir, everybody.

Ari Shafir is here. Oh, thanks. Ari Shafir. Host of, you have a podcast called The Skeptic Tank. Yep. Ari Shafir's Skeptic Tank. What happens on it? You're just skeptical about things?

I just try to talk about subjects that I don't know much about, like Brody with the Nuthouse. That's what Brody's show is called? Nuthouse? The Nuthouse, yeah. Geez, I didn't go to a Nuthouse. Well, to the time over there. We talked about, I took a break. But not a Nuthouse.

That's a whole other thing. Those are like group homes. See how it gets awkward? Great. I didn't bring it up. Ari brought it up. I shouldn't't bring it up Ari brought it up I shouldn't have brought it up very soon

we're bringing up the catfish hunter stuff Doug was kind of hitting with the catfish hunter he was like I don't want to break you if you need it you need it

and that made it awkward and then he said Nuthouse and it got more awkward it would only be more awkward if they actually weren't wheelchairs yeah

it's just sometimes a guest gives something that they you know they really want to be generous and I don't want them to give away something like the shirt Ari was actually

wearing that's why he's now wearing my shirt he actually took his shirt off people so you can have the one that he wore that's how giving Ari is I think it's in the bible what verse is it 26 41 26 41 giveth your shirt of a Jewish man's back and there will be That's how giving Ari is. I think it's in the Bible. What verse is it? 26, 41.

26, 41. Give it to your shirt off a Jewish man's back, and there will be hair in it. Yeah. That's a big one. So Bert contributed one of his shirts. Yes. With his face on it and scary imagery. Yes.

It's, yeah. It looks like this. And it says, I am the machine. So, yeah. We are jumping off to a great fucking start, people. This is like the fucking pilgrims going across. Some guy's like, I left my keys back there. Once again. Why would pilgrims have keys?

I don't know. I just jumped ahead of myself with the improv. My brain started going, pull! And I didn't have anything in there. Don't worry about it. We got this. You got two bottles of water. That's practically as many as Robin Williams uses during a show.

I'm on a cleanse. I think you're going to be alright. But what is the name of your podcast, Brody Stevens? I've been doing one, the Stephen Brody Stevens Festival of Friendship. I've done about nine episodes. I do that. Try to do it once a week. I get

guests on, or I'll just talk. I do one with Esther, Brod and Esther, on Death Squad. That's where I have Esther on. Little Esther. Little Esther. She's funny. And then I try to be guests on different podcasts.

Sure. Like this one right here. You're being a guest right now? Where can people listen to this? If people want to check this out, where should they go? Have you been to the movies lately, Brody? Not lately. I need to go.

I got freaked out after that Batman stuff a little bit. Really? You got not scared isn't the right word for it, but just tense about going to a motion picture theater? Yeah. Really? Were you scared it was going to happen again or you just lost the mood? Well, I saw

the campaign. I went to that and I thought I'd be safe there. So I did see that. Yeah, that went to that, and I thought I would be safe there. So I did see that. Yeah, that's where that guy really fucked up. He should have done a movie where we really wouldn't be expecting it. Like the Ooglevee. What's that thing? No, no.

No, don't say that. But that's interesting. We've had a few guests on the show that have said that the idea of being in a theater watching a movie makes them uncomfortable now. It's a little weird. It's a shame that that happened. Yeah, I've got to get back. Maybe start with the matinee.

Yeah, sure. That's smart. Cheaper price. Me and my feature went to go see Batman like the day after the shooting in Miami. And there's a dude behind me going through a bag, like just rustling through a bag, and my mind's fucking racing. I'm like, holy shit, this is going to be a fucking nightmare.

He's going to light me on fire. Like that's where my brain goes, and I'm fucking just, I'm freaking out. Not thinking he's getting a drink, and then a Middle Eastern dude walks, not kind of, I don't want to be, I don't want to sound racist,

but this guy has ridden a camel. Okay? He's at the full rope on a camel. Where were you? In Miami. And so he comes out. He comes out. Are there camels in Miami? No, no. In his homeland he did. Before he got to Miami. You really jump to a backstory

when you see a guy walk by in a dark theater. I profile like a motherfucker. And so then he stands at the middle of the at the front of the theater, right? Movie hasn't started. He's standing at the front of the theater staring up at everyone and everyone is watching him. I swear to God, he yells, he yells, Ali Akbar!

And I'm like, everybody down! He was yelling his son's name, looking to find out where his son was sitting. I felt like such a cocksucker. They named his son Ali Akbar. I don't know what the fuck word he said. That's a horrible name for a character. But he didn't say Derek. He said, like, fucking one of his words.

Jason! I would have been like, oh, we're cool. But it was like, I don't know. There's no names like that. But it wasn't Derek or Doug. It was a chant leading people into war. It came out biblical.

So you haven't been to the movies either? No, I saw it the day after. Oh, you saw it right away. Yeah, I saw it right away. That was still a month or two ago now, right? Yeah, yeah. I saw it a few weeks ago, and I was just a little, it was a little upsetting how much gunplay there is.

It's just like a lot of people just shooting, shooting, shooting for long stretches of time, so it's kind of... I like the part where you root for the guy to get out of the hole for like 45 minutes, even though you know he's going to get out the whole time. Spoiler! I like the part where you root for the guy to get out of the hole for like 45 minutes even though you know he's going to get out the whole time spoiler I like that part

whole spoiler it's been like two months enough whole spoiler I saw New York with Kurt Metzger and some guy behind us in line

and the elevator goes down it's so bunched up because it's New York and we all everybody stops so it kind of bunched up at the end and everyone's like and the guy behind me, you got to keep on moving, people.

And he fucking pushed my bag out of the way. That's New York. I don't like it. I don't like that kind of behavior. What do you think we're doing? We're not just waiting. I didn't push you. Yeah, you're right.

I think that can happen anywhere where there's too many people in one elevator. I don't think that's just a New York thing. Ooh, I got trapped in an elevator with a bunch of Japanese people. Like, straight up Japanese. These guys had hunted whales, okay? Too far. And no, I swear to God, we got trapped in an elevator in New York

and they fucking panicked in Japanese, which is really fucking scary. Like, panic in English is like, oh my God, I'm really nervous. Oh my God, what are we going to do? I'm freaking out. I'm getting cold. But when it's in Japanese, it's like,

I'm not going to do the fucking voice, but it sounds like, oh, we're going to fucking die! Like, we're killing, you know what I mean? I get what you're saying. You want to be racist, but you're holding back. I like how every ethnicity you do sounds like a war cry.

That's how I hear every other language as a fucking battle cry. Spanish does sound like a fucking revolution, though, doesn't it? ¿Dónde está Susana? ¿En la cocina? Why were they freaking out in the elevator? Because it was trapped. Were there elevator shootings?

No, no, we were just trapped. Were there elevator shootings? No, no. We were just trapped. Trapped like a beaver, I tell you. How long were you trapped for? Not very long. I opened the fucking doors myself. Swear to God, I opened the doors myself and we were only like a foot away. Nope, just rip.

When you hear Japanese people panicking, you get superhuman powers. Like you were war from Star Trek The Next Generation? Like I was Godzilla's fucking buddy and I just ripped that shit open. Yeah, I was going to say, next time Godzilla's a problem, they should call the machines. Oh, fuck off. So have you been to the movies, Ari? Yeah, I saw Batman.

This guy fucking pushed me at the bottom of the escalator. I was trying to go. I was already worried enough that I couldn't go anywhere. I once had this Japanese tourist. I was working at Arlington National Cemetery, and I put out JFK's Eternal Flame. They were all around there watching.

I had this wand to water the stuff, and it popped off, and it fucking shot out and put out the flame. These Japanese tourists started taking pictures because they thought it was some sort of production they put on every once in a while. But then there was the pilot light, and it came back on 15 seconds later.

Do you think that's one of many breaks that it's taken over the years, the eternal flame? Or do you think that you're the only person that's done that? I don't know. Wouldn't there be more people around watching to make sure that doesn't happen? Oh, it's windy today. Somebody should go hang out by the eternal flame.

With their hand up like this. What do they do in the winter? With their jacket coat around it like they're lighting a bowl. Wait, you really put on the eternal flame? I saw you be nursing the flame back to health. Wait, what did you have in your hand? A super soaker? It was a hose with a back of water inside.

I wanted to have a hose! I can't believe the Japanese businessmen were worse than... The way you're behaving in a non-life-threatening situation, it's got to be worse than how they were behaving stuck in an elevator with you. No, trust me. All right, well, does anybody hunger for games? That's the question.

I read all three of them. Positive push. We're going to start with a game that we didn't get to on the show that I taped yesterday in Seattle. One of the guests yesterday was Jesse Ventura. So look forward to that. The governor?

The governor. Yeah. The body, I guess they called him. And the game I wanted to play with him there was how much did this shit make? Where I name a movie and then everyone bids, Price is Right style, closest to the right number without going over. Total domestic box office in North America for a movie that Jesse Ventura had a small part in called Batman and Robin. Wait, who the fuck did he play?

He was just, you know, a guard or something. So, what do you think, Burt? How much money did that make? Batman and Robin? Yeah, it was, you know, heralded as killing the whole series. Is that the one with Schwarzenegger? Yeah, he was

Mr. Freeze. Mr. Freeze. I'm going to say $80 million. Somebody in the audience scoffed. Yeah, I was going to scoff. Is that bad? I don't know what that scoffing's about. No way. It is in the millions, right? Alright.

It did manage to push its way into the millions. Somebody could do the old trick they do on Price is Right and bid $1 if they wanted to. So we'll go to Ari, though. Go ahead, Ari. $162 million.

Go above that, Brody. $162 million, he says. I think it made more. Okay, Brody. So I'm going to say, just to be safe, you said $ 162? Uh-huh. I'll say 163 million.

Well played, Brody. Well played. I think I won this one. You really backed me into a corner there. I have almost no way of winning now. It could be 162.5. Oh, I hope it's that. I hope that's what it is. 162.9 it could be 162.5 million. Oh, I hope it's that. I hope that's what it is. 162.9 it could be.

And then he would have gone over. I would love it if that were true. That would be a fantastic ending. But especially with Bert over there so tickled with himself. Well, someone scoffed. So I knew they know movies if they're here. And so then I'm obviously wrong. But I'm wrong by going too high.

I went extra high. Exactly. I thought you'd go $80 million and won. No, I think it made more than $160 million. Sure, don't hire. It killed the franchise, guys. It was terrible. $160 million is a lot of fucking money.

All right, well, I think we've discussed it enough. Juries deliberate for shorter periods of time Over murder Than what we're doing And Bert is in fact our winner Are you serious? It only grossed $107.3 million Oh shit It didn't do that great

I mean it was $100 million It made like 40-50% of its money in the first weekend. It cost $108 million to make. Yeah, yeah. Are you going to do Hangover 3? I haven't heard yet. You'll do it. How can they not have you in every Hangover movie?

I'm a good luck charm. That's what I'm saying. That's the only reason it did well. Yeah. I play different parts I know my lines I show up on time I bring my head shots to the set

Do the line Do the line From the hangover one What did you say in that? So after we take their mug shots We bring them on down here where they wait to be interviewed By the arresting officers. Trust me kids, you don't want to be sitting on these benches.

We call this place Loserville. Did you improv the Loserville part? Todd told me to say it. It wasn't in the script. It wasn't in the script? You had to memorize that. I had to memorize that. Not easy to do in a hot set.

Do you think you could do all three of your movie lines in one character? Like all three, not one lines, but like all three characters as in one. The guy from Due Date,

the guy from Hangover 1, and the guy from Hangover 2. Just parts of them, but in one character. Mesh them. I don't remember all my lines from Due Date. give me one that's all i need just one i need that line then that line but in a you know that same guy saying it and then the other one do you think you could make like a challah bread out of it wow that's a lot that's a lot to ask i can do a hangover too. Gentlemen, follow me.

But that was physical. I had to merge. So wait, what was your line and due date? What was your line and due date? I just was talking about, oh, I want to get out of Atlanta. I want to get to Denver where there's more action and there's more government things going on there. Perfect, perfect. Let's start with the loser bill, then there, and then gentlemen, follow me. Let's try it. This is going to be. Perfect, perfect. Let's start with the Loserville, then there, and then gentlemen, follow me. Let's try it.

This is going to be good, Brody. So start out with the Loserville, hangover one, then due date, then follow me. Loserville, want to get out of Denver? Want to get out of Atlanta into Denver?

Follow me. I've seen it better on paper, but yeah, that's good. I think it works. What happened to Jordan? Where's Jordan? No Jordan. Oh, fuck. What happened to Jordan? Hope he's alright. Where is he? Huh?

Nothing. Oh, I'm sorry. Is that thing done now? Yeah. Doug, they asked me to do it. I know. You're a good sport. I tried. Still don't quite understand it. It was an art project.

I was thinking it would be bigger and better. I'll work on it. Don't waste a second on it, Brody. Okay, thank you, Doug. Go see a matinee. I thank you Doug Go see a matinee I'm going to go see a matinee Get back in the game And let's play the Leonard Maltz game you guys

Let's do it Go out into the audience And pick whoever you'd like to play for Their name tag and bring it back to your To your seat We got a gentleman over there named Pauline Kael I'm going to do the close person She's holding up a copy of one of her books.

Very influential film critic. Is that a Planet of the Capes? I like yours already, Bert. Planet of the Kate? Are you Kate? Planet of the Kate, instead of the apes. How dare you.

Oh, this is actually a really good one. Oh, there's that bottle of Maker's Mark. And the chocolate Zactory. There's a guy named Maker. And Katie, she wrote, I love you, mystery guest. Look at Bacon Bacon Carl's Jr. I've been good with that. I'll play for the Oreo.

I've been good with that actual. Oh, Oreos. Nice. Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's do this one. Okay. I'm playing for Carl. So Ari's playing for Carl. Carl, who brought do this one. Okay. I'm playing for Carl. So Ari's playing for Carl, who brought a coupon for...

No, no, no. A whole booklet of coupons. A whole booklet of coupons for various things at what establishment? Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr. Okay. When you want it done right, go Carl's. And is your name Jr.?

Or Carl's? It's Bennett. What? That's a terrific name tag you have there, Bennett. You've managed to completely disregard what a name tag is. And then Ari chose it.

I figured his name was Carl. Well done, Ari. But that's okay. You know, sometimes shitty name tags get picked. That's why shitty name tags continue to exist. How could your name not be Carl? Because they'll always have a chance.

Oreos, he just put a post-it that says J on there. J-O-E. But at least Brody's going to get to eat some delicious Oreos. Yes. Joe, you could have put it Ore-Joes. Oh, yeah. It's another one of Bert's arts projects. And this is my

favorite. I can't pick take sides, but between these three, what else would I do? It's a Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory poster, but he changed factory to Zactory because he's got the embarrassing name Zach-tory. Very well done, Zach-tory.

Maybe his name is Willie, but he just changed Zach-tory for no reason. To throw us off the trail. What if his name was Gene Wilder? Oh, yeah. It really looks like it might be Jack Albertson. His name might be Blueberry Girl. All right.

What's her name? That movie freaked me the fuck out. Violet Beauregard. His name is Violet Beauregard. All right. A few people like that. Let's play the game. Who gets to go first?

Who won the... I did. How does this shit how much did this shit make so we'll start with Bert and then we'll go to Brody and then to Ari and Bert gets to pick a category which one of these would you like would you like zombie 2pocalypse that's close which is movies that to Tupacalypse. Ooh, that's close. Which is movies that Tupac made that came out after he passed. I don't even need to hear the rest of them.

Yes, I'll go with that one. That's the one you want. Fuck yes. I cried the day he died. We're khakis and a fucking wife beater. Yes. And I wrote all his tattoos on my body and a fucking magic marker.

Yes, we'll go with that one. Okay, poker face. Or poker mouth. You just pretty much told the other two guys what to do here. Exactly. Exactly. That might have been a really good trick you just pulled.

Two and a half stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie that features a Tupac before he was gunned down from 1997. Leonard calls this movie occasionally spunky, which I believe is his review of most porn as well. He also says Elizabeth Pina appears unbilled.

The great Elizabeth Pina. I think Kurt's going to get this with no clues. I don't know, man. It's tough. There are 12 names. 12 names. How many names do you think you can get it in? Oh, I almost want to say none.

Almost? I almost do, but I want to play the game smart. So I know that they don't know any Tupac movies. So I'm going to say I can get it in, what's like a conservative, six a conservative one? Sure, but the way you're talking about it, you seem pretty confident what the movie's going to be. I think I already know what it is. So the smartest thing to do, may I? No, let the idiot be an idiot, okay? You know it's the fucking, and I have intelligence.

So we both have our weapons in this game, and you're taking away my weapon. Okay, so Bert is going to go with six names. I'm going to go with six names only because I can't remember. I'm struggling to remember the exact name of this fucking movie right now. Again, the more information you give the other players, the better. Okay. I could just see with the poker table, oh, three ladies if I get one more.

That's what I call the cards, ladies. I can name it in six names. Brody, what are you going to do with that? I think he can do it in six names. Yeah, definitely. I could probably not name it. I say go ahead and name that movie. Alright, you get six names.

Here's your six names. Lucy Alexis Liu. Fuck, man. Lucy Liu? Might be Lucy Liu. Maybe. Maybe when she was little she started off as Lucy Alexis Liu and was in this movie. Too American. Cassie Lemons. Fuck. Vondie Curtis Hall.

Tom Towles. None of these are fucking boring. Eric Payne. I should have just said no fucking names. John Sayles. John Sayles? The director. Oh. I think, yeah. That was my sound guy. John Sayles. Okay, so that's your... It's the one with him where he's got a drug addiction.

Do you know what movie I'm talking about with the white guy? Tim, what's not his fucking name? Tim. God damn it. All right, you got five seconds. Five,

four, I'm just going to say Bullet. Three, two, I don't fucking know the name. I don't know the fucking name of the movie.

Exit Wounds? None of those words are right. What is it? It's the one with him and the guy. With the white guy, Tim Roth? Tim Roth, yes.

Mother fucker. The movie was called Gridlock. You cocksucker. Yes. Fuck it. Son of a bitch. I played that right. Yeah, you did.

You gave away too much, Bert. You could have told me Tim Roth, and I wouldn't have been able to tell you the name. God damn it. Yeah, even if you went zero names, you still would have sat there and done that same thing. I knew it was Gridlock from the very beginning, and I was like, it's spunky. All you needed was the name. Name of the movie. You knew exactly what it was gridlocked from the very beginning and I was like, it's spunky. All you needed was the name. You knew exactly what it was.

You just needed that precious name to fill in the... There's a scene where they stab each other and they shoot each other and it's fucking hilarious. Yeah, it's occasionally spunky. That sounds like a spunky scene to me. So fucking funny.

What do you go from the bottom of the credits up or top down? Bottom up. Oh, so fucking funny. What do you go from the bottom of the credits up or top down? Bottom up. Bottom up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So who challenged who? I challenged Bert. Okay, so we'll start with you then, Ari, and then we'll move.

God damn it. Forward. Then we'll move towards Brody. Okay. We'll go the opposite way. Same category? No, you get to pick now. That category is out.

Nice. And you get to choose between these three. Would you like The Devil Wears Nada? That's movies where Anne Hathaway appears nude. Oh, nice. Parts of her are nude. Or the category Scary Old Man, which is movies

scary movies featuring Gary Oldman. Okay. Or celebrating a birthday today, hopefully future guests in the show, my buddy John DiMaggio, who's the voice of the robot on... Bender? Bender. Bender on Futurama.

So the films of John DiMaggio. He's had a couple of film roles. Yeah, so that's probably a tough one. I know. I would name that none let him do why do you this is how this is how people evolve this breeds out let it happen okay I won't fight it cuz also we're running out of time I'm not gonna choose the last one I will choose will choose one of the ones before that.

You want Gary Oldman, Scary Gary Oldman or Anne Hathaway nude? Anne Hathaway nude. Here we go. Three stars from Leonard for this movie that I would give four stars because Anne Hathaway is nude in it. 2005 is the year that this movie came out.

And Leonard says about the movie that it is... This is one with C.J. Rabia's boyfriend? He says this movie is slow and stately and also a bit distant. Yeah, this movie didn't pay enough attention to Leonard when he was sitting there watching it. Leonard was just like, talk to me some more. And he lists... Stately.

Ten names. I'll put ten on. That's a smart move. Yeah. Yeah, that's the smartest move you can make. When you see something like that, is it just like you're high and you can't really make it out? That's a fucking genius move. Yeah. Yeah. That's the smartest move you can make. When you see something like that, what do you do? Is it just like you're high

and you can't really make it out? That's a fucking genius move. I like that. I'm being dead serious right now. I should have done that because I don't think anyone's going to be able to figure out this movie. All right.

Well, what do you bid? Oh, wait. I'm fucking in this? Sure. Yeah. Oh, shit. I'll do... I'll do...

I'll do I'll do I'll do eight I could say Bert name that movie You sure could yeah Motherfucker How did this happen again The other Jew got to follow the idiot We should have gone both times I didn't turn it around properly

I didn't turn this thing around right. I know, let's go. Bert, name that movie. Okay, give me eight names, Douglas. All right. Eight out of ten names. We don't get a year. 2005?

Yeah, you do get a year. 2005. 2005. Just had a baby. Oh, you did. Just putting it in perspective, where I was in my life. 34 years old. We'd love to hear every detail that helps you to determine the name of this movie.

It's 210 pounds. Peter McRobbie was in this movie. Do not know that guy. Roberto Maxwell. Thought he was a baseball player. Linda Cardellini. Sounds like a fucking... I know her you know that she's a gymnast

Anna Faris what is she I know Anna Faris Graham Beckle Graham Elwood no Beckle and Anne Hathaway as advertised then Michelle Williams oh and Anne Hathaway. Okay, she's in it. As advertised.

Then Michelle Williams. Ooh. Oh. And finally, your eight out of ten names is Randy Quaid. Randy Quaid. And don't forget, it's Quaid's Awareness Month. All from now on. Randy Quaid 2005

he was in son of a bitch I'll give you five seconds fuck come on dog four give me a hint

what's it sound like give you a hint yeah cause I'm not I can't get all these wrong it's stately and distant stately and distant it is

the devil wears Prada I don't fucking know I don't know what am I supposed to get bullet is it bullet gridlock gridlock was Tupacada. I don't fucking know. I don't know. What am I supposed to get? Bullet. Is it Bullet? Gridlock? Gridlock?

Was Tupac in it? I don't know. What was it? It was a little movie. What is it? Brokeback. All the women know. Brokeback.

Are you shitting me? I did not. Why did you say I'm ready to quit movies? Wait, Anna Faris was in that? Yeah. Yeah, she was... You know, they both had wives for a while.

They both kind of pretend to be straight for a while. That was Michelle Williams. They have girlfriends and wives. Anna Faris sleeps with one of them or something. But Anne Hathaway's topless in a car. She's with Jake Gyllenhaal. Anyway. If you had said Jake Gyllenhaal and the other dude, I would have guessed it was Gyllenhaal. anyway if you had said Jake Gyllenhaal

and the other dude I would have guessed that would have really helped you get it if you had said someone spit on his hand and put it on his dick

I would have been like I know what movie you're talking about that fucking when they said they fucked if you had said nine you would have gotten it

you know that if Leonard Baldwin had been like I was really shocked when the guy spit on his hand put it on his dick and fucked the other guy

in the ass on that mountain I would have been like oh I know that movie. He said that exact thing. He said the movie's kind of distant. Distant? What did he give it out of five?

Three. Three stars. Stingy. You gotta give a gay movie a top five. In this culture. If you want to be politically correct. That's not how it works at all. You don't have to give everything a great review. If it is not like you

and you are white, you have to say you love it. That is exactly how that works. I love the Parkers. I love House of Pain. It's a beautiful fucking sitcom. I can't get enough of it. You have to, Doug. I fucking love the diving in the Olympics.

It was awesome. I fucking loved it. You would understand this if you were from a chocolate factory. Hey, Zach, I'm really sorry, man. We were fucking shit in the bed on this one. Yeah, because Brody's our winner. That's why. Brody won? I'm playing

the game right. You won? Yeah. True enough. I'm playing the game right. Yeah. And we don't have shitheads on the back of the name tag, so we need the two people that lost.

Carl, or what's your name, Bennett? Yeah, Bennett. Come on down here, Bennett. And I also need Zach. I won the whole thing? You won the whole thing, Brody. Are you serious? Yeah. I know. You missed your moment.

That was fun. How much do you win? Do you have anything to say after this humongous victory? It feels good. What do you have to say to the kids who want to be like you? Bennett wants to know what he's supposed to do, even. So you picked a name tag from someone who doesn't even know about

anything about this show. How was I supposed to clean this information from a name tag? I figured his name was Carl. Because there are a lot of really creative ones out there. Anyway. I was under pressure. You get to name anybody in the world, anything in the world, for me to call a shithead

at the end of the show. You're white with red hair. Be careful. Thanks for being a new... I'm not going to reveal which person gave me which name. Sorry, Bennett, with red hair. It's under the semi-cloak of anonymity. Because some people might figure out what the other guy wrote

and what you wrote. He's really thinking about this. Bennett, be a man. Step up to the plate. Right now is your time to shine, Bennett. Do it. Fucking do it. He's really thinking about this. Bennett, be a man. Step up to the plate. Right now is your time to shine, Bennett. Do it. Fucking do it. Write a name down. You don't hate anybody?

How about a group of people? He doesn't hate anybody. Bennett's just like, he's just one coupon away from the next great experience. How old are you? 22. Is there a girl you like?

Write that down. Write that down. I've learned something in 18 years past you, or 16 years, that if you just have someone shit on them, that'll help you out a lot more than you think. So just take someone you really want to fuck and put that name down there. And then play it for her and be like,

oh my God, how could they do that to you? And then take her in your arms and go, I'm here for you. Fucking Bennett, play this one. I'll rebuild you. Come on, Bennett. Write her name down. Oh,

he's writing the name down. Fuck, he's writing a real name. Nice, Bennett. We'll mix it up so they don't know which one's yours. I don't think he has a shot with Eva Mendez but that's cool. Thank you, Bennett. Have a seat. The show's almost over. You gonna stay for Comedy Bang Bang?

Is that your intention? Sure, you don't know? Okay, sit the fuck down. He doesn't know much. I don't ever wanna see you again. I'm gonna say whoever I feel like saying is a shithead.

I'm gonna say Bennett's a shithead. No, I like this one. I think this is gonna work out good for you. Brody, you got anything to plug before we go? Just doing shows around town. You can check out my HBO Go show. Enjoy it.

People love it. People really seem to like it. Love it. Sure. Feels good to be a part of it. Check that out, you guys. Ari, what's up? My CD is coming out.

Oh, what's it called? It's called Revenge for the Holocaust. All right. We're going to do a lot of fun radio interviews to sell that thing. Revenge for the Holocaust. Revenge for the Holocaust. for the Holocaust.

If you don't quit laughing, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to murder you with your own stupid face. That guy had a cool voice. Wait, what was that from? That's Bane. That's the goblin in Spider-Man 1. It's Batman.

I can name it in... It's fun. The longer you hang out with this guy, the more fun it is. It's aggravating at first, I know. Can you believe I'm a parent? It's a blast. Alright, I got something to plug. Okay, please. Hold it up on your phone and everything.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. If you guys would like a dream vacation for free, whether you have no control over, it's my TV show called Trip Flip on Travel Channel. Meet me in Costa Mesa, September 8th. Oh, this sounds like a dark alley somewhere. Costa Mesa. Have a blue shirt on.

Here, Joe gets the prizes. Meet me in Costa Mesa September 8th at the lab. I will be hanging out with my film crew outside Urban Outfitters. I will be there from 10 until 6 and I will take you

on the vacation of a lifetime. Hanging outside Urban Outfitters? That's something you just do. It doesn't sound real, but it's real. It's very real. You stand there and every once in a while look at the guy with no shirt on.

Yeah, I might even be that guy. Oh, no. You took your shirt off the last time you were here. Please don't do it again. I won't. A nice picture of you fellas. Thank you so much. One more round of applause for my guests. Is there a medium in this audience?

I won! Medium. Nice. Felt good to work. Ari Shafir, and of course, Bert the Machine Chrysler. Just call me Bert. Okay. Whatever you say, Machine. And as always, just go ahead and put your mic down.

No, on the table. No, uh-uh. On the table. I want to laugh at this you can't you're not allowed the theme song is going to come right in so we don't want to hear you laughing over the beautiful theme song

Claire Diebel is a shithead don't be so sure His might be the second one Violet Beauregard is a shit head Now it's time for Doug to watch another hockey Eyes of gold is viewing crowd was big shit Hockey, there's no room in his heart for you

Cause Doug loves movies