Doug Loves Movies - Cake Boss, Jesse Ventura, Rhett Miller, and Jackie Kashian Guest

Episode Date: September 4, 2012

Live from the Bumbershoot Festival in Seattle, WA, Doug welcomes musician Rhett Miller, comic Jackie Kashian, Cake Boss, and Gov. Jesse Ventura to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Because Doug loves movies I just rubber-shit my pants! Oh, hey everybody. Hang on just a second. A guy just yelled out, I just bumbershit my pants.

And that needs to be addressed before all else. I said, I tweeted, I'm going to bumbershoot. The first person who yells, I just bumumbershipped my pants is going to win. But I said approach. You did it from out here in the audience. I don't know if that should count, but yeah, of course it does. You get a copy of Professional Humoridian. Now sit down and shut the fuck up.

I set these little traps for myself because I knew that was going to happen and then forgot that I did that. And so then when that guy yelled that, I was like, oh yeah, I've got to deal with that now. My name is Doug and this is Doug Loves Movies, coming to

you from Bumper Chute Arts and Music Festival in downtown Seattle on Monday, September 3rd, Labor Day. Two Oceans 12 at 420. Almost. It's almost 420. Bagley Wright Theater. Let me see your name tags. You guys got names?

Oh, no. That's crazy. What's the one where you got your two heads sticking through it? What is that supposed to... It says Superbad and you're Alex and Kelsey instead of those two guys. That's great. All right, you can put that down. You don't have to hold it up the entire time.

That guy's got a poster tube that he just wrote his name on. That's pretty clever. Sitting next to Normzy. Do you got those drink tickets, Normzy? Normzy has some drink tickets. He doesn't drink, so he contributes his drink tickets to the prize bag. So let's hear it for Normzy, everybody.

There's a light-up one. There's a lot of good ones. Oh, there's big ones back there. Okay, well, so thank you for bringing the name tags and we'll have you whip those out again a little bit later in the show. And for those of you just attending Bubbershoot and came to see a comedy show, probably in the balcony, hi. That's a thing we do on the podcast where people bring their name tags.

And if you'd known, you would have had a chance to win these prizes I have sitting right here. But first, let me say a couple of things. It's day 43 in a row of no rain here in Seattle. Yeah. Nine more days to break the record. Let's do this. Come on, you guys. Let's sit around and not do a thing but hope.

Let's get our hope on. And since last I spoke and you listened, I got high. I will be at the American Comedy Club in San Diego at 420 on Saturday, September 15th with comedy film nerds Phenom, Graham Elwood. Now it's time for Watch This, Not That, the number two movie at the domestic box office this weekend is Lawless, which I haven't seen because I assumed it was a documentary

about Xena actress Lucy Lawless. And I already know way too much about her. And the number one movie is The Possessed Possession, which I haven't seen because I have taste. So watch Lawless, not The Possession. This has been a very tentative watch this, not that. Don't forget that we are taping Benson Interruption here at Bumbershoot tonight at 8 o'clock

over at the Intiman Theater. All of the comics who will still be around tonight, because a lot of people are already catching flights, but everyone who's still around that I could get to do it will be there. So it's going to be a jam-packed fun show, and it'll be available to listen to for free in a few days in the Douglas Movie slot on iTunes. in the Douglas Movies slot on iTunes. The prize bag has not only a Star Wars lunch pail that was somebody named Jessica. It was her name tag on the first day. And I just left it up here and left the stage,

and she didn't, like most normal people, she didn't come up on stage and take back her shit. So maybe she didn't want it anyway. I don't know. But it's a nice little Star Wars lunch pail, so I'm paying it forward and giving it away to someone else. And then Paul Scheer forgot to bring

something to give away. There's another baby here! Yay for babies at Bumbershoot! They have to grow up sometime, so just bring them to fucking Bumbershoot and get them into the fucking comedy podcast where they can say any fucking thing they want. Let's get this baby to grow the fuck up.

Stop being a baby. There are adult concerns in the world. But Paul wanted to give away from the people at Croton. I think I'm pronouncing that right. It's kind of a weird name, Croton. Yeah, the baby thinks it's correct. A watch, a very fancy, yeah, look at it, baby. Jesus.

So, yeah, it's a nice watch that Paul wanted to give away the other day, and he forgot it in his hotel room. So that's in today's prize bag, along with the usual customers, a Douglas Movies T-shirt and a couple of my CDs. And we also have another CD of another performer that's going to be coming out here. And then another person was kind enough to bring

a nice, juicy, that looks pretty tasty, slice of cake. You know I don't normally have an open-door policy, but at Bumbershoot I like to make exceptions, and today is no exception. Please welcome to the stage my guests Rhett Miller, Jackie Cation,

Jesse Ventura, and Cake Boss. All right, here we go. Let's see how this... how this is going to play out. Rhett Miller is here, everybody. A very talented musician who I assume are you performing here at Bumbershoot? Not as part of

Bumbershoot. The old 97s are playing the show box tomorrow night. Oh, sneaky. And you left out my gift I put in the gift bag. It was awesome. It fell to the bottom. Tell them what it is. It's a used guitar pick. It's green. Is it gently used, Red Millerilla nothing i do is gentle oh that's some rock and roll talk

all right we'll be with you in a second cake like some ring talk hang on a second jesse ventura i have one more question for rhett miller before before we open it up to the floor. Did it make you sad that Jennifer Aniston went to the old 97's show and Vince Vaughn never showed up? Can you believe that? In the breakup? I mean, who would no-show on Jen? Seriously.

And you. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. He fucking ruined your night, too, probably. No, I didn't care. You should have seen the way they stocked that theater. One of my favorite lines of all time was Peter Billingsley, you might know him as Ralphie from The Christmas Story,

who was the producer on the movie. He walked up to my guitar player and I, and he said, so how does this audience look? They were filing in 3,000 extras. And Ken said, well, man, there's not normally all these kind of big hairy dudes in the front. And he turns around and he goes, okay, hold on. We need more hot young ass! I swear to God okay, hold on. We need more hot young ass!

I swear to God, Ralphie yelled we need more hot young ass. It was the greatest moment of my life. You could lose an eye doing that. That's a movie reference from you. Yes, it is. I understand the theme of the show, Doug Benjamin. Quiet cake, boss.

Jackie Cation is here, everybody. Hi. Thank you very much. Yes, I am. Waiting to be introduced. She brought a copy of her CD. Her very first one called Circus People. And yeah, okay.

Yeah, polite applause. That's the biggest applause the name of somebody's CD has ever gotten. So congratulations on that. Thank you. And you the name of somebody's CD has ever gotten. Oh, very nice. Congratulations on that. Thank you. And you have a podcast yourself called The Dork Forest. Dork on dork dialogue, people. Yeah. Tune in.

Dork Forest. Do you think, are there any dorks at Bumbershoot, or are they all at PAX? Ha ha. I get that. They are, these are music LARPers. That's what they are. They're all wearing their old 97s, hoping you'll fall over, and they're like,

I need somebody who knows all the songs. Get up here. So they're music LARPers. That's what I always think of music nerds. Yeah, you know this guitar pick is going to get used. That's it. It's sweet. The winner is going to strum something out

with that guitar pick. I'm picking the baby, by the way. I want the baby as the gift. I want the baby as the gift. I want the baby right fucking here. I'm going to play for the baby. Just last year, a baby was a name tag. Oh, really? Yeah, somebody said, my baby's a name tag, and then the baby

came up on stage, and it was so much fun. And ruined it, yeah. It was like three men and a baby, but without Steve Guttenberg. Was Judge Reinhold playing the part of Steve Guttenberg? Yeah. I love it when Judge Reinhold plays the part.

Thank you, Jackie. You're welcome. All right, here we go. Cake boss. Cake boss. I have to congratulate you because, correct me if I'm wrong, I looked this up on the internet, but since the last time you were on this show, you have become an immortal

with dominion over humanity? That's not canonical, Doug. That was the, that was the, that tale was the result of a meth binge I accidentally embarked upon. It was cleared up in one of the pay episodes of Comedy Backpack, the podcast.

Hope you love to pay to find out what happened with that. No more free rides! Cakewalk! I didn't even say cakewalk. No, I did. Cakewalk. Jesse Ventura is here, everybody. Oh, we're done with the cakewalk, I guess. Yep, you got it.

Oh, you confirmed that? Pretty much. I'm investigating it actively. I want to get to the bottom layer of the cake, boss. Oh, you're like a regular house MD. I know I'm not a licensed physician, but I am a practitioner and yoga expert. Can I ask you a question?

I will, if you can ask one, but I won't answer it. Don't ask for it. I ask that for New Jersey. Have you ever cut into a... I fought in the ring. Have you ever been in the ring? I've been in the Princeton, New Jersey townhouse auditorium.

Mano y mano. With Paul E. Dangerously. I thought I saw you wrestle there against Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Hollywood Hulk Hogan was the key to the Illuminati conspiracy. Is there a coincidence that he organized the New World Order?

I'm not buying it, McMahon. That's pretty much what I figured, so thanks for confirming my suspicions, Governor. I'll always confirm suspicions. I'm an acting governor and I make appointments. I'll ask you my question. Have you ever seen inside a human body?

I've seen inside a human mind. Alright, I get that count. Close enough. Do you prefer governor or the body or late for supper? Well, I'm wearing my glasses tonight, so I would prefer Jesse the Bullish Bookworm Ventura. I have to say all of that every time I address you? Yep.

Well, at least you're not going to repeat it like a gig boss. Gig boss. Gig boss. Gig boss. Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Cake Boss. I can repeat it too. Cake Boss. Cake Boss, stop making me repeat it, Governor. What? Jesse the Bullish Bookworm Ventura.

Cake Boss, what? Jesse the Bullish Bookworm Ventura. Yep. Hey, Rhett, you wanna go get a beer? I got one right here. You wanna split it? No, I'm good. She just wants to leave. Predator, Rhett, you want to go get a beer? I got one right here. You want to split it? No, I'm good. She just wants to leave. Predator, Running Man, Batman and Robin, have you ever been in a good movie?

Ooh. Yeah, I ask the hard questions. Am I supposed to sit here and be assaulted on my record in the ring? You take a folding chair to my back, and I'm not going to respond, Benson. I think you should play Benjamin Franklin in a time travel movie. He comes to the States. See, that's the first shirt he finds on a rack when he arrives in New York.

He has to wear the 9-11 t-shirt. Does he show up nude like the Terminator? Yeah, yeah. It says 9-11. Got doubts? I have one punch-up for the Ben Franklin story. I'm flying that kite,

but I'm climbing up to the top of it. I'm gonna let the lightning strike me directly. Doug, how come you don't ask me about my movie career? Oh, you've done films? Yeah.

You have? You don't remember me from The Sweet Hereafter? No, that was the movie about the children in a bush. I played the caterer at the mass funeral. There's no way that you did that. Oh, don't you tell me that, Doug. Imagine I spent so many months up in Canada shooting that film.

It took months just to shoot that one scene? Yeah, in the end, they cut it out. Oh. But I think it's easy. I got the DVD. What do you serve at the funeral for a mass grave of children? Cake. Any particular kind?

Well, something with a muted color Out of respect German chocolate German chocolate, it's the most solemn of cakes With connections to the Bush family Oh boy Here we go None of my cakes are connected to conspiracies, I swear

You swear? Do you swear a free Masonic oath? I've heard that you're a 33rd degree Mason. Oh, who told you that? I have sources. People are telling tales out of school about the cake boss.

Cake boss? Hey, Jack. Cake boss? Cake boss? Cake boss? That's the only way you can get in in this conversation. Just bring some cake boss. Cake boss? Cake boss? I Boss? That's the only way you can get in in this conversation. Just bring some Cake Boss. Cake Boss? Cake Boss? I want a tag.

Do you want to sit here in the middle to make a more inviting stage picture? It's all right. You guys want a... That's a good idea. You guys switch. I'll tag team you in. You guys switch. We're moving it.

Let's mix it up, Cake Boss. This is totally going to fix it. Welcome to my neighborhood, Jackie Kayshun. Thanks. Cake is not my downfall. Do you have a specific downfall? Chicken. Thanks for asking.

Good thing the Chicken Boss isn't here. I'm the Chicken Boss. We'll take this. We'll take this to the mat, right? Take it to the mat. We're going to take it beyond the mat. The Mick Foley story. Got some movie nerds catching that one.

Jesse, bullish bookworm Ventura. I got my truth glasses on. Oh, like from They Live? Starring Rowdy Roddy Piper? They Live is my Koyaanisqatsi. That makes me wish that Philip Glass had composed the score for They Live. I went to Philip Glass and I shattered him.

I wanted to know what's behind those repeating patterns. What kind of jaw does that guy have? He has an honest musical jawline. But he's got a glass jaw. So Jackie. So this hasn't helped. Yes. Do you,

that's my point, but also. Jackie, this is a life you've chosen. From a distance. You've chosen to do panel. Panel. Panel.

Panel's tough. With rampant extroverts. The extended couch you're on right now this is it fighting for time have you been in the cinema lately jackie i have i saw the mingling wrinkles uh movie in india whatever that i understood the word india i'm pretty sure wrinkles there's a new genre it's mingling wrinkles it's the mingling wrinkles genre it's old people falling in love and being hilarious n Nancy Whatserface writes

a bunch of them. And then Judy Dench was just in one where they all went to India. Big fan. That's the one you saw? That's the one I saw. The best exotic marigold hotel? That's it. I'm ashamed that I know that. Good work, though. It was a feel-good movie of the year, my friend. It was a good one.

Oh, okay. Good work was happening. Maggie Smith, Judy Dench. Who doesn't want in on that? I thought you were telling us a story about having seen a movie in India. No, no, I have never been to... I'd go. I'd go right now, probably. No, but the... No, the mingling wrinkles genre is a whole new genre of...

You know, like It's Complicated and that other one that you wrote? Tell me about it. It sure is complicated. It's not that complicated. It turns out he was a fucker, and then she was like, I'll fuck him again. And then it was just sort of like real life. It wasn't that complicated, is what I'm saying. Is the baby understanding all the fuck words?

The complicated part was all of the stuff she was doing to remodel her home. That movie was just as much about home remodeling as it was about the relationship. It was the most beautiful home in the world and her wearing more linen than I could... Never wrinkled.

Meryl Streep wafting along in unwrinkled linen like she was magical. I'm glad we're re-litigating the movie. It's complicated. I'm willing to do it-litigating the movie. It's complicated. I'm willing to do it scene by scene. Let's do it, Jake. It wasn't litigated in the first place, if you ask me. It's finally, we're getting to it.

Right, Jesse? The form of bullish behavior. Bookish. It's Jesse. It's Jesse the anchor on the end of the panel Ventura. That was an ill-conceived bumper shoot reference. What have you seen lately, Rat? Have you been to the cinema?

Well, I had to watch a movie for a competing podcast I appeared on where they made me watch the Stallone Cobra from 1986. You're a disease. I'm the cure. Oh, my God. Well, I won't go into it, but the opening, it starts with a voiceover that sounds like

someone with Down syndrome doing a Stallone impersonation. That's Stallone. Exactly. And I saw The Dark Knight also rises or whatever.

Did you see it in Colorado? No. Oh, I'm sorry. All right. Was that too soon? Too soon. I was already ready to apologize. I think it's about time that we get into that.

What really happened on that stage? You were there. My interest is piqued. I had some problems with the Dark Knight. Is it the Dark Knight also rises or am I getting confused with Steinbeck or something? It's the Steinbeck version of the

Batman tale. He's impotent and what happens is it's World War I. There's some crazy shit in it. For instance, he throws what's the butler? He throws Alfred to the curb. How famous For instance, he throws, what's the butler? He throws cheese. Alfred. To the curb.

He like. How famous does a butler have to get before people will remember his name? He's one of the top five most famous butlers in history. He fires him in the middle of the movie. The best actor, by the way, in the movie. Fires him in the middle of the movie. And you think, well, he's going to come back and save him at the end. But no, fucking nothing.

He just never shows up again. Spoiler alert. Are we not doing spoilers on this show? I don't know. I think everyone should have seen it. My big problem with Batman The Dark Knight Also Rises again is that Batman looks dumb.

Why are people afraid of him? He looks dumb. He does have kind of a silly outfit. That man looks dumb. Why are people afraid of him? He looks dumb. He does have kind of a silly outfit. He's got makeup around his eyes so that you can't see the skin showing through from the eye holes. And all the criminals are like, oh my God, look out for this guy.

He's terrifying. I find him to be intensely intimidating. You're gonna go five rounds in the ring with somebody with a little bit of eye shadow. You're going down, cake boss. Cake boss. You're very confrontational, Governor Jesse Ventura. I agree. I think I've never been more peaceful in my life.

I'm meditating every day. I've been living for the now. I'm listening to Alan Watts on my iPod. Did I ask you if you've seen a movie lately? Have I seen him? I have the parallax view playing on a constant loop. That of course is the film with the conclusion atop the Space Needle. Yep, it shows us what really happened right here. What do you think about the switch back to the original orange on top of the Space Needle? I would think that would concern someone like you. I think it was a signal for the last three months of 2012.

Oh, wait, so you do think it's a conspiracy? On this one, I'm going conspiracy. I thought we could trick you into that. Conspiracy talk that you're so famous for. But Parallax View, is it good? Thumbs up? No, I hate it. I put it on a loop to boost up my own artistic endeavors. When I was a wrestler, I used to look at Rowdy Roddy Piper

and know I could be better than him. I'm essentially spiteful. Does anyone hunger for games? Did I ask Cake Boss if he's been in the movies? Uh, no. I can't believe you didn't point that out to me.

Why should I? Because you haven't been to the movies? No. Okay. I've been working on the cake, can't you make a case? I wish I had time to go to the movies. This one says vegan on it. That's right, because everybody here is like

they're hippies and they smell. I thought, I better make it a vegan cake. So I made a special vegan cake. It's got hardly any butter or milk in it at all. So it might have a little bit in there. Oh yeah, there's plenty

in there, but just for flavor. Not as much as a normal cake. I made it so it tastes like garbage. That's what you like, right? So you could eat it with a smug smile on your face the whole time.

I'm a great person, you say to yourself. It's rude to talk with your mouth full. Can I ask you something, Cake Boss? Oh, I wish you one, cake boss. I want to know if your ingredients

are organic or genetically modified organisms. Ooh, I'm having a tough time with your accent on that one. GMO Monsanto

or Farm Fresh goodness? Why? Are you eating can't think of magical smell? In the most directly parallel universe to this, everything I say causes rainbows. You don't see it here.

Oh, that reminds me. I saw the butterfly effect. I didn't like it. I didn't care for that one either, Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Does anyone hunger for games? Yeah. Yes.

Let's do it for reals this time. Let's play this little warm-up game. Let's play what I like to call Build a Title. And we'll do the Tony Scott edition with one of the titles of his films. And yeah, don't forget, later we're going to be playing for the Croton Watch. That's a beautiful watch.

Explain again how you play the Build-A-Thing. You add a word on the front. We'll start with Rhett, and then we'll go to James, and then... Who? The answer, Jackie, is that... I'll go last. What we do is we have a false premise

given to us by the mainstream media and we construct a shadow argument around it. Yeah, it's pretty easy to pick up. So we'll start with Rhett. Thank you for calling me by my natural name By the way I am James George Janos That's my birth name I just thought I was going to get wrong

I thought that was Spider-Man's boss There's another parallel universe Where I have a special relationship Oh gosh How many parallel universes are there Infinite Two and a half Universe where I have a special relationship Infinite two and a half That's manageable plus there's a lot of perpendicular universes Jesse Ventura. Yep.

Do you do that because you're like a meathead and you want to seem smarter? What do you mean meathead? Are you questioning me, rat? I'm saying you're perceived as a meathead. I'm perceived. Maybe that's not up to me. That's the way they've spun me.

Well, I think you sound smart and you look sexy. I appreciate that I'm not a total alien to the love of man for other man. I've been in the ring with the ultimate warrior and yes he carried me off to the locker

room. Red, have you ever been with a man? I can only recommend it. Later tonight, maybe. All right. It's a feeling of fullness. And with the right man, it's a feeling of fulfillment. Is there a lady...

I am a generous lover. This is getting spicy for the baby. Is there a lady cake boss? Oh, lady cake boss. I'm married. I think I got some children. And I'm very happy with my life as the cake boss. Cake boss.

Cake boss. I'm always listening. So Red has to build on the title Beverly Hills Cop 2. So you need something that would end in Beverly or begin with 2. I'm picking up on all the aggression. Beverly Hills Cop

Too Hot to Handle? Is that a movie? Did I lose on the first? Wait a second. Back up. Who's in Too Hot to Handle? Oh, see, you do this, don't you? Yeah, I do do this. Oh, he's standing up like it's a spelling bee or something. What are you, Mel Brooks? Work it. Work it.

Maybe you should have said, is that a movie at the end. You might have got away with it. Okay, Beverly Hills Cop, Too Fast, Too Furious. There you go. Very well done. First time player.

Too Fast, Too Furious. So you accept homonyms? Yeah, that's kind of how it works, yeah. I'll play the game, but I know it's rigged. It needs to end with Beverly or begin with Furious? Or us? And who does it go to?

It's on you, sir. Oh, well, okay. It looks like I'm in the spotlight again. Beverly Hills Cop 2, Fast 2, Furious. Liaisons. Furious Liaisons. Furious Liaisons. It's terrific.

I watched that with my wife. That should be a movie. That should really be a movie. I watch it with my wife and I make her submit. For a split second, I was like, oh, we did it. It really did sound good. Yeah.

I was hoping that mere momentum would carry me over. That's a behind-the-curtains movie. No? Nothing? Kick Boss. Kick Boss. Kick Boss. Wait, are you accepting furiously?

No. No, he's out. He's out? All right. I have it in development. Troop Beverly Hills Cop Too Fast Too Furious Very nice That's probably one of your favorites

I love that movie Who's funnier than Shelley Long? Every little kid in it Jenny Lewis is one of them Okay Then we go to Jackie And you need something that ends with troop or begins with furious, so I'm just going to assume that we're moving on.

Because that's tough. Starship troopers? That's nothing. That's a good try. Thanks, and I'm done. Thanks for playing. That's a very good try. Starship troopers.

Nothing's at stake in this game. Don't worry about it. All right, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it. What do you mean it's the Intercontinental Championship? Alright, Too Fast, Too Furious, you made your bed. That was a really bad one, wasn't it?

I enjoyed listening to this before. I'm not stalling because you can get it super long and I'm afraid we're going to make the shortest one ever. Oh, that's all right. People have things to do. Skrillex is playing later. Oh! Wow, wow.

Is he still in a feud with Deadmau5? Have those guys met the defenses? I don't know. I don't know if they're feuding. I don't know. Don't you remember that mouse wore a t-shirt to the grambies with the squirrels i have an uncredited involvement

I have an uncredited involvement. Involve? You make all those horrible Skrillex noises? I've laid down some vocal tracks that he samples. Like that? Okay, so you win this game. F Troop Beverly Hills. Not a movie?

F Troop should have been a movie. I think they thought about calling Dances with Wolves F Troop. What was that Goldie Hawn movie? Was it Dances with Wolves Civil War time? What? I was thinking Private Benjamin. It doesn't have the word troop in it. But wasn't she in like a Girl Scout movie

With troop Troop Beverly Hills That's probably what it was Did you just say that We were just talking about it a little while ago When I do my live podcast 16 people are there and nobody gives a shit You gotta get 1700 people

In a god damn room so that I can Hi Well you know that's the thing though, too Is that you probably it's hard for you to pay attention because there's people sitting in the front row eating chicken Which isn't that is hard very distracting. She said that earlier. Do you remember that she likes chicken? Yeah, I should saying that private Benjamin had the best sex scene in cinematic history remember the beginning She's having sex with her husband and he goes, I'm coming! And then he dies.

Armand Asante? She's laying there with a dead guy's thing in her. What about the Big Easy? That had a pretty sexy sex scene, didn't it? Anybody? I think that Private Benjamin was an instrumental propaganda move

to seduce the feminism movement into the United States military. I have expert opinions. You know what the greatest sex scenes is? Pornography. They got some good ones in there. Is that when it's being done, you find that that's the sexiest time?

There's tons in them. And there's tons of sex scenes in, what's it called? Pornography. Oh, great. Pornography. If you're in the sexiest time? There's tons in them. And there's tons of sex scenes in, what's it called? Pornography. Oh, great. Pornography. With a D? If you're into sex scenes, I recommend the genre

of pornography. Yeah. It's not risky at all. It's a very good chance you're going to find some sex in those pornography movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't have to keep your fingers crossed. Oh, I hope these characters get it on. They still take too long sometimes. I'm like, just put the pizza down. Tell me about it. I'm like, this flight is only an hour and a half.

Virgin America, you can get pornography right at your seat. Did you do a cameo in the porn movie parody, Who's Eating the Great Chefs of Europe? Of course I did. cameo in the porn movie parody, Who's Eating the Great Chefs of Europe? Of course I did.

So who won that game we just played? I did. Okay. I don't think you did. I bet I did. Who added Too Fast, Too Furious? Okay, so Red still had it. You can't add anything to Troop or to

the other thing. You're a failure. I ruined that game. Yeah, that's a tough one. That's really hard. But just for the fun of it, Cake Boss, can you add anything to Furious? Furious Liaisons. You're making it more real to me. I feel like there's something with us

but I can't think of what it is Us but a zoo We've gotten that Us comma the story of Thanks lady Asleep Is there a title that begins with Asleep? I would buy it

How about a US Army Anything there asleep? I would buy it. How about a U.S. Army? Anything there? You can't do it that way. No, you can't do that. You can't do acronyms. Too fast, too fewer, U.S. Army? Uster's Last Stand. I love that you guys are still trying to solve this puzzle, but we can go ahead and move on to the main event.

Let's just declare the cakepots the winner and move on with the other games. It's actually a tie between you and Rhett. Oh, because he couldn't come up with anything. Yeah, so let's do a quick tiebreaker. It's not a tie, Dogmasher. Why are you robbing me of my beautiful victory? Because you can't add anything to it either.

No, but the burden of adding was not on me. It was on Mr. Miller. You both added the last thing to get added on. I'm not participating in this false election. This is like a hanging chat over here. All right, you're the winner. Yay, cake box. But now's the time when we're going to play the Leonard Maltin game,

so we need to see everybody's name tags in the audience. And the awesome staff here at the Bagley Ride Theater turns the lights up a little bit for us so we can see what's going on. I forgot about this part where I have to go walking. Yeah, you've got to walk over to somebody and grab the name tag you want to play for. Bring it back to your seat. Someone brought something medicinal.

I don't know what that means. Yes, you do. You gave me directions. That guy. Why are you all for a sudden being coy about pot? Oh, medicinal pot. I would like some of that. You know I'm not going to win.

We talked about this. Jesse's picking a big poster. I got a good shithead. Oh Oh he's got a good shithead If someone wrote their shithead on the back Don't say them out loud This one doesn't have one on it Yeah because you picked the 8 ball The 8 ball's been here every day Every day so far

Did nobody pick it? Am I the first to pick it? Yeah the first person to pick the 8 ball I'm a good person And what's his name? His name is Micah. Is that short for 4-Micah? I know some people who are named after materials. He was born on some linoleum.

So they named him. Okay, who are you playing for, Jackie? Brasil. I'm playing Ted 5 Bamboo with a Brazil hat. Okay, so he just brought a hat from work in. Possibly. It has a little name tag on it. It's a little sweaty on it. It's nice.

It's got some DNA going on. And his name is Ted? His name is Ted. You can clone Ted. We can now clone Ted. And who are you playing for, Rhett? They put a lot of work into this poster. It's John. John Rossfeld is John, the most human being you will ever meet.

And Leonard Maltin says, this movie is fucking amazing. And it's got Robin Williams from Garp, is what it looks like. Oh, he's smoking a marijuana cigarette for fun. He's got a medicinal cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I thought it was just like a roll-your-own regular cigarette. Bulldozing bookworm?

Was that what it was? Bullish bookworm. Bullish. You mean Jesse the Bullish Bookworm Ventura? That's what I meant to say. Back in the ring. I forgot. I forgot that part. I'm competing

in SummerSlam 87 for 28 days later. That's a pretty awesome poster. 28 days later. Yeah, it's got a round of applause. No matter what happens, whether it's real zombies or not,

we're getting our guns and playing army in the streets. You thought that would get a bigger reaction than that, didn't you? I pace everything to get a big reaction, but sometimes

it doesn't happen. Guy's walking out on that thing that you just said. Why are the lights suddenly up? Turn the lights down. I don't like to see the faces.

Is this an Illuminati trial? It's funny. When I do, I listen to your podcast, Doug, and I always feel sad. Goodbye, faces. All those people that made all those great name tags, and they didn't get picked. I feel sad. I know. That's why I don't do the picking, because I feel terrible that people get.

You should. You orchestrated it. That people are unchosen. Yeah. I know. I just, this guy got a toy at the drugstore. Yeah, and he's in. The comics always pick the worst ones to be funny.

Other people work the whole lot of the paint bags. We got a couple good ones. I'm rescinding my pick of this guy. Wait a minute. Oh, Micah. Yeah. Oh, he's giving Micah back his eight ball. That's the saddest thing ever.

Give me that one with the two heads. Are you telling me you're getting rid of a magic eight ball and you didn't ask it any questions? That's right. I would rather ask the science eight ball some questions. Not the magic eight ball. See how much fun this is?

Yeah, that's fun. I'm putting my head through the hole to make it look like a big head on a little body. It's Alex and Kelsey made that. It's like I'm down to head through the hole to make it look like a big head on a little body. It's Alex and Kelsey made that. It's like I'm down to shore over here. Do you need someone to fill in for your other face? Probably. Maybe Miss Casey and I can do it together.

I'll stick it. I'm jealous. I'm Jesse the Jealous Lover Ventura. This is how we're going to do the whole rest of the podcast. This is it. I'm just going to spend the whole time and then I'm going to fall over. Somebody take a picture so they can stop.

Yeah, please. Let's get a good shot of this. I know you're not supposed to take pictures inside the theater and we appreciate you not doing it. You have a special dispensation for this high person. Yes, special dispensation.

For this. There you go. Not a part of it. I'm not a part of their two-party party. I'm sorry, there's not a third hole, Governor. Hey, so let me ask Ben Franklin a question. How disappointed are you in 42 days of no rain? Does it ruin all of your experiments if there's no lightning?

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man kill in the ring. I like your attitude. I was making fun of the way you look and you turned it into, you just answered the question. A stitch in nine saves. There's a shot to the midsection, McMahon. You should stitch that on a pillow.

Did you ever fight Baron Von Rasky? Did you ever fight that guy, Baron Von Rasky? With the claw? I fought the Baron, I fought Ivan Kolov I fought all of our Soviet enemies During the 1980s What about Haystack's Calhoun? No, we were actually

Very close friends. So it never came to wrestling between you two? It never came to fisticuffs. I don't want to bum everybody out, but did you ever get to work with Michael Clark Duncan? He passed away today. I worked with him at a fast food restaurant when I was very young.

People are uncomfortable with this. Did you ever work with Reverend Sung Young Moon? He died. Wait a minute, I didn't know he passed away. Oh, maybe he's still alive somewhere. It's a conspiracy. I want to find out. I hope he is. Maybe he's in this room right now. Who are we talking about? The Reverend Sung Young Moon. I took a gamble that he would be here, but he did not show himself. No. Who are we talking about? The reference on Young Moon. I took a gamble that he would be here,

but he did not show himself. Moon. A reference on Young Moon. If you're here, please make yourself known to an usher. And also, I'm a big fan. I read the Washington Times. It's a wonderful newspaper that tells the truth, and he owns it.

Great. Doug, is there anybody else Who passed away that we can get At to Well I was going to apologize for the Sylvester Stallone Remarks earlier because he did his son did Just pass away recently We're entering the last days

It started The call has begun So we'll start with Cake Boss as we play the Leonard Maltin game. As we finally play. You get to pick a category, Cake Boss. Oh, Cake Boss. Okay, I'm going to pick, let's see.

I'm going to give you some choices first. Yeah, I'm going to give you some choices and then you'll pick one. Oh, you tell me how it is. I see. Would you like Roadhouse? Yes. It's movies. Oh.

Movies with either road or house in the title. I tried to play that category yesterday, but I had forgotten to load it. This is another extremely... It's forgotten to load that movie with Matthew McConaughey. No, I think it was a Steven Seagal vehicle. Forgot to load. Forgot to load.

The Devil Wears Nada. That's movies where Anne Hathaway appears nude. Love her. Dirty. She's alright. Or Scary Old Man. She's alright. Or scary old man

that's scary movies with Gary Oldman. I'm gonna pick scary old man because puns are hilarious. Even though that's not really a pun. I don't know a lot of words. All right, we'll go to...

Bodybuilder Bullseye. Bonnie Franklin. Jesse the Bull-F bull love full bull ventura wait you changed it now i could change it at license i have free free license to change what i want what is it again i'm an acting potentate of acapulco mexico holy that's hard to say Holy shit, that's hard to say. Jesse, the active potato of Acapulco, Mexico.

Ventura. They should just say, instead of the alphabet backwards, they should just make you say that when they pull you over for a sobriety test. That's what that, that was my wrestling handle before I was in the WWF. When I was mid-South and mid-Atlantic it was Jesse the Zyoga Buzi back in the

That was like some more Squirrel X. I'm gonna make you my ringtone. Leonard Maltin gives this movie Three and a half stars Cake Boss Cake Boss Generous Leonard He's very stingy With his stars

Yeah Three and a half Is a pretty good rating From Leonard It's almost four Yeah This movie's from 1992 Yeah

Of course it's got Gary Oldman in it Of course And it's scary As discussed We've already Established that Ask that answer Your honor It won some Oscars Of course, it's got Gary Oldman in it. Of course. And it's scary. As discussed. We've already established that. Ask that answer, Your Honor.

It won some Oscars. I believe about three Oscars. Congratulations to everybody involved. Mm-hmm. And he also calls the movie sinuous. Oh, I know exactly what it is. From 1992. And he lists about 11

names. 11 names. I can name that movie in four names. He says four bullying, bullish billboard, bulldog. Dabba dabba dabba ding bong Ventura. Yes, that. That thing you just

said. That's it. That person So you're doing it in four? That's what I said. That's what just said. That's it. That person. So you're doing it in four? That's what I said. That's what he said, four. Four. I'm going to see. I'm going to do it in three. All right, then we go.

A major upset. Well, we got to go to first time player Rhett Miller, see what he has to say. Name that shit. Oh. Wow. You can cut the tension with a cake knife. Cake mouth. Your three names...

Yep. ...are Monica Bellucci, Jay Robinson, and Tom Waits. Tom Waits. Tom Waits isn't a bad clue. I know exactly what it is. I knew from St. Louis.

Stop laughing at the cake boss. I do. Cake boss. Cake boss. Ba ba da ba ba da ba da ba da ba ba da ba dum. Ba ba da bum. Ba da ba. Ba da ba da ba ba ba ba ba ba. Boom. Blap. Wouldn't it be great if you could just do that

to put off anything that happens in life? Just something's going down, just. Boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom... Oh, you're doing... That sounds like Tom Waits music. I think the obvious answer that I'm going with is Immortal Beloved. Ooh. May I take a guess?

That's a very good guess. She got it wrong? Yes. Is it Bram Stoker's Dracula? That's the exact title. That's right. Bram Stoker's Dracula. That's right.

Except no substitutes. The sequel to Stoker Ace, I think. I love the nerdiest of film nerds in the audience are always in the first couple of rows. And that one was just for them. And so that means, who challenged Rhett challenged

the body. So Rhett is on the scoreboard everybody with one point. Not bad for a first timer. That's right. That's the sort of thing I'd say right there. Congratulations to you, Red, and to all the Oscar winners from

Bram Stoker's Dracula. I learned a lot when I listened to the podcast Cake Boss, where you played this against Andrew Lloyd Webber. Oh, I don't like that guy. You guys were backstage. You were like cats and more cats. He makes everybody wear cat makeup all the time.

Cats and cakes. Alright. Where are we at here? Jackie gets to start I think. I think that's only fair. Would it, would it, would it, if I had said just Dracula, would I have made it? Or would I have had to say Bram Stoker's Dracula? He's a real schtickler.

Yeah. I'm a Stoker's tickler. Stoker's tickler. Bram Schtickler's. You're Bram Stoker's. Dracula. I always feel like I'm high when I do this show. I always feel like I'm stoned.

You might be. I ain't got time to weed. Just blurry. So we'll start with Jackie and then we'll go to Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Okay. Unless, no,

I think I gotta go the other way, actually. Gotta switch it up. Who cares? I don't want to get anybody accusing me of having a rigged game or a conspiracy on this particular occasion.

Who would do that? I have an active investigation and I have my suspicions, which will be confirmed. Okay, Jackie, would you like the category Zombie Tupacalypse?

Which is films that came out after Tupac had passed, but yet he still managed to be in them. Good for him, I say. It's okay to laugh at Tupac being dead, but those other people forget about it. I don't think we're laughing at any of them. I hope we're not laughing at any of them. Well, we're laughing with them. You're right. Charles Sheen is celebrating a birthday today.

Charles Sheen? Yes, Charles Sheen. He's quite respectable now. Let me adjust my monocle as we talk about Charles Sheen. So the films of Chuck Sheen. And then at King of Pancakes category, the number one movie 10 years ago to this very day. That one.

At the box office. Pancakes. Pancakes. The old Pancakes category. Which one do you like? The number one movie 10 years ago, a Charlie Sheen film or a Tupac vehicle?

Narrowed down to only a few because they were only the ones after he had passed away. I gotta go Charlie Sheen. This is a movie when Charlie Sheen was alive. Okay. Was he played by Vince Vaughn?

They silenced him he was telling the truth three stars Jackie for this movie that is from 1986 three stars but it still has Charlie she did it yes it's one of his best. This is intriguing. Yeah. Leonard calls it thoroughly winning, and yeah, Charlie Sheen is in it. All the way through? He also calls it a real sleeper, which, as we know, when Leonard

says it, it means it was nap time. No, a real sleeper, and it was a writer's directing debut. That's a lot of clues that are very confusing, I'm sure. So whoever wrote it also directed it, and that was their debut? Is that correct? As a director, yes.

Fair enough. They had written some other shit. Six names. There's something going on in the wings over there. There's a disturbance. I want confirm on all the perimeters. You can go check it out if you want. Yep, I'm going to find out what's happening.

What's going on back here? If this isn't going to be a wrestling match, it's going to be a war. There's a wing on the side of the stage, but nobody's flying. Okay, six names. We've got six names. I can do it in three. And Jackie says she can do it in three.

And then we'll go to Cake Boss. Cake Boss. I can do it in two days, dog. Wow, way to Cake Boss. Cake Boss. I can do it in two days, dog. Wow, way to go, Cake. Boss. Cake Boss. I would say I would equally take it in two. I could do it in two, McMahon.

That's not the way it works at all. You can't equally take it in two. Twelve names. I could do it in twelve names. That you can do. That you can do. That you can do. Because this is rigged. And they would be the twelve leading members of the Illuminati. Who are they again?

Doctor Strange. The first eight are Bush. The stretchy guy from the Fantastic Four. The stretchy guy. How many names? I could do it. I say name that. I say name it.

This is outrageous. I say name it a two. And Kate Boss, you have a point, correct? You have a point? No, I feel a point. Oh, Rhett's got a point. We've only have one point so far? I have to fight tooth and nail to have you declare me the winner of Build a Title.

We got to end this fast. So, I'll give you your two names. Do it. And then we'll give you your point. Good. Your two names are Thomas E. Hodges. Uh-huh, as I predicted.

And Winona Ryder. Okay. People in the front two rows know the answer? Everybody gashed. Like that movie walked into the theater or something. It's here right now with us. Hold on a second. Thomas E. Hodges, of course.

Of course. And Winona Ryder. Winona Ryder. This is the first time. Charlie Sheen. Ryder director. It's a debut. Charlie Sheen is in this picture. Yeah. Winona Ryder. This is the first time. Charlie Sheen. Ryder director. It's a debut. Charlie Sheen is in this picture.

Yeah. Thoroughly winning. 1987. Three stars, 86. Three stars from 86. Leonard Maltin. Boy, oh boy. I feel like I should know it.

Winona Ryder's that far down in the cast list? She's pretty far down in the... Hey! Hey! That sort of mockery is unwelcome. I didn't. Okay, I think I know it. Boop, boop, boop, boop.

Ba-dee-dee-dee-dee. Ba-da-da-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. Beep, beep, bop. A-boop, boop, boop. Hey, hey. We got a time going on. Everything's happening now in the movie show. I'm going to get this movie.

Nobody's going to know what and where to say the name of this picture. That is now. What's that movie? Called, uh, Lukash? That's right. What? It's right. What? It's Lucas. He's down for the three count.

At the very last moment, I remember that that was the movie. Oh, that's the perfect time to remember it. It's my favorite Thomas E. Hodges movie. By far. Better than his work at Bram Stigler's Drokula.

It was one and one. You pulled that. All right, I got to devise a really quick... So I won. Yeah, I got to devise a tiebreaker here really fast for you and Rhett, because...

Would it make it easier if I just concede? No! You're playing for a human being. You're not playing for a corporation. A corporation's a person. They are not cakepaws. Corporations are not people.

But the president said they were. The president didn't say they were. The president is not a people. He's a lizard. Our next president said they were. The president didn't say they were. The president is not a people. He's a lizard. Our next president said... Oh, well, I'm not voting for him. Forget it. But I read who John, my guy, I read who he wants to be his shithead,

and I don't think John's very nice. Oh, really? Yeah, let me see it. Now you got me curious. Where'd he write it? Holy crap, that's unill illegible. How did you- That's like waiting to see a dinosaur sailboat. What the fuck? It's an ancient prophecy.

Maybe it's written- It was written as it was in the land of Sumeria. Oh. It might just be lemon juice. You gotta hold it up to a light bulb. That is- He does have a mean one. Do you have a shiddad on yours? I don't think so. You'll have to write it down. Alright. Oh, you should come write it down

because Jackie definitely lost. And who were you playing for, Ventura? I was playing for 28 Dave Slater. That's a great poster, Dave. Oh, and that's a good...

That's your shithead on the back, Dave? Okay. It says. I get it. Vicky Emberts, is that who it is? Yeah. Am I allowed to give this information out or is it confidential? It's totally confidential, but.

It's top secret, I have clearance to information you don't know. Cake Boss, call it in the air. Call it, call it. Hedge, hedge. Cake Boss is our winner. Yay. Congratulations, Alex. That was rigged, Jesse. Hedge, hedge. Cake Boss is our winner. Yay. Congratulations, Alex and Kelsey. That was rigged, Jesse.

That was rigged. It was rigged. I'm boycotting it. There you are. There you go. Wait, don't you need to read the thing on the back? No, because they won. Oh, sorry.

They win all this stuff. They win the Croton watch. They win the cake. They win somebody's watch. I think that watch is worth $10,000. We're running out of time. I can hear the four horsemen of the apocalypse appearing.

Arne Anderson. Rick. And three other guys I can't remember. Morley Safer. He's gotta be one of them. Here you go. Where'd she go? There she is. Andrew Lloyd Webber.

There's more. Alright, bam, bigelow. Here you go. Andrew Lloyd Webber. Andrew Lloyd Webber. There's more. There's more. All right. We got it all. Cake Boss, you got anything you want to plug real quick? Yeah. Everybody keep eating cake. Don't ever stop.

Don't ever stop. And Jackie, what do you got coming up? I have this to say. If you ever get pulled over for the drunk driving, and they say, ma'am, have you been drinking? Do not say, I am drunk. Because that ends in tears and $3,000. Anyway, yeah, JackieCation.com.

Thank you. Thank you. Well, 97. anyway yeah jackycation.com thank you Old 97's Rhett what's going on you're out on tour with Old 97's tomorrow night here in Seattle Old 97's are out

all fall long and I just put a new Rhett Miller record out called The Dreamer on my own new Maximum Sunshine record label I'm a mogul

yeah yeah little shelf to auto oh hey can I tell Seattle that I'm gonna beul. Yeah. A little shelf to auto. Hey, can I tell Seattle that I'm going to be playing their Costco town outside of town next month or something? Can you give a more specific plug than that? It's in Kirkland. It's called Laughs. Oh, yeah, okay.

Go to their website. I think it's next month. Yeah, go out there and play that play. Play that play. Sure. I'll also be providing security at Laughsugh at Kirkland for James Adomian in January. In January, James Adomian's going to be there as well. That's going to be

a good one, too. I'm never going there, ever. Because you're the cake boss. Cake boss. And tonight I'm going to be playing with Squirrel X. Featuring Tom Waits? Featuring Tom Waits and Ric Flair, the missing link of my earlier reference.

Yeah, so come to the 8 o'clock Benson interruption, and we'll all run over to watch Skrillex. Oh, you know what you could do in between? Right after my show. You could see Paul F. Tompkins and Fred's real and fake. Oh, after this show in this very theater, tonight at 6 o'clock. Yeah.

Yeah, so come see that, you guys. You just have to wait outside briefly while the drug-sniffing dogs come through the theater. Oh, and a friend of the show named James Adonian,

he has an album out called Low-Hanging Fruits, so pick that up if you get a chance. It's a conspiracy. Go to DouglasMovies.com It goes all the way to the top.

for all of my stuff. Thank you to all of my guests. Let's hear it for everybody up here on the top. For all of my stuff. Thank you to all of my guests. Let's hear it for everybody up here on the stage. Yep. They run a tight ship here at the Bagley Riot. We're three minutes over. So I'm just going to say, as always,

Ryan Seacrest is a shithead. The player who lost for me is a shithead. So that was kind of a mean thing to do to Rhett. That wasn't very cool. And Microsoft Windows 8 is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. He's a bold and viewing prowess makes it

foggy. There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies!