Doug Loves Movies - Carina Magyar, C. Robert Cargill and John Erler guest

Episode Date: March 17, 2020

Not live from the Highball in Austin, Doug welcomes Carina Magyar, C. Robert Cargill and John Erler to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming baby, sticky seeds with 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies! This is Doug Loving Movies. This is coming to you. You don't have to do that. Coming to you once again from the highball at the Alamo Drafthouse, South Lamar, Bong Joon-ho location in Austin, Texas. But under unusual circumstances, first South by Southwest got canceled. then shows with audiences got cancelled along with public gatherings in general due to kovat 19 so as recommended by the CDC me and my guests are all sitting way

more than six feet apart it's Monday March 2020, and there are no name tags to look at or talk about, so let's jump right to the prize bag, of which I didn't bring one because there's no audience. Doug plugs, I don't know when I'll be doing a show again. That's my plugs. Follow at Doug Loves Movies on Twitter for more info on what's going on with that. We've been having fun.

I mean, as much fun as you can have under these circumstances on my Twitter account with me just asking random questions about movies people should be watching since they theoretically have a lot of downtime. Dugouts. I want to do dugouts to Keith Ruckus for helping us set this up today and the Alamo Drafthouse and Cap City Comedy,

which where I was supposed to do this show in a couple nights. That's not happening. And these are, you know, both of these venues I look forward to returning to when this crisis is over. Let's say hello to my guests. My very brave guests.

We've got John Erler, Karina Magyar, and C. Robert Cargill. Yay! Hi. Hi. That just sounds like you're breathing too heavily into somebody's face. Look, it's all we've got, man. Right. I mean, I'm like 20 feet from another human being right now. So, you know, I got to feel a little something.

Yeah. That's Cargill talking right there. you know, I got to feel a little something. Yeah. That's Cargill talking right there. I like to, you know,

meet everybody individually, starting with our first time guest. Hasn't been on the show before. Happy to have her. It's Karina Magyar. Hi. Aw. Yeah. Thanks, everybody.

Thanks for doing this. You're a Austin comedy phenom and regular master pancaker. Yes, I get to be all of those things and more. Yeah. Yeah. And I can't thank you enough for participating in this. No, this is exciting.

This is exactly how I pictured my big break into podcasting would look. Right? In an empty theater. Yes. Big empty bar. Yeah. An empty theater. Yes. A big empty bar. We're taking lots of pictures today so that we can show on social media how weird this is. Also joining us, it's the master Motopanakeku man himself. It's John Erler.

Yay. Ha. How's it going, Doug? Thanks for having me. That's my version of ha Hey buddy Gosh you're so far away What do you think this is? Like 150 feet?

No, I'm not 150 feet From stardom To quote a movie title What's your deal? What's going on with We were going to interrupt We were going to mock We were going to mock.

We were going to do a master pancake show as part of South by, and then just on our own when South by died. Yeah. And we were going to do the seventh Leprechaun movie or sixth? I believe it's the eighth. Eighth. Eighth.

So for eight years on St. Patrick's Day, we've been getting together, the two of us and then other guests and making fun of Leprechaun movies and we're not doing it this year. Yeah, it's sad. It's so sad. We've been doing it since I think 2013. Why

make a shit movie if no one's going to make fun of it? That's right. But also it was weird because the director of that movie had another movie at South By, and you texted me like, hey, should we have him join in on the pancake show? Yeah.

And I wrote back, every time we've had a filmmaker in one of those things, either a Benson Interruption or a Master Pancake, it just gets, it's sad. It's too weird. It lays down. You can't be that mean to their movie,

and yet we are, because that's. It's too weird. It lays down. You can't be that mean to their movie. No. And yet we are because that's what we're there for. Yeah. Yeah, the director was going to show up because he was at South By. It was going to be, you know, it could have either gone great or terrible. But we were just betting that it was going to be great. We weren't going to allow him to do any jokes about his own movie. He was just going to set it up for us and do maybe a Q&A afterwards.

jokes about his own movie. He was just going to set it up for us and do maybe a Q&A afterwards. But a couple days ago, I got word that he fled back to Canada because he didn't want to be stuck in a foreign country during this crazy time. Owen, who is a mainstay of the Leprechaun shows. Yeah, and this show, Owen Edgerton.

Yeah, he usually plays the Leprechaun in the mid-movie skit. Of course he does. Because he is of diminutive stature. And a ginger. He's a ginger. He's from Wales. He's perfect.

I'm from regular parents. Humans. If there were an audience here, that would have gotten big laughs. I don't know. I would have laughed at it. That's the thing about audience-free comedies. laughs i don't know i don't know that's the thing about audience free comedies you just don't know for sure what what would have worked that's the beauty of it owen texted and said uh he reminded me that he's diabetic and this is important for those out there who don't know people with compromised immunodeficiency immune systems uh really

they're they're in the same category as elderly people during this COVID-19 thing. Like, they should definitely stay away from other people. So he said very apologetically that he had to decline. And then yesterday, the CDC, you texted me and said they came out with a new regulation that said no groups over 50. And so that was kind of the final nail in the coffin for not doing the show. Yeah, because it was sold out or close to it. And it'd be weird to have to call 150 people and say, not you. Yeah.

We've picked 50. We made 100 selfies. That would have been fun, actually. Yeah. No, but as you pointed out, nobody was pulling out. I kept checking the seats thinking that, well, maybe, you know, people will self-withdraw from this. And they did not. People are full of hope and a little bit of silliness because I'm kind of shocked when I go walk by bars here in Austin

and just see how many people are just in there each night all crowded together like they just don't. Well, you're supposed to stay home. And in Austin, that is for many of us. Right. Home. That's the thing is I've, you know, I, uh, you're not wrong. I've always, I've always struggled with, cause I, you know, as a comedian, I drink a lot and I always struggled with, you know, am I an alcoholic?

But like, uh, you know, the fact that you can't go to bars is not, I'm not like, oh shit, how am I going to drink? You know, so that makes me feel better. That's kind of. And see, Robert Cargill is here. We call him Cargill. Yes, that's what the C stands for. Cargill, Robert Cargill.

That is the way it goes. I also thought I was an alcoholic until I found myself at 11 a.m. on a Monday drinking whiskey on this show. So you know you are definitely not. I think there's no question left. I hope my wife doesn't listen to this show, but I think that's the nail in the coffin right there. My wife.

My wife. Thanks for being here. You're busy. That's the thing about screenwriters and authors is you know you self-quarantine quite a bit as as a way of life yeah no it's it's like the thing is is i'm not expected to go out and talk with people that sounds beautiful that's amazing uh i can still do everything that i do for my living, but nobody wants to talk to me in person. And that sounds perfect.

Except that, honestly, today is literally the first real conversations I've had in person for like five days. My wife is out of the country. So I literally, this is actually me interacting with human beings, which is a little, it's kind of nice. It's, uh, yeah, you seem really into it. I dude,

I am. Look, uh, it's, it's just kind of nice to be able to elbow the new elbow five. I'm loving that where everybody's walking up to each other and touching elbows. And like, that's our new,

uh, high five. If they keep pressing the six feet thing, I don't know though. You're gonna have to do like each just hold up an elbow and pretend that they touch. You know, it's you do that. I request the highest of fives. You put it in the air.

Someone else puts it in the air from six feet away. You're all good. Oh, I like that one. Yeah. Yeah. No, like we're high fiving right now. We're across the way but you know, there we are. But yeah, we get a shot of each of us holding up our hats. Yeah. Yeah, there we go. High fives all around.

This is the new group hug. The new fives. But yeah, aside from that, everything else is very, very normal. It's just been working at home, finishing up this book that I've got. And this is my social hour for the six months, I guess. And you've got at least a couple of movies due to come out someday. Yeah, no, I'm working on, I'm making at least two movies this year.

As you know, heaven forbid, let's see if we can get crews on sets, if that's a thing that can happen in the next few months. But yeah, I've got a couple of movies that I'm making this year and I've got a book that'll come out next year that I'm finishing up right now called Day Zero and

things are going real well. Oh, so it's about right now and you're writing it in real time. Yeah, no, no, no. Like I'm going to go home and put in another two, three thousand words today and that'll be that's all I've been doing since my wife's been gone is finishing up this book.

John's laughing over there because you say my wife so much. My wife. Look, it's day six since she's been gone. We were high school sweethearts. We very rarely spent any time apart, so the fact that she is not in my general vicinity is a little disturbing to me. Yeah, but you're a writer.

Try other words other than wife so I don't have to say my wife every time. Jessica. Yeah, perfect. So Jess. Hey, Jess. Hi, Jess. Do you think she'll listen to this in the rainforest? You know what?

She might because she's suffering from the same thing I am where we've just been – we literally – she works at home and I work at home. So we spent, we're like 20 feet away from each other at any given moment for most days. So it's just kind of weird to not be within 20 feet of that person. So, but she's off gallivanting in the rainforest, taking pictures of macaws. So she's having a blast. Well, I hope she's, you know, stays there long enough that like, it's not that it's not too dangerous to be in a plane coming all the way back. Well, nobody's on the planes.

That's the thing. Well, that's certainly helping. But if one person's on one end of the plane and another person's on the other plane, only two people, if one of them has it, I doubt you could get through a long flight. Look, I'm trying to not freak out about this. She left before all this super craziness happened. So I'm trying to not freak out about this. Like she left before all this super craziness happened. So I'm trying to stay sane. Doug, let me have this. I'm sorry.

Please, for the love of God, let me have this. I don't know why I brought that up. I'm not also going to bring up that a lot of flights are just being stopped. All right. Wait, I got to ask one thing. Cargo, what did you say Jessica was taking pictures of again? McCaws. Doug?

McCaws. There we go. There it is. Yep. That was dumb. That would have bombed if there were an audience. You know what? But I'm here for it.

I'm fucking here for it. By the way, I'll be your guys' Ed McMahon tonight. I'll be the guy laughing in the background. Yes, that is an excellent joke. I am the audience. Yeah, I mean, if we all laugh at each other, people will get the idea that we're making jokes. We're supposed to be funny.

Yeah, don't hold it in if you find something anybody says here today funny. Oh, man, now there's pressure to laugh. Oh, no. We can't win. This is unwinnable. My wife. That's all I'm going to do now.

Stop saying it. From here on out, that's literally, it's going to be like, oh, I'm that guy. Let's talk about, you know, people want to watch movies right now. It seems like the number one and two home activities are video games and movies. There's so many of them are so accessible because of all the streaming services and whatnot.

Karina, what is the last movie you watched under these circumstances? The last movie I watched was two in the same day. So, Invisible Man starring the The last movie I watched was two in the same day. So Invisible Man starring the always getting out of trouble by accidentally getting pregnant Elizabeth Moss.

And then, oh, is that a spoiler? Shit. Well. Wait, so I want to get all the instances. Mad Men. Mad Men. Handmaid's Tale. Handmaid's Tale. Handmaid's Tale.

And now Invisible Man. And also. That's a pattern. What about, I never saw Top of the Lake. Did she get pregnant in that? I'm going to go ahead and assume she did and that it somehow saved her from death. She managed to get all the way through the West Wing without getting pregnant though.

Did she? We don't know what happened when she got kidnapped, right? But that was, you know, then her career took a turn West Wing without getting pregnant though. Did she? We don't know what happened when she got kidnapped. That was you know, then her career took a turn and she became the getting pregnant lady. Yeah, she came of age. Plus she also doesn't get many sex scenes. She just gets pregnant.

That's why it's always such a surprise to her because she's never done a real sex scene and yet pregnancy just keeps coming up for her character. She's probably due to give us our next Messiah pretty soon at this rate. So I saw that and I saw a portrait of a lady on fire with my girlfriend. And we did somehow refrain from making out the whole time. But that is a hot movie.

It's a hot ass movie, right? It is a hot ass movie. Yeah. You should go see it. The women are on fire. Well, that see it. The women are on fire. Well, that sounds unpleasant. The girl is on fire. That was, what country is it from?

France. Yeah. So, stupid Academy Awards rules, like you say, best international feature, and then each country can only submit one movie. Right. So they submitted that Les Miserables movie which is not the Hugo thing.

It's really good though. It's a modern drama. It's very good. I haven't seen Portrait of a Lady on Fire so I don't know which is better but it's still sad because people say

Portrait of a Lady on Fire is quite a good movie and it just kind of got locked out just by not being the number one exactly French movie I mean one best screenplay can in it one something I didn't know existed the queer palm door, which I guess is just the regular home door, but like limper I know what that is, but yeah, but but fabulous that it's very it's many colors That's it's not a palm to or It's not a palm to all. It's actually a palm to all the colors.

I'm definitely going to see that movie. It sounds like you've been going to the Alamo Drafthouse. Yeah, I mean, I got this monthly pass. So I'm going to infect as many people as I can until I get my money's worth. They're doing that great thing where they're wiping down all the seats with alcohol after the shows. They're also doing that thing where they're wiping down all the seats with alcohol after the shows.

They're also doing that thing where like the group of you buys the tickets and then they put an empty seat on either side of your group. They're bro-seating it. Yeah, they're bro-seating it which is fascinating

because I think it's a really good policy as far as distancing and also tacitly acknowledging that you and your friends are fucked. Yeah. I just might as well stick together. I just look at the seatingd any theater that has a seating chart it is still open i'll just try to find a movie that nobody's going to and then go

sit there by myself it's so sad so emma period emma period yeah is that weird that the title why would i think it's a person's name have a period at the end of it? Does it give away the fact that she has her period in the movie? It's a period piece. It's a period piece. It's a period piece. Well, that's how we know. She wasn't played by Elizabeth Moss.

That's why she's getting her period. Yeah, because she's not pregnant. Yeah. John Earler, what's the last movie you watched? Oh, well, okay. I'm going to say three different movies, if that's not too many. You know, we save so much time by not having an audience, you might as well. I get an extra movie, right?

Last night I watched Erin Brockovich. Before that, I watched Ad Astra twice. I was on a plane to New York, and it was showing on the back of the seat in front of me. So I watched it on the way up to New York, and then I watched it on the way back, too. Are you prepping to make fun of it sometime? I'd like to. I really would.

It's such a slow movie. It's a strange, slow movie that I actually kind of enjoyed. With moon pirates. Yes. I realized after I watched it, it's basically like a space version of Apocalypse Now it's like an extreme soldier who gets this special assignment to go

into the heart of deep space to confront a madman who is living in his own domain that's right but it's a weird and slow movie with a lot of flaws to it some of it is just dumb but if you don't like what's going on in And slow movie with a lot of flaws to it. I mean, some of it is just dumb.

But if you don't like what's going on in the last five minutes, it changes very drastically the next scene. And then there's that one weird inexplicable scene with Natasha Lyonne as like a weird Martian TSA agent. You know what I'm talking about? Yes. Like she's on screen for maybe 30 seconds, and you think, oh, okay, this is going to be fun, and then she's never shown again.

Yeah, that was interesting. It's like Christopher Walken in Gigli, where he just kind of wanders into the movie, and you're like, oh, where's this going? Oh, nowhere. Like, this is literally, we just got this person for one scene. Well, and somebody pointed out,

it's like Alan Cumming in Eyes Wide Shut. It's like he's maybe in the movie for a minute or two, and he kind of steals the whole thing doing his weird flirtation with Tom Cruise at the hotel desk or whatever. It's also like every known British actor that's in 1917. Yes.

Oh, yeah. They just pop in, and you're like, okay, I'm going to get some Cumberbatch for a while. Oh, yeah, there's Ben. That's Oh, yeah. They just pop in and you're like, okay, I'm going to get some Cumberbatch for a while. Oh, yeah, there's Ben. That's Ben's here. Yeah, no, it's super weird. What's the guy who plays Moriarty on Sherlock? On Sherlock, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he shows up and you're just like, wow, this character, oh, he's gone. I like that, though, because that helped me remember that all of this was taking place in Europe and not America I think that's why they did that Freeman's his name Martin? Yeah

No no no That's Frodo He's Watson Oh sorry Andrew Scott That's his name Oh I love that you came up with that Now I don't have to read tweets about it.

Okay. Hold on, I got to say. Oh, yeah, you got one. I just want to throw in, I watched Emma since you brought it up. I watched Emma very recently. I hear it's great. I loved it.

Really? Yeah. Oh, you didn't like it, huh? I just, I could not, I don't know why I couldn't get into it because it was, you know, very. It was fun. It looked nice.

Like when. It's like a Wes Anderson version of Emma or something. But sorry, go ahead. Yeah, I don't get into it because it was, you know, very... It was fun. It looked nice. Like when... It's like a Wes Anderson version of Emma or something. But sorry, go ahead. Yeah, I don't know. I just kept remembering thinking about when the Gwyneth Paltrow Emma came out. You know, I'm not really the audience for Jane Austen movies,

but I remember really liking that Emma and I love Clueless. Yeah. You know, so i went into this new emma thinking oh this is going to be you know kind of maybe a little bit like the new little women where it's kind of from a lens of of knowing how things have changed but i don't know i just i i found it boring i might have liked it because i've had to watch the gwyneth paltrow emma like we did it too many times as a Master Pancake this month.

And yeah, I watched it like 12 times or something. And it's fine. It's fine. But the new Emma is much better. And it's funny that you say, Karina, that she has her period in it. Have you seen Emma? Not the new one. Because there's this weird thing that the director does.

She adds a twist that's not in the book, I assume, of where, and I hope it's not a spoiler, but she starts getting, like during the most romantic part of the movie where she's being proposed to, basically, she gets a nosebleed out of nowhere. It's just all of a sudden her nose starts bleeding. And that doesn't happen in the Gwyneth Paltrow version.

It's just a super sappy, sentimental, romantic happen in the Gwyneth Paltrow version like it's just a super sappy sentimental romantic scene in the Gwyneth Paltrow 1996 version but in this new Emma they have to break the Roman like you know anytime the movie starts to get just a little sentimental they throw something in there to mess it up but I've also read that in addition to breaking up the romance it also it may be a metaphor for her first period. I don't know. I don't know. Is she that young? I thought she was more like 16, 17.

I think she's supposed to be, yeah. 42. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. It's a metaphor. I don't know. She could be a late bloomer. That makes sense in the Austin verse.

Yeah. Anyway, she seems much more like a teenager in the new version whereas like Gwyneth Paltrow in the 96 version she seems like a very fully formed person who wouldn't do all this stupid stuff like try to set people up and be a matchmaker that's what I found odd about the new Emma is it didn't feel like she did much of that. Yeah. Felt like she just sort of sat around acting prissy. Yeah. Well, I mean, she's got her best friend who she's trying to set up. Yeah, but you know what I mean?

Alicia Silverstone sets up a million people in Clueless. Oh, Clueless is great. There's no question. Clueless is a fantastic movie. And in order to make the old Emma interesting, we constantly kept having to refer to characters and events from Clueless to remind people this is where it actually was a good movie. Cargill, you seen any movies at home? Well, yeah.

I mean, the last thing that I've watched was Flash Gordon. Because, of course, I did because hardly a week goes by they don't watch it but Max von Sydow passed last week and he was Ming the Merciless and that movie is like this weird awesome touchstone of mine to my childhood and I watch it frequently it's my happy place movie whenever I have a truly shit day, whenever everything just goes wrong, I sit down with a glass of whiskey and watch Flash Gordon and I feel five years old again. But a drunk five years old. And so I watched that just the other night. And aside from

that, I've literally been cranking out on this new book. So I haven't been watching very much. I've literally been cranking out on this new book, so I haven't been watching very much. But Flash Gordon was the last thing I watched. And now you're referring to the older... There's two of Flash Gordon's, right? No, there's one Flash Gordon that you can find in any... There's lots of media that you can find. You can find the old 30s and 40s Mr. Crabb serials.

And then, of you know he was a character in defenders of the earth in the 80s in the the uh cartoon verse that they were like hey we have all of these comic strip characters let's put them together in their version of the avengers uh but yeah the only movie that like they've tried to make one um they they've tried multiple times to get another flash g Gordon movie off the ground, but it's never happened. And I'm kind of glad it hasn't. Like as much as I love Flash Gordon,

I don't know how you go from this weird, bizarre, wonderful classic movie to doing something, trying to be serious and make a mainstream movie out of it. You're talking about like the Queen soundtrack Flash Gordon? Yeah. I swear I thought there, but you're right it was just serials but I thought there was an older

one that they did and also it's hard not to get confused about Flesh Gordon being in there as well. Flesh Gordon, yes. If you're going to count Flesh Gordon then yes, there are two Flesh Gordon movies. There's been many tellings of sort of the same story but I think Timothy Dalton is great in Flash Gordon. Dude, every bit, like that whole movie just like pops.

I love that movie in that it is so lean. It is so much fun. Queen's soundtrack kicks at every point. There's not a single moment you go, really, Freddie Mercury? Really? No, Brian May is like, there's a moment where Brian May is just playing

the wedding theme that we all know from a million fucking weddings and just fucking rips. And it's just great. Everything about that movie works. Timothy Dalton's great. Topol is great. They can't remake that movie

until the world remakes Brian Blessed. Exactly. Who's gonnaakes Brian Blessed. Exactly. Who's going to play Brian Blessed? Nobody. Brian Blessed owns Voltan and there's nobody. We just need to wait for Nick Frost to gain 20 years on his life and put a little bass in his voice. Yeah, drop three

octaves off his voice. You mentioned Topol, the one named actor who of course won the Oscar for playing Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof. I did. But as a kid, it was always so,

or maybe not a kid, maybe teens or later than that, but remember Topol Toothpaste? I do. That was such a, it was like such a joke between anybody that, you know,

really knew film or who Topol was. And I would still probably make that reference today. And no one would know what I was talking about. Best cross promotion in history. Right? You know what Topol is short for? Uh-uh.

Think about it. Okay. I still don't. Tooth polish. Whoa. No, that's real. Why isn't it two-pole?

Oh, man. I was waiting for a joke, and I just got information. You just got your brain blown out the back of your head. I'm sorry. Also, so strange that an actor was named after the words tooth polish. What should we name him? Somebody's brushing their teeth. Tooth polish.

It's a family name. You know, that guy is now running a school. He is the headmaster of a school in Israel. Like, he stopped being an actor and is now, like, just giving back to the community. I think that's fucking awesome. Wasn't he also, which James Bond movie was he in? I think View to a Kill, maybe? No, no, no.

For Your Eyes Only. That's a good question. The one with Lynn Holly Johnson as the ice skater and Roger Moore with horrible, horrible, Matt, you know, effects shots of him in that scene where he's on the side of a mountain. It never looks like he's anywhere but in a studio safely harnessed.

Oh, special effects. You don't always age. No, but you know what? Every once in a while I'll watch something and I'll go, it looks like a process shot or whatever, but damn, they really pulled this off. You know what surprisingly holds up? Independence Day.

Really? They focused so heavily on the miniatures that it doesn't you don't have that mid 90s CG that looks terrible. Instead you've got CG augmenting miniatures and it looks like legit. I projected it the other night to watch it for my podcast and

I was like wow this is this fucking holds up like I expected this to not and I've avoided it for years and then rewatching I'm like oh my God all of this stuff is really fucking working and hell yes it's working and then you know it's just a fun movie to begin with

so I love it now we have this weird phone ringing in the background instead of an audience yeah I don't know if the listeners will be able to hear it but it looks like John's gonna go maybe answer it let's see it like John's going to go maybe answer it. Let's see. Maybe it's our first audience member here.

He turned around and he's gone. Oh, here we go. He's taking the call. Somebody's just calling the highball. Can I get another whiskey? Do we have a whiskey runner? Oh, maybe there's someone in the room that could help with that. I don't know. Oh, no. I someone in the room that could help with that. I don't know. I don't know.

I mean, it is 1130 on a Monday, so. Oh, also, there's going to be a brief commercial break coming up, so when that happens, we can also regroup on drinks and stuff. There we go. Yeah. You're right. What? For your eyes only. Sorry.

If you had any doubt, that's the one with Topol. For your eyes only. You looked it you had any doubt, that's the one with Topol. For Your Eyes Only. You looked it up? I looked it up. Yeah. No, I thought it was real specific with Lynn Holly Johnson and Topol and Side of a Mountain. Carol Bouquet, Julian Glover.

Yeah, Carol Bouquet. Also one of the best theme songs of the era. For Your Eyes Only is pretty great. A few years ago, there was an Oscar-nominated short that starred Carol Bouquet as an old lady, because she is an old lady, and a lonely old lady that watched this one trade come in or something over several years. It's a sad little short,

but it was one of those times where you watch the whole thing going, why does she look so familiar? And then when the credits rolled, I was like, God damn it, that was a Bond girl. Yeah, nice to see her still acting. Impressions. Does anybody have any impressions they want to do? If anybody can do a Brian Blessed right now,

that would really hit the spot. Flying blind on a rocket cycle. Whoa. That's as good as it gets. That was not bad. Like, look, I did my one impression last time I was on.

I do Dr. Claw, and that's it. Like, that's the only thing I can do. That's what happens. Some people have a go-to impression, and if there was an audience

here, I'd make you do it again, but since it's only the homeless thing. I'll get you, Gadget. Next time. Next time. That's pretty good. My favorite Max von Sydow line in a motion picture is,

and you guys can guess the movie. You'll know it right away, I think, is when he said. Please do it in the... I'm going to try. It is an original language. Oh, no, I can't do that. This isn't a quote from the Seventh Seal. I was hoping you were going there where you were just going to break out some...

Is it Dutch? Yeah. No, I can't do that. I was going to say... Is it Dutch? Yeah. No, I can't do that. I was going to say,

if Jesus came back and saw the things that were being done in his name, he would never stop throwing up. Dark Knight Rises. No. Crimes and Misdemeanors, but close. Exorcist. Now that one is, the power of Christ compels you. Say that over and over again.

Your mother sucks cocks in hell he doesn't say that I know that's if Sean Connery starred in The Exorcist yeah I actually I like

in my early career I was helping out a friend she is a horror movie actress and I was essentially her body man at conventions and I ended up at a convention

sitting next to at dinner, the woman who did the voice for, for captain Howdy. And she just like, we were just joking around. And in the middle of me just eating dinner, she leans over and goes, your mother sucks cocks in hell.

And it was just the weirdest moment. Cause it was the voice, but she thought it would be funny just to break into that instantly. It's like oh my god what this is a bit mercedes mccambridge yeah it's her name yeah and she's awesome fucking woman but just in the middle of fucking eating your steak and eggs somebody's like your mother sucks cocks in hell and it's the voice it's a thing it's a moment you don't your mother so socks that smell that's the

TV version it's a weird movie to watch that's what happens when you find a man in the Alps that's what happens when you find

a man in the Alps everybody who's ever watched Lebowski on television knows what I'm talking about I think I stole

that socks that smell from the Richard Pryor Exorcist parody that was on Saturday Night Live in the 70s. Which is a very, I remember that sketch being very funny because, you know, a black priest is a little more scared

about what's happening. He keeps it more real. Your mother sews socks in hell well it's almost time for us to for the three of you to compete

for no particular reason other than the joy of victory this audience is going to get such wonderful prizes this episode existing is a prize and I'd like to ask our

listeners to check out these messages. We're back. We're back. Don't interrupt me when I'm saying we're

back. Anyway, we were talking during the break and this is weird, but the difference between the late night shows doing it without an audience and this without an audience is that podcast listeners are mostly hearing shows that don't have an audience. So hopefully this won't be too much of a speed bump for people. Well, I mean, I do a podcast every week, and nobody ever laughs, so I'm good.

I do, too, and nobody ever listens. I was going to say, Cargill, you should get guests that like you. Nobody likes me. There might be some laughter. Like, literally, the one person who likes me, my wife, is out of the country. That's it. That brings up an interesting point. I love the movie Borat.

Like, if I saw it in a theater now would I have to yell my wife after he says my wife or does it not count when it's the original here's the scary part if you watch it in a theater would people be laughing or would we be like oh this isn't funny anymore

I don't know I think he's a pretty funny character still I watched it two years ago and it was just as good as the first time okay good it's it's what that's the Bruno might not hold up as well yeah see that's the thing is like some of his stuff is very hit or miss um like uh like the thing is is there's a movie that he put out years ago that I was like one of the few stands of Ali G and the house because it was just so over the top absurd, but I tried rewatching it recently and I'm like, Oh,

I'm seeing the movie. Everyone else saw. Oh yeah. That's not holding up. Well, that was like the funny thing about the Ali G show is that, you know, I'd,

I'd watch it for the Borat scenes more than for Ali G. Yeah. You know, uh, this is a bar where I say, Bert, turn it off. Let the games begin. Lady and gentlemen.

My wife. There are no name tags to pick, but we're still gonna play for just for fun. I'm picking the person who's got Cargill G into house because that's just, I just for fun. I'm gonna, I'm picking the person who's got Cargill G in the house because that's just,

I'm for them. Are you pretending there's somebody with you? Yes, I am. You just invented a fan. You are a writer. I guess we could have like, you know,

had a couple of people that, you know, come to the show often here in Austin just, you know, sat them in a couple of spots far away from us. That might have actually been sadder. Yeah. Like, this I can hang with if there are actual people trying to enjoy this.

I'd feel very bad. This must be what a priest feels like during the mass for shut-ins. Just like, I have all this communion wafers. What do I do with them? Do you remember when there was, oh, who was it? Somebody had a talk show. Oh, now I'm blanking on his name. Chevy Chase.

No, he had a talk show where he had an audience of one. Oh, yes. And each night, it was on the Comedy Channel. Was that Tom Green? Uh-uh. No. But they'd have just one guy sitting there. Yeah, it was the big thing.

It's like tonight, the audience of one is, and they would introduce the audience, who would literally, he'd have a little back and forth, and then they were just laughing in the background of the show. He's a comedian, I dare say a friend of mine, because I've worked with him a bunch of times, and he was the real cranky guy in the last couple seasons of Mad Men

that worked there and was always really mean to, I believe, Elizabeth Moss to get back to her again. But anyway, maybe I'll,

God, I can't believe his name's not coming to me. I know. I was like, oh, he's a friend of yours. Oh no,

we're both going to feel bad about this. No, I could describe him like crazy. I used to watch that show and I'm blanking on it as well He's listening right now going God damn you guys, I could have been a star

But no one could remember my name There's no way he's listening Because I kind of feel like he's pissed That I've never asked him to be on Douglas' movies I've been on like four times now I kind of get that vibe off of him Is there a reason why you haven't asked him? Now's the time to reach out.

No, I like him a lot. Well, you have to say that, but really, why haven't you invited him onto the show? Honestly, I do not have his phone number, and as it turns out, I also do not know his name. So that's really holding me back and inviting him on the show. I can Google it right now.

Yeah, I mean, as soon as you say it, I'm going to go, of course. Cranky guy. He'd be like, oh shit, we follow each other on Twitter. I could have messaged him. He was so nice.

One time he was headlining and I was opening for him at a casino in Reno and I played in a poker tournament during the day and I did really well in the tournament and I was going to get

to the final table but it was going to, you know, if I kept playing, I was going well in the tournament, and I was going to get to the final table, but it was going to, you know, if I kept playing, I was going to miss the show. And he came by and said hi to me, and I go, dude, do you mind if I just don't do my set tonight? Because I could win a lot of money here. I ended up winning like over $700, which is more like he's paying for the whole week.

And so he was really cool about it, and I still can't think of his name. Is it Jamie Thomas King? and so he was really cool about it, and I still can't think of his name. Is it Jamie Thomas King? Now, how are you deciding, how are you determining to look this up? Because all I gave you was Mad Men. You also said he was cranky.

Yeah, he's that guy. So I looked up cranky guy on Mad Men, and it gave me, his character's name is Guy McKendrick? Yeah, that's a different guy Oh that's too bad Different cranky guy He's old enough to have his first and last name He doesn't have any middle name or anything

What's another characteristic of him on Mad Men Alan Havey That's it There it is No I've got this So Karina wins the first game. Yay. I Googled the best.

What did you look up? It's my secret. Did you just look at a whole cast list? I looked up audience of one talk show. Yes. See, that's where I would have gone, but I didn't think this was a competition, so I lost out on a point already.

Yeah. So was that called the Alan Havey Show? It was called Late Night with Alan Havey, I think. Yes. Yes. All right, well, apologies. it was called Late Night with Alan Havy I think yes yes alright well Night After Night with Alan Havy

and now there's a show I haven't thought about in like 20 years that I used to fucking watch it was a good show he was really funny he's a very funny guy he's very funny

but then also kind of typecast as the cranky guy yeah later in life but he was really good on Mad Men 2 because I really

I really did not like him. He was mean to people. Not great, Bob. Literally, like, the big resonance of Mad Men, that's what's going to carry forward is just people going, not great, Bob. First, let's play. How's the show going?

Not great, Bob. Characters welcome. Bob first let's play how's the show going not great Bob characters welcome I'm gonna name the characters from the credits of a motion picture and the first one of the three of you no audience guessing the first one of the three of you uh get to not have to say that on these shows if we do more of these I don't know how many venues I'm going to be able to find that are just like, let us all sit very far away from each other in these troubled times. Cargill's got a house that's very

popular. Look, my house is great. I love my house. Yeah, he really has lots of people over. It's really a menace. Social distancing is a thing that writers do naturally, so you've got to do something. Right.

But you're an outgoing person. You're not a typical writer. No, no. This is all the act. But that's all outgoing is. Outgoing is an act. Yeah, no, but it's something I've talked about publicly multiple times is the core of being a writer is being an introvert who's really good at pretending to be an extrovert for like three hours.

Outrovert. For like three hours, like you're like, oh, and you're like, oh, yeah, Cargill's really outgoing. And then I go home and I just like hide under the covers for like six more hours to recover. I don't think that counts. There's a lot of people who can't do what you do. I think a comedian is the same thing, except lot of people who can't do what you do. I think a comedian is the same thing except instead of three hours

it's like 30 minutes. There you go. Yeah. Doug is like, can we play this game? Yeah. I'll name the characters from the credits

of a motion picture. First one of you to guess the correct full title I'm looking for wins the game. This movie has someone called Cassandra in it. Oh.

Also someone named Alonzo. Oh. Plato. Whoa. Wayne's World 2? No. Bill and Ted's excellent adventure wayne's world one there's someone in this movie called victoria step up to the streets um spice

world cockroach karina's levitating out of her seat She just floated out of her chair She knows it but she can't say what it is Night after night with Alan Havey Jesus And I should say Cockroach is not The Cosby Show the movie That's the only other Cockroach I know of

Alright so are you ready To say the correct answer, Karina? No. I was going to go with Cosby, show the movie. This next one's going to do it. I don't think we can get past another name. I found all the names that are the most not going to give it away.

Macavity. Cats! Who was first? She was. I didn't say anything. Oh. I think it was John. I thought it was more than one voice.

No, John. When John gets excited. I heard multiple voices. I thought it was you. John, go, cats, cats. Yeah, when John gets excited, he sounds like me. Cats, cats. I imitate Karina in my most excited moments.

It's true. I mean, look, as the writer of Cats 2, as you can clearly Google and find out, I think that should go to John. Okay. Okay. Then I would have, if by some miracle nobody had known it at that point, I also wrote down Bustopher Jones. Mr. Mistoffelees. And Skimbleskanks. Skimbleshanks.

Yes. Skimbleshanks the railway cat. Yeah, but I know you've seen it have you guys have you guys seen Cats yet I have not I am waiting for

I will not see it until I'm in a theater with a microphone in my hand it is a movie film like that is a legitimate fucking movie film

I'm gonna mock the hell out of it the thing is it's not as like there's a few moments in that film that are really, truly like mock worthy.

And then there's other moments where you're like, I get where they thought they were making a movie here. Um, I, I'm terrified of watching a comedy routine on it where, cause it feels like there's, uh, like Rocky horror picture show esque,

like five minute moments of just like, what do we do here? Like there's, this is just a thing that's happening. That's perfect for us. Yeah, it's a thing. You know, movies with too much dialogue are hard to mock in a theater and get laughs

because there's just too much going on at once. So you really need action movies and just bad movies. Dumb movies. Just poorly paced movies. Doug, do you know who Macavity is played by that's Idris Elba

that is correct Elba you get a point and do you know what character from literature Macavity was based on T.S. Eliot

based Macavity on a character from pre-existing literature Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes what the how did you know that? Because you just led me down the path to it.

Yeah. There's a lot of books written before TSA. We were already talking about Moriarty. Who was also the Napoleon of crime. And it sounds like Macavity. And Macavity is the Napoleon cat of crime. Doug, you're good. You're good.

You know, if an audience was here, I would not have figured that out because they sap my brain power. Do you hear that, audiences? Yeah, stay away indefinitely. You're sapping Doug's brain power. I'm thinking about them too much instead of just freeing my mind

to coming up with amazing connections like Macavity and Moriarty. Hey, Doug, do you know what the best way to fight Macavities are? Toe pole, tooth polish. Oh, we are coming full circle, baby. Wow. Macavity.

Macavity. My wife. Caw, caw. Cats was the answer. Now it's time for another audience favorite. How long is it? This is a game where I name something and then the three of you have to guess how long it is.

Three and a half inches, I'm guessing? This one won't be in inches. Of course, we're all concerned about the great Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson having coronavirus in Australia. And we wish them the best and they will not hear this. Why? I guess they might be getting into podcasts

while they're self isolating. I'm sure they have found ways around DRM down there. I would be so happy if Tom Hanks listened to my podcast. He wouldn't even need to come on. I just have to know that he listens.

He might come on. He is one of the nicest guys in the world. He might be on Doug Loves Movies if you bothered to ask him. Well, how do I ask him? He's not looking at his Twitter account for, you know, interacting with people. You don't know that. Do you know that? You never know who's reading there.

I'll tell you why I know that he doesn't read it. Because he ends every one of his tweets with, Hanks, you know, just like, leave me alone. That's it. Hanks, out. Over. I mean, if you had a meme that you could do like that, wouldn't you do it?

Like, if you could just be like, Doug, like at the end of every tweet, you'd fucking do it. Yeah. And if, like, you're connected with people, but, like, it's T. Hanks. If I was super into space or war, I bet you I could get his attention somehow.

Yeah. Because those seem to be his... He won't stop making movies about space and war. What? Those are his favorite things. If you were Tom Hanks, would you ever stop? If what? If you were Tom Hanks, would you ever stop?

I'm not telling him to stop making movies. I'm just glad he's in Australia making something about Elvis. Fuck. Yeah Yeah, that sounds way more interesting than another, you know space movie. Are we sure it's not about Elvis going to space and or war? If it is this did both I right what what were they called? When did he go to space? He didn't really die. He was launched into space and went to the moon and is living there now with Bigfoot. Oh, I thought you were talking about a movie he did. I'm trying. We got no audience.

But he did serve, right? He did fight? Yeah. Yeah. Elvis went to war in Korea. Yeah. He should be president. How long have Tom and Rita been married?

32 years. In years and months and days, if you want to get really into it, real into the specifics. And it's closest without going over. John gets to go first because he said cats I'm gonna say 34 years okay Five months. Two weeks. Three days. Are you doing rent?

Spoken word version of rent. Anthony Rapp is going to come out and join the podcast any moment. I love that scarf that he wears. Who wouldn't? It's a good scarf. It's the best part of the movie. It's Harry Potter's scarf. We kind of already, I think we already know Cargill's guess, but Karina, let's go ahead and get yours.

Price is Right rules? Mm-hmm. 35 years on the button. God damn you. Whoa, I like that. I know that it's wrong. Are you going to go 35 years, 01, honor? Cargill?

Oh, no, I'm still doing 32. You're sticking with it? Well, I mean, the thing no, I'm still doing 32. You're sticking with it? Well, I mean, the thing is they met on Volunteers. They were working on Volunteers together, and Volunteers came out in 85. That's what I was thinking. You ever watch Price is Right,

and it's just crazy when everyone overbids? Yeah. Because that's what just happened. That's what happened. If this was Price is Right, I I'd be like I was worried that 32 Was a little long But I was giving it A little leeway

That maybe a three year Courtship would have worked Dude you were so close Alright 31 years 10 months And 16 days Oh my god

Yeah You were right there I was right fucking there Yeah But that's the That's sort of the joke of the game. How long is it? I always have to think of something about Tom Hanks.

But can we talk about what a wonderful love story that is? I mean, Tom Hanks and his wife. She doesn't have to. She's not in this Elvis movie. She didn't have to get the coronavirus, but she's there with her man. Have you heard the weird rumor about that that she is in the movie

that she plays Elvis no that the weird thing is that the rumor is that maybe one of Bong Joon Ho's entourage had it and so that everybody at the Oscars who was like hanging out at the after party and shaking hands and that may be where he may have gotten it.

That doesn't sound like long ago. Was it that long ago? It stayed in him for weeks before he had any symptoms. It's got like a, he's the only one Korea. Cause it doesn't sound like a weird rumor. That sounds like a, it might be.

That's why I said weird. I don't know. I've literally just heard this. I was like, that sounds like a it might be that's why i said weird i don't know i've literally just heard this i was like that sounds yeah nasty yeah by the way you know that it's got like a two-week gestation period like that's the rumor like i don't fucking know like nobody really do you know what they call bong joon-ho's entourage topal doug um i they probably Doug? They probably just say his name and put an S at the end. No, it's the bongtourage. Oh, that's way better than mine. I thought you were going to say bong-june-hose.

That's good, too. But entourage doesn't really... His harem would be called that, if that were a thing. No, I just thought it... It seems very on-brand some a big event like that to have been one of those weird things where we're going to start having people come up with the virus in it like where all these celebrities end up with it and we're like that's that sounds like 2020 right now like that's at this point i don't doubt anything because everything is awful like

it's just it's one of those things where it's like, oh, yes, all of our favorite people. They're all sick right now. Like, could you could you think of a pair of celebrities more beloved than Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson? Yes. Who? Betty White and Alan Ludden. Good job. You know what?

And that's like America would freak the fuck out We would freak out Every time Betty White trends on Twitter America loses its fucking shit Betty White should just do a public service announcement That they run 24-7 Of her just saying straight to camera

What are you trying to do to me? What are you people doing? I feel like there needs to be doing abe vagoda like say remember uh is abe vagoda alive yeah like you would check it regularly and he was still alive and then one day it's like no no um but it's such a weird turn because it was abe vagoda his dead jokes were going for forever forever and then he really died he was ancient in the 70s when we were watching yeah when he played Fish on television, he was supposed to be like a 60-year-old man.

He was probably 37. Yeah. He's like... Oatmeal. Yes. Quaker oats. Quaker oats. I got the diabetes.

Cocoon. Cocoon. Wilford Brimley. Wilford Brimley was 42 when he made The Thing. He was 44 when he played a senior citizen in Cocoon. Think about that. 44 years old, he's playing a fucking senior citizen in Cocoon. Tom Cruise was 75 when they made Cocoon.

It's true. He's been aging backwards. Benjamin Button. I hope Alan Ludden is okay. I really do. He's dead. He's long dead. He's dead. He's long dead. He's dead.

Long dead. Betty's really, you know, she's not doing that thing where she passes because her husband died. She's hanging in. Yeah. She's going to outlive us all. You know, I honestly wouldn't mind it. I love Alicia's over the side just crossing her fingers. It's like, please, God, Betty, hold on.

What if you had Tom Hanks and Betty White on the show um I would die of happiness it would be better than this it would be the best thing

that ever happened to me I bet it could happen I've met him I've never met her but she's great um but she doesn't play blue what do you mean

she's said out loud she doesn't play blue she's no but? She said out loud she doesn't play blue She's No But she's That's part of her shtick Is that Then she'll say something really dirty

Yeah But she doesn't play blue Like she's one of those ladies I'm sorry I guess that was a bit of a comedian joke I apologize I mean just the expression working blue Nobody says that anymore.

No. Sounds like, oh, you were sad when you were doing your show? Oh, no. No, I love seeing her on shows and talking about how she doesn't like working blue. Right. She does say that a lot. And that's the joke. That's what the joke was. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. Her character

on Mary Tyler Moore is one of the raunchiest characters of the time. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Sue Ann Niven Moore is one of the raunchiest characters of the time. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Sue Ann Nivens is a wildcat. She is great. Yeah. All right.

So I'm going to get a suggestion from Twitter. There we go. From a follower of the Douglas Movies account for the name that we're going to play today in a round of Last Woman Stanton. Oh, yes. Which is now women only because we've done all the big male movie stars and that's boring. So I'm typing, hey, somebody, please suggest a name. typing, hey, somebody, please suggest a name. Oh, I like it.

A little 70s music. 40s. An elevator. Oh, Girl from Ipanema is that old? There it is. So we don't have to pay for it, right? That's right. We're out of copyright, I think.

I was trying to fill time. I'm sorry. Especially on that recording of it. I think we're out of we're out of copyright I think I was I was trying to fill time I'm sorry especially on that recording of it I think we're clear that one yeah that one's absolutely clear that's not gonna be picked up by anybody no I am

I am the worst artist all right so I'm throwing out the tweet now there it is and that's just a matter of waiting for somebody to respond that is exactly how Twitter is used right you just write something and then just wait for the response here it comes you put it out there of waiting for somebody to respond. That is exactly how Twitter is used. Right?

You just write something and then just wait for the response. Here it comes. You put it out there and then like three seconds later, something happens. Yes. It's bizarre.

Yeah. I mean, you know, this is a new account, so we don't, oh, we already have a name. There it is. And I love this. This is perfect

because we should wrap it up soon. This is, I don't want to do an extra long episode with no audience. Michelle Williams. Ooh. Now, of course, I like to play along. John gets to go first because of that cats thing earlier. Real quick, can we remind me who Michelle Williams is? Oh, well, she was in.

Hold on. So you'll get it because, as it turns out, it's going to go John, Real quick, can we remind me who Michelle Williams is? Oh, well, she was in something. Hold on. So you'll get it because as it turns out, it's going to go John, then Cargill, then me because I play along. Aren't there multiple Michelle Williamses? She is Michelle Williams IV, I believe. Yeah, like in movies. So I'm trying to figure out,

is it the white one, the black one? It's the one that tends to be blonde. Got it. Tends to be a blonde white girl. I don't know how wide her acting has gotten. I'm assuming this is the one that tends to be blonde. Got it. Tends to be a blonde white girl. I don't know how wide her acting has gotten. I'm assuming this is the one that used to be married to the Joker? Heath Ledger's ex, yes. Yes.

That's a good clue without giving anything away, because I believe they didn't work together on screen, but maybe they did. But also, I'm happy to get this over with quickly. but also I'm happy to get this over with quickly. Thank you to Tack, E-T-T-A-C-K-I-T-T-I on Twitter. And start us off, John. Name any movie with... Or television shows such as Dawson's Creek.

No TV shows like that or Fosse versus Verdon. Oh, oh, shh. God damn it. Fuck. What do you got, John? How about Marilyn Monroe movie? That had a name. Called Marilyn.

Next player. No, that wasn't it. Do you want to go to your lifeline? Just run outside screaming. What has Michelle Williams been in? But you're really that stumped right out of the gate? Maybe. I don't watch a lot.

Okay. She's done mostly indie films. The one with the Affleck brother that was very dark. Sad. Tragic. Tragic. Tragic on Hudson. It was called Hudson on

something near a something. Hudson near Hudson. I think Bill Murray was in a movie called Hyde Park on Hudson or something. Robin Williams. No. Moscow on the Hudson. Oh yeah. Next Williams. No. Moscow on the Hudson. Oh, yeah.

Next player. No, that's not how it works. I guess I don't watch a lot of Michelle Williams movies. I'm going to eliminate you right now. Marilyn. You're going to hear all these titles and go, what was I doing over here? I know I am.

I know I am. Oh, I know. Here we go. Brokeback Mountain. Boom. Nice job. Cargill. Dude, this is killing me because I remember half a dozen movies she's in and I can't remember

the fucking names of these movies. Right. Like Wendy and something. I forget what the name of the dog was. I like that the pressure is still so on even though we don't have an audience. We don't have an audience. Usually in front of an audience is part of the reason people freeze up on these answers. And I remember that like midpoint something,

like I forget what the name of that thing was where it was a colonial era, I'm traveling across America thing. I mean, I love that you guys are describing Michelle Williams movies because you're describing ones I might not think of and I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, no, no, you know exactly what movie I'm talking about and I can't remember the name of any of these fucking movies. I was just right there. I'm like, oh, Dawson's Creek. You're like, no TV shows. And I'm like, fuck. I'm not going to make it through one round of this. But it's been a pleasure having

you. It's been great being here. And we will validate your parking. I got to tap out on this one. I cannot think of any of the names. All right. My turn. my turn, my turn. Don't take it. I've got so many in my head now, thanks to you guys. But I'm gonna go ahead and say,

My Week with Marilyn. My Weeka with Marilyn. Karina? All right, this better be all I need because I can really only think of one and I'm still not even sure I'm thinking of the right Michelle Williams and I'm not sure she's in it, Dick damn it Dick is right oh Kirsten Dunst with Kiki yeah

that's my second one oh no yeah so that knocked you out no I'm gonna do that uh Affleck movie okay as soon as I think of the title. That's the thing is I've got six different movies. I can see her in all the movies. She's a wonderful actress. I cannot think of the names of any of these fucking movies. She's so good in that movie too. She's good in all of them.

Like she has a scene in that movie. I can't watch it without crying. She has great and forgettable movies. Wow. Wait, that... We have one member of the audience and he just laughed, so I have won some sort of prize. She's great in forgettable movies

should be a category of Golden Globes. You give up, John? This is correct. You give up, John? Yes, I give up. Avon on Hudson. All right, so that one you're trying to think of is Manchester by the sea and Karina do you have anything more than dick

I have a lot less of dick than I used to but that's the best joke of the day right there there it is putting a pin in it so there's a casey affleck movie was that the casey affleck movie yeah okay i don't think i do because i just this was in my blank spot of pop culture knowledge this is the early 2000s this is when i tapped out and decided i was too cool to know anything and I went off to Australia and she did not star

in any Australian movies and maybe she did. And is she in any Baz Luhrmann movies? No? Okay, well I'm fucked. I don't think so. Oh, I just, that strangely helped me

think of another movie she's in. I'm gonna go with I Got Nothing. Okay. You just maybe remember that she's in The Greatest Showman. Massive movie with Hugh Jackman about P.T. Barman. Wow, she was in that?

Yeah. She's his wife in it. His wife? Was she in any toothpaste commercials? No. She was in... The other movie you were thinking of where she's homeless and has a dog is called Wendy and Lucy. There it is.

God damn it. She played a fancy fashion model who owned a big cosmetics company and Amy Schumer's I Feel Pretty. Oh, she was in Venom. She's in Venom. She's in massive movies right under our eyes. If there was ever a thing that John should be doing, it's fucking Venom. I love Venom. I love Venom.

I love Venom. It's such a great movie. But she's such a good actress because she's quite different all the time. Makes it hard to pin her down. That's the thing. She's one of those actresses that is in so much great stuff but makes really interesting choices

to where you watch the movie and you're like, I'm glad I watched this movie. And then you're like, what was the name of the dog? I forget what the, literally it was her and a dog. Yeah, it's two hours of her going, Lucy! Yeah.

Lucy! Looking for that dog. Somebody takes her dog and she has to try to get her dog back for like two hours. And it's heartbreaking because you're like, please God, give Michelle Williams her dog back. For fuck's sake. It's the same thing with Tom Hanks.

Because I'm like, what's that movie? Turner and, and he just can't. Right, Lucy. Hooch. Turner and Lucy. Turner and Lucy. he just can't. Right, Lucy. Hooch. Turner and Lucy. Turner and Lucy. Turner and Lucy. Lucy drools all over his house.

Well, we've done it all. We've said it all. Wait, did I lose? I don't think anybody won today. I think you won. I think I won. I think you won the whole thing just for the dick thing.

I just wanted to point out that Dick finally won me something. Thank you. Yes. And you get to go. Oh dick finally won me something. Thank you. Yes. And you get to go. Oh, you broke the audience member. Yeah. Like, I had him there.

I had the joke, and then you crushed it. God damn it. You're welcome. So the Twitter person who suggested that did not match the name that I've had in my wallet since the beginning of the year. So the prize money will go up whenever I get around to doing the next one to $80 and a Doug Benson pin.

And like four of my books. I want this to get up to like, you know, a ridiculous amount of money. We'll see if we get there because you think there's a finite number of famous actresses, but so far nobody's matched the one that is in my pocket. Not that the actress isn't in my pocket, just her name.

You've got one name in your pocket, and the other one, we have no audience. What do you have to plug, Karina? I have a movie podcast called Thanks Academy, where I watch all the best picture winners of all time in random order with random comedians. And we always watch things for the first time because I tend not to watch best picture winners.

So it's fresh takes on old movies. Wow, it worked out perfectly that Brokeback Mountain did not win. Yeah, it really did. Best picture. That was the year it went to the amazing crash yeah the crash will never make any sense to me crash is reserved for our 90 whatever when we get to the end we're doing crash that's the last one yeah yeah it's arguably the worst best picture winner it's weird that that's the second best crap movie named crash like no one

would even. Well they came out within one year of each other too. No, the Cronenberg one you're talking about? Yeah, of course. Which they're I think thinking about remaking. Which would be really weird right now. Yeah, it would be really weird. It's about having sex with cars. Right? Or while it's crashing.

Having sex while it's in cars. With cars you're thinking of one of the Transformers movies. Yes. That's Michael Bay's thing. Get your dick out of that tailpipe. That's my favorite Judge Reinhold bit. That's a banana in the tailpipe. Yeah, I think you weren't watching that movie.

My wife. That's what a joke is. Thank you for being here, Karina. Thank you. And for people that want to check you out on Twitter, it's C-A-R-I-N-A Magyar, M-A-G-Y-A-R. That's right. Or you can find anything about me at Karina Magyar,

spelled just like that, dot com. Oh, I love it. John Earler, What's going on? Thanks for asking Doug. Uh, well, it's nice to see you over there. Hey,

I didn't, I didn't notice you until just now. Uh, well, master pancake is the group that makes fun of movies, uh, that I do. And,

for the foreseeable future, um, I, we don't even know if there's going to be live shows happening for the next few weeks. Everything's kind of day to day. But we do have a treat because we canceled the St. Patrick's Day shows of showing of Leprechaun. I am going to try my best. I have all the old recordings of our shows since 2013.

recordings of our shows since 2013. I'm going to sync them up with the movies and I'm going to try to broadcast them on St. Patrick's Day in a marathon of leprechauns. I call it Leprethon. That sounds awesome. Just what you want during a pandemic. Leprosy

in a marathon. Go grab your bong. It's time for the Leprethon. It's Leprethon 2020. Leave a piece behind. so people who normally listen uh to your show and i plug things normally can't do them this is something they might be able to do if they go to our facebook uh group the master pancake facebook group is where i'm gonna try to broadcast these movies from i did a test run last night using one of our uh we did the Hunger Games a while back and I, you know,

like four in the morning I just did kind of a test to see if it worked and it worked for about 15 minutes and then I got a block notice shutting it down because Lionsgate or whoever was like,

this is copyrighted, you know, protected material and so, but I do know that sometimes they shut it down and sometimes you can upload things that are copyrighted

and it just depends. I'm crossing my fingers that nobody gives a shit about the Leprechaun movies enough to have created an algorithm to find when people are uploading

Leprechaun movies. Yeah, you know, maybe like Ice-T might be concerned about people seeing one of those movies. How is there not a leprechaun on Facebook already? How is that not one of the movies? Huh?

It's literally like they put it everywhere. Why is there not a leprechaun on Facebook? What do you mean? I don't even get the question. Like that's a plot of the next movie? Yeah. Like he just logs on the Facebook and annoys his uncle? Yeah.

Like Leprechaun 9, Leprechaun on Facebook. Yes. Where else can they go at this point? They've gone everywhere. They went into space. Well, he hasn't gone to the Old West. Right. That's right.

To the jungle? That's true. Leprechaun in the jungle. I love that you're like, oh my God, he hasn't gone to the Old West yet. He hasn't been in the Caribbean. Yeah. He has gone to space. He's gone to the Old West yet. He hasn't been in the Caribbean. He has gone to space. He's gone to the hood twice.

He's gone to Las Vegas. How about a cruise ship? Facebook is next. Leprechaun on Facebook. Cargill, you are the movie writer. Will you write that movie? I already wrote it last night. What do you want more from me?

I don't know. What happens in Leprechaun on Facebook? Well, exactly what you think. He logs onto Facebook and he starts killing people because they're trying to take his gold. How does he kill people on Facebook? That's a really good question and you need to pay $6.50

to watch the movie. He's magical. He could probably do some pretty cool stuff. He jumps out of the screen and attacks people while they're surfing Facebook. That could be. How hard is this? This movie writes itself, guys. I'm telling you. Well, maybe

Leprechaun can be on hard times and he needs more gold coins so he becomes a cam girl. Ooh. Oh, a cam con. Camera con? I don't know. See, there it is. You log on for a cam girl and Oh, a cam con camera con. I don't know. See, there it is. You log on for a cam girl and you get the leprechaun and he jumps out of the screen and murders you in some bizarrely absurd way.

OK, stop. You're turning me on. Sorry. John has another show he can do next. Next. I know. Well, that's the thing is there's no chances are there won't be a new leprechaun based motion picture between now and next south by i found one i found one really that has nothing to do with the original franchise but looks exactly like a leprechaun movie it's about an

evil leprechaun um billy zane is in it oh i'm in it's i am fucking in yeah um so if we do run out what's that one called it's something like leprechaun's revenge or something like that I'm in. I am fucking in. Yeah. So if we do run out. What's that one called? It's something like Leprechaun's Revenge or something like that. It came out, I think. All right. So we got two more years. I love that Billy Zane has gotten to the point in his life that he's not even in the Leprechaun series. He's in the Leprechaun knockoff series.

Right. Yeah. Poor Billy. So, I mean, he was such an asshole in the Titanic. I don't know why anybody talks to him. Not because he was in Demon Knight, that's why. Because Demon Knight fucking rules. Some people like the Phantom too, right?

Yeah, the Phantom was great. It's not good. I never got into that one. I don't know why. It's not good. Oh, it's not good. My podcasting partner loves that movie, and I kind of adore it for how terrible it is,

but I just can't love it the way that he loves it. And so I always make fun of the fact that it's punch evil and he's like, no, it's smash evil. And I'm like, relax. It's not a movie worth standing for. I don't understand.

At John earlier on the socials. Not at all. It's a, Oh yeah, no, it's, it's elk mating. That's right.

Oh God. That's right. Oh, God. That's right. Are you hiding in plain sight? I'm going to confess now. I fuck elks, everybody. It's a long story. I used to have a radio show, and I would play elk noises in the background. They're very soothing.

They're like whale noises. But it was the sounds of elks rutting is what they called it have you seen that documentary about the traditional Finland Norwegian type people biting the balls off of reindeer? No that sounds right up my alley though. It's really good. Please tell me it's on

Netflix cause that's. It's on YouTube oh there it is. I'm gonna let you try to figure out how to find it. Alright so my Twitter handle is at elk mating you can also go to the master pancake Twitter at master pancake and if you

want to see this leper thon on Tuesday St. Patrick's Day I'm going to start tomorrow that's tomorrow I'm going to start around I

don't know two in the afternoon probably and go until all the movies are done which will probably be around midnight you got to link it on Twitter is that I'm going to know so go to go to our Facebook group go until all the movies are done which will probably be around midnight. You got to link it on Twitter?

Go to our Facebook group, the Master Pancake Facebook fan club I guess. I don't know if you have to join to watch it. You might have to join. I'm not sure. And then the leprechaun will jump out and kill you. But why wouldn't you at that point? If you're going to spend fucking St. Patrick's Day watching

leprechaun movies and Master Pancake, why not join the group? And Doug is on all the content. I had no idea they were being recorded. Yeah, shit. Is it okay? I guess it is. Damn it.

I really always, because when I do Benson movie interruptions, we don't bother to record it. We just make it just a live thing, you know? You never know when there's going to be a pandemic. You never know when you're going to have a pandemic. And you need a million-old record. And hope that the studios won't jump in and stop you

from stealing their material and making fun of it. Yeah. Yeah. Cargill. Yes. C. Robert Cargill. What's your crazy name on Twitter? Massa Worm.

M-A-S-S-A-W-Y-R-M. It's literally, it's something a bunch of my drunken high roommates came up with 20 years ago. And my buddy was the tech nerd of the apartment. I lived in an apartment with eight guys. I was one of the eight. There's seven other guys. And my buddy was the tech nerd who set up my first email address and thought it would be funny to set up that. That's what I sent in my first review to Harry Knowles as.

And it's literally been my online handle for 20 years since. And as a result, I always, everything I go to has my name. So I never have to forget what I've signed up as. I just type in MassAwarement. It's like, oh, yeah, that's my account name. So where do you bank? That's a good question. Social.

But yeah, Massa Worm. You can find me on Twitter and Instagram. And you're going to ask me the other things. What I have to plug, if you have TBS, apparently my movie, Doctor Strange, plays on TBS every five minutes, which I love because every once in a while I look at my bank account and it's bigger as a result of TBS.

So thank you. Where's Tilda Swinton from? She is from Scotland. I thought so. By the way, if you get a chance, have her on the fucking show. Oh, I would love to. She is my favorite human. Oh, I would love to. She is my favorite human. Oh my God.

Did you ever see the video of her at the Roger Ebert Film Festival? She showed up at one, I believe it was after he passed and she got the whole audience to get up and start dancing because everyone was so sad. It was the first one without Roger Ebert.

She is literally the best human that I know that's not my wife. Me and Tilda, we we really I became friends with her and she is just so fucking great she is just an amazing human she the first thing she does when she walks onto any set is start calling out names of the crew members who she worked with in previous

films and she remembers everyone's name and she's like calling out the second ad and the camera operator and just walking up and giving them hugs and kisses and she is just this perfect human she should not exist she was given to us by god as a gift and is a wonderful human so if you ever run into her ask her to be on the show she'll probably be like sure and then it'll be on the show. She'll probably be like, sure. And then it'll be the best show that you've ever had. Like,

hands down. Sounds like you guys are really close. If I have to run into her to make this happen, you will oddly run into her in the oddest places. Like she is just, she is just a great human. Now, Tilda,

what are you doing here? And she'll just be like, Doug, and you'll be like, we haven't met. And she's like, yes, we have. You just don't remember. Well, thank you to all three of you for doing this.

And thank you to the Highball. And also, Doug out to the, there's a CBD store now next to the Highball that gives a 10% discount to people that bring their tickets from Alamo draft house in there. So I already like that place and can't wait for weed to become legal in Texas because then they see what he set up for it right there. Right. Can you imagine buying weed right next door to the high ball, right next door to the Alamo draft house? With the people that run this state, it boggles the mind that would ever happen.

But if it does happen, yeah. It's like, oh, I'm going to take my ticket over to get some edibles. So good. Doug, can you call out all the names of the people behind the scenes here tonight in honor of Tilda Swinton? Please. That's what she would do. It's what she would do.

She would name all two people who are not on the broadcast. There are three. There's three. Yeah. Count. I didn't know if that person was officially here or not. Look, Alicia got me multiple whiskeys, so she's definitely here. All right.

She's not a figment of our imagination. Much love to Alicia because she's keeping me drinking. Yeah. But I already mentioned Keith Ruckus earlier. Thank you, Keith. And Steve. Steve's keeping me drinking. Yeah. But I already mentioned Keith Ruckus earlier. Thank you, Keith. And Steve. Steve. Steve.

Steve. Steve. Steve did the sound. Steve. Thanks, Steve. Tilda Swinton would be proud. As always, social distancing and positive energy. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.

Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies