Doug Loves Movies - Chad Opitz, Erica Rhodes, Doug Mellard and Carlos Rodriguez guest

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

Back at the UCB Franklin, Doug welcomes Chad Opitz, Erica Rhodes, Doug Mellard and Carlos Rodriguez to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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With 50 azobot kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug. And I... love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies.

Oh, I see. I bring it in low-key. You guys follow up with more low-key. Doug loves... Yeah, take a seat, young lady. You know how I am about promptness. Clearly you don't know. But we're coming to you once again from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles, California!

We are surviving the quakes. I missed all of them. I was out of town. So I'm feeling pretty good about that. I didn't know that was going to be one of the perks of going on the road is missing out on the earthquakes. It's Tuesday, July 9th, 2019. I got to ask, do we have four or more name tags tonight it looks like we do

looks like we have seven seven name tags that's perfect one of them is a ghost thanks for doing that Doug plugs tomorrow night it might be sold out, I'm doing this year's Dabs Day show at Laughs in Tucson, Arizona. This Saturday, July 13th, Douglas Movies is out in Burbank at Flappers. I know you guys like to come to the show

here, but consider that because it's going to be an intimate... Not unlike this one. Should be a good chance to get your name tag picked. July 17th, Douglas Movies is back at the American Comedy Company for our annual Comic-Con edition of Douglas Movies. And July 27th, Douglas Movies returns maybe for the last time. We don't know what the situation is

with the punchline in San Francisco. And that's at 420. For all my dates and deeds and links, go to DougLovesMovies.com. That's DougLovesMovies.com! Yeah! Caw-caw! Wallet!

Shh! Somebody said wallet instead of caca because wallet was too exciting. Looking too much forward to it. I brought a bunch of stuff for the prize bag tonight. I thought you guys deserved some cool shit. And now I've coughed all over it. So it's really worth something.

We got Sir Kensington's condiments. It's like a ketchup and a mustard, maybe a mayonnaise. I don't use any of that stuff on the burger on the plane. We got from Cincinnati a book called The City View of Cincinnati. Could be a view of Lexington across the river. We got a select snack box. This is choice menu, you guys. It's got some amazing stuff in it that I didn't even open it.

It's got cookie bites, gummy bears, crispy square, corn snack. Remember what that means. Fruit and nut mix and chocolate pumpkin seeds. I think it's like two little seeds that have chocolate on them. But anyway, all that's in there, plus a Douglas Movies sticker and from Rockin' Pins, a Doug Benson pin. Plus the stuff brought by my four guests.

Please give it up for Chad Opitz, Erica Rhodes, Doug Millard, and Carlos Rodriguez. Yes! These are four return guests on the program, so you were right to give them so much respect through your continued applause. Let's meet them individually,

starting with the man on the far end over there. It's Chad Opitz, everybody. Hello. Hello. San Francisco comedy phenom. First time on the show here in Los Angeles. Are you intimidated, Chad? I'm terrified, Doug.

Right? This is what a formidable group have assembled to take you down. Oh my goodness. With your San Francisco bullshit. I should mention that I'll be at the punchline in San Francisco. Perhaps for the last time what did what have you heard lately chat about the closing of the San Francisco

punchline is it it's in flux right I think are we not allowed to say that well don't matter now so I think it might be done so I'm it's supposed to maybe close in August but but I a month yeah but i'm excited to get one more doug lowe's movies in there in case it does if it doesn't that's good too you're a force of positivity sir yeah some big corporation bought this you know is buying the land that it's on yeah but you know just called Not Google. Just go ahead and build a skyscraper over the punchline. It'll just be in the bottom.

It's going to be an acai bowl place, I think. That'd suck. Thanks, Chad, for all your positive thoughts. Sorry. Let's say hello to the man next to you, Mr. Doug Mellard, everybody.

Yay! Hello. I forgot I had a mic. Mostly here because my girlfriend loves his dog, and we demanded that the dog come to the show. Yeah, Penny's pretty great. I get it. Can Penny make an appearance on the stage, you think?

Is that possible? Oh, yeah. She's... I don't think they know that if they're backstage, I don't think they know that we're asking for that. Wait, watch this. There's no way that's going to work. But how cool would that have been?

That'd be some Rin Tin Tin shit right there. That would have been amazing, but of course that's not going to work. Penny! Penny! They don't even have the sound on on the show in the green room. It's just the visual, so they might look up and see us flailing wildly if we did that. Where's the camera? Penny out.

Anyway, they're having a blast back there. That dog's a goddamn delight. What's Penny's Instagram called? At the luckiest Penny. She's got about 40,000 more followers than I do. Oh, there she is. I hear her jingling. Uh-oh, it's happening.

It's happening. She's trying to come through the door. Oh, she's her jingling. Uh-oh, it's happening. It's happening. She's trying to come through the door. Oh, she's loosing the crowd. Her rotted arteries are being bitten into. Penny. The place is going crazy. Penny's trying to go out the door, smart dog. Penny.

Penny's making a run for it. Penny, come here. Penny, come here. Penny, come here. Penny, for your thoughts. Penny, come here. This is probably a bit overwhelming. Penny! There she is. Penny, come here. Penny, come here. Penny, come here. Penny, for your thoughts. Penny, come here. This is probably a bit overwhelming. Penny!

Oh, baby, yay! Good girl. What a cutie. That dog has a little time for everybody. Like, that dog is very... What a star. Yay, Penny! Yay!

Do a trick now, Penny. Penny, do a tight five. Yeah. Answer some movie trivia, Penny. Should I take her back, or do you want to? I guess so, but that was an amazing cameo. She did a great job. Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny.

She can't even walk. She's so excited. All this Penny attention. Dogs know their own names, that's for sure. We just proved it. Well, sorry for the delay in introducing you. It's Erica Rhodes, everybody. Hi.

Hi. How are you doing? I'm doing well. How are you? I'm doing really too good. Too well, to be honest with you. I don't know if I remember how to play the games. Oh, that's all right. I don't know if I remember how to play the games. Oh, that's all right.

I don't remember how to... Do anything. I don't remember how to run the games. No, I'll talk you through it. And, you know, keep it pretty simple when Doug Millard is on. So you should be in good shape. He's not a big movie trivia guy. He's, you know, when you have a dog like trivia guy He's you know

When you have a dog like that Why are you watching movie credits What's Penny named after Is Penny named after Penny from Forrest Gump That's Jenny Or See I'm already so bad at this

Penny from Almost Famous Oh that's what I meant Penny oh that's what I meant Penny Lane that's what I meant from the Beatles song yes but what's she named after yeah

oh that was just the the kennel they were gonna she's gonna be put down she was like a few hours away and she was named Penelope

and we went with Penny that's smart yeah wait what did that have to do with her being put down Oh I was just Oh you were just saying The name wasn't based on that

Yeah yeah It was from the kennel They almost put her down Okay And by put down It just means they gather The dogs and insult them Yeah yeah

Penny your breath is terrible It smells like copper It's a roast That kind of thing. Roast of all the dogs. Can I guess why the dog's named Penny? Yeah. After Penny Marshall,

because that dog's in a league of its own. Wow. I knew I was setting someone up. That was a big joke. Also joining us, and laughing harder at what I just said than anyone else in the room. That's why he's here. It's Carlos Rodriguez, everybody.

Yeah, it's all, you know, everyone here has been on the show before. Some remember it better than others. But I think you're all gonna do great now here's the interesting thing I don't know if you if anyone on the panel heard about this but during the Del Close marathon that just happened recently here I was supposed to do a 420 Douglas movies with cast members from Veep and Jessica McKenna from off book did anybody like to end up watching the show that they did without with cast members from Veep and Jessica McKenna from Offbook. Did anybody end up watching the show

that they did without me? Yeah, I couldn't make it here, so they did a show anyway. They did like an improv show, because, you know, the show must go on or whatever. But I didn't get a chance to play all the games

that I prepared for that particular panel and that particular show. So I'm just going to go ahead and play those games today. And it's probably bad news for all of you. Oh, good. Yeah, I mean, we'll see how it goes. But we'll get to that in a second. First, I have to ask everybody what the last movie they saw was.

Chad, what was the last movie you saw? Today I went to go see the new Child's Play movie. Oh, yeah. What did you think? It's still in theaters? Yeah, it is, yeah. I liked most of it. Most of it?

So, like, the ending's bad? I didn't like the ending. It's hard to land the ending on those horror movies, especially when it's a reboot. And Chucky sort of has to survive at the end right because they want to keep doing them yeah yeah i thought mark hamill was great as the voice he's a good chucky voice he's a good voice he's a good joker in the in the animated batmans right so that's that seems that matches up okay yeah there's a there's a guy in the movie that looks startlingly like jack black oh it's like i was like oh that's jack black i but it's not jack black weird it's very

alarming so like a young that was the most scary thing in the movie he's a very creepy character and i was like jack black wouldn't do this what are you doing jack Black? Like a younger Jack Black though Or a guy that's Jack Black's current age Kind of more current age Oh weird It's very very similar looking man I hope Jack continues to get roles This guy doesn't take his parts He's probably missing out on being in this movie

What about you Doug? What was the last movie you saw? You got a dog sitter and then you went and saw You went and saw what? I saw John wick three a couple of times and loved it. Oh, do you think your dog would like it? Uh,

Oh yeah. Cause there's, it's got so much great dogs. Yeah. There's a lot of, I don't, I don't want to spoil too much, but ball biting.

Yeah. A lot of testicles. Yeah too much, but ball biting. Yeah. A lot of testicles. Yeah, no, there's dogs that are just like, they're nut connoisseurs in the movie. They like really go for the nuts and really just hang in there

and just keep chomping away. It's impressive. I want to see, you know, they have that Keanu Reeves behind the scenes video of him with guns. I want to see the dogs biting balls behind the scenes yeah like practicing yeah yeah yeah being like i'm not

doing that again i want to have a family don't want to hit too close to home for somebody joining us for the 50th time me erica roads everybody it's gonna be even more painful give it up was i too subtle in that introduction you guys were like oh you're just having a conversation they're like we have no idea about who's here. We're going through and we're applauding for everyone. Giving them all individual attention. Erica has probably been on the show three times. Three times, yeah.

Probably more in that range. Maybe I oversold it. That's the problem. Maybe I shouldn't have given it. Undersell me. Pretend it's my first time. Such a big wind up. But thanks for being back here. Thanks for having me. Appreciate it. You've got an album that's on the charts. Yeah.

The comedy album charts. The album is called Sweet Lemons. Sad Lemon. Sad Lemon. Damn it I was so close. I'm so proud of getting the lemon part right. But yeah get her get her new album

and also say hello everybody to Carlos Rodriguez oh that's what happened I already did all of that Jesus Christ that's why I go I looked at dude and he was like what the fuck listen you guys

this is the show where I just introduce to introduce everybody over and over again. It's like memento. Joining us for the 50th time, it's Chad Opitz, everybody. We also got to talk prize bag. I'm all over the place. But what's Who's up next For last movie they saw

I Erica Yes Applaud for her Yeah that was so weird When I said her name And nobody applauded I was like damn

What is going on you guys No reason to pick favorites. Just because somebody has a cute dog. All right, last movie you saw, Erica. I'm going to get this together. I saw Green Book. Why? I was on the plane.

Okay. And I heard it won something. It did. It won Best Picture. Best Picture, right? right it was the best picture that everyone can agree was okay like that's what the academy awards is now the way the balloting works and for best picture is it's just the least objectionable which is funny because it's a very objectionable if you like you know how you know race wars aren't over yeah thanks to one driver

who decides to be tolerant right yeah they think it's very unique to have the the black guy teaching the white guy stuff yeah that was the big twist yeah white guy learning that you know maybe black people aren't so bad after all. And we should share a hoagie together. So it was funny, the Daily Show in there for your consideration billboards around LA said, don't green book this. Which is pretty funny. That was the slogan they had? Yeah. Wow. wow yeah vote for this don't green book it like don't make the wrong choice oh come on it doesn't make any sense

the green book was where they couldn't stay together in a hotel right right? The Green Book was a list of where they could stay. It was a guide to hotels where, you know, he could stay, the black guy could stay. But the other guy could not. No, he could stay there because he's white. Oh. He could stay wherever he wants. Oh, got it. Okay.

I thought he couldn't stay with him. Oh, sorry. No, they didn't want him. I love how we're discussing race in an all-white room. I'm like the only minority. We don't even know what the movie was about. Who are you talking to, me? Or Carlos?

I was just saying it as a statement. Does anyone know what it was about? It was about race relations being solved by one driver who learned to stop being racist. I thought it was about classical music. I saw the Green Lantern. It was pretty good. Same theme, basically?

Yes, same thing. Carlos, what about you? I hope you've seen green book as well because you could tell us uh i saw a green book and it's about teaching uh the white man how to cook because that's pretty much what it was he was just like yeah remember that he was like yo man put salt salt makes you uh oh we know that was reverse uh yeah because beagle morrison told him like this is horrible no i forgot teaching him to eat fried chicken. He's like, you like chicken.

He's like, I don't like chicken. He's like, no, you love chicken. He's like, actually, I do. And he liked it. Yeah, and he taught him about the litter. I'm nervous of that goddamn movie, a white guy teaching a black guy about fried chicken. About fried chicken.

That is really rough. Well, I saw something really racist. I saw Spider-Man. Yeah, it was great. I didn something really racist. I saw Spider-Man. It was great. I didn't see it. It's like it's racist? What's it called? Fly Home?

Fly Away Home? Yeah, Far From Home. Far From Home. Far From Home. I saw Spider-Man. And I snuck into Toy Story 4. Did people woo because they're so angry at Pixar? Yeah, fuck them.

Sneak in. They don't deserve your money just for coming up with Forky. Yeah. I didn't like 4. I wasn't a fan. I think they should have ended it at 3. Well, I mean, I think they should have ended it at 2. Really?

At 2? Honestly, yeah. Ended it at 2 and erased 1. Just pretend 2 is the only one. Yeah, yeah. That's interesting. Well, because the animation in one, the people characters

look terrible. But they sort of fixed it in two. And then three was just like, he's throwing away his toys again. How many times is he going to fucking throw his toys away? This fucking kid Andy don't appreciate shit. Part four,

they're like, oh no, Forky is missing. Who gives a fuck about Forky? Forky is the Dobby of the Toy Story series and I haven't even seen it. Don't you moan for Dobby just because he died.

All right. Some people are like, what? Dobby died? I'm a little behind I'm I'm up to Goblet of fire

Alright So I asked everybody Oh prize bag What do you got for the prize bag Chad? Oh man I took a trip to the old dollar tree. And I got an at-home

marijuana drug test. Just so... It's easy to use. It's 98% accurate, it says. It's to test and see if your marijuana's any good? Yeah, I think so. It's like, am I high? I don't know until this puppy lets me know. What is it, a mirror?

Yeah. Am I pregnant with a pot baby? I'm going to pee on a stick to find out. I love it. It says, read results in five minutes. Do not read results after more than five minutes. So you know it's going to be good. And if you are high, then you're going to enjoy this perfect size for one cake. It's a Duncan Hines cake for one.

Ew. Cake for one. And I've never seen this before. From the dollar store? That looks gross. The ingredients, you will need a mug. You have to have a mug. You can't do this in anything else for some reason.

So it's a perfect cake for one. You've got a mug next, right? No. Shut up! Fuck! Cowtails minis. I think those are tasty. Oh, they love those.

For a dollar. That was a hit. This is my favorite. This is a knockoff brand spam called Lunch and Loaf. Oh, my God. There's a lesser spam? Yeah. And it says classic.

Classic. It's the classic taste of Lunch and Loaf. I hope you were high when you bought these. I was. I bet you that's good. And it says fitting lifestyle. Classic. What kind of lifestyle it is, I don't know.

It's like when they say giant ice cream sandwich. Pass all of that stuff down to me. I'm very excited for all of it. I might keep some of it. You should. I might eat some of it. What do you have, Doug? I brought this really scary record,

The Wizard of Oz, spelled A-H-S-O-Z. There's no reason for any of what-S Oz. There's no reason for any of what's happening there. There's clowns for some reason and these people on the back. It's a promotional copy, not for sale. It's the real deal. And then I brought my first

album on compact disc because I can't get rid of these. Fart Safari. And then I brought my latest album on digital download card, Fart Safari 2, Fart Harder. Oh, shit. So there you go. And a mug.

Thank God. I didn't bring a mug. Oh, and of course, I'm giving away my dog at the end. Yeah. There you go, Doug. Thank you. I recently had a cow tail for the first time somewhere in Ohio, and now I'm super into cow tails.

I didn't know that I would encounter one so soon. They're good. Yeah. Where did you get these, Doug? Oh, no. Chad. Where'd you get these, Doug? Oh, no. Chad, where'd you get these from, Doug? The Dollar Tree. Oh, these were the Dollar Tree?

Yeah. Everything's from the Dollar Tree. What are they made out of? What is it? Cow tails. Cow tails, yeah. I think it's caramel and cream or something like that. It'd be much weirder if you were just tearing into that can of fake spam.

Crack open that loaf. I got to get into it, you guys. I see it. I love it. But yeah, I'm into these cow tails. What do you have, Erica? I didn't bring as much as you guys. I brought, let's see.

These look like pot type things. I don't know what this is. It says It says cookies. It contains cannabis. What is it though? Will you tell me? I don't know.

I didn't bring as much. I just brought the best stuff. I don't know. It's some pot related thing. It's like a pre-roll. It's a pre-roll. There you go. We're like cavemen.

We're like... Yeah, I know nothing. I just got it. I got this. Somebody gave it to me and I don't really smoke, so... Yeah, no, you're doing the right thing here.

Yeah. Oh, did that just go to you directly? Now, this is another thing that's pot-related. It says, Blackberry Kush Indica Hybrid of some sort of CBD fancy thing. Yeah. That's an air freshener.

Yeah. It's from, what is it? What is it? I don't know. It's the real, it's really good stuff. Yeah.

It's really good. Yeah. They need the, uh, apparently, apparently they need the pen that attaches to it. Oh shoot. I didn't bring that,

but they'll figure it out. They'll make it a podcast. They'll have one. Can they use it? They'll be able to find one. A different pen? They'll track it down. I mean, I have the pen, so maybe they can just DM me.

Okay, that sounds good. Okay, I have it at home. You're the most DM-able comedian in the world. I am so DM-able. She will respond to your DMs, you guys. Yeah, within seconds. Yeah. And then I brought a Billy Collins poetry book.

I'm glad you finished that sentence because just saying a Billy Collins didn't narrow it down for me. But Billy Collins does good poetry? Yes, he's a very good poet. Excellent poet. It's called The Rain in Portugal. Sorry, there's water on it.

It's okay. Oh, that's all right. Get a little rain on it. He's a famous poet. He's a New York poet. Very good poet. Do you read poetry? Not really. Okay, well, someone will. Wow, that just brought up. I mean, you guys love the cow tails. Everyone went crazy for the cow tails. No poetry. Not a hit. I'm already reading one of the poems

and it feels like it's from the point of view of a dog. That's perfect. Can we get Penny back out here? Have Penny translate. Just remember what Penny looked like and Penny saying this. I have no need for a biscuit. A chew toy.

Or two bowls on a stand. No desire to investigate a shrub or sleep on an oval mat by the door. But sometimes waiting at a light, I start to identify with the blonde lab with his head out the rear window of the station wagon

idling next to me. Oh, it's a guy relating to a dog. Wow, it's perfect. It's beautiful. Thank you, Billy Collins. For all of those cherished words. That was really cool how you came with that on the fly. Like you just made all that up

just out of nowhere. No, it's in here. No, that's the kind of bullshit that's in here. Some guy imagining the thoughts of a lab in a car. He's just sticking his head out the window because it feels good. No reason to overthink it.

The next line is, I'm so excited my red lipstick penis is... Never mind, that got too weird. Is that about your dog? You don't say that about Penny. I like how it's Anne Steen. That's really quiet.

We got all the prize bag stuff, right? Now here we go. Oh, Carlos. You forgot about it. But you didn't forget about it. I had to forget something else. All right. They fucked up my order at a Starbucks.

Perfect. So they gave me, you can get a free Starbucks, whatever you want. So put doubles and triples in it. So that's good. It's a free Starbucks, whatever you want card. Yeah. Okay. And I was recently in, I was doing the underground in Seattle, and I caught an A's versus Seattle game.

They had a bobblehead. So I got a bobblehead for you. Oh, that's cool. And it's an old school one. It's Fred Hutchinson, who is... Fucking Hutch? Yeah. A big Hutch. So he was a manager.

He played back in the 60s and stuff like that, and he died of cancer, the first one. No, not the first one. I'm just fucking around. about that and he died of cancer the first one and uh no i'm not the first i'm just fucking around but his brother was his surgeon and he um has one of the biggest cancer research centers in seattle so fred hutchinson cancer certain centers so boom me too i don't know is it oh that's it and i know someone too isn't that what's what's the cancer thing you know and and and one and two you guys remember that campaign

oh you guys aren't that woke here okay I see there's a campaign you know what I'm talking about I know there's like a campaign I heard about it's called cancer can suck my dick but I don't think that one got out there

let's start that one got widespread attention. But yeah, but we trust you that it's something. You're talking about something real. Not a good campaign if nobody's heard of it. I know. It was at the baseball game. You would have to stand up. And I don't know.

You guys. Oh, stand up for cancer? Is that what it was? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds like you're into cancer.

I think it should be taken against cancer. Are you talking about the seventh inning stretch? Oh, yeah. You stand up. Yeah, that's just a normal thing they do in every game. It's not for cancer. All right. Well, it should be.

This is the part where I say, let the games begin. We got not a lot of name tags But we do have some name tags One of them is a ghost We pick one right? Yeah you go pick one Choose a name tag you want to play for And while you guys do that

We'll do this We'll be right back Today's show is brought to you in part by Wolverine The Last Trail Marvel just released season 2 we'll do this we'll be right back today's show is brought to you in part by wolverine the last trail marvel just released season two of their award-winning scripted podcast wolverine the lost trail for free yeah you heard me for free if you're a marvel or wolverine fan you have got to check this out this season picks up where season one left off. Wolverine is headed to New Orleans in search of redemption.

As he follows a trail of clues through the bayou, he encounters biker gangs, a mutant called Gambit, and a world full of dark wonders. The podcast stars Richard Armitage as Wolverine. You might remember him from The Hobbit, Hannibal, Castlevania. Listen to Wolverine, The Lost Trail for free in Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or your favorite

podcast app. Back to the show. Alright, we're back. Who are you playing for, Chad? I'm playing for Ghosts of Melissa Sippy. And there's a goddamn ghost on it. And James Woods, who's also scary.

That's super fun that she took a movie about racism and then attached a spook to it. Yeah. Yeah, pretty clever and inspirational. I like it. What's her name again? Melissa Sippy. Melissa Sippy.

Good job, Melissa Sippy. Who you got, Doug? I went real simple, but it's just Pope Christian, and that's you as Uma Thurman. Oh. Yeah. Well, I like that. That's on a ripped out piece of paper. He drew that five minutes ago.

All right, who are you playing for, Erica? All about Yvonne. And she put alcohol all over hers. Do you like that? I like it. Do you want all that alcohol? I would like it. I prefer that to marijuana

Yeah Well go ahead and take all those bottles Okay Got a couple of vodkas And what's that other one over there? Gin, vodka, vodka, vodka Lots of vodka What is this one over here though?

It's like kind of a bottle But it looks like it ran over by a car Yeah this is a pocket shot Oh So like That is not That doesn't sound good Nope over by a car. Yeah, this is a pocket shot. Oh. So like. That is not, that doesn't sound good.

No. That sounds like something Cosby would offer you. Yeah, that looks. The shot from the pocket is the best place to get. Okay, I'll stop. But also Betty Davis and I have the same birthday.

Oh, yeah? Do you have the same eyes? Same birthday. What day is that? February 12th. April 5th. Well, that was a great guess, though. What if it was right?

Really great guess. Everyone would have been very impressed if you were right. Okay, so who are you playing for, Carlos? I'm playing for Free Will T. What? It's the Free Willy poster, but he put the last initial T, Will T. The shirt? There's a shirt that says Will on it.

Will. Yeah, I don't know what that adds, really. Do you keep the shirt? He reinforces that his name is Will. Oh, yeah, you said I could keep the shirt, right? Oh, you'd wear that shirt? I would, to throw people off. Wait, read...

Oh, I get it. It's a Will T, because his name is Will T. That's clever. Why does it have a reference to the... Yeah, that's going to blow up, dude. We're going to sell so many Will Tees. Boom. Where do they go to get those?

Yeah, that's what I thought. He's like my house. Roll by my crib and get a Will Tee. But he's going to wear his proudly. Carlos loves it. Yeah, I'm going to rock that. Yeah, people say, why does it say that on your shirt? And you can say to people,

because I want you to put me in your will. Aw, that was good. Yeah. I just thought of it. I know, that was fun. All right, we're going to start with a new game. We did a coin flip backstage to determine who would go first,

and Erica won. We didn't really do that. I was like, when did we do that? I was like, wait, when did we do that? It sounded pretty good. Uh-oh. It sounded pretty good. So Erica goes first.

Uh-oh. And the game we're going to play is called Glide and Close. Did I mention to you guys that I was supposed to be at the Del Close Marathon? I was supposed to be at Marathon for this great improvisation teacher who inspired the Upright Citizens Brigade, who started this theater. And he's an amazing actor, and he was in a few films.

And his name is Del Close. So this game is Glenn Close, Del Close, or Neither. And I will name a movie, Erica, and you tell me if it's got Del Close, Glenn Close, or Neither. And if you get it right, you get a point. If you miss, it'll move on to Dougoug and then to chad and then carlos okay and this is just for the people on stage no audience guesses please the first one up del close glenn closer neither the film is called called either oh I like a pre guess yeah but you might want to hear the okay fine the film was called American graffiti was clean close than that or don't close

or neither yeah close Close. Del Close is correct. Erica is on the board with one point. Now we go. We start this next one with Doug. The motion picture is called Thief. Thief.

I'm going to go Del Close as well. All right. That's an interesting move, but that is correct. Del Close. Del Close. So Doug's got a point. Here we go, Chad.

The film Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Glenn Close, Del Close, or neither? Del Close. That Close, or neither? Del Close. That is correct. What? Very good. We are all dominating. I think this is just called Del Close.

That's the name of the game? Yeah. Well, what if the answer isn't Del Close? Well, then I'll change my name, the name of the game. All right. So where are we now? Carlos? Introducing the game.

It's Carlos's. Fam, fam, fam. Carlos's turn. The film is Light of Day. Light of Day. I'm going to go with Glenn Close. That's incorrect. Damn it.

Erica. What's the name of it again? Light of Day. Does it have Del Close or neither? And you said what? You said Glenn. He went Glenn. I went Glenn.

I'm going gonna say neither Incorrect Doug It's gotta be Doug What do you say Doug? Warren No Del Close

That is correct Doug gets a point Doug is racing into the lead with two points Chad gets to go first on this next one The movie is called The Big Town. The Big Town. Big Town.

It's a porn. The Big Town. DG or N? Del Glenn or Nita? Del Close. That is correct. Yeah! Del Close. That is correct. Yeah!

Just Del Close. Just Del Close. Alright, Carlos. I'm going to go pre-guess. I'm going to go with Del Close. Okay, the movie is The Blob from 1988 and you are right. I'm going to go with Del Close.

Okay, the movie is The Blob from 1988, and you are right. Carlos is on the board. The motion picture, Erica, is called Fat Man and Little Boy. Del Close. That is right. Getting way younger. I thought that was Glenn for sure. Doug.

Next of kin. I'll go Glenn. No. God damn it. What were you thinking? Chad. The pressure. Pressure.

Next of kin, Chad. I'm going Del Close. The pressure. Pressure. Next of kin, Chad. I'm going Del Close. That's right. He's got to change it at some point. I don't think so. Okay. Carlos. A league of their own

um who are the people quite close Del Close or neither I'm gonna say neither no shit don't you get it by now Del Close

that is correct Del Close. That is correct. It's Del Close. She's running away with this thing. Doug. Mommy's boy. Del Close. Yeah. Now it's Del Close? It might be Mommy's Day.

I can't read my own writing. This movie called Mommy's Day. Del gets another point. I remember Glenn Close in Grandma's Boy. I still can't see his face. Me neither. I don't know what he looks like. The Untouchables, Chad.

Delclos. That's right. All right, let's add it up here. Chad wins with four points. Here's one more for you, Chad, just for fun. Which one was in, was it neither Glenn or Del in the movie Hook? Glenn Close. That is correct.

Wow. Yeah, you That is correct. Wow. Yeah. You know what you're doing. All right. So that means that Chad gets to go first in a round of whose tagline is it anyway? I will tell Chad the tagline from a famous motion picture, and then he will guess what movie that is.

If he can't think of it or guesses wrong, we move on to the next player. Is it a Del Close joint? Who will be Doug? I don't know. We'll see. No, I should remind you that the guests on that episode were Sam Richardson, Matt Walsh, and Clea Duvall from Veep, and Jessica McKenna from the Off Book podcast. The show that never happened, but we're talking about it anyway. Who did I say goes first?

Chad. Chad won that last thing. goes first? Chad. Chad won that last thing. All right, Chad, what movie had the tagline, Easy Tiger? Sounds like something Mary Jane would say to Peter Parker. Easy Tiger. Fuck. I mean, if Mary Jane

Mary Jane has no understanding Of how Of the animal kingdom Easy tiger She thinks the spider's a tiger Easy tiger Save the tiger? Oh that'd be weird

Yeah Good guess though I guess Doug? What is that? Crouching tiger, Hidden Dragons? 100%. That's not what that's called but

still a fun guess. Erica? Is it Bringing Up Baby? No. Another great guess. Carlos? The Lion King. No! No!

That'd be really weird. Easy, Tiger. The Lion King. And I said it so confident, too. Back off, Tiger. This is the Lion King. Yeah, sit this one out, Tiger. No, the correct answer to that,

that was one of the taglines for a motion picture called The Hangover. Oh, really? Featuring Matt Walsh. So that would have been really fun to slip that one by him. Oh, yeah, he would have guessed. I think he might not have recognized it. No, I think that's what happens with actors.

You know, he's busy, does a lot of movies, probably several with tigers. Plus, you know, he's not that self-centered, so he doesn't think it's necessarily about himself. All right, we'll start with Chad again. These two opposites attract, but everyone's trying to keep them apart. That's a tagline?

Yep. Ever see a romantic comedy? Because that's the description. So that movie with Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg? Remember when they were fucking? That was wild. Made in America?

Made in America with Will Smith was their baby. Was he? No. They had a daughter that was a girl and Will Smith was trying to get in her pants and they were like,

I don't know. These two opposites attract and everyone's trying to keep them apart? These two belong together? I mean, it's basically... I mean, I might as well just say it right now. It's Romeo and Juliet.

That's what I was going to guess. Yeah, no, that's not the answer. Oh, okay. Wait, what? That wasn't the answer? No, that's the classic one where that happens. That's where everyone's trying. But then there's been a million movies ever since

that steal that concept. Forces of Nature? These two are just opposites. They're not even different families or different sides of the tracks. They're just opposites. She likes to read. He likes to fucking not read. That's the opposite.

Yeah. I already blew my guess I said forces of nature alright Doug it's probably not Batman and Robin they're too similar fuck I'm just gonna to go Con Air. I know that's not it.

I see it. It's a terrific guess. Erica, I think you're on the right wavelength here. Oh, it's closer to Romeo and Juliet? I think you'll figure it out. You think so? Mm-hmm. Oh.

I take it back. It's a rom-com. It's a rom-com. Can you just read it one more time for us? These two opposites attract, but everything's trying to keep them apart. Sounds like Volcano or something. It's not 10 Things I Hate About You.

No, but that's a great guess. That is a good guess. It's in the ballpark. What do you think there, Carlos? I think it's WALL-E. Yeah, right. It doesn't say people, it just says these two opposites. These two

different robots. But no, it is human beings. It's a classic teen comedy romance. She's a classic teen comedy romance. She's all that. She's all that. Alright, back to Chad.

This tagline is tricky. It's just if anyone asks... If anyone asks! I know, right? Does that make any sense? Oh my god. If anyone asks... I know, right? Does that make any sense? Oh, my God. If anyone asks. Shut the fuck up.

If anyone asks what? Keep out of it. The movie. Keep out of it. If anyone asks. The Quiet Place. If anyone asks. That's really the tagline?

If anyone asks, yes. If anyone asks. Once you hear the title, it's going to make perfect sense. Oh, no. It's until then that everyone is perplexed and they retain. If anyone asks. Do-do-do-do-do. What's the worst that could happen?

Oh, that's a good guess. Not correct. Doug? Shit. If anyone asks. If anyone asks. If anyone asks. The human centipede. No.

Into the wild. That's it. That is what happened to that guy, if anyone asked. Nobody asked. He went into the wild. He was able to get away with it Because no one was asking What do you think Erica If anyone asks

I feel like ask might be in the title Is that correct I married an ask murderer If anyone asks Ask me Ask your mothers. I keep wanting to change it to... Never mind.

I keep wanting to fill it in like I'm taking a bath. If anyone asks, I'm in the bath. That'd be a great title for a movie and tagline for that movie. If anyone asks, I'm taking a bath. I'm taking a bath would be a funny title for the movie. What do you think, Carlos? Oh, that's not my guess. I took all of those words into consideration.

If anyone asks, I'm just going to go with something about Mary. Oh, okay Mary for no reason no not a good guess I was thinking a good guess would be bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia if anyone asks if anyone asks Carlos do you have anything

if anyone asks if anyone asks these are tough you guys oh wait there's a theme though there's gotta be a theme because one of the people on the panel is in this movie

who's in the movie that's the fun sneaking it by him but it's not fun tonight don't tell mom the babysitter's dead oh that's a really good guess really great guess

really good guess if anyone asks is that it don't tell mom so the mom asking. The mom, I thought. If anyone else asks, why would you tell them that you're not telling mom? The babysitter's dead?

Wait, oh, you said that. Yeah, yeah. No, if anyone asks, we're the Millers. We're the Millers. That's a tough one. We've played that one before. Nobody figures that shit out. Ready, Chad?

Yeah. She's finally getting some good action. She's finally getting some good action. Some good action. She's tired of the bad action. Throw mama from the train. Or the non-action. I was thinking of that for the other one. Doug, I don't know why she would be happy about being

thrown from a train. She's in some weird shit. Doug? How Stella got her groove back. being thrown from a train. She's in some weird shit. How Stella got her groove back. Oh, that's good. That's a really good answer. Erica? Wait, say it again. She wasn't happy.

She's finally getting. She's finally getting some good action. She's finally, as opposed to the bad action. Some good action. She's finally getting some good action. She's getting it. She's getting it. She's getting it. So someone who wasn't getting it now is getting it.

You know, that's the implication of this tagline. It's finally getting... Oh, um... She may never have gotten it. Bridget Jones died. Oh, that's a good guess. Yeah, Carlos?

Not good enough. It's not the guess. I'm torn between two of them. Fair game with Cindy Crawford. What's the one with Nick Nolte and Julia Roberts? The fuck was that called? Do you remember that one? I Love Trouble? I Love Trouble. No.

Oh, no. Okay. I like the way you worked it out, though. No, it was Melissa McCarthy was the desk jockey, and then she got out on the field in the motion picture Spy. Oh. Yeah, that was fun. These things do describe the movie but they also describe

so many other movies uh all right so nobody's got any of these right so let's let's throw one out there that this is will be the determining factor in who wins this particular game i'm just gonna say a tagline all of you guess as often as you like until someone gets it right. Are you ready? You don't even have to have a hand on a buzzer. Just start blathering until you

say the words I'm looking for. The tagline is party like your job depends on it. Christmas office party? Chad. Christmas office party? Chad got Christmas office party. I got office. You got so close.

You probably helped Chad. Oh, man. No, Chad didn't. He knew it. He knew it. Chad, you were great in those final seasons of The Office, by the way.

Thank you. He looks kind of like Clark Duke. Okay, so we're going to play one more game to determine our winner today. Chad's been just barreling through everything. He gets to go first again in this last game. And it's called Last Man Stanton. Now, today on Twitter, either no one wrote to me

or I was too lazy to follow through and find out who wrote to me. So does anyone in the audience just raise your hand if you have a good suggestion for Last Man Standing? We've got a gentleman over here casually raising one hand while still holding on to his lady. Are you guys married or dating? Engaged. Engaged. Very nice. How long of an engagement is it? Two months. Two months? Oh, that's reasonable. Engage. Very nice. How long of an engagement is it?

Two months. Oh, that's reasonable. Things must be going good. You know what I mean? Not too far, not too long, not too short. She's finally getting some good action. You sounded like Beetlejuice when you said that. What's your name, dude?

Charles. Charles, okay. So, Charles, give us a suggestion for this game. Jason Schwartzman. Jason Schwartzman. You know what? Normally, I'd be like, that's kind of a tough one because, you know, he he works a lot but he's kind of a character actor what have you um yeah it is hard but i also i love a challenge and i love getting the show over with so but here's the thing each of you has one lifeline you can go

to the person whose name tag you chose. You can go to them once for a little help on the films of Jason Schwartzman. I'm going to play along as something of a spoiler. Chad's going to go first, then we'll switch the order around. I'll go to me, Carlos, Erica, Doug. We're bookending it with Dougs. I mix him up with someone else. Right, so be careful about that.

You do not want to. I'm curious to know who you mix him up with. But let's start with Chad. The films of Jay Schwartz. He was just in Wine Country. Oh, the Netflix movie with... Boy, you should have seen it. I thought it was all ladies in Wine Country. Oh, the Netflix movie with... Boy, you should have seen it. I thought it was all ladies in that movie.

And him. All ladies and Jason Schwartz. Well, he seems pretty woke, so he fits in okay. I'm going to go with the movie where we all discovered and loved him, Rushmore. I'll take Rushmore off the table. What do you think there, Carlos? I'm going to say Scott Pilgrim versus the world. Nice.

I'm going to write down Scott P. Save everybody some time. Oh, man, what was that? Oh, yeah yeah that one it's never too early to go to your lifeline just to stay in I'm just forgetting the name stay in it

you don't have to go to her she'll just yell it out to you that's the one I couldn't remember Darjeeling Limited it was on the tip of your tongue it was barely. Yeah. Doug?

Royal Tenenbaums. That's the other one I was going to do. That's another good one. That's for sure. Those are two of the big Schwartzmans. And I think we're done. He's definitely done. We murdered Jason's horseman game

No he's got some more Starting with whatever Chad's about to say He's a likable guy Isle of dogs You do what? Isle of dogs Me too Isle of dogs

Okay everybody's thinking really hard So I'll take dogs. Okay, everybody's thinking really hard, so I'll take a second to say this has been a wonderful evening. Thank you. Stall. And then I'm going to go with... I just really relate to this movie since the days when I was one.

Shop Girl. He's in that? Mm-hmm. Wow, I didn. Shop Girl. He's in that? Wow, I didn't know that. He's the guy. He's the guy that isn't Steve Martin. He's the guy. Yeah. It's Claire Danes, Steve Martin.

He's always the guy who isn't Steve Martin. Oh, I just thought of another one. I Heart Huckabees? Shit. Carlos is going I Heart Huckabees. That is a good one. Oh, man. This is going to drive me crazy.

Yeah, this is fun, right? It's weird how he can be so memorable and yet so forgettable. Yeah, fuck you, by the way. Charles. He's like, I really like him. I like him and his movies, but then I can't tell you what movies he's done. There's like that hotel one. Oh, right.

What's that called? What is that called? Oh, man. What is the hotel one called? Hotel Rwanda. Hotel. Hotel. The, um...

Oh, man. The hotel. It's not the hotel for dogs no am i right though there's a hotel movie it's not the hotel new hampshire hotel um the um hotel is it he's in He's in a hotel... Working in a hotel. It's not the Bates Motel. Oh, does it start with a B? The... I wouldn't give that kind of clue. Buddha...

The... Every Jason Schwartz movie is going out of my head listening to this. I had so many backed up on the runway. They were ready to go. Good, the technique works. Yeah, it really does. It really works. Take down everybody else while you lose.

The moon. The moon. I love this approach to say words. Stapler. Bell bottoms She wants a cow tail She's saying moo Can of peas

The morning Thank you Erica Darn it What is it You tried you really did It's a hotel something Who's next Doug I'll do funny people It's a hotel something. Who's next? He's going to guess.

I'll do funny people. Chad. He did a voice in Fantastic Mr. Fox. Of course he did. Mr. Fox. Are you trying to think of the Grand Budapest Hotel? Yes. You did say a B sound. You were trying to help me.

I wasn't, but I did. Darn it. Carlos? A movie called Spun? Yes. That's an upsetting movie. I had to take a shower after that shit. I just thought of another one. Oh, no. Don't tell Carlos.

You cheaters. Doug? I'm going to go to Christian. Christian, in Oh, no. Is it me? Don't tell Carlos. Is it me? You cheaters. Doug. I'm going to go to Christian. Christian, in the audience, what do you got? Moonrise Kingdom? Yes. Moonrise Sparking Kingdom.

That was the other one I almost said. Son of a bitch. Oh, darn it. He did it. I think I almost said that. That's impressive. So Doug's still in it.

Chad? I'll go to my lifeline Chad's lifeline is She's going Life Aquatic With Steve Zizou He's in that one? Yeah

He's in all of them right? Is he in all of those movies? He's in all those Seems like it Wes Anderson movies Seems like he's out there Alright I'm gonna stick my neck out here

And say one that People might go Uh uh But I'm going to stick my neck out here and say one that people might go, uh-uh. But I'm going to go, uh-huh. He was in a movie called Slackers. Yeah! Wow. Uh-uh.

Uh-uh. Not to be confused with Richard Linklater's Slacker. Singular. I'm going to use my lifeline. Here we go. Carlos' lifeline. That's Penny. Nah, I'm going to use my lifeline Here we go, Carlos' lifeline That's Penny Nah, I'm gonna use my lifeline

You're out! Oh shit You guys make me sick Alright, let me see Let me cook one real quick Alright, Jason Schwartzman What's her name? Adrienne's son.

Adrienne from the Rocky films, Talia Shire. Talia Shire's son. Yeah. He was also in, ah, shit. Was he the baby in Godfather 3? Oh, that'd be crazy. I think the baby in Godfather 1 was. Oh, he was in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Yes Wow Wow Impressivo Yeah you're right I don't need you I don't need this god damn lifeline He believed in you

I don't want to have your shirt back. I don't want to wear no Will's shirt now. I mean, this is just coming down to, he doesn't have too many left, Doug. What do you think? I'm going to go with Del Close. That's a good guess, but you're out. Chad, do you have another one?

Can I come back? There's one. Right? I want to say Almost Famous. No. I'm out. I can't think of any. He's in. I put all my money on Chad.

So I want. Let me get moving for another one. Oh, you got one. You got one? Just for fun. I just want to say one more. Just make everybody go, damn. Doug's the fucking man.

He was in... Oh, shit. You motherfuckers. Nope, that's not a movie. Walk Hard, the Dewey Cox story. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

He was one of the Beatles. Anyway. He was in the Beastie Boys video. Does that count? No. They call it a movie. No, it doesn't. But Carlos is our winner.

Come get your prizes you unhelpful he's in a Netflix movie I forget what it's called come on down here you go dude congratulations yeah man

do you want your board back or tag yeah you should take his name tag back too yeah it's your lucky Willie T can he keep the t-shirt I'll rock it Carlos gets to keep the t-shirt I'll rock it name tag back, too. You need your tag? Yeah, it's your lucky Willie T. Can he keep the T-shirt?

I'll rock it. Carlos gets to keep the T-shirt. I'll rock it. That's a gym shirt right there. Yeah, that's a real nice item. Let's talk to everybody about their plugs, Chad. Chad Opitz. This is the big one for me, buddy.

This is it? I ain't got nothing big coming up, man. What's your Twitter handle? Twitter.com slash Chad Opitz. And I'm performing all over the Bay Area. San Francisco. Yeah, come see Chad and shows in the Bay Area, you guys. ChadOpitz.com.

I'll be at the San Jose Improv in a couple weeks. Oh, that's neat. And thanks for coming to see us down here in LA. Thank you, Doug. Appreciate it. Doug Mellard. Yeah. Can applaud for that. Doug, what do you got to plug? I'll be on the road soon, so just follow me

at DougMellard.com. Yeah, on Instagram and all that shit. I'm in Austin in like a week and a half. Houston, Dallas, Boulder, some other places. So just find me. And I'm recording Fart Safari 3, Fart Hard with a Vengeance, November 17th and 20th at the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin.

Austin, Texas. Yeah. Nice. I'll be back there soon. Erica Rhodes. Hey, I'll be at La Jolla Comedy Store this coming weekend. Then I'll be in Houston the 19th and 20th at the Rec Room. And then I'm going to be on the show Bring the Funny.

My episode's at the 30th. July 30th. On NBC. It's like a Last Man, Last Comic Standing kind of thing. Yeah. Do you know how well you did on it? I can't say. Can't say.

Can't say. You can watch it. She's the champion of Bring the Funny, but she can't mention it yet. If anyone asks. She's not allowed to say how she fucking killed it on there and everyone else went home crying. Congrats. To their mamas. Who are the celebrity judges on that?

Kenan Thompson. who are the celebrity judges on that like uh um keenan thompson keenan thompson's one of them chrissy tegan did i say she knows comedy again and jeff fox john legend's so funny jeff foxworth jeff foxworthy he knows all the he knows he can tell you if you're a redneck or not. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Cool. I look forward to watching you on there. And Carlos Rodriguez, what do you got to plug, dude? I'll be at La Jolla Comedy Store, too, the last weekend of July. And then I'll be in a comedy spot in Phoenix, Arizona the following weekend. And you can follow me on my website.

It's carloseshelladumb.com. And my Twitter and all that other shit is carloscomedy. At carloscomedy, yeah. All right. I forgot to write down, yeah. I forgot to write down one more thing for me to promote, so I'll just repeat. Go to douglasmovies.com.

That's douglasmovies.com. Yeah, kaka, wallet. so I'll just repeat, go to DougLovesMovies.com that's DougLovesMovies.com Yakaka Wallach and yeah, thank you guys for coming out tonight, appreciate it and one more time for all of my guests Chad Opitz Doug Mellard

Erica Rhodes Carlos Rodriguez oh I should say we'll be back here at UCB Franklin two weeks from tonight on July 23rd. And as always, positive energy. Thanks again to our friends over at Heinz Mayonnaise. Heinz Mayonnaise transforms ordinary foods into an unforgettably creamy experience. So leave the boring old blah mayo

on the shelf where it belongs and make your next tuna salad sandwich experience an unforgettably creamy one with Heinz Mayonnaise. Try something new. Try unforgettably creamy Heinz Mayonnaise and the new Heinz mashups Mayo Chip, Mayo Q,

Mayo Must, and Crunch! Until next time. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of Gold is viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you because Doug loves movies.