Doug Loves Movies - Chris Cubas, John Erler and Sean Jordan guest

Episode Date: April 30, 2017

Live from Cap City in Austin, Doug welcomes Chris Cubas, John Erler and Sean Jordan back to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see But Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you once again from one of my favorite comedy joints, Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas!

It's Saturday, April 29, 2017, and I know your name tag game is strong, Austin. Show it to me. House lights, thank you. Oh, Lord. It's just ridiculous every time the amount of name tags and the ingenuity that goes into them and the lighting designs to make them seeable.

The Brian King. I see your name tag. The Brian King. It's me holding up a little Brian baby. Okay. Transformers. The last mic. Your mic.

Dave Hart, I get that. Your face with your glasses on, that's an excellent replacement for Mel Gibson. You didn't even make your face blue. Or part blue, however he did it. Guardians of the Galison I like that a lot that's very good Alex

Men Origins Little Wolverine is on there as well oh has Sam Levine ever been to Austin no hey Eeyore's here, everybody, on his special day.

Who here went to Eeyore's birthday first before coming here? How was it? Was it good? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Maybe someday I'll go to it.

I didn't go to it this day. Because tell me if I'm wrong but it's a park full of people doing drugs mostly weed while drum circling and hacky sacky that's it

that's why I didn't go today I was like I already know what it's going to be before I even go I I already know what it's going to be Before I even go I can already feel the whole vibe Right here in my hotel room Put on whatever music I want Maybe I don't want too much drumming today

Or maybe I want a lot of drumming Then I'll put on the soundtrack Of the motion picture Whiplash. To bring it back to movies. But it is a cute idea, though, to celebrate Eeyore's birthday because that was the premise with Eeyore. Is that why he was so sad? Is it because he didn't have a birthday?

And do people play Pin the Tail on the Donkey there? Because that seems obvi. And the answer is no. What does that have to do with getting high? Drum circles. That's what we're going to do.

Kick a little ball around. I'm not good at hacky-sacking, so I feel like a shitty stoner when I try to get involved. First of all, I go for the head butt way too often. Could use your knee or a foot.

Doug plugs. Rosemont, Illinois. Two shows where tickets are still available. One of them sold out already. It's going to be Stand Up This Friday Night, Cinco de Hayao, and then Doug Loves Movies

May 6th. May the 6th be with you at 420. Both at Zany's. Formerly Toby Keith's. I love this fucking bar adjacent. Lexican Kentucky. Stand up. Sunday afternoon, May 7th

at 420. Bring your name tags and Last Man Stanton will be played. Denver, Colorado. My annual Mother's Day Douglas Movies is on Sunday, May 14th at 420 at Comedy Works. And that night in Littleton we're doing a Benson movie interruption of

Mother's Day the movie. That's not what it was called. But I just wanted to be clear that we weren't just going to come to town and try to interrupt everyone's Mother's Day. And that's at the Alamo Drafthouse. Los Angeles, May 15th.

San Antonio, May 27th. San Francisco, June 10 and 11. Boston. What the fuck does that say? 18th. All my dates and deets and links are at DouglasMovies.com. That's DouglasMovies.com. That's douglasmovies.com. Also, if you haven't purchased it yet,

the last time I was in Austin was an ad-free episode, so we put it on sale for $1.99, and it was a super fun show. Were some of you at that show? Yeah, it was a super fun one, so you can still get that for like $2 in the comedy album section of iTunes. I got a prize bag full of prizes in a bag.

Yeah. First of all, apparently Jolly Rogers was like a big sponsor of the recent Moon Tower Comedy Festival. So they have a huge leftover bucket of Jolly Ranchers here in the green room at Cap City, so I grabbed handfuls of them and put them in the bag. Might even, like, throw some out at you guys at some point. Probably not, because as someone backstage mentioned, they seem a little like they'd be kind of dangerous. You know, just chucking a bunch of small rocks into the crowd.

You know, just chucking a bunch of small rocks into the crowd Apologies, Jolly Rancher, but you are a hard candy Oh, this is kind of cool I found this amongst all my junk A keychain that was a promotional item For the movie Top Secret Remember that movie with Val Kilmer? It's got a little cow like, a cow on it. It might also be an eraser.

That's going in the prize bag unless I change my mind and get sentimental about it at the last minute. Here's something I don't mind giving up forever without wrapped even. It's the Blu-ray DVD of Florence Foster Jenkins. There's more where that came from. A future prize bag is going to get some more

Florence Foster Jenkins swag. Throwing all these Jolly Ranchers in here was a mistake because now I can't find the actual... I have to root for the actual items that I want to show you guys oh here's a Christmassy peacemaker pipe yeah it's never too early start getting ready for Christmas a lovely hat from at Mary Jane and more Jolly Ranchers. I'm pretty sure you guys just get to have to take my word on this. I'm pretty sure there's a gift card for Netflix in here

for three free months of Netflix. If it's not in here, oh there it is haha it is. Alright I found it. There might be some other fun things in here that I haven't mentioned. Oh, a copy of my CD, promotional tool. So all of that is going to be somebody's today. In addition to all the stuff brought by my three guests, I'm calling this an all-star edition because these guests have been on the show before,

and today they have come. I almost said they have came to play these these gentlemen have come to play and it's gonna get intense I'm gonna play as well please give a big warm welcome to Chris Cubist John Erler and Shawn Jordan Jordan! Jordan! Fuck yeah Alright, let's say hello to them individually because they're such a polite bunch except for one of them Let's first say

hello to John Erler everybody Leader of the local movie comedy Phenom Troop Extravaganza Costume show Master Panakeku Yeah, Austin's own Master Pancake

You guys did Titanic Last night. That's right. And then again, they're doing it again tonight. Two shows tonight. Are there tickets available? Just a couple. Okay.

Just a couple of seats left. Handicapped section. Maybe those expensive ones in the balcony at the Ritz. They're like $30 a piece. $50. They're $50 a piece? I think so. Holy shit.

Yeah. Don't buy them. Don't do it. They're like recliners up there too so if the movie's even remotely boring it's you're paying $50

for a nap. Yeah. That's true. All the worst people sit up there too. Right, because they yell shit from up in their

Stadler and Waldorf perch. That's right. Would you ever do that? Yell from up there? Would you come to one of our shows and just be Stadler and Waldorf while we try to do the show? That's literally my dream. That's my absolute dream.

That's a fun idea to just put two people up there and give them microphones and they heckle you while you do jokes. They heckle your jokes about the movie. I'm up for that. You two. That would be so fun. Yeah.

All right. Me and... Cubis. Here he is, everybody. Chris Cubis. Me and my buddy Nick Mullen, great comic, used to dream of building a small two-seat perch in our apartment and then invite people over.

And then they're like, where is everybody? And we're just up there hiding, just heckling people as we invite them into our house. So yes, I will come to your show. Will you wear a mask of Statler and Waldorf? Yeah, I'll put on a suit the whole night. Okay. What movie are we going to do?

Once the movie starts, we can take it off. Yeah, everyone's looking on the world's end. No, that's one of the stipulations. You can't take it off. What movie should we do? You guys pick whatever you want to do, and then we'll sit there and tell you what we think. How Statler got her groove back.

How Statler got her groove back. I wanted to talk to Chris for a second, but somebody's just anxious to be introduced. First time doing the show here in Austin, Texas, but he's been on the show many times. It's Sean Jordan, everybody. I didn't mean to step on that. I just thought it was a funny personal joke. Let me just say real quick

what I was going to say about Chris, and then we'll go to you. Austin comedy phenom. Okay, so Sean. Sean. Because I looked at it. I didn't really have a question. I just wanted to point out you're a very popular comedian of the area.

Yeah, just here. Popular and like from like Rundberg to Maynard Jack. That's about it. A local reference. I smell where you're stepping in. I get it. So, Sean.

Yes, Doug? What did I want to ask you? I don't know. Your questions are weird because Chris's wasn't a question. It was a statement. Oh, your Twitter handle is Sean S. Jordan. Uh-huh. And I figured out what the S stands for.

What's it stand for? Sweet shit. That's fine, yeah. That should be Sean S. S. Jordan, but you literally can't do that. I can't. Yeah, that. I couldn't call him that.

I didn't think we needed any of that. And I couldn't say, I didn't know if the that stands for sweet or shit, so I went with both. Sean Shit Jordan. I'm sure somebody thinks it stands for that. Or Sean... Tell people your name is Sean T.S. Jordan.

They'll go, what does the T.S. stand for? Go, the shit. Why can't it stand for skateboard? You always talk about how to skateboard all the time. Sean Skateboard Jordan? Sean Skateboard Jordan? Alright We tried to come up with a new

You know, a nickname for Colt Cabana recently And he hated every suggestion we had And then I think someone on the internet nailed it That is Colt Cabana's nickname should be Banana Colt Banana Cabana Banana Cabana Banana Cabana banana. Cold banana cabana. Banana cabana. Banana cabana.

Which sounds like a place like a rich person would store their fruit. The banana cabana. Margo, I told you to put it in the banana cabana. I'll hear nothing more. Right next to the 15-year-old strawberries. Hey, we've got to take a moment to talk about

a great director that we lost recently. Jonathan Demme passed away. And I just wanted to go down the line. I'll start with you, Sean S. Jordan. Do you have a favorite Jonathan Demme movie? I can't name a Jonathan Demme movie. Wait.

I apologize. Did you hear that the director of Silence of the Lambs died? I was going to say that's my favorite. Silence of the Lambs would be my favorite

Jonathan Demme movie. Did you hear that he died? No, I didn't. Yeah, he died. And that was the headline is that he's the Silence of the Lambs director. But then there's one other movie,

like two other movies that they mentioned a lot in the brief stories on him in the media. John Earler, do you have a favorite? I like Silence of the Lambs. I also like... Oh, did you bring it for the prize bag? I did, yeah. Philadelphia.

Yeah. Wait, that's not a coincidence because you knew he was dead. How do you know I knew he was dead? No, it would be a coincidence if he died of AIDS. Did you... Sorry, guys. I thought it was every gift that you brought for the bag

touched by death. It was actually a Tom Hanks-themed prize pack, but I just happened to have a Jonathan Demme movie in that Tom Hanks theme. I also like Stop Making Sense. Yes, that's the one that gets mentioned a lot

because it's considered to be one of the greatest concert films of all time. And I dare say the best. It's, in my opinion, the best. And the three movies, Philadelphia, Silence of the Lambs, and Stop Making Sense, they're all so different and all so great in different ways.

Yeah, and he made some other stuff that was different and hard to tolerate. Oh, yeah. You know, just for different reasons. Such as? I don't want to name names, Rachel. I don't want to name names, Rachel getting married, but it was a well-made movie,

but I didn't want to watch a movie about a wedding where everyone's being weird with each other. I don't want to even live that in real life, let alone watch a movie about it. But the guys, you know, he got, what's her name? Anne Hathaway got an Oscar nomination for that one.

Wasn't that like a found footage movie? It looked almost like it was. Really? I never saw it, but I love the idea that it's like a follow footage movie it looked almost I never saw it but I love the idea it's like a follow up to Cloverfield it was her so it looked like a found footage movie of a wedding I didn't want to fuck with that

shockingly enough I never saw Rachel getting married Rachel got married at 12 Cloverfield Lane and it was a lovely ceremony and nothing weird happened, but they filmed it, so they had to show people. I don't know, dude. I don't know what to tell you.

Who's dude? Who are we talking to? I don't know which one of you I'm talking to at this point. It's like, I don't know, man. So could we land on the fact that it was a found footage movie about a wedding. I don't think it was found footage. I think it was shaky camera work at times. Was there a time code in the bottom right-hand corner? No.

No, no one flew around or anything like, you know, that movie. I found it. I found it very boring. No one, wait a second, no one flew around like that movie? Chronicle? Chronicle, yeah, Chronicle. Could you be more vague?

Do you know any other Jonathan Demme movies we could talk about, Chris? No. Yeah. Yeah, I mean,

Silence of the Lambs is my jam. Those are the big three. That and Silence of the Lambs and Philadelphia. Philadelphia is a great movie, but it's hard to call

your favorite. You know what I mean? It's not like, I'll sit down and watch this a Lambs. And Philadelphia's a great movie, but it's hard to call it your favorite. You know what I mean? It's not like a... I want to sit down and watch this a bunch. I love Philadelphia. It's a good movie. It's really good. It's a great movie.

I want to take a glass of wine and watch Philadelphia. Had a hard day at work, kick off my shoes, get all legion-y. It's Philadelphia time. I like to have a bagel with a little Philadelphia cream cheese

and then... Kids, not now! It's Daddy's Philadelphia time! It's one of the best found footage AIDS movies out there. Except for the part where people fly around. That was pushing it.

The original name was It's Never Sunny in Philadelphia. Don't forget Something Wild. Oh, okay. Sure. Okay. Keep going. No, I mean, if I wanted, I could keep going because

you also made a movie I enjoy a great deal called Married to the Mob. Everyone here's probably got like a different favorite. There's probably somebody out there that likes that Mark Wahlberg movie he did. The one person would be Mark Wahlberg, but he's not here today. But let's get into the prize bag, you guys. Word. Yeah.

What do you got for us? You had Philadelphia. What else? Yeah, what else? It's Tom Hanks prize bag, you guys. Word. Yeah. What do you got for us? You had Philadelphia. What else? Yeah, what else? It's Tom Hanks' Rarities and B-Sides Collector's Set. Rarities and B-Sides. Yeah. Here's Turner and Hooch on VHS.

Whoa. That's a perfect format for it because now you don't have to watch it. It's a good movie. It's a sad dog dying movie. Oh, fuck, the dog does die in that movie, doesn't it? I was going to make a joke about it dying of AIDS, but that was not funny anymore. It would have been really funny otherwise.

Eh, it might have worked. Philadelphia, we've already talked about. Yeah. Can dogs get AIDS? Philadelphia we've already talked about Can dogs get AIDS? We'll watch Turner and Hooch and find out A three pack Of three of the most underrated

Hanks movies out there The Money Pit, The Birbs And Dragnet Really? Really? No. Two of these are underrated. One of them is just rated. Which one?

Which one's just rated? Dragnet. Does everybody like Dragnet? Yeah, I don't love Dragnet. No, but I fucking love the Burbs. That movie's great. Yeah, that's a good one. And then, has anybody ever watched

He Knows You're Alone from 1980? You've really watched it? I haven't even watched this. I bought it, and I didn't watch it. Was that his absolute first film or first leading role? He's not leading in this, so I guess it's his first film. Oh, so it's probably his first thing ever. It says, the up-and-coming legend, Tom

Hanks, plays... Don't laugh at that. That's not funny. Plays the brief supporting role of Elliot, a psych major whose musings about the nature of fear reinforce the tone of this twisted tale about a sicko who targets brides-to-be. A sicko.

Yeah, you wouldn't like it because it's about brides and getting married and stuff. So I'm guessing he's in it, briefly, and doesn't die because the killer's just killing brides-to-be and he's some dude. So there you go. He might be the bride-to-be. Spoiled without even knowing.

I haven't even seen the movie. I'm ruining it. He's a detective scrambling to stop the carnage. Oh, he is? Yes. Wait, Tom Hanks is not? You said he was a psych major. He's also apparently a detective scrambling to stop.

He's very versatile. There's a lot of holes in this. It's a dual role that early in his career? He's just Eddie Murphy in it. One of them's in a fat suit for no reason. I'm here to investigate. All right, so all of those on various formats can be

yours. Thanks to John Earler. Just pass that stuff over here. Are you excited about it? Does it have its own bag? If it has its own bag, you can put it in that. No, it doesn't? Okay.

That's all in honor of the new Tom Hanks movie coming out this weekend which I'm very excited to see and when I say very excited, I mean moderately curious to see called The Circle. Yeah.

Yeah. I think it'll be good. I don't feel good about The Circle. No. Why? I lost my juice on The Circle. Yeah. Yeah. I think it'll be good. I don't feel good about The Circle. No. Why? I lost my juice on The Circle. Everybody wants to hate it

for some reason. I think it looks kind of fun. Well, let's go see it together. Some people that saw it hated it. Let's do it right now. Guiding me against it. What's guiding you against it?

Rotten Tomatoes. It's not doing well there. Oh. I like to make my own decisions. They are. I would like, Sean, maybe you even know

this off the top of your head because you may have covered it on your own podcast recently. What's a movie that got a terrible score on Rotten Tomatoes that you adore?

Bad Boys 2. Is that a bad one? Yeah, we did. So it got under 30 on Rotten Tomatoes and it has an Oscar nominee in it, William Smith. I won William Smith.

And yeah, it's a fantastic movie. Well, there's a lot of it has an Oscar nominee in it, William Smith. A one William Smith. And yeah, it's a fantastic movie. Well, there's a lot of terrible movies with Oscar nominees in them. That's really not a... I definitely wouldn't say Bad Boys 2

is one of those terrible movies because it's a great movie where they throw cadavers out to stop the car. I should have remembered that was... I should have remembered that was your...

I'm going to be bummed when I see somebody throwing cadavers out of the car all of a sudden. No, I don't like this movie. They're throwing dead bodies at the cop car. Come on.

We've gone over this before. There's no reason to continue arguing about bad movies, too. Who's arguing? Who's arguing? It might be my favorite Michael Bay movie. Yeah? No way. There's got to be a better one.

I kind of like the island for some reason. The island's good. Oh, yeah. Michael Bay did the island? Yeah. The island was all right. It wasn't better than Bad Boys 2, but it was all right. He did that Benghazi movie that I actually enjoyed,

but I think I mostly enjoyed it because Jim from The Office... He's playing like a tough guy, right? He was there as a tough soldier but every once in a while he'd turn and look at the camera and be like I hope I didn't steal that joke from somebody

because that's pretty funny. What do you got for the bag, Chris? I got sparklers because who doesn't love setting shit on fire? I got a VHS copy of the movie Election. At some point, someone paid $14.98 for

previewed from Blockbuster, so that's nice. And the prize possession, the novelization of the movie Wall Street. My favorite part of it is like, it's got the description of the book on the back, and then it says starring Michael Douglas, Charlie Sheen, as if they're in the book.

That's who you get to picture when you're reading about them. Alright, I'm just going to read a random. Mr. Cromwell, a dignified 60-year-old patrician whose family had founded... What's a patrician? You know, patriarch?

It's a doctor that works on people named Patricia. I figured that was it Multiple choice Pick one Sean What do you got for the bag buddy I have I bought some candy Brought some Sour Patch Kids

There's a new kind of Sour Patch Kids What That I almost fucking ate Sour Patch Kids Tropical. Holler at your boy. Come on. Who doesn't watch that? Tropical. When they're watching a movie. And then some popcorn. Can we just tear that open and share it right now?

Do it. How many pieces do you think are in here? We can. I mean, if that's how you want it to go. That can definitely happen, but I want one of you to get it. And then a $20 gift card to the Alamo Drafthouse. That's good. I didn't have time to personalize anything because, you know, early flight and all that.

Yeah, Sean just flew in for this. You're hanging out tomorrow, though, right? You're goddamn right. All right, I'll wait for you to finish fucking around with your prizes. So you can talk into the microphone like a professional. Yes, Doug, I'll be hanging out tomorrow. Yeah. Do you have plans?

Yeah, I have a show somewhere. I forget where, though. A brewery. Are you on Spider House tomorrow? It's a brewery. Oh, then I have no idea. Oh, tomorrow's Sunday. Spider House is a benefit tomorrow night or something like that?

Yeah, tomorrow night is a benefit at Spider House for Lashonda Lester. Which is way more important. God's Sunday. Spider House is a benefit tomorrow night or something like Yeah, tomorrow night is a benefit at Spider House for Lashonda Lester. Which is way more important. God damn shit. Pathway recently. Don't have to make

it sad. Come out. It's a bunch of great comics at Spider House. Come out. Be good. Sean would be

happy to do a set on that if you need him to. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. I'll fool him into that.

That's fine. Yeah, of course I would. I would bail on my current show. We need his name recognition to bring asses in seats. You'll get butts in the seats, yeah. Who's going to go tomorrow night

to see Sean? See? Oh, you... Did you guys plan to be that mean? Because that was fucking rude. You know, what you did is you hurt my feelings a little bit. People clapped very softly.

I can't see any of you. It was soft clapping, but it was, you know, because... You could have all you did is you hurt my feelings a little bit. People clapped very softly. I can't see any of you. It was soft clapping, but it was, you know, because... You could have all clapped and I'd be like, tight. They know in their hearts

what they're doing. It's not a verbal contract. Just clapping sounds a bit... There was no penalty for lying about it. But these aren't a bunch of loud mouths. You guys all could have

stood up and been like, yeah, we're going. Yeah. I get a very... And I wouldn't have known you were standing up. A very chill crowd Comes to my show

They don't need to Scream and yell To get their point across It's like you guys Are all stoned or something Or anxious to hear Some movie trivia Possibly win some shit

Bag of Sour Patch Kids Intact There's a lot on the line here This is a very dramatic podcast Yeah It is So dramatic We got some good players kids intact. There's a lot on the line here. This is a very dramatic podcast. Yeah. It is. So dramatic. We got some good players today.

I think it's going to be intense. Intensity in 10 cities. You paid for the whole seat, but you're only going to need the edge. You know what I mean? Now how many people are coming out tomorrow to see him? Come on. A whole lot of that. Now how many people are coming out tomorrow to see him? Tomorrow. Tomorrow. A whole lot of that.

You did it with that joke. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, I didn't do this so much, but it's like personality more than joke. Wow. It's interesting to see

how you turned the room into a bunch of liars. And not only just lying. Were you guys lying about coming? I was thinking about it. Who lied about coming out tomorrow night? That was short though

That was short I don't know if you were Is it like a double cross now? Are you guys triple agents? Dear Capital City Comedy Club In the heart of some weird area Of Austin, Texas. May I please have...

North Larimer. Am I out of my mind? I thought that was the name of the street. May I please have another Tito's and Soda? Bigger if it's available. If you're coming, I'll take a Stella. Jameson on the rocks if we're doing three.

Bud Light. Lime if you got it. I hope they don't. I hope they don't either. They could throw a Lime Jolly Rancher in there. They have plenty of those. And then it's like we're all in middle school. Yeah, have me a Bud Light blue raspberry, please.

Just drop it in there, watch it fizz, and get shit-faced. It's fun. What was the last movie you saw, Sean? I watched Why Him two nights ago.

The popular James Franco vehicle. Some people over there seem to have a positive experience with that movie. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't the best. I just watched it because it was in the slam box and I needed a movie to watch, so I watched that. And it was fine. It was alright.

You should go into film criticism. I really like your every man approach. I watched it and then it ended and I was a fee that I had to pay

and then I went to sleep. Maybe you should go into friend criticism. Oh. If it pays, I'm already doing it. I might as well sign up. What do you want me to say about Why Him? Oh, I'm already doing it. I might as well sign up. What do you want me to say about why him?

Oh, I don't know. You were fine. I was just joking around. No, I know that. But now I'd like to have an opinion. I can't even lie about one. I think Bryan Cranston's very funny, as is James Franco. It could have been better, but I think...

After I watched it, I was like, why me? I have not seen that movie. I just wanted to make that joke. I didn't think you had. Zoe Deutsch, is that her name? Zoe Deutsch? She did a good job. You like that girl? Yeah. Lady? Person? That ma'am. I like that ma'am.

I don't know what we're supposed to say these days. I think girl was fine, yeah. I think you have to just find something more neutral and less age discriminatory. I like that person a lot. Like, I got it. We'll call her that shit fart. Because that's not male or female.

Like, everybody shit farts. It feels male. John Erler. Doug? Speaking of shit farting. What the hell? I don't know, dude. You got to sit through Titanic two more times tonight.

That's correct. How does that... And then four more times next weekend. Oh, how does that wear on your soul? I don't know. I guess I just built up like a weird immunity to it. Maybe I like it even a little bit. You have Stockholm Syndrome. I do. I do. Over Titanic.

It is fun to make fun of. It is fun to make fun of. It's the original Fyre Fest. It's... I tried that joke. Last night, they didn't get it. They didn't want that joke. I think they were in line all day for trying to get tickets to I tried that joke last night they didn't get it they didn't want that joke the crowd last night

did not get Firefest because I think they were in line all day for trying to get tickets to the Master Pancake mock of Titanic and they so they

ignored the news but people that know about Firefest that's a solid joke oh Ja Rule is that the thing that Ja Rule cancelled yep

who the fuck's going to Ja Rules Festival who's like hey I'm gonna pay the fuck's going to Ja Rule's festival? Who's like, hey, I'm gonna pay 10 grand to go to Ja Rule's festival in the Bahamas, dog? There's the best line. There was an article about it

and it said the founder of the festival and Ja Rule, they met due to their common interests of technology, the ocean, and rap music. And I would listen to an entire album of Ja Rule rapping about the ocean, and rap music. And I would listen to an entire album of Ja Rule rapping about the ocean right now.

It's scuba. It's my girlfriend's joke. I stole that. She's in the back. She'd have kicked me in the balls if I didn't fucking give her credit for that joke. Up in here, up in here. That's DMX racism.

Not Ja Rule. jump. Up in here. That's DMX racism. Not John. I like big butts, but I can't. Also DMX. B-side. Earl Simmons. That was the Earl Simmons side. What? That's DMX's real name, yeah. All right. Who's next?

Oh, I think it's... Oh, I watched Event Horizon. So the last movie you saw was Titanic. But before that, Event Horizon. I like that movie. Why'd you watch that? Why shouldn't I watch it? Yeah, really.

All right. I'm with you. I like that movie. Yeah, I hadn't watched it since it came out and just wanted to see if it held up and it's maybe even better

than it was back then. All right. I've never seen it. Yeah. Is that bad? It's like a haunted house movie in space. Spooky.

Sam Neill's pretty good. I asked him why he watched it and he said, why wouldn't I? And then later says, I thought I'd check it out and see if it still holds up, which is the answer I was looking for in the first place.

I'm just giving you a hard time. But you liked it originally and again. Correct. Okay. Yeah. Better the second time. I got to do the checkup on Event Horizon because people keep telling me it's great, and I didn't like it the first time I saw it. Why didn't you like it?

I thought it was boring. But I think I have issues with space. I think people in space deserve to die. Well, then you should have liked this movie. But you know what I mean?

I'm not in suspense over whether or not they're going to die. I'm like, you're in space. Go ahead and die. You're just out there alone. What difference does it make

Well that's a harsh viewpoint I have no sympathy For people in space Why do I have to be On the dumb ground When there are people in space That's good Because Fire Festival 2018

The moon Everybody we be living it up. That's all it took. I'll see you guys at the show tomorrow. I'll see you guys at the show tomorrow. Where would I be without my baby? Without alone my break, man. I mean, that's a terrible impression,

but I like that you got that. You pulled that track out, and I'm impressed. You think when I first started stand-up, I didn't have a joke about Ja Rule two years ago? So it was terrible, but I had one. What's another Ja Rule jam? Living It Up, or would it be...

Oh, um... What's the one with Jennifer Lopez? What's the banger? I'm real. The way you walk, the way... You guys probably thought Ja Rule was up here for a second. It's just me. Here's a better question.

I want to reword my question. Who has more of a right to be mad at me, DMX or Ja Rule? Ooh, shit. Wait, why would... Who should be offended to be confused for the other one? I confused the songs between the two of them, not necessarily how they look.

Everybody confused... Well, now we're getting into rap. Everybody confused Jaw Roll for DMX, though, when he came out with his first video with the Jay-Z video.

Can I get a what one? Can I get a what one? Everybody thought that was DMX. Did they? And I didn't think that. It doesn't have to do with movies.

I get that. Because I was looking at somebody that was not DMX. I think DMX should be more upset. Because DMX is tight. Let's try to get them to fight.

Don't they both kind of need a bump right now anyway? Yeah. Ja Rule would kill him. DMX is not... DMX isn't... He's not firing on all cylinders right now. He's in a rough... He's in a rough spot.

Yeah, he's... There's been a lot of, like, getting arrested for crack and pretending to be an FBI agent. That's a fact. I'm not making it up. He crashed like an airport barricade

and was like, I'm with the FBI. Have you never seen a fucking, what's that? Oh, God damn it. That would be good

if I could have pulled that terrible cradle to the grave reference out of my head. Romeo Must Die. Romeo Must Die. There it is. Oh,

we bought, Exit Wounds was another DMX. You guys come to the Hip Hop Podcast? Is that what we're doing? Exit Wounds was another DMX. Did you guys come to the Hip Hop Podcast? Is that what we're doing? Exit Wounds is a movie, I guess. Yeah.

Steven Seagal. Steve Siegel. Did everybody answer my question? No. The last movie I saw... That was what we were talking about. I saw Split That was what we were talking about. I saw Split. Right?

It was pretty fun. It was pretty fun. I enjoyed it. You know the new Split news, right? No. Oh, shit. Okay. Dude, this is going to blow your mind.

I can't believe you don't know this. Is it a spoiler? Well, I mean... We put out a trailer... Okay. That basically shows that Unbreakable 2 is happening. Oh, okay.

I'm into that. With Bruce Willis, the split dude, and Mr. Glass. Oh, wow. I'm into that for sure. That's what they said. I like both of those.

I like Unbreakable and I like Split. I don't need to know. I don't need to know any more than that. I'm in. Like, everyone needs to shut up from this point forward.

And I feel bad for just having said that much. Well, I mean, if they put the trailer on, it was a trailer. Supposedly in the trailer. That could be fake news. And I watched Logan as well recently. Logan's great. Logan is fantastic.

I don't often cry in superhero movies, but when they turn that fucking cross into an X. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, boy. I was a sobbing little bitch when that happened. That's a fact. My girlfriend was asleep, and she woke up to me crying. She was like, weren't you watching Logan?

I was like, yeah. That movie takes a turn. You say to her, you lean over, you're like, I wasn't watching Logan. I was experiencing Logan. I was inside Logan. Yeah, that's a, you know, I think the one-two punch of that in Deadpool

is going to make superhero movies that aren't rated R seem stupid. Yeah. They're going to seem childish. Well, right when you find out, they already did. They're going to make these comic book movies seem childish. It's true. Right when you see how violent those movies are gonna be Like that first violent scene in both movies You're just like fuck yeah

Oh when that girl throws that dude's head at everybody I was like oh this Okay I'm in for something What is he doing Logan like when he gets out of the car And he just like claws through the jaw And you're like fucking right This is the Logan I've been wanting to see the whole time just claws through the jaw through the head and you're like, fucking right. Yeah. This is the Logan I've been wanting to see the whole time.

How many Wolverine movies did we have to sit through and movies where he just shows up for a second and says, fuck you and leaves. Where he doesn't murder, he doesn't injure a single person in a bloody way and his weapon is a handful of knives. So it's always just like

ching and they fall out of frame and you don't see any blood. That's never made sense. Wasn't that their thing? Like to be PG-13 you can't show blood? Is that what it is?

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. No, I was just making conversation. Making conversation. That's what I'm complaining about is the PG-13 the body count doesn't matter as long as you don't see

any blood. And especially if it's robots and stuff. Like if you're shooting up robots They don't bleed! You're good to go. Chappy bleeds from my heart. I'm starting to think you just cry at every movie. I've never seen Chappy. I'm starting to think you just cry at every movie.

I've never seen Chappie. I was just being a dick. I bet you'd cry at Chappie. I probably would, honestly. I cry a lot. I cry at WALL-E thinking about it. It doesn't take a lot for me.

It is kind of sad that a robot would be alone. Yeah, shit. Now I'm going to start crying. And so infatuated with a song from Hello Dolly. Isn't that weird? WALL-E is a weird ass movie. Originally, WALL-E, the humans in the late part of the movie,

were all supposed to be legless and armless blobs and that's why they have those floater things that they ride around in and they just control everything with their brains so they just got sloppy and there's no reason to have legs or arms anymore. That's really

what it was. No, but I'm just thinking if I could control things with my brain, I'd still want legs and arms. They just what it was. No, but I'm just thinking if I could control things with my brain, I'd still want legs and arms. Yeah. They just didn't need them anymore. Maybe they still had arms, but they definitely didn't need legs.

I'm always going to need... I mean, you know, if I want... All right. How many people are going to see him tomorrow night now? How many people

honestly are going to see him? That girl's going to see the fuck out of you. That is a committed... See you through your hotel window. That was shit. Don't tell them you're staying at the Hampton. Everybody should go to that show tomorrow. No bullshit.

It's for a very... So just all joking aside, everybody should go to that show. It's for a very good... So just, you know, just throwing that out there. All right. Yeah, fuck you guys.

Is that the one on North Larimer or someplace else? What is it? Is it not Larimer? Lamar? You guys all looked at me like I was a fucking lunatic. It's a pretty easy mix-up.

Lamar. Take me to Lamar, driver. Where was that guy? I've never met that guy before. Is Sean definitely going to be in the benefit tomorrow night? Can you just book him right now? I mean, if he wants to, but he has a show tomorrow.

No, I'm saying he's going to dump that show and be in the benefit. Done and done. It's at the Spider House. Spider House Ballroom? This feels really weird. There's no spiders. This feels really weird to me. And there's plenty of ballroom.

Yeah, they're real rude. Here's the thing. We can just lie about it here, and then you can just do whatever tomorrow. So you're on the show. I'm feeling it. This crowd loves lying. I feel weird.

All right, well, we got to move on to the part where Bert turns the show off, because I'm about to say, let the games begin. through the part where Bert turns the show off because I'm about to say, let the games begin! Gentlemen, I do not envy you. So many

good name tags. So many ones that light up in the darkness, but if we can get the house lights up just a little bit for these gentlemen to make these difficult decisions. There's a giant donut I'm hearing about over there.

We don't have any ads in this episode, so I'll just talk. And it's covered in candy, so that was an easy pick. I'll just talk through this part. Looks like everybody's almost good.

Listen to Doug Loves Minis if you haven't. Douglas Movies is at Helium in Philadelphia, June 24th and 25th at 420. Boston, we've got a couple dates there. Oh, okay. I was just filling time, but we did it. Congratulations, everybody. Let's give yourselves a round of applause. I was just filling time We did it Congratulations everybody Let's give yourselves a round of applause

For falling for the old Give yourselves a round of applause trick It works every time People are very excited to give themselves applause And let's see who you guys are playing for Chris, what do you got there? I am playing for Alex, Men Origins, Little Wolverine,

because it is covered in candy, and it has my face on it. And he was nice enough to make me Gambit and not whatever that blue monster is. Oh, Beast? Yeah. They're going to make you Beast? I love the Beast joke in Deadpool.

Something about shitting on the lawn or something. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty good. Oh, what am I supposed to be? Silver Fox. Silver Fox. All right. I like that cleavage on me.

Whoa. Whoa. Hey. All right. Excellent choice. Hampton it. Yeah. Patrician Silver Fox.

Oh, you went right for the Reese's, huh? Oh, yeah. Top-notch candy. That's a good candy. What do you got there, John? This one? The Brian King. The Brian King from Brian over there.

Brian's a little baby lion. Yeah. And I am Mustafa. Moo. What'd you say? No, that's not his name. I'm Rafiki. Is that his name?

Rafiki? I think you said Mousafa, first of all. I should have just said I'm Benson, because I think the voice of Rafiki is Robert Guillaume. But... Well, Hakuna Matata. Yeah. That's the important thing.

Yeah. It's Takuna Yatatas. Always. Isn't that the message of Titanic? You watched it twice last night. Yes, it is. What's the message?

Takuna Yatadas. You're talking about the one boob drawing scene? Yeah, in Titanic. Dear friend of the show, Scott Aukerman, as soon as Titanic came out, he had the joke that Kate Winslet put the tit in Titanic.

And so I quoted and gave him credit for that last night. It was very funny. She really does lay around with a tit out quite a bit for a PG-13. And you're right, it is just one. Like I'd never noticed that before. No. If you see both

you're talking you gotta be 17 or 18 years old, whatever the cutoff is. It's no joke. I feel like most 13 year olds have seen a tit. One tit's just like, oh, what's that? I think it's sexual. It's just an oddity.

That doesn't bring any sexual urge out of me, that weird thing hanging off over there. It's way weirder than the same boat. Oh, there's two of them that are similar? I'm in. Yeah, the motorboat and Titanic. There's a thing there. There's a new Criterion collection With the omitted

Motorboat scene They might have done it In the car It was very foggy in there It was foggy in the car For sure They fuck in a car On a boat

It's amazing What if it was just A really aggressive handjob and they didn't fuck? We never saw them fuck. We don't know how aggressive it was either. Ah! Keep going!

That's not the stick shift! Why did it have to be so aggressive? Yeah. It was so foggy. It wouldn't have been that foggy if it was tender. A tender handjob you breathe less? I think a tender handjob would have gone down

on one of the lifeboats. I'm really confused by what car you people are talking about. It seems like an aggressive handjob goes down after you run through the fucking coal room and then get into somebody else's car and then You have very specific

ideas about handjobs. I've been thinking about this for A rich person's car is in the cargo hold of the ship and they get into it and they fuck.

Apparently not. Apparently they And she slams her hand against the window and then it's so steamy that like she puts her hand down and it drags on the window like a murder

victim. Like every other horror movie where the hand goes on the glass and slides down and you hear that sound. Or it looks like a facehugger from a different James Cameron film. What? Aliens?

Oh, aliens, yes. Facehugger. I get it. It's always a good joke when somebody says, I get it, and they don't laugh. Is that what they called a blowjob in the 30s?

When did the Titanic? Facehugger? Facehugger? 30s? It was the 50s. 50s? 30s or facehugger? 12.

The 12s? 1978. Titanic didn't sink yet. Who am I playing for, did you ask? Yeah, who are you playing for? So it was 1912, I think. Matt. Star Wars, the Matt awakens.

But I like that it... What a weird shithead, Matt. All right, foreshadowing or whatever you want to call that. I like that it has a... Well, I mean, whatever. It's got a picture of Matt Bearden on there. And Matt Bearden is the first person I stayed with

when I came to Austin like 12 years ago. Oh, that's nice. And it's got Jeff and Chris and Mark Wahlberg, I believe, and a picture of Doug and maybe Sarah Palin. Am I crazy? Might as well slap her on it. I don't know. What do you guys think? You never know when she's going to be a guest.

Lisa's going to love that you called her Sarah Palin. What are you doing? All right, good job, dude. It's already in the cloud. Yeah. You're going to owe her one aggressive hand job after that. It's going to be number two for the day, my friend.

I took a shower before we came here. Oh. You guys ever jacked off in the shower? I thought you were just like, I took a shower before I came here, and I was so clean, I had to jerk off in the car on the way over. I see.

That would have made more sense. Like, that's the last ditch effort in trying to get some sort of laid. Just give me an aggressive hand job. Just fast and mean. Act like your hand wants to get drafted, but it's on the bubble, you know? Play hard.

Sean, one too many Jordan is here and uh everyone wants you to lose Sean because they want to hear that weird shithead now so thanks for setting that up some evil villain over in that corner of the room A couple of like individual fans

In the back corner of this room I hope that girl who yelled before And that guy hook up I think they'd be great together Since we're here in Austin, Texas We gotta have local radio phenom Alex Diamond administer a round of Alex's Jason and Deb's IMDb game. You heard right.

Hello. As played here on the local channel 101X Mornings with Jason and Deb. Anytime at 101X.com. Yeah. How often do you play? You call it Talkin' Talkies. Yeah, Let's Talk Talkies is what we call it.

Let's Talk Talkies. It's about once a week we play it. Okay. Extra times if Doug calls in because he doesn't want to get out of bed at his hotel room. That's not why I call in. That's fair. That's fair.

I don't show up in person because of a thing called Mopac. You mean Maripac? It's right next to Larimer Street, I think. In Guadalarape. in Guadalarape. That came out worse than I thought it was going to come out. It's not fair.

I don't know how to say it. It isn't fair. I don't know how to actually say whatever Guadalarape would be. Please just say that from now on. See how people react to you. What just say that from now on and see how people react to you. What is it that... Alright. It's pronounced knee cheese.

If you need help with that one. How do I get to knee cheese? Austin streets are tough to pronounce. Yeah, because they pronounce them wrong as well. It's true. You might as well call that fuck-off Mexican boulevard.

I don't know if that cheer is the right kind of cheer, by the way. That made me uncomfortable. You get the laugh But you're like You can keep it I don't know If I like that laugh

Alright so Alex is gonna run This sucker And we're gonna play Three rounds And there's a Apparently a tiebreaker If necessary

If necessary Yeah We're ready to go Alright So yeah I'm playing too Buzz in with your own name When you think you know it a tiebreaker if necessary. We're ready to go. All right. I'm playing too. Buzz in with your own name when you think you know it. Who's going to name

the most known four, the top four on IMDb? Could be a movie, could be a TV show. Could be a video game, but I would never play one with a video game in it. Okay, that's good.

It just complicates things. That's too much. It could be Household Appliance, but I would never. Could be an opinion. Who knows? Household appliance. George Foreman. No pre-points. So, first one.

Okay. Here we go. Let me practice buzzing in Doug I feel like you got it Do you need another pass? I got this No I got this

Alright good John Shit Does he get to go If you Can you force somebody else To go by saying their name? It's your game

Why are you asking us? Don't let Don't let those two on the end bully you around. Go ahead. Don't try to suck up to them. Don't worry if I can see your phone. I wouldn't worry about it. Can you see my phone?

No, I can't see your phone. I had a friend beat me at poker and then at the end of it he told me he could read the cards that I held in my glasses the whole time. He's not a... You had an enemy beat you in poker. and then at the end of it, he told me he could read the cards that I held in my glasses the whole time. He's not a... You had an enemy beat you in poker.

Yeah. That's not a friend. Now I know that. That's an asshole. Maestro. First one. All right, here we go. The pianist.

Hmm. Doug. Doug. I'm going to go for it. Adrian Brody. Yeah, that's right. Fuck off, dude. Doug could potentially get up to three bonus points here if he names the three movies or TV shows

Adrian Brody is known for other than The Pianist in any order. I'm going to go with... I'm going to say, how about the Darjeeling Limited and King Kong and The Village.

You're certainly on the right track. Grand Poudabest Hotel is the next one. Really? Yeah. It's barely in there. You do get a point for King Kong. Boom. And the final one

is Predators. Oh, okay. Where does that time he made out with Halle Berry rank? Is that on the list? I'm sure. Yeah, I mean,

that's in his filmography on IMDb. It's just him playing himself during the whatever Academy Award. Let's recap the scores. Chris has zero.

John has zero. Sean is at zero. I've got two. Next round. Slip that in there. Well, la-tee-da. Number two. Starts with a TV show. It's Always Sunny in there. Well, la-tee-da. Number two. Starts with a TV show,

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Chris. Chris? I'm just going to go for it. Danny DeVito. Nope. Oh. Negative one points to Chris.

Ouchie. Wowchie. What? What? A dickhead. Ouchie. Wowchie. Ouchie.

Wowchie. Can you imagine if somebody dunked on something and then said that? Ouchie-wouchie. Ouchie-wouchie. Can you imagine if somebody dunked on something and then said that? Ouchie-wouchie. Ouchie-wouchie. What I really enjoyed was that was just a genuine... That wasn't a bit. You just genuinely felt ouchie-wouchie. That's the first thing that came out of him.

Came out of your soul. I really enjoyed that. That's his default thing that came out of him. Came out of your soul. I really enjoyed that. That's his default setting. Is he? How much you stub your toe out you won't you? Were you going for I Chihuahua but thought that was too racist and took a left turn?

I Chihuachi. No, I just felt, I genuinely felt his pain on that one. Is that what you tell people who are in pain usually? Go to the hospital, visit a friend. Sorry about your broken leg. Ouchy-wouchy.

Well, that's the difference here is that he didn't physically break anything. So that's why I can go cute with it. What do you say when it's more serious? Holy shit, dude. That made me high. I'm not unreasonable.

We're still in the middle of the second round. Yeah, we are. So we started with It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Moving on to the movie Pacific Rim. I don't know his name. I know who it is. Then we move on to...

Wait, who's out already, though? I just got negative one. Yeah, yes, you can't buzz in the rest of this one. Oh, well, fuck you guys. Oh, that means you're out. I thought you... He's out for this. Okay.

Yeah. Horrible Bosses is the number three. Yep. Charlie Day. That's right. That's number three Sean Charlie Day That's right And we're going to go Horrible Bosses 2 For the bonus We're looking for the Lego movie Fuck that

Oh shit Ouchie I still have my one point Yeah you got one point No problem there. Doug has two. Chris, negative one. John, holding it steady.

I like your style. Like a hard handjob. Holding it steady at a rock-hard zero. Like a handjob. Zero. Zero. Wait, so who have the answers been so far? So far we had Adrian Brody.

We had Charlie Day. Okay, I see a pattern emerging. Can you explain to me what a handjob is real quick? I'm just kidding. Why would I... Total joke. Partial joke. It's a small joke. Partial joke. It's a small joke.

Ouchy-wouchy. All right, here we go. Let's do the third round. Number three. Maleficent. Doug. Doug. It's Elle Fanning. Yeah.

Can you explain to me how you put that? I'm trying to figure out what those D names do. I'll explain how I got there. Yeah. The first answer was... Adrian Brody. A, B. The second answer was Charlie Day.

C, D. So I was just sitting here while you were all dicking around with your jokes. I was just sitting here running through my head. EF! EF! EF! EF! And then as soon as he said Maleficent, I'm like, goddammit, EF is in that movie.

Elle Fanning. Doug came to win. Yeah, I came to win. I don't even give a shit about the bonus points. I win. Thank you, Alex. Alex Diamond, everybody. If you're not already listening, they play that game once a week on

101X here in Austin, so check them out. I think you can also probably listen to them some other way, like on the internet. Yeah, did he say it? Yeah. Okay. Try internet.com

slash talking IMDB something or other. What? So Sean is the only other person who got on the board in that game, Talking IMDB something or other What? So So Sean is the only other person That got on the board in that game So I'm going to call you the winner Yeah

I appreciate it, thank you And so that means you get to go first In this next game Is the next game called Chris Cubis would like a Stella? Oh, they did bring you one? Oh yeah, I already drank it. I just wanted to know.

Thought they left you out, but turns out it's just been four minutes. Someone's on a tear tonight. Coochie coochie. Drinky, drinky drinky Winky winky Somebody's gonna get Fucked up Speaking of games

That I ripped off From radio shows It's time for Ron Bennington's Adjusted for Inflation Bureau game. Same area of the crowd likes it that's pretending to come to see Sean tomorrow night at the benefit at Spiderland.

What did I do to everybody over here? Everybody hates my guts? It's right there on Guadalupe Street. here. Everybody hates my guts? It's right there on Guadalupe Street. So Sean gets to go first, then we'll go to John and then to Chris and Sean gets first guess. I'm going to

tell you the name of an actor or actress. You're going to say what you think would be in their what movie would be in their top three of all time domestic, thanks for the Stella, domestic box office... Adjusted for inflation. Adjusted for inflation.

Yeah. According to boxofficemojo.com. I got you. And the first person, Sean, is actress Glenn Close. I don't know. What's in her top three? I can't even think of a movie that she's in.

Just name any movie that's got Glenn Close in it. I can't think of one. Just handing you this one, you get to go first. Ocean's 13th. So if you just name... That's actually Ellen Barkin, so as Chris likes to point out, that was racist. That's actually Ellen Barkin, so...

As Chris likes to point out, that was racist. I'd go with sexist, but sure thing. John Erler. Doug Benson. Glenn Close, top three. Name any one of them. Fatal Attraction. That's a pretty good guess. That's what I was going to say. Glenn Close, top three. Name any one of them. Fatal Attraction.

That's a pretty good guess. That's what I was going to say. What do you got, Chris? Okay. You took mine, so I am going to say a little box office smash called Florence Foster Jenkins. There's a Blu-ray copy of that.

Yeah, yeah. I'm definitely not right, but I thought I'd go for the last. Yeah, I don't think she's in that one, but that was fun. Oh, the Osmaro's tree? Oh, so racist! Racist again.

You sexist. So racist. So racist. Sexist, I believe. Sexist is an actual term. Yeah, sexist. Coming in at number three for Glenn Close, the motion picture where she played

what I think was supposed to be the first vice president of the United States, Air Force One. Air Force One. Coming in at number two, and bringing our friend John Earl some points, It's Fatal Attraction.

If a rabbit dies in a movie, John remembers it. That's not true. You don't remember Watership Down? No, never heard of it. Oh, I've heard of it. And coming in at number one. Dangerous Liaisons.

The top Glenn Close movie of all time. Guardians of the Galaxy. Sure. Alright, so we shift over one now so everybody gets a chance to go first. We're going to play three rounds. John gets to start us off on this one. Name one of the top three movies, according to

boxofficemojo.com, for Miss Zoe Saldana. Son of a bitch. Somebody over there goes, yep. That's not the name of the movie. They just go, yep.

I'm going to be redundant and say Guardians of the Galaxy. Clearly. Pretty sneaky. What do you got there, Chris? go, yep. I'm going to be redundant and say Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeah, clearly. Clearly. Pretty sneaky. What do you got there, Chris? Let's see. Literally the only Zoe Saldana movie I can think of other than that is Columbiana.

Okay. That's a movie she's in, right? Yep. No one else saw it, so it's not the right answer, but... It definitely is. It's better than... I'm going to say a little movie called Florence Foster. Columbiana.

All right, Sean? I'm going to have to throw Avatar in there. You got to throw Avatar in the mix. Damn it, of course. You got to throw Avatar in there, mostly because it Avatar in the mix. You gotta throw Avatar in there. Mostly because it's her number one movie. Avatar. So Sean

picks up three points for that one. Coming in at number two for Zoe Saldana, Pirates of the Caribbean The Curse of the Black Pearl. Oh, that's weird. Yeah, in which she plays the title role. You sexist. she plays the title role. You sexist. Nobody plays the black pearl, you guys.

It's just a joke. It's a mini pearl. Wouldn't that be a nice way to describe her? She's beautiful and a black lady. There you go. She's unique. She's an object. I get it.

Her top three movies, she's a different color in each movie. Because coming in at number three, Guardians of the Galaxy. Do you even see her in Avatar? Or is she just always blue? I think she's always a blue person. I don't think you ever see her.

She's not a... Like Sam Worthington's transplanted into the Avatar. Yeah, she's just one of the... Yeah. Whatever, yeah. Yeah. She was supposed to play Nina Simone. Did you ever see the...

No. Yeah, she was being a biopic, Nina Simone. They put her in blacker face. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen. They literally put black face on a black woman. Don't look at me when you say that. Doug, do you have anything you want to talk about? What do you want to bring up?

I don't know what I can add that wouldn't offend somebody. I agree with you, though. That does seem wrong. It's weird. Yeah. And I feel like we have a possibility for a tie here because now John has three points. John has three points. Sean has three points.

And Chris, this could be your round. This could be where you bring it to a three-way tie. You get to go first. What's number one? That's the one that's going to do it. That's going to push a three-way tie if you go with number one

for Chris Pratt. Oh, Jurassic World. People agree with that? Nobody's happy with that? For Chris Pratt. Oh, Jurassic World. Fuck. People agree with that? Nobody's happy with that? Sean? Guardians of the Galaxy. Okay. Damn it.

He was not in Damn It. I'm sorry. John, what else you got for Chris Pratt? He was so good in Deepwater Horizon. Ha. Pratt? He was so good in Deepwater Horizon. Tinker Taylor. He's not in that. Tinker Taylor. Foster Jenkins.

I was just trying to think of the rest of Tinker Taylor and I couldn't do it. Do you want to leave it with a joke answer or do you want to give a real one? I'd like to give a real one, but I can't. You got no other Chris Pratt? Give me a hint. Well, as we've established, he was in Jurassic World and Guardians of the Galaxy.

Those were my two. He was in a very long... No, the five-year engagement. That was so good. I wish that was number one. He was in a very long... No, the five-year engagement. That was so good. I wish that was number one. He was in Passengers. Movie 42 or whatever it's called. Are these hints?

These are all incorrect answers. Yeah, those are all wrong answers. These are all not helping you at all. What's the third movie on your list there? The Lego movie. Lego movie there? The Lego movie. Lego movie. Okay, Lego movie is third, so you get one point for that.

I'll take it. And coming in at number one, Jurassic World. So Chris gets three points for that. But number two, of course, is good old Guardians of the Galaxy. So Sean gets two points for that for the win at five points.

I brought in a ringer. Sean Jordan's tearing it up. We got time for one more game. Hell yeah. So Sean will go first, then we'll switch the order around. I'll go second, because you know I like to play. Oh, sure. And then Chris and then John,

and a little round of Last Man Stanton. on in a little round of Last Man Stanton. You each get one lifeline. And that's the person whose name tag you chose. You can go to them once. I have nowhere to turn. It just got so serious, though.

It's about to get even more serious when you hear the name of the person from Twitter that I chose to suggest a name for Last Man Stanton. There's someone with the Twitter handle here in Austin, Texas. Wake Bake Lake. Stand up and show yourself.

Where is Wake Bake Lake It's the coolest thing I've ever heard He woke up Got stoned and drowned It's not that cool No it's not here

He or she If they woke and both He's a witch Has to be at the lake Where is he Is he here Or she Did you make it out

Wake Wake Lake They're at the lake Yeah you're right He's at the lake You're absolutely right Or she's you make it out With Big Lake They're at the lake Yeah you're right He's at the lake You're absolutely right Or she's at the lake You sexist

Yeah sexist Piece of shit Alright I gotta go To my phone I gotta get a runner up There were other people Well There were other people

That suggested They have great Names for it Someone dared To say perfect Someone said, you said that? What's your Twitter name?

The Onion Bagel. The Onion Bagel. I recognize it. I believe you. In addition to being the perfect bagel, tell us your perfect name. Kevin Bacon.

Kevin Bacon on a bagel. Okay, word. The Jews don't care for that. Got a big Jewish crowd here. Cap City and Austin, they did not care for that comment on my part. I apologize for that. Oopsie whoopsie.

Oy vey, oopsie whoopsie. Also, I think it got quiet because all the checks are coming out. Everyone's like, the money's supposed to be exchanged here? Choosy-joozy. I came down. Choosy-joozy?

Yeah, I was sad that it was said once. You mean the phrase choosy-joozy? Oh, fuck. All right, so... Who'd you say? Oh, Kevin Bacon. His show. Is it six degrees in here, or is it just me?

Are you going first? So what? No I'm just joking around He's not in that movie He's mentioned in it Six degrees of separation It's my turn right? Yeah

I'm just talking We haven't started yet Oh okay Settle down Holy shit Your bacon is sizzling over there. You can't wait to get out of the pan and into the fire. Whatever that means.

That's an expression, right? Something like that. I'm not from the Old West like you guys. West like you guys. Should I go with you? Have you ever done comedy in front of a wooden crypt? Because that's the backdrop here at the

Cap Cities. You can just hear the truck screaming. What did you say at Kevin Bacon when we started? Can we start? Yeah. Stir of Echoes. Stir of Echoes. Stir of Echoes. That's the one you were excited to do? Great one.

I kept that in my back pocket or something. I got a couple in my... Don't start talking shit already. I got a couple in the back. I'm going to bang out an obvious one. Just get it over with. In the back of these channels. National Lampoon's Animal House.

Oh. I'm going to bang on an actual obvious one. Footloose. That's how sometimes jokes work. If you don't get mine, maybe his will fix it. John. The Hollow Man Yeah Oh I don't like it

When people are always like Yeah The Invisible Rapist Yeah The original title Of that movie was The Invisible Rapist MPA really puttered that one

He just like goes for it That Invisible Rampage. MPA really butchered that one. He just goes for it, that invisible guy. That was an interesting take on invisibility. Sean? Crazy Stupid Love. Alright. Just give me a second to write those periods in there. Very exacting title.

I'm going to go with... The Woodsman. Right? Yeah. Yeah! Yeah! I was kind of fishing for another yeah. Not even Kool-Aid would go, yeah!

About The woodsman. What's that movie where you see his dick? Wild Things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I may saw my Kevin Bacon movie on dick percentage. How much of his dick can I see?

Oh, yeah. John? Doug? JFK. Yes. Finally comes in handy for reals. Mystic River. Yes.

Yes. I'm going to say Friday the 13th. Is that as easy in the first one? Yes, that's why I said it. You think you know a guy. You go to lunch and you're like,

this guy's my friend. Now I forgot. Do not question the quiz master. What do you call it backstage? Oh, I forgot already. Gamesman. The gamesman. Do not question the gamesman.

The gamesman. Do not question the Gamesman. The Gamesman. That's scarier. Or were you just stalling for time with that question? It's not my turn. Is it my turn? No, it's Chris's turn. A few good men?

It's true. The River Wild. Oh, very nice. Very nice. Very well done. Sleepers. Oh, sleepers. A smattering of applause.

Yeah! This one might bum everybody out. Oh, yeah. Because... Because... This one might bum everybody out Oh yeah Because Because What was that? Because people Some guy just ran up and grabbed the mic

People have it Is it Barry White? It goes to Barry White in the theater Yeah He played a very similar role To his role in Riverwild in the theater. Yeah. He played a very similar role to his role in Riverwild in a lesser-seen film co-starring Sean Astin

called Whitewater Summer. Oh, yeah. We have an oh, yeah over here. Speaking of Kool-Aid. Mild Kool-Aid. I'll take your word for it. Oh, yeah. Chris, what else you got for Kevin Bacon?

You got your lifeline. I know, I know, I know. I'm trying not to use it. Cop Car. Fuck! Whoa! That was really good, too. Yeah, I really liked that movie.

It didn't seem like it was going to be. I mean, Cop Cars are already scary. It's a pretty easy transition scary car shitty movie John don't furl your brow at me talking to him

I'll be talking to all three of you motherfuckers John Talking to him? I'll be talking to all three of you motherfuckers. John Hughes movie called She's Having a Baby. Get the fuck out of here. That's right. He has a brief cameo in She's Having a Baby. That's not true. He plays a character.

He doesn't even have a name. He's just called dad He's the baby Surprise Johnny River Matt what do you got He's going to his lifeline Frost Nixon That's not the one going to his lifeline. Frost Nixon.

That's not the one in my pocket, so thank you, Frost Nixon. And you've got one in your pocket? And I've got one in my motherfucking pocket, dog. Son of a bitch. Sitting right back here. That's why I wore khakis and not jeans. Frost Nixon has got one in his pocket.

Wanted to have something nice to put in the pocket. I misspoke, of course, about his cameo status in that film, but I can guarantee you that he has a cameo in another John Hughes film called Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Oh, yeah. Pervy Kool-Aid?

Oh, yeah. I don't like it. I don't like it. Nobody does. Nobody wants sexy trivia. No woman that I've ever whispered that to likes it. I get it. Stop doing it on the bus.

It's uncomfortable. It's my bus. It's uncomfortable. It's my bus. All right, this turn is... It's my turn. Okay, say ouchie-wouchie in that voice. Ouchie-wouchie. Trying to hide my giant teeth with my spine. Chris? Alex, what you got for me?

Lifeline. Quicksilver! Son of a bitch, that was the one in my pocket. But good work. Quicksilves. John? I'm going to have to go to Brian Brian X-Men First Class

X-Men First Class is correct Excellent, well done Sean Can't wait to see what's in your pocket Flatliners? Oh, nice pocket. For sure. Sweet pocket.

Now it's like the Dust Bowl, though. The pockets are out. I don't know what's going on. That's a really good pocket you got there. But I've got a better pocket. Do you know what word I'd use to describe my pocket? What would you use, Doug? Super.

Oh, yeah. God damn it. Yep, using super. I might be out. Out. Gee, well, gee. I'm going gonna say a movie that I don't believe he's in.

But I'm gonna say it because there's a lot of people in it and who the fuck knows. I'm out. Don't say it. Somebody doesn't know how the game works. I'm gonna say Backdraft.

Oh, shit. Fuck, that would... I had a moment of maybe? No, it's definitely not. He might have been in backdraft, but no. No backdraft. What do you got there, John? Not much.

The sequel to Sleepers, Sleepers in Seattle. I give you points, but you're out. Sean? Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Are you kidding around with me right now? No. You don't have one to finish this off? I mean, I got the last right answer, so I won, right?

one to finish this off? I mean, I got the last right answer, so I won, right? I don't, I mean, I don't, the one in my pocket was... But wouldn't it have been exciting if you had one more? Well, yeah, I would have loved that. Like, when it got to you, you just went pitch perfect. Is he in that movie? Picture perfect, thank you.

Fuck! I just, I just watched that watched that like a week ago. It's Jennifer Aniston. And fucking, God, I did just watch that like a week ago. But anyway, I still won. Sean Jordan is our winner! And we don't get to hear that weird shithead. Do you want to just say it anyway?

No, it's odd to me. Where is that person you were playing for? Right over there. Come get your prizes, dude. Congratulations. Congratulations. You're welcome. Congratulations, dude.

Good job. No, you can have it. Chris is getting all the candy off of this thing. I mean the good candy. You can keep those fucking Almond Joys for yourself. You don't like an Almond Joy? Who likes Almond Joy? I like Almond Joy.

You don't like Kit Kats? I mean they're fine but they're not better than a Ghirardelli dark chocolate sea salt caramel. I like bougie ass candy. What about just a plain old Hershey's milk chocolate?

What's a bougie candy? Giordelli dark chocolate with sea salt caramel. You know those caramel M&M's now? Nice snack. Check that out. That's impressive. It's Buck. We found him on the way back from San Diego last night.

Caramel M&M's. Watch your back. What do you got to plug there Sean Jordan Promote yourself The I do We used to do a show In Portland

Funny over everything We're gonna be back For the Bridgetown Comedy Festival May 6th At 11pm At the Paris Theater And then May 7th

My roommate has a podcast That I'm a co-host on, basically. It's called All Fantasy Everything with Ian Carmel. And we're doing that at 1 p.m. at the Bossa Nova Ballroom in Portland, Oregon on May 7th. And then I'll be in Madison, Wisconsin, the end of May with my friend Shane Torres for his album recording.

So if you can do any of those, do any of those. Do those, you guys! Sean Jordan! Thank you! Do any of those? Do those, you guys. Sean Jordan. John Erler, pass down your name tag to me, please. And tell us what's going on with you. If you're in Austin, you can come to the Alamo Draft House and see us mock Titanic for the next two weekends. And after that, we're doing Ghost.

the Alamo Drafthouse and see us mock Titanic for the next two weekends and after that we're doing Ghost. And if you're not in Austin you can watch the new Mystery Science Theater 3000 show

on Netflix. Me and a couple of my cohorts from Master Pancake helped write episode nine, Yongari. Cool, cool.

Chris Cubis. At Chris Cubis on all social media. I have a podcast called Cancelled. We watch TV shows only less than one season. We are currently watching Adventures of Briscoe County Jr. The show is fun as shit. I'll be at the Crapshoot Comedy Festival in Las Vegas May 18th through the 22nd. If you're in Austin

I'll be headlining this club the week after that and I run a show in Austin the first Wednesday of the month called The Sting at King B. It's super fun. Come out to that. That's next week on Wednesday. And other shit. Just Google me. Myself will come up. That's how the internet

works. Chris Cubis, everybody. I'm going to be at the San Diego American Comedy Club. I wrote club down, but it's company, American Comedy Company, July 19th. And that's the first night of Comic-Con. So if you're in San Diego for Comic-Con, come check that out.

And thanks, everybody. Thank you to Cap City Comedy Club. Thank you to all of my guests, Chris Cubis, John Erler, and Sean Jordan. Sean Jordan. And as always, being a teacher six weeks till summer

is a shithead. Yeah, you're a little upset about that. Could be seven weeks. You're on your way. And people who move to Austin and then want to change everything are shits. Now it's time for us

to watch another talk to you. Rise above this view and promise makes it foggy. There's no room in his heart for you because the

the movies.