Doug Loves Movies - Chris Distefano, Sarah Swire, Jordan Rubin and Shane Torres guest

Episode Date: January 16, 2019

Live from the UCB Franklin, Doug welcomes Chris Distefano, Sarah Swire, Jordan Rubin and Shane Torres to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you on a blustery evening in Los Angeles.

It is raining in the Southland, and you guys are still here, so thank you for that. Southland and you guys are still here so thank you for that we're at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater Franklin location in Los Angeles California it's Tuesday January 15th 2019 halfway through the month

I'd like to see some halfway decent name tags okay I guess I guess I got exactly what I asked for. What's that shirt over there? What's going on with that? It's Jurassic Dave.

Jurassic Dave. You just put some tape on there and wrote Dave? It's 30 minutes work. Took you 30 minutes to do that? Okay. That's a weird brag. It's not a humble brag. It's a weird brag. All weird brag It's not a humble brag It's a weird brag

Alright what's this one over here With the baseball It's basketball And you change it To case-ketball Cause your name is Case? Casey Okay

Of course it is Jason the hole? Instead of Ace in the hole Instead of Ace in the hole Okay And what's this other one the hole? Instead of ace in the hole. Okay. And what's this other one? Is this a fried green tomatoes thing? Yeah, fried Colleen tomatoes.

Fried Colleen tomatoes. I don't know if I'm happy or sad. I mean, show everybody else that I figured out that that had something to do with fried green tomatoes. I mean, there is one green tomato on there, I guess. And then we have Farron Mike 9-11. That's a lot of fun.

Welcome to Maxwin. The Meg. Is your name Meg? Is somebody in this room making that hissing noise or is it the theater? It's the theater. Oh, it's the bathroom.

Let's wait and see who comes out. Alright, well, great job. We got plenty of name tags. Bless you, person who just sneezed. I don't know what you say to someone who's coughing. Doug plugs Tacoma, Washington. Doug Loves Movies is coming

to the Tacoma Comedy Club this Saturday at 4.20. I'll be at the Comedy Cellar at the Rio Hotel in Vegas on Sunday, January 27th at 4.20. Dallas, Texas at Hyena's on Saturday, February 2nd at 4.20. I don't know why I have to keep saying that. Just assume. And if it's wrong, I'll go on by like 8. just assume, and if it's wrong, I'll go on by like eight.

I'm doing stand-up and Doug Loves Movies at the Punchline in Sacramento, February 9th and 10th, both at 420. So many shows coming up this year. Please visit DougLovesMovies.com. That's DougLovesMovies.com! Yeah! Yeah! Listen, not only did you guys show up

and stand out there in the rain to get in here, you have done everything else perfectly. So, you'll always have that. We got a Douglas Movies t-shirt, one size fits maybe. That's in the prize bag.'ve got uh of course um i was just in san

francisco at the wonderful sf sketch fest and uh so i brought you guys a copy of san francisco magazine it's very thick and judging by the cover it seems like it's political so enjoy that along with um a weed maps t-shirt yeah you got two shirts now you know you'll you can uh do laundry less uh douglas movies sticker and oh this was fun i got a uh a nice little grinder from a uh dispensary up in San Francisco, a very nice one called Spark. All that, plus, and it came, I double-wrapped it in two plastic bags because fuck the environment. But also, it's raining out there.

I didn't want everything to get all wet. Let's bring my, as you can see, there's four guest chairs tonight. And I think we're going to have a lot of fun. bring my, as you can see, there's four guest chairs tonight. And I think we're gonna have a lot of fun. Please give it up. I hope they're ready back there. You guys ready back there? Yeah, that's what I thought.

There's quite an active green room tonight. There's a lot of socializing going on back there. So we'll see what happens if I introduce everybody. Please give it up for Sarah Swire, Jordan Rubin, Chris DiStefano, and Shane Torres. To the stage, please.

I beg of you, any of you, to just come out here and be guests on my show. There they are. Some of them. They're going to all get here eventually. And it's going to be awesome.

But let's just talk to the two that are with us so far. Yeah, it's tricky. It's one of the first things you have to learn show business is where the stage is and then microphone uses comes up next because this is an audio podcast sorry no it's all good and let's meet these guests individually starting with directly to my left and i i think we discussed it backstage briefly i think i'm pronouncing this right it's sarah swire everybody hello not only one of the stars of the terrific if you haven't seen it what are you doing with your life

uh anna and the apocalypse Also the choreographer of the... Because that's right. Chris is looking at me. It's a musical with zombies. Have you seen it? No, but I'm into it. He's in. He's in already. We need more people like you. It's really terrific. How many people here tonight have seen it?

Oh, that's more than I thought. Come on. It was more than you were expecting? Well, that's good. I'm glad you have a very positive outlook, because that was shit. Thank you so much. But that one that did see it was super, like, he really dragged out his, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, very into it. It's great, right? Yeah.

But it'll, you know, probably hit more eyeballs here when it's on demand and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And it's going to become a Christmas classic. Like, you'd watch that every year at Christmas, wouldn't you? Oh, and stuff. Yeah. And it's going to become a Christmas classic. You'd watch that every year at Christmas, wouldn't you? Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, it's way better than... You know, you didn't need to say a title

because Christmas movies suck. Not enough of them have zombies in them. And the scary Christmas movies are too scary. I like a little of everything. And you guys did a great job of making the movie sweet and touching and fun, but also fucking people die. Everyone, yeah, everyone, it's awful. It's so sad.

It does get really sad at the end. And it's sadder every time I see it. Oh, that's good to know. I'm so happy. Because the first part is I'm happy they're all alive and then they all die. Spoiler. Yeah. It's a zombie movie. Yeah. Sounds like a Christmas movie. If we haven't been

clear. But how did you get the job of being like not only in the movie but also the choreography? Which came first? I mean, I don't have a very exciting story. I auditioned like most people do and tried to do and it worked out, which is awesome. And then I... She got the part

and then you're like, hey, there's going to be dancing in this? I also want to do that part. Please help me do that for you. No, I... Yeah, that was basically it. Really? So anybody who gets cast in a movie should say, hey, also I'm great with props. Could I have that job on the

show as well? Yeah, I was working in Scotland for a while doing choreography for music videos and for some stage things. We should mention that the film takes place there. It's Scotland, yeah. So it's not only a zombie Christmas musical, but it's also based in Scotland.

And yeah, everyone dies and it's really sad and it's the best part of every Christmas for here on now until forever. If you can watch it. Yeah, let's do that, you guys. Thank you for being here tonight. Let's say hello to our next first-time guest on the program,

New York City comedian out here in Los Angeles because he's promoting his big special coming up at Comedy Central. It's Chris DiStefano everybody. Hi. How you doing? Thank you for having me, Doug. Yeah, so great to have you. I appreciate it, yeah. I've always thought you'd be a lot of fun on this show

and now we're doing it. Yeah, man. I don't know a lot about movies, but I just like being around you. That's perfect. Yeah. You should probably do my food show by dining with Doug and Karen, because then you don't have to

know anything about anything. You just sit there and eat. Bro, I'm in. But we'll see how you do tonight. I'm excited about it. And your Comedy Central special starts on Friday? My Friday, January 18th, Comedy Central special comes out 11 p My Friday January 18th Comedy Central special comes out

11pm size 38 waist and it's that's what I named it and they were like are you sure? I thought you were just throwing in irrelevant

information. I wanted to name it I wanted to name it Chrissy Bitch Hips but then they made they said we can't have bitch in the title so I said well

my waist size right now is 38 so let's just call it that and they were like are you sure and I was like let's roll with it and now there's billboards

in New York and LA that just say it and people are like I don't get yeah are we supposed to shop with this guy or for this guy is this a comedy thing

is this a Jenny Craig thing what it is but you know watch January 18th and then you can stream it online or on the app whatever it is you know, you know, watch January 18th and then you can stream it online or on the app. Whatever it is, you know. You'll watch it. We're all going to die soon.

You know, Doug knows how I am, man. I'm fucking nervous. I count on that. It's that nervous energy makes you so much fun to be around. Because you don't know what the hell you're going to say. I don't know anything, hell you're gonna say i don't know anything bro

another great example yeah but let's say hello to now we got a couple of veterans coming up these guys have been on the show before starting with comedian and filmmaker jordan rubin is here. Hi. A new project for you to promote right now, eh? Eh. Yeah, I directed a movie called The Drone, which is basically like a child's play with a drone. It's like Chucky, but in a drone kind of thing. Does a drone talk? Sounds like a joke.

What? Does a drone talk? Spoiler alert, it eventually does. Oh. It becomes sentient, as we like to say. Yes. About robots. It does.

And when did it, where can we see it? When's it come out? Still, it's going to premiere at Slamdance next week. Neat. And then we'll figure it out. And I just did a reboot of Critters. Really? Yeah.

So that's going to be a series, a digital series. Well, I can't say. I just realized. But Warner Brothers. Wait, which one of these projects had the publicist reach out and say, can you have Jordan Rubin on? I was like, yeah, I'll have my friend Jordan Rubin on. You know how movies work?

And the delay, one started, but then the other, they end up coming out at the same time. Yeah, so you've got to promote both of them. Will the drone be mad that you're promoting the other thing? I think I'll take care of it. Okay. I'm a little worried that my head is so much smaller than Chris's. Yeah.

Like, I just, I know people can't see it. He does have a bigger ego than you, that's for sure. Yeah. But also, I know people can't hear that on the podcast, but I don't know if you post a photo. I really think you have a total... These guys look like natives and you've got a shrunken head.

Like they're... Yeah. I got a big noggin too, so you're really... You've got a small head, dude. And him too. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's nice to meet you. Yeah. You have a small head, dude. We got a switch. Yeah, and him too. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's nice to meet you. You have a big head.

At least your waist is smaller than Chris's. It is. You want to get my pants? 32 waist. You're 32 waist, you bitch. No, that's my special. Oh, you got 32 waist? No, no, no. 32 waist isn't even my shoe size.

I'm like the guy in Beetlejuice in the waiting room. Yeah, got a little bit of weight. Yes. He got his head shrunk. That's what I was trying to say. Yeah, dude. The Jungle Cruise. Trader Sam's having a special.

Two of his for one of yours. Yeah. Maybe if I sat closer, the perspective. Yeah. Do we have the same size head? That shorts make your head look smaller, too. Really? We'll take a picture backstage where you stand right in front of the camera and they stand very far back. Okay.

And it'll totally even the score. Thank you. But in the meantime, we have to say hello to Shane Torres, everybody. Yeah. Hello. Thank you for having me. I want to say you've been on like three times in as many months. This is the third time.

Love to have you here, dude. Yeah, this is fun. This is my first time here on the show in LA. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's good to be there. And you're, why are you, because you're living in New York, right? Yes. So why are you out here right now?

Oh, meetings that are, you know, some executive had to have somebody sit across from him after lunch. So that's why I'm here. It's going well. I was in Denver and I thought I'd come see my friends is really what happened. I'm very busy. I have no projects. I mean, those

meetings are great, though, because they'll give you like a water or a coffee or something. Well, all of mine are getting scheduled right at four o'clock, too. So it's a nice time of day to be driving around. Oh, yeah, that's true. Getting around town that time of day sucks. Yeah, they're doing shows and I was, yeah, I'm just on the road. Oh, I have a web series coming out on Comedy Central.

Oh, okay. Chris has a, Chris's broadcast. I am. Nobody's going to watch it, let's be honest. It's Friday at 11, my special. Nobody's going to watch it. No, it's only going to. I'm going to watch it. Let's be honest. It's Friday at 11, my special. Nobody's going to watch it. They're going to watch it. Look at you, you handsome son of a bitch.

Maybe you're not saying you'll stream it. I'm saying my point is they'll stream it like they'll stream your web series. I just have a web series that's going to air at Friday at 11 that my dad's going to watch. You know what I mean? Most of the people, if they ever do see it, it's going to be online.

Just like you. I don't know. I'm going to watch it it I'm just saying we're the fucking same, man We're not the same We're very different Your gas got progressively less attractive As it went down the line It is so sad I'm the ugly one

Okay, I don't know It felt like people were arguing just now And I don't care for that It's so sad. I'm the ugly one. Okay, I don't know. It felt like people were arguing just now, and I don't care for that. We're bumping each other up, though. Yeah, sure, I guess. It's all positive. But yeah, I mean, Chris, can I tell you a little piece of information

about Comedy Central and their specials? Yeah. This one, Ron Funches was last Friday. And you're like the next one after him, right? Absolutely. In the same series. Yep. I've seen you together on a billboard.

Yeah, man. I'm excited about it. Like the United Colors of Benetton, you and Ron. Absolutely. But that's the thing is, he's supposedly got terrific numbers. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, so don't you worry about it. Oh, no, no, no.

No, I'm not. I'm just saying that they watch it on streaming. Absolutely, yeah. People watch it. Don't you worry about it. Oh, no, no, no. I'm not. I'm just saying. They watch it on streaming. Like, everybody streams. No, people watched fucking Comedy Central. Oh, yeah, absolutely. On their goddamn TVs. Yeah, man.

I'm excited about it. At 11 o'clock on Friday night. Fuck yeah, they did. They really did, man. Yeah, you see where I'm going with this. I like you, Doug. Yeah, positivity, my friend. That's the important thing.

Now, let me handicap the race tonight. I think Jordan's going to win. All right. But I asked you all to bring something for a prize bag and different levels of confusion, and hopefully you all came up with something. Sarah, do you want to tell us what you brought? Well, I mean, not to say that this was prompted by you,

but to bring some sort of merch stuff from the films. Yeah, that's always great when you have a self-promotional item. I have cassette tapes. I love that. But I also have more cassette tapes. Oh, multiple. That's awesome. Oh, that's an I also have more cassette tapes. Oh, multiple. That's awesome. Oh, that's an interesting

thing to give to one person. There's so many. Here's a bunch of tapes and it's one song, right? How many friends do you have? There's one song on this tape

and here's five copies of it. I actually have ten more in my bag. Oh, should we give them all away to one person? Yeah, I think that's what I was hoping for.

It could be like Anna and the Apocalypse gift fairy to all their friends. Yeah, exactly. The song's Hollywood ending which once you've heard it,

it's fucking in your head for good. Yeah. It's a really catchy song. Yeah. But that's, so that's what you brought. Yeah,

I just brought a bunch of those. I love that. Do you want to sign one of them? No, I feel weird about that. No, I really don't. Then don't.

I'd rather not. And then I was at a Goodwill, and I thought I found this, and I laughed really hard because I thought it said pot, and it says really beautiful little pin, but it says Pat. It's Pat?

It's Pat. Just a beautiful little pin that says Pat. Okay. So that's what I found. It's Pat. Just a beautiful little pin that says Pat. Okay. So that's what I found. That is beautiful. It's gorgeous, isn't it? It's really nice. I'm kind of mad that I'm giving it away.

I was going to keep it for myself. Well, you can keep it. No one will be mad at you. I want some. We can share that. Pat might be. Pat might be. Let's hope whoever wants it.

Pat's already pissed. All right. Thank you hope whoever wins this. Pat's already picked. All right. Thank you very much for that. Oh, you're welcome. Chris? Yep. I got a book right here. It's Native American Wisdom.

I got a book right here. Yeah, right there. You want to think adom. I got a book right here. Yeah, right there. You wouldn't think a guy like me, I like that stuff. I'm a big Luke Diamond Phillips fan. Yeah. Here, put it near Jordan's head. Yeah.

Is there a word? Yeah, just say, hey, this is a great encyclopedia, and then you look like you have a giant head. So yeah, so I got that. I think Native Americans are pretty dope. So they're good people. Yeah, they deserve a tiny book.

Yeah. Aw. Yeah, so I got that. At the very least. Yeah, I thought it's got some nice wisdom in there, some nice quotes. It's like a Native American Bible. It's not, you know, nothing happens. No, it's just wisdom.

It's not a pickup book. Doug, can you read one of the quotes? Well, I started to look for something to read from it, and it is so boring. Yeah, but there's pictures. Look at the pictures. There's lots of pictures, yeah. Do you want me to just read who's in the pictures?

Probably Geronimo. Russell Mains. Yeah, I don't know. I have seen that in any great undertaking, it is not enough for a man to depend simply upon himself. That was said by... A quitter. Do you want some help?

It was said by Lone Man. Yep, that's one of his. That's it. Goddamn, Lone Man. He really is out there by himself. He thinks up some shit. Lone Man's a Brooklyn guy, man. He comes up with some good stuff.

We love Lone Man in Brooklyn. Well, thank you for that. That was my favorite gift so far this year for the prize bag. Awesome. You know, it's early in the year, but good luck. It's nice to be, yeah, appreciate it.

Jordan? I brought a, I brought a soundtrack to my first movie Zombievers. Did you bring 10 of them? Nice.

I didn't bring 10 of them and I didn't bring it on cassette but it is, yeah, it's a little CD and it's wrapped. Yeah.

Sarah, would you like to sign that? I would love to sign it. Do you mind signing that? Give me a pen. Sign it, Pat Pat And the funniest thing I will Love Pat

It's Pat Should we take the wrapping off first So it's more permanent? Yeah Yeah yeah for sure Oh I'm so excited about this This is always easy To take this stuff off right?

Yeah It's gonna be less valuable When you do that It always just comes right off Yeah it's a collector's edition That's cool It's gonna have You can all sign it All that. It just comes right off. Yeah, it's a collector's edition. That's cool. It's going to have signatures.

You can all sign it. All Pat. That would be fun to have everybody sign it. I always forget to get signatures on the items, but people love it. All right. Okay. There you go. All variants of Pat. Signing away.

Wow. I really want to see this. Yeah, right? I'm so excited about this stuff. On the cover of the thing, it's a zombiever going after a beaver. I didn't even think of that. Yeah. Well, here, I gotta show everybody now.

I mean, he didn't think of that, you guys. He didn't make the connection that there's a beaver going right at between a lady's legs. But she's got a knife so she seems ready to deal. She's gonna be carving up some beaver. Can I assign a loan, chief?

There we go. And what do you have for us, Shane? I forgot about the prize bag, so I ran over to Rite Aid. I got a box of popcorn for movies. That's nice. Extreme butter. Extreme butter. It's a weird place popcorn. Nice. Extreme butter. Extreme butter.

It's a weird place to put extreme. Not if it's me, bro. What's up, cholesterol? Butter is the milk in my cereal. Extreme kaopectin. I got Twizzlers filled twist candy.

Slide those over here. I'm going to try filled twist candy. Well, that is extreme. Slide those over here. I'm going to try one of those. Okay. I mean, seriously, I've never seen this, but I'm in. I got a copy of Hunt for Red October. It's the book, not the movie. So if there's any Tom Clancy fans.

But it's not the Alec Baldwin version. No, it's John Krasinski. Yeah. Because he's Jack, same character in all this. And then I got

a sympathy card. I signed this. Isn't it weird how big the card aisle still is in those places? What are they doing? I don't, like,

there are... They're making a 60 cent sale every three days. It's crazy that there are still magazines. What are they doing? I don't, like, there are... They're making a 60 cent sale every three days. It's crazy that there are still magazines. Or are they more expensive than that? Am I out of touch? That was like 10 bucks.

$10 greeting cards? I mean, no, the whole thing. The whole aisle of greeting cards? Jesus. Oh, sorry, sorry. Oh, my God. What a mess. You're like, I'll try one of those.

It says, every high guy ever. I'm sorry, did you want one? I'm sorry, but... No, they got two different flavors. What are these flavors? I swear to God, it smells like Play-Doh. It does? It really does.

It's fucking Play-Doh. Yeah. I want to try it. I've always wanted to. It smells like arm floaties from when you would go on the boat. Yes, it's arm floaties. The candy. You want to sign this?

I did. They didn't make those in my size. Yeah, they're not good. Sorry, Twizzlers. Red Vines isn't fucking around with other flavors. I don't know if I was allowed to eat that, but I did it. They just stick to what they know. Hey, Doug, what's your favorite movie snack?

Mmm. Mmm. It's like you have a hearing delay. I think I have to go with alcohol. All right. Yeah, these places letting you drink these days, it's a real upgrade

in the movie-going experience. Yeah, 21 and over? Yeah, I like that, too. Yeah, yeah. I always thought you were a pothead and not a drinker. Yeah, but you can't,

you still can't smoke in movie theaters. That's the next thing, is to get a smoking theater. And make sure that the air conditioning runs backwards so that the smoke doesn't obscure the screen. Like there has to be a constant sucking out. You've thought about this. I have.

Jesus Christ. Because it would ruin it if everybody's just blowing a bunch of smoke in the room. But also, people could have scuba-type masks, so it's just going in. Yeah, or you could just watch movies that take place in San Francisco. Or all the candy could just be edibles that they sell at the concession stand. Oh, that's the smartest idea. And then you could put weed butter on the popcorn. Oh, wow.

Yeah, I don't even smoke pot. This is what you guys are doing to yourselves. You would have thought of this shit if you stopped smoking it for a second. I'm gonna make a few bucks. Goddamn dopers. Stop eating all the candy, Doug. I don't care.

I can't have sugar. That's a gift. That's supposed to be a gift, right? Yeah. I just took two. I wanted one of each flavor to prove to myself that they taste exactly the same. They're just different colors. Like most colored candies. That sounded offensive.

candies. That sounded offensive. What do you mean most? What's the model candy? No, because like sour balls, they can have different flavors. Yeah, they can. But M&M's doesn't matter what color they are. They taste the same. Yeah, they can. But M&M's doesn't matter what color they are. Right.

They taste the same. Yeah, equality. All right, so all that's in the prize bag. I'll even put these back in there. back in there. Someone's going to win all of this stuff. We're going to play some games in a second, but first, a quick question for everybody.

Shane has had this question before, so I'll start with him. What was the last movie you saw? I watched A Star is Born last night. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Bradley Cooper really nailed the look I was going for. So what do you got to do? Change it up now, or are you just going to... I got to drop about 80 pounds and be driven.

It's fine. Oh, fuck you. Extreme. I'm doing fine. And I watched Crazy Rich Asians too, which I really, really liked. It was a lot of fun. I like a good romantic comedy.

That is my response. This feels like everybody forgot to do their homework right now. I didn't see that movie, but it bombed in Asia, right? Oh, I don't know. Can you guess why

from seeing it? Maybe the title. They're not all crazy rich over there. But I guess they would switch the title. Do you know what the switch was?

No, I'm just assuming. They always have over there, it's called like wheelbarrow. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, what? I wish it was called that here. Yeah, but I really like it. I used all my wit on the weed movie theater stuff,

so I'm cash now. Jordan, what was the last movie you saw? I saw Thor Bandersnatch. No, I saw... I saw... I saw... That's called wheelbarrow in Asia.

Yes, in Asia. I saw... Well, I saw an old movie and a new I saw The Mule I watched The Mule the Clint Eastwood movie just for some racist fun

no I just love Clint Eastwood but he's pretty racist in it right that's Grant Torino I feel like he that's more Grant Torino oh really I think he's a little bit

he's less racist when he's moving drugs over the border oh I guess I didn't know was that no less racist when he's moving drugs over the border? Oh, I guess. I didn't know. Was that... No, Grant Torino, he was just mean to the neighborhood kids

until he realized they were pretty cool. Until he realized they were crazy rich Asians. You call him... No. No, come on. I think they're a low Asian and they, you know... They're Hamang. Yeah, that's it.

That's it. Yeah, and he had to learn that and I guess I didn't. Well, then why did he even make it? Right. Okay. But do you like the mule? Is it good?

I thought it was really good, yeah. Okay. It was interesting. And I saw Benjamin Button again. I hadn't seen it in a while. Good movie. Curious case. Which, did you watch it? I like to watch it in a while. Good movie. Curious Case. Which, did you watch it?

I like to watch it backwards. Yeah, me too. Because everybody else ages backwards and he is normal. Yeah, it's fun. I recommend that. Chris?

So, it has to be a new movie? Or just like the last movie I watched? The last movie you saw for like any reason, like on any device or in a theater. I mean, I, I watched Bronx Tale pretty much every day. So other than Bronx Tale, I do.

I just like the musical. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. I went, well, I mean, I don't know. Some people don't go to musicals. No, I was there opening night. I swear to God on, I swear on my mother. And you like it. Is it don't go to musicals. No, it was their opening night. I swear to God. I swear on my mother.

And you like it? Is it a good adaptation of the movie? I thought it was great. And I saw it with Chaz Palminteri. He's become a friend of mine. He was sitting next to you? Are you serious? I swear to God.

On my daughter. He was sitting next to me at the musical. He's a friend of mine. And I swear, he just kept, he was hilarious because we're like watching the musical and it's like all families and stuff like that. And it's good. And he's like, you know, the girls are dancing. He's like, look at number three's ass over there. She's like dancing around spinning.

And I'm like, oh, don't say that. And then he was like, wait till this part. And then it was like some crazy part. And I looked over and he was just crying. And I was like, Chaz, you're crying in your own your own play and yeah I went with Chaz Pometary yeah Danny Aiello's my mailman yeah yeah yeah yeah that's cool but then but other than Bronx Tale I mean I saw I watched a movie Rookie of the Year the other day.

That's a good movie. Yeah, you got to check in on that one every once in a while. And I watch a lot of kid stuff, you know, like Pocahontas. I watch a lot with her or my daughter or, you know, all that Mickey Mouse Clubhouse shit. Mulan. Mulan is one of my favorites.

Yeah, that Eddie Murphy dragon's pretty good, eh? He's pretty... Is that Eddie Murphy? Yeah. Yeah, he's good in that. good, eh? He's pretty... Is that Eddie Murphy? Yeah. Yeah, he's good in that. Is Frozen still a thing with kids? Frozen is...

But it gets annoying, Frozen, you know? Oh, yeah? Why is that? Because you just... I mean, it's just, you know, you constantly watch it.

Yeah, and it's Frozen and... They want to watch it too many times. Want to watch it too many times. I don't like the way... There's not enough diversity. I don't like the way

the romantic interest turns out to be a bad guy. Yeah, I know. I didn't care for that. I knew that he was... Because every time I watch it now, I can't enjoy the way the romantic interest turns out to be a bad guy. Yeah, I know. I didn't care for that. I knew that he was... Because every time I watch it now, I can't enjoy the song where they're singing about sandwiches because I know he's going to be a dick to her later. And I knew... I'm like, this isn't...

I can't feel joy for this couple that's excited to be in love because he's faking it. I look at couples every time I'm in a subway and think the same thing. Look at this cold cut combo motherfucker over here. Glorious Bastards,

that's probably the most. Oh, that's the one you watch the most with your daughter? Yeah. We love that. But I hadn't seen that movie ever until recently. Oh, so you're super into it new. Yeah. Yeah, that Hans Lando, whatever his name is.

Good kid. No, the bad guy in that movie. Yeah, he's bad. He's a scary character. Christoph Waltz is scary. Yeah. Now when I see him in something where he's not supposed to be scary, I'm still like, he's probably going to kill a Jew soon.

You know what I mean? He always seems like he's up to something. Right, right, right, right. Sarah? Yes? What have you seen? Have you been to the cinema? I've been on my couch on the Netflix.

Oh, perfect. Yeah. What's your Netflix jam? I keep calling it The Ball on the Netflix. Oh, perfect. Yeah. What's your Netflix jam? I keep calling it The Ballad of Boss Gags, but it's Buster Scruggs. It'd be just as accurate, I think, because Buster Scruggs is barely in the fucking movie.

I know. It's so good. But he's great. Buster is a great part of that. And did you enjoy it from the beginning to end? I did. I think they're a good study. The two of them, the Coen brothers, are a great part of that and did you enjoy it from the beginning to end? I did. I think they're a good study. The two of them, the Coen brothers,

are a great study of genre and it's so interesting to see them study that and what they did with the films in the past that they've made. Yeah, they're making fun movies, especially if you think

murder is fun. Yeah. Which one was your favorite short? Honestly, the first one I loved so much and then the fact that it didn't come back broke my heart

I really really enjoyed it yeah but yeah just for the sheer yeah the the way he kills that the way he kills that one guy

yeah is one of the best kills in the history of cinema and the one the one the beautiful one the I like the gold guy

the gold I was gonna say that was my favorite it was so beautiful and oh man is that a spoiler to like talk about that no no the gold guy. The gold? I was going to say that was my favorite. It was so beautiful. Oh, man. Is that a spoiler to talk about that? No, no.

The gold guy? I don't think people follow anything at this point. Spoiler alert. Gold guy. They think there's suddenly a commercial for all the old people

watching to make sure they sell their gold. Yeah. I watched, my pals and I, finally, we've been trying to watch Grave of the Fireflies for a year now.

We finally watched it, and it's the saddest movie I've ever seen in my entire life. Sadder than Frozen? Sadder than Frozen. Sadder than the, yeah. Sandwich anomaly in Frozen. I haven't seen either of them. Yeah, they got each other at the end of that,

but no one has each other at the end of Grave of the Fireflies Grave of the Fireflies it's a it's a yeah I don't know it you know it's a it's a Ghibli film it's a

oh that's the when I heard that title I was like that's the type of movie like when I'm on a date I pretend I know what it is yeah

well that's what I did for so long and then we're like all of us together we're like we've just been lying for so long we all have to get like, all of us together, we're just been lying for so long. Yes, Studio Ghibli, I love it.

I love everything they do. But that's Miyazaka. How do you say it? Miyazaki? Miyazaki, Miyazaki, yeah. Yeah, you know Japanese animation for children? Japanese animation. Or for all audiences, I should say. Japanese animation for children? Japanese animation. Or for all audiences, I should say.

Japanese animation for children. What, you mean, is there one that I watch with my daughter? Oh, your daughter watches some anime? No, is that what you were asking me? I think I'm asking you something very specific. Did you just ask if my daughter's Japanese? No. Are we still talking about movies?

Yeah. This is crazy no I uh yeah I don't know anything about anime but I do support the Japanese you know like uh

wait that I want to clarify like Howl's Moving Castle yeah yeah that kind of thing have you seen that um

or have you seen that Cat Totoro or whatever he's called that one's great no she has a bunch of Hello Kitty shit that's okay alright yeah but it's it's a good character Toro or whatever he's called That was great She has a bunch of Hello Kitty shit That's

Okay Alright Yeah But it's a good character Hey Doug Earlier I was making a Joke about Your comment

That Clint Eastwood's racist And I feel like it sounded like I made a racist comment Oh really? Because the whole crowd went Aww And so I thought So I just want to clarify

Oh I'm glad you jumped in And Yeah I I'm want to clarify. Oh, I'm glad you jumped in and fixed that right up. I'm scrubbing my pants. I still don't even know what happened. I'm trying to like scrub my past. No, I just saw the trailer and it just felt like Clint Eastwood was anxious to get back

in those racist pants again that he wore in Gran Torino. So effectively. So effectively. It wasn't enough. So effectively, yeah. He knows the role. It's him. Yeah, that's all I'm saying.

But, you know, he has made some amazing films and then he made that movie about that thing that happened in Paris and he decided... 310 to you. That the people that... No, that's not it.

That's not what it's called did he make that the 45 no the 5 458 to Paris something yeah some number to Paris 7

420 to yes the 420 to Paris and those guys that really you know did that were involved in the actual incident you know the heroes

yeah played themselves in the movie ugh and exactly exactly they're not actors they're not actors but Clint Eastwood's like I can direct played themselves in the movie and exactly exactly they're not actors they're not actors

but Clint Eastwood is like I can direct anything yeah remember that action movie with that Navy Seals

played Navy Seals like 10 years ago and they were just like they'd look right in the camera and be like we're gonna get him

you know like like it was their scene partner and then they'd go underwater and their face would be pain it was fucking it was pretty scene partner and then they'd go underwater and their face would be pain it was fucking it was pretty good

I'm not trying to disparage heroes at all I am and sometimes a real life person gets into something and they end up being amazing not all actors wear capes nice I like that joke thank you

you don't like it I did somewhere a nice shawl I thought it was good You know, I thought it was good Everything Things are just good enough You know

Yeah, yeah, yeah Everything in life is just good enough I hear you You know what I mean I don't need to be wooed Just enough You know what I mean It's fucking great, dude

I like You have a special coming out on Friday You should be so happy It doesn't matter, dude It's all over It's not over You're doing great Shane, you're doing great You got a 38 waist A over. You're doing great. Shane. You're doing great.

You got a 38 waist, a good chin. You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. I appreciate it, brother. Any one of these people would be lucky to hang out with you. Let's fucking hang out more, man. I would like that. All right, cool.

Where do you live in Brooklyn again? Me, you, and Chaz Pimentieri. Yeah, who's the ugliest one in that group? Chaz. He's old. He is old. I bet he's fun. I bet he'd tell crazy that group? Chaz. He's old. He is old. I bet he's fun. I bet he'd tell crazy stories.

Oh, yeah. He always has a gun on him. Did you read his biography? It's called All That Chaz. Chazercise? Don't start this. Don't start a pun fight you can't finish. In the

palm and terry of my hand. Nice, I like that. That's all I got. That was enough. It was plenty because now I'm going to say let the games begin! I've wrote down some movie trivia games

that I like to play with you guys, but before we do that, lots of people have beautiful or unusual name tags, and they're all like movie kind of parody signs, and they work their names into it. And what I'd like each one of you on stage to do is to go out into the audience and pick the one that you like the most and then bring it back to your seat and you have five seconds no I'm

just kidding take your time but but now it's time to do it and while you do that you say something clever before you drop a mic. Faux pas. Or after. Or more? Yeah. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. You're almost halfway through this episode. What are you going to listen to next?

That's my question that I put to you. May I recommend Dining with DNK? Or how about Getting Doug with High? And then there's also doug loves minis if it's got my name or initial on it then i stand by it something something percent not going to give you an exact number because you know what i'm going to do now i'm going to say let's go back to the show wow that was quick and orderly. We're back. Yay.

I needed that walk. That was very nice. Sarah, not only did you get a lot of candy. I know. I love my life. But that's also a horrifying version of me on the Science of the Lambs poster. With a bug on my mouth. I don't like that.

Well, now you have it forever, but we also have all these treats. It says Silence of the Reeds. Yeah, Silence of the Reeds. I don't think there's any excuse to not make sure that the last word didn't rhyme with lamb. So that could have worked out better, but you gave

snacks in lieu of... People do their best. That's the thing. Thank you. But there you go. Oh, my gosh. Joy, which one of those snacks is the most exciting to you? Man, I like the one...

I mean, I like that the Snickers is broken up in letters. I didn't realize they did it like that. Yeah, where you just have one letter on there. That's kind of nifty. Yeah. This one, the racists love that one. I don't know. I think, I mean,

I'm going to eat the one that starts with my name of my name letter of my name. Yeah, have an S. Have an S. Have an S. Of a snicker. I'm going to... Do you guys want some? I'm keto. Oh, are you? No, I have a 38 waist.

Okay, that's right. Sorry, I forgot. I'll eat all the candy. This is like product placement for your initial. Let me see what you have here, Chris. Are you a fan of the film Sister Act 2? Yep, Whoopi Goldberg and Catholic, so I like that one. Okay, Sister Act 2, Macklin the Habit. this This is made by Someone named Macklin That's me yeah

Yeah that's you Yep Great job dude You drew that On a piece of paper Real nice Good job man Can I

Can I throw a candy For everybody that got One chosen Is that weird What do you mean It says nice job I feel like I should Hand him a thing

That says nice job Oh okay Nice job. It was for you. You're welcome. Did you miss it? No, I got it. Thank you very much.

Oh, you're welcome. Yeah, the other guy didn't miss it, and then he passed it to the guy. Yeah, man. I guess didn't miss it, technically, but it wasn't thrown to him, really. Yeah, well. I'm not really sure what happened over there. But if you want to do that again with each one, I love it. Okay, me too. Alright, so Jordan, who are you

playing for? The right Steve off The Right Stuff. And there's a personal note for you in the back. Oh, I would like to see that. And Shane, who are you playing for? For the guy who made it. Oh, no, I'm sure it's... I'm playing for Nightmark on Elm Street.

Oh, yeah. Doug is a lady in it. Sarah, did you see how big the candy is on it? Yeah. I'm so mad at myself. If anybody wants real size candy. Extreme. Yeah.

Hey, can you tear the Donettis off of there? I'm sorry? Is there donuts on there? There are. Can you tear those off of there? Pass them over here? The whole plastic slides off from the bottom. The whole plastic slides off from the bottom.

This guy really made this thing right. Anyway. Got it. You want me to do it? Oh, is all the plastic because it's raining outside? Oh, is it tape? Sure. Sure?

I bought it like that. Oh, you bought it like that? I don't understand. I love that? I don't understand. Okay. Okay. Alright, get those donuts off their... What? Now they're in the bag? Oh, they're taped to the bag. I'm working on it. I know how to open things.

This is a lot of candy. I didn't come in with some little candy. I came here... It's the first time I haven't ever been able to open a lot of candy. I didn't come in with some little candy. I came here... It's the first time I haven't ever been able to open a bag of donuts. I'll get it. All right. What's the name of the guy that gave that to you? It's a night mark on Elm Street.

Okay, mark. And it says, if Doug doesn't wake up screaming, he won't wake up at all. All right. I'd rather just sleep through it than wake up screaming. I'd rather just not wake up at all. Seems peaceful. I'm going to get it. Do something.

Okay. I just wanted you to pass the whole package. Oh, it's still tagged to the thing. You want me to do it? Oh, my God. Did you use super glue? All right. I don't like candy anymore.

I'm done for me. Candy's ruined for Shane. I don't like it. Kane's out on candy. Shane, no more candy for Shane. I'm keto too. I mean, what the fuck?

What did you use to attach this shit? It's taped from the post office. It's taped from the post office? Oh, so they finally got something to work. All right. Thank you, Chris.

All right. Oh, Kit Kat. Yeah, you only mashed the shit out of two or three of these donuts. I know. Because when you sling them across the room, they're going to stay together. Who wants this first damaged one? That guy does. Yeah.

Good catch. Good hand. Oh, this one's really bad. Who wants a really bad one? I want it. Okay, now we're getting better. Oh, yay. I'll throw another.

I didn't get that in your hands. Let me try again. Jeez. Was that real? That was a real throw. Throwing that ball like Eli Manning, huh? No, I know how to get it to her. I know.

I can get it to her. Your fucking team lost too. Give me a tough one. Give me one that's way back there. Who wants one way back there? I'll give you... Oh, nice. I was going to see if you could get it through the sound booth window.

Oh, that would be fun. But the lights are in my eyes. Because you're shining so bright. Here, I'll try it with the three musketeers. That's not regulation. I can't really see the window because of the lights, but... It's just to the left of the clock. Which side of the window is open?

Just to the left of the clock. To the left of the clock is open. To the right of the clock, too. Left of the one. Or right of the window is open? Just to the left of the clock. To the left of the clock is open. Or to the right of the clock, too. Left of the one. Or right of the one. Yeah. Well, I just asked which one. All right, I'm going to the right. You're throwing a crush.

Do it, Doug. Ow! Oh. He did it! Listeners. He did it! Listeners. Yeah, you were a little too slow on that to be convincing.

Well, I was in awe, Douglas. You're a brilliant comedian and an athlete. He's doing a handstand now. Yeah, it's great. Oh, yeah, I missed that one by a mile. It's just that light is so bright, but that's what you get for being in show business. That's how the donut donuts. All right, let's start with a game

that I call ABCD's Nuts. It's just a silly title. It doesn't mean anything. The room's telling us a secret. Yeah, somebody just took a shit. That's a secret. Yeah, there's a real loud hissing sound. Whoever walks in here next.

Yeah, that's the thing, though. The last time that happened, I was waiting for someone to come out, but they just stayed in there. But yeah, the bathroom here makes a lot of noise, but I don't think the listeners hear it. But now they know about it. And it's exciting to be inclusive. In this game, it's a spelling game.

Sarah and Chris, I don't know if Jordan and Shane have played this game before, but I'll say a letter to you, and you just have to name any movie that begins with that letter. Got it. But if you match the movie that I've written down previously, then you win this particular game automatically. down previously, then you win this particular game automatically. And here's what we're going to spell

in honor of, he mentioned it earlier, Jordan's directorial debut, Zombievers. Oh dear. Oh lord. We are going to spell Zombievers. So the first letter goes to Sarah.

Just name any movie that begins with first letter goes to Sarah. Just name any movie that begins with the letter Z. Yeah, you got this. Oh. I got one. Don't help her. Oh my gosh, Zoolander. I didn't say that.

I would have said Zootander. You cheater. I didn't say that. I was going to say Zootopia. Oh, okay. There you go. That's what I was thinking of. I mean, you really could just, all the zoo movies fit this letter perfectly. I was going to say Zeppelin footage. Zeppelin footage?

All right, well, a theme will emerge amongst all these titles. That's another thing that can help you. But I just started off with straight up just a movie called Zombie from 1979. Begins with a Z. But now you get O, Chris.

Just name any movie that begins with the letter O. It begins with the letter O? Yeah. Othello? Yeah. There you go. Yeah, they made a bunch

of movies of that. Yeah. There you go. It counts. It was filmed a bunch of times. Good guy. I went with a movie called Oculus.

Sure. Right? You've heard of it. M is your letter went with a movie called Oculus. Sure. Right? You've heard of it. M is your letter, Jordan. Mr. Holland's Opus. Yeah, it doesn't... I mean, it kind of fits the theme,

but I went with Mandy. Oh, it's supposed to be a theme. The Nicolas Cage. Okay. Yeah, a theme emerges. B, Shane. B.

Mm-hmm. B. Mm-hmm. B. Basketball. Fuck. I was trying to think of something in a theme. Basketball. It's right there.

Did you hold up your sign? I did. But you didn't spell it with a B, though. No. I couldn't say case-ketball. No. Then I'd be out. Then you'd be out. Yep. I wrote down say case get ball. No. Then you'd be out.

I wrote down basket case. Close for B. Now we're back to you, Sarah, with the letter E. E. Yes, I'm beavers. There's no I. That's what I was stewing on and now I hate myself. B? E.

E. E. This is... You got it I got it Ev E Ear Ear

E E Ever I'm sure there's a film called Everest somewhere out there. Yes, Everest. Yeah. Some went up and they didn't all come down.

Everest. Terrible tagline. That could be a plane movie, too. No, it couldn't. I went with Eraserhead. Oh. Classic Eraserhead. A is the next letter for Chris.

A? Mm-hmm. Um, Armageddon. Yeah. Sick. This is, like, almost a match. Yeah. Because I wrote Anna and the Apocalypse.

Oh! Wow. Yeah. I feel really special thank you would you if A had come to you do you think you would have said Anna and the Apocalypse

I would have tried to not as hard as I could and then I probably would have done it out of fear V for you Jordan V for Vendetta the movie

I've never seen it. Oh, I've seen it. You've seen it? I enjoyed it. I'll watch it. Do it, man. It's violent. Yeah, every once in a while,

Chris takes a break from Bronx Tale. Right. Yeah. And we'll catch up with something fun like V for Vendetta. B for Bronx Tale. Yeah. Oh, shit. That would have been a good one. Oh, shit. Fuck. But I think it's a T

I think it's the Bronx Tale So it wouldn't count T for Bronx Tale Do you know what my V is? That's a weird sentence I went with Videodrome Still no theme for you Jordan?

Still missing the theme Really? I think I got it I think I got it. Interesting. I think I got it. E. Is it me or? E, yeah.

Oh. Didn't you? Didn't I just go? Huh? I did. Yeah, I thought you did. She went, then he went, and... What did you say?

I did V for Vendetta. He did V for Vendetta. And he said Armageddon. I said Armageddon. Shane hasn't went yet. Who hasn't went yet? But the idea is we're supposed to go in order. So if you catch me going out of order, then stop me.

Oh, go out of order. What? What letter are we on? Hold on. I thought it was Jordan's turn. I would watch a game show called Who Hasn't Went Yet. Yeah. It's just people trying not to piss their pants.

All right. Who hasn't went yet? With Chris Hardwick. All right, E, Shane. E. Every Which Way But Lose? Okay. Yeah.

Evil Dead 2 is what I said. Theme. Huh? It's a theme. R. Road to Redemption. I just like the sudden confidence that you had. You just went right to it.

I said Rosemary's Baby. Ooh. Nice. Theme? Yeah, there's's Baby. Ooh. Nice. Theme? Yeah, there's a theme. Chris. S. S?

Yeah, we're going to be done with this. Zombievers will be spelled. S. I'm going to go with S. Psycho. No. Psycho. Silence of the Lambs.

Yeah, very good. Yeah, it's right there in front of you. Did you see how it says The Silence of the Lambs? Yeah. All right. You want me to switch it then? Yeah. I'm giving you another chance to win.

All right. Because I didn't write down Silence of the Lambs. Straight outta Compton there you go well they went through a lot but I wouldn't call that a horror movie they're all horror movies

but the one I picked last is Scream 2 in case one of you figured it out and said Scream I would have burned you good what if it was the Straight Outta Compton Oh, shit. In case one of you figured it out and said scream, I would have burned you good. What if it was the straight out of Compton? Yeah, that begins with the letter T. Right.

Gotcha. Yeah. If it had that other title. If it had that other word in there. Cool. All right, so who won that game? Nobody. But you know what that means, Sarah?

That means you get to go first in our game that will determine a winner tonight. It's called Last Man Stanton. People love it. I'm going to name an actor or actress that I'm going to get from a pre-selected audience member, and then each of all of us, including me, pre-selected audience member and then each of all of us, including me, but we'll start with Sarah and then we'll go to Chris. We have to

take turns saying movies that that person's been in. If you can't think of one, you're out. But you can go to your lifeline one time and your lifeline is the person whose name tag you picked. So Reed and Macklin and Steve and Mark.

Yes. What if you don't know who the actor or actress is? Oh, yeah. If you've never heard of the person, I'd like you to repeat again what you're here to promote and then leave.

Fair enough, man. Oh. I like it. We try to come up with people that people have heard of. It's not the game isn't let's name an actor nobody's heard of and then watch everybody be sad. Okay. All right, cool.

I got it, I got it. We get, like, big names. You know, like, you know who Herschel Bernardi is? Yeah. He played for the Cowboys. Won the Heisman out of Georgia. Good guy. Says he never lifted a weight in his life. That's true, right? He did say that.

Yeah, he only did. He's like the most shredded guy ever. All he ever did was push-ups and sit-ups. I believe it, man. He started fighting MMA when he was 50. And then he won It was crazy He beat up a 22 year old man That's 50

What's that actor's name? That riff died on the line Do you want to do You could do a spin off Shane loves What were we even Talking about? Football Oh football It's a sport No I know Yeah so you could do even talking about. Football.

Oh, football. It's a sport. No, I know. Yeah, so you could do Shane loves sports. Yeah. I pitched that this week. Nobody wanted it.

I want it. I want it. I want it. I'm building a podcast empire. But fortunately, unfortunately, all the podcasts have me in them.

So if I could find someone like you, we'll talk. Where's Nate with Jazz? Hey, Nate with Jazz. Let me ask you first to give you a chance to change your mind. Can you...

I thought this was actors we'd heard of. Nate, can you see the expression on Chris's face right now? Does he look happy with your choice? I don't think that word meant that he's happy that he said. Do you know Keira Knightley? I know who she is.

Okay. I think I've seen one movie she's in. I bet I know what movie it is. Hang on to that. Hang on to that. I've never seen a movie she's in. I know two movies she's in. Okay, see?

She's doing great at this. Damn it. But she is kind of a more esoteric one. Yeah. A lot of her movies are costume dramas. So she's out? No, she's not out. She still could be the one.

She's very much in play. Well, Doug, this was what you said wasn't going to happen. Someone that would be hard. Yeah. Very upset. Yeah, well,

you just wait for what is about to happen. Because I've got a backup person. Oh, shit. I've got a backup name. This person's going to give us a name

and both names are going to be in play. And if this person lets us down, you better not say Tilda Swim. Like Nate over here, then we're all going to have to live with it. Okay. Okay. All right. Where is...

I mean, this is probably the last person you want to ask for help. Where is I mean This is probably the last person you want to ask for help Where is Rob Life Ruiner Dad? Just kidding he's dead Where are you Rob? Rob? Are you here?

Or did someone with that name reach out to me pretending that they would be here tonight? He did it. He ruined it. Just to hear their... Oh, you are him? Mark Wahlberg. Wait. But you're not Rob? Yes. Okay.

When he raised his hand, I was just like, oh, there he is. He's really here. So Rob is not here. I don't care for that. What a dick, man. Rob really did. He is a life ruiner. Because this is my last show. Rob ruined everything.

He just ruined a hundred people's lives in here. Oh, well, that's a generous estimate. Both of the number of people and the impact of Rob. Maybe he ruined his own life today and that's why he's not here.

Oh, really? Fuck off. You don't give a shit. You do not give a fuck about Rob Life Ruiner. Teddy saves the babies here. Cheer for him. Okay, so here we are. We got Keira Knightley

and this gentleman. He raised his hand. I did call on him, so I'm going to take it. Mark Wahlberg. So what I need is for everybody to look good, feel good. And name films of either

of those two people. And since we do have a bit of a time issue, and since I know every Mark Wahlberg movie, I'm going to recuse myself from playing this time. It's just you guys. I feel like Chris and I are only going to say Mark Wahlberg movie. I'm going to recuse myself from playing this time. It's just you guys. I feel like Chris and I

are only going to say Mark Wahlberg movie. Yeah. No, I know two Keira Knightleys. I got them in my head. I hope nobody says them. Yeah. No, I'd hang on to those.

Are we saying either or? You can say a movie that either of them is in, but just no repeats and we'll go through until somebody is stumped. But no Kira Wahlberg movies or Mark Knightley's.

Yeah, I don't off the top of my head, I don't think they're in a movie together, but I might be proven wrong. Alright, Sarah, go. Bend It Like Beckham. Fuck! Yes! Oh, shit! That was one of his! How could you do that to him? Well, I know one more with her. But I could say a Mark Wahlberg movie.

You know lots of Wahlbergs. I could say a Wahlberg movie. Fucking Ted 2. Yeah, okay. Nothing like helping the other players. Wait, was I not supposed... Is the strategy not to say an obvious one? Well, yeah.

Well, if there's a sequel. Not even obvious. Yeah, you just gave away that by saying Ted 2. But I can still say the other one if nobody says it. It's Jordan's turn. The Departed. Okay, do you guys understand what's going on here? You're a nightly thing, The Departed?

Shane. What does he mean? Shane, help me out here. What are we doing here? Say the right thing. I will say the right thing. Do it. I'm going to say fear.

God damn you. Do you guys want to win? I want Chris to get another round. What's going on? I'm going to understand what's happening. All right, Sarah, you can do it. The jacket. That's a Keira Knightley movie?

Yeah. Okay. Chris? Boogie Nights. Was that wrong? No. What is that wrong? You gotta laugh.

That's right. You're doing great. Jordan? The Fighter Domino Oh that's a Keira Knightley one Sarah Pride and Prejudice

And Zombies A Knight's Tale That's Keira Knightley What? No it's not Isn't that the one with Heath Ledger? Yeah but's Keira Knightley. What? No, it's not. Isn't that the one with Heath Ledger? Yeah, but not Keira Knightley.

Who's that? Shannon Sossaman. Oh. Oh. Well, I guess I'm out then. And thank you for knowing that, Shane. Yeah. Size 38 waist, 11 o'clock. Can I get another shot then?

I'll give you one more try, but just calm down. Ted. See? Play. Comes into play. Oh, my God. Jordan. Jordan The notebook What?

You got nothing Well Go to your lifeline Oh yeah Mark? Oh shit Good job That's Keira Knightley right?

What? Or is he thinking of... She's the imposter, remember? She's the imposter? That's right. You know, I just... I don't think about those movies ever. Well, she's the imposter, so...

So, which one? Phantom Menace? She's in Menace? All right. Thank you, Mark. Good job, Mark. which one Phantom Menace she's in Menace all right thank you mark good job mark we see it in burn one everybody knows she Patriots Day what's that that's the Boston bomber movie that Walberg did oh yeah yeah is it Patriots or Patriot? Patriot's Day. Because it's not for one patriot, it's for all of them.

You're thinking of that Mel Gibson movie. Is Patriot Day called Patriot Day? Yeah, it's named after the day of remembrance. It's Patriot's Day for God's sake. Really, we're going to do this? We let Ted 2 go around the block three times and you're going to get at me over a comma? Are you fucking serious right now?

There's a comma. I can say another. Patriots comma day? The Patriots own the day. It's fine. Fuck me. I'm the asshole here, I guess. I mean, you're doing most of the talking.

Well, someone, my back's hurting from carrying the show. Oh. I lifted that from a towel. It's hurting from your big head. Oh, and belly. Why would your neck hurt from your big belly? I said back. Oh. Oh, yeah, that's true. neck hurt from your big belly? I said back. Oh. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Do you hear anything that's happening right now? I'm sorry, your back. Yeah. I'm trying to go to Sarah. You said Patriot's Day a million times. You made me. What do you think? Oh, a movie.

It's those people. Yeah, either one of them. Oh, The Happening. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. I'm still confused about that movie. I'm sure we all are.

There's two Keira Knightleys that are dangling out there that I have no idea why they're still available. Go ahead there, Chris. For United 93? Okay, listen. Isn't that a movie? Why don't you use your goddamn lifeline? Just name the championship soccer team.

Yeah. Wait, just let me think a minute. All right, yeah, you know what? I'm going to use my lifeline. This guy. How about Love Actually? Yeah, Love Actually. Is that Mark Wahlberg?

Have you looked into his eyes? Yeah, a guy shows up at his door with a series of signs telling him how much he loves him, and Mark Wahlberg is like, hey, my black husband's in the living room, so I can't, you know, thanks for the thought, but no thanks. Fucking awesome, man. Yeah, it's classic. You've never seen Love Actually?

I don't think so. I haven't either. I don't know, man. What's wrong with you? Are you man or some shit? I just watch the Bronx Tale a lot. But you said, Shane said he loves a good rom-com. Yeah, I do. That's probably one of the king of the rom-coms. I've just never seen it.

I missed that one. All right. Sorry. Jordan, it's back to you. This is a guess. Did anything help you? I think Anchorman 2. Yes.

Isn't Wahlberg in that? Does he have a cameo? I don't think so. At the end, the big fight? I'm not sure. Anyone? Maybe.

With Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller. There's so many people in that. He's got it. Let's just assume. He does a lot. He works a lot.

Yeah, he works a lot. Am I out? Yeah. All right, brother. All right. But you did great. Do I leave now? No.

Oh. Hang out. We're going to plug your stuff again at the end. Shane? Lone Survivor. Ooh. Wait. Yeah.

Are you sure it wasn't Lone Survivor? It's spelled L-O-A-N. Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Wait. Back up. Nice. I know what I'm saying.

I thought I was out. No, right back in. There you go. Tip three. We need the full title. Do you know the whole title of the damn thing? That's where it gets tricky. Pirates of the Caribbean,

Curse of the... No, is it that one? Curse of the... I'm mixing up some Indiana Jones films. No, don't get Indiana Jones involved. Curse of the... Curse of the... Davy Jones, Davy Jones, Locker.

Wait, so you're saying the first one is called Curse of the Davy Jones Davy Jones Locker Wait So you're saying The first one is called Curse of the Davy Jones Locker I think she just named The whole series inadvertently Yeah Alright well great job But that's

That's not it We were so close Chris Pirates of the Caribbean 2 Cur Curse of the Black Pearl? No. So Pirates of the Caribbean, The Legend of Jack Sparrow? No. Pirates of the Caribbean, The Bronx Tale?

Just stop at the first part and you'll get through this rap. Pirates of the Caribbean? No. There's more words even in the first one. Disney's Pirates. Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean, The Curse of Jack Sparrow? I'm No. There's more words even in the first one. Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean. No, I'm right. There's more. It doesn't just end in Caribbean.

Pirates of the Caribbean 2. I don't know, man. I mean, I'm trying. Do they have numbers in them even? They do have the numbers? I thought it's just Pirates of the Caribbean and then whatever that one is, like, you know, at World's End or whatever.

That's not helpful to them. They can repeat that one and be wrong. So Shane, take this thing home. Pain and gain. Yes! Shane is a winner! Good round, man. Mark, come get your prizes.

Congratulations. You did it, dude. Yeah, and you can take your name tag back, too. Does this have a thing on it? Congratulations. Congrats, man. Yeah, yeah you can take your name tag back, too. Does this have a thing on it? Congratulations. Congrats, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like your boots.

All right, we did it. We got one minute left. Shane, give us whatever you want to plug. I'll be at Helium Comedy Club February 28th through March 2nd in Portland, Oregon. If somebody would like to come to that. I have an album called Established 1981 on Comedy Central Records. And thanks for just coming

thank you Shane Shane Torres everybody Jordan Rubin new project The Drone if you're in Slamdance next week please come

to the screening otherwise it'll be out in a couple months and Critters will be out in March right on thanks Jordan thank you

Jordan Rubin everybody Chris one hour Comedy Central special this Friday will be out in March. Right on. Thanks, Jordan. Thank you. Jordan Rubin, everybody. Chris? One hour Comedy Central special this Friday, January 18th, 11 p.m. besides 38 Waste. And I have a podcast called The History Hyenas.

It's about history and nature. It's fucking wild. Check it out. Yeah. And Sarah Swire. Hello. Hello. And An Ap apocalypse is still playing in theaters throughout the world yeah go see it if you uh just don't if you want to like go see the film um yeah if you want to

do you know if it's in la right now? I think it is oh my god I'm bad at this it should be yeah it's all over the place lots of Alamo draft houses are doing special screenings of it sing along screenings because people

people love the songs they're really catchy and the dancing's good yeah I have some CDs as well I mean if people want CDs you can it's on Spotify and iTunes as well

so it's not like it's an unattainable treat. It really takes those cassettes out of the equation. Alright, so thank you to everybody. Thank you, Sarah. Let's hear it for Sarah, everybody. Thank you for having me! Sarah Swire, Chris DiStefano,

Jordan Rubin, and Shane Torres. Thank you. What a fun group. Douglas Moody's back here at UCB Franklin on Tuesday, January 29th, two weeks from tonight. And as always, Amanda for getting Reed sick on his birthday is a shithead. This guy says,

I am a shithead for making Doug say MoviePass is a shithead back when MoviePass was a good value. That being said, MoviePass stinks now. And L-A-U-S-D is a shithead. That's a good one. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. That's a good one.