Doug Loves Movies - Chris Hardwick and Mike Phirman Guest

Episode Date: March 1, 2010

Doug welcomes musical comedy duo Hard 'n Phirm (Chris Hardwick and Mike Phirman) to the podcast to talk movies... and perform the show's theme song live!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey everybody, we got a lot to cover on this episode of the show, so let's get right into it. You probably noticed just now that there was no theme song at the beginning of the show here in the theater and those of you listening to the podcast. beginning of the show here in the theater and those of you listening to the podcast and that's because my guests tonight are the creators of the theme song of I Love Movies and they're here to play it for us live. Yeah, it's Chris Hardwick and Mike Furman, otherwise known as Hard and Firm. Let's get them out here. out here. Hey, everybody. You know, when Mike and I were challenged with the task of writing the I Love Movies theme, we

wrote a much longer song, and then Doug was like, yeah, ten seconds ought to do it, so we have the song is actually slightly longer, so we're just going to play the bridge as well for everyone. Ready?

Ready. Thank you. Thank you. Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seats with 50 ads and popcorn kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see. Doug is the god

of hellfire! He will rip out your eyes and impregnate your face. Doug is your lord. Doug is your master. You will surrender your spirit to his will. Exterminate.

Exterminate. Because Doug loves movies! That's the line. Yay! Yay! I'd never heard that middle part before because I'd never listened to it backwards. If you play it backwards, that's what's going to happen.

That's what happens. A little bit of backward masking. All right, so we've got to rearrange here a little bit, but I have my normal, not normal, but I have my opening comments. What happened? What? No, I want a human guitar stand. Oh, okay.

Just make that guy hold it the whole time? Well, that's basically it, yeah. All right. Is that all right with you? Point of order. That's a good question. All right, first of all, let's keep everything on microphone. This is a podcast.

You guys are professionals. If you're going to interview people in the audience for no reason, mic them up. All right, here we go. Hello, I'm Jeff. I'm the human guitarist for the evening. If I could get M&Ms after the show, that would be awesome. What is that character? Are you doing like a voice or something?

Or is that how you normally speak? He's a young Stephen Dorff. Oh, okay. It's a little comedy grenade there for that guy. Yes, we'll get you some candy afterwards. I promise. Oh, that's nice. That's a nice trade-off

for making him hold your guitar for the next 40 minutes. That's fantastic. Great news, everybody. I got an email from John Lithgow. I've been pursuing him in a weird way. As a character or as John Lithgow?

Well, he writes as himself. Oh. Interesting twist. If it was in all caps, I would think he's still stuck in his character from Third Rock from the Sun. But no, his writing is very gentle, like the man who sings songs to children sometimes. Okay. And then kills them like his character in Dexter. No, no, he doesn't kill the children he sings to.

That would be doubly cruel. That would be weird. Yeah. I'm going to sing to you and then I'm going to kill you. Alright, well the singing better be good, mister. So, uh, anyway, so this is what he wrote to me. He wrote, I'm hearing from everybody

how cool your podcast is. Now he's going to hear from people that I shit all over him. I heard from everybody how cool your podcast is. Now he's going to hear from people that I shit all over him. I heard from him how cool your podcast is and that my name comes up on it from time to time. We'll get this together when I finally get back to L.A. because he's in New York doing a play. This is my favorite part.

Meantime, carry on, funny man. Wow. From John Lithgow. Carry on, funny man might be the title of my next album. And you're on the cover in smeared clown makeup and alone. And I know it's really him because he just signs it J.

And if it wasn't him, he'd write this whole name out. John Lithgow the First. Fake John Lithgow. So he's definitely, probably, maybe going to do the first. Fake John Lithgow. So he's definitely probably maybe going to do the show. The next time he's out in California, I don't know when that's going to be,

but I think it's time for a contest. So what I want everybody to do is I want them to go to a special thing dot com, a special thing dot com, and find the I Love Movies with Doug Benson thread on that site. It's a comedy website for discussing comedy. And go find that thread on I Love Movies.

And tell me which comedian of all the ones that you know that I know, or all the comedians, I don't care, which comedian you'd like to see as the other guest with John Lithgow. Oh, that's a good one. Let's go to the phones. Yeah. And we're going to take this to the internet instead, Chris. It's not going to be the fifth poster. It's not

going to be the winner. It's going to be the name that gets the most votes. If they're available. This isn't legally binding, is my point. But let's have a contest. Let's see. Somebody gets to come out and sit with a great actor

who will murder him at the end of the... Or her. Could be her, you guys. Don't be a sexist in your voting. And one more thing. I wanted to read one more letter that I got. Not a letter, a Twitter. A lady named L Vignetta or

something like that. So everybody look her up on Twitter. That'll be easy to do. L Vignetta or something like that. So everybody look her up on Twitter. That'll be easy to do. L Vignette, maybe? Oh. This is America, fuckface! It's E-L-L-E underscore V-I-G-N-E-T-T-A. Vignetta.

Vignetta. Vignetta. V for Vignetta. She wrote Or he Could be a dude Regarding I Love Movies I listen to it at work

Where I make stools And Wow That And I had to look again Because I thought it said while While I make stools Yeah

Still But it's still weird right Still weird Making stools That is the real America That is the real America. I the maker. How's that that you say stools in your country? John Lithgow, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you. Rip. I go to rip off my face and I forget that I'm not John Lithgow and I just pull all the skin off my face. This crowd is electric. But unfortunately unplugged. My turn. So,

Chris is good at talking. He's really good at it. You're good at, like, when you're on with Adam Carolla, you actually say stuff. You actually get stuff in there. Because when I'm on with him, it's just like watching Adam Carolla, you actually say stuff. You actually get stuff in there. Because when I'm on with him, it's just like watching Adam Carolla talk

for a while. And then you say, thanks for coming, and I go home. The thing is, Adam will talk about anything. So you just have to, every once in a while, just fire a topic, and then he'll just be talking about, like, yeah, and these goddamn clamshells are like, how am I going to pay for these fucking clamshells? And you're like, floorboards.

So I'm laying these floorboards. I'm like, goddamn. And then he'll just go. I don't know enough car or carpentry words to throw him off like that. Floorboards, that's about it for me. You're a genius like that. That was it? That was it for you too?

I know a house is comprised of floorboards and a bit of glass, and then that's pretty much it. That's all I know about houses. So as a duo, hard and firm, you guys, let's let Mike Furman talk for a second. Hello. Because, yeah, let's hear his real voice. That's a good one.

Because you've never been on I Love Movies before. I have not. It's a pleasure to have you, considering you co-wrote the theme and all. Yes, it's great to be here. And you're a funny man in your own right. That's about 90% your work 10% Chris's right I wouldn't say that

There you go And has anyone threatened physical violence Or anything with you guys What do you call it When you have a worm in your brain What's it called You were almost there So technical

You and your technical talk There's that floorboard genius. Yeah. Some people find it haunting, I've heard. Oh, wow. Like they can't shake it. I don't know. Right when you called to ask us to do it,

Mike had just acquired a banjo, so he was all in like, hey, I want to make a banjo song. And then you called, and then it was perfect. And I was in my harmonica phase, where I thought, I'm in L.A., I'm sitting in my car for hours a day. I may as well learn harmonica while I'm driving. You know, like you do. And that's the only song I've ever recorded harmonica on.

And then I was kind of over it. So it was just enough to get your theme song, and I was like, ah, I should be driving safely. By the way, after your theme song, we never put a banjo or harmonica in any song since. That was pretty much it. No, that's good. I like that it's special. And I like that the harmonica while driving ordinance kicked in. So we're all much safer now.

Well, Mike literally can play everything. So to him, it's like, oh, we should have a bassoon in this song. How the fuck do you know how to play that? And then he's just, mer, mer, mer. That's how bassoon sounds. He just fakes it with his hands, too, right? Mer, oh, we should have a bassoon in this song. Like, how the fuck do you know how to play that? And then he's just... That's how bassoon sounds. He just fakes it with his hands, too, right? Mike, that's not a bassoon. That's a dog.

Oh, sorry. What are you doing? The guy who confuses dogs and bassoons. This week on SNL. So one of the things we talk about on I Love Movies, Mike Furman, is movies. Oh. I should have prepared.

Yeah. Well, no, you don't have to prepare anything. I watched a good portion of Black Dynamite today. I had Netflixed it. And I enjoyed what I saw, but I also really enjoyed the nap that it led to. Not an explosive movie? It was a twofer. Well, you know how it is when you rent a movie and you're laying on your couch watching it.

You're like, this is really fun. But sleep is fun, too. And then you know that that fun is, you can watch the rest of it later. It's not like I'm going to fall asleep five times through it like I did with trying to watch Harry Potter at home. The most recent one. What? It was like, watch some of it, nap. A couple days later, watch some more of it, nap.

Every time I was like, God, I wish I was Dumbledore at the end of this. Are you serious? Now, what are you saying, Chris? I don't know if you're outraged because I watched it or because I didn't like it. I didn't hate it. It was just hard to get through. Oh, okay. They're long movies yeah and it's just like whenever they start playing quidditch i'm like it's like curling on the olympics i don't know what is happening so why do i care well doug

there's a quaffle and then there's a golden snitch and you got to catch the golden snitch before the other team gets a quaffle of the hoop. What is so fucking hard about that? And there's flying on brooms. Have you gotten together like in a basement and played... Let's play Quidditch. Yay! Or just, you know,

any kind of game, you know, like Dungeons & Dragons but with Harry Potter. You could do that. It sounds like you know enough about it. That does sound like

a 3D Star Trek kind of thing. Like they'd have a 3D Quidditch board that you would have to move from here to here. Then X-9-3 to X-9-1. Right? Who's with me? Come on.

What? Really? That's so Ravenclaw. Come on, motherfuckers. What? Chris says the thing and responds. You're like a one- man ventriloquist I have to be most of the time

Right you don't normally You guys don't get interviewed together like this ever No Not that often What movies have you seen lately? I don't care where I saw An Education I got my wife is a screenwriter

So she gets all the preview I mean all the You know like Precious Right the stuff that you are It's illegal for you to watch it sir Yes My wife is a screenwriter, so she gets all the precious. Right, the stuff that it's illegal for you to watch it, sir. Yes, it is. She doesn't let me watch it. She watches it, then I just peek through the door. Oh, okay.

That's a great way to watch an education. Yeah. Through a peephole, the whole thing is very tawdry. If it's a good movie, she doesn't hear a big thud when I fall asleep standing up and what did you think of that girl in Education I think she's great yeah she's good yeah yeah

she's 24 when they made that okay so your thoughts are alright okay good good good the thoughts you were having

while you were watching like hey I wish that was Peter's song I was picturing her I was picturing her renting a car is that alright so good

we're okay no no no one more year one more year she can't rent a car. Is that all right? So good. We're okay. No, no, no. One more year. One more year. She can't rent a car yet. Shit. Somebody should make a countdown website

and then we can picture her at a Hertz counter. She's the girl of my dreams until I realized she couldn't rent a car. So I counted down the days. Oh my God.

Unfortunately, the last movie I saw was Miss Congeniality 2 In the theaters? No no no Wait a minute Like on TBS or something? Well because my girlfriend's on dinner and a movie

And so they send Oh so she has to research watch And you join in just for fun And I just ended up It was one of those movies where I just ended up getting sucked in for somehow Like oh I hope Miss Congeniality pulls through on this one

what do you think do you have any idea what the recipe's gonna be on that episode of Dinner in a Movie Miss Congeniality pie or something the puns get pretty bad

sometimes don't they I think it's gonna be piss congeniality and they're just gonna pee on a tea bag and that's gonna be the recipe thanksiality, and they're just going to pee on a teabag. And that's going to be the recipe. Thanks for watching. Great.

Now we're going to have another political movement on our hands. Yep. It's horrifying. The pee teabaggers. We don't like the teabaggers. We piss on the teabaggers. Literally. So wait a second.

Did you enjoy watching that? Like you watched it beginning to end? Yeah. Because it really was the worst of the Miss Congeniality trilogy. Yeah.

And I call it that because it felt like three movies. You know, Doug, Sandy signed on for the trilogy and I think Brett Ratner was going to direct

the third one and I don't knowner was going to direct the third one. And I don't know if that's still in development. Did I bum someone out? Weird moans on that one. The Brett Ratner fan club came out tonight. Because if you think X3 was good, you are the fucking Wizard of Wrong. That was a bad movie. X3 was not good.

You're pretty forgiving of stuff, though. You like movies that just kind of try, at least, you know? Yeah, because when you work on stuff or you work on a movie or a TV show, you realize that it's really hard to get shit made, especially because there are so many people adding notes to things, that it's a wonder, A, that anything gets made, period, and then, B, that anything gets made well. So when you watch a movie and it's not amazing, I'm a little more forgiving because I'm like, well, you know, they worked hard on that.

It's like a mob mentality. It's no one person's fault. Right. You can't really blame anybody. Right. Yeah, yeah. Making movies is hard. That's what's wrong with this country.

There's too many people in charge, I think. But, you know, that's why sometimes a movie comes, you know, catches everybody by surprise and is great because no one meddled with that person. Like somebody got lucky and made a movie. Like most of your great filmmakers, their first one was one of the best ones, if not the best one that they ever made. Because nobody's expecting anything. Because, yeah, they just got away with it somehow. They just snuck it out there. And the studios aren't smart enough to go, maybe if we just let the smart, creative people do their thing.

Instead, it's everyone wore gray shirts in the first one gray shirts all around for the sequel you're like fuck really yeah or it's or it's i made it a movie there's a huge hit so anything that i dream up will be awesome you know like so that leads to a lot of i have a cold i have a cold um all right so let's play build a title which i didn't even i haven't even told uh I have a cold. All right. So let's play Build a Title, which I haven't even told Mike how it's played in the briefing backstage, so that makes it even more fun. Or the weeks building up to the show. This is Build a Contestant right here.

I had plenty of chances to tell him, but he'll figure it out. You know how this works, Chris. I'll say the title of a movie, and you make the title longer by adding another movie's title to the beginning or the end of it is this like a wheel of fortune before and after it kind of is all right but it keeps going you get a nice long one until until there's stoppers on either end so it's like the or until i get bored with it which is fast some guy at the last episode of this show i don't know if you guys were the audience. You might be exactly the same people. But some guy said the last show with Greg Proobson and Gio Bielem that he said,

he wrote to me, you could not have sounded more bored. And it's just like, well, maybe that's my voice or something. Or I don't know. I thought it was... I think you should prove him wrong and sound more bored right now. So, let's play Build-A-Title. Mission accomplished.

No, maybe I was like that last week. I don't know. Mike, wake up. We're on the show. So let's start with Shutter Island. We'll do Shutter Island because I just came out and one guy in the audience just went,

Ow! I don't know if he hates it or wants to fuck it. I got one. Ow! Ow! I got one. Shutter Island of Nim. Bam!

That's also probably going to be a stopper. What starts with Nim? Shit. That's fine, though. Chris, I think you can add one to the front part, maybe. Nim the Secret of? Can I make the title of this? No, you can, you know, where the title that ends in shut would work.

Eyes Wide Shut. Eyes Wide Shutter Island of Nim. I like that just by itself. I think that's fun. Just Eyes Wide Shutter Island of Nim. Do you have to use the entire title? Or can you do like for your eyes? That's what we just did is we just used the shut part to get from Eyes Wide Shutter Island.

So I could do For Your Eyes Shutter Island of NIMH? Only? No, because then you're dropping the only. That's interesting you bring that up because people do that when I play the game on Twitter. Yeah, that's Australian rules. Ah, shit. It's Australian rules, Bill, the title. Yeah, that's an interesting distinction is people want to do that.

They want to drop their only. I wanted to do it just now. I'm trying to think of a title that ends in I's, because there's nothing that begins in Nim, I don't think. Nimfo? Is there a movie called Nimfo nim I don't think. Nympho? Is there a movie called Nympho? Probably. There has to be right? What about nymph? It should be. Wait. What is it?

In the Valley. Oh you're right. In the Valley? Well played sir. Although the porn industry did technically move to Valencia. Sorry. Listeners enjoy that half a thing that just happened Okay, so It is your responsibility to give everyone in the audience a microphone, Doug

I know, I don't know why I don't know what I was thinking with that Only the people on stage have microphones. Chris is revolutionizing podcasting. Oh, we should mention you have a podcast now. I do. Called The Nerdist. The Nerdist.

Which is also your name on Twitter, Nerdist. What's your name on Twitter, Mike Furman? Firm. P-H-I-R-M. Nice. Yeah. I can't believe you got there first. Yeah, right?

I did. You think some spam would show up in your boxes and start off with firm. I had to buy it off a guy. Really? No. No. No.

In fact, if anybody wants it. No, nobody's buying anything off anybody on Twitter. It's always like, oh, they just went with the or real. Yeah, exactly. Or an underscore. In front of their name. Yeah, exactly. Oh, underscore.

God damn you, underscore. Let's bring out, the audience that's been sitting here has been very patiently looking at a stage that has a couple of empty chairs on it, and Chris and Mike are sitting strangely far away from me. It doesn't feel strange for me, actually. I like this distance.

Oh, okay. I thought you guys would come out and just sit right down, but that's good that you sat over there. It's easy to talk this way, because I can see you better than sitting right next to you. All right, well, I'm going to bring out some people to keep you from seeing me right now because we're going to add two people to these empty chairs. I thought it would be fun for the Leonard Maltin game this week since Hard and Firm are a team to bring out another musical team and have them compete. So please welcome my friends. They go professionally by Garfunkel and Oates.

Woo! Garfunkel and Oates. And Garfunkel is Ricky Lindholm. Hello. And Oates is Kate Micucci. And you guys never told me that that's how you're Garfunkel and you're Oates. Oh, we didn't tell you that? I just figured it out. How did you know? That's the kind of smart I am. Do you know whyfunkel and you're Rhodes oh he didn't tell you that I just figured it out

that's how that's the kind of smart I am do you know why because yeah tell me why you because Ricky is tall and blonde and I'm short

and have brown hair and if I'm not careful I'll have a mustache I I in my defense I did not think that mustache part

but everything else is that's exactly where I came up with it I thought of something for that title oh yeah yeah came up with it. I thought of something for that title. Oh yeah? Yeah. Mickey Blue Eyes. Nice. Or Snake Eyes.

Shit. What? Ricky's pretty smart. Probably Snake Eyes is better because not what movie ends with the word Mickey. What ends with snake? There's got to be something that ends with snake, right? What? Make Snake? What? Black snake.

That was a rhyming game. Alright, well, send in your answers to at who gives a shit on Twitter. There is probably someone with that name. No, people do write to me like, you should have added this title to it. Okay, well, that's

good. Do you have any riddling around? I need to get so excited about it. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. I'm going to grab a water from backstage. One second. Oh, wow. This guy really is real professional.

I love people on Twitter who don't understand sarcasm. And you write something sarcastic and they write back to you to explain to you why that thing was wrong. Oh, you know what those people are called? What? Everybody. You cannot write. Even if you have 17 followers and they're all people that actually know you,

if you write a joke that ends in a question mark, you will get answers. Yes. I always feel compelled, though, to take it seriously. I wrote a thing during the Grammys. I wrote, I wonder what T-Pain sounds like when he's singing. Right? It's just an auto-tune joke.

And somebody wrote, oh, here's a song that he sang. I was like, what? All right. And I listened to it, and I was like, you're right. He's pretty good. Okay, great. That's why if I made that joke, I'd put hashtag autotune joke at the end of it just to say, get it, fucker?

If you're not laughing already, maybe this will help. No one understands sarcasm on Twitter. That's what we were talking about while you were getting water. Sorry, I just went into a... I'm sorry, I went under the island to turn the crank and I went back in time, so here I am. Wow, that's really weird

that you would go and masturbate during the show. Listen, you gotta fly down under the island to turn the crank. Even if I have to jump into crevices of space

and time to crank one out, I will do it. That's how I get it done. It's called time jacking. Are you aware of that? All right, let's get some people for you guys to play for.

What's your name, sir? I've got some candy necklaces for you. Mark, quit throwing out candy necklaces while I'm doing this, Chris. All right, let's get some people for you guys to play for. What's your name, sir? I'm going to get some candy necklaces for you. Mark, quit throwing out candy necklaces while I'm doing this, Chris. All right, sorry, Doug. Yeah, that's yours. Jesus. What is it, Mark?

Mike? Mark. Mark. Okay, Mark. And who would you like to play for you, Hard and Firm or Garfunkel and Oates? The ladies. The ladies. All right, Hard and Firm.

Here we go. All right, mister. Anything you say, big boy. You're cute. Shut up, Kate. Okay, and what's your name? Matt. Matt, and so you get the gentleman playing for you.

Hard and firm will play for Matt. Yes, default. The best way to win. Remember, well, you guys still might win. Remember that Matt is who you're playing for. Good luck, Matt. And might win Remember That Matt is who you're playing for Good luck Matt And you guys remember That Mark is who you're playing for

Hey Mark Because that distinction The distinction between Matt and Mark I will never be able To make again I guarantee that Alright here we go

Very nice fellows But boy they're named similar Let's start with the ladies Would you like to try it? And you can discuss your thought process with each other, but don't give away too much to the other team if they're waiting to... I guess there's no steal in this game,

so I guess you can say whatever you want. Say whatever you want. Fuck it. Fuck it. Yeah. All right. You can do a movie from 2007 or 1993 or 1981. Where do you think?

And let me tell you the theme of the game today. It's all movies that take place. They're in or about the Winter Olympic Games. Oh, shit. Oh, God. In some respect. Kate's always excited about this. 2007. She says 2007. Okay. This is from 2007

and it's about, has something to do with the Olympic thing. And let me pick out something that Leonard Maltin had to say about it. He says, oh, look for Luke Wilson in a cameo. Wow, what a clue. There's a commercial for AT&T playing in the background In a scene Okay, so

I love that guy, I think he's great Alright, and 14 names You gotta start the bidding You can say 14 names You can jump down to a lower number How many names do you think you can get this movie in? Garfunkel

Six Garfunkel. Six. Wow. We can do it in six names. Garfunkel throws down six names. What does Firm have to say? Or Hard. Do it. Really?

Okay, six names. I think Kate slash Oates is feeling pretty confident. I really actually, I don't know, but I am excited. I like it. Okay. Either of you big Luke Wilson fans, have you been studying him

or following everything they didn't neither one of them look like that helped at all I've been following his Sprint commercials okay

he is so good in those commercials they're really good okay first name Remy Girard Remy Girard is somebody Remy Girard

then Tom Virtue that's a porn name crap no help but a classy one. Yeah. It is. Rob Corddry is in this.

William Daniels is in this. And Scott Hamilton. Blaze of Glory. That's correct. Fuck yeah! Motherfuck! I didn't even give you your six names. There was one more name that really gives it away.

It's Nick Swartzen is the next name. Then Andy Richter, Craig T. Nelson, all the way up to John Heder and Will Ferrell. Nice. And I love that movie. Whenever that movie's on TV and I'm flipping around, I stop and I'm just mesmerized by it. Sad to admit that, I guess.

People don't necessarily agree. Are you guys alright down there? What? We're good. You're going to get to start the next one. Oh, good. So you have a chance to get into this and possibly win something for these nice people. What are the Winter Olympics? Fantastic prizes.

I don't know. There are prizes? Really? Yeah. The winner gets a bag full of stuff that I don't want anymore. And sometimes it's garbage.

Sometimes it's awesome. Is it stuff from that gifting suite we went to? I think I've given all that away maybe. But yeah, it's all stuff. You re-gifted the gifting suite we went to? I think I've given all that away, maybe. You re-gifted the gifting suite? Yeah, but you know, it's fun to get a bag

full of stupid crap randomly that you'll go home and stick in a pile and eventually they'll make a TV show about you because you save too much stuff. It's happened to every one of us. We're all hoarders. Okay, I have trouble with this app sometimes finding my way around

and making sure it works right. That's because you're on a first gen iPhone, Doug. You should upgrade to the 3GS. Luke Wilson. Okay, 1993, this goes to Harden for me to decide.

1993, 81, or 79. What year would you like to guess for a Winter Olympic- What was the middle one? themed movie? 81. 93 or 79. 81? Furman's feeling 81.

It's too 81. I was just hoping you'd decide before 2011. Here we go. Really uncalled for, Doug. Let's go back and listen to the tape. That took you forever. And it was also the worst choice you could have made. No, you just sound bored.

I'm so bored right now. Sorry, I just jerked off in a time rift. What'd I miss? Was that that white cloud? How long have they been on the island, seriously? Like, how long? Like, two or three months. Oh, okay.

I know this whole big argument. Which reality stream are you talking about, Doug? Are you talking about the parallel stream in Los Angeles or the one that's back on the island? Okay, we got ten names here. All right, we'll talk about it. stream in Los Angeles or the one that's back on the island? Okay, we got ten names here. Alright, we'll talk about it. We have ten names. Alright.

Let's see. Leonard says about this movie that takes place in or around the Winter Olympics. He says, look for Charles Dance as a gunman. Sorry, Dave. Sorry.

That is the single worst clue I've ever given. Look for who is a what? This is a movie about the Olympics? No. There's no way, you guys. I could give you all the names but one, and nobody will get this. So let's play.

If I can just start with ten names or underbid there, Chris and Mike, if you want. They're going to discuss strategy briefly. Good idea. Eight. Eight? All right, eight names. What do you think? I think you guys should do it.

All right. All right. Ricky says name that movie. What happens if we miss it? Do we lose something? Then you completely lose. Matt loses a finger. We lose the entire game?

Like that's it? Yeah. Yeah, you're done. Oh shit, really? We'll play some more but yeah, you know. A lot of times you only have time

for like best team to get to two points so you know. Matt gets played by Katana. This show is actually sponsored this week by the Yakuza.

Wow. Wow. Yeah. All right. Well, every week I say so-and-so is a shithead. I name a person who's a shithead at the end of the show. And the losing person, which will be either Matt or Mark, I was going to name the one that is being represented by Hard and Firm, but I couldn't remember which one it was. Matt. Okay, so Matt, he's going to get to name the one that is being represented by Hard and Firm, but I couldn't remember which one it was.

Matt. Okay, so Matt, he's going to get to name, when he's on the losing side, he's going to get to name who the shithead is this week. So it's a great consolation prize. P.S., Matt, not paying attention to the show at all. Just staring at a weird space three feet above the floor. Just thinking about other things.

He's sitting very, you know, it's got to be awkward when you're sitting on the stage I never get those There's a few Broadway shows where there's seats on the stage Oh like Xanadu What the fuck am I doing up here Spelling Bee they make you get up and dance around Did you have to do it

No but the person I was with did it was awful They did not want to be up there Did they make you do a Charles dance He's a gunman in this movie you should look out for. Nice work. Thanks. That was really, that was masterful. Okay, so you get eight names?

Is that what we decided? Eight names, eight names. Okay, here we go, eight names. Walter Go-tel is in this. Oh, God. The Walter Co-tel. Lois Maxwell. Desmond Llewellyn.

Was this shot in the 30s? Lois Maxwell. Desmond Llewellyn. Starring in The Horse Who Can Dance. And Vivian Vance. William Frawley. Cassandra Harris as Aunt Matilda. Jill Bennett. Are we still doing a bit, or are these actual names?

These are real names. I would throw out a Jill Bennett for that game. That kind of went off track a little. We needed another name like Hildegard Fornbush. Fornbush as... Okay, these are real names now. Julian Glover Lynn Holly Johnson

Oh, this might give it away actually Topol What, Topol? The smoker's tooth polish? Yes Isn't that a mineral? What is it? Topol

Thank you Thank you, one guy So there's at least several people in this room right now And then lots of people listening to the podcast who from Lois Maxwell, Desmond Llewellyn, Lynn Holly Johnson, and Topol know exactly what this movie is. It couldn't be any other movie.

There's no other movie it could ever possibly be than this one movie. So if that doesn't give it away for you, then you're not going to get it. Is it winter-themed or specifically Olympic-themed? It takes place in or at or around the Winter Olympics. Like in winter? The Winter Olympics games.

Could it be in Australia in winter, like in the sun? He's saying it takes place in the Winter Olympics. Why do you think it's Australia all of a sudden? What gave that idea? I'm saying that would have nothing to do with the Winter Games if it just took place in winter in some other country. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, for instance, the movie Australia has nothing

to do with the winter games. That is correct. Do you have any more questions? Then good. Before giving up. The girls are talking feverishly like they want to steal it. No, Kate knows who Topol is. It took me a while, but I figured it out.

Topol's been in like four movies. And this isn't Fiddler on the Roof. Is Topol an animal or is Topol a person? I just started singing If I Were a Rich Man to Ricky because I couldn't remember the name. If I Were a Rich Man. And for some reason in here it says Haim in front of his name in parentheses. Like, whose first name is in parentheses?

Like, well, let's not get too crazy about... Let's not dwell on what my first name is. It's just in parentheses. You know, like in a song. No, Topol is from Russia. First names are only implied. Therefore, in parentheses. Was that the movie?

Crazy Gideon just ran in here. Hey! It went nuts. I'll fuck your face whole. You guys, it's not going to come to you. Was Topol the last one? It's not that kind of thing. Was that the giveaway? No, it's not the giveaway come to you. It's not that kind of thing. Was that the giveaway?

No, it's not the giveaway. The giveaway will be the next two names because you only get eight out of the ten. And the next name won't give it away either. Don't worry, girls. It's not... Carol Bouquet. Can we...

Damn it. Can we just start naming movies? What do you mean just start naming movies? Can't you just start throwing out like moving violations? Narrow it down to something where there's snow maybe.

Where there's scenes of snow. Hotdogging. There you go. Hotdog the movie. That's it. What? Holy shit, dude.

Is it? No, it's not. Fuck you, man. Oh, man. That was about to be awesome. If Topol was in Hotdog in the movie, I would love it.

Okay, so let's just see. Somebody yell it out when they know. Losers. No, no, no. That made me so sad. It was horrible that that loser guy died, losing, but they're constantly going,

oh, the loser who died, oh, that loser died. It just sounds like they're insulting him every time to me. Fuck that loser. Okay, that loser died. It just sounds like they're insulting him every time to me. Fuck that loser. Okay, here we go. It does make me want to write a parody. Lois Maxwell played Miss Moneypenny

in all the James Bond movies until she was finally too old to do it. Desmond Llewellyn played Q, the gadget guy. Lynn Holly Johnson in this movie played an Olympic skater who was competing in the Olympics and Topol, I don't know what the fuck he was doing in there So it was a James Bond movie

And the lead actor was named Roger Moore You Only Live Twice I think one of those words is in here It's called For Your Eyes Only Maybe the clue should have been Sheena Easton sang the theme song Then I would have gotten it

That would have made it too easy If I made it about music You guys love music more than you love movies I love movies more than I love music I love music more than movies We're at I Love Movies Why does that get a boo? He's just waiting for a comedy death ray to start

He doesn't even like this show He just came in to get out of the beautiful weather that get a boo. He's just waiting for a comedy death ray to start. Yeah. He doesn't even like this show. He just came in to get out of the beautiful weather. It's really nice outside. I want to go in and watch some nerds talk about movies.

Play games that don't make any sense. What a fucked up way to live my life. Yeah, you guys lost. Are we doing the other one? The thing that sucks about that is that it's not really a Winter Olympic movie. It just had a skater in it, right?

Well, I think I was kind of clear about how fucked up the whole thing was. Okay, okay. The whole time, saying things like, well, you're never going to get this. Kate and I think we know the other answers. Okay. Let's keep playing. Let's see if you can really bury these guys. Let's turn this into what was the last big sporting event where there was a major...

Forget it. I don't know shit about it. Yeah, it's Quidditch. Quidditch. Who am I talking to? Okay, here we go. Rolling, maybe. Let's do one from 1993.

You want to do 1993? It's an Olympics movie. And you got like only six names, interestingly enough. That's kind of a clue. And then what's his name? Leonard Maltin, my good friend. Leonard Maltin said, oh, uh. That's a patently poor quote.

Is this a private message Leonard Maltin sent you? You stumbled upon? I just got a booty call from Leonard Maltin. Booty text. Let's just say family-oriented feel-good movie

is one of the things he said. Most of the things he said give it away because it's a very singular motion picture. As opposed to the family horror movies. That's another clue. All right.

So six names. You start the bidding with Ricky and Kate. Okay, four names. They say four names. I think I know what the movie is. One name. Damn. Chris Dixie knows it.

He goes all the way to one name. So you guys could say zero names or name that movie. Zero names. Zero names. What the fuck am I trying to do? Son of a fuck! The only one who's played before didn't know how to do that.

I can name it in minus one name. I will give you a name from the movie. That's nothing if you already know it. Wait, wait, wait! Unprecedented! Unprecedented! I like this. He said he'd give one name.

She says she'll give two names. Can you give us the name of the movie and three names, Chris Hardwick? That's awesome. Yes, I can give you three names in the movie. He says he'd give three names. Oh, we only have two. They've only thought of two?

Wow, this is like family. Do you actually have three names? I think I do. I think I do. I think I do. I think he's got three names. People are on their feet. We've only got two names.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Stay seated, guitar holder. I'm nervous. I'm actually nervous. Because what if we're all in a different movie? So you can't do it in four names. No. Okay, so Chris, three names and then the title of the movie to keep it dramatic. Moira Kelly.

No. What? Shit! We're going to see one? No! Wait, let's do a different one. I thought it was the cutting edge. Can I name the director?

Can I name the director? It's not the cutting edge. Fuck! We got it. Cool Runnings? Yeah, that's the movie. Cool Runnings. Yeah!

Directed by John Turtletaub. Directed by John Turtletaub. Directed by John Turtletaub. Who directed While You Were Sleeping. That catapulted him into directordom. And then he directed While You Were Sleeping, which is my favorite movie. A, I'm disappointed in myself for getting it wrong. B, I'm disappointed that I know three actors

from The Cutting Edge. Wait, so who else were you going to say? D.B. Sweeney. D.B. Sweeney, Terry O'Quinn. Oh, yeah, Terry O'Quinn.ey, Terry O'Quinn was another name, too. Oh, yeah, Terry O'Quinn, the great Terry O'Quinn. Yep. Always, Chris always brings it back to Lost.

Well, I just like to think of The Cutting Edge as a different time stream of Locke's life. All right, so Cutting Edge was another one that you could have ended up playing today. That was in there, of course. Because I found out there's basically six movies that take place in or around or during the Winter Olympics. Or is it five? Five movies.

Miracle. Miracle is another one. Ice Castle. And Ice Castle is the other one. Yeah. Wow. Shut it down. 71 was Ice Castle.

Shut it down. I was going to guess 71 because I knew it was Ice Castle. There's no other ice movies. All right, let's give away. Was Slapshot an Olympic movie or just a hockey movie? They just played hockey. Better Off Dead has a ski racing. Mighty Ducks, but no Olympics.

You know, I meant were there scenes at an Olympics. I'm sorry if it was vague, but fuck you. This whole mountain is pure snow. Do you know the value of this mountain? I can't feel the left side of my body. Oh, you won. Mark. Hi, Mark.

Mark won. Mark won a lot of great stuff. Mark won a heinous anus there fuckdiculous t-shirt from... Yay, Mark. That's my shirt that's on donkeytees.com. He also won a copy of Dirty Laundry. It's a book with a bunch of essays in it with people like Kevin Neal and Randy Sklar, Laura Silverman, and Doug Benson. My name's actually even on the cover.

It's called Dirty Laundry. It's also available on seven audio discs. So buy those seven audio discs to hear me talk for four minutes. And I'll check this out from our good friends at Formula 420, Soak and Rinse. You can take any kind of item that you might use to smoke tobacco with, legally. This guy really likes it.

You can clean it if you pour this into a bowl and put it in there. You can always trust a bottle with an inkjet sticker on the front. And then also you have a copy of the screenplay of 500 Days of Summer. So, like, you know, meet a girl and give that to her. That was an all right movie. And now I've got to find out who you want to call a shithead.

Just whisper it into my ear. Does it have to be somebody from the game? Or can it be like Jeff from Counties? Anybody you want. Yeah, it can be anybody you want. And nobody ever picks somebody that they hate in real life. They always pick somebody that's in the movies. And I appreciate the spirit in which they do that.

Plugs. Let's do some plugs. What do you guys got coming up? I can do mine first and you guys can think about yours sure you can confer with one another uh what plugs you want to like this podcast this is uh we're taping this on february 23rd right so uh it'll come out for people listen to around so think about that around the 27thth, something like that. As the listeners of the show know, it never comes out on any kind of specific schedule, and it never bothers any of them.

I never hear from anybody when it hasn't been posted yet, and they're anxious to hear it. Only when you use sarcasm. They're very polite, and they keep to themselves about it. Okay, so... That sounds like the Internet I know. They just totally wait patiently, and they occasionally send me a request for my address so they could send me money. Oh, wow.

And I'm like, you're just going to come and kill me, John Lithgow. We'll keep this. Let's keep this on email. I'm going to be at Parler Live in Bellevue, Washington, March 4th through 6th. The next Benson Interruption in Los Angeles at Largo will be on March 8th. I'm going to be at Cap City in Austin, Texas, March 9th through 11th, sort of some

almost like pre-South by Southwest kickoff show kind of thing. And then follow me on Twitter because on March 7th, or unfollow me on March 7th because I'm going to be live tweeting the Oscars on March 7th, or unfollow me on March 7th, because I'm going to be live-tweeting the Oscars on March 7th. So listen to that, or read it, and enjoy it,

or, like I said, unfollow me. Hard and firm, where are you going to be? What's going on? I don't know if we have any... You had all that time to think about it. We have plugs. We have individual plugs. We just don't have a duo plug.

Yeah, plug individually. I have an album that I'm finishing in April that I've been working on for like three years. So I will be putting out an album. It's called Chinese Democracy 2. Where can people get it? I would trust it will be on iTunes and or my website, which I haven't built yet.

Under your name, Mike Furman, or is it just Firm? Mike Furman. And can I say I've heard a bunch of it, and it's fucking awesome. His album is amazing. So when it comes out, you should pick it up, or you're an asshole. That's so great that you guys respect each other's work. You should team up and do some stuff. That's a great idea.

And then, Chris, what do you got coming up? New season of Web Soup on G4. It's a network. Premieres March 3rd. Some people are like, G G4 is that on the internet come on dive into deep cable yeah

let's do it third tier cable come on you just keep dialing up your channel line up until the air gets thin and you start I can't breathe up here

and then G4 is around there and so new web soups March 3rd it's going to be Wednesday nights right after attack of the show the Nerdist podcast is up now

Adam Carolla was this week's guest. And we're going to start doing Nerdist live at Largo every month starting April 5th. And the first guest will be Adam Savage of Mythbusters. So you can go see that show at Largo on April 5th. And also at the Punchline this week, the 24th and the 27th of February.

Which one is Adam, the one that debunks myths or the one that helps him debunk myths? He's the one that helps debunk myths. Oh, okay. Yeah. And Garfunkel and Oates have been

playing some dates. I saw them at the House of Blues opening for Motion City soundtrack and it was, you guys were fantastic. Thanks.

It was a great show. It was fun. So where else can people see you in the next few weeks? Anywhere? Tonight we're playing Comedy Death Ray right after this. Okay, so get your time machine, podcast listeners.

I mean, yeah. March 5th, we have the Garfunkel Notes Hour. Right here at UCB. In Los Angeles. So go to UCBtheater.com. We're playing comics in New York. 19th and 20th of March. Denison University, March 7th. Sure. And then we go to Australiath of March. Denison University, March 7th.

Sure. And then we go to Australia. The night of the Oscars, March 7th. Really? Damn it. That's weird. March 6th. March 6th.

Saturday, March 6th. Boom. And then Alaska? Australia. That's what I thought you said. In April. What's going to happen down there? Melbourne Comedy Festival.

Nice. Yeah. Very cool. And if there's anybody listening to the podcast that hasn't seen Garfunkel Notes, you should Google Garfunkel Notes and watch their videos online. They're really funny.

Oh, yeah. They have lots of videos that you can watch and listen to and do whatever else you want while you're doing that. And we have an album on iTunes. What's that? And we have an album on iTunes. Oh, there's an iTunes album, too. That's awesome.

So I'll say the ending line of the show. Can you guys set up for the... Let's have a live version of the closing theme. And thanks to everybody for listening. And thanks to Hard and Firm for writing such an endearing... People will love this song for ages. Jeff held the guitar. He was great at it.

If he'd have smashed it over your head right then, I would have thought that was kind of funny. All right, and you guys ready? Yeah. As always, D.B. Sweeney is a shithead. Well done. Well played, man. Are you ready?

Ready. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you

cause Doug loves movies Thank you, Doug. Thank you, everybody. We'll see you next week.