Doug Loves Movies - Dominic Monaghan, Paul Scheer, and Rob Huebel Guest

Episode Date: August 6, 2013

Doug welcomes actors Dominic Monaghan, Paul Scheer, and Rob Huebel to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seats with 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies. Hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Love, Love, Love, Movies. You're getting there. Pittsburgh kicked your asses. Pittsburgh, every single person chimed in with that.

It was nuts. And we're coming to you from our frequent Tuesday night home, the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in Los Angeles. It's August 6th, 2 Oceans 13. Let me see your name tags, LA. Now, what is that license plate? How am I supposed to get a name out of that? Oh, Mike, it's on the back.

You're supposed to put your shithead on the back. Bert and Ernie album? And your name is Bert? That's what it says, right? Okay. Bert actually can speak, though. What do you got over there in the corner?

Like a noose or something? A rodeo rope? Oh, it's a snake? Oh, it's a rope. But it looks like there's something hanging out of its mouth on the end there. That's your name tag? And what's your name?

Alright, Griffin. You should have brought a lion that has wings. Stupid Griffin. Thanks for all the nice comments on Twitter regarding the horrible sound quality of the Pittsburgh episode. The whole thing sounded like we were in a stadium

and that we had Lou Gehrig's disease. Remember that movie? He made a speech. Okay. But yeah, thanks for putting up with that. And it was a super fun show. And if you listen to it, just as people have said on Twitter, pretend the entire thing takes place

inside Carol Ann's television set in Poltergeist. That'll make more sense. Since last I spoke with an echo and you listened, I saw Iron Man 3 on the trip home on both flights. Yeah, I haven't done that in a long time. I watched the movie all the way through from beginning to end, back to back, on two different flights.

And because I was lukewarm about it when it came out, I had some issues with it. And, you know, when you're sitting on a plane and there's nothing to do but watch it twice, it's really grown on me. I really like it a lot. I have very few gripes with it now. So congratulations, everyone involved, especially United Airlines. Thursday night, I'll be at the Grand Theater in Salem, Oregon. And I'm not saying it isn't selling well, but there's 264 seats available. Do they get podcasts in Salem, Oregon?

Maybe not. You know, Portland, Eugene, road trip, you know what I'm saying? Saturday I'm doing a stand-up show at 420 at Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin. And then Sunday's Doug Lo's Movies there is sold out. So you just never know which markets are going to be...

New York City! There's a dependable market. Doug Lowe's Movies at the Gramercy Theater on Monday, September 9th. Goes on sale tomorrow at noon. You're probably hearing this after tomorrow at noon, so it's on sale. And I've already booked one of your favorite guests. The prize bag's got a lot of fun stuff in it

Anthony Jesselink is not here but I just did his TV program and Jesselink Offensive so someone tonight is getting a beautiful Jesselink Offensive backpack since it says Jesselink Offensive on it if somebody comes up to you and goes nice backpack you can go, shut up, cunt. I was laughing in my head when I thought of that as I pulled the bag out of the bag.

Somebody brought a Venture Brothers bobblehead. Again, no one involved with Venture Brothers is here. This T-shirt I can't quite show you yet. Can I show you this one? Oh, yeah, an Anthony Justinick offensive t-shirt. It's not my size, man. So I have to pay that shit forward. We got a comic book in here that we'll talk about.

We got a Doug Loves Movies button that was made by a fan. And let's get the guests out here. Please welcome Paul Scheer, Rob Hubel, and Dominic Monaghan. You have to clap until they come out. Dominic Monaghan brought the first season of Lost, you guys. Let's hear it for him. First time guest brings the best prize you could possibly win.

And it says, what does it say on the front? Oh, what does it say? There's a little pun on the front. Oh, get lost. You cunt. Love, Dominic. That's sweet. I've never said this E word more than once

in an episode. I'm excited about this record-breaking achievement. Here's, I bequeath to you a small card with the rules on it. So since you're a first-time guest, if you could just learn

them all very quickly. This is a great addition to the show, the card with the rules on it. You like it? I love it. You need your reading glasses. Yeah, it's very tiny.

It's all the rules except for a couple crucial ones you might need. Well, that's all right. And important things like don't say that so-and-so is a shithead on the back of your name tag. Paul Scheer is here, everybody. And he brought... Hello.

He brought the Venture Brothers bobblehead. A Venture Brothers bobblehead. And then this is from MTSF SDSUV. It's a special thing that we released at Comic-Con. I don't know what it is. It's a little picture. And it was only at Comic-Con, so that's kind of cool. And then I have a comic book that I wrote that's issue three,

so you have to go back if you like it. Aliens vs. Parker. Aliens vs. Parker. Yeah, this is a good way to get people hooked on it. Give away the third one. Jump into the third one. Then go backwards. It's like, right,

then you can pretend that the other two are prequels. And this one's called Aliens versus Parkour? Yeah. Question mark? Yeah, like a little joke on the front.

We like that. I do like that. Oh, because, by the way, if you're not seeing it, they're doing some parkour moves. Anyway, go ahead. And Rob Hubel is here. Thank you, Doug.

I'll just say this, and then I'll be silent for the rest of the show. Whoa, no, you have to participate through the whole thing. No, uh-uh, I'm going to say this. I'm here to win. Whoa. Whoa. Wow. It's so hard to do without talking. Have I ever won before?

I don't know if you have. I don't think you have. There have been some heartaches. Yeah, you were on with Jesselnik once, and he knew both movies quite handily, but it was just two movies he happened to be very fond of. They were both about cancer. 50-50. movies quite handily but it was just two movies he happened to be very they were both they're both about cancer yeah 50-50 and in terms of endearment those

are probably the best two yeah right I ranked them one and two of the cancer well I would always say it's the best movie about cancer and an astronaut that's terms of Endearment. Because there's not many of those. The right stuff, I love all the astronaut stuff, but there's hardly any cancer stuff. There's barely any cancer. And 50-50 is the best movie with cancer and Seth Rogen. Well, yeah, and I will say Space Cowboys is a close second for astronauts and cancer,

but a little bit more depressing. Wait, what about, what was Tom Cruise's dad dying of in Magnolia? Was that anything to do with cancer? It was definitely terminal. Yeah. He didn't come back from it. He was on a drip. Yeah, he was definitely on a drip. That's definitely in my top two. His eyes flicker.

Could have been cancer. That was probably my least favorite part of that movie, though. The Jason Robards part? Yeah, because all his frogs are falling from the sky, and he's just laying there dying. Boring. He didn't even get to touch any of those frogs. Run, be scared.

Yeah, do something. I think he was already dead at that point. Well, technically. Rob Hubel brought a T-shirt. Yeah. It's a T-shirt that has a picture of me on the front of it, and it says, oh, fuck, baby New Year. And I'm crying.

It seems like this shirt was given to you, and then you're re-gifting it. I don't think that's the case. It seems like a fan has made this shirt from our popular show, Crash Test. I don't think that's the case. And they gave it to you, and you're like, I'm going to get rid of it at a different venue.

That's not how I remember it. It looks way too big for you as well, Rob. It looks like the type of T-shirt that you wouldn't wear due to size. These are all accusations that have yet to be proven. You should give that to your lady friend so she can wear it and be like, that's my man. Oh, fuck baby. I didn't tell you my girlfriend died of cancer.

Oh, my God. And she was just about to go up in the space shuttle, right? I know, yeah. So sad. Oh my God. She was just about to go up in the space shuttle, right? I know, yeah. Did you guys hear my new thing I say after I make love to a woman?

No. Boom, you just want a baby. Have you guys heard of Simbering? Do you know what Simbering is? No. Oh, this is gross. Oh, I like this. I'm going to lose a lot of followers on Twitter.

No, no, I want to hear what Simbering is. That's what it's all about, bro. Wait, I like this. I'm going to lose a lot of followers on Twitter. No, no, I want to hear what's simpering. That's what it's all about. That's the important thing. What's your Twitter handle? Monahan with a G? Dom's Wild Things or Dominant Monahan. Yeah, yeah, okay. So simpering is when you have sex with a lady

or a man, I guess. Sure. And after you ejaculate, you grab some of the fluid and put it across their forehead saying, Simba. I like that. It's a classic. I like that a lot. I hope no one ever does that to me.

I predict by the end of this episode that will happen. It's kind of our new ritual. When you lose, that's what we're going to do. I don't like that. I think that's a bad thing. You really need to win today. No! Now, Dominic has a TV program I'd like to talk about. I know this is

Doug Lowe's movies, but tell us about your show. You go out into the shire and you and you... And you... You find bugs and snakes. Kind of. Very dangerous ones?

Yeah, some of the places do look like the Shire. Wild Things is my attempt to change people's ideas about animals that most people are scared of. Snakes, spiders, bats, scorpions, wasps, bees, ants, moths. You'll really bring home your point when one of them kills you. Yeah, that is true. Well, I was going to say, are you nervous?

I mean, the Steve Irwin, I'm nervous for you now. Wait, what happened to Steve Irwin? Rob, let's just say he went up to space. I got to get out of here. I can't do this show. I mean, do you take precautions? How many precautions do you take? I wear like two or three condoms. Okay, good.

And you Simba'd most of these animals. Yes. No, I mean, the Steve Irwin thing was obviously a freak occurrence. He was playing around with dangerous wild animals and happened to be killed by one, but he wasn't doing anything to the animal that was dangerous. He was swimming over essentially an underwater hill, and there was't doing anything to the animal that was dangerous. He was swimming over, essentially, an

underwater hill, and there was a stingray on the top, and it just shocked him and stabbed him. Yeah, he could have easily been killed by snakes and crocodiles and all that kind of stuff. It just happened that he was essentially struck by lightning. It was an accident. That thing was trying to hug him. Yeah, maybe. I like it.

It got excited. But have you gotten into a situation where you get nervous when something jumps out and bites you? Yeah, you get nervous. I mean,. It got excited. But have you gotten into a situation where you get nervous when something jumps out and bites you? Yeah, you get nervous. I mean, I think that helps you do what you're supposed to be doing. If you're handling dangerous animals, you have to have a certain amount of adrenaline or nerves associated with it.

Otherwise, you're not going to be on that edge where you kind of need to be to make sure it doesn't hurt you. What's the scariest one that you've dealt with? Moth. Or tell us about the one that you found one that was so rare or new that you actually got to name it. Well, actually, a biologist that I was with

when we went to Laos, we were collecting spiders outside of this cave that we were going into to find the world's largest spider. And he had said to me while we were collecting spiders, he said, if we find a new species, you can name it. And I said, what's the chances?

And he said, pretty good, because there's been maybe two Western crews in that cave before. And we collected a bunch of spiders. He emailed me and said, one of them is a new species. Do you want to name it? And I said, yeah, I'll name it the Monaghan spider. That's called immortality.

That's amazing that's pretty awesome I think I stepped on a monohan the other day that spider killed the human race we gotta stop these monohans monohan spider zero come on that's cool right

well that's super cool and like Paul was saying don't make us worry too much Come on, that's cool, right? I love that. Well, that's super cool. And like Paul was saying, don't make us worry too much. No, no. We're as careful as we can be. We travel with a medic. We travel with certain types of anti-venom if we were to need anti-venom. Wear a suit of armor at all times. I think you would be totally fine.

That's totally true. You might not be as dexterous as you need to be to tell a TV show, but it would be safer. If an animal attacks you, is it true that you can just jam your finger up their butthole? Any animal across the board. I mean, assuming it has a butthole where 95% of animals have

buttholes. I don't know. I would say try it. Try it. And if it doesn't work, move on to an eye poke because that's pretty universal as well. And don't know. I would say try it. Try it. And if it doesn't work, move on to an eye poke because that's pretty universal as well. And don't tweet to me if Paul's statistic was wrong. I'm not going to do the research.

I'm not a scientist. I'm guessing 95%. There's 5% lacking buttholes. Yeah, yeah. Some people I know. Those are mostly snakes and insects, right? Yeah. I would say a starfish

does not have a butthole. Right in the center. That's its mouth, you idiot! Same difference, bro. Starfish doesn't have a brain. How's that? Really? What is it? You mean what's there? I mean, what motivates it?

Like, why does it go to college and get a job if it doesn't have a brain? What is the starfish thinking? Like how's it gonna get famous? Yeah. How do you decide what movie to go see without a brain?

Like what drives it if it doesn't, like how does it have any? It's so sad to be halfway there. It's a star already. It's a starfish. But it's not famous. That's fucked up.

It's got like rudimentary nerve things that wouldn't resemble our type of brain that tell it to move forward and eat shit. But it doesn't go, oh, I'd rather have a Reuben than a corned beef sandwich. It's not that sophisticated. It needs to move and eat.

What animal does prefer Reubens over corned beef sandwiches? Rhinoceros. Yeah, rhinoceros. Everybody loves that. Everybody does. I didn't know that. Paul and Rob, two-thirds of Human Giant,

they are again co-starring together in a motion picture called Hell Baby that is on Video On Demand and iTunes right now. I play R. Hubel. And I play P. Shear. Yes, but my name is spelt wrong,

oddly. That's a fuck you to me. I'm sure people get Hubel accurate about 95% of the time. I can't talk about it. But you guys also have your other projects going on. You've got a bunch of stuff. Well, I want to say one thing. If people haven't seen it yet,

I do this thing called the Arsirio Paul Show. Thank you. I dress up like Arsenio Hall. We recreated the set, and then we recreate classic interviews from the Arsenio Hall Show verbatim and improvised. Rob plays the ultimate warrior. Can I ask a black person, and I don't

mean to put you on the spot. Is this racist? Wait, Rob, you're at UCB. Is it racist? It's cool. Yeah, it's fine. Is it cool with you, or is it cool with like for a white person to dress up like Arsenio Hall? I'm told by 95% of black people. The 5% of

black people without buttholes are not cool with that. But they're not cool with most stuff. They're really pissed off. They're really irritable. They don't have a butthole. They don't like a lot of things But yeah we have Hubel's The Ultimate Warrior

Seth Rogen's Gary Coleman Alison Brie's Madonna Max Greenfield's Vanilla Ice You did it again Having a white guy play Gary Coleman Yeah well and then I also have June Diane Rayfield playing Andrew Dice Clay So it all works out

But you should say that they are verbatim Like there's no Like you watch it, and then you can also go to YouTube and watch the real original interview, and it's verbatim. It's crazy shit. Tupac Shakur says he wouldn't take an AIDS test

for poetic justice unless he could fuck Janet Jackson. And that was on a talk show. He's like, if I'll fuck Janet Jackson, I'll take seven AIDS tests. But I'm not taking AIDS tests just to kiss her. That is real. How is he doing? I haven't heard.

He is up in space right now. Well, he did Coachella recently. He was trying to go over a hill underwater. We actually have Hologram Tupac in our Sherio Hall. He plays MC Hammer,

but his card is him as a Hologram Tupac, and it's amazing. He draws all those tattoos himself. Quality. Rob, you're in a cartoon on Saturday nights? I'm in a cartoon called Axe Cop. Yeah. With Nick Offerman.

Nick Offerman is Axe Cop, and Ken Marino, and Patton Oswalt, and Peter Serafinowicz, and a lot of very funny people. That's a comic that's written by the five-year-old kid. He's a five-year-old monster. He's not a five-year-old kid. He's a...

You know, you give a network TV show to a five-year-old, and then they want their dick sucked all of a sudden. And I'm not going to do that. I will not do that. No matter. Everyone turn on me. Did you see that? Didn't like that.

What's he called? Simpane? Yeah, no, he's adorable. He's great. No, he is. I actually haven't really met him. The only time I met him was at Comic-Con, and we had to do a signing, and he was at the head of the table. I'm sure he's

very nice. I hope he doesn't listen to this podcast. He was ahead of me at the signing table and there was a poster for Axe Cop and we're all supposed to sign our name. He just had a huge Sharpie and just wrote he just would write his

one letter from his name. He'd just go like and then slide it down to you and be like, fuck you. And he's like five. So it's like, what can you say? It's like, well, thank you. That's adorable.

I saw him at Comic-Con two years ago and he had taken Sharpies and painted his face like an Indian and was yelling and spitting at people coming to the booth. That's not a joke. That's actually real. He is five, though, right? Well, back then he was probably four, yeah. Well, now I think he's seven.

I don't know him at all. I'm sure he's super funny. I'm trying to be funny about this child. If I were given a TV show when I was five, I would build a double jet ski, like a jet ski on top of a jet ski, and then put pocket pussies in each one. You're very sexual active at five years old.

Yeah, five-year-old sexual maniac. Do you guys remember the name of the film about the little kid who becomes a gangster? He runs his... Angels in the Outfield? Oh, no. That was the one with Scott Baio, right? Where they're all

like little kids Bugsy Malone no not Bugsy Malone there's a anyone know it's a modern day film it's color it's like circa

1992 93 little kid little kid becomes he starts to like run the show in his neighborhood like

wait Fresh Fresh that's a real movie that's a tight film he's like eight. What, the black guy knew that? Kills everyone. It's a fucking great film.

I'm a little black. Wait, he kills people? Yeah, he kills people. He goes to the kingpin. He's like an eight-year-old kid? Wow. He goes to the kingpin and takes out everyone, including the kingpin. I'm very excited to see this movie.

Yeah, Fresh. Netflix that. Hulu plus it. Reminded me a little bit of Belly. I'm very excited to see this movie. Yeah, fresh. Netflix that. Hulu plus it. Reminded me a little bit of Belly. You know that? Oh, I remember Belly, yeah. It's a little bit like Belly in its tone. I like it.

I'm in. Fair enough. Have you been to the movies lately, or are you too busy with the bugs? No, I saw Pacific Rim and Wolverine recently. How were those? First of all, the Wolverine, let's be clear. Oh, excuse me.

Yeah. I liked one of them. I didn't really like the other one. Can I guess? This is a fun game. I would guess that you did not like Wolverine. No, it was either way around. Yeah, really?

Wolverine's getting better reviews than Pacific Rim. Really? Yeah. I haven't seen either yet. Well, that makes me want to go see Wolverine. I had a lot of respect for Wolverine in the sense that

it kept it all in Japan. I thought, yeah, man, that's key. And it's a sequel. It's way in the future. Yeah, yeah. And I thought,

oh, they're going to start in Japan and have a Japanese tone to the film, but then bring it back to America and blow it up.

But they didn't. They kept it all in Japan. That was kind of beautiful. I like that. I want to see it. Pacific Rim I liked, but I think, I don't know, I feel like I expected something different. And the scale of it was so...

The idea of it is so exciting that everybody sort of has their own movie in it. What did the audience think? What did they decide? Did you guys like it? Pacific Rim? Tepid. Tepid. Anyone see The Wolverine?

No. For an audience at a show called Doug's Love... You know what I'm about to say. I burned you either way. They're here instead of watching these movies. Doug loves Moogly's. For an audience...

That doesn't sound right. I saw an amazing movie on Friday. I saw The Spectacular Now. There you go. Oh, good. And it's only in four theaters right now, but I think it's coming out to more. But it's awesome.

It's like a... Did you have fun buying your ticket? I like one for The Spectacular Now. Give me my fucking ticket. Damn you, Fandango. All the fun I would have had at that theater. No, I buy my tickets online, bro. Oh, shit.

You could have that joke with the computer, though. I could have. For your own laughs. Yeah. But it's awesome. I say it's like a modern day say anything. It's really great. Performances are awesome.

Huge cast, right? Yeah, it's a giant cast. You know, Coach Taylor, he has a real name too. Kyle Chandler. Kyle Chandler is amazing in it. He's great. And Miles Teller, great. Shailene Woodley.

Everyone, everyone. Not a bad performance. I did a movie with Shailene Woodley. Oh, here we go. No big deal. Clooney, Clooney, Clooney. No big deal. Go ahead and drop it.

George Clooney. It's deal. Go ahead and drop it. George Clooney. It's called The Descendants. That's a movie that gets better to me every time I see it. Because the first time I saw it, I went in thinking it was going to be... Because it's the most dramatic of Alexander Payne's movies, I think. It's pretty serious all the way through. The commercials showed him running in flip-flops. But in the movie, you're not laughing at him.

You're like, this is fucked up. And that's sort of how the whole movie is. It's not really a laugh riot even though there's clever lines and stuff and you're funny. Wait, was she dying of cancer?

She was in a coma. She was in a coma. Could have been a cancer coma. Could have been cancer. For all we know, she got cancer while she was in the coma. Exactly.

We never knew. They never tested us. Yeah, exactly. That's why you gotta go, you gotta get into the script notes and figure out what it is. You while she was in the car. Exactly. We never knew. They never tested us. They never didn't tell us. Yeah, exactly. That's why you've got to go, yeah, you've got to get into the script notes and figure out what it is. You've got to put that in the list. I would think you would know that situation. Well, yeah, you, as an actor, you have to do research on your character. So didn't you build a character backstory for her?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Good point. Yes, I did. What was your question? Did I build a character backstory? I don't know what that is. Oh, boy. I was in Hawaii. What know what that is oh boy I was in Hawaii what is your character's name

I was in Hawaii man what is your character's name I don't know a fucking good time Hawaii guy oh man oh brother what I found

I want to say the one thing and I've never brought this up to Rob about the Descendants but I gotta bring it up now I thought it was very offensive that you put on Hawaiian makeup you went Hawaiian face

for that movie I thought that was offensive I didn't like. I thought it was very offensive that you put on Hawaiian makeup. You went Hawaiian face for that movie. I thought that was offensive. I didn't like it. They loved it. No, they did not love it. Everyone there Did you like his belly dancing scene though? Yeah, I thought it was pretty sexy. People like that. I have not been asked back to Hawaii. I will say that.

Doug, can I Is that how Hawaii works? When you leave, Do you have to wait For an invitation To return Like how You get like an email Like an e-vite

You get like one of those Necklaces One of those flower necklaces It's like a fire dance They send a fire dance Doug can I talk about The movies that I've seen lately We're actually

We're out of time For that portion of the show I just want to say I saw The Conjuring Did anybody see The Conjuring I did I heard it's great Well I One time I met The real life couple that that movie is about, the Warrens.

They're like real Ghostbusters. Sure. They're demonologists. And I met them. She's clairvoyant and he's... Well, he's dead. He's dead now. No spoilers.

He's dead in real life. Anyway, I saw that movie. I just wanted to say that. But the real thing I wanted to say was I saw Blackfish. Has anyone seen Blackfish? Oh, fucking Blackfish. Have you seen it yet, Dominic? No, I haven't.

I want to. Dude, it's going to rock your world. It is so fucked up what SeaWorld does to whales. Yeah, don't go to SeaWorld. How did they get footage? Did they get footage? It's all somebody's camera phone. There are so many trainers killed by whales or hurt by whales that we've never even seen

or heard about. They don't tell you. It's hilarious. How can they... I mean, you end up rooting for the whale. You're like, well, yeah. He's sitting there in a dark tank, like a shoebox filled with piss water.

And he's the smartest animal on earth. Of course he's going to murder you. Yeah, and he's hanging out with whales from another family, and whales just hang out with their own families. When they mix them up, the whales just start fucking each other up. So you're telling me that my different strokes version that I'm doing with whales is not going to work out?

Where one whale family adopts two whale brothers? Don't do that. No, I've been spending a lot of money on my different strokes with whales. I wouldn't do it. I'm pitching it to networks this year. It's not going to be

as ethically. I mean, at least it's less racist than our Sherry O'Tall. Yeah, that's good. It's black and white. If anything happens on set,

I'll give you a tip. Put your finger up the whale's butthole. Fair enough. Point taken. Also, killer whales are roaming animals. You know, they migrate. So you put them in something where they can only move around in a circle.

And then the fuckers that put them in it go, hey, jump. They go, yeah, I'll jump. And I'll fucking land on you at some point in the future. In nature, a killer whale has never killed a person. It only happens when they're at SeaWorld. Yeah. So come on down. Bring the kids. Don't sit in the splash zone. Because you're going SeaWorld. Yeah, yeah. So come on down, bring the kids.

Don't sit in the splash zone. Because you're going to get blood on your faces. There is a scene where some of the whales make another whale bloody from injuring him so bad, cutting him so bad. And then they do that thing where he goes up in front of the audience and sticks his tail up. And he's like, blood everywhere. And they go, folks,

look over here at the penguin container. Everybody, get out of here. You know, there's also really tragic scenes that you'll see

of, you know, tiny little kids sat very close to the edge of the tank and the whales will come and really splash them.

And water on a child melts. They get so damp that their lives are ruined. I've genuinely seen a little kid get soaked.

Yeah. And their hair gets like almost wet. And next two or three hours or so they're wet. They're soaking wet.

There's no way that they're not wet. I thought something very similar happened. And if they outlaw super soakers only outlaws will have soakers that are super.

Look, in the UK, they don't have super soakers and there's no one getting wet. That is absolutely true. That is true. No super soaker crime. I saw a Michael Moore documentary on it. This is the part of the show

where I say, let the games begin. Let the games begin. Oh, sweet. Oh, you see. America. Dominic would like another water

if anyone from the facility could take another water for Rob and for Dominic. Thank you. If somebody could grab a couple, I'd appreciate it. So nice. We don't have people to do that. This is the part where you've got to pick name tags, though. Let's see the name tags and just go

out into the audience and choose the one you want to play for. And while you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. Okay, we're back. Dominic is playing for somebody that brought a gift card for comedy, coffee, bean, and tea leaf. And what's your name?

Allie. Allie, okay. And do you understand the concept of a name tag? And so I've got to write it down. Allie, how much is on the card? Twelve. Twelve? Twelve. Twelve? Twelve dollars?

Twelve cents. Good luck. You what? It was twenty, but I... Okay, we don't have time for this story. But thank you for bringing it. It was twenty, but you bought eight dollars worth of coffee? Yeah, that's why she's so jittery right now.

Yelling shit out nobody wants to hear. She's out of control. She's like a five-year-old with a TV show. She's like, suck my dick. Who are you playing for, Paul? I'm playing for someone called Ruth. Ruth, baby Ruth. It is a Goonies inspired name tag

Which I really enjoy Bring it over here I was trying to vine it There you go Oh, that's nice And I have a baby Ruth attached to it And a great picture of Sloth and Chunk Just having a good time

And Rob, who are you playing for? I'm playing for Griffin From the Make-A-Wish Foundation time. And Rob, who are you playing for? I'm playing for Griffin from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. It's a noose. Yeah, it's a noose. And if I don't win, he's going to hang himself.

Pressure. Or he can use that for auto-erotic. Paul, come on! And then when he's finished, Simba you. That rope probably has cum all over it already.

Yeah, good call grabbing that thing. In excess. All right, you guys, I think you all know how this game works, but we'll start with Rob.

I don't want to advertise anything, but I'm looking at this baby Ruth, and we'll start with Rob. I don't want to advertise anything, but I'm looking at this Baby Ruth, and did you know it has four grams of protein in it? I don't know how they get them in there. I mean, the whole thing's just about four and a half grams, right? Full of protein. Yeah, they jam it in there.

Super protein. So did you say we're starting with me? Yes, sir, we'll start with you. Griffin, get ready to fucking do cocaine. we're starting with me? Yes, sir. We'll start with you. Griffin, get ready to fucking do cocaine.

With all the money we're about to win. A lot of cocaine money. Do we win money? What do we win? Griffin will win the contents of this bag. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Ooh, exciting. And I'm a little worried because there's a little extra rope on the bag and he could always shove a bobblehead down his throat. There's plenty of ways to kill yourself with this bag. I am concerned about where Griffin was keeping this rope

or he had to buy it. There is a story here. The podcast listener doesn't realize we're looking at a severed rope that's frayed end, kind of musty smell. Why does rope always smell the same? Every rope. Why are you going around smelling rope?

I don't smell rope. Jesus, you're the worst guest on a yacht. I bet Clooney didn't take you out on his yacht while you were shooting in Hawaii. Get off my yacht. Quit smelling my ropes. Now, Paul has already qualified for the ongoing tournament of championships. Thank you.

You're going to have to come back for that. Congratulations. So there's no reason... No match for the Masters. There's no reason to show off today. I really think... I think the suicidal kid, Griffin, really deserves the win.

Sorry, Ruth. So let's let Rob walk away with this. Don't. No one's letting me do shit. Okay, play full force, you guys. Would you like one of these categories, Rob? Yes, I would. Would you like Will Smith loves

pussy? And that's a movie where Will Smith saves a cat. Rocky's horrible picture show? That's Sylvester Stallone movies that have gotten two stars or less from Leonard Maltin. Or Womb Raider.

And that's movies where John Voight has sex. Wow. This is... You've opened up a treasure chest. These are great. I would like Rocky's Horrible Picture Show. Okay. Would you like a

Stallone movie that got two stars or less from 1992 or 1982? 1982. Oh, he thinks he's got some ideas. One and a half stars from Leonard from 1992 I disagree

82 sorry 82 he says about this movie that all credibility is thrown to the winds which is where credibility belongs I think and the thrown to the winds. Which is where credibility belongs, I think.

The wind or the winds? Let's just be clear. He also says it's kind of hard to understand some of the things that are being said in this movie. Leonard Malmsteen. That's Stallone, right? Good point. And he only lists five names.

How many names do you think you can get it in, Rob? point. And he only lists five names. How many names do you think you can get it in, Rob? I can get this movie in three names. Probably a pretty smart opening bid. Name that movie. Oh, Paul Scheer, coming back at you

hard. I know exactly where you live. Your three names are? Burn your house to the ground. Jack Starrett? That's a real name? The great Jack Starrett. No, I make up names. There's a new twist to this game

is I just make up names. Here's another made up name. David Caruso. What is this, an opera? And Brian Dennehy are your three names. Oh, man. The great Brian Dennehy are your three names. Oh, man. The great Brian Dennehy.

I'll give you a clue. This is not Cocoon. Because Stallone was not in Cocoon. Griffin? With all the alien eggs. You can't get help from Griffin. Griffin? Oh, zines.

Your disease just got terminal. Is it? I thought you were going to say cured, because in that one movie he says, you're the disease and I'm the cure. But he says it like this. You're the disease, I'm the cure.

Is it over the top? Is that 82, or is that way after 82? You know how this works. You have to commit to an answer. You can't ask me if it's a Jeopardy. Even though I'm committing to over the top. It's called... Can I take a guess?

Please. That's not Nighthawks, is it? No, it's fucking First Blood. What? Yeah. I said that I disagree with Leonard. Yeah, he only gave it one and a half stars. How can that be hard to understand?

And he says Sly's final monologue, he says that he'll give a prize to anyone who can that be hard to understand? And he says, Sly's final monologue, he says, that he'll give a prize to anyone who can understand more than three words of it. He's like weeping at that point. I'm going to say,

I guess Leonard Maltin owes the prize to America because that's a film that has five sequels. America said, we love it. You know, maybe people have just not got exposed enough to Stallone yet.

Because like, you know, in Rocky and in Rambo, he is solid, but he's Stallone, you know? But it's hard to understand him. You have to get used to that Stallone culture. Did you guys hear the very good news today that Bruce Willis is out of Expendables 3 and Harrison Ford is in. Whoa!

That's neat. I kind of like that. That's nifty. I think the new Harrison Ford called Paranoia looks kind of good. Yeah. With his baldy,

baldy head. Yeah, he's bald. He's like, standing on your neck. I just got a call. I got a quick call from my agent. Oh, what's up?

What happened on the new Expendables? Oh, no, Rob. I did not get it. Oh, Rob. no, Rob. I did not get it. Oh, Rob. I did not get it. Who the fuck got it? I think you called your agent.

I think you heard that you lost the part. Don't say anything, but he's just on the phone with Uber. The guy from Raiders got it. The guy from Raiders. Wait, the guy from Regarding Henry, you mean? The guy from that submarine movie? You, 571.

Widowmaker. All right, so I lost that point, Griffin. Sorry about that, buddy. Yeah, Paul is on the board with one point. Woo-hoo! That means Dominic gets to go first in this next round and then we'll go from there to Paul.

You switch the order every time. It's crazy. You get to choose between inconceivable and that's movies that have infertile women in them. Or not without my daughter and that's Woody Allen movies from 1992 or later or Joe mama and that's movies that have either

Joe or mama in the title Wow which narrows it down considerably. It does. Which means I'm going to go for Joe Mama. Okay. You're going to pick obscure Joe Mama movies. I know it. How obscure could they get? Well, yeah. They've got Joe or Mama in them, titles.

2001 is the year. One and a half stars from Leonard. I have a strange affection for this movie that Leonard obviously does not. Was this the same year as September 11th? I'm just trying to get in the mindset. Leonard calls this movie Mucky. Yeah, Mucky.

M-U-C-K-Y Mucky Yeah And Has he had a stroke lately? Like what is Can't understand a thing Movie smells like toast

He says He says that This movie has some very charming aspects to it, including a sequence involving frozen animal testicles. Yeah. And he lists a whopping nine names. So how many names? And I can go up to... You can go nine. You can take all nine names. Just how many names? And I can go up to...

You can go nine. You can take all nine names. Just take it all. I will name that film in seven. Oh, okay. Paul, what do you want to do with that? I'm going to say

I'll name that film in six. All right. Apologies to put your hands together. Come on. Let's go. This is going to go long. Is this to me?

Yes, sir. He said six names. Griffin, your disease just got a little bit better. Paul, name that movie. All right. Six names? Six movie. Yes. All right. Six names?

Six names. Okay. They are Fred Ward, Caroline Aaron, Christopher Walken, Jamie Presley, Kid Rock, and Adam Beach. Okay, I know this movie. Joe Dirt. That is for the win. Damn it. Don't clap for yourself.

Don't clap for yourself. Look at what he's doing. He's clapping for himself. I'm clapping for Ruth. Griffin. I'm a vessel for Ruth. I mean... Okay, Allie, we need you to come down to the stage

and write down on this piece of paper anyone that you want me to call a shithead on your behalf. Is there a shithead on the back of Griffin's rope? Griffin? No. Griffin's rope. Wasn't that the first of a series of young adult novels? That's before Jacob's Ladder.

About suicide? Can he just tell you someone to call a shithead? No, I'd like him to write it down, because everyone will hear it if he says it out loud. And don't make it me. That would be, you know... I have feelings. Over here on this piece of paper,

just anyone that you want me to call a shithead. And you know that... It could be Osama bin Laden. You know that the Bradys are looking for that thing hanging around your neck. Griffin kind of looks like Thor. You know that's bad luck, right?

Show everybody. He's got the thing from... Taboo. Yeah, it's taboo. What? Let me see if I can read your... Okay. I hope it's Osama bin Laden.

No, they didn't. Neither one of them went with that. Axe Cop, Saturday nights? Saturday nights, 11 p.m. Check it. Chen Central. I don't know how to convert to Central time. I just know 11 p.m.

Just put it in your DVR. It's great. It's super funny. Animation Domination. High def. Yeah, Fox, if the ratings are good there, they'll move it into a primetime slot, right? I don't know how it works, man.

I just, 11 p.m., that's all I know. You get paid, right? You get paid? I don't know how that works. I just know 11 p.m. He's really got not much details. Where can people watch our Cheerio, Paul? On YouTube, but you can also watch NTSF SDSUV.

Third season just started a couple weeks ago. I would have said that if I could remember all those letters. No, don't worry about it. NTSF SDSUV, 12-15 Thursday nights after Children's Hospital with Rob Hubel. 15 minutes of fun. If you're a fan of Karen Gillan from Doctor Who, she joins the cast this season. Nice. I know there's a solid 30 minutes of entertainment.

Yeah. Those two shows. Well, combined. Yeah, combined. Excuse me. Two 15-minute shows. They don't have an hour-long one like you did. How long is your bug hunt?

Same thing. It's about eight how long is it months I'm going away in August you mean how long am I doing

it's a half hour show or hour show it's an hour BBC America comes back in the early part of next year January, February, March April

I always wonder when you do a show like that travel show even though you're dealing with animals do you get to go and experience amazing culture because you're kind of in with a cool group of people I always wonder when you do a show like that, a travel show, even though you're dealing with animals, do you get to go and experience amazing culture because you're kind of in with a cool group of people?

I mean, some stuff. You're working every day. So when you land in that city, we'll see some stuff. We'll film some stuff that we see. And then we'll leave. And obviously on the way while you're making the show, you see amazing culture. That's pretty amazing, though.

Do you ever meet witch doctors that get you really high off of some sort of... Ayahuasca? Dirt beetle or something like that? I am going to Brazil this year. Oh, wow. witch doctors that get you really high off of like some sort of like ayahuasca dirt beetle or something like that I am going to Brazil this year oh wow

so that last word that you said ayahuasca does sound interesting you gotta do it you have to do it ayahuasca is the original animal

you have to explore it yeah I think you Leonard Moulton took ayahuasca movie is murky how many how many stars did he get?

Mucky. He called it Mucky. He's making up words. But Baby Ruth, come get your prize bag. Congratulations. Give her back this. All right. Yeah, thank you to all my guests.

Thanks, you guys. Great panel. Good panel. Panel, panel, bo-bannel, bo-banna-banna. Bo-panel. Panel. And as always, Eric Switzer is a shithead.

Everybody looks at Griffin. At Griffin's seatmate. His friend was like, that's me. He just said, that's me. Alright, thanks for coming, shithead. And people who don't like the X-Files are a shithead. Well, move. shithead.