Doug Loves Movies - Dustin Ybarra, Chris Cubas and "Mark Wahlberg" guest

Episode Date: October 3, 2016

Live from Hyena's in Dallas, Doug welcomes Dustin Ybarra, Chris Cubas and "Mark Wahlberg" to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https:...//art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Doug hates candy wrappers screening baby sticky seeds With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Bobo's Movies! I should start measuring these because I think that was
Starting point is 00:00:50 the loudest ever. Coming to you once again from Hyena's Comedy Club in Mockingbird Station. I like pointing out that we're in a train station in Dallas, Texas! I'm already feeling bad for this lady who's just going to see the back of one of my guests
Starting point is 00:01:24 and no one else. Did you think you had a great seat when they put you there? So what we'll do is when my guests come out, we'll all push back further against the wall. I think that for whatever reason, they didn't put the chairs as far back as they could. And then at least you'll be able to maybe see...
Starting point is 00:01:41 Probably not, but... Might be better. We'll see when they get out here. It's Saturday, October 1st, 2016 at 420-ish. Name tags much, Dallas? I knew that you could. I knew that
Starting point is 00:01:59 you would. Everything's bigger in Texas. Got some big-ass name tags. I see a Deadpool over there that's pretty big. Chris Chris Bang Bang. I've seen that one before. Never? Alright, it's just because it's got my face on it, that's why.
Starting point is 00:02:16 What's this little thing you're holding up right here? What's your tiny name tag? The Hunts Adam Dusty Barrens War. Okay, I don't know what's going on there. You got the smallest thing, and then you also have fun-sized candy bars dangling from it. Very creative.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Allison in Wonderland, very good. March of the Gene-guins. She's got a bunch of cute penguins. I want to pet them. She's got a bunch of cute penguins. I want to pet them. See no Steve-el, hear no Steve-el. Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy.
Starting point is 00:02:56 What's your name? What? Taylor? It's going to feel bad for you if your name was one of those other three words. Hello, my name is Spy. Oh, okay, young lady. Thank you to everyone for bringing name tags, and of course those will pop up again in a little bit. What's that big round thing?
Starting point is 00:03:18 Biodominique? Biodominique? Squeak that one in there I was done with the name tags but it caught my eye Doug Bluggs, Doug Loves Movies is back at the Wilbur Theater in Boston next Saturday at 420 Charlotte, October 2015, Tacoma, October
Starting point is 00:03:40 22nd, San Francisco, October 27th, and the Now Here This Festival in Anaheim, California on Saturday, October 29th. Douglovesmovies.com for all my dates, deets, and links. That's Douglovesmovies.com. I brought some prizes in the prize bag.
Starting point is 00:04:01 It's in a lovely bag that they gave me at Fantastic Fest, and inside it It's in a lovely bag that they gave me at Fantastic Fest. And inside it, some stuff that I've got in Fantastic Fest and elsewhere. A Phil Bill Volume 1 comic book, coloring book. I always call it a comic book, but it's a coloring book. And lots of, not lots, but a few sausage party items. A lovely, I think Selma Hayek played a taco in sausage parties. This is a little taco that it doesn't, you can't really fuck it, but maybe you can if you're ingenuitous.
Starting point is 00:04:44 If you've got ingenuity. Look at this shirt. Some guy gave me a shirt that says, want a screw? And then the punchline is that it's a surgical, some sort of surgical tools company. So, okay. Gave me a couple of those.
Starting point is 00:05:06 I want to start begging people to stop giving me things for the prize bag, because it's already plenty of stuff every time. Oh, here's a sausage party shirt. It's kind of a tank top, I guess. So that's sexy. What does it say? What are you laughing at? Sun's out, buns out.
Starting point is 00:05:29 Oh, sausage party. Here's another crazy-ass shirt. You guys, you're going to have shirts for days. The winner today. This is from, this says Sony Digital Cinema 4K. And it's like a Izod shirt. And it's a polo shirt, and it's black, and I say, throw this on, and then cruise into
Starting point is 00:05:51 the projection booth at your local theater. Say you're there to fix some shit. Ask for some nachos and just watch from the projection booth. And just keeps going. A koozie that says something on it don't need to promote that anymore a peacemaker pipe only been used once a doug loves movies christmas tree ornament it's never too early for that shit and everything that my guests brought today. Are you ready to meet my guests?
Starting point is 00:06:34 I can honestly say that these are three of my favorite Douglas Movies guests. Please give a big, warm welcome to Chris Cubis, Dustin Ibarra, and Mark Wahlberg. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. All right, a couple of things. Mark and Dustin, switch seats. And do you want to do a mic drop to switch seats? And then... Oh, man. Could all three of you just stand up and push your stool
Starting point is 00:07:23 so that it's against the wall? Because I feel bad for that lady sitting right there that can't see shit. And we'll see if that helps a little bit. You get to touch Mark Wahlberg. She doesn't get to, she has to. It's in his rider. Just put your hand in his lap for the entire show.
Starting point is 00:07:51 I didn't think you'd really do it. Let's meet them individually, headlining all weekend here at Hyenas. It's Dustin Ibarra, everybody. Hello! Hello! Hello, everyone!
Starting point is 00:08:11 I am Dustin. How's it going, dude? You having a fun weekend? It's going good, man. It's going really great. I heard like your mom's is coming tonight. My mom is coming tonight. She's bringing her church friends. Oh, fuck. I know because I say that word and lots of other things. Oh, I say fuck. I know, because I say that word. And lots of other things, right? I say fuck, I say pussy sometimes, and I'm nervous. I saw her on Facebook. She was chatting with a friend of hers. I bet you say some of those two words in the same sentence. Like, fuck that up.
Starting point is 00:08:35 Fucking pussy. You know it. Yeah, but she's like, her friend was like, can I come? And she's like, well, he gets raunchy, but we can just go to the bathroom during that part. So there's going to be an exodus whenever I start laying the books. Like you're less raunchy when they're in their, you know, in that restroom right there taking a dump.
Starting point is 00:08:55 You can hear the show in the restroom, right? I know, but they'll be praying, so it's cool. They'll drown it out with God, so that's good. Fair enough. Chris Cubis is here, everybody. Hey, hey. Hey. I'm gonna fuck that taco.
Starting point is 00:09:17 That's how the show ends. You might want to go to the bathroom at some point because I'm fucking that taco. It was a callback. I didn't... I'm not gonna fuck the taco, you guys. It's called a joke. My mom would not approve of that one. We went to Hyena's. All they talked about
Starting point is 00:09:37 was taco fucking. What if that was just my whole act? Chris Taco Fucker Cubist is back at Hyena's. Someone does that in Idaho. There's a comic up there. He's got taco fucking on lockdown. That's already a great hashtag for this episode, though. Hashtag Taco Fucker.
Starting point is 00:10:03 And Mark Wahlberg is here. He was with us yesterday in Houston, which none of you have heard yet, but it's going to come out today or tomorrow. And then I said, do you want to go to Dallas? And he's, what did you say, Mark?
Starting point is 00:10:27 How you guys doing? You doing good? And I was like, Mark, it's just me asking you a question. I'm just a man standing in front of another man. Why are you here? Because Donnie's lost. He's like, last time I heard from him, he was in Lubbock.
Starting point is 00:10:53 And I was like, fucking stay there, dude. So until he figures out how to get here, because I'm done helping him, and he lost his MapQuest directions that he printed out, you guys got lucky. You're welcome. I knew there was a good reason. So congratulations, Mark, because you
Starting point is 00:11:20 are the star of the number two movie in the country right now. Called The United States of America. I'm the star of the number two movie in the country right now called The United States of America. I'm the star of that. Well, no, you're actually in a movie called Deepwater Horizon that finished number two yesterday
Starting point is 00:11:36 at the box office on its opening day. That shit's 81% right now on Rotten Tomatoes. But Miss Peregrine's school for oddballs and fuckwits is somehow beating the story of the G.P. spill. I don't know how that's possible. I mean, how many more fucking movies
Starting point is 00:11:56 can they make about weird kids? X-Men, Angus, we get it. That's a deep well. So deep. We should do that in How High Can You Get? That should be a topic. Movies with fucking kids in them. Fucking kids.
Starting point is 00:12:14 I have not seen any movies with kid fucking in them. What did you say? I got confused. Just kids. Oh, okay, with kids. We did kids movies once but sam levine complained that he doesn't know children's films and then i pointed out everyone knows wizard of oz you idiot sam levine fucking sam i saw dude i saw him at an audition the other day man
Starting point is 00:12:38 we went in for the same thing and he's like we're up for the same part i don't even know what happened i don't know if they were high when they were casting let's get this fucking pothead looking dude sam levine was it just an audition based on height is that the only reason i think so dude we like but i remember we were there and like they put us outside and sam was like hey can we get some shade and i'm like oh whoa sam throwing around some power right now, man. It was awesome. No, that's just Jewish whining.
Starting point is 00:13:10 I was like, Mr. Showbiz, this is crazy. Did they bring in some shade for Mr. Levine? They did, and I want to find out if he got the part, because that would have been funny. I'd be like, oh, I've got to do power moves like that. They're like, if we cast Sam, we're going to have to keep him shaded through the entire shoot. The guy's a prima donna.
Starting point is 00:13:31 I was nervous. No. He's cool. He'll be back on the show soon. I got to ask everybody what you brought for the old prize bag. Who wants to go first? I'll go just so I can get the shit out of my hands. That's why I thought of it, because you're
Starting point is 00:13:45 trying to hold your drink and your prizes. I got a Doctor Who Dalek mug, so if you're a nerd and you want to wake up in the morning, you put your coffee in that. And then I got maybe one of the best albums of all time, The Return of Bruno
Starting point is 00:14:01 by Bruce Willis on cassette, because that did not come out on CD. That was never available on CD. It's one of the greatest albums on cassette. Thank you. There we go. Yeah, if you want to just sing
Starting point is 00:14:18 the Seagram's Golden Wine Cooler song, I'm assuming that's on both sides of that cassette. I forgot about that. Seagram's golden wine coolers. They're fresh and they're cool. I get my Bruno fan club mailer every month. It reminds me
Starting point is 00:14:38 what song he sang. What do you got for the bag, Mark? I get sent shit all the fucking time because there's one thing rich people need. It's free stuff. So I brought a Jack Daniels portable Bluetooth speaker by JBL. Sounds like a nice item.
Starting point is 00:14:58 Yeah, I figured a normal person needs something nice. Dusted? something nice. Dustin? Yes, well, I got a flask, but it's a camouflage flask. Where is it? Where is it? There's a lot of rednecks and alcoholics in Dallas, so someone will appreciate this. And I also have this thing.
Starting point is 00:15:26 Check, this is weird. Dude, it was instant photo series. It's a color filter for your phone, but I think these came out before Instagram did. So you can see the mark. It started $18.99, and it went all the way down to $1.99. Dude, it's a trip, so have fun with that. And then I have a T-shirt that I heart nuggets T-shirt.
Starting point is 00:15:50 You heart what? It's a, I heart nuggets. Like weed nuggets? Yes, that can be it too, yeah. Do you need that bag? No, no, you guys want Urban Outfitters? And he's also brought a lovely bag from Urban Outfitters. So we've got two bags full of prizes.
Starting point is 00:16:05 Thanks for bringing all that stuff, guys. Yeah, go ahead and shove that in there. Go ahead and shove that in there is another thing that's going to make Dustin's mom go to the bathroom. Oh, man, she's crying right now. I want everybody here to come back to that show. Yeah. Oh, man, she's crying right now. I want everybody here to come back to that show. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:31 Oh, that would be great if you guys did, yeah. You bastards, you're not gonna. God, I know, my dad left when I was 10. You guys aren't coming to that show, okay? I know the look when someone's not coming back, okay? Really? Because I know the look of people who not coming back, okay? Really? Because I know the look of people who have Deepwater Horizon tickets. That's what they're fucking going to do.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Damn it. Why do I got to compete with such a monstrous, awesome movie? It's not fair. Also, the theater next door is not playing that movie, so if anybody wants to go help me fucking tear that place down when this is done... Fuck their all-consuming anti-college documentary. Where the fuck they're playing out there? Oh no, riot at the
Starting point is 00:17:13 Art House Cinema at Marking Bird Station. What'd you say? I said Marking Bird Station. Oh, cool. That's where we are right now If you need to tell anybody about which train stop to use Muckymerks?
Starting point is 00:17:31 Muckybird Okay Bird Yeah Yeah Yeah Alright the question I always ask everybody Are you ready Dustin? Yep Last movie you saw Yeah. Yeah. All right. The question I always ask everybody.
Starting point is 00:17:47 Are you ready, Dustin? Yep. Last movie you saw? Suicide Squad. Bam. You haven't been lately. Yeah. I went to a drive-in movie theater to see it, though.
Starting point is 00:17:58 So that was interesting. Was it on a double A bill with something else? It was. That's crazy you know that, man. Well, because it's always a second movie from the same studio that is often not compatible at all. Bad Moms! That's so funny! Oh my god, yeah!
Starting point is 00:18:15 Because no one who wants to see suicide, let's stay for Bad Moms. It was weird, though, man. The sound was messed up, but that's cool because I heard the dialogue wasn't too crazy, but it was a fun movie to watch and I liked it. It was cool.
Starting point is 00:18:31 I know everyone else shit on it, but you don't gotta be... Every once in a while somebody has something nice to say about it and then they get put into a padded room. I don't know. I still haven't seen it. Chris, what was the last movie you saw? I haven't been to the theater in a minute,
Starting point is 00:18:46 but I just watched Running Scared with Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines like three nights ago. That movie is 80s as fuck. Yeah, it is. That Billy Crystal gets to be in an action buddy cop movie is pretty 80s right there. He also spends like 15 minutes of that movie Roller Skating.
Starting point is 00:19:07 That movie is... It's true. Joe Pantoliano was in that movie as a punk. He's got like a red mohawky thing going on, and he's wearing like a trench coat. It's pretty great. His name is Snake. You should watch that movie. It's pretty fun.
Starting point is 00:19:26 I saw it, you know, at the time. Sure. And I thought it was fine. Yeah, it's exactly that. Jimmy Smith sells drugs. He's Mexican, so yeah. And then... That's the 80s part. I'm not saying Mexican people sell drugs. I'm saying the 80s like stereotypes. No, Mexican people still sell drugs.
Starting point is 00:19:43 Yeah, but so does everybody else It's a melting pot That's true it's pretty great out there Anyone can get into the drug game As long as they've got gumption Yo you wanna be a crip You got gumption I got gumption for days
Starting point is 00:20:07 motherfucker you gotta get jumped in you gotta get gumption you got gumption motherfucker do you so you just saw it so maybe you
Starting point is 00:20:23 maybe you can back me up on this, that this is a real moment in the movie. At one point, Gregory Hines and Billy Crystal, who are the black and white buddy cop team, they both have donuts. They're eating donuts because they're cops. True. But they reach out and touch donuts and go,
Starting point is 00:20:39 dink, like they're making a toast, but with donuts. They absolutely do that. I remember that for some reason. Haven't seen that movie again. But now whenever two items touch together that aren't glasses, I go, dink. So sex is weird. Dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink. Dink. Dink, dink, dink.
Starting point is 00:21:16 What, it's like five dinks and you're done? Dink. Just rock it slow, dude. I learned that from Julianne Moore on Boogie Nights. Boogie Nights. What's the last movie you saw, Mark? As of this morning, I just saw a first cut of Transformers 5. Well, first of all, it's not just Transformers 5.
Starting point is 00:21:43 There's got to be more words in the title. Yeah, we're working on that part. What's your favorite so far? Transformers 5. There's got to be more words in the title. Yeah, we're working on that part. What's your favorite so far? Transformers 5. Mark Wahlberg is the best. So that's probably why they're fighting you on that. No, they said we're going to work with that for a while and it might stick around, so we'll see what happens. We'll see. And what did you say you saw?
Starting point is 00:22:03 Oh, that's what you saw. Yeah. Well, I don't need to ask you if it's any good or not because it's great right? well yeah because I'm an American so it's fucking perfect it's really good there's a new transformer he's a golf cart named Wedge and he's fucking awesome Have you seen Deepwater Horizon? Fuck yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:22:33 How many times? Half. No spoilers, but do you die halfway through or something? Fuck no, dude. You might as well call every movie I'm in Lone Survivor because I'm not going to fucking die. Now that I think about it. Now I'm trying to think of a movie where Mark Wahlberg dies. Yeah, because you can't fucking do it, dude.
Starting point is 00:22:59 No, I legitimately can't. I can't film a movie. I feel like in Boogie Nights he should have died. Sure. Oh, wait, I've can't. I can't film a movie. I feel like in Boogie Nights he should have died. Sure. He also probably dies like two years after Boogie Nights, right? Once the AIDS kicks in? Probably.
Starting point is 00:23:15 We didn't shoot those scenes. You died in I Heart Huckabees. No, dude. I don't fucking die. I'm trying to start a rumor Give people a reason to watch I Heart Huckabees It's in a director's cut You die in a director's cut
Starting point is 00:23:33 No, dude, I don't fucking die Audience, audience, let's do one There's somebody's got it Perfect Storm, you die in Perfect Storm Yes, that's right No, I don't You saw the scene where I fucking died? No, you didn't see the scene
Starting point is 00:23:46 where I fucking died. As far as you know, my ass is floating around up there eating fucking seagulls. George Clooney? Dead. Me? Who the fuck knows?
Starting point is 00:24:00 He is a strong swimmer. You ever work with David Swimmer? Ross? No. Oh, I forgot. You love friends. Fuck yeah, dude. Every time I see him, I'm like, what's up, Ross?
Starting point is 00:24:18 And he's like, well, please don't call me that. That was a great Ross impression. Fucking A, dude. I'm like, why don't you go find a mucky And put on a neck sweater And get the fuck out of here You sound just like the giraffe in Madagascar Alright Bert Kreischer Turn the show off
Starting point is 00:24:37 Because it's time for me to say Let the games begin Lots of great name tags James McGurn! Lots of great name tags in the house tonight. I do not envy you guys having to choose. While you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. Today's episode is brought to you by Squarespace.
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Starting point is 00:26:40 Very mad. Yeah, I should remind everybody, putting Chris Cubis' face on your name tag Doesn't get a tier, it'll get selected But it certainly helps Yeah, because you picked one that's got your face on it I did It's Don't Think Twice As in Dawn, but Don't Think Twice
Starting point is 00:26:57 The improv movie She did manage to put me in the Mixed Black Guys Put my head on the mixed black guys' head, so that's pretty good. Oh, that's nice. But it's also got Dustin on it, and Doug, and Jacob Suroff, and a girl.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Aya Cash from You're the Worst. Like, she'd show up here. She was on the Austin show, so maybe she'd drive over, sure. All right, what do you got, Dustin? All right, well, I got What's Keaton Gilbert Grape. And I have
Starting point is 00:27:29 a, you know, I'm Johnny Depp. Obviously. I thought I would be the fat mom, but I'm not. That's cool. Dude, that movie destroyed me as a kid, because I had a fat mom. And I remember, like, poor lady, right? You're just like uh and
Starting point is 00:27:46 everyone she's so fat and like i remember there was a scene where she was stomping and they were like she's gonna tear down the house they had to reinforce the basement because she was so fat and i would look at my mom and be like mom i'm gilbert grape you're fucking gonna eat me you're killing me that's not why the movie's called What's Eating Gilbert Grape. Maybe not. I was a little kid. It's not a horror film about him being afraid his mother's gonna eat him. You're not gonna do
Starting point is 00:28:14 this fat mom material later when your mom's here, are you? Because that feels a little mean. No. She would kill me. She would eat me. I love sitting next to you, Chris. We look like a couple of fucking potheads. Degenerates. We look like we're playing Street Fighter.
Starting point is 00:28:31 We both chose Blanca. So there's one player that looks a little different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look like Blanca spent some years on the street and got a little rugged. Who are you playing for, Mark? Well, dude, I was trying to be nice
Starting point is 00:28:51 to one of these lonely people in the back. There's this girl way back here waving a sign, and I'm like, you know what? This probably counts as some sort of civil service. I'm going to go back there and pick her, and as I get closer, she just starts going, Dustin! Dustin!
Starting point is 00:29:12 So I looked at her, and she didn't look at me, and I go, fuck yourself. Then I saw what looked like a weapon, and I'm like, I can use this on the movie theater next door. So I married a Max murderer. That's a really nice one. Yeah. It's fucking crafty, dude.
Starting point is 00:29:33 It's a fucking axe. Were you posing for pictures? I'm Mark Wahlberg. There's always pictures. All right, Mark, well... And I'm always posing. Some weird yelling over there. We're going to start the game section of the show today
Starting point is 00:30:03 with a little something called Jason and Deb's IMDb game. What I need you gents to do is buzz in with your own name when you think you know. Have you played this game before, Dustin? I haven't, so I was listening. All right. IMDb has a top four that they list for everybody. I'm going to start naming
Starting point is 00:30:27 somebody's top four. Oh, and then we got to say who it is. You got to buzz in and guess who it is. Buzz in early. If you buzz in on that first title, you're taking a big risk
Starting point is 00:30:36 because it's negative one point if you miss. Ooh. God, I hate games with negative points. But if you get... You're such a positive guy. But if you get... If you get a positive guy. But if you get...
Starting point is 00:30:45 If you get it right, if you jump in on the first name and you get it right, then you can get three boner points. Because then you can guess three more things that that person was in. You get a point for each one you get right. I love games with boner points,
Starting point is 00:30:59 so let's do it. Can I get a shiner? Oh. That doesn't mean he wants to be punched in the eye. God damn it. I was so fucking ready, bro. Can I get one as well? Fuck it.
Starting point is 00:31:16 Let's do this. Can I get a Jack Daniels protein shake? With Coca-Cola? I don't think they have that. Fine, I'll take a Jack and Coke with protein shake on the side. All right, did anybody hear that? Two shiners and a Jack and Coke?
Starting point is 00:31:37 I heard it. I'm still good on mine. Thanks, hyenas. Hyenas. Whose IMDb top four begins with Fight Club? Good. I like that. You're standing back.
Starting point is 00:31:58 You're going, there's several people in that movie. Could be any of them. Maybe if we hear another title. The second movie on this person's top four. The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Chris. Chris, who is it? I probably shouldn't have
Starting point is 00:32:13 done that. Meatloaf? That's correct. Oh! Boom, boom, boom. I know all food related actors. That's how I put that on. All right. So you get to guess two more meatloaf projects.
Starting point is 00:32:41 That's not good. Do I lose points? The top four isn't all movies. No, you're great. You're in good shape. You got a point for guessing correctly. These are two boner points. I'll tell you right now,
Starting point is 00:32:53 you were not going to get them. Okay, but I'm going to throw some weird shit out to you. Okay, get weird. And see what happens. I like it. What's the name of that movie with... Samuel L. Jackson. Don't answer him, you guys. Don't answer, don't answer, don't answer. what's the name of that movie with Samuel Jackson. Don't answer him you guys. Don't answer.
Starting point is 00:33:07 Don't answer. Don't answer. Formula 51. And? And Black Dog. That's what I was going to fucking say dude. First of all I can't believe you came up with Formula 51. It also
Starting point is 00:33:24 might be known as 51st State as an alternate title. That is crazy. I think it was originally called Formula 51 Charlie, but I'm not positive. And then this is weird, the other one that they put on here. It's some sort of documentary called Classic Albums. And it's an episode or a... Oh, it's like a VH1 show or something. Maybe, yeah. And it's all about Meatloaf's bat out of hell.
Starting point is 00:33:53 So that's number three in Formula 51's number four. So that means you are in the lead now, Chris, with two points. Yeah! And Mark and Dustin, get in this. All right. I'm gonna get so deep in this. Dink. Go deep taco.
Starting point is 00:34:20 Dink. Mark, was that your real dick in Boogie Nights? No, they made me put on a smaller one. That's the best answer ever. Also not the first time he's answered that question. Ah, damn it, really? I felt it too. I was like, I feel like someone could have said this
Starting point is 00:34:43 a million fucking times. Whose top four includes the following? Midnight in Paris? Cars? Mark. Who do you got, Mark? Owen Wilson. That's correct.
Starting point is 00:35:01 That's correct. Nicely done. Owen Wilson. That's correct. Great, she's done. Give me two more Owen Wilsons. Only Mark on this one. I want one of them to be behind anime lines.
Starting point is 00:35:22 I'm going to go Zoolander. Zoolander 2. Yeah, whatever you do, don't tax yourself. Don't... Because I feel like they might throw one of them in there. Yeah, it was a reasonable guess. But instead, they went with Wedding Crashers and the Darjeeling Limited. Ugh.
Starting point is 00:35:42 Yeah. Sounds very harsh. Somebody over there, brr. I know, go to the Angelica Theater for that shit. Fucking A-right, dude.
Starting point is 00:35:52 Who wants to go to a movie and think about shit? My enjoyment of Darleet. Fuck it. I can't do a funny voice and a funny line at the same time. Okay, so Mark, you just get the one point for jumping in there and getting the right answer.
Starting point is 00:36:12 I'll take it. So Mark has one. Chris has two. Dustin, it's go time. It's go time. Dusty. You've got to get in. Dusty time.
Starting point is 00:36:20 This is the third round. We'll only do a fourth round if we need a tiebreaker. Who was in these four things? Dustin. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just joking. It's a ball's ass. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:36:34 I thought you were going to ask balls movies. You've got to get ten boner points if you guess it with no movies. If I can read your mind. Yeah, that'd be so trippy. Alright, the first title of four. Old School. Shut up! Who said that?
Starting point is 00:36:57 You could tell I was about to say that. Okay. I wear my heart on my sleeve, right? Okay. The second title? Idiocracy.
Starting point is 00:37:13 Dustin! Who is it, Dustin? All right, so basically it's Idiocracy. Oh, you're going to figure it out now? Yeah. Just say your name and then take a minute? Idiocracy. Oh, you're going to figure it out now? And now. Just say your name and then take a minute. Idiocracy. And old school.
Starting point is 00:37:34 Yes. Basically. I'd say 50% of the people in this room have it figured out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. But he wasn't in that right now. Argue with yourself about it for a, yeah. I know. But he wasn't in that, right? Yeah. Argue with yourself
Starting point is 00:37:47 about it for a little bit. All right. Well, I'm going... Ah, damn it. You fucked it. Well, just name somebody that was in... Fucked up, Dusty.
Starting point is 00:37:54 Name somebody that was in one of those and you might be right. Vince Vaughn. Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris. All right, Chris is buzzed in. Chris, Chris, Chris. Who is it, Chris?
Starting point is 00:38:05 Luke Wilson. That's correct. Ah, that's right. How do I... Ah, you idiot Chris, Chris. Chris is buzzed in. Who is it, Chris? Luke Wilson. That's correct. Oh, that's right. How do I? Oh, you idiot, Dusty. Because I was like Owen Wilson. I almost said Owen Wilson. I was like, he wouldn't do that.
Starting point is 00:38:15 That's not the same person. Chris, you can get two more points to show off, but you won this game regardless. But I'm probably not gonna. Oh, what's his? Oh, god damn it. One second, one second, one second. There was that movie where he was told to use the force.
Starting point is 00:38:35 Luke. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. I'm thinking of his, the other. Oh, it's maybe. Oh, god damn it. It's not Huckabees it's the other uh i'm gonna say darjeeling limited because they like that movie and because i don't matter i already won and uh oh the fucking one i really want the name
Starting point is 00:39:01 gene hackman yeah that's the one. I know. God damn it. Yeah. Not that. Fuck it. What's that? What he made with Martin Lawrence? Why are you blue streak? Blue streak is good. Guess please. Someone tell me the one
Starting point is 00:39:21 I was thinking of. I can't remember. Royal God damn it. Please don't please. I've got I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I was thinking of I couldn't remember Royal Tenenbaum Please don't Please I've got this I'm sorry audience Yeah I'm sorry guys shut up Like being apologetic and mean Whenever someone on stage asks you for the answer That's not me
Starting point is 00:39:36 Do not answer Shut up They're just talking Trying to pull a trick Trying to cheat maybe No I wasn't. The other one was Legally Blonde. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:39:49 Yeah, yeah. Do you want to play the tiebreaker for fun? Yeah. Okay. One out of three is enough. We don't have to. Is there a better game? No, let's do this shit.
Starting point is 00:40:00 All right. The first title, The Princess Br princess bride you know this is just for fun any one of my oh and our Dustin and Hathaway no mark so on that and at the way mark is there a child crystal oh? Oh, the Princess Diary. She was in that. Ah, I knew there was a princess. Damn it. That was so Mexican-y and uncle-y. I'm sorry. That was good.
Starting point is 00:40:33 The princess. Did you guess, Mark? Yeah, I said Billy Crystal. Oh, yeah. No. Chris, I'll give you another title. Forrest Gump. Oh, Robin Wright.
Starting point is 00:40:46 Yep. You almost said Penn. I almost did, but I don't think that's accurate anymore. Straight up Robin Wright. Sure. And for those who didn't catch on, the theme of today's IMDb game is all of the people are from Dallas, Texas. Dallas, Texas. And according to IMDb, Robin Wright is
Starting point is 00:41:07 the single most popular person born in Dallas, Texas. Really? He's got to be a football player. But this is movies. This doesn't include sports. Vanilla Ice went to high school here. I know that.
Starting point is 00:41:23 We pride ourselves on that. I would have chosen him, but it would be cool as ice, cool as ice, cool as ice, cool as ice. Teenage Ninja Turtle 2, The Secret of the Ooze. Oh. Ninja. Ninja. Rap.
Starting point is 00:41:41 Who the fuck knows Robin Wright Penn movies? The Congress and... I got you. Who'd fuck knows Robin Wright Penn movies? The Congress and... I got you. Who'd you got? Unbreakable. And Unbreakable. Unbreakable's great, but another weird one. House of Cards makes perfect sense.
Starting point is 00:41:55 Sure, sure, sure. Oh, it's not always movies, right? Yeah, but then her fourth thing, Santa Barbara. What? It was an afternoon soap opera on NBC that was like her big break before Princess Bride. And yeah, they put it in there for some reason. I don't know why.
Starting point is 00:42:13 All right, let's play another game. Let's play Whose Tagline Is It Anyway? And then let's also play Bring Chris and Dustin to Shiners. Yeah, let's try again. A couple of shiners for Chris and Dustin to Shiners. Yeah, let's try again. A couple of Shiners for Chris and Dustin. Jack and Coke for Mr. Walbert, please. Pretty please.
Starting point is 00:42:31 I don't know. You know, they're busy serving the customers. Yeah, for sure. That's why I said pretty please. Oh, sweet. I want my drink fucking now. Are you going to blame how you're doing in the games on not having a drink?
Starting point is 00:42:48 I don't blame anything. I either win or choose not to. You got to pull that Sam Levine power move. Yeah, we'd also like some shade up here, please. These lights are too bright. But they need to be bright enough for me to read this shit. Whose tagline is it anyway? I'll say a tagline from a motion picture,
Starting point is 00:43:11 and you guess individually. We'll start with Chris, and then if he can't guess this first one, then we'll go to Mark and then Dustin. And, you know, it goes around like that. What movie had the tagline, What went down on the way to the top? What went down on the way to the top?
Starting point is 00:43:37 Big Top Pee Wee? I'm sure that's wrong, but it had top in it. Yeah. A lot of taglines just use the same word from the title. Oh, she's coming over and taking an order. Two shiners and a jacket. For the listener at home, there's a mime show going on. Thank you very much.
Starting point is 00:44:01 Appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. Mark, what do you got? Wolfman Town on the way to the top? Yeah. Debbie Does Dallas. I get it.
Starting point is 00:44:11 You think I'm going to keep doing Dallas movies. Pretty clever, but no. Dustin? Overboard, Kurt Russell, Goldie Hawn. Kurt Russell, Goldie Hawn. You guys... On the way to the top of what? Top of the boat? No.
Starting point is 00:44:34 Kurt was making his way up, you know? Oh, I see. Really rich, yeah. I get it. You had to go overboard, which I get you going down to go up. Overboard. Okay. Below sea level.
Starting point is 00:44:47 The correct answer is Primary Colors. Primary Colors, the movie about Bill Clinton and where John Travolta played Bill Clinton. Oh, so the answer is... Oh, fuck. The girl that sucked Bill Clinton's dick. Let him work it out. Let him work it out. No, please don't.
Starting point is 00:45:04 I overthought this already. Monica Lewinsky. There he is. There we did. She went down. God damn it. That joke would have worked if I remembered words. You know, I was thinking a blowjob thing,
Starting point is 00:45:18 but I was like, that's too crass. Your mom's not here. You're fine. Okay, Chris gets to go first on this next one. Okay. When you've seen it all, you'll swear there's never been anything like it. And the answer is not Mark's penis in Boogie Nights.
Starting point is 00:45:40 Yeah, because there's something better. Mark's penis in real life? Yeah. When you've seen it all, you'll swear there's never been anything like it. I don't know. That's a terrible tagline for any movie. That's a movie poster hyperbole there.
Starting point is 00:46:05 Sure. When you've seen it all, you swear there's never been anything like it. Zootopia? I got nothing. Just name the movie. Mark? Showgirls. Dustin?
Starting point is 00:46:18 Strip Tease. It's almost like cheating Because he said showgirls And you just went Well maybe another one Where they Take their clothes off They get naked
Starting point is 00:46:31 Yeah No the answer is The Manchurian Candidate What? From 1962 Dude I would have never Fucking got that shit Like that
Starting point is 00:46:39 That is insane No one would There's no reason to get it Really That is So is the theme for this unguessable movies? Primary Colors
Starting point is 00:46:50 was pretty guessable, I think. But let's try another one. See what happens. Okay. We'll start with you again, Chris. The tagline is Is anyone seeing the truth? Is anyone seeing the truth? Is anyone seeing the truth?
Starting point is 00:47:09 Has anyone seen the truth? Is anyone? Is anyone? Seeing. Is anyone seeing the truth? Okay, so what... Is anyone seeing the truth? True lies.
Starting point is 00:47:24 I'm sure that's wrong. Stop laughing at me. Mark? Has anyone seen The Truth? True Lies. I'm sure that's wrong. Stop laughing at me. Mark. JFK. That's a good guess. Dustin. JFP.
Starting point is 00:47:40 Is that a real movie? The Pelican Brief. Oh, wait. There's monitors in some spots, so some people in bad seats can see the monitors, right? Oh, that's cool. That's cool. All those are in... What'd you say, Dustin? The Pelican Brief.
Starting point is 00:47:57 Oh, that's a good guess. It's got one of the same actors. Nuh-uh. Yeah. Denzel or Sandra or Kevin McCallister. It's Denzel. Oh, really? Yeah, you picked a different Denzel movie. I'm getting closer every time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is
Starting point is 00:48:10 the Manchurian Candidate from 2004. I knew you would pull something clever. Damn it. I do every once in a while. All right, here's the next one, Chris. I think you'll get this one. That makes one of us. The tagline is three words, each followed by a period.
Starting point is 00:48:36 It's just reading, writing, revenge. Oh, that terrible teacher, was it? Reading, writing, prevention. Anything you say helps the other two guys. Sure. Sure. Bad teacher? No.
Starting point is 00:48:56 Mark? Dead Poets Society. No. No. Tell you right now, these should be the fucking log lines for every movie I've said. Dustin, The Substitute. Ooh, I like that.
Starting point is 00:49:16 I really thought one of you guys would get this one. It was for the movie Election. Ah. Yeah. That's right. Okay, one more, one more. One more. I think the intention was to make them get easier as it goes along.
Starting point is 00:49:33 Chris, may the best loser win. Dodgeball and underdog story. Mark. The campaign. What'd you say? The campaign. That is correct. There you go. Alright. Don't forget to vote on November 8th, everybody. All right. Don't forget to vote on November 8th, everybody.
Starting point is 00:50:13 They were all political movies. Yeah, I figured that out right at the end. Right when you heard the campaign. Yeah. Oh, I see where he did all this. You wove it together. Every one of these films had political elements. Okay. We had a fun time
Starting point is 00:50:31 yesterday in Houston playing a game called How High Can You Get? What happened? That's the one? You like that one? Yeah. That's what one that you like that one? Yeah You just mean in life, that's a game you like to play
Starting point is 00:50:56 How high can you get? Now I understand That is that is my life game. You're right You're right about that. But in this game what we do is we take a genre and we take turns saying films from that genre that begin first round one word, second round two words, second round three words, and you gotta, you know, we're into exact titles around here.
Starting point is 00:51:19 Okay. Which is where that comes in handy when you get to two or three words because sometimes the will help get you to the two or three words oh so okay yeah and uh let's see where do we start so mark won that last game so we'll start with you mark and then we'll go to chris and then to dustin and then to me because i like to play this one and i need a genre from someone in the audience i forgot to get a Twitter person's name because I was looking for somebody
Starting point is 00:51:46 to suggest a Last Man Stanton. Who's the person I was talking with on Twitter that said they had a great name for both, for Last Man Stanton and for... How high can you get? Really? You said that to me? I believe it. He believes it.
Starting point is 00:52:04 It's just a funny coincidence That we were already talking And you're the one person in the audience That I chatted with on Twitter So you've got a genre that you'd like us to use For this game? Blaxploitation Oh shit
Starting point is 00:52:20 Oh man Thank you sir Thank you Let's. Thank you. Let's just call this a win for Chris and move on. Oh, man. I'm going to look racist. Yeah. This is not good.
Starting point is 00:52:39 Yeah. This is scary. Oh, no. All right. Let's try it. Let's try it. Starting with Mark. Mark, no. All right, let's try it. Let's try it. Starting with Mark. Mark, just a one word blaxploitation movie.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Fear. That is... Were blax exploited in that movie because none of them were allowed to participate? Yeah, that's it. On the set they were. That's it. On the set.
Starting point is 00:53:08 That's fine. Every fucking day, dude. Every fucking day. Does it go to me now? Is there even one black actor in that movie? I don't know. Maybe the guy that- I'm asking Mark.
Starting point is 00:53:19 Oh, okay. He was in it. Sure. I think one of the bus boys at the cafe was black. William Peterson's got some fucking soul to him. But other than that, no, not really. I think there was a black guy on the roller coaster behind you and Reese when you were fingering her.
Starting point is 00:53:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And his only line was, what? And I looked back at him and I go, smells good, doesn't it? And I look back at him and I go, smells good, doesn't it? Alright, Mark. What would you like to say? I'll give you one.
Starting point is 00:53:53 Chris? Shaft? Of course. It's a clear, obvious choice. Which one? Roundtree or Jackson? I'll go Roundtree. Okay.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Dustin? One word, blaxploitation title. Dude, this is too dangerous. This is... I mean, it's really not. You know what that genre is. Just don't say some weird Denzel Washington movie. I know. I'm like, damn it. Don't say some weird Denzel Washington movie. I know. I'm like, damn it.
Starting point is 00:54:26 Don't say Pastor 57. That's close. Also, that's not Denzel. That's Wesley Snipes. That's the most racist thing you've done all day. I know. Dude. Bro.
Starting point is 00:54:38 I'll be honest. My racism did come. I did a scene. Bro. That's a first. Grabbing the mic from somebody and dropping it for them. Dude, I worked with Wesley Snipes too
Starting point is 00:54:55 and that was a fear I had that I was going to call the wrong name and be like, what did you call me? You're a passenger 55. Where'd you work with him? Were you busing tables in a prison? He just got out in the player. Yeah, he did get out.
Starting point is 00:55:09 Yeah, yeah. I was the computer nerd. He choked me. It was great. His Twitter's pretty great. He tweeted the other day after Donald Trump was like, yeah, I don't pay taxes. I'm smart. He just tweeted a picture of him like, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:55:19 It was great. Oh, that is awesome. Yeah, I retweeted a thing today where somebody made a meme where it's like, Donald Trump doesn't pay taxes, and he might be our president. Wesley Snipes didn't pay taxes, went to jail. It doesn't get more simple than that.
Starting point is 00:55:37 Some people can break the law and some can't, and they're lighter skinned. Sure. And rich. It helped that Trump started off Sure. And rich. It helped that Trump started off rich. That helps. Yeah, then you're in really good shape. Dude, is I'm gonna get you, sucka? Does that count? That's one
Starting point is 00:55:54 word. That's so many words. See, I'm a failure on this game, dude. I don't even know what to find. It's a blackula. That sounds like a good name. Blackula's one word. That's it. Really? Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:56:10 Yeah. Ha ha. It's amazing. The club owner's like, what are you guys doing? Oh. That's why their stage is cleverly carpeted. Also, if you could- There's no dents in this. If you can see our mics, they're beat the fuck up.
Starting point is 00:56:31 They've already been beaten up pretty badly. All right, so for my one word, I'm going to go with shaft with Sam Jackson. There you go. Nailed it. No, I can do one. I can do one for reals. Superfly. There you go.
Starting point is 00:56:43 All right, now the order changes each time to keep it fair. No, I can do one. I can do one for reals. Superfly. There you go. All right, now the order changes each time to keep it fair, so Chris gets to go first on a two-word blaxploitation movie. Truck Turner. Bam! Starring Isaac Haynes. The classic. And we have a judge in the audience. Me and the one in the black dude in this room
Starting point is 00:57:00 are just vibing right now. He also just pulled his hat over his face like Dumb Donald in Fat Albert. He's like, oh, shit. Also, my other two-word title, Dumb Donald. Pulled that one out of my ass. That's not a movie. I'm just kidding.
Starting point is 00:57:18 Truck Turner. Dustin, do you have a two-word one? Undercover Brother? Does that count as black exploitation? It's a parody of... I know. It wasn't made during the time, but they knew it was like... They made it like, oh, black exploitation, Eddie Griffin.
Starting point is 00:57:33 I don't know it. That's what they said. That was the tagline for that movie? Yeah. Black exploitation, Eddie Griffin. Eddie Griffin. Hollywood. Hey, showbiz. Let's go. One plus one equals two. Does that count? Since I let fear slide, I gotta let that one slide,
Starting point is 00:57:52 because at least it's got a black person in it. Super black. That's not great. Why? Oh, is that another black exploitation movie that says... Super black? That's just Donald Trump complimenting a black person. Oh, you're black.
Starting point is 00:58:15 You're super black. It's beautiful. I love it. Okay, I'm going to go with Black Dynamite. Sure. Mark? Jackie Brown. Okay.
Starting point is 00:58:45 It's like we're just picking out the whitest blaxploitation movies. Well, three of you are. I know. I'm from Boston. I think I'm doing pretty fucking good. I got a sixer that's gonna be great. He's gonna give me a double bam. We are not making six. that's going to be great. He's going to give me a double bam. We are not making six. There is no way.
Starting point is 00:59:09 I'll just show off at the end. Okay, so Mark got that one right? Yeah. Dustin, you got to go first for three-word blaxploitation title. All right. It's going to be tough. Well, since Blackula worked, I'm gonna go with Blackness Monster.
Starting point is 00:59:35 The movie. All right, since that worked, I'm gonna go with The Blummy. Yeah. Doesn't make any sense. Okay. Oh, okay. Foxy Brown.
Starting point is 00:59:51 That was one, right? With three words? Oh, the Foxy Brown. That sounds super racist. The Foxy Brown. Get a load of the foxy brown over there standing right next to George Bush Senior's
Starting point is 01:00:09 daughter didn't he say something like that alright alright you're out let me see if I can think of one this is tough because I jumped all the way to six I'm so proud of my six three words do you have one Chris to six. I'm so proud of my six.
Starting point is 01:00:28 Three words. Do you have one, Chris? I do. Good for you. You have a three? Good for you. Oh, I do too. You do? Yeah. Okay, good. That'll keep the game going if I fail here. I'm really having trouble coming up with one. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:46 I'm going to kick myself later, but for now I'm out. Mark? The ladies' man? Oh, man. Did you know that... You're fucking thinking about it, though, aren't you? Oh, no, I'm all right with it, because Chris is going to win this game no matter what.
Starting point is 01:01:11 Sure. So I'm okay with it. So three, we can either go Shaft in Africa or Black Belt Jones. Okay. Either one of those. For four... I like this.
Starting point is 01:01:24 For four, we can do three the hard way. Three the... Yeah, that's right. That's four. As the word three. I'm trying to get you to six. For five... Oh, that's a hard one. Oh, you got one for
Starting point is 01:01:44 five? Shit. Hold on, give me a second. So do I. Oh, what you got? What you got? I'm going to get you, sucker. Yeah, I'm going to get you, sucker. That's five.
Starting point is 01:01:55 That's five. And why don't you hit us with your six? My six is sweet, sweet backs, badass song. That's a good cut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel less white. Alright, that was great. Now can we do movies where somebody beats someone up?
Starting point is 01:02:12 Because I will crush that shit. That's most movies. That I'm in. Yeah, you do get into it with people. Fuck yeah, dude. Alright, so Chris get into it with people. Alright, so Chris wins that game. Good job, Chris. Thanks for suggesting that, sir. What's your name, by the way?
Starting point is 01:02:40 Your name's Cool Running. Oh, man. This is one of the... That was the huddest shit I ever heard. The name of my check or My name's Cool Runnings. Oh man, this is one of the... Oh, that was also... That was the hootest shit I ever heard. The name of my check or my... You want my government name on a recording? No, sir.
Starting point is 01:02:56 You can't have my government. Okay, no name, but what's your social? He seems very social to me. All right, let's play Last Man Stanton. But before we do that, I've been eyeballing this box of... Is this donuts on the stage right here? What is it? It's a cannoli?
Starting point is 01:03:27 Just one cannoli. Oh, dude. You better not. A cannoli and a cookie? Throw the cookie. Leave the cannoli. Boom. Awesome.
Starting point is 01:03:38 Godfather reference. Who wants this cookie? I don't want to throw it in your mouth at such close range. That seems dangerous. Here we go. The guy with the hands up right there. Oh!
Starting point is 01:03:56 You're holding your hands up and used your mouth at the last minute? That's tight. I'm going to tell you right now, you would make a great girlfriend. your mouth at the last minute? That's tight. I'm gonna tell you right now, you would make a great girlfriend. Slow mic drop, slow mic drop. That was great. Seriously, where are the donuts at?
Starting point is 01:04:24 Where are my donuts at Oh in the back Pass them forward Pass them forward Crocodile Dundee that shit Not too many Crocodile Dundee that shit Not too many They're Crocodile Dundeeing it dude
Starting point is 01:04:33 All the way up to the front I don't know what that means But okay At the end of Crocodile Dundee Makes it to that ugly blonde girl By stepping on people These are the messiest ones. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:47 What is this shit, man? Your fingers will get all sticky just by touching them to throw them. These are like jizz donuts, bro. They're glazed with super glaze. They left them out all afternoon. The calories are going to go right into your fucking fingers, dude.
Starting point is 01:05:07 Ooh, they're pumpkin cake doughnuts. Ooh. That sounds delicious. Oh, shit, a whole bunch of basic girls just wet themselves. It is the season. Let's go. Who wants a doughnut? Hold on, I'm going deep. You see me pointing at you?
Starting point is 01:05:21 Girl with your hand, or maybe a guy, I can't see. No, it's a guy, it's a guy, it's a guy, it's a guy. You, you just had your hand up or maybe a guy I can't see. No, it's a guy, it's a guy, it's a guy, it's a guy. You, you just had your hand up. Yeah, you. Here we go. Ooh, I want to hit that Deadpool over there. That looks good.
Starting point is 01:05:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to hit the guys filming it. It's good. Hey. Excuse me. Oh, I'm going again? All right, here we go. Oh, wait. Somebody give me... I want a deep...
Starting point is 01:06:00 Oh, I can't throw into the light. Somebody... Here we go. Okay. I'm just... I see a bunch of hands, and I'm just going for it. Oh, I can't throw into the light. Somebody, here we go. Okay, I see a bunch of hands, and I'm just going for it. Oh, man, this is fun as shit.
Starting point is 01:06:12 All right, who promises to do cardio later? You ready? No matter what happens, you're welcome. Oh, that donut disintegrated. no matter what happens, you're welcome. Oh. That donut disintegrated as you threw it. Fucking velocity, bro. It hit like five fucking...
Starting point is 01:06:34 That's awesome. Busted through some atmosphere. It looked like the ship in the Flight of the Navigator. Just... All right, that was exciting. Dustin's just enjoying his. Yeah, I want to set it down, but there's nowhere to put it. Now I just look like a fucking fat guy with a donut.
Starting point is 01:06:49 Sucks. Oh! Thanks, man. I'll just wipe on my pants. That's cool. I'm still that guy. I'll just wipe it on my... Oh, can I have one, too?
Starting point is 01:06:59 When did he order what? Man, you clever motherfucker. I'm quick. I thought about getting one earlier, but I was like, it'll kill the momentum. We got a lot of momentum. I don't want to kill it, but... And I'm going to have sex with you later.
Starting point is 01:07:14 That sounded like a threat. For the listener at home, I just made plans. All right, we're going to play Last Man Stanton. Yeah! You do a line. And... We're going to start with
Starting point is 01:07:37 Chris Cubis because he won the last game. And then we'll go to Mark and then me and Dustin. But you guys get to use one lifeline at any point. You could ask for help from the person whose name tag you picked. So Dustin needs to go to Keaton. I can't believe I didn't remember that. And Dawn for Chris.
Starting point is 01:07:59 And Max. Max Murderer for Mark. And I chatted with a person on Twitter whose name I actually wrote down. Ninja Demas? Where's Ninja Demas at? It's the same fucking guy! Damn.
Starting point is 01:08:17 Oh, he's killing it. Social media man over here. That's awesome. Oh, I feel like I got this. And I feel like now we know his government name. That's awesome. Oh, I feel like I got this. And I feel like now we know his government name. Ninja Demus. Here we go. Everybody get your Lou Gossett
Starting point is 01:08:31 Juniors ready. Officer and a gentleman. Gladly. Iron Eagle. Diggstown. Iron Eagle 2. Enemy mine. Glory. He wasn't in Glory. Definitely was not in Glory.
Starting point is 01:08:53 Alright, so is it safe to ask you for a name? Or are you going to give us a name where Chris is going to win for sure? That seems... Okay, I think I might be good. Yeah, yeah. Oh, here's your drinks, guys. Woo! That ain't even good for me, brother.
Starting point is 01:09:11 I'm sorry. Vivica A. Fox, there's like... I got like two movies. There's like Kill Bills. Yeah, yeah. And Independence Day. Oh, Independence Day and then I'm out. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:21 Let's think of better... We could do a better... Soul Food, right? She was in Soul Food. I hope so. He says pick somebody else. We could do a better. Soul food, right? She was in soul food. I hope so. He says pick somebody else. She raised her hand. What's she got?
Starting point is 01:09:29 You got something for us? All right. Be cool. Halle Berry. Halle Berry. Okay. I think that pleases everyone. Sure.
Starting point is 01:09:38 Oh, yeah, she does. Halle Berry. Here we go. It starts with me, yeah? We start with you and go to Mark. Swordfish. Oh, yeah, you went right to the one where she tits her ass.
Starting point is 01:09:53 Right to the titty. Mark? Monster's Ball. Oh, she won the Oscar for that. I was just feeling something there. And then she won the oscar for that i was just feeling something there and then she won the oscar and adrian brody kissed her on the mouth without permission yeah i know that was real gross it's totally douchey but i'd high five him not not cool but also pretty cool
Starting point is 01:10:21 that's just because he's a good looking guy it was fucking someone else a kid but also pretty cool. That's just because he's a good looking guy. It was fucking someone else. A kid, John Gooden was like, come here you. And smooshed it and be like, what the fuck is this guy doing, man? It's bullshit. It's not fair when you're ugly, you can't just kiss whoever.
Starting point is 01:10:44 That must suck. Oh, society. I know, it's bullshit. You and your damn restrictions against ugly people. It's bullshit. Why is no one protesting for that? Huh? What the fuck? Because it's hard to be an outwardly
Starting point is 01:10:59 sex offender. You can't just protest like, hey, I want to violate women too. Where's my rights? rights actually i think that's donald trump's whole platform if i'm not he's killing it um x-men okay sure um i'll go with gothica who sure I'll go with Gothica. Who? Sure.
Starting point is 01:11:26 Oh, does that go to me now? No, it should be Mark. Okay, word. Wait, did you go twice, Chris? Because I've already gone once. Huh? You already went? I went once, yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:37 I said Monsters Ball. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's me. It's me, I think. I started, then it went to him, and then I guess it was supposed to be.
Starting point is 01:11:44 Oh, yeah, you jumped in before I... I had a feeling I fucked it up, but I was waiting to... I was waiting to get caught. I think some audience members saw it, too. You were so excited to say X-Men. Yeah. And I was so excited to say Gothica. Okay, so let's fix the order next time, but yeah, it's Chris goes now.
Starting point is 01:12:00 X-Men 2? That is the name of that, right? Go on? Yep. Yeah, cool. No, that's it, man. They just straight up X-Men 2? That is the name of that, right? Go on. Yep. Yeah, cool. No, that's it, man. They just straight up X-Men 2'd it. X-Men 3.
Starting point is 01:12:10 And then the ads would say X2. Yeah. Shut your fucking mouth. Yeah. Are you on a stage? Do you have a microphone? Don't fucking talk when I'm talking. X-Men 3, the last stand.
Starting point is 01:12:26 I love that, though, when you said X-Men 3, The Last Stand. I love that, though, when you said X-Men 3. No! Let me finish. You always let me finish. She must make an appearance in X-Men First Class. She does not. For reals? No.
Starting point is 01:12:55 All right, I'm out. And don't forget about your lifeline, Dustin. Ooh, thank you. Keaton, help me out here, buddy. I know. I chose the whitest guy with the whitest fucking name ever. Keaton, help me. Dude, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:13:17 Man, that's kind of tough. She's a... I know, and I want to... I think I've got one of my... But you got nothing, Keaton? Keaton. He's working it with the table. You better not. Talk to your other...
Starting point is 01:13:28 What are you guys, fucking trivia night? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck? Team Google over here. I don't like this at all. Come on, Keaton. Catwoman.
Starting point is 01:13:37 That's correct. Yeah, fucking Catwoman. Good job, geniuses. Thanks, Keaton. That group of four people came up with that one. That's good. That's awesome. That goes to me, yeah. The last Boy Scout. Yes, of course.
Starting point is 01:13:53 One of the first times we got to lay eyes on her. She played a stripper who gets murdered. Yeah. I think she's wearing a Dallas Cowboys kind of outfit at the time too oh that was her stripper image you know she had those tassels hanging off
Starting point is 01:14:11 of her white leather coat she'd be like yeah who wants to fuck some tacos oh you're thinking he said Cowboys I was picturing like an Aikman jersey. When you said that, I was like... That would be the most Texas strip club of all time. It's a girl in no pants and an Aikman jersey. Also, we're giving this guy a lot of time. I'm just waiting to give you another correct answer. Okay. Wait, because what was Chris's?
Starting point is 01:14:44 I said Last Boy Scout. Oh, yeah, of course. That's what we answer. Okay. Wait, because what was Chris's? I said Last Boy Scout. Oh, yeah, of course. That's what we were talking about. I don't have short-term memory loss. Chris, you're up. Mark. X- Days of Future Past.
Starting point is 01:15:03 Yes, I knew she showed up in one of those. Whew. Yeah, we milked those X-Mens. Yeah, I don't know if she was in the most recent one because I did not watch it because it looked terrible. Where's Dawn? Hold on, wait. It's Dustin, though, isn't it?
Starting point is 01:15:21 Oh, he's out. Why was he out? He said Catwoman. No, I said Catwoman. Oh, he got Catwoman. He just doesn't have a lifeline anymore, so he's effectively out it? Oh, he's out. Why is he out? He said Catwoman. No, I said Catwoman. Oh, he got Catwoman. He just doesn't have a lifeline anymore, so he's effectively out. He's gonna be out.
Starting point is 01:15:29 We're right there. Yeah, he's gonna be out. All right, I'm just gonna throw this out there. Give it a shot, man. She might have been in JFK. Damn, I'm picturing her too, and she looks so 80s, but I can't get the right movie.
Starting point is 01:15:43 Are you thinking of JFP? What was it? Yeah, you know me. I'm down with JFP. I don't know. I just do the right thing maybe. She's worked with the Spice. I don't know. Oh, yeah. That's not a bad area
Starting point is 01:16:03 to go down. So I knew it was one of those, but I just... Yeah, I'm not positive which one. All right, so you're out. Thanks for coming. Can you hand me your name tag? Oh, yes, thanks. Chris? Oh, yeah, I'm working on it.
Starting point is 01:16:19 You got a lifeline. I know, but I kind of want to save it because I feel like Marky's got one in the chamber. Marky. You heard me. I'm going to give you one. Okay, Marky. What's the number? Okay. Oh, shit. I'm in Deep
Starting point is 01:16:39 Water Horizon. You're about to be in a parking lot. Mark, you've already got one hate crime under your belt. Don't make it otherwise. Give a guy a microphone and all of a sudden he thinks he's been in a gym his whole life. Or once. That's true. Your lifeline may be tapped anyway, Chris.
Starting point is 01:17:08 You might as well just check in. Dawn, you got something? Boomerang. Ooh, Boomerang. Nice. That's a real, real good one. She said that shit with authority. Yeah, she knew that shit.
Starting point is 01:17:22 She said that shit like a person who just got done looking at their phone. No, she said that shit like a fan of Boomerang. Hell yeah. Boomerang's a great fucking soundtrack alone. Just Boomerangs are cool. Yeah, that's true. You throw that movie out, it comes back.
Starting point is 01:17:40 Why was it called that? Was she also in Crossbow by any chance? Because that's another thing I wanted as a child. All right, Mark. Next murderer. Flintstones. Flintstones. Whoa, the Flintstones.
Starting point is 01:17:57 Damn, that is good. Holy shit. Always trust a man that carries a weapon. And makes one, too. So that's me. Yeah, it's back to you again. Dustin's out. I'm pretty sure I'm right about this.
Starting point is 01:18:11 Okay. Baps. Baps. Baps. B-A-P-S. Back to you, Mark. The only thing I can think of to say is... You want to do a line?
Starting point is 01:18:30 Oh, shit. You guys want to do some fucking lines? Are you just going to follow him? No, I'm just going to wander around. Look good, feel good. Now wait, is that just us or the whole audience can guess? You feel good. What?
Starting point is 01:19:05 I said we'll go you guys. It's your call. It's your show, bro. All right. If we can't get it right away, then we'll open up to the crowd. Yeah. Okay. Only us on stage.
Starting point is 01:19:12 Yeah. Only us on stage. When you say, do you want to do some lines, you should have one ready. How do you not know this isn't the credits? All right, here we go. If you... All right. But when I come back,
Starting point is 01:19:43 I want to be rich. All right. But when I come back, I want to be rich. All right. But when I come back, I want to be rich. Put your fucking hand up because you know what it is. Just put your hand up. All right. Wolf of Wall Street. It is not Wolf of Wall Street.
Starting point is 01:19:58 But when I come back, I want to be rich. You want another one? Yeah, I don't know this movie about a guy who wants a name change. Can I guess at this? I don't have anything. You're on stage, right? I was just wondering if I could. The Gambler.
Starting point is 01:20:15 Like, here we go. It's not necessarily a Mark Wahlberg film, Dustin. Oh. Oh. Like, I know this steak isn't real, but it tastes great. Oh, shh. But like, I know this steak isn't real,
Starting point is 01:20:32 but it tastes great. I still don't know, Doug. Don't spoil it, you guys. I know this snake. Snake, motherfucker. Can we go again? Rerack it. Okay, okay.
Starting point is 01:20:44 I think I know what it is. Okay. You know you know what a fucking snake is. I know exactly what it is Rerack it. Okay, okay. I think I know what it is. Okay. You know you know what a fucking is, dude. I know exactly what it is. Drop the motherfucking. Oh, Matrix. It is fucking Matrix. I do, yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:53 That was Joey Pants, too, right? Fucking Joey Pants, dude. Yeah, man. I thought it was The Fly. Because there's a scene where Jeff Goldblum, before he moves himself from one pod to the other He does a steak, doesn't he? And then he eats it
Starting point is 01:21:09 That line is also said by the boys in the movie Hook What's the line? I know the steak isn't real But it tastes great Oh yeah Okay Dude, okay If they were eating
Starting point is 01:21:25 real food how is that one kid so fucking fat do you remember that one kid they're eating air but why is he gaining so much weight man because he believed dude
Starting point is 01:21:34 he fucking believed okay he believed in diabetes I guess I don't know think up a salad at once in a while imagine some fucking kale bro Think up a salad at once in a while. Imagine some fucking kale, bro.
Starting point is 01:21:54 Instead of all that purple goop. What the fuck? What was that, man? I don't know. It's all fun. Based on how black that vacuum was, I'm going to guess something grape flavored. Do you have an answer yet, Mark? We really stalled a long time.
Starting point is 01:22:09 No, he already doesn't have an answer. No, not at all. Okay, you're out? That's why he did the lines. I thought for a second he was going to do a line from a Halle Berry movie and I was going to be like, this is gangster as shit. Yeah. No such luck.
Starting point is 01:22:23 All right. Chris Cubis is our winner! Where you at, Don? I got you, Don. Come get your prizes, Don. Come get your shit. I hope you put booze in that coffee mug. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:43 Thanks, Don. Congratulations. Now, let's hear from the audience which Halle Berry movies we missed. Jungle Fever was the Spike Lee one. Jungle Fever, yeah, yeah. Die Another Day. Die Another Motherfucking Day. Why didn't we think of that? James Bond is white as shit. I can't hear Yeah, yeah. Die another day. Die another motherfucking day.
Starting point is 01:23:05 Why didn't we think of that? James Bond is white as shit. I can't hear you, sir. Cloud Atlas? Oh, yeah. What was that Warren Beatty movie? Bull? Bull Worth.
Starting point is 01:23:17 Bull Worth, yeah. Bull fucking Worth. People keep saying movie 43. That does not even count in my book as a movie. Perfect Stranger. Perfect Stranger. Perfect Stranger. Oh, okay. The Call.
Starting point is 01:23:29 Fuck yeah. God damn. That bitch is prolific. That's crazy. She's been in a bunch of stuff. Did somebody say Michaela and the Bee? I don't think that's right. Frankie and Alex?
Starting point is 01:23:44 Frankie and Alice. Frankie and Alice. Frankie and Alice. What? Al Pacino? Things We Lost in the Fire, yes. I lost that movie in a fire. What, dude? Executive Decision?
Starting point is 01:24:00 She was an executive at Steven Seagal? Check it out, guys. Hold on, do you have an executive decision tattoo? Oh, that's a great visual bit for this podcast. I was in an executive decision. His face looks just like Steven Seagal. For the listener at home, Dustin just looked like Vincent D'Onofrio
Starting point is 01:24:28 in Men in Black. That's funny. And Steven Seagal. Let's do some... Sorry? No, I for real thought he was going to show that he had an executive secession tattoo like on your neck
Starting point is 01:24:48 when you started pulling your hair. That would have been the most Texas fucking thing. Bro! You don't think? I got under siege too over here, man. Fucking dangerous territory. That was a shadow territory. Dark territory.
Starting point is 01:25:05 Dangerous shadow territory. You got it on your taint. This is dark territory. That was a shadow territory. Dark territory. Dangerous shadow territory. You got it on your taint. This is dark territory. He's on a train. Dustin. Yes. What would you like to plug? What's going on, man?
Starting point is 01:25:17 Two shows tonight here at Hyenas. Yep, two shows at Hyenas, man. Tonight. Come out. He's going to be drunk on Shiner talking shit about his mom. Yeah. You know what, Mom? I don't care.
Starting point is 01:25:28 I'm going to say pussy. Now, also, I'm doing a show with Felipe Esparza. It's just ABC. Just, yeah, Dusty's back in the game. That's so awesome. They just tried to turn on the end theme while you're talking. Get a lot of respect in your home club. Yeah, no one likes me here.
Starting point is 01:25:47 I burned a lot of bridges. It's okay. What's the show called? We don't have a name yet, but it's... Couple of Mexicans? That's a great fucking name! Couple of Mexicans. Okay, I like it.
Starting point is 01:26:03 Let's do it. And when's it supposed to happen? It just, well, we just sold it. So now we go into the casting in January, February, and then March we film it, most likely. If it doesn't get canned before then, because that can happen. I've been here before.
Starting point is 01:26:17 Yeah, it's probably a little too early to be talking it up like this. Well, you asked me, do you have anything? I didn't want to seem like a jackass. Like, oh, I'm here tonight. Yeah, I am. You fucking lose it. Dusty, you're here. do you have anything? I didn't want to seem like a jackass. Like, oh, I'm here tonight. Yeah, I am. You fucking lose it. Dusty, you're here.
Starting point is 01:26:28 You have no other gigs. You're headlining your home club? You have no other gigs except for a pilot you're going to shoot in March? No, I got a bunch. Sorry. Go to dozenofbar.com. I want to be in San Antonio and Denver and a bunch of Boston, a bunch of places. I knew you had gigs.
Starting point is 01:26:41 I've got gigs. You're out there gigging. But good for you, man. Thanks for being here. Thanks're out there gigging. But good for you, man. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me, Doug. This is where I did my first Doug Loves Movies. Yeah, right here at Hyenas. And Chris Cubis was here as well.
Starting point is 01:26:53 Like Rachel Feinstein. That was the fun show. Oh, yeah. That's a better threesome than this group. No, I just mean if you're going to have a threesome, you want to get at least one girl in there. And if you could only have one person, youesome, you want to get at least one girl in there. And if you could only have one person, you'd only have me.
Starting point is 01:27:07 Yeah. That's true. Chris Cubis, what do you got coming up? I am in Seattle at Parlor Live with Mike Lawrence, October 13th through the 16th. Check out my two podcasts. I got one called Canceled. We watch TV shows.
Starting point is 01:27:24 It only lasts one season. We're in the middle of my so-called life. It is super fun to watch that show as a 38-year-old man. It's a good show though, right? It's great. I love it. I've never seen it before
Starting point is 01:27:32 and I'm super into it. Yeah, that's why all those people that are in it or a lot of them have careers because they're all really good. For sure.
Starting point is 01:27:40 I have another show called Wig Snatchers where we just talk about politics and shit and snatch wigs. And then I have a documentary special coming out on Fusion October 21st at 8 o'clock called Chris Cubis Gets Money,
Starting point is 01:27:51 where I convinced a network to give me a bunch of money and let me live like the 1% for 30 days. And I just had to spend 30 grand in 30 days, and I did the shit out of that. So watch that special. We talk about income inequality. There's some like, there's some stuff going on, but I got a big ass TV
Starting point is 01:28:11 and a laptop and a tablet and shit. So it's fun. You got to keep all that stuff? Yes, I did. Production budget, my friend. I got a thousand dollar suit. That's the greatest.
Starting point is 01:28:27 You fucking tricked those bastards. That's amazing. When I went to the pitch meeting, I thought that up on the bus on the way to the pitch meeting. And they were like, we love it. And I was like, that seems like a lie. How is that possible? October 21st, 8pm, Fusion.
Starting point is 01:28:47 I could just picture you Thinking of it on the way there I wish I wasn't on this bus That's 100% accurate What can I do To not ride buses anymore I had a Brewster's Millions I had to spend every dime
Starting point is 01:28:59 By the end But you did it Or is that a spoiler No that was super easy I did it That'd be so funny I could never get into Brewster's Millions Because it's just like How hard could You know But you did it. Or is that a spoiler? No, that was super easy. I did it. Okay. That'd be so funny. I could never get into Brewster's Millions because it's just like, how hard could, you know, spending money?
Starting point is 01:29:10 Come on. And cocaine, bro. Right? Yeah. That's literally all you need. Brewster's is the 80s, right? When they made that movie? I think the problem is he needs a receipt for everything.
Starting point is 01:29:20 That would be weird. That's why he doesn't spend it on cocaine. Hey, you think I could get a receipt? Okay. You got to Venmo your Coke dealer when you need a receipt. Mark Wahlberg, Deepwater Horizons,
Starting point is 01:29:33 in theaters now. Okay, go see it. That shit's fresh. And then I've got a couple other movies coming out. Like I said, we just wrapped on Transformers 5. Finish up this season of Ballers. If you haven't done that yet,
Starting point is 01:29:42 Rock needs the attention. Other than that, Wahlburgers is coming back and hang around after the show, and if you're lucky, I'll fuck you. What happens to the unlucky? They get to watch. Ooh. That sounds very...
Starting point is 01:30:02 That doesn't seem so bad. Sounds very unlucky. Depends on who the lucky person is. Spoiler alert, it's Dustin. I think I'd watch that. One more round of applause for all of my guests. Dustin Ibarra, Chris Cubis, Mark Wahlberg. Mic drop it. I'm coming to Boston
Starting point is 01:30:29 next week, next Saturday. You know what happens in Boston. Try to get Mark to come back for that one. And as always, Pothole... Where'd you say you were gonna be? I said I was gonna be in Boston, And as always, pothole... Where'd you say you were going to be? I said I was going to be in Boston,
Starting point is 01:30:48 and then I went to wrap up the show. Got it. Looking right at the name tag and saying, as always, how I wrap up every episode. Do you still want to talk, Mark? No, I crushed. I'll see you in Boston, buddy. Potholes are a shithead.
Starting point is 01:31:08 Apparently it's a big problem here to about eight or ten of you. This one might be more relatable. And thank you to everybody for coming, regardless of whether you suffer from this affliction. Whiskey dick is a shithead. Play that theme song. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.
Starting point is 01:31:39 Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you, because Doug loves movies!

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