Doug Loves Movies - Eugene Mirman, Paul F. Tompkins, Kurt Metzger, and Sean Jordan Guest

Episode Date: September 4, 2011

The final show from Bumbershoot! Doug welcomes comedians Eugene Mirman, Paul F. Tompkins, Kurt Metzger, and Sean Jordan to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody My name is Doug and I love movies This is Doug Loves Movies Coming to you in front of a live audience

On day three of the Bumbershoot Arts and Music Festival In sunny downtown Seattle. Yeah. It's Monday, September 5th, 2 Oceans 11. Has anybody in the audience tonight been to all three Doug Loves Movies taping here at Bumbershoot? Yay. Good for you.

Congratulations. I don't know if you should feel some sort of success. Some sort of... Which was your favorite? This one. This one right now? Awesome. That's fantastic. I think yesterday was a first on my podcast. Some of my guests were drunk, but I wasn't. That has never happened before where I was one of the more

sober people on stage. Apologies to Kyle Kinane for taking an unnecessary one-inch punch. Yeah. He sort of got tricked into that because he was a little hammered. I apologize to anyone who listens to the podcast

that does not tune in. Tune in? You don't really tune in, but download to hear a bunch of sadomasochistic weirdness. Where's that Bratz poster at? Is the Bratz poster back? No, but who's your caddy is? Oh, who's your caddy's back? What happened to Bratz? Bratz finally gave up? I gave up on it. You gave up on it and changed it to what? I changed it to Sarah Jessica Parker, and I'm not racist.

It's Sarah Jessica Parker, and it says, pick him, he's totally not racist. And his says, the help, and it's, it's a who's your caddy poster that you covered up the help, you put the help over who's the caddy. And there's a monkey. All right, thank you very much for,

I thought I'd get through one episode without racist talk about about the help but i i can't wait to see that movie on a plane i will totally watch it on a plane all right let's do this my guests today are four very funny comedians who came here to bumbershoot from new york los angeles and portland please welcome to the stage Sean Jordan, Kurt Metzger, Eugene Merman, and Paul F. Tompkins. Thank you. I don't remember. It's over there, I think. I don't remember.

It's over there, I think. Why was... Paul just asked me where Scott Aukerman sat on last night's show. Doug, there's no need to bring our personal conversations into this arena. Why did you want to know that? No reason! Okay.

You just want to sit on the ghost of Scott Aukerman and feel his essence and his spirit? That's right. Okay. You just want to sit on the ghost of Scott Aukerman and feel his essence and his spirit? That's right. That's right. Okay. It's an old theater tradition. You wouldn't understand. Scott and I are theater men, so...

It's so funny. I was just backstage talking about Hamlet, and speaking of traditions I don't understand. Yeah. Kurt Metzger, first timer here on Douglas Movies Thank you for having me On your movie show Oh, you were at my show earlier

You people, right? With those deaf people How come they're not Yeah, the comedy shows The stand-up comedy shows here at Bumbershoot There's been some deaf folks in the audience, so they have interpreters on stage. I didn't mean to say it like that. What? Like those deaf people. I wasn't like setting myself apart from them.

It did kind of sound like that. It did, right? Because you know what I wanted? Because they have like a translator. Yeah, that's what I was saying. They're called a translator. And I didn't think of it, but I wanted to go and just smash her hands down while she was...

Like, it's a secret! It's not for them! They get too much! What if you did this instead? So, like, while the translator's there, you just all of a sudden start saying,

you are deaf, you are deaf, you are deaf. And that's what she has to say over and over and over again. They don't like that. They don't care for that. I started speaking in Russian and she couldn't translate it.

Did you have that? I did not have that. Look, deaf people have made it clear they don't care what I have to say. Really? Is that true? I got a letter. You look so visually appealing to a deaf person. I got a letter one day.

Look, you think I don't try? This is for deaf people. That looks like a deaf, like you came in a hot air balloon to teach kids about reading and shit. That's right. That's very stimulating for deafs. I got that letter too, and the weird part is it was in Braille. That's kind of weird. Why would they do that?

That doesn't make any sense at all. Put it all on them. Why would they do that thing That doesn't make any sense at all. Put it all on them. Why would they do that thing that I just made up? I sense an unholy alliance. So good luck to you, Kurt, on your first experience on the show. Do you think you understand the Leonard Maltin game and how to play it? You know, I came to watch Essay, and I don't, but I'm going to have a great attitude about it,

so that's going to carry a lot of it. And I'm going to pick good name attitude about it, so that's going to carry a lot of it. And I'm going to pick good name tags, not like jerks. Not like fucking Kyle Kinane and Jezelnik yesterday. How do you pronounce his name again? Jezelnik? Oh, okay. Is that how you say it? Yeah, that's right.

I thought you said Jedelnik. Well, he had a lot of good rate jokes. I thought you had trouble with it. And he picked a shitty name tag. Yeah, and so did Kyle. All proud of himself, too. I thought you had trouble with it. And he picked a shitty name tag. Yeah, and so did Kyle. Just all proud of himself, too. Like a fucking young Uncle Jesse from a Dukes of Hazzard prequel. He just marched down with that shitty-ass name tag and then passed out. What made the name tag so shitty?

There are people... Some kid had a little baseball bat and somebody had a sculpture they made. And he just grabbed some hand marker thing. It was a fry boat is what it was greasy just yeah there's a greasy fry boat the guy wrote kevin on and then another person just wrote alex on the back of a piece of paper that he found and this fucking haughty longshore fisherman didn't didn't even look around that's kyle is the haughty long shore fisherman Yeah It's the name of his second album Eugene Merman is here everybody

Hi Have you of course He's one of the voices on Very Funny Bob's Burgers Congratulations on Thank you. They're going to make more of those. I'm a voice on a show, too. Whatever.

Anyway. What voice do you do on that show, Kurt? I'm not on Bob's Burgers. Oh, you're a voice on Ugly Americans. Yeah, I just wanted... Yeah, yeah. I just took attention. I didn't bring that up because it's no Bob's Burgers.

Well, I know. But it's Burgers. Well, I know. But it's also great. Well, I got jealous. I got jealous of Eugene's accomplishments, and I just jumped over it. Eugene, have you been in or seen a motion picture lately? You can answer either of those. Yeah, I've seen, I think the last one I saw is Columbiana or whatever that movie is called about the lady. You nailed it, Columbiana.

Yeah, about the lady who's very mad that her parents were murdered and she's like, I'm going to punch you all now. Oh my god. And it was written by the guy who did, you know, La Femme Nikita. Taken, dude, right? The writers of Taken? Maybe. They said it in the commercial. I know Luc Besson is involved in some way,

but he didn't actually direct it. Well, he tells the truth about Albanians. A lot of people can't handle it. A whole family is leaving. Oh, my God. Was it because I didn't know if I pronounced the name of that movie right? Because I'm sorry.

Let's get out of here. But I saw that. I saw Captain America. I saw the things where people punch each other. This episode hasn't been nearly as offensive as the other days. And we didn't have a family walkout like that. They might have all had to pee. They might all have to pee in a circle or something.

You don't know. For the spell to be complete. Seattle is not your normal. There's a lot of babies here. They have drum circles here. They have pea circles. Yeah. Yeah. You'd think a circle could solve everything,

but it can't, Seattle. It's not all circles and shit. They're off to get smoked salmon before Pike Street closes. I don't know. And I meant the entire street Not just Oh local references

I can never get sick of them Does a fish get caught If there's nobody there to see it Yes What if the one guy is still there Like nobody tells him it's time to go home And he's just throwing fish to nobody They come the next morning There's a big pile of fish they're like what happened

my arms are tired he's just making the throwing motion eugene did you like colombiana would you recommend it? Good question, Doug. I don't know how to answer that. I would say that I liked watching it, but it was pretty dumb. Like, it's a story that, like, I love, like, I love, like, the Bourne Trilogy and that sort of thing.

But the thing about the Bourne Trilogy is you're like, yeah, I get what's, like, I get why that's happening. But in Colombiana, there'd just be, like, parts where you'd just be like, why that's, and I wish why that's happening. But in Columbia, there'd just be like, parts where you'd just be like, why that's, and I wish I had an example. I literally have blocked it from my mind. It made so little sense. You're like Jason Bourne now.

I am like Jason Bourne now. There's a scene where like, no one has any photos of this lady and her like weird boyfriend person takes a picture on his phone and then like his friend's like, oh, I'll find out information. Let me call my friend at the police office. And then the FBI gets it.

It was just the dumbest thing. Sorry I've described it. But also, she is awesome at punching people and stabbing them and being like, fuck you. Do you like the name Columbiana? I don't. I am neutral on it.

I mostly wanted her to punch people in for it to make sense. And when it stopped making sense, I'd be like, come on. Does murder make sense, Eugene? It does. I submit that it does not. Am I right, Seattle? If drug dealers kill your family... Hey, a lot of people in Seattle are behind murder.

Nope. Perfectly sensible, Paul. As long as it's all Californians, right? Whoa! Pander, pander, pander. Is there a thing? Let me just say this. If you murder people, say 22 people,

and you draw your symbol on them, don't be surprised when they want revenge. Now go see the movie. You just got to tell them that you murdered everyone in a big circle, and then they'll be cool with it. Oh, we just gathered around them and fucking killed them. Oh, okay. Are you excited for the movie where Taylor Lautner,

is that how you say it? That hairless boy werewolf from the movie? Oh yeah, the werewolf. He puts the abs in abduction. Let me just say this. I am not excited for it. I will probably see it. And why does the government keep making these super soldiers

that they don't stay on the farm, dude? They always go rogue. How's that ever gone right? Did you see the indie version of all those? About the little girl? That was fun. Oh, Hannah? Yep. Hannah sans her sisters.

Is that where the girl's like an almost albino kind of? And she gets trained by Kate Blanchard? Yes, she's very pretty. She's very pretty. Is that a condition? She's got that almost albino look. Sean Jordan of Portland, formerly of Sioux Falls, and you can see

Yeah. You can see he and I in both of those cities coming up. We have shows there. September 9th will be at Orpheum in Sioux Falls. It's a double homecoming for Sean. Yeah, yeah. And then we're going to be at the Helium Comedy Club in Portland. He lives there now, so he'll just come over there.

After an afternoon at the skate park, I'm sure. You give me shit about that every time I'm on here. I'm the only athletic person on this podcast. It's just an accurate description of you. You spend time in skate parks. It's weird that you don't have a skateboard, that you're just watching. But yeah, October 4th and 5th

will be at Helium in Portland with Big Irish Jay and his one-inch punch will be there as well, so that'll be fun. Oh, and we're going to be at the Houston Improv October 9th. We just worked that out today. One good guy's excited. I got a lot of shit coming up. Yeah. Have you been to the cinema lately, Sean Jordan? Yeah, I saw the Tribe Called

Quest documentary. It was really good. Does it have a name, though? It's called something, right? Beats, Rhymes, and Life. It's one after one of their CDs. There was a... Very original. Slower? Even though I think you said beats, rhymes, and lies? Beats, rhymes, and life. It's the truth about them.

Okay, so I was right to make you repeat it. Go on. There was this part in there where Fife, he's one of the dudes in Tribe, in case you're not aware, and he's got diabetes, and he's talking about taking too much insulin and possibly dying, but this is the way he chose to say it. He goes, you don't want to take too much of this right here otherwise you might

bottom out and play yourself that's like the tightest way to say you're gonna die ever certainly don't want to bottom out or play yourself ever wasn't that the official cause of death of that guy from kung fu yeah he bottomed out for like two weeks and then he played himself. I was on the report in those words. If you read the papers. He played himself? Oh, he bottomed out and played himself. Look, you can't just play yourself if you gotta bottom out first.

Anybody, here's the thing. If you bottom out, it might just end there. There's a good chance, though, you might also end up playing yourself. Lesson, don't bottom out, it might just end there. There's a good chance, though, you might also end up playing yourself. Lesson? Don't bottom out. And then you'll never play yourself.

We did that for like an hour last night. Cue the school bell sound. Like you're a professor and we now get to leave. Alright, that was what I was trying to go for there. Paul F. Tompkins. How often do people ask you about the movie magnolia including now i'm going to say not they never magnolia fans back there some sort of weird crazy noise

there's a big cling clang as if scaffolding was falling apart which may be the case it is the theater uh because uh on uh there's a trivia game i play every day called crank that's based out of Which may be the case. It is the theater. There's a trivia game I play every day called Crank that's based out of Austin, Texas. It's a fun game. Three people here like it. One time they did this Doug Loves Movies edition where it was all questions about me and my podcast.

One of the questions, I had to tell them, you've got this wrong. One of the questions was, which one of these people that have appeared on Doug's podcast was not in Magnolia? And you were one of the choices because they thought you were not in Magnolia. Well, who were the other people? Patton Oswalt.

Yeah. And two other people. So out of four people, I was supposedly the person who was not in Magnolia. I wrote back to him and I said, he's the voice on the phone that talks. Kurt, yes, I'm in this fucking movie. I've never gotten through. Are you not following the thread of this?

I've never gotten through Magnolia. Never once. This is an outrage of the highest order. Well, I'm sorry. So they listed four people who were in Magnolia. They listed three. Basically, yeah. Yes, exactly.

So I had to write back and go, oh, Paul is actually in it. He's just his voice on the phone. Yes, to be fair, you do not see me in the oh, Paul is actually in it. It's just his voice on the phone. To be fair, you do not see me in the movie, but you do hear my voice. Yeah. Certainly at comedy clubs it says, from Magnolia, Paul F. Tompkins. Of course. As seen in Magnolia. Yeah, comedy clubs are saying, how do we market this guy?

Certainly Magnolia is the way. Magnolia is key. That's where the money is. I saw it on the Improv's website on the little banner ad for an upcoming appearance by Guy Torre. It only just said American History X.

It's like, dude, come see that hilarious guy from American History X. Did you see that movie American History X? That movie, American History X? That movie, whenever it comes up, I spend a couple of days trying to forget the scene where he puts the guy's teeth on the curb. Oh, yeah, but that's not even the most offensive shit.

The worst part of that. That part's pretty awful. But the thing that's sick about it, when they're in the basketball court, do you remember the part where his brother and the Nazis beat the black people and they can never come to the basketball court again? And while they're winning

the basketball game, by the way, really, white Nazis would beat them at basketball. And they're winning the basketball game and it's playing

like this triumphant music, like the opening of a fucking Chris Farley comedy. You're supposed to be joyful that they're finally winning the basketball court. The movie's gross, dude.

Every podcast is... It features some awesome comedy. I've never seen it. It's not... Ed Norton's got a great body in it. I'll say that, definitely. Thank God

that's out. Thank God you pointed that out. On the record. Yes. It's out. Thank God you pointed that out. On the record. Yes. It's official. You tell he worked, bro. Did I ask everybody if they saw a movie? I think I did.

You didn't ask me, Doug. Paul, have you seen a movie? Yeah, Paul Tompkins. I'll only accept a question from Doug Eugene. Can I guess what movie you saw? Yeah. Lemony Snicket over and over and over again. That's my first guess, based on your suit.

Oh, based on the way I'm dressed? Yes, that's what I was going to ask. Oh, I thought it was a hilarious non sequitur. No. Can I ask, based on your eyebrows, how many times have you seen United 93? I don't like that movie. I don't like those fucking...

Oh, you don't like that movie? I don't like those... That movie seemed like so much fun. Those passengers. Oh, I thought that movie was a ball. I didn't care for the... I don't like that movie. I felt unfulfilled by the ending of it.

It's a movie. You can do anything. Why does it have to end the way that they ended it? I root for eyebrows in movies. Why doesn't it end with that was a close one?

I really do have terrible eyebrows. Oh, we got it. We got it under control now. Well done, United 93 passengers. We saved the day. Now let's read a children's book about goats.

So, if they made a movie of my pet goat, do you think it would be against the backdrop of 9-11? Oh yes, of course. That would be going on in the background. The goat world doesn't care about 9-11, but it would be going on in the background. These dumb goats doing what they do, eating grass and tin cans and whatever. And then in the background, The goat world doesn't care about 9-11, but it would be going on in the background. There's going to be these dumb goats doing what they do, eating grass

and tin cans and whatever. And then in the background is the Twin Towers. I would like to add... I would like to add that I was... I know I haven't seen it, but I was disappointed to find out that the Smurfs movie did not take place on 9-11. Because I know they were coming to New York and I thought it would be a cool way to teach kids.

Anyway. About global issues. So anyway, Magnolia, you're in it. Yes, I play the voice role of Chad. They actually did film me, but that film did not survive. Well, it is kind of interesting because

it's a long sequence where you're talking what's-his-name through something. Yes, talking to Philip Seymour Hoffman. Yeah, and he's panicked and having problems and you're talking to him about it, right? Yes, it's a scene fraught with drama and me on the other end of that phone, I myself was freaking out

while I was listening to, I was in another room of that set, yeah, listening to Philip Seymour Hoff room of that set. Yeah. Listening to Philip Seymour Hoffman doing like this intense acting. There's like dogs barking and Jason Robards is crying out in pain. And I'm like, I'm not supposed to be here. They should have gotten a real person to be in this movie. Well,

then you also had to interact with Daniel Plainview in, uh, that is true. There will be blood, which also you must have just felt the same way all over again. At that point, that was years later, so I was less scared and more excited to

be there. But it was wild, like having doing a scene where Daniel T. Lewis yells in my face was really crazy. But then it made me laugh because hearing the rumor that the guy who originally was cast in the Paul Dano part had quit because uh he was scared of daniel day lewis and i was like i totally get it i get why this guy is scary but then i felt okay about it like when he would

he would act at me um i felt okay about it because i would, I'm taking the place of a real actor. I'm taking their job. And that made it okay for me. Like, you can't get me. I'm not even supposed to be here. Very altruistic. I saw a movie on the plane on my way up. I had my laptop and I watched Insidious. Insidious? Insidious. Insidious. Insidious. Insidious?

Insidious. Insidious. Insidious would be a totally different word that probably doesn't exist. It sounds like it's about trees. It's beautiful. Insidious. I saw Igneous.

I didn't care for it. We're never going to find out what Paul watched. I saw Inseminate was the name of the movie and it's about ghosts to get it artificially inseminated with ghost babies and a fucking awesome movie but it's fun to watch a movie like that where there's a lot where the house is like moving you know like it's ghosts are making things move in the house and stuff because whenever you hit turbulent turbulence can't pronounce anything right tonight whenever whenever i hit turbulence it's like you're in one of those

d-box chairs where you know moves around to the action it was a lot of fun yeah but does anyone know what those things are they did that very briefly right i think it still existed at a theater in la they still you know you pay a couple extra bucks and you sit in a chair that that moves while you're watching the movie it's called d--Box? D-Box C, yeah. Oh, yeah. When I saw Rabbit Hole, I went and sat in one of those chairs. Anytime anybody cried over their dead baby. Your whole chair just trembles.

You're being a real D-Box right now. Who would ever go see that movie that's about people grieving about a dead child? Like, ooh, what time did it start? Did you... Is Insidious good? Is that a possession movie? Like, is the kid possessed by stuff? Insidious or Insidious? I know Insidious is good.

It's kind of, it's got good parts. I just, I'm not paranormal activity movies, all that stuff. I just get so bored with waiting for the thing to pop out. But do you, now do you ever watch actual exorcism on TV? No, I don't watch that stuff. I just get so bored with waiting for the thing to pop out. Now, do you ever watch actual exorcism on TV? No, I don't watch that stuff. It's so much less good than a movie. I'm not scared of ghosts and stuff.

What's that guy say? Oh, when he made a little special name tag and he fell asleep like a little angel with it. Oh my god! Don't do that! Why would you? He slapped his face! He slapped the guy! Oh my god. Don't do that. Why would you? Jesus Christ. He slapped his face.

He slapped the guy. Wow. Oh, he's a little angel. Oh my god. Slap it. Wow. You should have let him sleep. We were going to get a bunch of people to like touch his dick.

Did he OD or something? What was that all about? Wake up, you piece of shit. Oh my goodness. Oh my god. I can't believe I witnessed that. Put your shades on if you're going to sleep. You got shades on your head.

Put them on if you're going to take a nap up front. Yeah, yeah. That's all you do. Put the shades on and then just sit like this. No one would know. No one would know. No one would have to slap you. How great is it going to be when you slap this motherfucker back out of nowhere, like

years from now, out of nowhere like years from now out of nowhere. Just like, oh! I forgot about that. Dude, it's my mother's funeral. Are you guys brothers or something? Are your sunglasses and v-necks

and shorts brothers? For the people listening, one of them looks Asian, one of them looks like a white dude, so I don't think they shorts brothers. For the people listening, one of them looks Asian, one of them looks like a white dude, so I don't think they're brothers. I can't, I have, really? It looks like that to me. I must have it too much in my eyes

to really profile the audience like that. Maybe I'm an asshole, I don't know. It's fine. None of you look Asian. Yeah. Thank God. Just so no one's offended, nobody in this theater looks Asian.

Well, he kind of did when he took that slap. I do like to play. We should play a game where we give people the wrong race. Whatever. You're Indian now. In Sean's defense, with the sunglasses on his head,

he does look like an agent. No, an asshole, actually. He looks like an agent. He's like a real D-Box. Yeah. Let's put it that way. Nice one. What movie did you see, Paul?

Better be a banger. I did see the movie Source Code. Oh, yeah. See, that's the thing. Some people like that movie. Is that cool? I didn't enjoy it that much. It had been maybe overhyped to me before I saw it.

But somebody out there didn't like it either. Yeah. I believe a lady just went, me neither. Let's go around the room and each person say what they thought of source code. Absolutely. One sentence a person. We don't have a lot of time. Didn't see it.

Didn't see it. Didn't see it. Didn't see it. Me neither. Me neither. The, uh, the actor Jeffrey Wright is in that movie.

Oh yeah. And, um, always good. That guy. Well, here's the thing. I made the mistake of reading his uh imdb

bio a while ago and it's super pretentious and i'm sort of convinced that he wrote it himself so now every time i see him in a movie all i can think of is this imdb bio and it makes me and whatever he does makes me laugh. So when he was in, so the bio begins, quite possibly, the most underrated and underexposed actor of his caliber and generation. and underexposed actor of his caliber and generation. So now, anytime I see him in anything,

whatever he's doing, because he's really histrionic, like in Source Code, for no reason, he's got this dumb arm crutch, right, that he's walking hobbling around on, and all of his acting is like this. You have to understand, the Source Code experiment is very important. And so all that's running through my head is,

quite possibly. So there's this scene where he's trying to get into this locked room because he's the big boss of this thing and somebody won't let him in the locked room. And he's doing like this hilarious, like, let me in this room this instant. You will let me into that room. I am the scientist in charge.

I am allowed in every room that I please. Quite possibly the most underrated and underused actor of my caliber and generation. Oh, thank you. Do you want a bow? Thank you, Eugene. I will take a bow because it's the theater.

The Seattle Repertory Theater presents Paul Tompkins as Jeffrey Wright's IMDb bio. A one-man show about his bio. It's a long bio. It could be a show. All right. Well, shall we play a game?

The Global Thorough Nuclear War? Yeah, you know, that's from that movie War Games, so it's fun to say because this is a show about movies. No, I know. I was going along with it. You were playing along. Everybody got upset, including you. No, I'm not upset. I'm just sleepy.

Go take a nap with your boy down there. I don't want to get my face slapped. I'm still like, he nailed him. Oh, he slapped him. It was a one-inch slap. Yeah. It was almost like you were worried he might be dead. I'm still like He nailed him He just Oh he slipped And slapped It was a one inch slap Yeah It was almost like You were worried

He might be dead I have PTSD About that experience Let's play Build a title We haven't played that In a while I've never got to

Play that Oh okay Well that's gonna be fun All four of you Will just be flailing around Basically Thanks But I'll contribute to never got to play that. Oh, okay. Well, that's going to be fun. All four of you will just be flailing around. Basically, thanks. But I'll contribute too.

There's no prizes. There's nothing at stake here. It's just a little fun game where we try to make the longest title possible as a group, putting titles together. You'll see how it works as we go about it. A movie that was actually filmed or took place in Seattle I'd like to start with. It's called

10 Things I Hate About You. That was filmed here? Yeah, yeah. Tacoma. So that's, you know. You go out here and you make a left. You guys look like you never make that left.

Well, they don't make that other turn to Spokane, but let's not get into that. Ten things I hate about you. So, Paul, we'll start with you. You can come up with a title that begins with the word you or ends with the word ten.

That's a tough one. That's a tough end over there, so you might want to go with the U end. Not so tough that I won't figure out a way around it, Doug. Is he making up a new movie or listing one that exists? It's all existing movies. It's all existing movies. Yeah, and don't try to pull any of this TV movie crap. The game would be remarkably easy if you could just make them up.

Unless you were trying to make it really funny or something. I don't know. Eugene, don't prejudge it. You'll see. It's fun. No, I think it's great. If you could make up a movie right now, a title.

Oh, the 10 things I hate about unicorns who saved the world from 9-11. That's a good movie. Does that count, Doug? Can I tell you a movie I thought of? Yes, please. It's a children's movie. It's called All Grandpas Go to Heaven.

I just thought of it. Shall we start? Yes. Ten things I hate about Universal Soldier. Oh, that was dope Universal Soldier. Oh. That was dope. Ooh. Damn.

So you don't have to spell it right. You could just sound like. It's sound like. Yeah, if the word soldier is in another word, feel free to start with it. Turns out it is, but we'll see if you can come up with it. We'll go to Kurt. And you can. So now you have to.

Real quick. How's that game work again? You have to do a movie that starts with the word soldier or one that ends with the word ten. Or the sound of it. Good point, audience member. A movie that starts with the word soldier or ends...

Get that guy's microphone back, though. They were handing him out at the door. Shit. I know a him out at the door. Shit, I know movies are endless. It's funny to listen to people think it's... And you can drop the A or the from the beginning of a title. You don't have to mess with those. That might help you.

I was counting on using them to do this. Friday the 13th part 10 Wow I don't think that There's probably more to that title after that Jason It's not Jason Takes Manhattan But whatever it is

Oh Jason X What's Jason X Yeah X doesn't sound like 10 Shit There wasn't a part 10 before they made Jason X? Maybe that was a reboot? I know that's what the X means.

Then you could just be like, I'm a 10 man. I'm going to slap you with that Bratz poster. I'm going to have to take a one inch punch if I lose this. 10 men instead of X men. Yeah. See, it is a fun game.

All right, so Kurt's out. Eugene. Oh, I got a movie. Oh, what is it? Isn't there a movie just called Soldier starring Kurt Russell? We can't do that. It doesn't add anything. It's already there.

We've already got the word soldier. I don't get it. I'm sorry you made those nice popsicle stick name tags because I don't get it. You did a lot of work. Do you have any, Eugene? Does it have to be soldier or ten? Yeah. Well, I didn't know. Yeah, okay, right. Yeah, of course.

What? Soldier of Fortune. No, that's just a phrase. That is a magazine. A fine magazine. You can't yell stuff out. Obviously the phrase Soldier of Fortune came to my mind. That sounds like a direct to Greco release.

Ten. All right, that's okay. That sounds like a direct to Greco release. 10. Oh yeah, 10 Angry Men. Angry Men 10! Angry Men 10! That's the new Michael Bay version of 12 Angry Men. If that movie was taken, the SATs. Yeah, I don't know if I have a movie. Alright, Sean, do you have anything?

No. I've been working on 10. Yeah, I don't know if I have a movie. All right, Sean, do you have anything? No. I've been working on it. All right, that's okay. Wait, I got to write down Universal Soldier. No, that comes around to me. I've already worked this out. Is there a movie called Martian? Yeah, I get to play in this one.

And Universal Soldier. Isn't there a John Cusack movie called Martian? That kind of sounds like 10, right? It's called what? Kind of, but I got a better one. I got a better one. I got a better one. I thought there was. It's my turn.

Fine, Doug. Moon for the misbegotten things I hate about Universal Soldier. Oh, you could do that. So, Paul, you need to name

something that ends in moon or begins... Oh, I know what I have to do. Moon for the misbegotten things I hate about Universal's soul journey to the center of the earth let me write that down

soul journey to the center of the earth. Okay, so everybody else is out but me, right? Yeah, yeah, the game you two have played, you're winning. So I'm going to go man in the moon for the misbegotten things I hate about universal soul journey centers of the earth. Exactly. Paul? I'm going to say... It's not that exciting, but I'm going to say Superman in the moon for the misbegotten things I hate about

Universal's soul journey to the center of the earth. Yay! I'm trying to think of a movie that begins with earth. There's got to be one. Don't say it. One of the losersers has one. Was there ever, did they ever make, did they ever, did they ever make a movie about Eartha Kitt? No.

All right, Sean, just to move it along, what do you got? No, I have one. Oh, okay. Don't let him go. Doug, this is us. Thanks a lot. I'm sorry, Sean. But I came to play this game. Not accepted.

Not accepted. Fair enough. That is a thing that can happen when apologies are given. Like a gentleman, I'm not. Alright, alright, alright. I shall see you in the field of honor. I think I have one. I think I have one. Alright. Superman and the Moon for the Misbegotten.

Things they hate about Universal's soul. Journey to the Center of the Earth and Fire. Wasn't that a movie? Earth and Fire? It's a popular soul band and you're missing the wind. Oh, I forgot the wind. Earth, Wind and Fire is a band. Oh, is it Earth and Ice?

What was that movie? Earth and something. I don't know. All right. Then I'm out. What do you got, Paul? What was that movie, Earth and something? I don't know. Then I'm out. What do you got, Paul? I was going to say Superman in the Moon for the Misbegotten. 10 Things I Hate About Universal.

Soldier to the Center of the Earthquake. Oh. Earthquake. Is Earthquake a movie that came out in theaters? Yeah. Yes. In Censoround. It was in Irwin Allen, one of those disaster movies.

Yeah, yeah. He also did United 93. Which I saw on a D-Box. I don't think there's any... You know that's based on a true story. Really? Do you think there's any movie that starts with quake? Quake or Oats isn't a movie.

Yeah, the movie Quake or Oats. Somebody, could you slap her now? Go do your job. Quake or Oats isn't a movie. Wake up. Let's run through a quick list of all the words you know. Since we're just yelling words we know now. Young man. All right, so that's build a title.

Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. All right. Paul just seems formidable tonight. Yeah, he really is. Oh, yeah. There are the name tags. Who's your cat? He's been changed to the help. I gotta go for the dude who got slapped. I'm gonna go for you,

London. Are you guys a team or something? Come closer to where I am. Obviously, previously you were a team. What is the name that these spell out? Doug, is this the kind of effort you like to see rewarded? Hold on. That guy wrote it himself.

I need an original one, like a super awesome one. What do you got? No. What is that? What are you doing to Aziz? Whoa, wait. Hold on a second. I like that joint, but wait.

What is this? All right. It's a dude holding Aziz. Aziz? Yeah. Oh, it's hard to tell what I should... Man, that joint's pretty good. Hold on. I always feel like people get

so pissed off when you pick one. Eugene, your book's here. You could've got... What? Your Will to Whatevs book is one of them. Kurt's approaching it like, let's not make a deal. That's not even in the running. Notebook paper, you son of a slacker. Why are you... Oh, I already picked this.

I'm gonna go with this light-up joint. I only pick one thing, right? Yes. I can pick two? Thank you for bringing my book. Look, I went with the joint. I broke her joint already. Oh, it's just a flashlight. I was fooled pretty easily.

Oh, you thought it was a joint, but it turns out it's a flashlight? Yeah. That happens all the time. That's happened like five times since I but it turns out it's a flashlight? Yeah. That happens all the time. That's happened like five times since I've been here. It's a fleshlight. Look at all this effort. There you go. Yeah, let's start down here with Sean.

He's got a, it's the robot from Futurama, Bender, and it says Zack on it. It does, yeah. All right, so. It's not a fry boat. It's a great choice. That's a great choice. It's a great choice. A TV character. If the guy in the audience's name was Bender, then that would have been good, but his name is

Zach. I buckled. Your last name is Bender? Yeah. I knew that. He's lying. You can switch that out for my book. And then Eugene has a big sign that has light upup stars on it and my face. And it says, I'm Doug, and I love movies. And then the name of the person is London, not the city.

Yeah, so the city, you didn't just get this from the city of London. I'm not playing for the city. I won't be mailing a book to the city or whatever the city wins. And this is a former flashlight. They did an art project on it, put some paper over it. And it says, smoke me, Emily, I'm dope. So, Kurt totally gravitated to that. Doug, I have a series of popsicle sticks that spell out the name Luke, and Luke is the guy who slapped the other guy

who was just trying to help him hold up his goddamn popsicle sticks, and for that he gets slapped in the face. Hey, man, will you come hold some popsicle sticks in the front row of the show? I'm kind of tired. Just do it for me. I'll make it up to you somehow

by maybe slapping you in the face. In front of a full theater. You had a full day. All right, so Sean's playing for Zach, and Eugene's playing for London, and Emily is being played for by Kurt, and Paul is playing for Lou. Kuh. Eh. for by Kurt, and Paul is playing for Lou K. And Paul, in the gift bag,

you will get Paul F. Tompkins' You Should Have Told Me, the first stand-up DVD from Paul F. Tompkins. Thank you, but it's embarrassing when it's not everybody. Yeah. So that's not a smattering of people. You shouldn't have done that. One one One one hundredth of the people that are here

Paul F. Tompkins looked at me in 2011 Sticker Very rare So if you win make sure that he eyeballs you Wait where are all the contestants very quickly So I can see them Okay I looked at you What is that sticker about That's about if I I can see them. Okay, I looked at you. What is that sticker about?

That's about if I looked at you, you get a sticker. Oh. I looked at you. Is there a fourth person? Yeah, Zach's way back there. Shut the fuck up. So wait a minute. I looked at you.

So this girl's tits is getting a sticker? General direction. I don't think anybody's done that yet as a name tag, right? Just wrote their name on their tit and just whipped it out. I thought I actually heard that on the podcast one time. Well, maybe they did. Once you release this podcast, we're going to have a whole lot of scribbled boobies.

It's going to be great. We have copies of two of my CDs, Professional Humoridian and the new one, Potty Mouth is in here somewhere. And then, Kurt brought a book by James Patterson. I brought a James Patterson thriller. It's a number one New York Times bestseller.

Yes, that I stole from the green room in the other theater. And so it means like a little bit extra more because it's stolen. The dangerous. You know anything that you like really treasure because you stole it? You know? Yes. My girlfriend. It's called The Dangerous Days of Daniel X.

And then on the inside, Kurt wrote Is this private or can I say what you wrote on the inside? Yeah, go ahead, buddy. He wrote, Dear winner, enjoy this and have a great shit on me. Best to whoever wins. Well, what are the odds they're going to read this when they're near you?

All I ask is that you read it over my chest. Okay. A post-show shit. We've also got Paul F. Tompkins' CD. It's a, what do you call it, an EP? Yes. Yeah, and it's called Sir, You Have Fooled Me Twice. And then...

I even lost these people on that one. Boy, oh boy. They're dropping like flies. It's moving around the room. And then Sean Jordan brought copies of, he brought DVDs of State and Maine, the David Mamet movie that no one enjoyed. Classic.

Total classic. But then he also brought a really awesome movie called Hot Fuzz, directed by a regular podcast guest. So those are all... Oh, wait a second. Can't believe I left this out. Eugene, do you want to describe it? You see,

I meant to bring a CD. But I got something much better for everyone. As a gift from catering at Bumbershoot, I have an entire jar of salsa, bucket of salsa, that is definitely worth at least $30. An actual retail price? Yeah.

And if any of you win, what? You yelled out. Say it again. Wasn't worth it? No. Death to America. Well, the shy

terrorist. The shy what? The shy terrorist. The jihad on you. So yeah, I autographed it too, so it's valuable. It's a fat tub of salsa. You're going to be glad you got that shit book when you have that salsa.

Let's put it that way. We worked out our prize before. We don't just throw stuff in a bag. I should say it's from the San Juan Salsa Company. It's enough salsa to have a full-fledged salsa fight. And then it says type of salsa, red salsa. Listen, San Juan doesn't have a budget. Because you can't see it through the opaque.

It's like it's the packaging and naming. It's a red salsa. Yeah, and then it says it's best by 10, 3, 11. Ooh, act now. So this is a fucking, you have one month to eat all this salsa. Is it ticking time? No, that's just. This is the Jack, you have one month to eat all his salsa. Is it ticking time? No, that's just. This is the Jack Bauer of salsa.

It's simply when it's best. It'll be passable. It'll be all right. Now he's at a locally. Save it for Cinco de Mayo. See what happens. You can always boil it. And drink it weeks later.

That's true. That's what you're supposed to do in a disaster. That's a hurricane. Boil all your salsa? You're supposed to keep your tub full of salsa. So that you can use it to flush the toilet. You guys laugh at that, but Bloomberg literally told us to do that for Irene. I was in zone A, and we had to boil our salsa.

Two blocks down, you didn't have to. Zone C was fine. Doug loves salsa. All right, so we're ready to play the game. We'll start with my friend Sean Jordan there on the other end. Then we'll move to my friend Eugene Merman. And then down to Kurt Messker. And then my friend Paul F. Tompkins.

Wow. Most of us are friends. We'll be friends eventually. We're getting there. All right, here are your category options my friend Sean Jordan it's Michael Keaton's birthday today so films that Michael Keaton is not in no

so Michael Keaton movies Michael Keaton movies is a category and then at Rachel ZG suggested is she here today by the way I think she was at one of the days because she lives in Seattle Michael Keaton movies is a category. And then at Rachel ZG suggested, is she here today, by the way? I think she was at one of the days because she lives in Seattle. Rachel ZG wrote,

Danny Elfman is the category. Not movies where he's composed the music. Movies that he's in as himself. Composer Danny Elfman. Yeah. I made that face too, Paul. It's a tough category. Is there more than one in that category?

We'll have to find out. You might already know it if you think there's only one. I think I might actually. And then at Malcolm underscore Irvin suggested Opie or Meathead. And that's films directed by either Ron Howard or Rob Reiner.

Because Doug also loves TV. Which category would you like, Sean? Danny Elfman. Okay. You are an asshole. Sean or Danny? Danny, fuck yeah. Okay. Three stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie that

has Danny Elfman in it. He calls this movie bombastic. That shaggy documentary? Yeah, and he also says that the key to the film's success is the lead character is so likable. And it's from 1986, three stars, and there are 16 names listed for this movie that has Danny Elfman somewhere in it. So last time on that Woody Allen jam I blew it real hard and I gave somebody 15 names. I'm going to say I'll name it

in 16 names. That's what I'll say. Okay. Yesterday, Wayne Fetterman thought a great strategy would be to name that movie at this point. I had to point out to him that all the names would be very helpful in determining who the

movie is. So, we'll move down there to Eugene. How many do you think you can get it in? Oh, I don't know. I think I might be able to do it in 11 names. That's a lot of names, right? That was a nice jump. Now we go to Kurt. I'm going to go eight names,

but which names are they? Are you going to get the shittiest names I wouldn't know? You go to the bottom. It's the shittiest people. I decide which people are the shittiest. Is that what it is? And it's based on, yeah, the best actor is at the top and the shittiest is at the bottom. That's a lot of work I put into it.

No, I just read from the bottom up. Like we did on the show yesterday when you were watching. I was... Easy to forget. It's a complex game. So how many names did you say? I'll go eight.

Wait, didn't Eugene say eight? No, he said eleven. Did you say Danny Elfman plays himself or it's just a movie in which Danny Elfman appears? He's in it, but what else would he play, really? He would play a dragon if he had the balls. I just wanted to make sure that was not a stipulation. Yeah, no, he's in this movie.

Okay. He's not on the phone like some people in some other movies. Deep burn, Deep burn. You said that to your friend, Paul F. Tompkins. I'm sorry, Paul. I didn't mean to... I can name that movie... in four names.

Oh, shit. Now, if you lose today, I've arranged to have Daniel Day-Lewis yell in your face. If he's willing to make the trip, I'm willing to take it. He's going to act up in your grill. Sure.

All right, so how many did you say? I said four names. Four names. All right, we go back to Sean. Go ahead. Name it. He says name it. Give me those names, Ed.

You get four names. And they are Jason Hervey, Edie McClurg, Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Shit. And Robert Picardo. Money in the bank right there. Those are your four names. I'm going to say that movie is Back to School.

That is correct. I'm going to say that movie is Back to School. That is correct. Wow. A great movie if you want to learn how to sell widgets. He has a long conversation about widgets in that movie. All right, so Paul F. Tompkins gets the point. And that means now we start with Kurt Metzger and we go in the opposite

direction towards Eugene. You get to pick a category, Kurt. What can I pick from now? I'll give you the options. Thanks for asking. Thanks, buddy. A lot of contestants just sit there and wait for me to do it. A lot of people leave it up to chance. Maybe Doug will just move on to something else.

Friendly. The three categories for you are At the Bobby Lester suggested Faux Real Which is spelled F-A-U-X Real And it's movies based on True incidents of some sort

Like United 93 Would be an example. Or Roger Rabbit. There are such things as rabbits. It's funny that of all the movies, three shows here at Bumbershoot and Roger Rabbit's come up twice now. Yeah, interesting.

Or not interesting. Go ahead and slap that guy you must have felt so down immediately we're of course we're here in Seattle so somebody suggested Starbucks so that's movies with either star or buck in the title and then and then here's a fun category called Hold Me, and that's movies with a hostage situation in the movie. And that was, we played this one at Helium in Philly last week, and it was a lot of fun. So which category would you like, Kurt, of those ones? Oh, my God.

Well, Hold Me sounds good, but I might know more about star or buck movies do not movies about a star or a buck their movies well assuming our questions are either about Star Wars or Uncle Buck I'll have it the two movies I know all right let me give you another category it's good that I checked. Alright, which one do you want? I'll do Starbuck. This is a movie that's not Star Wars or Uncle Buck. It's alright. It's good. Start the narrowing

down process. Is that in Leonard's review? Yes. He compares everything to Star Wars and Uncle Buck. Which he considers equal. Everything is either trying to be better or worse than those two. And one and a half stars from

Leonard for this movie that has Star or Buck in the title. He calls it the straightforward telling of a lurid tale. And he also says that it was the final film of the person who directed it. From 1983, one and a half stars,

has Starbuck in the title, and there are 12 names? Yeah, 12 names. How many think you can get it in? Kurt? Give me... I think I already know it, but give me... It's Lurid, right? That's what you said?

Yeah, I did. Just making sure. So it's definitely... It's not Star Wars, but it might be Uncle Buck. Yeah. Remember that when he dances with Roseanne's sister

and it gets dirty? Yeah, that's really creepy, that scene. And then Macaulay Culkin has to see that? It's... All right, give me five names, but I think I know it already.

I think I do, honestly. That's a really weird strategy, but thank you trying to get in my head is everything Yeah, yeah, what are you trying to do to these guys? You just name it all this time So well, then you could say zero names if you want I but I want to just in case a two names something out of it Five is a good number. Okay, so this is for Emily. She's fucking dope dude. I'm not letting her down You are letting her down by saying five. That's exactly right. Am I? Yeah, you should just win this thing if you know it.

I'd be cautious. Emily, what do you say? I know you want that salsa. You told me that. Salsa. Hey, Emily, I know you want that salsa. Hey. Wait, is the cake boss here?

Cake boss is way louder than that. What boss? All right. Five, give me five. He says five. Eugene, how about you? What's your bid? I don't know.

So Stargate was like fine. I'd do it in, if I say six, then I don't have a chance you can't because you can't do that so I guess that you're really eliminated up you can't go up if I go up then it's like what he doesn't get it that's what people out there I'll say so I'll say I'll do it in four yeah four, Sean. Three. All right, Paul. I can name that movie in negative two names.

Fuck. Yeah, see, that's what you did to yourself, Kurt. I don't know. I'm just going to say the name of it. No, don't. Don't say anything. That's the worst way to play the game. That's the biggest win of all. Don't say anything. You're blowing it. You're blowing it. Don't ruin it.

I didn't know you could do negative integers. You can't, but you can certainly have said two. We'll walk you through it. Now you can say negative three names, and that's where you have to name the movie, and you also have to name the top three listed players in the movie. Oh, I can't name the dude.

In the right order. I can name the actress in it, I think. Well, that's not going to be enough, probably. So you might have to just go ahead and let Paul... Fuck! That whole zero name thing sounds a lot better. Does Paul already have a point? He already has a point?

Paul already has a point, so he's going to take this whole thing down because of your horrible strategy. I know. My strategy. That's why we can't be friends, because my strategies suck. I really only hang out with the most strategic of individuals. I know. My strategy. That's why we can't be friends because my strategies suck. I really only hang out

with the most strategic of individuals. I know. You think I didn't gather that with Paul's History Channel fucking narrator bow tie? I know. You must have loved George Pappard. Shit.

I can't believe you said negative two. We know the thing below it. I'm changing believe you said negative two. We know the thing below it. I'm changing my answer to negative three. That's a good point. Thank you. You're going negative three? Are you really? All right, say negative three.

So now, Eugene, you have to either say name it or go negative more. Wait, how am I going to name less than the amount of people? Don't ever plan and fight a war for this country. I definitely can't do the... It's not that you name less than the amount. It's that you would have to name the first three billed actors from first to third. Here's an example. Say it was Stargate,

which it's not, then you'd be like Kurt Russell or whoever, and then you'd be like, fuck, I forget everyone else. I go James Spader. James Spader. Maybe Jay Davidson, Academy Award winner. Oh yeah, she was in Stargate. And you could say

maybe God Ra. You could throw Ryan. Because they used the real sun god. The sun was in Stargate. Of course. There was a big pyramid thing in Stargate.

So you could say that. Alright, so what are you going to do, Eugene? Do you want to say name that movie? No, I don't know it. I couldn't even

name the movie I knew. Alright, so name that movie? No, I don't know it. I couldn't even name the movie I knew. So name that movie for Kurt. I believe the movie is called Star 83 or Star 84. Two different movies. I don't know what that means. I don't either.

Don't fuck it up. I don't know what I'm doing. It's called Star 80. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you do a play? Stars are Mariel Hemingway's sister that died or something.

Oh, my God. And a guy with a thin mustache. Yes, you're right so far. You're right so far. Wow. You're like, one guy with a thin mustache. Yes, you're right so far. You're right so far. Wow. One guy with a ding dong, two ladies with some knockers. A registered voter is in it.

I think someone with a legume allergy. Dude, the camera is like almost a character in that movie. You're allergic to shrimp, right? A little Mexican guy with an arm that's ten feet long. Was I close to even writing? I think a former baby made an appearance.

Yes, some of the people in that movie, I think they were grown-ups. A lot of hair in that movie. Hair on people. It was, of course, star 80, so you lost right there, so the rest of it didn't really matter, but it was still fun to watch you work your way through it.

Actual Marielle Hemingway, not her dead sister. It was close. And then his thin mustache, was that supposed to be Eric Roberts? Yes, Eric Roberts thought his thin mustache. Yeah, yeah. He had that thin-ass mustache, dude. And then your third build, like, yeah, that was really hard to come up with. He would look at her through the camera and stalk her.

You ever see that movie? Paul, did you know that? I'm thinking of autofocus, I think. Paul, would you have named those two people in the movie? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Okay. You could have done that, but the third name is hard.

It really would have ended up this way. It's Cliff Robertson was the third name. Oh, my God. I was going to say Spider-Man's grandpa was the third one. I swear to God, that was going to be my last. Here's a weird one, though, is that Keenan Ivory Wayans is in Star 80. Yeah.

I don't remember what he played in that. The scene where they're watching my wife and kids. It was Damon Wayans. That's Damon Wayans, dude. Oh, right, and also, it took place in 1980. There's also that.

It would be hard to watch that sitcom that came out. Okay. That was fun. Good work, Kurt. Thanks a lot. Eugene Merman has a point. What? Yeah.

Is that how it works? Oh, my God. For making it in the movie. In the running. Yeah. Tied with Paul, who knows movies, F. Tompkins. Yeah, Paul has one. Ah.

All right, so we're going to start this time with Sean, and then come around this way to Paul. Sean gets to pick a category. Would you like Decapitations? That's movies where someone gets decapitated. Right. Amy Fisher. That's films of either Isla Fisher orcapitated. Right. Amy Fisher. That's films of either

Isla Fisher or Amy Adams. Okay. You think it's Isla, Paul, or Isla? I thought it was Isla. I think it's Isla. I was going to bring that up to you because you said Isla the other night. Oh, and Isla is another way to go. I think it's Isla. Is it Peninsula or Islip?

And then Summer Blockbusters would be your third category, Sean Jordan. I'll do the Miss Fisher and Amy Adams category. I like the way you avoided saying her first name. Very respectful to one. Hey, quick question.

Who are those two people? I mean, I'm sure I'll nail this. One's an Academy Award nominee, and the other one makes love to Sacha Baron Cohen. Sweet love. I knew it! The one Amy Fisher... Amy Adams is in...

We cannot say any more, because it'll give it away. Oh, okay. We can't name the movies she's in? Yeah. Weird. You know, she's that one from... She's in a type of movie a lot. I know who she is and it's my turn, so...

Yeah. Laying it down. He's laying it down Portland style. It means he's going to ride off on a bike. If we weren't in Seattle. Not before he makes a sign asking for free weed. Zing, Portland. Okay.

Leonard gives this movie that features one of those two actresses three stars. It's from 2005. And he says about it that comic complications ensue. And he also says that many of them are predictable. And that the movie is also available in a longer, unrated version. And three stars, 2005, and there are 13 names in this movie that has either Miss Fisher or Miss Adams in it.

How many names do you think you can get it in, Sean? Well, you're just kind of messing with me. I don't want to look stupid, so I'm going to say negative one. Whoa. But I could look really dumb when I say this. Now we come to Paul F. Tompkins. I want to see how dumb you will or will not look.

Name that movie. All right. So this Paul will win if you fail to do this. You have to name the movie and then the top billed performer. Is it Talladega Nights? Oh, that is incorrect. That's not the movie and then the top the top-billed performer is it a Talladega Nights oh that is incorrect that's not the movie I know the movie but who was the top-billed actor will fit in that movie yeah well Phil would be oh yeah I can negative one that right now for you dude you could have but that doesn't mean doesn't really mean anything but was there at least some people out there

that thought I was right? Yeah, yeah. But it means nothing. What is it? Andy Samberg. This is an Elsa Fisher movie. Thanks for taking the heat off me right there. That was nice.

The movie's wedding crashers. Yeah. Owen Wilson, of course, would be the top billed person. The movies The people in the audience Are all yelling The movies Wedding Crashers Yeah And yeah And Owen Wilson Of course would be The top billed person Out of curiosity What year was

Talladega Nights Does anybody know Right off the bat That came out in 1527 About 200 years Before the formation Of America Talladega Nights

Was probably a couple Years later than that Right Yeah 2006 One year later What It's you know It switches later than that, right? Yeah. Oh, six? One year later? Ah. What?

Oh, it's, you know, it switches around, and sometimes I screw it up, but. It's weird that a guy who's high messed up the order. It goes a different way each time. You switch it around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to take that for an answer? That's not how you feel it should have happened? Paul's point should be given to me, then.

What? What? Well, no, Eugene just made. Yeah, Eugene just made. I've been skipped. I me then. What? What? Well, no, Eugene just made... Yeah, Eugene just made Third Name the Movie, right? So then it goes the other way. No, no, no, it goes the other way. Yeah.

You know there's nobody left over there after it goes to Sean. You know what? Let's all figure the rules out, guys. Because that's the funnest thing to watch. I'm so glad we had this chance to rehearse in front of an audience. Bring in the real crowd. We're getting the kicks out like they did with Spider-Man the musical.

What? Do I get to pick once? Do you get to go like, here's... No, that's it. Paul just won the whole game in a very anticlimactic... Oh, because he got two points? Yeah. That's always when I win.

If we didn't get such a vicious argument about it. Yeah, it's an afterthought when Paul wins. It's two games I won in this one show. Paul, no, go fuck yourself. You played a fine game. Why don't you all get in a go-fuck-yourself circle?

No, don't listen to them, Paul. You played a fine game. Alright, so who did you win for, Paul? I won... you know what? I allegedly was playing for Luke, the slapper. But I won all of the winnings

to go to the slapped. This gentleman right here. And guess what? I don't care if you like any of this shit or not. I want you to throw it in a fucking bonfire while he watches. He gets nothing. He slapped you in the face while you were asleep. Wow.

That's not how we treat people. We're trying to have a society. Take it along. Sweet justice. Yeah, there's a woot monkey. So next time he falls asleep, take this wood monkey and shoot it into his face really hard.

It happened to me once. It hurts. It really hurts. It really does. All right, so yeah. So do you want to come up here and get your big thing of salsa? Yeah.

Oh, no, you don't give a fuck. He doesn't even walk this stuff. Give him a hand, ladies and gentlemen. Of course he doesn't. Who would? There's that. Yeah, no, you don't give a fuck? He doesn't even walk this stuff. Give him a hand, ladies and gentlemen. Of course he doesn't. Who would? There's that. Yeah, it's heavy. And there's your bag.

Enjoy carrying that salsa around all night. Yeah. Oh, my God. You're going to get some pussy. You know what you should do? You should bring that to the... State Farm has a bag check here. And you should just take that and say,

could you hold on to this to me while I go see Hall & Oates? How many ounces of salsa can you take on a plane now? In a suitcase, a lot. As long as there's no snakes in it, you're fine, I think. There's just got to be snake free. You know you're allowed to put live bats in a suitcase and just go through carry-ons as long as it's small. Where's Zach at?

He already wrote it down. And he put the don't read this thing, which a lot of people should do. And then there's no shithead on the back of the London poster, is there? There is? Oh, perfect. What is there? Don't worry about it. And what about Emily's joint? Does that have a shithead on it somewhere? No?

Where's Emily at? Oh, that's you? Okay. Sean, what do you got to plug? What's coming up for you? Well, I'll be at Curious Comedy Theater in Portland on September 24th, and the Brody Theater in Portland one of those Fridays, I think September 21st perhaps, if that's a Friday. Oh, that sounds good.

Eugene, what's going on with you? I have a dumb fake comedy festival in Brooklyn in two weeks. Woo! That's what it? I have a dumb fake comedy festival in Brooklyn in two weeks. That's what it's called? The dumb fake comedy festival? No, it's called the Eugene Mervin comedy festival. We'll have a petting zoo come on by. And an awkward party bus.

Kurt Metzger, what do you got? My friend, Kurt Metzger What do you got My friend Kurt Metzger I got a CD called Kurt Metzger Talks to Young People About Sex That you can download

And I gotta go We're right on the roast After this For Charlie Sheen Oh you're gonna write Some of the mean things They say to him Yeah

Alright here I got one for you You're a piece of shit Hey No not you Charlie Sheen You said you can't say that That's the one thing You can't say Oh you gotta stay away things they say to him? Here, I got one for you. You're a piece of shit. No, not you, Charlie Sheen. That's the one thing you can't say. You gotta stay away from that. You're not allowed to call Mr. Sheen a piece of shit.

You know, in some countries, he would be like the leader of the country. That's how you're lucky to be in America. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, he's like a funny Gaddafi. Yeah, dude. Gaddafi was a funny Gad's like a funny Gaddafi. Yeah, dude. Seriously. Gaddafi was a funny Gaddafi.

Gaddafi's got to talk about... If Gaddafi had an opening act, that's what... Because Charlie Sheen went out on tour and... Okay, so Paul... Pod F TomCast coming back very soon. That's more like it. That's the kind of applause you should give at everything he brings up. Two Things in Los Angeles, September 17th,

the Paul F. Tompkins show at Largo at the Coronet with Chris Hardwick and musical guest Ted Leo. And October 7th in Glendale, California, the Alex Theater. I will be taping a one-hour special for Comedy Central. Tickets are free. You can find all the information on paulftompkins.com.

It's all very exciting for me. Nice. Nice plugging. And my life. Nice plugging. I am great. And like I said before, I'll be with Sean Jordan at the Orpheum Theater at Sioux Falls on September 9th. And then September 10th.

Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. You'll be there. And then September 10th, Sean will not be with me at the Rialto Theater in Tucson. And then I'll be back here in Seattle at the Neptune Theater on October 28th. Yeah. That's my birthday. And don't forget to come to my festival's caviar eating contest.

I think we're really doing. All of my dates are on DouglasMovies.com. One more time for all of my guests. Sean Jordan, Eugene Merman, Kurt Metzger, and Paul F. Tompkins. Kurt, I don't know what you're doing right now,

but I'm trying to wrap up the show. I'm going to get a picture of all you guys together, if you don't mind. I don't mind, but I want them to watch. Don't leave. As always, Mark Driscoll is a shithead. Jared Leto is a shithead.

And our good friend Elliot the Baby is a shithead. I have no idea why the end theme isn't playing, but that's... Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you. Cause Doug loves movies.