Doug Loves Movies - Felipe Esparza, Chris Cubas, Matt Bearden, and John Erler Guest

Episode Date: February 21, 2013

Live from Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, TX, Doug welcomes comedians Felipe Esparza, Chris Cubas, Matt Bearden, and Master Pancake's John Erler to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds with 50 acid pop-up kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody! Hey everybody! This is an interesting microphone. I've never had such a thing for this podcast, but I like it. My name is Doug, and I love Austin, Texas and movies. This is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you from the Cap City Comedy Club in the

aforementioned Austin, Texas on Thursday February 21st to Ocean's 13 at 5.30. Happy hour! Yeah! There's not a lot of towns where I can get this many people to show up at 5.30.

So thank you to all of you for racing over here from your work or your couch and i'll see some of you tomorrow night at the alamo draft house ritz downtown as i participate in two sold out master pancake movie mockings but if you didn't get a ticket yet and people are sad, I'll be back to do a movie mock on St. Patrick's Day, March 17th. Yeah, more details soon. Since last I spoke and you listened, since I am an Oscars completist, I saw the only Best Picture nominee that I had not seen yet to prepare for Sunday's awards. And I'm here to tell you

that I did not love Amour. It's not a bad movie, but it's slow and depressing as fuck. I give it two old arthritic thumbs kinda down. I give it two old arthritic thumbs kind of down. For those of you who didn't hear my Oscar picks on the Comedy Film Nerds podcast, my picks to win, not should win, but will win,

in the top categories are Argo, Steven Spielberg, Daniel Day-Lewis, Jennifer Lawrence, Tommy Lee Jones, Anne Hathaway, Brave, but I'm rooting for Wreck-It Ralph, and Best Foreign Film will be a more, I think. But don't blame me if you lose your Oscar pool. I watched Lincoln on the flight here, and again, I'd seen it a couple times already, and I realized a few things. The movie Lincoln could have been called Character Actor Parade.

Tommy Lee Jones is really great in it. And that with Lincoln and The Hobbit, Unexpected Journey, there were two movies last year with a character named Bilbo in it. But I wished that he had been played by james spader in both films now it's time let's see if i can uh get this mic out of the stand maybe it's glued in no it's good all right now it's time to do watch this not that audience edition tex style. I'm going to ask two of you in the front row with your

fancy reserved things, Lawrence and Timmons. Did I pronounce that right? Sure. Black. No, you're not. But you are wearing a Douglas Movies t-shirt,

so that's a perfect person to ask. What's a movie that you... Oh, and you have a Boba Fett helmet for your name tag. And your name is Tony? Tony Fett just doesn't have the same ring to it. I'm glad they went with Boba. I guess maybe the answer's obvious, but what's a movie that you love, Tony?

Empire Strikes Back. Wow. I thought you'd at least name one of the shitty ones. And on the opposite end, we have another Doug Loves Movies t-shirt. Did you guys call each other and say you're going to wear it and work it all out? What's your name on this thing? Smith. Very likely story.

What's a movie that you love? Big Lebowski. Damn both of you to hell. What kind of decision are you forcing me to make between Empire Strikes Back and the Big

Lebowski? Holy shit. Tonight they're doing a quote along Big Lebowski. You'll know Tonight they're doing a quote-along Big Lebowski. Or no, tomorrow night at the Ritz, Alamo Ritz downtown. Have you ever been to one of those? A quote-along? Do you think you would know a lot of the dialogue? What do they do with those things?

Does everybody just sit there and yells out all the dialogue? That would get aggravating after a while. I hate the Eagles, man! Whole audience yelling that. Empire Strikes Back and Big Lebowski. This is really... This might be the first tie

in the history of... Yeah, fuck it. Watch the Big Lebowski and Empire Strikes Back. You assholes. I mean, seriously. If you haven't seen those movies, if you really are stuck having to choose, I guess, yeah, I couldn't even.

That's really rough. Thanks, you guys. Thanks for keeping it weird, Austin. I appreciate it. This has been Watch This and That. Audience edition. Let's go to the prize bag. Let's see what's going on with it.

A lot of fun things brought in by my guests today. We have a DVD called Sex Can Wait, Talking Can't. An educational guide for parents. So that'll be really fun for somebody to watch. This is also pretty amazing. It's on VHS. And it's the magic of scarf tying. And that lady really nailed it

with her beautiful scarf on the cover. We've got more lovers caught on tape, which I guess is public blowjobs and the like. I don't know what else. Oh, actual, oh, wow. It's a picture on the cover of a dude just going down on a lady in public. And then Girls Going Crazy in Las Vegas. Those are both brought by the same pervert. And we've got some koozies we'll talk about in a second and a t-shirt and copies of

three of my albums. Since I came all the way here to Austin, I thought I'd bring a collection of Smug Life, Potty Mouth, and Hypocritical Oath, and a Doug Loves Movies button is in there. And, of course, who was here when we did the show at the Ritz the last time I was in town? And that was one of the few, maybe three or four shows in the history of this podcast that are considered lost episodes because the recording didn't turn out. And so we didn't release it.

And so I thought when that happened that I was pretty much obligated to try to recreate that episode by bringing back the same guests. But I've added, as you can see, there's four chairs up here, and there were three guests on that show, so we have four guests tonight with an extra special bonus, because all three of the dudes that were at the Alamo are able to be here. So please give a big, warm welcome to Chris Cubis, John Erler, Matt Bearden, and Felipe Esparza. Yeah! It's so weird. Here they come. Now, John Erler brought, as his gift,

and that's why I didn't carry it out here, a gigantic, can somebody help him unfurl this and show it to the audience? It's a gigantic poster for Britney Spears in Crossroads, Dreams Change, Friends Are Forever. I read that backwards because I'm sitting behind it. are forever. I read that backwards because I'm sitting behind it. And it's in pristine shape except for all the tears and Brittany had a tooth blacked out. Although that's a pretty sexy look for her.

The young lady with a tooth blacked out that's at a crossroads. So that poster can be yours today someone in the audience. And what's in the bag, John? A Master Pancake t-shirt and a VHS copy of Swayze Dance, which is Patsy Swayze and Patrick Swayze teaching you how to dance. Wow, somebody's winning a lot of really great future garage sale shit.

What's this other T-shirt that we have in here? This is from Felipe. What's this shirt mean? Well, that's my world famous Captain Save-A-Ho T-shirt. Because I assume you have a bit about Captain Save-A-Ho? Yeah, I know that I'm not a hot guy. I'm what you ladies call rebelling material. This is what you get on the last night when you say,

just leave me here. I come out of the bushes, what happened? I'm Captain Save-A-Ho. I love it And then Matt Bearden is here everybody Hi awesome DLM audience And you brought some koozie You brought the

The only opportunity I have to give those koozies out anymore Are the times that you invite me to be on your podcast Yeah and you brought these two pervy DVDs I I did. I worked for a year for a dirty video game company, and I was instructed... It's a true story. It's a thing called The Guy Game,

which was for the Xbox and the PlayStation, but it was pulled off shelves like a week later, because there was a naked girl in it that was underage. And that's why the universe gave me a daughter a few years later. But yeah, I collected those

really terrible videos back then. And now you're getting rid of them. And you also, the koozies say punch on them because you have a weekly show here at Cap City on Tuesday nights called Punch. I do a show every Tuesday and it is awesome. Last week, Chris Cubis headlined, I think, the best punch we've ever

had in our entire lives. Chris Cubis is here, everybody. Hooray! He's the one that brought this, I don't know which one to talk about first. By the way, I'd like to note mine are still sealed. Bearden's filthy ones have been opened and well watched.

Yeah, definitely. Does it look like I'm ashamed at all? I mean, I would masturbate to the magic of scarf tying given the opportunity. But if the winner today cracks the case on either of Bearden's DVDs, you should probably wear

a hazmat suit. Well, you don't. No, you should probably wear a hazmat suit. Yeah. Well, you don't. No, you don't. You don't jerk off onto them? No, it's in the machine. It's the work of a case, though. You don't touch them with your dirty hands

that have been touching your dirty dick? They're not masturbatory. It's called girls... What is it called? Girls Going Cra... It's a Girls Gone Wild ripoff. Girls Going Crazy? Oh, so they're all so insane

that you wouldn't fuck them? Is it take place in a mental institution? Honestly, could you masturbate to just a girl taking her shirt off? That's the idea. Let's find out. Ladies, let's figure this out.

Someone pop a shirt. I mean, this scarf thing alone is pretty... She unties one of those scarves I'm going in right here. You notice that she has a scarf tied around her neck, and that's how Michael Hutchins died. Good work, timely references. If only he'd known how to properly tie a scarf. If he had watched this video.

It's probably the most masturbatory collection of gifts that you've ever come upon in your long years doing this. Come upon? Yeah. That was intentional. Just spread out the Crossroads

poster, roll around on it, watch one of these videos, and then wipe it. Watch one of these videos and then wipe it off with one of these shirts. It's a masturbatory package. I love it. And that was John Erler that got the word masturbatory in.

Let's hear it for him. Thank you so much. I have to give a shout out to my girlfriend, Joanne, who has been living with that poster for the last 11 years in the house somewhere. She finally moved in with you? No more paper cuts. I said, honey, let go of the poster.

I'm giving it to Doug. But she's been putting up with it for the last 11 years, and I love you, honey. She was so excited when I told her today that I was giving it to this. Well, if you're a weirdo that likes to masturbate with a rubber

on, we also have some, oh my God, a rubber, rubber, rubber from what is this? It's from the R. Kelly sing-along that they do at the draft house.

I guess they pass these out to everybody. Which, you gotta have a rubber when you leave the R. Kelly sing-along because who's not getting some after that? That shit's gonna happen. So thank you for audience member for bringing those. And who brought the Swayze dancing?

That was me. That was John Erler as well. That's the second copy of Swayze dancing I've seen in my life. My friend Joe Stats is here. He owns that video as well. It's mostly his mom, which is weird. Yeah, I think he was doing a favor. It's him dancing with his mom.

It's a little edible for your standard dancing video. It's very edible. Oh, Patsy Swayze is his mother. Oh, yeah. Well, he's named after, he's technically Patsy Swayze Jr. He's named after his mom. He had to fix that for his career

in action films. And by the way, that video is very disturbatory, too. I mean, if you're into that kind of thing. No. Is my mic crazy not hot right now? Oh, there we go. I like it. Oh, wait, what's this?

Did you not mean to give away a pair of sunglasses? Those are my actual sunglasses. You know what? Put them in the bag. No, you need them. I'm going to put my smaller bag into your bigger bag. Ah, more masturbatory talk. What? That is straight up sex talk, not masturbatory.

When you have another person's bag involved. Learn something new every day. I guess you can masturbate with somebody else there. Absolutely. I said that way too quickly. Way too quickly. Tired of having daughters?

I only have one daughter. Oh, the other one's a boy? Well, ish. Boy-ish? Three weeks old, so you don't know yet. Three weeks old. When does it become official? Don't know what he's going to be. But whatever he chooses to do, I'll be proud of him

from whichever city I've moved to. I'll send him a card. Now, Matt, you are, of course, a member of the Dudley and Bob morning show here in Austin. Yes, I believe my co-hosts are banned from Dog Loves Movies. KLBJ is where you can hear those guys.

Look at that. Very excited. Now, if they listen to this, they are going to be so bummed out. This will not come back to haunt me one bit. Will not come back to haunt me one bit. People applauding that they're not here. I was telling Matt on the ride over, I got one tweet from somebody saying,

please tell me those guys aren't going to be there. And I was like, I promise you, no taint, no teabag. But I still like I promise you no taint no teabag and um but I still like those guys but it was uh I don't think they I don't think they had ever listened to Doug Loves Movies which I think's a bit of a well a sin in general but also you know I think it didn't work out well for them that time

or for the audience I listened to both out of a real out of a weird sense of joy like haha this is horrible they had me on Tate and Teabag which we recorded right here at Cap City Comedy Club and I had a wonderful time

and they had a wonderful crowd that came out to see them and so then I was like well I gotta do them I gotta return the favor and have them on my show and then you know Dale Dudley gets too fucked up because he's afraid of public speaking. That is true. That is true. He's horrified of people.

So he was on a bunch of things, mostly alcohol. And Bob. And Bob Fonseca, super nice guy. Every time I've been around him, but on this particular show, he decided to question every single aspect. A question at all. Yeah, that was his go- go-to was to say why are we doing this to which i wanted to say every time could you just fucking leave because i want guests that don't question what's gonna why they're doing this well if it's any satisfaction to you uh being the dick that i am i took your that episode and then i played it back on air to their fan base and then we pointed out all the things that Bob did

wrong to everyone. And he got very defensive and I don't think he's forgiven me yet. And that was a year ago. Why are we still talking about this? Because it's about making it worse. Because some asshole... That was my last time I'll ever be on the radio.

Someone here is going to call into the show tomorrow morning and go, they were talking shit about you again last night on Doug Loves Movies, and it's going to trudge up all of their... I'm not going to call my own show. Can we just make a pact that we're all just not going to mention it, and they won't be on again,

but also there's no reason to make them feel bad about it. I'm totally going to make them feel bad about it. What I like to do is make people feel bad. Alright, so play them on the air this part of this podcast. No way, no way.

They're getting uncomfortable. And John Erler, I like to call top pancake Because he is Covered in butter and syrup Yeah And is from the master pancake gang And tomorrow We're going to do

Bring your own pancake Which is people bring in movies Or boxes of Bisquick. Yeah. And then we vote on which one to watch and mock. And I wanted to ask you, John, what is the,

you know, like the best, worst movie that you've watched under those circumstances? We, we watched so many different, uh, types of movies during those circumstances. Sometimes people bring like the big budget stinkers

like you were actually there for one of the last ones when somebody brought Armageddon in. Oh, somebody just deflated in the audience. They're like, oh, I love that movie. Sorry, sir. It's a stinker. But no, maybe it's a fun

movie, but it's fun to make fun of. But then some people bring in just like the weird shit that you would never expect people to bring in. Blood In, Blood Out? I've never... Bought those locos for life! Yeah! I don't even want to know about Blood In, Blood Out. Oh, you do, sir.

You do. You need to be prepared. Oh, no. Is it like a menstruation movie? It's a rip-off of American Me with Edward James Olmos. Yeah, but it's got Benjamin Bratz in it. Benny Bratz is in it? Oh, Benny Bratz from the Bronx.

That's the wrong movie. Benjamin Bratz in it, and there's a white guy who kind of looks Hispanic, and he's missing his legs. Delroy Lindo's in it. Anyway, that's never been brought to a pancake show, but you should come. I'll put you on the guest list. You can bring...

Oh, God, you're really excited about Blood In, Blood Out. Also, do you think blood goes in during menstruation? What was that? Weird. When my girlfriend moved in with the Britney Spears poster, she didn't tell me what goes in. We've also done movies like... There's one starring William Shatner

in a dual role as both a cowboy and an Indian called White Comanche. I don't know if you ever read that one. From 1968. That sounds incredible. He also menstruates during it, which is the weird part. What's the one with the end times based on...

Yeah, Left Behind with Kirk Cameron. We did Left Behind. Everybody who was religious left when they found out what movie we were doing that night. How many people left? Nobody left. Everybody in our audience is a devil worshipper, that's for sure. But, yeah, I mean, there's so many different types of bad movies. Some of them are huge, and

some of them are just, you know, tiny little no-budget things. We also do made-for-TV type movies, like The Good Son with Frodo. Frodo Baggins was in that one. You ever heard of that one? Macaulay Culkin?

That was a theatrical movie. Yeah, yeah. With Macaulay Culkin? Yeah, it's got Macaulay Culkin. And Elijah Wood. And Elijah Wood, exactly. And it's like a thriller. He drowned his little brother in the beginning?

Yeah, you know that one. Macaulay Culkin. Those were good times when he drowned his little brother in the beginning. It's Culkin, Culk Out brother It's a coke in, coke out It's like blood in, blood out And he threw that mannequin over the bridge

Two cars crashed What other movies do you like? Are we sure Dudley and Bob aren't here? Warriors That'd be a good movie to mock Because while it's still a classic It also is of it's time So it's a little slower

paced like i remember when it first came out thinking like that was the most intense movie like how the fuck are they gonna get home how are they gonna get back to where they trying to get they're trying to go to staten island how are they gonna get there and then when you watch it now it's kind of like oh they've got a lot of space to just sort of run around. And they just get attacked by one gang at a time. As long as they stay away from the baseball furies, they should be all right. Because none of the other gangs carry bats. The forest in that movie is like, they're about to get that little short dude that's in all the Walter Hill movies is about to kill them.

And then 500 black people show up out of nowhere. It's scary. is about to kill them and then 500 black people show up out of nowhere. You're not getting five black people to be that quiet, let alone 500 of them to just appear on a beach. I hear a lot of opinions coming our way. There's a lot of shit talk

heading in our direction. Can you dig it? Three barbecues It's weird I still think Warriors is a good movie Well, watch it again Because it's a little I'm not kidding

I own a copy of that movie It's a little tedious now But it's still amazing I think they're remaking it with LA Oh, please don't tell me they're remaking it. With who? We're going to go to the Crips, MS-13. I feel like it would end at MS-13.

It would be like they roll three gang members' heads up in front of somebody. Please tell me they're going to make it with the Crips and MS-13, but they all have to wear those Broadway costumes. If so, it's the end of gangs in America, and I'm excited about it. Cholos are nice. Have I mentioned Felipe Esparza is here, you guys? What's up, everybody? I can't say it enough.

Playing Cap City all weekend, tonight, tomorrow, and Saturday. And I was excited that he was around, I, uh, I've always enjoyed, I love, I enjoyed your stuff on last comic standing. We met briefly that season when you were doing that and, you killed it. And, now you're, now you're here and have,

have all you listened to one episode of the show. Cause I, cause you knew you were doing it. And, uh, so how confident are you about your ability to play movie trivia games? None at all. Okay.

You want to switch seats, John? Sure. No, I don't. It's not fair. I feel like I could win. It doesn't matter what seat you're in because the order changes every round. Yeah. I don't like that Bearden's been

studying strategy if you guys weren't at the Alamo Drafthouse one Bearden is the first person it's weird to call me a cheater for really loving this show it's weird to call you a cheater for cheating I agree Bearden looked up what movies

were the number one movies at the box office 10 years ago for 30 fucking years and memorized all of them. And then waited for that category to show up and was like, ding, zero names. And did any of you try to challenge me? No, and then I knew it, which is not really

cheating for knowing the movies. It was a great victory too because earlier in the show you had admitted to only ever seeing one movie in your life, and that was Ghoulies, if I'm not mistaken. Great movie. Maybe so. Is that the one where they come out of the toilets and bite people's butts?

That's Madball. You should know that. That's Madball? No, that was definitely Ghoulies. But I'm glad Chris brought that up because it being a lost episode, no one would have ever known what a big cheater you are unless we talked about it.

But that is, I've been waiting for that to happen. I've been waiting for a guest to go, well, he tends to do the number one movie from ten years ago so let's find out what that is and go in armed with that information. I think it's smart. It's also cheating. It's what Lance Armstrong would do.

But he won a lot of races in the process. So, good luck to you today. Because that category is not going to show up. I'm on to you, Bearden. I'm on to you being named Bearden and not having a beard. That's weird. Chris Cubis has a cube on his face.

No, it's a cube. Shouldn't he have a cube on his ass? Chris Cubas? Cubas. You haven't seen my ass. That's true. Also, Matt Bearden owns a bear den. That might make up for the lack of Bearden. Oh, it totally does.

He should just change the pronunciation of his name. A bear den. I do. Have you ever gotten that before? I don't think so. I'm the first. Nobody's ever taken the time to split it apart. I did.

I appreciate it. I got the first? Nobody's ever taken the time to split it apart. I did. I appreciate it. I did that. I got queered in a lot. Aww. That makes sense. Which, if you know what bear means... It means... Why is everybody getting all weird all of a sudden?

It means queer rape? What does it mean? Yes. No, not at all rape. Rearded. No, bears are big gay guys. Yeah, with a little hair, too. Hairy ones? Big, fat, hairy, bearded? Yeah Ray Rearded No, bears are big gay guys Yeah, with a little hair too Hairy ones

Big, fat, hairy, bearded Bearded gay guys They're not always like super hairy Hairy Hairy? Super hairy? They're sometimes just bigger dudes Yeah, I think they just need to be big

Why do you keep looking at Chris when you say all this stuff? Also I have to look past Chris What? Yeah, to see me Yeah, so does everyone. What movies are we going to talk about? And why is there an old-fashioned phone ringing in the audience?

Dial Klondike 5. B-E-A-R. But do you remember, Chris, did you say anything funny in the Lost episode That you'd like to repeat now And get that laugh again Man, it's weird to do comedy In a movie theater, am I right?

Everybody? Nah, I didn't really That's what you said the last time I just can't hear my own voice, it sounds weird Some are hotter than others Microphones And guests I can't hear my own voice. It sounds weird. Some are hotter than others. Microphones. And guests.

I've already picked my top two sexiest of the four of you. Well, sure. And I'm both. It's just for me. Scarf tying. Have you been to the movies lately, John Erler? I have not been to the movies lately, John Erler? I have not been to the movies lately, unless you count watching Terminator 2 over 50 times in a movie theater going to the movies,

because that's part of my job. You've watched that one movie 50 times? At least. At least. We practice it about 10 times beforehand, and then we show it about 30 or 40 times in the theater. Wow. Yeah.

I've currently watched Armageddon about 25 times what do you say what's your joke when uh uh the terminate the uh t2000 uh t1000 t1000 when he uh which stabs stabs the milk with his sword arm in the kitchen. Oh, we say milk it doesn't do a body good. I knew you'd have a good one for that. And you must just really rip into Edward Furlong because his performance does not hold up.

He's so terrible. He's just telling you he whines a lot. Come on, we gotta get out of here. Why are you being so violent, robot? I don't like violent robots from the future. And then he teaches him all, like, weird slang that nobody has ever heard of before. You know, it's like, you know, when somebody slaps you off,

you got to come up in their face and start flibble-flizzing them out. That's... James Cameron kind of suffers from make-it-up disease. You know, like I thought that, what's his name, John Hughes was pretty good at coming up with things kids might say but are new expressions. Like Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweeby? Yeah. His weren't so bad, but James Cameron's not as good at that.

Have you been to the movies lately, Felipe? No, not really. Okay, perfect. Moving on. But I saw some on DVD. Oh, yeah, that counts. I saw Lincoln. I fell asleep during Lincoln.

I really fell asleep. Chris, how do you feel about that? It's Black History Month. I know he's supposedly freed the slaves, but I don't buy it. I got all my history from Jet Magazine. Do they have a special issue this month?

They have a History Month issue. It's mostly just mcdonald's ads and then the history of jerry curl yeah this is sexual chocolate through the ages a look at the uh oeuvre of the wayans brothers oh oh so sad i know white people make shitty movies too, Chris. Yeah, but they're not as embarrassing. Did you see that new Wayans joint? What? No.

Haunted House? No, I didn't see the Haunted Mansion or whatever that Eddie Murphy ripoff was. That was ridiculous. You saw that? That was like, we could make Pirates of the Caribbean into a movie. We could make Haunted Mansion into a movie. We could make the teacups into a movie. There's so many movies here in this amusement park.

What have you seen? Matt, you were telling me in the car that you took your daughter to her first movie. First movie. She's three years old. It's an interesting choice, Django Unchained. I thought it would be fun to her. We use that word around the house a lot and I wanted her to know where it came from.

What word, Django? Django, Unchained. But do you use it the way waiters use Canadian to mean black people? My daughter's super cool. Wait, back up. I mean, back up. I'm the only person that worked in a kitchen my entire life. Canadian means black?

They'll be like, oh, I got a table of Canadians. I thought Canadians meant nice people who will say hey. It means don't expect a tip. No service. But for the record, Canadians tip, though, right? Yeah, loonies and whatever. Yeah, they'll give you a toonie.

They're always ordering that black bacon. Nobody, come on. African American bacon? It's a Canadian black joke. Canadian ham, I guess, would be black bacon. What did you take her to see, Matt? Black bacon.

Black bacon 2. My kid's cool. She has a good sense of humor. She met Chris once and literally said to me as we walked around the corner, she goes, Daddy, you know a monster. Which is a very visual thing for a podcast. But if you don't know Chris,

listen to his out there. He is similar to Sully. What's funny. You kind of jumped the punchline, but I took her to see Monsters Incorporated. It just came back, 3D, but we went to the 2D because I was like, there's no way my kid's going to wear 3D glasses. She's never been to a movie. But this, I don't get. This was actually, I know this is goofy talk, but we didn't explain to her what a theater was.

I didn't get you to just take the assumption. So when we walk in, she's just started getting into movies, and she's excited because it means there's popcorn, and you can eat popcorn on the sofa, and her fucking brain goes crazy. So we're like, we're going to go to the movie. And we went, and when we went, they were like, oh, for the 3D? And we're like, no, for the 2D. And the guy goes, are you sure? He said it just like, fuck you. You're in America.

You'll go to 3D, motherfucker. Yeah, especially a movie that was not made in 3D and just had a coat of it slapped on to make more money. It turned out to be great because we had the entire theater to ourselves. Nobody else was in there. And when we walked in, we had never mentioned to my daughter that a movie theater,

we never mentioned a screen. You know what I mean? Like that did never even cross my mind. And she walked in and she goes, is that the TV? And I was like, yeah. And she like, if she knew the word, like, holy fuck balls, like that's honestly what she would have said. Because it was one of those places where it has the raked seating, but it has that break in the middle. The rape seating? That's what I heard. Raked, raked, raked seating, but it has that break in the middle. The rape seating? That's what I heard.

Raked, raked. Like, new stadiums. Raked stadiums. And she just walked in the middle in that one section, and she just stood there and went to sit down. I'm like, you have to come and sit down now. And she's like, I want to stand here. And she just stared at the screen for a while, and she was just like, oh, fuck. And then I remember, like, there was a moment where she was almost, like, ready to go. And I was like, no, the movie hasn't started. But I felt like she was like, how oh, fuck. And then I remember there was a moment where she was almost ready to go.

And I was like, no, the movie hasn't started. But I felt like she was like, how does it get better than this? It's a giant slide of a piece of popcorn. What the fuck? And then she was very uneasy because the chairs wobble. And she was convinced the chair was going to eat her. That's part of the rapeseeding. Exactly.

Exactly. Exactly. How old did you say she was? Like 14? She's 16. But she watched that movie and loved it. And the best part is at one point she did say,

when we were talking about Sully later on, she goes, that's like your friend. So she remembered Chris. She was like, your friend, your friend. And I was like, yeah, he's just like that, except not blue. He's black.

If you had said Canadian, that would have been funny. Well, that's really up to you, isn't it? I don't know how jokes work. I've heard of movies. Do people ever say you look like Hagrid? You look a little like Hagrid, right? I've heard the Hagrid thing before.

Reggie Watts. I get it. Black people all look alike, and so do... Is Hagrid black? And so do wizards, apparently. We're all the same to you. Blacks and mythical beings are all the same to you people. I get it. It's fine.

That's the new code for black people. It's magicians. A table full of wizards. Expelliarmus Out of my section At least you don't get You're the guy from Lost Yeah That's too bad

You want to be Hugo What's up Alcatraz I love that show No you didn't I didn't see it I've seen it so there's some honesty in this podcast nobody saw that what did you see chris i saw a good day to die hard oh that is the right response holy shit oh yeah it's like like Bruce Willis himself kicked you in the stomach. If he wasn't an old, fragile man who shouldn't be doing action anymore,

Jesus, somebody needs to close this fucking loop. He is done. That dude is so old. You can tell he's too old to be doing action based on what kind of t-shirts they let him wear. In the first movie, he's in a wife beater. Then he loses his shirt. He's running around tough. This movie, he's got on two undershirts, another shirt.

He keeps finding jackets. They're like, put some fucking cover up them chicken arms, old man. This is weird. The whole movie is like, let's kill those guys. But first, I need to find a sweater. It's fucking. is it chilly in here and he keeps saying like he's just a

doddering old man he keeps going I'm on vacation but that's not the premise of the movie he is not on vacation he's gone to Russia to save his kid

yeah he went there for a specific reason not to vacation and he must have said four times like the joke of, I'm on vacation. And he murders civilians.

All right, there's a point in that movie where he drives his... Oh, he plays a drone in it? Well done. He drives off a bridge onto the back of a tractor trailer, and then he drives from that onto one of those car transporter trucks, and then he just starts driving onto cars that are in traffic with people in them, and he's just crushing people in their cars, and at one point he goes,

Sorry, lady, and then drives over. You murdered that woman. What are you doing? It's so bad. Sorry, lady. I was just reaching for my jacket and then I see it over here. It's really bad.

Yeah, his next one's going to be called A Good Day to Wear Mittens. They don't let him run more than four steps. Every time he has to run, he runs like three steps and then they cut to a different angle. He's got his hands on his knees, breathing heavy. He's in the new G.I. Joe.

He's going to be in Red 2. They're not making Red 2. Fuck off. Yeah, yeah. Social Security Edition. No one needs to see that shit. At one point, also, in this movie, I'm sorry,

it's terrible. At one point, there's a vault movie i'm sorry it's terrible at one point they go there's a vault full of like uranium and they're like oh we can't go in it's too much radioactivity and then they bring in a tank with these sprayers that they spray down the uranium and go that's x 297 it counteracts radiation trust me they say trust me. They might as well have looked into the camera first. Listen, audience, I know this seems like bullshit, but just go along with it because we've got to get them into that room. We just told you it works, so

why question it? Also, while I have a microphone, can I get Stella Artois on stage, please? Oh, can I have a goose and soda? Can I get a Bud Light? I need to keep my edge. Can I get a blunt?

Felipe needs a blunt. And Matt, you're good? I'll take something. Okay, bring him whatever you want. All the shots. Well, again, thank you guys for coming And thank you audience for being here And now is the part of the show Where I say

Let the games begin So many games to choose from. So exciting. Let's start with a little thing I like to call ABCD's Nuts. Nice. We're going to go through and spell some words. And each letter from that word word the next person in line will have to come up with the title of a movie

that begins with that letter and if you match what I've pre-chosen you win automatically and if you take more than three seconds to answer at all you're out and we'll start

down here on this end with Chris so that Felipe gets a couple of examples before it gets to him. Perfect. In case he's already going, what is this? And we're going to spell out Cap City Comedy because we're a Cap City Comedy Club where not only is it a great club, but they bring you drinks within seconds of asking for them.

I don't know if the services is good for you regulars, for you people in gen pop, but up here on stage, we get the shit fast. And we didn't have to tip, which is also great. Because we're Canadian. See, Matt, that's how a callback works. See, Matt? That's how a callback works. See what he did? Comedy. Because Canadians that listen to this

are going to be so disgruntled that they're compared to black people. It doesn't seem fair to either. Okay, so we're going to spell Cap City Comedy, and we'll start with you, Chris. Just give me a movie that starts with C. Can't Hardly Wait. C. You nailed it.

I went with Courage Under Fire because it was supposedly shot here in Austin, or at least part of it. I thought it was a movie about a war somewhere far away, but I guess they shot some of it here. Okay, so Matt Bearden, your letter is A. Armageddon? Yes. Also shot here in Austin? No, that was shot in space.

In actual space. And the movie I went with was Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl. 3D. Which was shot here in Austin. Is that The Adventures, though? Mm-hmm. Is that The Adventures?

Is it The Adventures? I think it's just Adventures of. Okay. There's a guy who's starting to have a conversation with me over here. Come on, Eileen. What are you doing? Are they shot part of Shark Boy in front of your high school? They shut down the parking lot downtown.

Okay, buddy. All right. Thank you for that. I'm making my signs. Oh, good. He's making a sign, so make sure you check him out when it comes time to pick. Because he's making it right now, so it's got to be good. But also, okay, instead of uh that we could go

with the perfect world or a scanner darkly they were all done here um p is your letter matt i gotta do it again felipe oh i'm sorry felipe p any movie that begins with p felipe pie it was shot in austin a lot of fat people eating pies? I want to say yes, but I don't think that's an actual movie. There's a movie, Pie. Aronofsky? Oh, yeah, yeah, but what it's about is something completely different.

I stared into the sun until my pie was finished cooking. I went with Predators, which is also supposedly shot in part here in the area. Okay, John, earlier you've got C. Cocoon. Okay.

About a bunch of old people sitting around eating pies. I went with Capote, which was shot partially here in Austin. Back to Chris, I. It's alive. Idiocracy was filmed here in Austin. Back to Chris. It's alive. Idiocracy was filmed here in Austin.

Should have thought that through. Matt Bearden. Time cop. True Grit was filmed here in Austin. Rock. Felipe. Lone Star. Why?

Why? The Lone Star was a great guess I meant Dazed and Confused That's what beer he wants Can we get a Lone Star for him up here? And let's just change the name to Cap City Lomity Or Cap Sidley Why is your letter, Felipe?

Anything that begins with Y Movie Yento Yeah I'm sure is your letter, Felipe? Anything that begins with Y. Movie. Yentl. Yeah. I'm sure. One of your favorites, I'm sure. Has nothing to do with Austin. It's really interesting. The Hispanic community loves

they love Morrissey and Yentl. We love going on roofs. C, back to you, John. Cars. Oh, that's a good one. Featuring Owen Wilson who is from Dallas.

Okay. I like the effort you're making. I went with Children of the Corn 4, The Gathering. Was that shot in Austin? I hope it was. Oh, and my choice for Y was Youngblood, which has nothing to do with Austin. It's just a Y movie.

I couldn't find any Y movies that were shot in Austin. O is the next letter. On Deadly Ground. Okay. With Seagal. Sure. Office Space was filmed here. It was filmed here in Austin.

Not thinking through this. Are you guys at least trying to think of some Mike Judge or Linklater or Rodriguez movies? And you might do better at this. But you're doing great. You're doing great. M to Matt. I have nothing for Austin, so

Married to the Mob. Okay. Miss Congeniality was filmed in Austin. Fuck. E. Felipe. Escape from New York. Yeah. Nice.

Good one. It's filmed right here in Austin. It was originally titled Escape from Austin, but no one knew the city that well. That's where they escaped to. Escape from Odyssey. That's why they shouldn't move Warriors to L.A. They moved Escape from New York to L.A., and that was a piece of shit. You've got this, right?

I've got it. All right. I picked Elvis and Annabelle, which was shot here in Austin. I don't really know that much about it. D. Here he comes. Here's the winner. Dark, dazed, and confused.

John Ehler is our winner! He did it! One of only a few matches that have happened in the history of ABCD's Nuts. And for the final Y, I had Yellow Submarine because it might as well have been filmed here. Sure.

Because it's weird. Alright, so John gets to go first in our next game. And our next game is brand new to the podcast. I'm very, very excited about this game. It's called Lincoln or Bane. It's the Lincoln or Bane game. It's the Lincoln or Bane game. I'm going to say a line or a short sentence delivered by either Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln

or Tom Hardy as Bane in Dark Knight Rises. And you have to guess. And we'll get a guess from each of the four of you on which one it is, and then I'll reveal the answer. And when you miss, you get eliminated until we're down to one person. Will you read them in both voices? As it turns out, those voices are one and the same when Doug Benson is the person doing the voice.

I discovered recently that they're very similar when I tried to do Daniel Day-Lewis' Lincoln. Four score. And so, since they're so similar, and since Bane and Lincoln had very similar goals, they were both about freeing something. What wonderful toys you have. Yeah, exactly.

You see how this is going to go. So we will start with you, John, and then we'll move back across to Felipe and then Matt and Chris, and you all get to vote on which one you think said, Can we choose to be born? Which one said that? Lincoln or Bane?

So tough. John? Can I say both? No, it was one or the other. I'm pretty sure they didn't both say it. The name of the game is Lincoln, Bane, or both. So, good choice. I'm going to say Lincoln.

You're going to say Lincoln. What do you say, Felipe? Do you think it was Bane or Lincoln that said that? Bane. Okay, what do you think, Matt? I'll go with Lincoln. Definitely Lincoln. All right, so Felipe's out because that was Lincoln.

That was Lincoln. Is the next one just four score and seven years ago? No, no. It's never that obvious, but it's... It's just score and seven. It's pretty amazing. Okay, so John, we'll start with you again. I admire your zeal.

That one's actually... Who said that? Was it Lincoln or Bane? Damn it. I'm going to say Lincoln again. I'm going to go with Bane on that one. I'm going Bane. John is our winner

because Lincoln said I admire your zeal. Zeal was actually a term they used back then for black people, much like Canadians. He admired his slaves. It's pretty amazing. I like this Black History Month edition of Douglas Moody.

And now i have yeah well now i have lots of uh since you since this ended so quickly i have lots of uh lots more of those so we'll play that again on another episode because this this game is is finite because once you've said everything that they said they both have a lot of dialogue so there's a lot to choose from but uh eventually it's going to be pretty obvious and a fair amount of banes will have batman in it so i'm pretty pretty obvious. And a fair amount of Banes will have Batman in it, so I'm pretty sure it'll be a little on the nose. Do you think he said Batman a lot

in that movie? Yeah, he must have said it at least three times. He said it a few times, but he didn't say it a lot. And when he did, did he say the Batman? Or just Batman? Or did he go, the Batman is a problem.

You guys will chill. I'm pitching Bane versus Lincoln next week in Hollywood, and I don't want you to step on any of my plot ideas just yet. It's gonna be good. Better than this joke. Well, John is killing it today. He's won both games, but so far it doesn't matter

because what really matters is the final game of the day. But we'll let John go first on this next one, which is one of my personal favorites. How much did this shit make? And I always screw it up when I say it. And this is the movie we're going to do today. Even though it was filmed in Austin, I'm not a fan of this movie. Everyone, please guess, without going over, the domestic gross, according to Box Office Mojo,

of the 2003 edition of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Yeah, we'll start with John and then we'll go to Chris. What do you think, John? And it's not adjusted for inflation. No. This is just the money that it made when they... Otherwise, I would have said $500,000. When they remade Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 2003.

Without going over. I'm going to say 36,000. Times 1,000. 36 million, in other words. I feel like that movie was frighteningly successful for how terrible it was. I'm going to go $85 million. like that movie was uh frighteningly successful for how terrible it was i'm gonna go 85 million dollars all right matt i'll go with 16.5 million dollars no this is without going over of course

oh i don't think i'm going over, of course. Oh, I don't think I'm going over. And Felipe? Well, let me see. I think I made like $28 million in bootleg. The bootleg, the box office conversion. So I would say $65 million. $65 says Felipe $65 million, says Felipe. All right.

We've got John Erler with $36,000. Times a thousand. Or $36 million. Matt with $16.5 million. Chris with $85 million. And Felipe with $65 million. And Texans Chainsaw Massacre

from 2003 grossed $80.5 million. So Felipe is our winner. I'm at it. I'm very jealous. I knew that movie made too much fucking money. Leatherface. And that means Felipe gets to go first in the Leonard Maltin game.

But before we do that, he gets to pick a category. So that'll help him get a good leg up on everybody else. But before we do that, we need to pick name tags. Woo! Can we turn on the lights? Let's see the name tags. Can we get a little house lights up a little bit? Can we get some house lights up?

Because it's hard to see. And I'm going to... Oh, look at that. All right, I'm coming. What a delightful... I've got to get a picture of this. It's a dazzling array of name taggage. Let me get a shot of it.

It's last call for beverages, you guys, if you want to have another... I know, right? This thing is speeding by. I think you can get a drink after last call, Chris. It's just last call for the audience. Did you finish making your name tag? Oh, there it is. Okay. He's got a... My friend

stage side in the overalls is finished. Just one, yeah. You just picked somebody's reserve sign? A lot of people put a lot of effort in their signs, Felipe. I don't know. sign? A lot of people put a lot of effort in there to sign, Felipe. I don't know. I mean, look at what Matt's

carrying back over here. It's like he won an award that's even better than an Oscar. That is... Don't show people the back of it, because there's a shithead on the back. But that is...

That's incredible. I guess you can put it on the ground like in front of you where you're going to be sitting. Yeah, that's really good. Okay, everybody's got one. So just go ahead and sit back down, you guys. And we'll go down the line

and see who you're playing for. But Matt's is definitely the most spectacular. you guys and we'll go down the line and see who you're playing for. But Matt's is definitely the most spectacular. Please nobody break that because that looks like it wears work in there. Yeah, please nobody break that. Why did you think there was going to be a...

It might have been... I have kids. If you set something on the floor you tell everybody not to break it. Please, kids, do not knock over this bong. Kids. I'm not going to set a bong on the floor. I'm not an idiot. Oh, so you're not a stoner?

Because I don't know anybody that hasn't kicked over a bong. That's true. What do you got there, Chris? I got from Chase Honaker Chase The Chase starring Charlie Sheen And Chase Honaker I kind of like how excited Chase is To have his arm around Charlie Sheen Whose face did that used to be on the poster?

The chick, Erica Laniac was the girl in that movie? Christy Swanson Christy Swanson, that's right What's his name? black flag is in that movie not black flag the band but henry rollins henry rollins yeah he is josh mostel from city slickers and ray wise from uh twin peaks all right the chase and his name is chase all right he did not put a shithead on the back just so you know okay it's good to know for now uh chris is playing for chase and then what what is that matt that you got it looks like sort of a sort of quasi oscar statue which is

uh topical right aren't the oscars this weekend and then it's got it's lit up and it has it's on a reel of film and then there's a giant os Oscar statue. But the face has been changed out to be Doug Benson's face. Yeah. If my face was on the Oscar, which is how it should be. And it says, hey, everybody. Yeah, and it's, I forgot. I forgot. It's, hey, everybody.

It's Jeremy. It's Jeremy. So I'm playing for Jeremy. All right. I think that's a great name tag. Sorry to the one person who was making his name tag during the show.

And he put his shithead on the back so that'll be convenient at the end. And he also put... There's a picture of Graham Elwood on the back of it for some reason. Maybe he thought he would be here and he was trying to suck up to him. What do you have there, Felipe? I got this from a guy who just made it in five seconds.

Billy the Comanche, that's you? Billy the Comanche. He took his reservation card on his table. Yeah. And wrote his first name on it, plus the Comanche. The Comanche with his own reservation. Look at that. And John, what do you have down there?

I have something that's bursting with marijuana goodness from every side of it. And it looks like, I think it's a drawing of Chris Cubas on it. We all get the fat Albert jokes. Thank you. Is there really weed hanging off of that?

There's no way that's weed. It's just construction paper weed hanging off of it. But it's a nice effort at making it look like it might be a dime bag. And it says, hey, hey, hey. A tie bag, old white man. What did you just? A full Ziploc dime bag? They call them quarter bags now?

Are they quarter bags? And it says, hey, hey, hey on it. And it's got Fat Albert smoking a spleef and he's got real bloodshot eyes. Fat Albert, a great Canadian. I want to yell about you saying spleef. You ever smoke the reefer? Oh, those jazz cigarettes. Cubist, I admire your zeal.

Well played. Okay, and what's his name? What was your name? Oh, that's Albert. Oh, okay. That makes sense. Yeah, that does make sense. What's your name? Fat.

My name is Fat. Okay, Albert. You're playing for Albert. And did he put a shithead on the back of his? I hope so. Okay. We'll see. Felipe, did he put a shithead on Billy?

No, he put the commensi. Oh, yeah, that's it right there. Don't read that. Don't read that part. Okay. I don't think he did, but I'll make one up. Hit. No, you don't make one up.

He still gets to pick. He'll come up here when the time comes. If you lose, there's a chance you'll win. Thank you. One in four chance. That's very nice. Maybe even more.

Maybe more. Because you may have seen more movies than some of the other people. I probably haven't seen more movies, but I've seen movies more times than I've seen it. Is one of them Terminator 2? Because he might have that one unlocked. Oh, yeah. I should probably't seen more movies, but I've seen movies more times than I've seen it. Is one of them Terminator 2? Because he might have that one unlocked. Oh yeah, I should probably not use that one. Oh no.

Oh. But John gets to go first. And then we'll... Oh no, Felipe gets to go first. Sorry. And then we will... And then we will go to... What order were we going on that last game? I forget. This way? So we'll go to John order were we going on that last game? I forget This way? So we'll go to John from Felipe And you get to pick a category

Would you like At not that R. Kelly On Twitter Suggested Salma and Louise And that's movies with Salma Hayek Louise Guzman or both Alan Rickman the great Alan Rickman

is celebrating a birthday today so the films of Alan Rickman or at who else Elliot suggested some assembly required and that's movies with two or more of the Avengers in them. Yeah, and there's a few of those.

So which one of those do you think you like, Felipe? The Alan Rickman one. Alan Rickman. Interesting choice. Mr. Potter. By Graf Thar's hammer. I admire your zeal, Mr. Potter. Can we choose to be born, Mr. Potter?

Three stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie from 2010. So pretty recent. He calls the movie, you know, I just give a couple of clues. He says it's imaginative. But he also says that one of the actresses is actresses in the movie is gives a hilarious that the movie sparked by hilarious performance from this actress and he lists a shit ton of names 17 names.

So how many names do you think you can get it in? Felipe. Can we get an audience blank? Out of 17. 17 is probably a smart opening bid. Because then you'd get all the names. Unless you think you know it. And remember, it comes from the bottom.

Yeah, it's the most difficult to the easiest. So I have to guess the movie or guess the people in the movie? You have to guess the movie. Well, you got to guess the movie eventually, but right now you just have to say how many names you think you need to hear to figure it out. And people in the audience are saying 17 to try to help you. It's a pretty smart opening bid to say 17.

17. Well done. You fucked up already. Bravo. He just looked at me so scared. I'm going to try to do it in negative one names See

Now this shit is happening I got to say name that movie Because you don't have any idea But not enough to get two down I think I might know the movie but I'm never getting two names Okay so he's going to name the movie And the top billed performer in that movie. Yeah, out of 17. What do you think,

John? I don't know. This could be crazy. Is it Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? And who's the top-billed person in that? Daniel Radcliffe? No, it's Alice in Wonderland. And the top-billed person, of course, is Johnny Depp. Yeah, so

Chris is on the board. You've got a point, Chris. See how that works? Now we'll start with, since he wasn't involved in any of that, Matt will get a chance to participate. And then we'll move back towards Chris. And Matt gets to pick a category between the following. Would you like

Jennifer Love Hewitt is celebrating a birthday today. Why is that funny? Really disparate. One guy went, another guy went, and everyone else went i love i went crazy with the birthdays today because also celebrating a birthday is a past guest on the show hopefully future guest uh ellen page so the films of Ellen Page or Jennifer Love Hewitt or at KALAROOKA K-A-L-A-R-O-O-K-A

suggested Tom Cruise and that's movies where Tom Hanks is on a boat. Which one of those would you like to play? Matt Nobearden. I feel bad because I think people really want to hear Tom Cruise. But I feel like...

No, they just laughed at the thing. The kind of movies I watch, I really feel like... Don't worry about that. Jennifer Love Hewitt is going to be where my success is. She was pretty good in Monsters, Inc. Really? Why are you really in me, Chris? And lots of other children's movies.

I live an awkward life. When there's a lot of Jennifer Love Hewitt. I want to make fun of the shitty movie she was in, but I don't want to give you the name of a movie you might now answer. Is that all part of my plan? Yeah. I'm assuming you did research on Jennifer Love Hewitt movies somehow.

I admire my own zeal. You found out whose birthday it was. Googled, you binged Jennifer Love Hewitt. Who wouldn't love to bing Jennifer Love Hewitt? Thank you. Thank you. I'd like to bing right in between those titties. All right.

Matt. Tom Cruise. It's too late. You picked already. Who do you think you are? Bob Fonseca? Why are we still? That's good.

Three and a half stars. I'm sorry. Two and a half stars. This is, after all, a movie with Jennifer Love Hewitt in it. I got carried away. Two and a half stars. I'm sorry, two and a half stars. This is, after all, a movie with Jennifer Love Hewitt in it. I got carried away. Two and a half stars from Leonard. He calls this movie sleazy if watchable. Okay.

What year? Have we gotten to the year yet? Sleazy if watchable. 2001. Okay. And it's sleazy if watchable. And then he also says that the cast seems to be having a good time. And this is...

I've never known Leonard to get so dirty in a review. He says, wonderful performance by Hewitt's breasts. Kudos. To those boobos. He didn't really say that, did he? He really did. He said kudos to those boobos? No didn't really say that, did he? He really did. He said kudos to those boobos? No, no, the other part.

You should ghostwrite. Yeah. Do it in Lincoln voice. And he lists... Kudos to those boobos. Wait a second. He lists about 14 names? 14, yeah.

What do you think of that, Matt? He's really thinking about it. I'll go opening bid. You look like the old lady in Amor for a second there. Just staring off into space. An opening bit of 12 names.

Smart. Out of 14? Chris. Let's ratchet it up. Let's go 7. Ratchet it up. Hey everybody, producer Ryan here. We had some audio issues and unfortunately the end of this round gets cut off.

But Matt won the point on a challenge when Felipe incorrectly guessed Can't Hardly Wait with zero names. But Chris impressed everybody by knowing that it was actually Heartbreakers. Now back to the game at the beginning of round three. And then another option, Chris, is In Theaters Now. That's movies that are in theaters now. And I apologize that I'm saying this to you it's just the it's just the randomness of it plaque history month yeah that is i know my movies that have dentists in them

one or more dentists so would you like in theaters now i'm gonna go i'm gonna go plaque history month. Okay. Nice. For my fellow bad teethers. I don't know. That category was up last week. Oh, shit. It's out of the page. God damn it.

Fully researched. Must go zero days. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. What have you done, Cubas? Well, that's nice of you to warn everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the best way to cheat. Of your cheating ways.

Why didn't Lance Armstrong just show up at the race and say, I'm loaded. I shot a lot of stuff into my ass. Let's do this. Let's do this, you French fucks. Aren't most bicycle races through France? Two and a half stars for this movie from 2011. So it's fairly recent. Yeah, 2011, two and a half stars for this movie from 2011.

So it's fairly recent. Yeah, 2011, two and a half stars. One or more dentists are in the movie. He says that this movie is sporadically funny. And he also says that it's got the kind of raunchiness we've come to expect in the post-Hangover era. So he's really blaming the Hangover for raunchiness. Sure. It's the first movie to be raunchy.

Because that's where it was invented. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And are certainly popularized. And he lists... Fairly Brothers would be happy to hear about that. 15 names. That's a lot. What do you think, Chris? Let's go 12 names.

Matt? I love the silence when it's your turn. Erler has a point already, correct? Oh, strategizing, are we? Don't tell him the point. John is not on the board. It's just you have a point and Chris has a point. First to two is going to win.

What's that? What are you saying to me? I thought there was another. Never mind. I'm drunk. Okay, then I'll have Chris name the movie. With 12 names? Let's do this.

Yeah, that's... So you're just willing to let him have a point, is what you're saying. I don't think he'll get it. There's a good chance I might not. With 12 out of 14 names? I really don't think... No, no, shut up. Too late.

Too late. Stop cheating for him Alright sorry No I'm just I'm just questioning his move I'm not going to change it It's a terrible move Yeah it's really bad Also I'm probably

Not going to get it I'm going to Pete Holmes The shit out of this Is it the devil works Never mind I'm not going to name it Real fast Bob Newhart

Here's where I'm going What Bob Newhart Here's where I'm going He's not dead? What are you doing, Matt? He's playing out my drunkenness. I got you.

Not to be offensive, but Chris doesn't have a lot of money, so usually the movies he's seen are all like 2007 or earlier. That's true. Like, there's not a lot of recent movies. I did just see A Good Day to Die Hard. Why don't I ever watch another movie? Because movies from two years ago cost more than movies from 2007 and what do you mean

he doesn't have a lot of money I don't that's for rules is it because he spends it all on tattoos the four tattoos I have it's not that I spend it on weed

I know I know Chris well I just think I think it's a movie he's not going to get okay that's what comes down I think you're wrong

look I always play for the three way tie anybody who's been in episodes before has seen that that being said i win if i get this right i know but i think i win all right let's find out i might not get it bob newhart already blown away by bob newhart wendell pierce okay she i see yeah i i say uh mustafa Isaiah Mustafa PJ Byrne Lindsay Sloan Ian Gruffald He was

the stretching guy in the Fantastic Four movies. I don't know that you need to help him. Julie Bowen Now here's where if you don't blurt it out in the next few names, I'm going to stand up and murder you. That's fine. Jamie Foxx, Donald Sutherland,

Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, Jennifer Aniston, and Jason Sudeikis. Nobody help him. Nobody help him. Stop talking him. Everyone shut up. Stop talking. I'm just trying to make noise over the answers they're saying in the audience.

No one's saying a word. They're saying a lot. They can't hear a whole. They can't believe that you're thinking about it. I admire your zeal. Tyler Perry. I admire your zeal. Hey, hey, hey. Look who's here to answer the question today.

It's Sudeikis and Jennifer Anderson, and it is... I am Maya. Horrible Bosses. That's right, Horrible Bosses. What was it? And he's taking a victory lap like that was hard. Like that was a tough one.

It was pretty hard for me. It was pretty hard for me. My apologies, everyone. Felipe just said, that was a movie? No, I worked for Jennifer Anderson for a while. She was a horrible boss. Oh, so Chris won the whole game? Yeah.

Yeah. Thanks, Matt. Nice going, Matt. Ah, man. I win. I'm the best. I got excited about the three-way tie also. Plus one more.

I thought I would get the quick victory. I really didn't think he would get it. You fucked up. I know. Well, I got to take a chance. 12 names is a lot. A lot. That's not really a chance.

Out of 14. Yeah. That's usually going to... Did anybody else see him take 60 seconds to think of fucking horrible bosses? When you said... Stop acting like that was a great movie we all loved so much.

He said Jennifer Aniston. I like it. He said Jennifer Aniston. She's done one movie in the last 10 years. I like that Charlie Day tries to get under the garage door and it closes and he slams into it. That was funny. I feel like you could just be guessing

that that happened in that movie. Is that fair? I just think when I watch that movie, because I've seen it a couple times on cable and stuff, I just think that of the three bosses, two of them are genuinely horrible and the third one,

he should just go ahead and fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he should give it to her as many times as possible. And if it doesn't work out with the wife, then whatever. I wanted Chris to win. Stop pretending.

You just changed your rationale. Black History Month moment for you. I guess so. That's right. It is, yeah, it is. I am excited. This might be the first black winner we've had. I think it might be the third black guest you've had.

You know, why do you have to delve into the details? Did you have Ron Fletchers at some point? That's about it. No, and Guy O'Belum's been on it. Oh, and Guy O's been on it. I know it, Guy O. He's hilarious. But who won when we played at the Ritz?

Do you guys remember? This dummy, because he cheated. The cheat win. Oh, the cheater won. And did you win when we played at the High Bowl, too? I've won every game I've played with you so far. Except for this one. Except for this one, sir.

Yeah, finally. Well, I like playing the game. And people seem to get really upset that I play the game and then don't just go off of some blind love of trivia. What? Look, if I have to play the villain, that's fine. That's who I will be. Sometimes the villain is very popular.

It's a pretty good thing. At 98% of the time, the villain loses. The villain always loses. That's fine. That's where I've been in my whole life. Sympathy for the devil. Should we play one more round just for fun? Yeah

Is this just for fun Or is this part of the game? No this will just be for fun Yeah you're the winner I'm trying to make sure Chase gets those Horrible DVDs He looks like he really needs something to jerk off to I mean the magic of scarf time And on he looks like he really needs something to jerk off to.

I mean the magic of scarf time. And on. And on, because if you don't take this opportunity to stand over Britney Spears... Oh, yeah. That's a life-size Britney Spears. Where is Chase? Where is he? He's a couple rows back. Come on up here, Chase. Come get your prizes. Go there! Congratulations.

Wouldn't it be weird if you brought a name tag and got picked and then left? No, you're not. You're not Chase. You're the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Now that I think about it. There you go, dude. And here's your poster. If you put that in the passenger seat, you could drive in the carpool lane.

Can we describe the Texas Chainsaw Massacre to the listeners? Because he's been here. I think they know that it's a guy in overalls. Yeah, yeah. That's all. But he's just like a dude who's got, like, what is that? Nine empty bottles in front of him and overalls and a beard and a body in his car.

Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't have said anything. I want to see you at eight. You're right. I shouldn't have said anything to him. Felipe. The tickets are sold out. What the fuck? Sorry. Sorry I created this problem. Felipe's shows are sold out already?

Yeah. Nice. Congratulations. Sorry I created this problem Felipe's shows are sold out already? Yeah Nice Congratulations Thank you This is a big room with a jungle gym on the stage So it's exciting when you can sell that out Well done Stop talking dude

I like that he said excuse me though He's polite Pardon me May I interrupt? I like that he said excuse me, though. He's polite. Pardon me. May I interrupt? The man in the overalls on the floor has a statement to make. I call him Philip Buster. How many?

Oh, God damn. That hurt. All right, who should we start with? Since this is just a fun round Did we start any with John Did John pick a category yet I don't know I can't remember I don't think John didn't get a start

Let me pick a category Can I pick the Tom Cruise category And then we'll go to Felipe And then Matt that way Chris might not even get involved Cause he's the big winner I am We'll go to Felipe and then Matt. That way Chris might not even get involved. Because he's the big winner. I am. First time that's ever been said.

By the way, put more food in the donation box out front because I eat out of that every week. Real talk. And DVDs from pre-2007. I can't afford those new DVDs. And 2009 joints are expensive. Let's get... Billy, he wrote something on the

name tag, right? Let me grab that. And then Matt, who are you playing for? It was Jeremy, I believe. But then the Hey Hey Hey John's name tag, that doesn't have the shithead on the back. And then Matt, who are you playing for? Oh, yeah, we got one. But then the Hey, Hey, Hey, John's name tag, that doesn't have a shithead on the back. I don't think so.

What is that thing taped to the back? That's a poster for Albert Knobs with his face on it, the dude's face on it. Oh, okay. Wow, what a complicated name tag. It's got shit going on on both sides. All right. Oh, I didn't notice that Fat Albert has a spliff, a spleef.

A spleef. It's called a spleef. He's got like a giant, he's got like a burrito in his mouth and very red eyes. So that's fun. But who made that? Where's the person who made that? Where are you at? Come up here and let's get you someone for me to call a shithead on your behalf. Because you know about that part of it, right? Yeah, okay. at come up here and let's get you uh someone for me to call a shithead on your behalf because you

know about you know about that part of it right yeah okay so here just write down on on this piece of paper uh who you'd like me to call a shithead and uh i'll let you think about it if you like uh john would you like tango unchained that's movies where sylvester Stallone gets out of prison. Please, please pick that category. Sorry. Or Bruno Mars. That's movies where Bruce Willis is... No, forget that. Bruce Willis in space.

Space, yeah. We've already covered... We already mentioned that. Or Lady Leftovers suggested, I know what you did last summer, and that's movies from last summer. Lady Leftovers suggested I Know What You Did Last Summer and that's movies from last summer. And Christian Mingle is movies where

Christian Slater has sex. Thanks, dude. Thank you. Got it. That's a good one. Good local reference. I'm going with the Christian Mingle one. Wow. Good local reference. I'm going with the Christian Mingle one. Wow, people are audibly disappointed. Like it matters at all.

They don't like to think about him having sex, I guess. Two and a half stars from Lannister for this movie from 1993 that he says is... He says one of the the actors is a standout, one of the supporting actors is a standout in a first-rate cast, and he also says that it was available in R and unrated versions.

Huh? Yeah. I mean, what movie isn't these days? But it's from 1993, and he lists 13 names. I'm going to do it in one name. Oh, this son of a bitch. Zero names. Woo!

Matt? Yeah, I'm going to ask Felipe to name that. Name it, Felipe. True Romance. That's correct! Murder! Yeah! That was a just for fun. That went real quick. Did you know it before the clues?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was thinking about Kristen Slater and Rosanna Arquette in the telephone booth. Right? I was talking to somebody. I was like, do they have sex in that? And then I was like, oh, yeah, they fuck on the sink or something. Phone booth. Phone booth.

Phone booth. But he gets her up on that little table in the phone booth and gives it to her on there. Classic. I'm surprised he was tall enough to accomplish that. Gives it to her Swayze dancing style. I literally didn't get it, what you were saying. And I was like, Christians that have...

I was thinking like Kirk Cameron and Left Behind series. Like, I'm that fucking dumb. Do you have anything you want to plug, dummy, before we go? Matt, punch Tuesday nights here at Cap City. Punch Tuesday nights here at Cap City. Dudley and Bob Mornings KLBJ

I like how you do my Yes that and uh yes There's nothing I feel really bad because I don't know how to deal with defeat That's okay Got anything coming up You want to tell people about Philly Bay I know this weekend sold out

Next week I'll be at the Orlando Improv, and then the following week, San Jose Improv. Both great rooms. I love both those clubs. You're going to have a great time. John Erler? We're sold out this weekend, too, some of the shows you're doing. But next weekend, I think there's still tickets for Armageddon,

so everybody except that guy right there. Bruno Mars. Bruce Willis in space. And Chris, what's going on with you? If you're an Austin person, come out to Avalanche Monday nights at Holy Mountain. Me and Ryan County. Book a... Some of you come. It's a good show.

Otherwise, just follow me on Twitter. I'll be in your town soon enough. Just follow me on Twitter. At Chris Cubas. I'm sorry. C-H-R-I-S-C-u-b-a-s at chris cubis or c-a-n-a-d-i-a-n well done did you just try to spell canadian yeah i don't even know if i got it i really don't know if i got it i don't even think you i think you forgot an A. How appropriate. Alright, thanks guys for being here. Thank you for being here, Austin.

All of my dates and details are at DouglasMovies.com. I'm coming soon to the state of Denver, the state of Atlanta, and the state of New York City. And I will be back here in March and September and November and December I like it here and as always

Navin Johnson's dog is a shithead of course he is the Comanche Nation is a shithead. Of course he is. The Comanche Nation is a shithead. And makes an appearance pretty much every time I do a show here. Rick Perry is a shithead. Yeah! Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.

Eyes of gold, his view and prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies!