Doug Loves Movies - Geoff Tate guests

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

Live from Zanies Comedy Club in Rosemont, Doug welcomes Geoff Tate to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny babies, sticky seats With 50 as a top or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Because Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is I Love Movies! That was I dare say perfect.

Yeah. It's been rough. You've probably heard some of the shows since we've been back in front of live audiences and they're not all up to speed. I mean, I understand that a lot of time went by and they stopped hearing that all the time,

so it's hard to remember to do it. But I felt like I could count on everybody. Here at Zaney's in Rosemont, Illinois! O'Hare adjacent. Part of the Parkway Bank Park. Former home of Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill. I used to love talking about that place

and it's gone, but I'm going to still talk about it. He went out of business, and it turned into a Bubz, which I don't think I like what that means. It's like country music mostly over at Bubz, I think. As always, Doug Loves Movies is presented to you by OCB Rolling Papers. No matter which OCB paper you choose, you can be assured all papers are vegan, GMO-free, chlorine-free, and dye-free. Enjoy the show!

It's Sunday, September 12, 2021, and I'm excited to say this in front of a live audience again. Doug plugs! That's right, Rosemont, you get to hear about shows I'm doing that aren't this one that you probably will not be attending but you can listen to Doug Loves Movies is coming to Moon Tower Comedy Fest in Austin, Texas

for two shows September 22nd and 25th The New Wise Guys in Las Vegas on October 9th The DC Improv on October 24th. And more. Plus I'm doing stand-up dates as well. For all of my... Are you ready?

For all of my dates and whatnot, go to DougLovesMovies.com That's DougLovesMovies.com Yeah! Come on! Come on! Ten days. TedDansen.com! Yeah! Come on! Come on! Shh!

Ted Danson? I always love a premature Ted Danson. There was one Ted Danson out there that was like, oh, oh, Ted Danson, oh, take it back, take it back. Shh, shh, shh. But again, that was very good,

and I want you to listen to these other shows because I bet the next city is not going to be that good in fact yeah it's going to be at a comedy festival so I was going to be like but I look forward to it Moon Tower as you can see if you're here

I only have two chairs on stage one one for myself, and then a strange middle microphone that has a little microphone diaper on it. Because they supply me with microphone diapers for anybody who wants that sort of thing. And I've also got cleansing wipes. I probably wiped this off earlier at soundcheck, but I'll do it again now, just for the hell of it.

I should have said what I was about to do, but just do it. Everybody would just be giggling, and everybody would be going, what is that noise? What is he doing? Is he rubbing his ass on the microphone? Nope, just a wipe. Not my actual ass. So the reason we have this special setup today

is because I have a special show planned. Yeah. I mean, at least I did have a special show planned. I can't believe I really did this. I had to change the script at the last minute to a different... Okay, I did bring the right one. Holy fuck, I really thought... I should just read this. It probably will all explain itself. But I started to panic that I was introducing the wrong show.

Because what I planned to do today was have two brothers go head to head to attain movie trivia glory. But one couldn't make it at the last minute. So please welcome to the stage for a special solo show with the one and only, welcome him to the stage, Jeff Tate! Jeff Tate! Hi Jeff! Well hello! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hi, Jeff.

Well, hello. You're right. You told me in a text that masks look dumb with your beard. Yeah. They look so dumb. I appreciate you wearing it up on stage so that everybody could have that laugh that people are having as you walk around all day, every day. Every day. Do people laugh when you walk by?

Yeah. It might be the haircut, though. This is a bad haircut. Oh, there's a gentleman in the back that likes it. Oh, cool. Yeah, you always want those dudes in the back to like your haircut. That's what we strive for in comedy and entertainment in general. Jeff, your brother, Troy, was going to be here.

We were going to go head to head. But now, since Troy isn't here, I've decided to make this into a show called Jeff Tate versus the universe. A.K.A. Jeff Tate versus the world. A.K.A. Jeff Tate versus Chicagoland. A.K.A. Jeff Tate versus people in a mall. I could narrow it down further. People in a mall that came to this show and have no intention of doing anything else in this mall. You know how the beginning of the Burbs or whatever,

like a universal where it's a spinning globe and then it zooms in to the neighbor? That's what you just did. We just zoomed all the way into Rosemont, Illinois. Parkway Bank Park. I mean, that's also crazy. Parkway Bank Park. Yeah, that's dumb.

I think it used to be like Rosemont Business Park, I think. And then Parkway Bank came in and said, oh, we've got some ideas. We're going to start by sprucing up the name not a business park it's a bank park they got some cool stuff here though I will I will admit that fun yard yeah they got a yard that's it's ice skating in the winter oh yeah yeah and but in the now times it it's just AstroTurf

And people can go out there and scrape up their knees It should be roller skating, that'd be way more fun to watch Oh, that's not a bad idea You should tell the Bankway Bank Park I'm going to tell the Bank Park Park Park Parkway Bank Park We were just chilling the other night Me and my girlfriend having dinner here in the Parkway Bank Park. We were just chilling the other night,

me and my girlfriend having dinner here in the Parkway Bank Park, and they had unannounced fireworks. Yeah? Is there anything more terrifying? It was a little off-putting. They shoot them from the roof of the, you know, above, like, the parking structure, above, like, Sugar Factory and all that.

So, like, everybody standing around down here can see them, and they do them after these outdoor concerts that they do. But they also, since it's summer, they also just do it on random nights when there's not a concert. So there was no concert, and we're just sitting outside the bowling alley having a drink, and then boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And we go and look,

and there's just fireworks practically directly above us we couldn't we were like who is shooting these off is this professional is this is this supposed to be happening and people that work at the restaurants were all going what's happening like it's been happening all summer and you work here and you didn't know like there's one lady who's just like there are are fireworks? And she was our waitress. And we were like, yeah. I guess that's a thing they do here at the bank park. That's very scary, considering this was probably yesterday. No, that's a good point.

Yesterday, we weren't here for it, but they had a Prince cover band, the Prince tribute band called Purple Veins. That can't be what they're called. That cannot be the right name. I think it's just Purple Reign, R-E-I-G-N,n like that I think that's what it was so uh yeah so it's just a bunch of dudes with their cranks out just doing just singing darling nicky and fucking magazines no so they um uh they had that show.

They had the Prince show. And then the fireworks were right after the Prince show. So people aren't going to be too surprised after watching a Prince cover band that there are fireworks because that's a pretty exciting evening to begin with. Tonight, Jeff, the tribute is

I swear this is what they're called but getting these names right is not really my forte tonight if everybody sticks around it's 7 o'clock tonight right here at Barclays Bank Park they can see boy band tribute band

I can't wait. I'm front row. Who are you, Scooby-Doo? Front row, front row. It's standing room only, I think. Were there chairs out there? Did they put out chairs? It might be chairs.

It might be like a wedding. Yeah, it's a reform. It might be like an outdoor wedding with folding chairs and a boy band. But, I mean, just saying boy band tribute, I mean, that's a lot of songs they could play. Yeah. They're doing a three-hour set,

or they're scheduled for three hours, but I bet you they take a break or two. I hope so We'll be right back with more Boy Band Boy Band Boy Band Tribute Band The Band Managed by Kenny from Bachelor in Paradise That's for all the Bachelor in Paradise listeners

Listeners Watchers You watch Bachelor in Paradise Jeff? I don't There's this guy In this season His name is Kenny And his job

Whenever it says Under his name Kenny Is just Boy band manager And it's like Oh he manages boy bands No no no He manages one

Tribute boy band It might even be This one playing tonight Cause he's from this area Oh my god Yeah So I'm gonna be looking for Kenny out there. He's going to be the one

on the side going, you guys got enough water? No, he's going to be naked because that's his shtick is he's always naked. Well, this isn't Paradise. He needs to put some pants on. He has like weird little underwear on on the show and they just put a black bar on over it and everybody pretends he's naked. It's super dumb. So even a

boy band tribute band manager is a creep. You know, on this season of Paradise he's kind of, he's one of the better ones. This show sounds intriguing. It can be fun if you watch it with the right attitude. Apparently, a lot of people here tonight watch it or at least

read about it on their socials. Woo! Let's... Wow. I'm really confusing myself with everything I'm doing today. I'm going to tell everybody what prizes are available for audience members to win.

And I hope people are excited to come up and participate. Okay, good. All those people just wooed. Did you also bring some sort of name tag? Because that's the first line of deciding is the name tags. But then if there are not enough name tags, other people will get a play anyway. So if you have a big one, that's really going to win us over probably. I got to decide because I want to pick people that I think are going to beat Jeff.

And this stuff is going to be given away. I've got tons of OCB rolling papers. So pretty much everybody that would want one of those is going to get one today. And then I've got a blanket that says the Tomorrow War on it. And it's a nice blanket.

Jeff, tell them how nice it is. Very. Okay, you you got plenty of COVID on there. That's perfect. So that's in the bag. Also a 420 formula. 420, I should say. Rolling tray. Thank you. And it's legal here now, right? It's another thing I forgot to mention. I'm so

excited about that because I'm always hanging around outside the club smoking like a creep, worried about getting in trouble. And now it's recreational. I mean, every time I came here, for me, it was recreational.

I was having fun with it. From her new special that's on Disney+, I've got a Billie Eilish t-shirt. Yeah. It fits tight on me, which feels weird for a Billie Eilish t-shirt, because she likes the baggy stuff. And then I've got a couple of DVDs. Promising Young Woman. Oh, that's a Blu-ray.

They're both Blu-rays, actually. And a movie called Sacrifice. Yeah, no wooing. No wooing for that one. So that's going to be the prize for the person who misses out on all the other good prizes. I got a Cesar Millan dog collar. Yeah, suitable for people or dogs.

And it's a bright dog collar. It's for crossing the street and whatnot. Keep your dog safe. And then on vinyl, the Billie Eilish, the latest Billie Eilish, the latest Billie Eilish thing, I don't have a phonograph. Oh my god, I do

and I've never called it a phonograph. I can't wait to call it a phonograph. I just wanted to pick the most old-timey word that I could for it, because, you know, we don't have... I mean, I guess people have turntables now, mostly DJs, but, you know, other people have to have them. Jeff, this is going to excite you.

Here's a weird water bottle. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's rubber, and it, like, expands to bigger, and then you can squash it down small again, and it's from Paramount Plus. Oh. Ooh. This thing was so stupid

until you knew it had Paramount Plus written on it. Then it became a really cherished item. That is really an exclusive piece of something. Piece of weird bottle. And then I think there's one more thing. Someone can win today. It is a pen from my friends at Star Trek. It was Star Trek Day the other day.

55 years since the first episode of Star Trek ever aired on TV. So they, in a bunch of stuff that they sent me, one of them was something I don't feel like I can use. Because it's a pen that writes in space. And underwater.

Right? And I just don't want to wait around for the invention of underwater paper. Who's got the time? So I just don't want to wait around For the invention of underwater paper Right Who's got the time? So I'm going to go ahead And give this to someone Who doesn't mind putting it down

And waiting Until the point where you're going to be able To write underwater With this pen Oh man, someday you're going to go to like a hotel And they're going to be like You might sign in our pool Damn it, where's that pen?

Oh, I guess, yeah. I guess it'd be for underwater graffiti. I didn't think of it that way. You want to tag our pool? Yeah, now I'm hoping nobody wins that. Oh, and it's also a possible prize for anybody that wants it. It's a bag that says playing with sharks on it

that is this is Valerie Taylor she was very helpful with the shark footage in the original Jaws and she became a shark advocate and because at first she thought sharks were bad now she loves them and yeah and so she's got a special on Disney Plus all about

her life and her pursuit of helping the sharks. So, yeah, I'm 100%. I'm totally pro-shark. I mean, I know that a person can get killed by them every once in a while. But you know what? Stay out of the water. Problem solved.

You want to go in the water? That's where they live. You're in their home. And they'll even let you pee in shit without being too upset about it. Just don't bleed on everything, because then they will come and murder you because they think you're a bleeding seal

or something. Oh, that's when you bleed, they're mad? Well, I'm saying their blood attracts them. We learned that in Jaws, right? Yeah. Chum. They Jaws, right? Yeah. Chum, throwing out the chum. Oh. I just thought they were pals.

I get it, and I don't like that I get it. Nope, not good. I get it, and I don't like that I get it. Nope, not good. All right, so did everybody see stuff that they would enjoy having for their own personal underwater writing? That's great. So we'll get to that in a second. The tradition of podcasts and entertainment in general, I'm going to do something else first.

Just to, you know, put that off a little bit. It's called Recommendation Nation. You know, Jeff, I always ask all three guests to suggest a movie that people might enjoy seeing. And today, I'm going to participate.

I'm going to name a movie to go against your movie. Oh, okay. Yeah, so what movie would you like to recommend today? Let's see. I just watched Black Rain. Are you really thinking about this for the first time just now?

No, yeah, I don't... How far did you drive to get here and it never crossed your mind, oh, I'm going to have to recommend a movie. No, okay, here's what I actually want to... And are you sure it's not called Black Vein? I'm not. I'm not sure it's not called that.

I want to recommend that nobody watches Reminiscence. Oh, there's a twist. That's what I want to recommend. Anti-recommendation. I want to save you all the trouble. It's too many things are happening in it. And none of them really pay off. I mean, Rotten Tomatoes gave it a bowl of farts, whatever that means.

That's very bad. I thought the scale was all percentages, but in their case it's just a bowl of farts. Right? Grown-ups got 11% it's just a bowl of farts. Right? Grown-ups got 11%, and this got a bowl of farts. I just, I like Hugh Jackman, you know, but just the previews just made it look like it was just going to be like that movie Prisoners or something, where he's just going to be mad about something and just yelling at people and people just going to be like that movie Prisoners or something, where he's just going to be mad about something

and just yelling at people and people just going, hey, man, don't cut us up with your laser fingers. That's basically what it was. But it was also like the city was flooded. Knife fingers. What? He lived in Miami and it was flooded and there's no explanation for why people still live there.

Like if it's flooded. I mean, you have seen what happens when they say evacuate. People are like standing on the roof going, dude, what? But then at one point they go to New Orleans and New Orleans is fine. And the day I saw it, New Orleans was flooded. This movie is nothing. I see why you didn't like this movie.

Because real life events are confusing you. Yeah. I thought I would be able to think back on it fondly. I do not. So the title's a lie? Well, if you want titles that tell the truth, then you should check out Malignant. Yeah? Oh, no.

I haven't seen it, but I assume the movie is malignant in some way. But yeah, nobody wants to reminisce about reminiscence. No. So let's move on from that and genuinely recommend a movie, please. You were going to say Black Rain? Is that that Michael Douglas thing? Yeah, that was the last movie I watched. Who directed that?

Was that a Scott? Yeah, Ridley Scott. Yeah, okay. It was that? Was that a Scott? Yeah, Ridley Scott. I meant a Scottish person, but okay. Is he Scottish? No, I said, did a Scott direct that? And you told me it was Ridley. I meant, would a Scottish person have directed that? I asked that ever since I saw the movie Highlander.

Which is strange, because it has sequels, but there can be only one. I know, I know. That's so dumb. Why do they keep making them? It's their rule. Yeah, they made the rule. They're the ones that made the rule. So stupid.

But you like that Black Rain movie? I did. I enjoyed it. It was a real stylish 80s. Michael Douglas smoked so many cigarettes, I dreamt I smoked cigarettes that night. That's a lot of cigarettes. That's a lot of cigarettes.

But isn't it raining a lot? No, there's no rain. That title's also a lie. I swear there was some rain in that movie. There's some rain, but it's just regular rain. But regular rain is not as good a title. Oh, my God. Can you imagine going back to, you know, returning to the box office?

I thought the rain would be black. I want my money back. Goddamn regular rain. Can you imagine them putting out a movie called regular rain I mean I'd probably see it I saw Reminiscence Did you see hard rain I like hard rain

That's actually the one I want to recommend Hard rain The town floods during a heist Holy shit That's a fun movie. Who's that? Christian Slater? Man, Morgan Freeman.

It's the movie where the Betty White type came from. Betty White is in it doing that, being that feisty old lady. And then every movie after that was like, we need one of those. And some of them got her. And some of them got the meatball lady from Wedding Singer. What's this? Was this before... Was this before Lake Placid? I mean, that might have been the same summer, 1998.

Yeah, maybe she was just in a movie-making mood. Yeah. Yeah, because, you know, we miss her, of course. She's not dead, but she doesn't show up in anything anymore. I mean, she should stay home. She's very old,

and this is not the time for her to be walking around Parkway Bank Park. But what if they brought back... Oh, you... Yeah, she shouldn't come here. That's for damn sure. Betty White should not go

to Adobe Gila's under any circumstances. Betty White should not go to Adobe Gila's under any circumstances. Betty White does not need to be in a limbo contest in a Mexican restaurant while Michael Jackson music is playing. That's what I saw there the last Cinco de Mayo I was here.

You just gave me an idea for a movie. I have had a tradition that a lot of you are aware of where I tried for years to always be here doing stand-up or Douglas movies on Cinco de Mayo, just be in the Chicago area, do shows here and the other zanies. And, of course, the pandemic year wiped that out. And then this year we were hoping to do it in May and then that didn't happen. So I'm very excited

to be here now finally. And based on how this is going today, I say we do it again on Cinco de Mayo of goddamn 2022. Let's do it up in that motherfucker. I'll try to get purple veins to play outside.

It's just a bunch of grandmas in shorts. No, they're called hard veins. What? Hard vein? No. They ain't hard veins. Yeah, hard veins. I love the bathroom sign, too, here, because the little neon man and lady over there, it just looks like they're both going together.

Yeah. Let's all go to the bathroom. I like to think they're coming into the show, but sometimes when I tell a joke that doesn't work, it looks like they're leaving. Yeah, when you don't put a face on stick figures, they could be coming or going. Which side of the head is that?

What's your recommendation? Oh, good question. I was about to move on. I'm going to go with a movie that I think people will enjoy for Halloween and for Christmas. And maybe both, because I think people that see it actually watch it multiple times. And it's a few years old, but there's still people out there who haven't seen it, and it's called Anna and the Apocalypse. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's a musical zombie movie, so it checks both the Halloween and Christmas boxes, and so whichever one you're near, you can just watch it and have a nice, warm zombie time. Now, was that directed by a Scott? I believe it was. Because he was on this show. John McPhail.

Which is a weird name for a director. It seems like it wouldn't inspire confidence. Yeah, I'm McPhail. That was a terrible accent. They're always leaving when you're John McPhail. He is actually Scottish. That was what happened there.

I didn't know if they knew. Yeah, therefore the movie is as well. Although one of the main characters is played by a girl who just has an American accent. I don't know why that happened. I mean, I should know. She was also on this show. But

I guess they decided she shouldn't have to fake it and she's excellent plays a good part in the movie but also did all the choreography Sarah Swire is her name anyway so that's my prediction my prediction

is that people will enjoy Anna versus the Apocalypse and Jeff what's yours again? Hard Rain we talked about so many movies Apocalypse, or and the Apocalypse. And Jeff, what's yours again? Hard Rain. We talked about so many movies during your portion. Alright, so this

brings me to this. Is there someone, let's go front row, because I assume all the front row people are the ones that got here the earliest. Is there somebody in the front row that feels like they have a movie to recommend that is a stronger recommendation than either of the ones we've made,

which are two movies that a lot of people here probably haven't seen or are unfamiliar with? But did somebody... Just raise your hand. Oh, we're going second row? First row doesn't want to have any part of it? Oh, this gentleman over here, I consider him front row. What's your name?

Adam. Adam. And what's your suggestion? Runaway. Runaway. Is this Tom Selleck? Yes. Tom Selleck and Gene Simmons is the bad guy.

Yeah. Yeah. I guess we've said enough. It takes place in the future. So all the people at Tom Selleck sold reverse mortgages to are dead. And it's got... I remember my favorite thing in it was there's little robot spiders.

Spider robots. Yeah, spider robots. You can't... I think we're going to lose, Jeff. You can't really beat fucking spider robots. They shoot acid, too. And they shoot acid. Yeah.

We're already fucking spider robots that can crawl on you and kill you. We're also going to shoot acid at you in case we're lazy that day. Don't want on you and kill you. We're also going to shoot acid at you in case we're lazy that day. Don't want to crawl all over you. Yeah, I mean, you're right. Runaway is going to win in a runaway.

Right? But also, that's a confusing one. That's a thing that I've railed against lately is there's movies coming out with the title of a previous movie, and it's not a reboot or a sequel. They've decided they've run out of titles. And I swear to God, if you type in Runaway,

there'll be another one in addition to the Tom Selleck one, and that's why I asked, but there'll also be something called Runaways, The Runaways, Run Away. Run away. Run a way. And then the one about the airport called Runway. Oh wait, but there's also that movie about fashion called Runway.

Runway. Project Runway. Yeah, so if you're out there and you're a creator, stop using the same titles. It's so easy to just think of a new title. Right? Right? But don't just name it the main character's name.

Those drive me crazy, too. What the fuck do I know about Mary Riley? Or fucking Larry Crown? Charlie Bartlett. That's a great one. Why would anybody watch that? It's a whole movie about this guy I don't know. He's not a mall cop or anything.

They're not saying anything else about... Yeah, what's his... Why isn't there a colon in a profession? He's just Charlie Bartlett? Is he at least from the Bartlett's Dictionary? Nope. He's just some kid. Charlie Bartlett? Is he at least from the Bartlett's dictionary? Nope. Just some kid. Charlie Bartlett. Just some kid.

That would be a better title. Yeah. Because they really do stick those on all of them now. You know, more words to explain it further. Alright, but let me write down Runaway. And there it is. That is the end of

recommendation nation for today I'll pit those three against each other on the Douglas movies account on twitter and uh may the best runaway runaway black rain or Anna in the apocalypse see they didn't just call it Anna

although some other movie did that recently. That movie just felt like Lucy or Hannah or Ava. Now there's Kate. There's a new movie called Kate! Where she's out murdering people. Oh no, here comes Kate! Hell no!

I like her though, so I'm going to watch the movie, but it's still weird. But I'll always watch anything that Ramona Flowers is in. You! All right. So this first game we're going to play, Jeff, is called the OG OCB game,

presented by OCB Rolling Papers. And we'll play that right after these words from OCB Rolling Papers. And we'll play that right after these words from OCB Rolling Papers. Hey everybody, today's show is presented by our friends OCB Rolling Papers. OCB is the largest rolling paper brand in the world and has been one with nature, crafted naturally since 1918. So you know they've perfected the process for a consistently awesome session time after time. In perfect harmony with natural sustainable practices, the highest quality textile papers responsibly sourced and sustainably crafted have always been the OCB signature. OCB offers a full line of papers made with sustainable fibers, including flax, wood, organic hemp, bamboo.

They've got them all in a full line of sizes in both booklets and cones. I gave away a bunch of cones in Irvine recently. I hope to give away more at future Douglas Movies tapings. No GMOs, no chlorine, and no dyes in OCB papers. All OCB papers are plant to puff. OCB makes their paper from their mill in Avion. That's a real place. To the factories that they own in Perpignan, France.

I don't even know if I'm saying that right. With all fibers and packaging materials sustainably farmed from within a 500 kilometer radius and the always sticks akasha gum grown in african fields that ocb has been reforesting for decades unlike most other brands that buy their paper from a third party ocb oversees the entire paper making process ensuring a century of quality straight to your hands and best of all their paper booklets are made in a facility that's powered by 100% green energy. Again, so awesome. In 2020, OCB rolled out America's first ultra-thin slow-burning bamboo rolling paper and cones that have been taking the market by storm. Using only unbleached French milled bamboo, OCB is aiming to make bamboo your second favorite plant. french milled bamboo ocb is aiming to make bamboo your second favorite plant get it as always they are harvested responsibly highly sustainable chlorine free dye free bleach free even burning

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Must be 21 and up to buy our papers and follow our social accounts. Back to the show. We are back. Woo! And I am ready to select the first contestant to join us on stage. Each person that comes up here will compete against Jeff

in a typical game from the show, one round from that game. If they win the point, they get to stay on stage and see how far they can keep going, and they get to pick one of the prizes out of the prize bag. And I'm confident in Jeff taking on lots of people today. How are you feeling? You feeling? He looks confident.

Confident. You like have the confidence of a trucker who didn't drink coffee this morning. Right? It's sober October, so I started early. I'm trying to get off it. Off of coffee? Starting today. Today was a bad day to start. to get off it. Off of coffee? Starting today.

Today was a bad day to start. Oh, yeah, you shouldn't have done that today. You need to be alert and ready to take on all of these amazing people that are here in the audience today. And like I said, anybody that comes up here, this first thing on the microphone is fresh, this fresh microphone diaper, so you can use that one. And then the next person, if you want a new diaper,

will be happy to provide it. We have more over here. You just don't know how concerned people are until you find out. All right. And I think I described everything perfectly. So I shall pick somebody.

Name tags, please. Let's see those first of all. Who yelled out earlier, it's a big one, that their name tag was really big. That one is pretty big over there. But so far, I'm a huge fan of this one right here up front because it's it's

me as Stoney man is that what it says Anthony man oh cuz you're Anthony the bottoms curled up so I can only see Oney and I really jumped to a conclusion there that you would make it about me because this is Anthony man but I'm Ant Man on the poster are you anybody on the poster. Are you anybody on the poster? You didn't even make the poster other than your name, which makes sense because it is a name tag. Yeah, and Jeff is on there, and Sam Levine, and who's that lady? Jen Kirkman.

Jen Kirkman and Dan Van Kirk. Len Malton. Len Malton. Oh. Yay. All right, so that's a great one. Do you want to come up and play? Sure.

All right, here comes Anthony everybody. Jeff, you're dressed like a roadie. Set him up with his microphone. Make sure it's the right height. And let's quickly learn a little bit more about Anthony before we start playing. What do you do for a living, Anthony?

I'm a chemist. Do you ever have to talk into microphones in the world of chemists? No. Okay, so this is new for you, but be sure to do that so that the listeners of the podcast can hear you. And how long have you been a chemist?

You know what? That's a terrible question. Jeff, what do you want to ask him? What's a chemist? Yeah, like do you have an office? Yeah, I do. I work at a lab. Oh. You have a lab office.

Yes. It's kind of like a bank park. The office lab office. Okay, and so you're like 9 to 5, or do you stay late when there's an exciting discovery? Generally, I just stay 9 to 5. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're only going to drop a...

You're only going to drop a Mentos into some soda every once in a while. Takes a lot of work to come up with those big discoveries. You ever do anything with pop rocks? No, I have not. Not professionally. He's a fucking chemist. He's not going to mess with pop rocks. He knows he killed that

one kid, supposedly. I don't know what a chemist is. He never answered. I think even if he gave you a detailed answer, Joe, you would... I could follow him for a week. You would have follow-up questions. Like, where should we eat?

Yeah. Okay, so the first game we're playing, as I announced earlier, is the OCB game presented by OCB Rolling Papers. It's the OG version of this game, so it's very difficult, Anthony, especially against a strong competitor like Jeff. I'm going to name actor or actress, and then you are going to tell me, Jeff, I'm going to name an actor or actress and then you are going to tell me, Anthony, how many movies that that

person's been in that you can name in one minute. Yeah. And you've got to love an audience member going, oh, Christ. So much faith in you anthony man so then once you say how many you think you can name then jeff gets to say if he thinks he can

name more and it becomes a bidding war until someone challenges the other one to actually try to do it make sense yep? Okay, here we go. The actor I'm looking for here and movies that he directed count even if he doesn't play a part in that movie. Oh, Christ. Close. He's a pretty big name

but he's not Jesus C.H. He is a pretty big name, but he's not... He's not Jesus C.H. He is Clint Eastwood. Yeah, double Christ. Let's give Anthony Mann a second to think about this and then come up with his opening bid. I'll bid five. Five is a very, very weak bid. I'll bid five. Five is a very, very weak bid.

But he might be toying with Jeff. Let's see what Jeff does with that. I hadn't even considered he was toying with me. I've said this time and again to my guests on the show who don't get it. Anthony gets it, I think. I've said bluffing is a great way to play this game.

Keep the number low at first if you think you know a lot, because eventually your push comes to shove. You might have to do it. So what do you think, Jeff? How much do you want to... How many more than five do you think you could go? I think I could name nine.

Oh, see? That's a real strategic bid, because if Anthony meant that five, he's in trouble. But I can also tell you, Anthony, with a little bit of confidence, that Jeff knows nine Clint Eastwood movies. I would agree with that. Yeah, so what do you think?

Do you want to bid higher? Probably not in a minute, no. So I'll ask Jeff to name those nine movies. All right, yeah, who knows? He might, you know, just freeze up or something. There could be an arrow with a clock that works in your favor. I don't know.

I'm not sure what's going to happen. Jeff is stretching. I just want to feel if it's like, if it's standing up that makes you think nine a lot. Like, that's what I want to see. Like, maybe if he was sitting, he'd be like, I could totally do ten. But no standing, I still think I know nine, so I got it. Yeah, I intentionally made the competitors stand because, you know,

I think that's a better position to think of answers from. You know what I mean? Like, they don't sit on Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune. from you know what I mean like they don't sit on Jeopardy or we're unfortunate it's true maybe it makes them dumber I don't know all right so Jeff is gonna try to name 20 Clint Eastwood movies in one minute no what's the number nine nine all right and stop doing in your head in advance, Jeff. All right. So he's going to try to do nine.

And Jeff, pause after each one so I can announce how many it's been. Okay. Yeah. Here we go. Time starts now. Dirty Harry. One. Magnum Force.

Oh, you sneaky bastard. Two. The Enforcer. Three. The Deadpool. I see what you're doing. Four. Sudden Impact. All right. That's all the Dirty Harrys. Five. The Gauntlet. Oh, that's all the Dirty Harrys. Three. The Deadpool. I see what you're doing. Four. Sudden impact. Alright, that's all the

Dirty Harrys. Five. The gauntlet. Oh, that's all the Dirty Harrys. Six. Kelly's Heroes. That's not a... Any which way but loose. Nine. The Rookie. Ten. You weren't going to go with any which way but loose? True crime. What? Nothing. True crime. I think I said nine, didn't I?

Are you just showing off now? Yeah. Unforgiven Keep going The Mule 1517 to Paris Pale Rider The Outlaw Josie Wales

Play Misty for me Any Which Way You Can Trouble With The Curve The Bridges of Madison County Five seconds In the line of fire Good luck We're all counting on you Jeff

A fistful of dollars Hang them high I'm sorry Jeff Jeff. Time's up. I mean, maybe we shouldn't have other guests on this show. Maybe it should just be you and I going around making people try to beat you.

It's not either they're traveling around. Remember when that computer competed on Jeopardy? Yeah. Yeah, not either than traveling around. Remember when that computer competed on Jeopardy? Yeah. Yeah, Winston or whatever? Watson. Watson.

Because of course, Sherlock Holmes is smart and then there's Watson. Why would the computer that's smarter... Anyway. It's just a fun name for a computer, I guess.

Thank you for playing, Anthony Mann. Thank you. Do you like rolling papers? Anthony? Sure? Sure. That's just my life philosophy now Why hand something to somebody when you can throw it at them That's a good philosophy You know, as long as it's not too heavy

It makes it everyday feel like a parade Alright, you brought it up So I have to talk about this. I was watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off yesterday. There's nothing like watching a Chicago movie while you're in Rosemont. Just looking out the window, pining. Oh, that's where the parades are. They only have fireworks in Rosemont.

And they're surprising. But the entire conceit of the motion picture is that this one kid is amazing at getting a day off and playing hooky in the big city. Yeah. Right? Okay, first of all, three kids that are in high school that play hooky, they're not going to a goddamn art museum. They do things that

like, no, there's so much fun shit they could be out there doing. They go to an art museum, they go to a snooty restaurant that I don't know how they think they're going to pay for. I mean, I don't know how much Ferris' parents give him. I was just watching Risky Business

and Tom Cruise, when his parents went away, he got $50 for food, $50 for emergency, another $20 for any other emergency. So he's on a $110 budget. And his friend Joel called a $300 hooker on the first day. First day. The first day.

You got plenty of food. So anyway, my bigger point that I was trying to make is that, you know, he's playing hooky, but he attends a parade attended by thousands of children. Right. On a school day. So are they all skipping?

How about I had to go to that parade? It would be a great excuse. There were many other children there. We all danced together. Songs played out of nowhere that I lip synced to. So the school he goes to is the only one that's not aware of this parade or whatever? The principal goes to his house. He's so concerned about one student being missing from school

while thousands of children are at a parade. I know they were out in bumfuck Shermer, Illinois, the made-up town in John Hughes movies. They weren't in fucking Chicago, so that's part of it, is they go to the big city. But still, come on. And then they do like a week's worth of things. They do get a lot in and then have time

to sit around at the pool at home. For a while, while Cameron just breaks down. And it quickly becomes a drama. Yeah. It's not about his mama. He's got a bad dad that you never see.

Never. Never. I'm on the dad side. he's got a bad dad that you never see never never I'm on the dad side fucking Ferris Bueller thinks you can just run a car in reverse and that's how you take the miles off of it

yeah and they don't look for two seconds to see the miles are not coming off let's stand around and talk for a while and then kick this thing until it shoots out the window They don't look for two seconds to see the miles are not coming off. Let's stand around and talk for a while and then kick this thing until it shoots out the window. So many spoilers.

I hope you've all seen this movie from the 80s. I'm just trying to help the next contestant. The next name is Matthew Broderick. All right. That wouldn't be any help at all. That's the easiest one to come up with. I got a different name, but we need a different contestant. Let's see those name tags again. Sorry you have to keep lifting them up every time.

But it's worth it. I mean, this one with the light up. Do you have to keep lifting them up every time. But it's worth it. I mean, this one with the light up. Do you want to play? Yeah. Yeah, come on up here. Because look at this. Bring it with you. Bring it with you.

Bring your name tag with you. This one is, holy shit. It's a double. Oh, that freaked me out, dudes. I saw the Harry Potter out in the audience, and he came up on stage stage and I flip it around. So them, I mean. That's what I saw when he came up on stage.

I thought I was dealing with a magician. Turns out you're just a two-sided freak. What's that? Oh, you want a new one? Yeah. I love this. He wants the new micro-diaphy. I just want to...

And is it the right height for you, the mic stand? You like it? Yeah, I can work with that. All right, perfect. All right, tell us about your name tag. It's got a little something on it that's legal here now. It is. It's got that to try to get us to pick you, right?

We're trying to go to a liquor store, too, to get some shots, but I'm up here anyway. Oh, well, I'm not disappointed. Not disappointed at all. I gotta do something while I'm watching the boy band. Sour Patch Kids? No, I don't want your fucking Sour Patch Kids. Get out of here with that shit. What's dangling off of it? What's this?

Oh, that's the thing that makes the lights not work? Yeah. Oh, there you go. It's much more beautiful out in the dark than it is up here on the bright stage. And your name is? In there somewhere? Phil? Phil and Ossifer. Phil and Ossifer Stone, you changed it to.

Instead of philosophers. Who's Ossifer? That was my rap band. But my real name is Phil. So it's both. Let me ask you this. What's a chemist? That was my rap name. But my real name is Phil. So it's both. Let me ask you this. What's a chemist? It was a long time ago. And a follow-up question.

Don't worry, I'm not Where are we eating later? Anywhere with a big burger, that's what I'm feeling. All right. I don't know Rosemont. All right, Phil. You're going to be playing

for your own joint. Okay. I'm going to give it back toont. All right, Phil. You're going to be playing for your own joint. Okay. I'm just going to give it back to you if you win. No. You're going to be playing for one of the many prizes. Do you understand the rules of the OCB game? I do. How do you feel your chances are?

Not very good. Okay. I like it. All right. This next actor, I think his name has already come up today, is Morgan Freeman. Yeah, a lot of movies. A lot of movies.

How many do you think, there's another, another oh Christ from the crowd. How many do you think you can name, Phil? I'd say five. Oh! A little something out of the Anthony Mann playbook.

That's right. Phil Ossifer says five. Jeff Ossifer? I'm gonna say nine. Oh, what is this? A rerun? Change the channel. Okay, I'll say ten then.

Oh, see, that's an interesting bid from an interesting bidder. All right. I'm gonna say 14. Oh, no, Phil. Can you believe it? Then I'm gonna say 15 is too many for me. Oh. Oh. It sounds like you're gonna do it. Phil, can you believe it? That I'm going to say 15 is too many for me. Oh!

Oh! It sounds like you're going to do it. Okay, so we landed at 14 for Jeff from the films of the great Morgan Freeman. Are you going to do this one sitting or standing? Sitting. Oh, I do not like your confidence. I'm going to challenge myself.

All right. Be sure to let me say something in between each one, but I'll do it quickly. And your time starts now. All right. The Shawshank Redemption. One. The Dark Knight. Two.

The Dark Knight Rises. Three. Bruce Almighty. Two. The Dark Night Rises. Three. Bruce Almighty. Four. That took a turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. What's happening?

Hard Rain. Oh, of course. What was that? How many? Five. Chain reaction. Six. Oh, no. Oh, my God. I know.

Oh, Christ is right. Too bad he's not in a movie called Oh, Christ. I know Bruce Almighty was as close as we could get to Oh Christ. I feel like you're giving up. He's in seven? Yes. But that's only nine. Oh, no.

Oh, time is up. Bill, you did it. I'll be bragging about this till the day I die. Congratulations. I'll be bragging about this till the day I die. Congratulations. You get to pick one item from the bag or the bag itself, if you like it. It's a really nice bag.

Can I have the pen? Yes. I'm doing a scuba trip later. He's got a scuba trip and he wants to write a letter. He's going to break up with somebody from under the sea. It's safer there. Yeah. Oh, there it is. There it is.

Yeah, look out for sharks. Or I hear that you can jab a shark in the face with this. With a pen? And he'll swim away. Congratulations. Thank you. But don't go anywhere. You have to try to go another round.

You can just stay up here and win it all if you keep winning I'm going to say five probably I'm just going to give you some rolling papers for that that was a good joke okay for that. That was a good joke. Okay.

The third and final name in the OCB game. If you can win this one, Phil, you'll be moving on to the next game. Or we'll get up a new contestant up here. Plus, also, you have a chance to come back later in the show. I've said too much. The films. He's not dead yet,

but he stopped making movies a long time ago. The films of Gene Hackman. Ooh, shit. Taking it up a notch from Christ. We've rearranged the letters and dropped one or two.

How many? Are you going with your standard five, Phil, or do you want to adjust that in some way? I think I'd say four. Four. He says four, Jeff. Five. I learned my lesson with Morgan Freeman.

I could only think of ten Morgan Freeman movies. Well, it's a speed thing was the problem. If you had more time. That's true. And also, if you just remembered Batman Begins. Oh, yeah. Or Evan Almighty. You were like naming movies with sequels and prequels and not staying in that lane.

I'm so embarrassed. Did you say Driving Miss Daisy? No. That's a big one. But now let's move on, and of course, Marsha the Penguins, but let's move on to Gene Hackman. Phil, do you think you can do six or more?

I do not. Oh, so you're going to just let Jeff go with five? Okay. Yeah, so you're going to just let Jeff go with five? Okay. Yeah, it worked last time. It worked when he had to say 14. Now you're giving him five of an actor I'm sure that Jeff enjoyed on more than one occasion, maybe even five occasions.

But I'm not even going to turn on the clock for this one. Go. Unforgiven. Bonnie and Clyde. The French Connection. Wyatt Earp. The Replacements. Welcome to Mooseport.

That was his last movie, which is so sad. Yeah. He walked off on top royal tenenbaums was so great and he was so great in it and then he made moose port

yeah yeah but there's a ton of them tons of them yeah he made a lot of movies no way out yeah

oh also we did an interruption in one of his movies that you didn't say. Crimson Tide? Hoosiers. Hoosiers! Hoosiers!

Yeah, we did that in the Hoosier state. We made fun of that movie. With one of the writers there. Oh, yeah, yeah. Anyway, we're reminiscing while Phil's just standing there going, what do I do now? What you do, Phil, is you go back to your seat proud because you did a great job.

Thank you. Great name tag. Great performance. Go check out some movies with extremely famous actors in them. And that's the only way to study. Right, Jeff? You just got to watch movies. Watch them.

Read those credits. Do them read those credits do you read the credits at the end uh yes as much as i can cast you know like you don't need to know who the grips are but yeah grip i like to keep my eye on it i like to see what i like to see what gene hackman's been up to i wish it was on all the streaming services but on one of them i think it's Hulu. Like when you're watching something, maybe it's Prime. When you're watching something, you can hit a button and it'll say the cast members' names that are in the scene. It's Prime. It's Prime, yeah.

Yeah, I wish they all did that because that's a really nice function. I like that a lot, yeah. It's a good feature. All right, well, we're going to see if our next contestant that we can bring up here can take on Jeff in another one of our games. Right after this break, we'll be right back. We're back. And we're going to play a new favorite game of mine as soon as we get another contestant up here. Let's see some name tags again, please.

If you want to come up here. You don't have to hold it up if you're like, well, I don't know about it. This next game is easier. I'll tell you that much about it. And we'll see what happens. The front row, you really hesitated. You finally picked up your,

it's a Never Been Kissed poster, but what did you change it to? Never Been Missed. Never Been Missed. And your name is Missy? Yeah. Never Been Missed. What about that movie, The your name is Missy? Yeah. Never Been Missied? You know, what about that movie The Wrong Missy?

You couldn't find that poster? Uh, this just seemed like a better fit. I think it is a better fit, and I take back saying that to you. This is the wrong time to be questioning a woman's choices. Right. I think you should be able to do whatever you want with your name tag. So please, Missy, Missy, Missy,

come on up. I feel like I'm going to screw up her name. Do you want a new thing? She doesn't care. She doesn't mind. Look at this beautiful poster. It's got me instead of Drew Barrymore, which is never a trade-up.

That's never... Oof. But it does say Doug Benson and Jeff Tate never been missed, and then a comedy with hash. What did it used to say? A comedy with what? Class.

Class. Sass. Oh, sass. Sass. Oh, sass. with hash what did it used to say a comedy with what class class oh that's a terrible tagline cuz I like that movie never been kissed it's not bad but I mean it's hard to believe that she could pretend to be in high school but but we have to pretend that over and over again I'm looking forward to doing that during dear Evan Hansen. I can't wait to watch the one where he's not... I mean, no wonder he wants to kill himself. He's in high school and he's 30. 30.

Suicide is a serious matter and I apologize for making jokes about it. If you need help, seek it. I wish I had the phone number to call. Yeah. Because now whenever there's that show

on Netflix now, Clickbait, and it's got, or is it that show? No, Nine Perfect Strangers has a lot of suicidal talk. So they put up

before the show, here's a number to call if this show makes you want to kill yourself. I think it's smart, because I do think it could be a bit of a trigger. They should do that at the beginning of Young Sheldon, too. Alright, alright.

Alright, alright. All right, Missy. It just sounds condescending to say your name. Listen here, Missy. Thank you for coming up here on stage, Missy. What do you do for a living? I'm a lunch lady. Nice. what do you do for a living?

I'm a lunch lady. Nice. I assume that your lunches are nice healthy like Michelle Obama style lunches? They're delicious. See? I was right. Because there's a lot of crappy

I mean I don't know about these days but when I went to high school holy shit. We made chicken Alfredo this week. Wow. Wait. This isn't like a fat camp it's about to be that's what they do they load up on carbs on the first day

at fat camp and then no more also that's probably an insensitive expression it's probably like a fat area. That one wasn't for everybody. Okay. Missy, the lunch lady. This is a game. Do you listen to this show sometimes?

Yes. Oh, and make sure you get right on the mic so we can hear you, but obviously not too close because it's not a new diaper. Have you heard the game that's all the rage? We've only played it one time, but everybody loves it,

mostly just me, and it's called Who Has My Pig? I mean, the lunch lady would be a top suspect because Nicolas Cage has a truffle-hunting pig and you sound like you make really good lunches and you might have his pig.

So, in this game, I, as Nicolas Cage in the movie Pig, discuss a certain celebrity has, I think, taken my pig. And the contestants are just guess as often as you want,

but the first one of you to guess who I'm talking about... Maybe we should start right away. Jeff's laughing so hard he might lose. All right. Who has my pig? I do a Nicolas Cage warm-up exercise to get the voice down. I do a Nicolas Cage warm-up exercise

to get the voice down. I do his lines at the beginning of the movie. Mandy, as many of you probably already know, because I do it all the time. Nicolas Cage says to Mandy, knock, knock. She says, who's there? Eric Estrada.

Eric Estrada who? Eric Estrada from Chips. Eric Estrada Eric Estrada from Chips the only funny part of the movie Mandy don't let me mislead you and it's only funny

to like you know like we it's only funny to us like a lot of people a lot of people don't enjoy that joke so but I came up with

another one Jeff yeah yeah knock knock Enjoy that joke. But I came up with another one, Jeff. Yeah? Yeah. Knock, knock. Who's there? Awkwafina. Awkwafina who?

Awkwafina is Nora from Queens. I gotta give Pete Holmes credit him with an assist on that one I was doing that on stage and he tweaked it a little bit alright here we go here we go I'm Nicolas Cage ready Missy?

Ready Just guess as soon as you think you know Who I'm talking about The way you danced In front of that car Was to die for Magical Practically

Nicole Kidman That is correct It. Nicole Kidman. That is correct! Nicole Kidman. Missy, would you like some rolling papers? Yes. I'm not going to throw them at you. How many? One.

There you go. There's ten. Thanks. Let's hear it for Missy, everybody. The last line was going to be, Do you have my pig, Gretchen Carlson? Let's get another contestant, shall we? That was fun. Always ready for more.

This yellow one over here, what is that, Jeff? Can you see it? It says, Tate Misbehavin'. No, it doesn't. Oh, that person has to come up here. Come on up here. Tate Misbehavin'. Who would do such a thing? Come into the light.

How's it going? Holy shit. Tate misbehaving. Oh, his name's Dave, so it's Tate misbehaving. Show everybody. What's this other thing? What's that? I saw Rat at a county fair

and the bass player from Rat looks really familiar. You think I'm the bass player from Rat looks really familiar. You think I'm the bass player from Rat? He looks a lot like you. I guess because he's got glasses and a bandana and a microphone in front of his face, or a baseball hat. I guess when I have all those things on, our noses aren't even the same, really. Maybe the side of the face, when I'm more clean-shaven.

You got that part right. Well, thank you for bringing... You can hang on to it. I love, though, that you ended up on stage, because normally people... There's not like a show-and-tell portion of the show where people bring other stuff that looks like me.

What do you do for a living, Dave? I work at a marketing company marketing company jeff i just wanted to use the microphone yeah i work at a marketing company any questions where are we gonna eat later it's the only one i had the only one i can think of now pizza oh okay chicago i get it Pizza? Oh, okay. Chicago, I get it. Yeah. You know, there's nothing better than deep dish Rosemont

pizza. That's where everybody comes for pizza. It's Rosemont. They go indoor skydiving, and then they have pizza at one of those places. I don't even know. Any of the places here, none of them would even have pizza, I don't think. My favorite thing

about the deep dish Rosemont pizza is that it takes 90 minutes to get to where you're at. That's like how long you have to wait to be like, okay, I guess I'll eat this. I'm fucking starving. I guess I'll eat this. You can use that. You're in marketing.

Thanks. Everything else is closed. I can't order another thing. I'll just eat this. Oh, this is the Billie Eilish shirt. I'm like, did someone lose a shirt while they were up here? What the heck? All right.

You just heard Missy play this game, right, Dave? Yep. How do you feel about your confidence against Jeff Taden, who has my pig? They're in Midland. Midland. He's in the midlands I totally forgive you I mean I will totally forgive you

For Lady Ghostbusters Tammy If you give me back my pig Melissa McCarthy Bridesmaids Brides McCarthy. Bridesmaids. Bridesmaids. Bridesmaids. It is Melissa McCarthy.

That is correct. How many would you like, Dave? Whatever. There you go. Let's hear it for Dave, everybody. Tate missed me David, though. That was targeted. It worked. I like that.

Yeah, it absolutely worked. All right, I've got one more round of who has this pig. And as you may have noticed, they actually get easier as it goes along. That one, I really ended it with him just saying, bridesmaids. Because she stole all those. Remember at the end, the bridesmaids, she's driving off with all those puppies? So if she'd steal a bunch of puppies, that character Megan would probably take his pig.

Yeah, for sure. That's my feeling. But I still have another suspect that I would like to share. So we need another person to come up on stage. I'd also like to get people that aren't with somebody who got to come up here, because that's, you know,

spread it around a little bit. Yeah, that poster in the back where you're shining a light on it. Yeah, yeah, I think that one should come up here. Come up on stage. Come on up and receive your ham. I'm not giving away ham. We're just talking about pigs. Look at this

guy, straight from a motorcycle rally on the beach. On the beach. It was both. It was both. And your poster says, Escape from New Carl, because your name is Carl. Right? Okay. You laughed at that like you didn't know it was coming

that's a good poster yeah thank you Carl for making that beautiful poster because people you know we're trying to go contactless with Doug Love's movies at this point we'll see if that changes. So we just see the name tags and don't bring a bunch of them up on stage anymore.

Great story. Okay. What do you do for a living? Accounting? That's your go-to made-up profession when you want to impress somebody in a bar or on stage at a comedy thing? Yeah, I do bookkeeping for a printing company in Chicago. Oh, okay. All right.

It's really boring. They keep you in the back? Yeah. I'm in a basement all day long. For reals? Yeah, totally. Oh, now I get your look. Yeah, you like to break free. You like to get out there and live life when you're not accounting.

I can't believe that's real. I can't believe that's really his job. You never realize how boring your life is until you hear it through a microphone. Have you? Are you single? No, I have a girlfriend.

Oh, okay. What? I was shocked as well. I was just going to say, if you were single, I'd change a couple of letters in bookkeeping to impress girls and just say you're a beekeeper. There you go. That sounds more exciting. Way more exciting. Yeah. But anyway. Okay, so this is the third round of Who Has This Pig? It's gonna come at you fast, so good luck to Carl and to Jeff. Who has my pig?

Did you take my pig, Michael Shannon? Michael Shannon? That is correct. No! No! How does that work? Thank you, Carl. Thanks, guys. I think it's getting harder to get volunteers if you keep laughing so hard at everybody.

Oh, no, no. I was laughing with him. It's true. We did have fun with his expense. I'm seriously thinking this is going to be the show from now on. This is so fun. The audience will be all the people that think they could beat you in the game. So it will be very intimate crowds.

Very small gatherings. And we just play it out until somebody takes it all down. But I'm sorry you didn't do well on that one, Carl. I tried to give it to you. Jeff even waited before saying the obvious answer. I wasn't waiting.

I was thinking. In my head, I was like, whose name is Michael Shannon? What character is named Michael Shannon? That'd be a good... If there was a character in something, it'd be a good mislead. All right. We got to take one more break, and then we're going to wrap things up with somebody possibly winning all the entirety of the prize bag items that are left. We'll be right back.

We are back, and this is a fired up Parkway Bank Park crowd. People came here to make transactions. You're getting prizes. Jeff is really looking at me like something's up. Like you have a secret. I do.

I just made up a joke. It goes like this. It goes, do you guys ever think it's weird that we drive on a parkway bank park and Park on a bankway park bank. It's true, you did just think of a joke. And I've never concentrated so hard in my life. I'm happy to verify that you did that. Right here at Zaney's former funeral parlor. Right, this is what they do during the day.

They take this down. They take the Zany's down, slide down and put up Sadley's. Sadley's. Cry babies. Welcome to cry babies. Thanks for coming to frowns. We're going to talk about my grandma. We're going to turn that smile upside down at frowns.

Who needs clowns when you can go to frowns? Where's that guy in marketing? Are any of these good, Dave? He thumbs up from the guy in marketing. We're killing it. I love it. Let's play Last Person Standing. And guess what, Jeff?

I was planning to play this game with the person who did best in the previous games today, and that's an easy decision to make because we all know that it's Phil. Get back up here, Phil! You might be going home with more than just a waterproof... waterproof pen?

Is that what it was? Did you look at it closer? Space pen? Yeah, I tried it. You did? It's very sharp. How did you get it underwater? Did you look at it closer? Space pen? Yeah, I tried it. You did? It's very sharp. How did you do it underwater? We have water on the table. Oh.

I'm just kidding, obvious. Just dunk it in your water and then start writing? In the cup. Seems weird. All right, so do you know this game, Phil? Last Person Standing? Yes, I do. Yeah, we're going to get a name from the audience and then

all three of us are going to take turns naming movies that person was in, starting with you, then to Jeff, then to me. We'll just go in a circle. And if you can beat Jeff and I at this game today, you're taking home all of the prizes. Yeah, no pressure.

All of the remaining prizes, because some jerk took one of them already. His name is Phil. I'll spread them around. Also, I love your glasses. I had those exact frames in 1982. I'm just saying, they're timeless. I still like them.

Okay. Who thinks they have the name? I want to pick somebody who came here with enthusiasm and love. Also, I don't want to... I'm sorry, but can you stop filming?

Because I just get too self-conscious. But you got his whole first section. I saw you doing it, and I was like, I'm going to let her film until Phil leaves. And then he did and you put the phone down. It was perfect. Now I'm self-conscious because this game might go on for a while and you're just

sitting in the front row like, don't do that to the boy band tonight. Just dance and have fun. Don't just stand there filming them the whole time. Okay, so I like to pick the tattooed arm that's right behind Missy what's your name Nora hi Nora are you from Queens oh Morgan Park that's cool I guess same who said it's the same oh Oh, okay, it's not cool. Sorry, I take it back.

Nora from Not Coolsville. What is your suggestion for last person standing today? Helen Mirren. Helen Mirren? What the shit? Unfortunately, she did come up a few weeks ago,

and so she's not in my wallet, and I'm going to write her name down. Wall. And I'm going to write her name down. Wallet. I'm going to write her name down. And Phil, I think we can all agree that we need more. I need another name. We need another name. Yes.

We need more of a challenge. We also need somebody else to have a shot at that $220. With the mask around your arm, Yes. What's your name? Cassie. Hi, Cassie. What's your suggestion? Catherine Hahn. Great actress, but she's in so many indie movies

that I can't remember the names of. That's a tough one for me, I think, but terrific suggestion. She's so good in WandaVision, I think. But terrific suggestion. She's so good in WandaVision, which of course does not count. And then let's go to the... With the red bandana and you're all lit up over there. What's your name?

Andrea. Hey, Andrea. And do you get... When people say it wrong, do you get mad at them? I don't care. You don't care? You're the best Andrea I've ever met. They're usually real turds about it.

I don't blame him. It must be sucked to have your name said wrong. Anyway, Andrea, what's your suggestion? Halle Berry. Halle Berry, finally. That's in our wheelhouse, fellas. Not in my wallet, so the money is going to go up for the next show to $240.

Somebody might win if they say the right name. Yeah, so that'll be exciting for, where's the next live show? Moon Tower in Austin. Maybe I'll wait until after that show. Because there'll be a lot of people at that show that are at a comedy festival, so they just come see shows. You know what I mean?

I think a Doug Loves Movies fan needs to win this money. I think that's a good idea. It's only fair. Yeah. Fuck those people in Austin. They don't even know how to do this money. Yeah. I think that's a good idea. It's only fair. Yeah. Fuck those people in Austin. They don't even know how to do the whole thing. I love Austin. I'm doing the show twice now.

Okay. I'll bring lots of prizes. All right, here we go. We have to name movies that one of these three actresses is in. Halle Berry, Catherine Hahn, and Helen

Mirren. If you can't think of one, you're out. No lifelines. Nothing to save us. Last person standing wins. If it's Phil, he gets all the stuff. How are we doing on time? Oh shit, and we're out of time.

So it'll be a speed round. And we'll go ahead and let you start, Phil. Unless you'd rather not start. Catwoman. Okay, he says Catwoman. Excellent choice for Halle Berry. Jeff? The Last Boy Scout.

Ooh, another. Are we just going to do all Halle Berries? Is that what's happening? Because if we are, I'd rather die another day. Monster's Ball. Monster's Ball. Nice one. Jeff?

Swordfish. Ooh. Boobies. Boobies. Boobies. Boobies. I have no way to put this in a sentence, so I'm just going to say, Gothica. What was that one?

From Here to Eternity? From Here to Eternity. That old black and white movie where they wash up on the beach? No, not that one? From Here to Eternity? From Here to Eternity. That old black and white movie where they wash up on the beach? No, not that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What else you got? I mean, this is perfect because we're out of time anyway. Pick the perfect guest.

Okay. Yeah. It's so much pressure up here. I know, right? You can't think of... Like people, like when we say at the end of last person standing like what did we you know what did we miss everybody yells out like we're a bunch of dummies up here but it is hard to think of let's do it again let me give you the names again katherine han do you know any movies she's in i mean i know the name, but I'm not sure. She was in like Bad Moms and Bad Moms Christmas.

Oh, yeah, her. I think she was in Bad Moms. Correct. Yes. Jeff? It's called Kidnap. Oh, with Halle Berry? Halle Berry, yeah.

Okay, I'm going to go with Bad Moms Christmas. It's mine. Oh, I should have Berry? Halle Berry, yeah. Okay, I'm going to go with Bad Mom's Christmas. That's mine. Oh, I should have left that one for Phil. I'll change mine to Calendar Girls, the Helen Mirren's boobie movie. Okay, so what do you want, Phil? I'll take Bad Mom's Christmas. Unfortunately, she wasn't in the sequel.

That would have been such a great twist. No, she's in it. Jeff, you have another one? Yes, John Wick Chapter 3 Parabellum. Oh. I love the full title. And I love her dogs in that movie. That's not a sexist comment. It's not like it's referring to her feet.

She has German Shepherd dogs that just bite the shit out of people on her command, and it's amazing. Okay, so for Halle Berry, I'll have to go with Boomerang. Yeah, that one just

always comes back around. Phil? Bad Mom's Halloween? Oh! The way you started to speak, I thought, this motherfucker thought of another movie that has Helen Mirren or Catherine Hahn, but unfortunately, Phil, I'm going to have

to call it. Congratulations on getting this far. Thank you very much. Can I have some more rolling papers? No, you can't have any more rolling papers. You almost made me change my mind about what I'm about to do, because you get the whole prize bag!

Congratulations, Phil. Oh, and he's going to throw shit into the crowd? If you don't want stuff, you can throw it to somebody. There's the Billie Eilish shirt. Fuck that thing. Oh, somebody wants the blanket. Blanket! I want that blanket.

Uh-oh. There goes that collar. Wow, Phil does not want any of this shit. It's like Phil's just listening at home going, if I ever win, I'm throwing this crap into the crowd. Promising Young Woman's a great movie, if you want to keep that. You could sacrifice sacrifice.

That's just literature about the Billie Eilish record. Oh, and the bag. Who wants a bag? That's a nice bag. Nice tote. He's keeping those three things. The weird bottle. I should have had him pegged for weird bottle type.

And the Billie Eilish, because if you don't do anything to that, it might be worth something at some point if you play it on a phonograph then it loses all its value also who didn't get rolling papers that want some alright we'll do that after I say goodbye

there's too many people but I think give them... I think we have enough for everybody. Jeff Tate, great job. You took on all... all comers. What movie were you going to say next? Red.

Wait, but then I would have said Red 2. That's not very strategic of you. No, I wanted you to say Red 2 I was going to walk you right into it Because then I was going to say F9 The Fast Saga? Yeah, the Fast Saga And then what do I do? Nothing

Yeah, I'm done You bow out That's it What would you like to promote, Jeff? December 9th I am Is it the 9 like to promote, Jeff? December 9th, I am... Is it the 9th? Yeah, it's the 9th. December 9th, I'm in Brooklyn at the Union Hall.

It's a 730. Nice. And then October 29th and 30th, I'm in Ann Arbor at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase. Yes. Halloween weekend. Come out dressed as Jeff. Yeah.

Oh yeah, do that. That would be rad. That's a fun promotion. Yeah. And also not hard to do. Nope. Especially if you're Marty McFly. Yep. This isn't even a useful vest. At least his vest could save him. That's true.

I'm doing stand-up comedy tomorrow night at Zany's right in Chicago. If anybody wants to come check that out. And thank you to Zany's in Rosemont and the Bank Park Park Bank place and all of you for coming out and being so enthusiastic. We'll give OCB rolling papers to everybody that wants them. And, yeah.

Also, I never told, you know, we changed it so the last line of every episode is from a movie. It's the last line from a movie. And then the theme song comes on. I don't say the thing I used to say where somebody was a shithead. So, try to be more positive. You know? Uplift movies.

So, this is the last line from a movie. And then when I do this, you can play the end theme. Or not play it. And then we'll just put it in there like you did. As always, were we better than the Japanese or just luckier? Mother Hockey hides above his viewing crowd with fake-sip hockey. There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies.

Where you going, Jeff?