Doug Loves Movies - Geoff Tate, Jesse Pasternak, and Onur Tukel Guest

Episode Date: July 30, 2014

Live from the Traverse City Film Festival, Doug welcomes comedian Geoff Tate, film enthusiast Jesse Pasternak, and filmmaker Onur Tukel to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid popper kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody My name is Doug and I love movies This is Doug Loves Movies Alright

I thought that one might be a little off Where was that guy up there? Right here Why didn't you say this is Doug Loves Movies? Because I watched Doug Getting High with? Because I watched Getting Dog with Hyde. Because you watched Getting Hyde with Doug. It's the title that I created that when you fuck up, you say it right. Or saying it right is fucking up.

Well, thank you, dude, for being here. No one's going to get high up here. I mean, I am high up here, but nobody is going to smoke weed during this show. This is a movie-intensive show with discussion and trivia. We love movies. I do. I love movies.

I'm glad you figured that out. We're coming to you for the second time from the Traverse City Film Festival, which is celebrating 10 years of bringing Michigan just great movies. Yeah. I love great movies. The man who chooses all of the films that play this festival was going to be a guest tonight, who chooses all of the films that play this festival was going to be a guest tonight but he's under the weather and he has a lot of a lot of more festival to host for the rest of the

weekend so we we wish him well and hope that he feels better but before i bring the guests out i have to do this it's wednesday july 30th 2014 Wolf of Wall Street fight Terminator 2. Judgment Day of the dead men walking tall. The president's men in black fish. Black fish, I saw that here last year. Er, King Ralph the Dog Day. Afternoon Delights. Sleep Perfect. Murder by Death Wish.

Three Amigos. World's End of Watchmen. Don't Leaving Las Vegas. Food Lot. Jingle All the Wayne's World. Let me see your name tags, Travis City. Whip them out, TC. Got a lot of good ones.

A lot of festival attendees that probably got tickets to this show and are wondering what is happening right now. But people make really cool movie-themed name tags and they bring them to my shows and hope to get picked for the gameplay. What does that say on your gun, sir? The Dan Hunter.

The Dan Hunter? Yes. Instead of what? The Deer Hunter. Instead of the Deer Hunter? Okay. And they had a toy gun in the Deer Hunter with an orange tip? Oh, I see a woot monkey. What's your name, woot monkey? Kaylee.

Kaylee. Did you write it on the woot monkey? Is it sort of a name tag? Okay, fair enough. Dave, what's that instead of? Drive. Drive. It's the same font as drive.

I get it. What's yours, Mark? The Ides of Mark instead of March. I really like what you guys are doing here. This is a pun-tastic town. I see a Clockwork Orange poster over there. I'm sure

Michael Moore might have picked that because I think he loves that movie. The Right Steph is here. Gary movie instead of scary movie. Stand by who? Mo? Oh, Steve by me. Steve by me.

You had to look at your own poster that you made. I thought it said stand by Mo. It's Steve by me. And the Karate Who, Sid? In your Sydney? Yep. Nice job, Sydney. Karate Sid.

Thank you to everybody for bringing name tags. We can't talk about them all because the show isn't Doug Loves Name Tags. It should be. That'd be a fun program. From the corrections department, TJ Miller claims to have never won at the Leonard Maltin game, but in fact, he's in the top ten winners in the show's history, having won six times, and Jon Hamm has only won four times. So suck on that, T.J. Miller. And from the correcting the corrections department,

Once Upon a Time in America is over three hours long at 251 minutes if you count the original director's cut that the United States decided to pare down to a terrible 139 minutes. Stupid American version. Thank you. So that's settled.

Thank you for coming to this Traverse Citizens instead of Jurassic Park outside. Because that sounds pretty fun. But it's also kind of fucking cold out. Even though it's summer, you guys are having a little bit of a cold snap.

So thanks for staying inside an opera house with me. Not an opera house, a playhouse. I confused it with the opera house. You watch so many movies in places that don't say movie theater on the sign that they start to all blend together. But the State Theater and the Bijou, if you're ever in the area

for any reason, I think they're open year-round and they're beautiful and they're awesome theaters. Let's just, you know, I don't know how sick he is right now. I'm sure he's going to be fine, but for the hell of it, let's just have a round of applause for Michael Moore for putting this festival together.

Who's coming to the Benson movie interruption on Friday night here? 12.15 a.m. There's still a few tickets left. Over at the beautiful State Theater We're going to be interrupting Roadhouse Yeah And we'll all try to remember Dalton's words Be nice Until you can't be nice

Then fuck people up Madison, Wisconsin Doug Loves Movies is coming to Comedy on State in Madison this Sunday, August 3rd at 420. And then we're going to do a stand-up show that night at the same club at 8 o'clock.

Separate admission. Separate. Separate. And Monday night I'm doing with a special guest stand-up in Rosemont, Illinois, at Zany's. Let's look in the prize bag, you guys. Lots of fun stuff, as you can imagine, when you come to a festival that's in a town known for their cherries and their cherry-flavored products.

So when you come here, they give you a bag full of awesome cherry flavored things, and then I put them in the prize bag and give them to one of you. Because if this was in my room, I would just come home, back to my room late at night, high and drunk,

and fucking eat every one of these goddamn chocolate covered cherries from Cherry Republic. And we've got just good chocolate yum cookies. Yeah, that one, part of the reason I don't want those is because it's got walnuts in it. I don't know why people keep putting walnuts in cookies.

I guess somebody likes it. Here's a little chocolate that I put under my pillow. Well, it's supposed to go on your pillow oh these look really great these are the cookies in the shape of Michigan with icing on them and they're called cherry chews and those would have been the first things I ate if they were in my room what's that? they're for dogs?

I swear I thought it said for dogs. So I was all over it, but yeah. Turns out it's a dog bakery. These look delicious. Now I fucking have to eat part of one. The fuck? I gotta... You don't come here and not try the dog chews. I had cherry-infused vodka last night at the opening night

party and I enjoyed that, so this has gotta be... They just look like regular cookies. Who else will eat one with me? All right. Oh, shit. It's even better when it's been on the ground.

That's how dogs like them. They're very hard to get into. The icing's not bad, though. I like the icing, but the actual cookie is for bad though. I like the icing but the actual cookie is for strong teeth. Alright, I'll put it back in the bag. Can you believe it

if a dog turned that down? Oh, it's got human saliva on it. So hopefully the winner tonight will have a dog. saliva on it. So hopefully the winner tonight will have a dog. Oh, this next prize,

and let me warn you, the band Warrant isn't here. Cherry pie, fresh from the oven, and then into a box for a while. But a nice big piece of cherry pie from, I think the place is called We Love Pie, or Pie Company, Grand...

Grand Travis Pie Company. Bam! I was at Comic-Con last week, and I also, you know I love to smoke weed, so I brought a stoner comic book called Tales of the World Famous Drive-Thru Bud. So that's a fun item. And then everything else is from my guests.

Oh, and a copy of Gateway Dog 2. And the rest is from my guests, so I'll discuss that with them once they are out here. Please give a big, warm Traverse City Film Festival TCFF welcome to Jesse Pasternak, Onur Tukul, and Jeff Tate! Hey, fellas.

Hello. Hi. Let's first of all, tell your last name the way you prefer it pronounced, owner. Oh, Tukel. Tukel. A lot of people think it's Turk-el. I think that's a popular thing. Studs Turk. Yeah, maybe they people think it's turkel. I think that's a popular thing, that studs turkle. Yeah, maybe they're just giving you a compliment.

They think you're a stud. Stud, right. So they call you owner turkel. Owner turkel. I'm not a stud, but I look like one. Touckel. Touckel, then, we're going with. Touckel, yeah.

OK. Like a toucan, but touckel. Yeah. I have to remember things in those sort of weird ways. I've got the Froot Loops bird in my head now. Right, right. Sure, sure. Whenever I look at you. And you are a filmmaker who writes and stars in and directs and edits your own projects?

Yeah, the last couple of movies that I've starred in, just for fun, and it was easier for me to play myself. And I've got a movie called Summer of Blood playing right now, which is a vampire comedy. And that's going to be at midnight tonight here at the festival. Yeah, Wednesday night at midnight. I don't imagine there's going to be a whole lot of people there for the show. Dude, people tear it up in this town.

Tomorrow at 9 o'clock, that's cool. I'm really excited to be here. And it's like, what is it, like 90 minutes long, that movie? It's about 86 minutes. You come in tight at 86. That's nice. The original cut was like an hour and 40 minutes. No, no, no. Go for 86. That's a sweet, sweet-ass amount of time. Do you think about running time?

Does that make you like a movie better if it's shorter or longer? I think it should be the right length, but when it starts at 86, chances are it's not going to be too long. Right. You know? I mean, unless it's awful, but how could something

called Summer of Blood be awful? I'm excited about it. Michael Moore has put his stamp of approval on it. Yeah, a lot of... It got really bad reviews, too.

There were a few reviews that came out that said it was the worst film of the Tribeca Film Festival, too. So they were good reviews. Wait, it got into Tribeca? Yeah, I mean, we played it. And then they talked shit about it? No, they were certain, you know.

No, that wasn't Tribeca. The festival itself didn't say we regret putting the film out there. Oh, it wasn't Robert De Niro who came out with his statement this is the worst film we've ever... But it was... He has to. But it still has to pass a lot of... through a lot of people to get into a film festival. And film festival movies, you know, they can't be for everybody. That's what I like about

this festival is it, it just sort of seems like Michael Moore picked a bunch of movies. So we're going to learn a thing or two while we're here. Uh, I fucking learned so much today except for the one I just saw. I just saw Apollo Alto. Has anybody seen that? And uh, Oh, you liked it? Okay. That's my point. There's something for everybody. I didn't dislike it, I should say. It's got good performances and James Franco

and he... It's based on a book that he wrote of short stories? I mean, the guy fucking does everything. You should probably stick to one thing and do that. Great. His movie that he made based on the Cormac McCarthy

novel, it's just coming out this week, it's called Son of God, and he was on Michael and Kelly promoting it, and they're talking to him about it, and he's just going, this movie's kind of crazy. And he can't say it, but, you know, people need to know that in this movie, some weird hillbilly

guy, you watch him take a shit. You watch him squat and shit come out of him. It's a wonderful performance. I hope he gets an Oscar nod because there's not enough awards being handed out for somebody that has

a nerve to shit on camera. Those poor two girls with that one cup didn't get anything. So, owner, I'm going to be making a lot of speeches tonight in lieu of, because I thought Michael Moore would be doing that. And I think we really should have a very

thought-provoking session here because that's what he would have wanted. Although last year he did actually hold a pair of soiled underwear on the end of a pen. And I heard the person who won that in the prize bag is here. Is that true? My wife won. That's you?

My wife? Your wife won the prize bag and she's just home now with the underwear Well if you remember There was a lot of talk of baby caves last year And she actually had a baby in the baby cave Oh she had a baby since the show She's coming up tomorrow with the baby Oh she's bringing the baby

Okay you don't have to tell the whole family itinerary I'd feel a lot more comfortable If you stopped waving that gun around Yeah you really do You gesture with it in a way that instead of saying, my wife's coming to town, you should be saying, put the money in the bag. Which is another way of saying my wife's coming to town. Jeff Tate is here, everybody. Let's hear it for Jeff.

Hello. Are you having a fun time at the festival, buddy? I brought you because I knew that not only would you have a good time at a film festival, but also that people listening to Doug Loves Movies would be excited to see you here. See you here after that? Yeah, I'm having a great time. I think all your fans are probably out at Jurassic Park. Yeah.

Because you have that childlike sense of wonder that one needs to still have to enjoy Jurassic Park. Yeah, like bad stuff. Yeah, that whole movie, I'm just like, Newman. Because he really fucks everything up. That could be a perfectly nice dinosaur park If it wasn't for Newman Some guy last night

After that street party Some nice festival Goer got me stoned In an alley And then I went into Horizon Books And bought a book I've already read And I went back to my room and ate one of them dog treats. What book did you buy? What book was it?

It was called Unknown Man 89. Who wrote it? Elmore Leonard. Oh, that is great. Yeah, you're on kind of an Elmore Leonard kick, kind of, because you are excited to see or want to see Life of Crime, a movie based on his work that's playing this festival? Yes.

I don't have a ticket yet. Like if this guy's wife don't show up, maybe. Maybe I can get her ticket. It's the prequel to Jackie Brown, right? Is that right? It's the prequel to Jackie Brown? Is that supposed to be what it is? I was going to say, most of the deathquel to Jackie Brown, right? Is that right? It's the prequel to Jackie Brown? Is that supposed to be what it is? I was going to say, it's got most deaf plays,

or Del Robbie, which is who Sam Jackson was and Jackie Brown, but I don't know. Probably doesn't do an impression of him. Probably still sounds like most deaf. I hope he doesn't have that weird beard. Jeff has brought for the prize bag a copy of one of his two CDs. This one's called I Got Potential.

And on the inside of it is a copy of Chad Daniels' You're the Best. There's another one. Another guy, another comedian who's been on Doug Loves Movies. His CD is from the same company, so Jeff has them both in his. Right, right. I've been traveling for a long time.

But that's not how people can buy it. They can't buy it as a double. You're just a kind that's not how people can buy it. They can't buy it as a double. You're just a kind person. You wanted people to have it. I want people to know about Chad Daniels, too. He's funny. This, everybody, is, I'm pretty sure, no, not the youngest guest, Dave Foley's daughter, but, and Sam Cullen's,

Sam Cullen, Sean Cullen's son, but you are, Jesse, probably the youngest guest whose parent is also not on the panel. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Right? How old are you?

I'm 18. 18, you guys. Yeah, he's going to do a lot of growing up tonight. We met last year at this particular festival because when you come here, they say to comedians like myself, hey, do you want to be on a comedy panel? And you go, sure. And then they're like,

oh, this year the comedy panel's outside under a tent. And it's just going to be like a little chat. And we didn't have microphones, right? And the moderator was the fucking horse whisperer. Very nice guy and a great director, but he was really quiet, so all these people were on his tent going,

what? After everything he'd say, and it was an interesting experience, but I met you afterwards. Oh, yeah. And you came up to me because you had seen

Doug Lowe's movies the night before in this very space, and something had come up during the show, and you wanted clarification on it. Do you remember what that was? Yes, it was, the category was erectile dysfunction,

and one of them was from 1967, and I read some articles about Bonnie and Clyde where it talked a lot about how Clyde was imminent, and I thought, oh, well, it's not a popular subject in the 60s in mainstream movies. Like, it's got to be that. So I asked during the panel, I asked you, oh, well, during 1967, was it Bonnie and Clyde?

And you start going, oh, people always do this to me. Yes, it's Bonnie and Clyde. You win nothing. And my first reaction was, yay. And I went up to you afterwards, and you couldn't have been nicer. I yelled at you like Willy Wonka at the end of the movie. You win nothing.

Yeah. We had to sterilize this comedy tent because you drank fizzy lifting drinks. Yeah. It was a wonderful moment. I think it was a friendlier exchange than that. I was just very impressed because then I said, how old are you? And you said 17.

And you were smaller than you are now. You've had a growth spurt. And so it was just like, I was like, oh my god. It's a new Sam Levine in the making. Wow, thank you. Rising from the ashes. Yeah, but you'll be like a nicer version. Have you seen Bonnie and Clyde?

No, I haven't. So you got that just from... He just reads about impotence a lot. Really looking forward to it. Someday. And for the prize bag, you brought a copy of the Even Stevens movie.

Starring Shia LaBeouf, who is not famous anymore. It's from my childhood and I thought it could be read as a cautionary tale on a new rewatch. Kind of imagine what a nightmare Shia was going to become. He's so nice as Even Stevens. Yeah. Was his name Even or Stevens?

It was actually Lewis. Lewis? Yeah. The family name was Stevens. Oh, okay. Finally, a foremost authority on Even Stevens. Yeah. The family name was Stevens Oh okay Yeah Finally A foremost authority On

Even Stevens Yeah Cause also you know Now just To be sure that you're not That you're as smart as I think you are You know That that's not a theatrical movie right?

Yeah It's just on TV Okay Yeah Good Yeah And how much Erectile dysfunction does he suffer from? None in the movie, at least, because he's like 13, so that wouldn't be a problem for him.

I'm told, I think, yeah. He's not suffering from it now, either, if you've seen Infomaniac. He's totally turgid, yougid in the most extreme way. If that's his real schlong. Oh my god, turgid is the worst nickname for an erection. Well, I have a very eccentric girlfriend.

She gets really turned on by my turgidity when I'm talking about it. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm using the word turgid. Tonight, if anybody's lucky enough to have sex, just throw the word turgid out there and see what happens. It's great to learn something while you're having sex, to expand your vocabulary.

If you didn't know the word to begin with, to expand your vocabulary while you're getting laid, it's a terrific thing. Are you saying detergent? That's what you need after the sex. You need to wash everything very, very thoroughly. Sturgeon? Turgid.

Turgid? T-U-R-G-I-D. No, that's not what you're saying. What are you saying? Turginity. Yeah, turginity, I think. Turginity? It's a word.

You don't know the word turgin? Nope You know turgin I think I do Not in this context I'd also just like to point out my parents are here What are they dumb or something? They don't know turgin either?

It's not a dirty word It's an adjective or noun It's an adjective or noun. It's an adjective, yeah. Do you remember that from Schoolhouse Rock? Turgini is a noun or something. You can just imagine the guy writing the song trying to find something that rhymes with boner and then going with turgin.

Also for the prize bag, Jeff brought copies of two Michael Moore movies. Yes. Yeah, Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9-11. So be sure to pop those in right after you watch the Even Stevens movie. I'd even make an Even Stevens Michael Moore sandwich out of these two. What a fun night that would be.

Invite a girl over and then never see her again. At what point during that trilogy are you going to say you're all turgid for sex or whatever, however you said it? It's such a close call. Which one's the most depressing?

I want to point out that those two movies are also from his childhood because everything's from his childhood. Because even this is from his childhood. He's a man. He's 18. Thank you, Doug. Yes.

I don't know why I said that with such glee. I don't know why I said that with such glee I'm so happy when anybody makes it to that crucial crucial ear marker oh man it's real turgid up here did I use it right? yeah I think

somebody look it up on their iPhone whenever I hear it I? Yeah, I think. Somebody look it up on their iPhone. Whenever I hear it, I go, yeah, that seems to be in context. It seems to mean something. But when you just go, what does turgid mean? I guess just slow? Or just... It's like, what? What would Michael Moore say?

That is the least helpful thing you could have yelled out. That is the worst thing you could have yelled out right there. I thought you were answering the question. I was thinking, what do you say about somebody saying, I want to get rid of my Michael Moore movies and just give them away as door prizes. There's something insulting about that? No, he went out and bought them at a very hefty cost. Those aren't my only copies.

I'm not a fucking turgid over here. Next phrase on the agenda, dead horse. I just thought of a spy movie for you, Jeff. Jeff Tate, secret turgid. Shadow turgeon. Oh. Turgeon recruit. Pulverized horse.

Pulverized horse. Turgeon fall. Like Skyfall. That didn't sound good to me. Dude, take it easy. Your parents are here. Let's start a hashtag game on Twitter. Replace a board and a movie title with turgid.

My last name is no longer 2K. Oh, it's turgid. Warner turgid. Under the turgid sun. Beatles renaming it It's a turgid day's night You know My turgid idiot brother

Points Points thank you I prefer joints So Jesse Here's the crazy thing about you It's not crazy It's cool Thank you

You have an older brother Oh I do yes yes. Who enjoys the Douglas Movies podcast. Oh, yeah, he does. I'd say more than you do. He's more familiar with it. Probably. And you're sitting here rubbing it in his face that you're a guest on the show and he's back where? Where do you guys live? New York.

Yeah, he's in New York just crying his eyes out. Well, he's in the comedy world so he understands. He has his own cool stuff, so he probably understands. Oh, okay. I didn't know you were in a show business family.

He's at comedy. What's his name? Let's give him a plug. Oh, his name is Sam Pasternak. You might be able to find him. He does Summikard. He's a contributor there to the Summikards, and he just started working as a writer's assistant on the Meredith Fiera show, her new daytime show. Oh, right on. And he

also has he put in a bid to be there's an auction going on to raise money for right here in Traverse City. Michael Moore wants to install a Walk of Fame in front of the State Theater that will be not only a sidewalk

with the handprints of lots of famous people who have come through here, including Madonna. Wow. Yeah, Madonna's going to be out in front of the State Theater on her hands and knees. Permanently. But this is the part that I'm so excited about because I'm going to come back in the winter

for the comedy festival I skipped it this year Because I somehow sensed That the average temperature would be 29 below And I also sensed That the Weezer cruise would be a little warmer So I went on that But next year I'm coming back to the winter carnival

It is kind of a carnival But the winter carnival. It is kind of a carnival. But the winter comedy festival. And I don't know if it's going to be built by then, but it's going to be great for winter. The sidewalk with the handprints in it is also going to be heated. Wow. Yeah.

What does that mean, heated? They'll be homeless people sleeping on all the handprints and you have to push them aside. Hey, I want to see Madonna's handprints, you fucking bum. You all think that's a good thing? Handprints? Is that a good thing? It's like Grauman's, but for Michigan. It's like a thing of honor if you have your thing there.

Yeah, it's like the Chinese theater out in LA. Right. There could be local people, too, who have made a contribution to Traverse City that will have their handprints out there, I would assume. That would be the thing to do. It's not our idea, man. We don't know who's handprints. I so wish that Michael Moore could be here right now

to argue with you about how great his idea is. Because he's going forward with it, and he's got a lot of auctions going on for awesome things like the jacket that Jennifer Aniston wore in Life of Crime is one of the options. I think it's like coffee with Matthew Modine is an option.

I mean, hopefully I'll ask him so many great questions about Vision Quest. Yeah, wrestling with Matthew Modine, I would pay to wrestle him. I wouldn't pay for a coffee with him, but if I could wrestle him, that would be amazing. Well, once you get him in the room, it's kind of whatever you feel like doing.

Did anybody think his death in Dark Knight was absurd? Well, he dies like an extra, you know, like a soldier. You see when he's on the ground, he's just lying there. It's just so absurd. It looks like he was just placed there. He didn't want to get his outfit dirty. Do you remember that? If he had some blood on him, it might have been better.

I think the point was he's supposed to be a soldier, just any guy. Even the guy who's like, you can't do this, just ends up like any other extra just on the ground. Anybody have a problem with Matthew Modine's death in The Dark Knight? The last? I had a problem with his whole character.

His character was a dick that was just stopping the right thing from happening at every turn. And then for a while he felt kind of bad about it. Like, oh, I shouldn't have... He kind of reminded me of all the villains in Die Hard. You know, how they are no help the whole time. Just complete douchebags. And it was Matthew Modine who I usually find quite likable. So I didn't buy it.

Oh. And I used too many words so now I'm choking on air. You guys are talking about a Batman movie? Yeah, we should be talking about new things, right? They kind of were, yes. Yeah? The under-discussed Matthew Modine role. Matthew Modine.

Yeah, the role no one remembers. I don't think no one does. Well, it was just a movie that just happened, and Matthew Modine is a pretty recognizable guy. He's like the, you know, whatever. He's like standing in for Commissioner Gordon, I think. But the reason I brought this up at all, we went off quite a tangent there,

is that the auction items are going to be available until August 6th and one of them is an appearance on Douglas Movies. If you bid on it, whatever city you're in, I'll try to come to you. If you're in Traverse City, we can maybe do it during next year's festival. But basically my point is nothing's included, like no

hotel and no air. It's just yeah, we're going to take away all of your oxygen. That used to be what we said comics would say about a gig. It's no hotel, no air. We just have to get there and sleep on somebody's couch.

You guys can get hotels and air? You get that stuff sometimes, like you at this gig. I'll be back. I'm going to get a beer. Oh, okay. It's under control. It's amazing. I'm nervous to talk. You know what I mean? You seem really nervous to talk.

Not nervous, but great show. I'm looking forward to participating, but I can get a beer, right? You won't miss me. I'm looking forward to you participating again. Yeah. It's nice of you to give us something to look forward to during the show. No, no, no.

He really held up his end in the Dark Knight Rises debate too. Like he really debated his side very well. So there's some sort of auction, huh? Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, I was going to ask owner, listen owner. No, I'll get this out finally.

Oh, that was fast. TCFF.org slash auction. TCFF, that's for Traverse City Film Festival, .org slash auction. Go there, bid on lots of crazy stuff. I seriously would want to have a few minutes with Matthew Modine and lots of other things. And that will raise money for the heated sidewalk. Oh, and also there's a Traverse City Film Festival app on Apple Store or Google Play.

Do you have that, Jesse? No, I don't, but I really need to download it. It sounds wonderful. Yeah, it seems like something that would work out good for you. And you're also probably the youngest person at all the film festivals, but specifically at this one, who actually moderates the Q&A with filmmakers after their movie has played, right? Oh, yeah, I do.

Actually, the Summer of Blood that was referenced earlier, I'm doing that with owner after Douglas movie has played, right? Oh yeah, I do. Actually, the Summer of Blood that was referenced earlier, I'm doing that with after Douglas Movies is over. You're doing that tonight? Oh yeah, yeah. We're going to all just go over there. Let's just all go over to the State Theater and see Summer of Blood. It's here, isn't it? That's good. The process is really interesting though because

Oh, it's here? Okay, let's stay here, you guys. Yeah. It's going to be a lot of expended energy going all the way to the state theater, finding out it's over here, and then having it come back. The process is very concise. He doesn't see the movie. You're going to watch the movie and then ask questions afterwards. But he's been researching things about me prior to it.

I'm nobody. I'm not going to talk much at all because I know that's part of it. You have big people up here. That's one of the things about insecurity is like, why am I here? Nobody wants to hear me talk. I'm not going to talk much at all because I know that's part of it. Like, you have big people up here. That's one of the things about insecurity is like, why am I here? Nobody wants to hear me talk. They want to hear you talk. They want to hear Jeff talk. And they should because you have interesting things to say.

And who the fuck am I talking about my movie? But going into the Q&A, he will have seen the movie right there. Are you channeling the spirit of Jeff Garlin right now? Is that what Jeff Garlin does? No, no. It's just, what you're doing right now. Well, okay, it's not fun at all. It's not fun at all. Anyway, fuck it.

It's a monologue about how little talking you're going to do. Right, right, right, no, no. It's like you're the villain and you're telling us everything before we kill you. I need to be killed. I need to be killed. You're telling us too much of the plan. In this situation,

I see how that happens now. Maybe the villain is just nervous around the hero and then he just starts spilling his guts. I don't want to tell you all this.

And if the security has to say, look how much better I am than you. I'm not saying I'm better than you. Speaking of villains, the lady just came out

and scared the shit out of Jeff. Well, that's not surprising. She's like, we forgot to put this in your swag bag when you got here. Everybody gets an iPhone. She gave me a phone. It's got the definition of turgid on it. I hope it says this episode of Douglas movies is brought to you by turgid.

It's an adjective. It means swollen and distended or congested. See, I knew it was something unpleasant, but I didn't know it was that specific. Congested. Why not fucking say congested instead of turgid? Oh, I'm so turgid right now. I can't know. Oh, I'm so turgid right now. I can't breathe. My nose is all stuffed up from my complete turgidity.

You say this to girls, you're about to fuck? No, after. After? Oh, how do you fuck? Are you doing it wrong? See, Summer of Blood, it's all in Summer of Blood. I promise you, it's all in Summer of Blood. You find out if they have a tape.

Is it a girl's coming of age story? There's definitely coming, and I'm 41, so there's coming in age, yes, both. But it is a vampire movie, though, right? Vampire film, right. And you starred in it. Who does not want to see that? Hear the silence?

Everybody here would watch that. I wouldn't watch it. Once we have met you, we all want to see a vampire movie starring you that takes place in summer. The great thing about independent film as opposed to the Hollywood kind of mainstream where it's trying to deaden the senses,

I think, of the population is that you are trying to awaken people to a new sensibility they're not usually drawn to. And it's too bad that you have a big mainstream movie that you are trying to awaken people to a new sensibility they're not usually drawn to and it's too bad that you have a big big mainstream movie that you guys promote that opens on 4 000 screens and then a week later there no one's in the theater to see them and those theaters are just empty where they could be occupied by independent films that do awaken the senses of the people if i can be high and mighty for a second that was so that was that was very michael moore If I can be high and mighty for a second. That was very Michael Moore of you, that speech.

What is Michael Moore doing the last four or five years? Is he still like, is he producing? Because capitalism is a great movie. Has anyone seen that film? Capitalism, A Love Story? It's a great movie. Really great movie. He's also talking about things that people seem to have forgotten about,

which is everything that Bush did to lead up to the economic crisis. And Obama getting lambasted and just like beaten down for things that Bush is responsible for. Capitalism reminds people of what that was. They're snickering and laughing. It's like Michael Moore is fucking here. And there should be. And people should tell me to go

fuck myself because I like the crowd participation. But you know, Michael Moore, he's a patient. Great man. do you star in your own movies absolutely yeah that's that's been covered

a couple times do you star no I let's talk about Turgid let's bring Turgid back let's bring Turgid back it's so much more

interesting to talk about Turgid than this isn't it probably it's kind of a toss up do you star in your own movies because you can't

get an actor to say all the words You make the star say Are your scripts Are your scripts super wordy The other actors Are really amazing in the movie That's what makes it great

I surround myself With great actors That's what I love About this movie I'm not a great actor But I'm surrounded By great actors And it makes my performance

Transcend I'm not bragging Hey that's what Seinfeld did Yeah It's a good move Seinfeld wasn't a good actor it's a good game play Seinfeld Matthew Modine a lot of great actors

Jerry got great at it as it went along like he just wasn't good in the beginning you guys would be great actors you guys would love to be in a film I'm surprised I was asking you before why hasn't anyone asked you and like I think you guys would be terrific at it right a lot of times you have to audition and stuff.

Oh, fuck that. Yeah, you don't want to do that. But get into independent films. I mean, you know. If only there was somebody right next to me who makes movies. I was like,

these guys are barely going to talk at all. What am I going to do for 90 minutes? Can I talk? Is that cool? Yeah, yeah. All right.

Yeah, it is my podcast. Yes. Owner brought some for the prize bag, something that I think is a very unique and special prize. It's two drawings that he made of scenes from the film. Right? Yes, yes. From Summer of Blood? Yeah.

Okay. And one of them is a vampire biting into a doggy. And the doggy is thinking, this guy's a fucking dick. So it's kind of like a look who's talking of vampire movies? We hear the dog's thoughts as he's getting attacked by a vampire? The question was for you. I'm sorry, what was the question again?

It was a weird time to take a big swig of beer. I've gotten lots of criticism for being an asshole in the movie, and I love villains in films. You ever see... I'm sorry, Doug. Go ahead. Keep going. We're here to spur a conversation about the film. Every time you're coming up on Talking About Films, you decide to shift into Quiet or Turgeon.

Well, I don't like to talk... I can't talk... I can talk about influences of the film, which is great. Has anyone seen the movie Vampire's Kiss? Nicolas Cage. Oh, great movie. Great movie, right? Summer's Blood is very influenced by that film.

If we're going to talk about movies, that's a great movie. If anyone's seen it in the late 80s, early 90s, I think it took place in Chicago, and I can't remember the name of the director. I'm not on Coke, I promise you. People think I am. His name was Robert something, right?

Yeah, it starts with a B. It starts with a B, that's exactly it. Larry Fassenden's Habit, did you ever see that movie? Doug, cut me off. I'm not going to... I just, you asking questions and then keep talking. I don't get what's happening. To talk about Summer's Blood... Is there ever see that movie? Doug, cut me off. I'm not going to pick up. I just, you asking questions and then keep talking. I don't get what's happening. To talk about Superblood.

Is there cocaine in that beer? I want to reference other movies because I have. Right, but what was the question that you just asked about a movie that's not Vampire's Kiss? I asked a question? Yeah, you said, you mentioned another. Was it another Nicolas Cage movie? Was it another something? And then you said, have you seen that? And before I could answer, you said, you mentioned another, was it another Nicolas Cage movie? It was another something. And then you said, have you seen that?

And before I could answer, you moved on. And now nobody knows what you're asking. Larry Facinda's Habit. Has anyone seen that film? It was early 90s. Took place in New York. Intimate vampire film. Maybe psychological, maybe literal, who knows? Really terrific movie. Has anyone seen that?

Nobody. You should check it out, Larry. Exactly. So I apologize for bringing up movies that no one's seen. It's turgid up here. I'm having a hard time right now. Swollen and congested. Hard. Hard is the way I always saw it. If you just sit back and talk when I speak to you,

it's going to be perfect. Absolutely. It's really easy to be a guest on this show. And I want to show the other thing that you brought 15 minutes later,

which is another drawing from the movie in which someone is vomiting blood into someone else's mouth. Correct? Yes, this is seeing the movie,

the first kill of the movie. I think it's worth seeing because the first act doesn't lead on to the fact that it may be a vampire film. I don't want to give it away. Most of you aren't going to see it.

Almost all of you aren't going to see it. And that's fine. We're all going to stay right here at the State Theater. And watch it. What's over at the State Theater at midnight tonight? Babadook. Oh, Babadook. Have you heard about that?

Yeah, I've heard. Not Marmaduke. That would be a weird midnight movie, too. There is a feature film Marmaduke, isn't there? Have you seen it, Jesse? I've seen parts of it. It's the one with the German

shepherd. He likes pie and he's voiced by Owen Wilson and his best friend's a cat. That's Marley and me. Marmaduke is a great name. He's owned by Owen Wilson and his best friend's a cat That's Marley and me. Marmaduke is a great Dane. He's owned by Owen Wilson. That's not Marley and me. Marley doesn't speak in that, but it is Owen Wilson.

Yeah. And Marmaduke. But Marmaduke is a great Dane. Everyone knows that. He's one of the best Danes. Yeah. is a great Dane. Everyone knows that. He's one of the best Danes. Yeah. Him and Ruger

Hauer. Era Mads Mikkelsen. You know what I don't like about Marmaduke movies is they can't kill Marmaduke. You know? But wouldn't that be a brilliant movie, Marmaduke's Death, you know? If Hollywood produced that film

and Marmaduke got his head blown off at the end of the second act, and then how do the owners of Marmaduke react to Marmaduke's head being blown off? They would probably freak out. Poor Marmaduke. He was almost through all of that cherry dog treat when he died. That would be like the new Bambi, like the new movie that cherry dog treat when he died.

That would be like the new Bambi, like the new movie that would traumatize kids for generations. You could make it like The Expendables and have Heathcliff be the one that killed him. I saw Mice and Men last night with Franco. It's so funny you saw Palo Alto because I saw the last performance in New York of Mice and Men and

Lenny getting his head blown off. Oh, so he really dies at the end of the last performance? They didn't change it. I thought they would, but he really, really dies. And it's funny because he got on stage to make a speech at the after party and he said, I've never done this before. And I said exactly what you said, which is, it's the only thing you haven't done, Frank. You know, because, like, he's done everything.

Did you read his book? No. Right. No one did, right? No one did. But maybe it's good. It's short stories. That's all I know about it. It's a collection of short stories. It's called Palo Alto Stories, right? Yeah. And the movie Palo Alto is based on it.

In the movie, he plays a coach of a little girl and she babysits his kid and he comes on to her. It's creepy as fuck. I'm really glad I missed that one. Yeah, he's not a likable character like he was in Spring Breakers. He's left Harry Osborn far behind then.

Yeah, exactly. What have you seen so far, Jesse, here at the film festival? Because there's tons of movies to see. If you're ambitious, you could probably see six movies a day. You're probably not that ambitious. I am. I've had days where I've just

only watched movies, but today I saw Land Ho. It was very great. It's about these two old men who go to Iceland and they have a wonderful time.

One guy's very eccentric and they just have a great time hanging out and stuff. So that's really good. What do they do? Like sit around doing their

Michael Caine impressions? No. They go to spas. They go to... It's a lot more exciting than it sounds. It sounds like an old guy. Two old men in a spa. Is it like old guy spring breakers? No, but I would see that.

That would be fun. Well, we should give a shout out to the directors, Aaron Katz and Martha Stevens. They're very young and they're very amazing. They actually went

to the North Carolina School of the Arts, which is a great place where David Gordon Green went and the Pineapple Express. Anyway, fuck that. Okay, fuck it. Yeah, whatever you do,

don't start talking movies. I don't know why you keep falling into that trap. I'm looking forward to seeing Land Ho. Land Ho's on my list of movies to see. It's got Jesse's seal of approval. What else?

Let me ask you about last year. Did you see anything you didn't like? I think Michael Moore has great taste in movies. Oh yeah, it was 100% like I liked everything. It was a very good taste in movies. What else did you It was 100% like I liked everything. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was a very good taste in movies. All right. So what else did you see today? You've only been here today, right?

Yeah. Well, I've been here a couple of days, you know, like getting acclimated, going to the party last night. Today's like my first movie day. You had to have an acclimation party? It's still three years before I could drink legally, but I got gotta really pace myself at the opening night party. I just relaxed, took out my parents,

took a drive, saw the beautiful scenery and I saw 12-12-12 today which is a concert film. You know that concert for Sandy? That was, yeah, Hurricane Sandy concert.

It's always weird to say it's a concert for Sandy because, you know, I don't want to give a dime to that fucking hurricane. I don't even know. That hurricane caused a lot of shit. Yeah. Problems. I don't want to give a dime to that fucking hurricane. I don't even know. That hurricane caused a lot of shit and problems.

I don't even know what a hurricane would do with money. Yeah. What would she do with your dime? She would just throw it around everywhere.

Hey, that Michael Moore would approve of that. Hey, money for all. And that's... So like Springsteen was in that concert. Although, I've got a bone to pick with Michael. I can't pick the bone with him.

Never mind, never mind. Okay. You, what happened? Well, so was Bob. Yeah, but it's a behind the scenes of that concert. So Springsteen is there. Was Tom Petty in it? No, but Jon Bon Jovi was in it.

Oh, Tom Petty's not in it? I guess not. You were all excited that Tom Petty was in it. That was false information, Jeff. Do you like that music? Is it young? Your parents are in that music? Is that the reason why you're into it? We listened to a lot of Springsteen when I was growing up, so that was always good.

Are you familiar with his early albums? His early albums? Born in the USA albums. Any real Bruce Brees fans out there? Seriously. Greetings from Asbury Park, Wild Instagram, The E Street Shuffle, Born to Run. Those are the fucking albums right there.

I'm not that well-versed, but I like Born to Run. Doug doesn't want to talk about that. Hey, owner, please don't poll the crowd anymore. Every time you do it, nobody responds. They kind of look at you like Doug is the host, isn't he? The first three albums

of Spreezy looked them up. I'm serious. It is worth seeing. And in conclusion, 12, 12, 12 is a five film that you would all enjoy. You guys should be the new Siskel and Ebert.

Owner, Jesse and owner. Roper sucked. Didn't he suck so bad? Wasn't Roper the worst? He said Siskel and Ebert, dude. I know, but... They're both dead. You just don't get enough opportunities

to take pot shots at Richard Roper. Come on, do you have... He wasn't my favorite. When he was on with Roger, I agreed with Roger a lot more than I did with Richard, and when they'd argue, it would make me angry, because I'd be like, he's no Gene Siskel, but he's a nice guy, and he, you know, has opinions.

Has he been on the show? No, no, he hasn't. Have you ever read any of Ebert's written criticism? Oh, yeah, yeah. He's a terrific writer. Pulitzer Prize winning. And the movie that's playing at this festival, if you haven't seen it yet, Life Itself, about Roger Ebert, directed by the guy

who directed Hoop Dreams, which is a movie that Roger Ebert helped to bring to the fore and make a lot of money, especially for a documentary at that time. It's kind of a nice full circle of life, if you will, of this guy directing the documentary about

Roger Ebert, and it's a great documentary. He's a very interesting man. There's a lot of facets to his career, but the most fun part of the movie is they show a lot of outtakes of him arguing with Gene Siskel, and it's fucking yeah fucking hilarious yeah and he was one of my heroes so just to see him uh talk and see him like do all this stuff and learn even more about him than i had already learned from his website was just a really fun experience and i actually uh i was in the audience at the museum of the moving image and chas ebert uh was there and i got to ask her a

question and it was just really a highlight of my evening. She's a nice lady. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been to the, I've been to Ebert Fest in Champaign-Urbana a couple of times and she, she hosts everything and she, you know, she's not the slickest presenter, but she's very passionate and heartfelt and a lovely woman. What did you do at Ebert Fest? I just went and watched movies. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. It's an interesting festival because it lasts like about the same time as Traverse City,

but you see like at most maybe four movies in a day and there's no options. It's just there's one theater. At this time, we're showing this movie and then we're showing the next one. But they have a guest from almost every movie. And this last time they had Spike Lee and Oliver Stone. Was Patton Oswalt there? Yes. Patton was there this year. The previous time

I went, he was supposed to be there, and he had to cancel. Did you watch four movies a day, Doug? Did you really watch four movies a day at the Eberfest? I may have seen four one day, but I didn't really go in for all of them. But also, they pick movies now that Roger loved, and so it's

a dazzling array of movies, but I personally wasn't in the mood to see Born on the Fourth of July again. Were you around Oliver Stone? And I wasn't personally interested in the Oliver Stone Q&A, but it's pretty cool that somebody that big came out to the festival, especially

now that Roger's gone. He's not even there, but they're going to keep doing it. Spike Lee, did you care about the Spike Lee Q&A at all? That was awesome, the Spike Lee. It was awesome, right? Yeah, because that movie, they showed Do the Right Thing, and seeing it on the big screen with an audience like 1,200 seat theater was really exciting.

And then he's just so... He's just... He just says what he feels about everything. Right. So he's an interesting Q&A subject. Because when somebody in the audience asks a stupid question, first thing he says is, that's a stupid question. Right. Did you get on the bandwagon, though?

He doesn't give a fuck. What? Did you get on the bandwagon when he tried to raise money for the vampire film he made in Brooklyn? Anybody remember this? Kickstarter, he tried to raise $1.2 million. There was a bandwagon, like, that just said, fuck this. But you know Vampire in Brooklyn is like an old Eddie Kickstarter, he tried to raise $1.2 million. There was a bandwagon that said, fuck this, why is he doing this? You know Vampire in Brooklyn is like an old Eddie Murphy movie, right?

What he was doing... He did not kickstart that movie. Blood of Jesus. Blood of Jesus, so close. I don't think that's the name of the movie either. What's the name of the movie? It's called Summer of Sam. Summer of Sam's Blood.

He did that already. The Inside Man. Mock me for not knowing. Summer of Sam's Blood. He did that already. The Inside Man. Right. Mock me for not knowing the title. That's fine. This is the worst game. Just yell the wrong names. Hashtag.

She's got to have it. Girl 6. If you're courageous, she does. If you're courageous, she does have to have it. What did you... Fuck it. Let's keep going. Crooklyn. Great going. Crooklyn.

Great movie. Crooklyn's a great movie. When I'm old, I'm definitely going to sit around playing Last Man Stanton by myself. Just on a park bench yelling out Spike Lee titles

at people as they walk by. Malcolm X. That'll be it. You'll be my little friend Helps me out with the tough ones Let's see, what have I seen here at the festival I saw La Gran Familia Española From Spain And I really enjoyed it

It's like my big fat Greek wedding But charming from Spain and I really enjoyed it. It's like my big fat Greek wedding but charming. And I saw I mean Big Fat Greek Wedding was a huge independent movie hit. Probably one of the biggest independent movies ever, right? But it didn't really work for me. I wasn't

that into it. I saw 1971 Today which is the Leonardo DiCaprio story. I mean J. Edgar Hoover. It's about him being a complete asshole. Like, I don't even want to... I've never seen J. Edgar, the DiCaprio movie, but now I don't want to,

because I hate J. Edgar Hoover after seeing 1971. It's really illuminating. It was a great movie, though. He was a complete douchebag, that guy. Yeah, 1971, it's about a group of people that just decided during the Vietnam War to just bust into an FBI building and steal a bunch of files and see what's in their files. Then they looked in their files and saw this shit about them, about all the creepy shit they're doing, where they're doing tons of surveillance on...

It's like they kept all the terrible things they should have kept secret in this one cabinet. Yeah. There should have been more scenes of them in the house later going, what the fuck? Are you shitting me? You can't hit clear history on a cabinet full of files

unless you set the building on fire. And then I saw 5 to 7, which is not to be confused with 9 to 5. Do you know what 5 to 7 is, Jesse? Oh, yeah. It's Anton Yelchin, who was in the Star Trek movies. He plays a young writer.

He's been rejected a lot. Sure. He meets a beautiful French woman, played by Bernice Marlowe, who was in Skyfall. I thought I was going to see this, so I did tons of research. And then they begin a... You haven't seen this.

You're telling us all about a movie you haven't seen. I love it. You just described my bread and butter, really. Yeah, yeah, I love it. I can describe movies I haven't seen this. You're telling us all about a movie you haven't seen. I love it. You just described my bread and butter, really. Yeah, yeah, I love it. I can describe movies I haven't seen, too. Oh, awesome. Name a movie I haven't seen. I don't really know.

Like Crazy. Have you seen Like Crazy? Have you seen Like Crazy? I did, and it drove me crazy during 5 to 7. Anton Yelchin. Why is he hooking up with chicks from Europe? Because that's fucking him over every time. It's a terrible movie.

Oh, okay. That's what I meant to think. They begin an affair to finish the synopsis. It's a horrible, horrible film. What? Really? Like Crazy. Have you seen that movie? Like Crazy? Yeah. It's depressing as fuck. For sure. I was at

Sundance 2011 with a movie called Septian, and I was in. No one's seen it, but some people have. And this movie was there, and I remember seeing it with an audience of 1,100 people. I'll be very concise and brief. And after the movie was over, there were all these people just congratulating themselves and applauding like it was the second coming. It was the most amazing movie ever.

And it's such a piece of shit. And I feel very proud to say that because when i was there as a newbie i felt like it was my obligation my duty to tell people to stay the fuck away from this movie because uh it's very flawed and if people sort of did that on their own anyway i mean it wasn't like it was a big hit or anything. Not fucking critically, which is the problem. There's this sense of, like, adulation and, like, canonizing movies that are fucking terrible. Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, are you guys fans? Yeah.

The Last Crusade. Yeah, but the one after that, The Crystal Skull. Fans of that fucking movie? Yeah, I like that movie. You like that movie? Yeah. I understand that. Really? Shia LaBeouf.

Shia LaBeouf was in that, too. He's not the problem. He's not the problem. He's not the problem. He swings to the jungle with mushrooms. It's amazing. You like that move. Yeah.

Well, you were fucking 11 when you saw that thing. I wore a leather jacket and a fedora to the showing. It was amazing. I was 30. The problem is not enough. Be hard.

When I did Q&As, again, no one gives a shit. When I did Q&As, again, no one gives a shit. When I did Q&As for Summer of Blood at Tribeca, Tribeca Film Festival, which is great. I felt good to be there.

I felt sort of like egotistical and kind of like excited to be there and felt like my ego go up a few notches. But on my Q&As, I was very, a matter of,

I wanted to hear criticism. I wanted people to rip the movie apart. Because criticism, people should be fucking, you know, they should be critical about movies. Not exclusively, dude. The fourth, come on, a movie, we're waiting for anticipation for a fourth Indiana Jones.

It should be amazing. It shouldn't be, it's not even good. It's terrible. I was offended walking into that movie. Well, you don't believe in the concept of a misfire where they try to do something good and then it just turns out bad just because there's too many hands involved? Like there's something interesting to it?

You realize the ghosts came out and melted faces in the first one. What's the big deal with aliens? The CG stuff was a nightmare. Those weren't real ghosts in Raiders, man. There was something about it that was a little bit more legitimate. Yeah, it really was.

The effects went backwards. The effects are better in Raiders than they are in Forth. Are we talking about boyhood? Boyhood is 100% like, whatever. Throughout the board, everybody is being unanimously positive about boyhood. Great, I can see the reason why, but why hasn't anyone criticized obvious things

to be critical about? Did you see Boyhood? I have not. I'm going to see it on Saturday. Oh, you've not fucking seen Boyhood yet. It's three hours long. And to be fair to Doug, I only saw it because of a sweet preview that I went to. And you liked it?

Loved it, yeah. We can't talk about it because they haven't seen it yet. Yeah, the kid, though, is a year older than me, and he liked a lot of the same pop culture when he was a kid, so that was a lot of fun. There's lots of ways to criticize that movie of why it doesn't work you make concessions when you make a film over 12 years and that does well concessions is how the movies make their money so i mean laugh it off. That's not funny. And you're a very funny guy. You're a very, very funny guy.

So was five to seven good? Or like, did you like it? Oh, yeah. We were talking about five to seven. I get another beer. Oh, he's leaving again. Hey, can someone get that guy a water? Is he coming back? Yeah, he'll be back.

There he is. I found 5 to 7, the screenplay, to be very clever and a very interesting predicament. And the way that it plays out in the end is it's one of those movies where you're kind of like, how can this end in a satisfying way?

And somehow it manages to, which is you're kind of like, how can this end in a satisfying way? And then somehow it manages to, which is always even kind of extra satisfying. So yeah, so I like that one. Five to seven. But the reason I asked the 18-year-old to describe the movie, and then he described it in such a professional way, this is what I wrote down.

The movie's about French fuck-around time. Because apparently the French If you're cheating on your spouse Or if it's even allowed You're just allowed to have mistresses You do it from 5 to 7 in the afternoon Because that's the perfect time To walk in at 7 and go

I got held up Traffic was bad Or whatever your excuse is going to be So 5 to 7 is French code for let's fuck. Over here we say Ashley Madison

and there they say from that website about where people want to cheat. Is that where they came up with the concept of happy hour? I guess so. Yeah. They never make that joke in the movie, but they should have. Anton Yelchin's character is pretty clever and funny.

Frank Langella and Glenn Close play his parents and those scenes are very funny. Oh, cool. Yeah. They're very good actors. What's your... Tomorrow, Jesse, what do you have to do a... Whatchamacallit for?

What do you have to moderate? So I'm doing The Internet's Own Boy, the Aaron Schwartz film. You know, the guy who co-founded Reddit and unfortunately took his own life after the government really went after him for illegally downloading articles from JSTOR. So I'm doing that with the director, Brian Knappenberger. That's going to be very fun. Like a good Q&A. And then, I didn't think the film was going to be fun. Why are you laughing? Because he said it's going to be a good Q&A. And then... I didn't think the film was going to be fun. Why are you laughing?

Because he said it's going to be a good Q&A. He hasn't seen the film yet. And, you know... Yeah, but I trust him. I've known him for about 20 minutes total time. Well, about 45 now that all this is over. Yeah, let's figure it out exactly. But I trust him.

I laughed because he said... How did you get on this gig? How did you get to be moderated? Do you mind if I ask Doug? I don't mind at all I think I was sort of asking him about it earlier But somebody kept interrupting Do we already answer the question then?

Do we already answer it? I mean, how did you get here as an 18-year-old? How did you do it? Be concise, be concise That's right, it's true, right? We're on borrowed time, Doug That's what you want, isn't it? We have enough time, right?

This is perfect. The listeners are going apoplectic because I haven't even mentioned games yet and the show's been going for over an hour. Because I've kind of lost the will to do that. So to do an elevator pitch, my mom actually produced

a documentary called Being Elmo, Up Up to Your Journey that played at Traverse City. Being Elmo, yeah. Yeah. And then I went to Tribeca to see Michael Morgan interviewed by Susan Sarandon. And luckily, because we knew Michael a little bit, I was able to go backstage. And I was able to go up to him. And we just started talking about Woody Allen.

And we just started talking about movies. And at the end of it, he said, oh, well, you're coming to Traverse City. And I said, yes, yes, please. And I was very excited and then I came here my first year and I've been doing it ever since. You were 15 when this happened. 16. And the first guy, if people can remember back to the podcast. This is his third year here for those

keeping track. That guy who did the horse whisperer, you called him, who did the thing with you the comedy panel last year. His name is Bob Byingtonington he was my first guest so that was uh the first guy i did it with and i've just been doing it ever since was he crotchety because bob byington's a crotchety son of a bitch yeah i was told by a bunch of people like he's very i love him by the way he's wonderful wonderful guy i was told by like he's very or he could be kind of ornery you know watch yourself you know make sure you're okay.

And I go out and all the time I'm thinking to myself, you know, don't make yourself, like, don't joke. Don't put yourself out there. Don't do anything, like, to draw attention to yourself. Just, it's all about the filmmaker. And do that. And I get out and I ask him my questions. We have a good repartee. And I go, okay, first question. And I call on someone and the woman gets up

and goes, Jesse, what's your favorite movie? And I just think to myself, ah, this is going to be different. What'd you say, Holes? Oh, no. The editing of that is very good, by the way. What teenage boy doesn't love Holes? It was actually Radio Days.

Oh. The truth is so not fun. Woody Allen and holes? Come on, there's a connection there. I can't find it. This would have been so insanely different had Michael Moore been sitting here. Because it was going to be these three and Michael Moore.

So all of this would have tried to happen with Michael Moore sitting there. It would have been very interesting. It's still very interesting. Nonetheless. But it's fun to imagine. And this is the part of the show where I say, let the games begin!

Let the games begin! the show, I say, let the games begin! Take control of your blood this summer. This is the part where everybody holds up their name tags, and the three gentlemen on stage, just put down your microphone and

go select the person that you'd like to play for. Jesse went right for the woot monkey. Yeah, we're going to play some games now. You can just go ahead and... Oh, he went for the cookies. Toss those cookies. Oh, you're just selecting a name tag that appeals to you.

It's your own personal choice. And you made eye contact and you took that guy's cookies. What type of monkey is this again? It's a woot monkey. I used to give away... Yeah, it's okay. Who's going to talk now, me or you?

Fuck. I don't know how to play any of these games. Yes, everybody knows that. Everybody's been assuming that's what was going to happen. That's why we're going to play the easiest fucking games I have at my disposal. Don't change the game. Oh, I'm changing the game. Because I'm in charge.

I get to decide what happens. I get to decide if anyone outside of this room ever even hears this. Especially now, I don't want anyone to hear me saying, ever even hears this. Is anyone going to hear this? Are you Frank Nelson? Who are you? I don't know who that was, but it was a silly old-timey voice.

Yes. Yes. That guy, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Good choice. But yes, Woot Monkeys is something I used to throw out

into the audience, shoot out into the audience at the shows because they're, can I see that one for a second? Oh, sure, yeah. Because they're, is this an official?

No, this is just a monkey that doesn't do what Woot Monkeys do. The arms. The arms have the, oh, the arms have the. Oh. So it's like the

My mistake, it's been so long since I've told one. It's the Mr. Fantastic of monkeys, really. Yeah, and you just basically use it as kind of like a... It slings itself. It's a slingshot, but he goes flying through the air. I had one of those as a kid.

Yeah, yeah. I've had them and given them away. Woot used to send me boxes full of them, but I got tired of bumping into it in the middle of the night and then waiting for a few minutes for all the monkeys to stop screaming. I had a Woot monkey as a kid, and we had to take it out. Woo! Woo! Yeah, I wouldn't take their voice out.

I wouldn't do that to a monkey or a dog. I think they should be able to make the noise that they make. And then who are you playing for there? Is there a name on it somewhere? The name is on the back. Is that the one I read? Is it a girl's name? Your name?

It's not a shithead on the back. Oh, good. It's Kali? Is that what I'm saying? Is that right? Kali? Kaylee. Kaylee.

All right. Kaylee is not a shithead. And who are you playing for, owner? I'm playing for... Man, you've got a cool fucking gift. I don't want to... Justin, you got cookies. And yeah, that's great.

I don't need them. Thank you. But thanks for the... But I'm playing for cookies. What am I playing for, cookies? You're playing for... You're playing for the guy in the audience. Remember backstage when I said...

People made gifts? Somebody made that? Can I give my gift back and pick like a original like no offense justin i mean this is great that you the font is nice i mean there's a nicely written justin on the box of cookies i would put you in the worst guest competition if you were ever going to be on again i i assumed i would be i assumed you're you're plotting that really you're against me? Yeah, yeah. These people came to see me

and what I do not. Hey, owner, owner, owner, owner, owner. Big round of applause for your owner who's going to leave the stage right now. Big round of applause for him. Just take one. Yeah. You're done. Good night. Good night. Thank you. Terrific job.

I can't get through the rest of this fucking show with him doing that at every turn. Every fucking turn. He's got to discuss every goddamn thing. Who are you playing for, Jeff? What is that? Nolando Calrissian. Look at it.

It's fucking sweet. See, that's a nice name tag. Now I feel bad for throwing him out of here because he did make a bad choice. I broke the Falcon. But there's a can of Colt 45 in this Millennium Falcon also. Turns out I can't do the microphone and the Falcon at the same time. You can put it down there and then you can come sit over here. Maybe, yeah. So, well, the listeners don't really care how awesome that name tag is, and the Falcon at the same time. You can put it down there and then you can come sit over here.

Well, the listeners don't really care how awesome that name tag is, but it is really cool. And what's the guy's name? Nolan. Nolan Calrissian? Nolan Calrissian. I like it. Alright, so what should we do first? Should we get a third player up here?

Alright, dude, get up here. Yeah, like backstage, I explained the name tags and the shithead on the back and the whole deal. So when he went off on that, like I had never spoken to him about it, I knew he was going to be trouble. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. Thank you.

All right. Hi. What's your name again? My name's Dan Hogue. Dan? Yeah, Dan. Oh, yeah. And the gun said Dan Hunter.

That's right. The Dan Hunter. Instead of Deer Hunter. Who won the prize bag last year, right? Well, my wife did, yeah. My wife. That guy. He knows everything. Jesse, he knows everything.

What? I'm sorry, I missed something, I think. He's just saying that you know everything. You've never missed anything ever. Oh, thank you. He's very smart, and when he contributes, you know, it's interesting. As long as none of the categories have to do

with Shia LaBeouf, you know. Yeah, see, if you can't even pronounce it, you shouldn't even talk about it. His name actually means thank God for beef in some other language. actually means thank God for beef in some other language. What else are you going to put in holes?

Oh, man. I really can't wait to see Summer of Blood, though, now, because that's amazing that he's the star of that movie. I imagine it's going to almost get to the movie. No, for 90 minutes. It's all trailers for other movies that he hates. He just jumps in. I'm going to be a vampire soon, probably.

I don't know what this movie's about. Maybe I'm the vampire. Maybe you're the vampire. Don't you hate vampires? Hang on a second. Let me vomit blood into your mouth. Oh, look, a dog. He's killing it Thank you

Mom and dad are so proud over there Are you filming the whole thing mom? Great so at least one version of this show will exist I gotta try to smite it when you put it on YouTube Alright so we've got By my count we have about I gotta try to smite it when you put it on YouTube. All right, so we've got, by my count, we have about nine minutes left in the show. But since I think all of you understand and can get through,

let's just see if we can quickly play some Leonard Maltin game. Let's see if we can do it. Normally I'd say let's bag it and do some Last Man Stanton or whatever, but I think this can go quickly enough. It'll be exciting if we can get it all done in eight minutes, because that's how much time we have now. This is a ticking time bomb. Jesse, since you've been so amazing, I'm just going to let you go first.

Thank you so much. And then we'll go to Dan and then Jeff. And you get to pick between... At the Haley Dexter suggested... That's you over there? You've got a whole crew and everything. She suggested because it's the over there? You got a whole crew and everything. She suggested, because it's the slogan of this film festival

is Just Great Movies, so she suggested that as a category, Just Great Movies. Of course, I can't decide which movies are great. Leonard can try, but this category is movies that have the word just or great in them.

Ah, that's a good one. Yeah, I don't think there's any with both. Also, celebrating a birthday today, the great Arnold Schwarzenegger. And when I say great, it's in quotes. Just like that last category. So the films of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Or Penny Dreadful, and that's Penny Marshall movies that she directed that Leonard gave two stars or less.

Which one of those would you like to play? Well, uh... Jesse Pasternak. Thank you. My mom is... From New York City. I'm a little north of the city, but... Okay, well, you said New York earlier, so...

Yeah. So I ran with it. So, uh... Is that where they do Tribeca? New York City, yeah. I'm just doing an impression of what was happening earlier. There's a lot of random throwaway questions. Which one?

Well, my mom's a huge Penny Marshall fan, but I think I'm going to have to go with Just and Great. The word Just and great in the title. This movie with just or great in the title got two and a half stars from Leonard. It's from 1989. He calls it slick and highly stylized.

And then he also says that the lead performer in this movie is really playing the piano. And he lists 11 names. How many names do you think you can get in this movie that has

just or great in the title? I'm going to go five. Five is a smart opening bid. I'm going to say zero names. Dan is not fucking around. Respect, yeah. Are you wearing a Michael Moore costume? I have some political views I could share with you right now.

Oh, please. Later, later, later. I'd rather know what you thought of Like Crazy. I'm somewhere in between on that one Okay You say zero names Okay Jeff, what do you think of that? Name it

Alright, so if you name the movie you're going to get a point Is it Great Balls of Fire? And what would you put after the fire if you had to punctuate it? An exclamation mark? That is correct Was that Dennis Quaid? An exclamation mark. That is correct. Was that Dennis Quaid? Yeah, Dennis Quaid.

I really wanted to go negative one, but I didn't. The reason that Leonard brings up that he plays his own piano is because it's not his voice singing. That's Jerry Lee Lewis's real voice. But apparently it's Quaid's real piano playing, which I don't believe, but whatever. Yeah, so, and then, did you think of, Dan, did Great Balls of Fire leap into your head because it was movies with the word great in it?

Yes. All right, good job, well done. All right, Dan's on the board with one point. We're playing to two points, and we have five minutes. What are you doing down there, Jeff? I have a fake gun. Just remember that. Yeah, don't push him.

We should just give it to him just in case it goes off, you know? Okay. Just in case, yeah. So you asked him to name it there, Jeff, right? Yes, you did. Don't shoot yourself with the fake gun. So we're going to start with the shitheads.

We're going to start once again. We got four minutes. We're going to start once again with Jesse gets to pick another category and then this time we'll go to you, Jeff.

And Jesse gets to choose between Nikki Sixx, that's Nicolas Cage movies from 86, 96, or 06. Gerard Depardieu, and6. Gerard Depardieu. And that's Gerard Depardieu movies that Leonard gave two stars or less. And this one's interesting when you think about it.

A Prairie Home Companion. And that's movies that have bestiality in them. Because somebody has a companion in their home on the prairie. Which one of those would you like to play, Jesse? Let's see. I think I'm going to go the Gerard Depardent

because I sort of know about French movies. I have a hunch. Somebody said boo in the audience. That's a really hostile way to react To an 18 year old boy Just trying to make his way in the world Two stars for this movie That has Gerard Depardieu in it

The year is 2000 Leonard Maltin calls this movie Excruciatingly shrill He doesn't mince words does he Yeah and he says the results are spotty at best. Spotty at best. And he lists a whopping ten names. That's not that many, but ten names.

How many can you get it in, Jesse? I think I'm going to go five again, just to make sure. Yeah. Play it safe. Yeah. Smart play. Jeff? Name it.

All right. All right. Your five names are Eric Idle. Yeah Smart play Jeff? Name it Alright Your five names are Eric Idle, Timothy West Ian Richardson, Carol McCready and Ben Compton So you probably only recognize one of those five names Is it I'm not Alan Smithy? Oh that was called

Burn After Burn Hollywood Burn Burn Hollywood Burn, not Burn After Reading Burn Hollywood Burn, the Alan Smithy? Oh, that was called Burn After... Burn Hollywood Burn. Burn Hollywood Burn, not Burn After Reading. Burn Hollywood Burn, the Alan Smithy story. And that's not what this is. This is Dave Pardue

somehow got roped into being in the fucking, whatchamacallem, Dalmatian movies. And this was 102 Dalmatians. Oh.

And finally, we can get that category out of my phone. And now Jeff's on the board. Jeff has a point. Now we'll start with Dan and go to Jeff. Spoiler alert. That's movies where someone is run over by a car.

Someone named Double Dag suggested on Twitter, Carl! Carl! And that's movies where Carl Reiner directs and appears. Ah, I could get that. People are always yelling for him on that set. And then, was that two or three? Okay, one more. Eric R. Stevens suggested, not even Stevens, but Eric R. Stevens,

suggested Meals on Wheels, and that's movies where there is oral sex in a car. Sorry to possibly make you play that category in front of your parents, Jesse. Oh, I would have taken The Carl Reiner. I'm a huge fan. Sure, which one, Dan? I would be remiss if I didn't pick Spoiler Alert. All right, Spoiler Alert. Would you like a movie where someone gets hit by a car

from 1977, 1983, or 1995? Let's go with 95. All right. Are you ready over there, Jeff? Yeah. I know you were doing some grooming. This is how I think. Two stars from Leonard Dan.

He says about this movie from 1995 that it is, he says it has an exciting car chase, but this movie never rises above the mire. M-I-R-E. A word popularized in a song by The Doors. Because Jim likes to wallow in it.

The mire. I've never really seen it in a sentence like that. And he lists 11 names. Let's start with 10. Strong. Jeff. Nine. Let's start with 10 Strong Jeff Nine

Jesse I'm gonna go seven Skipped a number I'm gonna hope that you were too young To remember this movie and say name it Alright So seven names And this is

Jesse, you're not on the board yet? No, I'm sorry. Alright, this is your chance. This is your chance to bring it to a three-way tie. Your seven names are Kevin Teig. Get that gun out of his face. Why are you bringing that extra pressure on him?

For everyone who's listening, he just pointed the fake gun at me, so you bringing that extra pressure on him? For everyone who's listening, you just pointed the fake gun at me so you understand that laughter. You know, this is a podcast. You can't see it. I thought I described what he was doing, but that's cool. It's kind of catchy tonight.

Angie Everhart, David Hunt, Holt McCallany, Ken King, Donna Murphy, and Richard Crenna. Do you know who Richard Crenna is? I don't, I'm sorry. That's something that I would think you would know. Yeah, stop doing that with the gun, Dan.

Jeff just threw away Dan's gun. Thank you, Jeff. What do you think there, Jesse? You got any idea? No, I don't. I'm sorry. That's okay. I think you did a great job up here tonight.

I'm really proud of you. Thank you. Yeah. The rest of the names are Michael Bain, Chaz Palminteri, Linda Fiorentino, and David Caruso. And Angie Everhart's actually the person who gets struck very hard by a car in a car chase in San Francisco in a motion picture called Jade. Jade is the name of the movie. And our winner is Dan. You did it, Dan.

His family has won two years in a row. You don't get the prize bag this time. Or maybe, I guess you should be playing for yourself. I should just give you the prize bag. Right? I'll take it. That's what we should do. Dan gets the prize bag.

Stick around for Summer of Blood, people. Sorry, Justin. Justin, where's Justin? Twist ending, you don't see it. If you want to meet me tomorrow, I'll give you the rest of my dog treats. Was there a shithead on the back of those cookies? Oh, there was?

I didn't see it. Oh, he probably is just mad at ingredients. Gluten. Did you really write one on there and he couldn't find it? Oh, it's on the bottom. Yeah, toss it back up there. These cookies are going to get ruined. All right.

Oh, you like it? It's a good one? Oh, it is a good one. All right, you can toss. Here, I'll just toss them back to him. Nice. Good catch. Terrible. Toss, good catch. All right. You can toss. Oh, here. I'll just toss him back to him. Nice. Good catch. Terrible. Toss. Good catch. All right. So, and the Woot Monkey doesn't have the shithead on the back, does it?

No. Good one. Why are you bringing me a beer? Because that's the shithead I want. Wait, I thought, oh. Oh, Cookies doesn't get a shithead. Cookies was who Owner was playing for. And then, of course, we saw what happened.

You could still read it anyway, just as a consolation prize. Yeah, yeah. I said we let him change his shithead. I'll definitely say his shithead. What? I said we say his shithead or let him change it if he wants. No changes. I like the one he did right on there

Alright, so we'll do three shitheads here at the end Do you have anything to plug, Jeff, real quick? Yeah, I'm going to be in Columbus, Ohio August 14th through 17th And then I'm doing a nice little run through A bunch of fucking shitty towns in Indiana In September But I found some venues and whatever

Dan, where can people see you? But I found some venues and whatever. Dan, where can people see you? I'm going to be at the Babadook next, actually. Who's going to see the Babadook? I have a podcast about afternoon every week. You always overplug. You never get them all in your first try. Jesse, you're going to be moderating some movies here at the festival and then going back to near New York City.

Yep, and then I'm actually going to have a new venue in the fall. I'm going to go to the University of Indiana. I'm going to be there for four years. You can come see me whenever you like. Oh, shit. I should bring Doug Lowe's movies to Indianapolis. Oh, wow. Yeah, that'd be fun. You're going to be a fan favorite from now on. Oh shit I should bring Doug Lo's movies to Indianapolis Oh wow Yeah That'd be fun

You're gonna be a fan favorite from now on I have a feeling I have a very strong feeling people enjoyed that I mean kind of

It's always interesting sometimes people love it when the guests aggravate me but in this case I don't think they know who he is so it would just

it all seemed very surreal Ah okay Cause I just met the man, I don't think they know who he is, so it all seemed very surreal. Ah, okay. Because I just met the man, and I have a real strong thing about not having people on that I haven't met before, but I thought that with Michael Moore on stage, that they would discuss his film,

and Michael Moore would give his stamp of approval, but I haven't seen his film. I've only met the man. That's all I have to judge him by. Himself. And I'd just like to say real quick, thank you so much for having me. The fact that I can be on a podcast

that so many wonderful people like Paul F. Tompkins or Patton Oswalt have been on, just the fact that I've been on this podcast is just amazing. And thank you so much. Thank you so much. What a gracious guest uh yeah let's have uh and thank you travis city field festival we'll definitely do this again because i always have a blast here and um one more time for jeff tate and dan the man with the gun,

and owner I still can't pronounce his name right. Jesse Pasternak, everybody. Jesse Pasternak. And as always, Shia LaBeouf is a shithead. John Beebe is a shithead. And how's this beer still cold? And Lee Harvey Oswald is a shithead.

Now it's time for Doug to watch another hockey. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him foggy. There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies!