Doug Loves Movies - Geoff Tate, Megan Neuringer, and Kevin Avery Guest

Episode Date: December 23, 2014

Doug welcomes comics Geoff Tate, Megan Neuringer, and Kevin Avery to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug Haynes Can you wrap a screen and give me some key seats? With 50 ads and popcorn curdled in his teeth There's still not one that people see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey everybody! I got out here fast that time. My name is Doug and I love movies.

This is Doug Love's Movies. Most freestyle version I've heard in a while. Maybe it's because my cue wasn't very good. Coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday, December 23 Amigos. I had

a crazy good time doing Doug Loves Movies at the Neptune Theater in Seattle last Friday. And I had such a good time, I'm going to go back to Seattle right away for a stand-up show at Parlor Live in downtown Seattle on Saturday, January 3rd at 4.20. And if you haven't heard it yet, I don't know how this is going to work,

an episode plopped today, the Seattle show, and then this one's going to come out tomorrow, so shit's really stacking up on the runway. We'll see if you guys can handle it, but the Seattle show is long and fun. I had a lot of great guests, and if you enjoy listening to me kick somebody out, then you're really going to love it. great guests and there's a really if you enjoy listening to me kick somebody out then uh then

you're really gonna love it when was the last time i threw somebody out here at ucb it must it must be four or five years ago like we haven't had an incident in a while where i have to be like out right jordan it's been a couple years it's been a couple years okay j, settle down. What was it? What happened? Two years ago, what happened? There was an obnoxious kid over there. Obnoxious kid over there? Like under 21? How many people here tonight are under 21

and brought a name tag? Applaud. Okay, I have to apologize to you four people. Because one of the things in the prize bag, if you win tonight, we can't give you because I can't give alcohol. Never mind.

Oh, okay. Nah, you are over 21. Of course. Okay, and someone's allergic to lies over there because somebody sneezed. We should drop in, Ryan. We should drop in the sound of somebody sneezing

just so that joke will work for the listeners. And then take out what I just said. Oh, that's why I don't edit this show very much. It's just easier to just leave all the mistakes in. But yeah, that Seattle show, it was crazy. And I can't wait to go back. San Diego, my sweet home. I'm doing Douglas Movies at the American Comedy Company this Saturday, December 27th at 420. Part of my holiday taint

tour, which, you know, a taint Christmas and a taint New Year's. And it continues with stand-up shows at the Irvine Improv December 28th to 29th, and Doug Lowe's movies at the Punchline in Sacramento at the How About Arden Mall December 30th, and that's a great mall for standing outside smoking after the show, and then I'm part of a big New Year's Eve stand-up show with John Doerr and Tommy Johnigan.

Lots of people have been on Doug Lowe's movies at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco. New Year's Eve, two shows, Doug Lowe's movies at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco. New Year's Eve, two shows. Doug Lowe's movies for all the info you need with speed to cruise control. Prize bag includes a Mickey Mouse doll that I won playing a game of skill at Disney California Adventure.

So he's in the fucking prize bag. That piece of shit. And then, I don't want to give them a good plug. You know, they're not paying me anything. And then there's lots of other stuff in the bag, and we will sort through all of it with my guests. Please welcome Kevin Avery, Megan Neuringer, and Jeff Tate. Alright, see what kind of show we're going to have right before Christmas?

All three polite guests. No one wins the Pete Holmes game. Three of my favorite guests already because of that. Let's start with Megan Neuringer is here, everybody. And you brought the aforementioned alcohol. I did. Yeah, she brought, tell them what you brought for the present. It's very generous and it's a sweet idea.

You'll see how generous it is. Oh, you'll see. It's very heavy. It's heavy. It's hard to unwrap. It's already cold. It's cold. It's been chilled backstage.

Nice. Too bad we can't just give it to somebody right away. Let's ring in the new year with mimosas. It's been chilled backstage. Nice. Too bad we can't just give it to somebody right away. Let's ring in the new year with mimosas. It's mimosa ingredients. She brought a... What's that? A quarter? How much is that? It's from concentrate.

You know it's good because it's concentrated all the good juice parts into a super juice. And it's 64 fluid ounces. Half a gallon to the average person probably into a super juice. And it's 64 fluid ounces, half a gallon to the average person probably. And no pulp. You want your mimosa to be smooth. And pasteurized which I didn't even know was something that you do to anything

other than milk. Oh no, you gotta heat that fruit. Take away all its nutrition. If you don't say that to a man at some point in your life, I'll be disappointed. You gotta heat that fruit. Six appearances on At Midnight for Megan and a few wins

and who's counting? I don't know why I brought that part up but it's always fun to be, we've been on it together a couple of times. Yeah, they keep pairing us. It's super fun. Yeah, because we're friends. They like to have panels that get along with each other because can you imagine comics that hate each other

playing that game? Yeah. It would be fucking awesome. Yeah, they should call it like a... Now that I brought it up, when are they going to have Louis C.K. versus Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia?

They don't hate each other. They've mended their ways because two of them said, I never actually stole, and the other one said, I know you did, and then that was the end of it. I didn't really steal those jokes.

All right. I know. You know, Louie's just winking. So, I feel bad introducing another stand-up comic after talking shit about stand-up comics. So, I'm going to say one more time that please be honest. I saw you clap earlier,

you under 21 year old son of a bitch. If you're under 21, don't accept that part of the prize bag. You can have the juice. You can have the juice, you baby. You can have a fucking half gallon of juice, you piece of shit. And you can have it out of your sippy cup, you little baby.

I did some dabs backstage and I think dabs make you angry. I think this is going to be a very hostile episode. I think I'm going to talk a lot of shit. Kevin Avery is here, you guys. Co-host of my new favorite podcast. There's another podcast I love, too, coming up in a second. But my new favorite podcast. There's another podcast I love too coming up in a second. But my new favorite podcast.

Shit, Megan, why don't you have a podcast? A burst of success. That's a good reason, but you're great on podcasts so it works out. Denzel Washington is the greatest actor of all time, period. Yep. I got it right

that time. Well done. Yeah, it's a tough one, but a long one and a funny one because every episode you guys talk about a different Denzel Washington movie. Yes. Which is great. You're like spoiler crazy because you're just like, fuck it. If you haven't seen all these Denzel Washington movies,

what are you doing with your life? If you haven't seen The Preacher's Wife, get off your ass. Well, that would be an example of one where probably no one would mind spoilers. Yeah. Just tell us. We don't want to have to watch it. She doesn't die in a tub in that one.

And Whitney Houston co-starred with him in that film. So on that note, I'm happy to say that I'm going to be on a couple episodes of Denzel Washington as the greatest actor of all time, period. Yeah, yeah. Can I say what movies we're going to talk about? Yeah. Okay, we're going to talk about Flight, which is batshit crazy. I'm going to roll it.

But Denzel Washington. Yeah. Like you believe, like when he lands that plane that way, you're like, yeah, that's possible. Yeah, I think it is. Washington. Yeah. Like you believe, like when he lands that plane that way, you're like, yeah, that's possible. You can, yeah, I think it is. It makes sense with the math that he spewed out

as they were, you know, fuck it. Yeah, yeah. I heard that was all improv. And the other one

is, I'm excited to watch it again just to get ready to do it because I think it's also one of his other more bat shit installments, movies. Ricochet.

Oh, that's right. I haven't seen that one yet. Oh, so you've got to get that in by the time I see you next. I haven't. I see them. Someone gasped. People gasped. How could you have this?

A black man has not seen every... I know. ...Denzel Washington movie. What is going on there? I'm a film fan, and so therefore I love Denzel Washington, and I have seen every single one of his movies, I figured out today, all the way back to Carbon Copy.

What? But I haven't seen The Equalizer or Two Guns. Because now that I host a show about a podcast about movies, I don't see nearly as many movies as I used to. But I want to see both of those.

I mean, Equalizer's great. Two Guns is awesome. It's awesome. All right, let's say hi since he jumped in. To Jeff Tate, everybody. Long ass intros. Returning to the show, of course,

host of the Afternoon Everybody podcast, and not called out because he tapes it in the afternoon, although he very well might, but because it's a show about many things, but most specifically about everyone's joy for the television series Cheers. Yeah. I haven't seen every episode yet, though.

Is that true? No, of course not. I've seen every episode. Why would I have a podcast about what I haven't seen every episode of? What the fuck? Do you think you've seen every Denzel Washington movie?

No, but that's not what my podcast is about. I can tell you how many times he's been on Cheers. None. I'm going to call an audible if I'm allowed to use a sports expression that I'm not sure I'm using right. And let's play a quick round of Last Man Standing with Denzel Washington. Name Denzel Washington movies until we can't think of one. Kevin, go. You get to pick any Denzel Washington. Name Denzel Washington movies until we can't think of one. Kevin, go. You get to pick any Denzel Washington movie.

Anyone. Preacher's Wife. Okay. And I'll let you pass on once, but it's not Preacher's Wife. Megan? Wait, what is it? Name a Denzel Washington movie.

Anyone? Correct title, please. Although there's not a lot of colons in Denzel Washington titles. Glory. Has he done any sequels? Well, I won't mention it yet. Jeff? Two Guns. Good job. Let's take up the ones that were already said.

Carbon copy. Yeah. Crimson Tide. Yes. Philadelphia. AIDS, by the way. John Q. Oh, nice one. Deja Vu. Yeah. Okay, from now on, the next one has to rhyme with, nice one. Deja Vu. Yeah. Okay, from now on,

the next one has to rhyme with the last one. I told you I did some dabs. This is going to be a fucking weird show. Uh, Soldier Story U. I think you said it right until you had that weird extra syllable at the end.

A soldier story. A soldier story, yes. I'm just trying to make it right. Okay, cool. Megan? Training day. Mm-hmm. I mean, I was just looking at a list of them

because I'm going to be on a podcast about Tencent Washington. Man on fire. I'm very confident. Okay. I will go with devil in a blue dress. I will go out of in a Blue Dress. I will go Out of Time.

Like, there's a movie he was in. Oh, yes, of course. It's not Bones. It's like The Bone Collector. Yes! You worked your way through it. Start thinking about the next one now. Jeff? The Great Debaters.

Oh! And don't forget, if he directed it, that also counts. He got game! Yeah. Kevin? Book of Eli. Yeah, you did that episode about that movie,

and it's a great episode, so listen to that. Especially if you're into the Bible. Megan? I mean, are we allowed to say flight? Yeah. Okay, I'm still in. Yeah, I'm going to say the other one we already said earlier, unless Jeff beats me to it. I can't remember if we said it already in the show. What is it?

The equalizer? Yeah, we did say that, and I also said ricochet. Cry freedom. It's back to you. I'm just going to name any movie and hope that Denzel's in it. It's not a bad pull. The odds are pretty good.

Say cheers. Was he not in Mixed Nuts? it's not a bad pull the odds are pretty good yeah say cheers say cheers uh wasn't he was he not in um Mixed Nuts no he was not in Mixed Nuts

very good guess though big cast in that one big cast what is that is that a movie it's a movie it's the only movie I've ever walked out of

Nora Ephron directed it and wrote it and uh it wasn't it wasn't quite as good as sleepless in Seattle or okay I know for some reason you're gonna say Wesley Snipes was in it Malcolm X I doubt there was any black actors in mixed nuts now that we think about it no no there's word mixed in the title. It's a bunch of white people. What'd you say, Jeff? Malcolm X.

Yeah, you did. Oh, yeah. That's right. An adoy. An adoy. Normally on this show, somebody at some point would be like, uh, ER? You know, they always try to guess TV shows,

and I shoot them down so hard when they do that. That wasn't the TV show he was on. Nope. We'll do that one That wasn't the TV show he was on. Nope. We'll do that one last. Oh, seen elsewhere. Okay. But that's what somebody would do is they'd say you're... I feel like you're stalling.

I feel like that's what's happening. I feel like you're right. I was so cocky going into this. Thought I was going to take it down, but at least Megan's out already. Because that's my thing. As long as I don't come in last.

Fuck. It's fun to be last. The pressure's off. That's on my business card. Did somebody already say man on fire? I said it. Yeah, you did. Oh, motherfuckers.

I know what you just thought. Unstoppable. I'm going to say remember the Titans. It would have been a shame if none of us had remembered. Yeah. Going to change the way we block. Gonna change the way we run. That's the whole

movie right there. That's all you need to see. He's a good coach. He is. The Mighty Quinn. Nice. People are so impressed that he didn't make a sound. Nope. Everybody's real happy about that goddamn football movie. Shit. Are you praying?

Antoine Fisher! Oh, shit. How do you decide when you clap? You're just not that dramatic. You're too casual. Next time, stand up and put your hands up in the air and see what happens. They go crazy.

I'm going to go with some old American gangster shit. Oh. He really knows his podcast. Manchurian Candidate, motherfuckers. It's not Manchurian Candidate, but that's cool. I'm still impressed with you that it whipped that one out. I just needed some applause. My parents are going to listen to this.

Clap like you like me. You guys are going to be in love with me when I say this. Because I got both of the train movies. Taking a pill in one, 2, 3. Nice. Nice. Are you sure it's not The Taking of Pelham 1, 2, 3? Pretty sure.

I'll allow it. Are we out? Did we do it? We might do it. Jeff Scott. Oh! Wow! Deep cuts.

Yep. Oh, brother. The inside man. That one, thank you. That was like a movie slow play. That was, thank you. That was like a movie slow clap. That was a golf clap that turned into just a wave. That was authentic respect. Yeah, well deserved.

Do you have another one, Kevin? Yeah. Do you have another one, Jeff? Yeah. Oh my God, you guys are good. And we're still going to miss like 50. No, we're not. We're really nailing them.

We're really tearing them down. But I'm going to go with Black Captain Phillips. My mind is racing. If they didn't have to cast because it was a true story, that was a Denzel role right there. Yeah. That was definitely a Denzel role.

All right, I'm out. Kevin. Courage Under Fire. Oh, of course. Shit, snap. Of course. That was the last one you did. Goddamn it, McRyan.

Motherfucker. That's the current episode of the show. I almost forgot it. Oh, man course. Shit, snap. Of course. That was the last one you did. Motherfucker. That's the current episode of the show. Oh, man. Pelican Brief. Full title. The Pelican Brief? Yes. God damn it. I always, whenever there's a piano in the room, I pound on it and say that's from the soundtrack of the Pelican Brief.

So I can't believe I can't believe I didn't remember. It's taking longer than I anticipated. Yeah, I don't want to have to say this one, but... Do it if you have to. Is he the voice in a cartoon? Wilma.

There's a movie called Wilma. The Wilma... I'm blanking on her last name. Rudolph? What the fuck? Wilma. There's a movie called Wilma. The Wilma... I'm blanking on the last name. Rudolph? What the fuck? Is it a movie about Maya Rudolph's mom? Hey, Doug? Yes, sir.

Hey, it's Ryan in the booth. Hey, what's up? Sorry to say, Wilma was a TV movie. Yeah! Yeah! Wow. I'm gonna win this motherfucker! All right, so,

what the fuck just happened? What the fuck just happened? You all turned on me. You didn't have my goddamn back! Jeff, what's, uh, what's put the icing on the cake? Virtuosity. Oh, virtuosity.

See, that's my problem is I can't remember the bad ones. Yeah. I did not say one bad one. That movie was garbage. Virtuosity. That was a rough one. Beauty is in the eye of... What did we miss?

What did we miss? Hurricane. Fuck! Hurricane. Hurricane. Oh my God. Kevin, if you'd like me to pull this episode, if you'd rather the world not know. Oh, Kamau's going to kill me. Was that the only one?

Glory. Safe House. No, someone said Glory. Someone said Glory. Safe House. Safe House. No one is safe. No one is house. Oh, man. Yeah, somebody said Glory. Somebody said Glory. Safe house. Safe house. No one is safe, no one is house.

Oh, man. Yeah, that sucks. I love safe house. Of course. Oh, somebody hold me. All right, well, we've got... I don't know if I apologize

to put your hands together. I'm just apologizing to whatever is after this. I didn't mean to say it in such a disparaging way. Whatever fucking shit show. No, whatever great thing is waiting to come on at 8 o'clock. It's the holidays.

Everyone will forgive everyone, I hope. Kevin Avery's CD called Hardcore, where, of course, he's on the cover dressed as a bunny drinking a shake, because that's hardcore. It's in the prize bag. Jeff Tate's CD I Got Potential where he's your spirit animal

because he's got a furry hoodie on. We're both dressed like weird people like furries. A lighter from Chameleon Glass is in there. Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Season 1 crew I stole that from our office. in there. Last week, tonight, with John Oliver, season one crew... I stole that.

From our office. It's like a Lego version of John Oliver and a little Lego desk. Yeah. So you can have a little Lego John Oliver party and just jerk off. Sure. And... Wait, Doug, I have a CD. What? CD's nuts.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Good one. That was a good one. Hi, David. And a Doug Loves Movies T-shirt and the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly because I read it and why throw it away.

It's got all the best and worst or what have you. Jimmy Fallon's on the cover. And I also have, you've seen it on Getting Doug with High. This is kind of the fancier version of the Poke Bowl from our friends at Poke Bowl. And they gift wrapped it. So that's in the prize bag. And then, of course, don't forget about this poster that Kevin is passing me. What is this?

Those are posters from a film I did called Thugs the Musical and it's signed by me and David Allen Greer and Baron Vaughn and Margaret chose it

and she didn't sign it and they're like Rachel True and Prodigal Son from Wu-Tang and stuff and so yeah. Have you seen that TV show Pot Baron Vaughn's

of Colorado? No. Weird joke. Where can we see Thugs, the musical? You can go online. If you go to Thugs, it's on Distrify, but if you go to thugsmusical.com, there's a link to the Distrify thing.

It's a buck. You can go get it for a buck. Dollar. There you go. So do that. And there's a soundtrack on iTunes, and I think on Spotify, too, for free. I'm in for anything that has, colon,

the musical. I'm going to check it out. That's just how I am. Lots of Thug's tunes on there. There you go. I'm in, then. And also, Jeff brought some, I assume Jeff brought this, Cheers playing cards. That's a nice item.

Check out. Afternoon, everybody. Oh, that was close. What do you say we play some games? We already played a game. What we're going to do now is name tag selection. Everyone's sitting there like, when the fuck is Doug going to... You guys are so polite tonight. Usually you'd be like, why

are you asking for name tags? I don't know what that voice was. But you guys go pick who you want to play for. Go grab it from him. While you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. And we're back. Who are you playing for, Jeff?

Greg. I'm playing for Greg Loves Joints. He took a dry erase board and wrote in colorful hippie letters Greg Loves Joints and then included a couple of marijuana leaves and it looks like a joint or a cigarette and then a little pocket on there that says free joint

and if you reach in you can get a free joint if you get to it before I did. Where'd that free joint go Jeff already in your pocket congratulations to Jeff and to that person for cracking a code that will probably work every week not a lot of my guests smoke weed before they come out here, but a lot of them smoke weed, so if Free Joint is on the table, they will probably select you.

Good job, Greg. Who are you playing for, Megan? Bridget. Who was... The reason you chose her is because she was the only girl with a name tag? I saw...

I think there was maybe one other girl, but she was up the stairs. Sorry. Yeah, and Bridget made, you know, a huge effort. There's joints in every pocket on this hat. It's just filthy with joints, so I chose Bridget. Good job, Bridget.

Of course the guy with the joints thing forgot to put a shithead on the back. So we'll see if Jeff wins or not and go from there. Did Bridget put a shithead on hers? Did you put a shithead? Did you put a shithead on your head hat? He just loaned put a shithead on hers? Did you put a shithead? Did you put a shithead on your head hat? He just loaned her a shithead. Here, have my shithead.

They're literally making their little side with coaches. They're passing around shitheads. And who are you playing for, Kevin? See, I'm afraid I'm going to give away the shithead. I can't tell. Who are you? What's your name? This is you? This is you? Oh, wait. There's a sword, so which side's the front? Yeah, see? See?

I'm playing for Ed. Oh, wait, there's a sword, so which side's the front? Yeah, see? See? I'm playing for Ed or 300 Rides of an Empire. Ed Pyre. Ed Pyre. Ed Pyre. Oh, I can't read America. I like that.

And it's on a sword and the back will be your shithead and you can just pass that down to me if you lose today, but I think everybody has a great chance of winning because it's a fantastic panel.

You're so supportive. I try to be. To determine who goes first, let's do some lines with Mark. That applause would build up to a much bigger crescendo if he actually walked out right then. But Mark is busy. He's out there promoting The Gambler, opening on Christmas Day. So he just was

kind enough to send us a voicemail saying a line from a famous movie. Did he send us a thing saying, do you want to do some lines also? Okay, cool. So here we go. So basically, once he says a line from a movie, first one of you to jump in and name the

correct title of the movie, full title, will be first in the next and only game. Go ahead, Ryan, and play that. Alright, guys. You want to do some fucking lines? Here we go. I don't know why he swears when he phones it in.

He thought they were going to pull out like a dead cat or a bird. And instead, they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. We thought they were going to pull out like a dead cat or a bird. And instead, How did he know to read it again?

We thought they were going to pull out my father. He was in a Santa Claus suit. I'm going to do this one more time, okay? Someone stopped from the chimney. We thought they were going to pull out like a dead cat or a bird. But instead, he pulled out my dad.

He was in a Santa Claus suit. Alright, if you guys don't get that one... Oh, no, what's he doing? Has he got another one? Oh my God. Okay, so that was G he got another one? Oh, my God. Okay, so that was Gremlins. Let's hear the next one. Wait, the...

Wait, what? Gremlins. These aren't... Okay. Oh, you think the next line's going to be from the same movie? Wait, it's Mark Wahlberg reading lines? Yeah. It's not Mark movies?

I thought you guys were familiar with the show. I am. I literally, I was like, that doesn't sound like The Departed. I thought you guys were familiar with this show. I am. I literally, I was like, that doesn't sound like The Departed. I thought you guys would know.

All right, so it was Jeff's to win on that one because he knew what was happening. You just didn't recognize it being from Gremlins. It's what Phoebe Cates

says about why she hates Christmas. Her dad died because he was Santa Claus. Phoebe Cates is only in one movie, man. Fast Times at Ridgemont. Hi, up high.

All right. So I don't high five over much, but boy, is she good in that. I think she won the Oscar. So now this next line is probably also from Gremlins now that I think about it. But let's hear it anyway since Mark went to the trouble. Whatever you do. Gremlins. Don't put them in bright light.

Don't put them in bright light. Don't get them wet. Don't feed them in bright light. Don't get them wet. Don't feed them after midnight. And no matter what, never feed them after dark. Nice, Mark. He's drawn to words that rhyme with his name.

Turns out he's been eyeballing these lines. Don't feed them after midnight, of course. But Jeff won the round of Last Man Standing with Denzel Washington, so we could have just skipped over the whole doing lines with Mark thing. But yeah, Mark Wahlberg calls in and gives us this stuff. Wait, I am sorry for being unfamiliar. That's okay.

It's so lame. It's all right. Really? It's Mark Wahlberg, yeah. Really? Yeah. Wow. How you doing?

What kind of shyster podcaster do you think I am? That's like so fun. Sometimes he's here. Yeah, you get to know him a little better. It's not so much fun, but... I saw incoherent vice yesterday. I'm sorry, inherent vice. Inherent vice, not incoherent vice yesterday. I'm sorry, inherent vice. Inherent vice, not incoherent vice.

I beg to differ. Incoherent vice. That would get a much bigger laugh if how many people have seen inherent vice. Yeah, there you go. And you guys probably liked it, right? It's fun to watch cool Wolverine solve a mystery.

He's cool Wolverine? He's Wolverine if Wolverine got a mystery. Jesus. He's cool Wolverine? He's Wolverine if Wolverine got pushed down a lot. Like he's weak and clumsy Wolverine. I'm just talking about the way he's got cool clothes and stuff. And he's not a nerd like Wolverine. He's like a cool dude to hang out with.

I don't want to hang out with Wolverine. I don't think Wolverine's a nerd. He's just a dude who hangs out in the bar. I'm talking to hang out with. I don't really want to hang out with Wolverine. I don't think Wolverine's a nerd. He's just the dude who hangs out in the bar. I'm talking to Doug. He's definitely not a nerd. We're trying to have a conversation, Kevin. Sorry.

I didn't love it. I just prefer his earlier movies, which is a shitty thing to say about a filmmaker because they all have to kind of grow and change why I do the same shit all the time. He lost me at There Will Be Blood. He still had a lot of people. And The Master, I was like, what?

And then this movie, I'm like, what? But at least there's some solid laughs. It's got some really funny parts. I had to watch that movie. It took three hours yesterday to watch trailers and everything and then I thought of that cool incoherent vice joke and wanted to say it

thanks for talking us through all that it's been a whole afternoon inside the creative process we go to movies and think of things that say them and we've got barely any time left to play the Leonard Maltin game. We've got strong competitors.

Let's get into it. Let's make this happen. I'll apologize to whatever's coming out and whatever great thing is coming out next. Happy holidays to the next show. Mark Wahlberg's net worth is like $350 million. Is that true?

He's like the only celeb I've ever Googled what's your net worth. I saw the trailer for that today and it's a fun trailer. For what's your net worth? Entourage?

Entourage, the movie, yeah. That does seem like exactly the movie you would see the trailer for. What your net worth would jog your memory into. Yeah, but I saw the trailer today, and it's interesting because Billy Bob Thornton is in it, and Jeremy Piven is in it,

so they're having kind of a fake hair contest. It's pretty incredible. They both have a really luxurious head of hair. Nicolas Cage is just running behind every shot. What about this? Mine looks like a hat.

Have you seen John Travolta without whatever they put on his head? No. In that From Paris with Love movie. Oh yeah, he looks that way on purpose in that right yeah i think good for him jeff's gonna go first who came second and oh kevin of course is gonna go second and then we'll go to you megan jeff gets to pick a category uh celebrating a birthday today i don't think i've ever done a show two days before Christmas, so this might be the first time his name's come up. The great Harry

Shearer. Great Harry Shearer. Yeah. That almost feels like he's dead. Bad reaction. I know. But he's great. And your second choice, Jeff, is Reindeer Games, and that of course is Ben Affleck movies where he plays

an athlete. And then your third option is Frozen, which is, you know, it was a squeaker, came in at the very end of the year, but I'd say this might be the most clever category of the year, and that's close with, you know, the category Paper, which is movies where Dwayne Johnson dies. This one, I think, is slightly more clever,

but just by a slight margin. Frozen. And that's movies that Harrison Ford made between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. How about that one? I gave that person who wrote that credit on the last one. I've erased their name, but that person gets some kudos. That's the one you want to play?

Yeah. All right, here we go. Would you like a movie that he made between those other two movies from 1981 or 1982? He made two movies. Jesus. 1981. Between those other two movies from 1981 or 1982? He made two movies. Jesus. 1981. Between those other movies. 1981. Alright. Four stars from Leonard. Yeah. He says about this movie

that it was followed by a TV series and that it won Oscars for let's see, one, two, three, four, looks like four Oscars, won four Oscars and yeah, it was followed by a TV series, four stars, 81 and you get nine names. Negative one. Oh!

Oh! Jesus. Look at this motherfucker. Long applause. Kevin? Yeah, name that movie. I got nothing. All right, what do you got, Jeff?

Harrison Ford is the name, and Raiders of the Lost Ark is the movie. That's correct. Oh! That is... That's worse than Missing Hurricane. That's worse than... Wait, Raiders of 81? You didn't miss it? What's that? Yes. That's worse than missing Hurricane. That's worse than... Wait, Raiders of 81? You didn't miss it?

What's that? That's early. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's why it's not all old in it. But also, did you know which one it was? And you narrowed it down to that in Blade Runner?

I wasn't even thinking. I was thinking I had two other movies in mind. Really? Like Force 10 from Navarone and Frisco Kid Mosquito Coast yeah was he

one was there a movie called American Graffiti yes there was there was a movie called American Graffiti and if we ever play Harrison Ford

in Last Man Stanton we probably have and I probably forgot more American Graffiti he has a cameo. But he's in it. Probably the only Harrison Ford cameo in the history of his thing.

Yeah. American Graffiti, the original, he did that before Star Wars. That's how George Lucas knew him. Okay. He cameoed in Anchorman 2,

The Legend of Snooze. That wasn't a cameo. He had more than one scene. I didn't get to the scene. I had fallen asleep before he came back in the movie. Wow, you're hard to impress. Not really. These people know.

I'm usually wildly impressed. Opening credits suck me in. I hate to have to cite the same movie every time, but he liked The Lone Ranger. I did. So don't think I'm sitting next to some sort of cineast. And he stands up for it. Yeah yeah that guy rode a horse onto a train fuck you guys

like right on the top Stover I think was the horse's name yes it was this is just the two movies I'm deleting that category completely now so I won't forget to do that later. And Megan gets to go first, followed by Kevin. Pick a category, Megan. At Barney McFarlane, a friend of the show, comedian,

has a movie out called Women Aren't Funny or something like that. And Women Are Not Funny, I think is the title. Produced by Adam Carolla. No, he was not involved in that project. and Women Are Not Funny, I think is the title. Produced by Adam Carolla. No, he was not involved in that project. Ripped from the headlock. He also wasn't involved in getting done with High last week when it was supposed to be,

and he canceled about an hour before the show. Bonnie suggested Drew Barrymore or less. Barrymore or less. And that's movies with Drew Barrymore or Kate Hudson Ponch22 wrote to me on Twitter today very excited this category was in the mix but that Graham did not pick it Bad Santa and that's Christmas movies that Leonard gave two stars or less

and I don't know why I'm looking at Jeff like he's picking the category and Megan Inherent Lice. What do you think that is? Oh, movies that are scary because like a body attack. Like a movie where somebody's body's invaded. Holy shit, she got it. Well, close.

It's summer's invaded. Holy shit, she got it. Well, close. It's summer camp movies. Oh, we gotta do that. Okay, summer camp movies. Sorry for the bad Santa category. I refuse to talk about Christmas after Christmas, so that category's gonna be erased. Don't do seasonal. Two stars.

Two stars for this summer camp movie. He calls it yet another summer camp movie. But he says that this one is heavy-handed. And that it's supposed to have a message about self-esteem. And he lists 11 names. Looks like 11 names. How many names do you think you can get it in, Megan? Wait, I missed the year.

Oh, I probably didn't even say it. 1994. 1994. Yeah, yet another summer camp movie. So in 94, Leonard was already sick of summer camp movies. Heavy handed. But it's about self esteem. Yeah, it's got a message of self esteem. Heavy-handed. It's about self-esteem. Yeah, it's got a message of self-esteem.

And then you list 11 names. I could name it in one. Kevin? We're coming at you hard, buddy. Yeah, name that movie. All right, so your one name is Ann Mira. That's actually not a terrible clue.

No, it's good. Ann Mira. What do you think the movie's called? I was not expecting Ann Mira. Well, don't let Ann Mira change your... If you had a title... Yeah. If you had one that you thought it was,

don't let Ann Mira throw you off. No, Ann Mira... Because what you had was wrong, probably. Yeah, no. It was. Does everybody know who Ann Mira is? Yes. Some people.

It's a young crowd. But it is Festivus right now. It's about self-esteem. She's married to Festivus. I don't know. What was your guess going to be? I mean, it wasn't going to... You don't want to say?

No, I literally have two summer school movies in my head and none of them are 94, but I just thought I could get it in the person's name. I was thinking meatballs or summer school. Sure, sure. But of them are 94, but I just thought I could get it in the person's name. I was thinking meatballs or summer school. Sure, sure. But those are not 94. I know. Right, and summer school is school, not camp. School is kind of like camp.

What school did you go to? Jeff thinks he just thought of it. What do you think it is? Heavyweights. It's Heavyweights. I've never even heard of that movie. But Kevin gets a point because you couldn't name that Megan, so he's on the board and then now we're going to start with Jeff

and go to Kevin and Jeff gets to pick between JM Faith 78 suggested Scissors and that's movies where Jane, not Dwayne, Jane movies where Dwayne Johnson kills someone.

Scissors, kind of a sequel to the paper category. Spoiler alert, which has been in here forever, that's someone's run over by a car. And Aardvark's son suggested Christopher Walking, and this is a dark category, Christopher Walking. And that's, oh, you know what? I already did that one on the Seattle show so I can just kill it.

The answer was Speechless, but it was movies where Christopher Reeves can walk. Yeah, it wasn't in the greatest taste and it's already been on the show so I'm glad to move on. I could win that category. Let's go with a reptile

dysfunction. And that's movies where an alligator or a crocodile attacks someone. Which one of those would you like, Jeff? Oh, that hubbub. I forgot the categories. Yeah, there was so much hubbub.

I want the one where the rock kills somebody. Okay, that hubbub. I forgot the categories. Yeah, there was so much hubbub. I want the one where the rock kills somebody. Okay, scissors. Yeah, scissors. This movie is from 2010. Two stars from Leonard. He starts off saying a word that I don't even know.

Two words that the first word, I don't know what it has to do with the second one. Sanguinary Revenger. He calls this movie a Sanguinary Revenger. He also says it has stirring performances.

And then, but he names the three performances are by three different types of cars. So it's kind of a burn there at the end. The best performances are by three different types of cars. So it's kind of a burn there at the end. But the best performances are by cars. And then he lists ten names.

How many names do you think you can get in Jeff? Zero. Kevin, I can't believe this happened to you three times in a row. I know. You just keep throwing at you these low numbers. I want to say negative one.

Yeah, I bet you'd totally say it if you knew what movie it was. But I'm trying to remember who's the guy in the fucking... In the paper category, I don't think we ever got to. He dies in Reno 9-11, the movie. Miami. Oh, fuck. I can't remember the dude's name. I'll say...

Fuck it. I'm going to say negative one. So you're debating about going negative two. I'm thinking alright Megan, I won't give any more. She says name it. Name that movie.

Just say negative two, girl. So you gotta name the movie and the top-billed person. It's, um... I was hoping it would come to me in, like, the next 30 seconds. The guy, the guy! Who is the fucking guy? I think we all know who the guy is. I know.

I'm blanking on his... It's what's the name of the movie. It's... Well, don't I have to say the name first, though? You can say the movie first. Is it, his... It's what's the name of the movie. Well, don't I have to say the name first, though? You can say the movie first. Is it... It's... It's Fast Six?

No. And then who's the guy... You're trying to think of Vin Diesel? No. Thank you for that tip. No, I was trying to think of the guy who was in it with Vin Diesel. Paul Walker.

Oh, I was trying to think of... Did you think Paul Walker got top billing in a Fast 6? Okay, it's not. I clearly fucked this up. Yeah, because the category is about The Rock, and so he was in the most recent

installments of the Fast movies. He was in 6 and 7, I think. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or wait, 5 and 6? Yeah, and then 7 is, you know, I don't want to spoil it, but Jason Statham's in that one. And,

but this movie from 2010, Jeff knows the title. I was going to say Fast Five. Oh, well, you're both so fucking close. It's called Faster. Oh, fuck them.

What? Yeah, it's called Faster and that's why I was wondering why you kept wondering who the top-billed person was because it's Dwayne Johnson. Billy? Yeah, it's called Faster, and that's why I was wondering why you kept wondering who the top-billed person was, because it's Dwayne Johnson. Billy Bob Thornton. That wouldn't be that hard to think of

when the category is Dwayne Johnson movies, where he gets killed, and that's what happens. And Faster, apparently, I haven't even seen it. And so, Megan, you challenged him? Yeah. So we got a three-way tie!

Apologies, apologies, you challenged him? Yeah. So we got a three-way tie! Apologies, apologies, apologies! Let's do our plugs now so we can get them in calmly and rationally. Sure. What do you got coming up, Kevin? Last Week Tonight comes back on the air on February 8th, so watch that. Yeah, he's a writer on that show, and it's brilliant. And go to thugsmusical.com and check out the film, Thugs Musical. Love it.

Megan Nuringer. Well, I just found out that I was cut out of a film that is going to Sundance in January, so my fun scene will be in the director's cut. Or which movie should we just not see? No, it's going to be funny, Sleeping with Other People. Oh. With Jason Sudeikis. You didn't sleep with the right people? I, I just, apparently it didn't

help story. And probably back on At Midnight real soon. Yeah. And I do shows here in LA, but, you know, they're not like club shows. Follow Megan Nuringer on, you know. Follow Megan Nuringer on Twitter. Nothing fancy. Good tweet.

It's not B or real or anything like that. It's just your name. Oh, yeah. It's just my name. I'm not pretentious. You got your name. None of this bullshit. What's your name, Jeff Tate?

I'm not like a princess. Jeff Tate. Jeff Tate what? Jeff Tate 96. Yeah. I had to put numbers after it what? Jeff Tate 96. Yeah. I had to put numbers after it because the fucking guy from Queensryche has my name also.

Why isn't his name guy from Queensryche? I don't know. He gets so much more attention on there. Nobody knows his name is Jeff Tate. He really would. I mean, it's not like when he tours, it's just Jeff Tate. It always says from Queensryche.

People have to know who the fuck is that. I hope it's not that comic. Then they know the difference. It's always says from Queensryche. People have to know who the fuck is that. I hope it's not that comic. Then they know the difference. It's the guy from Queensryche. I'm going to be, in January, I'm coming to Spokane, Washington. Spokane. Charleston, South Carolina. Austin, Texas.

And possibly more, because I'm always adding stuff. Douglasmovies.com. And let's play around. I didn't get my plug out. I gave them your Twitter name, dude. Oh, yeah. That's all they need. Now, what's your plug? Go Bananas, January 8th through 11th

in Cincinnati, Ohio. Go Bananas Comedy Club. January 8th through 11th. Yeah. Great name. 111, never forget. Yeah, amazing. We're going to play a round of asparagus pea.

Who challenged who on that last one? I challenged Kevin. Okay, so we start with Jeff, and then we go to Megan. Jeff, you get to pick. I don't normally have two different ones, but I'm going to throw it out there so I'm not biased on which one we go with. Would you like to do Asparagus P? That's where I read the entire review,

and then it's basically just a negative name game. It's just like everybody knows the answer. If you're not Pete Holmes, you know the answer. They're very obvious movies when I read Leonard's review, but then we go into, I'll tell you how many names, and then you say how many negative names you can get it in. Or you can start at zero if you're not confident. Jeff, would you like a movie from 19, let's call it 80 or 83?

83. Okay, from 1983. Two and a half stars from Leonard for this movie. Where he says, A fine cast breathes life into time-worn comedy premise. Testing heredity versus environment by switching a have and a have not. One of the leads in his second film is a comic powerhouse

and makes up for director John Landis' indulgences like a subplot involving a horny gorilla. Yeah, you know what movie it is? The Gorilla is what gave it away to you? Doesn't happen a lot. Man, how many movies do gorillas fuck in? Yeah.

Especially, yeah. Oh, I got it. Okay, so Jeff. We gotta do the order? Jeff, how many, where did I say we were gonna start? I don't know. With Jeff.

Start with me. Start with Jeff. And then going to Megan. How many negative names can you do it in? Or do you just want to take the safety spot of zero names? No, I'm going to go negative three. Negative three? Good Lord.

Megan, I don't want to tell you what to do here. I don't know the fourth. I know the three. I don't know the fourth, you know. I know the three. I know the three. Oh, cocky. But do I know the fourth? Oh, fucking those old guys, you know. The fourth is an old guy. I mean,

I can only do it in three. I could name it. All right, let me remind you that the year is 1983. That probably doesn't help you. I'll tell you why I thought it was significant when I tell you the answer, but you're going to ask him to name it? Yeah, I can't just name it with no names.

You have to know the names. That's how the game works. Alright, Jeff, what's the name of the movie? And then the top three people in the correct order. Trading Places. And, fuck, this part's scary a little bit. It is, right? Either way can be correct.

I'd know which way I thought it would go, but I'm looking right at it. I know which way. I'm going to go Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, and Jamie Lee Curtis. Did I go the wrong way? It's Dan Aykroyd first. You fucking screwed the pooch so hard on this one. It's Dan Aykroyd, because he was screwed the pooch so hard on this one. It's Dan Aykroyd because he was a bigger star at the time.

He was already more of a big star longer than Eddie Murphy. Then Eddie Murphy. Then they fucking hold off on... Jamie Lee? Say third? On Jamie Lee. I know you guys were cocky about Jamie Lee. Is it Dan Homelia?

She's deep because she was the lady in a movie in 1983. Yeah. Yeah, these fucking huge movie stars from the past, Ralph Bellamy and Don Amici, the old fucking guys got in there. And then Denholm Elliott, who plays the fucking butler. What? What's before Jamie Lee Curtis?

Before Jamie Lee Curtis! We got him before! And then the guy who gets fucked by a gorilla, Paul Gleeson, comes in after Jamie Lee Curtis. So at least women had gotten that far in show business that the guy who gets fucked by a gorilla, Paul Gleeson, comes in after Jamie Lee Curtis. So at least women had gotten that far in show business that the guy who gets fucked by a gorilla gets lower billing. But wait, didn't I just

win? Yeah, you won. Because he got it wrong. You did, in fact. Who are you playing for? How old is she? How old are you? 29. Don't ever admit your real age. Are you a woman or what?

I'm kidding. You get to have that mimosa, baby. You won? Yeah, you won. Yeah. Yeah, because I won. You won all the swag we talked about. Oh, she didn't get to keep her hat?

Wait, you have to get her shithead. Do you want your shit back? Own it, girl. Do you not drink? Oh, you probably need... She wants to share her gifts with the person who won them for her.

Yeah, could you just write it down on this piece of paper? I got a pen. Don't you worry about it. Ah, shit. Here we go. You have to act like you want this stuff. You're alienating the rest of the audience because they all wanted it. Whether or not I can read it is what matters. Everyone wants to know if I can read this.

Pass it down here. If I can't read it, we'll have to work something out. I can read it. I get it. Thank you. Good one. Got a couple of dead shitheads at the end of this one. Wow. No, they're good.

They're good. It's about what people, you know, the statement they want to make. Let's throw Ralph Bellamy on that list, too. Shithead. Yeah, those two old dudes. They were like, they were big old fashioned movie stars and they showed up

in that crazy movie. I love that movie. Like the reason I put it in the asparagus pea category is it was on cable recently and it's also Christmassy. It's truly the best. It's the best.

Thank you guys for being here. The audience and my guests, Kevin Avery, Megan Neuriger, Jeff Tate. We'll be back here on January

6th for more UCB fun for Tuesday nights at 7 o'clock. Who here got the latest and still got a seat? Did somebody get here like 6.55? The couple that got their name tag that are sitting right up front,

they got here really close to when the show started. So that's just an idea. People worry about how long they have to wait in line. And I think if you show up at the last minute, there's still a good chance you'll get in. So please come back and see us on January 6th. And as always, happy holidays.

And the Denver Broncos are a shithead. Yeah. And my works, no internet policy after the Sony hack is a shithead. It's time for them to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing power speaks policy after the Sony hack is a shithead.