Doug Loves Movies - Graham Elwood Vs. Rosemont, IL

Episode Date: May 5, 2013

Graham plays The Leonard Maltin Game against audience members at Zanies Comedy Club in Rosemont, IL.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug Loves Movies! Illinois, a great place to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, and we played the Leonard Moulton game with audience members, and the audio of that will be shared by me with you in a moment. Met a lot of great people this weekend in St. Louis and Rosemont, and I will be sure to come back with a podcast taping as soon as my schedule permits. Looking forward to my stand-up shows in Boise, Denver, Providence, Boston, which is sold out, Knoxville at Sidesplitters, Nashville at Zany's There, Toronto Comedy Bar,

Limestone Festival in Bloomington, Indiana, Varsity Theater, Douglas Movies Taping in Minneapolis, American Comedy Company in San Diego, Douglas Movies Taping in Minneapolis, American Comedy Company in San Diego, Douglas Movies Taping, Pittsburgh Improv, Stand Up, and a Douglas Movies Taping. Jesus, I'm going to a lot of places. DouglasMovies.com for all my dates and deets and links. And if you're in the LA area this week, check out the free, as always, Douglas Movies taping at the UCB Theater, which happens on most Tuesdays at 7 p.m. sharp.

And if you want to join Baseball Jordan at the front of the line, get there at about 5.30. This week, Warner Herzog returns once again to defend his Leonard Maltin game title. And I'm going to bring in some heavy hitters to try to bring him down. And Thursday night, we are doing a special 90-minute late-night Douglas Movies taping at Flappers in Burbank at 10 p.m. with very special guests that I hope will make it worth your $20 and a two-drink minimum, or one drink and one entree. I think that's how it works. And now I'll whisk you away to a magical night in a funny mall town in Rosemont, Illinois. Enjoy.

Hey, so you guys want to play some letter mall queen? Rosemont, Illinois is a comedy club adjacent to, I love this fucking bar, this fucking grill area, this fucking patio. Have you been over there yet? No. No. I think I was in a group picture there last time. They'll take pictures of you and then they put it up on a board and you can see it on your way out or something.

That sounds amazing. I can't believe I haven't gone there. Like, holy shit. It's so good. They have a special tonight. You can buy beer with money. No way! It's something beer with money. Yeah, they'll totally let you in there and buy some beer if you have money. Unbelievable. Yeah, it's a great deal.

Let's look and see what's in the prize bank, Graham. Let's do that. I'll be open to that if we look through it. I always bring a bunch of stuff if I can. There you go. Just put it on there. Oh, this was given to you by some gentlemen at the airport today. Yeah, we had some airport stalker today that was waiting for us to get our beer.

Oh, that's right. We had some airport stalker. We had some airport stalker. We had some airport stalker. We had some airport stalker. We had some airport stalker. We had some airport stalker. We had some airport stalker.

We had some airport stalker. We had some airport stalker. We had some airport stalker. We had some airport stalker. We had some airport stalker. We this was given to you by some gentleman at the airport today. Yeah, we had some airport stalker today. That was waiting for us to get off the plane. That's not creepy at all. And gave me flip flops that have marijuana leaves on them. So that's going to be good in my bag next to actual marijuana.

And then, uh... But it's from, uh... What does that say? Sparknugs? Yeah, Sparknugs. Sparknugs is fucking funny. So it's our good friends at Sparknugs. Yeah. One size probably will not fit you. That's what this is.

A t-shirt from a food truck in St. Louis? Yeah, St. Louis, the Gorilla Street food truck gave us a pretty shirt that grabs modeling and kind of over there just goes, Fuck St. Louis. Well, if your dick's big enough, you can have it go in the arch. Yeah. Stick your dick in the arch, guys. Such a rivalry. Stick your dick in the arch, guys. Alright, then there's a... Such a rivalry.

Chicago. Oh yeah, good. And then a $10 gift card from iTunes. You were way too excited for that. $10? If Oprah Winfrey said that, everyone would flip her off and get up and leave.

They'd also say, you're still taping shows? And then there's a copy of Smug Life, Doug Benson's TV. And we're now going to do a Palm Strike Dance Party. Palm Strike Dance Party. Palm Strike. Yeah, that looks crazy. Pretty good prize bag. Somebody's gonna win this shit. So...

Pick up your prize, asshole. Yeah, pick it up off the ground, you jerk. Yeah. Sit down, you pint of bitch. Let's see some name tags, you guys. If anybody has one. It's not a requisite, but it's nice when people bring stuff. Patrick has just, what is that, just a fondue bowl? That's nice. Captain Hammer.

Washy-washy. Washy-washy. He's got some creepy shit. Airjerk, that's sweet. Fred Ferrer! This guy's just pretty... These guys are... these single mile guys, one guy's got a crazy hat, the other guy's got the... Chupalibri or whatever they are. I believe it's called sombrero, not crazy hat.

Sombrero is Mexican for crazy hat, Doug. Oh, get up! That's so crazy. I'm gonna put on my crazy hat and have this... a Power CS2. Crazy hat. Crazy hat! That's the only song I have. So who do you want to play against? Wow, these are amazing. I think in honor of Cinco de Mayo, we gotta go crazy hat.

We gotta go crazy hat. Come, just walk around this way, sir. I love how they brought the lights up as soon as you picked somebody. That's when the lights came up so we could see all the name tags. But Crazy Matt's coming to the stage. Can you stand next to him? Stand right here, sir. Stand right here.

This is Rico. So we're just going to put that on your chest. There you go. All right. Yeah! He is the whitest dude you've ever seen. For those listening at home, the whitest guy in the world.

Rico Whitey. Hey, hey, hey, I like NASCAR! Yay! Wicked Olympics! Hooray! Churchill Downs! Lima! Backpacking in Europe! Hooray! Things only white people do. That's what I was talking about.

Alright, Rico. Are you familiar with this game? I know how to play? Very familiar, yes. He says he's very familiar. Oh, shit. And do you think that you can control this game? Uh, actually, no. But...

He doesn't think he can control it. Okay, that's good, because do you feel any control? Okay, that's good, because do you feel any control? That is the greatest fucking baddest tough guy move I've ever seen. He just gently rests his hand. Do you feel any control? Oh, I'm going to fucking dagger him. No, I feel some unpleasant sexual energy. Then he just snaps his neck.

Bane is America's hero. All right. I'll agree with that just to move along. You can debate the category, Rico. This is just Dream, Rico, and Graham, you guys in the audience. So don't yell out, even if it's just washy-washy. Okay, you can yell out even if it's just washy washy. Greatest movie ever bowled? That's movies with bowling in them. Or are we there yet? That's movies that are in Russia.

Or back to the Fuhrer, and that's WWII movies. I'm going to have to go with The Greatest Movie Ever Born. Alright. Rico has selected The Greatest Movie Ever Born, ladies and gentlemen. The Greatest Movie Ever Born will be saying, Vaudevolding. Selected by Rico. Born in a farm. One and a half stars for this movie that has bowling in it,

according to Leonard. He says about... He just didn't care for it. Here's an entire sentence at one point in the review. What a waste. And then it says, this movie is stupid and proud of it. Stupid and proud. And the guy in the audience said something that was incorrect, fortunately.

Please don't use your outside voice, or as I like to call it here, face down in the astroturf voice. Did you run around at all in the astroturf outside, Grant? I have not done that. There's a nice field for that. Yeah, you go out there and you can do cartwheels. Bars, they can... You can throw on a sombrero and take a nap. I saw Rico out there. This guy just goes, you can palm strike. Now I'm going.

Now I'm in. I can buy beer with cash and run around on AstroTurf. This place is goddamn amazing. Eleven names listed by Leonard Maltin. How many names do you think you can get in Rico? Let's go with eleven names. Good opening bid. Smart player. Smart player in a lazy hat. Yep. I meant crazy. I will go with seven names. Ooh.

Let's go with five names. Let's go with five names. Five names! Ballsy. Rico, I'm gonna need you to name that movie. I'll stop then. I'm UJC's rapid nephew Ballsy. Because you're gonna get five names,

and then you're going to tell me the name of this movie that has bowling in it. What's the year? The year is 1996. Two years after you were born. Thank you. Five names are

Brutes, Wright, Holmes. That's three of them. Just kidding. Sam Gresner, Lin Shay, Rob Moran, and Richard Tyson. Not Mike Tyson. Dickie Tyson.

Alright, I have no idea who any of those people are, but I'm going to go with Kingpin. That's correct! We know that crazy hat! Oh! We know that crazy hat! We will let Tracy have! We will let Tracy have! We will let Tracy have! Always too fun.

Always. You see the enthusiasm just stops when you do that. Sorry, everyone is having fun. I wanted to... Whistling is very customary in- Alright, Rico, take your goddamn bag off the fucking floor. What are you- where are you- how were you raised, leaving your shit on the floor like that? How is that a movie if Kingpin won a half star? It's a pretty funny movie. It's a funny movie. It's a funny movie.

It's the best movie. That's a drunken exaggeration. No, that's the best! I'm gonna fuck you, man! Drunken arguing over movies at a bar that takes cash for beer. I bet you they lost Len Malden when he was drinking cow

cum. I bet you that's when Len went, oh, you know what, there's some raisinets in the lobby I need to talk to. That cost the movie a star right there, right there. Just the cow cum took it down from two and a half to one and a half. Yeah, yeah. Cow cum was really...

Flossing, the gross flossing scene, that probably lost a half star for Lenny. Sure. What's happening right now, Graham? Were you just going to discuss Kingpin for a while? I think Kingpin has some great patriarchal moments. What does that mean?

Has daddy issues? I don't know what that means. I'd rather talk like a film scholar about a movie like that. The mise-en-scene of... Graham Ellwood, everybody! August 21 through 24! He'll be right back here at Sadie's Headlining.

I love this fucking Toadie. I believe in your corporate culture. This isn't good. He still has the microphone. 21 through 24, ladies and gentlemen. I don't like this microphone situation. Don't forget to go to GrahamElwood.com because he can just keep talking even though he left the stage. How about his elders.com? Movie reviews. keep talking even though he left the stage. NobodyFilters.com

Movie reviews. Maybe there's somebody that can turn his off. You want to go to my YouTube channel, you can watch me through Paul. Somebody tackle him and... Ah, he turned it off! As always, Graham's microphone is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another As always, Graham's microphone is a shithead.